This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
Others know me
Opening My Goodself “Opening my goodself” is a situation whereby I display my goodself and others see my goodself. For example, I know I am helpful and kind (goodself) and others know that I am helpful and kind (goodself). If a person conducts himself by opening up his goodself, he will Projects his image Gain cooperation and assistance from others Get support Gain influence Command respect Others will trust him
Opening My Lesser Self Opening my lesser self is a situation whereby I display my lesser self and others see my lesser self. For example, I know I lie and cheat (lesser self) and others know that I lie and cheat (lesser self). If a person opens up his lesser self, he will Destroy his self-image Lose influence Others will avoid him Others will not trust or respect him Be perceived as a person who is neither reliable nor dependable Others will not cooperate or assist him Others will not support him
If we want to have the influence and support of others, it is important for us to conduct ourselves at the conscious level of our minds in a manner whereby we open our goodself. Try to avoid a stimulus-response behavior when someone gives us pain in any situation. In such a situation, it is likely for us to open up our lesser self which is energized at the sub-conscious level of our minds. If we are reactive, it is likely that we will destroy our self-image.
CLOSE SELF Close self is a situation where I know my behavior; others don’t know my behavior.
I know my behavior
Others don’t know my behavior
Closing My Goodself “Closing my goodself” is a situation whereby I know I have done some good to others, but others do not know that I have done some good for them. For example, A recommends B, his subordinate for a promotion but B does not know that A has done so. Later, when B discovers that A was the person who has recommended him for the promotion, B will be touched and respects A more. Closing My Lesser Self Closing my lesser self is a situation whereby I have done something bad but others do not know that I have done something bad. For example, A cheats his company but his colleagues do not know that .. In such a situation when the management discovers that somebody is cheating the company, The management will suspect each and every one of her employees for cheating There will be tensions among the subordinates Everybody will be suspicious of each other Everybody will be cautious and careful in trusting each other Misunderstanding may arise when the employee accuses each other Motivation and morale of the employees will be adversely affected In serious case there may be quarrels and fights
When the culprit for cheating is caught, his image will be badly tarnished as his lesser self is open and everybody knows about it. It is therefore important for an employee to admit that he has done something bad and learn from his mistakes.
HIDDEN SELF I don’t know myself HIDDEN SELF Others don’t know me
“Hidden self” is a situation whereby I do not know myself and others do not know me. We have the potential to do things. Others and we ourselves do not know these potentials. To discover our hidden self, we must seek new experiences. For example, A likes to sing . She does not know that she is a good singer. In a certain wedding party, she was invited to go on stage to give a song. After some persuasion, she gave a song and the audience gave her a standing ovation. Likewise, we may be instructed to do a job that we are not trained for. Often we see it as a problem and feel upset about the management. We should see it as a challenge. Who knows, we may discover our hidden self.
BLIND SELF “Blind self” is a situation whereby I do not know my behavior but others know me. I don’t know myself
BLIND SELF Others know me
Often we hear feedback about our lesser self from others. We tend to reject this feedback and persist in maintaining our lesser self. In such a situation we are blind to ourselves. Being blind to ourselves will not help us to change for the better. Our lesser self, due to our refusal to see ourselves in the right perspectives, will hamper our growth and self-development. SELF-RENEWAL “Self-renewal” is the process of defreezing our lesser self and cultivating a goodself. If we wish to change our life for the better, it begins with self-renewal. Nobody can help us to change for the better unless we ourselves want the change. It is said that our success begins with self-change and self-change begins with us. The journey we have to take to change ourselves has to go through the following phases below:
Practicing A New Self (Goodself)
Self-Denial Stage “Self-denial” is a stage when you reject the feedback of someone which has touched your lesser self. You will close your ears to the negative feedback and take it for granted as if nothing has happened and maintain your lesser self. For example, someone accuses you of being arrogant and biases (lesser self) to your subordinates and you rejected and brushed off this negative feedback. In such a situation, there is no change and you will continue being arrogant and bias towards your subordinates.
