Sinn’s Inner Circle
How to Not Run Out of Things to Say – Transcript
Hey. What's going on? This is Jon Sinn, and this is another edition Sinn's Inner Circle, where every month I bring you the latest and best dating content anywhere in the world. So today I'm going to talk about a topic that is one of the most asked about things out there, and that is how to not run out of things to say. I feel like every time I do a live infield workshop, or speak to a big group of guys, I get asked what do I say, how do I not run out of things to say when we do live in-field work and we like take guys to talk to girls and we work with them while they're doing it, a lot of guys leave interactions that are going really well, perfectly well, where the girls like them, because they run out of things to say. And I know that that's probably a big problem for a lot of people out there listening to this; so today I'm going to give you kind of some background on why people run out of things to say, and some strategies, including my four-step process to ensure that you'll never run out of things to say when you're talking to a woman, ever again. So I'm very, very excited to get started with this and I want to start by talking about kind of what it feels like to run out of things to say when you're talking to a girl. So I want to just walk you through an experience that I've had. You read up on a lot of seduction material, you study your routines, you go out to a bar or a club, or the grocery store, wherever you want to go run game, and you see a girl and she's hot, and it's a perfect scenario to approach her and it just seems like it's going to be really easy, and you walk over and you start a conversation, maybe with an opener and one of the Opening 2.0 CD I did a while ago. You know, maybe with something else, and she responds really well, and she stops talking. Maybe she introduces herself and now there's a pause, and you're not sure what to do. Or, maybe you've been in this situation where you are talking to a girl, it's going really, really well but you stop talking to her because even though it's going well, it's been 10, 15 minutes, now you're not sure what to do next, what to say, and it starts to stall. Or, maybe you're on a date, and everything went really well, or you got set up by a friend, or you met a girl online and for some reason you just can't find anything to connect on, and it's just hard for you to keep making conversation, even though she seems like a nice person. Or, maybe you've been talking to a girl, and you're just not getting anywhere with her, and she's giving you one-word responses, but you can tell she kind of interested, so you want to keep talking to her. All of these are scenarios that
and if you haven’t been in a bar or club in like 10 years. guys tend to freeze up because they're like—oh. And if it's neutral. I remember – it’s a funny story. they're not really that well prepared. and you're just like. He was like —no. So if you've ever been in any of those situations. you approach a girl.I. but when I took my boot camp in 2004 there was a guy there who we were talking about openers. So a lot of times the anxiety gets to you and you're too nervous to even think about talking to girls. and talk about things that are interesting to her. really. how do I keep this conversation going. cold. have been in where not running out of things to say is a really. and we went out that night and there were a lot of girls who went to the Standard in L. Generally when guys are using a new opener they're shocked that it worked. or a direct opener. or badly. you're on a date with a girl. personally. and I opened a bunch of sets and ended up bouncing a girl to Mel's Diner and he didn’t talk to a single girl. I want to pinpoint a couple of major places where guys tend to run out of things to say. fuck. you approach a girl and then it's going well and you're not sure what to say. and we'll talk about that in a few minutes. because if it's going really well.A. you're doing well with a girl. so that nervousness is the big. it's going badly and you're not sure how to keep the conversation going so that you can do the things to build attraction that maybe can win her over. So today I'm going to give you guys a rundown on everything about how to avoid all those situations. they can tell you routines in their speech. and he was actually arguing with me about how to run an opener. a little bit mean. this is how you do it. you know. or turn those situations into positives. shit. So those are the kinds of humane reasons. First. So the first thing—is why do guys run out of things to say? Well there are a couple of different reasons. Now some guys try to compensate for this by using routines. really nervous. Or. especially if they're using an opinion opener. is the fact that when you approach a woman you're attracted to you get really. Sometimes that means you need to get acclimated to your environment and get used to being in a bar. or neutral. and guys are not sure what to do or say to make it go good. but once you've gotten kind of used to approaching then you can still freeze up because you're nervous. really valuable skill. then you might want to get re-acclimated. If it's going really badly. I mean. guys tend to freeze up because they want to give up and walk away. and he would run it. So a lot of guys they. big factor in why guys most freak out. the number place where guys tend to run out of things to say is right after the opener. and it just falls flat because you're not sure what to talk about next. every reaction can make you more nervous. first before you even start approaching. or what to say. and we are going to talk a lot about relaxation when we get to my four-step method for never running out of things to say. no routines. or something that they are not
. especially if it's going well. I don’t want to mess this up now that it's going really well. Another reason guys run out of things to say is because they're not really well versed in conversational structure and they don’t really know what they like to talk about. really. as well as to me.
