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The Bunny Papers

Saturday, February 18, 2012

MMUN

Missing radioactive materials found
ST. LOUIS — It smells like justice…or rainbows with a dash of floral freshness. IT’S SUPER FLUFFY BUNNY!!!!!! Super Fluffy Bunny has been saving the world one country at a time. She ecologically disposes of any weapon of mass destruction she comes face to face with by eating them. Her real super power is that she is able to digest weapons. In her wake, she leaves a mushroom cloud of refreshing aroma. “Why dispose of a toxic source only to leave a dangerous cloud of debris behind, when instead I could use my power to freshen and brighten the air we breathe,” SFB asked. She has been making a temporary home in Conference Services at the Midwest Model United Nations St. Louis for the past few days. Her goal has been to watch the delegates from the First Committee of the General Assembly and see how they would approach the matter of Nuclear Terrorism. “I wanted to see what their over all perspective would be. Nuclear Terrorism is dangerous, as evMMUN News & Report
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eryone knows, and when weapons fall into the hands of fiends, no one is safe,” Super Fluffy Bunny said. While Super Fluffy Bunny sat in on a session for the First Committee Wednesday evening, it was brought to her attention that radioactive materials had gone missing. What was meant to be a relaxing weekend of observation for the super hero turned into a search and destroy mission. “I couldn’t just sit by and let dangerous materials drop into the hands of terrorists,” SFB exclaimed. Super Fluffy Bunny immediately set off to locate the terrorists and their stash

of stole weaponry. She found the terrorists hiding out on Sao Tome and Principe. “The small isle held a sense of security to the terrorists because of its remote and less observed location,” Super Fluffy Bunny said. When SFB confronted the terrorists they retaliated, however, SFB was able to absorb the attack and attacked back. After the defeat of the terrorists, SFB turned her attention to the radioactive materials, she needed to decide whether or not to return the missing materials with the hope that they will never fall into

the wrong hands again or if she was going to destroy them. “Radioactive material is never really safe in anyone’s hands. It is a power that can not be contained. It had to be a decision based on my personal preference of safety. If I destroyed them no one could steal them again but I would be taking the choice of their uses from the U.N. I had to think very hard about this resolution,” SFB said. Finally SFB made her choice. “No radioactive material should be left in the hands of anyone to be used as a weapon. It isn’t fair to the way of life,” Super Fluffy Bunny said. With her decision made she swallowed all of the weaponry. As she made her way back to the MMUN conference to let the delegates of the First Committee know, a mushroom cloud rose behind her and the sweet fragrance of justice could be smelt throughout the entire world. So things here at the conference returned to normal. The hero of the day being a small, fluffy bunny wearing a gas mask.
Volume 6, Issue 5

Security Council passes resolution to control drug trafficking
ST. LOUIS — Drug trafficking, across the globe, leads to and aids international conflict. A resolution was written to create a three-phase process to control the drug trade and international conflict. It passed with a vote of 14 – 0 with one abstention, in a short amount of time. “We had a consensus within the entirety of the Security Council and the energy in the room was something I would expect of any individuals that were purveyors of my fine goods,” the delegate from Coombia said. The first phase in this process was to create a convention focusing on identifying, targeting and eradicating the deleterious organizations dealing in the drug trade. Due to the fact that these organizations undermine national sovereignty and stability, the security of all people and potentially leads to violent conflict, the Security Council thought this convention was needed before any other action could be taken. The World Initiative on Narcotic Elimination and Hostile Organizations Usurping Social Equilibrium, or WINEHOUSE, which would meet in Djibouti, Djibouti, on April 20, 2012. The second step iscreating a council, suitably named the Council on
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The delegate from Colombia poses with the resolution passed on drug trafficking in Security Council.

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Ceasing all International Narcotic Endeavors (COCAINE) and would be the first active step in this process. A third approach was thought to be the best idea

and would include the identification of narcotics, prosecution of drug trafficking organizations and social action focused on rehabilitation programs. “We believe this will serve as a sound unit to address the drug problem,” the delegate from the U.S. said. This council would work to consolidate information and efforts in an attempt to stem the trade of drugs. This would be similar to the Counter Terrorism Task Force, and would work closely with the United Nations Commission on Narcotic Drugs and the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime. The delegates agreed on the acronym, COCAINE, to showcase the

energy, commitment and the addictive fervor needed to accomplish a task such as this. “We hope that COCAINE will help the world to exterminate its drug problems, bring the world closer together and foster greater economic activity and vigor,” the delegate from Colombia said. The delegates hope that this resolution will help the world to become a better place by stemming the flow of drugs, decreasing international conflict and rehabilitating those affected. Throughout the process, other acronyms were considered in regards to the convention and the council. These included METH, ADDICT, YODA and WINE.

MMUN News & Report

Volume 6, Issue 5, Page 2

New beneficary chosen from Kiva
ST. LOUIS — The Second Committee decided on a new beneficiary for the delegate dance proceeds Saturday morning. The original choice a group of women who wished to open a drugstore – reached their funding goals shortly after the committee’s vote. By a vote of 23-13 with four abstentions, the committee voted in favor of the Nissan Group. The group is headed by Sauda, a woman in her mid-30s who has been running a fruit business for 5 years. Her goal is to make enough money to improve her day to day life in order to support her
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The Nissan group was chosen as beneficiary for the funds raised at the delegate.

