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Deeper Lovemaking

Move Freely, Enhance Your Sensuality, and Prolong Your Intimate Occasions

Hanna Somatics Gold
Lawrence Gold

TM

Deeper Lovemaking copyright 2004 Lawrence Gold awareness@somatics.com ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Brief portions of this volume may be reproduced for use in articles and reviews. More extensive portions may be reproduced with written permission from the author.

Eros Somas UxçÉÇw à{x y|Üáà áxx|Çz tÇw áà|ÜÜ|Çz ã{xÇ tÄÄâÜx uxvÉÅxá t yÄxxà|Çz àÉâv{ tÇw à{xÇ tãtç ã|à{ t utv~ãtÜw zÄtÇvx? tÇw à{|á àxtá|Çz Äxtwá àÉ tÇà|v|Ñtà|ÉÇ tÇw áÉÉÇ? àÉ ÅÉäxÅxÇà tzt|Çáà? tÇw ÅÉäxÅxÇà tzt|Çáà? àÉ à{x áãxÄÄ|Çz Éy Ñtáá|ÉÇ xÇãÜtÑÑxw ã|à{ tÜÅá tÇw Äxzá tÜÉâÇw tÇw tÄÄ interÑxÇxàÜtàxw tÇw vÄtáÑxw |Ç t çxtÜÇ|Çz à{tà áxx~á ÉÇÄç ÅÉÜx tÇw vÄÉáxÜ tÇw wxxÑxÜ Åç tààxÇà|ÉÇ |á y|ÄÄxw uç çÉâ? tÄÄ çÉâ? tÇw à|Åx uxvÉÅxá ÇÉã tÇw tÄÄ ÇÉãA j{xÇ à{x ÑÜxááâÜx Éy çÉâÜ ztéx |Çätwxá Åç ux|Çz tÇw à{x yÉÜvx Éy Åç ux|Çz Ñâá{xá tzt|Çáà çÉâ \ yxxÄ çÉâ tÇw yxxÄ |ÇàÉ çÉâ? tÇw çÉâ tÇw \ tÜx áâwwxÇÄç áÅtÄÄ |Ç à{x ÅçáàxÜç beyond tÄÄ Ä|yx vÉÇÇxvàxw |Ç ÅçáàxÜç tà à{x vÉÜx Éy ÉâÜ ux|ÇzA \ yxxÄ àÉ à{x ÅçáàxÜç Éy çÉâÜ vÉÜx tÇw w|ávÉäxÜ à{tà |à vÉÇàt|Çá âá uÉà{A jx ÄÉäx |Ç ÅçáàxÜç tÇw Ñtáá|ÉÇ âÇà|Ä à{x ÅçáàxÜç tÇw Ñtáá|ÉÇ Éy |à tÄÄ w|ááÉÄäxá âá |Ç y|xÜvx Ä|z{àA

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....................................................3 What Does This Program Do? ...........89 Introduction: Freeing Your Pelvis ........69 Practice: Twisting ..........25 Control of Orgasm -.............................................................3 About This Book ...........119 Introduction: The Grind of the “Bump and Grind” ...........................87 Spine Waves -..........................................drinking the nectar ..............................................for sexing in four dimensions .....................................23 Secret: The Whole-Body Yawn .........93 Secret: Attention ......30 Practice: The Cadenced Breathing ....156 Secret: Boundaries ................165 .....................................sometimes............................................................17 THE SECRETS Special Technique: muscle equalization .............................................7 Potent Tips .................................................147 Practice: Freeing Your Groin -......................139 Freeing Your Groin -....................................................15 How Often to Do the Exercises ..................................3 What to Expect .................................4 The Origins of the Somatic Exercises ...........................................................................117 Learning the Grind of the “Bump and Grind” -................................. you must close before you can open wide ...............................................for pushing together ..............133 Secret: The Transcendent Kiss ............45 Practice: Wriggling .........................10 A Final Word Before Getting Started .................how to do the dance .................................143 Introduction: Your Low Back -...................................16 The Special Use of Language for Learning Somatic Exercises ...............................91 Practice: Spine Waves ..........127 Freedom to Spread Your Legs -.................................................................47 Secret: Pacing Yourself ...............................................................27 Introduction: Control of Orgasm ........................65 Twisting -.....................................................43 Introduction: Wriggling .............................................................................................................sensuous spinal undulations .....129 Introduction: Freedom to Spread Your Legs ....................43 Wriggling -.....5 How Best to Learn the Somatic Exercises ...........................................................131 Practice: Freedom to Spread Your Legs ............................................................................II .........................................................................67 Introduction: Twisting .............putting it all together ..........CONTENTS Welcome in! ...................71 Secret: The Advantage of Waiting ..................Hidden Connection to Your Groin ...............................................145 Practice: Freeing Your Groin ..123 Secret: The Subtle Touch ................................................................................121 Practice: Learning the “Grind” of the Bump and Grind ....33 Secret: The Whole-Body Orgasm.........................................................

...................................................170 Practice: Presenting Your Chest ..........Presenting Your Chest and Pelvis -................................167 Introduction: Presenting Your Chest: The Head-and-Shoulder Tripod .198 .................172 Practice: Presenting Your Pelvis ..169 Presenting Your Pelvis: Learning How to Move Your Pelvis Better .......................189 Secret: The Art of Rhythm ................................you mean it .........full body contact ......................................................................................................................183 The Pelvic Power Thrust -.......187 Practice: The Pelvic Power Thrust ...................................................185 Introduction: The Pelvic Power Thrust ...............179 Secret: The Enticement of Teasing .

WÉÇËà }âáà Üxtw à{|á uÉÉ~A YÉÜ {xÜx tÜx áxvÜxàá à{tà vtÇ ÇxäxÜ ux ~ÇÉãÇ uç àxÄÄ|ÇzA jÉÜwá tÜx á{xÄÄá yÉÜ à{x àxÇwxÜ àÜâà{á ÜxäxtÄxw uç yÄxá{ tÇw yxxÄ|ÇzA 1 .

you assume all risk of injury that may result from failure to follow the instructions correctly or from inappropriate use of this program. Occasionally. 2 . soreness may result for a day or two after doing them. consult a physician and show him or her this program and get approval before beginning the program. In undertaking this program. if your soreness persists for more than 24-36 hours. or are concerned that you may have a medical condition. these movements improve suppleness and control of movement. stop doing this program and consult your physician. Such soreness is normal. including high blood pressure. you and he must rely upon your good judgment and intelligent application of the instructions found herein. Since the author cannot be present to supervise you.DISCLAIMER Nothing in this program should be construed to diagnose or treat any medical condition. The procedures given in this program are inherently natural and safe. If you have a medical condition. vascular disease. or history of stroke. However. Done properly.

control of orgasm. sexual mastery. skillful movement.Welcome in! About This Book This workbook contains the same material as is found in the program on audio CD and supports that program with illustrations. As you improve these powers. but no further. but that control is a gateway to the buildup of feeling that replaces mind and ego with bliss and thrills that wash through you in ecstasy. The Orgasm Muscles The pleasurable sensations of orgasm partially come from the muscles that pulsate at the floor of the pelvis. The audio program is the primary instructional source. These muscles hold part of the key for building up the excitement charge that people experience as orgasm. the more sensual you become.those crests of intensity that take you to the edge every time. you enhance your stamina. which consists of five powers of sexual enjoyment -. There are two aspects to the orgasm muscles: how well you control their movement and how well you feel them. Of course. feeling-attention. and suppleness. there is much more to the excitement of sex than the control of muscles. and sexual feeling. It also makes possible controlling the time of orgasm and for creating “orgasm waves” -. the stronger the orgasm. breathing. until you’re ready. Welcome to the Program 3 . The more you feel. Breathing To breathe well makes all the difference in building up to strong orgasms. What Does This Program Do? This program teaches sensuality. the greater the charge. although this book can be used without it.

feeling-attention is of the body. that what you think you are doing and what you are actually doing are a bit different! Notice both what you mean to do and what you are actually doing. you will find you can do the movements more exactly as described. That’s good. your energy for movement in general is likely to increase. feel them more clearly. control of orgasm. Your first experiments with these somatic exercises will probably show you your lack of control. feeling-attention feels. Mental attention concerns inself with before or with later.flexibility and smooth control of movements. and get quicker improvements. As you do these movements. it means you have room to improve. at times. and your ability to please your partner through your movements. To develop more feeling-attention is the key to the advanced lovemaking secrets. intensity of pleasure prior to orgasm. you need actually to do the movements as described. 4 Deeper Lovemaking . quality of orgasm. the sensations appeal to your feeling-attention. Mental attention decides. feeling attention experiences. This program uses mental attention to get you to do things that enhance your feeling-attention. feeling-attention concerns itself with now. What to Expect Generally. Mental attention thinks. It’s not enough to mean to do the movements. With practice. The instructions appeal to your mental attention. As an added bonus. Mental attention is of the mind. strength.Feeling-Attention There is mental attention and there is feeling-attention. you may expect to improve your flexibility. you may find. Control of Movement and Suppleness Control of the movements that give you and your partner pleasure depends upon suppleness -.

The word. What I learned from Thomas Hanna and others. The Origins of the Somatic Exercises Though these somatic exercises are new. they lack the flexibility to do what the Kama Sutra describes. and Thomas Hanna (developer of Hanna Somatic Education). In it many techniques and positions are described. Soon. Three researchers stand out as as contributors: F. Then. More recent developments in the body-mind field known as “somatics” or “somatic education” have contributed to what is found here. Mathhias Alexander (developer of The Alexander Technique). Never force movements. Welcome to the Program 5 . Moshe Feldenkrais (developer of Feldenkrais Functional Integration). even at stronger levels of effort. and you’ll get more movement with less effort (feel stronger). This book fixes that problem. Work within your range of easy movement and you will find that that range of movement increases by itself.intentions originally found in ancient yoga. your experience of union with your partner will also improve. your body will be able better to do what your mind intends you to do. has led to this book. the somatic developmental exercises improve your sense of the union of your body and mind. Unfortunately. Each researcher developed ways to improve self-awareness and freedom of movement .Always regulate your effort to be within your comfort zone. The most common mistake people make is to use too much effort. If you get a cramp. coupled with my own discoveries. their underlying principles are similar to those of yoga. dating back thousands of years. you will no longer tend to cramp. The Kama Sutra is perhaps the most famous of the ancient yogic texts of sexual prowess. “yoga”. means “union”. use less effort and lend more attention to what you are feeling. as you can’t get their benefits by doing so. which sometimes leads to cramping. for many people.

Think about it.The somatic exercises enhance your performance by teaching you to put your intention where your attention is and your attention where your intention is. Isn’t that what a great lover does? 6 Deeper Lovemaking .

to sample the later exercises if you’re curious. and the more you do the movements. go slowly enough to sense the movement as you do it. The meaning of the instructions becomes clearer with experience.How Best to Learn the Somatic Exercises Spend about a week with each of the exercises. Soon. • During the contraction phase of a movement. Welcome to the Program 7 . During the relaxation phase.k. and using only the muscles needed to accomplish each movement. It’s o. relax slowly. as you start a movement in an exercise • Notice the first sensation of effort as you move from rest into action. Use as much effort as needed to get a sensation (within your comfort zone). you will be able to distinguish the muscles that are essential to the movement and to use only those. produces significant improvements in muscular control. To repeat. Learn them. Always do them in an exploratory way. you are likely to need more effort to sense muscles than you will with subsequent repetitions. done slowly. you will continually uncover patterns of tension you have held without awareness and be able to release them into a greater control and freedom. Practically speaking. but for learning purposes. There is an unsuspected depth in you. the more you will discover. That way. stick to one exercise at a time. hold the contraction long enough for the feeling of the contraction to surface and become plain. These exercises are more than they may seem to be. then decrease the amount of effort as your ability to feel muscles awakens. the relaxation phase. Audio-recordings of the exercises will help the learning process of those who learn best by hearing. the first time you do a movement. To get the most benefit from an exercise. using just enough effort to sense the movement.

do one new session several times within a week until it’s very familiar to you. basic level) ⇒ 2nd level⇒ additional movement cue (intermediate level) movement cue (more advanced level) ⇒ 3rd level⇒ additional 8 Deeper Lovemaking . If an exercise seems too difficult or feels painful.• As you end a movement. More advanced additions to movements appear as follows: location of sensation direction of movement angle indicator location of sensation (underside) 1. You will probably find it beneficial to spend five minutes a day reviewing the exercises in the order in which they appear. notice the last sensation of effort as it disappears into rest. Allow time. The somatic exercises often have several parts. The simplest steps of the movement are numbered. The earlier sessions prepare you for those that come later. or master those in which you know you can improve. you may need to go back to an earlier session to prepare yourself better. which you add together for greater potency. You may be surprised at the new improvements you get with each pass through. go more slowly and more gently. you may start over. To start. review the ones you like best. here. • Always relax completely between repetitions of a movement. After you’ve done all the sessions. If you haven’t spent enough time with an earlier exercise. (main instruction.

