adesubomi plumptre

U B SH*T
bout life it’s a

NOLL
v ol.1

From the DC Times best selling author of NOTHING

No Bullsh*t Vol. 1: It's About Life
Adesubomi Plumptre

2008 by Adesub omi Pl All rig umptre hts res erved. a retr No por ieval tion of system this bo electr , or t onic, ok may ransmi mechan be repr tted i except ical, oduced n any for br photoc , store form o ief quo opy, r d in prior w r by a tation ecordi ritten ny mea s in cr ng, sc permis ns itical anning sion of review , or o the pub s or ar ther lisher ticles . , witho ut the Plumpt re, Ade subomi No Bul ls ISBN 9 h*t! Vol. 1: It 789780 ’s Abou 86-9 t Life/ Adesub Photog omi Pl umptre raphy: Leke A lder Ade Plu m Seyi Bo ptre dy Law son Design : Alder C onsult ing Additi o Opeyem nal Design: i Awoye mi

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freedom. . 1 De love and friend To truth. ion cat di ship. It's been an h onour knowin g you. compassion.4 No Bullsh*t: Vol.

A .Y.C.5 Adesubomi Plumptre ow Fl Life.A ent Fulfillm Some Enc ouragem 67 71 ent The Day My Frien Loneline s And The s. O Shos h Life ! I Gotta Do An Intro 11 Disclosure Older M Novemb 7 ide To ho's Gu Feeli ny In ng Hor s Fr Lesson oothp om My T ief an Nigeri Fr s In Br Capit om The al City ing Search For Al phas e rria The Ma Thinki n ge Issu t Kids g Abou And So I Write 17 23 7 2 31 35 43 49 57 61 en er aste Tu be S. Pigheadedness Dating C onundru m We're Stu ck In A R ut I'm A Col d Hard B itch Forging A With An Relationship Invisibl e Being dship Di 75 81 85 89 93 99 ed .D.

6 No Bullsh*t: Vol. 1 Frees tyle Who Am I? Aching & S orrow 9 ing Falling I Possibil ities n Love 47 33 41 65 This Is My Dream ing Year 79 Stars 97 Lyric s Stand Up Let The Jo y Begin Lessons Of Life 104 105 106 .

7 Adesubomi Plumptre IG ott aD oA n tro In .

then later evolved into this . I do know this will be boring to some. Therefore. in no way universal and I reserve the right to change my mind in Vol 2! rather long and I'm not sure how to end it. no. I just will. I admit. I learnt that if a book doesn't engage me from the very beginning. The formula for understanding this book is simple . but eventually the caustic wit and irreverence emerged.no pretence.. 11 years ago when I took up a miserable looking pencil to capture on paper the thoughts buzzing in my head.there is no formula. wherever. no hypocrisy. It started 10. which served as a sort of catharsis for me. There are toooooooo many books and just toooooooo little time.. as this intro's getting It's all very personal. God forbid you have to sit down to read it all at once! Begin from the back. .the first volume in a series of write-ups chronicling my deepest thoughts about life. middle. Long ago. Now. I've deliberately segmented this collection of musings into stand-alone chapters that are non-sequential and no longer than a few pages each. 1 Okay. front. In fact if I haven't caught your attention by now. there was no point proceeding.(smile). A blog soon followed. my prose was pretty serious. please don't read any further. I could have used a less incendiary title for my book. Back then. but hey! NO BULLSH*T best describes what I have to say . no gloss over. I write what I'm feeling right here and now.8 No Bullsh*t: Vol.

9 Adesubomi Plumptre 1 Fre esty le .

I behold forms and shadows in shades of purple and blue. I am a black fe I. male. 1 WhWhomAI? I? oA m queen. .10 No Bullsh*t: Vol. I’m a Nubian ck beauty. A woman am As I gaze into the swirling mists and maelstrom of the future. unbleached e f the epitome o (She laughs!). paragon of bla a legance. I behold a woman who will be and become. I see clouds that congregate to form tangible shapes in my crystal ball.

11 Adesubomi Plumptre 2 Discl osure .

And when he does allow you to get a word in. It moves on The TRUTH is the only basis of sensible conversation. promptly forget everything you've said. they have just one advantage . OLifi f Life. Trying to make friends with a know-it-all is the single most frustrating relationship experience. 1 Life. We spend our entire lives making friends and then one day realize that we don't really know the people we profess to know and we can only count on one or two. he only does so. It doesn't stop for you to get your without you. so he can catch his breath. . You are forced to listen to ignorant people everyday. and continue to monopolise the conversation. You don't. when you have so much more on the inside. Oh h L e! e! RLD work for Stop trying to make the WO you.12 No Bullsh*t: Vol. But. There's nothing as annoying as having to listen to someone talk about himself all the time.they know how to express themselves. act together.

But. because some people just do not want to be known.13 Adesubomi Plumptre really enrich us are those we never really searched for. not forgetting the “nobody loves me” (sob! sob!) tearjerker and the timeless “all men are dogs” assertion. Why do guys like girls and girls reciprocate? Why do girls hate guys and guys heartily reciprocate? Why do guys after hating girls then fall hopelessly in love with them? Why do guys and girls pretend not to like one another. Learn to recognize such in people. Why go on and on about not having any friends. We give so much to people and then find that the ones who . If that's true. if your greatest joy lies in knowing God. Why lay all of that on someone else? We live in a suspicious world filled with suspicious people. Megalomania and schizophrenia abound. The fact that you don't enjoy your own company means you must be a very boring person. avoid them. then aren't all women bitches? It would seem that the friends that really enrich us are those we never really searched for. If your greatest joy lies in getting to know people. Paranoia and insecurity are rampant. not for who you are” syndrome. you won't be disappointed for the knowledge of God is infinite in its depths. it'll also be your greatest sorrow. play the age old ‘cat and mouse’ game of fencing. It'll help you understand their psyche and better still. and then fall hopelessly in love with one other? What about the dating game? The famous heartbreak scenario? The “I love you for what you give/do to me.

crying over your problems. If you can't do anything about them.. Why me? Why the heck not you? You're no different from the 10 million other people it happened to. that is. suffer in silence and spare the rest of us. that is. it's incredibly boring (if you're female...14 No Bullsh*t: Vol.. 1 out sex anyway? What's the big deal ab otional depth. Stop being a sissy. ithout mental and em W ale.Wink!) ly boring (if you're fem it's incredib Why are guys so beauty conscious and then 10 years later complain they married an airhead? Why are girls so security conscious and then turn around to complain that the guy doesn't have time for them? What's the big deal about sex anyway? Without mental and emotional depth.Wink!) What's the big deal about you? You have nothing that wasn't given to you in the first place. .

people think less of you for it. There's a time in life to sit back.15 Adesubomi Plumptre All talk and no action makes you a grandiose hot air balloon. shut up and let others instruct. Contentment can. so the saying goes. Perfection can never be attained. Contentment can. . Why do you need to get married? Because your parents are waiting for the opportunity to finally get you out of the house.” The importance of studying will be revealed to you in an entirely new light when life's exam questions stare you in the face. When people ask what's wrong and you don't say. When you do share your problems. “A problem shared is a problem halved”. don't blame them if they don't ask again. Perfection can never be attained. “I don't feel like reading.

16 No Bullsh*t: Vol. 1 In rage I bellow at the elements by which I am proscribed I spit in the face of the inevitables and unmovables I rant. rave and curse the invisibles that mock my pain And I puff in puerile futility at the internal inferno that consumes me In relief I embrace the kisses of the morning I revel in accomplishments old & new I rediscover old forgotten consorts And accept life’s gifts with grudging acknowledgement .

