AaronCrumbley Ms.

Caruso ENGL 1102 11 Apr 2012 Imagine a world in which the illuminati played a role in killing the leader of the free world, wait just a minute, this isn’t 2020 I’m talking about November of 1963. The John F. Kennedy assassination tainted by the hands of the Illuminati. This is a major idea that many people do not even consider as a possibility. This idea of supreme conspiracy would raise eyebrows across the country, if not the world. This idea could evolve into a New York Times best seller, a USA Today Top 100 book and most definitely could end up in Oprah’s book club list. It was the perfect time for an assassination because of all of the political and social strife that occurred in the 1950’s and 60’s. The initial driving force for my product was my interest in conspiracy theories. It just seems like so many ideas, and concepts are hidden from the public eye and it really should make you question what all is in fact kept from the American public. There are many high tier conspiracies in which many agree something isn’t right, yet many cannot agree on exactly what happened. In becoming consumed with this idea the fact of the matter is someone other than Lee Harvey Oswald killed the president that day. Certainly one could see this with basic witness testimonies all describing a very different scene with very contrasting evidence of what occurred.How do you suppose that three bullets can be fired from one gun in one man’s hand and no one see a thing? There are just so many details that don’t align with what the government

Comment [BC1]: Refer to the MLA handout on Moodle for proper MLA format and add your name to the filename.

Comment [BC2]: Extremely conversational. Comment [BC3]: Run-on sentence. Comment [BC4]: Fragment.

Comment [BC5]: This paragraph is very choppy because of how you talk about your ideas. Read this paragraph aloud and pay attention to the verb tenses you use. It’s quite confusing because you say that this did happen, not that you will make it happen.

Comment [BC6]: Rather than telling of how you were inspired, talk about how the history inspired the idea. Position your ideas differently.

Comment [BC7]: Informal.

wants us to know. These details just became embedded in my mind and when you go looking for answers there are not always answers. The main idea of this concept is we know the man who was responsible for pulling the trigger and his motivation for doing so and how he feels after doing so. There are a few key moments in his life which are touched upon, such as the death of his parents which leads to his relocation to his ex military crazed uncle’s home. As well as his graduation from college and when he is offered a contract from a very high official who claims to be the head of the CIA when in fact he’s a main piece in the illuminati organization. All of this and his ultimate resolution in his head before he is murdered by the illuminati to keep him quiet. Which keeps the mysterious and devious element the illuminati have maintained for so long. The main character’s name is Michael Novak and he is the man who murders John F. Kennedy. He plays a huge role in the novel and we see him develop from a child all of the way to a cold blooded killer. Many factors play a huge role in his life and the way he develops along with his caretaker being a lunatic. Michael is also approached by the head of the Illuminati, David Ross. David is a charming, manipulative man who will crush anyone in his path. We learn that David is an older man who is very physically fit for his age and that he has an endless supply of power and money. Jerry Norwood is Michael’s crazy uncle. He is the X factor behind Michael’s interest in the military and the reason any of the chaos is unleashed. Jerry ran away from home to the local armory when he was a mere twelve years old. This man knew he was destined for military greatness and was willing and ready to serve his country at the drop of a dime. Also Lee Harvey Oswald will still be included he will just play the same role as he has before, a scapegoat. He will still be charged with the assassination of the President.
Comment [BC12]: You keep a storytelling tone throughout this paragraph until this point, and when you give this sentence, it serves to pull the reader out of the story. Work to give an opening sentence to your paragraph so your reader will not jump into a story in the middle of your paper, but will be lead through your ideas, instead. Comment [BC13]: You seem to begin with the idea of the main character, but end up talking about all of the characters here. Consider if it would be more helpful to talk about characters as you are talking about plot. Comment [BC10]: What is this? Comment [BC11]: Fragment. Comment [BC9]: This should be a comma, but consider the length of the sentence and how you convey the ideas. Comment [BC8]: Make this sentence more succinct.

Lastly I believe a subject so interesting and intriguing as this would have an impact on many different audience groups. Ranging from the youth that love action movies today, to the culture of adults that lived there young lives back in the 1960’s, this would capture an enormous amount of attention. The premise behind this idea has never been used and I believe with the growing interest in Illuminati affairs now, the work would be an instant success.As well as the gigantic amount of people who are interested and still in doubt about the details of John F. Kennedy’s death. Although the movie would indeed need to have a more mature audience it would not be off of the wall violent or disgusting, just the simple details and the automatic circumstances surrounding the project would not be suitable for a young audience. Adults would probably be our highest audience and many details in this project are aimed at an older generation who love a good mystery and now have an opportunity to take a step back and look at one of the oldest conspiracies and ask themselves what if?Older people love to read and this magnificent idea would create uproar in the literary world. Just think it would outshine Tom Clancy’s series of military novels and put your company on top. The technique of observing minute details and putting them on paper would make for an intense, action packed, thrill ride that would keep you on the edge of your seat all while simply reading.
Comment [BC21]: Aaron, You seem to have a clear view of your concept, but you tend to leave out valuable information, such as I mentioned in this last paragraph. In your revision, I’d suggest that you work to slow down your ideas. There are many sentences in you paper that don’t convey any meaning. Change those sentences to work toward demonstrating your point. Also, consider the ways in which you divide up your ideas. There are many more ideas you can consider, such as how exactly this will be presented and what you want your reader to understand when they finish reading. Work to more clearly articulate your purpose. You may want to work toward a different structure that would allow you to streamline your ideas. I’m looking forward to seeing what you’ll do in your revisions! -Ms. C Comment [BC20]: Some don’t. Give a stronger rationale here. Comment [BC16]: Informal word choice Comment [BC17]: Fragment. Comment [BC18]: Informal. Comment [BC19]: Such as? What do you mean? Comment [BC15]: Why? Comment [BC14]: Where have you demonstrated this action?

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