the carillon

The University of Regina Students’ Newspaper since 1962
February 9 – 15, 2012 | Volume 54, Issue 19 |

the staff
editor-in-chief john cameron business manager shaadie musleh production manager mason pitzel copy editor jonathan hamelin news editor natasha tersigni a&c editor jonathan petrychyn sports editor autumn mcdowell op-ed editor edward dodd features editor dietrich neu visual editor julia dima ad manager neil adams technical coordinator matthew blackwell news writer a&c writer sports writer photographers kelsey conway jarrett crowe marc messett lauren golosky sophie long paul bogdan ed kapp

This year’s Valentine’s Day issue is our “singles issue”, and indeed this issue is filled with ruminations on single life in general. But that’s mainly just out of concerns for taste. This is largely the Self-Fuckin’ Issue, really. And we get to do this! Because we’re a student paper. Other student papers run sex surveys and columns any week of the dang year. We at least get this one.


arts & culture

troy julé arthur ward matt yim

hansen stops by

2 p-art-king wars (sorry)


contributors this week taouba khelifa, jhett folk, colton hordichuk, kyle leitch, ashley kilback, snowy bear




the paper

John Cameron, Anna Dipple, Kristy Fyfe, Jenna Kampman, Mason Pitzel, Dan Shier, Rhiannon Ward, Anna Weber Ph: (306) 586-8867 Fax: (306) 586-7422 Printed by Transcontinental Publishing Inc., Saskatoon

227 Riddell Centre University of Regina - 3737 Wascana Parkway Regina, SK, Canada, S4S 0A2

The Carillon welcomes contributions to its pages. Correspondence can be mailed, e-mailed, or dropped off in person. Please include your name, address and telephone number on all letters to the editor. Only the author’s name, title/position (if applicable) and city will be published. Names may be withheld upon request at the discretion of the Carillon. Letters should be no more then 350 words and may be edited for space, clarity, accuracy and vulgarity. The Carillon is a wholly autonomous organization with no affiliation with the University of Regina Students’ Union. Opinions expressed in the pages of the Carillon are expressly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the Carillon Newspaper Inc. Opinions expressed in advertisements appearing in the Carillon are those of the advertisers and not necessarily of The Carillon Newspaper Inc. or its staff. The Carillon is published no less than 11 times each semester during the fall and winter semesters and periodically throughout the summer. The Carillon is published by The Carillon Newspaper Inc., a non–profit corporation. In keeping with our reckless, devil-may-care image, our office has absolutely no concrete information on the Carillon’s formative years readily available. What follows is the story that’s been passed down from editor to editor for over forty years.

cup vs. bowl


BHO socislaist!



the manifesto

In the late 1950s, the University of Regina planned the construction of several new buildings on the campus grounds. One of these proposed buildings was a bell tower on the academic green. If you look out on the academic green today, the first thing you’ll notice is that it has absolutely nothing resembling a bell tower. The University never got a bell tower, but what it did get was the Carillon, a newspaper that serves as a symbolic bell tower on campus, a loud and clear voice belonging to each and every student. Illegitimi non carborundum.

news natasha tersigni a&c arthur ward sports op-ed cover julia dima

National Day of Action goes off without a hitch

News Editor: Natasha Tersigni the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012

Community leaders join in the fight

Jarrett Crowe

natasha tersigni
news editor Around two hundred students came out on Feb. 1 to join the National Day of Action at the University of Regina. Similar events were also happening at campuses around the country on that day. The event,put on by the University of Regina’s Student Union and the Canadian Federation of Students (CFS) was held to address growing student concerns, which includes the rising cost of tuition and the postsecondary accessibility for First Nations people. Students marched from the Riddell Centre to the First Nations University of Canada (FNUniv) to hold a short rally and listen to speakers such as Little Black Bear First Nation

Chief Perry Bellegarde. Although there was a low student turnout, organizers were still happy with the results. “I am very happy a lot of people from the community, from the faculty, and students came out,” said Paige Kezima, URSU VicePresident of External Relations. “It’s great.” Among those community members in attendance were Senator Lillian Dyck and Rosemont Regina MLA Trent Wotherspoon. “I am a very strong believer in education,” Dyck said. “Post-secondary education is so important to individual health and to the health of the community, especially among First Nations people, because there is a big gap in education. “I think as a country we have a moral obligation to ensure that

all of our citizens are educated to the same level.” Dyck is also in support of removing the two per cent cap on the Post-Secondary Student Support Program (PSSSP). The program provides assistance to eligible First Nations and Inuit students; eligible students are either Registered Status Indians or Inuit students residing out of the Northwest Territories or Nunavut. The program provides support for tuition, travel, and living expenses. With the two per cent cap on the program since 1996, it means fewer students have the opportunity to receive funding. Last year it was estimated that 1,000 eligible people from Saskatchewan were unable to receive funding due to the cap. MLA Trent Wotherspoon said it was important to attend this event and support students on im-

portant issues such as accessibility to education. “I simply commend students for speaking out to community issues; it means so much to our next generation and also our economy and so wonderful to our students who stand up with pride with so many community partners.” Wotherspoon said. He went on to say that post-secondary education is not just important from a social perspective, but also from an economic perspective. For first-year student Dayle Steffen, there was no question about coming out to protest. “I wanted to come out because I think the price of it [tuition] is absolutely ridiculous,” said. “I’m on student loans, and even my students loans don’t cover tuition, it’s that high. I wanted to come out here and make a difference.”

“ I’m on student
loans, and even my students loans don’t cover tuition, it’s that high. I wanted to come out here and make a difference.”
Dayle Steffen

Natasha Tersigni

Jarrett Crowe

Jarrett Crowe



the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012

The return of the Man in Motion
The U of R honours Rick Hansen and his 25th anniversary relay

photos by Natasha Tersigni

Rick Hansen met with admirers in Victoria Park last Saturday universities, including one from the University of Regina. She listed off achievement after achievement, including Canadian Wheelchair Sport Association Outstanding Athlete of the Year in 1980 and the Lou Marsh Canadian Athlete of the Year, which he shared with Wayne Gretzky in 1983. Yet to Timmons, these are all secondary to the fact that Hansen is now part of the Canadian consciousness. “What people have to remember are the hours, days, weeks, months that he wheeled on lonely roads, in difficult weather conditions, around the world with a small support team and what amazing determination it was to take his dream and make it a reality,” she explained. “He’s truly the Man in Motion, because you see him everywhere.” Timmons also credits Hansen, who is both president and CEO of the Rick Hansen Foundation for Spinal Cord Injuries, with developments that have been made in the world for people with disabilities, in terms of accessibility and inclusivity. “When I look at our university, and the services for people with disabilities, I see the work of Rick and people like him,” she said. “We have a campus for all programs for young men and women with intellectual disabilities who can participate in university life; we have a Centre for Student Accessibility that has assistive technology, policies, and accommodations in classrooms to ensure that people with disabilities can access education here. “Twenty-five years ago, these were exceptions, rather than the rule, at universities.” Timmons was a medal bearer in the Rick Hansen Relay, which took place in Regina on Saturday. Participating with Timmons was Patty Niebergall from Timmons’ office, as well as several University of Regina students. Timmons said she was honoured to be a part of the relay and hounoured that the university was represented. For Hansen, being back in Regina was just as sentimental. “I’ll never forget the incredible hospitality I received in here [in Regina] 25 years ago wheeling through on my Man in Motion tour,” he said to the audience. “It’s truly inspiring for me ... being here in Regina, once again 25 years later, knowing how much progress has been made in this great community.” An advocate for athletics, Hansen also believes in the power of a post-secondary education and the institutions it’s housed in. “University is where ideas, knowledge, and social responsibility and contribution to our community and the world are incubated,” Hansen explained. Hansen’s attitude about the value of post-secondary education is almost ironic, considering his fight for acceptance into his physical education program at the University of British Columbia in 1976. The result was Hansen being the first person with a physical disability to graduate with a Bachelor of Physical Education. Through Hansen’s description and recollection of his life, his message rang through. It was optimistic. “To create a world where people are healthy, living in an inclusive society on a healthy planet,” he said. “As one man in motion moving forward, as a kid 27 years old, thinking about this relentless dream to wheel around the world, I’m now thinking about leadership ... taking those lessons forward, doing whatever I can to make a difference.”

lauren golosky
news writer To say Rick Hansen is the Man in Motion would be an understatement. After suffering a spinal cord injury that left him restricted to a wheelchair when he was a teenager, Hansen has worked to make the world a better, more accessible, and inclusive place for other people with disabilities – and he’s bungee-jumped with Rick Mercer. On Monday, Hansen came to the University of Regina as part of his 25th anniversary relay to speak to a full gym. He told stories of his youth, his tour around the world, and other achievements, all while inspiring the students, staff, and general public gathered in the gym to hear him speak. Hansen described the accident that crippled him and the subsequent hurdles and challenges, yet he was impossibly optimistic – a defining characteristic of the Man in Motion. Few people in attendance were old enough to remember, or were even alive, during Hansen’s original Man in Motion World Tour, yet everybody in attendance knew who he was and what he had done. For U of R president Vianne Timmons, who introduced Hansen at the presentation, he is a special individual. It is clear that she holds a special regard for him. “I knew Rick when he was in his twenties; I was in my twenties,” Timmons said. “I’ve had the opportunity to follow his career, and I’ve been inspired for the last 30 years by his work.” In her introduction, Timmons described the many achievements of Hansen, who has received honorary degrees from 14 Canadian

the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012



The Syrian upheaval continues
An estimated 700 civilians died in the early February attacks
“ After weeks of Russian diplomatic games playing and in the
middle of a bloodbath in Homs, vetoes by Moscow and Beijing are simply incendiary … [the vetoes] are not only a slap in the face of the Arab League, they are also a betrayal of the Syrian people.”
Philippe Bolopion
UN Director of Human Rights Watch

photos by Taouba Khelifa

Regina protesters speaking out of the violence taking place in Syria Saturday afternoon as assaults on the city continued. The attack on Homs came only a day before the United Nations Security Council meeting to discuss plans to halt the human rights violations in Syria. Early Saturday morning, the council was presented with a draft resolution on possible actions to be taken to end the violence. While 13 countries voted for the resolution, China and Russia both vetoed the results. According to Russian UN ambassador Vitaly Churkin, the resolution, “Sent an unbalanced signal to the Syrian parties.” Similarly, UN Chinese representative Li Baodong stated there needs to be further talks before the UN denounced the Syrian government, as pushing such a vote “will not help maintain the unity and authority of the Security Council, or help resolve the issue.” This is the second time Russia and China have vetoed a Syrian resolution. On Oct. 4, both members also voted against a similar draft resolution to force Syrian president Bashar al-Assad to step down. The United Nations Security Council has 15 members, but only five of these members hold the power to veto any resolutions: the United States, United Kingdom, France, China, and Russia. Regardless of the support for any international resolution, a veto automatically prevents the resolution from being adopted. This was the case for the Syrian resolution on Saturday. Russia’s and China’s veto has caused outrage throughout the international community from both political figures and organizations. UN Secretary General Ban Kimoon expressed his disappointment at the veto, stating that the “Security Council has lost an opportunity to take unified action that could help end [the] crisis and forge a peaceful future, with democracy and dignity for all of the Syrian people. All violence and human rights violations, especially those carried out by the Syrian authorities, must end immediately. This is the common yearning of people around the Arab World. The Syrian people deserve no less.” On a similar note, U.S. Ambassador Susan Rice added that the United States was “disgusted” by the actions of Russia and China, and that the council has been “held hostage” by the two countries. “These members stand behind empty arguments and individual interests ... any further bloodshed that flows will be on their hands,” she said. Amnesty International has also expressed disappointment in the turn of events. Amnesty’s Secretary General Salil Shetty said the veto was “completely irresponsible” adding that “after a night [in] which the whole world watched the people of Homs suffering, the actions of these members are particularly shocking.” Philippe Bolopion, UN director of Human Rights Watch agrees, stating “After weeks of Russian diplomatic games playing and in the middle of a bloodbath in Homs, vetoes by Moscow and Beijing are simply incendiary ... [the vetoes] are not only a slap in the face of the Arab League, they are also a betrayal of the Syrian people.” While the outrage from the international community was loud and clear, Syrian activists took to the streets after the results, chanting their anger through protest. Protests all around Syria and in the city of Homs continued throughout Saturday and Sunday, despite the severe government crackdown. The Syrian uprising began in March of last year. The UN estimates that more than 5,400 people have been killed since the start of the uprising. Syrian activists on the ground say this number is closer to 7,000 with hundreds of people still missing.

