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The Amazing Book

By Adam Marmaras

Hello all and thanks for downloading my eBook. I've been meaning to do this for a while - a few years in fact. Wasn't too difficult, just did a random dump from the 'featured questions' table and pasted that into Google Docs, then exported as a PDF. I shouldn't be giving away my secrets like that, but I enjoy sharing my short cuts. Like when I'm watching someone use the Internet and they are double clicking on hyperlinks I'll always say 'You only have to click once you know'. This helps them, and makes their day more efficient. Well, you'd think so, but they usually end feeling scrutinised and start triple clicking in a sort of frothy panic. But you have to sow the seeds of change no matter the cost. This book is free, so if you have just bought this from someone in a pub they have ripped you off! It was probably from one of those Chinese guys who sell DVDs which always seem like a good idea after a few pints. I've bought a few before and have always been bitterly disappointed. Probably the same feeling you're about to experience having paid for this database dump pasted into a PDF! But most of you probably didn't pay - I mean this is the Internet after all - so I hope you enjoy this book. If you did like it, post a note on the QuestionSwap discussion forum and with enough support I can make another. It only involves hitting refresh after all. So, print this off on the office printer and enjoy! Adam Marmaras QuestionSwap

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What's a quick and easy way to make lots of money?
Form a band. Make songs. Get gigs. Get recognised. Get famous. Sell records. Get rich. 'Nuff said. I'm at the third stage at the moment. :D

Why is it that some things are just to difficult to explain? Like why you can meet a girl once and feel like you've fallen in love, then meet someone else and just hate the shit out of them?
Possibly, due to the Halo effect? When you see somebody you find physically attractive, you assume that they are a wonderful person, despite rational judgement. Or, "someone else" may be a complete and utter idiot. Some things are difficult to explain because human rationality has to be looked at as a whole, rather than just one simple series of yes/no answers.

I don't understand how something as simple as making a song can get so complex. Please tell me the magic formula?
The best songs are usually written when you have just gone through a rough time. Let your emotions write the song, not your brain. Good luck. If you write 1000 songs, you'll be sure to write at least one good one!

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Gimps or Goats?
No if's or butts a goat is a great gift. Even the kids can get involved. You start with one and end up with a herd. They can then be sold to raise cash for school fees, or tools and start to reduce poverty. Best of all, the first female kid is given to another family and the process starts all over again. So why not invest in a goat?

To ginger tablets turn you into a ginger
ive heard of tablets to make your hair straight or curly, i havent heard of any that control hair colour but im sure if hair consistency can be changed, then so can colour

im free on friday. friday says she, lovingly injecting her concombre into is festering caeser salad?
well, you can take a stand, or you can compromise, you can work real hard or just fantasize, but, you wont start living til you realise..... god likes chicken broth and stew, likes chicken broth and stew it fills a hole in everyone

If we all had chlorophyll in our skin, not only would we solve global hunger as we would make our own food from the sun, but there'd be no rascism, as we'd all be green. A noble thought, non?
I like the way you think. A lot. Hmmmmmm. I'm not sure about the practicalities of it all. It'd have to change our whole body structure to take in Carbon Dioxide instead of Oxygen, and then what would happen to the delicate balance of gases in the air? It could have disasterous effects. So be warned.

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Why won't Bono die, like the pope?
Because he is the "one", "where streets have no name", where a "perfect day" becomes "another day," then "twilight" until "out of control" he reads "stories for boys", "11 o'clock tick tock". "another time another place", "shadows and tall trees" "cry" "gloria""i will follow" then again it me be due to his very tight leather pants

Is love all you need?
Love isn't so bad, but there are other things, like money and guns and drugs and driving fast. you could argue that love is better or worse then any of those, but you can't argue that love isn't different. you know is like a meal, at like an expensive restaurant, yeah? and so you like, you might go for the filet of whatever, you know, thats like love. And some people don't even like fucking filet anways, but thats a whole other story. where was I, oh yeah, the filet, don't go in and order filet and just eat that and go home. you know, you start with like wine, and you have lots of that. and then you have some soup or some cheese or something. And then you have more shit, and then you finally get your filet of whatever, and by the time it finally comes. Oh, well then, you are really ready for some fucking filet. and so, like I said, the meal is like life you know your soup and your cheese and your shit...thats money and drugs and guns and driving fast and all the other cool shit.

