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Then to wait at my son’s door,
I’ve never been in love like this before.
Now I pray to keep you from,
The perils that will surely come,
See life for you my prince has just begun.
And I thank you for choosing me,
To come through unto life to be,
A beautiful reflection of his grace.
See I know that a gift this great,
Is only one G-d could create
And I’m reminded every time I see your face.
the opposite of innocent. Guile is defined as. insidious. crafty or artful deception. It's seen as not a sacrifice but glamorous and simply 'The thing to do' these days. . Trickery and deception can replace innocence before you've even realized there is anything at stake. where it is most likely to end. Becoming a sex symbol. leaving a mentality that is essentially the opposite. 'sly or cunning intelligence. in my opinion. “Insidious. At times there seem to be no other options and when the income is fundamental it seems a logical decision. cunning in attaining a goal. a stripper. collusion became my preferable method of association and my conscience became simply insignificant. It's so common to be surrounded by that kind of environment as it slowly chips away at your innocence. duplicity. duplicity.” this description is perfectly contrary to innocence.'Lack of guile or corruption. The person I became was the perfect exemplification of guile. I was fluent in manipulation. within the walls of a place no young. purity. Innocence represents where it begins. The person I became. The transformation from innocence to guile can be gradual. Deceit can easily replace innocence and in time become second nature. video model or any level of representative of an industry that sells sex can be considered essential when there are no other means of income. The definition of guile. The consequences are rarely considered or even recognized. crafty or artful deception. innocent girl should ever have to be was just that. cunning in achieving a goal.' These are the words that most clearly describe the results of becoming a sex symbol in my opinion.' This is Webster's definition of the word 'innocent'. almost unrecognizable until it is complete. Guile.
There was a complete lack of purity and a lot of regret. before the natural music of the morning my alarm blared its own song. The snooze button that I am so familiar with now was intangible in those days. My essence was lost. even then. It is a highly coveted position. valued only for the part of me that was artificial and somehow only able to value the part of me that was artificial myself. glitz and glamour. a young girl going from having positive to having negative intentions and the repracutions that resulted. My days started early. This is how it happened. My story is one that illiustrates a transformation from innocent to the complete opposite. I was a young mother and probably more innocent than any other time in my life. I focused on my son with a joyful anticipation of what wonders the world had in store for us. my innocence was lost. it became my obbsession. this was my goal. Without an appreciation or even an understanding of it. We can find ourselves feeling lacking and in some cases completely inadequate..Today's society values a woman's beauty and sexuality far more than her intellect. my spirit paid the price. I became a shell of a woman. My artificiality went far beyond my hair. my very soul was damaged. I maintained a nearly perfect exterior. In order to arrive at my fast food restaurant job on time. replaced by all of the fake sparkle. In the meantime though. I expected nothing handed to me. so much so that those of us who aren't given that option because of physical characteristics that are not deemed admirable. nails and lashes or my appearance. I retained that purity and the fond memory of it as well. I maintained an appearance that was not only accepted but adored by society.. Becoming a sex symbol appears to be attractive from the outside looking in. no later . When I was eighteen. I worked hard at that age.
I made sure that we were prepared and ready for the next day before I showered my son and myself each night. keeping me busy and making the day fly by. This was the extent of my ‘hairstyle’ in those days.. During that phase in my life. ‘Pretty’ was inconsequential to me.than 5:50AM. That same braid remained the next morning. My last concern was for the admiration or attention I would or would not get once I walked out the door. I had to be climbing aboard a city bus by 4:35AM. week after week. The only concern I had for my appearance was that I look neat and clean. ready to do my job each day.. The mandatory navy blue pants and stripped button down shirt along with a baseball type of cap. Making French fries and drinks and collecting money was far from glamorous. it took me no longer than twenty minutes to prepare myself to face the world. . As a habit I secured my hair into a tight braid and wrapped a scarf snugly around my head before I went to sleep. I wore a uniform to work. It all had a way of making a girl feel miles away from being pretty. I usually worked the drive thru and did a million things at a time. I never would’ve dreamed that the environment I took on would become part of my life. I wasn’t at all aware of the sacrifices that would come along with this decision either. The difference between my lack of concern with my impression on the opposite sex at that time and it becoming my priority less than a year later was similar to most things that resulted from the major lifestyle change I adopted. day after day. which was navy blue as well.
Providing for our basic needs was an accomplishment in my eyes. As a result. People immediately judged me before having any opportunity to know me at all. Had I not been the one to get through this personal metamorphosis seemingly unharmed. Becoming someone within this other world was a transformation. no more than a sex symbol in the opinion of so many people. a one hundred eighty degree turn. Over the years I’ve made wages exceeding anything I would have dreamed at that time. The contrasts in lifestyle when you enter this world are absolute. my stage name and alter ego as she soon became. This is where innocence can easily slip away in my opinion. I had to mentally and emotionally rearrange myself. It was so often assumed I was what I may or may not have been without allowing me the slightest chance at redeeming myself. Supporting a child without an education or technical training was a decision I made on my own. I accepted my own self-imposed misconception that I no longer had the ability to achieve my own goals and dreams. In order to become ‘Ginger’. .I became someone who was. I worked harder at the fast food restaurant than I have at any other job before or since. This is where hope becomes more and more inaccessible. During those years I expected nothing more than to support my son and myself. I had made the decision that my position as a young mother confined me to reach no further than the essentials. for all intents and purposes. I probably would have been intrigued myself by any woman who had.