refer to this guidebook to refresh your memory of the finer nuances of the movements. For that reason. Enjoy a growing mastery of your own physical (and mental) processes in the sexual act. Make them part of your daily regimen. before adding the more advanced parts.Adding the more advanced parts makes an exercise more potent. which boost their effectiveness. provided you are doing the basic part correctly. Welcome to the Program 9 . Significant results come relatively quickly from doing the somatic exercises. it is necessary to rehearse the basic part until you can do it easily. After you have learned the movements of a session.

not harder. particularly during the slow relaxation phase of each exercise. going gently sets the threshold of sensation at a low level. That means that sensitivity is increased. So going gently is not being lazy. Concerns with stretching muscles point to one key observation: muscles get shortened. The obvious conclusion to draw is that muscles get shortened because the nervous system is stimulating them to contract. nor is it a sign that you are weak. In the sexual act. How to Get Supple A major cause of stiffness is tight muscles. the need for which is neither recognized nor intended 10 Deeper Lovemaking . However. The deeper changes occur during the relaxation phase. Why “Gently”? Going gently calls for you to develop more care and awareness of what you are doing. It is a way of working smarter. That being the case. a more effective approach is available. It is a way of operating more carefully and attentively. and it is particularly valuable when confronting a challenge. “Why?” The nervous system controls the muscular system. how can someone’s being stretched (or adjusted or massaged) by someone else possibly change the person’s way of controlling their own muscles? How can a person internalize the change merely by being manipulated from outside? To internalize a change requires learning (to do for oneself). Muscles have no control of their own. the essence of the somatic exercises is the sensations they produce. many people stretch.Potent Tips The Feeling is the Thing Unlike most systems of exercise. The key question is. Seeking a way out of stiffness.

if you try to relax muscles that are habitually tight. Someone stretches their muscles. using an act of will. to the level of tension (or shortening) they experience habitually. The changes that result from stretching are therefore generally unpredictable. you are likely to find that your ability to do so is limited. you may assume that those muscles are completely relaxed and need stretching. we must first start with the recognition that muscles that need stretching are usually holding tension -. The person is holding them tense by habit. To understand how it works. It hurts. Afterwards. You may not recognize that you are contract- Welcome to the Program 11 . and short-lived. At that point. even with special breathing. or other non-learning based techniques. “Attempt” is the correct word because stretching produces only limited and temporary effects.that is. the muscles feel weaker. people return. you cannot relax past a certain point. attempts to stretch muscles work against those reflexes. Clearly. forcible stretching is usually a painful ordeal. usually involuntarily and without awareness.when being stretched by another. Fortunately. another way to deal with muscular tension than by stretching. again. As a result. So they tighten up. by tendency. unstable. for example. As anyone who has had someone stretch their hamstrings (or any other muscle) knows. visualization. Oddly enough. they are actively contracting. to avoid injury. it has some significant drawbacks. there is a way out of this situation. Athletes and dancers attempt to stretch their hamstrings (along the backs of the thighs). This return of muscular tension (controlled by conditioned postural reflexes) makes repeated stretching necessary. which is one reason why so many athletes (and dancers) suffer pulled hamstrings and knee problems. The muscles resist. whatever benefits stretching confers. Because muscles cannot relax and lengthen beyond what the conditioned postural reflexes permit.

ing “on automatic” due to postural habits stored in your brain. Any attempt to stretch them simply re-triggers the impulse to re-contract them to restore the sense of what is “familiar”. That is why muscles tighten up again so soon after stretching or massage. What Works Better ... is to shift the “tension-set-point,” the tension-level you’re used to. To change the set-point requires more than stretching or massaging; it requires a learning process that affects the brain, which controls the muscular system. Such a learning process is referred to in some circles as “somatic training.” Somatic training enhances your ability to feel your body from within; the brain “wakes up” and its ability to control muscular tension, relaxation, and coordination is enhanced.

• Always work within your comfort zone: the degree of sensation you can experience without fear or cringing. • Begin with the amount of effort needed to feel a sensation and reduce to the least effort you can feel. • Learn the parts of multi-part movements, put them together, and coordinate all the parts so they begin and end together. • Be sure to relax completely between repetitions. • To repeat, be sure to relax completely between repetitions.

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How It Works By deliberately contracting already-contracted muscles, using patterns of movement that duplicate the habitual tension pattern, these exercises send a strong sensory signal to the brain, a signal that wakes up (or refreshes) the related nerve pathways. By releasing the contraction in slow motion, you re-awaken your brain’s ability to control the amount of muscular tension. Slow motion gives a clearer and more complete body image and is the key to developmental exercises and to any other learning process where details make a difference. Significant results come relatively quickly from doing movement exercises, and when they do, the benefits are durable, feel second-nature, and require no special attention during ordinary activities. To avoid accumulating tension from stress responses in daily life -- or from repetitive use of certain movement patterns -- it is good to include a few minutes of these exercises in your daily health regimen. Continuing to do them produces cumulative improvements. With the looseness that develops, you are likely to develop a preference for these freeing movement exercises over stretching.

To change your set-point requires something different than stretching or massaging -- that you improve your muscular control, This program causes that kind of improvement.

Welcome to the Program

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All of the exercises in this book consist of a contraction phase and a slow relaxation phase. As you do these exercises,

• Contract your muscles slowly enough to feel the first sensation of effort. • Let the sensation of effort “set in” before you go into the relaxation phase. • Relax slowly enough to feel the effort smoothly decreasing. • Keep your attention at the place where you first felt the sensation of effort as you go through the movement, from contraction to relaxation.

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A Final Word Before Getting Started
You should know that there is a possibility of some soreness appearing once you have started working with the exercises. Don’t worry. Soreness is a normal, but temporary, outcome for a certain percentage of people. It passes by itself in a day or so. If you do get sore, give yourself a rest for a day, then continue practicing that exercise sequence. I present these exercises in a specific sequence; each exercise builds upon the gains produced by those that came before. Don’t be hasty in progressing from one exercise to the next; be thorough and patient. You need the results from the earlier exercises to get the best results from the later exercises. You may wish to have a partner read the instructions to you. Having the instructions read to you helps you to go more deeply into the sensations these exercises produce. To record onto audiotape may seem an attractive option for some. Understand that with these exercises, timing is all-important, and there is an art to producing pre-recorded verbal instruction in such a way that the instructions don’t interfere with your timing. If you want to try recording the instructions, go slowly enough to allow yourself to feel the muscular efforts involved. However, to have someone read the instructions aloud is generally better.

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before moving on. there is an unsuspected depth in these exercises and in you. The hardest part of this program will probably be to get started. you set the tone for your day and for your night. spend at least one week with one exercise. after dinner. That way.in the morning or in the evening: before dinner. 16 Deeper Lovemaking . begin the program immediately by reading Preparatory Learning. Set up a place where you will be undisturbed and lay out a mat or blanket on the floor to make a softer surface. Then do the exercise. done thoroughly many times until you get a clearly discernable result. As a general guideline. It will take you about five minutes. So. These exercises have a depth that is not achieved in one or two performances. A bed is often too soft a surface to get the quality of sensation needed for these exercises to be most effective. or just before going to bed.How Often to Do the Exercises Do the exercises daily -. More performance brings more results.

To understand them once is sufficient -. giving in to gravity out = away from the center of your body in = toward the center of your body forward = toward your front backward = toward your back underside = the side on which you are lying or sitting topside = your uppermost side in relation to the Earth slowly = slowly enough to feel your movement continuously as you move gently = in a comfortable. = Feel which muscles are working by the sense of effort.no need to memorize . as revealed by the sense of effort. jerkiness. below.The Special Use of Language for Learning Somatic Exercises In the instructions. I define these terms. certain terms have specific meanings. or loss of control where the movement comes from = as you move. against gravity down = toward the ground. Balance = easy poise between two or more positions or sensations Equalize = bring to a condition of balance Welcome to the Program 17 . the location of the most vivid sensation of muscular contraction. up = away from the ground. leisurely manner hold = to maintain and steady an effort smoothly = without sudden movements.so take your time to understand and internalize them so you know what they mean when they show up in the instructions. push = to exert a force away from you pull = to draw something toward you Pause in place = Stop moving and stay in position. Feel what’s working.

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but in your throat above your soft palattucke.Preparatory Learning STARTING POSITION: • lying on your back • knees up. legs balanced (upright) leaning neither in nor out • arms loosely at your sides 1. Bring your attention to your throat behind your nose. Welcome to the Program 19 . The location is not in your nose or in your nostrils. Bring your attention to your breathing. 2.

this place is called. on the inside. and hold (maintain) the effort. Feel your throat (behind your nose) cool with inhalation.” 4. In the following exercises. 20 Deeper Lovemaking . Gently press the back of your head down onto the surface. You have located the place where your head rests upon your topmost neck vertebra.3. warm with exhalation. “the place behind your nose.

Pay special attention to the place behind your nose. then closes down as you continue to tuck your chin toward your throat. 6. Still holding. slowly tip your head forward (chin in toward your throat) and feel where the tension goes. While holding. Welcome to the Program 21 . in your neck. Notice that the place behind your nose opens up.shape marks location of sensation 5. slowly tilt your head back (chin up) and feel where the tension goes.

That is your working position for all cases where the instructions state.” 22 Deeper Lovemaking . If a movement hurts. “Feel the place behind your nose. feeling way. 7. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. in an easygoing. use less effort. tip your head back and forward to find the position where the place behind your nose feels most open.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Still holding.

feeling way. Why equalize tensions? It unlocks habit patterns. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. they both slow down. A very odd thing happens when muscle groups that ordinarily work together get conditioned to maintain unequal degrees of tension. They get stuck in unequal degrees of tension! It’s as if the front wheels of a four-wheel drive vehicle were turning harder than the rear wheels. but the front is still turning harder than the rear (only slower). Welcome to the Program 23 . The solution is to link the two groups together in a single action and to bring them to comparable levels of tension and sensation. THE “EQUALIZE” ICON That’s what the following coordination patterns do. Special Technique: Muscle Equalization Why Equalize Muscular Efforts? The procedures that follow have a very interesting feature: they involve equalizing the tension and sensation of muscles in two or more areas at once. in an easygoing. If a movement hurts. It’s a stuck situation.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. and the strain on the transmission remains. Take your foot off the accelerator pedal (reduce effort). use less effort.

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Secret: The Whole-Body Yawn
Yawning is relaxing -- but it’s not an attempt to relax. Next time you yawn, notice what’s happening. You’re not relaxing the muscles of your mouth and neck; you’re tightening them! It’s afterward that you experience relaxation. This is an important clue. You are experiencing a basic way we operate. To relax, we must be reminded of the difference between tension and relaxation. We must feel the difference. Yawning does that. Orgasm is, in a certain sense, like the whole-body yawn; it begins with a build-up of tension and ends with release of tension that leaves you more relaxed than before and with a similar feeling of well-being. The process of tension/relaxation is applied systematically to the whole body in the movement maneuvers found in this program. They involve very much the same quality of tension and relaxation as yawning and orgasm do − and they produce a similar result: relaxation and a feeling of well-being. To do movements for the feeling they produce is the key to this program. There is a feeling to the patterns of contraction featured here. The changes that are the goal of this program occur, however, during the relaxation phase of these movements; the contraction is the set-up for the relaxation. Take your time to feel both the contraction and relaxation phases. If you move too quickly, you decrease your ability to feel the new feelings and you lose the benefit of the exercises, so relax slowly.

