Eric Pargeon Fiction I Lightsaber I always wanted to be a Jedi. Return of the Jedi was my favorite movie as a child.

I remember being six years old and seeing the original trilogy for the first time at a friends house. We stayed up all night watching them. Of course, back then, all night meant somewhere around 11:00 or midnight. I remember always bugging my mother for a lightsaber like the one Luke has is Return of the Jedi. I was obsessed. I wanted a green lightsaber more than anything else in my six short years of life. I was to get a green one and my friend Greg was to get a red one, but sadly, neither of us were from wealthy families. And we always figured that a lightsaber must cost at least, conservatively, a bagillion dollars. Oh how I wished that my mother was a bagillionaire, but as I learned at an early age, wishing doesn't get you much. Almost everyday, the same scenario played out at the breakfasttable. “Mom, can I have a green lightsaber? Like the one Luke Skywalker uses in the movie.” “We'll see.” she would say. “”We'll see?” All I see is me defenseless against Darth Vader and you not caring.” I was a smart ass, still am, but more so back then. My mother loved and hated that I wasn't afraid to speak my mind. She also knew that I was good at arguing my point, no matter how ridiculous I was being. “What's gonna happen when the Empire comes looking for me and I'm not armed with a lightsaber so the burn you alive? You'll wish I had a lightsaber then.” “You couldn't do much. You're not even trained as a Jedi.” Damn her to hell I thought. She was arguing too, but then again, she did raise me. “So when the Empire comes I'll just call the police.” She said smugly taking a sip of her morning coffee before looking back down at her newspaper and taking a drag of her cigarette. “Well, how the hell am I suppose to learn how to use a lightsaber properly if I never get one.”

Well. Who knows if I'll even like Star Wars then?” . smiled and then exhaled slowly. if she had told me that then I would have been very confused a few more years down the line when I would learn about reproduction. held in the smoke for a few seconds.” My birthday was in April. She pointed at me with her index and middle finger. It should be foolproof. I thought of the soft green glow. I was destroyed. and intelligent. Then it hit me. clever. I was quick. maybe not so clever. it was now September. why don't you get a job? And watch your language.” I looked down at my cereal. I got up silently and grabbed my cereal bowl and placed it in the sink. I wanted that damn lightsaber. “You tried that two days ago. She knew I'd never call. I just gave her that look. eating my cereal slowly.” I said nothing. “Mom. which my mother knew. I had lost this fight. I thought about what to say. Although.“If you want one so bad. but in my mind I was. She might as well have cut my hand off and told me she was my father. You're too much of a pain in the ass. cigarette between them. I new strategy. “Because according to the law that's child labor and shame on you for even suggesting I break the law. They won't take you. can I please have a green lightsaber?” “Didn't we just have this conversation?” “Please mom. Who could resist a cute little kid begging? Obviously my mother could. I sat there for awhile. “Go ahead and call them. “But I don't turn seven for almost a whole year. I put on a sad face. The smoke blew out of the side of her mouth and hung in the air before drifting toward the ceiling while dissipating into the air. She took a drag off her cigarette. I should call Child Services. She sat there and looked at me.” I got down on my knees and put my hands together. That look that says “you bitch”. A kid can't live like this!” I was also melodramatic.” I wasn't a smart ass growing up for no reason. “Maybe for your birthday. It was getting soggy because of all the time I spent arguing. The way it slices through limbs of aliens like a knife through butter.

I entered the room. Then.“Then why do you want one if you might not even want it a year from now. and it wasn't that great the first time I saw it. She knew I was to distracted watching cartoons to try to go anywhere on my own or do anything too stupid. I woke up early on Saturdays. This day however. “YOU”RE KILLING ME!” I yell going up the stairs to my room. She didn't worry about me when she went to work until noon. I reached her door. Looking through all the cabinets in the kitchen trying to find something to snack on. I was. The room was painted an ugly maroon color. I moved slow. which made everything darker. Out of boredom I started wandering around the house. I crept down the hall as quietly. I put my hand on the handle and turned. but I decided to take a trip I knew I shouldn't. The next day was Saturday. but it wasn't the first time. “It's the principle of the thing. Maybe for Christmas. I was going to go into my mother's bedroom. in all sense of the word as I knew it back then. slowly. I could hear the metal sliding inside the door. I pushed on the door lightly so it wouldn't squeak. I didn't even trust our dog Butch to not say anything when my mother returned home.” I left the room frustrated. a ninja. I went back to my room and fiddled with legos for a little bit. she had a reason to worry. another argument lost. I took no chances. around the time my mother left for work. It helps my development before I go out to the adult world. Do you want me to be a failure in life? Because that's whats gonna happen. Even though no one was home. It was dark. . The only light came from a small opening between the curtains that were almost always shut.” I trapped myself. Another day. I don't know if it was out of boredom or something else. Mom worked mornings on Saturdays and had the rest of the weekend off.” “I don't think not having a lightsaber right this second will have that big of an effect on your development. One of my weekly shows was showing the same episode that they did the week before. to watch cartoons.