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PSP or Nintendo DS?
Hey, I didn't choose the PSP vs. Nintendo question, it was kinda thrust upon me, but I'll have a go anyway, even though I don't own either and haven't played them, in fact I've never seen them. And to ensure my complete ignorance on the subject, I won't even cheat and look on the web to find out anything about them other than what I read on page 550 of Ceefax about a year ago. PSP is a Sony thingy, which probably means that it's well built, stylish, has a good gaming pedigree, given the PS and PS2. I believe the UMD slot lets you watch movies and the like, but I don't think you can burn your own MP3 to it (I have no idea if this is anyway right). The Nintendo has two screens, one is touch panel, but I don't really know why they bothered, it'll only break. They've come up with some cool quirky games, like you'd expect, like Nintendogs. But Nintendo must be eternally punished for creating Mario, which ultimately led to Bob Hoskins playing the role in the worst film of all time (well, second only to Nicole Kidman in BMX Bandits). So to answer your question, don't be a geek, get some fresh air, don't bother with either, they're both a waste of money, save it for the PS3.

Why does it seem that no politician really seems to care about the internet?
UK or US politician? In the UK, they don't care because there's no money in it, they can't ever control it and frankly they don't understand it. In the US, they do care because they can make money from it, they believe that they can regulate and control it and some of they understand it rather well. That said most of the UK level political interest is conducted centrally through Brussels (probably quite sensibly) so that the EU can centrally take up issues such as the anti-trust cases against Microsoft or the independence (or otherwise) of ICANN. The question is, what do you expect a politician to do about the internet. Most of the time I prefer it when they don't care and the whole thing just ticks over quite nicely without their interference. A good place to look at these issues is Bill Thompson's columns on the BBC website. Hope this helps.

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why is it that I don't beleive it when people call me sexy but then I make people tell people that I'm sexy, like I think I am?
If people are telling you, unprompted, that you're sexy there's only two options: a) you are in fact sexy and for what ever reason they decided to tell you about it, they are right or; b) you are not sexy and they are b.1) lying for one of several reasons such as b.1.1) for a dare/laugh or b.1.2) to make you eel better or b.2) you are not sexy but they're not lying, just mistaken due to madness/drunkeness/blindness etc. The important thing to consider is that of all possible reasons why someone might say you're sexy, only a handful are malicious, and the other few thousand are either well meant or possibly even true. The other thing to consider is that it's 1.30 in the morning and I'm writing nice happy long answers to random questions from people who probably haven't even put in their real email address. Take my advice on questions of the heart? I wouldn't. Really sexy people just smile once in a while and the rest of the time don't worry about it.

why do my teeth hurt?
Some possibilities: 1) You have a cavity. Please go to the dentist. 2) You just bit into ice cream or drank really cold water. Just wait a bit and it'll be fine. 3) (only applies if you're under 18) You're losing one of said teeth. 4) You have part of a popcorn kernel stuck somewhere. Attempt removal of kernel. 5) If none of the above applies, it's a good idea to go to the dentist anyway. 'Tis better to find you have *insert problem here* earlier than later.

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Why is water wet?
You know these questions go to random people right? So I get the why is water wet question at 1.30 in the morning and a good 10 years since I got my degree in chemistry. The answer is: it isn't wet all the time, and even when it is, it's not all that wet at all. Water is H20, as everyone knows, but it's only wet when it's a liquid, which is only in that thin band of 0 to 100 oC. (And then only at standard pressure of 1 atmosphere). The rest of the time it's a pretty unwet solid ice, or an unwet steam. Even when it is liquid water it's not very wet because of it's high surface tension (hydrogen bonding if you want to know why). The surface tension can be reduced by adding surfactants (soaps) which make water wetter, making it easier to dissolve dirt or to mop up with a cloth. If you feel something with really low surface tension like meths or white spirit, it actually feels more wet in your hands (the effect is helped by the low vapour pressure). I could go on for pages, but I'll leave you with a thought. The question is not why is water wet, but why the earth has got so much of it, cos there wasn't any here when the earth formed out of a big ball of mostly molten iron. There's no liquid water anywhere else nearby in the solar system, so how come we got all of it?

