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How To Be An Expert Persuader

By Michael Lee

Copyright 2010 By Michael Lee All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means (electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written consent of the author.

How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

DISCLAIMER AND TERMS OF USE AGREEMENT


The author and publisher have used their best efforts in preparing this report. The author and publisher make no representation or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this report. The information contained in this report is strictly for educational purposes. Therefore, if you wish to apply ideas contained in this report, you are taking full responsibility for your actions. EVERY EFFORT HAS BEEN MADE TO ACCURATELY REPRESENT THIS PRODUCT AND IT'S POTENTIAL. HOWEVER, THERE IS NO GUARANTEE THAT YOU WILL IMPROVE IN ANY WAY USING THE TECHNIQUES AND IDEAS IN THESE MATERIALS. EXAMPLES IN THESE MATERIALS ARE NOT TO BE INTERPRETED AS A PROMISE OR GUARANTEE OF ANYTHING. SELF-HELP AND IMPROVEMENT POTENTIAL IS ENTIRELY DEPENDENT ON THE PERSON USING OUR PRODUCT, IDEAS AND TECHNIQUES. YOUR LEVEL OF IMPROVEMENT IN ATTAINING THE RESULTS CLAIMED IN OUR MATERIALS DEPENDS ON THE TIME YOU DEVOTE TO THE PROGRAM, IDEAS AND TECHNIQUES MENTIONED, KNOWLEDGE AND VARIOUS SKILLS. SINCE THESE FACTORS DIFFER ACCORDING TO INDIVIDUALS, WE CANNOT GUARANTEE YOUR SUCCESS OR IMPROVEMENT LEVEL. NOR ARE WE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY OF YOUR ACTIONS. MANY FACTORS WILL BE IMPORTANT IN DETERMINING YOUR ACTUAL RESULTS AND NO GUARANTEES ARE MADE THAT YOU WILL ACHIEVE RESULTS SIMILAR TO OURS OR ANYBODY ELSE'S, IN FACT NO GUARANTEES ARE MADE THAT YOU WILL ACHIEVE ANY RESULTS FROM OUR IDEAS AND TECHNIQUES IN OUR MATERIAL. The author and publisher disclaim any warranties (express or implied), merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable to any party for any direct, indirect, punitive, special, incidental or other consequential damages arising directly or indirectly from any use of this material, which is provided as is, and without warranties. As always, the advice of a competent professional should be sought. The author and publisher do not warrant the performance, effectiveness or applicability of any sites listed or linked to in this report. All links are for information purposes only and are not warranted for content, accuracy or any other implied or explicit purpose.

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Table Of Contents
Introduction Chapter 1: Chapter 2: Chapter 3: Chapter 4: Persuasion Essentials and Mindset Astounding Methods To Make People Like You A Lot! (Part 1) Astounding Methods To Make People Like You A Lot! (Part 2) The Most Used Yet Most Misunderstood Secret Language In The World The Magic Of Association Authority Domination The 2 Powerful P's Of Persuasion Reciprocity: Give First and the Rest Will Follow The 2 Compelling C's Of Persuasion Supreme Laws Of Scarcity And Comparison Sizzling Techniques to Explosively Boost Your Sales Through The Roof (Part 1) Sizzling Techniques to Explosively Boost Your Sales Through The Roof (Part 2) How to Handle and Give Criticisms Nicely The Art Of Persuasive Attraction 6 9 34 62 85

Chapter 5: Chapter 6: Chapter 7: Chapter 8: Chapter 9: Chapter 10: Chapter 11:

110 124 135 149 158 172 191

Chapter 12:

218

Chapter 13: Chapter 14:

247 268

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Chapter 15: Chapter 16: Chapter 17: Chapter 18: Chapter 19: Chapter 20: Bonus Chapter

Ask And You Shall Receive Expectations Become Reality How To Be An Impressive Hypnotic Communicator (Part 1) How To Be An Impressive Hypnotic Communicator (Part 2) How To Win Arguments And Negotiations Conditions That Foster Persuasion Application Of Persuasion In A New Working Environment

280 292 306 335 368 399 414

Conclusion Can You Really Attain God-Like Powers?

416 417

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Introduction
Everyone needs effective persuasion skills. It's for salespeople who want to explode their earnings and satisfy their customers. It's for individuals who can't seem to get their dream lover. It's for frustrated people who want to attain complete liberty from the dictatorial treatment of parents, wife, husband, or friends. It's for loners who want to have lots of friends. It's for those who want to influence others to their way of thinking. Persuasion techniques are your best bet to the greatest opportunities in life. They help you get what you want and get others to agree with you. With these methods at hand, there's no reason why you should fail to achieve your goal. Social psychologists have known long ago how powerful persuasion is. It is not only seen in different commercial advertisements, but it is also felt in the activities of daily life, although in a subtler manner. It doesn't come as a surprise that the most successful people know how to masterfully harness their persuasion skills. In this fast-paced environment where every survival instinct is polished, becoming a master persuader is the key to thrive and zoom to the top. Persuasion is a crucial part of everyday living by all types of people... no matter their age, race, occupation or gender. But what makes persuasion very effective? The key factor that makes persuasion so powerful is that you rely on appeal rather than force, which makes people decide for themselves that they want to be in a situation in which you can change their views and actions. People like the idea that they independently make decisions on their own and for their own good, and persuasion does that very effectively.

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Persuasion techniques are very handy when it comes to closing deals, making sales or just plain convincing people. You don't have to do anything out of the ordinary or dance around chanting spells in order to get what you want. All you have to do is work on these persuasion techniques and you won't have any problems dealing with people. Keep in mind that this doesn't give you the authority to abuse other people. Besides, if you go overboard with these methods, they won't work quite as well as they did the first few times. Subtlety is the key. If you give yourself away, don't expect other people to fall for them again. Effects vary depending on the wielder and the person such techniques are used on. You are probably the best person to decide which method goes to what situation. Once you've familiarized these techniques, persuading people becomes natural, automatic, and unconscious. These strategies will help you cinch that business deal you've been negotiating with your client for the past few weeks. They will help you win people over to your side. Best of all, they will require nothing but the use of your own faculties. All that is left to do before you reach success with these techniques is to learn how to use your natural abilities properly. When I was a little boy, I was shy, gullible, and easy to be fooled. I was so stupid I'd give money to anyone who asked me for it. My shoulders were always low and I had a hard time making friends. I may even have had social phobia. I learned my lessons from those days. I didn't want to live that kind of life anymore, so I really tried to conquer this fear. I decided that I would no longer allow myself to be treated as a low-life outcast. I read lots of books and courses dealing with persuasion, conversational hypnosis, mind control, NLP and other fields of personal development.
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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

I know that many other people are suffering the same kind of condition I suffered from, and I want to do my best to help them design the kind of life that they want to live. I've been in their shoes before; and now that I have gained lots of knowledge and experience, it's time to give back. Since persuasion is my passion, I decided to write this course, which I believe will be extremely beneficial to to you if you want to take control of your life and convince others to your way of thinking. You will notice that I will use the words he and she - or his and her - alternately in the chapters that follow to make the information non-discriminatory and fair to all sexes. This guidebook will give you thorough insights on how to become an expert persuader. So are you ready to change your life? Sit back, relax, and enjoy your journey to persuasion success!

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Chapter 1

Persuasion Essentials And Mindset


This first chapter is probably the most important part you have to learn in order to become an expert persuader. So just take it easy, re-read a few times if you must, and let's get the ball rolling.. The first thing you need to do is to know exactly the results you want to create. When you know exactly what you want to do or happen, everything around you conspires to bring you to the path that you desire to accomplish. Then you need to become more observant. Don't jump in front of your target and confront them head on. It's all about subtlety and getting a feel for the other person. Determine if the person youre persuading is in a good mood or not. He will be more responsive to your request if he's in a good frame of mind. Know as much info as you can about him. Know his personality, qualities, interests, strengths and weaknesses, values, beliefs, etc. You have to enter his inner world. Find out how he thinks, feels, and acts. Explore his wishes, hopes, fantasies or fears. Ask, "What would I (feel, do, think, etc.) if I were him?" That way, you'll be able to come up with better ways of persuading him from his point of perspective. You can then customize your persuasion plans and efforts to fit his model of the world. In due time, you'll be able to determine what he naturally moves closer to or farther away from. Believe me. This will help save you a lot of time. It's always easier to avoid a mistake than to have to clean the mess up after wards.
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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Never Assume Nor Disrespect


To think that others have the same likes, attitudes, or behavior as we do is often the reason why many persuasion efforts fail. Everyone is unique so you cannot say that because you like something, others will like it too. Everyone is extraordinary, so we have to respect each other's uniqueness. Each person has his own beliefs. You must never disrespect or disagree with another person's beliefs even if it is contradictory to your own. You must model his belief as much as possible, or at least appear to have the same belief as him. When you don't oppose his beliefs, opinions, or values, he tends to feel comfortable with you and trust you. You must let him know that you value his words and respect what he has to say. If you simply cannot agree with his beliefs, just keep your opinions to yourself; opposing his views will not result to any good. You may also say that if you're in his position, you would feel the same way he does. For example, if you hold a position in the government and another person believes that all politicians are "corrupt" or "dishonest," you may say something like, "Seems like you had an unfortunate experience. Can you tell me more?"

Your Attention Please!


To persuade, you must get people's attention. However, too many things are often craving for our attention. Because of this, we have developed a sort of filter to shield out those we deemed not important.

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

The question is: How do we get past the human filter, in order for our message to be heard and for others to pay attention to us? People pay attention only to those messages they like to hear, so give it to them. Step into their shoes, adjust your message to be in line with what they like to hear, and tell them. They also need to be motivated in order to give attention to you. If they are not motivated, their attention span is short. Also if their present state is not conducive to paying attention (for example, they are depressed or lonely), they are less likely to listen to you. So they have to be in the right mood when you impart your message. As I've said before, it's important to be sensitive to people's present mood and state of mind. There is always a right time to communicate with people, and doing it when they're not in a good mood can significantly reduce your chances to persuade well. When you've found they're in a persuadable state, you can augment their positive frame of mind by developing rapport and using the right body language and verbal methods (you'll learn them all in later chapters). And of course, people are more likely to listen to you and remember what you have to say if they trust, respect, or like you. Emotions play a big part. If you made people feel good in any way, they will tend to listen and remember you. Interest plays a big part as well. If people are not interested, your message will not pass through their filters no matter how hard you try to impress your message in their minds. Do you notice how you can learn something so much faster because you're passionate about the subject, but cannot get anything in your mind if you hate the topic?
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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Here are some fantastic tips to grab and maintain their attention: 1) Create a controversial or eye-opening statement. This must literally stop whatever is consuming their mind as of the moment. Example: Nita has already won 3 bingo games in the past week, and she says there is a secret technique to winning! 2) Ask an engaging question. Dont ask something answerable by Yes or No. Ask a question that will stop their train of thought, a question that will distract them from what theyre thinking presently and allow them to focus on the question. Examples: If you could go to any place on earth, where is your ideal vacation spot? Can you remember the time when you felt so proud of your accomplishment? These questions allow them to escape their present state of thought and picture instances in their mind. 3) Arouse their curiosity. Master persuaders successfully entice people to come running to them because they have aroused the curiosity of these people. Once in a state of curiosity, people will have a dying itch to satisfy it.

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Examples of curiosity arousing statements: To someone who is broke, these words would strike a chord: Research has found that the richest people on earth all know the same secrets that the rest of the world never knew. I finally discovered what they are. To a basketball player, this would be very interesting: I have read a book on how to increase your vertical jump by at least 5 inches. Im sure the target people youre persuading will never stop until they know what you know.

Persuasion Challenges
Keep in mind that not all people can be persuaded. If that person has any restriction, then you may never be able to persuade him, and that would be a waste of your valuable time. Remember that the aim of persuading others is to achieve a win-win situation. Always propose something that will be beneficial to both of you. For example, your prospect is a financial genius, and he never intends to incur any interest expense. He always pays his credit card on time. Now it will be fruitless if you talk for minutes to convince him to join your "credit card balance transfer" program. How about if a man whose religion prohibits him to eat pork? No matter how delectable or appetizing your dish is, if it contains pork, he will never eat it no matter what you do.
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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

In every persuasion attempt, remember that the person you're persuading must not have any restrictions; or else, you'll just be wasting both your prospect's time and yours. You might also be perceived as disrespectful. But there are still ways to deal with such restrictions. One way is to establish common goals - goals that are in line with you and your prospect's plan. Doing this gives him a sense of solidarity, which will make him more agreeable to whatever it is you're cooking up. Remember also that he must be in a proper state of mind and emotion when you're persuading him, or your persuasion efforts will fall into deaf ears. Some people spend so much time worrying about anything they have no control of. They worry about their health, what will happen with their job, etc. They worry about almost anything negative that can happen in the future. Remind him to stop worrying about such things that are beyond his control (since he can't do anything about it anyway) and focus on things he has control of.

Believability
To persuade, you must be believable. People go through a 2-step belief process. First, they measure the "believability" of a person, and then they gauge the "believability" of the message of that person. Here are some guidelines to become more believable. 1) Believe in yourself and your message first, before attempting to make anyone believe in you.

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Your own conviction will manifest in your words and actions. You've probably heard about cult leaders who relay their messages with much intensity and unfettered emotions that the audience would do anything being told them.. even ending their own lives! But of course, you should use this only for good means. 2) Be consistent. Establish trust so people are more likely to believe you, and then say words that are honest and consistent with your actions and body language so your future messages are more credible. Make sure that your voice volume, pitch, and tone, as well as your gestures, are appropriate for the current situation. Just imagine the insult you're purporting if you're attending a funeral and you suddenly laugh. Be aware of your words and movement always. 3) Be yourself. Don't be someone you're not. If you're in love with a girl, for example, but you have qualities not compatible with her, and you fake your behavior or "wing" things just to impress her, sooner or later, you will be found out. Don't claim to be someone you're not. 4) Never lie. One lie, just one lie you said, will make people doubt whether all the past things you said are true. That will ruin their trust in you, and they might never believe you again.

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Whatever you say from then on, they will scrutinize first and ask themselves, "Can that be true?" And when you're persuading people, you cannot possibly allow them to have any doubts in their mind!

Know Your Purpose


You can achieve your persuasion objective if you have big enough whys. Know "why" you want the other person to agree with you. Why do you want to be an expert persuader? List down 7 reasons why you want to have the powerful skill of a master persuader. Just write them all down in no particular order. Then rank them in importance, with 1 being the most important & 7 the least important. Write down your top 3 reasons on a small index card so you can carry it wherever you go. This index card will motivate you to exert your full effort in becoming a master persuader.

Developing the Persuasion Mindset


In becoming a persuasion expert, you must stimulate your mind to create an extremely positive mindset and image. You must believe beyond any shadow of a doubt that your persuasion efforts will succeed, that you are capable of successfully persuading your target person. Your thoughts must be so focused on your objective. You must constantly think of the positive outcome of the persuasion scenario, and enjoy that experience beforehand. You must actually feel what you would be feeling upon effectively persuading him. In all cases, your intention must always be focused towards achieving a win-win outcome.

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

You have to believe that you really are a master persuader, no matter how weak or ineffective you may think you currently are. You can be as successful and as powerful as you want to be, as long as you have the proper mindset and behavior. Believing in yourself first is vital. After all, you can't expect people to buy your idea if you yourself are not convinced. The way you deliver yourself, your tone of voice and the amount of conviction in your words all give away how much you trust your idea. If you want to persuade other people to see things your way, you'd better stand up straighter, sound more confident and smile more often (unless the topic doesn't call for it). If youre selling something, you must believe in your product and be proud to offer it to others. If youre not self-assured in the ability of your product to satisfy or fulfill your customers needs, then it would be very difficult to persuade them to your proposal. You would also suffer from internal conflict because your words or actions are inconsistent with your inner belief. Use the power of your mind to persuade. The mind is an infinite wonder. It has the fantastic ability to transmute our desires into their physical counterparts. You can do anything that your mind can conceive, as long as you have the belief and will power to back it up. There have been many cases where the outcome of the situation is a result of peoples beliefs and mindset. Take the case of cancer patients who were given placebo pills. These just plain pills have no healing capabilities. So how did they get well?
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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

The power came from their thoughts. They were told that these pills contain the highest amounts of cancer-fighting ingredients, which can effectively cure them in a matter of days. See how powerful your mind is? They believed that their health would be restored. They registered in their minds that these pills would cure them of their illness. In the process, the belief embedded within their subconscious became a reality. Have you heard the news about the person who froze to death inside a refrigerator car? He believed there was no escape and hes going to freeze to death. He indeed froze to death, even if the refrigerator was not even turned on! So how can you use your mind to persuade and attain your goals? One of the most effective ways is to use the "as if" principle. Act as if you are the person you want to be. Act as if you are already in possession of whatever you long to have. Act as if you are already the expert persuader you are soon to become after reading this book! Think, act, and feel like a true master persuader. Be obsessed with your goal. It's not enough that you think and feel like the kind of person you want to become, but you have to actually take action. Do what needs to be done. You might get so lost in your fantasy dream world that you've forgotten to take some action. Let your visions encourage and motivate you to actualize your purpose and that is to become an expert persuader!

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

The problem with the people of the modern world is that they are too preoccupied with worries, anxieties, and negative emotions. As a result, they are adversely affecting their state of health and well-being. White lies have become prevalent nowadays in order to ease their burdens or to persuade others to do things that they thought were unattainable. Once there was a weightlifter who couldn't lift weights in excess of 300 lbs. So his coach devised a clever idea and told him that the barbell he had to carry weighed only 300 lbs. With all his might, the weightlifter managed to lift it above his head. After he put it down, the coach told him that he had just lifted 350 lbs. of weight! It's all in the mind! As Henry Ford once said, "Think you can, think you can't, either way, you'll be right." If you think you are easily manipulated and non-persuasive, then that is what you will become unless you properly condition your thoughts to the positive mindset. I know it might be challenging to think of something if your environment is not conducive to such way of thinking. Use your imagination then! Visualize yourself persuading others and imagine people agreeing to your every word! There is absolutely no limit with what the mind can achieve. But you have to combine belief, will power, and action with positive thinking in order to achieve your intended goal. You see? The mind is a powerhouse, so what you have to do is mentally focus on your persuasion approach.

Developing Unstoppable Confidence

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

If you dont have any confidence, you wont be able to persuade. To boost it, ask yourself, What compliment did I receive from people before that made me more confident? Seek within yourself your strong qualities, and develop them. What good things do people say about you? Model someone who has successfully persuaded you in the past, and improve on their strategy. Go down to memory lane and remember the times you have successfully persuaded, convinced, influenced or motivated someone. Here are some things to consider: 1) What did you do to convince your crush to be your girlfriend (or boyfriend)? 2) What did you do to persuade your boss to agree to your request? 3) What did you do to motivate someone to perform better? 4) How did you negotiate with your parents to get a larger allowance? You may not be aware of it, but there are countless times that you have successfully persuaded people. You may just not be aware of it. Write down those instances and think of how you may apply them in your current situation or future use. Find ways in which you can apply persuasion in your everyday life. Remember the following: 1) Persuasion entails that you be unwavering and resolute in your purpose. You've got to stand by your objective and never let other people forcefully persuade you into agreeing with them. However, this doesn't mean you remain stiff and inflexible if new data or proof has been presented.

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Even if you still don't like their idea, at least appear to consider their opinion in your decision. This shows respect and humility. Say something like, You got a good point there. I'll certainly take that into consideration. 2) You also have to be passionate with your words and body language. When you show enthusiasm, people are more likely to be influenced because you make it seem like you're so sure about your idea. Sometimes they will just stay silent when you're talking to them. This will make you feel uncomfortable and might sway you to just give up with your efforts. In this case... 3) Never be discouraged. Prepare your message well and stay focused on your target. When you're requesting something and they stay silent, don't just go away unsatisfied. When they want you to do something and they stay quiet after you've told them you can't do it, make a stand! Stick by your decision. Explain to them the valid reasons why you want or don't want to do something. If they stayed silent to make you feel uncomfortable, don't just agree with what they want. Keep your cool. Talk to them again and tell them that your decision is final. If they frown, fold their arms, take a deep breath, or shake their heads, apply the same procedure. Be confident while communicating and stay unaffected by their distracting moves or actions. What if they told you that they remembered the discussion to be different? Isn't it frustrating to have agreed on something and they suddenly said that they heard it in a different perspective?
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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

You can kindly ask them to prove it. You can ask when, how, or where it was said. If they cannot maintain constancy of data and accuracy in their statements, then you've got a winning case. 4) To be perceived as confident, get as much space as you can. Spread your arms and legs in a graceful manner. You will be conceived as an authority in command. However, exuding confidence doesn't mean you show the world how great you are or boast about your achievements. The truth is, insecure - not confident people do that to make up for their lack of ability or empty feeling. Besides, we hate arrogant people. Maintain your confidence at all times. Keep in mind that you're the one persuading them. It's not the other way around.

Using Affirmations and Visualization


Affirmations are supposed to be stated in the present tense, but your mind will say, "that's not true" if your affirmations are far from reality or if you have some tinge of doubt. So make your statements present progressive. For example, if you're still learning to become a persuasion expert, instead of saying "I am an expert persuader," say "I am becoming an expert persuader." As you become more skilled and gain more experience, your confidence increases proportionately, until you can say your affirmations in the present tense: "I am an expert persuader."

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Engage in self-talk with intensity, passion, and enthusiasm. When you persuade others, do it with feelings. And be very accurate with your end result, because you have to specifically know your desired outcome before you can have a fixed target in mind. Want to borrow your friend John's car? Say to yourself, "I am successfully persuading John to lend me his car." Say it out loud! Say it 10 times, 20 times, 30 times, until you feel the fire and confidence within you exploding like firecrackers on New Year's Eve. Now remember to say it in the present progressive tense. Say "I AM successfully persuading John to lend me his car," and not "I WILL successfully persuade John to lend me his car." You've got to have it now, not in the future! So be relentless and assertive. Then picture yourself saying it to him with utmost assurance. Visualize your brother John smiling and obeying your every will. Envision him as a little boy giving you the keys to his beautiful car. He can't help but follow your every command. And wait. John is saying something. He's saying that you have the right to use his car and he wants to pay you back for all the kindness you've shown him. You feel so in control of the situation. John can't help but do what you want him to do. It's like you've hypnotized him. Now go out and just do it!

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Never show any negative or self-defeating emotions. You don't want to go out there having thoughts like: "I'm not sure if I can ever persuade him" or "What if I won't be able to do it?" Many people can see right through you. They can sense your fear and anxiety. Be absolutely calm and relaxed. It would be better if you do the relaxation exercise below before trying to persuade anyone. You may pass up this exercise if you are time-constrained or if your persuasion endeavors are minor. 1. Go to a comfortable and quiet place to rest. 2. Relax your whole body. Command every part of your body to relax starting from your feet up to your head. 3. Count back slowly from 20 to 1, where in each count you relax deeper & deeper. Upon reaching 1, you are completely relaxed. 4. Now affirm your intentions. If you want to persuade John, say," I AM successfully persuading John to..." As you're saying that, picture yourself doing what you're saying in vivid and true-to-life details. 5. Then after about 10 to 20 minutes of continuous confirmation & visualization, count slowly from 1 to 20. Upon counting, slowly be aware of your surroundings. Feel refreshed & invigorated after doing this exercise. 6. Repeat this exercise every time you want to persuade anyone.

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

You have to prepare and visualize the entire persuasion process you will be doing. Imagine yourself persuading your target person; indulge in the satisfying feeling of having your desired outcome achieved in visually perfect detail. Determine your desired end result, then work your way back to devise a good plan in persuading. Predict the possible problems or challenges that may occur, and list down the steps on how you will be able to deal with each. If possible, use the problem as a benefit. For example, a customer found that the book he's buying from you has a few crumpled pages. You may use it as a benefit by telling him that you're giving the seconds at a big discount. After you have made your plan, play the scenes in your mind like a movie. This is important because you get to actually practice and feel the entire persuasion process. Focus on your mission or goal. These principles apply even if the person you're going to persuade is far away. Let's say you're a salesman who's going to write your clients an email regarding your product. Say aloud, "I AM expertly persuading {clients} to buy my product. They are buying my product because it is the best they've ever seen. They are happy using my product." Say it many times with firmness and assurance. Then envision them buying and enjoying your product. Imagine them thanking you over and over because they have gotten more than their moneys worth. Visualize them treating you as a very good friend because you gave them the very best they could ever lay their hands on.

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Then write your email. Pour all your emotions into that letter. Not ordinary emotions, but genuinely pure and caring emotions that come from the heart. Write things that would make them happy and willing to do business with you. Even if they're far away from you, they will feel the aura of your presence. Your letter will be so powerful that they will comply with your requests. Remember to always adopt this mindset before you go out there persuading or doing anything you have in mind.

Grooming For Persuasion


Whether you're going out on an interview, persuading your boss to give you a raise, or influencing your genius friend to teach you Nuclear Physics, you have to project a powerful and confident personality. You might think it's insignificant, but outer appearance does matter. Sure, true beauty may be on the inside; but in today's modern world, people are being assessed on how attractive and professional they look. If you're an employer and you're going to select from two applicants who have the same qualifications but one is prettier or smarter-looking than the other, who would you prefer? You would probably choose the one who has higher face value. You would want your company to be associated with good-looking individuals. It would enhance the reputation and boost the over-all image of the company. Moreover, your clients would be more willing and inspired to make deals and commitments with attractive individuals.

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Just look at the airline companies? They will typically hire flight attendants and cabin crew personnel who display very pleasing personalities. They hire those who look very presentable and elegant to the passengers. Some people just don't like to take the time and effort to beautify themselves, but to be able to persuade anyone, your looks have to command authority. Good looks are often equated with intelligence, sincerity, respect and confidence. Oftentimes, people unconsciously judge peoples behavior and mental capacity based on their outer appearance. Sure theres a saying Dont judge a book by its cover. But let me tell you a secret. Most people make conclusions about other individuals based on how attractive they look (if they dont know them very well). Generally speaking, good-looking individuals get better treatment, are given the benefit of the doubt, get help and attention more often, and are more able to persuade or influence others because they appear to be more credible. Having an attractive appearance does not only mean having a good-looking face. Equally important are choosing the right clothes to wear, fixing your hair, having a fit body, and possessing tallness in height. Here are some tips if you want to impress and influence someone of great authority, like your boss or an interviewer. Your whole body has to be neat. Your hair has to be fixed well. Make sure there is no dirt behind your fingernails. Make sure there isn't food stuck between your teeth. Shave unwanted hair. Males with a smooth face look cleaner and more professional. Females may want to wax or shave hair located on the face, arms, armpits, and legs.
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Make your face look younger. If possible, use foundation or powder to reduce the oiliness of your face (if you have oily skin). Your suit should be ironed well and should correspond with the event or occasion. Make sure that your shoes are well cleaned and polished.

How to Maximize Results from Your Persuasion Efforts


1) Practice, practice, practice Dont just read, but apply what youve learned. Master the persuasion techniques in this book in such a way that you will apply them without conscious effort, so you can focus on the other person without needing to think of what to do next. 2) Observe peoples reaction or response when you apply your persuasion techniques on them. Learn from your experiences, then plan your future courses of action and improve on your methods. Some people even videotape their persuasion escapades, so they can watch the video over and over to see how people responded or reacted, where they went wrong and how they can improve. 3) Ask for feedback. Ask feedback from closest relatives/friends regarding the way you communicate. Sometimes, we are blind to our own flaws.

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Have you ever been angry with someone for doing something that you sometimes do to others also? Why wouldn't you get mad at yourself, but you get upset when other people do the same thing to you? That's because our ego sometimes makes it hard for us to detect our own faults. So if you want to know if you are communicating at a level that is respectable, likeable, or whatever type of communication you want to impart, don't just rely on your own opinion about yourself, but ask your closest contacts regarding their observation of you - when you are talking with them or with other people. There are other things you can ask for feedback, like the way you motivate or persuade others, consistency of your body language with your words, etc. 4) Record your persuasion attempts. Write down or record in an excel file the persuasion method that you have done, the errors you have observed which you can improve on, and the revised action that you would do to achieve better results. Keep on improving until youve found the best ways to persuade. Take note, however, that each person has his own unique qualities; so you may also want to note down the person to which youve applied a particular method so you can apply a unique tactic for that specific individual.

11 Vital Points to Remember Before Persuading Others


1) If possible, do background check on the prospect before doing any kind of persuasion. I have already told you about this at the start of the chapter, but its worth repeating. Know his way of thinking, his behavior, his beliefs and opinions, his
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dreams and ambitions, his failures, his strengths & weaknesses, etc. The more you know about him, the more youll be able to come up with persuasion tactics to fit his needs or counter his objections. For example, if you want to get a rich old man to donate money to a certain charity, you won't get him to part with his cash just by asking him to (unless he really is the charitable type). However, if you knew what his weaknesses are (for the sake of proving a point, let's say he has a weakness for beautiful women), you can use it to persuade him to make a donation. Ask one of your prettiest volunteers to do the solicitation or casually remark that women go crazy over charitable and distinguished tycoons. Remember that males and females think and act differently. Most males are more dominant in their left brain, while most females are more dominant in their right brain. Most males stay silent when others are telling them something, while most females say things like right Uh huh or yup to imply that they are listening. 2) Be crystal clear in imparting your message. When you say, Hes mad do you mean hes angry or do you mean hes crazy? Whenever you're going to say or write something that is vague or may lead to miscommunication, it's highly recommended that you change the words in a way that imparts a clear message. 3) Watch out for their body language signs. You might not know if the other party is getting bored or anxious unless youre keen on observing their gestures or movements. You can always stop the bleeding and adjust to the situation early before it gets any worse. (Chapter 3 discusses the use and interpretations of body language.)

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4) Start your discussion on the right track. One of the biggest mistakes people make in persuasion is that they start talking about a topic or situation that the other person is not yet aware or familiar with. I have a friend who often dives into the middle of a story or subject, which leaves me (and I assume many other people) clueless on what he's talking about. It's important to start your discussion on a point that people can relate to, preferably from the very beginning, unless you're sure that they already know the foundation of the topic of discussion. 5) Give them a summary or an overall glimpse of the big picture. This is vital when talking about something that takes a little (or a lot more) time to comprehend. This way, they can better relate the discussion to the big picture and absorb what you're saying. 6) Stay humble. Never brag or be arrogant because its a big turn-off. The other party may think (in his own mind) that hes better than you, and youll just bruise his ego. You may even feign to not know things you may already be aware of, if it would give you an edge in persuading him. Give him the impression that you are an ally, and not in competition with him. 7) Never force them to accept what you're saying. The more you force them and restrict their options, the more they will reject your proposal. What you must do is persuade them in a natural, smooth-flowing manner where they will feel like accepting your idea is all part of the process.
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8) Pay attention to what is being said instead of thinking what youll say next. This may be a little difficult for you to do initially, because youre still contemplating the best persuasion techniques to use. Thats why it is critical to practice & enhance your persuasion skills until it becomes a part of you. When listening, dont interrupt while theyre talking. Wait a second or two before you speak. Avoid changing subjects because this indicates your disinterest. 9) Choose the right time. When theyre not in the mood or when theyre pressed with time, your persuasion efforts may just fall into deaf ears because they will not give you attention. Ask first if you can have a few minutes of their time. If they say its not a good time, ask for a time that fits their schedule. 10) Never disrespect anyone. Watch out for the body signals that you are giving away. You might be pouting your lips, breathing heavily, shaking your head, or rolling your eyes without you being aware that youre offending others. Watch your language too. If saying Whatever, Oh brother, or Yeah right is part of your lingo, practice taking them out of your vocabulary. 11) Make sure you completely understand what they said.

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You can say something like, So what you are saying is (your understanding of their message). They will correct you in case you misinterpreted.

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Chapter 2

Astounding Methods To Make People Like You A Lot! (Part 1)


To successfully persuade people, you have to win their heart. They have to like you. The psychology behind this stems from the notion that people are more drawn and attracted to the people they already like. Let's say you're interested in acquiring a new car. There are two sellers out there offering you the same model. The prices are both affordable but slightly different. The first seller is a complete stranger offering it at a considerably low price. The second seller is your high school classmate James. Now you and James had some very pleasant memories together. You like him a lot. He always smiles and offers to pick up the tab at restaurants. Now he's also selling that same car, but with a slightly higher price than that of the first seller. You are the buyer. Whose merchandise will you purchase? You compared the two cars and they are exactly alike. They are both in excellent condition. Of course, you would probably buy from James even though he offers it at a higher price. There are many factors for your decision: 1. You trust him. You know that when troubles arise in the future, he'll be there to support you. 2. He's your friend. Why would you buy from a complete stranger?

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3. You're indebted to him. You want to repay him for all the kindness he's shown you before. 4. You like him. James has done things which made you feel that he's one of your true friends. We, as humans, choose not to believe that someone we trust, respect, or like is capable of doing something bad. People are more likely to believe the words that someone they like, trust, or respect says. And we perceive someone to have good qualities like honesty, dependability, etc. simply because we like her. Doctors spend more time with patients they like; doctors ask them to come back more often for further check-ups. Judges or juries give lesser penalties to guilty parties that they like. Students learn faster if they like their teachers. Being popular or being liked by people is often more important than having authority or talent. There are some people who don't have much skill or intelligence but they are successful because people love them and would do anything for them. You like your friends, right? Networking or MLM-based companies use the "friend factor" to get more people to join. The people on top of the chart signed up their friends. These friends persuade their own friends to sign up, and the cycle goes on. Some people sign up not because they want to, but because they like their friends and don't want to disappoint them. So powerful is the "friend factor, that even if the friend is not present, just mentioning her name and recommendation is enough to seal the deal. When a person is satisfied with a product or service, the seller would ask the names of her friends who they think will also benefit from it. The seller would then contact

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her friends and say something like, "Your friend Martha Jones thought this would greatly improve your playing skills." If you can't get through the armor of some people, that's because you didn't yet spend the time to get to know them and establish a relationship. Get them to like you and earn their trust. If you want the shortcut, ask for help from people whom your target prospects already like and trust (their friends). Joe Girard, the "World's Greatest Salesman" as listed in the Guinness Book of World Records, uses the principle of likeability a lot. In his career, he has sold 13,001 cars and has held unbelievable sales records. His secret? Every month, he would send a holiday greeting card to all of his customers totaling 13,001. The card would only say, "I like you" with his name on it. His customers liked him back, a lot! So how would you go about convincing other people to like you? Being liked is not a forced action. This chapter explains some astonishing ways to make people like you very much!

How to Make Friends Easily


The law of friends has been around for centuries. It states that people would usually help those they perceive as their friends. The more friends you have, the more people who like and support you; so make friends with as many people as you can. Having many friends means that you have a support group and safety net who you can rely on - and ask help from - any time you need one. When you're friends with someone, she will be more likely to be persuaded by you. If you say that coffee at a certain cafe is ten times better than your local coffee place, your friend will be easily persuaded into trying your recommended
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coffee out. You're not taking advantage of anybody here. That is just the natural play of friendship. Some of the best business opportunities are provided by friends! For example, if you're a dentist and want to increase your patients, I suggest letting your friends know about it first. They will be more than glad to help you out. That is because your friends trust you and in what you can do. But making friends may not be as easy as some might think. Nonetheless, here are some effective ways to build lasting friendships: 1) Ask them about things they like to talk about. Talking to people youve only met for the first time may be a little intimidating for some individuals. One major problem is that you dont know what to say. Since feeding their ego and being interested in them is one key to achieving likeability, you can ask them what they do, what their hobbies are, or what they do for a living. You may also ask them personal things about their family, lifestyle, or their goals or dreams in life. Avoid talking about sensitive topics like politics and religion. 2) Be approachable. Let other people perceive you as someone they can approach anytime. Let them feel that you are a friend. Before you can pierce into the defensive mental and emotional armor of strangers, you have to be perceived as a friend. Upon meeting up, they will judge you if you are a friend or an enemy. So do what you can to show that you are indeed a true friend who is honest and worthy of their friendship.
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3) Think of what you can do or offer to others in order to win their friendship. Find out what their passions are and connect your persuasion pursuit with their passions. Find out what they like and center your attention on that thing they like or are interested in; even better, give tokens or gifts that will allow them to remember you. Make them feel good about you. They will associate good feelings with you; hence, their defenses will be lowered and they will be much easier to persuade. Write down a list of your strengths or abilities that will allow you to help people. Then before you persuade someone, refer to the list you prepared and see which one in the list might leave a positive impact on the person. For example, the person loves to eat out. If one of your skills is cooking, you might want to invite her to try out your recipe. If you don't know how to cook but know someone who can, you may also go all out in asking from your friend chef if she can help you. Or if you can't do anything about cooking, find out what her other likes are so you can give her something memorable. If she has a problem with her computer and you know computer troubleshooting, go out and help her. Don't give the impression that you need something from her, especially when you've just met. She will tend to avoid you because she'll think you're only being with her for self-fulfilling reasons.

How to Know Likes and Problems

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How can you know peoples likes or problems? Watch out for key words that reveal them, such as "want", "wish", "like", "need", "help", "hope", "hate", "dislike", "problem", confused", etc. Examples: "I need to manage my time better." (You could recommend a time management book or course on the internet and get commission as an affiliate.) "I want to solve this problem with my wife." (You could find a relationships coach and get a percentage of the profits.) Now this isn't taking advantage of other people's problems. This is a win-win situation because you get to help them but at the same time make money. If you still can't find out their problems, passions, or wishes, simply ask questions such as: "What do you want most out of life?" "What types of situations do you treat as problems?" "What do you wish to accomplish in the next few months?" "Is there anything I can do to help you get what you want?" Make sure youre not offending anyone. Since you dont know if a certain subject you would like to discuss would offend the other party, it helps to ask a question like What do you think about? or "What's your opinion on...?" or "How do you find the...?"

Agree First, Get What You Want Later

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You can never persuade anyone if you don't agree with her first. People have to know that you agree with them to establish that bond. If you find someone disagreeable to what you may be saying or mentioning objections, agree with her first then gently insert your persuasive statement. Examples: Yes, I believe you have a point in saying that this project will take countless hours to complete. Just imagine how doing this project can be as rewarding as studying for your Board Exams. You've had difficulties and obstacles, but you were glad you did it because the benefits far outweigh the challenges." Yes, you may be right about that. I was just wondering. What would result if you go through with the plan because it happens once in a lifetime? I bet you'll never regret going through this experience." Here's a sample conversation using the agree first principle. Let's say you're managing a computer school. Someone comes in to inquire. You: Welcome! How may I help you ma'am? Prospect: Hi! I would like to inquire about your Internet computer courses. You: Great! Here are the brochures. We're currently offering the HTML proficiency course at 25% off. Would you like to see the syllabus? Prospect: The price is still expensive. You: Yes, computer education is not very cheap nowadays, but you'll be getting nothing but the best training. And if you are not satisfied, we'll refund all your

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money. Here are some more courses with discounts (points at brochures). What exactly would you like to learn? Prospect: I want to learn the entire process of building a website and doing business on the Internet. Other schools don't offer complete training. You: Right. Some computer schools don't take their teaching seriously; however, you can be assured of a complete e-commerce education if you take up the E-commerce Platinum course. It offers everything you need to know about starting and maintaining a successful business on the net. Since it's a package, it only costs $397.00. Would you like to pay for it in installments? Prospect: What? I can't pay that amount. Can't you lower the price? You: The price may not be too cheap, yet the value you're getting is far more than what you're paying. Of course, you could take the individual courses at a discount, but if you want a comprehensive education, this is already a bargain. Would you like to know the advantages of this course over the others? Prospect: I've been hearing good things about this school. I'm still thinking if I should give it a try. You: Thank you, ma'am. Our school is indeed one of the best. I suggest you sign up for the Platinum Package because it will literally make your dream of having an online business a reality. Would you like to see the complete course outline? Prospect: Sounds good to me. In this conversation, you are agreeing with her opinions. It shows respect for her views and establishes rapport. Then you are counteracting her with questions
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that would urge her to concur with your offer. You're giving her suggestions to agree with you. Be concerned with her needs, agree to some degree with her beliefs, then neutralize the conversation with your own suggestions.

Expose Yourself
The more someone sees you or communicates with you, the more she will grow to like you. So get out there, show yourself, and make yourself heard! Even better if you can get close more often to the person you want to persuade. This principle does not apply only to humans. Unless it goes against their moral values or beliefs, you can get someone to like just about anything by repeatedly exposing it to them.

Oozing With Charisma


There's a reason why (almost) everybody loves Barack Obama. And no, that's not because he's the president of the United States. That bit came after. Everybody loves Barack Obama the same reason everybody loves Ellen DeGeneres, George Clooney and half of the A-list celebrities out there. And that's because he knows how to be charismatic. With just a smile and a wave, he has the entire world captivated. When you have charisma, you are magnetically pulling people closer to you, and getting them to like you. You, too, can learn how to be charismatic like Mr. President. Just follow these steps and you'll soon be on your way to wooing your own public. Tip # 1: Perfect your smile.
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Smiling is one of the basic steps of charisma. Without a good smile, you'll have a tough time getting people to warm up to you. Being charismatic means looking approachable. I suggest practicing different smiles in front of the mirror to see which one looks best on you. As you smile, think about different situations. For example, you might want to think about the time your daughter first learned how to walk and see how your smile looks. Or you could think about how you won a contest and see how confident your smile looks in the mirror. The best smile is the kind of smile that makes people feel like they're special. Tip # 2 : Straighten your posture. Not a lot of people realize how bad their posture really is. It's different when you're looking at yourself consciously in a mirror and when you're standing among the crowd in a subway station. Having good posture gives other people the impression that you're confident and that you're independent. They then become drawn to you like flies to a light. The way you carry yourself can be more attractive than your actual physical appearance. Haven't you ever seen an average Joe or plain Jane who catches attention simply by walking inside a caf or restaurant? I tell you. It's in the way they carry themselves with confidence that exudes charisma like nothing else. Tip # 3 : Be genuine.

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There are those who think that to be charismatic, you have to act the part. That's not entirely true. Not being yourself might even lead people to doubt what your inner motives might be. When you think about Barack Obama and other charismatic celebrities out there, you can't help but be drawn to how genuine they seem to be. They appear to be very true to themselves and treat other people the way they want to be treated. Learning how to be charismatic is simple. There is no need for theatrics and all sorts of underhanded schemes. All it takes is to look inside yourself and get in touch with all the nice and wonderful aspects of you. Tip # 4 : Know your key characteristic. Much of a person's charisma has something to do with a definite characteristic. Some are deemed irresistible because of their voices. Others are charismatic because of their zest for life. If you want to learn how to develop charisma - your original own, anyway - you need to figure out what your key characteristic is. What is it about you that makes you so you? Is it your enchanting eyes? Or your lazy drawl? Is it the way you look straight into other people's eyes? Find your own key characteristic and work it so that people will always notice it first. Tip # 5: Learn to carry a conversation. You'd be surprised to know just how few people in your circle can carry a good conversation. If you want to know how to develop charisma, you must also develop a flair for words.
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You don't have to be a walking dictionary to be considered a good conversationalist. You need only to feel at ease with talking and sharing your opinions. It would also help if you always update yourself on the latest news topics in town. Tip # 6: Focus on them. Focus the conversation more on the other person and less on you. Even if they don't admit it, people are much more interested to talk about themselves and their interests than on others'. Remove all thoughts concerning yourself and direct all your efforts toward pleasing them. The key is becoming interested in them and giving them the perception that you have their best interest in mind. Be very interested with their daily activities. Get to know their hobbies, interests, or anything. Just make them feel important. That's it. That's the key. You might be itching to talk about your achievements in life; but in this game, you need to get other people talking about their own accomplishments and interests. Encourage people to share more about their life. People are quite selfish by nature. They want all the attention to be diverted to themselves. They want the spotlight, so give it to them; and they will repay you a hundred-fold. But don't just pretend to listen. Show genuine interest and make sincere comments. Do this as perfectly as you can and I guarantee you that by the end of your conversation, they will have a better opinion of you.

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For example, Sarah went to Rome and got the chance to see the Pope. She was telling her friends about her wonderful trip. If you don't have charisma, you'll probably say, "Well that's great. Hope I'll be able to earn enough money to see him too." What's wrong with the statement? There's no spark. There's no energy. You're not even curious about what she did, or how she felt. Sarah would really love it if you asked her more about the experience. That way she could tell you more about her exploits and be the star of her own story. So if you have charisma, say something like, "Really?!?! What did he look like? Did you feel you were in a sacred environment? Tell me more. Wow, you're lucky. Can I go with you next time?" Be excited about her adventures. Feel her excitement rush through your own bones. Ask more and more questions that will make her feel like she's the main attraction. OK. I'll say it again. Make the person you're persuading feel important and feel good when they are with you.

The Sweetest Word In A Person's Vocabulary


Nothing could be more pleasing to people's ears than hearing their own name being spoken. It gives them a sense of individuality. Mentioning their name is also a sign of respect and recognition. The shift is subtle but very significant. It makes your request more personal and makes the person feel more involved. If your name is Cathy, which of these statements would you rather hear?
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"Cathy, could I borrow this book?" or simply "Could I borrow this book?" Of course, if your name is mentioned you will feel somewhat special. You will feel well liked by the person. It's like you're being treated as though you are unique, one-of-a-kind. To remember a name easily the first time you hear it, associate the name with something familiar and say the name a few times to commit it to memory. A person's name is so important to her that she tends to place much value on certain places, things, and career decisions associated or somewhat identical with her name. My friend Eugene is taking a course in Geography. Another friend named Venice is fond of going to Venice, Italy. Coincidence? Not quite. There was actually a study by social psychologist Brett Pelham and his group where they found that the name, or even just the first letter of a person's name, affects his career path. So people with the name Archie are more likely to become architects than lawyers. And even individuals with the name Vanessa are more likely to become veterinarians than teachers. Now you don't have to wonder why Bob became a builder. But it's not only limited to career decisions; they also found that people are attracted to things related to themselves. So how do you apply this knowledge? Well, if you're taking a client out to lunch, you could go to a restaurant that sounds similar to her name. Or if you'd like to score brownie points with your boss, you could give your newborn daughter the same name as your boss... unless of course, you despise your boss so much that just hearing her name makes you want to throw up.

Case Study Applying The Name Method


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Mark has been in the "market" business for a very long time now. And by market, I literally mean market. He has been selling vegetables in the town where he lived ever since he was nine years old. It is a family business that has been passed down from generation to generation. Of course, it's no longer just a few vegetable stalls now but a full-blown grocery. Anyway, Mark has always been an easy guy to like. He can read people well and has an awesome sense of humor. But the persuasion technique he uses to get more customers is the way he would get to know every one of them by their name, which as you know by now, is the sweetest sound in their vocabulary. According to Mark, the locals were easy enough to remember. After all, he was born and raised in the neighborhood. Mark knew all the old ladies and gentlemen in town. He knew the young couple that just got married there last September. He knew them all by their name and uses it when talking to them. He would go, "Hey, Linda. How's it going? Check out this new batch of tomatoes," or "Good morning, Sarah. How about some fresh cabbages today?" He himself wears a nametag that displays his name loud and proud, so that those who don't know him may also use his given name. Here are some pointers from Mark: People like to hear their names, but don't give them nicknames that they don't want to hear. Don't turn "Stephanie" into "Steph," unless she prefers to be called by that nickname. How do you know what she prefers? Ask her, "Would you prefer I call you Stephanie or Steph?" Don't call someone (older than you) by their first name unless you are given permission. Mark also advises against using a person's name too much in the conversation, because it makes everything sound forced and fake.

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Saying a person's name is an effective persuasion technique because they are more inclined to like you upon hearing their name. Just be careful not to overdo it, or you'll wear that person's name out!

Say Please and Thank You


If our name is the sweetest word to hear, please and thank you are probably ranked 2nd. However, dont just say a simple thank you. Let the person know what youre thankful for. Examples: George, thank you for helping me with my assignment. Tina, would you please give this to our boss? Remember to include the persons name (but dont overuse it) and your words become music to her ears.

The Value Of Compliments


Let's say you're invited to a big party. You have a great opportunity to get acquainted and to network with the big names of the industry. With products or services as dependable as yours, you'll surely get some prospects and customers. But how do you go about it? You don't know anyone and the one who invited you is not doing anything to introduce you to her other guests. The best way to start a conversation and make a connection is to give a sincere and honest compliment. Choose someone you would like to have a connection with. Then pick out anything that strikes you about that person.
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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Let's say you want to make friends with Mrs. Helen Miller. She owns a restaurant down town called Helen's Hut. Say something like, "Hi, Helen. That's a strikingly beautiful necklace you're wearing. May I ask where you got it? Once she replies, you can continue the discussion with something like, My name's Mary. I've dined-in at Helen's Hut before, and I think the food's absolutely terrific. The seafood you serve is the best I've ever tasted and the service is magnificent." She would thank you and the conversation ensues. Helen might be so honored and flattered she might even give you discounts every time you come to eat at her restaurant. The best part is that because of what you did, she began to like you. Both of you will establish a close bond and a great relationship. She will learn to trust you. When she trusts you, she will believe your words and persuasion takes place. People love to hear something nice about themselves. So find something praiseworthy about the person in question. It doesn't have to be too profound. It could be something as simple as "Hey, that's a cool watch" or "Oh my God, is that the newest Birkin?" People feel good about hearing compliments, so try to express your delight more freely. However, don't over do it and never give a forced or insincere compliment. Don't say you like something about a person when you don't mean it. Don't give a compliment just for the purpose of getting a good deal.

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People can see right through your real intentions. Don't praise someone but deep inside you're saying, "Yuck! Why did I say that? I don't even like the way she looks." People will know if you're flattering them in order to satisfy a hidden motive. If you're aiming for selfish interests or just to make a quick sale, giving compliments is inappropriate. The main purpose of giving compliments is to bond, to make contact, to make them feel great, to get to know them better because you're interested in them.

How To Take Complimenting To The Next Level


Complimenting someone directly might either come across as genuine or insincere - depending on how you say it, how you move while saying it, and by the state a person is in at the moment. If you're not sure if your compliment is going to be regarded in the positive light, you can tell a third party (whom both of you know) what you like about - or how much you like - the person. Once your compliment reaches the recipient, your likeability increases a thousandfold in her eyes. When the compliment is coming from a third party, it comes across as more genuine and sincere. It's like the 2 rich people who gave a million dollars to charity. You'll get to admire and like the first one who didn't announce her good deed (yet you found out) than the second one who publicly announced her donation. The latter is perceived to have a hidden agenda (to gain popularity, better public image, etc.).

Say Cheese!
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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Part of good influence is to show care and appreciation towards another person. This can help you become more appreciated and form stronger relationships. And what better way to do that than smile! A smile brings about positive feelings; it is a gesture of immediate acceptance and well being when done with good intentions. People often feel safe and open to communicate when you smile at them. If someone smiles at you, what's your natural reaction? You smile back. Then you feel at ease with each other. A conversation may start and a friendship develops. But do you really take the initiative to smile? Do you smile in the morning to your partner upon waking up, or to your co-workers at the job upon arriving? Smiling gives you a good start to bond and connect. And you know what? You also feel better when you give a genuine smile to someone. There's something magical about a smile. It brightens a dark day. It livens the mood. Heck, if some people hate you and you smile at them, they may even get to like you and return the favor. However, the smile must be genuine and sincere. Fake smiles are easily recognizable, and that could actually hurt your rapport-building efforts because they might associate you with fakeness or hypocrisy. But what if you simply don't like the person you're meeting? You don't want to fake a smile, but you can't seem to give a genuine smile either. One way to resolve this is to focus on the positive qualities of a person, and avoid the habit or inclination of finding fault in others. Soon, you'll find that the person has some positive traits that you can truly feel good and smile about.
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So remember this. In everything you do, remember to always accompany it with a smile. Don't be shy to show your pearly whites (Or yellowish whites. I'm kidding!). Yellowish whites are much, much prettier than a frown anyway. And smiling does more than just making you likeable and more persuasive, but it actually makes you feel happy and relaxed yourself. So try it out now. Smile and feel the difference in your emotions. Can't make yourself smile this moment? Find some funny videos or bloopers on Youtube. I've always taken the time to watch them when I feel stressed, and this simple activity brings a smile (actually a big laugh) every time. People gravitate towards those with a cheerful disposition. No one wants to share secrets or hang out with sourpusses. So keep that smile on your face and let others approach you. Looking friendly makes them feel more at ease with your presence and, in turn, they are more likely to listen to what you have to say.