KIVA WEBSITE

Fluffy bunnies save Death Star
ST. LOUIS — A mission for Modernistic Militarized Interstellar Space Station (MMISS) has been introduced to save Death Star from using its destroying capabilities. Operation Death Star will require the consensus of many of the United Nations committees to ensure the safety of droids and fluffy bunnies. Fluffy bunnies and droids play a big role in preserving the Death Star from its destructive ways and the environmental management is a deep concern since the destroyed droids are not biodegradable with current
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two sons and spouse. This is the first loan that Sauda has received from the field partner Tujijenge Tanzania, and she plans to use the funds to buy more fruit to sell. Because it is a group loan, the 15 member will use their share for their

own businesses and projects. They will responsible for making sure that the other members pay back their loan amounts. The group has raised about 67 percent of their goal loan amount as of Saturday. The dance raised a

couple hundred dollars in profit to send to Kiva to aid the Nissan Group in their endeavor to reach their goal. The hope is that through these loans, small businesses can get the initial capital they need to become sustainable.

bioreactors designed by the Economic and Social Council. One possible solution to this problem that was introduced on the floor was the Death Star emperor could install fluffy bunny delegates in the committee caucuses to add some intellect and knowledge to the repetitiveness. The fluffy bunnies would also act as buffers to any disagreement on Death Star protective amendments. It seems that even though delegates agree, the competitiveness causes arguments and a voting set back. It is impossible to argue with fluffy bunnies in uncomfort-

able situations. Other Death Star concerns involve the investigation of droid terrorist, Luke Skywalker, 19. In a statement released by the Security Council yesterday, SkyWalker is accused of targeting droids and fluffy bunnies. “Skywalker has been known to use and abuse countless droids and fuzzy bunnies,” the Security Council Chair said. UNICEF has stepped in on this disturbing situation and has set up rebooting centers for the abused droids and fluffy bunnies on Death Star. The Security Council has

also confirmed that Skywalker might have a plan to destroy Death Star. Death Star, if not corrected, has the potential of recreating another Hiroshima on the neighboring empire of Earth as stated in U.N. Draft Resolution 6-A-1 by Sixth Committee. Operation Death Star involves the Sixth Committee of the United Nations General Assembly, acknowledging the importance of establishing the MMISS and the release of all international fuzzy bunnies, in the interest of further preventing this type of exploitation of periphery by the capitalist elite like Luke Skywalker.

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Volume 6, Issue 5, Page 3

Japan builds autonomous robots
ST. LOUIS — Delegates from around the world held a rogue meeting in the middle of night yesterday to discuss an impending revolution. According to an informant there has been a revolution in robotics that will soon change every aspect of human society as we know it. “We have discovered that Japan has developed autonomous robots that have the simulated intelligence of a monkey,” the informant said. “That may not seem that smart, but it’s smart enough to do most labor intensive jobs when coupled with detailed routine programming.” Japan is undergoing talks with Russia to sell them exclusive rights to the technology. This could completely upend the social, political and economic structure of the entire world. With the new Japanese technology, robots are capable of mining their own resources and manufacturing their own parts, making their production free. Robots can ship and sell themselves, making their distribution free. This will create chaos for Capitalist countries. “Robots topple the infrastructure of Capitalism by displacing its most valuable asset: the common worker,” another informant said.
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“Robots will empower Communist countries by lifting the burden of labor from their social structure and granting greater opportunities for education and scientific exploration. A capitalist economy is not fit for autonomous robot industrialization. A communist economy however is perfectly suited for implementation of a fully robotic workforce.” A delegate from the United States urged other Capitalist nations to band together in order to acquire the robot technology for themselves. “The capitalist nations need to unite to make sure we control the autonomous robots and not the Communists,” the US delegate said. “If a Communist country implements a fully autono-

mous workforce before Capitalism is ready for it, the Capitalist economy will be flooded with goods manufactured for free by the Communist nation. The surplus of extremely cheap goods will wash away the Capitalist financial system making its economy crumble to the ground.” Russian and other communist nations believe that their rise to power is imminent. “The entire world, all

of humanity, can be elevated to live a life of luxury with robots doing all the industrial labor,” said the delegate from Russia. “With menial labor taken care of, education and creative endeavors would become supreme, freeing humanity to develop its greatest asset: the human mind. This is only possible through robots and communism. This is a call for humanity to advance, just as we’ve advanced from caves to homes. It’s time for a new age and the end of human labor. Communism and robotics will make oppression, inequity, war, poverty become things of the past. The full realization of humanity is upon us; it is time to advance!” There is no way of predicting exactly how this impending revolution will change the course of history, but one thing is very clear. There is a single great threat to the Free World and fluffy bunnies. Communist robots.

The Staff of MMUN and IPD wish to thank you for a wonderful conference. We hope you enjoyed our last issue for the year. We will see you next year and have a safe trip home.
Volume 6, Issue 5, Page 4

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