17 Adesubomi Plumptre Disclosure 3 .

young girly games with old it you and They'll out-think you. outw th no sweat. You haven't failed and bounced back as much as they have. They've also been exposed to many more things than you have. STILL get you into bed wi . Bottom-line. So I recently decided to do a comparative analysis to identify common traits and characteristics. (Blame it on the scientist in me). They've usually achieved more. I also wanted to do a tongue-in-cheek guide to my sisters out there. Here's what I discovered: 1 Experience will always be a hallmark of older men. They've heard. have more and know more. ly. Give them the respect they deserve.18 No Bullsh*t: Vol. they're much more patient and have more resources than you do. 1 Men o lder deTToOOlder Men Shoshos GGui e o' 's uid Shosh I've got quite a number of male friends who are much older than I am. outwit you and STILL get you into bed with no sweat. They'll out-think you while making you think you're in the driver's seat. you cannot afford to play all those silly. YOU have much more to lose. young girly games with them. What’s more. read and seen much more than you have in your shorter life span. You can’t afford to play sil er men. Remember.

it's quite heartwarming to keep in mind that they often get confused once they come across that RARE female that isn't moved by it. though some may have discriminating 3 4 palates. it's quite heartwarming to keep in mind that they often get confused once they come across that RARE female that isn't moved by it. What used to be important is no longer as important and what was priority is no longer priority. But. They know the clock is ticking. Maybe it's because they've seen it all and have finally come 5 6 They hate to waste time. (You know. divorced or at least have a child or two. It's also likely that their peers are the ones in power at the moment. the Big Boys or CEOs Club). They're no longer 20-somethings. As per SEX . to realise what really matters.they've done it many more times than you have. They're very likely married (even if they swear they're not). Money will quite likely be their primary weapon. Older guys have wider perspectives. They seem to appreciate depth and values too. 2 . Variety and a challenge are key turn-ons. I've learnt that kindness and intelligence mean a lot to older guys. Money will quite likely be their primary weapon.19 Adesubomi Plumptre They have a wider circle of influence 'cause they've spent much more time building it. It's a practical reality like eating breakfast in the morning. But. Sex is totally demystified and is now a matter-of-fact topic for discussion and negotiation.

They're largely driven by fear and the fact that they've I'm usually wary of such men because they may succumb to unsavoury “bright” ideas. Older guys that aren't too successful have a big chip on the shoulder. It's not all sweet talk baby! But. and anyway. They hate being labelled failures. there's less chance of rejection 'cause they have the muscle (financial and otherwise) to back their moves. got to make it soon 'cause time's running out.20 No Bullsh*t: Vol. 8 . they're mature enough to shrug rejection off when they have to. 1 7 They're not as afraid of rejection as younger guys are.

especially when they have no ulterior motive and they can usually save you from making terribly naïve mistakes. older guys are a great bunch to learn from. Even the ones that lie are soon found out. They will eventually destroy themselves and you along with them. I guess the trick to dating an older man is to know exactly what you're getting into. no matter how exciting the thought may be. unless something prevails. n olde nd a ange ays a to ch his w try r ng to et in Neve n tryi ady s alre woma fool. The successful ones are usually proud and expect to be respected. so you're not surprised by the turn of events. Then there are the truly nasty predators who consume whatever they touch and should never ever be handled even with a 10-foot pole. r guy. but extract blood as payment. He's not about to cede authority to a 20 or 30-something year All in all though. He's bide a ss he's a ot a will n l him unle o contr . They are great teachers. He's already set in his ways and will not abide a woman trying to control him unless he's a fool. You pretty much know where you stand from the onset. They'll give you a good time.21 Adesubomi Plumptre 9 old. But never try to change an older guy.

22 No Bullsh*t: Vol. 1 .

23 Adesubomi Plumptre 4 D c is su o l e r .

1 ovember Nvember Ho orn in No Feeling g Hrny y in Feelin It ain’t fair! Mama never said there'll be days like this when your body literally screams to be touched. Are you saying this is going to go on for an indeterminate period of time? Hell no! I've run out of distractions. Meditation doesn't distract me from it. And. as I searched and searched for a solution to the incessant feeling of sexual desire that plagues me at odd (and sometimes plain crazy) moments. mental and emotional strength. she particularly left out the part about the ache going on for days on end till your body becomes one single-minded pulsating organ. . Ignoring it doesn't change it. right here. Simmering & barely suppressed. right now in as many ways as can be fathomed by the human imagination. this tirade was a constant refrain. meditation tricks. Sigh! I must be going mad! All this because a person's trying to live according to some long forgotten code of conduct? C’mon. I kept on thinking…there must be a better way (read easier way). I am very weary and right now all I want.24 No Bullsh*t: Vol. there must be an easier way! Heck. I'm only 20-something. It just sits there like the rumble of thunder before a great big storm. is my very own exclusive dick!” Phew!! A few weeks ago. Nothing seems to budge it.

The decision to 'try' the chaste route has perhaps been my hardest and most unreasonable. I would like to think that some sense of nobility would restrain me. so these things are not much of a issue of sex head-on. The major ones seem to be: Somewhere deep inside me. as easy as just going out to “get my freak on”. I am also bold enough to approach the 4 our bodies scr eam when “Copulate! Copulate!” t's I tion is a scary ti ula me of the month. are wired differently). It's the time when we are most fertile. nothing must go to waste. Why waste 2 in a month?! I wish relief was persuade us to utilise our eggs. ovulation is a scary time of the month. After all. AIDs and unwanted babies. Only a few guys have gotten past my head (not to talk about my heart). maybe it's because their groins. This brings me to a further complication. I am educated enough to know how to prevent STDs. 2 3 I simply won't sleep with a guy just to scratch a sexual itch.25 Adesubomi Plumptre For women. My reasons are varied and sometimes conflicting. (Although I understand guys do it everyday. I mean brains. I wish to live according to 1 some higher code of conduct and within some moral boundaries. without so much as batting an eyelid. Ov . so it's going to take extreme powers of persuasion for a guy to eventually work his way into my bed. It's when our bodies scream “Copulate! Copulate!” It's almost as if nature's lending a big helping hand to Every single egg counts. deterrent to me.

not the solution What kind of person s for sex? marrie Lately. lonely and frustrating place.26 No Bullsh*t: Vol. 1 So you say “no to sex”. What kind of person marries for sex? When you get tired of doing it. So what am I supposed to do? Bang my head against the wall? Has anybody figured out exactly how many cold showers a body can take? So what is a girl to do? Practically? Getting married is not the solution. what do you do with the person you're stuck with for the rest of your life? Talking about it helps. No sex and no substitutes. category as doing? Damn! So here I am in this very unpopular. So. I'm still gritting my teeth! It's going to be a looooong month and I'm not sure how much more a body can take. Maybe it's the same way some people deal with drugs . I admit they're hidden from view (and quite personal). Is anybody feeling me out there? . I've been thinking that perhaps the starting point is gritting my teeth and just making up my mind to stick with this chastity thing. Man.it's a decision you take and you refuse to look back. It's always great to know that there are other horny people out there. Does thinking fall into the same moral Getting married is . pornography (soft or hard) and extended foreplay are mere substitutes for the real thing. I'm going to dig my feet in and strengthen my resolve. but does that mean you totally throw out your fall-back secondary “tension relievers” as well? Oh no! Masturbation (manual or mental).

27 Adesubomi Plumptre

Disc losu r

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28 No Bullsh*t: Vol. 1

My Lessons From My be ns From Tu Lesso oothpate e ube t T Toothpas s T
It's 9am on a busy Saturday morning and weekends are the only time I get to squeeze out my toothpaste properly, from the bottom up. That's when I smooth and straighten out a week's worth of wrinkles and perfunctory squeezes from the side, front, wherever.

This week was a particularly tiring one. I was kept going by a particularly potent mixture of taurine and caffeine (for the uninitiated, Red Bull in the morning, coffee later in the day).
Eventually, as my body woke up after a few vigorous brushes, my mind shifted to a completely unrelated topic, as rambling minds often do. I ruminated on the subject of integrity. Not the kind commonly associated with moral rectitude, but a certain quality that describes a person whose every part is in sync, a man who lives out what he says and who is who he says he is. A man whose actions follow the logical progression of his desires, dreams and thoughts and who possesses a certain measure of singularity and predictability. I have often found that we are quick to state our position on a matter or express desires, but not as quick to do what it takes to concretise them. A person desires professional success but goes to bed exhausted every night without reading a single material that will advance his cause. That cannot be integrity. It must lie within the realm of something else.

29 Adesubomi Plumptre

A man desires to marry Miss World but cannot afford to spend the requisite $1,000 a month on cosmetics to maintain her premium visage. He desires a freak in bed, an uninhibited feminine creation but cannot abide confident women who are at the top of their game. He decries his racist treatment in a foreign country but will deny his daughter's right to marry from a tribe not his own. A woman desires only the rich & successful; the tall, dark and handsome but is 30 pounds overweight.

