Celebrating International Women’s Day March 8th

March 2012

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Dear Kalon Women and Men, Each year around the world, International Women's Day (IWD) is celebrated on March 8. Thousands of events occur not just on this day but throughout March to mark the economic, political and social achievements of women. Did you know that March is also National Colorectal Cancer Awareness month? Among cancers that affect both men and women, colorectal cancer—cancer of the colon or rectum—is the second leading cause of cancer-related deaths in the United States. Colorectal cancer also is one of the most commonly diagnosed cancers in the United States. Colorectal cancer screening saves lives. If everyone aged 50 years old or older were screened regularly, as many as 60% of deaths from this cancer could be avoided. Have you had your colonoscopy? On a lighter note, March is also St. Patrick’s Day, so here is an old Irish quote: May you always have Walls for the winds, A roof for the rain, Tea beside the fire, Laughter to cheer you, Those you love near you, And all your heart might desire! As always, I look forward to hearing from you!

Sandra Morgan
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Pg. 8 Pg. 12 Pg. 16 Pg. 22 Pg. 28 Pg. 32 Pg. 36 Pg. 40 Pg. 44

How to get found online-Part I By: Sandra Morgan Extremeophiles By: Carrie E. Pierce Widows and suddenly single women By: Ronit Rogoszinski A labor of love By: Henry Piarrot Old at love, young at heart By: Marcia Barhydt Developing youth leadership By: Jill Tietjen & Charlotte Waisman Facebook or Fakebook? By: Cheryl Michaels Act smart in 2012 By: Dickie Sykes Marriage in the dumpster By: Chris Scioli

The opinions expressed herein are those of the respective authors and not necessarily those of Kalön Women™ or GRM Solutions, LLC. Neither Kalön Women™ nor GRM Solutions, LLC will be liable for any damages or losses, however sustained, as a result of the reliance on, or use by a reader, or any other person of, any information, opinions or products expressed, advertised or otherwise contained herein. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or duplicated without the written permission of the publisher. The publisher accepts no responsibility for unsolicited manuscripts or other material including color transparencies. © 2008-2012 KALÖN WOMEN ™ ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ®2008 – 2012 KALÖN WOMEN IS A REGISTERED TRADEMARK OF GRM SOLUTIONS, LLC.

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Consumers are searching for your products and services online – but – is your
website getting found? What has profoundly transformed the way people learn about and shop for products? The Internet! I know what you’re going to say…well, duh Sandra! However, it was only a mere ten years ago, that companies reached their consumers through trade shows, print advertising, and other traditional marketing methods. Ten years later, these same consumers start their shopping experience by looking on the Internet, in the search engines, the blogosphere, and social media sites. So, in order to remain competitive, businesses’ websites need to be found online by the consumers already searching for the products and services that you sell. The question is this, how do businesses get found online by these consumers searching for their products and services? This first article, will be one of a 5 part series. I think the best place to start is with – Outbound vs. Inbound Marketing Outbound Marketing: Interruption – telemarketing, tradeshows, direct mail, email blasts, print ads, tv/radio ads Inbound Marketing: Permission – search engine marketing (SEO & PPC), blogging, social media
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Since the Internet has changed the dynamics of the business world, the old passé marketing method of using “outbound” marketing techniques such as trade shows and print advertising, are becoming less and less effective for several reasons. Marketers who push out a message far and wide hoping that it resonates with a few individuals, are sending that very message out to people who are getting better at blocking out interruption-based marketing messages. Think about it, the average person is inundated with thousands of outbound marketing interruptions per day – and that same person is rapidly figuring out more creative ways to block them out, including caller ID, spam filtering, and on-demand TV and radio. Rather than interruption-based marketing messages, the Internet presents quick and easy ways for consumers to learn and shop. For example: Now, instead of flying to a trade show across the country, a consumer can save money, time and energy by going to the Internet to research and purchase products or services. All from the comfort of their own home, sitting in their pj’s and sipping on a nice hot cappuccino! So how do we reach these consumers who are going to the Internet to start their purchasing process? In order to remain competitive, businesses need to utilize “inbound” marketing techniques to “get found” by the consumers searching for their products and services online. How you are using inbound marketing techniques for your business?

Contact Us: www.thenetworkchefs.com Sandra@thenetworkchefs.com © 2010 – 2012 The Network Chefs – All rights reserved This article may not be reprinted, reproduced, or retransmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of Kalon Women.

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It’s a well-known fact that skin care products and beauty rituals have been
around since the days of Nefertiti, well before actually. I have no doubt that the cavewomen of the Stone Age era had beauty rituals of their own. -As the female species, we’re just hardwired that way. Fast forward to the 21st Century, and an extremely intriguing critter- ancient in many ways yet surprisingly new and cutting edged- is hoving into view on the skin care and beauty horizon. Meet your skin’s new best friend, the Extremophile. Extremophiles are tiny microorganisms, first discovered in 1977, that are capable of enduring some of the harshest climates known to man- and some climates that are still a great mystery; like Mars. Yes that’s right, it’s thought that perhaps Extremophiles exist even on Mars… might this mean Martian females have already known about these great skin-friendly critters long before those of us here on earth?!