Make Em Laugh
If a smile can make you feel good, just imagine what a hearty laugh can do! Having a sense of humor is a big advantage if you are persuading others. Laughter releases endorphins from your system. Endorphins are pain killers that can give you a sense of happiness or exhiliration. When you make someone laugh, you automatically make her feel more at ease with you. She will get to like you and be more open in her communication with you. By making her happy, you may even cause her to lose focus on the substance of your words, therefore making her more receptive to what you have to say. However, if you are not comfortable or confident in making people laugh, your efforts might backfire. So know your limits.
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More importantly, your humor must fit the circumstances. For example, you know how inappropriate it is to tell a joke during a funeral ceremony. Be sensitive to other peoples values and beliefs. Avoid telling jokes that are political, racial, or religious in nature, because youll never know when youll offend others. Part of having a sense of humor is being able to laugh at your flaws. If you did something embarrassing, don't act as if nothing happened. Some people would think that ignoring the embarrassing situation could save their ego from getting hurt, but it's actually the other way around. Laughing it off shows your humility and confidence to handle such circumstances in a likeable manner.

Become A Happiness Pill


You probably already know that making people happy is one of the easiest routes to getting someone to like you and listen to you. So be a happiness pill! This could be as easy as being pleasant company. For example, you don't have to get your boss coffee everyday to do that. If she needs a respite from work, don't be the one to bring up problems. Instead, be someone who can improve her mood drastically. Never be the bearer of bad news. As much as possible, get someone else to deliver it. Why? Because taking one for the team will hurt you in the long run. Your boss might forever associate you as the person who brought about the bad news. The process of becoming someone's happy pill is very important. Don't overdo it. The more subtle you are in your techniques, the more effective they will become.
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In time, she'll come to see you as someone who can do no wrong. And when the time is right, you can go ahead and pitch your idea. Your boss will then see it as a good suggestion and will do what she can to ensure it goes forward.

Build Trust
People tend to like those whom they trust. But how can you build trust? Be honest with people. Don't make the impression that you're a "know-it-all" because no one is perfect. Stay humble. Admit your mistakes when you make them. They will get to respect you and it will confirm your honesty. However, you might want to approach the person involved as soon as you realized your mistake, not long after you committed the error. Apologize sincerely, and explain briefly the reason that lead you to make that mistake. Keep in mind that when giving out your reason, people will trust and like you even more if you shoulder the responsibility and do not put the blame on external causes. Although blaming the heavy traffic or bad weather could be the easy way out, taking responsibility for any untoward incident will boost your image or reputation. Why? Because they will perceive you as a person who is in charge of your life and someone who benefits from mistakes by preparing adequately in the future. Side note: Seeing the consequences of other people's faulty action, then being taught on how these errors could have been avoided, is more effective than just being taught on the right way to do things. Learning from the school of hard knocks could be very effective after all.

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After admitting your fault, let them know how you would avoid doing the same mistake next time. Say, "Next time, I will..." Then ask if there's anything you can do to make it up to them. When you make a promise to correct any mistake, make sure you do it. Nothing ruins trust more than not doing what you said you would do.

How to Get People to Cooperate with You


If you want to persuade others to cooperate with you, you have to get them to know that you are on their side; that you are fighting for their rights. You have probably seen sellers who are allegedly negotiating painstakingly with the store owner so you can get the lowest price possible. You see those sellers as your personal negotiators who are doing you a big favor. Another example is the Good Cop/Bad Cop scenario. When an offender is caught, the "bad cop" would say harsh words, insult, or even threaten her. On the other hand, the "good cop" would try all efforts to restrain her from hurting the offender and would appear as her friend and protector. Once the "bad cop" has gone out, the "good cop" would talk to the offender and gently persuade her to tell the truth, because she can "trust" the good cop enough to be her confidante.

Share Your Secrets


Share your emotions or feelings with others. Better yet, share your "secrets" if possible. People tend to trust you if you make them perceive that you're sharing a secret with them. When you tell a secret, they tend to open up in response and drop their defenses. They will feel like you are treating them as close friends. They will also feel valued and important.

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And when you divulge something that is normally not being shared, they will feel special; hence, defenses are lowered and your likeability rate goes higher. Say something like, "I'd like to share a secret with you, but please don't tell anyone." or "I should have kept this for myself, but I'm going to tell you anyway because you're a good friend." They might even feel the need to return the favor and share their own secrets and confidential experiences with you. Side note: Another great way to make them open up to you is to ask them about how they feel about a certain thing. By arousing their emotions, you increase their need to get support and you encourage them to let "it" out and share whatever they're hiding inside. A word of warning. Even if after telling your "secret" to them, they don't open up, never force them to return your favor. Otherwise, they will think you are tricking them and you will be viewed as untrustworthy. Some people are just afraid that you will criticize or think lowly of them after they shared something with you. In this case, assure them that you are just there to listen (and help if appropriate), that nobody's perfect and everyone has committed things they are ashamed of.

Empathize
If someone has lost a person she loves, don't say, "Don't feel too bad. I've got worse things happening to my life now." Ok, that was exaggerated, but you get the picture. Just say, "You must be feeling bad now. If there's anything I can do to help, you know my number." Remember to put your own emotions aside so you can understand how she is feeling.
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If a friend is talking about how estatic she is for winning the championship, don't tell your own story in winning your MVP award. This is your friend's shining moment, so don't steal the spotlight. When you make others feel good, they will feel good when they are with you. Remember to be sincere.

How to Persuade by Boosting the Ego


You can successfully persuade people by crafting your message in such a way that it feeds their ego. People naturally crave for praise and recognition, so give it to them. When persuading someone, you can make your proposal more acceptable by making her believe that the suggestion came from her. It feeds her ego! Give sincere compliments (not flattery) every chance you get. If your prospect found out you have an ulterior motive for saying those nice words, your persuasion success rate may diminish. However, studies suggest that some peoples hunger for praise is so intense that they are still persuadable even if they knew the compliments given to them are intentional (for the sake of asking something back), or even false. To have higher chances of success, space out the length of time between when the compliment is given and when you intend to ask the favor.

Importance of Recognition
People want to be recognized for their good qualities, achievements or abilities. Always thank them when they have done something worthwhile. Even better, thank them in advance!
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For example, youre asking a friend for a favor. You can say something like, Thank you very much for always being there for me. I know I can always rely on you whenever a challenging situation like this occurs. Whenever you give praise or recognition, it is highly recommendable to be specific. Instead of simply saying, Youre such a good employee, say something like, Youve consistently created stunning graphics and submitted them on time without fail. I truly appreciate your efforts.

About Hurting the Ego


Some people are not aware that theyre hurting the ego of others. This is a definite No-no when you're persuading people. One way to bruise their ego is to compare their faults/weaknesses against the strengths of others. When I was working as an analyst years ago my superior would go to great lengths to find fault with my work (even when there was none!). We had another co-employee who does the same job as me and who happened to be my superiors pet. Whenever my superior sees something she doesnt like with my work, shell say something like, Jim (not real name) has always done his job well. Why cant you do the same? Youre always making mistakes! This crushed my ego and negatively affected my self-esteem for a long time. Another way to hurt the ego is by leaving an impression that youre better than them especially when youre dealing with superiors or bosses. If youre the boss and your subordinate seems to know more than you do on crucial job functions, wouldnt you feel some insecurity? Of course, it will negatively affect your ego.

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That's why it is crucial that whenever you're asking for help or cooperation, let the other person be aware that your desired results will not put her dignity or selfworth at risk. Even better if the outcome would be beneficial for both you and her, and not just for you alone.

What Affects Our Self-Worth?


Our level of self-worth is affected by our environment or circumstances. For example, a person who is finally hired by Company A after she has been rejected many times by others will see Company A as more attractive than if many other companies are hiring her.

Use Challenges to Persuade


When someone doubts our abilities or capacity to do something, our natural tendency is to prove how wrong she is! Use challenges to motivate people. For example, you can say, This is a very difficult task. I'm not sure if youll be able to accomplish it, so I may have to get another staff. You may also use this challenge method when you want someone to return something she borrowed. You could tell her that someone whom both of you know (don't mention names unless you get permission) says that the borrowed item will never be returned. Tell the borrower something like, I hope she's wrong, because it would give you a negative reputation. When issuing challenges, consider the person and the situation. There is a fine line between giving a challenge and hurting her ego.

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There are more methods to make people like you, but we'll explore them in the next chapter so you can have ample time to review and ingest the information in this chapter.

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Chapter 3

Astounding Methods To Make People Like You A Lot (Part 2)


I Love My Clone
People Like Those Who Are Like Themselves. Isn't it true? Who would you rather be with? Your best friend who loves pizza as much as you do, who's crazy about basketball like you, who watches the same programs on TV as you; or your next-door neighbor who's a vegetarian, hates sports, and watches those shows that will bore you to dreamland? The answer is obvious. You want to be around people who have the same behaviors, experiences, beliefs and values as yours. You feel more at ease with people who have similar backgrounds as yours... whether it's religion, culture or race, as well as identical physical (especially facial) features. Birds of the same feather flock together. Bookworms like each other's company because they share a common bond - their love for books. Basketball fanatics flock together because they can RELATE to each other's interests and ideas. People who like the same kind of music tend to feel more at ease with each other than with those who prefer differently. So if you really want to persuade someone and establish rapport, you have to find any commonalities between you and the person you're persuading - and let

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him be aware of these similarities - in order to bridge any relationship gap and establish a bond. To find any common ground, you can ask him about anything in general. Once you found any special aspects that both of you share, you can use them to enhance the bonding. Similarities may range from routines to culture to hobbies to personality anything you can find to link yourself to them. Then they will tend to like you and with that comes trust. With trust, persuasion is a piece of cake.

How to Make Someone Value You


Want to be treated as a VIP by someone? Show that person how important you are to him or the value of having you as his friend. If you're an editor, who would you build a stronger connection with - a writer or a bus driver? Obviously, you would build a stronger and closer bond with the writer because you'll be able to share each other's views. You two are made up to team with each other. So if the writer feels that you are important or valuable for his own agenda, you are more likely to persuade him because you've established your position as someone whom the writer can rely and ask help from. In a nutshell, think of a way in which you are valuable to someone. Think of a skill you possess which will be the "solution" to someone else's problem or agony. If you're seen as a problem-solver, people will tend to like you; and when people like you, you can persuade them better. Think of a common bond, trait, or character between you, and utilize that in order to persuade better.

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Build Rapport
Establishing rapport is one of the most widely used persuasion techniques out there. It's trying to make the other person feel more at ease with your presence and getting him to loosen up. Once the person lets his guard down, you'll have an easier time working your way into his subconscious. The effectiveness of your persuasion efforts will multiply if you have established rapport firsthand. It's the time when you and the person you're persuading feel so close and in-sync with each other that you feel like you've known each other for years. If you've been friends with someone for a long time now, the rapport should already be there. However, it's a different matter when you're trying to mesmerize a total stranger. Most people tend to be suspicious of others in general. That's why it's been said that the best sales people out there are those who can establish rapport with anybody - even with a person they just met. That's how important building rapport is. Here are some proven ways to do that. 1) Use the I'm just like you technique. A person is more likely to be influenced by you if he thinks you understand his point of view or share his opinions. If possible, tell him a story or give him the perception that you know what he's going through (and better if you have actually experienced it). It's important for you to be sincere and let him know you are just like him. Find any similarities between you and the person you're persuading. Did you go to the same school? Are you working at the same company? Do you share the
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same hobby or pastime? Do you have the same name or birthday? By finding something in common with another person, and making it the topic of discussion, you are creating a comfortable environment between the both of you. Any point of similarities could add more persuasion points towards gaining trust and getting liked. This then helps him feel more at ease in your company. This doesn't mean you could fabricate lies for the sake of getting rapport. But what you should do is to make him aware of the similarities you both have. As a beginner, use your powers of observation and take in every detail of the person you're talking to. Match his mood or state. How he walks, talks, dresses up or even smells will tell you something about his character. From there, you should be able to come up with something appropriate to say to get him to open up to you. Important thing to remember: To effectively persuade people, you must find positive similarities and avoid negative ones. This is where the power of having rapport comes in. 2) Remain mysterious. Don't reveal too much about yourself on the first few meetings you have with him. Keep things interesting and make him want to know more about you. Don't tell whole chunks of your life story, but give him tidbits of clues that would leave him hungry for more details. 3) Stay on his good side. That means no criticism or complaints about a person's appearance, principles, work ethics, etc.

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If you're still in the initial stages of building rapport or trust, you two have not yet reached a point where your negative opinion can be taken with a grain of salt. At this point, you can't afford to jeopardize your relationship with the other individual. 4) Enter his world. Imagine entering into the prospect's body. Then contemplate:

What is he thinking? What emotions or feelings is he hiding inside? What do I like to happen with my life?

This method allows you to take in the personality, mindset, or attitude of the prospect, resulting in better rapport. Then mirror him...

Mirroring and Matching


Mirroring is one of the most popular persuasion techniques for building rapport and getting people to like you. It involves you trying to copy whatever the other person is doing while communicating with him, in order to establish some sort of bond. This is observed in people exhibiting similar postures, gestures or voice tonality. However, mirroring is easily goofed up by many people. How? Well, mirroring should be natural, not forced; but many people are too blatant with their actions. Mirroring should not be confused with mimicry. You should act with courtesy and caution. Never let the person you're mirroring be aware of what you're doing. Your main objective should be to influence the subconscious. Even if he is not aware that you're mirroring him, his subconscious mind realizes it.

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Mirror his facial expressions, gestures, posture, speech, styles, actions, or breathing patterns. Put yourself in his shoes. Various aspects you can mirror in order to establish rapport: 1) Breathing rate - Is it slow, fast, or moderate? 2) Posture - Is he standing straight, leaning forward, or slouching? 3) Movements/gestures - Does he use his hands to express himself better? Is he crossing his arms? Are his hands hidden in his pocket? 4) Types of words used Repeat the exact words he said. Say, Let me see if I got it right. So you want to .... and you need to go to.... If he said he wants to go to the party, don't say So you want to go to the celebration. Even though party and celebration are identical in meaning, mirroring and rapport-building works if you repeat the exact words he said. 5) Voice quality Is it loud or soft? High pitch or low pitch? 6) Speed of rate in speaking - Does he speak fast or slowly? After some time, touch your nose, cross your legs, or make any movement. If the prospect follows your action or movement, mission accomplished! You're in rapport with him. You have already lowered his defenses to the point where he is more receptive to your persuasion. If not, then continue to mirror him. By doing this, you are also matching his way of thinking. You may easily adapt to his inner thoughts and views.

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You may also do some crossover mirroring. For example, you talk at the same rate as his breathing. Or you scratch your chin every time their eyes blink. Get the idea? Be genuinely interested and curious with everything you can find about him. Discover his attitudes. Know his life story. The person that you're persuading will subconsciously be at ease when you duplicate his manners indirectly. He will feel very comfortable if you're both on the same level. But you should make your gestures and movements seem natural; if you sense that he became aware of what you're doing, immediately shift to another activity. You may also mirror the mindset, emotions, values, or his state, BUT only if you're mirroring the positive. If the prospect is in an exciting and happy state, mirror his behavior or present condition. However, if he is depressed or anxious or has some big emotional problems, never mirror him! Or you run the risk of actually absorbing his emotions. But there may come a time when you need to match his mood to empathize with him. In this case, just be aware of your limitations and snap out of it as soon as you can. For example, if he's depressed, don't come to him in a joyous mood and say, "Don't worry about them. Let's watch a movie so that you'll forget about whatever's bugging you." Hes in a foul mood. He expects you to feel for him, to empathize with him. Match his disposition first, then say something like, "I feel bad for you. If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know or "I feel that something's bothering you. Is there I can do to help you?" All he wants right now is to be with someone that has the same mood as he does. Heres another important thing to remember when mirroring: Never stop abruptly. Do it gradually. Just imagine what your counterpart will think if you're in rapport
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with each other, then your manners or actions suddenly become incompatible with his. It will be disadvantageous to your persuasion process. That is, unless you purposely want to seize the mirroring (like if you want others to feel uncomfortable or tensed). Interesting Fact: Did you know that aside from mirroring, an actual physical mirror can be an effective persuasion tool? When you want to persuade someone, try to get him in front of a mirror. This allows him to be more conscious of himself, which makes him more persuadable. Another Interesting Fact: Did you know that those who have mastered the art of rapport know the emotional state of their counterparts and see through their moods just by matching their behavior and/or gestures?

Rapport Building With An Audience


You now know how to build rapport when you're one-on-one with a person. But what if you're about to deliver a speech to an audience, and you want to build rapport with them? Here's how to do it... Simply find a few people from the audience who are in sync or agreeing with you. When you see someone nodding, smiling, or leaning forward, that means they're interested or agreeing in what you're saying. So you focus on building rapport with them by making eye contact, smiling at them, or even getting confirmation by asking them something like, This makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? Once the other members of the audience see that some are agreeing with you, they will follow suit.

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Common Errors When Building Rapport


Sometimes, when we're so eager to make people like us, we tend to go over the limit. We exert too much effort or force our way to their hearts. The problem is that this is not natural and people tend to see through your real intentions. The key is to be enthusiastic, but don't get overexcited. Release the pressure and simply enjoy the experience. Do it in a subtle way. Build rapport slowly, then before he has a chance to notice anything unusual, break the pattern temporarily. Then continue from where you left off, then break the pattern again. Simply repeat this cycle until you've accumulated enough rapport points to build trust and likeability. Having rapport doesn't necessarily mean doing or saying only the things he wants to hear. It defeats the purpose of building rapport, which is to build trust. An example would be if a person only says good things to his boss, when he should be alerting him of a potential danger to the company that he's aware of. On the other hand, some people are not showing enough concern or interest in others; thereby decreasing their rapport points. People can feel if someone is interested in them or their experiences. That's why you should focus on their positive aspects and ignore the negative ones. But what if you really can't find anything interesting in them? It's all in your mind. You should condition yourself to believe that anything the person says or does deserves recognition or praise. Let them know that you are accepting of their ideas. Be generous with praise and avoid criticism. If you really must criticize, see Chapter 13 (How To Minimize Hurting Anyone When Criticizing).

Rapport Building from a Distance


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You can still build rapport even if the person you're persuading is far away. Just relax. Clear your mind of all negative thoughts and create a bond by focusing on his entire body. Make his image so real and vivid. Then use your subconscious to enter his world. Feel the connection. Give out positive projections uniting his entire persona into yours. Think of what he may be doing at the moment. Then replicate his actions, behaviors, and principles. With this exercise, you can even emulate your role models. Let's say you want to be as successful as your boss who is always traveling around the world. Do the above exercise and you'll see some astounding results.

Persuasion Using The Sensory Systems


You may also want to employ the 5 sensory systems in your persuasion language. The first 3 are the most commonly used so we will focus on them. 1. Visual - sight 2. Auditory - hearing 3. Kinesthetics - touch 4. Olfactory - smell 5. Gustatory taste Visual people tend to speak fast and take shallow breaths. You can persuade them by talking at the same rate, and breathing the same way, as them. Use words that pertain to visuals such as look, seem, view, perceive, imagine, etc. For example, say, It seems like you're on a roll.

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Auditory people tend to speak at a moderate pace and breathe deeply. You can persuade them by talking at the same rate, and breathing the same way, as them. Use words that pertain to auditory such as listen, hear, sounds like, etc. For example, say, It sounds like fun to do. Kinesthetic people tend to speak slowly and calmly and take deep breaths. You can persuade them by speaking slowly as well and breathing deeply often. Use kinesthetic words such as feel, contact, touch, etc. For example, say, I feel the same way. There are other ways to know which of these sensory systems are best to use. How? Simply ask the person you are attempting to model. For example, you ask, "Why do you love to hang out at Joe's Cafe?" If he answers, "Because I get to meet beautiful women," then he's applying the visual faculty. Ask him again for another reason. If he says, "Because I love the sounds, man," then he's using the auditory function. If you ask him again and he says, "The food is simply the best I've ever tasted," he's using the gustatory sense. Now if you want to promote your own restaurant to him, you might want to say, "Our restaurant is often visited by celebrities. The music is very entertaining. And the food is always fresh and appetizing." You just arrange the benefits in the order that suits his sensory systems.
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Take note that his sensory systems for one product or service may not be the same for others. He may use the visual facility for one but may use the auditory for another. The key is to continually test which of them have the best effect in a particular situation. Interesting Fact: Videos have been tested to convert very well in selling a product because it caters to both visual and auditory people (which makes up the bulk of sensory people.)

Dealing With Differences


You may like basketball but your brother likes soccer. You may like to eat vegetables but your sister hates them. Even if we try to mirror someone, all of us are still unique in our own special way. Sometimes, we try to get other people to agree with our values and beliefs. We think that our opinion is the best and that other people should abide by the same principles. Differences in opinion often lead to misunderstandings and disagreements. Arguments ensue. We like something to be done our way but the other parties think their idea is the best. So how do we solve this dilemma? There should be an open flow of communication. You tell your side and he tells his side. Weigh out the advantages and disadvantages. Consider the possible rewards and consequences of each action.
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There will of course be times when the other party simply won't give in. He may think he's got the winning solution although it is evident that he has a losing proposition. How do you then influence him to your way of thinking? Here are some useful techniques. 1. Praise first before saying your piece. No one wants to be perceived as wrong, so never give the impression that he has the wrong ideas. You have to identify his good points first before imparting your own viewpoint. For example, you could say, "Mark, your proposal seems ok. We will be able to satisfy the employees and generate more sales. And it may entail a bigger budget that seems a little out of our reach." You first acknowledge Mark for all the benefits of his proposal (that it will be able to satisfy the employees and create more sales). Then you wittingly mention the objection at the end (that it will necessitate a larger budget, which the company may not approve). As you may have noticed, the second sentence begins with "and" not "but." The word "but" may trigger a negative reaction because it sounds like you are counteracting Mark's proposal. The word "and" sounds like you're adding or complimenting his suggestion. He will be more likely to agree with you if you say "and." 2. Share your own experience.

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For example, you're the supervisor of ABC Company's Sales Department. One of your personnel has not been very productive lately. You see the flaws in what he's doing. You could say something like, "George, I've been in this kind of situation before, even worse than what you're dealing with right now. So I decided to make more cold calls. I also tried to use strategy X and it worked like a charm. Try it out and I'm pretty sure clients will come rushing in." George is more likely to be receptive to your advice because instead of criticizing him, you humbled yourself. You encouraged him to do better because you instilled in him the confidence to overcome the obstacles in a similar or worse situation. And you did it with class. He pictured you not as a punishing boss, but as a mentor and friend. 3. Be suave. Brute force is not effective. Miranda is a new teacher. Her grade school class is very misbehaved. They're always playing around. They're not studying. They're always fighting with each other. Any person in her situation would have acquired high blood pressure in a day. The previous teacher who resigned warned her of the impending danger. "These students need a good spanking. I've shouted at them and made them do squats but it's no use. They're barbarians," the previous teacher said. It's clear that the previous teacher did not care for her students. All she ever had in her heart was anger.

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Now Miranda applied a different approach. After one month, the principal praised her for being able to change the attitude of the students. Curious about what Miranda did? She never said harsh words. She never punished her students. She just told them, Do you know how hard your Mom and Dad work? They're out there experiencing all the hardships just so they can earn money so you can go to this school. And if you don't study well, they will cry because you did not give importance to their efforts. You will make them feel so bad. Is that a good way to repay them for all their love? If you have a heart, you will love your parents and study well. And do you know what happens if you don't study? You will not find a good job and you will not have any money. You will not be able to eat your favorite food, you will not be able to wear the clothes you like to wear, and you will not be able to play with those wonderful toys anymore. Do you want this kind of life?" Miranda made them think and understand about the importance of studying. She gave them a clear picture of what life would be like if they don't study. People will be motivated to act according to your will if you point out the disadvantages and negativity of going against something. No need for brute force here. 4. Think before you speak. Some people just don't know when to open their mouths. They speak whenever they feel like talking, without even thinking if they're going to hurt someone. When this happens, tempers flare up. Arguments ensue.
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It is okay to be frank, but do so in an appropriate way and at the right time. You may speak with the person if the two of you are alone. Never humiliate someone in front of others. Deliver your point of view in a non-offensive way. Choose your words wisely.

How Rivalry is Created and How to End It


You already know that people like others who are similar to them. The more similarities, the more chances of being liked. But there are times when they can't get along with each other. If you want to intensify the spirit of rivalry between people, you separate them into groups (each group having similar qualities with their team mates, while the other groups having different qualities) and conjure up competitive games and contests between them. This will create a sense of competition between the 2 groups; but would provide unity and cooperation within the members of each group, even if they are of dissimilar origins or qualities. So if you want all groups to unify and collaborate harmoniously with each other, what you could do is establish a common goal to be achieved for the mutual benefit of everyone. If you're working on a project with a person you dislike, you still have to work together because you have a deadline to meet and a client who is waiting to pay. This brings about a sense of unity or teamwork, which could set aside any argument or misunderstanding. Other examples would include pooling of money to buy something expensive that everyone can use, sharing their knowledge and expertise to solve a specific problem that the group is facing, etc.

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Beware of Manipulating Copycats and Liking Tricks


Some people fake similarities to manipulate others into liking them. They would lie in order to establish a resemblance to the person they want to persuade. For example, Mr. A visits Mr. Bs house and found out that Mr. B is collecting fitness magazines and has a small gym in his garage. Mr. A might then say, I go to the gym all the time. I love to work out and keep myself fit even if he doesnt mean it, just so Mr. B will find something similar between them. Word of advice: Be alert and careful of people who act, say, or do things like you. Beware of people who seem to have exactly the same likes and dislikes as you for the sake of getting you to like them and tricking you into compliance. To prevent others from manipulating you, simply segregate the person from the thing in focus. If that person is selling something, you shouldn't buy it only because you like him; you must, first and foremost, consider the quality of the product and your willingness to purchase it, assuming anyone else would offer them to you.

My Personal Experience
Once I was introduced to a person who very much likes to learn what I've been doing on the internet. When we began to talk, he did not make the effort to get to know me better. He did not even greet me by my name and went straight in asking: "How did you start your business?" "How did you get to know these things? I want to know."

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"Teach me how to do it." He did not say "please." And he commanded me, even if this was the first time we've met. I smelled "self-interest" in the air. What's wrong with this scenario? Plenty! 1) He did not even want to know my name (which is the most wonderful word to hear in any person's ear). 2) He did not say "please." 3) He didn't care about me! He's only interested in himself and in whatever benefits he's going to get from me. And he commanded me! If you want to persuade someone, get him to like you first by warming up and establishing a bond. Be interested in the other person. People are more likely to like and trust you if they know you care about them. Important thing to remember: Be interested in them, and NOT curious about them. If you sense they are upset over something, don't say, "What's upsetting you?" You could instead say, "Can I do anything to help you?" See the difference?

Get to Know More People


In the field of persuasion, the quality and quantity of your network matters a lot. The more people you know, the more chances of finding the right person to persuade when you need any specific help.

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The quality of people you spend time with can also have a big effect. If you spend time with people who are pessimistic or have a bad habit, their reputation may rub off on you and they may become liabilities in your quest of becoming a persuasion expert. Choose your friends wisely. However, it does help to have an unlimited number of contacts because you'll never know who might really be helpful to you one day. Sometimes, you'll never know who your true friend is until a drastic change happens. So grab all opportunities to meet someone new everyday. Go to seminars, parties, social events, etc. and know as many people as possible. See if you can target those people who can make a positive change or impact on your life. If you get tongue-tied on what to say, here's a surefire formula that multimillionaire Stephen Pierce has advised. Ask, "What do you do?" People love to tell others about their success, abilities, talents, or stories. It will crumble down their defenses and they will become more open to you. Become interested in what they have to say. If possible, ask them about things that reveal their values. Knowing their values is key to successful persuasion. After they're done sharing, they will tend to reciprocate and ask you the same questions. You'll then be able to share your own views, keeping in mind to not offend any of their principles or values. Nurture and develop your relationship with people who you are already in contact with. Best is to meet them face-to-face. If this is not possible, at least call them on the phone. Email is your last option, because you sense less emotions through email.

How To Ask For Forgiveness


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We all want people to like, admire and respect us. However, no one is perfect. There are times when we offend people or do things that make them want to throw things at you. This is when asking for forgiveness becomes a vital skill to possess. However, it's a lot harder to ask for forgiveness than to give it. After all, you're the one who has to swallow your pride and risk rejection. But no matter how difficult it is, you still have to do it. Here are some ways to ask for forgiveness. Find one that best suits your situation and go for it. 1) Go all out. You know you're in the wrong and you know you have to make up for it. Sincerely saying sorry is something we all must do when we commit a wrongdoing, but it may not be enough this time around. You have to prove to that person that you sincerely regret your actions. If you can't find the courage to actually talk to the person you have wronged, a letter is the best way to go about it. For one, you wouldn't have a problem with words, as you can revise and edit your letter before sending it out. And for another, you wouldn't have to stutter nonsense or get sidetracked in your apology as you might in a face-to-face encounter. There is, of course, the danger of the letter not being read at all, especially if the receiver is not in the mood to hear anything from you. In this case, ask a trusted friend or relative (whom both of you know) to deliver the letter. If you can, do the said person extra favors. Is he or she going to the grocery? Offer to carry the bags or do the shopping yourself. Then maybe you can add a
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special treat for that person with the money from your own pocket. Is that person always eating TV dinners? Cook a delicious meal for that person and see how he reacts. The point is that you have to show him how sorry you are, and then let him know you would do almost anything to make it up to him. Tell him you are willing to do whatever it takes to be worthy of his forgiveness. You may even recommend a severe punishment to make him feel that you are willing to pay a much higher price than what you've done. Show that you are a person of character and worthy of forgiveness. To do this, you can do something for the greater good - something that may not necessarily benefit you, but will benefit others around you. 2) Take responsibility for your actions. Own up to your mistake and do something about it. Sure, you accidentally ruined your sister's wedding cake. You can apologize and grovel at her feet, but that is not enough. If you really want to ask for forgiveness, you have to become part of the solution. Offer to fix the cake or buy a new one yourself. But you have to make sure that you find something that is just as - or even more - special. Getting the wrong cake will only aggravate the tension between the two of you. 3) Don't keep making excuses. Even if the circumstances were beyond your control, you shouldn't keep telling the person that. To others, that sounds like an excuse to escape blame. It's enough to explain the situation once. After that, make sure to focus more on the apology.
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You owe him an explanation. It's sometimes hard to explain an action that would only magnify our faults, but people still want to know why we did it. So what you could do is to show him how fearful you are of the results, had you not done the offense. (Example: I'm afraid you would get mad at me if I told the truth. or I fear that you would dump me if you know I have this habit.) After telling that person what you're sorry about and explaining why you did it in the first place, re-assure him that it will never happen again, and state what you would do better next time. Don't make that person feel like you know you shouldn't be apologizing in the first place. Doing so will only put you in his hit list, and don't expect to get your name out of that list for a long while to come. 4) Be on your best behavior. Forgiveness may not come as swiftly as you may have hoped it would. But no matter how long it takes, you need to be on your best behavior. If you broke your partner's trust by seeing another person behind his back, you need to make up for the hurt you caused. Most likely, your partner will have you on probation for a while. If you break your partner's trust again - especially so soon after your first betrayal - you can kiss trust good-bye. Your track record will speak for itself. If you truly want to earn forgiveness and earn his trust back, there are certain things you must endure. It's not fun being at the wrong end of the stick. Trying to get someone to believe in you again is not going to be easy either. However, it is possible.

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Learning how to ask for forgiveness is easy when you're sincere with your apology. Pride has no place in this situation. Sometimes, you must do whatever it takes to redeem yourself. But keep in mind that there is still a line to be drawn. Don't do something dangerous just to appease others.

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Chapter 4

The Most Used Yet Most Misunderstood Secret Language In The World
What language is the most widely used in the world? Chinese may be the most spoken language in the world. English may be the most famous. But there's one language being utilized the world over, and people don't even know they're using it. We use this language all the time, but we may not be aware of it. Moreover, this language doesn't only involve the mouth but the whole body as well. You guessed it right. It's body language! Albert Mehrabian mentioned that other people relate to us through words (verbal) - 7%, through voice tone (vocal) 38%, and through body movements and gestures (visual) - a whopping 55%! Body language is one of the vital elements of persuasion. Using the right gestures is indispensable if you want to create a strong impression. Some people relate positively to actions, and your body language should specifically coincide with the words coming out of your mouth. You subconsciously impart your inner feelings, thoughts and assumptions mostly through your body movements and manner of speaking. That's why there are many instances where emails or postage mails do not impart the true meaning of the message and result in miscommunication. They are not as effective as face-to-face communication, unless you and the people
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you're communicating with have a close bond and you could sense emotions through their written words. Could you even imagine the awesome power of reading body language? With it, you'll be able to interpret other people's inner emotions even if they're not directly expressing it. You'll also be able to modify your behavior to fit the situation. You'll get them to like and trust you, making persuasion a much easier task. The key is to make your words congruent with your body gestures, as people could see through any inconsistencies that might cause them to doubt.

Body Language Tips That Come in Handy During Persuasion


1) Use your eyes. Did you know that you can use your eyes to motivate others to speak more often, without asking them a single word? In a group setting, the more eye contact a group member receives, the more prone she is to open up or speak out whats in her mind. Fascinating, isnt it? Widen your eyes to show that you are interested. It means you are responding positively to what your counterpart is saying. 2) Don't tap your feet. It sends a signal that you are bored and want to get out of the discussion. 3) Enhance your voice.

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Quality of your voice is important. Make sure that your voice is clearly heard (but not loud) and that words are spoken clearly. Drink hot water or tea if you must to enhance your voice quality. Sometimes, we are not aware that our tone of voice is offending someone. When I was in elementary, I talked to people in an energetic fashion, or so I thought. I only realized that my tone and way of speaking was offending someone when she actually told me that she didn't like the way I speak. I was stunned. From then on, I was very careful whenever words come out of my mouth. Never say statements like "You always.." and "You never..." 4) Be wary of facial expressions. Although some people can fake their smiles and expressions, it is difficult to maintain that fakeness for a long time. Within that time, closely observe any sudden change of facial expression that reveals their true emotion. However, never jump to conclusions. Although you might be fairly sure of their emotions, it is still recommendable to watch out for other cues. When there is a conflict between body language and words, the body language usually is right. 5) Show confidence through your body. Stand up straight. Make hand movements or gestures as necessary, but avoid overdoing it. Your body should be persuasive through strong and bold motions. You may have to practice in front of a mirror to improve your form. 6) Change the person's physiology. There are times when you're persuading someone who seems to be hardheaded. She's the one who doesn't want to listen to you and refuses to change her mind.
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In this case, one thing you could do is to alter her physiology. If she's standing up still, try to get her to walk with you or ask her to sit down. If she's sitting down, try to get her to stand up or stroll around. Getting someone to change her body position or move around is a proven way to change her thoughts or views about something.

Some of the Body Languages That Portray a Certain Characteristic


Suggesting Interest
Some of the ways to find out if the person you're persuading is interested in what you're saying or in your proposal:

She maintains eye contact more than 60% of the time. The more wideopened the eyes are, the more interested she is.

Her head is inclined forward or nodding. If she's nodding her head, she's agreeing with you. That means she's attentive and listening.

Her feet are pointing towards you. She smiles frequently.

Apply these steps also if you want to convey your interest.

Indications That She's More Open To Agree With You

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Her hands are flat on the table. The palms of her hands are open. If she's stroking her chin, she's thinking or listening attentively. She may agree with you after careful evaluation.

Her head is inclined forward or nodding. She nods often. Legs are spaced out from each other. She smiles frequently.

Indications Of Boredom

Hands are placed behind the head. She shows inattentiveness by staring at a blank space or by looking around frequently.

She's tapping her fingers or feet (may also indicate annoyance). She yawns incessantly. Her feet or legs are pointed in the direction away from you.

Exhibiting Confidence/Authority/Power

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She maintains firm eye contact and rarely looks on other body parts underneath the nose.

She speaks with a low-pitched, slow-paced, downward-inflected voice. Her chin is tilted upwards. Her chest, throat, and stomach are projected outwards. She maintains an erect posture. Hands are clutched behind the head. Hands are placed beside the hips. She has a firm handshake, palms pointing downwards. She moves with precision and with no hesitation. She is composed and assured of her actions.

Signals Of Anger/Resistance

Fists are clenched. Hands or feet are tapping. One hand is clutching the other hand, arm, or elbow. Arms are crossed over the chest. Eyes are blinking constantly.
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Signals Of Nervousness/Tension

Fists are clenched. Legs are crossed while standing. She has a wilted handshake, palms pointing upwards. Her eyes evade you. She's grasping things firmly.

Signals Made By People Who Are In A Trance


People who are in a trance-like state are much more likely to comply with your commands because their subconscious are more open to suggestions. Here's how to know when people are in a trance:

Her eyes are completely focused on a certain thing or person. You've probably seen someone who is so intently watching a TV show that she doesn't hear you or she's not aware of what's happening around her.

Her rate of blinking changes. If she's gone from 20 to 40 blinks a minute, it could be that she's in a state of trance or she could be lying.

Usually when she's attracted or excited about something, she goes into a trance and the pupils of her eyes become bigger.

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Her normal breathing rate changes. She could breath faster (when excited) or slower (when relaxed), but the important thing to notice is that there's a change in her breathing.

She speaks a lot slower than her normal speaking rate. She easily agrees with anything you say (especially something that requires careful thinking or evaluation), without giving any second thought.

Signals Made By People Who Are Doubting/Suspecting You


She glimpses from the corner of her eye. Hands are tucked in the pockets. Arms are crossed over the chest.

Signals Made by People Who May Be Hiding Something from You


She puts her hands in her pockets or behind her back. She avoids eye contact.

How to Use Eye Body Language to Build Trust and Be Liked

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Of all the nonverbal communication signals, eye body language is probably the most fascinating. They say the eyes are "the windows to the soul." I agree, since your eyes pretty much reveal your inner thoughts and feelings. Even more amazing is the fact that you can use eye body language to build trust and make people like you. Here's how: 1) Making eye contact is the key. Before making eye contact, you must first condition your mind and emotions to reflect on your positive qualities or state. This is because you are subconsciously communicating these traits to the other party through your eyes. Once you've conditioned yourself, you must make eye contact around 70% of the time if you want to convey your sincerity and trust. Avoiding eye contact unconsciously gives the impression of dishonesty, shyness, anxiety, or humiliation. If you continuously avoid making eye contact, you might be perceived as someone who is insecure, unreliable or even deceitful. Although that may not be the case, that's the normal impression that people have of someone who can't look at them straight in the eye. If you're too timid or are afraid to make eye contact, just look at the bridge of the nose or the portion between their eyes, and they'll think that you're looking at them. 2) Be aware of your eye body language.

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Some people unconsciously send body language signals that offend other people, so be sensitive to your eye movements. Don't roll your eyes, as this indicates irritation. Your eyes glow if you're in a pleasant or joyous state, and they look dull when you're lonely or depressed. So if you're having problems or in a bad mood, it might be a good idea to re-schedule your appointment with an important person. As mentioned before, your eyes will unconsciously send signals of your mood or state of mind. And if you subcommunicate negative qualities, not only might they respond with a more intense negativity, but it could ruin a potential long-term relationship. 3) Reveal your eyes. Avoid wearing sunglasses, because covering up the eyes might give the impression that you're hiding something. Since eyes are very expressive, not allowing people to see your eyes' implies that you don't want them to know how you feel or think. It also makes the other party feel uneasy because they don't know if you're looking at them or not. 4) Know what people's eye body language means. How do you know if people are paying attention to you? You'll know it when they establish eye contact while either nodding their heads, smiling, and/or leaning closer. If they raise their eyebrows, they might want to say or clarify something, end the conversation, or have disagreed with something you've said.

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People who deliberately evade your eyes and show no intention of giving you a glance are probably not interested in talking to you, so it may be a good idea to keep away from them. 5) Don't look if they don't like to be looked at. Be aware of people who might get offended by looking at them. Some people avoid eye contact because of extreme shyness; so don't add to their discomfort by staring at them. Some cultures may consider eye contact as a negative or disrespectful act, so be sensitive when you're meeting people of different cultures and adjust accordingly to their beliefs. Aside from reading eye body language, check other nonverbal signals so you'll have a more accurate assessment of what they're thinking or feeling.

Bizarre Reasons Why People Lie


In order for you to detect if a person is telling a lie through her body language and words, you need to understand the psychology of lying and know the reason behind the act. In fact, having knowledge on the psychology of lying can help you become more observant to the different signs of lying, as well as the mentality that comes with it. This is useful in order to avoid being put in a sense of doubt or under emotional stress when you are confronted with it. People lie for a variety of reasons. Some of the most common reasons include covering up a fault or embarrassment, avoiding upsetting other people,

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encouraging when no hope can be perceived, or being spared from petty hassles. It may also be due to some bizarre reasons such as the ones below: 1) Fear One of the reasons why a person tells a lie is because of the fear of possible consequences involved when telling the truth. This psychology of lying is quite prevalent in younger generations when they are hiding something sensitive from their friends and family members -- opting to tell a lie rather than being punished for telling the truth. It is a sign of escape of possible punishment that comes with the act of telling the truth. 2) Delusional imaging or extreme vanity. Improving their own image in the eyes of their friends and families is one of the reasons why people tell a lie. In order to increase their social status, a person would often create stories, usually on the spot, to make sure that the other party is kicked out of the limelight. This psychology of lying is just a temporary rise on the social ladder, and will often be replaced with embarrassment when the truth comes out. 3) Intention to harm others. Another purpose is to attack other people, indirectly, by telling a lie about them. In fact, this is often seen or felt by prominent individuals in the society.
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In order to lower the status or career of others, the liar will often come up with a lie that will put them into a state of doubt regarding their own beliefs and truths. To summarize the not-so-common reasons, people may lie due to the fear of the consequences when they tell the truth, to boost their self-image inappropriately, or to deliberately harm others. By knowing the psychology of lying, you'll be more able to handle circumstances when people are not telling the truth.

How To Know When A Person Is Lying


Here are some indications that are conveyed when a person is lying.

She speaks in a high-pitched, fast-paced, stuttering voice. She tries her best to avoid having eye contact. Her eyes blink faster than their normal rate of blinking. She looks somewhere else and glimpses from the corner of her eye. Arms are crossed over the chest. She's constantly touching her face, especially the mouth, ear, and nose as if covering them.

Poses are closed, descending, and insecure. Hands or feet are tapping.

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She is constantly moving from one place to another or changing her poses.

She is projecting parts of her body (ex: feet) to an escape route (door).

There are other advanced techniques you can use to predict if someone is lying or not. I've listed 4 of them below. Advanced Technique # 1: Eye Reading If you ask a question to a right-handed person (majority of people), and she looks to the right in an upward direction, that means she is thinking or visually constructing an image in her mind. If she looks to the left in an upward direction, she is recalling or visually remembering something that actually happened. So lets say you ask her, Where were you when the child fell down? If she looks up to the right, she might be making up a story to cover the real incident. If she looks up to the left, she might be recalling what actually happened (in reality). This method may help you determine if you want to accept her explanation or not, while also taking into account other factors. Note that the meaning of these eye directions would have the reverse interpretation for a left-handed person. Advanced Technique # 2: The Made-Up Story This technique involves making up an incident that actually didn't happen and then reading her reaction. In most cases, you ask one question at the end to confirm if she's indeed lying.

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Let's say one of your helpers asked if she could borrow some money. Her story went on that she has a sick daughter and she needs to go to the downtown hospital immediately. You have a sense of doubt, but the kindhearted person in you lends her money anyway. Here's one way to know if she indeed went to the hospital or somewhere else. You can tell her something like, I heard over the news there's a fire in the downtown hospital. Firefighters have spent hours killing it. Is your daughter safe and far from the fire? Now watch her reaction. If her body language shows some tension or discomfort, if she doesn't answer immediately, if she tries to change the topic, or if she talks about your made-up story, then you're probably looking at a liar. Because if she's telling the truth, she would have quickly said something like, Huh?!? Are you sure? There was no fire there the whole time. The made-up story technique is also useful when you want to know if someone is hiding something from you. In this case, you pretend to ask her advice about a made-up incident that is similar to the subject in question. For example, you're suspecting that your roommate is the one who is spreading terrible rumors about you. You can then ask her, Jane, can I ask some advice? My close friend is at the peak of her career; but she got suspended because some jealous co-workers were spreading rumors about her. What do you think she should do? Now observe her reaction. If she still feels comfortable (watch out for her body language) and willingly offers you advice or even just goes on to talk about it, then there's a big chance she's not spreading rumors about you.

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But if she suddenly feels tensed or anxious, tries to change the topic or becomes defensive (I will never spread rumors.), then she's probably guilty. Advanced Technique # 3: Pattern Checking The key here is to study the patterns of how someone will react whenever you ask something she won't tell a lie about. For example, you know that she hates a certain political candidate. You can ask her, Would there be any chance you're voting for Mr. X? Observe her facial expressions or body movement before she speaks. Ask other questions that you know will have a definite answer of no. Now you can ascertain that when you ask a question and she exhibits those movements, she's disagreeing with you (or saying no to you). Here's another example. You found out from her close friends that her dream is to be a doctor. You can then ask her, Have you ever wanted to become a doctor? Obviously, you know the answer is yes. But you're not after her answer (you already know that). What you're really after is knowing how her body reacts when she's telling the truth or not. So next time when you're asking something that might have a deceptive answer, you'll have a keen sense of whether she's telling the truth by observing her body movements before she speaks. These interpretations may not be accurate 100% of the times, but they are very dependable. Now you know how someone may feel even if she's not telling you about it. Use this power to your advantage.

How To Persuade Anyone To Tell The Truth


You now know how to detect lies, but wouldn't it be a lot better if you can actually get the truth out of someone? Absolutely! I'll show you a few tricks below. Of
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course, most of these have psychological bases. There is no need to resort to violence when you can easily extract truthful information in less demanding ways. 1) Use the "Good Cop, Bad Cop" tactic. This is one of the most popular truth extraction strategies in the world. Policemen have been using it for decades. So how does good cop, bad cop work exactly? Simple. Two of you will interrogate, so to speak, the person under scrutiny. One of you will play the good cop while the other one will take on the role of the bad cop. The good cop tells the target that she's in good hands, that she can get out of the sticky situation if only she tells the truth. And then the bad cop comes in to scare the person into submitting. In this sort of situation, the good cop usually gets the confession. The good cop gives the person some reassurance that all will be well in the end. The bad cop is merely a decoration. 2) Look the person in the eye. This is very effective when used on people you are close to or on people who are very close to you. Chances are, the person who you consider to be a friend or part of the family, will feel guilty for lying or hiding something from you. Ask her to look you straight in the eye when you demand an answer. Or you can look her straight in the eye yourself. When the person in question can't even meet your gaze, something is up. It won't take a lot of persuading to get that person to spill the beans. 3) Make peace relations.
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Telling a person that you don't want any trouble or that you won't cause any problems is another way to get the truth out of someone. Usually, people lie or hide the truth because they're afraid of what our reaction will be. If you reassure them that you won't get angry or won't "punish" them, they'll be more likely to open up to you. Knowing how to get the truth out of someone is very important. However, be mindful of who you use it on and when you use it.

How To Hone Your Instincts And Predict Someone's Personality


Your instincts are responsible for your welfare; it tells exactly what you need to know. You might be afraid to trust your gut; but oftentimes, it is your gut that helps you predict certain situations and allows you to choose the best option to take. One great way to hone your instinctive skills is by predicting someone's personality (even before you talk to her). You simply interpret people's actions or gestures using your own intuition, then you ask them in a friendly manner if your hunch is correct. (But of course, search for the positive or neutral qualities.) This could really get fun! For example, you interpret Erica as someone who is adventurous and loves to travel. You can then ask her, Erica, you seem to be an adventurous person. What countries did you find to be the best vacation spots?

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Whether you're right or wrong on your guesses, the point is that this will practice your personality-reading skills. Once mastered, it can be a valuable addition to your persuasion arsenal. When your instinct is already attuned to a particular person, such a closeness of ties allows you a free pass at the person's actions and reactions.

Persuasive Movements
During the persuasion process, be aware of your actions. If the person you are persuading perceives some weak points or sees an opening to escape, you will tremendously lessen your chances for success. Here are some pointers to remember:

Breathe deeply and relax yourself. Persuasion is more easily accomplished in a relaxed environment.

Establish rapport by matching the breathing patterns, postures, speaking style, or movements of the person you're with.

Sit in a comfortable, self-assured manner. Don't sit up stiff and straight. Sitting in a rigid form gives the impression that you are tensed and selfconscious. Don't slump in your seat either.

Establish eye contact often, especially when listening to a question. You don't have to pierce through the eyes as if performing hypnotism. Just glance around the area from the eyes to the nose.

Be aware of your blinking rate. Blinking too much is a sign of anxiety brought about by deception. The normal rate is around 10 blinks per minute, but can be affected by fatigue or other health conditions. If you
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have a blinking problem due to health issues, it's a good idea to have a check-up.

Use your hands cautiously while talking. Don't make gestures that are forceful or vigorous. Keep your fingers pointed inwards. Don't point - it gives the impression that you're condemning the other party. Avoid fidgeting as it conveys nervousness or anxiety.

Avoid yawning. Even if the person you're talking to is the most exciting one you've ever met, one yawn could give the impression that you're bored or uninterested. To stifle a yawn, clench your jaws and take a deep breath through your nose.

Provide moderate spacing between you and the person you're persuading - about 2 feet apart. If you're too near, you're entering into her private territory. If you're too far apart, you will get the impression of being detached and unapproachable.

Avoid changing your body postures and gestures multiple times. People might think you're insincere and not being yourself.

When walking, look straight ahead and walk in an upright, moderatepaced manner.

When talking, use a downward tone. It suggests a command. When standing, put your hands at the back or on the hips. When sitting, spread your legs apart. Smile genuinely and with confidence.
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The Magic Touch


You know how another's touch makes you feel good. When someone hugs you or puts her arms around your shoulder, you feel a certain kind of bond or comfort with that person. We can use this to our advantage. However, be careful to touch the right person on the right place. Most males dont have any issues when touched by females on any body part. A man may touch a fellow male on the shoulder, upper arm, or forearm, but may become uneasy or defensive when touched by a male stranger or nonacquaintance. Most females are receptive to being touched by fellow women. However, men should be careful when touching females. They may touch women lightly on safe spots such as the hands or forearm, but they should still exercise caution and consider the relationships between them. Touching is discouraged when the relationship is between a superior and a subordinate. When you're persuading someone, heres an effective method employing the power of touch. Touch her forearm, look at her straight in the eye, then mention your request. If this works fine the first time, you can use it the second time when you're with that particular person. Just don't overdo it or she may soon find out what you're up to.