How to ditch my day job?
Well, I'm not an expert at this, having never held a job. However, I will try my best to answer your question. • Can you make money at what you want to do? Research the market, and see if people are interested. In the case of art or crafts, use local opportunities to test things out: art contests, local galleries, etc. See if anyone would be interested in funding your work if it's hard to get off the ground. • If you have a spouse/significant other/life partner, see if they can and are *willing* to support you through the beginning of your attempt to work at your dream. If it's just not possible, your going to have to go the slower route: trying to start things up while simultaneously still having a day job. • Remember, this is going to be tough. Don't forget people in your struggles, and don't be afraid to bounce ideas off of them. Look for people who can help the work behind the idea, whether it be funding or watching the kids. Good luck!

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Why is this so addictive?
Because it's anonymous, you get to see a small glimpse of what others are truly thinking, which is a rarity in today's world.

meaning of life?
Why should we get up in the morning? What should we choose to do? Why should we do it? "The Meaning of Life" isn't just about knowing that our lives are having an impact; it's also about dispelling the philosophical fog. It's not only knowing exactly why you got up in the morning; it's knowing the rules you used to make the decision, where the rules come from, and why the rules are correct.

Is birdflu rally dangerous?
In it's current form, no. You have to direct contact with infected birds in order to be infected. The worry is that it will mutate into a form that is easily passed from human to human. However, if it were to mutate, it may become less deadly. In fact, most forms of flu that we get today originated as avian (bird) flu's. The fears that there will be another flu pandemic are just hypothetical. * *

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Why does procrastination feel so good?
Oh I'm a bad person to answer this because I have the same problem. I mean, I'm doing it right now! Just playing on the web when I should be doing something productive. So I guess procrastination feels good because it makes us feel like we're in charge of what we're doing. Sometimes we work better under pressure, so by delaying when we do something, we kind of know that eventually we will get to it. To get things done and prioritize my time, I am the master of list making. Sometimes when I make lists, I add in things that I want to do, and tell myself that I can only do those "rewards" after I do two other things on the list. For example, I like watering my plants a heck of a lot more than I like doing dishes. But I just find a way to bargain with myself, and typically the end result is that I get at least a few of the things done. Good luck, and know that you're in good company with another procrastinator!

What can I do to make my online webdesign portfolio stand out from the others?
People like animation. Jazz it up with some Flash/Shockwave. Also consider doing a couple big named companies (even if it's for very little money) just to add to your resume.

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Why is the vast majority of medical resources devoted to saving human lives or extending lifespan rather than increasing the quality of life (for example, reducing pain)?
I would say there is more profit to be made in saving lives than increasing quality. I beleive it may be somewhat backwards, though. Just as preventative medicine is not as popular as treating disease! It is far cheaper and easier to prevent a heart attack than pay for life-saving procedures. Comes down to education (as do most things in life). Another aspect is the quality of life is something medical staff worry less about, as most of it is a decisiont he patient makes. Medical staff can only go so far in improving the quality of life - the rest lies on the patient. For example, a doctor can place a stent in the coronary artery and advise the patient about diet and exercise, to keep the stent patent. It is then up tp the patient to keep the stent clear by avoiding fats and eating a healthy diet. Hope this helps!

Why does my left testicle hang down further than my right?
It doesn't. It's actually an optical allusion, because you're only looking at it from the top. Check a mirror. See? It's all better. And if it still is crooked, well, that's the way you work. Congrats.

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Why does gravity work?
I hate gravity with passion. It's so similar and yet so different to the other forces we see in nature. Grrrr. I can give you a quick intro to gravity though: gravity is a force that affects any object with mass. When there are two masses next to each other, they will experience an attractive force towards each other. The size of the force depends on 2 (i guess 3) things. 1 is the distance between the objects. The further away, the smaller the force. It follows an inverse square law, such that if you double the distance between em, the force falls by 4 times (2^2). If you increase the distance 4 times, the force falls 16 times (4^2) etc. 2 or 3. The mass of the first mass and the mass of the second mass. The greater the masses, the greater the force. The equation for gravitational force is just F = GMm/r^2. Where G is some random number we came up with called the gravitational constant. It's intersting to compare this to the equation for the force between charged objects: F = kQq/r^2 where k is some random number we invented (k = 1/4*pi*e0) Well that's what rules gravitation follows. But why does it follow it? It's rather like asking why anything follows any rule of physics. When you've got 2 like charges, you know they'll repel. We know how fast they will repel, we know what direction in which they repel. But we don't really know why they repel at all. Law of gravitation is one of those fundemntal laws. Which simply means we don't know the why to it. No doubt we will find a mechanism for how gravity works. One theory are gravitrons: massless, chargeless, undetectable particles which all matter gives off. But then we'll ask how do gravitrons work. When we find that out we'll keep on asking questions. So basically we'll continue asking these question until either we find "god did it all" or that that's jstu the way things are, we follow the rules of the universe. There's probably a 3rd option there, but I'm not smart enough to think of one. Why does gravity works? I dunno. No ones does :P