How I could have missed that kind of inspiration to follow my own dreams of becoming an attorney. My mother had been accepted to Medical School in Des Moines. The thought of separating my young son from his father was frightening. My parents and three younger brothers moved away to Iowa before my son turned two. My mother’s hard work and dedication easily earned her the support of our family. not to mention helping out with her grandson. to be honest.I worked hard every day. It was very important to me for my son to have both of his parents involved in his life. I kept up with my son and tried my best to keep up with the bills each month. I’ll never know. I chose not to keep it. My parents helped me to secure a one-bedroom apartment. This was an apartment it seemed I would be able to maintain suitably in their absence. I was expected to accompany them but in spite of having made the commitment. The thought of separating myself from his father was even more intimidating. When she was accepted to Medical School in Des Moines my family relocated right along with her. . She completed pre-med courses with accolades at the University of Arizona while working full time and raising four kids. The potential of separation was disheartening enough to give me the courage to face life without the support of my family.
. straight blond hair. we will consider solutions we otherwise wouldn’t. This was not the sort of option I would anticipate nor was it one that I would normally even consider. even though I had a huge support system available to me. Laura had an obvious corrected cleft palette and very plain. When I realized I had a pink notice from the electric company and only 2 days left to come up with the $150 I owed. As a matter of fact. As I would soon learn for myself though. I chose not to take advantage of the help for fear of appearing incapable. Being able to prove the family wrong was important to me.With my family in another state and my pride intact. When I became pregnant as a teenager the general consensus among my extended family was that I was too young and immature to make it on my own. She never had struck me as the glamorous type. The strip club was presented to me as an option. uncles and cousins lived in the town where I lived. Laura had worked in the strip club as long as I had known her. She was thin. So. Unfortunately. I only had a small support system. I went to speak with my neighbor. Under dire enough circumstances though. I thought the strip club would serve as a temporary solution to my financial problems. My fathers’ family is huge and most of my aunties. I refused to ask for help. with a heart of gold. when it came to the family. The news that she was a stripper had been a shock to me. I panicked. that was not a qualification in order to work in certain establishments. Laura. the less likely I was to ask my extended family. not at all heavy and average on all counts. the more I needed help.
More times than I could count Laura had bailed me out of something or other being shut off because of my minimum wage. If it’s at all possible to be truly apologetic for not paying someone else’s bills. fast food restaurant job. How should I know? She put her arm around my shoulders. when I asked if she would loan me the money to keep my electricity from being disconnected. I was baffled. “I can help you make the money you need all by yourself. We were inside her apartment. like an older sister. minimum hour. truly concerned. I would love to be able to keep helping. “Hannah. she flat out refused. . she was. enthusiastically. She had always helped and encouraged me but this time. “You can come to work with me! They’ll hire you in a minute!” She said. with the big stereo and the nice furniture and all of the things I thought I would simply have to do without. but what happens when I’m not here?” She asked the question as if I should really have an answer but I could only give her a blank stare.” Laura said.
I laughed at her. I really did expect her to dismiss the idea but she was determined. I let my eyes travel down to her stomach and then her legs. Laura had never mentioned any children but it was obvious as I looked at her stomach that she was a mother. funny looking. I wondered where her child or her children had gone but I didn’t ask.” I responded. “I don’t have that kind of figure Laura. . Then she looked up and smiled as her nipples stared me in the face. She swiftly pulled her t-shirt over her head and tossed it carelessly onto the floor. She was talking about me working in a strip club? I still had trouble with first kisses. I suppose if she wanted me to know she would've told me. “What’s funny?” Laura asked. I was certainly far from a seductress. I had never been this close to a naked woman I wasn’t related to before and it made me uncomfortable. not successfully anyway. big. I don’t know how to dance and men in general make me nervous. The thought of being a stripper had never entered my mind. and lopsided nipples. Her breasts sagged and I could see the remnants of stretch marks. matter-of-factly. I was tickled. Her tone of voice reveling that she was truly serious. This was not something I thought I was willing or able to do.
I didn’t want to stare but I couldn‘t help it. Not to mention pay me back!” She laughed a truly goodnatured laugh. I make good money there and it isn’t that bad. “I’ve seen your body. She didn’t seem to give it any consideration at all. It simply sounded like something that had to be done. It’s a job that pays well enough that nothing ever gets disconnected and you can go shopping for yourself every once in a while.” She said and she said it with definite authority. the day after tomorrow. . Where would it end? I had to become self-sufficient. it’s a job. You can save some money and instead of borrowing. Laura’s voice on the other hand was strong and direct. I just don’t think I could ever… “ My voice trailed off. She was right though. You think about it. She knew all too well that her words made a strong impact on me. My clothes always look better on you than they do on me. She'd been there for me time and time again. “I’m just not the sexy type Laura. I stood there without words for a minute or two and Laura continued talking. Laura knew I couldn’t afford to make ends meet alone and she had always been more than happy to help. “You won’t have any electricity.Laura probably had no idea it was so obvious from looking at her figure. you can loan someone money. never asking for anything in return. My friend had even worked an extra shift a couple of times in order to be able to help me out.
I made no declaration that I would be there and she didn't ask for one but we both understood that somehow I would gather up the courage to show up. duffle bag over my shoulder. leaving me no choice except to ponder what she'd said. That conversation had been yesterday and here I was. I was determined. Laura had come by my apartment after we had talked and given me the things I would need to start work. We both had the best of intentions and no idea that this would be something that changed me so profoundly. She was right and I knew she cared.Laura directed me toward the door. about to hop out of a taxi-cab in the parking lot of 'Curves Cabaret'. if only to salvage my electricity for a month or so… . She wouldn’t have pushed me in the direction of the club had she understood the perilousness that kind of environment would provide for me.
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