Mind Reading Through Body Language

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There are many outlets for those who wish to perform mind reading tricks. These techniques are more often thought to be as myths; but the truth is, mind reading is an essential skill backed by the science of body language. People who engage themselves in these so-called mind reading tricks are able to observe people very well and maybe even predict the next course of action of those they encounter. But what purpose does mind reading serve? Well, knowing what's on other people's minds can be pretty convenient when it comes to closing a deal or making a decision regarding a relationship. If you're interested to learn more, read on! 1) Watch the lips. Reading other people's minds has a lot to do with reading body language. It's not surprising that the lips of a person do give away more than just other people's secrets. For example, if you have a big favor to ask of someone and they don't answer immediately (but instead, bite their lips or pout), expect a less than favorable or unwilling answer. If you notice a bit of twitching, then they are likely in disbelief of what they just heard. You might find it a little challenging to read lips, but once your eyes get used to lip movements, you'll be able to pick up patterns in no time. 2) Read the tones. Sometimes, it's not about what you see but about what you hear. If you are looking for another way to ascertain your hunch after reading their body
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language, I suggest you focus your attention on the person's tone of voice. That alone can tell you whether the person is annoyed, sarcastic or getting increasingly impatient. When the tone of voice is high, that person is either getting excited or going into panic mode. When the tone of voice is lower than normal, that indicates a relaxed disposition. It's also interesting to note that some people have a natural "lullaby voice." These people are thought to be natural caretakers and are probably sincere in their intentions. One way to practice reading tones is by listening to your own voice. When you're impatient, what kind of tone do you use? When you're trying to be sincere, how do you sound? 3) Observe the eyes (particularly the pupils). Alright, so you don't have ESP. But you were born with eyes, remember? Use your powers of observation and focus on the pupils of the person you're talking to. When her pupils enlarge, that could mean she is interested in what you have to say or excited in your personality. In some cases, enlarged pupils may also connote extreme fear, so be sensitive with her appearance and other body language signs. Likewise, pupils become smaller when the person is indifferent to you or to your ideas. For example, when pitching an ad for a client, you can tell right away which idea she's going for by the size of her pupils. However, this doesn't necessarily work when you two are not in close proximity.
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The eyes are also affected by the lighting of the surroundings. In a bright room or when exposed to light, the pupils become smaller; while in a dark room, they get dilated. So take these factors into consideration too when reading people's thoughts. 4) Observe signs of nervousness. People who are feeling nervous or uncertain give themselves away more than in any other situation. It's easy to see through their anxieties - to read their minds when they're like this. Most people bite their lips, get sweaty palms or stutter when they speak. Some lose their voice, fiddle with their fingers, or fall victim to their nervous mannerisms. These signs help you determine just what a person is feeling at that moment. It won't take long for you to put two and two together before figuring out what is bothering that person in the first place. 5) How close can you get? Mind reading tricks are most evident when two people know each other very well. Sometimes you are so familiar with a person that you already know how her mind works and how her personality operates. It's like saying you're so close to that person you can even read her mind. For example, if your nine-year-old girl comes home with tears in her eyes, you know that some of the kids teased her today. Or if your mother starts calling you more and more frequently, that means she misses you and wants the family to come visit.
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Well, the logic behind this concept is that you have been observing this person for a long time already. You know the mood swings, the attitude, the experiences, and the preferences of that person. So when something is bothering your close friend or family member, you already have a pretty good idea of what's on her mind. If not, you could always ask. Just being attentive to all these things can help you read minds and come up with the best course of action. Learning how to read minds isn't about sorcery at all. It's about being able to understand what makes people tick and what their body language says about them. These mind reading tricks are critical for any person. Don't think of them as useless hogwash because these very tricks just might be the key for you to avoid trouble and accomplish your goals.

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Chapter 5

The Magic Of Association


You have probably heard of Ivan Pavlovs experiment where he rings a bell every time he feeds his dog. Now after some time, the dog would salivate every time it hears the bell ring, even if there was no food. That's the law of association at work. There have been reports of weathermen being blamed, threatened, or even hurt because people associate them with the bad weather theyve reported about, even if these poor weathermen have absolutely no control of nature. Why would a hometown crowd cheer for their average basketball team who is fighting against the countrys favorite team? Thats because they are associated with the team in terms of hometown. If the hometown team wins, they will also share that feeling and may even say something like, Our team won! If their team loses, they would probably say something like, Theyve lost the game. They separate themselves and avoid being associated with the losing team. By being related (even in the most minor way) to the greatness of an object or event, the ego and reputation are built up. Even if the linking factor between two aspects were only remotely related, people would go all out to support or defend that which they are associated with (even in the most minor ways). Interesting Fact: The more insecure a person is, the more he strives to be associated with external factors. Those who know deep inside that they have achieved great things and dont need to prove their worth any further, are the

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ones who are not much concerned about associating with outside forces such as their school team who won the championship.

The Role Of Association In Relationships


Certain people choose their friends very carefully because the behavior or actions of the people they hang out with can very much reflect on them. If you have a friend who later became a criminal, you had better watch your back because those who want to avenge may pour their bitter revenge on you, no matter how innocent you are! This is even more difficult if you have family members or relatives who portray negative traits. Since we cannot choose them the same way we can select our friends, we are often strict in wanting our family members to conform to good moral values and ethics that reflect our own. Parents want their children to observe proper conduct because other people associate their children with their father and mother. When their kids win contests or exhibit great talents, their parents are always proud to associate with them and say, Thats my son (or daughter). If you want to make someone feel something he's experienced in the past, you may say something like, "Remember the last time we went nature-tripping? It was the most invigorating experience we've ever experienced, wasn't it? We're going to experience it again in the trip we're going on." The purpose is to alter the mindset and emotion of the person you're persuading by using the right key of association. You want them to associate you or your product with positive emotions, ideas or factors.

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How to Make People Like You Through Association


When you want to talk to a person, do it when he's feeling well and in a good mood. That's because he will associate that wonderful feeling with you. Likewise, if you speak with him when he's in a foul mood, he will subconsciously relate you with the negative feelings. When this happens, he might not like your presence (or something about you) without even knowing why. You can apply this strategy not only in regular conversations, and not only to yourself. If he's feeling fantastic, showing him certain pictures or products can cause him to induce good emotions towards these things.

Be The Bearer Of Good News


Everybody wants to hear good news. By giving them positive news as often as possible. you'll be associated with good news and good luck. This kind of idea also works vice-versa. If you're usually the bearer of bad news, then people will unconsciously see you as a dark cloud. You don't want to be called, "Bad News Barry" or "Bad News Beth" behind your back, do you? If you want to make people associate with you, start by being a positive person. Nobody wants to be around sourpusses. Nobody wants to hang around a grumpy person. When things suddenly turn for the worse, try to find the silver lining. Always look at the brighter side. People can't help but be attracted to those who aren't drowning in angst.

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Disassociation From Negative Things


The Law of disassociation is the complete opposite of the law of association. If you can't afford to be seen in a bad light, then this is a persuasion tactic that might help you a lot. I remember one incident where the law of disassociation came in quite handy for a friend. Back when my friend Leo was still in college, he had to face one of the most grueling challenges in every relationship: meeting the parents. Things were going well at first until after dinner when they stayed in the living room to watch television. The local news channel was reporting a fraternity fight that broke out between two schools. One of them was my friend's old alma mater. There couldn't be a worse time for that bit of news to come out. The father knew where Leo studied in high school, of course, having already grilled him hours before. Does your school often get into these fights? the father asked. They don't really get into fights often. That one seems like a solitary case. my friend said. Notice that my friend Leo used the words "they" and "that." By disassociating himself from the school, he also got rid of the father's notion of him being a hooligan.

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Anything Can Be The Subject Of Association


The power of association is not limited to people. In fact, you can associate the quality of a person, place, thing, event or anything you can think of, with the subject of your persuasion. Just think about the clothes that people are wearing. What would you think of a person wearing a cross necklace? You would probably think he is religious. You might associate someone in military attire as disciplined and brave, while someone wearing shades as cool.

Use The Law Of Association In Sales


Wonder why many big companies choose famous TV stars to appear in their commercials and not normal people? It's because those stars are famous. They represent wealth, reputation, skills, or popularity. When they endorse a product, you associate that star with the product. Hence, if you like the actor, you will get to like the product. And if you use the product, you tend to feel like the endorser too. Big companies pay professional athletes large sums of money to wear certain shoes or clothes, endorse their perfumes, drive a specific car, or even eat certain foods. You might be wondering why these athletes are even asked to endorse products that are not related to them or their craft. The reason is simple. As long as the association is positive, it is not necessary that the correlation between the sports star and the product be directly related. Salespeople would often treat potential clients out to a great lunch.

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Larry, 28, is an advertising manager for a large appliance company. Part of his job is to meet with clients left and right. However, Larry doesn't always meet his clients in the office. In fact, he often meets with them in reputable restaurants. They eat, discuss the deal and at the end of the meeting, he foots the bill. No matter how expensive the meal is, Larry will pay for all of it (with the company's money, of course). He wanted his clients to feel good about this meeting. That explains the good restaurant, the good food and the footing of the bill. His clients will then associate their good experience with Larry and the company he works for. Although Larry's company will shell out a little money for the meal, its nothing compared to the big profits theyll be getting once they get what they want from their prospects. They know that the satisfying emotions accompanied with eating the food will be associated with the business discussion they are engaged in during the meal. Some companies donate to charities in order to be associated with being generous and sincere. Other companies sponsor special events such as athletic contests to be associated with camaraderie, teamwork and the winning attitude. Cigarette commercials use young, energetic, and healthy-looking individuals in their advertisements so viewers would associate the cigarettes with them, despite the dangerous effects of cigarettes. Remember that a product's package should have the same design, aspects or ideas as the theme of the product's advertisement, so people can make the right connection. For example, if the theme of your ad involves a man driving a Ferrari, your product package should have that same man driving that same Ferrari. Not another man. Not another car. Not even a different-colored Ferrari.
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Find And Use Hot Trends To Explode Your Income


If you can associate your product with the hottest trend, then youre bound to achieve great success. When a well-known international Olympic event takes place, you will notice sponsors associating their product with the occasion. Youll see them paying handsomely to have the right to claim that their product is the official shoes or official drink of that Olympic event. This is effective because you associate your product with something that's currently hot or in-demand. You dont have to pay an expensive price to associate yourself with the trends though. You can simply put information about the trend in your sales message that associates it with the product. For example, in my sales letter I mentioned that when you purchase this course, youll be the Harry Potter of the persuasion world! Associate yourself, your company, your product or service with the current hottest trends. Some websites will notify you when new trends or stories emerge. They include: news.google.com news.yahoo.com msn.com msnbc.com cnn.com cnet.com

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In order to save time, you may subscribe to their RSS feeds so you may be alerted automatically when buzz-worthy stories arrive. Heres a tool you can use to predict the potential popularity and origin of a trend: http://www.google.com/trends

Associate Your Product with a Specific Passion


Your friend loves magic, and youre selling a course about how to earn money on the internet. You can incorporate the 2 themes together so your material can be associated with their passion. You can say something like This Houdini internet marketing course allows you to magically escape the rat race by teaching you step-by-step how to earn big profits online in the shortest time. It's important to build rapport with him first, and of course, know his values so you'll have a clue on what his passions are. To know his values, you can ask questions like: "What's most important to you about (attending a seminar, ordering a program, etc.)" "What do you value in a (business, car, etc.)?"

The Magic Button To Get What You Want Instantly!


There is a very powerful force in the world that allows you to get anything you want through your own acts or by subconsciously commanding others to render it to you.
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It does not take a magician or hypnotist to do it. Even an ordinary individual has the capacity to achieve it through constant practice. Imagine the power if you could just do a simple act and you'll instantly be able to change your mood or energy level. Just imagine the power of having others do whatever you want them to do without them being consciously aware of it. When I mention the word oranges, your mind processes the image, your mouth may begin to water, and you may even remember the times when you and your special someone were enjoying and eating the oranges together. Here's another example. Have you watched a movie that was so touching it made you cry? In one of the movie's most moving scenes, there was sad background music. Two months later, you're listening to the radio. You heard the same sad song from that movie. You suddenly remembered the scene, the actors, the emotions, even the person seated next to you who was also crying two months ago. You felt the sensation all over again. You recollected the sentimental mood because of that same music. An anchor is being employed here. What is an anchor? An anchor is a compelling and influential connection of something seen, heard, touched, smelled, or tasted with a specific memory or representation.

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You associate something experienced in the past with a state correlating to the present.

How To Use An Anchor


The key to successful anchoring is to stimulate the appropriate emotion in its most intense state. Step 1 (Optional): Watch certain programs or read up stories that arouse the desired emotion inside of you. Step 2: Reflect on a time when you had a totally exciting, fun, happy or whatever experience when you're engrossed in the emotional state you want to be in. Engage yourself thoroughly on that wonderful feeling. See, hear, taste, smell, and feel everything around you. Step 3: Create an anchor. Clench your fist in excitement, listen to a lively song, squeeze your thumb and middle finger together, or just do anything you can think of, as long as it's something that creates intensity within you when it brings you back to that moment. Step 4: After about 1 to 3 minutes, let go of the anchor while still engrossed in that state. Wait for a few seconds, then break out of that state. The more intense and passionate the experience, the better anchor you will create. If you're going to visualize and reminisce the times you went hiking in the mountains, enhance the sensations before assigning an anchor. Feel the refreshing atmosphere, see the lush green flora, smell the fresh mountain air, smell the barbecue, play with the fireflies.

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It would be so much better if you are actually hiking in the mountains. The actual experience is much more conducive to creating an anchor. Let's say the anchor you've created is a large snapshot of your entire team, with the invigorating view of the mountains as the background. Then next time you feel blue or stressed out, just look at that picture and you'll feel calm and relaxed. It's as if you were brought back to the mountains. You'll feel stimulated and energized.

Application Of Anchors To Other People


Let's say whenever your friend pats you on the back, you whistle a happy tune. You did this every time. Next time when you want him to pat you on the back, all you've got to do is whistle that same happy tune. He won't even be aware that you've programmed him to do it every time he hears that tune. This takes a little more practice though; but once you've accomplished it, you're in big business.

Conditioning Emotions With Anchors


You should make sure the person is in the state you want him to be, before you fire off your anchor. In the example above, if the person who pats you on the back is in an exciting mood, you could revive those good emotions when you whistle a happy tune. But it wouldn't be a good idea to plant your anchor if he's in an anxious or irritated

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mood; that's why it's a good idea to sense his state of mind or condition before using an anchor on anyone. There are times when you can change a person's mood if he's in a neutral state, so you can condition him to feel a certain emotion with the use of your anchor. For example, you want him to be confident before firing an anchor. You could use the power of imagination and tell him, Imagine yourself walking confidently to your beautiful dream girl (or boss, stranger, etc.) and fearlessly asking her to accept your invitation... Fortify the emotion by saying, The more you picture this scene, the more confident you become. You could also strengthen the anchor even more by adding past experiences where he showed confidence, saying something like, Go back to your past and imagine a time when you feel you're on top of your game, when you feel that you can do anything without anything holding you back... An optional reinforcement would be to tell stories of how someone (less confident than him) has developed super confidence and achieved great results. Your aim is to fire up the intense feeling of confidence from within him. Want to add a second emotion to the anchor? Sure, you can do that. Let's say you want him to also be persistent. Before firing the anchor, you can ask him to also imagine a past experience where he persistently accomplished a goal, or a scene where he's showing that trait. Just make sure the emotions involved in the anchor are not conflicting with each other. You can strengthen the anchor by giving emotions to emotions. When you say the word confident, say it with confidence. Act with confidence, and even use confident body gestures, while you're asking him to imagine the scene.

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Constant Anchoring Makes Perfect


A key to effective anchoring is consistent application. Don't expect it to work the first few times you use it, although it might. You have to make the connection many times before it sinks in to the other person's subconscious. So if you touch a person's left arm when he praises you, the anchor might not have been implanted during the first or second time. But when that same anchor has been used numerous times every time he praises your work then you could find yourself getting pampered with words of adoration every time you touch his arm! But how often do you have to use the same anchor to know if it's taking effect? The simple answer is test it! Fire off your anchor; if he doesn't do what you're conditioning him to do, then you need to do it more often.

Additional Words Of Advice On Anchoring


Never intentionally apply anchors to manipulate other people. Create an anchor only in low-risk situations. Put anchors to good or ethical use only. A manager of a company would always say in a loud enthusiastic voice "Fantastic Job!" to anyone who has performed beyond his expectations. Due to his encouragement, that managers department is the most satisfied and motivated in the whole company. Every time they hear the manager say "Fantastic Job!" to anyone in the office, they would remember the happy and fulfilled feeling when they were the ones being congratulated. That would then motivate the staff to do their very best.

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Anchors can be extremely powerful. Apply them wisely. As said in the Spiderman movie, With great power comes great responsibility.

How To Make People Say Things You Like To Hear


Here's another application of the connection power of anchors. Want to have the power to make people say things you like to hear (or agree with), and say less of the things you don't? One way is to show your acceptance every time they say something agreeable to you. You can do this by saying things like: You're right. I agree. Yes. Absolutely. Uh-huh. You may also nod your head or give a thumbs up sign to show you agree with them. Do this every time you agree with them or like what they said. Now every time you don't like what they said or disagree with them, you simply go to an NR (No Reaction) state. Don't show any emotion. Don't respond or react. Just go on with your normal activities and act as if they didn't say anything (or they said something so unimportant it's not worth hearing). Do this method every time and you'll soon be hearing words that are music to your ears.

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Chapter 6

Authority Domination
If you are an expert or authority on a certain field, you are more likely to persuade others, and getting people to agree with you is very easy. For one, they already trust your opinion and judgment. And for another, it's not uncommon for people to look for an authority figure to point them in the right direction or guide them to do the right thing. For example, a request from a manager to an employee to do a certain task will likely get a better response than a request from a co-employee. That's because the manager has more authority. The principle of authority is at work here. So if you want to persuade, build up your credibility and be an expert/ guru/ authority/ boss in your chosen area of interest. Wonder why some commercials claim that 8 out of 10 dentists or doctors recommend their product? Now you know. Doctors and dentists are authorities in their field. It's all about credibility. People feel more at ease dealing with individuals who know what they're doing. Or at least, those who seem to know what they're doing. They also respond well to people who have esteemed positions in their workplace. The psychology behind this is actually pretty basic. When dealing with a stranger, one of the easiest ways to identify whether they are good for you is through their credentials. If you have inquiries about your health, you don't have

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to actually be friends with the doctor before you decide to consult with them, right?

The Shocking Power Of Authority


Authority figures command respect and trust, but they can be frighteningly powerful at times. They can persuade us to do things (even disapproved by your instinct or against our will) simply because we place complete trust in them and in their knowledge, skills or abilities. I remembered a time when a person with a policeman attire knocked on my cars door selling me a souvenir. Almost without any second thought, I reached out for my wallet and bought it. I have never bought anything from the many vendors that came to me with an obviously blatant sales pitch. But this time, the cop status did the trick. We seem to place absolute trust & confident in people in authority, such as doctors, lawyers, scientists, government officials, etc., sometimes to the points where they control our actions automatically, resulting in serious consequences. Some lawyers are determined to win their case at all costs, so they instruct their clients to say certain things that the clients may not have approved. But the clients oblige anyway because they trust that lawyers know what theyre doing. Studies revealed that many nurses do not hesitate to give medication to patients based on the doctors advice. In cases where they already know the deadly complications arising from a doctors erred prescription (even doctors make mistakes sometimes, that's why the nurses should act as secondary checker), they give the medication like a voice-activated robot simply because the doc says so.

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One reason we blindly follow the authorities' order or request is that we have been programmed since birth to obey authorities such as parents, teachers, etc. Oftentimes, the result of obeying them turns out to be advantageous to us. Since weve associated obeying authority people with benefits and since they possess the expertise, we've been conditioned to comply with their request. One of the best examples would be Abraham obeying Gods order to kill his own son Isaac. This is Gods test for Abrahams faith. Even though he knows that doing it is not only morally unacceptable, but it will also take away the best thing that ever happened to him, he would have ended the life of his own son had God not stopped him. He is willing to comply because God (the highest authority) told him to do it. Surprising is the fact that implied authority works just as effectively as the real thing. People dressed up in business suits will probably be treated with more professionalism and seriousness than if they dress casually. Some devious people dress as doctors or scientists in order to convey the status that those occupations bring; they know that people are more willing to obey (sometimes unconsciously) authority figures. Recognizing the power of authority, people work hard to attain such titles as doctor, president, general, attorney, professor, CPA, MBA, PhD. However, some individuals who dont like to go through the difficult process of attaining such titles or those who are simply too lazy, but want to feed their egos hunger or have an ulterior motive, may even resort to fraudulent measures. I once learned of a person (who never passed the board exams) having a professional license custom made so he can brag about it. On the contrary, some people purposely conceal their title or identity because others judge their personality based on certain titles. For example, lawyers may be perceived as intellectuals who like to engage in serious conversation. For
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lawyers who are naturally friendly or funny, this perception may hinder them from enjoying a happy social life or may discourage others from opening up to them. So they dont tell others or even lie about their profession so others dont jump to any conclusion about their character traits. People perceived to have authority could even effectively persuade on aspects not related to their chosen field. In a seminar that my friend Sam attended, the attendees were segregated into groups who were assigned a specific task. Each person in Sams group contributed their idea. The chosen idea by the group came from a doctor. The ideas generated are not in any way related to health or fitness, and the doctors idea was even absurd compared to the others (in Sams words); but because being a doctor was seen as having intelligence and authority, the doctors idea was the one selected. Important note: When building up your authority image, consider the occasion or situation you're in. In the previous example, the doctor was a persuasive force because of the group's diversity (They all have different occupations, but the doctor's implied reputation was probably the most prestigious). But if you're a farmer going to a farmer's convention, you'll build better rapport if you're wearing decent farmer clothes than wearing a suit and tie. Makes sense?

Authority Can Be Bought Or Created


Size or height is commonly associated with power or status. Taller people are regarded as more respectable and intelligent when compared with shorter individuals. That is why shorter people who knew the importance of height go to great lengths such as wearing height-enhancing footwear. Incidentally, those possessing titles are perceived to be taller than their actual height. Even things that people wear or use can be seen as a status symbol. People are more likely to be conscious when speaking to a formally dressed person than
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someone in shirt or jeans. Those wearing expensive watches and jewelries are perceived as powerful and influential. In short, people may treat you in many ways depending on the clothes you wear, the car you drive, the house you live in, etc. People who are quite insecure with themselves or dont have much to be proud of, often resort to buying status materials to compensate for their lack of authority since it is so much easier to pay for things rather than earn the title.

Be Perceived As An Authority Without Being Arrogant


You know you have the abilities, the knowledge, the experience, or the position that makes you an authority to be looked up to. But you don't want to speak or act as if you know everything, because that could actually backfire and ruin your credibility. Now there's the rub. You want to be regarded as an authority, but it's not easy letting people know without being perceived as boastful. Fortunately, there are 4 ways you can blow your own horn without being labeled as a braggart. Here they are: 1) Talk about activities or tasks related to your profession that will subtly give them hints about your authority image. Let's say you're a bestselling author. During your normal conversation with a newly-met person, you're discussing what your hobbies are. You could say something like, Oh, I love writing. And it's a great feeling if your writings have helped improve the life of the reader. The only thing that drives me crazy sometimes is that my publisher is a little too demanding and wants me to submit my work at near-impossible deadlines.

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That'll give her a cue that you're a published author, so she'll ask more questions. This time, you can tell her more about your adventures as a bestselling author. You're not showing off, but just answering her questions. 2) Put your diplomas, certificates, awards, trophies, medals and other things signifying your expertise or knowledge in locations where the people you want to persuade are most likely to see them. If you or your article has been featured in a magazine, newspaper or book, display these reading materials on a table where people are most likely to pick them up. Or ask them to read your article because you think they'll find it useful. (You're being thoughtful here, not showing off.) 3) Take advantage of testimonials. Testimonials are very effective in conveying your authority. Compile all your testimonials and put them in your website (if you have one) or in your materials. Testimonials coming from another authority, especially in the same field as yours, are much more convincing. 4) Request another person to relate your expertise or accomplishments to the people you're aiming to persuade. Recommendations or positive remarks coming from others are more effective because they don't appear to be biased, even if it's obvious that they're affiliated with you. But of course, the more unrelated they are to you, the more credible their statements are. 5) Be the decision-maker.

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You can still be perceived as an authority even if you're not an expert on a subject. How? By being the decision-maker! For example, when deciding where to eat for dinner, you can either be the first to say, "Let's have dinner at X restaurant and then dessert over at Y caf," or you can wait until your friends throw a bunch of half-baked suggestions before swooping in with your own. Once they see how decisive you can be (without being too controlling), they'll see you as a dining authority and end up turning to you whenever a decision on where to eat needs to be made.

Authority Alert
We must be alert to people abusing the power of authority to trick or manipulate us. Investigate if that person really possesses the authority. Perhaps the person in the dashing business attire is the clerk of a store who wants to appear as the boss. Perhaps the person in the lab coat is a student who assists the scientist in minor tasks. Sometimes, looks & the clothes people wear can be very deceiving. We must also determine if the subject of the discussion or request is directly related to the authoritys expertise, knowledge or skill. Actors playing the role of lawyers are not qualified to give legal advice, so dont ask them about legal matters no matter how many cases theyve won in the TV series. Sometimes, we confuse roles or occupations automatically without exerting mental effort to check if we are basing our decision on the right point of reference. Is the authority concerned with our interests more than her own? Sometimes, experts do not divulge everything they know or become biased in their judgment
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to gain the upper hand. If you can ascertain their good intentions, then you can have more confidence in their words and actions.

How To Be A Persuasive Leader


Leadership is synonymous with authority. When taking a leadership role, just think about how the ideal leader is. Well of course, people would think of them as the heads of a pack or the more famous people in a group, but there is something present in a leader that is not present in most of its members - influence. They know, or people have the perception of them knowing, how to influence others. Taking a leadership role can be as simple as communicating more effectively with the other party, helping you attain better outcomes. This will make them trust you and rely on you more for different types of pursuits. Not only will you feel more motivated from such action, your folks will be happier and even more open towards you. The persuasion strategies of a good leader consist of the drive to succeed, preservation of the group, and attainment of a common goal. Establish rapport and build a trusting environment so that the group's future pursuits are ensured with unquestioning faith. As a good leader, persuasion is vital to meet the group's goal or objective. You must have the instinct of incessantly finding yourself seeking fulfillment through directing others to success. Thus, you have to influence others to follow in order to meet the team's need of achievement. You also have to make quick decisions regarding the group to
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protect their best interests. Some members may not understand your nature or may even feel it unnecessary or simply wrong; but through persuasion, your followers will heed. Your persuasion strategies must also lead the group to attain a common goal as you may try to show the process, the end results, and the rewards of accomplishment to encourage them that their efforts will not be in vain. But it is you, being a good leader, that defines the appropriate ways to do so, selfless and team-concerned. You must neither use coercion nor persuasive force, but gentle kindness. There is no such thing as willful submission with the use of force. If there is, it is bound to fail or be short-lived. Be open and honest with the consequences at hand and do not give false promises just to make your group comply. You must be the type who steps into the battlefield first and leaves last. Through your own selfless example, the group will be persuaded that their best interests are served; thus allowing them to willfully follow. Some may even give up their own best interests for the sake of the group's well being. Recognize your members' needs and learn how you can work together to attain them. Convince them that there is joy in the sense of fulfillment, preservation of the group itself, and the rewards of an accomplished goal. Build the momentum. A good start will motivate the team to continue pursuing until the goal is attained. It is only in the beginning that persuading members is rather difficult; but as you and your team grow and they see that you are progressing towards a common interest, they will follow you.
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Difference Between Persuasion And Influence


There is a direct link between persuasion and influence, yet they are not exactly the same thing. Persuasion happens when a person is purposely or subliminally trying to get somebody else to agree with her. That is, there is obvious and deliberate effort. On the other hand, influence happens when another person agrees with you, not because you deliberately took the effort but because she has confidence in you and believes your opinions and suggestions are of importance. You hold a great influence in the way other people think, probably because of your status or your reputation. Leaders use both persuasion and influence to manage the people under them. It doesn't matter if this 'leader' is at the near bottom or the top part of the organizational hierarchy. As long as there are people whose job is to follow, there are people who lead - and the people being led expect to be given a plan toward success. For the person who has the influence, it is her game plan or program for success that is being sought and heeded. It is a common misconception that only those who belong to the senior management team can come up with a vision for the company. In truth, studies show that rank and file members often turn to their immediate bosses to gain a sense of direction. Thus, even the small bosses can have influence over their staff. When we really think about it, influence and power to lead are not exclusive to bosses. Anybody, even the office cleaner, has the capacity to affect how the people around her think, feel, and act. If others view your opinion as valuable and

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are willing to stop for a while to listen to what you have to say, then you have influence over them. For instance, toddlers are able to influence their parents to buy them new toys just by being cute and charming, and just by being kids. But if they attempt to get what they want by throwing tantrums, that's another story. It's called coercion and, well, just plain brattiness. When you ask other people to do something for you, regardless how politely you ask, they will always ask "why?" More often than not, they will also be wondering how they will benefit from following you, though most wouldn't say that out loud. In order for you to influence people or persuade them to give their agreement, you have to be ready to justify the reason why what you want to happen should happen. After this, you should be prepared to negotiate and be open to compromise. Some people confuse influence with bribery because both involve the offering of something to gain favor. However, it should be made clear that bribery always involves a payback or an offer, while influence can happen even without anything on the table. Influence can be based on good faith alone. To be an effective leader, not only will you need to be good at persuading people, you must, at least, have enough charisma to influence them without much effort. The key to good management is to have people who will willingly listen to you and follow (sometimes without question or hesitation). You want to lead without having to coerce others to follow. If you have influence, order in the ranks will not be a problem.

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Chapter 7

The 2 Powerful P's Of Persuasion


This chapter is divided into 2 parts, each part discussing one of the 2 P's of persuasion. Part 1 talks about participation, while Part 2 discusses the power of people (specifically other people).

Part 1
Power of Participation
The more you get someone to participate or be involved in a certain subject, the more chances you will persuade him. That's the principle of participation at work. Lets say you go to the store and just look around to see if anything attracts your eye, but buying is not in your agenda. The sales representative sees you particularly interested in 1 clothing and approaches you to ask if you need any assistance. You ask if they have other sizes for your preferred clothes. He gives you multiple sizes to see which one fits you the most. After trying many sizes, you're much more likely to buy the one that fits you, even if you have no initial intention to buy simply because you participated in that potential shopping process. You can get anyone to participate through many means. Listed are some of the ways:
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1) Get him to spend more time with you. The more time he spends with you, the more he gets to like you and be easily convinced of your ideas or suggestions. 2) Let him use the product or take it home for a number of days. Pet shop owners use the "bring home the pet" technique with great success. They let people bring home that cute, adorable little puppy and tell them that they can unconditionally return the puppy after a week or so, all payments refunded. This sounds like a risk-free guarantee for the buyer. But in reality, this is very smart marketing by the seller because nobody can endure to return the puppy to the seller, especially after it has been loved. Let him use the product to his heart's content and make him feel that he is already the proud owner by giving him step-by-step instructions or details. 3) Get him to talk with you longer and more frequently. Make him feel comfortable to talk with you, then keep the flow of the conversation going until you find a spot where you can gently inject your persuasive message. One thing to get him talking is to ask their "expert" opinion or suggestion. Nobody wants to be ordered; but if you ask him what he thinks of a certain thing or what advice/ suggestion/ opinion he can give you, you'll be surprised how motivated he is to give you a piece of his mind.

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The reason for this lies in human nature. People want to be recognized. They need to feel that they have something valuable to contribute. They want to feel that others need them. You satisfy that craving, and at the same time enhance your chances of persuading him, by asking him what he thinks. Another great tip would be to ask questions that compel him to think of the answer, instead of asking a question answerable by a simple "yes" or "no." In lieu of saying "Are you still thinking about what course to take at college?" you could ask, "How do you make a decision in choosing the right course to take?" or "What are your criteria to know which course fits you the most?" You could use his answers to ask more open-ended questions, as long as you don't come across as nosy. 4) Get him to stay at your place longer. Some restaurants and stores create a unique ambiance that attracts people and make them stay longer. These include dazzling lights, engaging music or enticing aroma. The more senses involved, the more chances the prospect will be persuaded. Remember to use the proper setting for the situation. You wouldn't want to create a "caveman" atmosphere in a technology shop. 5) Get him to be mentally and emotionally involved in the experience. Want your student to stop bullying his fellow classmates? Assign him to make a presentation on "how to be friendly and treat people nicely."

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Mark Joyner applies this concept in his Simpleology website. He uses videos, audios, pdfs, quizzes and exercises on the same topic in order to impress the lessons in the mind and get the emotions involved. 6) Create useful coincidences. These days, people hardly believe in coincidences; but most of them will still think that seeing one connection after another has a very significant meaning. And those who say they don't believe in connections will still be affected by the events. At the back of their minds, they will still think about it. So if you want to persuade your parents, for example, to take you and your siblings on a vacation, you have to create instances which will lead them to think about that option more and more. Of course, it's better to do this before you even suggest going to the beach for the weekend. There are a number of ways to do this. Do you know the smell of the sea? It's that salty and refreshing whiff that takes your imagination to island paradise. Find a candle or a scent that mimics it and place or spray it strategically where your parents might notice it. When watching television, make sure your parents catch you watching a show that showcases the beach or rolling waves. These are just some examples. I'm sure you can come up with a lot more once you get the idea.

Part 2
Power of (Other) People Herd Mentality
People want to be "in the crowd" because we are social animals. We don't want to be perceived as loners or different. So to risk embarrassment or humiliation, we join the masses whether they are right or wrong. In our minds, when the
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majority agrees on something, then it must be right. Even if we have our own opinions or attitude, we tend to be influenced by the actions or mindset of what most people think. This is the principle of herd mentality. There are people who decide based on other people's criteria. Others do things that they perceive as desirable by others (even if they don't want to), because they are influenced by social pressure. The more people regard something as proper, the more acceptable it is perceived to be. Because we want others to like and respect us, we try all attempts to "fit in." If you want to persuade someone to do something or agree to your idea, you can always call some friends to relay to your prospect that you have a valid cause. The more people you can get on your side, the more chances he will concede to your idea. But if he thinks or knows other people are on his side, your chances of persuading him decreases. It all depends on the numbers. People are programmed to think that popular opinion is more or less the right opinion. So if you want your friend to believe or do something, and they're a little hesitant, you can get other friends to back you up. And if you can't find friends who hold the same ideal, you can find a third party or expert (better if he's a third party expert) who can support your idea. This may even be better because you are not perceived to be biased and people are more likely to believe an authority figure (as you have learned in the previous chapter). Remember your past experiences when you are not sure if what you're doing is right or not. Didn't you ask for others' advice? Didn't you rely on the opinion or suggestion of others?

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Admit it or not, we depend on what others think about us, so we want to do things in conformity with their thoughts and actions. We are more likely to "follow the herd" when we are confused or uncertain of how to act in any given situation. The power of "herd mentality" intensifies tremendously when we are being influenced by people who are close to us (friends, relatives, etc.) or when the people involved have identical views with us. When we see our closest friends go gaga over a movie, wouldn't you think the movie rocks even before we see it? The need to belong may even be so extreme that people go through great pain, sufferings, and hardship just to belong to their desired group. An example of this is the process of hazing that some students endure just to belong to a fraternity.

People Copy Or Follow Other People


When watching a show, people would often look for others to clap or laugh first before they do the same. It would be an embarrassment to be different in public. Similarly, a student would think twice in raising his hand (even if he knows the answer) if no other people are raising theirs. People are more motivated to donate or give tips if they see that the donation basket or tips jar contain lots of money. People will think that it is the proper thing to do because they were given the perception that many others are doing it. And if you see most of the money donated are $20 bills, would you donate $1? Probably not. How do you convince a stubborn child to follow your order? Letting him see how other children are obeying their parents (through real life, TV or videos) may be more effective than just directly asking him to do what you want.

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How do you persuade others to believe that what you're asking them is the right thing to do? Cite similar cases or examples where other people just like them are happily complying with what you want. Wonder why children rebel and do things against their parents advice, yet they blindly follow the actions of kids of their same age? People are more apt to imitate others who are like them, whether its the age, nationality, or personality. And we are more likely to follow someone who has a similarity in behavior, past experience or even personal aspects (such as name, place of residence, birthplace, school, workplace, etc.) as ours. When we find a common link or similarity between someone else and us, we tend to copy him. So if you're aiming to persuade a group of Mormons, your chances of influencing them are better if you're a Mormon than if you're a Protestant. (If you're an atheist, your persuasion rate of success drops significantly unless they're not aware of that fact.) If you're not in the same religion or group, see if you could ask someone with the same faith to relate your message to them. The more you share the same place of residence, birthplace, school, or workplace with the group, the more persuasion points you score. This isn't an encouragement to invent all sorts of deceptions to trick them into believing you have a lot in common. Your aim is to be aware of any similarities you may have with the group. Once you become aware of such identical aspects or features, you'll have an easier time building rapport and likeability; hence, you can influence them better. Herd mentality also works effectively when the person you want to persuade admires, or aspires to acquire, a certain quality of the group. For example, you can say, "Smart people have taken advantage of the annual membership because it offers the best value for their money." Anyone who believes he's
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smart, or who wants to be smart, may follow what those "smart" people have done.

If They Can Do It, I Can Too!


Have you heard of the saying, If they can do it, so can I? If people find that others who are identical to them (who have the same skills or abilities as them) are able to achieve things that are previously thought to be impossible to do, they will have the confidence and mindset that they can accomplish it because a new standard has replaced their old beliefs. Roger Bannister is best known as the first man to run a mile in less than 4 minutes. Before he accomplished that feat, it was thought by some to be impossible to achieve; but after Roger Bannister did it in 1954, many other male athletes have surpassed the four minute barrier. These athletes thought that they are no different from Roger. They thought, if he can do it, why cant I? You can apply this technique in persuading anyone. If youre in sales, just show prospects how other people just like them actually improved their lives as a result of using your product. If you want to convince your friend to watch a certain movie, show him how people of his same age and character are raving over it. Some people can also relate to fictional characters and imitate their behavior. This is especially true when watching movies. They can almost see their story unfold in the movie screen, and they see the main actor portray their very life. Before they know it, they are making decisions and behaving based on the actors performance. Success stories or rags-to-riches accounts are very helpful in changing anyones outlook, especially if the person can relate to the story. He will say, Thomas has

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failed more times than I can count. He is having many challenges just like me, maybe even more. If he can conquer them all, I sure can! On the other hand, news about suicides resulting from depression and severe problems may prove to be infectiously disastrous. People in identical situations (and especially those who have other major similarities with the suicide victim like race, age, personality, etc.) who have read these stories might become convinced that suicide is the solution. Now you know why many selfimprovement experts dont want you to watch the news.

Use Herd Mentality in Selling


Have you ever heard of the phrase "joining the bandwagon?" It's basically telling your customers that hundreds of others have already joined the club and that they should, too! Look at the McDonald's campaign that says billions served. Since billions love their burgers and fries, others will follow suit. How about the Hermes bag the ladies are carrying around? What is so special about it that people all over the world are clamoring for it left and right? Sure, it has its appeal and sure it does look sturdy, but other bags out there have the same characteristics too, don't they? Easy. The answer is because the brand has successfully made itself THE bag to have. It's the must-have of all must-haves. People who own this bag will be deemed superior to others. It's not so much the physical that makes this bag great, but rather the power it lends to people. To have such a bag is to be part of an elite circle. And who wouldn't want to be one of the Jones'? The best advertising managers know how to take advantage of a person's need to be "one of the gang" or to be accepted. You can appeal to anyone's psychological trigger of keeping up with the people around them. So if you're trying to get a couple to buy a car, tell them that you

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have just sold a similar car to a guy who works in their company or a girl who lives in their community. Then create a need and justify it. Tell them that they need a car because it will save them time and money in the long run. Instead of commuting to work everyday, they can simply take their own car. Besides, it's also convenient. What about emergencies? They will certainly need a car in case something unexpected comes up. An even better strategy is to impress in your prospects' mind how your product has been widely admired or patronized by many people, to the point that they are falling crazily in love with it. I got news about a restaurant that devised a strategy to get people to eat at their place. They hired and actually paid people to dine in that restaurant. Sure enough, when others see that many people are eating in that place, they thought that the food must be good and they dined in too. Now I'm not recommending you do this for the sake of profits. The reality is that when you make people perceive your products or services as good, but you deliver below their expectations, your business will drop as fast as a crashing plane. If your product is really good, news about it will automatically spread like wildfire. Word-of-mouth advertising is very powerful. Satisfied people telling other people telling others...and the cycle goes on. In selling, one of the best strategies to use is to get as many testimonials as possible. Testimonials are one of the most important parts of a sales letter because they provide proof that other people are using and benefiting from the product or service.

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Ask testimonials from third parties. As much as possible, get testimonials from people who you don't have any relationship or affiliation with, so that the testimonial does not appear to be biased. The more well-known or respected the person giving the testimonial is, the more credibility your product gets. Unfortunately, some unscrupulous people are using fake testimonials in order to gain social compliance unfairly. Beware of such practices.

More Effort From Your Prospect = More Sales?


Wonder why people lining up in long queues outside the place of entry can boost the "popularity" of that establishment? Why would people choose to wait for several minutes (sometimes hours) just to get in to that crowded place? Here's another case. Well-known internet marketer Alex Mandossian made a split-test regarding a phone order script. 1st script: Call now. Operators are standing by 2nd script: Call now. If the line is busy, keep calling Who do you think is the winner? If you answered script number 2, you're right. In script 2 above, the prospect has to exert more effort. But how did it became more attractive? The answer, of course, lies in the power of social proof. Long queues may give the perception that the place is so exciting or interesting, that people are willing to wait a long time just to get in. Busy phone lines may give the impression that the product is so in-demand, people are calling endlessly just to secure their own copy.

Could Herd Mentality Result In Mindless Thinking?


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Can the principle of herd mentality influence people to make bad judgments and do things that might be considered unethical? The answer is yes. A school magazine that publishes a story on the rampant acts of cheating committed by a large number of students could greatly influence otherwise honest students to commit the same act. There are a few exceptions, of course. If a student has a strong belief in his principle of being a non-cheater, then he'll probably stay firm with his code of conduct. But for many students, this is a cue for them to follow what others like them have done. One way to overcome this dilemma is to clearly point out the consequences of cheating. And perhaps broadcast the punishment given to those who are caught cheating. On the contrary, you could encourage good behavior by giving recognition (and awards if possible) to those who have done positive acts or have excelled in a certain task. Spreading news on this matter could influence others to adopt the same attitude or mentality.

Drawback Of Herd Mentality


Likewise, the drawback of "herd mentality" is dispersal of accountability. The more people are involved, the less accountable each of them are. For example, would you be more motivated to act if you are part of a group of 3, or group of 10? Of course, the fewer you are in a group, the more responsibility you tend to assume. Sometimes, most members of a large group don't do any part at all
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because they are uncertain how to give their contribution and they think that their assistance may not be necessary. This happens more often in the busy city streets. When someone appears to be hurt, none of the passersby would take the effort to give him the necessary help. Seems like the good Samaritans of the world are getting fewer and fewer. Or is it? Studies have shown that people avoid helping someone who seems to be in need of it, not because they don't want to help, but because they don't want to risk the embarrassment of doing something stupid or unacceptable by society. They look for cues from others before they do something, especially something that the public can see. Since they all look for cues (everyone is expecting others to do something first), no action is taken. Interesting Fact: When a person feels that an unfortunate incident happened because of your own fault or other reasons on your own part, you are less likely to get cooperation. (For example, many people despise beggars because they thought the beggars' condition is brought about by their laziness to work.) That's why if you want to ask for any help from someone, let him know that your present state is caused by things or forces beyond your control. It seems that the more unrelated we are to the people around us (strangers), the more we are conscious of our actions. People are not naturally cold-hearted though. Once we are absolutely certain that someone is indeed hurt or something requires urgent help, we will take action no matter how many people are around us. It is only in those instances when we are uncertain of the realness or gravity of the situation, the way others will respond, or our level of responsibility, that we hesitate to act.

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Now imagine that you are the victim of an accident or other unforeseen misfortune, and there are many people around you who can help you (but they hesitate to do so because they're thinking someone else might help or will help you). What will you do in this situation? The answer: don't ask help from many people. Pick one person, point your finger at him, and assign him to help you out by saying something like, "You, kind sir with the baseball cap and green shirt, please help me! I was attacked by 3 muggers. Please take me to the hospital! I am seriously hurt." That way, that one person will feel solely accountable to aid you. Incidentally, when other people see that you are being helped by someone, they will also tend to also help you if needed. And this goes for any other situations. If you want to ask a favor from someone, you have to make him aware that he's the only person you can rely or depend on. If not, he might think you can just find someone else to do the job, and he won't be totally committed or convinced to do what you asked. Since you're now aware of how this social mentality is affecting our behavior, you are now more able to distinguish the genuine from the bogus based on your knowledge, past experiences, and common sense. Always be vigilant with the things going on around you so you may not be a victim of devious "herd mentality." One mistake can cost your life.

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Chapter 8

Reciprocity: Give First And The Rest Will Follow


This particular persuasion technique goes by many names. In one of Paulo Coelho's novels, he calls it the favor bank. So what is the favor bank exactly? Easy. When you do something nice for a person, she is inclined to return the favor. It's basically an I-help-you-you-help-me situation. It's simple and direct. You don't have to play mind games or involve other people into the set up to make it work. When you give someone a gift or favor, that person will want to return the favor. Give first, then persuasion becomes so much easier. Society has conditioned us to believe that we must "return the favor". This is the principle of reciprocity at work. When someone says "thanks" to you for a favor you've done for her, reply by saying something like, "It's a pleasure. I'm sure you will also do the same for me, isn't that right?" By saying this, you just ingrained in her subconscious the need to repay you back. Do this in a subtle manner though, as you don't want to be perceived as having a self-seeking motive.

The Unconditional Requirement


I remembered watching a cartoon episode where the main character named "Noddy" won 2 tickets for a train ride vacation. Two of the characters, a monkey and an elephant, are giving him gifts and doing all sorts of things for him (to the point of being irritating) because they claimed that "true friends" do that and that
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"true friends" take their buddies with them in a vacation, just so Noddy can tag one of them along. Noddy became aware of their selfish motives and was trying to avoid them at all costs. Now one of Noddy's friends, who wanted to go to the train ride so badly, didn't ask Noddy to choose him as his companion; but instead, he lent a book to Noddy that will guide him to enjoy his vacation fully. At the end, Noddy selected his friend who "does not ask anything back in exchange for giving something." The moral of the story is that you should give in as many ways as you can (even in small ways you can think of), without specifically asking for anything back just yet. Or at least don't give them any hint that you'll be asking a favor anytime in the future. The concept behind this is that whoever gives first has the power to call the shots. When you give something, the recipient must perceive it as an unconditional gift. So that the next time you're in need of something, that person can't help but return the favor. Let her be indebted to you, and not the other way around. Giving does not only mean imparting physical things, you can also do or say things that will leave a lasting impression in their minds. Take note that when something you give is perceived as unique or personalized, or when people think that you exerted more effort to do the favor, the value of the gift or favor increases. Hence, you score more persuasion points. When you give something to a person, no matter how small it is, that person will feel a sense of uneasiness until she returns the favor. This is certainly much more effective than doing a certain favor if they did something for you first (conditional).

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Remember, give first, ask second. Sometimes, the feeling of having to give something back might be so intense, that what she gives back in return is exceedingly greater than what she received. Incidentally, when someone has done you a small favor and then after some time asks you a larger favor, it would be very difficult to turn her down because of the reciprocity principle. Whether a gift is wanted or unwanted, we still feel the obligation to repay. One way you can use this to your advantage is by giving something that they cannot refuse to accept. For example, it's break time in your office. You told your 4 companions in the room to wait for you to come back. You went to buy some snacks and soda for each of them. Your 4 co-workers cannot refuse to accept what you've bought for them because you already paid for their snacks, the timing is right, and they have to get along with the group (to feel social acceptance). In that case, they now have a sense of indebtedness to you. This, however, should not be used to manipulate others. Every year, an institution of partially-disabled artists would send me a pack of greeting cards "as a gift". They accept "donations" but they said it should not be regarded as payment for the products; they are simply encouraging the goodness of the human heart. If you think about it, the pressure to reciprocate a gift (even something that is not wanted or needed) is so much greater than the pressure to buy something.

How To Use Reciprocity To Make People Like You


People will tend to like you back if they know you like them... even if they didn't like you at the very start.

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In fact, research indicates that if they didn't like you in the beginning but slowly learned to like you in the process, they would like you even more than if they liked you already when you first met. So tell someone what you like about her or how you appreciate her company. Even better, tell a third party (her friend, relative, etc.) what you like about the person you're persuading. Your statement will be treated as more sincere and genuine if coming from a third party. Warning: If you just pretend to like her but deep inside you don't, they could sense your insincerity. So what you could do is to always focus on her positive attributes; and soon enough, you will begin to like her in a genuine manner. 2nd Warning: Don't go around liking someone suddenly in full blast mode, especially if you currently don't have a close bond with her. Do it slowly but surely. This principle also applies in the field of romance and love relationships. If you know someone has any feelings for you (no matter how small), let her know that you're attracted to her. This will magnify her feelings towards you.

Power of Multiple Agreements


Here's a great persuasion secret involving reciprocity. If you made someone feel that she has successfully persuaded you in the past, you will have better chances of persuading her now. How do you make her feel that she is able to persuade you? By simply agreeing with her more often! You may say something like, "You're absolutely right with what you said" or "You got a valid point. I like your idea" or even something as

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simple as Yes, you're right. Remember to convey body language that signals agreement like smiling, leaning forward, and nodding. Once she consciously and unconsciously becomes aware that you often agree with her, she'll return the favor.

Reciprocation With A Motive


Even if you do have a purpose for giving something, never make the impression that you want something back in exchange. If you do, people would think that you're doing the favor because you want something from them, and not because you really like to help. Remember, we don't want them to have the tiniest clue that you want something back. You don't want to be viewed as bribing them. What you want is to be perceived as someone who gives unselfishly for their benefits and concerned with them. If they have the impression you are manipulating them, it will have worse results than if you don't give anything at all. That's why it is vital that if you have a request or proposal, you do the giving a day or two before you ask for something, so that they won't connect the giving with the asking. Giving something, while at the same time asking for something else, might be viewed as a bribe. People would return the favor in due time; just allow enough time to pass between giving a favor and asking for one. There's a certain drawback however. Not immediately asking for something in return can be effective; but people tend to forget that we did them a favor, especially if it's a long time ago.

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That's why you must subtly remind them of what you've done, but make sure you don't say it directly. Don't say, Hey, I lend you some money when you need it. I'd like you to return the favor now. Instead, say something like, How's your Mom? Hope the money I lend to you has helped in paying her medical expenses.

When Is It Appropriate To Reject A Favor?


Sometimes, the sense of obligation to repay the giver is so great that we don't even ask the favor at all if we think we cannot repay her. On the other hand, if you don't want to do any favors to someone at any time, don't accept her gifts (if it is not in bad taste to do so). This way, you can free yourself from the guilty feeling when she comes running to you and you can't give anything back. However, this may not be easy. We can't just avoid accepting every gift or favor simply because we don't want any obligation to reciprocate. In this case, use your judgment. If someone gave you something without asking for anything in return, you may reciprocate when she asks for a favor in the future in order to relieve yourself of the obligation. However, when you find that a person only did something in order to manipulate you into complying with what she wants, you never have to feel obligated or guilty to return the favor. Garbage in, garbage out. A deception deserves a dose of its own medicine. If a sneaky person gives you something for the sake of tricking you, give it back or accept it. If you accept it, don't feel guilty if you can't return the favor. There's nothing unfair with your action.

I'll Do You This Favor, But Don't Forget You Owe Me


If you've done a favor for someone before and you want her to reciprocate now after she fails to do so, you might want to let her feel a little "guilty." Say
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something like, "I know it may not be proper to ask you to return even a tiny portion of what I've done for you; but this time, I am the one who needs to ask a favor." However, don't abuse this capacity. Turning the tables around, it's really difficult to ask someone for a favor when you know she's going to exploit you right back for it. It's normal to ask a favor from a friend. But there are people who will do you one favor, and then will milk you for every little thing after wards. When you put your foot down, she will go on a tirade about how you have no sense of gratitude and whatnot. To avoid this kind of manipulation, be careful with who you ask favors from. Remember that there is a price for everything.

When You Just Can't Refuse


There are circumstances when you would really like to deny people's request. You really have the power to deny them, but they have done so many great things for you. You feel like you owe them. This is called debt of honor. Deep inside, you know you can't refuse those who have done great things for you. You don't have to totally say "No." Grant their request but make the necessary adjustments to fit your needs. Here's an example. Your best friend has always been there for you. In high school, he mentored you on matters that were too complicated for you to understand and he lent you money when you needed it. He has been your good friend for many years. When you finally got a girlfriend, she becomes your main attraction. You never have time for your best friend now. Your best friend becomes jealous because
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you totally refuse his invitations to play basketball, to play video games or to watch movies. It doesn't have to be this way. Set aside some time for your best friend. You might say you're so busy with your job, and the remaining time you have is reserved for your girlfriend. But the key is having a balanced life. Did I hear you say it's very difficult? Here's what you can do. If he invites you to play basketball at 8:00 am and you have an appointment with your girlfriend at 11:00 am, just tell him, "OK, that'll be great. We'll play up to 10:00 and have some fun." You just accepted his invitation but have set up some limits to go along with your schedule. What if your best friend asks if you and he can go watch a movie together at a later time? You can tell him, "What a coincidence. Jen and I are going to the movies later. Would you like to come with us?" You just reiterated his statement in a way that will suit the situation and gave him a counter-offer identical to his original invitation. And of course, you can always say "no" without feeling guilty and in a nonoffensive manner. It all depends on how you say it. Do not make any commitment unless youre sure you can accomplish it. If its an invitation, say thank you and mention that you have a prior commitment or that you want to spend some time with yourself.