A woman desires only ; the rich & successful the tall, dark and handsome but is 30 pounds overweigh t.
If cause truly leads to effect and sowing begets reaping, perhaps we are all delusional or very very hopeful (translate foolish). Why do we want parts of people and resist accepting the whole -when the seeming undesirables are critical components. working together that produces the whole. totally annihilated, will the pros still subsist? Perhaps I speak from an uninformed, female perspective, for I find that within the context of relationships, men are always “hopeful” of compromises while women “think” they can change a man. Pray tell, if God did not succeed in changing a man for 30 odd years, what sort of “bottom power” does a woman hope to exert to perform this feat literally overnight? I find that it's quite plausible that many times, we do not even “see” the inconsistencies and lack of integrity. It is every factor The cons provide a

background from which the pros are projected and if the cons are

I find that culture and religio will make a man irrational. Someone who will narrow in on the important and not the fashionable. steps away from the known to the unknown. since infancy. 1 Many times. a Patriot. then I pray that God (yes I do believe in Him) will continue to grant me the faculty to seek and love knowledge and the strength to escape from every stifling environment. . A Braveheart. embraces the simple principles of faith. May I never. as I change and evolve. I wish to be an inspiration to many. Is it because our thinking has been conditioned to believe and live a lie? Or are we too proud to admit that we are lacking? Or is it culture or religion (not faith) that blinds us? I find that culture and religion will make a man irrational. In all honesty. opens his eyes. As I grow and mature. Having been steeped in them ed. People who strive to be the best they can be. Having been steeped in them since infancy. he knows no better.30 No Bullsh*t: Vol. I long to converse with an individual who will heartily confront the tough questions instead of brushing them aside. It is only when he opens his heart to understanding and wisdom. truth. he has become programm n I so much long to meet people who are quite simply who they are. to sear with my words and challenge paradigms. we aren't aware anything's wrong. ever lose my way in this undulating journey we call life. an Arthur. queries his elders. If knowledge and environment are the two things that save us from ourselves. receives knowledge. he has become programmed. not the best “someone else”. loyalty and such stuff that span cultures and peoples that he can finally become whole.

31 Adesubomi Plumptre 6 cl is D re su o .

Yawn! We seem to have little respect for orderliness and other people's time and once we're on stage. microphone or muscle control. In fact. Our spoken English is atrocious. we feel it's our time to shine. We just open up and belt it out without regard to breath.S. Perhaps we are not confident. “I don't need to say exactly what I mean.32 No Bullsh*t: Vol.I. we go on and on and on and on. 1 Nigerians In Br ef Nigerians In Briief Nigerians talk a LOT! Is it because we celebrate everything & anything and are so damn expressive? Or is it because we're quite scattered in our thinking and our capacity for analytical.S (Keep it short stupid!) Interestingly. We transliterate from our mother tongue and approximate sentences using bodily gestures as illustrations. so long you understand exactly what I'm trying to say”. hence in our nervousness. the new motto for Nigerians should be K. It's a wonder we don't damage the props when we sing! . Nigerians also sing with their “whole mouths”. singular and focused thought is low? Is that why we ramble on so like I'm doing now? It's so difficult for us to think and talk in bullet-points. expecting the listener to just get it! It's like.

33 Adesubomi Plumptre 7 Fre estyle .

misfired & lying in waiting Headache building. words challenging my sensibilities A cry of protest from deep within. Sorrow full Dreams unfulfilled. maybe Victory. Sorrow true. 1 Sorrow deep. Dreams shattered. waiting. compassion for another A new day. Dreams shattered. new time. flickering Images assaulting my senses. new world order . Dreams abandoned. someday. Life disillusioned. Sorrow true. extinguishing. Sorrow wide. languishing. Ah Acching& S ing &Soor rroowin r wing g Sorrow deep. Sorrow wide. expression diminishing Wanting.34 No Bullsh*t: Vol. change. Strength torn Fire in my belly. Dreams unfulfilled. Dreams abandoned Hopes gone. pressure squeezing Outlets missing. praying That somewhere. stifled by propriety & seeming responsibility Aching for young lives wasted & wasting Misdirected. Sorrow full.

35 Adesubomi Plumptre 8 cl is D re su o .

As I sat at the venue. one always sees the same faces and brands at these business shindigs. I swore my generation MUST succeed. For if our nation is to be left in the hands of false captains of industry and politicians. The reason why it's easier for me to speak in front of thousands of people everywhere else but here is everyone's just waiting for you to fail here. If what I see at the cinema is any indication. it occurred to me.36 No Bullsh*t: Vol. What distinguishes them are their values and a certain quality of heart. then we might as well just lie down and die right now! At the conference. . 1 y itt lCCiy a l Capita apit T Te C romm hhe F ro F I was in Abuja (Nigeria's capital city & seat of power) recently for a number of reasons. I studied the people around me and thought.ideas afterall move a nation forward . one of which was to attend a conference of the boring variety. then we might as well just lie down and die right now! While we're at it. I noticed an amusing contrast in the capital city. forget the next generation. then that generation is quite simply lost. "people are truly the same everywhere".but it takes sacrifice and selflessness to implement My generation MUST succeed. great ideas. Intelligence is important . For if our nation is to be left in the hands of false captains of industry and politicians.

Having spent so much time shuttling to and from Abuja. Having spent so much time shuttling to and from Abuja. So many times. it manifests as blind. It is a rare phenomenon to meet a civil servant who really understands the concept of service. white.37 Adesubomi Plumptre Somehow scepticism. the people have handled so much money and power and are so exposed that they've become just a tad proud and consider themselves superior. That ability to subordinate oneself to a higher moral authority and the belief that you're a part of something bigger than you. . it is demonstrated as a natural capacity to lead & dominate. enmity. I'm further convinced that environment shapes human thought (and I've become an amateur philosopher!) In all fairness. Money and Sex. bad blood and 'bad bele' (envy & malice) have taken root in this beloved city. pride. I'm further convinced that environment shapes human thought (and I've become an amateur philosopher!) I'm also persuaded that a man will never truly know himself until he comes into intimate contact with the 4 Great Temptations.Knowledge. The norm is a certain “MasterSerf” ideology. religious or non-religious. the fear of God and nobility of purpose are common denominators in all 'good' people I've come across here. Sometimes. Black. This phenomenon is so deeply ingrained in African culture that I doubt if we'll ever truly shake ourselves free of it. ignorant ego. superiority. competition. bitterness. I have met some good people in the corridors of power but they are underwhelmingly in the minority. Power. More often than not.

As usual. th all right with the one Or maybe I'm who's crazy? . Or maybe I'm the one who's crazy? I will be back in the nation's capital again. I refuse to believe that we all look out of the window and think that everything's all right with the world. No wonder I'm perpetually depressed! And with the goings-on in the country. my mental armour will be thick and well burnished or perhaps it will gradually get chipped away by all the nonsense till there's nothing left between me and the monsters out there! wish my I desperately uld o generation w ke a stand up to m t least a an impact or who would. the people I know who embody these traits are too few (sigh!). 1 A sense of values and unfeigned kindness. I desperately wish my generation would stand up to make an impact or at least support those who would.38 No Bullsh*t: Vol. support those eve that we li I refuse to be the window f all look out o everything's t and think tha e world. Unfortunately. who wouldn't be.

39 Adesubomi Plumptre .

1 Life! .40 No Bullsh*t: Vol.

41 Adesubomi Plumptre 9 F r e es ty le .

I yield to experience and with joy submit to the steady pace of time and chance. And though I stumble.42 No Bullsh*t: Vol. I will live to see another year and tell another tale. I'll let the streams cleanse me and wash me as they tinkle like bells tossed about by a soft breeze. for in them I uncover and discover endless possibilities. though they bewilder. I will never fall for I have learnt the principles of love. Faith and belief will . see another bright horizon. touch another rainbow and taste new wine. will never confound. But I shall hold my peace and allow the wind to play for me and soothe my soul with its refreshing caress. Impossibilities. But for now. 1 Possi bilit Possibilities es My heart longs to make music from heavenly melodies and spin a tale from intangibility. keep me still. I shall grow and extend my wings like Cherubim in flight. a sycamore that stretches and extends endlessly to the sky. I'll surrender to the sun as it bathes my face and incline my ear as the moon and stars tell me of the complexities of their Creator.

10 .

