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Volume 1, Issue 1 Holiday Newsletter 2011

JeanLeslieCounseling.com

Nuggets of Wisdom
Holidays are stressful
How much are you looking forward to the Holiday season this year? Lets be honest, holidays are stressful. Sometimes making it through the holiday season can
Gratitude is a quality that requires practice

Gratitude Corner

the center of most challenges during the holidays is relationships. As many families spend more time together, misunderstandings and conflicts can often resurface. This can stir up old resentments, sibling rivalries, and competitions. The loss of a loved one. Facing the holiday without a loved one can leave you feeling lonely or sad. Seeing others enjoying themselves may leave you feeling worse and not wanting to participate in many of the old traditions. Financial stressors. With many facing unemployment or a reduc-

tion in their wages, knowing how to spend the money you do have can create dilemmas. High expectations. Competition and comparisons can be the way some respond to holidays. Wanting to create the perfect holiday meal, finding the perfect gift, knowing the perfect thing to say, etc. can be as elusive as winning the lottery. Here are 10 keys to unlocking holiday stress. (Continued page 2a)

feel like an episode of Survivor. Families, parties, diets, lack of money, lack of time and the high expectations of finding that perfect gift or hosting that perfect gathering can leave you feeling overwhelmed and wishing they were over.or at least voted off the island. Why are the Holidays so stressful? Spending time with family. At

Start by asking yourself the following question from Sleeping with Bread, holding what gives you life by Dennis Linn, Shelia Fabricant Linn and Matthew Linn. What moment today am I most grateful for? Another way to ask this question is: What moment today did I feel the most connected to myself; others; to God, the Universe; or to the world in general? Take a few moments to consider your answer. As you do, breathe deeply and notice. What are you feeling; thinking? Now take a few moments to express your gratitude in whatever way best fits for you. Offer a silent prayer, share your gratitude with a close friend or loved one, or even record it in a journal. Just keep practicing.

Reaching your goals making New years resolutions


Every year millions of people resolve to start a diet, save more money, stop eating chocolate, etc. etc. etc. Most resolutions have a shorter life span that the gastrotrich, a minute aquatic animal who has the shortest known life span of only 3 days. Why make resolutions? Despite the failures, year after year we keep making them. Why? Most of us recognize that we want things to be better, easier, or different. New Years resolutions are just one way we attempt to achieve that higher good. tended, many resolution are just plain too big. Many goals need to be broken down into smaller more manageable steps. Set yourself up to succeed. Instead of trying to lose 20 pounds, start with drinking 2 more glasses of water a day, or taking a walk once a week. Whatever you decide make sure it is something you can , and will do. If not, start smaller. Small and doable goals are the formula for success.

Why do resolutions fail so often? Although they are often well in-

Nuggets of Wisdom
Page 2

Holidays are stressful


10 Keys to making the holiday more manageable. 1. Lower your expectations to increase your success. Having expectations for the perfect holiday is a recipe for problems. Settling for anything short of a disaster can make it more enjoyable for you and everyone else. 2. H.A.L.T. - Remember to take care of yourself before heading out. Ask yourself, am I tressed when something goes wrong, they are feeling the strain of the season too. 5. Keep up healthy habits. Dont give up on eating healthy, getting enough sleep, exercise and practicing relaxation. Taking 15-20 minutes to relax can give you enough energy to get through the many challenges ahead. 6. Say No. Setting limits and saying no is essential. Share responsibilities with others to lighten the load. Others will understand if you are unable to do something. Consider scheduling time after the first of the year when schedules are often less filled. 7. Give yourself permission to feel sad. Facing the holiday with the loss of a loved one is difficult. Give yourself permission to be sad, as well as permission to abstain and/or participate in traditions that are important to you. Grief is about learning to live with things being different than you wanted them to be. That is a process, not an event. Be gentle with yourself. 8. Create a holiday budget. Overspending is a common problem during the holidays. Take the time to establish a budget before you start shopping. Consider gift exchanges to help limit the number of gifts to buy. Donate to a charity in someones name; consider homemade gifts or a 9.

continued pg 1 handwritten letter to express how you feel. Avoid making purchases that take months/ years to pay off. They often prolong and create more stress in the months to come as you work to pay them off. Plan ahead. Develop a calendar for the holiday to include traditions, events, shopping, baking, visiting friends, etc. Be intentional with your time, be sure to include the traditions and activities that are important to you. Make sure those are at the top of the list. 10. Reevaluate making resolutions. Most resolutions are broken within a few minutes or days after having made them. Many resolutions are too lofty and/or require more time and effort than you have. If you make a resolution, focus on one that help you to feel more valuable and provides brief moments of happiness. Choose goals that are small and doable. Remember: Set yourself up to succeed.

Make time to do the things that are the most meaningful to you.

