'-,,0'' The.simp-1-e,sr t9 put it iq likg this: w.ay calie is a girl who has a rirdk too.m-uc,h$al,9.hormone.._We._w.

anf to'coqrgctthati, Neither Milton nor Tessiesaid a word. They werenlt follo*,rng everything the doctor was sayingbut, aspeople do with d.octors,tirmwere attentive to his manner) tryrng to seehow serious things u.erc,, Luce seemedoptimistic, confident, and Tessieand Milton b.g* w be filled with hope. 'llhacs the biology. Ics a very rare genetic cond.ition, by the rvm The only other populations where we know of this mutation expre$ing itself are in the Dominican Republic, papua New Guinea, d southeasternTurkey. Not that far from the village your parenrscafils from. About three h'ndred miles, in fact." Luce removed his silrrr glasses. "Do you know of any family member who may have had a similar genital appearance your daughtet'sf', to "Not that we know o{,, said Milton. "When did your parentsimmigratel', 'T.{ineteentwenty-two.,' "Do you have any relativesstill living in Turkeyf,' , 'T.{ot anyrnore." Luce looked disappointed. He had one arm of his glassesin his mouth, and was chewing on it. possibly he was imagining what ir would be like to discover a whole new population of carriers of thr S-alpha-reductase mutation, F{e had to conrent himself with discov-

"Butshe'sbeenmenstruatingforafewmonthsnowi'Tessieob;iected. ..I'm afraid that's impossible. Possibly there was some bleeding from anothersource." Tessidseyesfilled with tears. Shelooked away' ..I just got a postcardfrom a flormer patientl'Luce said consol;ngty. ;SftJad a condition similar to your daughtefs' She'sma*ied as tt":*. Sfr. and her husband adopted t'wo kids and they're as happy Bassoonl' canbe. Sheplaysin the ClevelandOrchestra' There was a silence,until Milton asked,"Is that it, Doctorl You do this one surgery and we can take her homel" ..Wemayr'uv.todoadditionalsurgeryatalaterdate'Buttheimmediate answerto your question is yes' After the procedure, she can go home," "I{ow long will shebe in the hospitalf" ,*sw* "Otrly overnight." difii.olt decision, especiallyas Luce had framed it. A It was ,rot " single surgery and some injections would end the nightmare and give ttl back their daughter, their Callicpe, intact' The sameenof-/p"t ti..rrr.nt that had led my grandparentsto do the unthinkable now fered itself to Milton andTessie.No one -"***g1)::*ffit"t"*. everknow. ,," ,,j ,f I , .,\, :."Arr"rr-(, S4rile my parentswere being given a crashcoursein gonadogenesis' Calliope-was doing some homework myself' In the I-still "in.i"Uy of the New York Public Library I was looking up Reading Room his ,om.th!,'g in the dictionary. Dr. Luce was correct in thinking that medical students were over my conversationswith colleaguesand meant, or "gynecomashead. I didn t know what "5-alpha-reductase" canal." But Luce had underestimated my abilities, tial' or "inguinal too. IIe didnlt take into consideration the rigorous curriculum at my prep school. He didn't allow for my excellent researchand study ,mL. Uot. of all, he didn't factor in the power of my Latin teachers' Miss Barrie and Miss silber. so noq as my wallabees made squishing sounds between the reading tables, as l few men looked up from (the their books to see what was coming and then looked down in my world was.no longer firll of eyes),I heard Miss Barrie's voice Use me: bypospadias' your Greek or ear."Infants, define this word for Latin roots.t'
429