But I'm not just referring to any group of alphas. of leadership To this group of alphas. . They are in any achievement oriented and very ambitious. They exhibit both nation. organisation or They are intelligent. one characterised by a combination of forefront distinct traits. They love life and themselves. are very confident and almost arrogant.44 No Bullsh*t: Vol. 1 Sear chi Searchnng Frr i g Fo o A Alphas lpha s alphas Yesterday. intellectual and very deep. where are the are those alphas? Where are they?” distinct individuals You see. knowledge AND wisdom. I have a at the specific breed in mind. alphas are those distinct individuals who are always at who are the forefront of leadership and change in any organisation or always nation. are idealistic. "Lord. They are emotionally stable. care about people and give. They have good hearts. And they detest and change people who try to tell them something cannot be done. possess the fear of God. They have a certain ‘groundedness’. I whispered a quiet prayer. mature and are not tripped by the trappings of life. NOTHING is impossible. They have a very high self concept.

distinctiveness. Bosses get the job done. Finally. they are rare. They are leaders NOT bosses. money is a means to an end. In this environment. at the forefront of their fields. music. parochial or bigoted. . I've found that many betas occupy alpha roles. usually at great personal cost. not narrow-minded. I can only attest to meeting few alphas. literature and art. the true hallmark of an alpha is that he/she succeeds against all odds. . they're thrust into such roles because nature abhors a vacuum. excellence. cultured. but you can smell the shallowness on them. I have met thousands of people in my short lifetime. poetry. Sometimes. For them. They do not define success in merely monetary terms. In their hearts they know the position is much bigger than them. Alphas rarely entertain such second thoughts. Sometimes.45 Adesubomi Plumptre They are powerful. They are exposed.g. Sadly I have met few alphas. not an end in itself. Sadly. while chivalry. Alphas are rare. mediocrity and selfishness (of gargantuan proportions) are enthroned. Alphas know they were born for leadership without exception. idealism and exposure. I have met thousands of people in my short lifetime. Perhaps it's because the prevailing environment in our nation inhibits initiative. iconoclasm. Leaders inspire and make change happen. successful and prosperous. The things that inspire and reorient e. honour and selflessness are scorned. Thankfully. are considered trivial 'unnecessaries'. they masquerade as alphas.

give to the poor. I'm currently building a database of alphas. Submissions are highly welcome. SO CAN THE STAND UP! We need them to get key projects off the ground. we need more alphas.46 No Bullsh*t: Vol. ’cause I'm desperately searching for alphas. house the homeless. take on positions of leadership. 1 If we must change the world and our country. or make sacrifices so others can advance. transform our nation. execute noble agenda. ALPHAS PLEASE REAL .

11 Fr ee st yl e 47 Adesubomi Plumptre .

When I'm sad. A man who loves me just the way I am. not how they've always been done. He wants the best for me. I desire a friendship that isn't mercurial. A man who tells me how things can be done. I need someone to chase away my lonesomeness and aloneness. I long for the friend I've always wanted but never found. I want to be filled when I'm thirsty and to satisfy the rumbling ache in the pit of my stomach and loins. the r umbling ache in the pit place and when I'm with him. I want to experience the absolute peace that sometimes comes with being with another. fascinating and uncomplicated. Someone who approves of me totally. a home. but is as constant as still waters. I'm searching for arms that are a haven. He's a resting nd to satisfy rsty a hi I wan t to be filled when I'm t of my stomach and loins. who shows me things that are much greater and higher than I imagined. I really want to come home. 1 Fallin In Love Fallingg In Love I long to belong to another.48 No Bullsh*t: Vol. my troubles are a mile away. my own man. a grown man. I want someone who makes me feel better and stronger. Who makes each day exciting. One who is exclusively mine. Someone who brings out the best in me. A strong man. doesn't judge me or seek to break me. inspires change in me. .

49 Adesubomi Plumptre 2 1 scl Di os ur e .

In my writings. But. one of the questions I've been asked again and again is this: are you in a relationship OR are you married? (or some other variant of the inquiry). There are very few times I share my innermost thoughts. back to the issue at hand. other times a bit pissed at the presumptions & assumptions and other times pretty despondent. It began with disillusionment and . my frailties and invite others to do likewise. educational backgrounds and belief systems). click…I tap my fingers as I debate whether or not to proceed with this.. I've never bothered about what people think of me or what conclusions are reached. marriage. As I write this. gender lines. The thought of marriage has been a journey for me. d It began with disillusionment an . Anyway. progressed slowly to wonderment. 1 Th M Marriag I su u The e arriage e sIsse e I've been meeting a lot of interesting individuals offline and online. Sometimes I'm amused.. The thought of marriage has been a journey for me. I pause for a while.if they dare. (The beauty of the web is that it allows you to meet people across different countries. and it's even rarer for me to share my heart.click.. writing has always been a very personal exercise (a catharsis) for me. click. nt progressed slowly to wonderme Invariably. I lay bare my humanity..50 No Bullsh*t: Vol.

Before I proceed any further. the subject of marriage takes on different hues at varying ages for both men and women. At the time. Younger folks are much more preoccupied with getting a degree. Still. it actually is worth doing if done right. More often than not. not out of obligation. sexual need to family/social pressure. The reasons ranged from loneliness (a need for companionship). Apparently. The bond of love that's formed in friendship is the deepest bond I know. For example. This made me do some serious thinking about the concept of and purpose for marriage. And there's no shame in friendship. A friend can be trusted implicitly. A friend knows you inside out and accepts you. I've come to a (dare I say) better understanding of the subject of marriage and am pleased to discover it has many positive aspects. catching the eye of a fine babe/bloke or life's other 'introductories'. Anyway. I've been reliably informed that my recent preoccupation with sex is a function of my age.51 Adesubomi Plumptre In the beginning. THAT'S FORMED IN FRIENDSHIP IS THE DEEPEST BOND I KNOW. I realise just how important it is for me that marriage evolves through friendship. Over the years. I've never really been the marrying and birthing type. hormones at this age are naturally in overdrive. (In the same vein. a decent job. but out of understanding and fondness. But that's an aside). THE BOND OF LOVE . You can be yourself (in all ramifications) with a friend and can express any and everything (even to the point of being vulgar). I was 15. I was rather confused about why some people got married in the first place. such couples eventually became “settled” (translation: bored) in their marriages. I must state that many things in life are relative and may be a function of age or perspective. as I've mulled over the subject of marriage.

Sometimes. there will be issues. 1 Think about it. there's gonna be trouble in paradise on someone's wedding night. (I've never been the "God told me to do it" type). ke lo v e in 57 diffe r en i is s a ‘m t positions and your wife's on s ary . Unfortunately. young. naïve ‘little thing’ when he's 27. If you can't fart in front of your boyfriend. in my opinion. What is marriage but friendship in close quarters? If you can't truly connect with someone on intellectual and emotional levels. Changing a mind set is virtually impossible. marrying for the wrong reasons (or marrying the wrong person and trust me there are wrong people and you ALWAYS know before you take the leap) produces split personalities (especially in guys). you're the type to duat e. For instance. a guy marries a nice. It's a mental thing. you're the type to make love in 57 different positions and your S.O) is not. adise there's gonn ble in par a be trou If you're the free living and adventurous type and your significant other (S. .52 No Bullsh*t: Vol. he's the ambitious type and by the time he's 35 and begins to be successful. There are just some things that cannot be taught or changed (or in the very least are very difficult). big time! Imagine. then you're sure as hell not going to be free enough to do a strip tease for him when you're married. ch oo l’ Ima g gr a ma ine. And why marry someone you're not completely free and un-shy with. there's no basis for marriage. he has a crisis on his hands.O's a ‘missionary school’ graduate.

But. one to meet their motherly needs. I'm not judging. It's amazing how many guys have one girl to meet their intellectual needs. he was focused on the present and didn't chart the progression of his life. Then he gets home and his wife just can't deal with it all. another to meet their sexual needs and then "the wife". one to meet their ego needs. I've never experienced a dearth of people around me. Interestingly. sophisticated. and will never presume to. Perhaps expanding my friendship base might be the logical starting point to resolving the marriage issue for me. I've found that good character & intellectual depth are rarer than silver or gold. Finding both in a single human is a miracle of Red Sea like proportions. Suddenly he drives past Prostitute Street and realizes that he can afford any hooker his heart desires. friends few.one life at home. I have brothers & sisters many. Girls are throwing themselves at him left. he's dealing with sophisticated problems. She was never cut out to be the high pressure type of wife and the man had an inkling BEFORE the wedding day. . And not cheap girls either.53 Adesubomi Plumptre Suddenly. And it's not her fault really. Expensive. his immediate solution is to look outward for a "friend" to satisfy the longings his wife can't.both neatly compartmentalized. The result . I have no right to I have my own issues. There are a couple of people I can open my brain to and a few I can open my heart to. mature Delilahs. another outside. But. right and centre (women can always smell success & money a million miles away). The nature of my job and life is such that I'm always meeting people. Now.

Secondly. I've also discovered that a fine boy on campus quickly begins to sport a weathered look when the realities of life hit him.54 No Bullsh*t: Vol. Firstly. dark & handsome. money can make anybody fine. I admire beauty and order. The nature of my sexuality is such that I'm usually attracted to the quality of a man's heart and brain first. good job etc. life has been good to me and my needs are met). I work very hard and will never settle for being an expensive accessory. I didn't put down the usual suspects: tall. I've never believed in being a freeloader. but from an artistic & creative point of view. I'll explain why. I've never been the type to be particular about physical attributes. rich. I'm not looking to solve money problems by snagging a rich husband. Also. It's not the primary turn on for me. 1 The nature of my sexuality is such that I'm usually attracted to the quality of a man's heart & brain first. (Fortunately. . I was going through my wish list (every girl has one) and in it I summarised what I'm basically searching for in a guy: 1 3 A good heart & character Intellectual depth Cultural exposure Out-of-the-box/non-traditional thinking 2 4 5 Ambition & the ability to dream noble things It's funny that on my wish list.