taouba khelifa
contributor Syria has a history of violence. On Feb. 2, 1982, the city of Hama came under attack by thenSyrian president Hafez al-Assad in what has been called the “bloodiest massacre” in the history of the country. An estimated 10,000 to 40,000 people were killed as the Syrian army invaded homes and assaulted anyone believed to be associated with the Muslim Brotherhood opposition party. Thirty years after this massacre, another city in Syria, Homs, sees a very similar fate. As the world slept on Feb. 3, the city of Homs came under severe shelling by Syrian security forces, leaving nearly 200 civilians dead by Saturday morning and an estimated 500 dead by the end of the weekend. Live footage on AlJazeera showed dozens of bodies covered in white carried down the streets towards the cemetery on

photo brief
andrew jeffrey
gateway (university of alberta) EDMONTON (CUP) — Dozens of protesters were forced to stay off University of Alberta grounds by police on Feb. 1 after claiming they would rally on campus. The protest, which included participants from the Occupy Edmonton movement and the Faculty of Arts solidarity group, started at Ezio Faraone Park before coming to a halt on the northern end of Saskatchewan Drive. The protesters were stationed across the street from HUB Mall for several hours after being barred entrance by university officials and Edmonton Police Service (EPS). Nearly 20 uniformed EPS officers blocked the protesters’ entrance to campus. The officers stated that non-students would be charged with trespassing if they crossed the street, while students would be also punished if they set up tents on U of A grounds. Students were only allowed on campus provided they showed their ONEcards.

Dan McKechnie/The Gateway



the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012

Screen-to-screen sex study heats up at UNB
Finds more than 70 per cent of students engaged in some form of cybersex
damira davletyarova
brunswickan (university of new brunswick) FREDERICTON (CUP) — Students are getting sexier with their online communication, according to one University of New Brunswick PhD candidate. Krystelle Shaughnessy, PhD candidate in clinical psychology at UNB, said cybersex among students is becoming more prevalent. Shaughnessy has been collecting data from heterosexual UNB students about their cybersex activity, their understanding of cybersex, experiences, and outcomes. Preliminary results from those who have already completed the online survey indicate more than 70 per cent of UNB students engage in some form of cybersex activity. In 2006, her research showed that only 25 per cent of students had cybersex. Shaughnessy explained the hike in the numbers is due to the increasing roles of technology and Internet in modern life, and it is especially visible among students. “Students are particularly important to look at, because how often are students not attached to their computers?” she said. UNB graduate student Maryna Ivus said she and her long-term boyfriend turned to the Internet to continue their relationship, after she moved to Fredericton to pursue her studies. The lack of face-to-face contact, hours of conversation, and availtasies, sexual interests or desires … and it is over the Internet or some medium. People can or may not be self-stimulating; it might be about sexual arousal, it might not be about sexual arousal.” Shaughnessy stated clearly that her research is focused on recreational cybersex – infrequent, online sexual activity that is not compulsive, obsessive, or addictive. In her most recent study, Shaughnessy noticed that more positive outcomes than negative ones are reported by students. In terms of safety, she says recreational cybersex is safer than any other sexual activity. “There is no risk of pregnancy, there is no risk of STDs, decreased risk of harassment or assaults, or even rejection, because you have more control over what’s happening on your computer screen,” she said. “If something starts to go where you don’t want it go, you can just shut off the computer.” At the same time, Shaughnessy warns that nothing is totally safe, and students must be careful. According to the same preliminary data, more men than women responded to the survey. Shaughnessy said there could be many explanations for this. It could be that men are more comfortable to admit having had cybersex, or perhaps they are more interested in it than women. The researcher is also interested to find out why both genders decide to have cybersex. “Are men and women using cybersex to experiment with activities that they are not comfortable to experiment with offline?” she said. Shaughnessy still has plenty of questions to answer. For example, with whom and on what occasions are people engaging in cybersex activities? The data collection is still ongoing. Shaugnessy is looking for male students 18 and over to complete her online study Sexuality and Intimacy on the Internet, which can be found at As for Ivus, she knows exactly why she doesn’t want to have cybersex anymore. She said it was just a part of her long-distance relationship, a step in her life, maybe even fear that she overcame, but she tried it – and she didn’t enjoy it. “Still, it’s unreal,” she said. “For me, it is important to hug the

Damira Davletyarova/Brunswickan

ability of technology were among reasons they turned to cybersex, she said. In the beginning, Ivus said, she felt uncomfortable. But knowing her boyfriend was on the other side of the screen and cybersex is now so widespread among students made her feel it is an option for someone in a longdistance relationship. “I think a lot of students are doing that [cybersex],” she said. “It’s just a more secret, intimate topic.” Five years ago, when Shaughnessy was just beginning her research about cyber sexuality,

SEXT: Scott Bakula quantum leaps into your body. “Oh boy,” he says as I grease you with a Domino’s slice

she was starting at square one. The topic was under-researched, the definition was unclear, and it kept changing with technological advancements. With the effort of a team of researchers and student surveys at UNB, she could finally put together an answer to the question, “What is cybersex?” “Cybersex occurs in realtime,” Shaughnessy said. “It’s a sexual communication where at least two people are involved, so you can’t do it on your own. That means it’s different from looking at erotic images or videos. “People are describing either sexual activities or sexual fan-

“ If something starts to go where you don’t
want it go, you can just shut off the computer.”
Krystelle Shaughnessy

Monogamous brains just a fantasy: study
Most adults fantasize about more than just their partners
danielle pope
cup western bureau chief VICTORIA (CUP) — Who are you fantasizing about this Valentine’s Day? According to a recent study, apparently only 16 per cent said their lover. The rest are singularly focused on not being singularly focused. University of Vermont researchers surveyed 178 sexually active adults and found that 84 per cent admitted that they fantasized about having sex with others while making love,. What’s more, the secretive lovers also frequently fantasized about sex that was kinkier than what they actually did or wanted to do. Some common fantasies included sex in public, group sex, or bondage. Perhaps the most significant finding: one quarter of all surveyed expressed “significant guilt” about their fantasies, calling them immoral, abnormal, and harmful to their relationships. It may come as a surprise, then, that when researchers surveyed the participants about their sexual satisfaction, those who fantasized the most enjoyed the greatest sexual pleasure and suffered fewer sex problems. Meanwhile, those who felt guilty about their fantasies tended to be sexually dissatisfied and reported tics and viewpoints, the real shocker comes in knowing that 85 per cent of people polled have never even shared their deepest fantasies, let alone acted them out, according to a study performed last year by Brett Kahr, a British psychotherapist and author of Who's Been Sleeping In Your Head: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies. Kahr found that, within his polled audience, closer to 90 per cent of adults fantasize about someone other than the person they’re having sex with. He also found 41 per cent imagine sex with someone else’s partner, 39 per cent fantasize about sex with a work colleague, 25 per cent fantasize about celebrities ... and the list goes on. Kahr discovered a relatively low number of women – 28 per cent – fantasize about sex with two men, while 58 per cent of women fantasize about sex with two women. On the kinkier side, 25 per cent of people fantasize about being tied up, with 18 per cent of men and seven per cent of women fantasizing about spanking someone. Yet, 11 per cent of men and 13 per cent of women fantasize about being spanked. Numbers aside, Quinn believes that, overall, sex and sexuality are more open in 2011 than it has been in the past, though she admitted fantasies are largely only accepted by society so long as they stay fantasies. “Fantasy is thinking outside the box,” she said. “When we are creating fantasies, we are using our imagination to create unrestrained, extravagant, wild, bizarre, images, or actions that we believe may never happen in our real-world relationships. “Fantasy breaks down boundaries, the generally accepted rules of behaviour, and allows you to question your reality, or your relationship, and that can be scary.” So what is it that keeps us from just investing in what’s right in front of us? After all, we chose our partners for some reason, didn’t we? Quinn sees playing out fantasy like taking a vacation – it’s not that you don’t enjoy your current life, it’s just nice to have the variety. “A bedroom fantasy played out is like a mini-holiday from your boring bedroom routine,” Quinn said. “Turning your fantasies into realities can also be therapeutic. It can help revive a relationship, or can help an individual overcome a personal fear. Shared fantasies can also be a very powerful – a deep, dark secret shared by two people is a binding experience.”

Danielle Pope/CUP

While not everyone fantasizes about having their own sex dungeon, Sam “Ladyfish” Quinn (pictured) says fantasies help relationships thrive the most sex problems. Sam “Ladyfish” Quinn is the founder and president of Sagacity, a kink and fetish resource in Victoria, B.C., which serves both university students and community members. Quinn said it’s common for people to find challenges with sharing their fantasies, but she still sees its importance. “When you share your fantasies with a partner, you risk judgment and the fear that your

partner will be shocked or offended by what you fantasize about, she said. “Another potential pitfall of sharing your fantasies is jealousy – who wants to find out that while they are making love to you, you are fantasizing about the girl next door? Sometimes, a fantasy loses its attraction if you share it. In the world of fantasy, never doing it can be very exciting.” Despite the supporting statis-


Sports Editor: Autumn McDowell the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012

If I were to bet on this race, I would clearly take the one with the mask – the horse, not the jockey

ROUNDTABLE Let’s bet on it
autumn mcdowell, jonathan petrychyn, jhett folk, colton hordichuk, jonathan hamelin
this week’s roundtable If he doesn’t go too high, the Riders could take a chance. The U of R will host the Canada West wrestling championships on Feb. 10-11, will you be in attendance? McDowell: I think he’s headed to the CFL. He had an unreal showing at the East-West Bowl. He seemed to beat Ben Heenan multiple times, and if Heenan is set to go first overall and Hicks can beat him, something just doesn’t add up there. Obviously, the kid is good enough to play at the next level. However, I have a strange vision of him in an Argonauts jersey, and for that I sincerely apologize. Petrychyn: Who? Folk: I’d like to think he’d be staying in Regina for one more season, but in reality your guess is as good as mine about the future of this star athlete. Where do you think Akiem Hicks will be playing football next year? McDowell: Damn right. Not because I have to or anything. But seriously, I would probably take in some of the action anyway. Plus the head coach, Leo McGee, who I have been trying to reach all season for an interview, is guaranteed to be there, in his natural habitat. If you are reading this McGee – which it’s pretty obvious you are not – I’m coming for you. McDowell: Oh God. That’s insanely hard and would take a lot of maneuvering. I can’t even decide which way I want to go with this. On the one hand, I would say get Crosby to Winnipeg so that I would have more chances to see him live, but I actually really like the Penguins the way they are. Possibly, trade Teemu Selanne to Winnipeg and let him finish his career while he started. But above all of that I would trade the new Jets logo for the original. Petrychyn: I’d trade Sidney Crosby to the Pats. Petrychyn: If by “enhance your performance” you mean “place athletic bodies in provocative positions,” then yes, yes it would. go with “yes.” I know that former Rams Nick Hutchins and Jordan Sisco have been taking part in yoga sessions. Rumour has it that Chris Bodnar also likes to dabble in them and Ryan Sawka teaches them, so obviously they’re all doing something awesomely right – or horribly wrong. McDowell: Currently, next to never. I mean, usually my bets are against my brother for who has to take up all the dishes, or who has to get the other one a drink on the next commercial, but those aren’t legit. However, I would like to start. I am going to attempt to pay my way through university solely by sports betting. It’s a foolproof plan, basically. Petrychyn: Does saying “I bet Durant is going to eat shit again this game” count?