*

i

ii ,l

-'::i*s,me' glassesback on. ,1lhe trearment Id recommend H" put his for I your daughter is twofold. First, hormone injecrions. second, cos: metic surgery.The hormone rreatmenrswill initiate breast develop i [ ment and enhance her fema]e secondarysex characteristics. The -,'* rt ! surgerywill make callie look exacdylike the girl shefeelsherselfto i be. In fact, shewill be that girl. Her outside and inside wi-ll conforrn. to9\ utcea normal girl. Nobody will be able to te[ a thing. \ fn..yn \And then Callie can go on and enjoy her life.,, *Milton's brow was still furrowed with concenffationbut from his eyesthere was light appearing,raysof relief He turned toward ressie and patred her leg. But in a timid, breaking voice Tessieasked,"will she be able to have childrenl" Luce pausedonly a second."I'm afraid.not, Mrs. stephanides. Callie will never mensrruatei,
428

i1 :l

The litde schoolgirl in my head wriggred in her desrghand raipd high. "Yes,Calliopel" Miss Barrie calledon me. "Hypo.Below or beneath.Like.hypodermic.,,, "Brilliant. And spad,iasl,, "IJm um. . ." "Can anyone come to our poor muse'saidl,, But, in the classroomof my brain, no one could. so that was wh* I was here. Because knew that I had something below or benear{x r but I didn't know what that somethingwas. I had never seensuch a big dictionary before. The webstels at thr New York Public Library stood in the samerelation to other dictioof my acquaintanceas the Empire SrareBuilding did to other laries buildings. It was an ancient, medievar-looking thirig, bound in brown learher that brought to mind a farconet'sg"u"tlei. The pager were gilded like the Bible's. Flipping pagesthrough the alphabet, pxt cantabih to eryngq past fond.angoto fnvnicata (that's with n m), pasthyper.tonia nypii*;_ ti tivity, and there it was: hypospadias New Latin, from Greek, man w.ith hlpospad_ias fr. hypo- + prob fuom spadnn,eunuch, fr. spa,n, tear, pluck, to pull, draw-An abnormality of the penis in which the urethra openson its under surface. synonyms EUNUcH. Sra at I did asinstructed and got eunuch -1. A castrated man; especially, one of those who were employed as harem affendantsor functionaries in certain Oriental courts. 2. A man whose testeshave not developed.Saa synonyms TTE at RMApH ROD TTE .

people thinking, writing. The painted ceiling bellied overheadlik3 a u"if, *a down below th. gt".tt desk lamps glowed, rll-uminating facesbent over books. I was stooping over mine, my hair falling onto the pages,covering up the definition of myself' My li*t gree: c?at *"r trJtgitg op.o f had an appointment with Luce later in the {aV *a *y-n"it was washed, my underpants fresh' My bladder was firll and I irossed my legs, putting off a trip to the bathroom' Fear was I and stabbing me. I longed to b" h.ld, caressed, that was impossible' laid my-hand on th. dictionary and looked at it. slender, leaFshaped, it had a braided rope ring on one finger, a gift from the Object' The it rope was getting dirty' I iooked at my Pretty hand and then pulled away and facedthe word again. ihere it wasiml)nste\in black and white, in a banereddictronapr in a sreat ciw library. A venerable,old book' the shapeand size ot a he"ditorr., with yeliowing pagesthat bore-marks of the multinrdes '-vffi tr-ali"coiisrilted the:ft bifore me. There were pencil scrawls and

*ilf;ffi'r,

bindingitself iiiiil iri"oii,sniik crudbi; andtheleather

was securedto the lectern by a chain. Ilere was a book that contained the collecred knowledge of the past while giving evidenceof present social conditions. The chain suggested that some library visitors might take it upon themselvesto seethat the dictionary circulated. Th-ed"ictionarycontained everyword in the English languagebut the chain knew only a few. It futew tbiof andsteal and, maybe,pwlnined' The chain spokeof pwerty and misnryx and i,nequolityand d'eca.dence. Callie herself was holding on to this chain now' She was tugging on it, winding it around her hand so that her fingers went white, 1s.she stareddown at that word . Moytster.still there. It had not moved' And she wasn't read.ingthis word on the wall of her old bathroom stall.

wasn'tpart of it.she but Therewasgraffiti in webstet's the synonym
svnon\rynwasofficial,

tl]"'ffi*tt$*su'$RdJll*,,$lp,,J**m**_*,**.
, -O'""* t"rm"pfrroairc -I. One having the sexorgans *O .il 1 the secondarysex characteristics both male and-;; of femare. ;. rt o Anything comprisedof a combinationof d-iverse conrra'\ or ?: ,' "'