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Why do people like Apple?
Why are some people so threatened by others' interest in Apple and feel the need to verbalize their insecurity?

why can't we all just get along?
I'm not quite sure. I think it may be a fundamental part of our existence: if we all got along, there'd be no variation. No variation means no evolution, and no evolution leads to a species kicking the bucket when the Never-Before-Seen-Disease-of-Doom hits. At least, that's probably the reason for our pettier quarrels. Wars probably spring outofwhatthe Buddha said was the reason for all suffering: desire. It's human nature after all, to want, and to try to fulfill that want. Unfortunately, nature often tells us to deal with things in quite a violent way: if Mack annoys you, just grab a few friends and go smash his head in. But we have the capacity to bend this nature: violent thought can be tempered to constructive discussion. The problem is that we forget this: so much simpler to paint things black and white, to send the soldiers to war and watch them fight. We ignore our capacity. In Renaissance Italy a man called Pico della Mirandola wrote on how we as human beings are not tied to any particular way of working: we can act like animals, or, if we choose, to become higher and more profond than angels. Yet nowadays, no one really reads his work. I think it would do us all a good turn to look at it, if only for a glance -- to be reminded that being an animal, though easy, is not the only way. It might be hard, but we can grow wings.

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Using Javascript, how do I replace the contents of a DIV with the contents of a DIV located inside of the source document of an IFRAME?
I'm not sure that's possible. The IFRAME contents are constructed from a a separate HTTP request, so there would be a potential security risk in allowing javascript access to those contents, since they may come from another domain. Of course, I could be talking out of my arse. I hate Javascript. :)

Why is the sun yellow, but every other star in the sky white?
On Earth, the sun appears yellow. If you were out in space, or on the moon, the sun would look white. In space, there is no atmosphere to scatter the sun's light. On Earth, some of the shorter wavelength light (the blues and violets) are removed from the direct rays of the sun by scattering. The remaining colors together appear yellow.

why do i have trouble expressing myself?
Because you don't use capital letters at the start of sentences. Or you're French. Probably the capital letter thing though.

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what is big bang?
A big bang is when nothing decides to become something, and this is quite logical. If you leave nothing lying around for an infinite period of time (or no time at all since big bang created time), something is bound to happen. The effect was quite dramatic, and all matter in the universe was created in a moment that is shorter than the time it takes to blink. This all happened 12 to 14 billion years ago, so not even your grandparents might remember it. Big bang is a theory, since camcorders were not invented back then.

Did Adam and Eve have a belly button?
Adam and Eve were an early beta of Homo Sapiens, and the abdominal accessory connector was of a vastly different design. The original design allowed for a whole range of after-market add-ons to gain access to the blood supply and also discard waste materials, as well as connect to a series of nerve endings to allow for brain I/O. It wasn't a particularly intelligent design, and no accessories ever made it market. Elements of it were retained for use in the embryonic stages of later versions, giving rise to the largely useless belly button of todays models.

Why do we trust those who say there are a billion stars in the sky, but always have to touch the railing that says "Caution:Wet Page"?
Something in front of us is clearly tangible and a human mind needs the visual and sensual elements of being able to touch something to prove its there. Touching wet paint is almost a surefire way of confirming what is stated on the warning sign. I guess it makes us feel good because we already know that we are right. The stars are an impossible distance away and not tangible to the human touch. Phew! Did that make sense?

