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Notes Taken on the Road to

Finding Myself
By
Denise Gibel Molini

All Rights Reserved
Copyright 1997 by Denise G. Molini
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic
or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by information storage and retrieval system
without permission in writing from the author.
ISBN #0-8059-4018-9
dmolini@gmail.com

Table of Contents
2I Found................................................................................................................................................................ 7
My Many Selves................................................................................................................................................... 8
The Bottom Feels Safe ..................................................................................................................................... 9
Would I Know ..................................................................................................................................................... 10
Pieces Falling ....................................................................................................................................................... 11
To Experience .................................................................................................................................................... 12
Honest ................................................................................................................................................................. 13
What Is Found .................................................................................................................................................. 14
When We Realize.............................................................................................................................................. 15
Impossible .......................................................................................................................................................... 16
I AM..................................................................................................................................................................... 17
Wisdom................................................................................................................................................................ 17
The Sun ............................................................................................................................................................... 18
The Value Of A Gift......................................................................................................................................... 18
Giving ................................................................................................................................................................... 19
To Give ................................................................................................................................................................20
Hear ..................................................................................................................................................................... 21
Enough ................................................................................................................................................................. 21
Better Than .......................................................................................................................................................22
The Road .............................................................................................................................................................23
Expectations ......................................................................................................................................................23
Variety.................................................................................................................................................................24
To Demand ..........................................................................................................................................................25
The Purpose........................................................................................................................................................25
Enough .................................................................................................................................................................26
As We Become Older .......................................................................................................................................27
My Right ..............................................................................................................................................................28
Hope .....................................................................................................................................................................29
Stay Yourself.....................................................................................................................................................30
I Am Not Hopeless ........................................................................................................................................... 31
Time .....................................................................................................................................................................32
To Live .................................................................................................................................................................33

The Death Of The Willow ..............................................................................................................................34
Do Not Love Me For My Success ..................................................................................................................36
Unconditional Love ............................................................................................................................................37
This Is The Moment ........................................................................................................................................38
The Last Man .....................................................................................................................................................39
The Thorns .........................................................................................................................................................40
I Have Loved ...................................................................................................................................................... 41
I Wait ..................................................................................................................................................................42
I Cannot Promise ...............................................................................................................................................43
How Strange ......................................................................................................................................................44
After The Sunset He Was Gone ...................................................................................................................46
Passing Touch.....................................................................................................................................................47
Except Me ..........................................................................................................................................................47
To Fill Your Heart.............................................................................................................................................48
Hardly Ever ........................................................................................................................................................49
The Answer ........................................................................................................................................................49
Too Busy ..............................................................................................................................................................50
You taught Me ................................................................................................................................................... 51
The Beauty .........................................................................................................................................................52
Run Away From Me ...........................................................................................................................................53
There Was Joy ..................................................................................................................................................54
Tell Me ................................................................................................................................................................54
The loss of you ..................................................................................................................................................55
To Stay................................................................................................................................................................55
I Gave My Heart ...............................................................................................................................................56
I came with hope ..............................................................................................................................................57
After You............................................................................................................................................................58
Until I Love Myself ..........................................................................................................................................59
A Friend .............................................................................................................................................................. 61
In Touch ..............................................................................................................................................................62
Your Friend ........................................................................................................................................................63

Growth

I Found
In pain
I found strength
In lies
I found truth
In deceit
I found trust
In being lost
I found my way
And in being rejected
I found
Myself

My Many Selves
Within me live
The many selves
Who passed
My many years
Each self has Her story
And each self has Her tears
Each self had Her glory
Each self had Her fears
Each self had a burning need
Each self has a reason
Each self had a call to heed
Each self had a season
Not just one
But each of me
Make up my special song
I won’t reframe
Or change
One thing
Of all that Made me Strong

The Bottom Feels Safe
On the bottom
No falling
On the bottom
No failing
On the bottom
No losing
On the bottom…
Nothing

Would I Know
Would I today know
I could love
Without the me Who sought it?
Would I today
Survive the loss
Without the me Who lost it?
Would I believe
The things
I know
Without the me Who learned them?
And would I have
The things
I do
Without the me Who earned them?
Each part of me
Has done Her best
To travel down
Her road
And with each One Within my soul
I bare No heavy load

Pieces Falling
I can’t seem to keep it straight
Or hold it in one piece
Draining all my energy
I look for a release
Pieces falling all around
I can’t keep them in place
People pulling from all sides
I need a quiet space
I’m in so much pain, I feel
So tight I can’t unwind
Trying to please everyone
And failing every time
I just feel so lost inside
I don’t know where to go
I look around for answers
That I think I ought to know
The only place I haven’t tried
Is searching deep within
Perhaps the answer’s waiting there
I might as well begin