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Unchanged for millennia, Extremophiles have adopted numerous, mind-boggling strategies for surviving their exceedingly harsh climates and as such, possess unique and incredibly powerful enzyme structures that protect cells. They’re found in climates having incredibly high- and incredibly low temperaturestemperatures a human being could not survive, and they also thrive in conditions of extreme and profound pressure, salt and sulfur concentrations, and dark, oppressive ocean depths. Most are sought out in glacial lakes and ice in Antarctica. Extremophiles are known to develop colorful pigments in order to help themselves survive… becoming almost bionic antioxidants through surviving their own harsh existence. How could these critters possibly impact YOU? In a myriad a powerful ways, that’s how! These Extremophiles have become such a source of excitement- on so many planes - that Geologists, Paleontologists, Bio Chemists, Bio Physicists, Astro-Physicists and Medical Doctors are banding together to study them for all manner of skin-friendly

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outcomes: skin care that delivers incredible restorative and recuperative results, repair to damaged cells at a cellular level, massive protection from UV damage and even possible life saving cures for Melanoma and other forms of cancer through new forms of chemotherapy. It is believed that compounds from Extremophiles - when placed in skin care formulations, stabilize proteins and cells. At least this theory is indeed bearing itself out in numerous studies and clinical trials in the field of life science. When used in certain skin care formulations, Extremophiles are being shown to boost hydration, smooth and reduce wrinkles and fine lines, and serve as massive antioxidants deep inside skin tissues. All of these benefits serve to dramatically slow the aging process and help minimize the numerous visible signs of aging. They’re even being thought to stimulate faster wound healing, calm inflammation in skin tissues, prevent glycation in the cells and even stimulate collagen development -naturally.

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- Even very sensitive skins are showing great improvement when exposed to products containing these life-loving microorganisms. In studies, as I mentioned a bit earlier in this article, these Extremophile containing formulas are proving to be an incredible first line defense in killing off Melanoma cells. Studies have revealed that Extremophiles have been shown to cause the cell death of Melanoma cancer cells, while NOT harming any normal cells in the process. Now folks, this is exciting! As an Aesthetician that specializes in Menopause/age-related skin issues and symptoms, I find this not only astounding science- but thrilling in scope and potential. I’ll be watching this new technology with great enthusiasm and interest and as I learn more, will keep you posted! Who knew the Stone Age and the Space Age would collide- and in such a Beautybeneficial way? Wow!

Carrie Pierce has worked exclusively in the skin, health, and beauty
industries for 26 years. She is a licensed Aesthetician, Film and TV makeup artist and has built a solid international reputation as a holistic, menopausal skin expert. A recognized speaker and published writer, Carrie is Founder and President of www.menopauserus.com

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I wanted to repost this contribution to Kalon women as I have received some heartfelt thanks for the information within this essay. I hope these thoughts once again help those of you in need of inspiration and practical advice. Widows and suddenly single women – stand up and take charge Suddenly finding yourself single at any age is a scary and overwhelming moment in time. The pain of the loss of one’s former family unit is a loss one never “heals” from but rather with time, one learns to cope with the pain and sense of lose. To that end I want to share with you three separate stories of ladies I’ve had the honor of working for who I know will inspire you and hopefully give you a relatable outline to follow. Financially Savvy Widow at 80+ Although many women manage the household budget, once a spouse passes on, the very fact that there is no one there to run ideas by, share concerns with or have a second pair of eyes overlook the family budget, can freeze any financially savvy woman for quite some time. One of my dearest clients is just that woman. After losing her husband in her 80’s, she found herself unable to make the simplest money decisions. Whereas before we would meet to discuss the world economies and market behavior, I now found myself helping her balance her check book and explain the need and strategy for specific accounts in her possession for years. The shock of the loss rendered her incapable of understanding, let alone participating in any productive conversation on her finances.
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Knowing that her current state of shock may very well pass with time, I patiently coaxed her to get back in the saddle so to speak, to open up statements, read the newspaper, and visit the bank regularly to make deposits and get updated balances. Basically get involved once again in managing her finances. It did take some time, about two years to be exact before she was once again fully engaged in her finances and actively participating in its management. Now, over six years later, she is not only actively engaged in her finances, but is also fully engaged in her community as a volunteer in local organizations. Lesson learned: In this case allowing for a temporary shutdown from major decisions and changes in daily living can allow one to regain ones footing in life. As long as basic bills are paid, a savvy money manager who can direct someone else like an adult child or friend to where records are kept, can enable herself time to mourn and eventually return to herself as a stronger, more determined active participant in her finances and community. Suddenly widowed at 50! This special lady found herself widowed at 50 with young teens and absolutely no clue as to where anything money related was. As a couple he was the one in charge of all financial decisions. As hard as I tried, it was futile to get her to the table when I