Hordichuk: I honestly don’t know. I hope he ends up where he wants to. It’s cheesy for me to say that, but I wish the best for him.

Folk: Though I definitely respect wrestling and those who compete in the sport, I will not be attending. I’m really more of a hockey/football guy.

Petrychyn: This may make me a bad person, but I would only go to ogle boys in their wrestling singlets. Straight guys do it all the time to cheerleaders; why can’t I do it to wrestlers?

Hamelin: The Saskatchewan Roughriders could use a solid defensive end, as the Brent Hawkins-Tearrius George combination isn’t striking much fear in the hearts of opposing offences. The fact that Hawkins performed well at the East-West Bowl shows he’s destined for at least the CFL.

Hordichuk: Sorry, but wrestling isn’t for me. It’s definitely cool that the U of R will be hosting this kind of event, though. Hamelin: That’s the weekend, so I’ll be trying to recoup from the exhaustion of a 9-5 work week at home. What would be your dream trade in the NHL?

Hordichuk: A bag of pucks for Malkin, a water bottle for Giroux, and stick tape for Weber. OK, I’m kidding. But with all honesty, I’d love to see Mike Richards in a Ducks uniform. His physical, leadership style of play would fit Anaheim great. What would I give up for him? Anybody but Perry, Getzlaf, and Ryan – assuming Selanne is going to retire. Hamelin: Sidney Crosby to Tim Hortons for a double-double and some Timbits. Do you think that doing yoga would enhance your sports performance?

Folk: Right at this moment it would be Roberto Luongo for Vincent Lecavalier and a pick or two. I’m a huge Cory Schneider enthusiast, though I do love Roberto.

Hordichuk: I don’t see why or how it wouldn’t. Isn’t it proven that yoga enhances physical fitness or something like that? I heard that there’s even a university yoga class. The more you know, eh. Hamelin: I do yoga on-and-off. I don’t know if it directly enhances your sports performance, but it does help your body get stretched out. How often do you bet on sports?

Folk: If I’m a coach, I’m saying, “Hey, whatever floats your boat guys. If it literally affects your play or just works as a placebo, regardless it works.

Folk: I find myself betting on sports often, but never for any vast amounts of money. Often I’ll just do like $5 football/hockey pools with my buddies.

Hamelin: I barely have time to watch sports, let alone bet on them.

Hordichuk: Not very often, but I do have an annual hockey bet with my dad. For every point that the Montreal differentiates Canadians from the Anaheim Ducks, the loser owes the winner a dollar per point. Last year it was amped up to two bucks per point. Right now, I owe him one dollar. Creative, yet extremely fun.

“ “[My dream trade would be] Sidney Crosby

to Tim Hortons for a double-double and some Timbits.”
Jonathan Hamelin

McDowell: I can’t really see how it would hurt it, so I am going to



the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012

Rocky rowing
Robert Blake wants to put U of R rowing back on the map
“ Even though
we don’t have a club here, we still have the equipment, we still have the potential, and we still have people that are willing to do it. All we need now is people to join.”
Robert Blake

autumn mcdowell
sports editor For the past decade, the University of Regina has had an off-and-on relationship with its rowing club, but the club’s new coach hopes to finally put a ring on it. Robert Blake, the rowing club’s new head coach and firstyear science student at the U of R, has decided to commit to the club with the hopes of turning it into something the school can be proud of. After being introduced to the sport in high school five years ago, Blake instantly had a passion for the sport. “Rowing has impacted me in such a dramatic way, in such a positive way,” Blake said. “I was good at it and I enjoyed it. It was a great atmosphere, a great social atmosphere, that is severely underrated.” Blake confesses he had enthusiastic coaches that helped him develop in the sport, something he hopes to do for other students. Since taking over for Garrett Mathiason – former coach of the Regina Rowing Club and current southern provincial head coach for Saskatchewan – Blake admits the status of the club has been so up in the air that getting people to take part has been a challenge.

Blake has been forced to resort to unlikely recruitment tactics in order to dig up information about the club’s status. “I have seen people with the University of Regina rowing tshirts so I have been talking to them and no one really knows what’s going on,” Blake said. “I have been talking to John Papendreos [Recreation Services Co-ordinator] and basically I have been trying to get something going. There is a lot of potential here and I want to make the most of it.” Papendreos has been incredibly supportive of Blake’s desire to get the rowing club up and running again and hopes Blake can bring a positive atmosphere back to the club. “Robert is extremely passionate about the sport of rowing and I am very confident that, under Robert’s leadership, the club will grow and have a greater and stronger presence on our campus,” he said. “I think that the rowing club is a perfect fit at the University of Regina. It has provided U of R students with opportunities to train in the sport of rowing at a social, recreational, and competitive level.” Blake has been taking a look at the numbers for the rowing club and has put together an estimate for the amount of students he would like to see get involved,

although he admits his estimations are a little ambitious. “I think that my goal idealistically – this may be pushing it – I would really like to have about 18 people, split between girls and boys,” he said. “Eight is our biggest boat, so I would like to see one of those out of the regatta that we have here in Regina – that would be pretty amazing.” While the first step in a lengthy list of things to do for Blake will be recruiting members, apart from playing the numbers game, there are many other duties that still need to be taken care of. “I finally figured out when we can and can’t use the equipment,” Blake said. “Hopefully we can figure out some times and work stuff out now; it’s looking good.” As the little things continue to fall into place, Blake has began setting many other goals for the future of the U of R rowing club, not just for the number of members. “Short-term goals are getting the sport known, getting people to come down, and getting people to try it out and experience it,” he explained. “I think that my longterm goals for the program would be, set up some sort of on-water program. “If we can get a large number of people to join up now and keep a certain number over the sum-

mer and get them hooked and train throughout the summer by the time the university championships come, I think it would be quite something if we had at least a few people out there.” Papendreos sees the future of U of R rowing much in the same way Blake does and agrees that there is no reason why the U of R cannot be successful in rowing and the ultimate goal will be to have more people compete at the national level as in previous years. “A number of U of R students, over the years, have participated in Canadian University Rowing Championships and indoor ergometer competitions and have done exceptionally well,” Papendreos said. “Given the relationship that the Regina rowing community and university has with Wascana Centre, it seems fitting that the U of R would have a student-based club.” While the university championships are still months away, Blake believes the competition would be surprised with what Regina athletes have to offer on the water. “[The competitors] don’t think we get on the water at all because we are the prairies,” said Blake with a laugh. “Even though we don’t have a club here, we still have the equipment, we still have the potential, and we still have people that are willing to do it.

“All we need now is people to join.” If students are willing to experience rowing, Papendreos believes it will be one decision they don’t regret making in their university career. “I firmly believe that the U of R Rowing Club, or any other student based program for that matter, that promotes student engagement as a means of enriching university life experience is good for our campus,” he said. “It is sometimes the nice-to-have programs vs. the need-to-have programs that add to the quality of student life at the U of R.” While some students may be concerned that an impressive rowing resume is needed in order to get involved in the club, both Blake and Papendreos suggest that any students with the slightest inclination to get involved should simply try it out for themselves. “I would encourage any student, regardless of experience and/or ability, to get involved with the U of R Rowing Club,” Papendreos said. “It is a tremendous opportunity to get fit, learn some new skills, and meet some wonderful new people.” For further information on the rowing club, contact rowing@

this is your newspaper. come take part. offer your insight. our story meetings take place mondays at 12:30 in the carillon office (rm. 227 in the riddell centre). they aren’t as dude-heavy as this photo implies.

the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012



Bitter Sweeting
Michelle Sweeting is back, but the playoffs are not
autumn mcdowell
sports editor The University of Regina women’s volleyball team’s star sophomore is back in the lineup, but even with the help of middle blocker Michelle Sweeting, the season appears to be in the books. The Cougars currently sit 10th out of a possible 11 in the Canada West standings. With only the top seven teams advancing to the playoffs, and just two games left to play this season, it appears their season will be cut short. However, after suffering an ankle injury during the off-season, Sweeting is just happy to finally be back on the court, putting up points for her teammates instead of cheering them on from the sidelines. “It feels good to be back,” she said. “Like any athlete would say.” Although Sweeting was as much of a leader from the bench as she is on the court, to be able to physically see her production and improvement is something she won’t take for granted. “With the injury, my main goal was to try and get back to where I ended off last year,” Sweeting said. “The injury gave me a setback. Besides the injury, I wanted to improve as a player in my all around performance.” Sweeting was thankful that her ankle was strong enough to rally together and score a 25-15 third set victory against the visitors thanks to strong play from rookie Alena Omelchenko, who hails from Kazakhstan. Unfortunately, the fourth set was more of the same as Omelchenko registered kill after kill to put the Cougars away 2518. With the match tied at two sets apiece, a tiebreaker was needed. The Cougars were unable to get their feet under them in the fifth as Alberta went on to steal the set and the game by a score of 15-6. Omelchenko finished off the match with 17 kills, while Sweeting and Meagan Onstad both finished with 11 for Regina. The Cougars came out ready to fight on Night 2, but Alberta managed to switch into an extra gear that Regina did not have. The Cougars once again took the first set 25-15, but went on to lose three straight sets 16-25, 16-25, and 2125. The Cougars season will come to a close this weekend against the Calgary Dinos (10-8). It will be a special night for Onstad, Solveig Nilson, Tiffany Herman, and Rebecca Rink, who will play their last game in a Cougars uniform. Game time is slated for 6:15 p.m. on Friday and 8:00 p.m. on Saturday at the Centre for Kinesiology, Health and Sport.

allow her to take part in practices with members of the team from Japan’s University of Tsukuba, who shared the court with the Cougars in early January. “The experience was unreal, scrimmaging against the Japan team,” Sweeting said. “It’s great to see their work ethic, and I think we can take a lot away from that team.” While Sweeting and the rest of the Cougars had intentions of

The Cougars finished 5th at the 2010 CIS championships

finishing off the season in a strong fashion and making a push for the playoffs, a post-season berth just isn’t in the cards for the team this year. Although they may not be in playoff contention, the Cougars can still have a large impact on the playoffs. The team took that mentality into its bout last weekend with the Alberta Golden Bears, the No. 4-ranked team in the country.