Be intentional with your time, be sure to include the traditions and activities that are important to you. Make sure they are at the top of the list.

too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired? These are all cues to remind us to slow down and take care of ourselves before going out. Doing so can give you a reserve to draw from. 3. Leave the score cards at home. When competition and comparisons begin, statements can quickly go from a comment to hard feelings to resentments that can last for years. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they dont live up to your expectations. Set aside old grievances for more appropriate times. 4. Keep perspective, be grateful. Expressing gratitude for effort, and attendance can help to get through difficult spots. It can help you feel better too. Volunteering, getting involved and helping others can be a great way to lift your spirits and make new acquaintances. Be understanding with others when they get upset or dis-

Avoid comparisons and competition, no one wins.

Volume 1, Issue 1
Page 3

What do you mean you are not coming this year????


Families change and grow. From children growing up and having their own children, to families moving across country, to relatives passing away, or parents divorcing, transitions can create strains on ones willingness and ability to participate in holiday traditions. With the growth of many families comes the inevitable conflict over where to spend the holidays. Making the right choice, and trying to keep everyone happy is an elusive and exhausting task. Blessed are the flexible, for they will not be bent out of shape. Ask yourself what is the most important thing about the holiday? For most of us it is not the overcooked dinners or presents, but it may be the time spent with the people you are connected to and care about. Remember there are a variety of ways to make that happen. Be creative and flexible and you may discover a better way to achieve it. Dont take it personal. Conflicts are inevitable, and you may be the person who has to hear no. For most people saying no is difficult, respecting others no can help strengthen your connection with them. Trying to make them feel guilty, displaying your anger, or giving the silent treatment serves to only weaken your connections. Be clear about your intentions. If you are planning to come just for dessert; stop by for a few minutes; stay for dinner; or not coming at all; it is important that your host know that! Leave the surprises for the gifts. Alternate holidays. Many families alternate hosting, or choose one holiday to attend above the others. Consider changing the location, or combining a holiday with a vacation to make it more enjoyable. Consider changing the physical date of the holiday. With extended family, divorced parents and multiple grandparents to visit, many people choose to celebrate a holiday on an alternative date. Dont get hung up on the preprinted calendar date. Remember holidays are about the celebration not the physical date. What choices, situations, or events are setting you up for more stress? Consider what you can do to change them and take action. If you cant change them, change the way you think about them, by keeping your perspective. You will be grateful you did.

What choices, situations or events are setting you up for more stress? Consider what you can do to change

Detached curiosity
Ever had someone tell you to just relax when you were having a moment? If you are like me, I dont easily embrace that suggestion. Usually I am caught up in the moment of feeling something passionately and the last thing I want to hear is relax. For most of us, the opportunity to learn from these situations generally occurs after they have already happened. When your response is disproportionate to the situation, notice what is happening, without judging yourself. Engage in a detached curiosity about the situation. This involves withholding any judgments, criticism, and expectations about yourself to just pay attention to what is going on inside and outside of you. Ask yourself, What just happened? What was going on just before I started to feel that way? What was I just thinking about? Does this situation remind me of something else? Check in with yourself physically. Do I feel tired or sick? What about emotionally? Are there other things that have been bothering me lately? Are there situations I am avoiding or having difficulty knowing what to do? Taking time to tweeze out these answers may help you make sense of your reactions. Often times having an over reaction to something is a clue that it is a combination of something that started in the here and now but has its roots in something else. Beginning to pay attention to what those other things are may help you to learn to relax more now.

them and take action.

Rediscover Your Inner Wisdom

Jean Leslie is a licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and supervisor in

JEAN LESLIE, MA, LPCC-S

Gahanna who specializes in helping individuals reconnect with their inner wisdom. As a trauma therapist, she helps individuals move beyond the painful experiences in their lives to reconnect with themselves and others. As infants we dont have to be taught how to feel or know what we want, we are born knowing it. Over time our interactions with others along with lifes challenges can create disconnections from ourselves, making it more difficult to know what we want, need or even feel. Counseling can assists individuals in rediscovering that inner wisdom in knowing what we already knew when we first got here.

261 West Johnstown Road Gahanna, OH 43230 Phone: Fax: 614-216-0547 855-875-6734

Website: JeanLeslieCounseling.com

Please pass this newsletter along to a friend. Or call 614-216-0547 to request additional copies.

Simplify your life, learn to say no

If you want a simpler life, you must learn to say no. In Simplify Your Life: 100 Ways to Slow Down and Enjoy the Things That Really Matter, author Elaine St. James says that people get into
Say yes to the things that are most important to you make it easier to say no to the things that are not.

extra meetings, dinner engagements, or to take on new responsibilities. Many of us feel obligated to always be participating at a high level. We are proud of our high productivity and involvement, but it comes at a high price: a complicated life that leads to less and less time for you. St. James suggests one way to simplify your life is to actually schedule time for yourself on your calendar at the beginning of

every month. So when you are invited to participate in something on a day or time you have scheduled for yourself, turn down the request because you already have a commitment. Setting yourself as a priority can actually help you simplify your life.

trouble because they agree to do things they really dont have the time to do. This leads to a constant state of being overcommitted and frustration. Our culture makes it difficult for us to say no to requests to attend

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