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Its equally fine to refuse a request or command; but its better if you can make a counter-proposal so she will feel that you exerted some effort to satisfy her need. If you think it is fair for you to do it but just dont have any time, you can ask if the cut-off date can be extended. If it cannot be extended or if you really dont like to do it, then calmly explain that due to your current responsibilities and/or time limitations, it wont do justice to commit to something in a half-baked manner. Then ask if another person who is more available or more qualified can do it, or say that you will see if you can find someone who can fill in or do the job better.

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Chapter 9

The 2 Compelling C's Of Persuasion


Curious to know what the 2 C's are? They are commitment and consistency, and they are somewhat related to each other. While most of the information in this chapter employs a mixture of both C's, this chapter is divided into 2 parts: Part 1 focuses more on commitment, while Part 2 deals more with consistency.

Part 1
Why Commitment Is An Unstoppable Force
When a person makes a commitment, he is much more likely to fulfill his promise than someone who has not committed. If you want your business partner to attend an event, don't just send him an invitation or tell him to go. Ask him if he can commit himself to go on that special day, or ask something like so I'll see you there? and wait for a yes. It's important that he verbally confirm his commitment. It's also important to let him see himself already immersed in his commitment. You can do this by asking, what will you wear to the event? or who shall we look for first? or what time will you leave your home? When he answers any of these questions, he is reinforcing his commitment because he sees himself doing the things that are done prior or during the event.

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And of course, you need to let him know the severity or consequence of not doing what he has committed to. It could be that he could lose out on a huge opportunity, or that you could end up in dire straits without him by your side. The principle of commitment can be a very effective persuasion tool. If someone who has committed does not stick to his words, you can say something like, "You mentioned you really want to go to the event. May I ask why you're deciding to back out now?" You just emphasized his inconsistency with his words. He'll feel so uncomfortable dealing with the situation that you might just persuade him now. Commitment is more powerful when done in writing, and even more powerful when more people know of the commitment being made. So asking the person to write down his desired seating location, and telling him that you'll let the group know he's coming, can solidify his commitment. Commitment is further enhanced if the one making the commitment is aware that a person of authority knows or has heard about his commitment. You will have an extremely difficult time influencing someone (who has made a strong commitment) to do something that is inconsistent with it. If your friend made a commitment (especially if in writing or in public) to write a report advocating a politician for example, he will most likely write positive things about him even if he discovered that politician to be investigated for accepting bribery. Getting people to write down their commitment has some advantages: 1) By writing it down, they subconsciously program themselves to push through with what they've written.
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2) Writing enforces their belief on what they have written, and people want to stay consistent with their conviction. 3) The written material can be used as an instrument to convince others that the writer strongly stands for what he has written, even if there was pressure involved or the writer did not mean it. 4) Once the written material is made known to more people or spread out, the writer will religiously uphold what he has written because people will expect him to be true to his words. Once others perceive the writer in a certain way, the writer will tend to live up to his belief. 5) Writing down takes more effort than just simply thinking about it. People who exert that extra effort have the inclination to value or cherish whatever they've written down. This follows the principle that we value something much more if we went through a significant amount of challenges, difficulties, or pain to attain it rather than if we exert less or no effort at all. The factors above are also the same reason why we need to write down our goals. We tend to stay committed to written goals; and when we share these goals with other people, they became even more powerful because of the accountability factor. The sense of responsibility to fulfill what we've informed others that we will do is motivation enough to make us stay committed.

Use Commitment To Increase Sales


Here are some of the ways that the principle of commitment is applied in selling: 1) Contests, promos, or special events that highlight your product

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Marketers have been staging contests on who can submit the best success story as a result of using their product. Now that's strong commitment put in writing! People (even non-consumers) will be apt to believe in what they've written and continue to patronize the product, because not doing so will make them incongruent with their written commitment. 2) Items that advertise products They create t-shirts, key chains, mugs, caps, pens, or any kind of everyday item where their logo and marketing message are written. If you're wearing a McDonald's cap, you would think twice before eating at Burger King, right? 3) "Lure Into The Trap" method Some programs offering courses state a perceived affordable price in their brochure. After the prospect makes a decision and goes through a timeconsuming registration process, the seller will inform him of other undisclosed fees to pay. Sometimes, the seller may pretend that he has forgotten to mention the additional fees. Since the prospect has already made up his mind and has gone through the trouble of the registration, he will still take up the course despite the higher price tag. Had the prospect known about the added expenses earlier, he could have not taken it. The seller uses the power of commitment to manipulate him.

Claiming Accountability And The Balancing Act


When employees are given an award for outstanding achievement, they become motivated and committed to finish their assignment at all costs. Incidentally, they are also motivated when they are pressured or threatened; although this time,

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negative motivation is at work. This can backfire in the future and the results will not be pretty. Getting others to commit through negative motivation is not advisable. Giving rewards or incentives may work effectively. However, commitment is most effective when it is made from their own free will, when they voluntarily claim responsibility for their actions. If an employee carries out his commitment dutifully without any big reward or threat, his level of commitment will be much higher than if there are external factors involved. The key here is to maintain a healthy level of balance between making them accountable willingly and giving the right amount of motivation. For example, you can say, "We need to finish this task before Wednesday because this client is very important." Some would need a greater reason. For example, you can say, "We need to finish this task before Wednesday because our annual earnings will increase if they are satisfied." If you are familiar with the people you're working with, you'll probably know what type of reasoning you can use to fit their personality. The important thing to remember is that the less external factors involved, the stronger and more lasting the commitment is. Here's an interesting view. If you initially have an outside reason for having people to commit, they may stay or even be more committed once you take away that external factor. The reason is not only because of their propensity to stay consistent, but also because they may now hold themselves voluntarily accountable once they have no other external motive other than their willingness to stay true to their commitment.

Foot-In-The-Door Method
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This one is a very powerful method employing the principle of commitment. The way it works is that you get them to comply initially with a small favor insignificant enough for them to do it with the least amount of resistance. Once they have complied with that small favor, you'll have a much easier time persuading them to do larger favors. For example, you can ask your dad if you can attend this concert with a friend. If he gives you permission, you can later ask him for a bigger allowance, and so on. Some marketers are employing this technique with great results. They sell their products at ridiculously low prices, even to the point of break-even. Their primary objective is not to gain profits, but to get people to commit to a purchase; because once they turned the prospects into customers, they will be more committed to buy again from the same source (as long as they're satisfied of course). Psychologists Jonathan Freedman and Scott Fraser conducted an experiment with a group of residents in California. They were amazed to learn that 76% of that particular group who were asked to place an obstructively large billboard with the message "DRIVE CAREFULLY" in their lawn actually complied, while only 17% of the other homeowners in the vicinity refused to do so. The reason was that 2 weeks ago, this group of people who complied was asked to place a small 3-inch-square sign with the message "BE A SAFE DRIVER." Such a tiny request actually triggered their sense of responsibility to uphold safe driving to the point that they actually complied with a much larger request that also supports the same ideal.

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Freedman and Frasier did another experiment on a different group of residents. These homeowners were asked to sign a petition that encourages the beautification of California. Around 2 weeks later, these same people who signed the petition were requested to place a large billboard with the "DRIVE CAREFULLY" message in their lawn. Unbelievably, around 50% of these residents actually permitted the big sign to be placed in their lawn, even if the nature of the trivial initial commitment (beautifying California) was unrelated to that of the larger one (supporting safe driving). The reason might be that the first commitment instilled a new sense of obligation within them - to become socially responsible citizens. In this sense, the 2 commitments are indirectly related after all. One important thing to remember in using this technique is that the person you're persuading should think that he agreed to the initial small request voluntarily. The minor small request can be anything like: 1) May I borrow your pen so I could sign this paper? 2) Could I talk to you for even just a few seconds? 3) What a cute puppy. Can I touch it? When you begin even the smallest transaction, the momentum starts to build up. Although some people would comply with your 2nd (more demanding) request after they agreed to a first minor one, it's more effective if you ask requests in a gradual manner. Don't ask if you can borrow a piece of paper, then immediately jump to borrow his new car. Take it easy. Borrow a piece of paper, then his book next time, then his bag, and so forth. Interesting Fact: Did you know when you ask for something seemingly ignorable, you're likely to get much more than you asked for? So if you want to have a good talk with someone, say, Could you give me even just a few seconds of your time? This can make the request seem much smaller and
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acceptable than if you say, Could you give me a few hours of your time? Nonetheless, the amount of time he gives you would likely be the same regardless of which question you asked. Big surprises can indeed come from small packages (or requests). Interesting Fact 2: Did you know that if you ask for even the most trivial request, the person granting the request tends to like you more? (If he hates you, he'll start liking you.) That's because he won't be doing you a favor unless he likes you and thinks you're worthy of his time or resources. This all happens on a subconscious level. Commitment is very powerful and should not be used to manipulate or take advantage of others. Be alert when people request you to do or commit to even the most immaterial things. You'll never know when a new sense of commitment invades your character; you might unconsciously become an easy prey for those who are misusing this technique.

Part 2
The Relentless Capacity Of Consistency
In order to be accepted in society, people do their best to stick to their words. It's a matter of honor and integrity. The more a person values these concepts, the more he will stick to his word. People want to be consistent with their values and beliefs. They tend to stick with what they are conditioned to believe. This is what we call the principle of consistency.

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If they act in a way that is incompatible with their character or state, they will feel uneasy. The principle of consistency is a powerful technique you can use when you feel that the other party will not agree or comply with your request. When you want someone to do something, tell him how doing the certain act is consistent with his way of thinking or past actions or admission. Consistency is very important in the workplace. You can be judged pretty harshly for saying one thing today and saying another tomorrow. This is one of the sensitive issues that require you to be observant and a good listener. Take note of what your colleagues are saying about a certain project or a certain idea. People who proclaim their position on an issue will be more likely to defend their side until the end. If you are clever enough, you can use such commitment to your advantage. Here are other cases where the principle of consistency is involved: 1) Ask your spouse if health is the most important aspect of life. If he says "yes", then tell him that he should take a break from his stressful job and go to a relaxing vacation with you. Saying he doesn't need a break would be inconsistent with what he previously said (that health is most important aspect of life). By first asking a question that he believes in or he can relate to, he is in a more receptive state to accept your proposal (which is associated to the question) in order to be consistent. 2) If Senator A has recently announced his commitment to the environment, it would be a good time to solicit help for your eco-friendly organization. After all, he has just said it himself. Backing out now would tarnish his name. 3) Your parents don't want you to leave your current job, but you want to engage in business. So you ask them, "Mom (or Dad), do you think attaining financial freedom is more important than staying at your comfort zone? If they say "yes",
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then tell them that "The only way I can achieve financial success is by NOT being stuck in the rat race, which is having a job. Please allow me to set up a business so I may have enough time to dedicate to a serious business." If they've said positive things about you in the past, you can leverage on that opportunity using the principle of consistency. How? Subtly or indirectly remind them of the positive things they have said about you. It's even more solid and powerful if they said it in public or if their statement is in writing. Here's an example: Mr. Jones, you said that we offer you great value with our writing services. You said that the quality of our articles is excellent and attractive. Since you mentioned that you need qualified professionals to write sales letters, we'd like to justify your trust in us one more time by offering low introductory rates to our copywriting service. Aside from relying on their consistency with their statement, you could ask them to remember - or remind them of - any past event or experience when they exhibited the particular state or behavior you want to elicit from them. This way, they will act consistently with the state or attitude they have thought of in their mind.

How a Consistent Person May Respond


Jake has been a member of a supposedly reputable organization. If the leaders of that organization became suddenly involved in a big scandal, he may either: a) Defend the organization ("People are just envious of our success so they're devising plans to tear us apart.")

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b) Segregate the case from their accomplishments. ("Our leaders have worked hard to boost the organization's profits by 175%. Whatever they're involved in right now is insignificant compared to their achievements.") c) Compare the leaders with others. ("I'm sure there are lots of other leaders out there who will have done worse things if they're involved in this scenario.") d) Admit the fault. ("If only I knew how dishonest they are, I would have not joined the organization.") Take note that letter d is more unlikely to be Jake's course of action. One strong reason is that he is already a part of the group. Saying negative things about his own organization will only reflect back on his reputation. Second strong reason is that he has already programmed his mind to believe that the organization is thriving on integrity and good ethics.

How To Change The Mind Of A Consistent Person


Sometimes, you may have difficulty persuading people to change their stance or decision because they have already made up their mind, and they want to stay consistent with it. It is only natural for people to protect their ego and not be perceived as fickleminded. One way you could make them change their views - and let them save face at the same time - is by introducing new or extra information. Since this added data has changed the nature or aspects of the situation, they can change their mind and still think they are responding appropriately. Another way is by helping them weigh the pros and cons of changing. One of the cons could be that they'll have to step out of their comfort zone. However, you should immediately counter that with a pro by saying that the greatest of men
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have had to venture out into the unknown before they became who they are today. The cons represent the set of beliefs they hold about change right now, while the pros are your opportunities to get inside their head. Obviously, there should be more emphasis on the pros than the cons; or else, you lose the argument. A little bit of intimidation can also go a long way. For example, if you're trying to convince your teenage nephew to stop smoking, telling him about the benefits of changing might not be enough. In that case, you'll have to focus on the consequences of smoking itself. They are gruesome, of course. Lung cancer, rotting teeth, breathing difficulties, etc. Putting an emphasis on these grim and unpleasant conditions might scare him enough to stop smoking as soon as he can.

Charities Using Consistency


Charities have been applying consistency to encourage and collect more donations. A charity representative would call you and ask, "How are you doing today?" After your normal reply of "Fine," "Good," or "Great," the second question to you would be something like, "Great to hear that, because I was wondering if you would be interested to make any donation to help the poor victims of the recent calamity.." It would be difficult for you to not "share your blessings" with the less fortunate because you already claimed that you're doing "ok."

Moral Consistency

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We all have a concept of right and wrong. While charity organizations are usually the ones to make use of this technique, ordinary people (like your office mates) will appeal to your morals in time of desperation as well. For example, if someone asks to borrow money from you, would you be able to say "no" at once? If it's a bum lying on the sidewalk, you'll probably be able to sidestep having to make a decision. But if it's Larry, your co-worker, whom you know has just lost his apartment to a fire, would you be able to ignore his request? Probably not. This doesn't mean that you should lie or make stories up to appeal to a person's consistency with his morals. Oftentimes, your reason should be enough to convince others.

Ironic Buying Behavior


Buyers observe the law of consistency. Once they purchased something, they convince themselves that they have made the right choice in buying it, even if they are later shown proof or facts that the product they bought is not worth it. Here's an interesting observation. Years ago, my friend Tom was itching to buy a certain car. He fell in love with it the first time he saw it. He was 90% sure that he would buy it, but he somehow thought it would be best to wait for a while. One day, Tom decided to go to the car company and test drive the car, although he's still not certain if he would really buy it that day. While waiting for the car sales representative, he met and talked with a car enthusiast named James. Now James happened to know something Tom didn't. James told Tom that his dream car has a certain flaw, and he has the research data to back it up. Upon knowing this, Tom immediately purchased the car on that day. Isn't it ironic that Tom became more convinced to buy the car when he found out it has a certain weakness?
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The theory behind Tom's decision lies in the fact that he wants to be consistent with his initial decision of buying the car. He loves the car so much, that he's almost ready to buy it. Then this man has an assertion that may ruin his expectations. No way. Tom bought it immediately so that he doesn't need to evaluate what's causing the flaw. This feels right, and he doesn't want to overload his brain with another aspect to analyze. This weakness the car has, if true, may even make him decide not to buy the car, which would be contrary to his desires. Tom's friends have been saying only good things about this car, so his buying decision can't be wrong, or so he thought.

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Chapter 10

Supreme Laws Of Scarcity And Comparison


This chapter is divided again into 2 parts. Part 1 talks about scarcity, while Part 2 deals with the law of comparison.

Part 1
Scarcity Supremacy
When you give the perception that your product is scarce and that only a selected few people can get it, it will be perceived as more valuable. We call this the principle of scarcity. Incidentally, people want things they cannot have because we hate to lose our freedom of choice. The more restricted our freedom to choose is on a particular item, the more we want to possess it. So beware! Never tell anyone they cannot have something you really don't want them to have. It will just fire up their desire! It's therefore no wonder why putting an age restriction on a movie, magazine, or website (ex: For adults only - 21 years and above) just fuels the hunger of those people under that age to access the material. You may also have seen stories of how couples have defended their love to the death when their parents actually forbid their relationship to continue. The degree to which something is banned or limited is directly related to its attractiveness and value.

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The more scarce or unavailable the item is to most people, the more valuable it becomes, even if nothing changes but the knowledge of people that the quantity is limited. But it's not limited to products or services. You could also increase the value of your time or efforts with the use of scarcity. You could say that your clients pay you a certain high amount of money per hour, or that you can only devote 10 minutes of your time to talk to them because you have other important projects to attend to.

Selling Strategies Using Scarcity


The more valuable something is perceived to be, the more desirable it becomes and the more motivated we are to possess it, even if we cannot find the right reason why we want it. All we know is that we want it because we don't want others to surpass us. (People naturally have a greedy side, admit it or not). Then we justify our actions by coming up with all sorts of reasons why we want to possess it. Many marketers use this principle by telling people only a certain number of copies will be sold. People naturally want things that fewer or no other people possess, even if logic tells us that the thing is "garbage." (Hmmm, so that's why some people are making their best efforts to dig up famous celebrities' garbage and sell them on eBay). Scarcity creates urgency. Speaking of urgency, you should structure your offer in such a way that it creates a sense of pressure for getting your product now! Giving them some pressure compels them to eliminate distractions and focus on your message, or they'll lose out.

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Some marketers use the "limited supplies" technique where only a specific number of quantities will be sold; once they're sold out, they're gone for good. There was a time when I was in a financial situation so tight that I would think thrice before buying a $2 meal. However, I came to purchase an expensive $397 course! How come? It's not only because people claim it to be a "must-have" in any marketer's library, but also because the well-known owner said that once there are no more supplies in stock, there will never be another copy available anywhere. Some internet marketers put up javascript on their websites to let the reader know how much supply is left, with the previous quantities being crossed out. Another technique is the "time-sensitive" tactic where the offer is good only up to a certain date. Internet marketers use a script on their websites that "counts down" the remaining days, hours, minutes, and even seconds before the special promo finally expires. Another method that invokes the principle of urgency more is the "one-time offer" where you are given only 1 chance to grab the offer right now, or lose out on the opportunity forever. In any case, let them be aware that you have a strict deadline. Highlight the best thing that can happen if they do what you want, and the worst thing that may occur if they don't. Prioritize on what they will lose more than what they will gain, as people are more motivated by the thought of losing something than getting something they previously don't have.

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For example, it would be harder to accept the fact that you will lose money once you have it, than to have no money in the first place. You can structure your sales message in a way that focuses on the loss. It is more effective to say, "You stand to lose a lot of your hard-earned profits if you don't buy the book 'How to Maximize Sales and Minimize Refunds'" than to say "You will at least double your earnings if you get the book 'How to Maximize Sales and Minimize Refunds.'" Other Examples: "Your acne could be causing you to lose your self-esteem and shy away from people. If you don't take action now, your career and social life might turn for the worst." "We'll never know when we'll die, so it's best to get a reliable insurance policy just in case." "If you don't repair this machine now for a few bucks, you could waste hundreds of thousands of dollars when the products get damaged."

How Scarcity Was Used On A Historical Piece Of Paper


Years ago, a case involving the theft of one very important piece of American history surfaced in North Carolina. It concerned one of the 14 hand-drafted Bill of Rights commissioned by President George Washington back in 1789. The president had kept one copy for his own and distributed the rest of the copies to the 13 states. The copy in question was that of North Carolina's, which had been stolen some time in 1865. While this whole set-up sounds just like the plot of National Treasure, it did, in fact, happen in real life. The dealers offered the Bill of Rights to the National Constitution Center in Philadelphia for a whopping $ 4 million and warned the organization not to alert
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the law. In fact, the dealers even threatened to destroy the Bill of Rights if the police ever got involved. If the artifact in question was just a common piece of art or something that every museum had, the National Constitution Center wouldn't have given the offer much attention. However, the dealers knew how to persuade people to do something about the situation using the law of scarcity. Destroying the piece would mean destroying a very important part of history forever. There may be 14 Bill of Rights in all, but only one copy intended for North Carolina. The law of scarcity states that something perceived to be of limited supply is perceived to have greater value. The organization wasn't the only one clamoring for the ancient documents. Other buyers all over the world wanted that one-of-a-kind North Carolina parchment. It was a unique item you certainly don't see everyday. The National Constitution Center couldn't just let it go in the hands of private collectors. While I do not urge you to use this persuasion technique in a negative way, the example above does explain how the law of scarcity works. You can use it to influence people to think or act a certain way if you know which buttons to push. For example, you want to boost your t-shirt store's popularity. Instead of dropping your prices to the point of going bankrupt, why don't you start selling limited edition products? By using the law of scarcity, you are persuading people to pay more attention to your store. Remember: The more scarce a resource is perceived to be, the higher its perceived value.

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Customers will flock to your store wanting what only a select few people can have. They want to have exclusivity and will do almost anything if you dangle your bait well enough. If they can afford it, they'll even pay double the product's worth. If you want to learn how to persuade people using the law of scarcity, you have to be mindful of how you build up a certain product or idea. You have to make sure that the others understand how rare your product is and how it is selling like hotcakes. If you're curious about the art dealers who held the Bill of Rights hostage, they were eventually arrested by the Federal Bureau of Investigation. While the law of scarcity might have been a great way to persuade the National Constitution Center to sit up and take notice, it wasn't enough to keep the culprits out of jail.

Value-Scarcity Connection
We all know that a scarce resource is valuable. But did you know that something which is available to everyone can become more precious? Here's the twist: If something that is previously unlimited in quantity suddenly becomes restricted or scarce, that resource becomes more valuable than if it is scarce all along. Think of it this way. You are not given permission by your parents to say your side of the story when they ground you. In this case, you may or may not find ways to resolve this dilemma. But what if you were previously allowed to defend yourself when you are being punished, then suddenly they just took that right away from you? Wouldn't you feel many times more fired up to regain your lost freedom?

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The same principle applies in scarcity. Once you lost your freedom of choice (when you previously had it) on something, then it becomes more desirable, attractive, and valuable than ever before. But there's another vital factor that intensifies its value even more. One word: rivalry. It's the competition to get a certain item that augments its value many times over. If supply is less than the demand, you can be quite sure that resource is perceived to be of high value. Salespeople take advantage of this knowledge by scheduling a specific time when all interested prospects come at the same time to view a sales presentation for a scarce item, or by simply informing them that there are other people on the "waiting list" who are eager to buy it if the initial prospects do not get it.

Killer Scarcity Combos


You might be surprised to know that some people act entirely on impulse when they see a "limited quantities" or "good for today only" slogan. They'll buy anything even if they don't need it because they feel they will "lose out" on something important if they don't act quickly. Some marketers employ the "scarcity combo." They not only restrict the quantities of the item, but they also let people know that the information is limited to a selected few. Some would even use a "triple scarcity combo." Aside from the quantity and information, they also limit the type of people who can get the product (ex: only members of EFG Association is entitled to buy the material). Some sly salespeople cleverly use the persuasion fatal 4, combining the principles of herd mentality, reciprocity, and commitment with scarcity. When they see a prospect having even a bit of interest in their product, they would tell him that unfortunately, it was sold out because people are raving about it (herd
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mentality) and that the limited supply was not enough to keep up with the demand (scarcity). The prospect would now feel more desire to possess it. He would ask, "Is there any way you can get me a copy?" The seller would reply, "I'll check at our factory and do everything I can to give you a copy since I like you." (reciprocity - The potential buyer might like him back because the salesperson made it seems like he's doing the prospect a favor, and he told the prospect he likes him). After some time, the seller comes back with the great news that there is only one copy left. He has a sales contract at hand for the prospect to sign (commitment) to ensure that the product is only reserved for that particular buyer.

Precaution
When striving to obtain something scarce, you should evaluate whether it is for the purpose of gaining possession of it, or for the purpose of using it. By doing this, you will be able to estimate if the price you're paying is too much. If it's for the purpose of possessing it, then the scarcity factor takes place and paying a large amount for it wouldn't be a major issue. But if your main purpose is to use it, you should remember that its benefits would remain the same regardless of its availability or demand. This way, you will be able to make a better decision based on your true intentions for that resource. Connected with the scarcity principle is the time principle. The more time a sales person spends with you, the more inclined he will be to give you the lowest price because he doesn't want his effort to go to waste. Similarly, the prospect may feel pressured to buy the product (even if the offer is not right) because he cannot recover the lost time he spent listening to the seller's presentation. Whether you're the buyer or the seller, realize that you will only lose more if you cave in to the pressure just to avoid wasting the value of the time spent.

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Part 2
Wonders of Comparison
We love to compare ourselves to others. When we see a good-looking actor or an athlete with a stunning physique on TV, our desire to possess the same physical attributes as them increases tremendously, compared to when we don't see them at all. This desire intensifies when we see many people having better physical features than us. However, when we are around people who have less-than-desirable qualities than us, we tend to feel confident with our self-image. Isn't it strange how the principle of comparison works wonders? We treat our self-worth differently based on certain situations, even if we possess the same physical features. We make our decision or give an opinion by assigning a yardstick that will be the basis for comparing 2 or more factors. Here's a sample scenario: Rita's husband was a loving yet lazy man who quit his job and stays all day at home doing nothing, while Rita works hard at the office. He said he's just waiting for the right opportunity. She thought she has the worst husband in the world. Then one day, her friend Gina came running at her, weeping her eyes out. Gina said her husband beat and abused her and the children several times every day. Rita then realized how lucky she was with her husband. Although lazy, he's a loving husband and father who would never hurt them in any way. At first, Rita thought her husband was very irresponsible. But after "comparing" her situation with Gina, her perception about her husband changed. See how powerful the principle of comparison is?

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Some years ago, the Philippine peso exchange rate vs US dollar was roughly around 55 pesos to $1. When the Philippine economy improved and the exchange rate became roughly P50 to $1, Filipino overseas contract workers earning US dollars complained because they get less peso for every dollar they're earning. Then came the time when Philippine economy boomed and the exchange rate became around P45 to $1. Dollar earners from the Philippines became more frustrated. But when the exchange rate came back to around P48 to 1, they were overjoyed. Now how come they were disappointed with P50 to $1, but were happy at P48 to $1, even if they get less peso from the latter exchange rate? It's the principle of comparison at work again.

How to Apply Comparison in Selling


How do some marketers use comparison when selling seminar recordings or transcripts? A seminar costs $997, but the seminar speaker decides to sell the seminar recording in a dvd for $97. People will think it is an amazing deal even if it is $97 because they compared $997 with $97 (a big difference!). They'll learn the same secrets and tactics for a much lower price! What if the marketer decides to apply the principle of scarcity and make copies available only for 100 people? This offer becomes more attractive. And if she adds related bonuses worth $500, she is further sweetening the deal! When my wife and I went to Shanghai for our honeymoon, we went shopping at discount stores. When we asked one store owner how much she's selling a particular item, she asked for a very high price. We then negotiated and she gave us a 25% discount. We're not satisfied and continued negotiating. She slashed 50% off the price! Seems like a great deal. We thought if we can ask for a lower price, it would be a super bargain. We negotiated once more and after much haggling, the final price was 75% off! We knew that these sellers are applying the law of comparison (wonder if they knew it). The funny thing is that many of the vendors there are applying this principle in their selling efforts too.
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Membership sites divide their monthly fee into its daily equivalent, then tell prospects something like, "For less than a buck per day, or the price of a small burger, you'll be provided all the training you need to start your food business." Surely, a dollar a day sounds more affordable than paying a price like $29 a month. Studies have shown that if you're selling a product in mass quantities, offering lower quantities of the product before giving a few more of that same product as free bonuses, can give you a higher percentage of sales than if you sell the exact total quantities at the same price. For example, you're selling special pens. Instead of selling 20 pens at $20, you could sell 17 pens at $20 and give 3 pens as free bonuses. However, it's a different story if the value of the bonuses is dissimilar to the main product. The perceived total value increases if you combine the bonuses together with the main product (as a package), than if you just sell the main product and give the bonuses for free. The reason is because since the value of each item is not the same, the customer could deem the bonuses as worthless (unlike in the pen example where each pen has the same value as the others). However, if you think adding the bonuses to the main product might not be suitable, then you can still sell the main product and give the bonuses separately for free, as long as you assign an amount or value to the bonuses. For example, you're selling a quality dvd that comes along with a book version and worksheet. You could sell the entire package at $77; or if it's not appropriate, you can sell the dvd individually for $77, then tell the prospects that they're just in time to grab the special offer - they get the additional book worth $47 and the worksheet worth $17 at no extra cost! Cross-selling involves the law of comparison. Sell the more expensive item first, before any related items that have a lower price. It will be easier to sell related
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products at $20 or $30 each if they paid $300 for the main product. However, don't sell all the related products at a combined price. Finish selling each individual product before offering the next so the comparison factor is still in effect.

How Your Competitor Can Make You More Sales


If your product has a USP (unique selling proposition) or a major advantage over your competitors, then you can use the law of contrast to make more sales. Briefly explain the features of your rival's products, then discuss the features of your products that present a major advantage or edge over theirs. This isn't unethical because you're not saying anything negative against your competitors; you're simply indicating what makes yours better. You could even leverage from vendors selling something different. For example, you could say that buying your book is like going to various seminars offered by famous speakers, but at a tiny fraction of the seminar prices and in the comfort of your own home.

Different Interpretations
There was a study done where one group of people were told that 35% of the people in a specific town are law violators. Another group was told that 65% of the people in that town do NOT have police records. The survey showed that the group who were told about the 35% rate has a more negative impression of the town than the other group, even if they were told the same thing (only in a different manner).

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The Similarity Factor


Did you know you can persuade someone to do something which she has previously refused to do? All you have to do is reword your statement. If she says, I dont want to attend the party, you can tell her, Ok, would you just like to eat a fine meal in the company of our closest friends? You still asked her if she wanted to attend the party; but you did it in such an indirect way that she experiences the pleasure and benefits of going there.

Use Similes and Metaphors


You can use similes and metaphors in order to paint a more vivid picture in the mind of the prospect or to describe the degree of intensity of a certain subject. Wikipedia.org states that "Metaphor and simile are both terms that describe a comparison: the only difference between a metaphor and a simile is that a simile makes the comparison explicit by using "like" or "as." The Colombia Encyclopedia, 6th edition, explains the difference as: A simile states that A is like B, a metaphor states that A is B or substitutes B for A." Examples of similes: You shine like the stars above. He punched the enemy like a professional boxer. Examples of metaphors: She was so screwed up she can barely sleep. Time is running out fast.

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Use Comparison to Prove a Point


Others use the principle of comparison in extreme ways to get attention. For example, here's what a friend told his business partner when the latter became irresponsible and failed miserably to do his part. "I resigned from my day job thinking that this business we went into will finally free me from the rat race, but it seems I may have to beg from people down the street just to feed my family. I am on the verge of bankruptcy because of your inaction! Ok, I'm exaggerating...to the max. It would, however, help our situation if you can focus on our business and help me in boosting it."

Important Things to Remember in Using Comparison


Timing is crucial. If you talk for hours to an idiot, then suddenly talk to a normal person, you will perceive the normal person to be of above average or even superior IQ. But what if you talked to the idiot 2 weeks ago and talked to the normal person now, would you have the same impression of the ordinary person? Most probably not, especially if you talked to a genius right before you spoke with the average person. You'll think the normal person is not too bright. Make a first request or offer that is "too much to be accepted" yet still realistic. Then present your second "more acceptable" request or offer (which is what you really want) after being rejected. People will tend to give in to your 2nd suggestion or request if they reject your first (more significant) one. Negotiators and sellers have been using this tactic effectively.

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Here's an example: Buyer: How much for this? Seller: That costs $77. Buyer: Are you kidding me? Seller: Ok, I'll give you a special deal but please don't tell others or I would not be profiting. I'll give it to you for only $37. Buyer: Hmmm, ok, deal! Now would the buyer be persuaded much more easily if the seller told him initially that the price is $37? Highly unlikely.

Case Study Using The Law Of Comparison


I was very glad when my cousin made good use of the persuasion and mind control techniques I've taught her, involving the one she used in the situation below: At school, she has a habit of coming up with a lot of ideas. Unfortunately, her classmates sometimes don't bite into it because of all the extra work it would entail. One day, during a brainstorming session for a school fair, a fabulous idea entered her mind. Knowing how her classmates would probably react to the extra work, she came up with another idea - something more complex and that required more effort from them all.

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When the time came to pitch her ideas, she suggested the more complex one first. Naturally, the students turned it down, not wanting to do too much. Then, my cousin cleverly sneaked in her original idea. Everyone seemed to be more accepting of it. I'm sure you know where I'm going with this story. What my cousin did was to first ask for something more than what she really intended, before asking for her original request. Why is this persuasion technique so effective? 1) People generally tend to accept something more if they know you tweaked it to their favor. This is sort of like haggling with a vendor. 2) They tend to compare both ideas; so when the complex one was presented first, the second less complex one seems a lot easier to do. 3) People tend to comply with a smaller request after they rejected a bigger one. That's because they feel that you have given them a concession, which they will try to reciprocate. Since my young cousin showed that some persuasion techniques are innate in us, I'm pretty sure you would do well with this strategy too.

Whats Better The First or the Last?


There are many advantages of being the first.

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I was the first grandchild of my grandparents (father's side) so I got much more attention when I came out to this world, than when my sisters and cousins were born. The first man to land on the moon or the first person who reaches the peak of Mt. Everest always gets the recognition. Other individuals who followed in their steps did not attain the same credit. The same theory applies in the field of persuasion. If you're joining a contest, ask if you can be the first to perform. If you're going to write a proposal, structure it in such a way that the benefits are listed first before the disadvantages. Your mind will pay much more attention to the first things that it encounters. Then it will tend to disregard the next data that may or may not correspond with the first information. Studies have also shown that the initial things you do can affect the things that you do later. How many dwarfs did Cinderella have? The answer is NONE! It was Snow White. If this is the first time you encountered this question, you might answer 7. This is because the unconscious mind has initially associated the number 7 with the dwarfs, even if you have changed the fairy tale character. A study was done by social psychologist Harold Kelley to two groups of students. He gave each group a separate list of traits describing a speaker they were going to meet.
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One group was informed that the speaker was cold, industrious, critical, practical, and determined. The other group was advised that the speaker was warm, industrious, critical, practical, and determined. Even if both sets of descriptions have almost the same sets of words except for the first word, the group of students who have been told the first description has an overall negative perception and opinion towards the speaker. This goes to show the impact of being the first. That's why when you want to make a great first impression, it would be a good idea to let your prospects be in a positive state of mind and be exposed to nice things before you come in contact with them. Some meetings accomplish this by having an ice breaker before the meeting. If someone is waiting for you in the lobby or on the phone, you could also ask an assistant to share great things or information about you while they're waiting. If you're persuading someone, and you want her to know you're considering her views and opinions (as much as yours), you could talk about your points first before hers. This way, your views would gain more leverage as a result of being first. Incidentally, studies have shown that people will also tend to remember the last in a series of events or information. So which one is better, the first or the last? The factor to consider is the length of time between the first and the last.

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When I was in high school, the teacher divided our class into groups and she assigned each group with a science project. She said that the more impressive the project, the higher our grades will be. She asked us who would like to present their projects first. If our teacher designated one entire day for the presentations, we should take the initiative to go first. This is the time when her memory is still fresh. But she said that only one project would be presented per day. In this case, we asked if we could be the last. (We did not know this technique at that time, we just wanted to have enough time to prepare well for our project). The teacher agreed. We then got the highest score among the presentations. It may be because we've had enough time to prepare. But being the last may have also been a critical factor. The impression we have imparted as the last contestants stuck in the minds of the judges. Because of the lengthy time span, the impact brought about by the first performers might have been a little overshadowed by the judges. Disregarding other factor, the first and the last gets the most attention and are the most remembered. Which would you remember more, your first kiss or your third one? What would give you a clearer picture, your second girlfriend or your last (who eventually becomes your wife)? I think you know the answer already.

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Chapter 11

Sizzling Techniques to Explosively Boost Your Sales Through The Roof (Part 1)
One of the most important uses of persuasion is in selling. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that everyone knows the nature of advertisements, which is why even the most direct advertising slogan is excusable and even effective to consumers. However, it's not just a case of telling people to buy this or use this, and then cite reasons. Persuasion in selling is not that brash. Some might even go far as to say it is an art. Well, like art, you have to look at it from different angles. I have decided to divide this topic into two chapters because of its enormous scope. I'll reveal extremely powerful persuasion techniques to sell your products or services to your prospects. It's not necessary that you apply all or most of them. The key is to test the techniques, find out which ones are bringing the best results, and continue finding ways to improve upon them.

Persuade Yourself First


The attitude of persuasion comes from within. You have to believe and convince yourself that you can sell, and sell a lot! You have to orient and tell yourself that you have the capacity to offer a product or service to a targeted prospect; have him need what you're offering.

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If you cannot develop that sense of persuasion in yourself, then it would be very difficult to become a persuasive salesperson. Develop the attitude and belief of being a persuasive salesperson even to the least of things. How? Persuade yourself first that you can sell anything to anyone. Having a good game face and attitude helps you become an effective salesperson. After all, nobody wants to do business with someone who doesn't have a clear idea on what he is selling. Be confident when talking to your clients and stay confident until the end of the transaction. How do you amp up your confidence level? Simple Learn as much as you can about the product you're selling. That way, you'll be able to answer any question customers might throw your way. Knowing your product's strengths and weaknesses also helps you persuade them to buy from you. Think ahead of any possible objections they may have and prepare the solutions in advance. (See chapter 1 for other tips to boost your confidence). If you're not confident enough in whatever it is you're selling, you don't stand a chance at persuading anybody. Learn how to inject confidence in your tone as well, so you'll be able to close that deal. A confident person speaks with a low-pitched, slow-paced, downwardinflected voice.

Satisfy A Need
If your great idea entails satisfying a previously unnoticed need, then you have a winner.

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Take the case of Bill Gates. Nobody before him had the brilliant idea of creating a usable computer operating system like Microsoft. So, when he launched it, many people were in awe of the benefits. The result? Massive use worldwide and a tidy profit for the college dropout. You don't have to look far for inspiration. A thorough evaluation of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs will point you in the right direction. Be it physiological, safety and security, love and belongingness, self-esteem or self-actualization needs, you will surely strike something worthy of satisfying.

Know Your Audience


As wonderful as it would be to just magically convince another person to share your views, life doesn't quite work that way. You have to know where your audience is coming from in order for you to know which angle you can best appeal to. This is the basic rule when it comes to selling. Be understanding. Yes, this is easier said than done; but the whole point of understanding your customers would make life easier for both of you, as it will build trust and rapport with them. When you immerse yourself in their world, you are given the rare opportunity to look at any given situation from their own point of view. Therefore, you should formulate questions geared towards knowing their likes and dislikes. Figure out how they tick. Try putting yourself in their shoes and imagine how they would feel if somebody comes up to them to present your product. What do you think will their outlook be? Knowing the answers to these million dollar questions will give you the chance to respond with fitting actions that would benefit them.

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If you're dealing with somebody who is more emotional, you can actually use feelings to plead your case. The chances of your success will definitely increase. No matter how enticing the woman in a poster for a liquor brand might be, it's not going to work if your target audience is composed of straight women. They just won't go for that. The same logic applies when you're catering for the rich, the middle class and low income earners. You have to study your target group in order to come up with the most suitable ad campaign.

Know Your Product


It is useless to know everything about your audience if you're not familiar about the product that you are selling. You cannot sell something you're not familiar with. You can have a hundred stocks of the best and latest necessity known to man; but without knowing at least its most important benefits and uses, you would not be able to sell them well. So to be a persuasive salesperson, you have to know the most intricate details of what you're selling because prospects are going to be asking a lot questions about it. Patrons want to know what your product is about and how it can improve their quality of lives. Therefore, it should be included in your obligations to study and research your products meticulously. Gain as much information as you can about it so that you will be able to persuade prospects more effectively. This is the only way to honestly and effortlessly answer the questions that may arise in the course of the discussion with the client.

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Even if you're simply trying to be a persuasive food salesperson, you have to know exactly what you're offering and be well-versed in your field. Study other related products as well, so you can make a good comparison between yours and theirs, and provide proof of how yours is better. Vegans, vegetarians, ornish, and pritikin consumers are going to be asking; and you are the only one who can respond. Prospects wouldn't want to buy from someone who has insufficient knowledge over his niche, or someone is doubtful over what he's selling. If you yourself aren't projecting wholehearted conviction with the quality of the product you are endorsing, then why should others believe you? It may seem like a no-brainer, but this is the main reason why many salespeople perform badly, to the detriment of their company's annual output. Although we are attracted to salespeople who "look" like they are experts about their product, the magic dies out immediately if potential customers detect that the seller is just bluffing and winging it. Prospects can detect your level of confidence. Salespeople with low selfconfidence are always asking themselves the "What-Ifs". "What if he ignores me?" "What if he's in a hurry?" "What if he doesn't need it?" But if you know you can sell and you know what you're selling, confidence will materialize independently. Then you can casually come up to anyone qualified and sell successfully.

Always Be Friendly and Polite


As a salesperson, you're expected to talk to a lot of people in a day. However, you're also expected to treat each and every person as if they are your first customer for the day.

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Even though you've explained the mechanics of your product for the hundredth time already, remain friendly and polite. Display enthusiasm when talking about your company. A smile goes a long way.

Practice Your Sales Pitch


Do not confuse practicing your sales pitch with memorizing it. Practicing and memorizing are two entirely different things. Practicing your sales pitch is more effective since you will be more fluent in talking to your prospects about the product that you are selling and you will be able to anticipate their response. It is not advisable to memorize your sales pitch because one mistake could lead them to doubt or even criticize you, especially the difficult ones. Maintain eye contact to build trust. You should be ready to face fussy or annoying prospects. Learn to work well under pressure because your ability and skills as a salesperson will truly be tested when you can successfully convince prospects to buy your products even when you are already under pressure. Be confident but refrain from being arrogant. There is a thin line between the two, so be conscious of how your client responds through his verbal and non-verbal feedback. If he has an open posture, you may be making headway. However, if he crosses his arms in front of his chest, has clenched fists or a poker face, he may be telling you to back off. Just stay cool, calm and collected in answering or demonstrating to your potential customers; and sooner or later, you will have them wrapped around your little finger.

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Consistency Recall
Now once you know more about their desires or problems, you can use a technique called "consistency recall" to get them to accept your suggestion. As discussed previously, people want to be consistent with their statements. If they act in a way that is incompatible with what they said, they will feel uneasy and might even feel that they're not worthy to be trusted. You can say, "If I remember correctly, you shared with me and the group that you want to resolve a serious problem with your wife. I know someone who can finally solve your problem. Would you like to give it a try?" It's tough to reject a proposal like this because non-acceptance would mean being inconsistent with their words. Try to have other people listen along to your conversation with your "prospect." The more people who hear what he says, the more he will strive to be consistent with his words. If possible, ask your "prospect" to write down what he says. You can do this in a "friendly" or "joking" manner; the result will remain the same. By writing down and/or being aware that other people have heard their statements, they are more likely to yield to your suggestions. Once your potential client complies, go for the jugular. Your idea should be presented in such a way that they will gain substantial benefits. It could be in the form of warranties, insurance, free online customer care, rebates, reimbursements or discounts.

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Keep Yourself Updated


People have this inherent "herd mentality" which dictates them to look and act like everyone else. This is reflected deeply during the school age years where peer pressure dictates everything and continues on well into adulthood. That's why trends are always good sources of income. Watching the news can help you keep up with the latest trends. By keeping yourself tuned into what is happening globally and locally, you are able to put your brand or your client into context with your target market. For example, if you're assigned to come up with an ad for vitamins and the rainy season has arrived, you can use the weather to convince your market that they need vitamins. Or if a certain celebrity is getting more popular or in-demand, reputable companies quickly acquire them and pay them millions of dollars - just so they can tell the buying public to support a certain brand. Whichever road you choose to take, it is very important to take note of your target market (because they're the ones you're supposed to convince) and take advantage of current events to help you do it. Just make sure you're always updated by tuning in to reliable sources.

Love Your Prospects


Never sell anything for the main purpose of getting big bucks. The ultimate goal of selling is to build good relationships.

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An open and friendly atmosphere between you and your client can possibly lead to more dynamic and fruitful deals in the latter part. A sincere smile can help uplift their moods. A heartfelt compliment can boost their spirits. Though these may be considered little gestures, they count a lot. Be positive in your approach. Exude a friendly aura, and moderate the speed of your speech and actions to match with theirs. It's only polite to introduce yourself first, before you ask them their names. It's a good idea to ask them how they want to be addressed. Treat your prospects as friends. Be interested in their life story. Know their deepest fears, anxieties, and concerns. You want to avoid pushing a sale. This borders more on desperation, and that is a turn off for prospects. Carefully guide your target to your mindset slowly, and inject a subliminal message that it is a good idea to buy the product from you. Never jeopardize your reputation. Always make sure that the customer will be satisfied and happy with your product or service. If you sell just anything to get some quick cash without any concern for your customer's well being, you'll be on the losing end in the long run. Once trust is lost, it will be extremely difficult to regain it again. If you offer excellent products or services, they will buy from you again and again in the future. They will tell other people about you and you'll get free recommendations. These referrals will be more likely to buy from you because they've been referred by people they know (your previous customers). You must be enthusiastic when selling anything which you believe will be beneficial to others. If you are not excited or passionate about your product/service, it will show not only from your words, but more specifically from
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your voice tone or pitch, eye contact, gestures and other forms of nonverbal communication. Clients should be pampered and made to feel that a helping hand is just nearby. Go the extra mile by not only delivering according to their expectations, but by exceeding them. In fact, a caring environment will make them more amenable to your suggestions.

Discover Values
Know your prospect's values, then relate to him how he will have his most cherished values attained by doing whatever it is you're asking him. Recognize what makes him tick. Ask your prospect how he arrived at buying something he really wants. Then structure your selling process in accordance with his buying process. For example, he might say that when he first saw what he wanted, he felt so excited he couldnt stop thinking about it everyday until he bought it and then he said it amazed his friends. If youve selling cell phones for example, you can tell him something like When you check out what this cell phone can do, you will feel so excited you might be unable to fall asleep thinking about how it can amaze your friends." People value different things. Some value money, some value freedom, while others value happiness in relationships. Whatever it is, know them and persuade people in accordance with their values. How do we know their values? Just ask. "What's most important to you in (going to this seminar, buying this computer, etc.)?"
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If they say they value the happy atmosphere, work your message or proposal towards having a happy atmosphere. Other questions you may ask: "What's the next most important to you in....?" "What factor made you decide to (move here, buy this cellphone, etc.)?" "What do you value in a (relationship, house, etc.)?" Ideally, if you want to know what someone values, pay attention to where he spends most of his time. If you want to know what someone is thinking often, just observe his actions. To know what someone's goals or dreams are, see what books or information materials he reads/listens to (Most people who dismiss the idea of continuous learning and improvement don't have ambition). You may even dig deeper into his values. Here's a sample conversation: You: What's important to you in buying fitness equipment? Prospect: It has to build up my muscles within the next 90 days. You: What's important to you in becoming muscular within the next 90 days? Prospect: I'm going to join a bodybuilding contest. You: What's important to you in joining that bodybuilding contest? Prospect: It will boost my self-esteem. Once you've dug deep, you'll be able to craft your sales message in such a way that your prospect's deepest values are met. In this case, you can say, "This
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fitness equipment will boost your self-esteem to the roof because you'll be having a body so muscular you'll be impressing the judges of any bodybuilding contest you join." First impressions last, so make sure the impression you impart on people (especially the first time you meet them) is a positive one. If you have established trust and respect since the beginning, there are lesser chances that they will change their perception of you. It may take a very long time before you can gain the trust of another, but it only takes one single action to ruin it. And once you ruin that trust, it would be very difficult to get it back.

Give And You Shall Receive


Once you've identified his needs, go out of your way to satisfy him. Give him free personal advice or a free product. Make him feel special. Remember his birthday, his sons and daughters, his job... anything about him. Give him greeting cards during special occasions. If you give him something of value or do anything that will make him remember you, then he will want to give something back. He will be more than happy to repay you. Once you've gained his trust he will become a loyal customer for life. And if your product meets or exceeds his expectations, then you have a goldmine.

Motivational Triggers

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Make the prospect feel that who he currently is, or what he currently has, is not good enough. He can be better; or he can attain much more than his present condition. Arouse his inner desires. By feeding on your prospect's desires, you could influence his actions. Giving him what he wants may allow you to persuade him better. He acts accordingly to what his heart and mind deeply desires. Desires are deep cravings or longing for something that brings forth satisfaction. Show him how your product has helped many individuals (just like him) attain their wants and desires. Tell him about your unconditional guarantee so that he will feel safe and secure in getting your product. If you can craft your message in a way that it appeals with any of the triggers below, you are more likely to get better results. 1) Desire for pleasure 2) Fear of pain 3) Having/saving more money 4) Prevention of loss of money 5) Attainment of excellent health and long life 6) Enhancement of relationships 7) The need for love, respect, security, recognition, and trust Probably the biggest motivators are pleasure and pain. If you can persuade him in such a way that you make him feel the pleasure of doing what you want or experience the pain of not doing what you want (using imagination and skillful word selections/descriptions), you will become an excellent persuader.

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However, it has been proven that the avoidance of pain is much more of a motivator than the attainment of pleasure. For me, it is better not to develop cancer than to earn $10,000. So paint a clear picture in your prospect's mind of the negativity, the consequences, the bad effects of not having your product or service. For instance, you're selling life insurance. You could say, "Imagine if something unexpected happens to you. Your family has no one else to turn to. They would be forced to go out on the streets, or beg for mercy, or take any job that they could get no matter how hard it is. It would be a nightmare to say the least." Then after they realized it, identify all the most beneficial and attractive positive aspects that your life insurance has to offer. "For only $XX dollars a month, you could have absolute assurance of financial security no matter what happens. Your family would have all the support they need; and you can always sleep well at night knowing that they will never have to struggle with life's hardships." As much as possible, show a more emotionally-powerful benefit. If you're selling a liquid cleaner, don't just say, "It cleans effectively." Say something like, "It saves your children from having to experience the harmful effects of diseasecausing germs." Play with words and images. Usually, a combination of words and images will entice customers towards your product. This is the reason behind claims such as new and improved, faster results, more efficient than the leading brand and so on. Get creative and spin your own catchy tag lines.

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Benefits vs. Features


Most people respond better to emotions than logic. In fact, research suggests that we rely on our emotions most of the time when making decisions. Therefore, you should aim to expound more on your product's/service's benefits (which appeal to the emotions) more than the features (which appeal to logic). To point out the benefits of your product, show your prospect how it could make his life easier or solve his problem if he owns or uses it. Here are examples of features and their corresponding benefits: Feature: This car has a VVT-i engine Benefit: This car is very fuel-efficient, so you'll save much more money in the long run by investing in this new car than to continue using your old one. Feature: This drink contains catechins. Benefit: This drink prevents the growth of cancer cells. However, we cannot eliminate the importance of logic. After people bought something, they justify their decision to convince themselves they did the right thing. And that's where features come into play.

Be Accurate
It's normal for people to have more faith in numbers and facts than in unsupported data. But you should also be accurate with your figures. It's hard to believe that $100 is your discounted price. Make it sound more exact like say $97 or how about $99.97 (Numbers ending in 7 tend to be more salable
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based on research). Don't say you're 40% done with your assignment; 37% or 37.5% is more accurate. Accuracy or exactness is not only important in sales, but is important in many aspects of your life. For example, you are a programmer applying for a job position. In your resumes job description, instead of simply saying "Created analysis software program," you might want to say something which has some quantifiable figures, such as "Created analysis software program that has boosted company earnings by an average of $7583.95 monthly." On the other hand, there are many people (particularly salespeople) who are using inexact wordings with great results. That's because their vague statements give their prospects the freedom to make their own conclusions. Notice the words in bold from the examples below: More than half of all applicants were hired. (51% is more than half, but our minds may tend to overestimate since there's no exact figures). Around 90% of Mark's students have passed the Board Exams. That store has a grand sale of up to 80% off. (But many other products in that store have less or no discount). Accuracy in date and time is as important as the numbers. Dont say that youll meet someone after a few minutes. Is it 5 minutes, 10 minutes, or maybe even 30 minutes? He may expect you to be there in 5 to 10 minutes, but your thought of a few minutes might turn out to be 30 minutes, resulting in miscommunication, frustrations and negative emotions.