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Control of Orgasm
DRINKING THE NECTAR

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leisurely feel. • To repeat. THE “FEEL” ICON THE “EQUALIZE” ICON The Orgasm Muscles 29 . • Go slowly enough to feel tension increase or decrease. • Begin with the amount of effort needed to feel your effort and.” an easy. start with the least effort you can feel. Work toward “gentle.. • Be sure to relax completely between repetitions. be sure to relax completely between repetitions. with each repetition.

there is an energy channel described which runs from the genitals to the spine. 30 Deeper Lovemaking . let me describe it in another way: as sensation. Control of orgasm is basic to your ability to get the most out of sex and to create an exceptional experience for your partner. To control orgasm. Control of sexual energy is the key to controlling orgasm. Sensation is our experience of energy.Control of Orgasm Let’s get straight to the point. Recognizing that some people find the concept of “energy” suspect or meaningless. You must also be able to control your breathing to use it to regulate the intensity of the pleasure waves and to spread them all over your body. vibration. and to decide when to “go for it” and let them overwhelm you. heat. The very act of learning to control the tensions of orgasm will also improve your ability to ride the wave of sensation that carries you to orgasm. In particular. etc. you must be able to ride your waves of pleasure and to absorb them. Sensation is what is meant by energy -.and for good reason: all of our senses perceive changes in energy: light energy. Peak sexual experiences occur when you get the excess of sexual sensation to disperse into that channel instead to out of the body in orgasm. pressure. that means you must be able to contract and relax the muscles of orgasm at the floor of your pelvis to control orgasm. And control of the tensions of orgasm and of breath is the key to controlling the flow of sexual energy. In the ancient yogic literature.

To the degree that you have control over that charge. learn to build slowly and with feeling. It leads to premature loss of control and decreased pleasure. if necessary. toning the muscles of orgasm is the key to increasing sensation and building a charge (for women). then up your spine. to be able to absorb the sensations faster than they build. The muscles of orgasm are the key to delaying orgasm and building a charge (for men). The example of pornography leads to an inferior sexual experience that looks better than it feels. You’ll feel the juicy sensation move back from your genital area and deeply into your pelvic cavity.a sexual charge -. you can delay orgasm while enjoying its growing charge.that ends in a cataclysm of pleasure. and the build-up of the sense of sexual energy -. pleasurable sensation. Instead. Stop moving. as if swallowing with them. This is the regrettable example provided to us by most pornography. as you come close to cresting. Your con- The Orgasm Muscles 31 . Your whole spinal alignment will change with each wave. As charge builds up. squeeze and relax your orgasm muscles. The ordinary experience of sex involves stimulation. people build up that charge as quickly as possible to get to orgasm as quickly as possible. Relax completely between pulses.That cleared up. For men. you naturally feel a hotprickly-juicy wave of sensation in your sex zones. Ordinarily. Building more slowly enables you to develop and hold a greater charge of sexual energy. Truly overwhelming orgasms are possible. let’s take on the most pleasurable project of controlling sexual energy.

you will be able to absorb orgasms many times during a single sexual occasion. Try the “orgasmic swallowing” technique. The act of projecting the sexual sensation into your partner will also help you to stay in control of your own waves of sensation. Do that every time you come close. breath it all in. is the first step toward that most enjoyable experience. you will also be able to project the force of sexual sensation toward and into your partner -. as you come close to cresting. a more sophisticated development of the Kegel Exercise taught by many sex therapists. For women. The intensity of your final orgasm will multiply. By relaxing the tensions of orgasm and breathing fully.particularly if you are giving him or her your full attention at that moment.trol will increase and you’ll be ready to build another wave of pleasure. feel everything. 32 Deeper Lovemaking . The following exercise. If you have good control. and relax.

The Cadenced Breathing In this exercise: • You inhale fully and exhale fully. • You contract your orgasm muscles fully and relax them fully. breath. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. improving the control of your attention. feeling way. plus the ability to give yourself rushes of sensation that add to the pleasurable results of these exercises. in an easygoing. • You steady your attention for a moment (observe a moment of silence) before switching from inhalation to exhalation and from exhalation to inhalation. use less effort. and movement The Orgasm Musles 33 .Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. • You coordinate the movements of your orgasm muscles with your breathing. You are developing freedom and control. If a movement hurts.

34 Deeper Lovemaking . in an easygoing. 2. Slowly exhale and pause. NOTE: Start this movement slowly and build up speed as you go. If a movement hurts. If you get lightheaded. 1. STARTING POSITION: • lying on your back • legs outstretched and slightly separated • arms loosely at your sides • NOTE: Empty your bladder and bowel before doing this lesson.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. feeling way. Take a slow. use less effort. deep breath and pause. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. rest for a few seconds and go more slowly.

The Orgasm Musles 35 . use less effort. Repeat a few times until you smooth your breathing out. 4.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Pause for long enough to hear a moment of silence. in an easygoing. Pause for long enough to hear a moment of silence. feeling way. The idea is to pause long enough to hear a moment of silence between inhalation and exhalation and between exhalation and inhalation. Notice that you can hear your breath. You’ve just learned the pace of breathing we use for this entire exercise. Slowly exhale all the way empty. 6. 3. listening to the sound of your breath. 5. Slowly inhale fully. listening to the sound of your breath. Do that now. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. If a movement hurts.

The muscles you use to control urination and bowel movements are the same muscles involved in the pleasurable pulsating. 2. 36 Deeper Lovemaking . Slowly and strongly is better than quickly and strongly. Steadiness is strength. Tighten them slowly. feeling way. we add something: control of your orgasm muscles. Relax them very slowly and smoothly. Locate the these muscles by contracting and relaxing them. Slowly tighten your orgasm muscles to full contraction and hold. Steady the grip of holding until the involuntary tendency to relax them subsides. If a movement hurts. 1. First. 3. use less effort. Now. squeezing spasms of orgasm. in an easygoing. Never force or cause yourself to cringe.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. practice gaining some control of these muscles.

If a movement hurts.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Contract the soles of your feet (make fists of your feet). 4. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. use less effort. Relax all efforts slowly and smoothly. feeling way. in an easygoing. Continue until you have improved the smoothness of control and strength you have in those muscles. The Orgasm Musles 37 .

When you have fully inhaled.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Hear the silence. 2. Slowly inhale and release your orgasm muscles at the same speed as your inhalation. feeling way. 4. Synchronize the contraction of your orgasm muscles with your exhalation so you are fully contracted when you are fully exhaled. As you slowly exhale. 38 Deeper Lovemaking .or at least some improvement for this practice session. Repeat this synchronized action until you have smooth control -. Now. let’s add the breathing. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Slowly inhale and pause. If a movement hurts. your orgasm muscles are fully relaxed. 3. Pause for a moment. as before. use less effort. slowly contract the sphincter muscles. in an easygoing. Hear the silence. 1.

use less effort. Swallow. At the end of the sixth. Now. Contract your orgasm muscles. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Contract the soles of your feet (make fists of your feet). 1. in an easygoing. Feel the wave of swallowing go down to your stomach. we add a special breathing process. feeling way. If a movement hurts. The Orgasm Musles 39 . Do a series of six synchronized breathings with the orgasm muscles. hold your breath. 3. 2.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe.

40 Deeper Lovemaking . As soon as you feel the wave reach your stomach. slowly relax your belly. orgasm muscles. Repeat as many times as you are comfortable doing this maneuver. you will notice heightened energy and mental clarity. Relax into it and enjoy it.4. As you practice working with your orgasm muscles. You may get a rush of energy that softens you up -. feet. 5.or that blasts you out of your mind. Exhale slowly.

throughout. is to love your partner. Secret: The Whole-Body Orgasm If you reach orgasm too quickly. then inhale and slowly relax them. so that you feel tingles and trembling of excitement. Never force or cause yourself to cringe.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. men. the more you feel. It’s also a good reason to handle upsets in your relationship promptly. for the more you love feeling your partner. If a movement hurts. only. That’s why lovemaking is more than sex. in an easygoing. One of the keys to whole-body orgasm. contract and squeeze your orgasm muscles. you will find that your tendency to orgasm has abated. The whole-body orgasm is better. Then. and you may feel the pleasurable sensations as a force that pushes explosively out of your genitals. you can go for orgasm when you and your partner are ready. The Orgasm Musles 41 . Whenever you feel yourself approaching the edge of orgasm. and one over which you don’t really have control. That’s a weak orgasm. After enough repetitions. That means you take pleasure in feeling him or her in all of his or her parts. but (for males) without ejaculation. feeling way. at which point you can increase the pleasure waves so that they pervade your whole body. you are likely to experience it in your genital area. stop moving. That love truly intensifies the passion you can experience. exhale. Relax your genitals. use less effort. Use your breathing to draw the pleasurable sensations of pre-orgasm out of your genitals and to expand them throughout your whole body.

Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 42 Deeper Lovemaking . in an easygoing. feeling way. use less effort.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. If a movement hurts.

Wriggling HOW TO DO THE DANCE 43 .

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When a woman does this motion in synchronization with a man. Obviously. which. but side-to-side motions do. Learn and practice this element of bump and grind here. Not so obviously. Wriggling 45 . the sensations of intercourse come in large part from contact. round-and-round sexual motion that gives women such pleasure depends upon freedom to lengthen your sides. you’ve gained some control over orgasm. in turn. To gain further control. This churning motion is known by another name: bump and grind. requires freedom of the muscles at the sides of your waist. Here’s where things get more interesting. Lengthening Your Sides The gyrating. straight forward and backward motions don’t do much to maximize contact. side-to-side. it helps to be able to control your pelvic movements better. it enables him to give her amazing sensations without driving him to orgasm sooner than they would like.Wriggling By now. The combination of forward and backward motions with side-to-side motions produces a churning effect most enjoyable to women -whether the motion is done by the man or the woman.

. Feel there continuously through the movement. Work toward “gentle. THE “FEEL” ICON THE “EQUALIZE” ICON 46 Deeper Lovemaking . You may need to contract and relax a number of times to feel it. start with the least effort you can feel. with each repetition.” • Notice the first place that tightens. • Begin with the amount of effort needed to feel your effort and.

You coordinate the movements of your pelvis with those of your shoulders. If you cramp. Wriggling 47 . use less effort and go more slowly. Use the minimum effort necessary to get a sensation and reduce the amount of effort with each repetition. NOTE: Use less than full strength.Wriggling In this movement: • • You place as much emphasis on lengthening one side as you do on contracting the other side. move in an easygoing way. You are developing freedom of movement in both directions.

place a pillow under your knee. knee dropped to the side. Exhale as you contract/tighten. 48 Deeper Lovemaking . Never force or cause yourself to cringe. elbow down on the surface. • If necessary for comfort in your groin. Equalize the tensions of all movements being done at once. If a movement hurts. Slide your hand as close to the top of your head as you can with your elbow down. palm up • the hand of the other side turned palm-up. feeling way. Inhale as you relax. in an easygoing.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. face turned to one side • the arm of that side by your side. STARTING POSITION: • lying on your back. use less effort. The sole of the foot touches the side of the other knee. • the bent-elbow-side leg straight • the other leg bent.

Look there with your mind’s eye (imagine you are looking there). feeling way. Turn the foot toes-up toward the ceiling. continue to the next step. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Wriggling 49 . in an easygoing. Visually check foot position and adjust.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Bring your attention to the straight leg. Then. If a movement hurts. 2. 4. 3. If you can’t feel the opposite side of your waist contract. 1. use less effort. Reach long with that leg. place your hand firmly against your hip as you reach with the leg. Feel your waist on the opposite side contract. NO EFFORT Repeat a few times until you feel where your waist tightens. Slowly relax completely.

NO EFFORT Rehearse at least three (3) times until you feel the action at your waist. Pull the underarm toward your waist. You’re looking over that shoulder. 50 Deeper Lovemaking . You may notice that to move your shoulder causes you to lengthen your leg. 2. Cause your waist to tighten in the same place.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. in an easygoing. 1. 3. use less effort. Bring your attention to the shoulder opposite the straight leg. feeling way. Look there in your mind’s eye. If a movement hurts. Slowly relax. where you felt it tighten. Let it be so.

Wriggling 51 . we combine the two actions. Look there in your mind’s eye. Reach with the straight leg and hold. Feel it in your groin. 2. 1.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Balance the two actions by equalizing efforts. 4. Now. Toes/foot upward. feeling way. Pull the opposite underarm toward your waist and hold. in an easygoing. use less effort. NO EFFORT Slowly relax completely. If a movement hurts. Repeat a few times at decreasing levels of effort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 3.

Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. using hip joint muscles. Focus on the feeling of muscles relaxing. 4. Gently tug the bent knee to the side and hold. Equalize the two efforts. in an easygoing. 2. If a movement hurts. NO EFFORT Repeat the action at least three (3) times at decreasing levels of effort. Toes/foot up. Feel it near your hip joint. use less effort. feeling way. 3. Look there in your mind’s eye. 1. Feel your waist contract on the opposite side. Slowly relax. 52 Deeper Lovemaking . Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Look there in your mind’s eye. Reach with the straight-leg side and hold.

Now. If a movement hurts. in an easygoing.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Gently tug the bent knee to the side and hold. we combine the three actions. Feel the action in your groin. use less effort. 1. Wriggling 53 . 3. feeling way. Look there in your mind’s eye. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. toes up 2. Reach with the straight leg side and hold. Pull the same side underarm toward the tight spot in your waist and hold.

5. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. in an easygoing. Repeat the action at least three (3) times at decreasing levels of effort. Feel your abdominal muscles contract on one side. use less effort. Slowly relax. Pull the same side underarm toward the tight place in your groin and hold. NO EFFORT Equalize all efforts. feeling way. If a movement hurts. 7. 4. Exhale.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Feel your abdominal muscles contract more. 6. 54 Deeper Lovemaking .

use less effort. in an easygoing.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Look there in your mind’s eye. 1. Shrug the other shoulder and hold. Squeeze the elbow of that side toward your spine. If a movement hurts. Cause that hand to creep about 1/4” toward the opposite side. Feel it in your spine and the back edge of your armpit. feeling way. Pull your underarm toward your waist and hold. 2. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Wriggling 55 . 3. Bring your attention to your straight arm. Feel how much sensation there is.

Feel your whole torso shift. 56 Deeper Lovemaking . If a movement hurts. NO EFFORT Repeat at least three times at decreasing levels of effort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. use less effort. 4. in an easygoing. Balance the two efforts. 5. Focus on the feeling of muscles relaxing. Slowly relax.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. feeling way.

1. 2. Feel the other-side waist contract. Feel at the top of your shoulder and base of neck. Reach with the same-side leg and hold.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Wriggling 57 . Look there in your mind’s eye. If a movement hurts. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. feeling way. in an easygoing. use less effort. Place your attention on the bent-elbow shoulder. Feel that side elongate. 3. Look there in your mind’s eye. Shrug that shoulder toward your neck and hold.

Slowly relax completely. in an easygoing. If a movement hurts.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 5. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. NO EFFORT Repeat a few times until you feel what the action does to the position of your torso. 4. use less effort. 58 Deeper Lovemaking . feeling way. Equalize the two efforts.

Gently tug the bent knee to the side and hold. 2. feeling way. 1. Gently reach with the straight leg and hold. Wriggling 59 . 3. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Gently pull the palm-up underarm toward your tight waist and hold. Equalize the efforts. Feel the opposite-side waist contract. 4. use less effort. Look there in your mind’s eye. in an easygoing.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. If a movement hurts.

Gently shrug the other shoulder and hold. use less effort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Gently dig the same side elbow toward your spine and hold. in an easygoing. feeling way. If a movement hurts.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. neck toward your shrugged shoulder. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Tighten your 60 Deeper Lovemaking . 6. 5. and hold. 7. Gently pull the palm-up underarm toward the tight place in your groin.

8. feeling way. Wriggling 61 . Never force or cause yourself to cringe.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 10. Feel your front and side contract. Take a deep breath and hold. If a movement hurts. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Do a set of cadenced breathing. use less effort. in an easygoing. Exhale and hold. 9. Feel how all actions combine to flex you to the side -a half-wiggle. Equalize the shrug and elbow-dig.

If a movement hurts. 11. go soft. Relax your chest. Notice where they feel different from each other. Start slowly with one repetition for one side. feeling way. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. then switch sides for one repetition. in an easygoing. Then. Exhale and relax all efforts together. Equalize the efforts of your two sides. 62 Deeper Lovemaking . Straighten out and compare your right side to your left side. MORE ADVANCED OPTION: Alternate sides.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 12. NO EFFORT Repeat the preceding movement a few times until you have more of a feel for how all the actions combine. lie on your back and practice wiggling side-to-side. use less effort. switch sides and repeat the entire sequence for the opposite side. Keep the breath in. Finally.

Relax your chest.. 3. 2. in an easygoing. Wriggling 63 . use less effort.” Take a deep breath and hold. Advanced addition for alleviating neck tension: At the step where all four extremities are involved.. go soft. Tilt your head back to tighten the muscles of the back of your neck. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 1. feeling way. Turn your face to the side until you feel a “lock” (or restriction to turning) in your neck. If a movement hurts. 4.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. and hold. Stay there and feel the “lock.

Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort, in an easygoing, feeling way. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. If a movement hurts, use less effort.

5.

Relax your neck.

6.

Relax all other efforts.

7.

Exhale.

NO EFFORT

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Secret: Pacing Yourself
Doing things at the usual speed, we tend to do them in the usual way. One point of these exercises is to teach yourself to do something in a new way: to change how create your experience of love and sex. You may have noticed that you can’t see much detail in things that move quickly; it’s much easier to see the details of things that go slowly. The same is true of lovemaking and sex. The slower you go, the more time you have to experience. As you slow down and feel the sensations of movement, you feel more and move more sensuously. Slowing down is a basic key to enhancing pleasure. As you do the exercises slowly, you may even discover that you are holding tension that directly interferes with the movement you are doing. At that point, you can release the interfering tension. As you do, you will notice your movement getting smoother, feeling more elegant and under your control. That, of course, also applies to sex. So, as you do these movemetns, go slower with each repetition, maintaining smooth control of movement, then vary your speed for maximum pleasure At the beginning of this explanation were the words, “One point of these exercises is to teach yourself to do something in a new way: to change how you move and feel.” These words are, at this moment, an abstract generality to you; they don’t have much meaning. Their meaning will be obvious once you experience results from the somatic exercises. Here’s another set of words that will have meaning once you start the movement exercises: INTEND, ALLOW, DO.

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That means, “Know exactly what you INTEND to do, get the distinct feeling of ALLOWING yourself to do it (relax into doing it), and then, DO it.

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Deeper Lovemaking

Twisting
FOR SEX IN FOUR DIMENSIONS

67

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twisting side-to-side movements involving your pelvis. Twisting movements are “the icing on the cake” in sexual intercourse. aided by movements of your extremities. Such tightness leads to stiffness of an undesirable kind. Twisting 69 . This movement originates at your waist and in your neck.Twisting The twisting movement is a quintessential human movement central to gyration. Whenyou have trouble twisting freely at your waist.again. other muscles. The churning movement developed by the exercises in the preceding sections is made into a swirling movement -. such as those over your hip joints. much favored by women. The following movement develops and coordinates twisting movements at your waist and extremities. must overwork and tend to get tight over time.

• Go slowly enough to feel tension increase or decrease. let the sensation of effort “set in” before you go into the relaxation phase. Work toward “gentle. start with the least effort you can feel.” • Notice the first place that tightens. You may need to contract and relax a number of times to feel it. As you hold tension. Feel there continuously through the movement. THE “FEEL” ICON THE “EQUALIZE” ICON 70 Deeper Lovemaking .• Begin with the amount of effort needed to feel your effort and. • Be sure to relax completely between repetitions. with each repetition.

Never force or cause yourself to cringe. use less effort. in an easygoing. Twisting 71 . place a pillow under your knee. • other leg straight.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Feel and reinforce the connection between the hip of one side and the shoulder of the opposite side. If a movement hurts. feeling way. The sole of the foot touches the side of the other knee. Twisting STARTING POSITION: • lying on your back. face forward • the fingertips of one hand touching your neck behind your earlobe • the other arm straight with the hand resting on your groin • The straight-arm side knee bent and turned out to the side. toes up • If necessary for comfort in your groin.

2. Slowly relax. Slowly relax completely and rehearse the movement at least three times until you can control the contraction of your buttock more smoothly. Press the knee of that leg down into the surface. use less effort. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Press the edge of the bent-knee foot into the surface. 3. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. feeling way. relax. Feel your buttock contract.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 1. Then. in an easygoing. If a movement hurts. 72 Deeper Lovemaking . Bring your attention to your bent leg.

feeling way. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Press the back of the bentelbow hand into the surface. Feel the muscles between your shoulders contract.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Twisting 73 . 2. If a movement hurts. 1. 3. Relax completely. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Repeat this pressing/releasing action at least three (3) times until you can feel where the movement comes from and can do it slowly and with confidence. particularly on that side. NO EFFORT Slowly relax. Bring your attention to the bent-elbow shoulder. use less effort. Press your elbow and shoulder against the surface and lift your chest on that side. in an easygoing.

use less effort. feeling way. 3. Bring your attention to your bent-leg buttock. Feel how your pelvis shifts position (twists). Press it down into the surface. 4. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 1. in an easygoing. Notice how pulling your shoulder down helps you to contract your buttock more strongly. Bring your attention to your bent-elbow shoulder. 2. lift your chest and hold. Contract and hold. 74 Deeper Lovemaking . If a movement hurts.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort.

Notice how the sensation centers in your back. use less effort. 6. If a movement hurts. Twisting 75 . in an easygoing. Switch back and forth. 5. Notice how tightening one affects the strength of the other. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Relax your buttock and tighten your shoulder. Balance the efforts of buttock and shoulder.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Notice now the sensation moves up and down your spine. feeling way.

If a movement hurts. Slowly relax your belly. 76 Deeper Lovemaking . in an easygoing. take a deep breath and hold it. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Contract and relax your orgasm muscles a few times. ⇒ Press the 7. use less effort.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. feeling way. ⇒ 2nd level bent-knee foot and bent-elbow hand and balance the efforts. 8. and neck. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. chest. Notice how the action affects your spine. While holding shoulder and buttock tight.

Never force or cause yourself to cringe. If a movement hurts. Slowly exhale. 10. use less effort. NO EFFORT Rehearse the movement at least three (3) times until you get better at it. 9. in an easygoing. Slowly relax all efforts. Twisting 77 . feeling way.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort.

By twisting your arm elbow-out/back of the hand in. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. in an easygoing. use less effort. Feel how tightening your buttock helps turn your straight arm inward.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ 78 Deeper Lovemaking . cause your shoulder to lift. Notice that your chest sinks on that side. 1. If a movement hurts. Tighten the bent-knee buttock. 2. Feel the muscles at the front of your chest and abdomen contract. feeling way. Bring your attention to the straight-arm shoulder.

in an easygoing. Twisting 79 . Feel the effect on the straight-arm side of your torso. 4. feeling way. NO EFFORT Slowly inhale and relax all efforts to come out of twist. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. use less effort. Rehearse the movement at least three (3) times until you get better at it. If a movement hurts.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 3. Exhale and hold.

⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Look over the shoulder of the leg you’re turning.. 2. left kneecap points right). Bring your attention to your straight leg. use less effort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Feel how looking there affects your ability to turn. 1.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Notice how your hip lifts and leg turns farther. 80 Deeper Lovemaking . feeling way. Keep your knee and ankle straight. in an easygoing. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Press the bent-elbow shoulder down. Roll the knee of that leg inward (e. If a movement hurts.g.

feeling way. each time. 3. Slowly relax. use less effort. NO EFFORT Repeat slowly at least three (3) times. in an easygoing. Notice if you get a little farther. noticing the first place in your groin that contracts and the last place that relaxes.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Feel the last place in your groin that relaxes. without extra effort. Twisting 81 . If a movement hurts.

Never force or cause yourself to cringe. and hold. in an easygoing.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Lock your straight arm and straight leg straight. 1. Roll your straight-leg knee inward and hold. Twist your straight arm inward. 2. 82 Deeper Lovemaking . use less effort. If a movement hurts. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Straighten and stiffen the straight leg. so that you feel your shoulder lift and pull toward the tight place in your groin. feeling way.

feeling way.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Rehearse this combination move involving your arm. 3. Take a deep breath and exhale. Twisting 83 . and slowly relax all other efforts. use less effort. Slowly inhale. 4. If a movement hurts. NO EFFORT 5. shoulder and breathing until you get better at it. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. in an easygoing. Stay exhaled.

1. Press down the bent-arm shoulder. Contract the buttock and hold.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. If a movement hurts. 2. 4. and hold. Feel the connection between shoulder and buttock across your back. Bring your attention to the bent leg. 84 Deeper Lovemaking . Straight leg: roll the knee inward and hold. in an easygoing. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. use less effort. 3. feeling way.

use less effort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. You’ll feel one diagonal line of tension down your back and another diagonal line of tension across your front. You now feel a twist at your waistline. straight arm and straight leg straight. Straight arm: twist and pull the shoulder toward your groin. Balance the efforts of all four extremities by comparing one to the other. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Lock your 6. Equalize them by balancing your efforts. Twisting 85 . in an easygoing. If a movement hurts. feeling way. 5.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort.

If a movement hurts. 10. Relax all efforts while holding your breath. in an easygoing. feeling way.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Repeat the entire sequence for the opposite side. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Contract and relax your orgasm muscles a few times. Relax your neck. 86 Deeper Lovemaking . use less effort. Feel the inside of your pelvis and low back shift. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Do a set of the cadenced breathing. 9. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 8. 7. Slowly exhale. Notice where they feel different from and similar to each other. NO EFFORT Straighten out and compare your right side to your left side. Take a full breath and hold.

