Copyright © Summersdale Publishers Ltd 1999 A lr g t r s r e l ihs eevd No part this book may be reproduced by any means, nor transmitted, nor translated into a m c i el n u g w t o tt ew i t np r i s o o t ep b i h r ahn agae ihu h rte emsin f h ulse. Summersdale Publishers Ltd 46 West Street Chichester West Sussex PO19 1RP United Kingdom www.summersdale.com ISBN 1 84024 097 0 Printed and bound in Great Britain Edited by Elizabeth Kershaw Cartoons by Annie Houseman

Reasons Why It’s Great To Be A Woman
SUMMERSDALE

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Cunning Coquettes. .This book is dedicated to Daring Divas. Magnificent Mamas a dB i l a tB r s n rlin id. In short. to Everywoman.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 6 .

booze-fuelled nights out with the girls – and. get on your menstrual cycle and pedal away. you can justify it. if anyone (a man) counters you. As modern women we can have it all – great job. it’s on to some serious female bonding. 7 . We’re going to celebrate all the reasons why it’s great to be a girl. fluffy mules. power suit. is pitifully easy). armed with a copy of this book.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Women of the world unite! It’s not hard. let’s face it. sensitive new New Man. It’s our raison d’etre: that. girly lippy. and pulling the poor specimens (which. all you have to do is to get at men. So.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 8 .

we can wear heels and get away with it. 9 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN If we’re short.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN I w ’ ep a u dw t a n . 10 .w c ns o e f er lge ih ce e a hvl on copious amounts of make-up and get away with it.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 11 .

12 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We can have babies.

y u r s c a ape: I a’ eiv t o’e uh Neanderthal. you don’t want to be a house husband?’ Case closed. 13 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN If we do decide to have a baby we don’t necessarily have to be permanently up to o re e i ‘ u e b b s c a ds i k n u ys n ct’ ay ik n tnig n p i s ‘ c n tb l e ei . What do you mean.

and recompense must be demanded for this slight on womankind. 14 .I am ni d l e i t i e ald eit f a nugs n hs behaviour over a picture of a naked woman. he is a sexist pig.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Since the advent of feminism. we can publicly ogle male naked bodies and not b c l e s x s .

chocolate and flowers to settle a disagreement.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We can demand pressies. 15 . Men are lazy and fancy the easy way out.

oil ou ald olt 16 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN For women. the enjoyment of a night out is considerably increased by ac m u a g r i v s tt t a omnl ile ii o ht s c a f r mc l e at i e .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 17 .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We don’t have to worry about the s z o o rg n t l a a dw e h r ie f u eiai. 18 . n hte w a eh n i gt t el f o r g t e r agn o h et r ih of the crotch of our trousers.

during and post menstrual tension. ae no con l those days you are unable to work owing to pre. 19 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We have three times the amount of p t n i ls c l a e T k i t a c u ta l oeta ik ev.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN W c nb d v s a i g yi t l i e t e a e eattnl nelgn and yet act dumb and coy when it suits us in order to get our own way (especially with members of the less gifted sex). 20 .

don’t you know. 21 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We can blame any technological problems on the fact that aptitude with technology is not a feminine attribute.

22 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We have more erogenous zones than men.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 23 .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We have an excuse to justify an inordinate indulgence in bitchiness: it’s clearly feminine intuition. 24 .

25 . You will just need a pin to prick it.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Places on a man to inflict most pain: 1) His ego.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Places on a man to inflict most pain: 2) His goolies. You will need a knee or sharp heel (depending on the extent of the crime against femininity) to jab them. 26 .

27 . You will need some matches and a small clearing in which to perform a ritual burning of his collection of porno mags.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Places on a man to inflict most pain: 3) His magazines.

28 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Places on a man to inflict most pain. You will need a criminally short skirt. stockings and suspenders in which to a) drive him insane with desire and b) drive him insane with horror when you wear it to meet his mother. 4) His emotions.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 29 .

30 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We can always get out of the boring household and maintenance tasks by claiming that it’s men’s work.

31 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We don’t believe that there is a direct link between our sexual prowess and getting a high score on Super Mario Kart.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We always have an excuse for being out of shape.’ 32 . you selfish pig.’ Flabby tum? ‘Time of the month. Sagging bum? ‘That’ll be the baby.

33 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN A woman uses the part of her body above the shoulders to think. A man makes his decisions led by the part of his body below the belt.

that is.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN The vague promise of between-thesheets action (with no necessary intention to fulfil it) will have any man leaping to attention– To do the menial tasks you want him to. 34 .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 35 .

36 . are beautiful.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Breasts. working nipples. they are repugnant and redundant. on us. topped with useful. On men.

Ladies first.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Men are not allowed to be sexist but must still be chivalrous. Always. 37 .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Horoscopes in women’s magazines always say nice things about us and t es a eo o rs xl v s h tt f u e ie. 38 .