W;i#,#mq#g.T*l-:**,********,,:..:.*...*,,r

watching. The vast Reading Room thrummecl with silent energy:

uP, tO See rt anyone was

was.That was been saying. It exPlained so much, really. It explained her mother crynngin the next room' It ex' plained the falsecheerin Milton's voice. It explainedwhy her parents -had brought her to New York, so that the doctors could work in secret. It .ipt"itt a the photographs, too' What did people d9 when they cameupon Bigfoot or the Loch NessMonsterl They tried to.get pl*r". Foi a second Callie saw herself that way. As a lumbering, " rtt"ggy creature pausing at the edge of woods' As a humped con431

:ii

volvulus rearing its dragon'shead from an icy lake. Frer eyeswere filling now, making the print swim, and she turned away and hurrier* out of the library. But the syxonym pursued her. All the way out the door and dorl,ra the steps between thi stone lions, websteds Dictionary kept calring after her, Mon*er, Monster! The bright banners hanging from tlrs tympanum proclaimed the word. The definition inserred itself imm billboards and the ads on passingbuses.on Fifth Avenue a cab was plling up. Her father jumped out, smiling and waving. When Ca[ir saw him, her heart lifted. The voice of Webster,sstopped speakingix her head. Her father wouldn't be smiling like that unless the nern* from the doctor had been good. callie laughed and sprinted dou,n the library steps,almost tripping. rrer emotions soaredfor the time ir took to reach the street, maybe five or eight seconds.But coming; closer to Milton, she learned something about medicar reports. The more people smile, the worse the news. Milton grinned at her, perspiring in pinstripes,and once again the tragedy cuff link slinted io l;.e* r ci f or JcJ"'I+.i.r.i g,rrn:r"agli the sun. ft*u*t w "f hi_a J*fi,:,-t. sqt_r"f parents""frnbri.-she 3--ry1g5r-ster. yet here And _T!:f 4.y. $sr "ivas" was Milton, opening the car door for her; here was Tessie,inside, smiling as callie climbed in. The cab took them to a restaurant and soon the three of them were looking over menus and ordering food, Milton waited until the &inl$ were served.Then, somewhat formally, he began.'Your mother and I had a little chat with the doctor this morning, asyou are aware.The good news is that you,ll be back at home this week. You won't miss much school. Now for the bad news.Are you readyfor the bad news,Calf,' Milton's eyeswere saying that the bad news was not all that bad. "The bad news is you have to have a little operation. Very minor. 'operatiort' isnit really the right word. I think the doctor called it a 'procedure.' They have to knock you out and you have to stay overnight in the hospital. That's it. There'll be somepain but they can give you painkillers for it." With that, Milton resred.Tessiereachedout and patted Callie,s hand. "It'll be okay, honeyj'she said in a thickenedvoice. ller eyes were watery,red. "Slhat kind of operationf" Callie askedher father. "Iust a litde cosmetic procedure. Like getting a mole removed..
432

He reachedout and playfully caught callie's nose betvreenhis knuckles."Or gening your nosefixed." Callie pulled her head away,angry."Don't do that!" "Sorryi'said Milton. He clearedhis throat, blinking' ndgw*hq,f-J,ojfifu "What'swrongwithmel"-Ccilli,o..paaqkEd*fl 'Tfhacs wrong with me, broke. Tearswere running down her cheeks. .c .; r _r,. Dhddv!,, -_:i^rr*,.

