Ninja Humor Page by Frank Hays Free to copy and distribute

1. Ninja homes have no floors because ninja's usually crawl on the walls and ceilings anyway

2. Ninja's are not known to bathe unless they are involved in a bloodbath

3. The Ninja are number 4 on the periodic table of elements because they represent the element of death and destruction

4. Guns don’t kill people! People kill people! Ninja's kill everyone

5. The chief export of America is Steel, The chief export of Europe is wheat, and the chief export of the Orient is Whoop-ass!

6. How does a Ninja deal with Stress? He discovers the source of his stress and kills him

7. How does a Ninja deal with a drinking problem? It’s normal for a Ninja to be Bloodthirsty

8. How does a Ninja deal with the stress of Divorce? They don’t, all ninjas are widows or widowers........ Eventually!

9. How does a Ninja deal with Insomnia? When a Ninja can't sleep he sits on the roof whenever he can't drop off

10. How does a Ninja deal with religion? Their atheists, they don’t believe in Zeus, The moral majority doesn’t dare picket them And the Jehovah’s witnesses don’t knock on their door in the morning 11. A Ninja once went to church, now the statue inside is just called Mary

12. A saint once walked on water to save a boatload of fisherman, A Ninja walked across water and killed a boatload of people

13. When a Ninja talks about a higher power they are discussing their Sensei

14. A Ninja will never be seen on the road to hell because they won't walk on anything paved with good intentions

15. Contrary to popular belief Moses didn’t part the red sea with a staff, instead he used a Bo

16. When a ninja swims across water the ninja doesn’t get wet, but the water turns black around him

17. Abraham Lincoln faked his own death in 1865 to escape from southern Ninja's

18. Ninja’s don’t do pushups; they lie on their stomachs and bob the floor downward with their arms

19. Ninja’s don’t jog; they run in place and spin the world underneath them like a big hamster wheel

20. What is a Ninja’s health club? An enemy’s fortress, what does a ninja use for a punching bag? An enemy

Ninja Humor Page by Frank Hays Free to copy and distribute

21. How do you spell relief? A.S.P.I.R.I.N. How does a Ninja spell relief? V.E.N.G.E.N.C.E.

22. How does a ninja buy life insurance? He buys a sword and sleeps next to it,......Always!

23. When a Ninja gets hungry he grabs a cow and shakes it until he gets butter, if it falls apart he gets hamburgers

24. When a Ninja gets tired of waiting, he kills time with his sword!

25. When a Ninja wants a home cooked meal he goes to a restaurant and kills every chef who is not Japanese

26. When a Ninja wants a hot meal he starts a Forrest fire and eats whatever didn’t get away in time.

27. For health reasons Ninja’s never smoke unless they’re jumping out of a burning building!

28. As the old saying goes, it’s no use crying over spilled milk, And a Ninja never cry’s over spilling blood!

29. As the old saying goes, Time heals all wounds! Except those inflicted by a Ninja

30. A Ninja can cut you to death with a sharp glance

31. As the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink A Ninja can drag a horse and rider to water, Throw them in and watch them sink!

32. Silly Billy threw a clock out of the window because he wanted to see time fly. A Ninja threw a burning log at Billy’s head because he wanted to watch the fire die out

33. Question; what do you call a Ninja pedestrian? Answer; A carjacker whose day hasn’t started yet

34. As the old saying goes, Fate never closes a door on you without opening a window A Ninja doesn’t need a door; He will come in through a window to introduce you to your fate.....Death!

35. Question; why don't you see Ninja's in the streets? Answer; Ninjas don’t walk down the streets they cross-town by leaping from rooftop to rooftop at night

36. As the old saying goes, it’s no use beating a dead horse. If a Ninja has no use for a horse then he beats it to death

37. Will Rogers once said “I never met a man I didn’t like” Will Rogers never met a Ninja...Wait!, Will Rogers is dead! So maybe he did

38. Question: How many ninja’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: None Ninja’s always work in the dark

39. Why don't Ninja's kill bankers? Because s a Ninja will always tear out his victims hart, and a banker just doesn’t have one

Ninja Humor Page by Frank Hays Free to copy and distribute

40. When a Ninja has a toothache! He kills the pain with his bare hands

41. Question; why don’t Ninja's kill sharks? Answer; Professional courtesy

42. Adolph Hitler was killed in the bunker by a ninja and made to look like a suicide so the police wouldn’t get involved

43. J.F.K. Was a Ninja; He faked his own death in 1963 when his enemies were catching on to him. Now he's known as Jackie Chan

44. A clan of Ninjas killed the Dead Sea

45. Question; where do Ninja's go on vacation? Answer; Death Valley

46. An army of warriors cornered a ninja on the beach; the ninja killed six or seven of them then escaped by swimming away The body of water is now known as the red sea

47. There once was a city bridge named after a ninja, but it had to be closed because the general public feared crossing a ninja

48. Ghost’s sit around bonfires all night long and tell tales about Ninja’s That’s how most of them got to be ghosts anyway

49. At the post office in my town there is a poster saying Wanted for Murder! And a dozen people dressed as Ninja’s Showed up and applied for the position

50. Question; what happens when you cross a Ninja with a Parrot? Answer; Nobody alive today knows If you ever cross a Ninja He’ll kill you and the parrot too!