If the girl is talking a lot you can shut up. I'm going to get an hour worth of routines. most of the time they're interested. if you're just leaving because it's not going well. and nothing really seems to be sticking. So it's really important that you have a set way to transition after you start a conversation. much better chance of getting a positive result with women. and this can be really nerve-wracking for some guys. or you have a couple of different routines. or qualify her and she definitively doesn’t do it. that doesn’t work. but if you stay from those three things. because if girls are going to talk to you for 10 minutes during the daytime. So now I want to take a few minutes and talk about how to not run out of things to say versus having a bunch of routines. All of which are bad ways to deal with that. Leaving doesn’t help. And asking interview questions one after another and saying—nice. and she doesn’t go for it. so if you stay away from those three things. or something. at that point you might as well give it up. If you tell one or two stories. or cool. maybe you try to isolate the girl. like isolation. then you kind of know to move on. A lot of times guys leave. You know. You want to stay in the conversation until they give you a definitive sign that they're not interested. don’t say anything or just ask questions. and now it's not going so well. That doesn’t work either. or to go talk to another set of. not saying anything. then for a lot of guys that can be a really nervewracking process and they tend to kind of run out of their prepared material and then not know what to do after that and they tend to either shut up or leave. Because what a lot of guys do is they will decide. than if you leave. but most of the time. Generally you don’t do more than 10 minutes. and again. I'm not saying you can't ask questions. So if you do run out of things to say there are a couple of things that definitively. 100 percent do not help you get the girl you're talking to. I don’t know what to say to a girl. if a girl has been talking to you for 10 minutes and she hasn’t shown any signs of attraction and you try to make one escalation. and you just shut up. unless you're leaving specifically to do a takeaway or to build jealousy or to go to the bathroom. okay. or until they're attracted. Now the exception is during the daytime. or ask interview questions. moving her or getting her to qualify herself. and engages in a conversation because what happens is. but another place where guys tend to run out of things to say is in the attraction phase. the girls are looking at you like you're supposed to know what to do afterwards. And every now and then they are not. you're going to have a much. that's one place where routines will come in handy. we will talk about how routines come in to all this. Number one is leaving. that doesn’t help you. and you try something. So I want to take a second here and talk about what we know definitively doesn’t work. and don’t actually get involved in how the conversation is going. or move her or get her phone number. but if the girl is not really talking and you start a conversation and maybe you've talked about a couple of different things. The next thing that we know definitively doesn’t work is shutting up.really used to talking to girls about. right. and
. especially if the girl isn’t talking. or talk about how to use questions later on.
You want to kind of work on concepts and themes rather than like step by step routines. So that's something to keep in mind when you're thinking that you script everything. you can't use the same routines in the same sequence every time and like it work consistently. really good memory and even I cannot remember every routine in the world when I'm talking to a girl. I definitely think if you really – because some guys are not good conversationalists. you get a couple of simple things that you can go to and they don’t have to be the greatest things in the world. you're not going to be able to use routines in exact order every single time. I mean it took me a lot of approaching women and having conversations to really get the kind of appropriate way to interact and how to understand not to cut people off when they're talking or move a conversation along. and you really don’t know what to talk about. once a girl is willing to listen to a 5-minute story that you're telling her. there are only 8 places that you really need a routine for and we'll talk about those in a little bit. not always at the same time. But in attraction they are just a little try-hard and a little too much investment for most types of girls. in the beginning. not always in the same sequence. because what happens is. Like I have a really. number one—you're not going to remember all of them. I was not a good conversationalist. it's really kind of a mixing and matching. or by leaving. how you like to present yourself to women. those stories can work in comfort. you have no chance attracting the girl because you can't attract her with silence. in the real world you get things you can't plan for. I remember when I was younger. Number one. It's weird. like a physical response that doesn’t go away. What your kind of ideas for grounding yourself and explaining who you are as a person. One of the things I think guys underestimate is how cool the things they have to say to women have to be. Like I generally will talk to every girl about the same topics but not usually in the same words. and we'll talk about that more in a little bit. where there were a lot of "DHV Stories".
. have no conversation abilities whatsoever. but knowing what your strong topics are. I think that was a byproduct of the early 2000s kind Mystery Methods style of teaching. So you can't have a mapped out contingency for everything. But I want you to keep that in mind. not everything you say can be scripted. and some of these things help you and some of them don’t. So the idea here is to be able to express who we are and keep talking and giving the girl a chance to get to know what type of person we are and hopefully that will attract her and there are some things you can do that are attractive tactics and techniques. You're not going to remember everything. it's not a good idea. if you're running out of things to say. so it's important if you. that you can't script everything. And nothing wrong with those stories. and then getting your nervous system going. but having a lot of routines.there's a couple of problems with that. you've got to just have basic idea of what your strong topics are. and blah-blah-blah-blah. which were these incredible stories about how you were performing and some guys were chasing your exotic dancer girlfriend. but basically. especially with the little bit of anxiety that kicks in just from elevated heart rate. In fact. and then having some ways to connect with them and some other things to keep conversation going is good as well.