The Cougars were off to a great start against the Golden Bears and managed to quickly find themselves ahead two sets to none (25-19, 25-21) against the supposedly powerhouse volleyball team to the west. While just one more set victory would clinch a win for the Cougars, the No. 2ranked team in Canada West was not about to roll over and hand Regina a victory in their own den. The Golden Bears managed to

It’s all an equation
The kind of math athletes understand
what the puck?
autumn mcdowell
sports editor The University of Regina men’s hockey team came out of its battle against the visiting Lethbridge Pronghorns the same way it went in, trailing Lethbridge by five points for the final playoff spot in Canada West. The equation was simple going into the weekend: lose twostraight games to Lethbridge and Regina is both realistically and mathematically out of the playoffs, as the Cougars would be trailing the Pronghorns by nine points with four games left to play. Even if Regina won all four games, it would only get eight points. However, win both games and the Cougars would be only one point back of Lethbridge, but also play two more games than it. Therefore, Regina would have to pray that Lethbridge lost to Alberta – which it most certainly would – and pray even harder that it could win just one of its last four games against top teams Alberta and Saskatchewan – a difficult task for sure but definitely not impossible. The Cougars somehow did not take either of the first two options; they took the third, meaning Just two minutes after Cuthbert’s goal Winston Day Chief got one past Lucas Gore and consequently removed the goose egg from the scoreboard. The Pronghorns looked to be on a bit of a momentum swing as Justin Hollinger registered an unassisted goal midway through the second to tie things up, and just like that the teams were back to even. Former Regina Pat, Cass Mappin. scored his own unassisted goal barely into the final period to give the visitors a one-goal lead. But Brett Leffler’s power play goal four minutes later made short work of the lead. Schneider, who had already tallied two assists, snapped a shot from the point that sailed through traffic into the back of the net. Schneider’s first goal as a Cougar proved to be the game winner as the Cougars held on to take game No. 1, 4-3. After the first night, the Cougars were just three points back of Lethbridge, and although the win was nice, everyone knew they would need to win Saturday to realistically have a shot at the playoffs. Saturday night started the exact opposite of Friday night, as it was Lethbridge who got off to an early two-goal lead after Clayton Cumiskey and Dustin Moore both chipped singles past Gore in the first. Regina got things going offensively just three minutes into the second when Tyler Penny got the Cougars on the board. The goal seemed to spark the team as the Cougars were suddenly back in the mix. for the Pottruff Ryan Pronghorns and Terrance Delaronde traded goals in the second and the Cougars went into intermission trailing by a one-goal deficit. Unfortunately, the Cougars were unable to get anything past Scott Bowles in the final period, while Cass Mappin scored his second goal of the series and Curtis Cooper added an empty-net goal to seal the Cougars fate. Regina lost Game 2, 5-2. So what does all of this mean for the Cougars? Mathematically, it means that they are not out of the playoffs. Basically, the Cougars still have to hope that Lethbridge loses both of their games against Alberta next weekend and Regina has to find a way to win three out of its last four games. The quest for the playoffs will continue this weekend when Alberta is in town. Puck is scheduled to drop at 7 p.m. both Friday and Saturday night at the Co-operators Centre.

Jarrett Crowe

Mathematically, the Cougars still have a chance at the playoffs. Realistically, they don’t that they won one game and lost the second to Lethbridge. Regina came out ready to play as everyone knew that, at the end of the day, its season was on the line, even though it still had two more weeks of regulation games to play after Lethbridge. In order for those remaining games to actually mean something, the Cougars came out firing on all cylinders. In the first game, on Feb. 3, the Cougars were able to strike first as Terrance Delaronde finished off some pretty passing by Russ Nielsen and Mark Schneider on the powerplay to register the game’s first goal just five minutes in. Craig Cuthbert then went to work for the Green and Gold and put the finishing touches on a nice play quarterbacked by John Sonntag and Schneider to give the Cougars a two-goal cushion seven minutes into the second. The Pronghorns – which I still feel is the worst name ever, seriously. Pronghorn was the only option left? – were not about to give the Cougars an easy victory.

10 sports

the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012

The decision
Jared Janotta picks football over basketball
ed kapp
sports writer After spending the past two campaigns with the University of Regina Cougars men’s basketball squad, Jared Janotta, who moonlights as a slotback for the University of Regina Rams, recently decided to walk away from the hardcourt. “After thinking about it for the last little while – I looked at it from all angles and weighed all the pros and cons – I decided that it would be best for me to focus my talents on football and better myself in that area,” explained Janotta, 20, who was recently suspended indefinitely by the Cougars. Although Janotta, who began playing basketball in the ranks of the Regina Community Basketball Association (RCBA) in elementary school and football around age 12, emphasized that his decision was a difficult one to make, the Regina product feels he made the right choice. “I think it’s going to be a big plus for my football career,” offered Janotta, who led the Rams in receptions and receiving yards during the 2011 campaign. “Being able to focus comor basketball since elementary school,” said Marc Mueller, the Ram’s starting quarterback, with a laugh. “For him and the Rams, this couldn’t be a better situation – but especially for him.” Although Janotta’s performance on the gridiron will likely improve in the future, the thirdyear engineering student is hoping the time he would have ordinarily devoted to basketball – games, practices, and other Cougars-related activities ¬– will help him excel in the classroom, too. Mueller, who spent time at the Canadian Football League’s Edmonton Eskimos training camp in the past, believes that Janotta may not need to put his degree to work in the immediate future. “He’s looking at a really good possibility of playing in the CFl,” Mueller said. “He’s going into his draft year, so he can focus just on football and on the CFL and what he needs to do to get there. I think, with the extra couple of months of off-season time to work strictly on football, he’ll be able to excel. “I think he has a very good possibility of being a high draft pick – not just a draft pick – in the CFL ... I think he can play in the CFL, for sure.”

For the time being, Jared Janotta only has to keep one jersey clean pletely on being a receiver now, it’s going to give me an advantage going into next year. Having my legs fresh from not doublepracticing everyday and only worrying about one sport, one position, is going to give me an advantage.” Some of his fellow Rams be-

lieve Janotta made the right decision. “In my opinion, it takes a whole lot of commitment to put that much time and effort into two sports along with school,” explained Michael Bradshaw, an offensive lineman for the Rams. “I’m sure it’ll have some ups and

downs, but it’s probably a good thing that he can now get proper rest while doing the off-season training.” “With [Janotta] on a full-time basis with the Rams, he’ll be able to get the rest that he needs, because he probably hasn’t had a rest or a month off from football

Professional or bust
Miles Anstead hopes to move away from amateur bouts
ed kapp
sports writer Several things separate the amateurs from the pros in mixed martial arts. Arguably, the most significant deviation between the two is that professional mixed martial artists are compensated financially for their performance, whereas amateurs are not. But there are practical differences, too. Certain moves are legal in professional fighting that aren’t permitted in amateur competition, for example. And there are three rounds of fighting in professional matches where there are generally only two rounds in amateur bouts. After four amateur matches – including a pair in the Queen City – Regina MMA fighter Miles Anstead feels that he is ready to take the next step in the world of mixed martial arts. “I definitely want my next fight to be a pro fight,” Anstead explained. “I’ve been training really hard; I’ve been working on my stand-up a lot, wrestling, lots of jiu-jitsu. I’m trying to perfect a few things and, once I’m done school at the end of April, I’m going to find a match and make my debut.” According to Anstead, who trains at both Complete Martial Arts and Fitness and SIAM Kickboxing, embarking on a professional career in mixed martial arts has been a long-time coming. “I think I’ve been ready for a

“ I definitely want
my next fight to be a pro fight. I’ve been training really hard; I’ve been working on my stand-up a lot, wrestling, lots of jiu-jitsu … I’m going to find a match and make my debut.”
Miles Anstead

while, I just needed to shake a few cobwebs off and get used to the nerves,” said Anstead, who has trained at some of the sport’s top academies in Brazil and North America. “I think my grappling – before I even fought – was at a pro level. I just needed to get my hands up to par and get some more confidence.” Following a handful of matches – although his two most recent outings have amounted to little more than a few minutes of actual in-ring experience – Anstead insisted he is ready to make the jump to the professional

Regina-based MMA fighter Miles Anstead is two seconds away from being eye gouged ranks. Although Anstead has only competed as an amateur in the past, he emphasized he has approached his career as just that – a career – for quite some time now. “I might switch a few things up, but I’ve been taking it very seriously,” Anstead said. “I know that I train harder than most pros as it is. We train hard; when it comes to my training, I don’t screw around. I’m there every night, I eat well, I don’t party – I don’t think too much will change. “I have some natural talent, but the reason that I win fights is because I’m a workhorse. I put the

time in and putting the time in is what wins fights.” Despite the fact that Anstead insisted he won’t be too picky about where he makes his highlyanticipated professional debut, the AJ Scales-trained purple belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu nevertheless has lofty ambitions for the professional ranks of the sport. “As long as it’s pro and sanctioned, I’m all there,” he offered. “This is going to be a big year, I want to get a few fights in this year. I want to get my name out there. I feel I’ve got a pretty bright future. I’ve still got a lot of time – I’m only 24 – these days guys fight

’til they’re 36, 37 ... I want to hold a pro belt, for sure, in the future.” According to Scales, who has been training Anstead for the past several years, Anstead’s ambitions are well within his star pupil’s reach. “Miles is a growing mixed martial artist; he has a lot of potential,” explained Scales, the proud owner of both a black belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu and undefeated record as a mixed martial artist. “He’s doing everything that he needs to do to be successful and I see nothing but success in his future.”

the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012

sports 11

Single and ready to mingle
I don’t know where I am going with this
autumn mcdowell
sports editor It’s that time of the year again: it’s less exciting than Christmas, less liquor-soaked than St. Patrick’s Day, and more annoying than that kid who is repeatedly kicking your seat at the movie theatre but you can’t yell at him because it would be awkward. That’s right, it’s Valentine’s Day. In light of our singles issue, it was thrown onto my plate to somehow connect sports with singledom. My immediate thought was to do some silly list of the top-five eligible athletes, but then I realized how stupid that sounded. Then I was going to come up with some sort of play on words with singles. Exhibit A: he put up a single tonight; Exhibit B: they are going to be playing singles; and so on. But that was even dumber than my original idea and would be much less hilarious than I intended it to be. My next thought was to go on some type of rant about how Canadian girls love athletes, in particular hockey players. But I thought that I would save my bihave ever received, most of which have come from one athlete or another. Example the first: Me: “Hi, I’m Autumn.” Random athlete: “I’m born in September!” Example the second: full-frontal nudity. After I finished my interview with Joe Vitale, during which I was paying absolutely no attention to anything that was happening around me, I heard some guys start yelling. Naturally, when you hear someone yell you look, so when I turned my head I got the full panoramic image of the Penguins’ wide-open shower with all of the players standing in line, staring at me as I was staring at them, naked as the day they were born. I would pay good money to see what my facial expression was at that moment. All of these possible topics seemed great at the start, but had serious problems when it came to putting them on paper. But, after all of that, Valentine’s Day is not a day to love each other, it is a day to make sure that the single people are well aware that they are single and for your friend to constantly bring up what she is getting her boyfriend for Valentine’s Day in order to subtly rub it in your face that they are in a relationship and you are not. My name is Autumn, I like hockey and video games, I’m single.