As any artist knows. he may have a problem of premature orgasm (or of premature love-confession -. Let it build from the first moment of meeting. be enticed with attention and a creative urge. however. A man can become aroused quickly and reach climax quickly. So it is with lovemaking. come closer and Deeper Lovemaking 87 . I’m talking about the artful use of suspense to enhance desire and passion. don’t spring for it as soon as possible. both he and she may be disappointed. Patience. Men. That means. Intensity needs time to build. the mode of seduction. It can. take your time and feel the intensity build. Men and women have opposite quandaries. her intensity never has a chance to build.another problem that leads to disappointment).Secret: The Advantage of Waiting I’m not talking about abstinence. It substitutes speed and force. If he can’t regulate his passion. It is often to the benefit of both to slow things down. We all have some recognition that satisfaction deferred is sweetest when fulfilled. If lack of faith in love (or desire) leads her to settle too soon for the wrong man (or to surrender too soon to the right one). persistence. The hard pounding extolled in pornography takes things in precisely the wrong direction. but if he does. for time and artful intent. A woman takes much time to become aroused. creation cannot be forced. a formula that fails in many situations. love and desire. itself. That principle applies as much to the art of seduction as it does to orgasm. his intensity is diminished and his partner is disappointed. so if she engages in sex too soon.

” then take a step back. don’t wait too long or you may drive your man insane with desire and lose him altogether. some more. Women. To feel when it is time. after each advance. When you can sustain it at will. then go further. Let anticipation build. notice when you feel both the excitement of passion and a sense of control. Learn to ride the edge. back off and wait a little.wait until the pull to kiss is positively magnetic before going in. 88 Deeper Lovemaking . You’ll know when you want to go for it. wait until desire and anticipation are really strong before removing clothing. Allow the excitement to build. build some more. Ride the edge. There is a balance. Move forward until you feel you are “teasing the dragon. then back off and wait until the intensity builds.

Spine Waves SENSUOUS SPINAL UNDULATIONS 89 .

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Spine Waves Freeing Your Pelvis
One of the basic problems people have with basic pelvic movement is back pain from tight back muscles. Even without back pain, tight muscles interfere with movement, and some people have limited pelvic movement. If you’re going to have freedom of pelvic movement, you need to be free of back tension and back pain. This movement exercise relaxes and comforts your back to improve your freedom of pelvic movement.

Hidden Connections
Among the body’s parts, there are hidden connections, in which movements of one part elicit responsive movements of other parts. By moving both parts together and feeling the effort, we can reset muscular tensions that are otherwise habitual. The following movement, Spine Waves, makes use of such hidden connections. By so doing, they produce some remarkable changes of freedom of movement for which there is no adequate substitute.

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All of the coordination patterns in this book consist of a contraction phase and a slow relaxation phase. As you do these coordination patterns:

• Begin with the amount of effort needed to feel your effort and, with each repetition, start with the least effort you can feel. Work toward “gentle.”
• Begin with the least amount of effort needed to feel your effort. You may need to contract and relax a number of times to feel it. Notice where you feel it. Feel there continuously through the movement. • Act slowly enough to feel the first sensation of effort. • Follow the instructions, but breathe when you need to! • Let the sensation “set in” before relaxing. • Be sure to relax completely between repetitions.

THE “EQUALIZE” ICON

THE “FEEL” ICON

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Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort, in an easygoing, feeling way. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. If a movement hurts, use less effort.

Spine Waves STARTING POSITION:

• lying on your back • knees up, legs balanced, leaning neither in nor out • arms outstretched, hands in line with shoulders
IF NECESSARY FOR COMFORT,

• place your hands on your belly • place a pillow under your head or elbows
The following movements are all preparations for freeing your pelvis and set the stage for what is to follow. The sequence is lengthy, but worth it.

Find the place behind your nose whenever you see .

Basic Pelvic Motion: Spine Waves

93

Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort, in an easygoing, feeling way. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. If a movement hurts, use less effort.

1.

Press your head down.

2.

Turn chin up, and hold. Inhale, lift your breastbone and hold.
Feel the back of your neck and the muscles of your mid-back tighten. Feel your breastbone lift.

3.

4.

Slowly exhale and relax all efforts. Breathe freely.
Feel the back of your neck relax, your chest sink and your low back flatten.

NO EFFORT

Repeat until you feel the muscles of your mid-back contract as you lift your breastbone (about five (5) times at decreasing levels of effort).

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Deeper Lovemaking

Feel the back of your neck and your mid-to-upper back tighten. and hold. turn chin up. Basic Pelvic Motion: Spine Waves 95 . Inhale. 2. in an easygoing. lift your breastbone. If a movement hurts. there.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. and hold. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 1. resulting in relaxation. This next movement improves your control over the muscles of your mid-to-upper back. 3. Feel your breastbone lift. Equalize tensions at the back of your neck and mid-back. Feel the back of your neck tighten and shorten. Press your head down. use less effort. feeling way.

Repeat until you feel the muscles of your mid-back relax as you lower your breastbone (about five (5) times at decreasing levels of effort). hold that position until you feel the sensation shift. and flatten.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. (Breastbone stays lifted. lower your breastbone and relax your neck. use less effort. 96 Deeper Lovemaking . Slowly and together. 4.) When you feel tension or sensation in your back the most.. Slowly relax the back of your neck until tension moves to your mid-toupper back. If a movement hurts. You may feel your back relax. feeling way. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 5. lengthen. Breathe freely. in an easygoing.

Basic Pelvic Motion: Spine Waves 97 . 1. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. press your head down. use less effort. feeling way. The next movement prepares you to improve muscular control of the muscles along the front of your neck. Feel your throat open. Relax all efforts. Lift your breastbone. 2.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 4. hold. and hold. 3. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Inhale. Equalize tucking your chin and lifting your breastbone. Feel the tension at the front of your neck and base of your throat. We start at the base of your throat. If a movement hurts. in an easygoing. Tuck your chin toward your neck.

in an easygoing. use less effort. 98 Deeper Lovemaking . Never force or cause yourself to cringe. feeling way. NO EFFORT Repeat until you clearly feel the base of your throat constrict and then open (about five (5) times at decreasing levels of effort). Breathe freely. If a movement hurts. 5.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort.

Basic Pelvic Motion: Spine Waves 99 . You may notice your mid-back relax in waves with each repetition. constrict. Inhale. 1. and throat. Equalize the sensations of the front of your neck and mid-to-upper back by adjusting the efforts. This next move improves your control of the muscles that run from the base of your throat. up through the back of your throat (the front of your neck vertebrae). Tuck chin. Never force or cause yourself to cringe.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. and hold. If a movement hurts. breastbone up. and hold. in an easygoing. to the place behind your nose. Feel the effort of lifting your chest. Feel the front of your neck tighten. flatten neck down. use less effort. 3. 2. feeling way.

in an easygoing. Repeat this combination movement until you can clearly feel the wave of tension move to the place behind your nose (about five (5) times at decreasing levels of effort). 4.. When you feel the front of your neck begin to tighten . Feel the wave of tension move from the base of your throat to the place behind your nose.. feeling way. 100 Deeper Lovemaking . 6. NO EFFORT Relax all efforts and breathe freely. 5. Slowly relax your neck.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. If a movement hurts. Exhale and let your breastbone sink. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. use less effort.

3. Basic Pelvic Motion: Spine Waves 101 . then breathe lightly. Chin up. Feel the back of your neck tighten and shorten. Press your head down and hold. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 2. Breastbone up.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. use less effort. Feel the effort of lifting your chest at your mid-toupper back. feeling way. If a movement hurts. and hold. 1. Now you are ready to involve the muscles of your low back. and hold. in an easygoing. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Inhale fully.

4. Equalize the efforts in your neck and back. Slowly relax your neck until you feel more tension at your lower back. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Help your back arch: Lift some weight off your feet. Feel your groin tighten. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 5. feeling way. use less effort. in an easygoing. If a movement hurts. Tighten your low back (turns tailbone down into the surface). 6. 102 Deeper Lovemaking .Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort.

8. If a movement hurts. Basic Pelvic Motion: Spine Waves 103 . 10. Exhale until you first feel your back tighten more. feeling way. Actively exhale and cause your back to relax and flatten. Without changing position. in an easygoing. Equalize the tensions at groin and low back by adjusting your foot-pressure.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. inhale. 9. use less effort. 7. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Lower your Feel equal pressure at the heels and the balls of your feet. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. feet.

Relax all efforts and breathe freely. HEAD LIFT EXAGGERATED FOR VISIBILITY. NO EFFORT Notice how your low back feels. 12. in an easygoing. 104 Deeper Lovemaking . Lift a bit of weight off your scalp and look toward your knees. use less effort. imagine you are lifting your head. 13. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 11. feeling way.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Exhale until your belly tightens. If a movement hurts. If you can’t lift your head.

NO EFFORT Repeat until you feel your back flatten by relaxing (about five (5) times. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. at decreasing levels of effort). feeling way. Keep your low back snug to the surface as you lie back. 14. Inhale. lie back and relax. Breathe freely. in an easygoing. If a movement hurts.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. use less effort. 15. total. Basic Pelvic Motion: Spine Waves 105 .

Feel your back curve. 1. Equalize the tensions of your low back and throat by adjusting your efforts. you connect the muscles of your mid-back to those of your throat (inside-front of your neck). Tuck chin and hold. feeling way. 106 Deeper Lovemaking . 3.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. If a movement hurts. in an easygoing. Now. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Lift breastbone and hold. Gradually tighten the small of your back and hold. use less effort. 4. 2.

Feel the pressure equally on heels and balls of feet. Slowly relax your back and neck. Never force or cause yourself to cringe.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. feeling way. If a movement hurts. 8. Basic Pelvic Motion: Spine Waves 107 . at decreasing levels of effort). NO EFFORT Repeat until you can feel your low back flatten a bit more (about three (3) times. in an easygoing. Press your feet down and hold. Slowly relax all efforts and breathe freely. 7. 5. use less effort. let your back flatten. Bring your head to the neutral position. 6. total.

and hold. Feel your mid-to-upper back. Feel the front of your neck tighten. 108 Deeper Lovemaking . Gradually tighten the small of your back and hold the shape. 1. 2. Lift breastbone and hold. in an easygoing. 3. 4. Tuck chin toward neck. Now.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. ending with a relaxed belly. the same move with breathing. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Inhale. use less effort. Equalize the front of your neck and low back. feeling way. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. If a movement hurts.

8. Feel where your back muscles are tightest. 5. Hold your shape.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Feel the heels and balls of feet press equally. Your back tightens more. Bring your head to neutral position. in an easygoing. feeling way. 7. use less effort. If a movement hurts. Sense your back muscles and exhale until you first feel them tighten. Regulate the effort for comfort. Press your feet down. Basic Pelvic Motion: Spine Waves 109 . relax your belly and breathe freely. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 6.

9. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 110 Deeper Lovemaking . If you can’t lift your head. imagine you are lifting your head. 11.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 10. feeling way. Slowly relax your back muscles and let your back flatten. If a movement hurts. then look between your knees. use less effort. in an easygoing. Exhale until you feel your belly tighten. Relax all efforts and breathe freely. NO EFFORT NO EFFORT HEAD LIFT EXAGGERATED FOR VISIBILITY.

Breathe freely. use less effort. 12. If a movement hurts. Lie back slowly enough to stay in snug contact. Basic Pelvic Motion: Spine Waves 111 . NO EFFORT NO EFFORT Repeat at least three (3) times. and relax. Keep the back of your pelvis snug against the surface as you lie back. in an easygoing. lie back. total. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ ⇒ 3rd level ⇒ 13.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. feeling way. Inhale. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Locate the place behind your nose as you lie back.

and hold. Now. Tighten the muscles of the small of your back. use less effort. Feel the hollow arch in the small of your back. Tuck chin. 2. push head down. and hold. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Lift breastbone and hold. feel your tailbone turn down into the surface. feeling way. 3.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. in an easygoing. you’re ready to combine the two movement combinations to involve your entire spinal musculature. 1. 112 Deeper Lovemaking . If a movement hurts. Feel the place behind your nose.

5. Lift a bit of weight off your feet. Equalize the efforts at your neck and back. Take some time to feel what’s working -. 4.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Look up toward your brow. Feel the connection between the place behind your nose and the muscles at the base of your head. feeling way. Tip your chin up to the neutral position.where the effort is. 6. in an easygoing. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. If a movement hurts. and hold. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Basic Pelvic Motion: Spine Waves 113 . use less effort.

