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with one comment I’m collecting good date questions for my wife and me. I’d be happy to receive more questions if anyone has some to recommend.
General date questions
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. As you were growing up, what was unique about your family as compared to other families in your neighborhood, or families of your friends? What do you remember about learning to drive? Can you recall visiting your parents’ workplace and if so, describe it and how you felt when you went there? Complete the sentence: “I’m sure my mom and dad wished I would have…” What is perhaps the worst movie you’ve ever seen? (variation – favorite movie in high school, as a kid, in college, as adult, worst in each category, etc.) Describe your favorite elementary or high school teacher. Tell me your most serious physical injury as a child. Do you daydream? What do you daydream about? What is the thing you like best about being a parent? The thing you like the least?
10. What is your favorite memory of the two of us together before we were married? Second favorite? 11. Name three things I do for you that helps brighten your day and make you feel rested. 12. What is the best compliment I could give you? 13. What do I do or say that really bugs you? 14. When are you the happiest that you married me? 15. Do I respect and honor you around the children? How about around our friends/coworkers? 16. Do we show our love and affection to one another enough around our kids? 17. Do you consider me an optimist or a pessimist? How do you feel about that? 18. Do I tell you that I love you often enough? Too much? 19. Do I ever joke about things you wish I wouldn’t? Do I ever joke at times you think are inappropriate? 20. What do you think we argue about most, big stuff or little stuff? 21. Is my way of doing things too structured? Too spontaneous? How? 22. Of all you’ve done in your life, what has made you feel the most proud? 23. What kind of small gifts can I give you to let you know how much I’m thinking of you? 24. If money and time weren’t an issue, what would you most like to do? 25. Let’s come up with 15 minutes a day for the two of us to talk without being interrupted. How can we achieve that? 26. What things can you always count on me for? (try to name 5) 27. Do you feel like our marriage is a good example to the kids? In what ways? Are there things we could improve? 28. Is there anything that you feel like we have a hard time discussing? Why do you think they’re so difficult for us to talk about them? 29. When did you first notice me? What was the attraction? Is attraction still important? 30. Have I ever done anything to ‘take the wind out your sails’? 31. What have you experienced in life that helps you to believe there is a loving God? Has anything ever happened that caused you to doubt that? 32. Are you ever frightened about the future? If so, what frightens you? 33. What positive things have our kids added to our lives? 34. Can you remember the way we felt when our children were born (thankful, in awe)? Do you still feel that way? If not, what would it take for us to feel that way about them more often? 35. When I get angry with you and you ask for forgiveness, do you feel that I forgive you by my actions as well as by my words? 36. Do you feel like you’re harder on yourself when you make a mistake than you need to be? How? 37. Am I harder on you when you make a mistake than I should be? How?
