BACKGROUND When America annexed texas in 1845, mexico became outraged and the Mexican war followed [ 1846

1848 ]. In the treaty of Guadalupe hidalgo, mexico recognized the loss of texas and accepted the rio grande as the boundary between mexico and the united states. Although the war was over, hostilities continued and the negative stereotyping of Mexican Americans as a conquered and subsequently interior people became entrenched. Such stereotyping and discrimination had implications for the stress to which Mexican American spouses were exposed. Compared to anglos, Mexican Americans have less education, lower incomes and work in lower status occupations [ al vires et . al . 1981 ] THE HUSBAND WIFE RELATIONSHIP There is great variability among Mexican American marriages and any discussion of them should be viewed with caution. What is true in one relationship may not be true in another, and the same relationship may not resemble itself at two different point in time. Nevertheless, some typical characteristics of Mexican American relationships are detail here. MALE DOMINANCE Although role relationships between women and men are changing in all segments of society, traditional role relationships between the Mexican American sexes are dominated by the male. He is responsible for making all major decisions and his wife is responsible for carrying out his decisions. In the husbands absence, authority is delegated to the oldest son FEMALE SUBMISSIVENESS The complement to the male authority figure in the Mexican American marriage is the submissive female. Traditionally, she is subservient to her husband and devotes her time totally to the roles of homemaker and mother. Large Mexican American families are not only evidence of the husbands machismo but also of wifes skill in managing and caring for a family. As more wives begin to work outside the home, the nature of the Mexican American husband wife relationship is becoming more egalitarian [ staples and mirande 1980 ]. The divorce rate among Mexican Americans is lower than the rate for Anglos but higher than the rate for blacks. Intermarriage is increasing as Mexican Americans move away from home to pursue lucrative jobs. THE PARENT CHILD RELATIONSHIP

In the past, Mexican Americans have valued close relationships with both nuclear and extended family members [ familism ]. Although members of the extended family [ aunt, uncle, and grandparents] may still be regarded with great affection, Mexican Americans are becoming more Americanized and nuclear oriented. In a study of 294 parents in which the cohesion [ emotional bonding between family members ] in Mexican American and anglo [ white population of non Mexican origin ] families was compared the researches found no significant differences [ vega et al.. 1986 ] VERY HAPPY MARRIAGES The type of marriage most of us want the happy marriage not the we get along or things - are okay marriage, but the type of marriage that continues the love feelings and fun in courtship. To find individuals in such marriages, two researches studied 72 middle aged, middle class spouse who answered most of the following items positively [ ammons and stinetts 1980 ] My spouse and I enjoy doing many things together I enjoy most of the activities I participate in more if my spouse is also Involved In receive more satisfaction from my marriage relationship than most other areas of my life My spouse and I have a positive, strong, emotional involvement with each other. The relationship of my spouse is more enjoyable to me than most any thing else in life. I would not hesitate to sacrifice an important goal in life if achievement of that goal would cause my marriage relationship to suffer. My spouse and I take an active interest in each others work and hobbies [ p.38 ] These spouses also took a personality test [ the Edwards personal preference test ] which revealed their various personality needs and characteristics. The goal was to find out what kind of people live in very happy marriages. The answers follow. SEX Almost nine in 10 the spouses reported having a moderately high to a very high need for sexual activity. These partners saw sex as a way of expressing a very deep emotional involvement. With each other a meeting of their souls. Also their sexual needs were similar. Both partners enjoyed the sexual aspect of their relationship. EMPATHY

The happily married spouses also had a need to be understanding and supportive of their partners. In contrast to a selfish, narcissistic. Orientation they felt best when they were nurturing the needs of their partners I love to love her and do things for her said one husband. Result was a relationship in which each spouse felt loved, supported, and cared for by the partner. COMMITMENT These spouse were also deeply commitment and determined to make their marriage work. my marriage is the most important thing in the word to me and Im not going to let anything happen to it, said one spouse but as anyone whos marriage knows, the relationship wont spin by itself you ve got to work at it. This means that we work out problems as they come along and dont let things build up. Another spouse said most folks getting divorced today arent committed to making their marriages work. Youve got to want it to work before it will everything follows from your commitment and determination that it will succeed. TWO STRONG EGOS Although a major focus of these very happily married spouses was each other each partner was also an autonomous person, functioning independently of the other in her or his respective careers and roles. Their relationship was like a yardstick that can be best supported horizontally at each end. If the two supports are to close to the middle, the yardstick will people. So it is with marriage. Two individuals standing independently provide the best support for the relationship. If they are immersed in each other to the exclusion of developing themselves and their interest, than relationship will be less stable. OTHER CHARACTERISTICS In a subsequent nationwide study of an additional 438 spouses, ranging in age from 20 to 78, who viewed themselves as having a strong family. The researchers identified communication, love, religion, and respect as contributing factors. When the respondents were asked what they did as a family that seemed to strengthen their relationship, enjoying the out doors, taking vacations, going to church and attending sporting events headed this list [ stinnett et al.. 1982 ] happy and strong families in Iraq seem to have similar characteristics [ brigman et al . 1986 ]. CONSIDERATION The studies on very happy marriages suggest that these partners share four essential element commitment, communication, love and shared activities. A strong commitment to each other to work out the problems in the relationship is basic. But this requires effective communications skills to negotiate differences. Motivations to talk out differences springs from an intense emotional connection between the partners. Their love feelings also propel them into sharing a wide range of activities. To assess your own marital satisfaction, determine your marriage happiness scale score in the following self assessment.

Elderly Marriages Robert browning said.. Grow old along with me The best is yet to be The last of life For which the first was made But is the best yet to be? What is marriage like for couples who have grown old together? After reviewing the concept of aging, we will look at several studies that have been conducted to provide information about elderly couples in marriage. Data at age 65 to 74, 62 percent of all persons living in the united states are married and living with their spouses [ U.S. bureau of the census 1986 ] . DEFINITIONS OF ELDERLY Being elderly may be defined chronologically, physiologically, sexually, psychologically, sociologically, and culturally. Chronologically an elderly or old person is defined as one who has lived a certain number of years. How many years it takes to be old varies with the perspective. Consideration Most people vies anyone 15 years older than themselves as old physiologically, the auditory, visually, and respiratory capabilities of an individual decline with age, but it is a myth that most elderly people become incapacitated. In a study of 68 elderly marriage couples [ average age 70 ] over 60 percent rated their health as good or excellent and only 9 percent rated their health as poor of very poor . being in good health was the greatest predictor of life satisfaction in these couples [ sanders and walters 1985 ] psychologically a persons own perception is important in defining how old that person is satchel paige, the great black baseball player, said, how old would you be if you didnt know how old you was? your answer is your self concept of your age. Sociologically, people age as they assume roles that have traditionally been defined as accupied by older people grandparent, widow, retire. A retired dentist recalls: After our daughter had her first child, it occurred to me that would be sleeping with a grandmother. I kidded my wife about that and she said yes grandpa thats right, and Ill

sleeping with a grandfather,. It made us feel old just to know that the word grandparents now meants us. Culturally, the society in which an individual lives defines when or if a person becomes old and that means to be old. In some cultures as a person grows older, he or she gains prestige and status. For example, the oldest Navajo tribesman is a revered leader commanding the respect of the less experienced members of the tribe. The abkhasians is Russia, who often live into their 100s, have no phrase for old people in our society we bestow our respect on certain individuals as they grow old; walter Cronkite and Kathryn Hepburn are good examples of such people. MARITAL HAPPINESS AMONG THE ELDERLY A researcher who interviewed 21 elderly couples who had been marriage 30 -50 years found that wives in two income marriages were happier than wives who did not work outside to home [ tryban, 1985 ]. Data ninety percent of the working wives reported that they were happy with their marriages after their husbands retired in contrast to 60 percent of the wives who did not work outside the home [ tryban 1985 ] Homemaker wives felt that their work loads increased when their husbands retired. They had to prepare more meals, had to keep their husbands company, and had less time to do what they wanted to do. As one women expressed it, what free time I do have I still have to monkey around with things he want to do. Another said that she resented her husbands attitude that she should be ready to go with him anywhere and anytime at the drop of a hat. In contrast, wives in dual income marriages said that due to their own careers, their husbands had already become used to doing things for themselves, including fixing their own meals and keeping themselves occupied doing things that they found meaningful [ outdoor work and a ham radio in the basement were two frequent activities for husband ] older wives who earned their own income also enjoyed doing things with their husbands, including camping, traveling, dancing, golfing, and attending a health club. In another study the researcher found that couples who had been married for more than 40 years had worked out a good balance of separateness and togetherness that allowed each partner to have space. These partners also had many interest in common and basically valued the same things in life [ cole, 1985 ]

Consideration Spouses who are autonomous yet interdependent may not be a burden to each other during the retirement. However such interactive patterns are established long before retirement occurs. Spouses particularly husband might become more self sufficient so that they do not burden their wives after retirement. Another researcher studied the marriages of 79 couples living in a retirement community. They average age was 74, and they had been married an average of 41 years. The result were clear. These respondents claimed to be happily married, to have high morale and to have high levels of sexual interest. Of her respondent the researchers said marriage does seem to enhance the quality of life for those fortune enough to survive to enjoy it [ ade ridder 1985 p. 235 ] HOUSEHOLD TASKS AMONG THE ELDERLY One study the allocation of household tasks among elderly couples revealed a division of labor along traditional lines. Wives typically cooked meals and washed dishes; husbands maintained the car, did yard work, and made house repairs. However 30 percent of these couples shared washing the dishes and 60 percent shared the shoopping. The researchers concluded. These long married couples have developed ways to accomplish tasks around the house in which they are responsible for gender specific tasks and they share responsibility. In many ways, golden anniversary couples have negotiated elaborate, interdependent relationships [ brubaker and kinsel, 1985, . p . 246 ] TRENDS Weddings will continue to take place in a variety of settings and to represent the desires of the spouses more than their parents. Because more couples are living together before marriage, fewer newlyweds will go on a traditional honeymoon. Also due to changing male female relationships, traditional marriages, which have been characterized by male dominance will became less frequent. The trend toward egalitarian relationship will continue in white black, and Mexican American relationship. Asian intermarriage will continue to increase. The number of asian Americans marrying non Asians almost doubled between 1970 and 1980. Recent studies show that more that 50 percent of all Japanese Americans, 40 percent of all Chinese Americans, and 30 percent of all Korean Americans marry outside their ethnic groups. The primary reason for these increasing intermarriages in increased acceptance by the larger society. However, asian parents often disapprove and fear that their culture will disappear if their

children intermarry. Some parents even disown their children if they intermarry [ kantrowits, 1986 ] SUMMARY All marriage relationships represent a commitment between the partners the respective families and the couple and the state. The wedding is a rite of passage signifying the change from the courtship role to the spouses. Personally, most spouses experience an enhanced self concept because the people they are living with love and care for them to the extent that they have made a permanent commitment. Society also approves of a couples marriage and encourages them to feel good about their decision. But the reality of marriage also involves disenchantment the gradual process whereby each spouse becomes aware that the other person in courtship is not always the other person in marriage . Marrying while still in college involves adding several roles in rapid succession. The transition from lover to spouse to employee and perhaps to parent may introduce strain in some relationship. Among older spouses returning to school, marital happiness seems highest if the wife student gives priority to her roles of wife and mother and if the husband student continues to earn a part time income. About 20 percent of all marriages occur between spouses with different religious preferences. Although mixed religious marriages do not necessarily imply a greater risk to marital happiness, marriages in which one or both spouses profess no religion are in the greatest jeopardy. Also husband in interreligious marriages seem less satisfied because children are usually reared in the faith [ or nonfaith ] of the wife. The risk marital stability is greater among black white marriages, partly due to the social context of racism and economic insufficiency. Black marriages tend to include a larger and more involved kinship system than white marriages. In many cases, the mother child relationship seems to make precedence over the wife husband relationship. A higher divorce rate and a higher proportion of single parent homes among blacks suggest that black marriages may be less happy than white marriages. Very happy marriage relationships seem to be characteristic of spouses who have high sexual needs, who enjoy supporting and caring for each other, and who are committed to making their marriage work. These spouses also tend to be religious and to share common interest and activities. Being happily married in the later years seems to be related to having independent interest, so that neither spouse feels burdened by the other. Having a balance of independent versus shared interests seems to work best.

One trend in marriage relationships is continued variation in the types of relationships. In addition, there will be an increased number of intermarriages. QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION 1. How do two strong individuals influence the probability of a strong marital relationship? 2. How do you feel about entering interreligious, interracial, and age discrepant marriages ? 3. How do the characteristics of your relationship compare with those of very happy marriages?