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if there is no blood involved, how can you get aids during sex?
from jizz and fannyjuice

What's the best (fictional) book you've ever read? Me? Gotta be "1984". I'm still yet to read something that trumps it
I found 1984 a real drag personally - couldn't get past the first few pages. If we're talking Orwell, Animal Farm is way more accessible to the layman, yet contains similar biting political satire! It's been a while since I last read a fictional book, but I'd probably go for 'Danny, champion of the world' - Roald Dahl. Fiction books shouldn't be a struggle to read, y'see ;)

Who was the first man to reach the south pole?
The first humans to reach the Geographic South Pole were Norwegian Roald Amundsen and his party on December 14, 1911. Amundsen named his camp Polheim. Amundsen's main competitor Robert Falcon Scott reached the Pole a month later. On the return trip Scott and his four companions all died of hunger and extreme cold. There have been many expeditions to arrive at the South Pole by surface transportation. The leaders of some of the first of these are, in order: Amundsen, Scott, Hillary, Fuchs, Havola, Crary, Fiennes. US Admiral Richard Byrd, with the assistance of his first pilot Bernt Balchen, became the first person to fly over the South Pole on November 29, 1929. learn to use google you moron

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If you had to choose between sex with Saddam Hussein or George Bush, which one would it be?
saddam's probably got ancient mystical techniques that would have you in ecstasy in no time at all, and we all know what a honey he looks in his smalls. Dubya would wonder why there was a scouser waiting amorously in the presidential bed and probably have Liverpool nuked or send Dick Cheney over with his 12 bore..."I thought he was a quail"...So Saddam every time. Although he'd have to have a shave.

Is it easier to moonwalk on the moon?
no, the gravity here is stronger thus keeping our feet firmly on the ground, whereas on the moon gravity is a lot weaker, meaning that more pressure would be needed to keep upright and moonwalk at the same time.

Last night I had an erotic dream about my sister. Am I weird or what?
Definitely weird. Unless you're female, of course. In which case, that's erotic. And if you're twins, that's even better...

Why can aircraft fly upside down when their wings are designed to fly only the right way up?
Yikes. Good question. I guess that's like asking why some people can walk on their hands when they've only been designed to walk on their feet. Then again, only some people can do that - and only some planes can fly upside down. (I'd like to see a jumbo jet fly upside down, although I wouldn't like to be in it when it tried!) Maybe the planes that can fly upside down have been designed to fly either way up. I know this sounds ridiculous based on the fact that the wings aren't symmetrical(top-to-bottom) - but that's like when Microsoft released their ergonomic mouse and said it was designed for both left and right-handed people, yet wasn't symmetrical... except Microsoft were obviously lying.

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What's the best way of preparing a freshly plastered wall for tiling?
Well, I'm no expert, but I reckon you should leave it to dry for a few days and then make sure it's not too dusty before you tile. You'll probably want to wet it slightly with a damp cloth before applying the adhesive. And don't just put a few splodges on each tile - you know they'll end up falling off. Do it properly with a proper adhesive spreader...

Is there any worse music in the world than trance?
I share an apartment with a guy who listens to Japanese teen girls singing crappy euro-pop and I'll take trance any day over that.

Why are my nuts always itchy?
er, yuck! Do you really think you should be asking the random internet-using public? I'd say that question was a better one to be asking your GP actually! Or try buying cotton underwear and maybe change your brand of washing powder?

y do i feel so bad ?
Because you fail to realise just how lucky you are. Today people will die, be murdered, be sexually abused, raped, shot, robbed, exploited, cheated, lied to, deceived and hurt in every way you can imagine and several ways that you can't imagine. If your life seems bad right now then why not fix your life by helping someone else? Go help the homeless, help out at an animal sanctuary, go clean grafitti off the streets, go help out at an old folk's shelter. Do something to improve the lives of others and you'll feel better in yourself. Fat chance. Just keep playing your XBox and complaining to yourself.

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what is brian blessed's middle name?
Biran Blessed has no middle name, as you seem like a fan i thought you might appreciate some facts on him- he was born on the 9th October 1937 in Mexborough, Yorkshire, England he is 5"9 he has been a friend of patrick stewarts since childhood he has attempted to climb mount everest twice.

why is it so hard to say the right thing at an important moment?
Precisely because the moment is important. Many important moments spring at us out of the blue - and very few people are able to say the right thing off the cuff. Other important moments are only recongnised as such after the event, when of course it is too late. The final class of important moment the one you know is coming and can prepare for, usually has the problem that everyone else knows it is coming as well. This puts a lot of pressure on you as the speaker to get it right. The best thing to do is not worry about what people will think and just speak your mind. If you mull it over for hours it will invariably sound rubbish and contrived anyway. At least spontonaiety has the advantage that you get double kudos when it works. Finally, you can rarely go wrong with the words "Let's eat."