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Dont say that the deadline is at the end of the month. Be specific. Is it 5:00 am in the morning or 9:00 pm at night? Theres a big difference. By being accurate with your time, youll get more out of other people. Dont even say around a specific time (ex: around 5:00 pm). I once attended a party that was scheduled to start at around 5:00 pm. Most of the guests arrived between 5:00 to 6:00 pm, but the party started at 8:00 pm! Some of the guests were so irritated they left the party even before it started.

Glittering Generality
Glittering generality is the art of using vague but sparkly words to make other people think your product is special. Words like "all new!" or "new and improved!" are often employed to arouse the interest of the customer. I see these words a lot when I go to the grocery store. Shampoos, detergent powders and lotions are always using this particular persuasion technique. But what is so new and so improved about these products? Are they really so vastly different from the old ones? That's the thing about glittering generality. Just seeing the words "new and improved" compels us to buy a certain product! Everyone wants to have the latest reincarnation of a product.

Proofless Exaggerations
Some master persuaders and salespeople have used this technique with great results! They say things that may "seem" to be true or that may be assumed as universally accepted fact, but there is no proof nonetheless.

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Example 1: This is the most delicious burger in town. By whose standards? What are the criteria for judging the best burger? Well, no one has the final answer. Example 2: Everybody loves Mr. Brandon. How did you know? There may be people admiring him, but you'll never know who might be jealous or angry with him.

Let Your Prospect Own the Product Before Buying


As you probably already know, people would rather not get a thing that they havent owned yet than lose something already in their possession. Once they possess something, they treat it with value. How do you get your prospect to sense ownership of your product, so that he may feel its value and purchase it? Devise a state in the mind of the prospect where the product is already his, and he is totally enjoying and benefiting from it. For example you could say, "Once you've owned the Abs Megamachine, you'll be the envy of your friends. You're going to get six-pack abs and flatten your tummy in just 6 weeks. The days of suffering back pains are over. And who knows? You might be the next model for Flex Magazine." But sometimes, words are not enough. They may need to actually use or have it. The "bring it home" technique works like a charm. So if possible, let him take
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home the product and use it for a few days. Give him an unconditional guarantee that he can return it anytime he likes and get all his money back. Compromise if needed. Sometimes, we need to meet the client halfway in order to show him to what extent we can be of help to him. This is especially true in clients who have been let down by other product or service providers before. If you are in the computer industry selling genuine spare parts, and you encounter an ostensibly difficult client, come up with "test drives" promo or other noteworthy gimmicks to prove your worth. Through this, the client will know you are a legitimate business worth venturing into.

The Time Factor


This is a sneaky little trick that insurance and timeshare agents and most other salespeople do to get you to take their offers. They simply take you through a long presentation before asking for the sale. The secret lies in the time and effort they spent in explaining the whole concept. And the only thing you might think of to repay them, or justify their time and effort, is to buy whatever they're selling. Many would think that buying the product is the only way to relieve themselves of the guilt of not doing anything, after all the agent or salesperson has gone through. If you're the prospect, realize that this ploy should get you to buy only if you really want or need the product, and not because you want to reciprocate them for the time and effort spent.

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Remove the Pressure


Some people are aware of the Time Factor strategy above. So if your prospect is in a state of doubt or confusion, he will be less likely to listen to your presentation due to the tremendous amount of pressure involved. He'll think, What if I don't like this product after his presentation? I don't like to disappoint him after all his efforts. One way to eliminate this pressure is to tell him that he doesn't have to agree with you or accept any offer until he's 100% sure that he's making the right decision. When you take away the pressure to buy anything after the presentation, it puts him in a more relaxed state where he can just focus on your sales message, instead of thinking if he'll be forced to make a choice right away.

A New Twist of Pressure


Now here's an amazing twist that might seem like you're eliminating pressure; but in reality, you're giving more of it. Here's how it works. After you've talked to the prospect and he tells you, Give me 5 good reasons why we should choose you as our speaker instead of Mr. A. You can counter this by saying, I think something's not clear; perhaps your audience might not be able to fully understand my advanced strategies the way my other clients do.

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By saying this, you give him a friendly challenge by saying that he might not be able to handle your methods. (People love to prove they can conquer any challenges.) You also imply that you're not desperate for his acceptance and don't care if he hires you or not. You also subcommunicate that you have other clients waiting to hire you if the prospect doesn't choose you. This tremendously builds up your value and would make the prospect more eager to hire you. Reminder: While you're saying this, make sure you're conveying confidence in your abilities. Make sure that your body language corresponds with your words. You'll only sabotage your efforts if your tonality is weak and you're exhibiting signs of uncertainty. Fuse your body language with your verbal communication.

Strike While The Iron's Hot


Aim to have your prospect buy the product or conclude the transaction as soon as you can. Add urgency-inducing words to your sales message, such as now, immediately, before you miss out, before it's too late, or while supplies last. If your prospect shows interest or wants to buy your product, do everything you can to satisfy him immediately. Don't wait for your presentation to be over, or for the rooster to crow in the morning, or after watching your favorite TV show. Always be ready. Never deny his needs. He may change his decision in the blink of an eye, so grab the opportunity when he shows any intent. When he has agreed on the sale, stop talking; or you might just cause him to think it over. Less talk, less mistakes as my Mom always says. I think she got the right idea. If you sell it while he's in the buying mode, you will strengthen his belief that he's making the correct decision, and he will find reasons to prove that he has indeed
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made the right choice. You'll also establish a good reputation and lessen the chances of your prospect dealing with your competitors.

How To Persuade Your Prospect To Commit


You've been in this situation before. You spent an entire afternoon talking animatedly about the merits of this one product you're trying to sell; and after wasting about a bucket of saliva on the effort, your prospect tells you he cannot possibly find any use for it. Deep inside, surely you'd want to lash out at him for pulling your leg in the first place. But, hey, that's just part of the challenges of being in the sales industry. How do you persuade a person, who thinks he doesn't need your product, to actually believe on his own that what you're selling is indispensable and something he shouldn't be leaving home without? This sounds like an impossible feat, doesn't it? But it's actually very possible. You just have to know what buttons to push to get a 'yes'. And that button, much to the surprise of many, is pain. It is in his pain where he is unguarded and very likely to comply to whatever you say. How is this done? Think of it this way. If your product has a potential value for your prospective buyer, then your job is to persuade that person that there is something lacking in his life that your product would fill perfectly. This is how you get commitments. If your prospect is bent on finding a solution to his 'dilemma', then expect him to run to you for respite. After all, you're the one who introduced the concept of this

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pain in the first place, so you better be smart to know when to reap the fruits of your labor. When the prospect comes to you, remind him of his problem. Once it has sunk in on him, be firm and ask for a commitment. More often than not, you will get what you want. However, should it happen that the prospect will still not give his commitment, then perhaps it's best to move on to someone else. It's either he doesn't take you seriously or he really has no resources as of the moment. In the end, the key to a closed deal is a commitment. If you don't have it, then it would take a lot of luck and persuasive effort from you or someone of influence, or a sudden event, to win one. Always remember the world of sales does not come out with victories at all times. There will be moments when you have to turn around and look the other way. After all, there are billions of people in the world; you will never run out of potential clients.

Wait! There's More...


So you've done your job in making your prospect eager to take your offer. You can further whet their appetite by adding a last-minute incentive. It doesn't even need to be anything significant; just the idea of adding more when they're already interested makes it the more enticing. This incentive method also applies in non-selling situations. So let's say you've convinced your kid to go to school for the first time; you can further motivate him by adding, we'll go to the playground afterward.

Increase The Value Of Your Product Or Service Many Times Over

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When the product or service you offer has no standard or suggested price in the marketplace to base on, you can command any price you want. Obviously, it must be something very extraordinary and different from the others. But if you're selling an identical product or service, you can still ask for a high price by increasing your perceived value first, then offering them a discount. Here's what I mean. Let's say you're a good writer, and you're clueless on how much to charge your clients. Some writers charge as high as $50 per short article, while some charge as low as $2! You don't want to charge anywhere within the range of $2 since most will think your quality of writing is bad. (Isn't it amazing how we judge people or things based on the price offered, even if they haven't delivered yet?) $50 per article might be too high though (even if people may think you're the best writer). But would $25 be a reasonable amount? It could be; and although some may still not afford it, you have set your value in their minds. And this is the key; because from then on, you can give them a highly discounted price of let's say $10. For many, $10 is still too high a price; but with regards to your offer, they would be more receptive to it because they're getting high-quality articles worth $25 each for a bargain price of only $10! Aside from the price, you may also increase the perceived value by including better versions or bonuses to your main product. For example, you're selling an e-book for $47. You could create an audio version or video version, include worksheets, and add other complementary products, and then charge a higher price of $77. Since many marketers are too lazy to come up with an audio or video version, that's another edge for you. And lastly, you can apply the law of scarcity. In our writer example, you don't want to sound too desperate and too eager to get them as clients. You don't want to look like you're doing nothing and simply waiting for clients (In their minds, not getting clients means your writing is not up to par). What you could do is subtly
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accommodate them, but tell them you will get back to them asap after you have checked your schedule because you have a line-up of orders; and you don't want to take more orders than you can handle. Or if you can't afford to risk having the client slip away, you can tell them that there might be a slight delay in the fulfillment of their order because you have lots of orders coming through; and you want to give each article the necessary attention and time it deserves to ensure its quality.

Turn One Sale Into Many More


Once a prospect goes into buying mode, he is much more likely to spend more with you at that point in time. So why not take advantage of the situation and offer them an upsell or cross-sell? An upsell is usually a better, upgraded or more expensive version of your product. It could simply be the same item, but with some major features not available in the main product you're selling. For example, you're buying tickets to a show and the seller asks you, Would you like to have the ringside seats instead? It only costs $20 more but you'll be so much closer to the action. It could also be a package consisting of the main product and another product(s) that complement it. (Classic example: McDonald's Would you like fries with that?). An upsell is usually offered before the prospect buys the main product, with the hope that they will compare the upsell with the main offer, and realize that the upsell is a much better deal for the price (despite costing more). A cross-sell is an offer of a related product(s) to a customer, and is usually done after the buying decision was made. You've probably seen statements like: People who bought this item also bought.. Those establishments are crossselling you on products related with the one you just bought. They knew that

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people who are passionate or interested in a certain subject are likely to buy other things with the same theme. And of course, once you've converted prospects into customers, strive to overdeliver. Be as helpful as you can. I've seen a lot of successful salespersons who give their clients useful advice even after they've bought. They're not exactly giving away confidential company secrets; but rather, they're helping the customers get what they really want and assuring their satisfaction.

The Ladder Of Elevating Profits


The previous discussion is a simple way to squeeze more money juice from a single sale. But if you can afford to offer various products with ascending price points, then there's a much targeted and profitable way to sell each item to a customer. Here's what I mean. It would be more challenging to persuade a first-time customer to buy a high-end or expensive product. So you start from the bottom of the sales ladder; and every time a customer bought a product, you climb him up one rung. Here's how to do it: Sell him a relatively affordable product that he can easily buy without having to think much about it. Give the lowest possible price you could give, even to the point of just breaking even. Even if you couldn't make a profit initially, you've placed him in the first rung of your sales ladder. You then make an offer for a 2nd product with a higher price. If he buys it, then you put him in the second rung of the ladder, and offer a 3rd product with a higher price than the previous 2. And so on... Here's an example. Let's say you're selling a book worth $10. When a customer buys it, you put him in the first rung. All those in the first rung would be offered a
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CD course worth $97. When a customer buys the CD course, you put him in the second rung. All those in the second rung would be given a special offer to attend a live seminar worth $297. When he buys, you put him in the third rung. All those in the 3rd rung would be offered an exclusive, one-on-one coaching session worth $597. As you can see, the more the customer buys (and the higher he gets in your sales ladder), the more valuable he becomes to you because he'll be more open to buy from you again if he's satisfied with his previous purchase experience. The key here is to over-deliver on every transaction and make the customer happy and satisfied. As you do that, he will respect, trust, and like you more and more with every purchase he makes from you.

Be A Hero
Tell them all the pains and agonies you've gone through just to save your prospect from doing or attaining something they hate. For example, say, "I've tested all the methods and spent lots of money just to know what works and what doesn't. I've sacrificed time and relationships just to get this information that would be extremely beneficial to those who would apply it." Make him realize that you did everything for him and endured all the hardships just to give him something of great value. And he gets to enjoy the fruits of your labor. He gets to reap what you painstakingly sowed. Did you find these sales techniques beneficial? More coming in the next chapter...

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Chapter 12

Sizzling Techniques to Explosively Boost Your Sales Through The Roof (Part 2)
This chapter aims to provide you with more techniques and strategies to skyrocket your profits. So get ready to generate more cash, starting with...

The Counter Proposal Method


Make an initial sales offer. Then craft another counter proposal, this time a larger one. Give the larger proposal to your prospect. If she rejects it, then offer her your initial sales offer. See what happens. Your prospect will be more receptive to accept the smaller offer. By declining the larger proposal, she will feel embarrassed to turn down another one, especially if it's not as enormous as the first one. Here's a typical non-sales example employing this technique: Tony's Mom wants to eat Luigi's lasagna for dinner. She knows Tony doesn't want to go out and buy dinner, but she also knows that he absolutely hates cooking. So she'll ask, "Tony, could you cook me some lasagna for dinner?" He'll say, "But Mom, I don't know how to cook."
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She would say, "Could you then just buy me some lasagna from Luigi's?" It's hard to turn down a second request. Have you ever experienced someone calling you to sell or offer something; then when you did not buy, she asked for referrals? What did you do? You probably gave the contact details of your friend, didnt you? When you rejected her offer the first time, the 2nd request (asking for referrals) is difficult to reject, even if you never intended to share your friends personal details. People feel guilty if they refuse your request, so they want to make it up to you. And if your second offer is something they can afford to do, then they'll grab the opportunity to make it up to you. The key is to make the first offer as big (yet as realistic) as possible without having the impression that you have a self-serving motive or hidden agenda. Dont make the initial offer so unreasonable that it becomes outrageous; it will only produce negative effects. Now concerning the secondary proposal, how much smaller should it be? The answer: As long as the secondary request is smaller than the first one (no matter how reasonably large the first one is), your persuasion effort is right on track. Heres how you can apply this is in your marketing. Present the more expensive yet better-quality product first. If she buys it, good for you. If she decides not to get it, then offer her the less-expensive yet lower-quality one. The beauty of this is that she will tend to compare both. She may either find that the more affordable product is a better deal for the lower price, or she may find that the quality of the first product is far superior than the lower-priced product.

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You can even do this strategy to the 3rd or 4th level, meaning if you cant get her to agree on your 1st and 2nd attempts, you may try and try again with subsequent smaller requests. Union leaders apply this strategy when negotiating with management. Using this strategy also increases the chances that the person who accepted the secondary request will actually do or comply with the request. A test was conducted in which a first group was presented with the actual request upfront, while a second group was presented with a larger request initially before being asked for the actual (yet smaller) request. Both groups who agreed with the request were asked to come back after a week to fulfill what they have been assigned to do. The results revealed that the second group who complied initially had almost double the rate of people actually coming back and doing the request, as opposed to the first group who also agreed to return. More surprising is the fact that the second group is more willing to comply with future requests. Why is this so? Thats because by having an optional secondary request, the second groups freedom of choice was not limited. Its like they were given an escape route. And by accepting it, they felt like they were given a favor because they were allowed to reject the first offer. In this case, they felt a sense of contentment and at the same time, responsibility to fulfill the secondary and other future requests.

Fuse Your Message With The Prospect's Qualities


I am about to reveal a very effective persuasion method. In selling, you can get more people to buy more of your products if you are focusing on a very targeted group of prospects.

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Would you sell lipstick to a man? Not a good idea. The same principle applies in all aspects of your persuasion efforts, whether you're using persuasion in your business, career, relationships, etc. You have to make your message "fit in" with their personality, behavior, values, mindset, and beliefs in order to persuade them successfully. How will you be able to do that? Use the power of questions. Just ask them specific details that will reveal more of their inner state. 1) To know their decision-making criteria You might ask, How do you make a decision in choosing which plan to push through? If they answer: a) "I just know it deep inside." - This means they rely on themselves, so you can customize your message by saying something like, "You probably already know deep inside that this product is the perfect choice." b) "I ask opinion of Mr. X/ Ms. Y." or "I do research on reliable books." - This means they rely on others, so you can craft your proposal by saying something like, "This strategy has proven to be the most cost-effective based on evidence gathered by Mr. X's group." 2) To know if they have the "need" or the "opportunity" mindset You might ask, "Why did you apply to work as manager in this corporation?"

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If they answer: a) "I need the money to pay the monthly bills." - This means they are motivated by their needs, and less likely by what they truly want in their lives. They are likely to stay in their comfort zone, so words like "having a safe, secure job" are heaven to their ears. You can't motivate them by describing how terrific their future will be because they are tied to satisfying their current needs. b) "I love the opportunity to meet new people and take on exciting projects. This means they are motivated by their expectations of something great or exciting to occur in the future. You cannot motivate them by suggesting they need your product or service. 3) To know if they focus on getting pleasure or avoiding pain You might ask, "Why do you want to become a millionaire?" If they answer: a) "I want to travel around the world and buy anything I want." - This means they are going after pleasure, so you can customize your message by saying something like, "Our course provides you with the opportunity to go to exciting destinations, meet successful people, eat at the finest restaurants, and shop to your heart's delight." b) "I don't want to suffer from poverty and constant worrying of where I will get the money to pay for the bills." - This means they want to avoid pain, so you can craft your message by saying something like, "With this new job, you'll never have to experience the agony of stressful labor." 4) To know if they are detail-oriented or the "in-a-nutshell" type
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You ask, "Shall we proceed or would you like more details?" If they answer: a) "Let's get right to it." - This means they want the big picture, and they don't want to burden themselves with knowing every specific detail of your product or service. They think and act quickly, so you can persuade easily by simply emphasizing the main benefits and getting straight to the point. b) "I'd like to study your proposal first before making my decision." - This means they want to know all the facts, evidences, instructions, or details before jumping into any conclusion. They are prone to analyze and be meticulous with details, so you can persuade them by giving them full documentations. When persuading anyone, remember that you should always state your message in terms of their needs, wants, desires, goals, dreams, etc. Remember that they are always asking, What's in it for me?

Focus On The Savings


Are your products a little expensive? If people see a price tag of $150, they will be discouraged and will move on to the next offer that allows them to save. But what if you tell them that the total value of your products is worth $2500? They would be able to save $2350, a great big savings of 94%. Wouldn't that make them think? Even if your products are not that affordable, if they perceive your products as having extraordinary value, it will trigger the savings factor and they will grab the opportunity of getting them at a very big discount.
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Couple that with some specific figures (94% savings) and a time-sensitive offer (This price will increase on August 25), then you've got a proven winner. They will overlook the initial price because they are so excited about the tremendous amount of savings they'll get if they buy your products.

Paint a Vivid Mind Picture


If you want to persuade someone, you could paint a vivid picture in her mind of the pleasure she will receive when she does what you asked, or the pain she will suffer if she doesn't do what you asked. Ask her to imagine that perfect (or worst) picture in her mind. Examples: Just imagine how people would admire and respect you when they find out you hold an important position in this organization. Fill out the form now to gain the power you deserve. Just imagine how horrible your oily face will look, with acne, pimples and postules sprouting all over your face, if you do not use our facial wash.

Divulge Your Minor Weakness or Bad Point to Gain Trust


You can gain trust easily by establishing a reputation of honesty and integrity. It is much easier to convince a person about something that you know is true, rather than convince her about something that is bogus.

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Do not oversell your product because if your product fails or cannot live up to the promises that you gave your customer, it will just boomerang to you and you will end up having a bad reputation. Tell her the flaws of your product before informing her of the overwhelming benefits to make the flaw look insignificant. This applies 3 principles of persuasion: 1) Reciprocity She would want to return the favor of honesty youve given to her. By being honest, youve just shown her you can be trusted; she will repay that trust by buying your product. 2) Commitment Once she knew you can be trusted and purchased your item, she will tend to continue trusting and buying from you as long as you meet her expectations. 3) Authority Once youve shown the defects of a product, you establish yourself as an expert who is willing to reveal the bad points, even if it means abandoning your self-interest for her sake. Sometimes when we list down ONLY all the good qualities of a product, people may tend to be skeptical or doubtful of what we're saying. To counter this, mention a flaw or bad side of your product before offsetting it with the many good sides. As long as the imperfection is trivial, and your positive features overshadow your competitors', this technique can skyrocket your earnings. The reason for this is that when you "confess" the negative part, your prospect's defenses will drop down and she will be able to focus on the positive aspects and be more open to accept your message.

Co-Relate The Strength And Weakness


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Businesses have been using the reveal the weakness technique to counter any marketing attack by competitors or objections by prospects. They'll say something like, "We have to admit that this new product is more expensive, but you'll save much more in the long run because it's energy efficient and operates twice as fast as the old model. Notice how the flaw (expensive price) is related with the positive aspect (more money saved because of the machine's capacity). This is much more effective than saying, We have to admit that this new product is more expensive, because it has the highest quality all-natural ingredients and has taken 2 years to perfect." If a negative facet has been brought to your attention, you would want to remedy that defect (no matter how small) with a redeeming feature that resolves the flaw.

Make Them Think It's Their Idea


A great way to subliminally persuade people to buy is to have them eventually agree with you without them noticing it (because they thought it was their idea). When negotiating, repeat what the other person said and then show how you will be able to achieve what she wants for them. Be consistent so you don't run the risk of contradicting yourself. As long as you have what the other party needs, you hold an advantage. Here's an example. Let's say you're trying to sell used cars to a friend. After asking and listening to your friend tell you what she's looking for in a used car, emphasize the items being sought in the vehicles you have in your roster. It will be difficult for your friend to say 'no' since you already have what she said she needed. When employed the right way, it works like a charm every time.

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4 Sales-Boosting Types Of Testimonials


Testimonials are very persuasive because they come from 3rd parties. Anyone can make crazy claims regarding how good their products are, but testimonials provide some kind of proof that verify the actual effectiveness of the products... because they're coming (and should be coming) from people not related to the seller. So use testimonials in your sales letters, promos, and campaigns. Collect them from satisfied customers, and use them, every chance you get. But above all, never create fake testimonials because it's not only unethical, but will put your reputation at risk. Always ensure that your claims are all truthful and verifiable. To encourage customers to give testimonials, give away something valuable in exchange for their testimonials. Some of them might get intimidated with writing whole paragraphs, so you can tell them to simply jot down a few notes. Let me give you a list here of the most effective types of testimonials to skyrocket your profits. 1) Success Story Testimonials An effective testimonial involves a story or case study on how your product or service has improved the life of a person. Use before/after case studies if possible. It's not enough to say, I love this product! or I think this is going to work well for me. A powerful testimonial includes actual, specific results gained from using the product or service. Here's an example:

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John's product has helped me lose 9 pounds in just 7 days! I started taking it on July 2. I was very fat by then. On July 9, my waistline shrunk by 4 inches and I can even see some ab muscles. Thanks for bringing my confidence back! Couple the testimonial above with before and after pics, and you got a winner! 2) Authority Testimonials A testimonial multiplies its power when coming from someone famous or an authority, especially if she belongs to the same field as that of your product. Remember the law of authority and association? Testimonials from specialists or popular people tend to gain more credibility and trust, and people associate those aspects to the products being sold. 3) Sensory Testimonials The more senses the prospect uses, the more effective the results are. Written testimonials rely only on the eyes of the prospect, and can easily be manipulated. Audio testimonials are more genuine since the prospect can actually hear and feel the emotions of the happy buyer. But nothing could be as real - and as believable - as video testimonials, because the prospect is using 2 senses (eyes and ears); she could actually see and hear (and even connect with) the satisfied customer praising your product. 4) Doubt-To-Certainty Testimonials If the prospect could relate to the testimonial as if she's experiencing the testimonial giver's past situation, then she's as good as sold.

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The testimonial tells about the frustrating problem the user had, and how she's full of doubt and skepticism in buying the product. But she had made a bold decision to purchase the product because she can't stand the pain any longer. And behold! It dramatically changed her life, and it was the best decision she had ever made. When requesting for testimonials from past users, ask them to state the problem they previously had. Ask them if they had any doubts in ever buying the product before, and how their decision finally solved their dilemma. Request them to jot down these very crucial details. Here's a secret method to get perfect testimonials from past users: Some people are too lazy to write a testimonial (and even much lazier to record one in audio or video format). So you could do it for them. Ask their permission if you could write down a testimonial for them, based on the results you've seen them get. Once you have the ok sign, write down a benefit-filled testimonial, and give it to them for editing and approval. They'll either make a few changes or be fine with what you've written. This isn't deceptive, since the customer could change the testimonial and they have to approve it before you could use it.

Highly Profitable Pricing Strategies


Incidentally, asking an expensive price may be an advantageous move. The reason is that people correlate expensiveness with high quality. A very good friend of mine, who is meticulous when it comes to the quality of products she's buying, would almost always select the most expensive one, even if she has not carefully evaluated them all. We live in a world of information overload; since we want to avoid confusion and mental agony, we often make our decisions and base our judgment on simple cues, such as the price of the product.
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Another example would be discount coupons. People associate discount coupons as a way for them to save money, even if they provide no significant savings at all. People don't want to analyze the intricacies of things; their time is much too important. A discount coupon would give them a sense of relief because it is automatically perceived as a way for them to save money, time, and energy. Some salespeople would even combine the power of expensive pricing and discounting. For example, the actual price of an item is $100. They would go to such great lengths by saying that the original price is $200, but the first 20 people get a half price discount of only $100! They give the prospects the perception that the product has a high value, they give a significant 50% discount, and they employ the principle of scarcity. Some marketers also utilize the "Make Them Feel Guilty" strategy, where they make the customers feel that they (the buyers) have taken much more than they should have, such as "The original price is $77; but for this week only, you get it at half-price - only $27!" They intentionally indicate $27 as the half price instead of the real half price so customers can steal this overlooked bargain. Some salespeople apply a tricky strategy. Ive personally experienced it myself. When you ask a salesperson how much a product costs, she shouts to her superior (from a distance) how much it is, and the superior shouts back, "$67!" The salesperson would pretend to hear the price by mistake and say, "She said $37." She might also say something like, "Please keep this a secret between us. I'll let you have it for only $37 because I like you a lot."

Many Options = Less Sales?

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Martha has opened a pastry shop. She makes tarts that are so good just smelling them will make your mouth water. For the first few days, her business is steady. She tried experimenting with other varieties and tart fillings. She perfected her craft, and soon she's ready to add 7 more assorted selection of tarts to her 8 original ones. She began selling all 15 types of tarts. After a month, she noticed a drop in her sales by 20%. She thought this might just be a seasonal occurrence. The next month, her sales declined further by another 5%. Her tarts are still the same old great-tasting pastries people have previously been raving about. She thought. And thought. What was she doing before that she's not doing at the present? What does she have before that she doesn't have now? Then she experienced a "light-bulb" experience. She will try to sell just 8 different varieties - 4 original ones and 4 from her new recipe. After a month's time, her sales rose by a staggering 35%! The next month she tried a different assortment of tarts to sell, but never increased by more than 8 varieties. Her sales remained consistently high. She has discovered the secret strategy. It may sound ironic, but customers will be confused if you sell them products that have too many combinations, varieties, or options. But customers will also find it quite boring to be patronizing the same products all of the time. So you also have to put some diversity in them. Change the flavors, colors or selections from time to time, and they will be curious to try them out.
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Continuously test your products and see which ones have the highest selling potential. Then just pick out the top few ones that sell the best. If you want, you could introduce new products in the future and test to see if they could beat any of the current top sellers. Constant testing is the key to ensure that you make the most profits out of your available resources. There is an exception to the more options = less sales phenomenon. Even if you sell many varieties, your prospects are still likely to buy if they already have a particular type in mind. For example, if you're selling merchandise with 100 different colors to choose from, the prospect will choose your product with the dark red color if he almost always chooses dark red on anything he buys... because it's his favorite color.

Help Them Conquer The Fear Of Change


People are afraid to make changes in their lives. They would rather stay with their unsatisfying state of living rather than risk having to lose anything. They foresee the negative consequences of their actions, but not the positive. It is now your duty to let them feel the agony of staying at their current status. Make them visualize the undesirable outcome for not making any change in their life. If they can picture the pain that comes along with being stagnant, they will be motivated to take the necessary action to avoid any suffering. Make them realize the negative end result of staying where they are, then knock them down with the most attractive benefits of your product that will solve and end their dilemma.

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Repeat, Repeat, And Repeat


Once is enough for the wise man, they say. But in the world of sales and trade, there is no such thing as an arrangement being confirmed just once. In order for you to finally close that deal, you will have to exercise a number of persuasion strategies, and one of the most effective is repetition. The more you repeat the benefits of the product or service you are selling, the more it becomes natural to you and your prospect. It is this feeling of naturalness that you want to accomplish; because when an idea becomes second nature, it won't appear as if you're trying to sell; but instead, you'll just be highlighting the obvious. After watching a certain advertisement on television, notice how we find ourselves humming the ad's catchy jingle even while we're doing something else. That's repetition in action. In fact, it operates on several levels. Repetition is necessary to retain a certain piece of information to memory. For example, if you need to learn a certain poem, you keep repeating it to yourself, even in your sleep, so you could commit it to memory. This method is also needed to promote a better understanding of a certain idea or issue. Thus, if you want to convince your prospect that your product is the best in its industry, then you will have to keep repeating its benefits and the awards (if ever) it received to persuade her. Repetition also breeds familiarity. The more often you reiterate the merits of your product, the more likely your target buyer will feel and think that what you're saying is the one and only truth. There might be other brands in the industry; but if your prospect is most familiar with yours because of your advertising strategies, then she is likely to buy what you are offering.
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Repeated exposures will subconsciously embed your message or image into other peoples minds. The more a message or idea is repeated, the more valid or appropriate it becomes in their minds. Did you also know that the more times you see someone, the more you get to like them? If you constantly familiarize your target people with your presence and the good points of your materials, then youre going in the right direction of making them develop likeability for you and your product. On the contrary, being constantly exposed to something that connotes negative aspects such as hatred, rivalry, or envy, will only intensify those negative aspects. If you dislike someone, seeing her often would only aggravate your bitter feelings toward her, right? Repetition should not be overdone as familiarity can also breed contempt, as the saying goes. If you bombard the buyer too much, you will appear desperate, your campaign will look forced, and your approach will seem irritating. You want to win your client over to your side, not drive her away by being too pushy. Be sensitive enough to know when to limit repetition. One alternative method is to re-word or present your message in different ways, so as not to bombard her with the exact same statement over and over again. Let me tell you my story of how I managed to convince my family to go on a trip to Thailand, instead of another place they've wanted to go. It might not sound like such a huge feat, but I have to say that the whole Thai experience was really amazing; and of course, so was the sound of victory. Telling my family straight out that we should go to Thailand would not work. Aside from the fact that we don't know anybody there, my parents think that the language barrier might prove to be a hassle. I knew we would definitely enjoy Thailand, and have already looked up various activities we could enjoy.
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Instead of trying to convince them day in and out to agree with me, I continuously dropped comments about Thailand and what people do there for fun. I mentioned various interesting things about Thailand on different occasions; and before long, they too began to feel intrigued about the place. Suffice to say, we packed our bags soon thereafter and boarded on our plane flight to Thailand. There is a method to successful repetition, and that is moderation. Perseverance is essential; but as with anything else in this world, too much is too much. If you start annoying your prospect with your aggressiveness, you're not likely to get any positive response from her (or her network) now or any time in the future.

Leave Them Hanging and Hungry for More


According to wikipedia.org, the Zeigarnik effect states that people remember uncompleted or interrupted tasks better than completed ones. How do we apply this in persuasion and sales? Keep them hanging in suspense that they will not stop until they know the ending. TV and radio programs use this often to make the viewer stay tuned to the next episode. Writers are also doing this to make people continue reading until the very end. If you're selling an information product, you can use this effectively by giving them a sample excerpt that ends in such a way that they will want more details from you so badly, they'll have to buy your product to satisfy their urge or curiosity. The power of the Zeigarnik effect comes from the desire of people to finish what has already been started. Let's say you're a sales manager and you're giving a
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$500 bonus incentive to anyone on your sales team who could sell at least 50 units per month. To apply the Zeigarnik effect, you could give them credit for 10 sales at the start of the month, so all they have to sell are 40 more units to get the incentive. This motivational push will give them the momentum to continue the process. And the closer they are to reaching 50 units, the more inspired they are to attain that goal.

Cliffhangers
Certain words have the power to keep people hanging and hungry for more. They're called cliffhangers. Let's take a look at some examples below (words in bold are cliffhangers). In a few moments, I'll show you the right way to meet Mr. Right. In due time, I'll reveal the answer to this mysterious puzzle. Sooner or later, the truth will be revealed! Ultimately, your prayers will be answered. These words will make your prospects stick with you until they've found the information or thing you've been keeping from them.

Make Them Say "Wow!"


So you have successfully sold them your product? That's great! However, this is not the end of your sales process. Make sure that they are more than satisfied with their purchase.

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Surprise them with unexpected bonuses. Follow-up with them to see if everything's working smoothly. Get feedback to know how you can be of greater service to them or to their referrals in the future. If they ever have any complaints, attend to them immediately. Just imagine how one unhappy customer may ruin your business by telling everyone the horrific experience she had encountered with your product. Most important of all, establish relationships. Do not target a one-time sale. You'll have better chances of making some sales again with satisfied people who have bought from you in the past. They will also recommend you to other people and youll get more exposure. Give regular customers special treatment. This would be in the form of discounts, free memberships or even a special giveaway! One great example of tying all three together would be something like, "Good morning, Marie! It's so nice to see you again! We know you love our sandwiches so we couldn't think of anyone else better to sample our new crab delight sandwich! Compliments of the chef!" By making them feel special, you encourage them to come back to your store again and again.

How to Minimize Refunds


When a customer purchases your product, she has already confirmed to herself that she's making the right move. After buying it, she will continue to believe (or find ways to convince herself) that she has made the right choice, even if people around her makes her realize that she may have made the wrong decision.

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However, there are times when people around her might be influential enough to make your customer doubt her own judgment, resulting in what we may call "buyer's remorse." One thing you can do to minimize refunds is to communicate with the buyer immediately after she has purchased. Say something like, "Thank you for investing in XX. You have made a great decision..." Note the word "investing." It is much more powerful than "buying" or "purchasing" because it connotes that something of equal or greater value will come back in either tangible or intangible form, as opposed to "buying" which has the impression of spending money. Then by saying that she has made a great decision, you are confirming her belief of making the right move. Think of a time when you know you did the right thing. Having someone else tell you that you made a wise decision makes you more confident in what you've done, doesn't it? The same principle applies in sales.

How To Overcome The Common Challenges That Salespeople Encounter


Problem # 1: The prospect cannot afford the product or service. Solution: It helps to be flexible and have a payment program in place, where she can pay in installments. Problem # 2: The prospect does not need your product or service. You've heard many claims that they can "sell ice to Eskimos." They probably have a gun pointed at the Eskimos heads. The truth is, you cannot sell something she doesn't need. Otherwise, you are just manipulating her.

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Solution: If you believe your prospect needs your product or service for her own benefit, but she said she doesn't need it, the challenge may just lie in the fact that you did not clearly explain its benefits to her. Make her realize and feel how the value of your product or service greatly exceeds its selling price. Problem # 3: Some products have a design package that are different from the logo or slogan being advertised in posters, print ads, and media outlets. Since there are countless advertisements and distractions vying for our attention, we are not apt to remember the sales message despite seeing the actual product; therefore, the selling power of the advertisement goes to waste. Solution: Put the exact logo or slogan being advertised in the product package, so that potential customers can associate the logo or slogan with the product itself, and hence remember the benefits or features being advertised. Problem # 4: The prospect wants to be sure she's making the right decision in getting your product. Solution: If that's the case, let her take the product home with her (if possible). Then tell her she can return it after a certain number of days and you'll return the full payment if she's not satisfied. Once she gets her hands on it, she'll be more likely to keep it. If she asks something like, "Will it be able to (do this)?" You can answer, "If it can (do what you want), will you invest in it?"

How To Deal With Complaining Customers


Customers are the lifeblood of any business. That's why it's crucial to give them the royal treatment. The customer is always right as they say. But even if you
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think they're wrong, it wouldn't hurt to satisfy their needs. In fact, it could multiply your sales through word-of-mouth. The 3 simple steps below could help you convert a complaining customer into a loyal fan. Step 1: Listen attentively until they stop talking. This allows them to empty their negative emotions completely and shows your respect towards them. Step 2: Acknowledge their concern and empathize with them. You can say things like the ones below to show them that you understand what they're going through and that you really care: You don't deserve that kind of treatment. If I were in your shoes, I would get mad too. You have all the right to feel that way. Step 3: Ask them how exactly would they want their needs met, and fulfill it. Once you found out what they want, deliver it to them at the soonest possible time. And even if the issue cannot be resolved at once, you should let them know that the solution is under way or in process, and that you're doing everything you can to settle their problem.

Influence Of Media On People

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Every single day, we are bombarded with various methods of persuasion. Food, beverage, clothing, toiletries, movie and computer companies are just some of the biggest spenders in the different permutations of mass media. It is not a big surprise then to see their well-oiled advertisements popping every few minutes or so in the television, the radio and the internet. Most magazine layouts are also dotted with their striking labels, influencing the consumers to grab their newest or recently improved products. Since most consumers are blinded by instant gratification, they spend their money unnecessarily, leading to revenues ranging from a few hundred thousands to millions of dollars for the companies. Perhaps the greatest trick of all is not so much the persuasion itself, but how people don't even seem to realize the amount of influence the media has on them, and how readily they accept this influence. Here's some examples: 1) Must Haves In Magazines Looking at the cover of most beauty magazines, you'll find that many of their titles run along the lines of "top ten must haves this summer" or even "101 beauty products you'll love." In the mind of a regular person, this is just the usual format of a magazine. However, these articles are actually persuading their readers that there is a need for such products. Men aren't exempted from this either. With articles like "top ten gadgets this year," there really is no escape. 2) Popularization Of Concepts
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In this day and age, individuality is in. Stereotypes are cast out. However, the concept of individuality is also (unsurprisingly) an influence of media on people. Think of all the movies and television programs which highlight individuality as a cool concept. Without media support, individuality (or any other concept for that matter) will not be largely accepted. 3) Calling Celebrities These days, more and more perfumes, clothing lines and accessories are modeled by famous personalities. Advertisers know that their target markets aspire to be just like their favorite singer or football player, and they craftily use this information in their advertising campaigns. The influence of media on us continues to grow more with each passing day. Now that you know some of their strategies, you might be able to pick up a tip or two for yourself.

How Subliminal Advertising Messages Control The Minds Of Consumers


Everyday, people are exposed to all sorts of ads. What they do not realize is that they're also exposed to subliminal messages in advertising. These messages can take the form of words, visuals or even sounds. You might be wondering whether all this talk about subliminal messages in advertising is true or not. Advertisers and advertising companies won't be

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revealing their tricks to the public; but if you're a keen observer, you might be able to figure some of them out. 1) Sex Sells Anyone in the advertising industry knows that sex sells. But you might be surprised to learn what lengths some advertisers go through to literally spell out the word sex in their ads. As subliminal messages in advertising, you won't find the word sex spelled out right in front of you. Sometimes, they take the form of trees or leaves. Or sometimes, it's not the word itself but the shape of a genital hidden under the guise of a product ad. 2) Backmasking Backmasking refers to the act of playing an audio track backwards so the message doesn't exactly come across clearly. Sometimes, this track is hidden behind a piece of music and is said to have an effect on the audience's subconscious. However, a lot of psychologists and experts have differing opinions about its actual effectiveness. 3) Quick Flashes Sometimes, advertisers flash messages like "Buy Product X" on their ads in such a speed that the conscious wouldn't even notice it. However, it is said that the subconscious can pick up these messages and will, in turn, follow the suggestion. This type of subliminal message in advertising has been around for a while although its effectiveness continues to vary.
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Picking up subliminal messages in advertising might be a bit tougher than it looks like; but once you know exactly what to look for, you might be surprised.

Beware Of Sleazy Sales Practices


Some sales people will resort to anything just to get the sale. Some would even resort to sleazy sales methods, and even lie, just to convince buyers to purchase their products or services. They make you believe that what they are selling is perfect for you, even if not. Mind manipulation techniques are not only prevalent on TV shows or in movies. In fact, many people today make use of them to force an individual to do something against her will. In order for you to avoid being controlled, you need to know the ways that a person can get into your mind and control you to gain the advantage. Here are some mind manipulation techniques that you should know about to avoid being controlled by them. 1) Not all so-called truths are really true. In most cases, people will often think it's true if they are made to believe that it is. In fact, this method is used by sales agents coercing other people to buy their product, even if it doesn't really benefit them that much. For example, you are looking for a car to buy, and then you meet with a salesperson telling you that you can actually cut down your fuel cost by 50% if you purchase the car. But the truth is you won't. She will try to convince you by

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giving "exclusive" offers only given to you, even though she has already given the same offer to previous buyers. To be able to avoid being manipulated, don't take her words as undeniable truth. Spice it up with a little bit of doubt that will lead you to question the credibility and trustworthiness of her claims. Some people have the ability of convincing people that what they're saying is the one and only thing that's true. Be alert. Do your due diligence and research on their background and other people's reviews. 2) If the seller says she has a better product, it may be a lie. If you're asking a seller if she has a particular product and she says what you're looking for is ineffective or obsolete - and that she has a better version or product available - exercise caution. She may only be saying that because she doesn't have what you wanted to buy, but she still wants to sell you something. To test if she's telling the truth, first ask if she has what you originally wanted to buy. If not, then there's a big chance she's lying. 3) Being perfect is an impossibility. You need to realize that we are imperfect beings, and no product and humanrelated actions can turn us into a perfect human. In fact, you should realize there are opportunistic predators preying on those that are quite unsure about their abilities, and even those who are suffering from their imperfection - or so they are lead to believe.
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A good example of this are television ads that say being fair-skinned is beautiful and is the only way to beauty. 4) Illusions are considered as nothing. One of the more common manipulation techniques being used by scammers and fraudsters today is giving their actions a "magical" feel. Many individuals today are quite interested in the concept of magic and mysticism, and some people make use of this pandemic fascination to force an individual to perform something that will in no way produce the expected results. To protect yourself, do not be too easily bowled over by "magic." Applaud it, but don't take it as fact. It is important to always check the accuracy of anyone's statements and make sure they are all based on sound, reliable facts. Not just opinions.

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Chapter 13

How to Handle and Give Criticisms Nicely


Don't you feel bad when people criticize you? Although not all criticisms are intended to hurt or offend us, we oftentimes let our emotions go haywire when someone criticizes us. On the other hand, we sometimes feel the need to criticize someone for his own benefit, but we're concerned that person may treat it negatively. This chapter shows you how to handle criticisms in a nice way, and also how to give criticisms without being offensive.

How to Handle Criticisms In General


You can never satisfy everyone in this world, which is why you have to know how to handle harsh words and offensive remarks. The more you retaliate, the more you incite your opponents to strike back. They want and expect a fight, so are you going to give them what they want? They are well prepared to put you down, so don't let yourself fall into their trap. Anticipate any criticism before they say it, so you can prepare beforehand. For instance, if someone (who disagrees very much with your principles) starts mouthing bad words at you, you must ignore him completely as if he's not there. Just stay where you are in a relaxed mood, and let him do "his thing." He will feel awkward with what he's doing.

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Let him say everything he wants to say before you utter your first word because he will never listen until hes done. He is constantly draining himself; soon, he will be exhausted emotionally. While he is busy handing out his anger, you're secretly finding his weakness and thinking of a way to neutralize the assault. Then after he has released his criticisms on you, focus on his feelings and sense his inner emotions. Tell him that you are aware about his concerns, agree partially, and ask him what you could do to rectify the situation. People want you to respect and satisfy their egos. They would never want to be perceived as the "wrong" ones. If you directly insult or humiliate them, they will retaliate to reclaim their honor and dignity. Dont try to come up with all sorts of excuses or alibis to offset the criticisms. Admit your mistakes if you are guilty (admitting your errors is a humble act that will diffuse any hot temper); but even if youre not at fault, deny the criticism in a subtle way. Because critics have the tendency to inflate the situation, ask them for quantifiable proof. But never ask in this way: What makes you think that (what I did) was wrong? Your question might be perceived as a defensive reaction to their criticism. Theres a nicer and more subtle way to ask. Before asking your question, it would help to say, I dont understand or Let me get this straight or Please allow me to clarify. By saying any of these, you are not being defensive, but you're opening yourself for clarification. Then your questions should be asked in a way that fosters suggestions or possible improvements.

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Examples: I dont understand. What is it about my report that was offensive? Please allow me to clarify. In what way was the data inappropriate? Lets get this straight. What part of the presentation was inaccurate? Who knows? They may realize that their accusations are only trivial and theres no need to condemn you in the first place. They may also be unaware of certain vital details that could have saved you from their insensitive words, so give them the complete facts and evidences to support your case. It is very important to empathize with them, and let them know that you can be humble enough to acknowledge your faults. Always try to find a solution that will be favorable to everyone concerned. Some of your critics may realize later that they are the ones at fault, so always be willing to compromise. If you need additional time or assistance to finish a certain task, simply ask if your request can be granted so that any future criticisms can be avoided.

How to Handle Criticisms In The Workplace


It's one thing to hear criticism from your mother at home; and another thing to hear it from the people you work with. So want to know how to handle criticism in the workplace? Here's how: 1) Take it in stride.

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Sometimes, we can't help but feel upset when someone criticizes us. You must remember that criticism is not meant to make us feel this way, but is rather intended to help us grow as a person. Don't let it get to you. Don't take it personally. Instead, let it slide. Take a deep breath and try not to dwell on it days after hearing about it. As much as possible, try not to get your emotions tangled up in a crazy web. Emotions have no spot in the workplace. When someone gives you a criticism, don't think that that person is acting out a vendetta against you. You're not in a day-time soap opera. You're in the professional arena where the quality of your work is regularly monitored. Criticism is normal. You get it. Others get it as well. The best thing to do would be to keep your emotions out and kick in your drive to succeed. 2) Keep an open mind. When your boss tells you that your report still needs to be improved, listen to everything he has to say. Which parts need to be redone? Which parts are already approved? Don't shut your mind out as your boss enumerates these details. Instead, keep an open mind so that you won't end up tossing every recommendation your boss makes out the door. Or you might find yourself tossed out of the office! Keeping an open mind is very important when it comes to learning how to handle criticism because you may have missed something that your boss spotted right away. Never assume yourself or your work to be perfect.

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Ask your boss what you can do to make things better. It's a sign that you're willing to correct your mistakes and that you're committed to doing your job well. 3) Learn to distinguish feedback from insults. There is a difference between honest feedback and nasty insults. Unfortunately, a lot of people tend to think of them as the same thing. When someone gives you honest feedback, he doesn't attack you personally or you as a person. Instead, he is more focused on the work that is to be done or the improvements you have to make. Insults, on the other hand, serve to humiliate you whether in public or private. By learning to differentiate between the two, you'll have an easier time accepting criticisms in the future. 4) Improve yourself. The best way to handle criticism in the workplace is to be in career-mode. Now that you're thinking as a professional, you can easily dissect the criticism more properly. What is it about? Is there any truth to it? How can you improve yourself? If someone tells you that your desk is too disorganized, why don't you go about cleaning it up right away? If someone tells you that you work too slow, see what you can do to speed things up (without sacrificing quality, of course). Remember that not all criticisms are meant to bring you down, many are intended to help you become a better person. It's a bitter pill to swallow, surely, but one that will help you get better in the long run.

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5) Be thankful. After you've taken said criticism into consideration, be grateful. Why? Well, because someone cared enough to let you know where you're going wrong or what you need to work on. Even if that person doesn't really see it that way, you at least were given an opportunity to evolve. It might sound crazy to learn how to handle criticism in the workplace with gratitude; but this actually puts you in the right frame of mind. By being thankful, you're no longer prone to anger and frustration. Learning how to handle criticism in the workplace is valuable to anyone who wants to establish good relationships with their co-workers. You can't just blow up every time somebody says something to you or about you. Be strong enough to take criticism in stride, use it to improve yourself, and be thankful.

The Semi-Silent Treatment


When you find yourself getting hurt or offended, and you can't express your feeling directly, go to semi-silent mode when dealing with the offending party. I say semi-silent because this is different from totally ignoring another person. The semi-silent treatment is not the cold shoulder. You're not supposed to snub the person off completely. In fact, you're still going to be nice and smile at that person except that you're going to take it down a few notches. The semi-silent treatment is very psychological in nature. It's also quite effective, but the success rate also depends on the kind of relationship you have with your target.

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This method makes the other person feel more wary of you. Suddenly, he will be thinking if he did something to upset you. There's no room for complaint either because you're not exactly being all out indifferent. He would try to recall past events to know what he did wrong to you. He might even ask you if something is wrong, where in this case, you only smile and say no. This method is meant to be used subtly and discreetly. You won't be able to control people's minds if they figure out that is exactly what you're trying to do. Not only could they analyze their faults indirectly, but this could also be a perfect time to persuade them or make a request. I used this on a friend who had been getting on my nerves. I've started to feel that he's getting agitated with me, which might probably end up putting myself in a disadvantageous position in our relationship. Instead of returning his feelings, I've decided to give him less attention than I normally do. Remember the unspoken rule of persuasion. You're the one who is supposed to be in control here so don't get carried away by your emotions. I still smile and greet him whenever we meet but it's a little warmly than I normally would. I've also stopped exchanging glances with him whenever somebody makes a point we both agree or disagree with. Suffice to say, he noticed the change immediately. However, there was nothing he could do about it because I didn't exactly turn 360 degrees over. I saw him again after a few days and I noticed that he really made an effort to catch my attention. Gone was the previous agitation. Instead, he was eager to please and quite open. If I had something to ask of him, he would do it in a jiffy.

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Fogging
When someone says that youre a slow learner, is that true or false? That may be true if youre compared to someone like Isaac Newton, but it may also be false if youre compared to the fictional character, Mr. Bean. In a general sense, what he says may be partially true, so why fight it? Admit that what he said might be right in order to diffuse the criticism or attack. When he finds out youre not affected, it will discourage him. Its like saying Who cares? or So what? in a gentle fashion. Words most commonly used when fogging are: You're probably right. I agree. Sometimes I think that way too. You have a point. I can see why you would say that. That could be true. See the dialogue below on how Mr. Z has countered Mr. Ys severe criticisms. Mr. Y: You look so ugly today. You didn't look like this a few weeks ago. Mr. Z: I agree. My face has become ugly because all these sleepless nights are causing countless pimples to appear. Mr. Y: In fact, you look like a pimple with a face in it. Mr. Z: Youre probably right. I could go to a dermatologist and have them do something about my ugly face.

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Mr. Y: And your clothes. It looks like its been worn by the victim in a massacre film. Mr. Z: You have a point, you know. I may sometimes be so thrifty I have to buy the lowest quality outfit. Mr. Y: Thrifty is the understatement of the century. Youre so cheap you cant even buy yourself some ramen noodles. Mr. Z: I can see why you would say that. I may be very cheap at times. Mr. Y: The worst part is, your breath is as terrible as your looks. Mr. Z: Sometimes I think that way too. My breath may stink so bad it could render anyone unconscious. Mr. Y: You act like a spineless coward, the way youre answering me. Mr. Z: I agree. I may be acting like a spineless coward sometimes. Through fogging, you accept the criticism in as far as whatever may be true in it (as stated by the critic). The critic will see it a hopeless measure to argue with you any further. This is an effective way to handle criticism without being defensive.