""liir;".#ft*H"nd:*ft*,ff.1ffih#ff ror bh*;;# him at
to saythe word, to quote S/ebste1s,but he didnt' He only looked her acrossthe table, his head low, his eyesdark, warm, sad,and fi:ll of love. There was so much love in Miltorfs eyesthat it was impossible to look for truth. "ICs a hormonal thing, what you've got]'he said' "I was always under the impression that men had male hormones and women had female hormones. But everybodyhas both, apparendyi' Still Callie waited. "What you've got, see,is you've got a little too much of the male hormones'and not quite enough of the female hormones' So what the doctor wants to do is give you a shot every now and then to get everything working right'" He didn't saythe word' I didn't make him. "It's a fu;g;gggl thin-gl'Milton repeated."In the grand schemeof

,h-S,ffipHHq4m$ "*

Luce believed that a patient of my agewas capableof understanding And so, that afternoon, he did not mince words' In his the essentials. mellow, pleasing,educatedvoice, looking direcdy into my eyes'.{*tss. the samechartsfoi-fre ashe had tor my Parfif-gSSlSSb."He drew -tr;. Wh*l pressedhim on the details of my surgery, he s1{ o{V this: "We're goiog to do an operation to finish your genitalia' They're not quite finished yet and we want to finish them'" H. o"rr., mentioned anything about hypospadias,and I began to hope that the word didn't apply ro me. M*yb" I had taken it out of .orra"*a. Dr. Luce may havebeen referring to another patient. webstet's had said that hypospadiaswas an abnormaiity of the penis. But Dr. Luce was telling me that I had a clitoris- I understood that both thesethings grew oot of the samefetal gonad, but that didn't matter'
433

yT;5T:tJ!14t$*.4-s' gsqbredrhar1*was asirlwbg1.-sl*.o:

:; If I had a clitoris-and a specialist was telling me that I did-""xi;'tr I I i,,_gp,gstbe but a girll The adolescentego is a hazy thing, amorphous, cloudlike. ih In wasn"tdifficult to pour my identity into different vessels. a sensewas able to take whatever form was demandedof me. I only lvarsr* to know the dimensions.Luce wasproviding them. My parentssupported him. The prospectof having everythingsolvedwaswildh-stractive to me, too, and while I lay on the chaiseI didn't ask mr*'rk where my feelingsfor the Object fit in. I only wanted it ali to be trv'm. I wanted to go home and forget it had everhappened.So I liste*m to Luce quiedy and madeno objections. He explainedthe estrogeninjectionswould induce my breas* r"' grow "You won't be Raquel Welch, but you won't be T*iggy eitfwrr' My facial hair would diminish. My voice would rise from tenor ml alto. But when I askedif I would finally get my periocl,Dr. Llce u';* frank. "No. You won't. Ever.You won't be able to havea baby votxself, Callie. If you want to have a family, youill have to adopt." I receivedthis news calmly.Having children wasn't somethinEI thought much about at fourteen. There was a knock on the door, and the receptioniststuck h*r head in. "Sorry Dr. Luce. But could I bother you a minutel" "That dependson Calliel'He smiled at me. "You mind takins,; litde breakl I'll be right backl' "I don't mindl' "Sit there a fer,vminutes and seeif any other questionsoccur trr you." He left the room. While he was gone, I didn't think of any other questions.I sat in my chair, not thinking anything at all. My mind was curiously blank. It was the blankness obedience. of With the unerring instinct of children, I had surmisedwhat my parentswanted from me. They wanted me to staythe'r,vay was.And this waswhat Dr. Luce now promised. I I was brought out of my absrracted state by a salmon-colored cloud passinglow in the sky. I got up and went to the window tn look out at the river. I pressed cheekagainstthe glassto seeasfar my south as possible,where the slyscrapersrose. I told myself that I would live in New York when I grew up. "This is the city for mel I said.I had begun to cry again.I tried to stop. Dabbing at my eyes, I wandered around the office and finally found myself in front of one
434

two tiny figures the small' ebony frame' the Mughal minianrres' In of uv their activiry'their

ilnfea ecweremakingtou"' ut'p'lt" il;;"; sfrolea neithersffainnor i;;;;"Ptttlioy lookedpeacefrrl' faces rtrl s;o3;tv of *r.^r"*, #.rerr't thefocalpoint' But stasy. of course of their limbs led the eye bodies'th" ;;;t"frtl ca[ig11phy the lovers'