To Experience
Our ability
To experience joy
Is only limited
By our willingness
To experience
Pain

Honest
It is not
my conscience
which keeps me
honest
it is
my memory

What Is Found
What is found in moving
Will bring change
What is found in seeking
Will bring knowledge
What is found in resting
Will bring contemplation
What is found in risking
Will bring growth
And
What is found when patient
Will bring understanding

When We Realize
When we realize that we are not God
And the only God is perfect
When we realize our minuteness
And forgive our fallibility
When we accept our imperfections
And forgive our humanness
When we reject what pleases us
For a moment
And seek what fulfills us
For a lifetime
When we realize that we do not need love
For we ARE
LOVE
We will find our greatest joy
Will be realized

Impossible
Impossible
Is really only
That which has not yet
Been achieved

I AM
I am
Every miracle
Extends
From that

Wisdom
Wisdom comes
With age
Because it is
The byproduct
Of redundant experience

The Sun
I saw the sun
Before I
Entered the tunnel
But I only felt it
After I
Emerged

The Value Of A Gift
The value of
A gift
Lies not only in
The intent
Of the one who gives
But also in the
Perception
Of the one
Who receives

Giving
There is an
Inexplicable joy
In giving
A high
Without comparison
Perhaps it is
The most selfish
Thing I do
For myself

To Give
There are two
Inseparable steps
In giving
First to extend
And then
To release

Hear
The ears
Will never listen
To what
The heart
Won’t hear

Enough
I have
Enough
When I have
Enough
To share

Better Than
Why is it that man
Finds his value
In being better than
Instead of
in just
being

The Road
Hell is an
Amusement park
Compared to
The road to enlightenment

Expectations
The only thing
I ever truly failed at
Was in living up to
My own expectations

Variety
How contradictory
That we would not consider
An orchid imperfect
Because it is not a rose
And
We would not consider
An oak imperfect
Because it is not a willow
That we love
The variety of God’s gardens
But we cannot accept
The variety in
God’s children

To Demand
To demand that the world
Be fair to you
Is a demand
That cannot be met
But to demand that you yourself
Be fair
To the world
Is one that can be
Attained

The Purpose
What is the purpose
Of the destination
If not
To cause
The journey

Enough
I am not sure
If more is better
I am, however
Sure, it is never
Enough

As We Become Older
As we become older
Happiness
Becomes more attainable
Because it is less specific
Almost
Becomes more acceptable
Because it is more realistic
Life
Becomes more livable because we have less expectations
And joy
Can finally be found
Because we are to look inside

My Right
I have a right
To dislike you
I have a right
To disapprove of you
I even have a right
Not to associate with you
But I have no right
To hurt you

Hope
There is no light
As brilliant
As the light
Of hope
And no darkness
As fearsome
As where
There is none

Stay Yourself
Take pride in what you achieve
But do not become the achievement
Feel joy for those you love
But do not become them
For all achievements are replaced
By newer ones
And the loss of those you love
Will be the loss of yourself
Make your plans with conviction
But not without flexibility
For life destroys that which
Will not bend
Share yourself
But do not give yourself
For once given
You are no more

I Am Not Hopeless
If I am not Godless
I am not homeless
If I am not faithless
I am not hopeless

Time
Time diminishes
The most profound
Reality
And expands
The most unlikely
Possibility

To Live
To live
We must learn
To learn
We must grow
To grow
We must move
To move
We must let go
To let go
We must trust

The Death Of The Willow
The death
Of the willow
Is not the fault
Of the oak
In whose shadow
It grows

Love

Do Not Love Me For My Success
Do not love me for my success
For I will fear failure
Do not love me for my beauty
For I will fear time
Do not love me for my wisdom
For I will fear error
Do not love me for my smile
For I will fear my tears
Love me for my living
And you have freed me
From fear

Unconditional Love
Unconditional love
Is neither
Given
Nor
Received
It is a state
Of being
Which emanates
From within
And out to all
Around you
It is a breath
Of freedom
For those prepared
To receive it
And an
Addictive drug
For those
Who seek
To possess it

This Is The Moment
This may not be the time
This may not be the place
But somehow
This is the moment
As in a dream, which
Cannot be recalled
Yet
Cannot be erased
We journeyed
Too far
To return
To fast
To comprehend
To tentatively
To remain
And too profoundly
To leave

The Last Man
You were
The last man i
Would have chosen
The last man i
Could have wanted
The last man
I would have noticed
The last man
I’ll ever love