So in many ways. who knows. Freely. Completely. And when I finally get there. May I love wit h an open heart and min d. Freely. may I love with an open heart and mind. I've studied the route my life is taking. Intensely. I will always be in the foreground in life. If a man is not ambitious and purposeful in life. I'm still on my journey of discovery. there's something wrong with him. The journey will end when I reach my destination. In tensely. . Completely. It may be this year or the next. It will take a very secure man to deal with that. and will be called on to take on immense responsibility.55 Adesubomi Plumptre The issue of a man with a good job is a non-issue. Furthermore.

56 No Bullsh*t: Vol. irresponsible abandon My lips adore his lips As we fight the curious battle Of tongue. teeth and liquid fire . 1 My body likes his body It’s comfortable wrapped around his I forget its imperfections and blemishes And revel in pleasurable warmth And blissful.

57 Adesubomi Plumptre 1i3cl s D re su o .

I got a variety of responses ranging from posterity to security to "blessing from the Lord". after you must have gotten married at 26. in my lucid mome nts. So what other reason is there? The closest I've come to a compelling one is the fact that since I've been given so much. .58 No Bullsh*t: Vol. The one I like best is: "Kids are just something you're supposed to have at 28. I've imagined a beautiful baby girl unto whom I would bequeath my eyebrows! Till date. I mean the real reason. kinda like the principle of going to the grave emptied out. The problem is I'm very blessed. it would be interesting to deposit that in a young human under my care. Somehow. I admit I haven't figured out why people have children. 1 Ki Tnkingng out ut ds ds Thi hinki Ab Abo Ki I've never been the type to dream about having kids someday. At best. The key. my dreams never featured blessed little cherubic bambinos in diapers. On asking a cross section of people why they want kids. my legacy is not in question and I'm extremely secure. my dear (read: uninitiated dimwit) is to have all your kids by 30".

I want them to learn about music. I want them to enjoy eating at home. d out why n. I shouldn't impact my biological offspring alone. they can make a choice on which way to go. Im e children eople hav p . if I do have a child or am privileged to be responsible for someone else's. Frankly. aven't figure eal’ reaso admit I h ean the ‘r Till date. if kids aren't proud of where they live and it's no fun. I want my kids to have fun doing karaoke and organising sleepovers (so I can stealthily appraise their friends). somewhere else. they'll hang out 2 3 I would like my kids to get used to quality & beauty and eschew mediocrity very early. Then. history and culture so they can understand how things evolved. I want to have a home theatre. I'm also firmly of the opinion that this world's going to rot. Why bring another human into it when there are so many waiting to be adopted and loved? However. there are a few principles I would adopt: 1 I would like my home to be the sort of place my kids would love to come home to AND bring their friends.59 Adesubomi Plumptre But. I . I live like that already and quite frankly. My kids will never realise that MTV isn't the real world or that pop culture is a fad if I don't educate them on the arts.

Read and Learn.60 No Bullsh*t: Vol. FACT. 1 The media is so insidious. in determining wrong of their own accord. there's little chance of information overload. not a force" and that while knowing him may be a little freaky. I'll start hinting them about striking off on their own. Exposure and intellect should never be underemphasised. But when I ask that they simply do as I say and trust me. Only older folks seem to suffer from brain drain. it's a truly rewarding experience. . I would encourage them to start a business or embark on projects. but their interests must be nurtured not their parents’ nascent desires. I will teach them to give. My kids should be able to discern right and sift through information. With kids. I will teach them to give. they should have many reasons to. I want my kids to read. 5 My children will learn to trust me and feel my love for them. I will teach them that "God is a personality. culture and thought. By 18. 6 7 8 9 10 I will teach my children to be independent in thought but compassionate in heart. They shouldn't be socially inept or emotionally bankrupt. It shapes modern 4 I would teach my children to be independent in thought but compassionate in heart. but everyone should take risks. they are definitely on their own. They will learn to ask ‘why’. It isn't everyone that's cut out to be an entrepreneur. By 21. I would like them to forge real relationships. I would like them to learn how to hear God for real. picking the wheat from the chaff.

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Things I swore I would never do. I thought things were supposed to chase after us and not the other way round. I would have answered a resounding yes! But as I study life and its variable currents. Yet I'm reminded time and again (short of being beaten over the head with it) that everything proceeds according to the sheer mercy of the Most High. I'm confronted with each and every day. country or child yet refuse to forcefully. decidedly and finally do something about it? I possess no small measure of ambition complemented with razor sharp focus. (heck! a month ago). If you had asked me a year ago. even the slightest trial. acceptance. I realize that NOTHING. power. Blind ambition is a killer and ego blinds us to the simple truth that we are human and most frail.62 No Bullsh*t: Vol. Things I despise. A cause. significant other. whatever. Anything can snap us. 1 AnAn o I d Sd SoW IrWte te i ri I wonder if I have a specific mission in life. redemption. I have done (and possibly invented new variants). absolutely NOTHING is certain. Why do we chase after things? Money. And I have the drive of an individual who simply cannot stand mediocrity and convention. Why are we so unhappy with life. as I marvel at the unfathomable depths of humankind's wickedness and misery. possessions. . A calling. job.

keys. Not necessarily to impact anyone or do the world any significant good.63 Adesubomi Plumptre Why are we so unhappy with life. country or child yet refuse to forcefully. work like horses and live like monkeys. And so I write. Whatever it is. Or perhaps it was religion that confined us or tradition and culture that defined us. irreparable damage has been done to the children of our generation and I despair at the specimens that are being cultured to let loose upon our world. job. the senselessness. To escape the misery of it all. significant other. and the cruelty. ink like don We th work like horses and live like m onkeys. And so I write. . We think like donkeys. The bleakness. but simply to escape. I write because reality is subjective and the ideal only exists for a few short moments when we choose to allow it to. decidedly and finally do something about it? If psychology defines man. the madness. then many of us were mentally crippled by the circumstances of our youth or the conditions that encompass us.

simple relationships. (Singing sort of weaves whatever bleak emotions I'm feeling with the very essence of my soul and I've realised that there are some things better left unsung). May you stop chasing and running after empty things. I believe that God is no longer in the details. Praying places it away from me and not within me. But I'm learning that praying it away is much more effective and much less painful. 1 I used to be able to sing the despair away. May the best of life pursue you relentlessly and may you be happy. Lately. simple decisions. simple life (yeah riiiiight)! Good luck to all my fellow life travellers. I run away from anything that is too complicated or complex. And simple I will become.64 No Bullsh*t: Vol. . Simple truths. He now exists in the sublimely simple.

65 Adesubomi Plumptre Fr ee st 15 e yl .

a new born.the Spirit of Africa. As the day of my birth draws near. a year to remember and reminisce and to savour the fruits of seeds planted long ago and forgotten. my soul subdued nor my body desecrated. completeness and first fruits. My spirit can never be broken. It is a year of wholeness. Yet they fought for individuality. I share in their indomitable spirit . the Spirit of Liberty. the year I celebrate is not a token of my age. just be. It is a year of discovery. I am a vessel made unto honour. the Spirit of God. birthed between the knees of a divinity I cannot comprehend or obtain. chained and bound by the shackles of slavery. a receptacle of the sweet essence and presence of Omnipotence. uniqueness and the freedom to be. . my tears are not lost. God collects each one like a precious pearl in the palm of His hand and uses them to water my dreams. 1 e My ar ar Is Ye Y y ThIs M This i I am a free spirit. hands that can never be bound and eyes that are not cast down to forever watch the ants at play.66 No Bullsh*t: Vol. My history is intertwined with the collective spirits of men and women of ages past. Though I cry. hopes and aspirations. It is my year. For in it lies the colour of my skin.

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absolutely nothing can change it. great wads of dough. I present to you that blasted problem. seems.Y. Tears can't change it.A You're going along your jolly merry way. Resounding calamity or adversity When SYCDAA hits you. 1 S. but simply because you have no alternative.a horrible scenario situated within a time frame that refuses to end. perhaps SYCDAA). you discover for the first time in your life what it means to be desperate. 2.A.C. NOTHING it . People (because they have a will and are the most difficult of God's creatures to change). won't budge it. SYCDAA usually comes in two broad varieties: 1. great exercise of will can't resolve it. You call on God. complaining won't move it and money. SYCDAA . Well folks. (At this point some consultant would find an apt acronym for this syndrome.A D . then life oh life throws you a left hook and tada! You're presented with that thorniest of problems THE SITUATION YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT .D S C . not because you're particularly devout or on wonderful terms with Him.Y.68 No Bullsh*t: Vol.