Gy:f#lT*[J"it-5 tothe "ria' e*n'r'"' straisht fact

how ;-p"*h ;; :r,'"::g:":ilffi:i illlii.lill';oH ;'*,o see

: ffi;i**:t: ilfi:!q' :'$:;;3#'#:13 **,*l :'fffi toti' ,tooo m. :*
,". oi.n rfi.re' IIe had PRELIMINARY STUDY: AS FEMALB GENETICXY (MALE) MISED
that case ind'icates illustrative The folloli'ing b e tl - r e e n g e co r r e sp o n d e n ce t b e re i s n o p r e o r d a i n e d o r b e t""te e n n a scu l i n e str u ctu r e ; g e n i ta l n e t ic a n d status' and chromosor0al or f erninine tet'avior Ste Pb a n i d e s S U BJIC T: C a l l i o Pe l u ce ; M 'X' I N fER VIIWER : ? e te r years is fourteen EAfAt the patient IETR0DUCTORY At -'i""U ber life' as a female all o1d' Sb'e o"" penis so small l'va-sof a soloatic appearance birthl XY Ib 'e su b j e ct's a cr i to r i s' i-u a s to pubertyl 'r'rhen "n n ""t- * o oot discoYered until karyotype p a r e n ts a t fi r st "u"" l th e g i r l 's s b'e b e g a n tb e 'o "- i t"'u e ' tb e d o cto r w b o cl e l i ve r e d r e fu se 'l to b e l i e ve opinions trvo otb'er ner,-,/s and "uauu 1:" cl i n i c "ou "ro"in*ut'try c"o a "t l d 'e n ti tv b e f,o r e ""t'o * "i l - i n "" C l i n i c'f i er r vYo r k Eo sPi ta 1 co u l <l b e u n d e sce n cl e d ' te ste s g u r i n g e xJn i n a ti o n ' hvpospadiae' r'tas slightlv t;;;;;" palpated' Ibe tbe undersid'e' on rvitb. the ,r"iori-onening other Birls' like to urinate b'as tt""l"-"ti In girl sta tu s' a n xY ch r o n o so m a l B l o o d ' te sts"]'""ti "t"u th e su b j e ct r e ve a l e d tb 'a t o t""U - i ""* s ad d i ti o n '

:ffiT#." "'g"'ll-;f fffffffl.J.,r'rn r'r' il ;."t i:tlil.1*; r1;"li arouno' 'rv-"""d i:"?li:S; hehurriedoff' I swung left it when

435

suffering fron 5-a1phe-red.uctase deficiency '/-'ras synd.rone. An exploratory laparotony li,as not per_

r.or19+r.."

:l

li"