Step number three. • • Step number one is preparation Step number two is relaxation
Relaxation is super. what do you do guy. is preparation. those kind of stories work. and don’t worry. Number one. to find new conversational material. So with that said. and they get really nervous so they tense up and they just want to remove themselves from the negative stimulus and that really is one of the least helpful things you can do when you're trying to learn this stuff. So it really just has to be a little more interesting than that. ever again. So with that said. when the bar is really – your competition is the—where are you from. • Step number four is share
. what do you do guy. for the most part. ever. And most guys don’t even approach. so that kind of raised the bar of what guys thought they had to talk about. • Step number three is observing
A lot of the time you can get conversational material just from looking at the girl. we talked about it a little earlier. we don’t have those stories. especially if you are a beginner. I'll give you some things to look at in different situations and some ways to kind of focus that. and with those girls. You can be the most prepared guy in the world. looking at various things about her. but for most guys. my four-point system basically encompasses a couple of different things. now we are talking about things that we're going to do as we are actually talking to the girl. obviously. So the first thing. Like you really not doing yourself any favors by ejecting early and you're not doing the girl any favors because you might be her future husband. it's going to talk about stuff to do before you actually go out. but if you don’t relax. So we are going to talk about how to relax both before you approach and as you're approaching. it's going to talk about stuff to do before you actually approach. Like having opinions. you're not going to be able to access all that great information that you've got stored in your brain. so most girl s aren’t getting approached that much. And this system came about because I've now taught close to 200 boot camps and in that time I've seen that a lot of guys think they don’t have anything to say. number two. ever.Now there are certain girls who are listeners and who respond to bragging and display the materialistic type stuff. coming up. which can be difficult. having some topics that you like talking about is really more than enough and having some routines to grease you through a couple different way points. I want to introduce my four-point system for never running out of things to say. that anxiety kills your preparation. and then three and four are going to be as you're actually talking to a girl in real time. or something. where are you from. it's by like the drunk. we'll talk about all those way points. super important when it comes to attracting women and when it comes to running out of things to say. and when they do.
especially women and gives them a glimpse into kind of the type of person you are. observe share. and what works. or this that or the other. these are all things that I'm pretty comfortable talking about. And being able to open up and talk about yourself and put yourself out there. tattoos. guys girls have dated. You want to have an idea of what you're going to try to talk about. The differences between men and women. girls I've dated. books. but actually for my cell phone number I just save it under a girl's name and then if I run out of stuff when I'm talking to a girl. no. relax. And that's how it happens. I don’t like kids. and your best observations and expressions come from things that you create spontaneously and then use in similar situations. but the best guys I know all have a cheat sheet with things that they could talk to girls about. piercing. but it definitely pays to be prepared beforehand and to have a way to access some notes as you're actually out talking to girls. I don’t really care a lot about kids. So like the Boys' Scouts we always want to be prepared.
. So with preparation. Now does that mean that every single time we go out we need to have a list of routines we are going to run. I really am interested in women especially bitchy. I just flip my phone open. living a lot of places. I'm not really big on family stuff. There's no substitute for being prepared. I'm not really religious. So that's the ultimate preparedness. or sharing techniques we'll talk about later in this CD. smoking weed. So those are kind of the topics I stick to. The idea of ranging concepts to figure out where they fit is something that's really underrated. you've got to know when to use that technique as well as what technique to use. You've got to know what it is you talk about well. I address it from a girl's name. maybe just the basics of just some conversational material. Eastern philosophy. For me. Topics I'm not great on. obscure arguments about comedians. The other thing to keep in mind as you're preparing is what happens when you're having good interactions. I'm not super well up-todate on movies anymore. I talk well about TV. All that stuff is stuff that I'm really comfortable with. the differences in cultures. maybe an opener. write it down and use it more often. Traveling. All of the good stories and bits and kind of things I talk about to girls that I rotate through have all come from things that I've said to girls that got a really good reaction in the real world. it comes down to the principle of reciprocity. most of the time your best kind of pieces. If something is really working for you. dating. in case we stall out. So there are definitely topics that I know I want to stay away from and topics I know I am not good at. which I talked about quite a bit. funny women. So let's zoom first to preparation. partying. knowing what you want to talk about and what kind of ways you're going to use to talk about that whether it's routines. encourages other people to open up. I talk well about writing. I keep mine in my cell phone. and stuff about girls. I'm not really political. but people are more likely to share things when you share with them first. So the system is prepare. free association and any of the observing techniques. and see where it works. I'm not super well up-to-date on music.Sharing is a big thing. look at something real quick and then find a way to segue into what I wanted to talk about. the first thing you've got to do is you've got to know your strong topics. I know this sounds kind of nerdy.
so that it doesn’t feel super strange. you can't go that far in a group. I'm not saying you should run out and tell girls you do work for Planned Parenthood unless you're actually doing it. you are already in the danger zone. Then you want to have a way to tease a girl. just some way to like. like technical about either of these things. So here's where I'm going to give you the eight types of routines you basically want to have.