A day or 2. You pray. It's unfamiliar and jerky at first and sporadic at best. A week. you'll have learnt a thing or two. A month or 12. At that point. The monster has finally grown tame and you slowly move on. Waiting becomes a fine art and frustration becomes weary acceptance. very human. For in it. when things stop being about you and you begin to focus on the larger picture.69 Adesubomi Plumptre If trial really produces character. If trial really produces character. and as the strength that prayer endows begins to course through your veins. And so you pray. you'll have learnt absolutely nothing and start right from scratch again. continue. you come face to face with your own limitations and realise that you're very. For in SYCDAA. In that quiet place of prayer. a certain peace fills your heart. Or being the hapless being you are. you learn gut-wrenching humility with a capital H. you hope that maybe you'll get lucky and one of the numerous prayers will get through. then SYCDAA is the poster-child for adversity. your attention shifts from yourself to the overwhelming and wondrous nature of the One to whom you pray. progress. but still you pray. Or perhaps God will take pity on you and answer. what He's planning and what His will is. Chances are the next time SYCDAA comes knocking on your door. In tears and tenuous belief. You begin to wonder what He has in mind. But then belief and faith set in. . you take a step back and it suddenly dawns on you that you don't really care about the situation anymore and you've stopped blaming God (and just about everyone else). then SYCDAA is the poster-child for adversity. while angry outbursts give way to impassioned pleas.

a reprieve A promise of something beyond the misery I know a man who lives in sadness A strong man. my mentor and friend . 1 I know a man who lives in sadness He’s built his battlements there An impenetrable façade of okayisms and alrights Battered and bruised by SYCDAA He seeks a window. a good man.70 No Bullsh*t: Vol. a lone man I know a man who lives in sadness He is my father.

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I'm simply the reserve. Therefore. Many times in life you HAVE to do the things you don't like doing so you can eventually do what you like. the reserve has to be drafted I've been thinking that there are many things I do that I'm not exceptionally talented at nor spectacularly good at nor even particularly enjoy. Yet I do them satisfactorily well. I'm not complaining (okay. or the principle of first being faithful to the concerns of others. I am honoured that I can bridge the gap and perhaps do what needs to be done. afraid or see what it's going to take and just give up. 1 nt Fulfilent lm me Fulfi I believe that there are lots of people who are unsuited for what they are doing now. I believe that in those cases. . Many times it's because the folks that should be doing those things are either unwilling. Perhaps it's the principle of being faithful to little in order that much can be entrusted to you.72 No Bullsh*t: Vol. maybe just a teenie weenie bit).

my heart has been longing and thirsting for the things I thrive on. I am quieter these days and reflective. I hope I don't waste time and resources. A joy I haven't felt in only God knows how long. However. Very hard. If the measure of friendship is availability then a lot of people are just damn horrible friends and should be excommunicated ’cause they are never there. my friends are those who are available. really enjoy and am passionate about. The things I can do without striving. . I still long for the things I really enjoy. Growing up is hard. Those things I have a natural talent for.73 Adesubomi Plumptre In the past few weeks. I truly hope to meet you when I get there. if that is all I achieve in life then could I say that I picked up anything new or faced and overcame any real challenges? But. Right now. Very hard. It just is. Can fulfilment ever truly be attained? Is it a journey that has a definite destination? If so. I sometimes plead for the strength to do what I must. I sometimes plead for the strength to do what I must. the things I really. Growing up is hard. Loneliness has become a challenging irony and less of an event or something to dwell on. I hope I don't waste time and resources. They bring me immense joy. In the past few weeks an unnatural sadness and weariness has gripped me. Friendship has become much more valuable.

1 There is indescribable peace in this place Peace I have searched and ached for There is knowledge in this place Far beyond my years Insight that refuses to leave me alone Get out of my head or relent in its intensity There is sadness & regret in this place But lessons have been learned .74 No Bullsh*t: Vol.

75 Adesubomi Plumptre om o SEnceu rt _enage m Di sc 18 su lo re .

Move house. You must be able to critically look at your life and say that you're really doing something meaningful that impacts the world or other people. 1 E me Enco e r ent nt e Soncouragumageme Som Been thinking a lot about the events of the past couple of months . Give to charity. Take that course. Eat less. Speak out and speak up. the bad & the ugly.the good. Just do it . Go on the offensive. Mend those fences. there will be no regrets. make those decisions you've been meaning to make. Study harder. the traumatising and the joyful.76 No Bullsh*t: Vol. Marry that man or woman. Help the oppressed. Stop ignoring that person. Make them. Change your wardrobe. Say you're sorry. don’t take bullsh*t. These are the lessons I have gleaned: 1 2 Live your life in such a way that if you die today.stop waiting and planning. Whatever you need to do stop waiting and planning. This year. Spoil yourself. Sleep less. Visit that country. The sad. Just do it. Change jobs. Whatever it is .

Forgive. You can make it. The world is looking for originals. Compliments matter. There are far too many people dying and suffering in silence. Make a difference in a room when you walk in. Give. There are too many fakes. 77 Adesubomi Plumptre 3 Personal identity is important. What’s done is done. If you're trying to be. Call people. As long as man remains man. Just BE. 4 5 6 7 8 9 Talk to people. Look good. Crave good friendships. Burn your phone credits. Talk. Move on. IF YOU'RE TRYING TO BE. Stand out. You can do it. Repent.STOP TRYING TO BE. Stop trying to Explore the depths of your personality and strengths. . Be a friend. Someday you'll find someone who adores you. Celebrate people. Spit it out. You can. Seek counsel. YOU'RE NOT. Buy presents. you're NOT. he will always pay more attention to appearances than content. It doesn't matter what people think of you. For real. be.

78 No Bullsh*t: Vol. 1 Things I adore 1 Words a room t streaming into 2 Sunligh 3 A good bear hug 4 Soft kisses 5 R 'n' B slow jams 6 The smell of dust & talc .

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But most of all. a heartbeat close to my cheek. 1 n mm g g eaeai in Dr r D I dream of endless joy.80 No Bullsh*t: Vol. I dream of dances in moonlight that go on and on. I dream of two hearts intertwined irrevocably. I dream of lips whose fruit is as choice grapes and I want to be the one to harvest the vineyard. perfect bliss and happiness unfathomable. I dream of endless joy. perfect bliss and happiness unfathomable. I dream of an intimacy that's so sweet and of never-ending companionship. . I dream of an intimacy that's so sweet and of never-ending companionship. I dream of a physical expression of love that is perfect in purity and exquisiteness. Sweet smells that hold a promise. my complement. kindred spirits. I dream of two beings dancing as one. And then I wake and realize that a dream so sweet could only be just a dream. I dream of being held very close.my one. thoughts that align and blend in perpetuity. I dream of you . I dream of arms that surround me.

81 Adesubomi Plumptre Di sc lo su 20 re .

One was very dear to me. a new job. just-in-time prayer . Days are much more exciting and fun. two common denominators spring to mind: 1.spare cash. a shoulder to lean on. A certain amount of taking one another for granted When you have great friends. a new job.you name it.spare cash. just-in-time prayer . a shoulder to lean on. When you have great friends.you name it. Neglect 2.82 No Bullsh*t: Vol. . I have always considered friendship to be God's greatest gift to mankind (next to his love). somehow. 1 y yy aDaM eD ThTheMy Friiendsh My Fr endshiip Died p Died I have lost two friends within the space of six months. everything you require is just one or two friends away . The other was a "could have been". everything you require is just one or two friends away . Life seems a lot easier to bear and burdens much lighter when you have true friends. As I consider what led to the demise of both friendships. somehow.

the inability to hold on to something so precious. The very thought evokes a depth of sorrow as I consider the waste. he sends people to us in the form of friends. Which makes it a lot harder for me to see a friendship die.83 Adesubomi Plumptre I've always been of the opinion that since God can't physically come down to earth to intervene in our affairs. So when I lose a friend. it hurts. email or send an instant message? What was the last present you bought. card you sent. write. Maybe it's because friendship for me is a RARE phenomenon. Think for a moment - When was the last time you sat a friend down and asked what was going on in his life (especially the deep internal stuff)? When was the last time you took a friend out and told him the conversation would revolve entirely around him for the day? When last did you call. the ingratitude. But back to neglect and taking friendship for granted. poem you composed? The last sleep-over you organised or visit you made? How often are you the last to know when something major happens in the life of a friend of yours? How often do you choose work or school over friendship? And then you wonder why you're so miserable and why the money/degree doesn't mean a thing? How often are you too busy or tired or just damn lazy? How often do you make excuses or tell outright lies when you know you can make it for that event but don't? .