51. The only man on Earth not frightened to see a Ninja is Stevie Wonder

52. When a Ninja gets tired he lays in a bed of despair, sleeps through adversity and wakes up at the dawn of trouble Also he's known to keep his things in a Pack of lies 53. A Ninja can make a long distance call with two cans and a string and send E-mail the same way

54. A Ninja's vacation home is a houseboat anchored in the Bermuda triangle

55. Question: How does a Ninja kill two birds with one stone? Answer: A ninja's idea of a stone is a bolder because it’s a rock anyway

56. Monsters sleep with the lights on because there might be a Ninja hiding in the closet or under his bed

57. Contrary to the Aristotle theory, the sun is not the center of the universe, but Tokyo Japan is!

58. When a Ninja needs toilet paper out in the field he uses rabbits, that explains where skunks come from and their odor too!

Ninja Humor Page by Frank Hays Free to copy and distribute

59. Ninja’s don’t wear watches; they tell people what time it is, and that’s all there is to it!

60. When a Ninja plays soccer he doesn’t use a ball but a human head, the only one willing to be a goalie is usually a cannibal

61. What’s the difference between a Serial killer and a Ninja? Serial killers don’t get paid for what they do

62. What’s the difference between Santa Claus and a Ninja? Santa gets on your roof with reindeer and brings you season’s greetings A ninja climbs on your roof and gives you serious beatings

63. Santa climbs down your chimney with a tiny thud; A Ninja crawls down your chimney and wants to spill your blood

64. If you’ve been very good then Santa will bring you a toy train, if you’ve been very bad then a Ninja will cut you in twain

65. The Easter bunny doesn’t visit a Ninja's house because all the good hiding spots have Ninja in them And he'll only get his eggs thrown back at him anyway 66. Santa Claus doesn’t visit a Ninja's house because he's s been bad all year long for the past decade

67. The Tooth fairy doesn’t visit a Ninja's house because it’s usually everybody else, whose teeth gets knocked out

68. After a karate fight involving Ninja's, the Tooth Fairy usually declares Bankruptcy!

69. The Stork doesn’t visit a Ninja's house because all Ninja's use birth control And if you put any two Ninja's together even a man and a woman they will only end up fighting to the death anyway

70. During Halloween, A Ninja will wear his black costume and bring along a big sack and get candy from his neighbors The neighborhood children or anyone else luckless enough to cross his path when he's hungry 71. During the 4th of July, A Ninja will light up firecrackers, fireworks and everything else he sees including the neighbors house Animals and homeless people

72. During Hanukkah If the Angle of death doesn’t see a Menorah burning in the window It’s because a Ninja is waiting in the dark to Ambush him

73. During Passover a Ninja won’t smear his doorway with sheep’s blood because it’s too hard to come by Instead a Ninja will use Human blood because that’s the one single thing they have in abundance

74. During Valentine’s Day, A Ninja will send harts in envelops thru the mail that are still beating

75. During Valentine’s Day, A Ninja will give flowers to people he's planning a funeral for, and tells them that’s for both!

76. Every Columbus day the American Indians bemoan that they should have paid that Japanese guy money to finish off that man in the boat

77. During tourist season, most Ninja's hunt and kills tourists

You May Be A Ninja If 20 Reasons to realize that you may be a ninja

1.You may be a Ninja if When you go shopping for clothes you look for pants that will let you kick freely, even if its blue jeans 2.You may be a Ninja if When you go shopping for food and you see a chuck roast or a chuck steak and you automatically think of Chuck Norris 3.You may be a Ninja if You have innocent looking objects like a hammer stationed in various places around your house in case you are attacked 4.You may be a Ninja if You are walking in the woods and you see a woodchuck and automatically, you think of Chuck Norris 5.You may be a Ninja if You are in a Home depot and you see circular saw blades on the wall, and you wonder if they could sail thru the air very easily if thrown 6.You may be a Ninja if You are standing in line in a restaurant and you innocently muse about killing everyone in front of you with your bare hands.......every time! 7.You may be a Ninja if You are walking thru a museum and on the wall you see a picture of General E Lee And you begin to think that the south might have won if they were led by Bruce Lee 8.You may be a Ninja if When you go shopping for food you only buy black pepper ground fine enough that you can sprinkle put on a steak! Or toss into the eyes of an enemy! 9.You may be a Ninja if You know the exact location of each and every store in town that sells swords or martial arts equipment 10.You may be a Ninja if You go to a Salvation Army store and shop for innocent looking things that can also be used as weapons 11.You may be a Ninja if You have power tools in your home and the only things you ever make are martial arts weapons, and you know how to make a lot of them 12.You may be a Ninja if You have more Martial Arts D.V.D's in your movie collection then you have X- Rates films 13.You may be a Ninja if You are in a dentist’s office and the nurse asks for your name, and you answer something like deadly crane or Iron monkey! 14.You may be a Ninja if All of the clothing in your wardrobe centers on the color black! And you're not Amish, or Jewish and you don’t work as an undertaker anywhere 15.You may be a Ninja if Hidden pockets are a deciding factor whether you buy clothes or not! 17.You may be a Ninja if You are watching a movie where the hero fights off an army of Ninja's! And you cheer for the Ninjas! 18.You may be a Ninja if You are visiting the home of friends or relatives and you can't help but walk up on their porch as stealthy as you can Even though people around you can see what you’re doing and think you’re nuts, But you don't care! 19.You may be a Ninja if You are sitting in your house and you see your cat stealthily walk by, and you consider yourself akin all cats everywhere Even though that particular cat's probably not a blood relative of you or your family 20.You may be a Ninja if When you are sitting on a couch and you see a fight scene on television, and an actor throws a punch or a karate chop And you know from experience if it is a fake move or not