. Like I do a decent amount of charity work for a [Planned Parenthood] and I tell girls about that and that works really. you want to have one interesting routine like a cold read. If you are a good conversationalist you can make anything interesting but initially you want to figure out the things that are easy for you to talk about. but they are topics that I can bring up that allows me to branch out. and we'll have some other exercise. If the first thing is really awkward. or something about psychology. it's a really bad idea. and the second is really awkward. it's not impossible to recover it.and having a list of 10 things you really like to talk about. and it's going to put you in trouble when you're trying to follow up. that could be something that women will be attracted to you. I even talk to girls about sports. is you have to know where you need routines. I also box and do grappling and I know women are attracted to me when I talk about that. You definitely need a transition. Even if the first thing is really good and the second thing is really awkward. or an interesting story. especially the second thing. and if this doesn’t have to be based on any community attraction switches. or an observation. or anything like that. You want to have a way to isolate so that when a girl is digging you if she's in a group. so those two are most important. you should have 10 things that you like talking to girls about. You want to have a way to isolate. or something you can show her really quickly. you definitely need an opener. The first thing can be kind of awkward if the second is really good. like I'm really good about talking working out too. So the first thing everyone should have openers. I'm not going to get super in-depth. is the basic step of being prepared for talking to girls. The second thing. but you have something like that. you are in trouble. So you definitely need an opener. so you've got to get her alone. Just so that you are prepared in case things go well. okay. You want to have one kind of fun routine. that's another thing that I talk to girls about all the time. Another thing that you could do is have a list of things that you think women would be attracted to you about if they knew about you. but just things that you think. that's really important. or a game or a funny story. Before you even have an opener. You don’t want to be out there making up openers on the fly. that you can talk about with your friends and family and that you're used to talking about. like a role play. it generally doesn’t work that well. Again. So you want to make that as smooth as possible. The first and second thing you say to girls are generally going to build the impression of the conversation if you stumble on the first or second thing you say to a girl. lightly sparkle a little sexual tension. but you're definitely not doing yourself any favors. so you want to have just a quick way. when it comes to preparation. I think girls would like me more if I told them I did this. bare minimum preparation-wise.
something easy like that.
. and it's not going the to work. You will start to get a better feel for how to fill out a conversation in a fun. you can control your internal world. et cetera. a way to get her back to your place. If you just seem relaxed. the more relaxed you are asking for a girl's phone number the more all of this just seems normal and natural to you. So that's preparation. the person who looks the coolest. I really want to talk to you again. a reason. that or the other. steady. just a default way. a lot of guys focus a lot on being confident or feeling like their game is a ten or they can get every girl all you need to do is be relaxed. maybe you'll hang out. So by knowing your strong topics. and then a way to [bounce ?]. really important that we learn to manage the initial rush of nerves. you're going to come off cool. just something simple. not necessarily routines but things like role playing. but if we like each other. I promise nothing but good conversation. deep breathing as we are getting prepared to go out to talk to girls. you're going to be able to fill in the gaps between those routines and by also experimenting with different tactics and techniques. and you stay relaxed.Something like—I want to go outside it's too loud in here. you're going to come off awkward. the more relaxed we are going to be. So let's talk about breathing. so that you have full faculties. my God. Or let's go watch a movie back at my place. the better you're going to do with girls—100 percent guaranteed. So those are kind of the eight little routines that you're going to want to have handy and ready when you're talking to girls. the more comfortable you are expressing interest. the more comfortable you are talking to strangers. So we want to make sure that we're using deep. If it's going really. our tonality. So we're going to talk about two techniques for doing that. You know something like—hey let's go have one more drink back at my place. let's exchange numbers. even if it's something as simple as look. really is control of your life. and they are going to be breathing and focused. really. when you get nervous your tonality naturally tends to arc upward. So that is really important that our body language. interesting way that girls will respond to. if only I had a way to get her back to my place. You want to have a way to get a girl's phone number. good and you have her phone number and she still want to hang out. So it's really. Control of your breath. deep and controlled. The more we can keep our breath calm. is you're going to come off stilted. cold reads. If only I had a way to get that girl's phone number. so that when those situations do come up. Women that you think are like your perfect 10 are going to actually have a physical affect on you and it's really important that you stay calm. it's really important that you keep your voice at a normal tone and that you don’t freak out as you're talking to women. That's what we re shooting for. and nervous energy that happens when we start talking to women especially women we are really attracted to. and not to get all yoga and spiritual on you here. your voice gets higher as you get nervous. The more comfortable you are around girls. Relaxation when it comes to talking to women is one of the most important things overall. If you can control your breath. The next step of the four-step system is relaxation. grounding. you're not like —oh. Because what happens when you're trying too hard to project an image or you're trying too hard to be confident of this. but control of your breath. is always the person who is the most relaxed. If you look at any picture of people hanging out.