no facade .just me. 1 I know what killed my friendship and I'm determined NEVER to befriend anyone who doesn't have the balls to do what it takes to maintain a friendship. And I can entrust my very life to them. I was trying to explain to a friend of mine the other day what my friends mean to me. what's my take on friendship? It's best conducted with someone who believes in you. Then and only then can you walk together as only true friends can. So that's why they mean the world to me. The other person must be committed. I'm increasingly realising that both people must also share ideologies and values almost implicitly. Friendship is a two way affair. eone ith som cted w condu ologies est our ide ip is b sh hares y ngly Friend omisi n you. In all this. involved and willing or the friendship will crash.84 No Bullsh*t: Vol. They are a group of people I can totally be myself with. no matter what you do. They don't prejudge me and at the same time put me soundly in my place when I put on airs. . s r lieves i comp who be nd un tally a amen fund and is committe d. No pretence. shares your ideologies and is fundamentally and uncompromisingly committed.

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my heart feels like it's going to explode and I literally ache for the object of my desire. When you're young. So you can imagine my surprise when a few months later the desire cools and I'm right back to normal. and things exist simply because you want them to.86 No Bullsh*t: Vol. P ting Conun d L Lon And The Dati The Da And When loneliness hits you. .. It's as if the relationship never burned as hot and it was all a dream. I think that romance is a make-believe phenomenon where everything is a product of fertile imagination and deliberate actions. In the midst of the end of a relationship. but I have experienced the pain of 'the end'. As you get older and suitors become far and in between. love hasn't quite been able to hold on to me yet. The relationship eventually sours when the other person stops acting according to a preprogrammed script and begins to 'malfunction'. high falutin idealistic concepts out the window and just settle for what's available. 1 ess eadedn ess rum adedn d rum h igh e eliness Pig ng Conun oneliness. 'nailing' a suitor is almost a reflexive action. it's easy to throw high minded. in your desperation. Somehow. I've had a couple of 'near misses' with love. you surprisingly begin to accommodate all sorts of crap.

87 Adesubomi Plumptre Lately. proud and superior and no one wants to give in. after a wonderful The amount of emotional bitterness that ensues is worth it. heartache. But about everything always fight with. . I don't have the reserves of emotional energy to build a relationship with someone that's difficult to communicate with or whose temperament or method of processing information is fundamentally different from mine. I'm learning that there's a thin line between love and hate called 'perpetual conflict'. with much pain. you're in such a relationship. even day together. out fast! The arguments never end and eventually. I do not desire to speak Latin to someone who's only fluent in Greek. bitterness and scars. unspoken negotiation or p r i d e a n d you begin to argue and anything. the relationship will break up. I'm not quite s u r e how it happens. may good have friends If sworn enemies. It's obvious that one or both of you are immature. Even if someone eventually gives in. headache. and friction not who become become g e t simply People otherwise suddenly There are some people that you seem to battle of wits or just plain stubbornness. it will be grudgingly and with resentment. so just get out and look for someone you can be with without all that 'agro'. Maybe it's an I do not desire to speak Latin to someone who's only fluent in Greek.

Is it fair to date a guy when you can never now the relationship k lead to anything meaningful? g him? that amount to usin Doesn't . horniness and the need for male companionship? Sometimes. I seem to possess the gift of being able to tell the substance a person is made of within minutes of meeting. Strangely. So now. even when I give the guy the benefit of the doubt. the things that eventually break up the relationship are the things I chose to ignore at the beginning. a body simply longs to be held! I'm not sure what the solution is. Sometimes. Unfortunately (or fortunately). ignoring my instincts and allowing for a period to get to know him. observation alone. I find myself in a quandary. If anyone has any suggestions. 1 I've been considering the dating conundrum as well.88 No Bullsh*t: Vol. Is it fair to date a guy when you know the relationship can never lead to anything meaningful? Doesn't that amount to using him? And how do you parallax that with your needs .loneliness. I don't even need to speak with them. I'm all ears. I can just tell by What this means is I can usually tell whether a relationship with a guy will turn into something serious right off the bat.

89 Adesubomi Plumptre 22 scl Di re su o .

Rules that were set long before we ever got here and will remain long after we leave. you've got to greet them. . And when you pass by someone a 100 times. A sort of call-and-response life song. you say: "Come and join me". even if you think it's an absolutely stupid convention. I do admit that there's a thin line between independent thought. 1 We S e ck ck We're 'rtuStuIn In A A RutRut We live according to predefined patterns and rules. even if you don't want anyone to. When someone asks: “How are you?” You respond: “Fine”. there are punitive measures. We are like soldiers marching to a silent rhythm and if we fall out of line or miss a step. Rules that no one consulted us about or sought our opinion or consent to. freedom and rebellion. even if you're not.90 No Bullsh*t: Vol. patterns and ceremonies. When you're eating. We live by pre-programmed words. They were just dumped on us and we're expected to live by them wholesale.

I expect the same from others. Or in dent in the will I "make a . She Will Always Be Remembered. In like manner.91 Adesubomi Plumptre The challenge for me is to live in such a way that I don't impugn on another's freedom to be or beliefs. cohabit or marry someone. I have never understood why one would expect another to live according to their own standards. As time passes by. I wonder just how many things I've done differently or independently. If so. Will I be a fleeting cloud and passer-by of no significance or consequence? In the words of Steve Jobs. the words of S universe?” . The Different One. judgment and level of sophistication. I would like some variation of the following be etched in stone: Here Lies Shosho. I try to measure my impact on the larger society and my immediate neighbour. It’s a bloody waste of time. some sort of compromise or submission must ensue for the sake of peace. though I concede it's a different issue entirely if I have to work with. order and progress. Then. sser-by of g cloud and pa e? tin Will I be a flee e or consequenc no significanc teve Jobs. prejudices. will I "make a dent in the universe?” Perhaps someday my story will be told and an epitaph written.

92 No Bullsh*t: Vol. 1 Tyranny & oppression Intellectual laziness Cheap religious/cultural home decorations Being kept waiting Country music Loneliness .

93 Adesubomi Plumptre Disclosure 3 2 .

I've also learnt that it is the height of humility to accede to the wishes of others even if you know better.all the things people want to be around. I've been threatened and I've been scorned. .cold world? I think perhaps I may be afraid . regard. love. as I grow older I have come to learn that from the heart come mercy.. But. congeniality.94 No Bullsh*t: Vol. Or is it an external manifestation of inner pride? A pride that will not allow me to Is my bitchiness a function of my social dysfunction ? A sort of facade to shield me from the cold. I've been warned.cold world? subject myself to lesser mortals? I know that I tend to be more "head oriented" than "heart oriented.. compassion.. softness . So now I ask: Is my bitchiness a function of my social dysfunction? A sort of facade to shield me from the cold. 1 I'm AACold Hard Bitch I'm Cold Hard Bitch I've been told. care." It has always been easier for people to appeal to me intellectually than emotionally..

. In a relationship. Anyway. I'm too analytical for that. it's a signal of the beginning of the end. that's just the way it's gotta be.gradually. especially when it's inconvenient. but my heart is a much bigger place now and far more accessible than it used to be. To stop being afraid. he may not even realise it. it is the nature of man to try to improve things and the nature of a woman to accommodate and bend. I feel myself thawing. Perhaps. being Apparently.. someone can't just "take a position" and refuse to budge. I think perhaps I may be afraid. I am finally learning to give. Life is quite simply not only about me. I detest tyranny and oppression. sincere in his deceit. Anyway. especially when it's inconvenient. Afraid of people trying to contain me. Life is quite simply not only about me.. it also seems that anytime a guy says he's not trying to change me. I may never totally become a heart person. he’s lying. To stop being afraid.95 Adesubomi Plumptre Sometimes. dominate me or put me in a pre-fabricated box. Furthermore. When that happens. They are among the few things that make me weep. I am finally learning to give.

96 No Bullsh*t: Vol. kinder. 1 I am changing in this place Becoming better. softer I admit my failings in this place The gross inadequacies of the female in me I have tried to be a better woman in this place I keep trying and trying But there’s no one to tell me if I’m succeeding .