Self-Defensive Stage “Self-defensive” is a stage when you get visibly upset and uses all your defense mechanisms on receiving the feedback of someone which touches your lesser self. In such a situation, you will be emotionally charged and will argue with the person to prove him wrong for his accusation of your lesser self. For example, someone accuses you of truancy at work (lesser self). You become upset and yells at the person for picking on you. You argue that others in the company also play truant and it is in bad taste that you are being called up and questioned. In such a situation, your behavior is reactive, emotional and impulsive and which operates at
the sub-conscious level of your mind. You will not change and will still continue playing truant.
Self-Analysis Stage “Self-analysis” is a stage whereby upon receiving feed back of your lesser self, you begin to analyze your past behavior to verify whether the feedback is true or otherwise. If it is true, you will evaluate the consequences of your lesser self on yourself, others and the rest of the world. You are now operating at the conscious mind. You will recognize that you will remain calm and cool when you create the gap upon receiving a painful stimulus and using your intellect to predict and anticipate outcomes before a choice is made to respond. For example, someone accuses you of playing favoritism; you begin to recall your past experiences to identify whether there have been incidents of you playing favoritism. If it is true, you will analyze the consequences of so doing on yourself, others and the rest of the world. Self-Acceptance Stage “Self-acceptance” is a stage when you see yourself in the right perspective and admit your lesser self. At his stage you begin to feel bad about yourself and sorry for others as you begin to realize that what you have being doing is damaging to your self-image, others and the rest of the world. Self-Commitment Stage “Self-commitment” is a stage whereby you want to change yourself for the better and make a promise to defreeze your lesser self. Practicing A New Behavior After analyzing and seeing your lesser self in the right perspective, and feels bad about yourself, you now make a promise to defreeze your lesser self. This is not good enough. You need to practice, practice and practice until you can it becomes a habit and your lesser self is defreezed. The time frame for defreezing a lesser self depends on the person and the lesser self you want to get rid off. To facilitate you to change for the better, you need the burning desire to succeed. If you are complacent and contented with yourself, you will not see the need to change. When you start practicing a new behavior, you are not your natural self. You feel disoriented. Therefore, you must be self-motivated, strong-willed and armed with the sheer determination to go through the processes of change. You need patience and perseverance in your effort to see success. You will be distracted whilst in the process of change. You need self-discipline and self-control to go through it. Whilst going through the change process, there will be others who will not accept you. You must build a wall to accomplish your goal by not being susceptible to the negative influences of others and the environment.
BEHAVIOR AND HUMAN CONFLICT No two human beings can be similar. Their values and belief systems are formed from their different worlds of limited knowledge and experiences. It is their world of experiences that determine their ideology, norms, customs, traditions and cultures. Hence every human being perceives the world differently. When culture comes into play, what is right to someone may be wrong to another. There will be gray areas when it comes to ascertaining what is right and what is wrong. What is right in one culture may be wrong in another. For example, a man marrying more than one wife is acceptable in one culture while a woman marrying more than one husband is equally acceptable in another. When these two cultures meet differences will arise. These differences are the source of conflict and disagreement. The diagram below helps us understand how we can resolve conflicts and disagreement between two conflicting parties.
A opens his goodself Win-win A Loses – B wins
B opens her goodself
B opens her lesser self
A Wins - B loses A opens his lesser self Win-win situation
“Win-Win” is a situation when both parties A and B open their goodself in resolving their differences. In such cases, both parties give pleasure to each other leading to a constructive relationship between them. Lose-Win
“Lose-Win” is a situation when party A opens up his goodself while party B open up her lesser self. In this instance, A gives pleasures to B, but B gives pains to A. B’s behavior is irrational and could have been energized by psychological scars buried deep into her unconscious mind. In handling a lose-win situation, it is best for A to withdraw and avoid an argument with B.
“Win-Lose” is a situation when party A opens his lesser self while party B opens her goodself. In this situation A gives pain to B while B responds by giving pleasures to A. A’s behavior is irrational. Party B should withdraw from the argument and avoid A. Lose-Lose “Lose-Lose” is a situation when both parties A and B open their lesser self. Both parties are giving pain to each other leading to a destructive relationship.
This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
We've moved you to where you read on your other device.
Get the full title to continue listening from where you left off, or restart the preview.