Negative Assertion
What if the criticism is absolutely true? Then you must willingly accept the criticism, but you dont have to take the guilt trip.

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Negative assertion allows you to be more tolerant of your own faults and eases any negative feelings the critic may have by admitting your mistakes, without having to resort to remorseful repentance. Heres how a son used negative assertion in his conversation with his father: Dad: Son, I saw your report card and I am very much disappointed with your grades. Son: Youre right, Dad. I should do something to improve my grades. Dad: Well, you should! I think youre spending so much time on extracurricular activities that you're sacrificing your studies. Why not focus on just your studies? Son: These activities do take up so much of my time, dont they, Dad? I will manage my time and learn to prioritize. If needed, Ill forgo some of my extracurricular activities. You may even admit your error right before you can allow someone to criticize you. For example, you can say, Hello, I forgot to bring your book.

How To Get Feedback Criticism


Most of the time, we don't like people to criticize us. But there are certain times when criticism can be a good thing. Like when we need to get feedback to improve a certain aspect of our life, or when we just want to know how much they really like (or dislike) something. Here are some examples to clarify this topic and show you how to get feedback criticism.

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Let's say you want to know if your mom likes the food you cooked. You could ask her, Mom, did you like the turkey dish I cooked? If she said Yes, it was delicious, you could ask her, What can I do to make it the best turkey meal ever? Or let's say you and your friend went shopping. You bought some clothes, but you're doubting if your friend likes your new wardrobe as much as you do. Even if your friend said she likes it, you could further ask, What would you have bought if you were in my shoes? These questions do not reject or overshadow their opinion that they like it (whether it's the truth or they just want to please you), but you still get to know their true feelings and even get some important feedback in the process.

Learning, Not Criticizing


If your child has done something wrong, never criticize him for his mistakes. Instead, ask him, That did not turn out to be ok, didnt it? What lesson have you learned? or That was a great learning experience. What would you do differently in the future? Criticisms may hurt his ego and may only create a backlash. On the contrary, making him realize the moral or lesson to be learned in every failed experience will enrich his character and knowledge.

How To Minimize Hurting Anyone When Criticizing


Have you ever encountered an experience when someone told you how fat you've become? Maybe your boss has commented on how bad your work turned

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out to be. Maybe you've heard from other folks how people view you as cold and unapproachable. Hurts, doesn't it? Believe it or not, some people can be so tactless that they are not even aware when they've hurt anyone's feelings. The receiving parties, especially the sensitive ones, would be offended by their remarks. This would result in conflicts and arguments. You know you're doing them a big favor by saving them from shame or disappointment, but would they realize your good intentions instead of feeling hurt by your brutally frank comments or advice? They might probably think you're too rude or impolite. But what can you do if you really need to assert an honest criticism, but you're afraid of hurting others' feelings? Well, if youre not sure whether your words are offensive or not, use a third party or proven facts. Instead of saying, I think it may produce unsatisfactory results if we continue with your plans, say something like Although your proposal sounds excellent, all people who have already followed the same plan youre proposing right now have not yet achieved their desired results. When and how you criticize also play major roles in determining whether the person will get hurt or not. When:

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Never criticize in front of other people. If you must criticize, do it privately and one-on-one. Criticizing in public damages self-esteem and is downright humiliating. Avoid criticizing immediately after the situation. To minimize the impact of the criticism, wait for a few days before you say your piece. The only exception would be if the criticism can actually help the person before any potential negative incident may take place. How: Sandwich your negative comment between two positive remarks. For example, your best friend Paul is going on his very first date. He's all excited and raring to go. Now Paul doesn't have any fashion sense. He's wearing a bland shirt and old jeans. You know all along how he hates to admit that he's wrong. So what will you do to save Paul from an embarrassing first date? Would you say to him that the outfit he's wearing is repulsive? That would hurt his ego. Well, you can first point out the things that you like in his overall appearance. Comment on his well-groomed hair. Tell him he looks cool when wearing his sunglasses. Ask him where he bought his perfume because it can certainly attract women like bees to honey. Be sincere and honest. Then, insert in a nice and suave manner your point of view and advice. You can tell him something like: "Your shirt seems to be very comfortable to wear, Paul. Since this is your very first date, I think Sandra (his date) will be much more impressed if you would
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wear something like the outfit that you wore on my birthday. You look smashing when you put on clothes like that." Tell him that you're saying this because you only want him to have the best date of his life, because you truly care about him. Afterward, make another positive statement. You could say something like: "You would definitely make a big impact on Sandra. She would fall head over heels over your gorgeous appearance and cheerful personality. Have a great time on your date, Paul." Do you think Paul would be offended by such pleasant comments? Not a chance. You have wittingly inserted a slightly negative feedback into a plethora of acceptable and ego-boosting remarks. People love compliments. They believe they have positive qualities. They want other people to intensify the great abilities that they believe to possess. People wanted to hear their greatness purported from someone else's mouth, and they would be very glad if other individuals would know about it. So if you want to criticize anybody, remember to praise him first. It will leave a positive impression that you're a nice guy. Then say what you have to say, but in a smooth and non-offensive manner. Finalize with another positive reinforcement to establish a foundation of goodwill.

Statements That Criticize Gently


Here are some powerful statements that criticize without being offensive. 1) If I were you...
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Im just thinking. If I were you, would I have made the wrong decision? 2) Assign others as critics. I once had a friend who gave into temptation (just like your friend), but he realized his faults and changed his ways. 3) Assume related traits. You appear to be someone who is frank; in that case, I think youre more prone to being less careful with your words. 4) Get everyone involved. This is most applicable when you've unintentionally said something that you immediately regret after wards. For example, you might have said, You're so annoying to one person. Immediately add the words ...as well as everyone else around here. And this works even if you intend to criticize someone. You could say that you and/or many other people had been in their shoes and had committed the same act before. The important thing is to make the person feel that he is not the lone subject of the criticism. This way, you would minimize the personal impact on one person and spread it to everyone else.

Universal Principles
You may use universal principles to challenge people's opinion or belief.
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Critic: There are no honest people in politics. You: Never? Critic: Cell phones are unnecessary. You: For all people? Critic: My employees are stubborn. You: Always?

The Non-Violent Way to Voice Out Your Hurt Feelings


It is oftentimes difficult to express your emotions because of the fear that the other person might get offended or even angry. You can persuade in a subtle manner by saying something like, "When you acted like a crazy person at the party, I got humiliated because everyone perceived our family to be highly respectful. Is it ok if you don't do that again in the future?" The format is: "When you..., I got (or felt) ... because ... Is it ok if you ...? Some people might agree, while some might not get persuaded by such a statement immediately. If he commits the same act again, simply repeat your statement in a slightly modified way. Let him know that you're not joking around and that you really intend to change his attitude for his own benefit.

How to Dismiss Advice Without Offending Anyone


Some people are happy to give advice; they feel like they are contributing something helpful in their own little way. But the problem starts when the

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recipient of the advice doesn't follow it or has another idea. The adviser might get offended because he will feel that his advice is not being valued. Here's how to dismiss someone's advice without hurting their feelings. 1) Give him the perception that you value his advice. Tell the person how much you appreciated his advice, and that you will give it some serious thought. Even if you will not really take on his suggestion, the act of merely considering it is enough to show your respect. 2) Sandwich two positive responses between a negative one. After a day or two, tell him how his ideas could be of great help or use, but you have also found that it is not suitable to your situation right now. But since you think it's highly beneficial, you will keep it in mind for potential use in the future. 3) Build up his ego. To build up his ego and make him feel that you respect his suggestions, ask for his advice on another subject, preferably about something that he cannot verify if you have followed his advice or not (so you can prevent him from knowing just in case you dismissed his advice again).

How To Persuade The Hardheaded


Some people just don't "get" it. You repeatedly tell them to avoid doing something, but they don't seem to understand the implication of their actions.

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One technique you can use to make them understand your message is by role reversal. Ask something like, "If you're in my position and I always do ___________ , what would you do?" By doing this, they will at least realize how their actions are affecting you. However, some people cannot be convinced otherwise, no matter how hard you try. They defend steadfastly what they believe to be true, even if theres no reliable proof or not based on facts. In that case, use any of the following counters: How did you came to that conclusion? What proof do you have to support your decision? From whom did you get the facts? What is your source? Where did you get that information? Examples: Critic: This project is impossible to finish. You: How did you came to that conclusion? Critic: James is a worthless employee. You: Where did you get that information? Critic: Foods like these cause cancer. You: What is your source? Just remember to do it gently. Be careful not to sound like youre disagreeing with them, because youre not. You just want to be sure you get the facts right.

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Another way to counter them is to use their own criticisms against themselves Example: Critic: This project is impossible to finish. You: It is impossible to finish anything if we dont have any commitment.

How To Counter Objections


Learn to think of the proper rebuttal when people find a reason to not agree with you. If your spouse says, "We shouldn't take this vacation yet because I have tons of work to do that is stressing me out," you could say something like "That's why we should go. You need to relax and recharge in order to boost your productivity." Here are some other persuasive replies you can use to counter objections. 1) Its Not That. When someone has an objection, you can always negate the objection & point out the benefits/advantages Example: Critic: This plan is too risky. You: Its not that its risky. This plan will be the cornerstone of our success. 2) Extreme Negative Outcome You can successfully overcome an objection by pointing out the extreme negative results of their belief.
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Example: Critic: I'm too untalented to join the contest. You: If you don't join, you'll never know what wonderful experience may come to you in this once-in-a-lifetime event. If you join, you either win or lose. But you lose 100% if you don't join. And you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life thinking "What if.." would you? In fact, you might just miss out on becoming an instant celebrity with fans cheering if you don't even try. The worse or more negative the outcome, the more convincing. Here's another example: Critic: Marketing products online is too difficult for me. You: So you are willing to stay on your current job, hating every minute of it until you retire, and missing out on the chance to have financial freedom, travel around the world, and be happy for the rest of your life? 3) Extreme Positive Advantages You can also point out the positive effects or benefits of changing their belief. Example: Critic: It's too stressful to study Law. You: How could being focused on studying Law give you the brighter future, rewarding career, and dream fulfillment you've always longed for? 4) Opposing Instances Think of occasions or instances when their belief has been proven wrong. Examples:
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Critic: I don't believe in God because I don't believe in aspects I can't see. You: You can't see air, but you know it's there, right? Critic: I'm too lazy to go to the bank to pay my bills. You: Well, you're not lazy to go to the bank to cash your checks.

Immunity Against Criticisms


And finally, heres a method to protect (or should I say immunize) the people you know from criticisms that may hurt their feelings or ego. Lets say you have a child who is ready for his first day of school. He might come across some other students who might belittle or tease him. Before he meets other students, immunize him from any possible verbal attack by saying, Son, youre going to meet other kids who might tell you that they are better or smarter than you. Just ignore them because what they are saying is wrong. Some kids are so insecure theyll discourage you from doing your best. But you know better now that Ive told you this secret. By doing this, your child will be well prepared to face such an incident if it ever occurs. If you dont do this in the first place and he encountered a confrontation, your kid might think that youre only trying to make up an explanation to make him feel better.

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Chapter 14

The Art Of Persuasive Attraction


(Note: The following techniques are intended for single people, or if you're married - to be used on your spouse to spice things up a little.) Some people are born with the natural ability to attract the opposite sex. Others are just not lucky enough, or maybe they just haven't found the solution yet. Possessing the face of Tom Cruise or Scarlett Johannson can be an asset. Having the six-pack abs of Brad Pitt or the gorgeous body of Megan Fox can be an asset too. But even if you don't have these features, you still have the potential to attract the opposite sex, like bees to honey. Apply the techniques in this chapter, and I can reasonably assure you that you'll be pursued regardless of any flaw in your physical appearance (if there's any).

Establish The Proper Mindset


Repeat the following: 1. I radiate charm, confidence, and affection that women (or men) find extremely attractive. 2. I have the awesome capacity to meet, attract and win over any woman (or man) I want.

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3. My actions, words, and thoughts are bringing me irresistible power with women (or men). 4. Women (or men) are dying to meet me, and they love my company. 5. I have unlimited power to get any woman (or man) I desire. 6. I am the master of my mind. I can attract anyone with my captivating moves. 7. I always know what to say and do to melt any woman's (or man's) heart any day. You can create your own affirmations. Just remember to fully believe in what you're saying. Repeat them over and over until they become a part of your belief system. Say them. Feel them. Breathe them. Say them out loud for at least 15 minutes a day. I know you may get discouraged because you don't know if they're really going to work. But trust me, they will. Just believe and say them out loud everyday. The payoff will be rewarding. You may want to record them while you're saying them. Listen to them whenever you're waiting for the bus or just killing some time. These affirmations are extremely effective if you couple them with vivid visualizations. As you're saying them, imagine the woman or man of your dreams proposing to you, or saying to you how much she or he is in love with you.

Let Your Body Attract


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Here's what you have to do in order to catch the eye of your Honey Bunch.

Smile sincerely and frequently on every right moment. Obviously, you smile when she or he is telling something positive or funny, but don't if she or he is sharing a sad experience.

Exude confidence and flexibility with your body movements. Maintain good posture. Walk gracefully. By doing this, you appear younger than your age. Studies have found that youth is one major factor for physical attractiveness.

Give non-offensive touches. Have a sense of humor. Learn to laugh at petty matters. This shows you are a real human being who is not too absorbed with making yourself appear perfect.

Maintain eye contact while listening and speaking.

Do you want to know if that special someone is interested in you as well? Let's assume you're a man. You see a gorgeous lady that makes your heart beat fast. Look at her with extreme confidence letting her know you are interested. Then wait for her reaction. She may be a bit shy to stare back at you, so it's natural if she shifts her glance. Here's how to find out if she's attracted to you.

If she looks down and away, she's interested. If she looks to the left or right, she's not interested.

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Persuasion Tip: When you're going to an event where you plan to attract someone, tag along a good-looking person (of the opposite sex) with you. It can be your gorgeous-looking friend or relative, as long as he or she is not of the same sex. People will associate your friend's attractive qualities with you, thereby making you appear more attractive as well.

Conversation Openers
If you want to start a relationship, you've got to initiate the dialogue. Here are some great openers.

If he or she is a specialist, ask "How do you..?" or "What's it like to..? Ask about his or her experiences, like "Have you ever tried to..?" or "Have you ever gone to..?

Find out what interests him or her and look for things he or she would be open to talk about. Give compliments in-between conversations. Always stay calm and relaxed. Be curious and interested. He or she loves to flaunt his or her expertise and would like to tell stories of his or her life's adventures. Nod to signify that you're listening. Say, "Wow," "Great," "I see," etc.

Qualities That May Spell The Difference


Men give more weight to the outer physical appearance when choosing women. Ladies, on the other hand, give more importance to personal character and achievements.

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Here are some qualities that most women aspire for in a man:

He must exhibit authority and command in every situation. He must have strong bonds with his family and friends. He must have ambition and the fire to succeed. He must have a sense of humor. He must have an exciting personality. She must feel safe and secure in his presence.

Press The Magic Button Of Seduction


Congratulations! You asked him or her for a date, and that person has agreed! Finally, you get the opportunity to impress the apple of your eye. You have applied the steps above. Everything seems to flow so smoothly. It's now time to make a lasting impression. Remember the chapter about anchors? We're going to use them in this situation. When he or she is telling one of their happy or exciting experiences give a charming and sincere smile, then do any one or more of the following combinations.

Stroke his or her hair. Tilt his or her chin upwards.

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Touch his or her shoulder. Gently squeeze his or her hand.

Then mention his or her name in the most irresistible and sweetest voice you can ever muster. Don't be too obvious with your actions. Act normally and with grace. Fire these anchors every time he or she is happy or excited; or better yet, if he or she is in a romantic mood. Every time you trigger the anchors, he or she will associate them with the wonderful feelings. Your dream lover may never want to leave your presence anymore!

How My Wife Fell Madly In Love With Me


My wife was (and still is) a very beautiful lady. Before we got married, she had countless suitors visiting her home and asking for a date. After several relationships, she got a steady boyfriend back then, and she was about to get married to him. But before they tied the knot, her then cheating boyfriend got another girl pregnant. My wife was devastated! Her ego was shattered and she was humiliated in front of her relatives. Two months after the unfortunate incident, she met me (lucky girl). I was attracted to her right away and I started courting her. In one month's time, she became my official girlfriend. I didn't know then why she would say yes to me that fast, when she actually told me it took many months for all her previous boyfriends to get her sweet confirmation.
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I researched and found out what could be the main reason for her fast decision. I discovered that because my wife's ego or self-esteem had been hurt, I appeared more attractive to her than if her ego has not suffered in the first place. I actually told my wife about this, but she insisted that it was my kindness and charm that won her heart. Nonetheless, this phenomenon is backed by research. Of course, you would not want to deliberately hurt anyone's self-esteem, but what you should do is be aware of opportunities when your target person's self-esteem may plummet below normal levels, such as these occurrences: 1) When he or she had an embarrassing experience. 2) When he or she is in the company of people who are more attractive. 3) When he or she had been rejected by their lover. In any of the incidents above, your attractiveness level is higher so you have better chances of getting your dream person.

Take Your Relationship To The Next Level


Once you've started dating and have some mutual understanding, you would want their attraction towards you to get stronger. The strategies in this section could help you take that relationship to the next level, so that he or she could become your boyfriend or girlfriend in no time. The key strategy to use here is the law of scarcity. You probably already know that the rarer or scarcer something (or somebody) is, the higher the perceived value. So what you could do is increase your rarity by: Not being around your dream person all the time.
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Not appearing too desperate to have him or her as your boyfriend or girlfriend. Not being easy to get (Don't say yes immediately, even if you think you love him or her already. If he or she can't stick around for long, he or she doesn't deserve your love). Adding a sense of doubt that you might be taken by someone else any time or you won't be here forever.

Of course, you should still care about your dream person and make him or her feel wonderful when he or she is with you, but not to the point where you will give up everything in this world for him or her. At least not in this stage of mutual understanding. As the relationship grows deeper and you two are already committed and madly in love, that's when the equation changes. You would no longer use the law of scarcity, but would want to be with the other person as much as possible and show that you would do anything for him or her.

Resolving Conflicts in Marriage


So things happened fast and you finally decided to tie the knot. Good for you! But don't expect a fairy tale with a happy ending. Arguments or conflicts may escalate, so you better deal with the situation before it gets out of control. Resolving conflict in marriage is not that hard, especially if you have an open heart and an open mind. Unfortunately, that is not usually the case. What regularly happens between two partners is that their stubborn levels increase as the fight escalates. It's a lot like children in the playground actually. But there are ways to handle such delicate situations. Read the tips below and find out how resolving conflict in marriage can be as easy as a walk in the park.
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1) Walk the dog together. I wasn't kidding when I said that fixing your marriage is as easy as a walk in the park. To be honest, conflict arises from poor communication. Perhaps you and your partner haven't had enough time to talk lately. If you have a pet, why don't you walk it together? That should give you time to think and talk with your spouse without any real pressure. Plus, the sight of your dog will make the whole atmosphere friendlier and a lot less threatening! Find the time to do other activities like taking a bath together, doing the laundry together and even just plain reading next to each other on the sofa. The more relaxed you are around each other, the easier it is to talk about the issue. 2) Put yourself in your partner's shoes. A relationship cannot always be about you. It also has to be about the other person. One way of resolving conflict in marriage is trying to understand where she or he is coming from. If he or she gets angry when you party out all night, imagine yourself in his or her shoes, waiting for your phone call at 1 in the morning. Imagine all the worries and what-ifs that must have plagued him or her all evening. This way, you can understand where the other person is coming from. It also helps you avoid overreacting in turn. Resolving conflict in marriage also means hearing the other person out. 3) Honesty is the best policy.

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Lies weaved over lies can be very troublesome and will eventually lead to two people breaking up. Or in this case, getting divorced. Resolving conflict in marriage means having to be honest about your feelings and about what you've been doing. The more you lie, the more complicated the web of lies becomes. If you keep breaking your partner's trust, you'll one day end up becoming "the boy (or girl) who cried wolf." Breaking a person's trust does not necessarily guarantee that you'll get another chance. Resolving conflict in marriage is not a joke. It has a lot to do with your own values as well as your spouse's. Don't let the little things bug you. Instead, focus on the goal of smoothing things out between you and your loved one.

3 Simple Steps To Make Someone Love You


There are ways by which you can make someone fall genuinely in love with you ways that have nothing to do with the supernatural, and everything to do with yourself and what you have to offer. All it takes is an understanding of what the other person wants. Here are the steps: Step # 1: Love yourself first. Loving yourself first is the most important step to make someone love you back. After all, how can you expect others to see your wonderful qualities when you yourself are blind to them? Before you latch yourself onto another love affair, make sure to accept yourself wholeheartedly. Take the time off to reflect on your life - on your past, present and future.
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Tell yourself that you deserve a little pampering from time to time. If you have any old personal wounds, allow yourself to heal before getting back in the game. Learn to love yourself first. Besides, self-confidence is undeniably attractive and suits every gender and every age! Step # 2: Do something big. If you want to make someone love you, you've got to pull all the stops. People often talk about the grand gesture or the big move, but there is no universal definition to it. The grand gesture depends on the kind of person you are, the kind of person you like and the situation you are in. If the person you want to get some love from is an artist, for example, why don't you express your affection for that person in a creative way? For example, you can dedicate a painting to that person; but it can't just be an ordinary "hey-Imade-an-abstract-painting-hope-you-like-it" kind of thing. It has to be a "ten-feet-tall-grand-unveiling-gathering-with-friends-and-family" sort of surprise. The easiest way to come up with something big is to bring a simple idea and magnify it ten times. Step # 3: Do something small. Since you can't spend all your days doing grand gestures, you need to do a lot of small ones. If you want to know how to make someone love you, you have to pay attention to the little things as well. Does she or he look tired? Don't wait for an answer. Give your partner a shoulder massage. Has she or he worked the night? Give your partner a simple cup of

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coffee in the morning. Trust me when I say that these little things make all the difference in the world. Knowing how to make someone love you gives you great power. Use this information well.

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Chapter 15

Ask And You Shall Receive


Have you encountered a situation where you want to do something but don't know how to implement it? You just can't seem to get all this data out of your mind. It's at the back of your head and you want to do it, but you can't because you don't know how. People encounter this everyday. They want to do a certain activity, but they get stuck not knowing how to start and get it going. Others are so confused that they don't know where to start. Effective persuasion requires a clear goal and laser-like focus. But how can you get your point across if you don't know how to get all that stuck data out of your brain and transform it into reality? Patrick was one of my best friends. When he was my classmate in high school, he often had a hard time doing any project that our teacher assigned him. He had these great ideas inside of him, but he didn't know what to do, where to start, and how to go about it. It was jammed in his neurons and he just became so frustrated. I would then ask him, "What type of project do you really want to do? How would you do it?" Instantly and just like magic, his ideas just flowed out. He wrote them down immediately so that he wouldn't forget them. He accomplished his project in record time and had garnered very high grades.

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I just asked him two questions and his subconscious mind automatically gave him the answers he was looking for. He managed to express his creativity and to find the solutions to his problems. He already knew the answers before I asked him the questions, but they were trapped within the depths of his mind. There was a barrier that prevented him from extracting his thoughts to their physical components. By asking him two questions that he already knew the answer to, I removed those impediments and allowed him to squeeze those ideas out where he utilized them to his advantage. Some people really have a hard time visualizing their plans or action steps. I have people try this exercise. First I have them close their eyes and then have them imagine a dog. Some people will picture it in their minds right away. Many people, on the other hand, will see nothing but darkness. They can't seem to envision an image of a dog at that instant. Then I ask: "What type of dog is it?" "What is the color of its fur?" "Is it an active dog or does it want to lie down all day long?" "How large or small is it?" Only after asking those questions will they be able to clearly visualize a specific dog in their mind. That's the point. They can picture it, but they need some kind of "support" to be able to conceive it.

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The next time you see people who are confused and having problems carrying out their thoughts, just ask them, "What do you exactly have in mind?" Their brain will work harder to provide that answer and they will be able to think more clearly. If they are still stuck, ask them more questions about their concerns.

Remove All Barriers


If your friend is striking his head with a closed fist to think of solutions, gently remove his fist and say, "Get this obstacle out. Now what do you have in mind?" His closed fist is symbolizing an impediment that blocks his thinking patterns. By getting rid of the fist, you just opened his mind to new ideas. Combine that with asking more questions and you will ultimately get him to find the solutions that he has been looking for.

Anyone May Ask


You can use this technique on yourself. If you're writing an article or a book, ask yourself. "What do I really want to write about?" "How do I want my readers to feel after reading it?" "What words will I use to captivate my readers?" "What message would I like to convey?" "How would my e-book help them to succeed?"

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

By asking yourself questions such as these, you're wiping out writer's block and establishing some guidelines to help you in writing. You might say it's a little bit boring to be asking yourself. Well you can use your imagination. Imagine a great author like J.K. Rowling or Anne Rice as your mentor. Every time you encounter writer's block, just ask any of them. Then envision her giving you the greatest advice and suggestions you have ever heard of. Imagine her in your presence, smiling at you, and always there to answer any question you may think of. Apply this method and you'll be surprised at the astounding results!

How Other People Can Generate Ideas For You


You can ask things such as: "What do you know (or think) about...?" "Do you know anything about...?" "Could you help me think about something?" This is not just asking for a piece of information, or a yes or no answer. It's actually opening up someone's mind to think about a topic you're working on or dealing with. It can be very beneficial, especially if you do this in a group and several people get to talk. It can help you get lots of new ideas and perspectives, and it can also get the person or persons you ask to start thinking about "your" topic. When they make a decision to participate or support you, they will think it is THEIR idea, not yours. A lot of good, positive energy can build up around this kind of conversation and will yield positive results for everyone.
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How To Get Inside Their Minds by Asking


I'm now going to teach you one of the most effective, if not the most effective persuasion faculties there is. If you want to successfully convince or persuade people, you have to know their decisive factors and principles. You've got to know their desires, from the deepest to the most trivial. You must get inside their subconscious, and identify their soft spots. How are you going to do that? Just ASK. Here's a sample scenario. Roy is a judge for a beauty contest, while Mae is the beauty contestant. Mae: Hi, Roy. Nice weather today, an ideal day to go strolling in the park. Roy: Yep, I'll be doing just that later. Mae: Roy, what's important to you when choosing a winner in a beauty contest? Roy: Well, the contestant has to be beautiful, sophisticated, and she has to have a figure that complements what she's wearing. Mae: Right. She has to project a classy and stunning impression. What else is important? Roy: She has to be smart, witty, and have a genuine concern to preserve our environment.

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Mae: Yes. Beauty and brains is a good combination. Being interested in environmental affairs is also a bonus. What else is important? Roy: She must have a good outgoing personality. Mae now knows Roy's preferences. She knows what captivates his interest when judging a beauty contest, in the order of significance that they have been depicted to her. Roy's subconscious is giving away increasingly valuable details whenever Mae asks him what's important. If Mae is joining the contest, she already knows that Roy's priority in choosing would be physical features, intelligence and personality with the first being the most important. Take note that Mae started the dialogue with a greeting and comment. She first established a bond with Roy. She made Roy feel comfortable with the conversation before asking him about "what's important."

Prime People
When you prime people, you already have a basic idea of what they're going to do. You set them thinking of something related to the main question you want to pose to them later on. For example, if you drill people on the importance of the environment and then ask them which candidate they're going to vote for, they would most likely go with the candidate who cares more about the environment. But you should already have predicted that. Priming can be very fun to apply. They can greatly persuade, and even amaze, the people around you.
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How To Get Better Answers From People


They say to get better answers, you have to ask better questions. I couldn't have agreed more. And to get more specific answers, you have to ask more specific questions. Let's say someone said, I'm not sure if I can do this. If you asked, what do you mean? or what makes you say that? then they would usually answer that they don't know. What you should do is ask a more specific question to get a clearer or more detailed answer, or at least have a clue on the matter. You might want to ask any of these questions below (you can also apply these questions to other appropriate situations): What exactly is stopping you from doing this? Are you doubtful of your skills or just pressed for time? Could you think of any reason why? If you could come up with one reason, what would it be? What must happen for you to go through with this? What emotion are you feeling at this moment? Do you have any past experiences that make you unsure?

Same Question, Different Results


When asking a question, the other partys response or reaction depends on your choice of words.

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For example, a study was performed where 2 groups of students watch a speaker with a height of 57 talk on stage. One group was asked, How tall do you think is the speaker? It generated responses ranging from 58 to 511. The other group was asked, How short do you think is the speaker? The answers that came up ranged from 53 or 56. It is obvious that the words tall and short affected the students answer. So next time you ask a question, consider the type of reply you'd like the respondent to answer. The words you use might just influence his response.

Powerful Persuasive Questions


These are gentle yet effective approaches to make someone do something, because you structure your request or outcome indirectly, which is by asking questions. 1) Would it be reasonable to say that ... ? Examples: Would it be reasonable to say that getting a professional copywriter to write your sales letter can double, triple, or even quadruple your sales? Would it be reasonable to say that investing in your education is the best decision you can make to excel in your career? 2) Have you ever known ... ? Examples: Have you ever known that enrolling in this course has changed the careers of many professionals?

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How To Be An Expert Persuader In 20 Days or Less

Have you ever known that people who get this manual now enjoy a life filled with happiness and satisfaction?

Make Unusual Requests


When you make unusual requests, people are more likely to hear you out. When your request has been used many times before, it becomes ineffective because people tend to get bored of the usual old routine. So what you can do is give a "stimulating" or "exciting" concept to the same request. For example, suggesting a longer coffee break (which has been brought up time and time again) might probably get you an automatic "no" for an answer. However, suggesting something different like cocktail hour might get people genuinely interested.

Keep It Short, Clear And Simple


People are much more likely to do something when they can clearly understand or picture that particular task. So if you want someone to willingly do what you ask, aim to keep the steps as short, clear and simple to understand - and apply as possible. On the other hand, if you want to stop someone from doing something unpleasant, make the steps as long, incomprehensible and complex as possible.

Asking For More Method


Is there a way to get someone to do what you want, even if you have that feeling you're asking too much? Fortunately, there is.

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It's called the "asking for more" method. This technique simply suggests that you ask for more than you need, so you can get what you really need. If the person refuses the bigger request, then you make a concession to settle for a smaller version or amount. People will be more willing to grant a smaller favor after turning down a bigger request. Here's how it works. Let's say you want your friend to donate $10 to a charitable cause you're involved with. For him, $10 might already be a big amount. Instead of asking for less, you asked him for $25 because you imply that's what most people are giving. If he doesn't want to give you the $25, tell him, "In that case, we'll just have to be contented with $10." He'll feel so relieved to save $15 and will gladly give the $10 to you. You won't believe how often kids apply this technique. They simply want to go to a movie, but they ask their parents to take them to expensive vacation spots. When their parents say that such trips are too expensive, their children would ask, "Could we just go to a movie then?" The kids get what they want, while the parents feel that the pressure has been taken off them. The power of this persuasion technique comes from the feeling of obligation to reciprocate the concession you initially gave. People will be more receptive to grant your true (and smaller) request after they have declined the first (and bigger) one. They will feel embarrassed to turn down the second favor, especially if it's much easier to comply than the first request. The second request gives them the freedom of choice. It's like they're given an escape route. They will feel like a special favor has been given to them because they're given room to negotiate and reject the first offer. Using this technique, they will feel a sense of contentment and at the same time, a sense of responsibility to fulfill the secondary (and even other future) requests.
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Remember that people feel a sense of guilt if they refuse your request. If your second favor is something they can afford to do, then they'll grab the opportunity to make it up to you. And it just so happens that the second (smaller favor) is actually the thing you really need. The great thing about this is that they might even comply with your larger request. You give them the chance to negotiate, and at the same time you make them feel that they got the better end of the deal because you "gave in."

Emotional Shifting
Aside from wanting to reciprocate the concession you gave, there is another reason behind the effectiveness of the asking for more method. People tend to comply more if there's a sudden shift of emotion. So in the example above, changing their emotion from anxiety (Oh no, I don't like to give $25.) to relief (Whew, I only get to pay $10.) makes them much easier to persuade. Emotional shifting doesn't have to be in the asking for more format. Your request or command doesn't need to be associated in the emotional change statements. You can change their emotions first before inserting your unrelated suggestion. The sudden shift of emotion can be from negative to positive (ex: sadness to happiness), or from positive to negative (ex: excitement to disappointment). It doesn't matter; as long as there's a change in emotion, you can persuade better. For example, you want to ask your co-worker Jo to photocopy some documents. You know she's scared to death of losing her job and not having money to pay her bills. You could tell her:

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Jo, I've heard they're laying off several employees. It's very scary. But the boss has assured us that no one in our Department will lose their job. Could you photocopy these for me, please? Aside from the emotional shifting, her mind is busy thinking about the implications of what you just said, so you could easily slip in your suggestion and get her to do what you want her to do.

Case Study Using The Asking For More Method


While I was growing up, there were times when I found myself a little strapped for cash. My financial crisis was nothing too major, of course. Luckily, I always have my sister to borrow money from. She could be generous whenever she wants to (and I always pay her back, anyway). However, there were moments when she became incapable of caring for penniless me. Around that time, I had already started reading up on persuasion techniques, and I've learned about the asking for more method. The next time I found myself in need of a little cash support, I asked my sister for an amount higher than what I really needed. She really didn't want to lend me any money; but when I lowered the amount, her heart softened and she gave in. The asking for more method works like a charm. Or perhaps, people just really want to give you a chance but don't want to make it seem like they're giving it away for free. A little prodding here and there ought to do the trick. Haggling with people often seems to work.

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Chapter 16

Expectations Become Reality


When you expect someone to do what you want, and that person treats you with respect or admires/looks up to you, you have already increased your chances of success higher. The magic word here is "expect". You expect your child to get high grades in school and she will get high grades. You tell your child that she's a bright student, you really expect that to happen, and your kid will meet or exceed your expectations. We aim to meet, if not exceed, others' expectations of us, especially if we stand to gain benefits like getting rewards, earning trust, or being regarded highly. There have been cases where the law of expectation can produce almost miraculous results. Take the case of cancer patients who were given placebo pills. These are just plain pills that have no healing capabilities. So how did they get well? The power came from their thoughts. They were told that these pills contain the highest amounts of cancer-fighting ingredients that can effectively cure them in a matter of days. They expected to be healed, and so thats what happened. See how powerful your mind is? They believed that their health would be restored. They have registered in their minds that these pills will cure them of their illnesses. In the process, the belief embedded within their subconscious came to reality.
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There was once a weightlifter who couldn't lift weights in excess of 300 lbs. So his coach devised a clever idea and told him that the barbell he has to carry weighs only 300 lbs. With all his might, the weightlifter managed to put it above his head. After he puts it down, the coach told him that he has just lifted 350 lbs. of weight! It's all in the mind! A famous person once said, "Whenever you think you can or you can't, you're right." If you think you are poor, then you are; unless you properly condition your thoughts to the positive mindset and expect great things to happen. A very close friend shared this inspiring story with me: My Dad's way of disciplining me when I was growing up could have made me a big time failure, had I not realized its consequences in time. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my Dad very much, and I respect him. I'm sharing this story for the purpose of making you aware of things that could set you up for failure, so you can avoid them. Now back to the story. When I was a young boy growing up, I oftentimes make mistakes (as small boys usually do). Every time I do something stupid or something that my Dad doesn't like, he would say things like "You're not using your head", "This is common sense stuff, and you don't know it", "Your cousin is much better than you are", etc. My Dad often made me feel like I'm a stupid person, that all other people are smarter and much better than me.

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He said that it's his way of disciplining me, so that I can grow up to be a better person. As I grew up, his words often echo in my head. In due time, his words made their way to my subconscious. I was literally telling myself that "I am stupid" or "I am a failure" every time I make a mistake. I feel like I am my own worst enemy. And I indeed failed in many of my endeavors. It was very frustrating for me to keep on failing and being a nobody. But because I simply cannot accept my fate, I read all sorts of self-improvement books to get out of my predicament. And that's when I found out what's wrong with me. I've let my Dad's negative words about me become a part of my life. And because I accepted his teachings as words of wisdom, I took on the personality of a failure. They say that people act or behave according to how you treat them. When we assign a person certain positive qualities or attributes, that person will allow us to believe that what we said is true. So if you treat, let's say, an average student as a genius, and tell her that her performance exhibits that of a highly intellectual person, she will allow us to believe it and indeed become a very smart person. Try it; you'll be tremendously surprised. If you're a parent, assign positive qualities to your children, even if they don't have those qualities yet. Tell them they're smart, and they will indeed become smart. That's the power of the subconscious mind. We can use this to our advantage by adding certain words such as "You probably already know" or "You probably realize" in our statements. This is powerful because you are assuming yet unconsciously suggesting at the same time.
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Examples: "You probably realize that you can do anything you put your mind into." You probably already know that nothing is impossible with a little determination. Some people presume that they are being perceived in a particular way, and they will act according to their own perceptions. An employee, who assumes that her co-workers perceive her as incompetent, will probably be unable to fulfill her job well. On the contrary, if that employee thinks that others are praising her for her good work, she will probably produce good results with her job. This phenomenon has a lot to do with her beliefs. What you believe will happen, can actually manifest into reality. That's why it's important to reinforce people's belief or self-confidence. One way to do that is to remind them of their accomplishments. If they haven't achieved anything significant yet, you may remind them of how determined or diligent they were in performing their duties, and that their efforts will pay off soon.

How to Use the Power of Expectation


Here are 5 powerful techniques utilizing the power of expectation. 1) Use Parkinson's Law. Want to know how to use expectation to persuade others to accomplish tasks 2 times, 3 times, or even many times faster? If the task requires 3 months to finish, tell them it has to be done within 3 weeks. The magic in this is that the work will be completed in a span of time based on a person's expectation of how much time is required to do it. Parkinson's Law states "work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion."
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If they cannot absolutely do it in that span of time, use another subliminal persuasion technique - the principle of comparison. Tell them that if they can produce excellent results, they will be given, let's say, a 2-week extension. They will compare the 2 time frames and may even thank you for giving them enough time! You gave them the impression that they are given a lot of time (because you've added 2 weeks to the original 3-week deadline), even when the task can take up to 3 months to finish! 2) Be specific. Another great tip to maximize the power of expectation is to be as specific as possible. If you can say, "I know you're a fast writer who can turn out at least 7 quality articles within 5 hours" instead of "I know you to be a fast and efficient writer," then the results will be better and more accurate. 3) Find similarities and point that out. To successfully influence people, find any point of similarity between you and the person you're persuading. For example, both of you are members of a reputable association. You can say something like, "As a fellow member of 'Justice for All Inc.,' I know you want justice to be served at all times. I respect you and regard you as one of my heroes. I'm sure many people treat you the same. Just want to thank you in advance for continuing the fight to give justice to Mr. Jones." 4) Your actions should convey expectation.

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Words may not be enough when you're expecting someone to do something. Your actions and body language should be consistent with your oral communication. For example, you expect your spouse to go with you to an event. Ask her to go get dressed and tell her you'll wait in the car, then head straight to your car without hesitation or looking for approval. 5) Expect to be expected. Keep in mind also that people base their expectations on various aspects such as your physical qualities, your surroundings, etc. Everyone will expect a neatly dressed and well-groomed person to be wealthy and successful; that's why it pays to look good when you're persuading others. If you wear dirty clothes and have unkempt hair, you'll be treated as someone who has bad manners, and they won't expect good outcome from you. The same goes if you have an orderly and tidy home. People will expect you to be an organized person. These 5 persuasion methods can be applied in almost any situation. Just remember to communicate your expectation well and you'll see great results.

What To Do When Others Expect Negative Qualities Or Results From You


Some people just like to put a damper on your brilliant idea by spitting out all the things that could go wrong with it. These people are no longer offering critique. And these people will usually raise questions that will raise doubts in you.

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For example, you announce that you are thinking of flying to London for a weeklong vacation. They will most likely react to your news by stating the danger of flying or the number of negative things awaiting you at the airport. These remarks are not to be taken seriously. Brush them off lightly or ignore such reactions altogether. Learn to become a human filter. To become one, you must learn to filter out negative comments or suggestions. You know yourself better than anyone else does. Block out all those pessimistic views, while you absorb the positive ones. And of course, never listen to those who have nothing good to say. Believe deep inside that youre fully capable of doing things which they don't think you can do. They say that opinion is the cheapest commodity. And because different people have different opinions, you just can't simply accept the viewpoint of one person as the standard rule.

Presuppositions
Presuppositions assume that the person you're persuading has already accepted your proposal or has reached an agreement with you, even if she has not yet done so. For example, if you want to convince your spouse to visit your parents sometime soon, don't give him or her the option of turning you down. Instead of asking, "Do you want to go see my parents?" just ask, "When are we going to visit my parents?"

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Asking your question this way makes your partner think that they have already agreed to visit your parents, and that it is only a matter of time before the trip pushes through. Here are other examples. Notice the words in bold from the examples below. Are you still willing to join me in my quest? (Assumes they're willing to join.) Have you submitted your application yet? (Submitting the application is already settled. It's just a matter of when.) I will give you $100 when you finish this task. (Notice I didnt say if but when) When do you want to start doing your assignment? (It presumes you will do the assignment; it's just a matter of when.) I'm still thinking if Friday is the best day to go to Aunt Tina's house. (Friday may or may not be the best day, but you're planting the assumption to go to Aunt Tina's house.) How happy are you to be here in this memorable event? (It's not asking if you're happy, but what level your happiness is. ) Im glad you checked out the Ultimate NLP Course. How will you apply it to your business? (Assumes you will apply it to your business) Shall we start the program on Thursday or Friday? (It's not if they will start the program, but if they will start on Thursday or Friday.)

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How satisfied are you after reading my book? (It's not asking if you're satisfied, but what level your satisfaction is. ) When you ask the questions above, people will start thinking of answers and may therefore get distracted from thoroughly understanding your question. The result would be compliance. Presuppositions may also make the recipient assume that something is true or correct, even if there's no evidence to back it up. Examples: Do you know that this is a very powerful persuasion technique? Can you realize how good his writing is? Would you believe this special event might not be repeated again? Fortunately, you can get the product at a big discount.

The Magic Question


Make the prospect do what you want right now by asking a question that assumes she has already done your desired request. Example: "If you made money with this program, would you continue your membership?" If she says "yes," then you're in a much better position to persuade. That's because she will never know if she will make money with your program unless she joins.

How To Stop Insecurity With Another Person

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Let's say you have 2 kids, and one is always getting higher grades in school. Do you think the one with the lower grades would become insecure or jealous with your other child? The answer is... it depends. If your kid with the lower grade identifies her value or worth based on academic performance, then she will probably get insecure. But if she identifies herself with other factors, such as athletic skills or other talents, then she won't get much affected. That's why it's important to know what qualities, values or beliefs someone is identifying herself with, before you can get her to stop feeling insecure or envious of another. In our example, if you found your kid to be insecure because of lower grades, what you could do is to make her feel that grades aren't that important to you. You could say, Good grades will not ensure a perfect future. The important thing is to always do your best in anything you do, and to do it with dignity and a clean conscience. You want to target the very thing she is identifying herself with and downplay it. By doing this, you are melting the very aspect that is conjuring up her feelings of insecurity or envy.

How To Get Your Money Back


Isn't it strange how easy it is to loan other people money; yet how difficult it is to persuade someone to give you money back? If you want to get your money back, make sure you include a good reason for wanting it now.

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But that doesn't always work, right? In this case, tell the borrower how you appreciate her for always keeping her word; and then a few moments later, ask for the money. She would do what she can to fulfill your expectation of her. You can also do the 3rd party expectation technique, in which you tell the borrower that someone (whom both of you know) says that she doesn't expect you will get the money back. (Get permission first if possible; otherwise, don't name names.) This will instill a sense of challenge in the borrower where she'll strive to prove her critics wrong.

How To Bring Out The Fire In Anyone


Jason is the new coach of a basketball team. His team has won many games since he has arrived to replace the previous coach. The players are more at ease with him and more open to discuss any concern with him. Moreover, they have become more confident and motivated to play now that he's leading the team. Before he coached the team, they were on a losing streak. Now the team is on a hot streak and they may even have a chance to win the championship. What is Jason's secret? Whenever one player does something nice, Jason gives him a good name to live up to. When a player makes good blocks or does a great job in rebounding, Jason will tell him, "Wow! Your rebounding and defense are very much like Dwight Howard. Keep it up."

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When a player shoots consistently well, Jason will tell him, "Super! Your sweet moves rival those of Michael Jordan. Wow!" When his team wins, he'll encourage them even further, "We will win one game at a time. We'll win the championship, just like the LA Lakers did." Jason knows how to praise his players and how to motivate them to do better. He assigns qualities and aspects that the players are inspired to adopt, even if the players don't possess those characteristics yet. The players, on the other hand, would try their best to establish the reputation that their coach has assigned to them. They don't want to humiliate themselves by performing below the reputation that Jason has delegated to them.

The Consequence of Pressure


Jason also knows how to encourage his team, without pressuring them. He knows that due to the Law of Reverse Effect, putting on pressure to anyone can backfire - and could actually cause them to fail to do what they could have normally done under normal circumstances. Let me give an example of the Law of Reverse Effect in action. Have you noticed that when the game is on the line in a basketball game, and a player's free throws can actually win or lose the game, the chances of him missing is higher than making those shots? (This isn't always the case; but it happens in many instances where a good free throw shooter would miss his shots when it counts the most.) This law states that the more effort you exert (or the more pressure being placed on you), the more likely you'll attain the opposite end result. The reason is because the more pressure you give to people, the more they become
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conscious of their actions, and the more they're disregarding their subconscious faculty. And our subconscious is responsible for helping us do tasks which require little or no conscious effort on our part like breathing, driving, etc. Ok, back to our story. Whenever he needs something to be done by a player, Jason would tell him, "James, you always shoot like Michael Jordan. In this play, you're going to take the game-winning shot. But even if you don't make this, we won't blame you. So just do your thing." James feels like the MVP. He's all fired up and his coach expects him to play like Michael Jordan. James will do everything to win for his team, but he's not pressured. So he can focus on taking the shot, and not on what his team will say if he misses. Sometimes Coach Jason will apply a slightly different approach. When he expects David to defend Brian (the other team's star player), Jason will tell him, "David, you've always been a great defensive specialist. Nobody has ever stopped Brian from scoring above 20 points in any game before. Would you be able to stop him this time?" Coach Jason issued a friendly challenge to David. David couldn't back out now. He has to prove that he can defend Brian. He has to show everyone that he is one of the greatest defensive players ever. But again, no pressure. When you give out a challenge to people, they will be much more motivated to prove to you that they can accomplish any task you assign them. Moreover, they will want to enhance their reputation by trying to surpass that challenge you brought out to them.

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A challenge can be very motivating. But when you put intense pressure with it, or force them to do something (or else), they could break down instead of shine through.

Press The Magic Button Of Motivation


Now every time his team wins, Coach Jason will credit their accomplishment to the team's amazing teamwork, coordination, and dazzling plays. By ascribing a certain event (the team's victory) to a cause (the team's amazing teamwork, coordination, and dazzling plays), he has established a connection between the winning and the team's performance. By doing that, the team's desire to win has always spurred from within themselves the driving force to perform well. Coach Jason would also celebrate a win by inviting the whole team to his home. His wife would cook the most delicious pasta in the city. The pasta has become the team's motivator, and it has also become an anchor. Whenever there's a game, Coach Jason would just tell them to "Win this game and get a mouthful of pasta later." Just imagining the appetizing sight, smell, and taste of the pasta would stimulate the team to do their very best.

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Chapter 17

How To Be An Impressive Hypnotic Communicator (Part 1)


One of the best elements of persuasion you can have is having good communication skills. There will definitely be individuals who initially cannot accept or understand your view, which explains why you need to learn how to respond appropriately. To become an expert persuader, you have to use the right words at the right time. Words are very powerful. Although there may be many words that mean the same thing, there may still be differences in terms of their emotional intensity. Here's an example. Telling people they're sexy may boost their self-image, but saying they're skinny could make them feel inferior. These words may have a similar meaning, but the feelings they evoke to another person are very different. That's why it's important to listen to what people need and want, and respond accordingly. You have to find the right words and arrange them properly to best suit the situation. This topic is enormous in scope, so I have divided them into 2 chapters. Each chapter presents a plethora of powerful techniques to communicate with anyone and mesmerize people with your words. So are you ready to become an impressive hypnotic communicator? Read on...

Enter Their World


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One of the most vital aspects to communicate successfully is to enter their world, meaning to speak their language and adapt to a situation that they are most comfortable with. You have to understand where they're coming from. To get someone to support you, you have to tell them how your proposal will benefit them. You have to know what they might want to have in return. Do they want the satisfaction of a job well done or do they want clearer compensation? Be ready to offer what they really want; because unless you hold what they desire on your plate, the chances of persuasion are slim. You also have to possess an intuition of how to approach certain kinds of people. This sort of intuition only gets stronger with every use of your persuasion techniques. Along the way, you'll learn that you can't use facts and numbers to persuade an emotional person, because that person can't "connect" with what you're talking about. Likewise, you can't expect to persuade an "analytical" type to donate money to your cause with tears and heart-warming stories of the endangered Pandas in China. Let others feel that they are in control of themselves, their thoughts, and actions. You can give them the perception of control by letting them decide which of two choices they like, even though the two options are similar in nature. For example, if you want them to go with you to the market, you could ask, Would you like to take the bus or get a cab when we go to the market? Even though you're asking him to go to the market, you're giving him a sense of control by deciding how to go there. And by asking this question, there's a presumption that he will indeed go to the market with you. You need to interact according to how they like it. Flexibility and openmindedness are important, but be sure to stick to your main goal of influence.
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This will greatly improve the message channel so that ideas and views remain constructive and positive.

More Than Words


Words play a big part in eliciting a certain emotion, but equally important is your present state and manner of saying them. For example, if you say you respect someone but you're constantly thinking of people you despise, you will subconsciously communicate those negative feelings in spite of your nice words. That's why it's important to be aware of not only what you say, but how you say it. If you want to make people happy, you should be happy yourself deep inside (and perhaps think of happy thoughts) as you communicate with them. Your body movements and voice tone must match the emotion of the actual words being said. And when you hear someone's reply, observe his body gestures, his manner of speaking and voice tonality. You could mirror the way he communicates so you can establish rapport.

Turn Unfriendly Words To Better-Sounding Words


Did you know you may lighten or worsen a situation by the words you choose? Here's a list of "unfriendly" words and their "better-sounding" counterparts. Which ones are you using in your daily language?

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"Unfriendly" Words
objections cheap buy problem mistake failed ill fat bad traditional committed suicide painful late tumor stinky die weird nerd

Better Equivalents
concerns/issues affordable invest concern/issue/challenge moral lesson not up to standards not feeling well large negligent/unwise/inadvisable old-fashioned took his own life uncomfortable delayed growth not fresh pass away mysterious genius

Turn Difficult Words To Easy Words


Some people try to impress others by using jargon or difficult words. Although improving your vocabulary and using a few new words in conversation can help give you an image of professionalism and intellectuality, this does not apply in all cases. In fact, using technical or difficult words unnecessarily can only create confusion and impatience in the people you're talking with. It can actually backfire and give the impression that you're less intelligent than you really are, instead of making you look like a master wordsmith.
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So if you're speaking to people who are totally unfamiliar with the topic of discussion, you would do better by using simple, easy-to-understand words. Trying to impress others with industry-specific jargon that they don't understand without clearly explaining what they mean - would only drive them away. Master persuaders should be able to impart their message in a clear and easyto-understand manner. Here's a list of difficult words and their easy counterparts.

Difficult Words
currency diffusion bestow utilize manuscript procure discern respond petition imperative

Easy Words
money spread give use book buy distinguish answer request important

Some studies also indicate that names, titles, and other words - that are easy to say and remember - build more trust and are more favored over those that are difficult to recall and pronounce. So if you're planning to set up a new store, a simple name such as Dargo (assuming it's still available) is better than Dyglshirmth.

Use Superlatives

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Master persuaders love superlatives. They have a way of making things bigger than they really are. They give a bigger and new meaning to an idea. If you want to convince somebody about a certain project or concept, don't be afraid of superlatives. Use words like extreme, super, the most, one of the world's leading, greatest impact, etc. These are just some of the words you can insert in your presentation every now and then. Just make sure that you use words that are appropriate to what you're selling, and that you don't overdo it.