Random athlete: “What’s cookin’, good lookin?” (Seriously, I thought that line died with Punch Out) Random athlete’s friend: “We’re not all like him!”

Julia Dima

ography for another issue. Now is just not the time. A co-worker then suggested to me that I should ask the athletes how many times they masturbate during the week and ask if their masturbation habits affect their playing ability, because that wouldn’t be an awkward conversation to have at all with people I

barely know. I had horrible visions of how that conversation would go and most of them ended with me blurting out the word “masturbation” in between mumbles followed by an exchange of awkward facial expression between myself and said player. I also debated talking about the best and worst pick-up lines I

Though these lines may be hilarious, I felt that it would be slightly wrong of me to assume that all athletes use these types of lines, and I surely don’t have enough of them to fill up an entire column. I was then going to tell the other side of my Winnipeg Jets trip that none of you got to hear and that I might regret telling. What most of you don’t know is that, during my time in the Pittsburgh Penguins’ locker room, I saw the entire team naked. We’re not talking about guys sitting in the locker room with a towel around their waist. We’re talking

Cougars Roundup
Don’t forget about the little guys
autumn mcdowell
sports editor It was a big weekend for the sports world, with Nick Diaz taking on Carlos Condit inside the octagon at UFC 143, and the New York Giants and New England Patriots going to war on the gridiron during Super Bowl Sunday, many people may have forgotten that the University of Regina teams were also in action. It was a very special weekend for Carly Graham and Joanna Zalesiak as the duo played their final home games at the Centre for Kinesiology, Health and Sport. Matching up against the Alberta Pandas (11-7), the Cougars were determined to let Graham and Zalesiak walk away from the CKHS victorious and with their undefeated record still in tact. Night 1 saw the two teams trade leads a total of nine times during the first three quarters. A back-and-forth battle to say the least looked to be over as the Cougars took a 15-point lead heading into the final quarter. However, the Pandas weren’t done yet as they managed to rally a 14-2 run to suddenly cut the lead to just three points in the dying seconds of the game. Thanks to last second free throws by Brittany Read and Graham, the Pandas were unable to steal the Cougars thunder, leading to an 81-76 victory for the Women’s basketball saw some of the most productive offensive power that the Cougars have mustered all season. Friday night saw Hillary Lerat open the scoring early for the Cougars on a power play goal set up by Carleen Meszaros and Gina Campbell halfway through the first period. And then, the floodgates opened. The Cougars went on to score a total of five unanswered goals including Kaitlin Sherven’s marker in the first to push her season total to two. Rianne Wight added another for Regina five minutes into the second while Kendra Finch got her first and second goals of the season over the last two periods. The Cougars were dominant en route to a 5-0 victory on Night 1, highlighted by pretty scoring and a 23-save shutout performance by Jennifer Shmidt, but Night 2 was not so simple. A scoreless first period gave way to Lethrbridge’s Jenna-Marie Durnin breaking open the scoring six minutes into the second. Wight made short work of the Pronghorns lead, adding her own single less than a minute later. Brooklyn Moskowy was responsible for the Cougars goahead goal with two minutes left in the second, but with one period left to play the score wouldn’t stand. With just seven seconds left in the game, it appeared that the Cougars were going to skate away with a weekend sweep, but Sadie Lenstra was able to sneak one pass Lisa Urban in the dying seconds to push the game into extra time. A scoreless overtime gave way to a shootout, where ultimately the Pronghorns were able to steal the victory away from the Cougars as Shelby Ballendine was credited with the shootout winner 3-2. The Cougars will play their final games of the season at home against the Alberta Pandas. Game time is slated for 2 p.m. on Saturday and Sunday at The Cooperators Centre. The Cougars were pleased to have numerous members of the track and field team reach the podium at the Bison Classic in Winnipeg on Feb. 4. Chris Pickering and Justin Baker lead the way for the men, while Megan Rumpel paced things for the women. Pickering finished gold in shot put while Baker took first in the 60-metre hurdles; both of their performances were well ahead of the CIS auto-qualifying marks. Rumpel also placed first in high jump; with a jump of 1.70m she was just one centimeter away from the CIS auto-qualifying mark and the Cougars record. Rumpel and the rest of the track and field team will look to qualify for the CIS championships during the Queen City Kinsmen Indoor Classic, taking place at the Regina Fieldhouse this Saturday, time TBA. Track and Field

Jarrett Crowe

home team. Night No. 2 – officially titled Senior Night – saw an eerily similar game story take place on the court as the night before. Once again, multiple lead changes were the early story as the Cougars and Pandas switched places a total of 11 times. The Cougars began to pull away late in the final frame, scoring 10 consecutive points in a twominute span. Regina refused to go

The Cougars aka the little guys, were impressive this weekend

easy, even in the last minute of play they scored seven free throws to officially put a stop to the Pandas, 84-70. The Cougars will play their final two games of the regular season this weekend against Lethrbidge (6-12). Women’s hockey Last weekends series against the Lethbridge Pronghorns (14-8-2)

albums to be single to
Valentine’s Day is enough of a headache for those of us in relationships. But when you’re single, it can be absolutely crushing. And sometimes the most satisfying thing to do is sit and wallow in your emotions with some Breyers and just the right soundtrack.

A&C Editor: Jonathan Petrychyn the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012

Your life couldn’t possibly get more pathetic
The Carillon shows you how to hate your life more this Valentine’s Day

movies that will make you never want to have sex again
If drowning yourself in excess or listening to depressing albums won’t work, why not make it so you can never love again by internalizing all of the drama of characters who you’ll probably hate?


The Smiths – The Queen is Dead


Mysterious Skin

Saying the Smiths are depressing is like saying that oranges are orange. At the same time, you’d be remiss to not devote some of your sobbing to “Never Had No One Ever” or the sublime “I Know It’s Over” (Gosh, I really hope Sublime never covered “I Know It’s Over”).

Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars as a teenager who hustles to make his way through life. Sounds pretty standard, until you start seeing Levitt’s cock get bruised by an older guy who gets too excited while going down on him. If that doesn’t do it, watch Levitt’s face as he struggles with crabs or after he’s raped by an overzealous “client.”

Mark Kozelek’s first, and among his best. You’re already weeping over failed romance, may as well weep over losing your friends and your entire youth while you’re at it.


Red House Painters –– Down Colorful Hill

Julie Dima

Jason Molina has never been a cheery man, and this is perhaps the record that best proves it. This collection of alt-country gems goes out to those who find themselves alone on Valentine’s Day through their own fault. “Love leaves its abuser,” as the man sings.


Your life is this sad, admit it roses and well over twice that for dinner, assholes.” That kind of money is totally not worth one night of hot sex in what’s ostensibly a committed relationship. Wait, when was the last time you got laid again? It’s dinner time. You feel like making yourself something nice because of the occasion, but you lent your favourite cookbook to a friend. The only other one you have is A Taste for Love: A Romantic Cookbook for Two, a Christmas gift from your grandma. “Well, I’m sure you’ll find a use for it someday,” she said. Oh grandma, if you only knew how wrong you were. Not being the best at dividing fractions, you nevertheless cook a meal for two and eat both servings because fuck it, you have no one to impress. 7:00 p.m. Whoopsies, your glass of wine you had with dinner turned into the whole bottle. Also, laying on the floor seemed like a way better decision than sitting in a chair as you drunkenly mumble the words to “Rain in My Heart” by Frank Sinatra, which has been on repeat for the past 40 minutes because your cat walked across your keyboard. As you stare at the ceiling, you realize you should probably 5:00 p.m. do something with your night. There’s not much to do on a Tuesday except cheap movie night, but that’s a bad decision (couples, no alcohol), so you decide to take your singing skills to the Owl for karaoke night. 9:00 p.m. Those bastards at the Owl only let you sing “Love Hurts” by Nazareth once even though you promise them you’ll make it to the second chorus without crying this time, to which you respond with more drinking and more crying. Midnight You stumble drunkenly into your home and immediately go to your computer to inform all your social networking friends that “I hadds uch a goofd time tonight i dont eeven need anyone. oh gods im so lonelay.” As well, you notice that your slew of drunk tweets at the Owl caused you to lose 13 followers on Twitter, so congrats on that. It’s a shame you didn’t bring anyone home though. You almost had that one cutie. The conversation was going well until you started puking. Oh well, it looks like you’ll just have to resort to something that you’ll likely have to do for the rest of your dejected life – make your palms ever the more hairy.

Songs: Ohia – Axxess & Ace

paul bogdan
a&c writer The only thing more depressing than your lack of a lover on Valentine’s Day is that it’s on a goddamn Tuesday. If it were on a Friday or Saturday, or heck even a Wednesday or Thursday, you could find several ways to distract yourself from your efflorescing self-loathing, but alas. Since distraction is off the table, the next best thing is indulgence. If you can’t push away the dreaded thought that you’re not good enough and probably will live alone with your pets (who are mostly indifferent to your presence anyway) for the rest of your life because you’re utterly unexceptional in every possible way, you may as well throw one hell of a pity party. Everyone loves to feel really, really shitty every once in a while and now’s your time to shine! If the above description sounds like you (don’t lie to yourself, it does), then look no further because the Carillon has assembled a timeline from countless years of hard research on how to have the best worst time while being single on Valentine’s Day. You arrive home from school. There’s not really anything to do before dinner, and like hell you’re doing homework because you just finished a day clock-watching through hours of lectures, so you decide to creep Facebook. Your news feed is clogged with bullshit statuses from all the happy couples, which you scoff at and smugly say to your empty room, “Enjoy paying $40 for a dozen 3:00 p.m.

No, not the Paul Haggis flick that tells you how bad racism is, but the 1996 David Cronenberg film about people who get off on car crashes. Watch for the scene where Peter MacNeill dresses up as Jayne Mansfield only to crash his car in order to reenact her fatal crash in the ultimate masturbatory act.



There’s a reason sensitive college nerds all got “Driveway to Driveway” tattoos in the ’90s: Foolish is exquisitely heartbreaking from beginning to end. This album mostly concerns singer Mac McCaughan’s split with bassist Laura Ballance – so if you think your breakup was painful, keep in mind that for years, Ballance had to perform these songs with her monitors turned off or away so that she couldn’t hear the lyrics.


Superchunk – Foolish

While not nearly as explicit as the first two films on this list, sex in Mike Leigh’s Naked is so grim that you can only walk out of the film wondering what the hell we do it for. The film opens with Johnny (David Thewlis) raping (or is the sex just rough?) a woman and ends with Jeremy (Greg Cruttwell) raping Sophie, Thewlis’s eventual love interest.




The corniest pick here, but if Valentine’s Day isn’t the perfect day for corny melodrama and tear-stained LP jackets, nothing is (aside obviously from Saskatchewan Day). Make sure to have a glass of scotch at the ready so you’ll have something to clutch as you stand at your window and stare out at couples in love strolling by, or at nothing at all.

Frank Sinatra – In the Wee Small Hours

Alex DeLarge (Malcolm McDowell) goes on a spree of sex and “ultraviolence” in Stanley Kubrick’s bleak film about a dystopian near-future. While the scene where he rapes a writer’s wife while singing “Singing in the Rain” isn’t nearly as chilling as it probably was in the ’70s, the juxtaposition is enough to make someone that was once satisfying into something horrifying.