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was over for financial checkups or investment reviews. When she called to let me know what had happened, I was devastated. I knew that she was incapable at this moment of doing anything that would enable the household to keep going. The learning curve had to start immediately no matter the pain and hardship. Jump into the deep end we did! The urgency was built around the fact that bills needed to be paid. She unfortunately had to deal with the shock of it all while learning to execute transactions that sent her into a panic attack each time. What I want to highlight is that although the trauma was fresh and excruciating, the need to keep the family together and the household functioning, outweighed the pain. Because of the survival instinct that flooded her every pour, she learned the basics of keeping a budget and functioning in a bank almost overnight. The next five years saw her push and pull against herself with all her fears and concerns. Yet, as time wore on, the routine of managing her household’s budget, reviewing investments with me, dealing with attorneys and accountants on creating a will and filling taxes, started to make sense. With time the shock and horror of her lose became a pain that could be coped with while her own self-esteem and confidence increased a thousand fold as she learned to appreciate her own personal growth.

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Lesson learned: Here we had a case where no time could be lost in getting the widow to be self sufficient. What every one of us needs to take from this experience is that life can change on a dime. One can never completely abdicate from being involved in any part of the household’s processes. You may not be the everyday hands on person for the household budget, but you have to know which bank your money is in, where and how the bills get paid, what accounts and assets does your family own singly and jointly. Information on all of these items and more has to be shared and known - No excuses! Finally, coming to terms with being single at ?? So after many years of looking for that special someone, this lovely lady finally decided that it just wasn’t in the cards for her to marry. The day that realization was finally uttered, it seemed she was reborn. I first met her at a seminar I did at an all women’s gym where we talked about getting both yourself and your finances in shape. Here was this lovely lady who was so stressed and overwhelmed with the need to marry, she was over working herself in trying to stay physically fit at the cost of neglecting her finances to the point of bankruptcy. We needed to take a time out and have a reality check. At her age (which I promised not to disclose) she had not started any savings plan or strategy for her finances as every dime she earned was spent on gym memberships, endless trips to the dermatologist, masseuse, nail and hair salons and of course, frequent visits with personal shoppers at high end stores. The inventory she had in her closet was estimated by both of us in the 10’s of thousands of dollars. All the while her bank account was nearly overdrawn each month. Things needed to change and change fast. The first step was to redefine
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wants and needs. It was amazing to her the difference it made when she realized that she wanted to be fashionable and fit but didn’t need to update her wardrobe at every season and at the highest priced stores. She was shocked at the cost to her for having spent her hard earned money on items she dismissed almost as fast as she got them, instead of saving most of it. The biggest realization was when she finally admitted to herself that her frantic need to find a husband had overwhelmed and preoccupied her so much that all she was doing was keeping herself looking good, rather than putting herself amongst friends and family and letting go of the need to find a husband. In fact she was so busy being prepared she never actually got into the arena of people where the likely hood of meeting someone actually existed. Once priorities and goals were adjusted, redefined and mapped out, savings were born, debt was eliminated and a real sense of personal accomplishment set in. She completely changed from a woman always frantic and out of sync, to one of a relaxed, self reliant and self assured lady. (Actually her personal life improved as well, so she tells me). Lesson Learned: Making sure you understand what your needs are versus your wants, is key in setting up goals that make sense. We all know we want to stay healthy, fit and looking young. That will all go up in a puff of smoke if we don’t get our financial house in order at the same time. Living within your means is crucial while self discipline will keep you on track through the journey.