97 Adesubomi Plumptre F 24 es re le ty .

The Tapestry of Stars. pulsated and glowed. We were created to declare His glory.98 No Bullsh*t: Vol. With joy in my heart. I made a hurried wish as a shooting star passed by. Though you burn out with the passage of time. I watched as the stars cast soft hues of colour against the night sky and twinkled like precious jewels on rich black velvet. with a huge smile on my face. As the light of understanding filled my heart. for we are sustained by the good pleasure of His will. I watched as they giggled and shimmered. With pleasure and anticipation. but at me. for we are indeed His handiwork. I was no longer looking at the stars. . mystery to my soul As I lay on the hard concrete. I imagined God Himself smiling down benevolently at me. Magnificent cold beauty. but a direct manifestation of that glory sent forth to testify of His goodness to the world. faithfulness and majesty so that no mortal or creation may deny His existence". We speak of His goodness. I spoke words of love to my Father. I spoke to the stars: “Teach me the secret of your haunting beauty and why you speak mystery to my soul. I heard them reply: "We have no substance of our own. I beheld awesome splendour. For you see. Distinct constellations and configurations. you instruct a thousand generations. I wondered at that great painting in the sky . I considered the work of His hands . gazing up at the heavens and staring into their inky depths.created not just to declare His glory. 1 Stars Stars “Teach me the secret of your haunting bea uty and why you speak . As I lay still and content.” As I closed my eyes.

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but never quite got round to doing. . developing a relationship with God is not strictly a last-ditch effort to cure loneliness. Maybe I was afraid of taking the leap. in poor lighting! The sheer display of 'bottom power' around me was simply too much to ignore. At the concert I debated the merits of forging a relationship with an invisible deity! In truth. Then there's the issue of having to constantly maintain some sort of communication link with heaven. It's a tempting idea that has floated at the back of my mind for years .100 No Bullsh*t: Vol. hence my flight into the arms of music. I was at the concert because I was lonely and needed a potent distraction. Somehow I figured God wouldn't settle for anything less than all of me and I wasn't quite ready to "surrender all". 1 Forging Relationship Forging aaRelationship g ible B ing sibleBeein vis nvi W th n n WiithAAnII My musings began at 2am in the middle of a concert.something I definitely should have done. I was intrigued by the fact that Nigerian babes will dress to the nines even in the middle of the night.

101 Adesubomi Plumptre Prayer for me has always been boring at worst. very kind to me on a personal level. I have always struggled to communicate freely with I have simply stumbled along as much as I could. I admit that there have been some bright spots: I have n eve been th r religious e type. 2 3 His mercy. God. I really don't thin God rea k s or judge ons s like we mor tals. but He forgives unfailingly and whispers words of encouragement when I least expect them.kindness. I really don't think God reasons or judges like we mortals.I see a lot of things on a daily basis that strain my ability to maintain a balanced psychological state. God has been very. 1 The awesome display of God's graciousness & loving. But. in my quiet moments I wonder if a relationship with God isn't the key to my continuing emotional and mental stability . challenges my intellect and convinces me of the reality & potency of Christianity. The sheer power of His word. So maybe this is the route to peace of heart and mind. I do things that are appalling to me. a chore at the mid-point and surprising at best. The word of God is still one of the few things that makes me cry. . I have never been the religious type.

if I was making a new friend. . in people. Can you take God out for drinks? And how exactly do you banter with Him? Does He respond in real time? Do I have to begin with some sort of study regime or fast?! One thing I do know is that I see God all around me. and He may someday find me faithful.102 No Bullsh*t: Vol. In His creations. I would probably go out for drinks. I may become better at demonstrating my love and commitment to Him. Perhaps as I learn to love His creatures better. Ordinarily. more specifically. 1 I'm not quite sure how to proceed though.

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104 No Bullsh*t: Vol. 1

p d oUSingle Stan R ck
Verse One I don't wanna know I don't wanna hear (oh no) And I don't wanna see The things around me Brother fighting brother The children begging for water There's a pain that's deep inside of my mind Verse Two And don't expect that I Will sit quietly by While chaos and disorder Rule my land Chorus Where do we go? What do we do? ‘Cause they don't know What we're going through And what can we say? To whom do we pray? When our hearts can't face the truth That it's up to you and me To find the faith to see us through Instead of standing by and crying out For someone, somewhere To save our people and our land Bridge And I don't wanna be Anything but free And why do I have to fight For the right to live my life In a land where I was born to be Chorus Again Coda Stand up Rise up Don't ever give up Haven't you had enough? Stand up and pray Rise up and move Don't give up on you You've had enough of the pain Stand up and do something Stand up

105 Adesubomi Plumptre

in Joy BBeginzzy feel Let The R ‘n’ with a ja e Let Th
Let your joy begin (Yellow is the colour of sunrays) Bridge 'Cause your joy is your strength you know And your joy makes everything alright ’Cause your joy is there all the time If you look inside, it can be found (Modulation) ’Cause your joy (oh wey oh) Yes your joy (oh wey oh) Yes your joy (oh wey oh) (Modulation) ’Cause your joy (oh wey oh) Yes your joy (oh wey oh) Yes your joy (oh wey oh) Refrain Let it begin and let it begin Let your joy begin Let it begin and let it begin Let your joy begin

Verse One I know there are times You don't wanna smile Your world is full of trouble And you ask questions why Don't understand what you see But there's a joy deep within And when you're lost inside And there's no way Know there is shelter From every rain So let your joy begin Chorus x 2 Let your joy begin (Let your joy begin, let your joy begin) Let your joy begin (Yellow is the colour of sunrays) Verse Two I know you want a better life One with no strife And someone to hold and love you But good things come in time And if you wait for a while Then you're finally gonna smile And when you're lost inside And there's no way Know there is shelter From every rain So let your joy begin Chorus x 2 Let your joy begin (Let your joy begin, let your joy begin)

1 Verse One Isn't all the time. because this journey's a long way And when I reach the end Will I be proud to say I've made amends? Or will it be that I Forgot to learn the lessons learned Chorus Learning all the lessons of life Taking it one step at a time Living one life. one truth Focused on you The lessons of life Just an ordinary life Bridge People say I'm the strong one I pretend I don't need anyone My rules. simply focus on the time I've left And though it's hard to say I need a song to mend my brokenness Verse Three So the time is now. I won't look back. I'll say I did it my way Chorus Learning all the lessons of life Taking it one step at a time Living one life.Lessons Of Life Life Lesson Of llad Soulful Ba 106 No Bullsh*t: Vol. one truth Focused on you The lessons of life Refrain Just an ordinary life An ordinary game An ordinary way The lessons of life . my game Maybe one day. I don't listen to the people talk And through the hail & storm I'm prepared to walk the path I must Verse Two Sorrow twisting. I know where I'm going But if I screw it up then life keeps moving So I move ahead. no way Packed my bags. faces I'm always missing Worrying about the years I've wasted Gotta stop regret.

encouraged and inspired me. Victor Oladokun.107 Adesubomi Plumptre Yo You u ank k han T Th You made me. Mrs. P. Andy. With all my heart. Gbolahan. Wole. The Plumptres. loved and helped me. Professor Adebisi Afolayan. Muhtar Bakare. I will never forget your generosity and kindness. Deji. Alder Consulting.A.Ogundipe. Exousia… To all the wonderful people & organisations who contributed after the wrap up date. I . Adeoye. ELF. influenced. God. edited. designed. Household. say thank you. You worked hard.

Subomi was born 22/09/78 and hopes to release a new volume of her thoughts every couple of years. has something to say. The author is part social commentator. Phebean Ajibola Ogundipe. she quickly evolved into a strategy & brand consultant after dumping her certificate in some dark region of her wardrobe.” Victor Oladokun. May the world be warned!)You may email her at shosho@nobullshitonline.9 www. Rumour has it she was terrified of staring down test tubes for the rest of her life. Bi-Lingual & Mu lti-Cultural Lingui and Professor of En st glish Language ______________ The Author Adesubomi Plumptre (a. a premier Consulting Firm in Nigeria. philosopher and poet. and has the language to say it in. A very go Prof. Renowned Educationist and Author. upon graduation.a Shosho) is a pretty simple complex soul.k. It's a pleasure to read writing by someone who obviously has talent. Brighter Grammar and New Practical English od writer. Adebisi Afolay an. she works at the best company on earth by her own admission. thoughtful and provoking. A scientist by training.S. Alder Consulting.” “A good writer.com 9 7 8 9 7 8 0 8 6 7 7 2 0 . Nigeria and people that is witty.com I SB N 978978086 . For those who are curious. Presently. And who writes beautiful freestyle poetry in addition.”” Mrs. U.nobullshitonline.The Book “A commentary on life.A “I think it's brilliant. Managing Producer. Turning Point.