A f anily phot og r a p h ( s e e c a s e f j . l e ) ; shorvs h.er I et age t welv e. Sh e a p p e a r s t o b e a h a p p y , h e a l t b y . gir l lv it h no v is ibl e signs of torcboyishn€ss1 deI s pi. t e. . her XI k ar y o t y p e . * lt t R5b I M ?Rns s I oN: t h e s u b j e c t 's faciat expression, t hough s onewhat s t e r n a t t i r a e s , i s o y e r a l l lleasant and r ec ept iv e, with frequent sniling. Ihe sub_ jec t of t en c as t s h e r e y e s d . o l v r l v a r d in a nodest or c oy nanner . She is f e m i n i n e i n h e r m o v e n e n t s a n d ges t ur es , and t he s l i g h t gracelessness of her lvalk is in k ee3ing lv it h f e m a l e s o f h e r g e n e r e t i o n . lhough due to her height sone people may find. tbe s ub j ec t ' s gend. er a t f i r s t glence sonel.,/h&t ind.eter_ nlnate, any prolonged. observatlon !voul_d,result in a dec is ion t hat s h e I , u a s i n d . e e d . a g i r l . Eer voicel in f ac t l has a s oft , breathy quality. .flbe inc11!e.s her head. to listen l-,r.hep enot.he.r person speqks end. -not-'['old. abes rorth or ess.ert.]eI in .98.]_4-ion.s.. a bully lqg. r n&nr er characteristj_c of mates. She often #ak-g: hunorous ren"elli_s-r_.. I ' AM I li: The gir l' s parents are fairly typieal Midlv es t elner s of t b. e Wo r l d l f a r I I g e n e r a t i o n . Ihe f at her id. ent if ies hircself as a Republican. fhe m ot her is a f r iendly , intelligentl and carin€ per_ s onr ler haps s light l y prone to d.epression or neu_ r os is . She ac c ed. es t o t h e s u b s e r v i e n t lvifely role t y pic al of lv om en o f h e r g e n e r a t i o n . Ibe father only c ar oe t o t he C l i n i c tlvice, citing business obligat ions ; but f r o m t h o s e t l . r o r n e e t i n g s i t i s appar ent t hat he is a d . o m i n a t i n g p r e s e n c e , & "self-mad.e" man &nd. former naval officer. In ad.dtit ionl t he s ubjec t h a s b e e n r a i s e d l n t h e G r e e k 0 r _ t hodox t r adit ion, vrith its strongly sex_defined. r oles . I n gener al t h e p a r e n t s s e e m & s s i m i l a t i o n i s t and. very ttall-.A.erica,n" in their outlook, but the pr es enc e of t his deeper ethnj-c id.entity should not be ov er look ed, . SXXUAII tr'il{CIION: fhe subject reports engaging in chiltlhood. senual_ play v,rith other childrenl in ev er y c as e of lv hic h s h e a c t e d a s t h e f e m i n i n e par t ner , us ually pu l l i n g up her d.ress and letting a boy s j. m ulat e c oit j . o n a t o p h e r . S h e e x p e r i e n c e d .

se n sa tj 'o n s b y p o si ti o n e r o to se xu a l p l e a su r &b l e b y tb .e l va te r j e ts o f a n e j 'g h b o r 's i n g h e r se l f fron a frequently pool. Sbe nasturbated s,,,rinning yo u n g a g e . but Th e su b j e ct h a s h a d n o se r i o u s b o yfr i e n d 'st all-girls an this nay be due to her attentling o f sh a m e a b o u t h e r b o d y' sch o o l o r fr o m a fe e l i n g Th e su b j e ct i s a w a r e o f th e a b n o r r o a l a p p e a r a n ce o f anil b'as gone to great lengths in the her genitalia a n d ' o th e r co m m u n a l d r e ssi n g a r e a s to l o cke r r o o m sb e r e p o r ts a vo i d b e i n g se e n n a ke ct. ffe ve r tb 'e l e sst one tlme onlyt having had sexual j-ntercoursel "rlitb' a n e xp e r i e n ce sh e o f h e r b e st fr i e n d l th e b r o th e r fron the but lvhich rivas successful founil painfut p o i n t o f vi e w o f te e n a g e r o m a n ti c e xp l o r a ti o n ' spoke in rapicl burstst It{tXRTIgW: fhe subject b u t l 'vi th th e o cca si o n a l a n d a r ti cu l a te l y cl e a r l y Sp e e ch a sso ci a te d . l vi th a n xi e ty' b r e a th l e ssn e ss a p p e a r e ci to b e fe m a .n a i ch e r a cte r i sti cs p a tte r n i n g o f p i tch a n d ti i Te ct i n i n e i n te r m s o f o scj - l l a ti o n in se xu a l i n te r e st Sb e e xl r e sse s e ye co n ta e t. nele q..,,exglusive lY. "'6 o r cl u sto N : 8 n d d r e sst th e :In sp e e ch l n e n n e r i sn st 'r and 'eu,bJ.eet'"ririnifests a feminine gender identity ''i cb r o m o so m a l sta tu s' r o 1 e l d .e sp i te a co n tr a r y sp+ .qf T.s.e#iP"gj,'r,*,1hgr rt is clear by this !ha! tban genet ic det ernqnant s 1 , p-1FJ.P'3.. ":4 .95.9"+1.-e-I',L919" qf gentleS .},,4p-11+.!Vt the establishnent t li'as f irmly estabs gend'er identity As the girl lished as female at the tirne her cond'i'tion li'es su r a d e ci si o n to i m p l e r a e n t fe n i n i a i n g d i sco ve r e d l treatnents gery along ',vith correspontling bornonal a s th e y e r e To l e a ve th e g e n i te l s se e m s co l r e ct. her to all nanner of buniliatoclay lvould expose Tbough it is Sossible tbat the surgery ney tion.
'd,ir_!;W61