2 seconds of holding. but before I go to approach any girl. really hot and I feel myself getting nervous and I feel myself starting to run out of things to say I just take a deep breath. You know. Whenever you feel nervous I want you to take what's called the 15-second breath. When you're opening a set. That's a really big thing. hold it for 2. so you focus your attention solely on them. So keeping that breath steady and constant is really important. a lot of thoughts. like nervous. So you speak on an exhale and you breathe out as you're talking your voice is going to be carry much. I want to take a couple deep cleansing 15-second breaths. start taking 15-second breaths. if I'm listening or talking. repeat as needed until you start to feel yourself relaxed. don’t forget to breathe.I know a lot of guys they get nervous. and a 15-second breath is 6 seconds inhalation. I stop whatever I'm doing. and being able to think and the things come right to my head as I want to speak. and you don’t notice it because it's not a noticeable change. sometimes you have to do approaches with girls. and that's going to be much. and furthermore when
. and take a couple of them. What I want to teach you to do is to pause and focus as you open a set. One of the things I see with guys a lot when I teach in the real world. I didn’t want to say this because I though you couldn’t use that routine in this set of this reason. maybe even before they go out to talk to girls. and the guys might be hanging out. right. I just stop whatever I'm doing. but it's enough that we start getting those butterflies. much more attractive to the woman you are talking to. If you take a couple of those breaths. I didn’t know what to say. much better. you'll want to focus your attention only on everybody in the group. and then I'll find myself relaxing again. people are watching. her friends are watching. So you breathe in for 6 seconds. But remember when you're talking to a woman. it just throws off our overall ability to deal with the world and have our full faculties just enough. is they don’t really fully commit and focus on the approach at hand. Now the second point of relaxing is pausing and focusing. nothing else matters. people are walking by. like maybe they are planning to go out to the bar that night at 10:00 and they get home from work around 6:30 and they are already nervous because they know they have to go talk to girls later. and then I also want to make sure that I take a breath right before I open my mouth to talk to her because I know I'm louder if I project on the exhale. with a couple of guys standing around sometimes you do group approaches where there are guys in the group. you want to pretend like there's almost nothing in the world besides you and that girl or those people you're talking to. Don’t worry about people watching. not like sick. your body will be forced to relax. Sometimes when I'm talking to a girl and she's really. and then 7 seconds exhalation. but if you ever start to feel really nervous or really anxious. breathe out for 7. so a lot of the time they get thrown off by external factors. If there's a group. meaning don’t worry about people to the left or right. I finish what I'm saying and I just take a deep breath and exhale out really slowly. it's enough that we start getting maybe jittery. because what happens as we get nervous is we start to breathe more and more shallow. So that's kind of breathing. or you start to feel really uncomfortable physically. but anytime you get that pit of your stomach feeling. you've got to really to shift it.
you know. that's where your focus really needs to be in order to have the best results and not run out of things to say. Now I want to talk about observation. what their friends say about them. you want to shift your focus so that you're solely on her. state. dying their hair. you want to block everything else out. what they're clothing choices say about them. the two of you are by yourself. how it's going what her body language is saying. that or the other. like piercing. and then just kind of telling them about themselves. it's okay to be random here. The better you get at observing people and reading people understanding what they're saying in their subcommunications. look at all of those things. or she's in your group or. or what's going to happen next. That means keep breathing. what you're saying next. observations about groups including her group if she's in a group. tattoos. So now we've talked about preparation and relaxation. or this. if she seems to want to get away from you. if she seems engaged. my observation about them based on them compared to the thousands and thousands of other women that I've met doing cold approach for more than a half a decade. if we practice consciously trying to block out everything but the interaction. what she's saying. what they do for a living says about them. to the point where the girl should notice it and she could get sucked into it. or think they are. When people say—be in the moment—when they talk about flow. I really don’t use too much material that much anymore because I've gotten really good at observing women and figuring out what kind of girl they are. what the type of place they go to says about them. So there is generally going to be three distinct subjects you're going to want to make observations about when you're talking to girls. The first thing is what to observe. If you're approaching a girl during the daytime where it's just a one-on-one approach. hairstyles. really well. So they’re generally going to be observations about her. So that's relaxation. bag choices. and there are other people at
. And when it comes to observing. if she's looking at you. But I want to give you some guidelines right now. as they say. So becoming observing is definitely a skill you can learn.you're approaching a girl by yourself. which makes things go really. that comes from a state of hyper-focus and we can achieve this focus without necessarily having to be in state or in it all the time if we focus on it. The better you get at all of this stuff the more success you're going to have with women because you'll start to be able to demonstrate understanding of that person much more easily than someone who is not observant. clothing choices. but block everything else out except what she's doing. or other groups if she's not in a group. when you're worried about people watching you. observing is one of the most important skills when it comes to social interaction in general. At first you're going to want to just blurt out observations. and talk about the zone. and you're not fully focused on the moment. You've got to learn to shift your focus entirely to the conversation while remaining relaxed. or weird. Sometimes you're going to make observations that are not appropriate but you'll learn the line much with anything you're going to learn overdoing it in the School of Hard Knox. what their markings. nail choices.