Spice Up Dull or Boring Words


Here's how you can hypnotically motivate people to do what you want, and make them like to do it. Make them believe that they're doing something far greater than the actual task at hand. For example, don't tell teachers that they are teaching young kids because it's their job. That's a lifeless statement. Instead, tell them that they are training and mentoring the future leaders of the world. Wouldn't that make them feel that their work is very valuable? You bet! Your repairman isn't just repairing, he's saving lives from any possible electrical threats. Make him aware of that. Your chef isn't just cooking, he's eliminating hunger and satisfying taste buds. Wouldn't that make him feel important? Absolutely!

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Here's more. You can say "nicer" terms in lieu of the original "boring" or "negative" words. This will increase your likeability and can positively affect people's emotions. This includes changing the way something is perceived. For example, don't regard problems as problems. Think of them as challenges or opportunities for growth. By reframing seemingly negative things as positive, or inferior aspects as superior, you're making the audience more receptive to your ideas! Say, "We have a challenging situation at hand" instead of "We have a big problem" so you can cause less anxiety. Say, "sanitation engineer" instead of "garbage collector" and you'll get better service from him. Say, "You're getting slim" instead of "You're becoming thin" so you'll boost his self-esteem and he will see you as a nice person. Say, Youre often late for work and you seldom finish the task on time. Is something bothering you? instead of Youre always late for work and you never finish your task on time. Always and never are often harsh and exaggerated; often and seldom are more subtle and do not convey that he is doing the irresponsible act all the time. Say, You could have given him a chance instead of You should have given him a chance. Could have implies that he had a choice, which could then serve as a moral to make better decisions in the future; should have attacks the ego and sounds like a forced thing to do.

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Case Study In Using The Right Words


Here's my personal experience that shows how to get people over to your side by simply paying more attention to the words you use: Louie, a friend of mine, works for a non-government organization that helps people deal with financial matters. While what he was doing was wonderful, he was not exactly the most effective speaker in the world. He would often complain that his audience did not appear motivated or even affected at all by what he was saying. Since he knows my expertise on persuasion techniques, he invited me to one of his talks to observe. In less than fifteen minutes, I immediately zeroed in on what Louie had been doing wrong all along. For most of his talk, he kept saying "Learning how to budget can keep you out of debt" as opposed to "Learning how to budget can boost your savings." He kept repeating the negative word "debt" instead of paraphrasing it to have a more positive connotation. I advised my friend to examine his speeches and note just how often he brought up negative words like "bankruptcy" or "poor judgment." It turned out that there were quite a lot. While some negative words cannot be avoided, I told him to turn all those he can into positive sentences. People generally respond better to anything with positive connotations. For example, they would like it if you're a pro-vegetarian rather than an anti-meat person. Words are extremely powerful, so be careful in your choice of words.

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Words That Appeal To The Emotions


Most people can't help but feel emotion. If you want to covertly get what you want, this is a pretty effective way to do it. A charity with a real good back-story has a higher chance of raising more money than a charity that has no drama. And kids who are just too adorable for words can charm their way into their parents' hearts like nothing else. Likewise, there are certain words that appeal to the emotions and grab attention more than any other words. These powerful words are used mostly by salespeople to get better responses. Here's a list: Free Money Health Guarantee Love Safe Shocking Freedom Sexy Cool Results Now Profit How to Happy Secure Exciting Deserve Vital Advantage Discover Breakthrough New Save Benefit Naked Crucial Right Breaking Truth You/Your Fun Proven Powerful Easy Controversial Comfort Introducing Red Hot Trust

Disguised Words
Have you ever come across a statement with a cleverly disguised word within it that reflects the writers true intentions? Such word can be picked up by the subconscious but might not be apparent to our consciousness.
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Examples: Going here is plane and simple. (Plane instead of plain because the writer wants the reader to visit him by plane.) To help the community, you can do money things. (Money instead of many because it may need money more than voluntary service.) This technique might be a little confusing; but when used properly, it can be an effective persuasion tool.

Words That Trigger A Specific Thought Or Emotion


Some words can evoke a certain emotion or memory on a specific person. That means two people might not respond in the same way to a word, depending on how that word had shaped their past experience or had been built in to their inner belief or mental system. Let me cite an example. When I say the word dog, this might trigger some warm feelings for most people, as they remember the times when they're playing or caressing their pet dog... or they might imagine a cute little puppy. But to someone who has been bitten by a dog when he was young, this word could send him shivering in fear. Different people respond to different words. And it could be any word in the dictionary. So your aim, if you want to persuade people, is to use words that trigger positive thoughts or emotions to the person you want to persuade. How do you know that? Observe the words that they keep on repeating; these are their personal trigger words. But aside from words, you should also be keen on how they say it and
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their body language. Yes, you must model their voice (tone, pitch, volume, etc.), facial expressions and other body gestures. That way, you're eliciting their very own personal preferences.

Turn Negative Interpretations Into Positive


You can change people's interpretation of any situation simply by finding the silver linings out of every possible objections they could think of. For example, an expensive product is on sale at a 30% discount. You won't focus on This package costs $350. Instead, you focus on You'll save $150 on this package. Or even something like You can easily make at least $5,000 every month by applying the step-by-step information from this course. ($350 seems trivial compared to the $5,000.) Let's say someone is having a bad day and his line of thinking goes something like I can't get anything right. I'm failing all the time. You can say, That means you are having a good learning experience and you are stepping closer to success.

How To Persuade One-On-One


Persuasion is easier to apply during a conversation between two people, as opposed to communicating in front of a group. This is because in a person-toperson setting, the opportunity to better understand the point of view of the other party exists. You can nitpick and delve into every single detail, as opposed to speaking to an audience, where the interaction is usually one sided. In this kind of setting, it is possible for you and the other person to reach a compromise that would bring the best probable value for both of you. You may

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even want to change your stance while you're at it. In short, person-to-person conversations are so open and flexible that it does not only allow you to change course, but also allows you to alter another person's mindset. How do you get the most out of person-to-person interactions? 1) Make It Personal. When talking one-on-one to another person, use the first name of that person (but don't overdo it) in order to grab his attention and to positively connect his name to your request. Use the word "you" often to make your message more personal and unique to the recipient. The person will feel that the message is addressed only to him. 2) Be Patient. Persuasion may not happen on your first try - or even the second, the third, or the fourth. There are times that a certain idea has to be pondered on and assessed more deeply and critically, that to be too aggressive in getting acceptance might only ruin chances of a good deal. We've been through this situation before. How many times have you said, "If you try to push me one more time, I will have to turn you down"? Effective persuasion requires skill, not annoying pushiness. If you are sensitive enough to know the symptoms of agreement or submission, you will be able to steer the conversation to a point where you have the opportunity to persuade. If the other party doesn't seem to be leaning toward your idea and his body language shows it, then you should know better to try at another time instead.
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3) Stop Yourself From Rebutting Too Much. One of the greatest mistakes of persuasiveness is your penchant to answer back and rebut. We often try to pretend to listen to another person's idea, which we do not really agree to, when in fact, what we are doing is preparing for a rebuttal to his statements. No matter how discreet you try to be at this, the other party will eventually notice that you are zoned out and will do the same to you when it's your turn to give your ideas. What ensues is a discussion that has two levels: one that is verbal and obvious, and one that is based on underlying meanings and subliminal banter. You may be able to prove your point and so will the other person, but nobody really wins. Nobody can successfully persuade if the conversation is just based on a subliminal battle. When you're trying to sell something, this will be your deal killer. In a friendship, this is what will burn bridges. This habit is very undesirable. Try to stop yourself every time you feel inclined to do so. 4) Be Persuaded. You can't be effective at persuasion if you are not open to being persuaded also. Remember, you're not the only one who is trying to get your point heard. In a person-to-person setting, the other party is also seeking to win you over to his side. In order to persuade, you must be sincere. Aside from that, you also need to effectively communicate your emotions and thoughts. If you want to improve your persuasion skills, don't be a drag. Be open-minded and show it.
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How To Talk To Anyone


Some people are born to be social butterflies, while others need help improving their people skills. If you belong to the latter category, don't worry! You're not exactly a lost cause. There are plenty of opportunities for you to grow into a great social butterfly as well! If you need help improving people skills and learning how to talk to anyone, then follow the tips below. 1) Don't try too hard. The first thing you'll have to do is to stop trying too hard. If you think you always need to be witty and original when chatting with other people, then you've been watching too many late night comedy sitcoms. You might be surprised at how people are willing to talk about the most mundane of things. A simple, "How was your day" can lead to all sorts of different topics. Be natural. Talk about the things that interest the other person more than your own. Save the witty repertoire for later. The more time you spend talking to different people, the better you'll be at improving your people skills. 2) Learn about other cultures. People who are well-traveled are usually more open and comfortable talking to people. However, not everyone has the money or the luxury to jet off to different

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parts of the world. But who says you even have to leave your home to learn about other cultures? Go grab a book, search the web or watch a movie. All these will help you get in touch with your inner "person of the world." Not only will the knowledge open your eyes to new cultures and help you to talk to anyone, it will also help you embrace the fact that each person is unique and has something different to offer the world. 3) Make others feel special. When improving people skills, make others feel special. Remember their names, their (or even their family member's) birthdays, their favorite color, what's going on in their lives, etc. Remember anything they said to you about themselves. This is not so difficult, especially if you have a good memory. To help you remember the details, write them down. Get yourself a notebook and jot down the names of the people you've talked to, their interests, and other information about them. You'll be surprised at how pleased people will be when you remember something about them. And this is a great way to talk to anyone if you can't think of anything to say. In turn, they'll treat you better and this will make it easier for you to relate to other people. Improving people skills is not an impossible feat. Even the most anti-social of people will benefit a lot from following these tips. As long as you remain open to the idea of communicating with others, then you will go on to become the social butterfly you have always dreamed of becoming.

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How To Break Bad News In 4 Simple Steps


It's never easy being the bearer of bad news. Wouldn't you like to stay out of the whole loop until everything blows over? Unfortunately, that isn't always the case. Sometimes, you have to be the one to say it. However, there are ways you can soften the blow. This section shows you how to break bad news to people you care for. You must be wondering how that is possible. After all, bad news is bad news. Well, think of it this way: If you don't know how to break bad news, the situation could get worse. A lot worse. So if you want to avoid that situation, read on! Step 1: Timing is everything. This is about gauging the perfect time to deliver bad news. For example, don't tell your sister that you lost her favorite ring when you two are in the middle of a fight. Don't tell your parents that you dropped out of college as soon as they get home from work. Instead, pick a time when the person you're breaking the bad news to is most willing to listen and not freak out. Step 2: Put it in context. People get upset when they get bad news. However, they somehow feel better when they realize that they could have had it worse. One of the best ways to break bad news is by putting the message in context. Let's say you have to tell some people that their house got robbed while they were away on vacation. That's definitely bad news.

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However, if you tell them that they were lucky to have not been there at all since the thieves were known to be ruthless, then they'll have a more positive perspective on the situation. Step 3: Lessen the emotional intensity. As much as possible, learn how to break bad news in a way that lessens its negative emotional intensity. That means converting negative words into positive ones, and finding all the positive sides and possible blessings in disguise behind the bad news. Assure them that the problem, like all other things, shall pass in due time and will not pervade other aspects of their life. That also means acting in a way that comforts them or at least doesn't provoke the negativity. That means no crying fits or no hiccuping. Try not to show any sign of sorrow or pain in your face that the recipient might pick up on, as this could aggravate the situation. Step 4: Allow them to react. Knowing how to break bad news means allowing them to react. Don't react for them or before them. Instead, base your reactions on what they do next. If the person you're talking to cries, then comfort him. If the person is angry, try to calm him down a little. Now that you know how to break bad news, it might still feel unpleasant when you do it, and you might sometimes even be dragged into the mess. But you can at least rest easy knowing that in some way, you help lighten the other person's load.
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How To Say No Without Offending Anyone


We've all been in this situation. Somebody asks us to do him a favor and, though there are a gazillion other things we should do first, we find it difficult to turn the other person down because he has done us a favor in the past, or is a close friend or a family member. The concept of gratitude prevails and we find ourselves trapped in something we really didn't know why we committed to. We can sometimes be so worried at causing disappointment in other people, often at the expense of our own activities and interests. Frankly, knowing how to say 'no' requires skill. Others might say that it shouldn't be hard to do. But, let's face it. We live as social beings and acceptance often occupies the number one spot in the list of virtues we want to achieve. Despite this, there are actually ways we can circumvent this difficulty. Here are six friendly, pain-free and reasonable ways to say no. 1. Say no; then show what the other person has to do to get a yes. For example: An employee is asking you for a raise but you hesitate to do so because lately he's been skipping work and picking arguments with co-workers. Yet, he looks like he really needs it and has been working for your company for three years now. You want to give him a raise, but his recent behavior is a little disappointing. How do you say no? Tell him that you can't approve a raise right now, but will do so once you see an improvement in his work ethic. You can say, "I understand your need for a salary

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increase, but in order for me to implement that, we'll have to work on strengthening your work habits. Now, let's see how we can make that happen" 2. Make it impersonal and give a reason why. Make it sound like saying no was a matter of circumstance, not of choice. An example of this is: "We've just paid our mortgage and my daughter is going off to college in two weeks, that's why I won't be able to lend you money." 3. Say no in a way that will make the other person say no to himself. Instead of saying no, teach the other person to say 'yes' to what you want. Do this subtly, of course. For instance, your fashion conscious sister wants to get a pink iPod while you want a blue one. You can tell her that while pink is a cute color, it's more difficult to match with her clothes. Once you level with her and link what you want with what interests her, she'll give in and agree with you. 4. Say you want to say yes, but Like tip number two, make it sound like you had no choice but to turn the other person down. This way, the relationship remains intact and no one gets hurt. Just don't involve other people, like blame your saying no to somebody else, as this could result in conflict and ill feelings. 5. Say it nicely. You're giving a rejection, so you might as well do it nicely. Let the other person down easy to avoid misunderstandings. People tend to be more accepting of rejection if it's brought in a polite and sympathetic manner.
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6. Ask a favor after rejecting him. You might be thinking that asking a favor from the person after turning him down would lead him to have more negative feelings towards you. But it's actually the other way around. If he turns down your favor after you have also done the same thing, the two unheeded favors cancel each other out. So he will feel like he doesn't have the right to get mad or cross because he did the same thing to you. To be successful, make the favor something that he will not likely do. But if he still did the favor you asked, you might want to consider reciprocating. After all, it's not very often you come across a person as nice as he is.

Importance Of Listening And Clear Communication


Listening and clearly understanding the other party's message are probably the most important keys to effective communication. When the other person talks, you must be prepared to listen and become interested in whatever he has to say. Of course, that doesn't mean that you can't talk during the entire conversation. However, by keeping the focus on the other person, you make him feel special. Ask him what he's been up to lately; or if you remember a conversation you've had with him before, bring the topic up. This gives him the impression that you value the time you spent talking with him, and almost guarantees that he'll seek you out again next time.

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Some people end up being poor listeners because they would daydream or think of something else instead of listening attentively to the speaker. Others are thinking in advance on what to say next instead of focusing on the other party's message. Some would consider factors such as manner of speaking, background or experience, outside appearance, race, religion, etc. in judging the message of the speaker; hence, its intended meaning becomes distorted. When you communicate with others, treat the person you're talking to as special. Maintain eye contact, and pay attention to what he's saying. Nodding your head, or saying "yes" or "yeah," means that you're listening. Never speak when the other person is talking. That is plain impolite. And if you want him to open up to you even more, don't immediately talk the moment he stops speaking. Wait for around 3 to 4 seconds before responding. (This will make him a little uncomfortable due to the silence and he might tell you something personal or revealing just to fill the silence.)

How To Solve Problems In Communication


Individuals of opposing ideas can stir up conflicts and arguments. It's that situation when one person thinks he has the right idea while the other one also believes he has the proper concept. Both of them would try to outwit and manipulate each other until one is declared the winner. Here's an actual example. My wife would sometimes buy me signature clothing. When my Mom finds out how much it costs, she would advise us to budget our money and just buy the affordable ones.

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A problem occurs when my wife thinks that her effort to give me the best was unappreciated. Mom, on the other hand, would think that my wife is such a spender. There's a conflict with their beliefs. No two people are exactly alike. We are totally unique; not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. There will be many times when your idea or opinion will not correspond with that of another. So how can people prevent misunderstandings from occurring? Proper communication is the key to overcome doubts and conflicts. You should let other people know what's in your mind. Don't keep them guessing. There was a story about two couples who were filing a divorce. After the lawyer has spoken to them both, he found out that the root cause of all their dilemmas was due to miscommunication. Here's one of the couple's problems. The man filing the divorce said that he just hated the meals that his wife often prepared for him. On the other hand, the wife said that she's only preparing such foods because she thought he liked them. But she never liked cooking them because they are not easy to prepare. See? If only one of them has the courage to speak out what's in his or her mind, then that particular problem would be over, and there'll be no need for any expensive lawsuit. Now why would people prefer to keep their emotions and criticisms to themselves? What's holding them back?

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It's because they do not want to be rejected. Most people, if not all, would like to be accepted and to be perceived as likable in the eyes of others. So how can you get your message across without hurting feelings? Substitute negative words with positive ones. Instead of declaring "You don't understand," say "Let me explain." Instead of saying "You're wrong," say "Allow me to clarify." Instead of stating "You failed to say," just mention "Perhaps this was not stated." There are certain words that affect a person more negatively in comparison with other words that have the same meaning. Nothing could be more pleasant to the ear than hearing someone else say that you are right. In this case, be prepared to let other people know that you respect their opinions. You may add your comments at the end, but acknowledge them first. Say: You're right, although ... Terrific suggestion, however ... I agree with your opinion, however ... I would feel the same way if I were you, although ... I can imagine how hard it is for you, but ... I understand your situation, however ... Reassure them that the decision made will benefit both parties. People need to feel that they have made the right choice. To prevent misunderstandings and let the other person know that you're interested and listening, you may also confirm to emphasize your understanding.

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Examples: Just to be sure I get this right, you're saying that ... To confirm I understand what you said, you're asking if ... To ensure that I have taken your order correctly, you ordered a .... Confirming the exact words a person says can make you more likeable and trustworthy in his eyes. Miscommunication can ruin a potentially good relationship, business, or career. Read this conversation... Husband: Honey, let's go hiking on the mountain this weekend. It will be fun. Wife: I think it's going to be very tiring and boring, with no exciting views to see. Husband: How can you not like the cool mountain atmosphere, the fresh air, the green trees that are invigorating to see, and the great feeling of walking while enjoying the experience? Wife: I never thought of that. I was thinking it's for the athletic people. Husband. Nope, it's a very relaxing and energizing experience. Wife: Let's go then. If the husband had not thoroughly explained the benefits in vivid details, his wife would probably not go with him. The more you can connect with another on the same mental or emotional level, the better you'll be able to persuade.

Voice Pace And Pitch

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Persuasive people use their voice to their fullest advantage to get what they want from others. Master persuaders talk quicker, more clearly, more enthusiastically, and more fluently. You may reduce your speaking pace if you want to give the impression that youre thinking or analyzing; increase your speaking pace if you want to convey passion or liveliness. Fillers such as "ahhh" or "ummm" are absolute "no-no's" for master persuaders. They are also aware not to repeat certain words said by others, so others won't think that they pick up information slowly. They have a deep pitch, as this conveys confidence and commands respect. They put the accent on certain words within their message to stress their point. A simple sentence like "I can't assure you that" can have a lot of meanings, depending on which word you have inflected. Notice how the meaning of each of the sentences below changes when you highlight a specific word. I can't assure you that. (But somebody else probably can) I can't assure you that. (No way that will happen!) I can't assure you that. (But, if you're lucky, you might get it.) I can't assure you that. (But I can if it's somebody else.) I can't assure you that. (Maybe I can assure you something else.) Giving off what we mean via inflection is subtle. It will also help spare you from being overtly direct, especially if you're the type who hates the thought of turning someone down. Understanding which words to emphasize will save you from this awkward moment (yet you still get to have things your way).

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Interesting Fact: By talking at a higher pitch before pausing, you will be able to keep people interested in what you will say next.

Voice Tone
Your voice tone is an amazing persuasion tool. You could stir up a specific state through the use of different inflections. An upward inflection sounds like a question, even if you're not asking. This subtly communicates that you're surprised or doubtful of what they said, and their state of mind shifts from being more receptive to your request. For example, your boss is assigning Ron (amidst other choices) to join your team. If you don't think he fits in, you could say in an upward inflection, Ron? with your eyebrows joining together... as if you're asking, I'm confused. Why him and not someone else more capable? Well, you didn't exactly ask him that but your expression shows and you did not criticize Ron directly. A middle level inflection is used normally in everyday conversation. A downward inflection suggests a command, and can even be used on a question to subconsciously and subtly impart an order. For example, you could indirectly command someone by saying in a downward tone, Is your room all cleaned up? You can change your voice tone in certain words from your conversation to subconsciously issue a command. Just don't make it too obvious. Try to change your voice in as far as your listeners won't notice the difference. But if it's not obvious, will it still work? The answer is yes; the conscious may not detect it, but their subconscious will.

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Personality Types
People have different personality types, so you must learn to adapt to each one's uniqueness in order to be a great hypnotic communicator and to get the most out of your persuasion efforts. The 4 personality types include: 1) Directors Traits:

Task-oriented, goal-achievers Focused, determined, love challenges Fast thinkers, quick decision-makers Dominant, tend to take charge of situations Intolerant, inconsiderate

Persuasion style to use on them:


Highlight the main benefits and get to the point. Acknowledge their reputation and abilities. Ask a "double advantage" question where you assumed to get what you want whatever his answer may be. Example: "Do you prefer an automatic or stick shift for your brand new Lexus?"

2) Analyzers Traits:

Love to analyze and solve problems Tend to be loners Organized, systematic, meticulous Perfectionists, slow decision-makers
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Rely heavily on facts, proofs, and details

Persuasion style to use on them:


Acknowledge their intelligence/talents. Provide them with all the proofs, details, and data you can give them. Give them sufficient time to make a decision. Don't pressure or force them to make a quick decision.

3) Charismatics Traits:

Friendly, passionate, people-oriented, charismatic, optimistic, outgoing Social animals who love to hang out with a group/groups and hate to be alone Make decisions based on intuition or gut feeling

Persuasion style to use on them:


Admire their positive traits and make them feel important. Use a lively, interesting conversation style in persuading them. Incorporate entertainment and humor in your communications. Hang around with their group/groups. Prove to them that people who have the same interests as them have benefited from your product or service. They tend to follow the herd.

4) Sentimentals Traits:

Value the feelings of others. They would never think of hurting others' feelings and treasure the friendships of others Good listeners, supporters, advisors Team-oriented, cooperative, polite
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Hate changes, afraid to take risks Slow decision-makers

Persuasion style to use on them:


Take it slow, befriend them, and earn their trust. Acknowledge their capabilities. Show sincere interest. Make them feel that they are making the right choices and that their decision is accepted by the rest.

How did you find the techniques in this chapter? If you find them helpful, wait 'til you read Part 2 (Chapter 18).

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Chapter 18

How To Be An Impressive Hypnotic Communicator (Part 2)


When you convey an order or command, people will tend to set up a barrier as a form of defense mechanism. To effectively persuade them, you have to lower or tear down this invisible force field. The succeeding sections of this chapter will give you some powerful ways to do that.

Tell A Story
"Want to hear a story?" Oftentimes when you hear this question, you suddenly pay attention to the person who is going to tell the story. Everybody loves stories! For this reason, storytelling has become one of the most powerful persuasion techniques to influence people. Salespeople now use storytelling because this persuasion technique helps them sell under the prospects' radar. When you tell a story, you lower their resistance, make complicated things easier to understand, and perk up their emotions. You get them to escape temporarily from the real world and enter another dimension. When they are in storyland, their minds are more open to accept concepts and ideas that they have previously denied. Many websites employ stories instead of directly selling their products or services. You've probably seen their rags-to-riches to stories. They tell the readers how they started out broke, homeless and depressed. Then they did everything to overcome the odds and finally discovered a secret formula that has

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enabled them to achieve all their dreams in life. Now, they're ready to share the secrets with you. Isn't this technique better than directly telling your prospects to buy your products or services? Absolutely! Storytelling can touch hearts, change moods and alter emotions. The readers will feel as if they're involved in the story, and they would like to attain the same happy ending as that in the story. So what makes up a persuasive storyteller? Know the end result you want to attain by telling the story, so you can craft your story in a way that fulfills your purpose. Know the qualities or situation of the people you're telling the story to, so you can customize your story accordingly to satisfy their needs or wants. The theme of your story should become a fitting instrument to the accomplishment of your intentions. Engage as much of their senses as possible. Let them see, hear, smell, taste, and feel the various aspects of your story. The story should have an interesting or curiosity-arousing beginning. As the story unfolds, it should flow smoothly from one idea to another. It shouldn't jump from one topic to another completely unrelated topic. Each scene should have a certain aspect that connects it to the next scene. A story can have characters that are actually doing what you want others to do. As world-famous author Joe Vitale said, Whenever you want to persuade someone, consider telling a story about someone who did what you want the person you are persuading to do. The story can seep in easier than a direct command. And the results can be miraculous.

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Storytelling can be applied to almost any situation, not just in selling. For example, you have a partner who drinks alcohol excessively. You can tell your partner about someone you've just met who has an alcohol-addicted husband. Tell a story of how that husband has ruined his family's relationships and finances because his bad habit has affected his way of thinking. Your partner would associate that story to his own drinking habit. Now wouldn't this a better alternative than just telling your partner to "stop drinking because it's bad"? You bet! Important Note: Have a keen sense of whether they are picking up on your real intentions for telling the story. If it's a true story, then you have a valid excuse in case they found out. But if you're making it up, make sure you observe their response. If you're not getting through to them, or if they're suspecting you, change your style in a way that fits their world. The art of storytelling takes practice. You can hone your storytelling skills by voraciously reading lots of storybooks, novels, and fiction. Watch movies and observe how the story flows. Be interested in other people's stories and life events. You can also draw from your own interesting experiences or from other's. Most important of all, have fun. Just write everything you remember or that springs to mind; you can organize and edit your masterpiece later. Practice daily if you want to become a persuasive storyteller.

A Story That Shows The Power Of Story Telling


Lisa visited her sister's family one day. She thought that everything was going smoothly with their relationships. The moment came when Lisa was left alone with her 21-year old niece, Cindy.

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Cindy went to her and Lisa listened to her story. Cindy's parents never gave her any freedom. She was not allowed to go out with boys. She was not allowed to stay out late. She doesn't even have her own bank account. Her parents are treating her like a mindless baby. In whatever decision her parents had made, Cindy was left with no choice but to follow it. Cindy was crying and asking for her Aunt Lisa's help. Lisa knew how inflexible and uncompromising her sister was, so she had a better idea. When she had the opportunity to be with her sister, Lisa asked her if she had heard about the story of the girl who committed suicide. Lisa went on to tell her about it. Here's how Lisa related the story of Kathy to her sister. "I was shocked at the news about Kathy. She never used drugs, never smoked, never drank, but she still committed suicide. I've read that Kathy was the only daughter of her parents and that's why she was spoiled and well guarded. Her mother wouldn't even allow her to stay out late with friends for fear of being influenced by drugs or other negative things. When they would go out to eat, she couldn't order her food of choice. She had to eat what her dad ordered for her. When they would go out shopping, her mom always selected the clothes she would wear, and the things she must or must not buy. Even though they were rich, Kathy never got what she wanted because her parents always decided for her. She felt like a prisoner in her own family. She
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wanted to complain, but her parents would always tell her that they know what's best for her. Poor child! And she's 23 years old! So one day, she couldn't take the pressure any longer and slashed her wrist. What a sad story." Lisa's sister suddenly realized that the same incident could happen to her own daughter. From then on, she gave Cindy some space. She gave Cindy her own bank account and Cindy couldn't be happier with her new found independence. In our story above, Lisas story focused on the horrible consequence of what might happen if her sister didnt give her niece Cindy a certain degree of independence.

Use Examples and Correlations


You can easily get your point across if you use fitting examples to make your message easily understood. You may also use correlations such as this: Having this book by your side is like having your own personal coach ready to give you advice and guidance whenever you need it.

Use Quotes
Using quotes has the same effect as telling a story. Quotes can indirectly provide more power to your command because they have been widely used and accepted as true. For instance, a salesperson has this quote in her offer.

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"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." - Winston Churchill "So choose wisely and reach your dreams by grabbing one of our work-athome business manuals." Incorporate quotes into your language and you'll see great results in your persuasion efforts.

Use Reliable Data


You will be able to persuade people better by providing them with statistical data, proofs or evidences to back up your claim. If it works for the court, it should work ten times better in regular situations. Having evidence makes what you're saying all the more real. For example, you can say you've been to Disneyland but if you don't have a picture to prove it, people are going to seriously doubt your words. Anyone can say they are the greatest in something, so people are always wary of what you say. But if you provide verifiable data (along with the source and how the data was compiled), youll get a boost in credibility and trustworthiness.

Use Emotionally Mental Images


If you can make others understand your thoughts and emotions, you can persuade them better. Let them feel exactly what you're feeling, and think what you're thinking. Let them understand your state or condition.

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How do we do that? First, you have to ingrain a vivid mental image in their minds; and second, you have to appeal to the core of their emotions. Use words messages, experiences, or stories that appeal strongly to both their minds and emotions. Lets call them emotionally mental images. Remember the following points: 1) Plan ahead. Dont just say anything that comes to mind. You must prepare beforehand so you can communicate your images clearly. 2) Create your images based on their model of the world, not on yours. If your target person loves nature and you love shopping, dont make your images correspond to shopping no matter how passionate you are about it. Craft your emotionally mental images based on her interests, desires, goals, personal preferences or experiences. 3) Timing is crucial. Make sure there are minimal distractions and that she is in the right mood, so you can mesmerize her while applying emotionally mental images. Heres a story employing the use of emotionally mental images. Jane had always wanted to see her favorite boy band Westlife in concert, but shes living in a far away place, which made her think shell never be able to watch them live.

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There came a time when Westlife conducted a concert in her place, she was so excited, but she missed the opportunity because she was given an urgent job assignment on the exact day of the concert. She was crushed. Fast forward to the future. Jane is looking for a new job. Her friend Dina is inviting her to apply for the great job opportunity in Canada, but Jane is unsure and undecided. Heres what Dina has devised to say: Jane, do you remember the time when you missed the opportunity to watch Westlife in Concert? How bad did it feel to miss a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Now heres another opportunity that can make a dramatic impact in your life. If you dont move fast, others may beat you to it. Are you going to miss the chance again? Jane suddenly realized how great of an opportunity she might be missing. It made her remember how bad it felt to miss the Westlife Concert. Shes not going to let another important moment slip her by. In using this powerful method, remember to emphasize the best-case scenario if the person youre persuading does what you want, and the worst-case scenario if she doesnt! Emotionally mental movies are equally, if not more, powerful. With this method, you put the prospect as the star of her movie. You tell her in descriptive details the pain, agony, or torture of not having or using your product. Make the prospect actually feel the pain. Then present your product as the ultimate solution to the problem. This time, describe the intense pleasure, happiness, or satisfaction she will experience in having or using your product.

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Instead of simply saying, This suit looks good on you, say something like, Just imagine how impressed your family will be when they see you wear this suit. As you drive downtown, people cant stop smiling at you. Your boss compliments your professional appearance. Your office mates admire you and treat you with more respect. You feel so confident and sexy as you speak with every person you meet. And how is all this possible? Perhaps it's because you made the right choice in getting this brand of suit. Heres a powerful tactic to make them willingly visualize a situation where they are already using and enjoying the benefits of your product or service. For example, if youre in the catering business, just ask the prospect, What must take place for you to say, Oh my God! The food is terrific. This is the best catering service ever.? To answer the question, she should visualize herself enjoying the food and being completely satisfied with the catering service, as well as saying the statement above. And you already know that once she visualizes using your product or service, she is much more likely to accept your offer.

Use Word Repetition


Repeating the same words is important to make anyone remember and accept your request. To avoid sounding like a broken record, you could use the words in different contexts or in various communication formats. You can include questions, illustrations, or even stories. Let's say you're a parent who wants your son to attend this year's Christmas reunion (which he hasn't attended for many years). You could say, Son, I was hoping you could come to this year's Christmas reunion. Why would you want to come to this year's Christmas reunion? Because
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your grandpa, grandma, aunties, uncles, and cousins all miss you so much, and they have a surprise for you, so they'd like you to come to this year's Christmas reunion. Did you know grandma cried last year because she thought you were coming, but you didn't? So we were all hoping that this time, you could come to the Christmas reunion. It'll be fun!

Use Subliminal Repetition


Subliminal repetition is vital to make a certain suggestion stick to someone's mind and get the idea accepted by her subconscious. This is different from word repetition, as you're not repeating the same words; you're instilling various suggestions related to your purpose. Here's how it works. Let's say you want to persuade your parents to buy you a pet dog, which they're not very likely to comply with. So it's time to target the subconscious. First, you can tell them that your friend (or whoever has a pet dog) has bought a cute little puppy, and you're having so much fun playing with it. Then you could mention how the dog has made your friend's family much happier, and how it was treated as part of the family. Then you can also cite some trivia you've happened to stumble upon on the internet, and say something like: Dad, did you know that pets can help solve health problems? The National Institutes of Health says pets can lower high blood pressure and cholesterol. Not only that, it can also improve our mood and fight depression. (Note: Citing an authority such as the National Institutes of Health makes your statement more persuasive.)

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After ingraining several suggestions into their mind, you are more likely to convince them when you finally ask them to buy you a pet dog. The key here is to not implant your suggestions continuously. Don't do it all in one day. Do it in a subtle, non-obvious way. Talk about other things in between your implanting pursuits, or you might give their conscious mind the opportunity to probe into your real purpose.

Turn Weaknesses Into Strengths


During a job interview orientation years ago, one of the moderators gave me very helpful advice. She said that when asked for your weaknesses, try to position your statement into something more positive. Instead of, "I'm very shy and soft spoken," you can say, "I'm currently working on my communication skills." By using this method, you don't run the risk of leaving a negative impression. In fact, they will be delighted to hear somebody with such a positive outlook on life.

Divide And Conquer


People have a difficult time remembering too many things at the same time. Unless you have a photographic memory, information overload may hinder you to grasp the full meaning of long statements or sentences. If you are persuading others, don't confuse them with long and winding passages that bore and give them a hard time to comprehend.

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You can divide your long statements into short sentences so that people can understand one before the other. If applicable, you may also use fragments, the way hypnotists do. As you close your eyes...relaxing your whole body...you feel comfortable...very comfortable...imagine a flight of stairs...going up...reaching the sky...

Embedded Commands
Did you know you can unconsciously request or command people to do what you want? You can "implant" your command within your statements, either orally or written. For the oral application, just speak louder or deepen your pitch whenever youre going to say the words in bold below. This will allow you to suggest your commands unconsciously. Example: I think you will find it easy to remember and get familiar with these techniques. With consistent study and practice, you can achieve the highest goals. This will distinguish your command: Find it easyget familiar with these techniquesstudy and practiceachieve goals. You can strengthen your embedded suggestions by matching your voice tone or body movements with the context of your words. Simply talk normally, pause slightly before uttering your embedded command, then while saying find it easy you could slow down your speech (as if you're taking it easy) and put on a relaxed smile on your face. Then talk normally again, pause, then exude
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confidence in your body language and speech while saying get familiar with these techniques. And so forth... Important Note: Pausing after every command or request makes it more powerful and creates more impact. People are able to comprehend what you're saying with each pause. Pausing after every important line in your speech has more effect on the audience than going through the whole thing without stopping. For the written application, just make sure you bold the words in order for the reader to accept your suggestion. But don't overdo it. Do it in a subtle way. If the bolded words are close together, that would be too noticeable. Try to spread the bolded words far apart from each other. Example: I don't watch a movie often nowadays. But my sister went to the cinema every week with me when we were young. (Subconscious command: Watch a movie every week with me.)

Tell Me Why Technique


When persuading someone, try to include the word "because." People have reasons for everything. I've chosen this course because it's challenging. He stole the money because his children are hungry. The children went to the store to buy some candy. State the reason "why" because it justifies your cause. For example, "May I ask your help in processing the papers because I really need them done ASAP?"

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Instead of asking your mom, "Can I go to the movies? Ask her, "Can I go to the movies because we have just finished our finals and we need a break?" Alternatively, if you cant think of any reason, just say, Can I go to the movies because I really want to? The question above may not make much sense but it is still powerful because of the word "because." Some studies have been made that explaining the reason "why," even if the grounds are not sensible enough, can contribute to the success of a persuasion process. When you say "because," the other person will think that you are giving a valid reason for your statement, even when the words following "because" don't make much sense like "Can you quickly clean the room for me because it needs to be cleaned?" However, recent studies indicate that if you have a senseless reason after because, it will only work if the magnitude of the request is trivial. That's because our minds are filled with so many thoughts and distractions throughout the day, that we pay little attention to petty matters. But as the significance of the reason increases, the more time or effort will be taken to evaluate if the request is worthy of being fulfilled. So if your reason for asking someone to clean a room is because it's her duty, chances are that she'll probably not do it. But if your reason is because her blind date is coming along and it might affect his first impression of her, then she's more likely to do what you ask. Even more powerful is when you incorporate "because" within a question.

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Examples: "Can you imagine how your health will improve because you made the right choice in choosing your vitamin supplements?" "What would result if you joined this club because you realize how it can develop your skills and give you countless opportunities to network with successful people?"

The Power Of A Few Reasons


You now know the power of generating sensible reasons to make people do what you want. But there's a certain twist to this technique. Note how in the previous examples, the reasons given are either just one or two. Wouldn't it be better if there are more reasons to justify the request? Studies indicate the answer is no. Our quickness and ease in coming up with reasons is directly correlated to how much significance we place in those reasons. So the more you're asked to generate many reasons, or reasons that are difficult to come up with, the less powerful is your case. Conversely, the less reasons you give, or the easier it is to come up with reasons in a particular situation, the more your conviction in those reasons becomes stronger. In short, reasons should be few (one to three) and easy to come up with, in order to achieve the maximum effect. So if your spouse asks you to avoid doing something you enjoy, ask him or her to give 10 or more reasons why you should follow their advice. And if a potential client asks you why she should choose you over a competitor, you could return
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the question back and ask her to come up with several reasons why they think your competitor could do better.

Cause and Effect Technique


Here's a modified version of the tell me why technique. You can use other words to connect the cause with the effect, even if they are not entirely related. A statement such as If you dont go to this event, you will miss the opportunity of a lifetime is a powerful example employing the cause and effect technique. Other cause and effect words include: causes, allows, leads, implies, so, makes, enables, permits, therefore, brings about, produces, triggers, creates, becomes and results in. Examples: Reading my book causes you to understand the lessons of life. Going to the park triggers a happy feeling inside of me. Looking at the scenery allows you to appreciate Mother Nature. The team needs to finish this project, so give your full cooperation." Your wise decision results in your having a rewarding career."

Tricky Sentences
When you put the word "or" in a sentence, the reader will be inclined to believe that you're presenting the reverse of the first option. This is called a bind. Examples: Would you like to pay in cash or buy using your credit card? Are you taking me to New York or touring me around Manhattan?

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It's like you're given two options, but the offers are identical. If you ignore the first choice, you are made to believe that the second one is the proper alternative. You can use a more effective version of this technique by creating a bind, inserting it into a sentence, and then continuing with the discussion. Ask a question to obtain the desired reaction. Examples: Whether you're thinking of earning huge affiliate commissions now or quitting your day job to get out of the rat race and earn a living online, you've got to join the expert persuader affiliate program. Wouldn't you agree it's an intelligent decision? I'm positive that you'll either be so happy with our products or you'll be so excited that you can't wait to tell everyone about it; the important thing is to really harness its power immediately. Have you started to experience its benefits? People hate to be confused. The binds in the example confuse them and the question at the end serves as a route to escape that confusion. It also evokes a suggestion to the unconscious. Whether you're going to apply this method alone or if you're going to combine it with other techniques, the end result will still be the same - that you're going to be successful in persuading other people. This stuff is great, isn't it?

The More You ...


Form your sentence this way:

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The more you _______, the more you will _______. The first blank will trigger the second blank. Example: The more you read this e-book, the more you will learn about persuasion tactics. The first blank may even be conflicting to the second blank. Example: The more you hate me, the more you will feel that you need me. Isn't this fun? Even if other people oppose you, you can shoot a positive suggestion back at them. They won't know what hit them! It's even better if you say your desired outcome (make it as simple as possible) after a series of rather confusing statements. The reason is that the mind seeks simplicity and wants to avoid confusion. When their mind gets mixed up and analysis becomes very difficult, they will go for the next available option that will end their confusion. Your desired outcome will be much easier to comply with when said after a tricky sentence. Example: The more you comprehend the magnitude of gracing us with your presence, the more you will attain an awareness of belonging to a steadfast alliance. So come to the meeting this Thursday; well be waiting for you.

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Pacing And Leading


This technique is an efficient way to get other people to agree with you by linking proven or factual data with things that you would like them to perceive as true. This is not the typical "yes set" applied by many sales people. The "yes set" has become an outdated ploy because many individuals have come to recognize it and have built a defense wall against it. The "yes set" goes something like this. Seller: Hello, are you Thomas Smith? Prospect: Yes I am. Seller: My friend referred me to you. Do you know Jane Lowe? Prospect: Yes. Seller: She said you manage the Superpower Gym, is that right? Prospect: Yes. Seller: Terrific! Can I ask you a question? Prospect: Yes. Seller: If you can have the most advanced body-sculpting machine on the planet at half-price this week, you would really want to look at it, wouldn't you?

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This strategy may still work for some, but it has become so used it irritates people every time they hear the same procedure. It may also sound like an obvious ploy to get someone to say yes multiple times. You could do it in a more subtle way, and you don't even need the person to verbally say yes. She just has to unconsciously say yes in her mind. And the way to do that is to repeat a series of statements that she already agrees to or a series of facts. This can be done using pacing and leading. Pacing statements may include her beliefs, values, opinions, knowledge, experiences, undeniable facts, or other factors that she can agree with. That's why it's crucial to do some research and intelligence gathering on the person you're persuading, so you can come up with pacing statements that fit her world. Pacing and leading works this way: Create 3 statements that are true (pacing) and one statement that you want the person to conceive as true (leading). Here's an example: Pacing statements: 1. Heart disease is the main cause of death in many countries. 2. Moderate amount of exercise can significantly lower the risk of people contracting heart disease. 3. Many people in today's society are not exercising regularly because of their stressful and busy work schedule. Leading statement:

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1. The good news is that our fitness videos will teach you how to get the exercise you need while in the office using equipment such as your chair and table in a non-obvious manner. The pacing statements are factual. You read them in books all the time. You know that they are not only made up. The leading statement is not yet proven as true. But if you create your proposal with the 3 pacing statements in front and the leading statement at the back, she will be convinced that the 4th one is also true. In the example above, Construct your offer this way: Heart disease is the main cause of death in many countries. Moderate amount of exercise can significantly lower this risk of people contracting heart disease. Unfortunately, many people in today's society are not exercising regularly because of their stressful and busy work schedule. The good news is that our fitness videos will teach you how to get the exercise you need while in the office using equipment such as your chair and table in a non-obvious manner. Her mind has accepted the first 3 statements as true (which they really are), so she will also accept the next statement as true. If your prospect has already told you what she's looking for in a specific product, you could use the pacing and leading technique by repeating what she has already told you. Here's an example: You said you want to eat foods that are exotic and unusual. And you told me how much you've enjoyed eating hot and spicy dishes. There are many superb restaurants here where you can dine in with the foods you crave for. But Farsi Persian Grill offers the most mouth-watering dishes to satisfy your taste buds.
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The first 2 statements are things she already told you she wanted, the 3rd statement is a fact, and the 4th statement is the message you'd like her to agree with. Here's an effective format when using the pacing and leading technique. Pace - pace - pace - lead; pace - pace - lead - lead; pace - lead - lead - lead; lead - lead - lead - lead. I want to remind you. Don't just go about constructing sentences that follow the pace-lead format in a nonchalant manner. These statements have to make sense and they have to be conveyed smoothly. Pacing and leading could be very effective if you include compliments that feed her ego and reinforce her belief in her abilities. For example, you're managing a team of writers. If your top writer is often late in submitting her assignment, you could say: Maya, you're a fantastic writer. You've always done your research extensively and I just love the way you simplify the complicated stuff. Keep up the good work. And once you start submitting your work on the agreed schedule, our clients would love you even more.. and who knows, they might just give you all the highly-paid projects. Use pacing and leading often in your persuasion process. People will be surprised on how easily you can convince them.

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You Dont Have To


One of the most powerful ways to get someone to do something is to tell her, you don't have to do it. For example, you want your sister to do her share of cleaning up the kitchen. You can say, "Sis, I had a hard time in the office. Hmm, I noticed the kitchen is messed up. I was wondering if you might want to clean it up. Thanks for your help. But you don't have to do it." Why is this statement effective? 1) First, nobody wants to be pushed or ordered around. When you say, "might" instead of "should," the receiver will not feel being commanded. It is such a gentle way to persuade. 2) Saying "thanks" makes the receiver feel you appreciate her help. Moreover, it presupposes that the other person will do your request, because you have already thanked her in advance. 3) If you say, "you don't have to do it," the person will feel more compelled to do it. Moreover, it's another way of NOT being forceful. Think about it. Who would you grant a favor to? A person who says, "You should do this" or someone who says, "You don't have to do this"? If you can think of any benefit as a result of doing something after saying, "you don't have to do it," that will make your request ingeniously persuasive. For example, if your kid is lazy when it comes to studies, you can say, "It is important for you to study your lessons, but you dont have to study if you really
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don't want to. If you do, youll just earn lots of money after you graduate and you'll be able to buy anything you want. But the final decision is yours. Whatever you decide is fine with me. The subconscious tends to filter out the word "don't." Plus, it lessens the pressure to follow your order or request. Add the word "unless" or if in your statement and you'll cook up a powerful persuasion formula. Examples: "Don't enroll in this course unless you really want to transform your life. "Don't invest in this equipment unless you want to have a stunning physique." "Don't buy this now if you don't think it can solve your problems." "You don't have to do it if you don't feel this is helpful." You'll get even more effective results if you can incorporate the word "let's" in your message without sounding awkward, even if it's meant solely for one recipient. Example: "Let's make sure that this task gets finished before 4 pm.

Other Words that Pass Undetected by the Subconscious Mind


Aside from don't statements, using the words "might," "may," perhaps, "maybe" and could make your request or command more subtle or gentle.

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If you add these words, you'll make it sound like the decision is up to the people you're persuading, that you are NOT forcing them to do anything they don't like to do. Examples: "You might want to help me clean up this clutter." "Maybe you can teach me how to market your products." Perhaps you could buy me a sandwich on your way home. You could go to my place tomorrow to brainstorm some ideas. Could you get the books at the library?

From Negative to Positive


It may sound ironic; but if you say the negative, the brain has the tendency to process the information without the negative. If I tell you that "You are not a persuasive person," your mind will unconsciously relate it to you as "You are a persuasive person." It's like if I tell you not to think of a green, one-eyed giant, you would still envision it in your mind. As much as possible, avoid saying words such as "not", "can't", "don't", "won't", or other such words. Convert them into their positive equivalent. If you want to say, "I don't want you to be a couch potato," just tell her, "I want you to clean the mess in the room." If a coach wants to motivate her team, she could just say, "Go for the gold!" instead of saying "Don't lose this game." We, however, are not remote-controlled robots who just follow any command or request with dont or other negative words included. You wont automatically
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jump like a frog when I tell you, dont jump in a frog-like manner (unless you want to do it). After all, we are still the masters of our actions. Another reason to avoid words like "cannot" or "do not is that people tend to react negatively with such language. In order to subtly persuade people to see things your way, focus on the more positive points of your case and use more words like "can." In this day and age, people want to hear more positive things. Don't forget these lessons, ok? Or should I say, "Remember these lessons well."

Double Negatives
In the previous discussion, I explained how using negative words can blur the interpretation of your message. But using double negatives can be a powerful persuasion method at the right moment. What's a double negative? A double negative involves using 2 negative words in one statement. The use of a double negative is considered a grammatical error, but some people are using it in their everyday conversations. Here's some sample statements: I don't like nobody going to this party. None of these projects bring good results to no one in the community. I barely make no money in my job. He hardly has nothing to give you. The 2 negatives balance each other, resulting in a positive statement. So He hardly has nothing to give you means He has something to give you. Now the reason I want you to use double negatives (despite sounding awkward) is that they confuse the recipient, or make their mind work double time. But wait, isn't our purpose to make our communication clear and understood?
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Yes, of course. But we only use double negatives as a prelude to our real message. We want to confuse them first, before relating our true intention. You see, the harder a person's conscious mind works to understand something (the double negative statement), the more their unconscious mind is open to receive your suggestions following it. In the examples above, you can add your request or command after saying the double negative statement. So while they're busy analyzing what you said, your suggestion is gradually slipping in to their subconscious. Here's what you can add at the end of the double negative statement using some of the examples above: I barely make no money in my job and submit your application today. I don't like nobody going to this party more than you can buy this. We can even take it to the next level by adding more negatives to your statement. The more you overload their conscious mind to analyze or think about something, the easier it is for you to implant your suggestions to their subconscious. Example: Nowhere can you find nobody doing nothing with this step-by-step guide so follow the instructions now.

The Power Of Fast Talking


You now know that confusing someone can make her much easier to persuade. But how fast you speak is just as important as the words coming out of your mouth.
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My friend Rona is a store owner. One day, a good-looking man came and asked if she would like to buy his products at a discount. The man was speaking too fast that she can't keep up with what he's saying. Before she knew it, she was already paying the man. A few seconds after the man left, she was stunned. She can't believe that the price of the products sold by the man to her were higher than their actual value, and worse, they are all fake. What happened? On that day, she was visited by her clients on the store and was busy transacting a special deal with them. The con man knew her mind was busy with another task, and that she has no time to fully think about what he's going to say, so this was a situation that he took advantage of. The man kindly asked for a few seconds to talk with her. My ever-so-kind friend agreed; and since she's pre-occupied with another thought and the man talked so fast she can't analyze it fast enough, she fell for it. So there you go. Although the man used this knowledge unethically, I'm confident you will use it in good faith. If you want to bypass someone's conscious thinking, simply talk faster than usual. Don't give her any moment to think about what you're telling her. This works best if she's too busy or doesn't have time to analyze what you're saying. Practice this skill and you could use it when the time is right.

Agreement Catchers
Adding words such as isnt, doesnt, wont or can't" - and converting your message into a question - allows you to obtain agreement more easily by getting other people to answer "yes" either verbally or in their minds.

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Examples: This is an excellent proposal, isnt it? They can finish the project in due time, cant they? You do want to achieve your goals, dont you? Youre not one of the quitters, arent you? Aside from the examples above, you can even use your body language, such as giving the thumbs up sign or the awaiting your approval look. You're signaling them to nod their heads or say ok to your message. The more often they agree with you in various situations, the more persuadable they become to you. Consider it as planting seeds of agreement in their minds. The more seeds you plant (the more they agree with you), the more crops you will have (the more persuasion power you will possess). So strive to get agreement in your everyday communications. But what if they disagree with you? In this case, you simply forget about them and focus only on those situations where they have agreed with you or have given their approval.

No Pressure Statements
Nobody wants to be ordered around. So you should state your suggestion in such a way that it will not be conceived as forceful, pressuring, or compulsory. The most common ones are listed below: 1) "Anyone can.." "Anyone can do this simple task."

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You're not ordering the person to do the work. You're not referring to any person in particular. 2) "I was wondering.." or "I wonder.." "I was wondering if you are open to this idea.." You're just wondering, leaving her with options to not accept anything you say. Ironically, the more she doesn't feel pressured, the more she's open to suggestion. 3) "If you could.." "If you could promote this product, that would be great. If not, no problem at all." See? No pressure at all. 4) "I heard from.." or "XX told me.." "I heard from a reliable source that anyone who bought Joe's course tripled their income." You're not ordering her to order the course; you're just telling her what you've heard from a reliable source. 5) "With your permission.." "With your permission, I would like to invite you to attend the seminar." You're asking permission, so no pressure on her part.
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6) I'm not sure.. I'm not sure if this is the most comprehensive course on persuasion, but many people are saying it is. You're not ramming your claim down her throat. In fact, you're saying you're not even sure. This will lower down her defenses. Plus, you're using the power of herd mentality to influence her opinion. 7) "Have you noticed.." "Have you noticed that most marketers use this software?" You're asking if she notices, but you're subconsciously (and gently) suggesting her to use the software. 8) "It's good/great/nice/satisfying/amazing to know.." "It's great to know that customers are realizing the positive effects of this program to their health." Once again, nothing compulsory. In fact, you're also using herd mentality, where people would always want to join with the flock because we are social animals.