10. Exhale until you feel your back muscles tighten further. use less effort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 9. slightly. Allow time for the sensation to “set in. Notice where you feel it in your back. Equalize the downward pressure on your feet and head. If a movement hurts. Keep the shape. 114 Deeper Lovemaking .Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 8. Feel your back sag. Lower your feet gently. in an easygoing. feeling way.” You may feel muscles shifting. relax your belly and breathe freely. 7.

You feel your back flatten. 13. NO EFFORT HEAD LIFT EXAGGERATED FOR VISIBILITY. 11. feeling way.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. imagine you are lifting your head. then look between your knees. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. a bit. If you can’t lift your head. Exhale until you feel your belly tighten. Relax all other efforts. Slowly relax your back muscles. 12. Basic Pelvic Motion: Spine Waves 115 . in an easygoing. If a movement hurts. use less effort.

⇒ 2nd level ⇒ ⇒ 3rd level ⇒ 15. If a movement hurts. NO EFFORT Repeat the preceding movement about three (3) times or until you get better at it. in an easygoing. use less effort. 14. Lie back slowly enough to keep the back of your pelvis snug against the surface as you lie back. feeling way. breathe freely. Relax all efforts and breathe freely. Inhale.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 116 Deeper Lovemaking . Locate the place behind your nose as you lie back. lie back.

it can be attention to the formless mystery beyond dreaming that contains both you and your partner as you partake in sexual ecstasy. your attention may be primarily on what you are feeling. your attention has gone back onto yourself or into your imagination. The more attention you place on yourself and your sensations. When you are the object of attention. If you want to keep control of your responses. your experience gets more intense. The flip side also holds true. it’s a sort of game: who can get their partner’s attention most onto themselves. both of you win. That’s a clue for the control of sexual response. Deeper Lovemaking 117 . keep your attention on your partner. the more he or she will feel. more experience of whatever your attention is on. At first. Played well. the more you will feel. That’s a key to sensuality and to sexuality. and ultimately.Secret: Attention Attention is the great intensifier. a balancing act.to what you and your partner are feeling. It’s an alternating play. In a way. Whatever you put your attention on. It all starts with attention. if you feel deeply enough into your partner. The more attention you place on him or her. If you’re getting more excited and you notice it. It can be attention to your partner’s attention (where is it?). you experience. put more attention on him or her. There’s a difference between putting attention on your partner and getting more excited and putting your attention on your partner and having him or her get more excited. But it can also be attention to emotional experiencing -. on what your partner looks like and on his or her sounds and scents. to your partner’s bodily energy field (experienced as sensations). If you want to intensify your partner’s experience. More attention.

118 Deeper Lovemaking .

Learning the Grind of the “Bump and Grind” PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER 119 ..

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Why do they call it. Otherwise. When people with a rigid pelvis try to grind. The following movement frees your spine for bump and grind. out of control. “screwing. Since bump and grind is very pleasurable to women and fun for men.” The “Grind” of The Bump and Grind 121 . Bump and Grind requires freedom of movement of your pelvis.The “Grind”of the “Bump and Grind” A few words on The Bump and Grind movement pattern. “The Bump and Grind”? It’s because first you bump and then you grind -penetration as deep as possible followed by undulating and gyrating movements. It gives new meaning to the word. sudden. it’s a good thing to be able to do. you may have plenty of bump but little grind. they end up doing awkward. out of round movements.

each time at a decreasing level of effort. start with the least effort you can feel. THE “FEEL” ICON THE “EQUALIZE” ICON 122 Deeper Lovemaking . Work toward “gentle. • Follow the instructions. • Act slowly enough to feel the first sensation of effort. Notice where you feel it.• Begin with the amount of effort needed to feel your effort and. but breathe when you need to! • Let the sensation “set in” before relaxing. You may need to contract and relax a number of times to feel it. Feel there continuously through the movement. with each repetition.” • Begin with the least amount of effort needed to feel your effort.

Learning the “Grind” of the Bump and Grind STARTING POSITION: • seated • hands on hips • feet and knees at shoulder width Feel the tension “orbit” your waistline as you move.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. as you keep the amount of weight on your two feet equal and constant. in an easygoing. Feel your waistline contract on the right side. The “Grind” of The Bump and Grind 123 . If a movement hurts. Shift your weight to your left buttock and hold. use less effort. feeling way. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 1.

Arch your back (bring your chest up). Stay arched. 4. on the right. Let your right hip and left shoulder come down. in an easygoing. use less effort. 124 Deeper Lovemaking . and hold. Feel the tension move to your back.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. If a movement hurts. Lift your left shoulder to match the effort at your right waist. 2. and hold. Feel the tension move from your right side toward the center of your spine. feeling way. 3. Never force or cause yourself to cringe.

use less effort. so you sag. Center your weight on your buttocks. feeling way.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Equalize the efforts. Feel the tension move toward your left waist. The “Grind” of The Bump and Grind 125 . Lift your left hip and right shoulder. Feel the tension move to the center of your belly. and hold. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 5. 6. If a movement hurts. Slowly let your chest cave in. Feel the tension move from your left side toward the center of your belly. in an easygoing. 8. 7.

If a movement hurts. feeling way. reverse direction. scan your body and relax in place.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. make small. in an easygoing. If you find any position particularly painful. Relax into the movement so the pain disappears. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. back and forth. Then. 126 Deeper Lovemaking . Find the edge. Then. Continue this cycle of shifting your weight in a circle and feel the tension “orbit” your belly. use less effort. into and out of the pain. retreat from that position away from the pain. Do five cycles or more at decreasing levels of effort Feel your point of contact with your seat go around and around in an oval shape. Then. slow turning movements as if to glance over your shoulder.

yourself. directly. It is possible to sense what another person is feeling. feel the back of your hand. Let’s try a little something. of “getting to the next step”? Or is it a matter of where your lover is sensitized and desires to be touched (or would desire. Bring your attention to your hand and feel what it feels like. from inside. But even better is your ability to sense. you’re sensitized enough. so sex books of the usual sort (including the Kama Sutra) won’t help. for the sake of your own excitement. How sensitized is sensitized enough? If you can feel your own body-sense and then feel the space around it. Now feel the space around your hand. The Subtle Touch is extremely useful for creating pleasure in your lover. next. feel your wrist. you will find that you can intensity feeling in various parts of your body just by paying attention to them. back and forth. feel your palm. When you touch your lover. next? Is it a matter of where you would like to touch. if he or she knew him-or-herself well enough)? If it’s the latter. Now. how do you decide where to go.Secret: The Subtle Touch When you have done enough with the somatic exercises. if you are sensitized enough. you’re faced with a quandary: How do you know? Technical knowledge won’t do it. Keep doing that Deeper Lovemaking 127 . for yourself. palm up and palm down while feeling the space around your hand. It can help for your partner to tell you. rapidly turn your forearm back and forth. That ability sets the stage for The Subtle Touch. Feel your fingers. Feel the shape of your hand.

When you are more practiced. use it to feel the places that are sensitized. 128 Deeper Lovemaking . Keep that feeling. You’ll be able to tell by feel and be drawn there by the creative urge to give pleasure. and bring your hand toward your other forearm. by passing it over your lover’s body. Add to that what you have learned from books (or others) and the guidance your lover gives you. and your hand may feel a kind of pressure as it approaches your forearm. Activate The Subtle Touch when you are making love and. you’ll be able to feel your lover’s sensations just be scanning him or her with your eyes and intending to feel what it feels like in the place you are scanning. You may notice that your forearm feels a kind of warmth and pressure as your hand approaches.until you feel the space around your hand as a sphere. That’s The Subtle Touch. and you have an unusually sensuous combination. as if it were you you were feeling.

Freedom to Spread Your Legs SOMETIMES. YOU MUST CLOSE BEFORE YOU CAN OPEN WIDE 129 .

YAB-YUM POSITION 130 Deeper Lovemaking .

The problem is tight muscles of the inner thighs. rapidly improve your ability to feel and control those muscles. freely. but there is an easier. However. the classic “Yab Yum” position (shown on the facing page). Stretching doesn’t really do the job. such as those found in this section. requires the same ability of the man. Certain movements. The key to freedom of the inner thighs is to develop the ability to control the tension of those muscles. longer-lasting way.Freedom to Spread Your Legs It seems pretty obvious that good sexual contact requires the ability of a woman to spread her legs. Freedom to Spread Your Legs 131 .

Work toward “gentle. THE “FEEL” ICON THE “EQUALIZE” ICON 132 Deeper Lovemaking . each time at a decreasing level of effort. • Follow the instructions. Notice where you feel it. • Be sure to relax completely between repetitions.” • Begin with the least amount of effort needed to feel your effort.. • Begin with the amount of effort needed to feel your effort and. start with the least effort you can feel. • Act slowly enough to feel the first sensation of effort. You may need to contract and relax a number of times to feel it. with each repetition. Feel there continuously through the movement. but breathe when you need to! • Let the sensation “set in” before relaxing.

Never force or cause yourself to cringe. If a movement hurts. put a cushion under your head. in an easygoing. Freedom to Spread Your Legs STARTING POSITION: • sidelying • underside leg straight • topside leg bent at the knee in front of the other leg • underside arm straight • hand of the topside arm on the soft part of the elbow of the other arm • If necessary for comfort in your neck.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Freedom to Spread Your Legs 133 . use less effort. feeling way.

each time. Lift and lower your underside leg. 2. inhale as you lower. Bring your attention to the underside leg. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Exhale as 134 Deeper Lovemaking . you lift. Feel where the underside leg’s lifting muscles tighten and loosen. use less effort.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. in an easygoing. If a movement hurts. Make the side of the foot lie flush on the surface on which you are lying. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Repeat at a lower level of effort. 1. feeling way. Feel there as you lift and lower.

feeling way. You feel your neck. Freedom to Spread Your Legs 135 . topside ribs. 1. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. neck pain. don’t turn your head. in an easygoing. each time. If a movement hurts. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ If you have Repeat at a lower level of effort. Slowly lift and lower your head.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Be sure you are face-forward. use less effort. and waist contract and relax. turn your head so you feel the painful area clearly. Relax from there.

Feel what’s working. feeling way. Be sure to relax completely between repetitions. Continue until you distinctly feel the connection between the two places. 1. 136 Deeper Lovemaking .Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. in an easygoing. Slowly lift and lower your head and underside leg. use less effort. If a movement hurts. Never force or cause yourself to cringe.

Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Freedom to Spread Your Legs 137 . bent leg. feeling way. Feel how the topside leg wants to lift. Press down with that leg from knee to foot. in an easygoing. 4. use less effort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Slowly relax. Bring your attention to the topside. 1. Feel the muscles of the groin on that side contract. Press down on the topside leg and hold. 2. If a movement hurts. 3.

Then turn over and do the other side. Feel the height at which it helps you lift your head. Slowly lift your underside leg and hold. 8. and hold. Repeat at least three times until you are more relaxed. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. If a movement hurts. 138 Deeper Lovemaking . Slowly lift your head.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 6. use less effort. Slowly relax all efforts. 5. 7. feeling way. in an easygoing. Equalize the efforts of lifting your leg and head.

The passion is not a demonstration for show. is only a surface appearance. communion. face to face.the magnetic attraction that pulls us toward our lover. not a hard one. the suspense. That moment of suspense was shown beautifully in the movies. It’s a way of meeting your lover. in which we are poised at just that point when we are close. on the eyes or all over the face. It’s a two-way communication -. It may be on the lips or around the mouth. seemingly inevitable. soft kisses that tease and build attraction or it may be continuous. That magnetic attraction is intensified by moments of suspense. In both cases. That kind of suspense may last and intensify over Deeper Lovemaking 139 . with Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis (the elevator scene). or on erogenous places. At best. It’s not contrived. it can only imply it. Even when there’s pressure. you’re probably kissing too hard or too wildly and not paying enough attention to your lover’s responses -. A kiss may last a long time -. the characters were close to each other and the kiss. The kind of kiss often shown in the movies. with Renée Zellweger and Ewan McGregor. Above all. it’s not about crushing pressure or about wild gyrations unless that’s what both you and your lover are into.but usually the way it is shown -. hard meetings desensitize. it’s attentive. It may be punctuated by quick. the open-mouth kiss. and in Top Gun. it’s a build-up of the passion between you and your lover. It’s not a way to show your passion.misses the essence of “kiss” -. it is a soft meeting.five minutes or longer.Secret: The Transcendent Kiss One way of looking at kissing is as a communication. and even though a kiss didn’t happen in some of those scenes.too much doing and not enough feeling.the feeling of kissing and of being kissed back. drawn together but before we dive in. It may seem to portray desire and passion -. If you can’t feel your lover’s response to your kiss. in progressive lines of feeling all over the body. It’s not a teethcrunching event nor an attempt to eat your lover nor an attempt to overwhelm your lover. Down with Love. palpable.as a plunge -. the magnetic attraction did. eyes to eyes.