The other thing to keep in mind is you're going to want to look for cues as to what kind of girl she is. you can make observations about other people in her group. her family and stuff like that. is definitely good or a kind of energy type stuff. And lastly. If I see another girl who is at the same club and she is dressed like she just kind of came out of a bed or got off work. if she seems shy. observations about the environment are basically going to be things about the place you're at. what they might do for a living and. Now the groups. The first thing we want to stay away from anything sexual. her posture. you can definitely talk about her body language. but it's really overly aggressive and get you blown out. you can make observations about what they seem to be looking for. you can definitely talk about her jewelry. it can include decorations. so girl-group environment. or in the mall. you can make kind of observations about what their night seems to be like. and observations about the environment. all of that kind of stuff.the Starbucks. you're really sexy-type stuff. ass. are kind of groups of people. and some jeans and she's in a sweat shirt and she's just hanging out with some friends. all of those things temperament kind of stuff are all observations you can kind of make. how she moves. you know. a bunch of metal bracelets on one hand. height is an interesting thing to talk about. all that kind of stuff comes back into play. you can definitely talk about her clothing. because it's just—it can work. on your university campus. you can definitely talk about her facial expressions. if she seems really cold and standoffish. stuff that's going on. if it's night. so if she's in a group. especially where her height wracks up comparatively to other girls you know. again. I can make a lot of observations about what kind of girl she is. Smiles. how fast she's walking. she's wearing 5-inch heels. you can definitely talk about smiles. and she's dressed in a tank top with another restaurants logo on it. if she seems really. you know like boobs. to herself. low-rider jeans with her thong hanging out. so if you are the mall. you can make observations about they interact with other people in the club. if I'm talking to a girl in a club and she is dressed in a pink cutoff T-shirt. it can include how it relates to other places. you can make observations about who seems to be closest. if she seems really popular. where you think she might be from. again. you can make interactions about how at home or not at home they seem there. if she's the tallest or shortest in her group. how they all know each other. it can include how the girl/girls relate to an environment all that stuff comes into play. what role each person plays in the group. You can make observations about what you think she might do for a living. observations about the environment. that tells me a lot what she does. First observations about her—so what are we observing about women. interesting smiles. So let's go through those one at a time and give a little more detail. and that could include the people that are there and it can include. all the observations you made about girls you can make about each person in their group—height. she has a lower back tattoo.
. all of that is kind of good stuff to make observations about. Again. and a bunch of faked diamond rings on the other with big earrings and sunglasses on her head. if she seems really friendly. If you want to get physical. So for example. how long they've all known each other. there are going to be observations about the mall.
there was a recent Thirty Rock. does she seem high maintenance. and he's talking to Liz Lemmon. like a girl [pounding 00:44:29] shots. Girls will give you a lot of clues as to what to talk about with them. And they've heard it's boring. so you're looking for all of these clues. where are you from. here. and he goes—cool. they're going to be more likely to share something with you. how to keep the conversation going and how to steer it towards conversational topics that will be interesting to her. we had to band together. How much does it seem like she parties. You fail because you're closed. they way they carry themselves. whereas a girl who's drinking beer. female friends. which basically says that when you share something with someone. nice—or I'm from here. they are going to reveal more things about who they are. that's one of the big powers of making observations is that everyone loves to hear about themselves. the problem is the psychological concept of reciprocity. of low maintenance. the more kind of psychological authority and leverage you're going to gain. and we don’t want to do this anymore. So it's not just that the girls get bored with it. Which brings us to our last step. and the girls goes. or reveal more things about who we're.So we are constantly looking for clues and as to. So one of the major psychological problems with an interview pick up is that the guy isn’t revealing about himself—he goes. So the more you can observe. but everyone out there has probably heard about why the interview pick up is bad. I succeed in business because I'm open. it's the same thing girls hear over and over and over again. who's Tina Fey. So because man evolved as a social kind of creature. and he goes—Liz. but you kind of need to let them have the chance by looking for things in their dress. and we had to have ways of trusting. this is going to come as a big surprise to most guys.