How To Boost People's Spirits


If they say they can't do something, one effective way to bring back their can-do attitude is to say, "What would happen if you could do it?" or "Just imagine if you could do it."
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The word "could" doesn't pressure them to believe that they can do it. But it conditions their mind to agree that they can do it. After asking the question, all you have to do afterward is to suggest that it is vital to do so. Say something like, "You must do it!"

How To Persuade As A Public Speaker


Want to enhance your persuasive public speaking skills? Perhaps you have already spoken before an audience, have given a great speech, have influenced them considerably to your point and have received a standing ovation a few times. Now you wish to improve that foundation you have in persuasive public speaking. Here are three ways that can help you to become a more influential speaker. 1) Use proper body language. As previously discussed, majority of human communication is done non-verbally, and people commonly respond and understand it very well. In order to effectively connect with your audience, mean what you're saying through nonverbal cues. These include eye contact, hand gestures, pacing and the like to stress your words and statements. For instance, if you're trying to imply a very important point, you may point a finger up. If you're telling a story, pace a short distance citing you're bringing them to a certain point. You would be surprised what a difference it would make than if the speaker simply went through her speech in a purely verbal manner. 2) Study your topic.
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Influence is your main concern when speaking before an audience so you have to know what you're talking about. You have to persuade them into considering the point that you're trying to make by citing facts, accepted truths and sources to show that your speech is actually based on something relevant. Realize that there is no debate or an exchange between you and them so you have to be very mindful of every single aspect of your speech or they may find you stereotypical; or worse, they may see you contradicting your own statements. Do some research and be open about new ideas and opinions before speaking; this will further guide you how to be a more persuasive speaker. 3) Establish a connection. Treat your audience, no matter how great or small in number, as your utmost concern. They are the reason you are speaking, so feel for them as if your message and efforts will be in vain if you cannot convince them to your point of view. You have to create a link between you and your audience to successfully deliver your speech. This connection can be made through personal anecdotes, humor or even asking the audience to speak a little. The goal is to be able to create feelings between you and your audience, where they will know that it matters to you that they listen. This will be the basis for a smooth flow for the duration of the speech and probably the key to persuasion. In a persuasive speech, you as the public speaker, should know how to persuade and convince. The audience should be driven to a point of influence that your message will successfully be delivered and received. Repetition of ideas, facts and opinions will bring them to your point and positively boost your persuasive public speaking skills.
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Chapter 19

How To Win Arguments And Negotiations


In a perfect world, people get along with everyone. You like your boss. You get along with your 12-year-old sister. Your neighbors respect you. Your colleagues worship you. Unfortunately, this so-called perfect world does not exist. What we have instead is a world of different people with differing opinions and as much as we wish it to not be so it's the perfect environment for instigating conflict. There's nothing we can do about it, but there are ways we can use to deal with arguments and negotiate our way to victory.

How To Win Arguments


There will be times when your idea or opinion is different from that of other people, and they will strongly insist on what they believe in. On this occasion, allow your head to cool off. Don't make the situation more complicated than it already is. By choosing to let your feelings control your actions, you're actually making everything worse. You just might end up saying something you'll regret later on. If you can't keep your temper in check, better distance yourself from the situation. Get some fresh air. Come back when you're calm and ready to discuss. Remember, you should never "fight fire with fire." Do not allow your temper to match up with theirs. The battle is lost if both parties let their anger control the discussion.
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The more you oppose their point of view, the more they will try to find your weak spots and disarm you. Here are some powerful techniques to win arguments and have it your way:

Use Reverse Psychology


You could try one of the oldest persuasion tricks in the book - reverse psychology. Reverse psychology relates to saying or doing something contrary to what you really want to happen, and then waiting for the other person to take the bait and oppose you, thus making him say or do exactly what you want. Some people are already aware of the reverse psychology trick, so it might not work all the time. That is only because most practitioners of reverse psychology have become too blatant with their usage. It's almost like they're parading the fact that they're using a persuasion technique on their target. However, that doesn't mean that reverse psychology is totally useless. When used correctly, it can still achieve the same success it once did. Think carefully. Instead of saying, "Well, of course I understand that you'd rather go to the ball with Jimmy" in that know-it-all fashion, try saying that line again with more bashfulness, almost as if you're genuinely embarrassed at asking the girl to go with you. Stutter a bit if you want. This way, you're creating an illusion that masks your use of this persuasion technique.

Give Respect And Value


Another thing you could do is to agree with him to some degree, then gently insert your own viewpoint. After he has sensed your acceptance and respect on

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some of his perspectives, he will calm down a little. He may then be more open and considerate to your opinions. Then he will be much more receptive if you give him a counter-offer that will be beneficial to him. Let's say your family is complaining that you're not giving them enough attention. You're always the first one to leave the house and you don't come back until late at night. Your wife says, "You never have time for us anymore. You're always out of the house enjoying yourself. You never even bother to take us out on Sundays anymore." Now if the reason you're staying out late is because you're working your butt off just to give your family a decent life, it will fire up your temper to hear those words. You might think she's so ungrateful to you, after all you've done. Consider her feelings. She has the right to feel this way. Tell her, "I know I have been staying out late and I have not been able to take you out. The workload is just enormous. I have to meet strict deadlines so that I may be promoted to give all of you a much better life." She calms down a little, then asks, "Could we then go to the mall on Saturday and watch a movie?" You pondered and realized that you've got a boatload of tasks that may not be finished until Tuesday of next week.

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You want to make it up to her, but you have to finish this job. After this project, you'll have much more time for them. Just tell her, "Honey, I would really love to go out with you and with our two sons, but I have to finish a deadline, which will require me to work full time up to Tuesday. Tell you what. After my project is finished, we'll go shopping and watch a movie together. We'll go to Disneyland. We'll go swimming and biking. We'll spend many days together until my next project comes up. Would that be okay?" She will understand your situation. Ultimately, she will not be able to refuse such a sweet counter-proposal.

Avoid Blaming
Avoid playing the blame game at all cost. You might think that putting the blame on another person will reflect nicely on you, but it very likely won't. Instead, you'll be seen as somebody who can't get along with other people and somebody who's not a team player. Besides, the problem is not who started it but how do we fix it. Focus on that and you just might be able to salvage the situation.

Resolve Differences In Opinions


Most arguments are caused by difference in opinions. These opinions may be based on personal experiences, and not every person has the same experiences on any particular subject matter. For example, your friend Jack went to the newest barbershop in town to have his haircut. He found the service to be terrible. The barbers are unaccommodating, and the haircut looked like it was done by an inexperienced grass cutter.
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Weeks later, the old barbers have been replaced by much experienced and professional barbers. Your other friend Eric, not knowing about Jacks experience, went to the barbershop to try it out. He was very satisfied with his haircut and impressed with the service. Now you want to try that barbershop too and asked your friends if they have ever gone there and what they think of the service. Jack told you that if he were the boss, he would fire the barbers for their unfriendly behavior and for making him look like a monster in a horror flick. Eric, on the other hand, told you that he has never looked so good until he tried out that new barbershop. Hes now a close friend of the barbers. In this case, who do you think has made the right judgment? Both people based their opinion on their own experience. If we argue with others that our opinion is right based on our personal experiences, we stop learning and we restrict our potential. A simple, exploratory question may resolve this issue. Instead of insisting that hes right because he has personally experienced it, Jack or Eric may say something like, Seems like our experience with this new barbershop is different. Maybe we can learn from this experience by sharing our insights. How did you arrive at your opinion? By doing this, not only will the details of the discussion be clarified, but also a learning process takes place. Perhaps it might be better to see if the barbers can stand the test of time. If after some time, the same barbers are still there and people are still going there, then that may be a sign that the service is good. The case is different if the opinion is based on fact or evidence. If you are not sure whether your viewpoint is factual, it would help to say something like,
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Seems like one of our sources gave us the wrong details. We had better find out which one is accurate, or we might suffer the consequences later on. You can also say this even if youre absolutely sure youre correct, as we dont want to hurt anyones ego or self-esteem. By saying the above statement, you transfer the accountability of the inaccurate or wrong data to an external factor. Instead of fighting who among you is right, you both cooperated to achieve a common goal that of finding the correct information.

Listen To The Other Camp


One very important strategy is listening to what the other person has to say. Don't think that you're the only one who has the right to express his concern. Resolving arguments and misunderstandings is not a one-sided affair. It is something that needs to be worked on by both sides. Hear each other out so that you may come up with a suitable plan for the future.

How To Win Negotiations


To ensure a triumphant negotiation process, you should observe the following:

Define your goal with clear-cut precision. Plan your approach and prepare to engage any opposition. Respect the other person's principles. Your suggestion or proposal should be adaptable according to the circumstances.
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If conditions are not appropriate, regroup and formulate a superior strategy.

Satisfy the other person's needs. Don't project any image of negativity in your negotiations.

Note that people with different traits respond to your proposal in different ways. People who lack confidence are more susceptible to believe in what you have to say. You will have better chances of influencing them. Compliment them on their proposal, then gently point out the weak areas and convince them to consider your proposition. People who are self-confident have a firm personality. They will not give in easily. Acknowledge their decisions, point out the advantages of your offer, and prove to them how applying your suggestion could bring about success in attaining the desired outcome.

3 Simple Steps To Get Someone To Hire You


Every applicant today faces a challenge. With such stiff competition, having a wonderful resume is not enough. Your interview also has to go smoothly as well. In short, you have to know how to persuade someone to hire you. Getting people to see that you're the one for their company is not just a one step thing. There are a lot of factors you can use to cinch the job. If you want to know how to persuade someone to hire you, read on! Step 1: Look your best.
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Let's face it. Your appearance has a lot to do with whether you get the job or not. I'm not saying you have to look like a Hollywood superstar to get a simple job. I'm just saying that you need to take your looks into consideration. When going for an interview, you must dress for success. Go for semi-formal clothes with a slightly tasteful twist. Keep your hair organized. If your hair is long, tie it. If you have an unruly beard, shave it off or at least keep it looking decent. You should smell good and look neat. Shoes should be shined and fingernails kept clean. You might not think your interviewers bother with the small details, but believe me when I say that everything about you is under careful observation. Step 2: Be prepared and confident. If you're not used to interviews, don't be embarrassed to practice the question and answer at home. If you want to learn how to persuade someone to hire you, you must treat the interview just like a conversation with a friend. Confidence never fails to impress. When the interviewer shakes your hand, keep your grip firm, but not so much that you crack a bone. Keep your head at eye level. Never too high, never too low either. Don't forget to smile since that will help alleviate some of the nervousness. When you speak, your voice must not crack. It should be loud and clear enough to be heard, but not too loud that it annoys your interviewer. Step 3: Show interest in their company.

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You have to show them that you're really interested in their company. This is different from begging in desperation. Never ever say, "Please hire me" because that sends out the message that nobody else has hired you. Showing interest in the company means knowing how the business works and how you can contribute to the company's mission. Don't sound like another applicant who's just in it for the pay. With these 3 steps, I'm confident you'll learn how to persuade someone to hire you in no time.

How To Deal With Difficult People At Home And At Work


Have you ever experienced feeling agitated and hot-tempered because you have no idea on how to deal with difficult people in your life? If you find yourself having a lot of arguments and bickering moments with the people who live in the same house with you (or work in the same office as you), you may consider those people as difficult to deal with. They may either be too insensitive (or sensitive), too pessimistic, or too arrogant and acting like extreme know-it-alls. Whatever their negative attitudes may be, the bottom line is that they are difficult to deal with. You may find yourself getting irritated or annoyed when you see a member of your family or a colleague that is difficult to get along with. The worst part is, you have to accept the fact that you have to live or work with them and see them almost everyday. Difficult people weren't born difficult. You have to understand that something must have happened to that person in the past, or at least when they tried to get

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out of bed that morning. It's not really your place to probe and investigate, although having that sort of perspective will help you understand them a little bit. But you don't really want to be annoyed and irritated for the rest of your life, right? Well, if that is the case, then you may just have to learn the art of how to deal with difficult people through the power of persuasion. If you find yourself on the brink of having a heated argument with a member of your family or a co-worker because of your different views pertaining to a certain issue, you don't have to raise your voice to make a point; you can smoothly share your point of view or your side of the story by using a well-modulated voice and steady eye contact. Don't be predictable with your reactions. If someone tries to shake you off your footing with their words, smile. Smile and act like you're in control of everything. Always maintain an image of control even if you don't really feel it inside. By showing difficult people that you are not greatly affected by the issue or the situation, you can surprise them and make them wonder how you can be so calm and collected when being confronted or when making/emphasizing a point. Aim to convince someone that your point of view, opinions or side of the story is sensible and is worthy of consideration. Admittedly, knowing how to deal with difficult people is not an easy thing to do because most people who try to handle their difficult co-workers or family members end up in fights and heated arguments due to misunderstandings. But with enough practice and determination, you can most definitely succeed in conquering them. With enough charm, wit and persuasive ability, you'll be able to lessen the chances of having arguments and misunderstandings.

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Start practicing your charm and wit. Keep in mind that you don't have to be too aggressive or hostile when you want to make a point; just be pleasant, calm and collected when you are around difficult people and you will see the difference. Even if you hate a person's guts, kill him with kindness. Because if you fight fire with fire, your reaction might just be as bad. Try to see the positive sides of the person and ignore the negative qualities. Being nice goes a long way, and small acts of kindness can do wonders. Who knows? He just might become friendlier to you. At the very least, you'll be able to catch that person off guard. Plus points to you. If you find it challenging to follow the aforementioned tips, the only thing left for you to do is keep yourself detached. Whatever that person does or says, don't take it to heart. Treat that person just like any other and put on a poker face. This way, you won't get into any heated arguments. Difficult people will always be around. But it's up to you to decide whether you will let yourself be affected or not. Follow these tips for dealing with difficult people, and you won't have to worry about losing your cool anymore.

Persuasion Techniques to Handle Difficult Customers


Everyone knows the policy that "the customer is always right." Unfortunately, the most difficult ones make it a point to rub this in your face. Some salespeople make the mistake of blowing up whenever a difficult customer makes himself known.

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But there are persuasion techniques for dealing with difficult customers you can follow to keep your head cool and your business peaceful. Persuasion is essential in dealing with an irrational customer. How do you exactly alleviate the fury of a buyer who is livid because of something you, the service or product, or your company failed to perform? Because the field of customer service is not a walk in the park, there will be times when you will be shouted at, and even hurled harsh words by clients who are not satisfied. Don't be alarmed. This is a normal situation. And being so, there are ways to rise above them so that you don't break down, too. 1) Get to the root of the problem. Find out what the client is angry about. Is he complaining about your service? Is he unclear about certain points in the agreement or the product? Did the problem come from you or did it spring out of his frustration over something he misunderstood? What are his sentiments exactly? You can find this out by being calm with the client, no matter how irritable he is. Ask the client to explain the situation to you. Don't interrupt and try to defend yourself or correct him while he explains. Wait for him to finish before thinking of the possible solutions to his problem. Ask the customer how they want the problem to be resolved. If the problem is simple enough, don't say anything more that you know will upset the customer. Your goal is to solve the problem and get away from the difficult customer as quickly as possible, without sacrificing your business' reputation. Difficult customers who leave with a bad experience often make it a point to blab about it to other people. And you know how powerful word-of-mouth is.

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2) Smile and be accommodating. Smiling confuses people. Not only does it keep the situation from becoming too tense, it also helps you keep up a cool front. Being charming, friendly and accommodating often alleviates the problem instantly. Warning: Be sensitive to people's emotions. A genuine smile is nice, but an insulting smile isn't. So do what you can to resolve an issue and accompany it with a smile. But don't smile while he's giving you a piece of his mind. You need to express your empathy, and not make them feel you're mocking them. 3) Let them know that you understand them. Building rapport with your client is one of the best ways to get into a straight conversation with him without the flare-ups. This means adopting his current mood. If he is angry, let him know that you understand his feelings. If he is frustrated, empathize. Clients appreciate people who they know feel their pain. When you have succeeded in this, you can expect to have a much calmer discussion right after. Don't say something like "I'm sorry for that. I'm already on it." Instead, say something like "I understand that you are angry now. I would feel the same way if I were you. Rest assured that I will do everything in my power to correct this matter as soon as possible. I will constantly update you of the developments as I progress." Handling an irate customer is not so difficult if you know how to level with people. Think of it this way. If you were in his shoes, you would be feeling the same way, right? How would you want the other person to face you then? That should always be your guiding strategy. Build rapport with the use of proper persuasion

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techniques and, together, seek solutions. No issue has ever been solved by an argument. 4) Ensure the client that you're taking steps to resolve the issue. Often, the customer does not really want to know exactly what you are doing to rectify the situation, only that you tell him that steps are being undertaken to correct it, and when precisely this is expected to be solved. One thing clients hate most is continuously waiting for solutions that are not certain to happen. 5) Offer a present. One of the most effective tips for dealing with difficult customers is making sure they leave your store in a good mood. If you run a restaurant, perhaps you can offer the customer a free glass of wine or a cup of tea. Ensure the customer that the mishap will not happen again. It's a small price to pay for a happy ending. The truth is, these types of customers are everywhere. And if you become rather difficult yourself, then the whole situation won't get anywhere. Follow these tips for dealing with difficult customers and you'll be alright. Perhaps next time, that consumer will have a change of heart.

The 4-Step Strategy To Overcome Rude People


If there was a special enchantment that would make it easy for us to learn how to deal with rude people, then that would be perfect. Unfortunately, you can't just magic these things away. There are some things you must learn to face on your own.

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If you want to learn how to deal with rude people, you're going to have to rely on your own values. But don't worry, this article will guide you through it step by step. Step 1: Don't just stand there. Rude people think they can get away with treating you poorly. The trick here is to take charge of the situation. Tell them (in a nice way) that you don't deserve to be treated that way. Nobody wants to start a fight and nobody has to. But you do need to confront those who are rude to you. Sometimes, it's important to stand up for yourself and be brave enough to tell somebody off. Step 2: Be the example. Sometimes, people don't realize that they're being rude. So help them correct their ways. When somebody - for example a messenger - rudely tells you to pick up your package by the lobby, don't respond in the same heated manner. Instead, smile and thank them for informing you. The same response can be used for those who are knowingly rude to you. They'll be so ashamed of how immature and impolite they're being, that they won't likely be rude to you as before. It's a technique that throws people off. They often expect you to react a certain way, but doing the exact opposite makes you a difficult target.

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Step 3: Avoid further interaction. Sometimes, rude people just can't help but be impolite. If you don't want to deal with them, keep your interactions to the bare minimum. If you can avoid contact altogether, that is fine. But if you do have to communicate with them, keep it short and sweet. Focus on what needs to be done rather than the person itself. You'll be too wrapped up in your goal that you won't have time to be affected by somebody else's mood swings. Step 4: Take action. Sometimes, the best way to shut rude people up is by getting someone else of higher rank to talk to them. However, make sure that you forward the complaint seriously and not whine like a little kid. Otherwise, your move is just going to make you look incapable. In a school setting, you can talk to your teacher about it. If it's a relative or a family member, find someone who you know that person respects or listens to, and then ask for his help. It's important to learn how to deal with rude people . You can't risk losing your temper because that would only end up reflecting your values in a negative way.

How To Deal With Negative People


It's important that we all learn how to deal with negative people effectively. After all, we can't always react violently whenever someone bursts our bubble or whenever someone says something discouraging.
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These people are everywhere. There's nothing we can do about it. However, knowing how to deal with negative people will at least make our lives easier in the long run! Here are 3 ways to do that. 1) Stay calm and detached. The first thing you need to do is to stay calm. Think about how you usually react when you cross paths with a negative person. Do you get upset, irritated or thrown off balance? Yes, well, everyone has felt that way at one time or another. These reactions are natural after all. However, they're not very helpful to your cause either. But now that you're actively aware of how you react, you'll have better control over yourself the next time you encounter some serious negative vibes. Focus on your breathing and don't let the negativity get to you. Separate yourself from the situation and let logic take over for the time being. 2) Steer negative people in the right direction. Sometimes, people don't realize just how negative they're being. If you feel that someone is being a little too negative, encourage that person to say something positive instead. For example, if your Uncle Lester keeps rambling on and on about how awful the new community center is, ask him to share a more positive story like what the old community center was like before the renovations and some of his happier memories there.

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Steering people like your Uncle Lester into positive territory is one effective way to deal with negative people. 3) Focus on your own energy. Negative people can be as negative as they want for all you care! If they're unhappy about something, that doesn't mean you have to sympathize with them at all. Let's say you're excited about a company project, but your co-worker isn't exactly happy about the added workload. Don't let your co-worker zap your enthusiasm. Instead, concentrate on how great this opportunity is going to be for you and for the company. The more you focus on yourself, the less affected you'll be by negativity. Learning how to deal with negative people is quite an important lesson. You might not think it handy now, but wait until you meet that one person who zaps the life out of everybody else.

How To Deal With Jealous People


Dealing with jealous people can be quite challenging, especially if you have to do it on a daily basis. Just ask any celebrity out there, and I'm certain they have enough stories about behind-the-scenes jealousy and cat fights to last you your whole life! However, things don't always have to end that way. Here are 3 ways to overcome jealous people: 1) Get to the bottom of things.

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A vital key to deal with jealous people is to understand where it is they're coming from. The first thing you need to do (and can do) is find out why someone is jealous in the first place. Is it because he never had a lot of things going for him while growing up? Is it because he just can't seem to get a break? Despite how negatively jealous people are portrayed, that doesn't mean there's nothing beneath the surface. When you finally have a good idea of the situation, then you can attack the problem with a more precise solution. 2) Share your good fortune. If you're dealing with jealous people who want everything that you have, perhaps you can share some of your good fortune with them. Sharing some of your luck might help reduce their jealousy and might show them that you are not a threat. Many jealous people crave attention. They don't want to be left out and forgotten. 3) Ignore them. A lot of people prefer to do this because it can be quite satisfying at the end of the day. Jealous people might do everything they can to bring you down; but if you ignore all that and focus on yourself, you'll likely come out on top. Don't allow yourself to be affected by a co-worker, for example, who is jealous because you're the boss' favorite. Instead, push yourself harder so you'll be able to achieve success while your green-eyed co-worker remains where he started.

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Dealing with jealous people requires patience and a strong sense of self. After all, it wouldn't do good for you to lose your cool so quickly. To keep yourself from blowing up, remember that there must be a reason for all the jealousy. You can also either be nicer to them or make yourself look better than ever.

Pick Their Brains


You can easily influence people if you think like the person you are persuading. Put yourself in their shoes. Would you be impressed with your own proposal? Would you be ecstatic about the many advantages of your offer? If you don't feel excited or interested with your own idea, then chances are they won't be either. Revise your strategy. Don't stop until you get the right formula to captivate their emotions. Aside from evaluating it yourself, ask your friends how they would feel if they were given your proposition. It would be better if you ask a third party so that the comment will not be biased. If you're offering something so irresistible that you want to accept your own proposal, then you've got yourself a winner.

How To Make People Doubt And Change Their Beliefs


All people have a distinct set of beliefs and values that have been ingrained into their subconscious since they were little. They consider their beliefs as true and undeniable; hence, they will hold on to their beliefs even if there's no strong proof or evidence supporting them.

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For example, your parents believe that being employed at a Fortune 500 company is the best choice for career advancement, and would lead to a life of fulfillment. So they want you to apply to these companies. You, on the other hand, believe that setting up your own business and being your own boss is the way to go. Neither beliefs are true or false; each belief's validity is based on the believer's perception of them. So how do you get them to doubt - and therefore change - their beliefs? 1) Have a sense of certainty. You must be absolutely certain of your cause. Even if they oppose your point of view, stay focused with your objective and never give in. Show them how sure you are of your belief, and that you will hold on to it no matter what. Eventually, they would be so influenced by your conviction that they'll start questioning their own belief. You could take this a step further by using the non-existent reality technique. Act as if their belief is unreal. You can do this by completely disregarding anything they do (because they're invalid or non-existent), or by acting like they're not in touch with reality. For example, when they insist that you should not pursue a certain endeavor, you could ignore it like it's not a valid suggestion; or you could put on a bewildered look on your face (as if they don't know what they're talking about) and smile or laugh (as if you're responding to a joke). 2) Use the power of social proof.

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People get cues from their surroundings and tend to get influenced by other people's ideas, decisions, and yes... beliefs. Their desire to fit in would cause them to shift from their existing belief to that of the group. If you want someone to switch from their belief to your own, team up with one or more individuals (the more people, the stronger the social proof) having the same belief as yours. You can talk to them about your intention to change someone's belief, and invite them to be with you when you're persuading the other party. Ask them to nod their heads in agreement, or say That's true and perhaps explain why, so that the person you're persuading would have some cause to doubt their previous beliefs. If getting people to collaborate with you beforehand sounds risky to you, you can still pull this off, as long as there are other people who are part of the conversation. As you go along with your talk, you can say, Am I right? or is that clear? while looking at other people in the group. Out of respect, they will either nod their heads or say yes or uh-huh; and that will give the impression that they're agreeing with you. 3) Ask for a specific explanation. Some people believe in something simply because that's what's being said by their parents, friends, church, etc. But if you ask them why, or ask them to explain how it's true, they can't justify their belief. If they can't find any possible reason for its accuracy, they might just begin questioning their belief's reliability. But what if they can explain it in details, using any pointless method they can think of? You can't disagree with them, as this will only make them defend their belief with more intensity. Here's what you could do...

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Simply accept and respect their views first, saying something like, You got a good point there. Then justify your own side by providing your own proof or evidence that subtly and clearly shows how weak or unfounded their belief is. To avoid any confrontation, use a third party. You could say that this was based on scientific research or an authority's statement.

What To Do If You Still Can't Change Their Beliefs


There are times when you simply can't alter anyone's belief no matter how much you try. In this case, you can change the variables of their beliefs or appeal to their other beliefs. For example, if your dad refuses to give you a raise in allowance based on the fact that the economy is weak; you can say that since the economy is weak, all the more reason to circulate the money around and help local vendors make a buck. Researching the specifics will also help a lot. After all, studies have shown that people react more positively when you're able to provide credible sources. Here's another example. Let's say you want someone to lend you some money. His firm belief is that all people should be self-reliant and should learn to come up with their own solutions. Since you can't change this mindset, you can target his other beliefs. How about telling him that if you're not able to get the money, you will lose an urgent opportunity that may never happen again? If he has a belief that we should grab all opportunities that come our way, he is more likely to be persuaded based on that belief (and not the belief that everyone should learn to support themselves.)

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Of course, it is very important that you don't come up with lies or make up stories that aren't true. If your reason is strong enough and you present your case compellingly to jive with his beliefs, your chances of getting what you want increases.

Try And Try Until You Die


I was just joking when I said, "until you die." It doesn't have to be that brutal and heartless. Nevertheless, you have to possess that persistent, undying determination in sticking to your convictions. When I was in high school, one of my classmates borrowed some money from me. Since I was a kind-hearted person and still had a couple of bucks to spare, I gave him the money. He told me he'd give it back after he received his allowance. One week had passed. Two weeks had passed. Every time I went to him, he would just say his allowance was not yet enough to pay me. I got really frustrated. The time came when I was the one who was short on cash, and I had no one to turn to. I approached my classmate quietly, and saw that he had a lot of money in his wallet. He did not notice I was behind him. I politely asked for my money. He wouldn't give it to me, saying he had to buy many important things. I stood there and did not let him go. I said, "Please give me my money now. It's my Mom's birthday and I need it to buy her a gift."

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He said, "Not right now. I have to buy some school supplies for our project. I'll give it to you some other time." I said, "This is a very important occasion. I've caught a glimpse of your wallet and saw that you have more than enough. All I'm asking is that you give me what you owe me. Please give me my money now." He said, "I'm sorry. We need to have these materials for our class project. Can I give it to you next week?" I said, "I would like to give you an extension. But I also really need the cash. It's really important that I have it now. Please give me my money now." He said, "Some other time maybe? I have other urgent things to pay for." I said, Im sure you have other important things to pay for, but thats your concern. Please give me my money now. He said, I really cant give it now. Sorry. I said, I can understand why you would say that, but please give me my money now. I stood firm with my mission and did not give him a way out. Finally, he couldn't take it any longer. He handed the money to me and I felt an overwhelming sense of power. I also learned my lesson well. You have to be determined to get what you want. No storm, no earthquake, no war, should ever hinder you from carrying out your ultimate purpose. Ok, I was exaggerating, but my point is that you really have to stick to your guns.

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The tone of your voice should have a downward inflection to suggest a command. Don't let your temper burst out of control. Maintain courtesy and selfawareness. If you have to sound like a broken record, so be it. Let him know that the only way he can stop the agony of hearing your never-ending request is to simply give in. Never give the other person an easy way out. Stay focused on your target. Force that person to make you stop by giving in to your request. Remember that if you're fighting for a just cause, you have absolutely nothing to fear. The good ones always win in the end. In the worst case scenario, if he really doesn't want to give back the money despite all your massive efforts, you could issue a light threat that could affect his reputation or relationship with other people. For instance, you could say something like, I don't like to do this. But to protect others from getting victimized, I would have to tell them about my unfortunate situation and warn them against transacting with you. Most people would do anything to preserve their reputation that they have no other choice but to give in.

How To Handle Questions That Accuse Or Condemn


Sometimes, we go through situations where people ask us questions that accuse or condemn us of negative aspects. In this case, the most important thing to remember is to never get defensive. It will only make you look more guilty. And it will only intensify your tendency to be even more defensive.

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For example, if someone asks you, Why can't you understand what I'm telling you? If you answer, I'm suffering from information overload, he'll ask back, why are you suffering from information overload? Can't you focus on just the important things? The more you answer, the more he will ask more questions which will only make you more defensive. Instead of you answering the questions, turn the tables around and put him on the defensive end... by asking him to explain why he thought that way or how he arrived at his opinion. What you could do is ask back something like, How fast would you like me to learn what you're teaching? If he says, I expect you to know everything in 30 minutes. Then you could ask him again, How about 35 minutes; is that too long for you? The purpose of this activity is to make him defend his answers, instead of the other way around. What's great about this method is that once you get him to talk about the specifics, and drill him down to explain the nitty-gritty aspects of his opinions, he will have a much tougher time answering. It's tough to answer the difference between 30 minutes and 35 minutes, right? Now what if he says or asks something more specific, and you know you're at fault? How can you escape from replying, where you lose whatever your answer might be? In this case, what you can do is to reply back with a solutionoriented statement. For example, if your spouse told you that you're an irresponsible father (or mother), and you very well know you've been spending a lot more time with your friends than with your kids, then you could say, I believe what you really want me to do is spend less nights with my buddies and help you take care of our kids, right? Now your reply is much more acceptable, and you can get the
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conversation to a good start. And of course, you have to start doing what you've promised.

How To Protect Yourself From Verbal Attacks


When someone starts verbally attacking or badmouthing you, it is easy to get carried away with your emotions and fight back. But resist the urge, especially if the person is getting a bit too violent. What you could do to stop the attack is to acknowledge his words as true (by saying something like I agree) and then get out of his sight at once. If he continues to harass you, then verbally attack or blame yourself in a more severe manner than the way he's treating you. The person wants to hurt your feelings; so if you appear to verbally hurt or verbally punish yourself, he would have accomplished his aim and has no more reason to attack you.

Set Yourself Free!


Don't you just hate it when other people take control of your decisions? You want to eat seafood, but they say you have to eat fruits and vegetables. You wanted to take Psychology in college, but your parents forced you to take Engineering. You're tired of hearing all those commands; but because you're such a good and responsible person, you end up doing their bidding even if it's against your will. Freedom is what you want - freedom to do whatever you like without hurting other people's feelings. It's very difficult to attain that if you have to choose between following your own desires or catering to another person's request.

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You have to know your rights, and enjoy them. If you have the right to remain silent, then you also have the right to voice out your inner feelings. You can state your views even if they like to oppose your opinions. You have the right to make your own decisions. If you don't like to do something, then nobody has the authority to force you to. There are far too many individuals who never get to experience the joy of attaining their desires because other people's influence has significantly (and sometimes negatively) affected their crucial decisions. Are there instances in your life when other people said that you shouldn't continue your plans because they're never going to work? What did you do? Did you continue your endeavors or did you just follow their command? If you always adhere to other people's beliefs and opinions even though they are contrary to yours, you're just torturing yourself. It's like you don't have a mind of your own. You're like a shadow following the moves of someone else. You may listen to other people's advice, but never let them control you. If their advice would contribute to your success and well being, then by all means follow it. But if it would hinder you and stray you away from what you really want in life, then you've got to take a stand and pursue your heart's aspirations. Sure there would be criticism, but if you always avoid them, then you will never be truly happy. As Elbert Hubbard says: To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. True enough.

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Take my case. When I was in my first year of college, my dad wanted me to shift my course to Physical Therapy because it was in demand in the United States at that time. But I wanted to continue my studies in Accounting. I remained firm with my decision and after some negotiations he finally gave in. Then there's my love life. Chinese tradition states that Chinese people marry their own kind (no offense). But I fell madly in love with this Filipino girl. Despite all the criticisms and discouragement, I defended my love for her. Right now we're going strong and my relatives have respected my decision. You see if I had given up easily in any of these two scenarios, I would've deprived myself of joy and contentment in my life. Sometimes other people's words will cut like a knife. But never be disheartened. Listen to the voice inside of you. We will never be able to satisfy everybody because each of us is unique. We have our own distinct traits and values. Respect for each other's opinions should be upheld. Follow your heart and happiness will follow. Know your rights. If God has given you free will, then no ordinary human being can ever take that away from you. Obviously, independence does not mean you can do anything you want to do without suffering the consequences. Criminals have rights, but they abuse them. They steal and they kill, so they have to pay the price and be punished. If there were no rules, then this world would go down in shambles.
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You must take full responsibility for your actions. You have the rights and the freedom; but you will still be held accountable for your deeds, so be wise and do the right thing.

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Chapter 20

Conditions That Foster Persuasion


There are certain circumstances that enhance the process of persuasion. Do not use the following information to take advantage of other peoples situations.

Fasting and Poor Diet


A person cannot think well without proper nutrition. People who are on a strict diet or who are engaged in fasting are more apt to agree with whatever you are saying. That's because their metabolism slows down, their energy decreases and their concentration level deteriorates. They may become disinterested with the outcome of their decisions. What about food? Well, eating foods that are high in refined carbohydrates or sugar can make you feel tensed or nervous. So you may not be able to persuade effectively when you feel this way, because the process of persuasion requires you to feel relaxed and have total belief and confidence in what you're saying.

Physical/Mental Fatigue Or Discomfort


A person who is suffering from physical or mental exhaustion, or pain, will be unable to give proper attention to her evaluations.

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The same thing happens to people who lack sleep. They exhibit poor judgment because of their inability to focus on the present situation. They show the I don't care state of mind. If you're persuading someone and you feel completely tired, it would be a good idea to take the necessary steps to boost your energy. Some of the most effective ways to overcome physical and mental fatigue - and increase relaxation - include deep breathing, meditation and yoga.

Distraction Or Confusion
People who are distracted are easily persuaded or manipulated. I have a friend who just set up a new store. One day, she had plenty of customers who were clamoring for her attention. At that time, she was approached by a good-looking man who proposed to exchange his products with hers. The value of the products she exchanged was 3 times as much as those with the stranger, but she agreed with the barter because she was so distracted that day! The man was a smooth talker and recognized that since my friend was very busy that day, she won't have time to pay attention and evaluate his message. Distraction and confusion are two of the most dangerous weapons of manipulators; so next time you're in a hectic or confused state, consider delaying in making any decision or taking any course of action... until you're in a calm state when you can think clearly about the matter. It's also a good idea to focus and do one thing at a time.

Emotions
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Fear
People will follow anyone or anything - and even break rules - because of the fear of losing something or someone, or fear of being punished. These fears strip us from our own control, making us easily persuadable or manipulated. Activating fear is an effective technique to persuade others to your way of thinking, especially in the field of selling. Here's how it's applied in a selling situation. Magnify the perceived fear of the prospect, make her feel that her fear is absolutely capable of happening and that she is no exception from becoming a victim; then provide a specific and doable solution to end her fear. Take note that simply activating her fearful emotions won't work, unless you've given her a specific and applicable way to end her fears. You may use stories and visualization techniques so that she can easily "feel and experience" the unbearable agonies of her fears coming true, then use the same methods to help her feel the relief or pleasure of the upcoming benefits when she uses your product.

Anger
Anger is another emotion that could be exploited to persuade others. When you trigger the rage of people regarding a certain subject that is important to them or affects them (ex: cruel boss shouting bad words at them), and then present a probable solution to address the cause of the anger (ex: filing a complaint or report to superior), your persuasive message becomes more powerful.

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Sadness
Recent studies indicate that feeling sad or lonely can make people spend more than they normally would. Sadness can change the way people value themselves, and the things they own, to a lower level. This, in turn, would make them more inclined to spend more on new things and be unconcerned about prices. That's why when you're feeling down and want to change your emotional state, it's a good idea to just talk to a friend than go to the mall, even if you initially intend to just stroll around. Speaking of sadness, crying can be quite effective in making someone do your bidding. If you're a girl, it's bound to be easier for you. I imagine some guys cringing at the thought of having to cry to get what they want. If you're one of those guys, then you can either choose to ignore this or try to understand the mechanics behind it. Crying usually softens people up. After all, they don't really intend to make you cry. In order to get you to stop, they'll do anything. Even give in to what you want. However, keep in mind that using tears to get what you want is bordering on manipulation, and won't work on everybody. Kids often use this technique on their parents; but remember, there are also parents who don't give in easily, so choose your targets wisely.

Guilt
This involves making use of a person's conscience. This works quite well for most people. If, for example, you want your sister to help you with your

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assignment, you can tell her that you'll most certainly fail the subject without her help. No one wants to be burdened with their conscience. Of course, the degree of your guilt-inducing story will depend on the kind of person you're dealing with. If your sister doesn't really care about your grades, you might need to come up with a more potent story - like your mom being tired all the time and needing all the help she can get in keeping the family straight.

Excitement Or Arousal
When more adrenalin is produced by our body due to intense feelings of excitement or arousal, we feel more physically (and sexually) attracted to the people around us... as long as we're attracted to them in even the most inconceivable way. Now you know why many people bring their date to a horror movie, concert or sports events. Attraction is high when we're engaged in something exciting or emotionally arousing.

Other Emotions
When people are in a highly emotional state, their ability to think properly and make decisions are diminished, whether they are in a positive or negative state. Hence, they are more persuadable (and manipulated). Now that you know this fact, don't take advantage of people when they are emotionally high, and be aware when people are exploiting this knowledge for their own selfish motives.

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Drugs
Drugs can significantly affect an individual's behavior and way of thinking. Even a normal person may do the most unexpected things under the influence of drugs.

Alcohol And Caffeine


If the persuasion angle is right, people who consume alcoholic drinks or those containing caffeine can easily be persuaded to a certain idea.

Timing
You have better chances of convincing a person to do something if she is not pressed for time. So a person who has nothing to do or got lots of time in her hands is more likely to comply with your request. If the person you're asking something from is often busy, make your request as far away as possible from the time you want it to be done. This way, the person has lots of time to digest your request and adjust her schedule accordingly to suit your needs.

Sound And Lighting Effects


Certain special effects intensify the emotions or feelings in a given situation. People in fund-raising organizations use dim lights and heartrending background music to immortalize the pitiful conditions of the poor. They know that if you get people to feel for you, then youre more likely to persuade them.

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Music can also affect buying behavior. If you have a store selling groceries, putting on some slow music will make people move slower; hence, they have a tendency to pick up more grocery items. However, if you want people to make a fast decision and take action immediately on a specific product you're selling, turn on some fast music and talk faster.

Media, Especially TV
In television, we find ourselves manipulated by media, through commercials and advertisements. It tends to influence our choices and responses. The steady repetition of images or products on the television may prompt someone to buy the product. Media's power of persuasion may create some form of obedience or compliance from its viewers.

How to Protect Yourself from Manipulation


If you think that psychological manipulation only happens in movies and interrogation rooms, think again. It's something that can easily infiltrate your everyday life. You might experience it from work, school or even while you're out buying groceries at the supermarket. Being manipulated to buy chicken instead of beef might not sound like such a big deal; but what about those times when your mother made you feel guilty for disobeying her, just because you're following your dreams? Or that time when your friends warned that you will be an outcast by not joining their club? Or about the time your girlfriend cried and said you don't love her anymore because you didn't bought that expensive jewelry she wanted. These manipulation tactics often get worse as time goes by.

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Unless you take action and protect yourself, these situations might eventually lead to harmful effects on your mental, emotional and physical health! So how can you protect yourself? 1) Listen to your guts. We all possess gut instinct, that part of our being that warns or alerts us when we are being tricked or cheated. Always listen to what your gut says in every situation. If you perceive that some people are doing something to you for the sake of manipulation, avoid them. If you cannot avoid them, tell them frankly but in a subtle way, that you know what their main agenda is. Be alert to situations that are suspicious or those that seem to be fishy. Admit it or not, we sometimes lower our defenses and allow some devious people to trick us. This should not be the case. We should make a conscious effort to stop them, and even inform others of their "true motive or nature" if need be. When dealing with manipulative people, you need to be on your guard all the time. If you've been played with once, don't be too quick to trust that person the second time around. That person's apology could easily be another ploy to manipulate you into doing or feeling something you shouldn't have to in the first place. My advice is to accept the apology, but let that person be aware that you don't forget easily. That should keep the manipulative person on edge - and you on your toes. 2) Stay informed.

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Francis Bacon said that knowledge is power. And he's definitely right about this one. By arming yourself with information or by just being aware of psychological manipulation, you are already protecting yourself! For example, if a politician uses the principle of association by supporting a charitable institution or hiring a well-known celebrity to endorse her, we should still not vote for her if we knew all along that she's accepting bribes. We should not let her trick us with manipulation tactics. 3) Walk away. Some people like to make their friends choose between them and another person. Now you are more pressured to choose the manipulator, for fear of losing their friendship. But a true friend would never do such a thing. This is an emotional manipulation technique that even little kids use in the playground. To avoid making a decision (and one you would probably regret either way), walk away. Let that person know that you're not going to take sides. If she throws a huff, that is no longer your problem. What matters is that you stayed neutral. Frankly, you'll be a lot safer that way anyway. 4) Stick to your guns. Manipulative people choose their prey. They'll scope around and look for someone who can't say "no." If you're naturally generous, you'll probably have a hard time refusing somebody's request or order. This is why you have to practice saying "no." Do it with a friend who can act as the manipulative person. Every time someone asks you a favor, weigh the
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options. If it will take away precious time from you, say "no." If they can do it by themselves, say "no." This really isn't the easiest thing in the world to do. Sometimes, you just can't help but be swayed by other people. However, know that once you resist the urge to follow someone else's lead, it will all be worth it. You will get the feeling of overcoming something huge and you'll even see yourself in a new light, which in turn, will only serve to empower you more. 5) Build yourself up. Targets of psychological manipulation are oftentimes those who do not really have a lot of confidence in themselves. If you have much insecurity, other people will just try to use your lack of self-confidence to control you. For example, if you're someone who cares a lot about your appearance, another person can easily say something to trigger a reaction from you. In order to prevent being victimized by such tactics, make sure you're comfortable with who you are. Look for all your good points instead of dwelling on your not-so-good characteristics. Be grateful for all the great things happening in your life. Dealing with manipulative people is also made easier when you're backed up by your loyal friends. You know who they are. They will protect you from being talked into something that you don't want or you don't have to do. Plus, friends also give you honest advice. No matter how difficult it may be to hear the truth, you know that they're just looking out for you. Besides,

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manipulative people find it intimidating to go against someone with a back-up team. Don't let psychological manipulation get to you. Moving to a new school or leaving your job isn't the solution to your problem. Running away won't help you get anywhere. All you get is a change of environment but not a change of mindset. Just remember to be alert on your toes, be firm with your decisions and believe in yourself!

How To Protect Yourself From Emotional Blackmail


Emotional blackmail is one specific form of manipulation. A lot of people succumb to this trick because they feel as if they have no choice. You've probably seen it happen so many times. Person A wants something from Person B. Person B doesn't want to give in so Person A uses tired old lines like "Don't you love me anymore?" or "I'm only doing this for you." The scenario is usually the same. Sentences like "Don't you care about the company?" or "If you really want to be my friend, you would do this for me" usually force them to make decisions they don't really want to. So how come we don't realize it when we're hit by emotional blackmail until it is too late? The answer is simple. Emotional blackmail involves our own emotions. And we all know how feelings cloud judgment. Sometimes, we think that we're exempted from it; and we convince ourselves that we're immune to it. However, this kind of thinking only makes us more vulnerable to manipulation.
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What you need are tips on how to avoid and deal with emotional blackmail the right way. 1) Recognize the signs. The first step to protection is information. Know when you are being manipulated. Typically, emotional blackmail has six stages: Demand, Resistance, Pressure, Threats, Compliance and Repetition. Demand is when a person asks you to do something for her. Resistance is when you convey how uneasy you are about her request. Pressure is when she backs you up into a corner. Threat is when she starts saying that not giving in will have negative consequences for you. Compliance is when you give up and give in. Repetition is when the whole maddening cycle begins again. Being aware of these stages allows you to take cover before these manipulators take advantage of you and leave you on the losing end. 2) Love yourself. Victims of emotional blackmail are often insecure about themselves. They rely heavily on other people and can't help but give in to their control easily. To protect yourself, keep a healthy self-esteem. Don't let other people's words affect you too much. Develop a stronger sense of self-worth. Know who you are, what your responsibilities involve, and who your real friends are. Blackmailers tend to stay away from people with strong and solid personalities. Talk to a friend who can help you identify all your outstanding qualities. Or take time off to work on your personal issues. This is a preventive measure to help you stand against emotional blackmail.
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3) Stay logical. Adopting a logical point of view can help prevent you from being manipulated. It is a lot more challenging than it sounds, so you'd better be prepared to stay firm. Giving in might be the easier option, but that will only doom you to another cycle of emotional blackmail. It all comes down to how much more you can take. Everyone is capable of using emotional blackmail to get what they want. Don't let yourself become a victim.

How To Handle Manipulative Children


Dealing with manipulative adults is one thing, but dealing with manipulative children is something else entirely. It's a lot more challenging to handle such a situation because you're talking about kids here. They know how much power they have and how little you can do to them. And if you're unfortunate enough, you might be dealing with your very own children. Handling manipulative children requires a certain finesse. You can't just charge into a situation without a game plan. Here's what you need to do. 1) Show them who's boss. Kids may cry, stomp, sulk and throw tantrums all they want, but you can't give in. A lot of people make the mistake of giving the kids what they want just to get the whole scene over with. However, that only teaches the kids how effective their techniques are.
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You cannot allow yourself to show any sign of weakness. Sure, sending your kid to bed early or to the "naughty" corner is hard for any parent, but discipline must be instilled. Be firm with your decisions. After a while, you should also explain to them why what they did was wrong, to put everything into perspective. 2) Be logical instead of emotional. When dealing with manipulative children, you have to prepare your emotions for a storm. Kids will try their best to appeal to you in every way possible. To keep yourself on your path, stay logical. When the conversation turns into an argument, use logic to make your point. Emotions are fuzzy and will not be convincing enough. For example, your kid might try pleading with you to attend a certain party. They will use every puppy dog trick in the book to get you to give them permission. But if you really don't want to allow your kid to go out - or you do not want to extend the kid's curfew - you're going to need to bring up every reasoning skill you have under your sleeve. And remember to keep your tone final. Know when to end the discussion. 3) Explain your own emotions. Sometimes, kids don't realize that their manipulative ways are hurting other people. Try to talk to them about your feelings and how it's wrong to manipulate others for their own benefit.

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This is not a conversation to be had on the breakfast table, just before they go to school. Do this during a time when you know they don't have a lot in mind. Dealing with manipulative children won't be easy at first. But if you follow these tips, you'll be able to avoid such situations and even turn the whole thing around.

Now that we're at the end of this report, you are aware of the specific manipulation techniques that some shady people are using against you; so build a "shield" to protect yourself from such manipulative attacks.

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Bonus Chapter

Application Of Persuasion In A New Working Environment


Let's say you've just been transferred to another branch of the company you work for. This branch is nowhere near your old one. In fact, it's located in a place with an entirely different time zone! You're alone in a different country where the only thing you have in common is the boss who pays you. What's worse is that you're the only new employee. Naturally, you find it hard to adjust to the culture of the country, which makes it difficult for you to be comfortable at work. This results in unhappiness and dissatisfaction. You realize that whatever is going on right now is putting you at a disadvantage. You then form the resolve to make a change. But the question is: How do you go about persuading your new co-workers that you're more than competent enough and that you're not just another stranger? This is where knowing a few persuasion techniques could come in handy. The first thing you need to do is to align yourself with your co-workers. Since you're the newbie here, you're the one who needs to adjust to them. Sync yourself with their thought and speech patterns. For example, pay attention to how your coworkers speak with you and then try to emulate their pattern. This will help you find something in common with them. If your co-workers have the habit of bowing to you after they speak, do the same for them. This will immediately help you gain respect and admiration from them. (Remember mirroring?)
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Another way of persuading your co-workers is by citing credible sources. Doing this will make them believe in you or the concept you're talking about. This persuasion method has been drilled in our heads since we were children. After all, we are trained to side with an expert rather than with a person who doesn't even have expertise in the matter. Plus, this also gives your co-workers the impression that you are learned. These persuasion techniques could help you fit right in and gain persuasive power over your co-workers. You'll find yourself happy and contented at work. Your good nature and camaraderie with your co-workers will also have positive effects on your personal and professional life. So if these persuasion techniques work when you're in a different country with a different culture, then they ought to work twice as well when you're in an environment you're already comfortable in!

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Conclusion
Our journey is almost at an end. Did you have a great time? Have you already applied some of the persuasion tactics I've taught you? These persuasion techniques are extremely powerful, so use them in good faith. Never employ them to manipulate others into doing anything that is against their will. Practice them in your everyday activities. Some methods may not show immediate results, but constant application will bring the desired effects. Just remember to always have faith in yourself and never give up no matter what. Some people read a book, become frustrated when they don't succeed at the first few attempts, then go on with the next thing that interests them. The cycle continues and they wonder why they can't seem to accomplish anything. They're not aware that no one else is to blame but them when their goals seem out of reach. If you want to achieve an endeavor, stick to it through thick or thin. You will likely encounter obstacles on the way; but if you refuse to surrender amidst the raging difficulties, your subconscious will instinctively find a way to solve them. While your conscious mind is busy doing the present activities, your subconscious mind is occupied in employing the invisible forces that will resolve your problems. It is in your most desperate times that your subconscious becomes active, so never give in until your purpose is met. Just remember: There is always a way! Wishing you the very best! Michael Lee

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Can You Really Attain God-Like Powers?


If someone promises to give you God-like powers that will allow you to create your own destiny as you see fit, would you give it a chance? That's what Chris Cruz claims to do at his Universal Life Secrets Website. It seems a little exaggerated, and you almost feel as though hes offering the entire universe for you to control. Who else in your entire life has made you the promise of God-like powers, right? Obviously, these secrets are not actually going to make you a god in a way where you can create life or move mountains with one word alone. (Only God himself can do that of course.) What Chris means is that you can be a god in your own domain, create your own reality and achieve anything you want... even if no one else in history has ever done it before. Click Here to see it for yourself. With these powerful secrets, you can: - Become an extraordinarily compelling master of persuasion, able to influence anyone to do your bidding.

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- Attract and captivate the person of your dreams with an irresistible, almost supernatural charm. - Enjoy unbelievable, mind-blowing, red-hot passionate love making every single night. - Live a life of unimaginable wealth (and even fame, if that's what you truly desire). - Skyrocket your confidence in both your personal and professional life. - Heal naturally and enjoy vibrant health. And more! Chris is making his program available (as of the time of this writing) at 81% off its regular price, so Click Here to check it out now and hope you make it on time.

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