Ronit Rogoszinski CFP®, is a LPL financial planner with Arch Financial Group and specializes in working with individuals transitioning though major life changing events. The information in this article is based on a CFP Board brochure, “What You Should Know About Financial Planning.” It is available free at 1-800-487-1497 or www.CFP.net. Founded in 1985, the CFP Board is a nonprofit certifying organization that owns the CFP® certification marks in the U.S. and benefits the public by fostering professional standards in personal financial planning. Securities and advisory services offered through LPL Financial, a Registered Investment Advisor. Member FINRA/SIPC.
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In the early 20th century, what we now call Bluegrass Music enjoyed a growth
in popularity as Country Singers started to bring their skills to the bigger cities. It was then known as Mountain Music, as it had evolved in the rural towns and villages from in and around the Appalachia. In the 1920s, The Monroe Brothers from Kentucky rose in prominence and featured Charlie on the guitar and his brother Bill on mandolin. But, in 1938, the brothers split to form their own separate bands. Hailing from Kentucky (The “Blue Grass State”), Bill named his band "Bill Monroe and the Blue Grass Boys" and soon this original American form of music had a new name. Distinguished by two or three-part harmonies, accompanied by acoustic instruments, the lyrics reflected the lives of a people whose hopes and dreams were to simply find a tomorrow that would be more romantic and less challenging than today. Gracie Muldoon, founder of Worldwide Bluegrass, the largest growing LIVE Bluegrass station on the internet, has not only been singing and performing Bluegrass music all of her life, she lives it. Grace Jewell Howard was born on January 31, 1957 in Newport, Kentucky. Her parents, Reverend Carl Howard and his wife Mary, were the pastors in their local church
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congregation, the West 7th Street First Church of God, which began over 40 years ago in 1968, in the basement of their home. As a result, Gracie and her two sisters were raised singing Bluegrass and contemporary gospel harmonies in their parents' church. Classically trained on the piano, Gracie graduated from Newport High School in 1975 and married her long time sweetheart 2 years later. But after her marriage of seven years ended, Gracie was then challenged with raising their two sons on her own. Several jobs and many late nights later, Gracie met and eventually married a man named Michael Muldoon. In time she would have another son to raise alone when that marriage of 18 years ended. However, during the several years it took for the relationship to finally dissolve, Gracie set out on her own to distinguish herself as a great promoter of the music that has always been at the heart of her life. Gracie got into broadcasting in Batavia, Ohio and found it to be exciting and challenging. Her show, featuring Bluegrass and Classic Country Music became very popular and after two years, she brought her communicating talents to the internet when she began working with a man from Texas that taught her how to produce streaming radio shows. Then, in 2007 she purchased the operation from her mentor and www.worldwidebluegrass.com was born. Thru this endeavor, Gracie has established a large and still growing worldwide fan base of Bluegrass music lovers from all over the globe. Celebrity interviews have beMarch 2012 21 Kalon Women Magazine

come a large part of her shows and in the past five years, she has visited with some of the best Bluegrass and Country Music performers. Charlie Daniels, Jerry Reed, Rhonda Vincent and Charlie Louvin are only a few of her long list of celebrity interviews. Gracie is also an excellent singer who can play several instruments and loves all kinds of music. Not very long ago, Miss Dixie Hall, wife of Tom T. Hall, honored Gracie Muldoon by awarding her with an “Honorary Daughter of Bluegrass Award." Muldoon considers it to be the "biggest thrill she has received" during her career. After many years of burning her candle on both ends, Gracie suffered a stroke in June of 2010 and then lost her beloved father to cancer in May of 2011. Though she is almost completely recovered now, she had sold Worldwide Bluegrass to Gary Reece, a webmaster who loves the music they feature, so she could regain her health and not hurt the growth of the station. Nevertheless, she continues to host a show on Worldwide Bluegrass every Sunday evening. Worldwide Bluegrass is a not for profit enterprise, broadcasting around the world and around the clock. All of the station’s hosts are professional volunteers who possess a passion for the true music of America. Gracie Muldoon is a woman, mother, performer and visionary. Her labors of love represent all that is good in those of us who are a proud part of something larger than ourselves.

Henry Piarrot is a Sevier County resident and hotel manager on assignment in Nashville, TN. Please send all story recommendations to hpiarrot@yahoo.com
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Sometimes ageism disappears,
melts away, lessens, in our daily lives. And that is, of course, how it should be. I don't live my life angry at the bias of ageism. I live my life in a positive frame of mind, telling myself that ageism can be erased with a bit of perseverance. A colleague of mine, Angela Gentile, a Geriatric Mental Health Clinician at Winnipeg Regional Health Authority, is a wonderful advocate of older women and men. Angela has put together a video about older women and men in love, showing their sensuousness, their physical contact, their tactile relationships. Watch Angela's video, Old at Love, Young at Heart. If you read my articles often, you'll recognize the very last shot as the one I used in my article Laughing at Ageism in a previous issue of Kalon Women. I think it's the most beautiful photo of a couple that I've ever seen! When I first watched Angela's video, I started to read the comments people had left after viewing it and I came across a link to another YouTube video, Beautiful Older Women of the World, also done by Angela this past February, 2011. Old at Love is about, well, how we love as older women. Beautiful Older Women is about how we love ourselves. Our inner beauty shines through even when we're on our own without a partner. Now, after these two videos, when I say that beauty is inside a woman, I know I'm on the right track. Our beauty changes, but it never goes away, it goes inside of us. Love changes, but it grows into an incredible intimacy that the world can see in Old at Love. The women and men there are so in sync with each other and they're so enjoying it that it jumps out of each picture and breaks any preconceived images that I may have had about older people and intimacy. Are some of the pictures posed? Of course, but what's not posed is the feeling, the warmth, the love they have for each other. They are one entity together, parts of each other. What I see in my world is that there are a number of women, a fairly large number,
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who realize that aging, being an older woman, is one of the finest parts of our lives. I'm 68 now and aside from when my daughters were little, I know that this is the best stage of my life so far. We have more sense of play, more confidence to enjoy laughing and even looking goofy, more confidence to show everyone, including but not limited to, our partners. This realization leads me to know that each one of us needs to do our best to pass this wonderful feeling, this confidence, this lightness of spirit, on to our daughters and granddaughters. The thing is, and we need to tell them this part also, the thing is that you can't get to this stage without going through the middle stage first. We've all gone through that stage from say 20 to 50 where we're so busy with our lives that we don't have the time to look at those around us and to see the beauty of their existence. If we can pass this gift on to our children, I think we'll be making the first step in reducing and maybe even eliminating ageism. I think we'll be starting a movement, an advocacy, a fan club, for older women and their beauty. Because that's where we're going and I'm just getting started. ©Marcia Barhydt, 2012