. I know someone from there. which means that as we do more things for people. is she high maintenance. where Alec Baldwin plays a character and he played the character named Jack Donaghy. all of these things are pieces to the puzzle of figuring out what to make observations about and what to talk about with this girl. and then eventually our mind. how sexual does she seem. and all those are good ideas. and then he moves onto another question. tells you something else about her. and it's not really – the girl is giving the information first. confident and positive. piercing. Does she look like she has mostly male friends. tells you something about her. Even what she's drinking. like you want to go party on a yacht or you want to go do cocaine in my hotel room. all of these little. is this girl a party girl. but we want to open up. or a kind corporate nine to five girl. But there are things that girls hear over and over and over again that never really get boring. so psychologically we developed this principle of reciprocity. psychologically. Is this girl a kind of outside-the-box thinker when it comes to tattoos. and Jack is juggling these two women. So instead what we want to do. oh. low maintenance. how much does she put her sexuality out there. is she out with a bunch of people. will go—wait this isn’t reciprocity. You know. is we want to share things about ourselves. seemingly insignificant things that overall will give you a really good idea about how to talk to her. or. which is sharing. Because people are their own favorite subject. one person just by herself in a huge group at a birthday party. So that's the psychological reason why the interview pick up actually doesn’t work. How long does it seem like it took her to get ready today.
but not that many close friends. giving good emotions. there's some stuff on the Twenty Skills of Attraction. you're going to get a lot more time to talk to girls. Women are incredibly willing to listen to guys talk about themselves. I bet you that when people met you they think you're kind of a bitch. and kind of explains why I have so many female "friends". So you can read up all about cold reading. you're going to share your thoughts about the girl. especially if you do it in the right way. when I was living in Texas. So because of that like I get along way better with girls than I do with guys. And so that's kind of a story that talks about. you know. you know. adding positivity to the overall interaction help a lot. But learning to share doesn’t just go over kind sharing about yourself but it also goes over sharing positive emotions. and it takes you a while to warm up to people. and grounding stories basically came from the idea of Mystery grounding your identity and then we're kind of reinvented by myself and Captain Jack and a couple other people. if you are willing to open up about yourself and talk about yourself. maybe I'll do a full Sinn's Inner Circle on cold reads at some point in the near future. So let's talk about what a couple of those things are. or when I tell stories about my female friends and it allows me to express myself and now that I've talked about my family and I've shared. giving humor. really close. I would see my sisters going on dates and coming back and talking about guys and I would see them taking dumps and all these things that you're supposed to not see until really later on. Like I bet you have a lot of acquaintances. and that they can understand. and especially when you do it in a way that is relatable to them. and that made me understand women differently because when I was really young. it explains what type of behavior I'm going to have later on. they show you that you're interested in understanding the girls world and knowing her and being able to explain that to her. when you say
. but I don’t think that's true I think you're just kind of shy. Cold reading is sharing where you're going to have interesting things. So that's another big thing. where I give you guys some cold reads. Another thing is cold reading. you're sharing those positive emotions with the girl. So for example. Another thing that helps to share is role plays. but basically cold reads are truisms. you know. I might say something like.negative and pessimistic. it was really means stories that talk about who you are and why you are the way you are. I do have three sisters and a gay brother. close friends. Role plays help to share because they share positive emotions. Most people have a lot of acquaintances. And we'll talk about the right ways to do that in just a minute. So cold reads share because they share understanding. So when you're sharing you're not just sharing about yourself but you're sharing good feelings. you know. if there are a lot of girls around. but only three of four really. where I come from. The number one technique for sharing is what's called grounding stories. and again cold reads are just truisms about people. That’s just a little cold read that's true about most people. they're fun and funny fantasy situations. it grounds me. you're giving her things that she wants more of emotionally. I tell a grounding story about having three sisters and a gay brother. But yes. you're making her feel good. And it's really true. seemingly intimate information girls are going to be way more willing to share with me.