Feel into it and expand your attention in some direction and then in all directions. In our love. to the unnameable. We can deliberately feel that feeling and explore it. In some sense. Once you have recognized it. size. That’s not as far as a kiss can go. our sense of ourselves as individuals. For as we kiss more deeply. If we dive deeply. even the merged self of you and your partner in kissing. not only physically. even the place from which we came when we were born. we can feel more than our own passion. You’ll have to pay attention during your next kiss. body and soul. that we cannot tell where we end and they begin. we feel our partner. enough. It is the transcendent mystery that encloses us and exists outside of our sense of all life. is beyond self.seconds or over many minutes or hours. and boundary. our egos. This magnetic attraction is only the first moment that draws us in. You can explore that feeling with your loving intuition. The Transcendent Kiss is as deep as a kiss can go. 140 Deeper Lovemaking . The touch and press of lips is but the beginning of a deeper fulfillment. Soon. our feelings. you’ll recognize that it has a shape. itself. we can feel that the sense of her or of him is merged with our sense of ourselves. it is the mystery that contains the entire universe. don’t expect words to be able to describe or explain it beyond that. but in our feeling-attention. and it discloses to us a mystery that penetrates deeper than our mind. as large as it can go. Now. we feel his or her being. It is the same mystery that we may intuit in ourselves. as we merge in an absorption in which only intensifies as we feel the passion of our partner and surrender to it in an emotional surge of desire and commitment to kiss. We dive in. his or her essence. or more exactly. as the place from which our consciousness mysteriously comes. And what is beyond that boundary. if your mind and imagination are absorbed in the kissing. It’s a feeling. deeply. you can go further. what encloses it. we feel more deeply into her or him.

ineffable essence of the mystery of what we are. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach. ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning Deeper Lovemaking 141 . when feeling out of sight for the ends of Being and ideal Grace... How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. If a movement hurts. use less effort. 142 Deeper Lovemaking . Never force or cause yourself to cringe. in an easygoing. feeling way.

Freeing Your Groin FOR PUSHING TOGETHER 143 .

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the muscles of your groin have a functional connection with the muscles deep in your pelvis. but on the opposite side. There is a similar connection along the front side of your legs and pelvis. reaching with your leg caused the opposite side of your low back to contract. You’ll find that this movement has a very satisfying use during intercourse. Freeing Your Groin 145 . you felt how your leg and opposite side of your low back are connected. The next learning exercise wakes up that connection and reduces the strain in the lower back that occurs when muscular confusion exists in this area. In particular.Freeing Your Groin Your Low Back -Hidden Connection to Your Groin In the Wriggling exercise.

with each repetition.• Begin with the amount of effort needed to feel your effort and. Feel there continuously through the movement. each time at a decreasing level of effort. • Follow the instructions. Notice where you feel it.” • Begin with the least amount of effort needed to feel your effort. start with the least effort you can feel. • Be sure to relax completely between repetitions. • Act slowly enough to feel the first sensation of effort. but breathe when you need to! • Let the sensation “set in” before relaxing. THE “FEEL” ICON THE “EQUALIZE” ICON 146 Deeper Lovemaking . Work toward “gentle. You may need to contract and relax a number of times to feel it.

Freeing Your Groin STARTING POSITION: • lying on your front • one leg straight • the other leg turned knee-out.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. If a movement hurts. use less effort. reach down to the front of your waistline near your pocket and locate the protuberance of bone. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. to make space for your neck and head. With your hand. That’s the front of your hip bone. Tighten the groin of one leg and pulling it (by feel) toward the front of your hip bone on the opposite side. sole of the foot against the opposite ankle • face turned to the side of the bent knee • hands palm-down under or next to your face (whichever you prefer) If your neck is too stiff for comfort. feeling way. in an easygoing. Freeing Your Groin 147 . put a pillow under your chest.

then release. If a movement hurts. in an easygoing. Put your attention in your groin as you press. feeling way.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Bring your attention to the turned leg. 2. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. use less effort. 1. NO EFFORT NO EFFORT 148 Deeper Lovemaking . Feel where the effort comes from Repeat until you can feel where the movement comes from (which muscles are working). Press the inside of your knee down against the surface.

feeling way. Relax in place. 1. pause in place. When you find a position that reveals discomfort in your groin or back. That’s your first working position. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. use less effort. If a movement hurts. Draw the foot of the same leg along the inside of the other leg. 3. Press the same knee down and hold. You are about to learn how to find the best positions in which to work. Freeing Your Groin 149 . in an easygoing.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 2.

use less effort. feeling way. Press down again and hold. in an easygoing.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 150 Deeper Lovemaking . You feel one leg reach long as the opposite side of your low back contracts. 1. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. If a movement hurts. 2. Slightly pull the groin of that side toward the upper hip bone of your opposite side and hold.

Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Then lift and hold. keeping the tension in your groin muscles constant. Feel what’s working. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Slowly lift your head to the height at which you can best feel the sensation of lifting. use less effort. If a movement hurts. Equalize the effort of pressing the knee down and lifting the arm. in an easygoing. 3. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Slowly lift and lower the arm of the same side as the bent leg. feeling way. Freeing Your Groin 151 .

152 Deeper Lovemaking . in an easygoing. lift and hold. 6. keeping the tension of your other efforts constant. Do not move out of position. Feel what’s working. 4. Slowly lower your head to rest. feeling way. Slowly relax the muscles of your groin. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ If you have lifted your arm. use less effort. Then.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. ⇒ 3rd level ⇒ Slowly lift and lower your straight leg. Repeat in the same position before locating the next position. slowly lower your arm before you lower your head. ⇒ 3rd level ⇒ Slowly lower your lifted leg. 5. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. If a movement hurts. Relax completely in place. You have just done one complete cycle.

use less effort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. slowly draw your foot higher up along the straight leg. pause and relax in place. 2. 4. feeling way. Freeing Your Groin 153 . in an easygoing. Press down and hold. When you find your next position of discomfort. Slowly. 1.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Press your knee down. again. Feel the muscles of your groin contract. You are about to locate the next position in which to work. 3. If a movement hurts. Bring your attention to the bent leg.

use less effort. Lift your opposite leg. If a movement hurts. Slowly lift your head to the height where you feel the effort best. OPTIONS (as before): Lift your arm. in an easygoing. pull the muscles of your groin toward your opposite hip. 5. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 7. 154 Deeper Lovemaking .Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 6. feeling way. As before. Slowly relax.

in an easygoing. SUMMARY: • knee down • head up • arm up • leg up • arm down • head down • leg down • relax Freeing Your Groin 155 . use less effort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. feeling way.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. If a movement hurts.

Freeing Your Groin -. use less effort. STARTING POSITION: • lying on your back • one leg straight. Fold along your groin by simultaneously lifting a knee and the opposite hip. feeling way. If a movement hurts.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. place a cushion under your bent knee and/or elbow. It is good to follow one immediately with the other. The hips twist. the other leg bent at the knee • knee of the bent leg dropped to the side • foot of the bent leg against the inside of the thigh of the other leg at or above the knee • face forward • hand opposite bent leg under your head • If necessary for comfort in your groin. in an easygoing. 156 Deeper Lovemaking .II This movement is complementary to the preceding one. Never force or cause yourself to cringe.

use less effort. 3. in an easygoing. as tension in these positions may limit your ability to relax less contracted places. If a movement hurts. first. Freeing Your Groin 157 . feeling way. 2.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Turn the toes of the straight leg straight upwardly. Bring your attention to your bent leg. Lift its knee enough to feel tension in your groin. 1. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Slide your foot down the opposite leg toward the foot to locate all positions in which you have discomfort in your groin. Address the most uncomfortable positions. Stay lifted.

Stay within your comfort zone. in an easygoing. Feel the added sensation in your groin. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. feeling way. Notice how your opposite hip lifts. Reposition your foot at the beginning. This is “folding your groin”. 158 Deeper Lovemaking . If a movement hurts. In that position. 5. slide and stop at the most uncomfortable position for your groin. slightly.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 4. ⇒ 3rd level ⇒ Equalize all efforts. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Help your opposite hip lift by pressing down on your straight leg and its same-side shoulder and hold. slightly lift the foot of that leg. use less effort.

Freeing Your Groin 159 . 7. 8. use less effort. Notice how your groin unfolds. Contract both buttocks and relax. With the edge of your hand. make a “sawing” motion along the whole line of your groin to define and feel where the fold of your groin is. 6. If a movement hurts. Notice how your groin unfolds further. slowly lower it before lowering your knee. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ If you lifted your opposite hip. Slowly lower your foot and let your knee slowly drop down. You have just done one complete cycle. feeling way. in an easygoing.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. slightly. Never force or cause yourself to cringe.

3. Bring your attention to your bent leg. You are about to locate your next working position. 2. You have just located your next working position.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. If a movement hurts. in an easygoing. Slowly. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. and hold. Lift your knee. When you feel any sensation of discomfort in your groin or low back. use less effort. slide your foot along toward your straight-leg foot. stop in place. 160 Deeper Lovemaking . feeling way. 1. slightly.

Freeing Your Groin 161 . 1. Slowly relax so your lifted hip drops and your bent leg turns knee-outward. in an easygoing. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. feeling way. ⇒ 3rd level ⇒ Equalize the efforts of pushing down with one leg and lifting the knee of the other. Slightly lift the foot of the bent leg. If a movement hurts.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Feel your groin contract further. use less effort. 2. 3. Lower your lifted foot. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Press your straight leg down to lift your opposite hip and fold your groin further.

Continue to locate positions by progressively straightening. use less effort. 4. feeling way. 162 Deeper Lovemaking . Let your groin feel your hand. Never force or cause yourself to cringe.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. contracting and relaxing. Switch legs and do your other side. If a movement hurts. until your bent leg is completely straight. in an easygoing. “Saw” along the line of your groin.

in an easygoing. If a movement hurts. use less effort.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. locate “trouble spots” by contracting your buttocks and straightening your bent leg straight. ADVANCED VARIATION: Once you know this movement. feeling way. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Freeing Your Groin 163 . Work in the position where you feel the greatest restriction in your groin.

164 Deeper Lovemaking .

Feeling pressured may seem to be the experience of someone pushing too hard on your boundary. A person with boundary issues wants to have a boundary. So. it’s coming from within. Which brings us to the sense of feeling pressured. In relationships. only unity with the other. but of having control over your boundaries. the sense of pressure isn’t coming from outside. no sense of penetration. He or she doesn’t really allow him-or-herself to feel because to feel would be too much. A person with hard boundaries also doesn’t allow him-or-herself to feel. it’s because you’re in conflict with your own desire to do Deeper Lovemaking 165 . Seduction involves the willing softening of boundaries. But unless the pushing is physical. but believes he or she shouldn’t. the yielding of allowing someone to do something to you.Secret: Boundaries A boundary is something you can push against. It may be the yielding of allowing someone to get to know you. Let me say that another way. It seems that way because there’s usually someone “out there” apparently doing the pushing. If you feel highly pressured by someone to do something. and not merely verbal. the more pressured or violated. you have a boundary. the harder the boundary. If you feel pressured or violated. it’s not a matter of having no boundaries or solid boundaries. A soft boundary has a feeling of control that makes it safe to feel and even enhances feeling. softening a boundary involves yielding. The other side of the coin: no boundaries. A soft boundary allows penetration. the yielding of allowing yourself to feeling something.

comes from within. decide whether you want to keep that tension. Feel it. Notice if that feeling of tension is voluntary or involuntary. The feeling will be a familiar tension.that same thing. Don’t think about it. Otherwise. Alternate feeling your desire and resistance. and that something is conflict with your own desire. The. Then. Feel the resistance to it. but minor and within your power of decision. The feeling of urgency to make a decision. your mind would already be made up and you would feel secure in your stand. 166 Deeper Lovemaking . Own up to it. So something else is going on. you’ll relax and discover a new sense of freedom without feeling so pressured. Otherwise. there would be no sense of urgency. You’ll have freer choice -.and a freer ability to enjoy your decision. You’ll have better control of your boundary and your ability to decide when you soften it. If you let it go. teel both your desire and your resistance at the same time. the feeling of pressure would be noticeable. feel it. which is the essence of feeling pressured.