Marcia Barhydt is delighted to be 66 years old. A retired flight attendant who is
now self-employed as a writer, she is embracing this part of her life, especially the whimsy of writing. She is dedicated to challenging ageism, inequality and invisibility for older women, and she is equally dedicated to promoting a productive, positive and prosperous approach to aging. Her first book; a collection of 17 articles, titled Celebrate Age! Raves, Rants, Thoughts and Wisdoms Learned After 50 is available now. To read more and order Celebrate Age!
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March 12, 2012 is a special day for many women in the United States and around
the world – it marks the 100th anniversary of Girl Scouting. Another youth leadership organization that has recently celebrated its centennial is 4-H. Both were founded by women; and their founders, Juliette Gordon Low and Jessie Field Shambaugh, are the focus of our column during March. In March, we also celebrate both International Women’s Month and National Women’s History Month. In 1911, Juliette Gordon Low was searching for something useful to do with her life. She was in England and met Sir Robert Baden-Powell, the founder of the Boy Scout and Girl Guide movement. On March 12, 1912, from her home in Savannah, Georgia, Juliette (whose nickname was Daisy) made her historic phone call to a friend who was a distant cousin and said “I’ve got something for the girls of Savannah, and all of America, and all the world, and we’re going to start it tonight!” Eighteen girls formed that first troop including Margaret “Daisy Doots” Gordon, her niece and namesake, who was the first registered member.
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In developing the Girl Scout movement in the United States, Juliette brought girls of all backgrounds into the out-of-doors, giving them the opportunity to develop self-reliance and resourcefulness. At a time when women did not yet have the right to vote nationwide, she encouraged girls to prepare not only for traditional homemaking, but also for possible future roles as professional women—in the arts, sciences and business—and for active citizenship outside the home. Also unusual at that time, from its beginning, Girl Scouting welcomed girls with disabilities. Juliette had certainly never let deafness, back problems or cancer keep her from full participation in life so why should disabled girls be excluded? One delightful background fact that we love to share about Juliette is her hearty athleticism. One of her special talents was being able to stand on her head. She stood on her head every year on her birthday to prove she still could do it, and also celebrated nieces’ and nephews’ birthdays by standing on her head. Once, she even stood on her head in the board room at the National Headquarters of Girl Scouts to show off the new Girl Scout shoes. From the original 18 girls, Girl Scouting has grown to 3.7 million members. Girl Scouts is the largest educational organization for girls in the world and has influenced the more than 50 million girls, women and men who have belonged to it. Approximately 70% of women leaders today were Girl Scouts during their childhood. Did your membership in the Girl Scouts influence your leadership? Write to us and tell us YOUR story. We are so pleased to be able to share the amazing legacy of Juliette Gordon Low! Jessie Field Shambaugh also left a remarkable gift. Called the “Mother of 4-H”, Jessie Field started afterschool clubs in 1901 while teaching at Goldenrod School in Page County, Iowa. When she became County School Superintendent in 1906, she organized Boys Corn Clubs and Girls Home Clubs in all 130 country schools. The clubs, as she saw it, would provide ‘friendly competition’ which she felt was a useful teaching device.
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As a superintendent, Field was innovative in her emphasis on the practical value of education. Her goal was to make the schools more vital and useful to farm youth. In 1908, under her leadership, the Page County Boys Agricultural Club was organized. Her students won many honors including first prize at the International Corn Show in Omaha (1909). Also in 1909, she published Farm Arithmetic, a book of problems applicable to rural living. This book was widely used in Iowa schools. To educate youth about scientific and improved farming techniques, she enlisted the aid of colleges and Farm Institutes and asked them to offer their ideas and assistance. While Field was superintendent, her schools served as models for exemplary rural education; they attracted national attention. To encourage student participation, she designed a three-leaf clover pin to represent technological, agricultural, and domestic science. The pins were first distributed as an award in 1910. The letter “H” was placed on each leaf symbolizing Head, Hands and Heart and the word “Page” was noted in the center of the pin. A fourth H, “representing Home and then Health was added later. The idea of the farm clubs, as symbolized by the pin, was the beginning of 4-H. The 4-H clubs evolved over the years into a national organization that was sponsored by the United States Department of Agriculture. In 1910, Jessie Field organized the first Page County Boys Farm Camp, where seminars on new farming techniques were held. A girl’s camp was added in 1911. Growing in popularity, these camps were later sponsored by 4-H. Shambaugh also wrote the Country Girls Creed. It was Jessie Field Shambaugh’s vision and pioneer spirit that led to 4-H clubs nationwide. 4-H has now grown to become the nation’s largest youth development organization. The 4-H idea is simple: help young people and their families to gain the skills they need to be proactive forces in their commu30 Kalon Women Magazine March 2012

nities and develop ideas for a more innovative economy. As we celebrate the legacy of these organizations during National Women’s History Month, we salute the millions of people who have developed leadership skills and benefited from the “can do” attitudes of two outstanding women: Juliette Gordon Low and Jessie Field Shambaugh.