You don’t want to put the burden of keeping the conversation going on the girl or the group. Or you strike me as you have more like an East Coast vibe. and to have some fun. We're like [Elite 00:42:10] Mall Security. and pier all the time and like we'd walk around and like try to talk to girls when we were like 14 or 15. Or. with the reciprocity.000 times more likely to answer that if I ground myself first. I could say something. It allows the girl to step outside of herself in the interaction where it might be just you hitting on a girl. yes. So that's another thing you can do. I can use information as a way to ground myself. those are out people we mess up. I can tell we're not going to get along. So you can use grounding to set up a question. and then I have something to go with it afterwards. that's awesome. I spend a
. form our own super-hero group. like that movie Kick Ass. so I'm more comfortable with fashion. I meet like another [inaudible 0:54:29] like snob girl. They all work in tandem.something like—you know what. except we are just going to beat up people who mess with people who go shopping at the mall. but you don’t want to ask a bunch of questions because of the idea of reciprocity. cool. But again. and we're going to rule the entire country. I could tell—let's say she has sisters. And if she's like—oh. you seem like a little more on the girly. Like I may say something like—yeah. I have brothers. I bet like you have like a leather Harley Davidson belt buckle or something. for me I grew up with three sisters and a gay brother. Instead of saying—where are you from. A lot of guys. you can use it to relate. I bet you take like a really long time to get ready. feminine side. the problem again. we came really close a few times. you seem like you're a little more of a Tom-boy type girl. I might go—oh my God. me and you are going to run to Canada where they don’t have any guns and we're going to get one gun in over the border. That's not entire accurate. I could be like—oh my god. and you want to know where you're going to go. when I was growing up we used to go down to the Santa Monica Boardwalk. ground yourself. I could be like—oh. I grew up in Venice. but I didn’t really have that male role model. so when you're using questions it's very easy to switch them into statements. you could say something like—you seem like you're from Orange County. and you would be like—oh. is that they're asking questions but they're not sharing about themselves. you know what we're going to do. So I might say—where are you from? And she'd be like I'm from Santa Monica. And the last thing when it comes to sharing is you've got to understand how to use questions. I grew up in Venice Beach. that's why it's sharing. which is good. right. We'd get close and like smile and run away. yeah. So for a really long time I thought the question were like we were moving money from a bank account but you didn’t know much money was in there. and it gives distance and objectivity for her to play. yeah. and ask a girl where she's from and then make fun of her answer. Or. tell a story. we are going to like. that's really funny. you know. never actually talk t any girls. Did you move to California? But you want to use your questions to set things up. Like anyone robbing at the mall. that's how you kind of put these techniques together. so you also might ask question and tease a girl. So afterwards I might use a cold read. Do you have sisters or brothers? And now I can ask her a question and she's going to be 10. She might say I'm from Santa Monica. I might say—oh. So yes. you know.
keeping your body language relaxed. we can do a lot of different things. when you're like shit.
. making sure your vocal tonality is relaxed. (that's not true. 6 minutes in when things are going well. We talked about becoming a more observant person. role plays and the variations on the questions. a tease. Now we are relating. we can tell a story. sharing positive emotions. one way bounce. but it could be). Alright let's recap everything. • First we talked about kind of what it looks and feels like to run out of things to say in various situations.
Now I want to end this with two quick exercises that will really help you guys to be more prepared. my ex-girlfriend is from Santa Monica. one way to isolate one way to close. Know your strong topics. talking about ourselves. We talked about why guys run out of things to say because they are not prepared and they're not relaxed. we can tease. and they don’t have a good grasp of basic conversational stuff. and I'm like messing it up. what sorts of things she might be interested in. the eight types of routines you need—an opener. grounding. the environment. you know. the group. one fun routine. which is observing. We talked about never running out of things to say versus routines. We talked about step number three. So there are a lot of different things we can do off-questions. one interesting routine. we’re grounding ourselves. we can also role play.lot of times in Santa Monica. looking for those ideas of what you can talk about. and shifting focus. we're telling a story. be prepared. we relate. it's going so good now. So don’t be afraid to use questions just have something – have a plan for what you're going to do when the girl answers the question. you know. we can also cold read. We went through my four-step system. Step number four—sharing. or 5. We talked about pausing. cold reads. Right after the opener. being relaxed—step two—breathing. Step number one. I went to the Santa Monica prom. We talked about. We talked about when guys run out of things to say generally right after the opener. a transition. I might go—oh. shifting focus to black out every distraction around you except that girl or that group. looking for the clues as to what kind of girl she is in her. how you cannot script everything and you want to improve your conversational skills as well as we're going to have a couple different types of routines.
once you've gotten bored of these. as always. or yoga. so you have new things to talk about in a couple weeks. 10 things you really.com and I will talk to you next month. Exercise number two: Write a list of 10 topics about things that you know women are interested in that you would like to learn more about. maybe you want to learn more about hair. So that's going to wrap it up. maybe you want to learn more about celebrities. if you have any questions send them to sinn@sinnsofattraction.
. [crossfitter 0:58:12] or anything that a girl might be interested in. Write down 10 of those that you research to learn more about. shoes. really like talking about that you could talk about all day. aerobics. maybe you want to learn more about pop culture. Maybe you want to learn more about fashion. again.Exercise number one: I want you to write a list of 10 topics you really love talking about.