What part of the Bible do you read most often? Why? What is your favorite childhood memory? What is your strongest area of leadership? Weakest? What has been the toughest experience of your life? What in your life has been characteristic of your life when you have been “on fire” for God (or passionate)? As you look at your life this past 6 months. 6. What has helped you grow in your walk with God in the last 12 months? 16. 4. 11. 3. Do you sometimes get the impression that I put conditions on my affection and love for you? 39. 5. 3. and worship God more in these specific ways… What evidences of grace do you see in others at church that have been encouraging to you? What area of sin has God brought to your attention recently that you are currently seeking to put to death? How are you attacking this sin? What is your strategy against it? How have you sinned recently? How have I sinned recently? Are we working from a platform of grace? As you look at my life right now. What is your most difficult pressure or challenge at present? 18. 7. 6. 2. 1. Do you ever feel insecure about my love? 40. what area of growth are you most encouraged about? What was your most fulfilling moment this year? What one thing have you learned about God (or yourself) this past year? What has helped you grow in your walk with God this past year? 10. what has preoccupied your thoughts? What sins in my life do I commonly rationalize away? Where is it very difficult for you to discipline yourself? Indwelling sin . What is your greatest motivation for getting up every day and going to work? 42. What is one thing you’ve learned about yourself this past year? 13. sex. family life. Characterize your spiritual life this past year. 8. What is the most recent word for you concerning: your relationship with God. 5. household chores)? Are you comfortable with the way things are? 41. 4. What is one thing you’ve learned about God this past year? 12. One incident I remember what made me appreciate you more was… Some qualities I most admire in you are… Some ways I have seen you grow in the past months/year are… Some qualities I see in you that I would like to cultivate in my own life are… You have helped me to love God more. What have you been asking God for in prayer recently? 21. spiritual matters. 2. In the past 6 months what has been your most encouraging experience? Discouraging? 15. In what way would you like to grow in this coming year? Honoring one another 1. In what way would you like to grow in your walk with God this year? 23. What is a current source of stress? 20. What are some of the positive things you see in their marriages that you’d like to see us do in ours? Getting to know one another 1. grow in character. 9. What one aspect or thing in your life are you most encouraged about or thankful for right now? 17. 3. 4. In what ways have you matured in the past year? 14.38. parenting. 2. what area most concerns you? What concern do you carry for yourself? Lately. Think of all our married friends. and ministry? 19. Do you feel like we share the responsibility in our marriage or does one of us shoulder the burden of some areas more than they should (finances. 7. 5. development of character. What things are likely to cause you to cry? What has caused you to cry most recently? 22. 6.
in our relationship with our children? 21. A situation where I was especially proud of you was . 12. Am I pursuing the closest relationship possible with you? How can I grow in that? 13. What is your greatest source of frustration right now? How have you achieved victory in your attitude? 12. What are my strongest areas of submission/leadership? Weakest? How are you doing at pursuing accountability and correction? 10. Fathers. how are we doing at raising God-fearers? Are we aware that the whole-life education we are giving is as valuable as the various subjects of our curriculum? Do we see the education of our children as a way to accomplish those four goals of: the glory of God. A quality I most admire in your relationship with God is .e. . What is your most difficult pressure or challenge at present? 14. dominion over creation. 4. which is another and significant consideration. and forgiveness? How would our children say we are doing in modeling biblical leadership/submission before them? How am I doing in the area of romance? (1-10) What do you see as the area of greatest strength in your marriage? Weakness? A quality I most admire in you is . 3. and loving our neighbors? Do we see higher education as a way to position a God-fearer for greater impact in a culture? I. In what ways can I more consistently humble myself before you and others? Let’s discuss how we sinned in a recent conflict. How can I support you as you work so diligently as an educator of our children? Where are you defining education in a way that brings undue hardship on yourself? In our own assessment. Are we still lacking in confession. not just more money for his family. 6. I would like to see you improve in the area of . would make a tremendous positive difference in your life? Marriage and family life 1. What is one specific concern you carry for each of our children? 18. What are our goals for individual family members right now as we disciple them? What are we doing to achieve those goals? Home schooling 1. 3. . evangelism. 7. How am I doing in communicating with you? (1-10) As a demonstration of my love for you. . How are we doing at building family identity and memories? 16. . 9. in our relationship? 15. “I feel as though Jesus died only yesterday. What is your persistent concern about how each of our children is developing? 17. how many times have you spent 45 minutes or more in the Word and prayer? 11. 10. 11. 5. 2. . 6. 2. Where am I strongest in raising our children? Weakest? 19. . What is the area I/you most need to grow in. 3. What one thing could you do (that you aren’t doing now) that if you did on a regular basis. 2. weeks? 15. 4. I would like to improve in the area of . what are you currently doing with your children in the way of devotions or relationship building with you? 20. As a matter of special importance to me. What would you say my priorities are right now? What Biblical priorities am I not giving sufficient attention? [For husbands] How am I doing in the area of godly leadership? [For wives] How am I doing in the area of godly submission? . . . 9. Do we have in your family a Daniel — one able to be a God-fearer in an unbelieving environment? Are we thinking strategically about this child? 5. In the last seven days. From Tim 1. . What is the area we most need to grow in. . When was the last time you confessed your sin specifically? 13. 8. Martin Luther said.” How would you rate your affections for the cross in the past few days.. How am I doing at confession and repentance to you and our children? 14. repentance.8.
