@thefoxnews

Exclusive Yes Essex Scoop on Page 3 editor@ thefoxnewspaper.co.uk

Issue 3—Sabb Special!

www.thefoxnewspaper.co.uk

HORROR! MONDO VALENTINE’S OVERBOOKING SCANDAL
Dozens of hopeful students have already been contacted this Mondo is well known for its not-in-the-Michelin-guide food and week in a rush to correct a mistake in the Mondo booking list, its sophisticated yet welcoming ambience, which is why it‘s after a rogue Mondo staff member, who hasn‘t been named, particularly popular for students and staff alike for a place to cancelled bookings in an effort to make people see what share some quiet time with a loved one. Steven Loader, a disappointment feels like. psychology student who ate their last year, was particularly disappointed at being told his table had actually been booked by ―Valentine‘s is always our busiest night. We usually get around students David Khan and 200-250 applications for tables, and every year we have to turn “Anthony King” Sarah Williams: away countless people. There are many difficulties that pop up around this time of year – setting up the restaurant for tables of ―I‘m outraged! I had been looking forward for ages to taking my two, making the atmosphere even more romantic than usual, girlfriend to Mondo. It‘s really the only time in the year when we ensuring there‘s nothing on the menu that the SU would see as get to eat somewhere as nice as Mondo is. offensive or directly alluding to Christian ―Now we‘ll have to go to The Lemon Tree.‖ “Busiest Night” holidays. Mondo is expected to provide a ‗commiseration pack‘ to any ―Thank goodness this year Valentine‘s falls on a Tuesday, so we couples who have been taken off the exclusive guest list, and will don‘t need to find a table for Anthony King as well.‖ be offering cut price Mondo platters to them at a later date. •

you don‘t really care about Students‘ Union elections or the Students‘ Union. Level 2 & Subzero. Election Scandals of Last Year: In previous years. General Elections: This is for first and second years who want to stand for committee positions and part-time officer positions. so expect a lot of attention on a clean election this year. Don‘t hold your breath. • . where you get free entry into venues at the risk of going to jail if the SU does something illegal. Last year‘s Sabbatical Elections ran twice because of a ‗scandal‘. the SU organises nights out on campus. ‗Yes Essex‘ were disqualified and other candidates had to run as individuals. Great for CV-boosting. Sabbatical Officers: There are 7 positions (President and VPs for Welfare. Activities. candidates were allowed to run in slates (parties) of about 5 to 7 people. They‘re like the government… Of Scotland. either for a genuine concern for Students‘ Rights [Ed—Good one] or just want to make your CV look impressive (in which case.The Fox Published Monthly Page 2 A GLOSSARY FOR THE PEOPLE WHO’D LIKE TO KNOW BUT DON’T Statistically. sports club or student newspaper the people you need to email are here. If you want to start a society. the slate ‗Yes Essex‘ was accused of cheating and disqualified. In the general elections. Sabbatical Elections: If this isn‘t self-explanatory to you then you might just be the type of person who should stand. the slate ‗Revolution Essex‘ were disqualified for the same thing. International and Southend and Loughton) which are filled by democratically elected students who work at the SU for a year for about £17. Education. Mondo and the row of shops just past the SU bar. They‘re the cheerful-looking folk who wear hoodies. Also up for grabs this year are Trustee positions. slates will still be allowed in the general election. great for spring-boarding you into Sabbatical elections. It runs Top Bar and the SU bar (we‘re told).500. Services. Just in case you‘re one of those people who does. the Campus Shop. so let‘s start from the top. the Bakery. people can tell. This year. you know) then here‘s a little guide for people who have literally no knowledge at all about Students‘ Union politics. They were accused of going into student accommodation and voting on students‘ computers. Last year. For the re-run election. Students’ Union: People tell us that students are disenfranchised these days.