39 . Without getting punched. In public.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We can drink delicious and highly colourful cocktails.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We understand the mechanism b h n at i e s a . 40 . eid olt et I t o i s b e tt g a i y t o. s ujc o rvt.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 41 .

42 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Grs Ngt Ot il’ ihs u.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Ag r ’ n g to tm a ss c a i t r c i n ils ih u en oil neato and discussion. A boy’s night out consists o s c s i t l a i gc n e s t o a f uh cniltn ovrain s ‘ h ’ g t i gt ep n si .t e ? Wos etn h it n hn’ 43 .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN The contents of our bathroom cabinets are creative works of art. aiu oor n mls 44 . numbering around roughly 600 items of v r o sc l u sa ds e l .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We don’t have to plan our Saturday night around the football highlights. 45 .

n s ibe o e etn p 46 . f a re hs w t o ra t r h l o sr d c l u ih u tie e ok iiuos a di l a l t g tb a e u .i e I am nt i st i ey n aflk.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We can wear a man’s clothes and look s x a dw i .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 47 .

i e onil fe wnyfv. ts l d w h l a t rt e t .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Women’s sex drive just keeps on climbing t eo d rw g t F rm n i ’ a l h le e e. 48 . o e.

during and after you drop the sprog (and additional time for ‘adjustment for the new atnmu idvda’ o cus) uooos niiul. f ore. 49 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Having a baby means paid holiday. both before.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN W m na ei t l i e t p r e t v oe r nelgn. 50 . ecpie and caring. oig n od okn are the ones with boyfriends. The only men that are s n i i e l v n a dg o l o i g estv.

when drunk. feel the need to expose our buttock cheeks to the bitter elements. in the snow. organically. or to write our names.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We don’t. 51 .

a man won’t ever be able to use the gadget. and as they get older the toys become increasingly sillier. Men have not. more expensive and unworkable. 52 . leg wax.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Women have grown out of playing with toys and buy sensible things (lippy. Also. but will never admit it. vodka and tonics).

yr ihs 53 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN ‘ e r ts p o t Sce upr’ l c at g t .

54 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We get drunk more easily and less expensively than men.

55 . Our world is more enriched as a result. consisting not only of beer and flatulence competitions.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Women think and notice.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We don’t feel the need to wield the TV remote control like an extension of our genitalia. 56 .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We always have a ticket to ride. 57 . Two twin peaks on our chest are passes to anywhere.

start an argument with a man. 58 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN I y u r f e i gs i t b tf n yan wp i f o’e eln kn. u ac e ar of shoes/expensive truffles etc. Said items will materialise within twentyfour hours.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 59 .

We don’t have sex with a man just because he is breathing.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We are discerning. 60 .

we don’t have to memorise every Monty Python catch phrase and recite them. 61 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN To be funny. In one go.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We can earn more than our partner and still not be expected to be the main provider (leaving all the more to spend on essentials such as clothes and shoes). 62 .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Communication in a relationship means a man agrees with everything a woman says. 63 .

turn into balding wannabe Casanovas attempting to salvage some irrevocably lost youth by wearing shirts open to the waist to reveal coarse. Men. on the other hand. more sexually aware. wiser. 64 . women become more mature.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN As they become older. greying chest hair. and pinching younger women’s bums.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 65 .

66 . clothes.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We know the real value of money. and wine we can purchase without becoming (too) overdrawn. it is measured in the amount of lippy.

and therefore infinitely superior. 67 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Women are far more mature than men.

etc.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We can use our vast accumulated data about men’s past misdemeanours. get our own way. provoke the buying of gifts. at will. 68 . to win an argument.

69 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We can wear pink without our mates calling us a girly wuss.

just waiting for women to mould them into a better model. We are virtuoso artists when it comes to this type of canvas. 70 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Men are malleable. unformed raw material.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 71 .

obviously. 72 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We always have an excuse to gorge ourselves on vast amounts of chocolate. It’s due to hormones/ PMT.

73 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Shopping is a spiritual experience.

purses in his pocket when we go out. 74 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We can take over men’s lives by product power: tampax in his bathroom. knickers in his drawers. lippy in his car.

we can become very angry if a member of the opposite sex is late for us. However. 75 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We are expected to be late for everything.

but we just have much better ways of spending our time. set the video. 76 . change fuses.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We can open jars of pickle.

77 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Curry strength competitions and the ensuing bottom misery is not something we feel we have to do in front of our mates to look good.

78 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Women have an amazing capacity to remember wrong doings. especially those of men.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 79 .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We don’t have to worry about whether we will be able to get our genitals ‘up’. 80 .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN A woman’s naked body is beautiful. A man’s naked body is laughable. 81 .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We don’t have to worry about premature ejaculation. 82 .