Charlotte S. Waisman, PhD, co-author of Her Story: A Timeline of the Women
Who Changed America (HarperCollins), is a national champion and advocate for women as a professor and keynote speaker. As an executive coach, Waisman coauthored 50 Activities for Developing Leaders and The Leadership Training Activity Book. She is a principal with a consulting company specializing in leadership and workforce excellence initiatives.

Jill S. Tietjen, PE, co-author of Her Story: A Timeline of the Women Who Changed
America HarperCollins), is an author, speaker and electrical engineer. Her other books include the Setting the Record Straight series. Tietjen is a top historian on scientific and technical women. She is President/CEO of Technically Speaking, a consulting company that specializes in improving career opportunitiesfor women in technology. Sign up for our ENewsletter at www.herstoryatimeline.com

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My sister-in-law and I recently had a conversation wherein we decided that imperfect friends are so much more fun and lovable than perfect friends. We probably got a little carried away in the moment, but we decided we didn’t even really want to have perfect friends, or those who pretend to be. Authenticity and vulnerability are endearing human qualities that are crucial to healthy relationships. No one escapes the hurts, heartaches and hardships of life. Real friends know that life is messy, and no human being can live a fairy tale forever, regardless of the “illusion”. The recent breakups of Heidi Klum and Seal, and Jada Pinkett and Will Smith, have forever confirmed for me that no one’s life is perfect, regardless of appearances. Since many Facebook friends are people we rarely actually talk to or see in person (some we have never met), all we have to go on are the one-dimensional updates they serve us for our cyber consumption I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Of course, I love being able to find old friends and to keep in touch with so many interesting people. However, I hate Facebook when I know I’m reading a deliberate “fake-out” by someone posting about their perfect life, perfect marriage, perfect children, etc. Do you have Facebook friends
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that just came to mind? We live in a world where we are bombarded with unattainable expectations around every imaginable aspect of ourselves. Are we attractive enough, popular enough, thin enough, smart enough, successful enough or even happy enough? Do we really need Facebook to reinforce the competitive and depressing messages we are already inundated with? Remember those old-school holiday newsletters? I never really enjoyed reading them. Those letters seemed to me like a thinly veiled opportunity to shamelessly boast of imagined superiority. Bobby Jr., who is fluent in four languages, just received a black-belt in judo at age 12. Darcy is going to skip her senior year of college and go directly to Oxford for her Rhodes scholarship. Bob Sr. and I just returned from a month in Italy, and we are finishing our dream home complete with swimming pool in a gated community. Merry Christmas! Facebook reminds us that there is a fine line between “sharing with friends” and unadulterated gloating out of a hunger for admiration and praise. Does that hunger come from a fear of not being good enough? Not only can Facebook head-fake us into thinking we are “less than”, experts believe it is actually causing anxiety and depression in adults, not just teens and children. It’s not hard to see how Facebook might repeatedly bruise a person’s self esteem, and make even the most secure among us wonder if we need to step up our game. I am sure that I am not the only person who has felt a twinge of envy when catching-up on Facebook. Some people seem to be trying to make others feel jealous. I’m here basking in the sunshine at The Four Seasons on Maui. Think I’ll have another misting from the pool boy to go with my next pina colada. Sorry you’re in rainy Seattle!
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Have you heard the term that has been coined for that feeling most of us have felt? Facebook Envy. One of my friends recently posted a photo of his girlfriend, with the comment “my girlfriend is better looking than your girlfriend”. Was that just a jovial jab for his guy friends, or does it say something deeper about his insecurities, or possibly his desire to retaliate? We all know there are people that struggle with their weight on a daily basis, so how does it feel to read a “good morning update” from a friend who is down another pound this morning…that makes 14 since January 1, woo-hoo! This same person also posts compliments she receives from strangers or coworkers about her attractiveness, and people respond with reinforcing comments. What I am hearing from her is “tell me I’m good enough”.
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Sure, some of us manage to check our egos at the door and limit our posts to those of cute animals or inspirational quotes, but it seems to me that many of us are on Facebook looking to feel worthy of love and that we belong in this world. If we want to experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging, NOW…not when we lose weight, when we find a partner, or when we get approval from others on a social media site. It takes courage to be real and vulnerable and not to hide behind a false mask. I’m thinking Facebook is not the place for that kind of authenticity anyway. Our genuine selves are to be shared with our true friends in the real world. It’s good to keep in perspective what Facebook is, and what it is not.