• FOX GUIDES: HOW TO RUN IF YOU’RE NOT POPULAR. Stop supporting a political party. However. Step Three: Radically revise your personality and everything about you. What's more is they get a week off work to Campaign. Step One: Campaign with vigour to get slates back on the cards. and when you have that many friends. Success in Sabbatical elections is very much contingent on how many friends you have to vote for you. the chances of you succeeding in this attempt are quite slim. he has exams before. after that it's the real world for you. i. you might consider how running alongside someone who is very popular will improve your chances. they should find it easier than last time. not their lowest. The fight back starts today. The Second Year: Second year is only 40% of the overall mark. Doesn't have a Graduate Job Yet: Crumbs! It's January. better to run now when they can devote every waking moment for a week to getting people they've shared a class with or been in a society with to vote for them to have a year off in Student Politics. he was in a suit. if you aren‘t popular. with at least one exec bound to vote against it. a life of social media campaigning against neo-liberalism is in order. perhaps hasn't got the most experience in the Students Union. Certainly don‘t listen to people who‘ll tell you that you shouldn‘t. Or the NUS. this is ultimately a good thing as he will come out of his shell. the number of people who think you‘re their friend. mid-way through their last year! Their law friends have training contracts.e. you don‘t have much sway) Step Two: Become ‘Friends’ with those you normally wouldn’t. well maybe the 1st of July. most others are going for Masters programmes. and lower the odds against you. High stakes for this election. stop staying in and never going out. But not anymore.The Fox Published Monthly Page 3 TYPES OF SABBATICAL CANDIDATES (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) Too popular not to run: If you've shaken hands with him. because the average student isn‘t going to. Unfortunately you can only run for a maximum of two terms. and openly talked about privatisation in public. a democracy. who would want a meritocracy? Student Socialist: It's his moral duty to run: the coalition are attacking the foundations of education. The Secret Conservative: You saw him at their socials. . carefree. The Incumbent: They've realised their pledges last year were over-ambitious. Slates are elected according to their highest denominator. Unfortunately nobody who pays attention to student politics (20-40 people) will buy it. They'll try again though – if it ain't broke don't fix it – plus. Something specific holding you back? How about changing every single thing about your currently dislikeable personality. but we are. is a sure way to combat the ‗indifference of 20-yearolds‘ to paraphrase Clay Shirky.. having already spent a year talking to students. nominally. stop dressing like a twat. If he doesn't win this. Time to join societies and be more outgoing than before. it‘s all going to disappear when you win anyway. he's your friend. Maximising the number of people who want to vote for you. For his back of a napkin career master plan to come true he needs a Sabb position. the others still have lectures. stop studying hard. Now it's Sabbatical Election year. Suckers. The only option is to delay for a year and use your spare time outside the SU corridor to really get to grips with the CV you haven't touched since first year. their economics friends have city trading schemes. Okay. eroding the welfare state. A genuinely nice guy. (And let‘s face it.

like. South Africa) ―Colchester is a great place to live. because they never come into your room. It‘s great!‖ How much should you be paying? (Katharine Wilson. Wales) ―There are many people who will tell you that you can‘t find a nice house in Colchester. You don‘t even need to lock your car doors when you drive along. you‘ll enjoy it again. you‘re only an hour‘s train ride from London. £250pcm. Labrador. so Colchester is really central to the UK. 3rd year Biology student from Anchorage. UK) ―Colchester is really cheap to live in. 3rd year Politics and Law student from London. you really can‘t miss!‖ Decide how far from university you can be. many beautiful houses in Colchester. 3rd year Economics student. Canada) Colchester is always warm. it‘s not crowded. • .The Fox Published Monthly Page 4 GUIDE TO OFF-CAMPUS LIVING: STUDENT ADVICE Choose an area to look in. So basically living on campus is a great option if you‘re an international student. which is so cheap. I mean. Since days are so long even in winter you will also never need to use lights. then you won‘t see your housemates. I lived in Wivenhoe last year and I was amazed at how it was only a 40-minute walk to university every morning. Rent starts at. and the possibility that you end up living with someone is pretty small. you hardly ever see them. which compared to the -50°C we get at home is nothing. Last year the coldest it got was about -10°C. (Alex de Boer. and it only costs my parents like £8. It‘s really nice to come home from Uni and have running water in your house without having to walk the three miles to the water pump. Don‘t believe them. They‘re all cheap to rent. Plus. 3rd year Human Rights student. In terms of which area to live. (Jack Tomlinson. Sure. there are many. It really is amazing! My flat this year is on Lightship Way. It only takes about a day to walk from one side to the other. unless you spend any time at all in the kitchen. from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. 2nd year Criminal Law student from Johannesburg. the roads are well organised and safe and there is nearly no murder at all. Because of this you won‘t need to spend anything on heating bills.000 a year minus bills. so electricity will be pretty low as well. If you enjoyed it in your 1st year. Even if you do. Colchester isn‘t a 2-minute walk to Daddy‘s office in Canary Wharf. (Bryn Jones. Some of them even have central heating. but I didn‘t realise houses could be so cheap. Surely that‘s within anyone‘s budget?‖ Find your house.‖ How much can you expect to spend a year on bills? (Chris Mitchell. China) ―Campus living is great. all in convenient locations within walking distance of the university. 2nd year Politics student from Beijing.‖ Should you consider living on campus? (David Ng. Alaska) ―Colchester is tiny and really easy to travel around. the houses might not have views of the Thames like where I live. and are all in safe areas. and you‘re pretty much right next to everything wherever you decide to live. I was really surprised by how the student house market is only a little bit more expensive than the regular house market. There‘s hardly any crime. and yah.

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful