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Sharing Sacred Space in Relationship
by Linda Reid copyright 1997
What is Relationship?
When we learn about houses in astrology it soon becomes apparent that no house stands in isolation from the others. There is the interface of opposite houses, houses at 90 degree angles to each other, adjoining houses and following houses all of which have a 'relationship' of meaning with each others. Life experience is such that contact with others is essential to wholeness and well being. In the first house, one is 'looking out' to the 7th to search for a special 'other'. From the 2nd house one measures resources and self worth through the reflective experience of the 8th house. Every 'subjective house' - from 1 to 6, has its counterpart in the 'objective house' opposite, from 7 to 12. The Horizon defines the 1st and 7th houses and this axis is where we most clearly focus on the exchange between the solitary self and intimate relationship with others, as those houses below the horizon are centred on the self and subjective experience while those above the horizon are centred on others and objective experience. The 1st house connects to the idea of 'persona' - that part of the personality that is comfortably exposed to the world, and the image or role played, a mask behind which to protect the vulnerable inner self.
By polarity, the 7th house is where that vulnerability lies and represents that which is least exposed to the world. Here is where parts of the self are not revealed except in intimacy with another. In the complex dynamics of 1st and 7th house polarity the 7th house acts as a place for the "shadow" components of the self. The 7th house represents relationships with others and is traditionally the house of marriage, intimacy, but also the house of emnity.
What is "Shadow"
"Shadow" can be explained as all that a person denies or is unable to recognise or acknowledge about himself, both positively and negatively - a sort of compensating facet of the self which is deemed incompatible with what the conscious world demands. This "shadow" can be like a splinter aspect of personality that contains positive and negative traits. In relationships one might seek another person who is able to express these qualities so that one experiences a sense of whole being.
The Self and the Other
The 1st house is about survival of the personality. Over and above all the other connections with the house, it is the first experience, marking coming into conscious being at the moment of birth. Survival is the instinctive "perpetual flame" of spirited life and carries overtones of the planet Mars. Imagine Olympian runners who carry the torch across the world. Healthy, virile and powerful, the runner guards the flame until he reaches the goal, which is to announce to the world the message of human love, peace and good relationships between people. Nations gather in the name of this ethic, and the doves of peace and harmony that are released as the flame arrives at the goal are a symbol of what has motivated the race in the first place. The whole process is an allegory for 1st house - 7th house dynamics - the urge to find peace, acceptance, approval, love and beauty in the eyes of another and of the world; a joyous celebration of individual survival to reach for unity. The principles of love, harmony, unity are embedded in 7th house meaning. In surviving the elements, stress, loneliness, the runner finds his sense of realisation. He is loved, acclaimed, adored and applauded. It is entirely natural and instinctive to seek others in order that they may reflect something of ourselves, our prowess, our gifts and talents. There would be little
and they may feel intruded upon by the very presence of the other so that they feel compelled to take a step backwards. approve and support. The exchange in relationship is what is important not one individual's effect on the other in a polarised kind of way. compete. the paradox of archetypal pairs and the connections and exchange between specific planets. that lies between the partners and is a mutual melding of parts of each. We must never 'blame' .even though one person might exhibit negative traits. They may even react physically. can repel or attract. No one person can affect another without being affected themselves. Each person seeks reflection in the eyes of another and that reflection confirms and reinforces ‘being’. Perfectly placid people can find themselves filled with tension when around specific individuals. astrologers examine the way one person’s planetary energies interface with another person’s planetary energies. Synastry When working with charts and relationship. A gap has been breached and ‘space’ has been occupied but in a harmonious and pleasurable way. The Astrologer's Role in Relationships' Counselling Astrologers need to look at relationship in a completely non involved and non judgmental way. Such is the nature of attraction and one might take a step forward in this circumstance! Exchange of energy between two bodies is a two-way connection and like a magnet. taking on a life or "entity" in itself. as their hair stands on end. This is called Synastry. and with whom to find a sense of worthiness. One person does indeed invade the other's ‘space’! Similarly one may feel empowered and delighted by the presence of another. In intimate relationships people build a mutuality that has its own space and becomes a composite of the planets involved.purpose in surviving if we did not have others with whom to share. When counselling others we have to take care not to invade their mutual space. energies and connections that are made in this exchange. Synastry defines the psychic urges. It is illustrated in the exchange between the gestalt of houses. 3 . If we do we tread on the fertile soil of sacred space in which the relationships grows. love.
a guide. The Astrologer's role is to empower clients to make creative decisions and take actions for themselves. Only rarely. If we take away that power by identifying with their issues. we are not doing our jobs correctly. Those images pass through the air and are not decipherable as they are being 'beamed'. The dynamic of projection is a constant in any relationship. We can only decipher them when they 'hit' a screen. That way he protects himself from the projections of clients to avoid being ‘blamed’ for things that occur in a client’s life! “Blame” in itself is a process of denial of responsibility and an attempt to shift issues like so much baggage from one person to another. two becomes three and the quality of the sacred space alters.We play a part in counselling whereby we are at risk of projecting our own dilemmas onto our clients or identifying with their pain as the energy of acting out troubles touches something in our shared space. This is projection. perhaps where there is danger to life. 4 . For when we come into consultation with two others. The counsellor needs to dissociate from ‘issues’ in the clients life and not make personal connection with those issues. We then must act in some ways like a guest. The responsible astrologer will have links with shelters. What we don't own is dumped on the other person! This is an entirely unconscious process because if we were conscious it was happening we would be owning it! We project our positives too for it is a sad fact that we often bury our affirmative qualities along with the undesirable. making decisions for clients. beaming images that are embedded in and emenate from a reel of film.can we step in and become directly involved. legal advisors and other professionals. If I am standing beside the projector .effectively. or a light that shows the way but does not determine the path. "Issues" arise when the melded energy is stimulated. Astrologically this occurs as transits or progressions trigger responses in one or both of the partners and resonate within the shared space created by specific planetary aspects. positively or negatively. set the right distance away so there is focus. What is Projection ? The shadow finds its most virile expression in relationships. To understand how projection works. imagine a film projector. drawing out the potential positive or negative faces of that melded energy.
And so we nurture each other. reflected on the screen. for example Pluto is dominant by transit or by being transited in the chart of one or both partners. but can be found every day. That's normal! It doesn’t always have to be experienced through intimacy. energies. In examining the synastry 5 . There is creative good in projecting our positives. This is a natural process of the psyche seeking connectedness with life. but often we are surprised by what we see projected. the screen has to be exactly in the right place and the right focus length! This is the ‘hook’ for my projections . Many of those 'projections' can be defined as 'expectations' that we become aware of and deal with through understanding our own psychic dynamics. Any connections in the synastry of the people that are responsive to Pluto. The connection may lie dormant for years until the right trigger comes along and focuses on that particular facet of the relationship. I see the very images which I initially 'own'. Then the shadows may both come out to play and it isn't really play. drive. desires and shadow 'stuff' is projected out into lifes arena. the relationship can become ‘ridden’ by the energy of Pluto.the one with whom I have a relationship! What I project is reflected back to me and it appears that the screen is the reality not the projector! Inner archetypes. but a deadly game of power play. But I may not be aware that the film is running! If the images do not hit on a screen. supporting and confirming those same qualities in them. they are likely to respond from their shadow side too. will arise as ‘issues’ for them. By doing so. When we project our negative shadow sides. as defined by the power of the projector. Negative energies are another matter . So.if I am the projector . " Shadow boxing " is all too common a phenomenon in relationship but is not identified until such time as it rises up and socks us! Working with Synastry In a synastric relationship there will be times when the mutual meeting point is affected by the unfolding cycles of planets. albeit unconsciously. Since the film "belongs" to me. or they hit on a screen so distant that the images are blurred and meaningless. in order to see the images. actuating. we empower the other person. If. exactly what is embedded in the film. they continue into the distance until they either run out of energy. in all associations.I see.
people are drawn together to fulfil some facet of shadow experience. So who owns what? No one person. necessarily. Particular points of contact alert us to potential ‘issues’ that could arise and also give us potential points of harmony and balance through which our clients can be encouraged to enjoy more fully. It is a fallacy then to expect the synastry grid to offer anything more than a gestalt of the relationship unless one has a firm grasp on of each individual natal chart. Sometimes a relationship outlives its purpose.an archetypal meeting in a sort of morphogenic field . blend and integrate and the source is lost from view . Astrologers deal with that third entity. Romantic notions have no place when a relationship turn sour. An exploration of the grid can be found in the next part of this article. We need to be realistic and not idealistic about relationships. The Synastry Grid What the Grid Illustrates Aspects between one person's planets and the other person's planets describe the interface of contacts in the shared space of relationship. Energies touch. It sometimes occurs that a relationship is distinctly unhealthy and for some reason not apparent at the time. connect. A 'hard' aspect does not mean bad. To do so we have a useful tool called the synastry grid. A soft aspect do not mean its easy street either. What is central to the theme is the melding of energies . They describe the product of the blended energies. Underpinning that. Nevertheless. the grid is a very useful tool to use in relationship counselling and the aspects in the grid can be quite telling.between people astrologers can identify potential "hot spots". is the individual's archetypal expectation from relationship which is reflected in the natal chart. always. not the sources.mutual space. Exchange is graphically shown in the synastry grid illustrating planetary interaction between one person and another. which will be detailed in part two of this series or articles. 6 . An alchemical change occurs and the core meaning of each planet is modified.
For example. it describes only the potential for problems or harmony in its general tone. when such contacts may never be triggered or raised into consciousness. 7 . Orbs used are the same as in natal work. consistent nurturing. which has a defined quality to it. unresolved parental issues for one or both partners. but obviously the tighter the contact the closer the exchange. The Synastry Grid shows one person's planets placed across and another person's planets placed down. as a dynamic that creates safe boundaries. and this matter needs to be resolved through dialogue and understanding. it's tone and colour.We can use a grid to examine the dynamic exchange between specific planets from one person to another. but the ponits of contact are likely only to emerge in life experience when triggered by transits or progressions. Where the planetary energies interface. The main value in the grid is to give first an overview of the relationship. 'his' Saturn is conjunct 'her' Moon. it can be at the meeting point. the shared space that an 'issue' arises. So the grid serves two purposes. of looking at a synastry grid. stability in emotional display or may enable the couple to feel safe and cherished within the relationship. This may operate. one contact in a gridfull! It is essential for the professional astrologer not to fall into the trap that so many do. then. What has represented safety and maturity can now be beset with feelings of limitation. It is simply one aspect in the entire relationship. If one or the other or both experience difficult transits or progressions that trigger either or both of these planets natally. there is aspect. but also gives a focus for specifics if and when they arise. to examine the specifics contacts. represent the quality and kind of exchange. defining one or two 'negative' contacts as doom to the relationship. when issues do arise. depending on natal expectation. Aspects formed between one person's planets and another's planets.
8 . and illustrates the range of aspects that form between them .The grid above shows the interface of planets between fictional people Katie and Joe.
The potential manifestation of particular aspects will be explored in a later article. So the overall tone is determined by the type of aspects in the grid. in day to day contact. When counselling. point by point is a futile effort and does nothing to enhance understanding the dynamics of the relationship. So. in a social environment and at a deep psychic level where interchange occurs without conscious awareness until buttons are pushed and people are overcome by feelings and urges they didn't even realise existed! By dividing the grid into 'experiential fields'. It is important though to see the overall nature of the relationship and some people actually need challenging relationships. How to Divide the Grid into Experiential Fields Placing person A across and B down. I recommend planets. These levels of experience are naturally taken as a whole. Chiron. but in a general sense "difficult" aspects indicate potential trouble or challenges in the relationship. first separate the planets from the angles. yet divided for the purpose of examination. it is more likely that the astrologer will only deal with those exchanges that have arisen as 'issues' and examine the dynamic of that along with any transits etc.In this article I address aspects as contacts in the gestalt of the grid. Draw a line from Pluto of one to Pluto of the other and create a large square. depending on the planets involved and difficulties may only emerge when triggered. Node and Angles. psychic connections. picking the grid apart. where: 9 . that are occurring for the individuals. we can gain insight into the personal daily dynamics of the relationship. Relationship is played out at many levels. hierarchical and moral interface and the subconscious. Continue this Mars line down to the Pluto line on both sides of the chart and you have 4 squares with 25 blocks in each. Now draw a line from one Mars to the other Mars making a smaller square in the top left-hand corner. the social and environmental. node or any other points you choose to use.
A's Outer planets to B's Inner planets and B's to A's . 10 . Because the "inner" or personal planets are closer to individual awareness the individuals are less likely to project so one tends to 'own' this area. depending on the type of relationship. challenge and co-operate with each other openly .are the Conscious dynamics. the dimension of activity and consciousness .involving the Inner planets. enclosing Mars to Mars . Top Right :A's Outer planets connect with B's Inner planets. the more dynamic. also the more complicated and exclusive of others it can become.top left and bottom right squares. These planets enable individuals to recognise each other's needs and significance. Inner Planets The top block. The more contacts. This is a particularly vital dimension. This is the exchange that goes on day to day. This is the kind of exchange that operates at a subliminal level and can be easy to project. There are 25 possible contacts here. life giving and constant. This is the kind of exchange that is in each person's awareness as they are interacting on a personal level. so there needs to be spaces in the togetherness! Within this field area there are exchanges between archetypal pairs that come into relationship already equipped with paradox! Outer Planets to Inner Planets Outer planets to Inner planets appear in two locations . vital and energetic the relationship will be. Obviously we cannot expect that every space in the grid will have a contact. Contacts here represent unconscious energies emerging into consciousness.Top Left: A and B's Inner planets meet . Bottom Left : B's Outer planets connect with A's Inner planets Bottom Right : A and B's Outer planets connect. If it did one might have an extremely symbiotic relationship. 12 to 14 is a reasonable number of contacts to expect.
maybe a habit-forming relationship with the other person's personal planet. These are the undercurrents that most often manifest as issues. So can enormous destruction. so they involve both the Social Jupiter and Saturn and Transpersonal Uranus. not just what is said or what is acted out but what lies beneath the surface. The deeper layers are symbolised in the actual distances of the planets in orbit. In this way Jupiter to a personal planet constellates closer to consciousness and by the time you get to Pluto you are getting deeper and deeper into the layers of the unconscious. the sorts of issues that constellate and arise from unconscious energy and where there's a real need to look within and say what do I want out of the relationship. depending on the condition of Venus and Pluto in the individual natal charts. This is where people sometimes must address the undercurrents. The transpersonal planets are often the ones most projected. This area is where the relationship gains maturity or falls apart. So if one person's Pluto aspects the other person's Venus there is a compelling quality to the relationship that is almost indescribable. Why are these issues arising? What are they telling you? Enormous growth can take place through these contacts. but that there may be an issue arising at some time. This area is where you get a lot of insight into the relationship. between people of similar ages. if the aspects are difficult or there may be opportunities for growth through relationship if the aspects are easy. one must avoid the tendency to define 'who is doing what to whom'. From Jupiter to Pluto there are several layers or levels of consciousness leading to unconsciousness. The field outlined is from Jupiter to Pluto. It has enormous magnetic pull that. is the one who may bring the issue into the consciousness.Because of the tendency to project. Neptune and Pluto. 11 . because.depending on how they handle the conscious dynamics. The person who's inner 'personal' planet is 'hit on'. With Pluto in particular there is a feeling of compulsion. might fulfil some huge need and can often be the sort of thing that holds people together for better and often for worse . they might reflect natal potentials into relationship and the other person becomes an easy means to subconscious denial.
economic and ethnic. We inherit our parents psychology and they join us in bed with our partners! We are shaped in childhood and adolescence by social and environmental philosophies and paradigms and bring them to the relationship. 12 . What are these little energy bursts doing to the relationship? Is the relationship able to stand the button pushing stuff in each separate individual? Jupiter and Saturn Within this section there is a sort of sub section where Jupiter and Saturn interact. means to again draw a line between Saturn and Uranus . that is brought into the relationship. We may beleive in intimate relationships that there is each one of us. then there could be difficulties. Are they at odd with each other? What are their social. so there are two boxes with 25 in each. religious and philosophical backgrounds? The interaction with inner conscious planets will indicate some of the social matters that arise. These planets are the bridge between personal and transpersonal and have a lot to do with the way we live our lives with others. but in fact there are a lot of other involved! Mother. then the issues that arise come from conditioned factors harking back to learned behaviours. To do so. It is as well to begin by looking at the balance between each person's 'section' for if there are more contacts in one section than the other. Twice as many as in the conscious square! Twice the possibility of hits that affect the relationship. ethics and social expectations might be and the natal chart will tell us how those matters have been shaped. father. teacher priest. dividing a narrow strip that is the bridge to the unconscious. siblings. So it is worth looking at them as a separate gestalt to the Transpersonal planets.! These are the planets tell us something of what the couple's mutual directions.Each person has a representative set of boxes of their own. friends and ancestors all share the common bond. Here is described much of the conditioning that has occurred in childhood. like dowries of old. If the 'tone' of the aspects are difficult. Differences as well as similarities will show up.
Saturn can bring real structure to the aims and goals of the relationship. but if the energy exchange is lopsided. expansive and encouraging facets of conscious relationship. It gets the relationship out into the wider community and establishes it within the framework of contemporary society as it is experienced in the environment in which we live. the general social environment. families. If not. education. educationally and sociologically. The attitude towards relationship or marriage stems from social and imprinted family conditioning and arises here. as one philosophy overcomes the other and quite often the resolution is found in family attitudes. Similarly. moral and hierarchical are good.For example. jobs and education all might create challenges and bring 'outsiders' into the picture. religion. Saturn might express the limiting or restricting factors while Jupiter might express the joyful . family and in-laws. Saturn offers secure boundaries in which the relationship can thrive and Jupiter might exaggerate and amplify facets of individual issues out of proportion. these two planets. then the potentials for harmony in all matters social. This can occur if the balance between the two sections is out of kilter. Individual aspects might emerge as issues and points of agreement or contention. The way that an individual handles society. They are just below the surface and they can cause friction. Jupiter can instil a sense of growth and expansion and provide enthusiasm for goals and expectations. the tribe. There are 24 possible connections between Jupiter Saturn and the Inner planets but most important is that there is a reasonable numeric balance. if the persons are aware and often they are not. This applies not only within the relationship but also in the way in which it operates within society. especially in contact with the other's Moon will indicate a lot about family and hierarchical expectations. there is already a potential issue. 13 . hierarchical structures are all operating on a semi-conscious level. If the balance is reasonably even. ethics and morality. religion. Saturn can be comfortable in its sameness and provide genuine security. social expectations. Mother-in-law looms large ! One way or another a balanced number of 'hits' are going to offer opportunity for growth and direction.
disruption and distortion are all negative possibilities that can and will arise to some degree. If we do so. This is where the unconscious levels of the relationship can become loaded and you might get a 'perpetrator . Much will depend on the quality of the aspects. We cannot lay blame on the person who's Pluto hits another person's Sun because we cannot be entirely sure that the other does not need to have the Pluto connection in order to feel alive and vital. unconditional love. inspiration. How they manifestly 'use them' is a matter for conjecture.and the power of the victim can be as great as that of the perpetrator! These are powerful contacts linking the unconscious of one to the consciousness of another. What we do know is that somewhere in the relationship. one person 'draws out' the other person's unconscious energies. The Sun consciousness of one may need to 'borrow' that powerful energy from the unconscious of the other. These are the contacts that push the buttons of awareness in another. so that what emerges as issues can be both empowering as well as destructive. 14 . Neptune and Pluto Outer planets in connection with the other person's Inner planets create exchanges that can have very significant meaning in the relationship. So can transformation. Manipulation.Uranus. idealism. There must be a good balance between one person's 25 square 'outer to inner' and the other person's square. we are falling into the trap of assuming that Pluto is a 'bad' energy and Sun is a 'good' one. It is only through negative issues that arise that we can even begin to understand how the connection is 'working'. Outer planets to Outer planets.victim' syndrome . They are in fact different faces of the self. and clarity. undermining. One reflects the other. Its as though one person's unconscious become manifest in the others consciousness and so this is where projection takes place.
It's happening all around and can be very influential on individuals. for some. 15 . Outer to outer indicate a sort of spiritual quality to the relationship but also connect to life phases or generational qualities that are deeply embedded and may mean little to the social paradigms of the present day. care should be taken with this area. In essence the fulfilment of collective urges rests on those born at the time and there is a problem in relationships when those collective models are stimulated. No personal planets are involved so it is 'descriptive' rather than dynamic. but have subsequently revised my opinion of theor effectiveness. The principles of the planets will play out in some way in the relationship and. at this part of the grid are descriptive of collective undertones. What is wrong with mine". Everyone born carries some of the collective energy. For example during the 1960's the planets Uranus and Pluto were in conjunction.This section is 'generational' so represents collective phase energies within the society and time that the relationship is taking place. This is expressed historically by the trends of the time when the people were born. Of course people born close in age are going to get conjunctions between Uranus Neptune and Pluto and I suggest that you look very carefully at these and also look at the collective conditions prevailing at the time in history when these people were born. This constellates in the psyches of the individuals who now bring those energies jointly to the relationship. "All my friends relationships are breaking up. so the interaction between outer planets and outer planets is important. by age and dilemma. Consultant astrologers are familiar with the syndrome of similar clients. They do indeed have great power. They are "flag bearers' for their peer group. There are common patterns shown in the birth charts as reflections of collective patterns. The planets Saturn and Chiron opposed them. Both partners may carry these energies which can be extremely destructive in many respects and highly challenging in others.and often the solution can be found in the contacts made 'across the bridge' of Jupiter and Saturn and the philosophies of peers. There is a knee jerk reaction as the tribal nature of the experiences of the collective impinge on the psychic structures of individuals . I used to disallow them.
which expresses the way they approach life and their coping mechanisms. And.for better or worse. We are all insecure in different ways about persona. there is a further tension to contend with. So we are relating the Synastry to the houses in a sense. involve not only intimate partners but the parental axis that is brough to that relationship too. so if someone comes along who's very vital life energy blends with our approach to life. 7th and 10th house experiences.many planets in angular houses. if the relationship experience for one individual is frustrated by the life expectation of another.because the Angles relate so much to the manifestation of the relationship in reality. angles to personal planets. A luminary conjunct an angle is a great meeting point. 4th. The Node North Node and the axis formed with the South Node say something about the individual soul's journey. Again I'd hope for a balance between the two sections . those that connect angles to luminaries. These angles of each natal chart form the structural realities of relationship and of course. if the relationship under examination is a partent child relationship. 16 . coping mechanisms. It is easy to divide this area into small sections. especially in a growth sense. so as to incorporate the little subsections in the rest of the grid. Angles to Luminaries in particular. can help them achieve those goals. they might seek someone in life. If a person has a high expectation of life . through the Asc. I find it important to have contacts here. there has to be a whack of energy. angles to outer planets and angles to angles . but those houses are the 1st. strong personal goals via the 1st house. This can be divided to suit your personal preference. whom. angles to social planets. Conversely. they sense instinctively . By this I mean the individual's perception of reality.The Angles The 'entry' point to relationship is the angles . the angles will also be important. persona and goals in life at a very personal level.
17 .they may be going in different directions but paths cross. the marriage may be a life lesson . or negatively. we have come to understand the 'wounding' is actuated in childhood and resonates to themes of abandonment and 'not fitting in' at some level of experience. because where there is the wounded.Metaphorically. if you subscribe to the theory that Nodes reflect past lives. If our journeys coincide. The relationship can become the vehicle of healing or that of further wounding. there's a past life lesson to be learned.the wounded healer and the great teacher.it may be one where one partner assumes the role of teacher and the exchange is blocked by feelings of inadequacy in another. either positively. The relationship dynamic is where they play out or pay for this link . Once more. Similarly the theme of teacher arises and for every teacher and his assumed wisdom there has to be a student and assumed ignorance. The two facets of Chiron are inextricably interwoven . I have my personal 'destiny' and so does my 'other' . So it may be that connections remind the individual of these unconscious themes in his life. It's a philosophical point and astrologers should define the node in their own way. is also the capacity to wound. so these expressions enter relationship together with all the other archetypes. The nodal contacts do not have to illustrate permanence . at least part of the way or our journeys take us so that we connect to learn something from each other.on the same journey. Spiritually. Maybe. Chiron The meaning embedded in the planetoid Chiron is dual . we are connecting somewhere in the search for our personal 'grail' .the healer/teacher archetype teaches because of his woundedness yet can be wounded because of his ignorance. then there is a strong link. It is worth looking carefully at this when a grid implies the possibility of toxicity in the relationship because it may be through the psychic connections with Chiron that actual physical illness can arise out of the psychosomatic dynamics of the relationship. When we perceive Chiron as the wounded.
In might also show that one type of aspect is very low in number. For example one might find the 'personal' area well aspected with trines and sextiles. At the risk of oversimplifying. suppressed until triggered. This will often show a predominant aspect.The interface of these energies is subtle because they come from a dark place childhood. but without the timing. for continued fear of and experiences of abandonment. On the surface the relationship might be pleasant and outwardly harmonious but it is fraught with projected tensions and challenges at an unconscious level.is it a solo piece or an orchestral crescendo. and where are the elements of surprise and delight? To determine the 'flavour' of the relationship. how does the music sound? Is it played staccato. while unconsciously there are a lot of squares and oppositions. and either healed or projected onto the partner as surrogate 'perpetrator' . there are all the notes in the individual spaces. the unconscious. underpinned by a second type of aspect. 18 . The grid could be likened to a piece of music. count the number of 'hits' according to the aspect. The wisdom and healing energies mutually shared can create an environment whereby each empowers and heals the other or they become co-dependents. what are the harmonies and melody. so there is a risk of psychological 'scapegoating' embedded in these contacts.so there is a strong potential here for revenge. they are projected into the relationship. There can be a perpetual re-enacting of the initial pain that created the wounded psyche. allegro or con spirito . the "signature". this gives an immediate "feel" for the relationship and the experiential fields where particular aspects manifest as dominant. there is powerful psychic healing and empowerment. This is where one seeks out the others weak spots as well as their strengths. Aspects in the Synastry Grid Having defined the gestalt of the relationship the next approach to the grid is to determine the "flavour" or "tone" of the relationship. At the same time. Or not represented at all. or the instruments. If abandonment themes are not addressed or dealt with individually.
An osmotic relationship is fraught with the danger that one of the partners can. So if there are plenty conjunctions. A lot of conjunctions There is osmosis in this relationship and you often see this in people who grow old together and start to look alike. But too many. a distinct bias according to the dominant aspect will show. by the strength of personality. With this tonal quality. Conjunctions are the foundations of the chart. The second predominant aspect can often be in contrast to the primary aspect. And. One should examine this carefully in order to be fully understand the qualities and dynamics that are inherent in the relationship. there is commonalty and communion. This represents a solid foundation that provides a base for lasting interface. They will have a tendency to identify each other by roles. where there are few disputes and hence compatibility that is a true melding of energies. sets the relationship in concrete to the point where is becomes static and lacking in energy. entirely swamp the other. This is descriptive of the whole relationship. no matter how it is expressed to you or to the outside world. there is both positive and negative. talk alike and in many ways are the same. The predominant "theme" running through the relationship is a strong indicator of how the individuals experience the relationship. The risk of domination is high particularly where one person's outer planets are conjunct the others personal planets.straight into the sacred space of union. It's where people agree. 19 . In some respects this can be an ideal but can also become a bit predatory or co-dependant.By looking at the grid in this way. The unfortunate side of this kind of relationship is that an issue might arise that can smash the concrete to pieces as transits trigger response mechanisms in individual natal charts and the stress is a projectile . So the Natal Chart will always be the point of departure into relationships. it goes without saying that not everyone looks for the same qualities in a relationship.
When oppositions are triggered by transits to one or both charts. There seems to be a need to prove something all the time in a square relationship. And personal growth can sometimes be at the expense of the marriage. but if it is bonded with supportive aspects such as trines or sextiles. Many Squares Squares can be very energising but also very difficult in relationships because with the square there's often no solution or resolution to tensions. With oppositions. the 'issue' that arises can often be clear-cut. each identifies themselves within the relationship as separate entities. individuals don't come together often enough to sustain the relationship! Positively. But. Oppositions enable the individuals to respect and recognise their differences and when issues arise they will often draw together and rise to the challenge united or polarises to one point of view. 20 . This can be a crisis-ridden relationship but with each crisis there is opportunity for growth. growth can be blocked when every time one partner seeks confirmation in the mirror of the other they meet a brick wall or they meet with some shadow energy that reflects the un-owned negative qualities of the partner. they allow for a zapping back and forth of energy. and at times there needs to be a haven for tranquillity and restoration of energy. Oppositions can be very useful in illustrating distinctly individual positions in he equality. they challenge each other to grow. Sometimes this kind of opposition based relationship can create conflicting or challenging conditions. loving and liking and respect underpin it.Plenty Oppositions Generally speaking in today's Western marital climate. Partners either agree to differ or find some measure of compromise. They point out potential differences that might be challenging but are aspects that lead to ways to 'meet in the middle'. but it is a dynamic form of energy and one from which 'give and take' emerges as a positive outcome. Oppositions are not rigid. individual roles are clarified as equal. if there are too many oppositions. However.
easy. too much comfort. It's often through a certain level of healthy stress that we can achieve and there is potential for achievement with a good balance of squares.go" kind of experience with nothing to really come to grips with. The comfort zone in the relationship is where the trines are . A few squares and oppositions are needed to make it more dynamic. It can be very bland. he fills his hod with only as many bricks as he can comfortably carry. It's the same with a Trine flavoured relationship. but if there are too many. Positively this can create a great dynamic with potential for motivation and acceptance of the other's qualities. Where there are trines is where the solace is but there's silence in too many trines. staying put in life while the other becomes the social activist. In this way. Squares are like bricks. There is often a sense of one partner accumulating. there is promise of great talent and creativity but most often it is not accessed unless it's part of a kite or gets a good kick along with a square or two. it becomes burdensome. they accept the status quo. It may be lovely and light-hearted and frivolous but without issues.The lack of give and take when the square predominates can be very wearing. Too many and they either crash down and kill an innocent passer by or they cripple the craftsman! Relationships need a few brick walls to climb in order to test the validity of the relationship.here the whole relationship can become so complacent. A lot of trines in marriage can imply that they fell in love with an inner image of the perfect partner. there's only so much stress a person can take! Wherever you have a square you have a potential issue that has to be integrated into the framework of the life of the relationship so that it becomes an active part of the whole. They build walls but also create safe boundaries. That way he is productive and the building grow. If you've ever watched a bricklayer building a house. without passion. . there is no richness. unmotivated. It is quite possible that they drift out of love but since they are quite comfortable. Trines are a release 21 . fat and lazy.romantic Neptunian stuff. they never fully interface but so tolerate each other's activities. Mainly Trines Like the grand trine. an easy come. Too many squares will take a toll somewhere. friendship based relationship. With this relationship there's an easy.
It enables one to live in the real world in which the other also lives.mechanism. Several Sextiles When the grid shows a predominant number of sextiles. The seeds of relationship are set at this time. is probably the least harmful. The negative face of the sextile is that compromise can also mean one becomes subservient to the other. So there is also the risk of one becoming martyred to the cause of the other . The Semisquare implies discontent 22 . you have a grid that vibrates to a 6th 'harmonic'. with roles not always defined but shared. because there is an understanding of and an awareness of tension. Such relationships often do well in a social or material way so are reflected in a life of material comfort and social ease. self effacing and taking too passive a stance. They are not the most exciting aspects but liking and respect come with this aspect. a realistic ease. creative energy that pre-empts and often turns tensions to good effect. it tells you the relationship 'works' because each aids the other and also rewards the other. trines are beneficial. Even when they predominate. there is no resistance. The sextile brings a practical and balanced attitude. to motivate. It may not be 'passionate' but there is an innate acceptance of the others 'flaws' and a capacity to work in tandem. when those little people first begin to want to assist in chores. Someone who seeks out a sextile kind of energy is often seeking confirmation from the 'inner parent' about his or her usefulness. A predominance of sextiles. The "Minor" Aspects Fortunately you're unlikely to find predominance because of the orb used for the so-called "Minor" aspects. The 6th harmonic relates to the idea of 'helping' .until some transit comes along that triggers a rebellion! Even so. a compromise and that there is a 'support' framework in place. they are light and comforting and healing. and be rewarded by a parent.it occurs in a child's sixth year. and a constructive. It implies that any difficulties find a working solution. there can be a resolution. When the trines support hard aspects in a secondary position. provided there are some good solid 'hard' aspects.
their eyes flick from left to right but never directly at you. The Sesquisquare implies ongoing but unrecognised irritants This is a bit like the semi square except there might be a bit more chance of facing it. What might seem a cute little habit when you are in the glister of first love becomes the straw that can break the camels back in 20 year's time and the issues just simmer along until a transit triggers them. There is a constant shifting of energy that can be wearing. This aspect is the stuff of the victim / perpetrator and one hopes not to find it except in small numbers. The Quincunx is a very difficult aspect There are charts where this takes dominance and they are toxic relationships. It is like standing talking to someone and they don't make eye contact. Apparently 'good' relationship can then break under the strain of what might seem to others a trivial issue. Generally said to be the areas where adjustments have to be made. It can however. sick. It takes irritation and makes it full blown frustration. lead to confronting and issue at least. There is an unwillingness to go all the way to a full blown aspects. or escapes responsibility through infidelity or illness and the other takes the strain. old habits and irritations loom large and take on ridiculous proportions. but they seem to get half way but then back off. 23 . But residual animosity tends to remain. and irritation and conflict is rarely addressed. When semi-squares are triggered. Indeed it is faced so many times as a dynamic in the relationship that it eventually becomes a reliable source of conflict in what might otherwise be a dull existence. The Quincunx "swings" between a trine and opposition. if one has to adjust to the point of losing focus then it is a sinister aspect. Too many and the chances of the relationship being healthy are remote. The quincunx erodes the relationship. usually after a long period. It occurs commonly in charts where one partner is alcoholic.It can illustrate a lack of trust in the relationship.
fearful feeling. You never really know except that someone is carrying the load.you're not even sure they are listening and then you start to feel uneasy. the ultimate cop out. It is a solar kind of energy and if it's between personal planets. an uneasy. It's the Best Friend energy that can keep a relationship alive and vital. they each shine and bask in each other's glow. The Septile carries both spiritual overtones and shadow undertones 24 . which is fun. the 'escape into sickness' syndrome and you wonder who is the perpetrator and who is the victim. It occurs in partnerships in artistic fields. If you've experienced that you understand how disconcerting it can be. playful and joyful dimension of the relationship If you find these there is joy to be found in the relationship. feed each other. inspire and resonate off each other. and will tend to lay it all on the line to each other so there is indwelling honesty. So. edgy and uptight. They bounce off each other. willing risk taking. music etc. It's almost like developing an allergy to each other. a childlike quality that means there is an area. It's enough to erode any relationship. imagine that as a constant dynamic in a relationship. Individually they may be mediocre but together they're dynamite. Hypochondria is part of this dynamic. and can in fact give real physical symptoms. A few quincunxes might be fruitful for individual personal change to accommodate the needs of another. This is where the love affair can continue into old age. The Quintile is the creative. Well. These people are prepared to take a few chances. It brings the facet of playfulness to the relationship. It might be through children. through work or just simply enjoyment of each other and a common involvement with arts. Adjustment implies change and too many adjustments imply complete change. but too many are too demanding. But it goes a little further because it empowers the individuals to be creative and fruitful within the relationship. The vibration is wonderful. of the minor aspects you can't do better than a quintile.
the individual natal charts. But this aspect can also promote an environment of testing and trap setting. Like the Septile it operates like an unconscious harmonic vibration and may well have a lot to do with childhood expectations.the handsome prince and princess swoon! Then reality strikes and in reality things are not as expected. Archetype meets archetype . there's another around the corner! *** In a general sense. the main aspects plus a few of the main 'minor' one should give a chart with enough space for energy to move. Too many of these and partners are constantly setting the other up for failure.A few septiles imply spiritual bonding. There is a psychic link. Noviles in a Synastry highlight areas where there is a possibility of 'trap setting' dynamics because of preconditioned expectations. one intuits the thoughts of the other. a reading of minds and uniting of thoughts that is almost telepathic. and aspects involved in the 'hot spot' that is focussed by transits and progressions give a clear picture of issues and enable creative dialogue and hopefully. It can be wonderful when someone measures up to the ideal and creates an exchange whereby there is a sense of dreams coming true. it doesn't need to be picked to pieces and examined through specific individual aspects unless there is an issue. You fall in love with an idea(l). The Novile implies the search for perfection It illustrates what one might expect or hope for in the relationship and may or may not find. There is rapport at a mental level. Even when they pass a test. Many of these issues will arise through contacts by transit or progression to one of the partner's natal planets and constellate and emerge. if there's too much mental or psychic linking it can become intrusive. through the dynamics of the energy contacts in the relationship. 25 . The overview. resolution. One might not want the other to tune in to their thoughts! Too many septiles can intrude in a sinister way and creates an environment whereby shadows come out to play. However. When you use the Synastry grid.
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