A Clockwork Orange



“ I hadds uch a goofd time tonight i
dont eeven need anyone. oh gods im so lonelay.”

The painful and horrifying things Charlotte Gainsbourg does to her own and Willem Dafoe’s genitals in this film are enough to kill anybody’s boner basically forever. You’ll never look at a block of wood or a pair of scissors the same way again.

mason pitzel
production manager

jonathan petrychyn
a&c editor

the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012

a&c 13

We can park here too
Fifth Parallel’s No Parking showcases student talent
jonathan petrychyn
a&c editor “When I tell people I’m taking art history, they sort of make a face like, ‘Good luck starving to death’, but really that’s true with any department; there’s work out there and uses for every degree, but being in one particular department or major doesn’t guarantee you a job,” remarked Lydia Miliokas, curator of the Fifth Parallel art gallery. “There are lots of visual arts students who’ve gone through this program and are successfully working in various parts of the country. “It wasn’t the comment that made me upset, but what bugged me was the I feel like [the visual arts department] is cut off. When I read that, it made me feel that we’re cut off from the general university community.” The comment Miliokas is referring to is a declass that ran in the Carillon on Oct. 6 (Vol. 54, Issue 7) that stated, “If phony ‘programs’ such as theatre and fine arts were not actually considered real programs there would be a lot more room to park not only at the U of R, but in the entire world.” The title for the upcoming exhibition at the Fifth Parallel, No Parking, is a tongue-in-cheek reference to this comment. “If they could see some of the work coming out of [the visual arts department] or get to know the arts community at the school, they’d come to like it or respect it as a legitimate department, but we also thought it would be a cute way to poke fun at that conversation,” Miliokas said. it up to people who have gone through the program.” Guidelines for the submissions are very general, as the show is more about showcasing a multitude of various works and mediums as opposed to concentrating them on a single theme or idea. Miliokas hopes to be able to show works from all disciplines within the visual arts department. “I think we want to keep it fairly open to allow more and more people to apply,” Miliokas said. “What’s important to me is that since we are doing an open call for submissions, ideally we have something that represents every major and strength, such as painting, drawing, intermedia, and interdisciplinary work to show students that are combining ideas.” As well as works being submitted across many disciplines, individual works will likely vary greatly in size, which affects the number of submissions the gallery can accept for the show. “Ultimately, it will depend on the size of the works and what feels comfortable in the space itself,” Miliokas said. “We’ve got some people who prefer to work on a small scale (three-to-four inches), and then we’ve got other people submitting things that are up to eight feet long. Depending on the size of each work, I think we could comfortably fit fifteen students’ works in. We could also work with the centre floor space as well for students who are submitting 3D works.” Submissions for No Parking are now closed, but the show is scheduled to run from Feb. 19 to Mar. 10.

Arthur Ward

“ As someone who is a practicing visual arts major ... spend[ing] on average
maybe sixteen hours a day at school, when you have comments like that said about what you do, calling it a phony degree, be it business or a visual arts degree, it shows that we don’t understand each other as faculties.”
Jess Richter
Gallery Director “One of the things I think I will put in the curatorial statement is that we don’t mean to antagonize, choose sides, or pick fights, but I thought it would be a nice comment on that discussion that we originally saw in the fall because I know it garnered a lot of attention from the visual arts community as well as other programs.” Gallery director Jess Richter believes that comments such as this particular declass display a failure to understand each faculty’s contributions and idiosyncrasies. “As someone who is a practicing visual arts major ... spend[ing] on average maybe sixteen hours a day at school, when you have comments like that said about what you do, calling it a phony degree – be it business or a visual arts degree – it shows that we don’t understand each other as faculties,” Richter said. “And we do need to have this conversation going on so that people do understand that every faculty has its contributions to the university. “Every faculty works hard.” This exhibit is a way of displaying how hard the visual arts department works, although, Richter feels “it shouldn’t be” necessary to have to prove one faculty’s validity. “Probably the reason that we do get comments like that is there’s no one that sees what we do,” the gallery director said. “This is our chance to show that we’re active, we work hard, and we’re deserving of respect by other faculties.” As an attempt to showcase what the visual arts department at the University of Regina is capable of, No Parking will feature a variety of artists who are either currently in the visual arts program at the University of Regina or have completed it. “We have a couple of students who graduated last year who’ve expressed interest in submitting,” Miliokas said. “We figured we’d open it up to show who’s currently in the faculty, but also open

Music for everyone
Derek-Yaple Schobert hopes performance will reach all students
jonathan petrychyn
a&c editor “Anytime I put together a program ... I always treat [it] a bit like a gourmet dinner,” Derek YapleSchobert explained. A worldrenowned musician and pianist, Yaple-Schobert is scheduled to perform a program of classical music today as a part of the Department of Music’s concert series. But don’t let Yaple-Schobert’s gourmet dinner comparison scare you away. This isn’t your grandma’s classical music. “Variety is really important,” Schobert continued, “and also what pieces go well with other pieces is the same thing in a really nice meal. I mean, I love meat and potatoes and I love dessert, what makes it a more satisfying experience is to have variety in the meal. Soup, salad, hors d’oeurves, appetizers ... In that sense I just sort of fix groups of pieces for the program on Thursday.” Yaple-Schobert’s program on Thursday night encompasses a wide range of music, from pieces sic the same way I was when I was younger,” Yaple-Schobert said. “If you look at the radio stations … there [isn’t] any ‘classical music’ to listen to. So I just thought I’d show the students what one can do to get people back into the concert hall, so to speak.” Another way Yaple-Schobert hopes to inspire his audience, whether they have a background in music or not, is to teach a master class after his performance. “It’s sort of like an open lesson,” said Christine Vanderkooy, associate professor of music. “And it’s a really sort of common pedagogical practice across the field of the music ... so the student will perform and the teacher will coach in front of an audience. The idea is that the audience is getting the benefit of watching the teacher.” “It’s a lesson that’s done in public,” added John Wiebe, choral director in the department of music. “But it really is for the benefit of the public probably as much or more than … for the person who’s getting the lesson.” Both Wiebe and Vanderkooy said that even if you don’t have a background in piano, or in music at all, you’ll learn something. “We encourage students to come regardless of what their instrument is,” Vanderkooy said. “But because music is so universal and ideas can transfer across instruments it can be really valuable for everyone to come.” “I think there’s two things I can think of that you’d get if you came from outside of the music department or outside of a musical background and watched a master class,” Wiebe added. “One would be you’d have an eye into the musical world, what it takes to succeed as a musician. And the other thing that I think or I would hope you would probably get out of it is, ‘Hey, those are some universal principles that they’re sort of working on.’ “It doesn’t matter if you’re in journalism or the sciences, this idea of this dedication to excellence, that if you’re pursuing an idea that you completely that you’re thorough in how you approach it or how you attack it and you have a high standard in everything that you do.”

the audience is sure to recognize, like Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata,” to the popular, but perhaps less well known, works of Edvard Grieg. “The Beethoven ‘Moonlight Sonata’ is really sort of one of the meat and potatoes pieces,” YapleSchobert said. “I’m opening with a set of variations by Hayden, which are on the lighter side, a little more delicate on the early side of music history. I’ve also got

Bo Hoang

something called the Asylum Waltz, which is a rather entertaining piece. I’m also playing three works by Edvard Greig, the Norwegian composer.” If some of that doesn’t make sense to you, don’t worry. YapleSchobert said his performance is designed to show students of music ways of getting audiences excited about classical music again. “I’m always trying to get more people excited about classical mu-

14 a&c

the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012

It’s not that gay
Madonna’s Super Bowl halftime show reminds us that the world is run by straight men
can’t think straight
jonathan petrychyn
a&c editor Madonna said she wanted to “bring gay to the Super Bowl.” According to more than a handful of writers, bloggers, and colleagues, that’s exactly what she did. But I’m not that convinced. I mean, sure, the half-naked Adonises that brought Madonna is arguably just the homoeroticism of 300 condensed and amplified. And sure, everything Madonna has ever stood for is shocking and sexual and loud. Let’s not forget her video “Justify My Love,” which MTV was only allowed to show in the midnight hours due to its explicit content. But at 53 years old, is Madonna really the subversive firecracker she was in the ’80s or has she softened with age? Look, it’s no secret that through the weeks I’ve been writing this column I’ve been rallying for more radical and subversive queer tactics. I’m sure that you’ve already determined my opinion on the halftime show: like everything else in American culture that tries to be “gay friendly,” it ends up just sanitizing queerness into a form that’s easy to be consumed and appropriated by the masses, which is at odds with its ability to “queer” and “shake up” the established order. I’m tired of making this argument. Let’s just all go from here in agreement that, yes, Madonna’s half time show was kind of gay, and yes, though it was gay, it was kind of tame. The question that really needs to be asked in regards to Madonna’s halftime show, and

“ If a dude at
your Super Bowl party is hyped about David Beckham’s H&M underwear ad, smack the ish out of him.”
Roland Martin

the rest of the Super Bowl, is when did hypermasculinity become homoerotic? We’re really quick to say that whenever we see a half-naked man, like the Gerard Butler wannabes in Madonna’s act, or a provocatively posed half-naked man, like David Beckham in that H&M Super Bowl ad, that it’s “gay” or “homoerotic.” Why? A tweet from CNN’s Roland Martin really gets at the heart of the matter. Martin was in hot water for suggesting that “if a dude at your Super Bowl party is hyped about David Beckham’s H&M underwear ad, smack the ish out of him,” an obvious homophobic slur that led the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation to call for his firing from CNN. Martin’s tweet reminds us about

“Every day I’m shuffling,” Madonna sings, as she begins her wheelbarrow sex ritual with LMFAO not only the kind of audience that watches the Super Bowl, but the kind of audience that watches most of America’s television programming. I think the suggestion that any excitement over male sexuality is just indicative of how far North American culture still needs to go in understanding “alternative” forms of sexuality and sexual identity. We’re so used to seeing half-naked women on our television screens that it doesn’t phase us. We see a half-naked woman and we’re like, “Oh, well, isn’t that oppressive to women,” and then continue to go about our days unfazed. Not to knock feminists. Feminine objectification still permeates our society unchecked and is still a problem that needs to be dealt with. But when we see a

male body objectified, instead of proclaiming that it’s “oppressive to men,” or whatever the parallel statement would be since it’s kind of ridiculous to suggest the oppression of men, we go with “that’s gay.” I think we still revert to “that’s gay” or “homoerotic” because we don’t have a way of making sense of male sexuality outside of the constraints of female sexuality. When the heterosexual male gazes at the female, or so the theory goes, the male makes the female the sexual object of his gaze. So if that’s the only formula we have to make sense of sexualized looking, then so it goes that whenever we see a sexualized male body, he’s the object of our collective male look. As the theory goes, only the male has the power to look, especially when, at least

in 2011, two-thirds of Super Bowl viewers were male. This is a problematic way of looking for exactly the same reasons looking at a woman as only a sexualized object is problematic: we’re just making men into sex objects. Which brings us back to Madonna’s half time show. Why do we consider Madonna’s show gay, even though the only representation of sexuality is just the same kinds of representations of sexuality America has been peddling for at least half a century? Because we’re still a continent dominated by heterosexual men. It’s homoerotic, because the majority of those looking at the men are men. How does that make you feel now, Roland Martin?