Cheryl Alexandra Michaels CPC, CSC is a Certified Professional Coach and
Spiritual Coach. She is a Reiki Master, an Angel Therapy™ Practitioner and a Reconnective Healing™ Practitioner. She lives in the suburbs of Seattle, Washington.

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Successful people know that life constantly changes and that nothing remains
the same. It is their ability to scan the environment and make the necessary life changes that leads to their long-term success and happiness. So start off 2012 seeing the glass half full instead of half empty. 7 Steps to Career Success 1. You’re Not the Only One – So Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself There has been a complete paradigm shift in the American economy and the type of jobs that pay good wages. Do not take on the role of victim as there is clear research that shows more opportunities come to those that are resilient, positive and proactive. Accept the fact that if you are working, you will have to work smarter to prove that you are worth keeping around. So work smarter with a smile on your face and a positive attitude; this will draw opportunities to you. Know your company’s business and go about helping them meet their goals and projections. If you are unemployed, you have to show through words and actions that you are worth hiring. You must accept this and move forward. Printout the skills, education and talent needed for your current position or the one you want to have and ask yourself how your skills, talent and years of experience measure up.
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2. Fess Up and Deal With Your Issues Last year, Tony Robbins, Magic Johnson and Eric Schmidt, CEO of Google all appeared on Larry King Live. Their message you don’t have a choice you have to reinvent yourself. Call it, Three Men and a Lady; we’re all saying the same thing. Before you get started on your reinvention; let go of any anger you might have stored up from being downsized or fired, fear or anxiety caused by not knowing all the answers because know one does. If you can’t let go, if you can’t surrender to the inevitability that life is filled with change, reinvention and uncertainty, seek out a therapist or counselor. Fess up, because everyone has issues, deal with yours so you can get on with the business of reinventing your life. 3. Stay True to Your Authentic Self Reinvent your career but be sure to stay true to your authentic self. If you are a downsized financial planner, provide services to 10,000 Baby Boomers that retire everyday. This is a large target market. If you are into health and fitness, provide services to stay-at-home moms via Skype; everyone is looking to lose a few pounds after the holidays. In a world that is driven by information and technology, use creative thinking to develop multiple streams of revenue while remaining true to your talent, passion and skill set. And adding a little Chutzpah doesn’t hurt; be bold, get out in the world and show people what you can do. In the book, “All Things Are Possible through Prayer” Charles Allen states: “A man who has lost his nerve is a pitiful creature. He shrinks from every task and he turns away from every opportunity. But when he believes in himself, he develops power and strength he did not know he had.” You don’t have to be religious to take this advice. 4. Don’t Wait for Opportunity To hear the words “you’re hired” in this job market you must have a strategic plan-ofaction that includes research, networking and becoming an expert in the brand called you. Based on your skills, talent and passion what growth industries and employers do you want to work and what quantifiable value do you offer? Look at all companies large and small, for profit and non-profit, federal, state and city agencies and the many fine educational institutions in this country and abroad.

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When you target industries, you automatically position yourself above your competition because you have matched your skills, talent and passion to growing industries and companies. Go after those companies, knock on their doors, and send a proposal and video to each showing how you can improve their business. Don’t wait for opportunity to come knocking because you’ll be waiting a long time. 5. Get off the Couch Nothing beats face-to-face networking because you are able to tell your story with enthusiasm and passion. Attend networking events on a regular basis because familiarity makes buying from, recommending or hiring you much easier. A referral, a recommendation or a nod in your direction is the number one way people are getting hired! Focus your networking on events where your colleagues, clients, and potential customers gather. In these hard economic times don’t waste time or money attending events that don’t meet your target demographic. Show up with your elevator pitch prepared and practiced so you can talk about your value proposition in a way that benefits the end user. 6. Social Networking Sites Stop posting every picture you’ve ever taken on social media sites unless you want potential employers and business partners to see all your personal stuff. Use social networking sites very carefully as employers and clients search these sites for your name. In recent months, individuals who posted certain language and pictures on social sites have been fired. One woman even lost her disability insurance so use both privacy settings and good judgment in equal measure. Show your savvy social media skills and knowledge as this is a clear, distinctive, competitive advantage, not pictures of your entire personal life. 7. Relocation – research what’s out there?
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The jobs in your town may have moved overseas, or the industries may have slowed down or shutdown; you may have to move. Don’t let fear paralyze you from exploring all your options. Depending on where you live in the country, some manufacturing and skilled labor jobs are not coming back. You will probably have to get retrained in something else or relocate. If you are able to move don’t be afraid to relocate but before you do, research the area and the opportunities. Your research should include: career opportunities, housing, schools, cost of living and houses of worship so that you can reduce the number of surprises once you move. Will your spouse be able to find work? Do your need to sell or rent your home? You may have to move across town, across country or across the world to explore career opportunities. Internationally renowned bestselling author Dr. Wayne Dyer says “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” So think of your journey as an adventure instead of something you dread. Don’t be afraid to explore and live a big, bold, beautiful life.