The Thorns
Love is
A rose
That cannot
Be held
Without first
Feeling the pain
Of it’s
Thorns

I Have Loved
I have loved
More than I choose to remember
I have lost
More than I choose to accept
I have received
More than I believed I deserved
And I have given
More than I believed I had

I Wait
I wait for him to come
Who will
Accept me
Without change
Love me
Without limit
Travel me
Without fear
And forever me
Without time

I Cannot Promise
I cannot promise I will stay
For someday I must go
I promise you I will not change
But not that I won’t grow
I promise you the here and now
And all that it contains
I promise you that brilliant Sun
But only till it rains
I love you with the love I need
And that I give your free
But I cannot give you happiness
Unless you want to be
I promise I will give the truth
At least, the truth I know
And I will pray that knowing this
Won’t make you want
To go

How Strange
How strange
That I only realized
How much more
I could have
Loved
When I realized
How much more
I could have
Suffered

Letting Go and moving on

After The Sunset He Was Gone
After the sunset
he was gone
into the night
end of song
but oh the sunrise
truly shone
when he said,
“You’re not alone”
How my throbbing heart
Would beat
When I would hear
His coming feet
What horizons did
He show
Such explosions
I did know
After the sunset
He was gone
But in my soul
The day shines on

Passing Touch
We were two
Ships that touched
In passing
But though we passed
The touch
Remains

Except Me
I seem to be able
to get rid of
everything
in my life
that you touched
except
me

To Fill Your Heart
I hope that
One day
Trying
To fill your heart
Stops
Emptying
Mine

Hardly Ever
I hardly ever
Think about you
anymore
I only think
About you
When I am
Awake

The Answer
The answer
To why
I lost you
Lies
In the place
Where I left
Me

Too Busy
Between watching
The phone
Staring at
Your pictures
And remembering
Every word
And every movement
That we shared
I have been
So busy
I haven’t had time
To Forget
You

You taught Me
You taught me
To love
Without fear
To give
Without loss
To grow
Without limit
To fly
Without wings
You taught me
To let go
When need
Was the only reason
To hold on

The Beauty
I hope the beauty
Of what we are
Retains its richness
When it becomes
The pain
Of what
We were

Run Away From Me
Run away from me and the hurt that I cause
The love I can give is covered with flaws
Build on the things that you yet may not see
Build on a life that won’t include me
Don’t be a keeper protecting my soul
Don’t try to fix what you cannot make whole
You deserve much more than I can give now
I wish I could love you but I don’t know how
You are so special and precious to me
The best I can give you is to set you free
I’m sorry I hurt you it wasn’t my goal
But I know I used you to try to feel whole
I’ll turn my back now, so please run away
For it I can catch you, I will make you stay
You can’t make me love you the way you should be
For I can’t love anyone until I love me

There Was Joy
There was joy
In loving you
Pain
In hold you
Fear
In losing you
And strength
In surviving you

Tell Me
Tell me there is a chance
And I will keep trying
Tell me there is a way
And I will keep looking
Tell me it will come
And I will keep waiting
Tell me nothing
And I will keep going

The loss of you
I hope that
The loss
of you
Never outweighs
The
Experience
Of you

To Stay
The only thing that
Scares me
Is that your will
To hold on
Is not as strong
As your need
To push away

I Gave My Heart
I gave my heart
He took my soul
And here I stand
An empty hole
What will he do
With all that’s me
Destroy my dreams
Or Set me free
With nothing but
An empty shell
My eyes see God
My feet touch hell
He’s too afraid to run away
He cannot hide
He cannot stay
What can I do
To make him see
There is no price
In loving me
It hurts much more
To let us go
When I just want
To see us grow
What can I do
But sit and wait And hope
He doesn’t learn Too late

I came with hope
I came with
Hope
I stayed with
Love
I leave
With
Acceptance

After You
After you
To feel meant pain
After pain
To feel meant fear
After fear
To feel meant courage
After courage
To feel meant acceptance
After acceptance
To feel meant living

Until I Love Myself
Until I love myself
I can only mistrust you
Until I find my way
I can only mislead you
Until I see myself
I can only deceive you
Until I love myself
I can only hurt you
And until I accept myself
I can only lose you

Friends
There is No Greater Love Than That Of A True Friend And No Greater Friend Than One Who
Is Also A Lover

A Friend
A friend
Is the one
Who stays with you
When even you
Would leave yourself

In Touch
A friend is one
You do not need
To be near
To be
In touch with

Your Friend
Your friend is one
Who speaks
The words you need
To hear
And hears the words
You fear
To speak

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