Foreskin flicks
The sticky history of masturbation on film
kyle leitch
contributor My sad brown sack of Build Your Own Burger sits crumpled and forgotten in the corner of the room like a wad of tissues, the grease from the burg like some hellish artery-clogging lotion. This may be a history of grease on film, but not the kind you use to fry your chicken fingers. Grab yourself some tissues, Bubba! This is going to be a wild ride through the history of the five-knuckle shuffle in cinema. Though pornographic film has existed since the Lumière Brothers first pioneered projected film in 1895, the subject of being one’s own best friend wasn’t tackled until a quarter-century later. On July 1, 1919, The Solitary Sin shocked audiences across the U.S. with its strong sexual subject matter. In the film, Charles Spere’s character goes clinically insane from pulling the pud too much. Audiences raged at The Solitary Sin and thus, it received a minimal theatrical release. But after that, you don’t see much in the way of choking the chicken, or sex of any kind, really, until the late 1960s. Thanks to Presbyterian elder William H. Hays, The Motion Pictures Production Code (MPPC) came into effect on Mar. 31, 1930. The MPPC governed the moral content of studio films released in the U.S. Under the guise of the code, Hays – who became Hollywood’s chief censor – could condemn any picture that he deemed immoral. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the Hays Code was abandoned in 1968 for the far more liberal MPAA film rating system, which led to a fresh batch of folks shaking hands with beef. Radley Metzger began his career by importing European nudie films into his native New York. By the early 1960s, he had begun directing his own feature films. 1968’s Therese and Isabelle remains one of Metzger’s most celebrated works. It is a beautifully composed film about lesbian sexual awakening within the confines of a stifling Swiss boarding school. Though considered soft by today’s standards, Therese and Isabelle was also met with harsh critical reception. The liberal sixties soon gave way to the apathetic seventies. It is in this decade, that petting the parrot would gain its most widespread notoriety. The first five years of 1970 gave us Fritz the Cat, The Exorcist, and A Boy and His Dog. These films each hold special places in self-stimulating history because they are animated, feature blasphemy of religious iconography, and feature a human male milking machine, respectively. Already, the 1970s descended into a moral quagmire that the previous decade had only dreamed about. Post-1975 cinematic diddling was largely handled by European filmmakers, particularly in films like Pier Pasolini’s Salò and Rainer Fassbinder’s Satansbraten. North America was taking a muchneeded break from the spank race. On Mar. 19, 1982, Porky’s was released in North America. The film was helmed by Canadian director Bob Clark and strongly represented North America’s re-entry into pocket-pool films. Porky’s, a film that’s both incredibly vulgar and liberal in its sexual attitude, is the highest-grossing-Canadianmade movie of all time. Another notable example from the decade comes to us from the classic American stoner film Fast Times at Ridgemont High, in which Judge Reinhold beats the bishop while wearing a pirate costume. Soon, 1980-something turned into 1990. At the turn of the millenium, two competing schools of cinematic chicken choking emerged, vying for dominance over the other: dramatic and comedic. While the dramatic has enjoyed relative success in films like American Beauty, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and the critically acclaimed Black Swan, comedic clown punching took off like a pocket rocket, and indeed, helped spawn the “frat pack” brand of comedy. Since we sat awkwardly through Ben Stiller’s most private moment in 1998’s There’s Something About Mary, comedy has seemed unable to move past flogging the dolphin. Films like Mary opened the door for movies like a series about a rather popular dessert that shall remain nameless beginning in 1998, But I’m a Cheerleader in 1999, and the Scary Movie franchise which started in 2000. Though I’ve studied its origin fairly extensively, I still can’t comprehend exactly why rubbing one out became such a pervasive device in cinema. It seems that people would shy away from such an intrusion into their private sexual lives, even if that sex only involves one. No, tossing one off on film isn’t going anywhere. Rest assured, there will be many more awkward cinematic moments to sit through from this point forward. Just keep your hairy palms off of the popcorn, would you?

the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012

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16 a&c

the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012

For the love of me
If you can’t find romance, find deals on style
haute topic
ashley kilback
contributor With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, love is in the air. I’m not talking about a love for chocolates and flowers, but rather a love for a new pair of shoes or a cute cocktail dress. This Valentine’s Day, it’s not about hopelessly dreaming of that special someone. It’s about finding a different kind of perfect fit. How it works: Looking for designer style without having to splurge? Hautelook is a membership-only website that provides exclusive access to designer brands for a discounted price. Each day, new events are featured with a variety of clothing, accessories, and shoes to choose from. Each event runs for three days at a time before the sale closes. It’s a great place to find deals for every day of the week! To become a member of this exclusive shopping club, all you need to do is provide your email and you’re set. Hautelook provides a daily email to all customers about upcoming events during the week. Each designer has a feature page that helps customers to become more familiar with the brand they are purchasing. Some feature designers include William Rast, Romeo, Juliet Couture, and Mink Pink. With great deals and low cost shipping, Hautelook is the best place to find the latest trends for cheap. You’ll start a relationship that you’ll never want to end. Also, check out Beyond the Rack, which is a similar shopping website to Hautelook, and not to mention Canadian. How it works: From her debut shoe collection, Rachel Bilson has created a shoe-shopping experience you’ll fall in love with. After collaborating with stylist Nicole Chevez and the legendary shoe designer Steve Madden, they have tailored shoe designs that express your personal style. Shoemint provides a style profile for each customer by having them complete a quiz about what style represents them the best. Once this quiz is complete, you are introduced to your own personal showroom and are given a monthly selection of luxury shoes to choose from. Each pair of shoes is set at a standard price of $79.98, with free shipping. There’s also a wide variety of sizes from five to 11 making it easier to shoe shop than ever before. Check out the website for style tips to complete your wardrobe and start your personalized collection. You’re bound to find a match made in heaven.

This song isn’t boring
Making Love in a Canoe takes shots at political issues while remaining entertaining
jonathan petrychyn
a&c editor From the moment Making Love in a Canoe creator and performer Kyle Golemba walked onstage, I should have known I’d be in for a more political show than what I had originally expected. Golemba walked on stage wearing a retro CBC t-shirt (the same one he wore when I interviewed him a few weeks ago, I might add). The CBC, along with many other artistic and cultural endeavors, is under intense scrutiny in Canada under Stephen Harper’s Conservatives. What a time we live in when wearing a shirt with the state broadcaster’s logo is a political act. I just wish I had noticed the political implications before Golemba made it apparent in the second half of the show, when Golemba relayed a quote from Mavor Moore, former Chair of the Canada Council for the Arts. Moore, Golemba told the audience, was chair of the Canada Council during a time of declining arts budgets and increasing national defence, a situation, he suggested sardonically, that was impossible under the current government. “I’m not against national defence,” said Moore, “I just want something to defend." In a time where we’re seeing ballooning national defense budgets and shrinking arts budgets, Moore’s words are words to remember when defending the arts in Canada. Saturday night’s audience will remember those words for the rest of their lives, letting out a collective “ahhh,” as if the idea was so just over an hour of music and show. Golemba is witty, charismatic, and attractive, and he demands your attention. He sings with gusto and with charm, his encore rendition of “Boring” from Jonathan Monro’s Variations on a Nervous Breakdown being a notable highlight. The loose structure of the performance, which amounts to a dozen or so songs interspersed with Golemba telling stories about his life and about Canadians, really allows Golemba to flourish. I’ll be honest: I don’t think I recognized a single song in the revue, despite having seen Anne and Gilbert, the sequel to Anne of Green Gables, when I was in Summerside this summer. Golemba performed a song from each of those musicals, as well as songs from Larry’s Party, Variations on a Nervous Breakdown, Nobody Told Me, Stagefright, and The Last Resort. I know these names must be ringing so many bells right now. But despite the fact that these plays are unfamiliar to us, Golemba brought the music to life with his animated performance and willingness to be open and frank with the audience. He told the audience a few of the things he lights in a song, including loving a girl. “For some reason I really respond to that,” Golemba said. He waited a beat before adding, “In song.” I might not remember the titles of all the songs he sang, but it’s little things like that, little quirks in his character and the pure energy he put into the songs that made the performance truly entertaining.

Sophie Cao

self-evident that they were disappointed they didn’t think of it themselves. This is what Making Love in a Canoe is about. Making Love in a Canoe reminds us of the vast culture we have in Canada, and shows us parts of that culture that we didn’t know existed through its exploration and showcase of Canadian musical theatre. The show is

Not only can he sing, but he can make you think too

Golemba’s sonnet to Canadian culture and his plea to the conservative governments we’re run by to remember the arts. But, like I said, this isn’t really evident until the second half of the show. The show is short, running at about 90 minutes with a 20 minute intermission. The show is simply a revue of Canadian musical theatre, so that leaves you with

Hip-hop musical hits local issues
Cope is what R. Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet should have been
paul bogdan
a&c writer There’s only one thing you need to know about the Globe Theatre’s production Cope: it’s a hip-hop musical. You can save your R. Kelly jokes though, as Cope wasn’t a giant failure for you to laugh at with your friends, à la Trapped in the Closet. [I will brook no slander against Kells. ––Ed.] The plot follows a young man who becomes unable to work after he is diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis, a form of arthritis than can lead to the eventual fusing of the spine. Being barely able to work, this subsequently has an effect on his monetary income as well as his personal relationships. Cope not only looks at the effects of physical and mental disease on the specific subject directly affected, but it also examines the effects upon those surrounding the affected individual. Furthermore, Cope delves into scenarios many Reginans can relate to, such as the local music scene, monetary issues, drug use, and low-income neighbourhoods. One of the strongest features of the performance was the dialogue; it was well written with ample verisimilitude and had a strong balance of tension and comic relief. Moreover, this was demonstrated in each individual actor’s ability to adapt in every scene and know when to be either dramatic or funny. Each of the three actors did a fantastic job of becoming his or her character and bringing a unique part to the dramatic action, from a strung-out cokehead to a suicidal musician, and the love interest caught in between. A strong point of Cope’s musical arrangements was the DJ mixing the backing tracks for the songs live, which brought the samples and canned beats to life. Still, the songs were a bit less dynamic and lively than typical musicals featuring a live band playing instruments. With most performances at the Globe, usually a few words are said before the show by the artistic director or creator of the performance. This, however, was prerecorded and remixed with the DJ scratching overtop of it – not a significant undertaking by any means, but a sign of the attention to detail that made the show particularly interesting. The biggest detriment to the music of Cope was the volume of the instrumental music as opposed to the vocals, which were a tad too loud comparatively and diminished the presence of the backing music. However, this is not to say that the vocals shouldn’t have been heard, as both actors who performed songs did so very well; the flow of Greg Ochitwa’s raps underneath Kaitlyn Semple’s graceful melodies was both wellconstructed and well-performed. As a whole, Cope was a satisfactory performance and a unique take on musical theatre, and the production continues the Globe’s tradition of producing quality productions on both the large and small stage.

“ Cope delves into scenarios that many
Reginans can relate to, such as the local music scene, monetary issues, drug use, and low-income neighbourhoods.”