First I sat on her bed. It just vibrates. I think.” I turn off the vibration. I small beam of light came through. Could it really be what I thought it was? It was green with a small white handle. She kept things on top. I turn it on. Well. It was green. I took a second take at the alarm clock. I look over at my mother's curtains. I could be a vindictive little prick as a child. Loose change. she knew how much I wanted one of these. I examine it closer. I looked across the room to my mother's alarm clock. There is a small switch on the side that just says On/Off. pretending to have an epic battle with some sort of alien creature. I got up and walked over to her dresser. she would be home soon. I dismount the chair and start wrapping one around my waist. she could have at least shared. She entered the living room. It does not get longer. It does not light up. Luke wore black In Return of the Jedi. what else could this be used for? How dare she. I wrap and drape the other over my shoulders. trying to figure out what things were. My fun was short lived. She had so many blankets and pillows. but it works for now. I loved to bury myself in her blankets. important papers. I took a minute to just look at it. I went and stood in the closet by the front door. I spent awhile looking at all the stuff there in the dark. I lift the bar at the top and slide them off. but they'll have to do. but I couldn't this day or else she would know that I was in her room. it was 11:48am. The front door opened.I walked around the room for a little bit. putting her car keys on the table . knick knacks. “What the hell?” I thought. I kept the door open just a crack. There was something next to it. I go to the living room and start jumping on the furniture. I heard my mother's car in the driveway. It's not a real robe. It has to be. The handle looks weird too. etc. her was this hers? Had she been holding out on me? I pick it up. Did she buy me one. It's much smaller than the one Luke uses in the movie. at least it is a lightsaber. They're black.and I would wear black now. I take it in my hand. I did not panic in a rush to return her curtains or her lightsaber. I grab a chair from the hallway and use it to reach the top of the curtains. “This lightsaber sucks. I put down whatever I was holding and walked over to it.

She started rubbing her eyes with her thumb and index finger. I couldn't spell that well. So being me. She didn't take her eyes off what was in my hand. waiting for her to turn her back. She got angry. but I liked making a point. I knew this excruciating two days of nothing was coming. Later that night she told me that I wasn't allowed to watch tv or go outside for two weeks. do my homework. After fiddling with her purse on the table. I would write her an apology letter. . “Wha-” she starts to speak but then she notices what I am holding at her. she turned to go toward the stairs to go check on me to make sure I was alright.” “I-” She let out a heavy sigh. She was looking out the window. I knew I fucked up this time. I went up stairs slowly. so I had to ask her how to spell many of the words. looking back a few times. I stop talking. I knew the lightsaber wasn't real. I made lightsaber noises as I pretended to hack of her arm and poke her in the back.” I silently slipped off her curtains and handed them to her. Finally after what seemed like an hour. I was to come home from school. eat dinner and go to bed. “Take my curtains off and go to your room. She noticed her curtains. but come next weekend. or not doing something stupid like going through her room and stealing her curtains and lightsaber. I no longer had school to distract me. “You're grounded. Before she got even a few steps away I sprung from the closet and ran behind her. She is speechless. I watched through the tiny crack. She looked back at me looking annoyed.next to the closet. Holding the lightsaber and curtains. This still startled her. but before she could say anything I burst out “HA! I found your lightsaber!” I point the lightsaber at her. something is obviously very wrong. not hard of course. although. she snatched the lightsaber out of my hand. I formulated a plan to try to get out of being grounded. At first. I watch as her skin turns pale. I couldn't have friends over or do anything. this schedule wasn't too terribly difficult to deal with.

I put it in an envelope and wrote “MOM” on the front of it. I taped it to the bathroom door so she would see it when she got up in the morning.so I covertly asked her different words to spell throughout the week. . Maybe I thought too highly of the letter. The fact that she didn't acknowledge my letter just destroyed me. It was the first letter I'd ever written and I was damn proud of it. She started up the stairs. I heard her set her purse down. She didn't say anything about it though. but today I didn't care. I'm six years old. I am sorry that I tok your curtans. I didn't want to have to ask if she read my letter. I know I still probably spelled a few things wrong but Jesus Christ. I am vary sorry and I think that you shoud not ground me for so long because I have learned my leson. “I didn't do anything wrong. the letter was gone. Any faster and she might as well be running. I am sorry that I played with your lite saber with out asking. I made myself a bowl of cereal then went back to bed. I am sorry that I hit you with your lite saber. The next morning she left for work at the usual time. despite being grounded. I stayed in my room. Dear mom. I think that I shoud all so have my own lite saber. That way I do not have to ask to play with yours and we can pretend fite. She was moving fast. That day she got home late. what the fuck do you expect from me? I could hear her putting her keys on the table by the closet. My heart skipped a beat with each step. By friday night I had finished it. I heard her footsteps on the hard wood floor in the hallway. I am sorry that I went in to your room with out asking. This will surely get me off the hook.” I thought as I heard her coming up the stairs. I looked over it to make sure everything looked right. Any other day I would have watched my cartoons like normal.

. it wasn't until around the time I turned fifteen years old and a went into her room again to steal weed. but that's another story entirely.She stopped. just like when I broke into her room. She's standing outside my door. Was this supposed to be some kind of fucked up little mind game she was playing with me. She opened the door a little and peeked her head in. It was just a smile. lightsaber. She held a toy. “Oh. it wasn't sadistic. The other promise I kept for several years. “I have something for you and you can only have it if you promise to stop threatening to call Child Services and if you promise to stay The-Fuck out of my bedroom unless I give you permission. The pressed the button while simultaneously giving it a flick. And I did keep my promise about never calling Child Services again. the pushed the door open and walked into the room with her hands behind her back. but I nod yes anyway. It seemed odd because she was smiling. She was holding a little black and silver handle with a red button on it. Out of the handle came a green glowing blur of awesomeness. Luke Skywalker style. I could hear the mechanism in the door. I had no idea what she was doing.” I'm speechless and confused. And without saying a word. “I took the liberty of putting batteries in it for you. It wasn't a fake smile. I could hear her hand on my doorknob.” she said as she pulled out her hand from her back. and this one better not hit me or break anything either.” I don't know if I've ever been as happy as I was those first few weeks with my new lightsaber.

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