Dickie Sykes is a former construction executive and CEO of DGS Consulting
LLC. She reinvented her career and relocated her business from New York City to Atlanta, Georgia. For more information on DGS Consulting, contact Dickie@dgsconsultingllc.com
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In December 2009, a writer named Elizabeth Weil penned a long missive for the
New York Times pondering whether her decade-old marriage could be improved. She wrote: I have a pretty good marriage. It could be better. There are things about my husband that drive me crazy. Last spring he cut apart a frozen pig’s head with his compound miter saw in our basement. He needed the head to fit into a pot so that he could make pork stock. I’m no saint of a spouse, either. I hate French kissing, compulsively disagree and fake sleep when Dan vomits in the middle of the night. Dan also once threatened to punch my brother at a family reunion at a lodge in Maine. But in general we do O.K. Two years later, she’s still on the same topic with a recently released full on book on the same topic. One book review had a headline as follows, “A … humorous attempt to address the eternal conundrum of domestic ennui and its discontents.” While I applaud Ms. Weil energetically schlepping her book, she has, in the process, brought the healthy marriage to the brink of total YUCKISM. (I mean, like Andrew
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Zimmern eating cow placenta yucky.) Who writes these things about their spouse? Who stays with a spouse who does these things? Who does these things as a spouse? She fakes sleep when her husband vomits in the middle of the night? She seems to suggest this is de rigor behavior. As a woman married 31 years, I am SURE I would not fake sleep if my husband were vomiting in the middle of the night. My first thought would be - what is wrong - isn’t that silly of me? Is her husband barfing in the toilet – kneeling, alone on the cold floor? She seems to suggest he might barf in the bed. WHO ROUTINELY VOMITS IN THE BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT???? She must be making this stuff up, that’s what I think. What’s with the frozen pig’s head for pork stock? WHO MAKES PORK STOCK WITH A BIG OLD FROZEN PIG HEAD WAY TOO BIG FOR THEIR POT? (I have to stop all this shouting but this nonsense really hits my SHOUT button. (Luckily, it does not make me vomit.) And, here’s the part I detest the most - “attempting to address the eternal conundrum of domestic ennui and its discontents.” I’ve noted this theme occurring lately and it’s really the pits. It’s not a natural state of marriage to become bored to this depth. Sure, some things get a little routine, and sex in the shower gets a little dicey when arthritis sets in, but we are the thinking and feeling, higher elevated animals – we can adapt! Or to quote a great county ditty, “I’m not as good as I once was, but I’m as good once as I ever was.” I want to SHOUT “loosen up” and take a hike, hot tub, day trip, road trip, barbecue a tritip, watch the rain or the sunset, make a date to see Titanic in 3D – TOGETHER - but stop bitching. And do NOT make pork stock unless you have a really big pot. And, French kiss for heaven’s sake – just brush and floss well first.
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And laugh with each other, not at each other. Still another writer, Leslie Camhi, wrote a very long piece in a national magazine last month all about reconnecting with her first lover after many, many years. (At the end, he ditches her again, leaving her with an apartment they were to move in to together, and her very disappointed young son who took a fancy to the guy and the thought of a happy family.) Of their first reunited dinner together she said, “we talked of many things ….of the loneliness that lurks in coupledom.” Ugh. Starting out with that attitude doesn’t make for a promising future. I think I’d disappear too. I don’t want to sound overly simplistic now, but I think the case for ultimate domestic boredom has been overstated. Lots and lots of people have ups and downs in marriage and decide whether to stay or go. If you decide to go, I think you throw an arsenal of poison darts, ‘til you’re just exhausted, then let it go and move on, see if you can do better the next time around, if you are so inclined. If you decide to stay, you look at that person as your partner and you relish in the glory of a life together. Not perfect but personal. Sure, some silly fodder is fine, but it’s not the county dump. That’s it. I’ve figured it all out now! A good relationship is like recycling – there’s some old stuff you need to throw out
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entirely, but a lot of stuff you can refresh and reuse because it’s got tremendous intrinsic value. Relationships get a little worn here and there, but for the most part, they’ve got nicks and dents due to weathering the storm. It’s like our faces and our bodies – and I’ll take a vintage 50’s model any day of the week! Copyright Feb. 2012 Christine Scioli All Rights Reserved

Christine Scioli—A graduate of St. Joseph University, Philadelphia, Pa. with a
BA in English, Ms. Scioli worked as a legislative assistant on Capitol Hill, received her Juris Doctor from Delaware Law School and was admitted to the Pennsylvania Bar. She has written and produced a wide gamut of creative projects including educational, training, promotional and marketing videos, hundreds of television commercials, television series, feature films and documentaries through her film and video production company Zan Media, one of the few certified “green” production companies of its type. Web Address: www.zanmedia.com

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Happy International Women’s Day to all of our Kalön Women

44 Kalon Women Magazine

March 2012

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