Visual Editor: Julia Dima the carillon | date

Paul Bogdan & Troy Julé

Snowy Bear

Julia Dima


Op-Ed Editor: Edward Dodd the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012

Politicized masturbation
Masturbation is an inherently political act. Specifically, the act of masturbation, the frequency of masturbation, and method of masturbation are indicative of one’s politics and the way one sees the world. In its act, masturbation is the act of satisfying oneself for oneself. In its frequency, masturbation determines the individual’s view of oneself. In its method, masturbation presupposes the importance of the individual over all else. Perhaps, then, it might be more accurate to say that masturbation is an inherently conservative action. Let’s think of it this way: in our political system, our representation of conservatism is the aptly named Conservative Party of Canada. One of the aims of the Conservative Party, as laid out by their founding principles, is “to create a climate wherein individual initiative is rewarded, excellence is pursued, security and privacy of the individual is provided, and prosperity is guaranteed by a free competitive market economy.” For the Conservatives, it is the individual that is key, as is the individual’s privacy and prosperity, and we should congratulate the individual when the individual succeeds. In short, the conservative is a narcissist, in love only with themselves and their money. Masturbation centralizes the narcissism inherent in sex. For in masturbation, you only need yourself in a secure and private setting. In the moment of orgasm, the individual congratulates the self on a job well done and continues about their day. The more one masturbates, the more one is in love with oneself, and the more one denies the need for another to gain total satisfaction. Moreover, masturbation almost always presupposes an object to masturbate to. Whether it comes in the form of pornography (which, ironically, the conservative seems entirely opposed to) or in the form of the person who is the object of their eye (the object has no say in the matter, their identity and purpose determined by the viewer and not the individual object). To masturbate is to objectify, to turn the thing that turns you on into a disembodied sexual object. You have the power over the disembodied sexual object, with the power to turn it on or off as you see fit, to focus your vision on those portions that you deem most desirable, and to ignore the needs and desires of the other you are exploiting for your own satisfaction. The disembodied sexual object can feel no satisfaction, for it is merely an object of your desire. Tits, cock, and ass have no feeling, but merely exist for the pleasure of the conservative. In short, all you need then is your penthouse condo downtown, your big screen television, and a set of disembodied genitals, to masturbate. Individual gratification arrives through the objectification of the other via profit-driven enterprises. Seems like the core of conservatism to me.

jonathan petrychyn
a&c editor
Julie Dima


‘Porn is risky business’
Damn, L.A., you so progressive! Recently, the City Council of Los Angeles passed a bylaw by a vote of 11-1 that makes it mandatory for actors in pornographic film shoots to wear a condom if engaged in the act of sexual intercourse. This has folks like the AIDS Healthcare Foundation rejoicing, and it has a bulk of the multi-billion dollar adult film industry scrambling for somewhere else to shoot. Michael Weinstein, president of the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, applauds the actions of the city council. “We’d been lobbying for such a bill to be passed for a long time,” Weinstein has explained in interviews. “The STI rate amongst hetero and homosexual adult film stars has reached epidemic levels. This will help promote the idea of safer sex.” The adult film industry, as well as the Free Speech Coalition (the non-for profit trade association representing the adult film industry in America), has since gone on the offensive. Several notable FSA agents, as well as several adult film stars, have loudly protested the acts of the Los Angeles City Council. They say the rate of STI transmission is nowhere near that of what the AIDS Healthcare Foundation claim. The FSA also claimed this isn’t about protecting their workers, but is just another This appears to be a simple case of two groups seeing who can take more litres of piss out of the other. Forcing an entire industry to work a little safer and the backlash induced is newsworthy? Really? Do you think construction workers would strike nationwide if it was mandated that they wear a harness when more than ten feet off the ground? I would like to think not. Let’s face it: porn is a risky business. STI transmission is now more easily widespread than ever. The monthly screenings the business runs on its actors are not mandatory, but are performed on a volunteer basis. This is not enough of a preventative measure. People should be safe in the workplace, whether that workplace be an office or a seedy hotel room with crushed velvet pillows. Frankly, the city council of Los Angeles should be applauded for these measures, even if it took them this long to get around to it. The adult film industry can cry about this decision all they want, but in 20 years they’ll be wondering how they ever got along without this bylaw.

Don’t worry; we can remove those condoms in post-production way for government to tell people what to do. The underlying concern of the FSA and the adult film industry is that the image of a condom may take viewers out of the eroticism and will drive away business. Weinstein called that position ludicrous. “If two consenting adults want to film themselves having sex, there’s nothing we

can do about that. When you are making a pornographic film, you are being paid as a worker, and, as such, you have to abide by certain workers’ health codes,” he said. When questioned about the lack of eroticism in a condom, Weinstein responded that in the age of digitization, there’s no reason that the condom cannot be digitally removed in post-production.

kyle leitch

the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012

op-ed 19

The “S”-word
For some people, socialism is known as the never-uttered and much-dreaded “s”word. Socialism is not an evil or scary idea in my mind. It is a way to regulate markets and industry and help people so that a society may develop as much potential as it can. It is by no means perfect and it certainly has flaws. If you follow American politics, then you know that the word “socialist” is close to a death sentence, especially if coming from an ultra-conservative candidate like Newt Gingrich. American politicians enjoy deriding both European and Canadian politics. Yet America could do with a good dose of socialism. The United States is a nation that often ranks well behind most industrialized nations in the care for the aged, the poor, and children. The American education system is woefully inadequate and most people know that it is leaving everyday Americans at a disadvantage and hurting their earning potentials. The healthcare provisions are minimal and without access to good private insurance, Americans are left to their own devices – which is how Americans love to be. A nation of individualists and self-proclaimed DIYers, an American is only an American if he or she is able to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Big government equals bad government in American political jargon, and for some bizarre reason even the poor think this way! To a sensible person, ideas such as that are nearly incomprehensible. The state is there to support you. Yes, at times it can be a royal pain and of course it can be corrupt. Yet, look at American politics – a slow moving mammoth of self-indulgence where each representative is looking to save his

We wanted to run a picture of Karl Marx, but a Google search of “socialist” only brings up pictures of Barack Obama for some reason comfy chair in Washington and is willing to do whatever it takes to get re-elected. So, without even a hint of socialism, American politics retains everything that sucks about democracy. Obama is no saviour, not even an angel, but he has decent ideas, especially considering his Democrats are also more on the right-hand side of the spectrum than on the left. Imagine the improvement in the quality of life if social programs were introduced in the States, or more fully in Canada. However, we all know how these generous welfare states are funded – through taxes. North Americans (and yes, Canadians are definitely included here) are loath to pay the tax rates that would support the many programs for the aged, families, children, and the unemployed. I am not saying that Europe is a shining example for the world, but America is not either by any stretch of the imagination. Scandinavian countries are some of the best places in the world to live for a very good reason. It takes money to pay for these benefits though and value-added taxes (similar to the GST) of 20 per cent or upwards are common. I would gladly pay it, though, if that money helped me care for an aged family member and gave them dignified final years.

sebastian prost

The times, they aren’t a changin’
“I’m glad you young people have seen fit to protest non-violently. It shows you’re civilized. Now get out.” Thus reads the caption of an editorial cartoon from the Sept. 26, 1969, issue of the Carillon. In the cartoon, a confused group of students stands before the head of their institution while he smiles condescendingly and sends them on their way, obviously disregarding their concerns. In the same issue, the paper examined the student aversion to militancy on campus as a means of effecting real and positive change after the failure of a students’ union resolution to “occupy” the bursar’s office to protest an increase in tuition fees. Those long-ago editors asserted that students have been socialized to fear the negative connotations of words like militancy and occupation, and thus remain passive for fear of disrupting the orderly society they live in even though they truly believe in the cause they are passionate about. It’s shocking how nothing has changed. The global Occupy movement, while certainly founded on principles that many people agree with, continues to cause discomfort to people who might otherwise support it through its use of revolutionary language. Tuition, the bane of students in 1969, continues to rise with little chance that any meaningful action will be taken to stop the ever-upward trajectory. Perhaps most importantly, while rallies and sit-ins continue to be held, no discernible changes are ever made. So on the early morning of Feb. 7, the U of R board of governors, escorted by security to their locked boardroom, accepted letters from students, said a few token phrases about caring about transparency, and then effectively told the students to get out. Just like in the 1960s, the inner workings of the university – an institution whose inner workings affect students most – are off limits to scrutiny by those same students. To be fair, the people on the board of governors are by no means bad people. They are, however, deliberately blocking student observation of their institution, and although their policy manual dictates that meetings are to be closed to the public, they’re wrong in upholding that policy. While minutes provide the bare details of what happened in each meeting, they do not record the subtle nuances of debate and minutes are by no stretch of the imagination an adequate substitute for being able to witness firsthand discussions affecting the future of the university. Plus, opening these meetings would encourage a much more open conversation between the administration and students. I mean, come on, when the only way to get the administration to consult with students is to plaster posters quoting President Vianne Timmons across campus (as was done with the parking issue) then there is a communication gap. The administration, as much as it might like to, can no longer hole up and essentially direct this university from the shadows. This isn’t the 1960s. There is no need to hide behind the boardroom door. We need to demand more transparency.


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the carillon | Feb. 9 - 15, 2012

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happy valentimes
To Kat Hoang: Remember that story about the time I wa walking with Basit & said, out loud, “Dude, there’s this super hot girl in my Geo class, and she sits near me” (I left out the Geo part because I’m sly), and then I think I spottted her getting into her car? THAT FEMALE WAS YOU, SO I SAT AT THE FRONT FOR THE REST OF THE SEMESTER. So yeah. This is the part where I ask you if you’d like to date, because that one time where “Everyone looked like people”, you still stood out, gorgeous, like always. – Nathan Bruce I’ve changed my MySpace status to “in a relationship.” It’s official! – KF To Marissa: Drink more water. – Neil To Emily Berntson: Happy Balrog’s Day! Hope it is filled with chocolates and fiery battles. – Mary Berntson To K.E.B.: Happy Valentine’s Day to my awesome girlfriend! – K.E.L. To M: I didn’t see you coming. You knocked me off my feet and I haven’t been able to recover. Now, I know I’m shy and, at times, can seem disinterested, but please don’t count me out. I’m worth it. Let me show you that I’m worth the leap. – Anonymous ALLLLL MYYYYYY LIIIIIIIIIIIIFE / I PRAYED FOR SOMEBODY LIKE YOU / AND IIIIII THAAAAAANK GOOOOODDD THAAAAT I / THAT I FINALLLLY FOUNDD YOOOOOOOU – M.P., BABY GIRRL I want to see Troy Jule’s crown jewels. – Dayna Hey girl, The post-feminist fetishization of motherhood is deeply routed in classism but I still think we’d make cute babies. – Feminist Ryan Goslin

Q: What did 50 cent say when he saw his grandma making a pair of socks? A: Gee, you knit? The Pig lacked agency Is that a new hoodie? Can I ash on it?

How dare you try to take away my 1 elective! Forcing a culture down our throats does not breed acceptance, remember residential schools? We learn native studies in high school & Elementary. Why about other cultures? Spacehogs. When you park your car for free on the streets around the U, consider your space. Is there ALMOST room for a car ahead and behind you? If so move your vehicle you selfish prick! And in Lot 8 by Riddell unless you paid $21 you cannot have 3 spots! Could a circus come to town and set up beside you? If so move your damn car.

All intramural basketball referees are terrible. Zalesiak is not the only bad official. They all suck! That’s a nice Pompeii. Can I ash on it? Sardines Ftw – Snowy Bear

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