83 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Having wolfed down a family-sized tub of Häagen-Dazs. we can suddenly go all weak when faced with the prospect of lugging shopping bags back from the supermarket.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Men are basically squeamish babies. 84 . We can freak them out just by mentioning the ‘p’ word. and they turn green at the thought of tampax.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 85 .

101 REASONS

WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A

WOMAN

A woman believes in solidarity with members of her sex. A girlfriend will happily agree that the ex-boyfriend who just dumped you is definitely gay, and no, of course your bum doesn’t look big in that; the skin-tight red leather accentuates all your good points.
86

101 REASONS

WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A

WOMAN

Our orgasms last longer than a man’s.

87

101 REASONS

WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A

WOMAN

Women’s hairlines don’t start receding after they hit their twenties.
88

101 REASONS

WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A

WOMAN

A woman has curves. Men just have beer bellies.

89

90 . it is a necessary ritual and a sensory experience.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Chocolate is not just a snack.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 91 .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We have the capacity for multiple orgasms. 92 .

93 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We don’t have to resort to cheesy chat-up lines to get laid.

il’ ihs n 94 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Grs Ngt I.

95 . contrary to masculine opinion.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Complaining and over-analysing. It is fun. is not paranoia.

96 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We can wear jewellery without looking like a dodgy Costa del Sol medallion man.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 97 .

98 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We live longer than men: 1) And therefore get to annoy the younger generation for longer.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We live longer than men: 2) And this means (ching. 99 . ching) inheritance and life insurance.

100 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We don’t have to worry about getting our genitals stuck in our flies.

101 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN It is ridiculously easy for us to score.

b w d n t ) o n s rs ih s ) e o’ feel inadequate in our femininity and c) we can act the coquette with the man who comes to fix it.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN When we explode our computers: a n o ei c o sw t u . 102 .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 103 .

But men still have to pick up the bill in a restaurant. 104 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We can be modern. of course. independent women.

101 REASONS

WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A

WOMAN

We can have, and justify having, a toy boy: men are most rampant in their late teens and early twenties, while women are at their peak later in life. Men with younger women just look like dirty sugar daddies.
105

101 REASONS

WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A

WOMAN

The gynaecological excuse for skiving off work is never questioned by male bosses.

106

101 REASONS

WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A

WOMAN

Women have ways of getting served first by the man behind the bar.
107

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Women have ways of being seated first by the waiter in a restaurant. 108 .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 109 .

110 . Again.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Women have ways of extending their overdrafts.

111 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Women have ways of getting off speeding/parking tickets.

112 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Women have ways of getting taxis to stop.

113 . It’s self-explanatory.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Italian waiters. on holiday in Italy.

114 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We never have to fiddle with a reeking BBQ– Men see it as a test of machismo.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 115 .

it is endearing when we lazily call bits of technology ‘thingy’.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We never have to learn about computers and IT terms. 116 .

117 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN It is not a social death for us if we don’t know the offside rule. we couldn’t care less. In fact.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN We are the ones who are really in charge of the world’s population. 118 .

119 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN It is extremely rare for a woman to worry that she hasn’t got enough hair on her chest.

120 . And they don’t know as much as they claim to about any of them. and don’t feel the need to exaggerate their knowledge to their mates.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Men have a limited repertoire of conversation: football. Women have an infinite reserve of chat topics. cars and sex.

They are too busy making the conquests. 121 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Women don’t need to lie or to brag about their sexual conquests.

ironing and washing up are not women’s work. Being asked by a man to do any of the above (even after he’s slaved over a meal in the kitchen). 122 . etc. is sexist and demeaning and should be met with: ‘Have you never heard of feminism? The suffragettes didn’t chain themselves to railings just for fun. you know.’ Etc.101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Cooking.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN 123 .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Our friends don’t ritually humiliate us to prove that they like us. 124 .

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN The phone is our friend and another member of our social circle. not just a functional tool to inform our mates of the name of the next pub. 125 .

126 .101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Our jokes are amusing and consist of a wider choice of vocabulary than ‘ i d .‘ i ’a d‘ o b ’ br’ bg n bos.

101 REASONS WHY IT’S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN Alimony agreements. 127 .

99 101 Reasons Not To Do Anything A Collection of Cynical & Defeatist Quotations £3.99 Drinking Games £3.99 them.99 How To Chat-up Women (Pocket edition) Stewart Ferris £3.99 Available from all good bookshops. £4.99 www.wit@wisdom Stewart Ferris Men! Can’t Can’t Live with live with them £4.99 How To Chat-up Men (Pocket edition) Kitty Malone £3. Palm £3.Other Humour Books from Summersdale Ultimate Chat-up Lines and Put Downs Stewart Ferris £3.99 A Little Bathroom Book £3.99 T n aG l g t y ai oihl £3. .99 Enormous Boobs In The The Greatest Mistakes History of the World The Kama Sutra For One O’Nan and P.

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