.,$

l o ss o f e r o to se xu a l o r to te l i n p a r ti a l r e su l t in a se xu a l p l e a su r e i s o n l y o n e fa cto r se n sa ti o n l and' pass as e to rnarry 3he ability happy 1ife. g o a l st n o r m a l w o m &n i n so ci e ty a r e a l so i n p o r ta n t lvj'thout feninot be possible both of which rvil1 Al so t i t i s n i z5 .n g su r g e r y a n cl h o r m o n e tr e a tn e n t' that nerv methods of surgery l'rill niniroige hoped brought d ysfu n cti o n o f e r o to se xu a l th e e ffe cts past t !'vben f eninizing about bj' surger5-es in the surgery rras in its infency.

436

437

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That wening, when my morller and I got back to the hotel, I{*rrn; had a surprise. Tickets to a Broadway"musicar. r acted.excited rse. later, after dinner, crawled into my parents, bed, claiming I w,asrrm, tired to go. "Too tiredl" Milton said...S4ratdo you meanyou,re too tireCi:' .you okay,honey,,'said Tessie. don't haveto gol, _Jhat's "Supposed be a good shoq Cal.,, to '"Is Ethel Merman in itf" I asked. smart-ass]'Milton said,smiling. "Ether Merman . "No, is not in m She'snot on Broadway right now. SoL,re seeingsomething lri*n Channing. She,s pretry good, too. \4lhy -aorf, yor-."**, larol along|" "No thanksj'I said. *Okay, rhen. you're missing outi' starteAto go. "Bye, hbneyi my morher said. Jnll t out of bed and ,an to Tessie,hugging her. |;i{ae1rlf Jumped 'lWrat's this forf,'she asked. My eyesbrimmed with tears.Tessie took them to be tearsof relist at everything wed been through. In the narrow entryway can,ed from a former suire, cockeyed,dlm, the two of us stood fr"ggid".d crying. they were gone, I got my suitcasefrom the closet. . Ie.r Theri. looking at the rurquoisg flowers, I exchanged it for my fathet's suitcase,a gray samsonite. I reft my skirts and my Fair Isre sweaterin *le dresse.r drawers.I packedonly the darker garments, a blue crew neck ths alligator shirts, and my corduroys.fhe brassiere aband,onedI too. For the time being, I held on io ,rry socks and panties, and I rn my toiletry caseendre. \I/hen I was finished, L."rit.d ;* :".::.d garment bag for the cash hed hidden there. The wad was Yil:":t fairly large and cameto nearly three hundred dollars. It wasn'r ail Dr. Lucet fault. I had lied to him about many things. His decisionwas basedon farsedata.But he had beenfarsein turn. of , ," "-O-tr."".:.pbce stationery I left a note for my parenrs. DearMom and Dad, I know you,re o"ly tryrrrg to do whaCs best for me, but I . dont think anyone knows for sure whaCsbest. I tou. yo,-r*J don't want to be a problem, so I've decided to go away. I

I am' If you know you-ll say fm not a problem, but I know want to know why I'm doing this, you'shoq*gk ?t l"*: what I who is a big liar! i am not a git$fiim a bovl*That's me' found out today. So l'm going wneig-nFa?ie'knows they find out' Everyone in GrossePointe will talkwhen to pay you Strry I took your money, Dad, but I promise with interest' backsomedaY, ! dort't worry about me' I will be ALL RIGHT Please to my Parents:"Callie'" Despite its content, I signed this dlclarltiol i.*urthelasttime]-w..{.9Y"-e{:bgt-*-e$htg.L

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