rebellion. When you are hurt or angry with [me]. Some of his questions are as follows: 1. 3. Are there couples you look up to? What do you respect about their marriages? 12. but most are generally useful for any marriage. Describe the marriage of your dreams. 22. Describe how [we] resolve conflicts. What has God been teaching you lately? How have the gospel and the cross made a difference in your life lately? In what areas of life do you need to live more in light of the gospel? In what areas do you see me forgetting the gospel? What idols has God identified to you recently? Where do you most struggle with unbelief right now? (Alternatively. 7. 109 of Linda Dillow’s Creative Counterpart: 1. fear. self-sufficiency. What do you think God is doing in [our] marriage right now? 20. 6. . 10. 8. 9. 5. 6. [What are some obstacles that may keep us] from solving . 4. What do you think [we] need to do as a couple to get from where [we] are to where [we] need to be? 16. though they were all inspired elsewhere. 1.) What are some tangible ways that I can serve you now (this week. [your] goals for life? . [In what ways have we] have struggled as a couple? Why? 13. 3. 7. 3. What do you see as the strengths of [our] marriage? 14. What things did you see in [me] that made you want to marry [me]? 2. What has been the hardest experience of [your] life? What are [your] secret ambitions. What could [I] do to greatly change [our] marriage? 18. 17. etc. What problems in [our] marriage do you see as your responsibility? 19. How do you communicate dissatisfaction to [me]? From Linda Dillow Lisa found some good questions on p. 8. How would you describe [our] spiritual life as a couple? 11. What were your goals for [our] marriage when [we] were engaged? What things in [our] marriage make you sad? What things in [our] marriage make you happy? If you could press a button and change [our] marriage. this season in life)? What sacrifices is God calling you to presently? Which is the most difficult? Why? What gifts is God giving us now (whether to be enjoyed for ourselves or given away) that we are not receiving with appropriate gratefulness? • • Christmas gathering questions New Year and birthday questions From Gideon Strauss What do you love? This is a wonderfully open-ended question that can easily fill an entire evening! From Paul Tripp Paul Tripp has some excellent marriage questions on pp. What do you see as the weaknesses of [our] marriage? 15. What is the happiest thing that has ever happened to [you]? 2. problems? 21. Describe how [our] marriage has changed over the years. 4. 2. how would it change? In what ways do you think God is honored by [our] marriage? How would you characterize [our communication]? Describe how [we] arrive at decisions. 175-176 of Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands. They are cast in terms of a Biblical counseling scenario.From Don Whitney Homespun We regularly use some questions that we haven’t directly copied from anyone. . 5. what do you do? 23.
or depression? Is there something I desire so much that I am willing to disappoint or hurt others in order to have it? Like Be the first to like this post. then I would be happy. What are [your] deep fears? What about [me do you] appreciate the most? What traits of [mine] would [you] like to see changed? What [people do you] most admire? From David Powlison David Powlison has an excellent set of “X-ray questions” for the heart. do I feel frustration. resentment. Ken Sande of Peacemaker Ministries has listed some of these. What am I preoccupied with? What is the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing on my mind at night? 2. anxiety. 6. 4. You can find these in his book. 5. 1. 7. fulfilled.4. 3. Seeing With New Eyes. and secure”? What do I want to preserve or avoid? Where do I put my trust? What do I fear? When a certain desire is not met. they are good questions to ask yourself or your spouse. How would I complete this statement: “If only _____________. 5. 7. bitterness. 6. . regardless of whether you have some obvious ongoing struggle with an idol. anger.
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