Presenting Your Chest and Pelvis FULL BODY CONTACT 167 .

(This page deliberately blank.) 168 Deeper Lovemaking .

Of particular interest is that the place behind your nose. That means that your low back at your waistline will get more supple. the place at the base of your head (it feels like the back of your brain) contract. It’s an odd thing. you may not want to. but having control of that place gives you the choice. at the base of your head. is also the key to controlling orgasm. At the moment orgasm is about to go out of control. If you deliberately relax that place.Presenting Your Chest and Pelvis Presenting Your Chest: The Head-and-Shoulder Tripod This movement has the remarkable effect of relaxing tension deep in your pelvis. you will feel. Presenting Your Pelvis and Chest 169 . allowing freer pelvic movement. but your neck and low back affect each other in movement. you can back off from orgasm. It’s almost as if your brain is contracting the same way as are your genitals during the build-up. Of course. if you pay attention.

so you can learn and practice control. it’s controlled at the middle of your belly and in your legs and felt in your pelvis. you need to be able to control movement equally well from the center of your body and from your legs. 170 Deeper Lovemaking . This two-part section gives you practice controlling movement from each place. coordinated pelvic movement in all positions.The two exercises that follow in this section bring your attention to that special. Learning How to Move Your Pelvis Better Pelvic movement isn’t controlled at your pelvis. For good. “orgasm control” place.

With each repetition.” • Notice where you feel your effort. THE “FEEL” ICON THE “EQUALIZE” ICON Presenting Your Pelvis and Chest 171 . • Be sure to relax completely between repetitions. each time at a decreasing level of effort. • Go slowly enough to feel tension increase or decrease. Work toward “gentle. Feel there continuously through the movement. • Follow the instructions. start with the least effort you can feel. You may need to contract and relax a number of times to feel it.• Begin with the amount of effort needed to feel your effort. but breathe when you need to! • Let the sensation “set in” before relaxing. • Act slowly enough to feel the first sensation of effort.

use less effort. 172 Deeper Lovemaking . leaning neither in. nor out • hands: fingers interlaced at the base of your head • head: resting in the cups of your palms • elbows: flat on the floor If necessary for comfort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. in an easygoing. feet spaced so legs balance vertically. feeling way. If a movement hurts.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. place cushions under your elbows. Use very gentle effort to equalize the muscles along your spine and the muscles between your shoulders until you feel the muscular tensions in your back shift. Presenting Your Chest STARTING POSITION: • on your back • legs: knees up.

CHIN UP 2. NO EFFORT Repeat until you can sense the moment effort begins and the place where it begins. Slowly relax. feeling way. CHIN UP Using the back of your head. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Feel the place behind your nose as you press. If a movement hurts. use less effort.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. in an easygoing. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. noticing the first sensation of effort. gently press against your hands. 1. Presenting Your Pelvis and Chest 173 .

NO EFFORT Slowly relax. If a movement hurts.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Bring your attention to your arms and shoulders. You may notice that your chest lifts. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 3. By pulling your shoulder blades together in back. Repeat until you can sense the moment effort begins and the place where it begins. 174 Deeper Lovemaking . 1. 2. gently pull your shoulders back into the surface on which you are lying. use less effort. in an easygoing. feeling way. Actively imagine your chest lifting more.

Presenting Your Pelvis and Chest 175 . Feel the neck tension move more to the back surface of your neck. 2. we combine the two movements: 1. Feel where in your neck you tighten. Now. HEADDOWN Press your head down against your hands and hold. If a movement hurts. 3. increase.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. You may feel your low back tighten a bit. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. CHIN UP Chin up and hold. Bring your attention back to your head. use less effort. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Feel the place behind your nose as you press. and the pressure against the back of your pelvis. in an easygoing. HEAD DOWN. feeling way.

feeling way.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 176 Deeper Lovemaking . Equalize the efforts of head and shoulders. use less effort. THE TENSION IN YOUR SHOULDERS AND BACK IS SHAPED LIKE A “PLUS” (+). You may now feel the pressure of your head and shoulders as a triangle. in an easygoing. 4. If a movement hurts. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 5. Alternate your attention between your neck and your shoulders and adjust. Pull your shoulders back and hold.

Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. You feel your lower back flatten and the tension move to your ribs.” ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ 4. gently lift your chest and look straight up at the ceiling (head in neutral position). Hold the “tripod” and slowly relax your low back muscles. in back. Take a deep breath. feeling way. Feel yourself resting on the “head and shoulder tripod. Pause in place and feel.” Notice how your low back feels as you hold the “head and shoulder tripod. use less effort. Presenting Your Pelvis and Chest 177 . If a movement hurts. in an easygoing. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 5.

in an easygoing. Slowly relax the rest of your efforts. If a movement hurts. Feel your upper back relax between the shoulder blades. 6.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. feeling way. use less effort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 178 Deeper Lovemaking . now that it has some slack. Repeat at a lower level of effort. You may want to stretch the area out.

If a movement hurts. Learn to control the muscles of your throat and neck. use less effort. Presenting Your Pelvis and Chest 179 . Presenting Your Pelvis NEXT POSITION: same as before. place cushions under your wrists. except: • arms back by head. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. bent 90 degrees at elbows (straight line through elbows and shoulders) If necessary for comfort. in an easygoing. feeling way.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort.

use less effort. in an easygoing. 180 Deeper Lovemaking . 3. Never force or cause yourself to cringe.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Take a full breath in. lift your hips high. If a movement hurts. By pressing down with your feet. feeling way. Exhale again until you feel a pull on your chest. 4. Exhale until you feel a tug on your chest. 2. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Press equally with the heels and balls of your feet. 1.

Never force or cause yourself to cringe. feeling way. ⇒ 3rd level ⇒ Feel the Presenting Your Pelvis and Chest 181 . a bit. Lift your head until some weight comes off your scalp. in an easygoing. place behind your nose. Feel how that action changes your alignment.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. use less effort. You feel your throat constrict. If a movement hurts. Keep your chin tucked near your neck. make it constrict by tucking your chin towards your adam’s apple. 5. If it doesn’t constrict. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Gaze between your knees.

182 Deeper Lovemaking . 8. in an easygoing. NO EFFORT Rest and breathe freely. Keep your head up. Let your head sink down. feeling way. Repeat at least twice more (3 times. let your hips come down. 7. If a movement hurts. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 6. Repeat the “head and shoulder tripod” a few times. use less effort. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Continue to inhale. minimum). ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Inhale as you lower your hips.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort.

Secret: The Enticement of Teasing (See?) Deeper Lovemaking 183 .

That was an experiential presentation of what the title meant. 184 Deeper Lovemaking . If you noticed what you felt upon seeing the blank page after the enticing title. doesn’t it? ‘nuff said. I’ll explain.OK. you’ll understand the power of teasing -the offering of something and then its withdrawal or non-fulfillment. It makes you want it all the more. As an act of mercy.

185 .The Pelvic Power Thrust YOU MEAN IT.

.) 186 Deeper Lovemaking .(This page deliberately blank.

Leg movements affect pelvic position. itself. in an easygoing. Just think of how.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. The Pelvic Power Thrust 187 . feeling the effects as you do the movements. That changes the curve of your low back. use less effort. keep it in the movement all the way to the end. The movement pattern in this section creates a powerful connection between torso and legs and enhances your ability to control your pelvic thrusting movements. you cause your pubic area to come forward. is inherently satisfying. If a movement hurts. feeling way. Work in an exploratory fashion. The movement. by tightening your buttocks (which pull your legs backward). Never force or cause yourself to cringe. and you will probably discover and release tensions that you didn’t know you had. Don’t let your attention wander. The Pelvic Power Thrust Our spine and legs are related.

Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. • Begin with the amount of effort needed to feel your effort and. start with the least effort you can feel. hold all parts of the movement. and adjust by decreasing the greater effort(s) until you can’t tell which effort is strongest. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. feeling way. • When equalizing efforts. • Always regulate your effort to be within your comfort zone: the amount of sensation you can experience without fear or cringing. put them together.” • Learn the parts (elements) of multi-part movements. use less effort. Work toward “gentle. in an easygoing. with each repetition. compare them. If a movement hurts. THE “FEEL” ICON THE “EQUALIZE” ICON 188 Deeper Lovemaking .

Never force or cause yourself to cringe. use less effort. feeling way. If a movement hurts. place cushions under your knees Equalize the effort used to spread your legs and to tighten your belly.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. The Pelvic Power Thrust 189 . in an easygoing. The Pelvic Power Thrust STARTING POSITION: • leaning back propped up on your elbows • head and upper back resting back on pillows propped up against the wall or headboard of your bed • legs crossed If necessary for comfort.

Feel your belly and front of neck tighten. Slowly lift your head. Feel your belly and front of neck relax. each time. 1. 2. 190 Deeper Lovemaking . use less effort. Repeat a few times at decreasing levels of effort. feeling where the tension is.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. feeling way. Slowly lower your head back onto the pillows. in an easygoing. If a movement hurts. Never force or cause yourself to cringe.

2. in an easygoing. The Pelvic Power Thrust 191 . Never force or cause yourself to cringe. feeling where the tension is. If a movement hurts.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. each time. Slowly relax. By tightening your buttocks. Repeat a few times at decreasing levels of effort. use less effort. spread your legs so the sides of your thighs press down. 1. feeling way.

Lift your head and hold. in an easygoing. 2. use less effort. feeling way.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 1. Spread your legs and hold. If a movement hurts. 3. 192 Deeper Lovemaking . belly. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Equalize the amount of tension in your buttocks. and neck.

switch leg positions and repeat. If a movement hurts. Then. Slowly relax all efforts at the same speed. The Pelvic Power Thrust 193 . in an easygoing. repeat at decreasing levels of effort.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. feeling way. You’ll feel your ability to thrust your pubic area forward increase. use less effort. 4. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Repeat a number of times until you can control the movement so all efforts begin and end at the same time. Then.

soles of feet touching 194 Deeper Lovemaking . feeling way.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. If a movement hurts. use less effort. NEW STARTING POSITION: • leaning back propped up on your elbows • head resting back on a pillow • legs: knees bent and dropped to the sides. in an easygoing.

4. feeling way. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. Slowly press your head backward and hold. The Pelvic Power Thrust 195 . If a movement hurts. in an easygoing. 1. Feel at your mid-back. Slowly lift your chest and hold. Slowly relax.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. use less effort. Slowly relax. ⇒ 2nd level ⇒ Look up at 2. your brows. 3.

8. If a movement hurts. 196 Deeper Lovemaking . feeling way. Press feet down and hold. Press head backward and hold. use less effort.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. Slowly press your feet down and hold. Never force or cause yourself to cringe. 5. Slowly relax. in an easygoing. 7. Feel the sensation in your lower back. 6.

repeat at decreasing levels of effort. Repeat a number of times until you can control the movement so all efforts begin and end at the same time. If a movement hurts. Once you are familiar with the two movements. 9. Then. Feel the sensation in your upper back. alternate directions. in an easygoing. Slowly relax. Never force or cause yourself to cringe.Move slowly enough to notice the first sensation of effort. 11. The Pelvic Power Thrust 197 . feeling way. 10. use less effort. Equalize all efforts. Lift your chest and hold.

Then. If the man penetrates to about half his length and waits. Bump and grind and swirling movements create variety and keep feeling fresh. he might artfully alternate numbers of slow and fast penetrations. Feel and let anticipation grow. This variety gives the woman a chance to discover what she likes best. slowly and in stages. then go for more. Start with pressure at the opening of her vagina and just stay there. Wait for the rush of feeling to subside.Secret: The Art of Rhythm The act of penetration can be played for maximum feeling. With your newly developed pelvic control. Experiment and enjoy. Where building feeling is concerned. Then. he can repenetrate more quickly. slower is better. when he is all the way in. Finally..” the man might penetrate slowly eight times and quickly once. the man can withdraw and repenetrate.” What a surprise when he pushes in farther! (slowly . six times and quickly three times. twice. rest and feel. 198 Deeper Lovemaking .” In “sets of nine. Cause penetration to about one inch and rest there. then go for more. Just feel. etc. which is primitive and leads to loss of sensitivity. you can regulate the speed of penetration.. again. The idea is to maintain fresh awareness of the sensations by means of changes of pace -.) At some point. One Asian sex teaching is called “sets of nine.not to create sensations merely by hard force. so the man can go with that for as long as he and she like. then seven times and quickly. he can engage a rhythm of slow and faster penetration at different angles. as do the full variety of other techniques. it gives the woman the feeling impression that “that’s all there is. The change of speed creates a new experience and new sensations.