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If a tree falls down and there is no one there to hear it, does it make sound?
Sound is the vibration of matter, as perceived by the sense of hearing. Since there is now one around to hear it. The falling tree does not make a sound. Unless you can get a badger or squirrel to write otherwise, the answer is simply no.

Why are people such fucking chumps?
That's the whole reason for our existence. If we did not fuck we wouldn't be here today. I've never heard of an occasion where anyone has fucked a chump. In fact I'm not too sure what a chump is. Is it like a cross between a chimp and a flump?

Is Juul the one for me?
im assuming juul is a woman......with a strange name maybe.... the only answer i can give is that if she feels for you the same way that you feel for her then there is no reason why not. a good tip for a long relationship is to keep absolute honesty as your watchword.........good luck!

How long before there is no religion in the world?
Organised religion will always exist so long as people still believe that they gain something (or stand to gain something at a later date) from serving an unseen higher power, be it Zeus, Ra, Thor, or the Sacred Babboon of Milton Keynes. Perhaps a more important question is 'when will all religions become sufficiently enlightened that they realise that the killing of others is not the way to reach heaven/nirvana/valhalla/The Glorious Asda of the Lord.

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Ever thrown a diseased turnip at a hamster?
Nope, but I knew a hamster that only ate choclate ice cream. It died.

(after watching the film Primer)Is time travel possible?
yes, but only for everyone else. If you got into a spaceship and shot around the galaxy at speed close to the speed of light and came back, everyone will have aged more than you. Hopping back to shoot your grandfather - thus preventing your very existence is not possible. Current theories suggest we are all living inside a 5D black Hole, so if you escaped the event horizon, i.e. the Limits of our known universe, then you could experience a time frame different to our own before returning... my head hurts now.

I need a new way to masturbate. Any suggestions?
Oh dear, you don't say whether you're male or female, so it's not going to be easy to answer this... Personally, I've found that some quite intersting sensations and satisfying climaxes are available in the bath, especially when the power shower comes into play.... then again if you're a bloke then sorry, I'm afraid I don't know enough about bashing the bishop to answer you, though i'm obviously always up for learning a bit more and putting it into practice myself on a willing partner. So I should find yourself an enthusiastic bird like me to do it for you!

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Why can't we just shoot poor people instead of having to pay them benefits?
If all poor people were destroyed the balance of society would fall down. Who would work for anyone? How would the perceived insignificant jobs be filled? As an intelligent man once said, balance has been created for no other reason than to keep order. Judge not a man by his occupation or wealth but what he offers to others. If by poor you mean the people of Africa or India then perhaps you yourself will be next to go when all the people lower than you have disappeared.

Can you recommend a few books to read? I quite liked Proulx and I just finished that Memoirs of a Geisha, and that kind of thing, but I didn't have the brainspace for the DaVinciCode stuff. What can you recommend, that isn't crap?
'His Dark Materials's. It's a fantastic trilogy that will leave your head spinning with joy and curiosity and your heart pumping with love and fulfilment. It questions the very existence, nature and purpose of God with a heart-warming, intriguing and brilliant narrative. You have to read these books before you die. Simple as. I hope I've enlightened you. J.

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What is the name of my friends dogs puppy called Steve?
The answer is in the question. The puppy is called Steve.

Is eating your snot actually good for you?
Many a time I have endulged, as a child of course, the sticky green oozing from my nasal cavity under the prssumption that Its come from me so it can go back. Much the same way as sucking down on a cut or laceration or even, in more extreme circumstances, ingestion ones own baby gravy. However, as a recent study suggests, it may actually have some beneficial effects. Ingestment of snot allows you to take in small amounts of viral bacteria so your immune system can strengthen itself from attack of otherwise unknown viruses and infections. It also removes the said snot from inside your nasal cavity and clears the passageway to allow easier breathing. i say yes it is good and if you can do it subtley then go for it my friend. Pick away!

Where would be the best place to hide if an undead army where to invade England? I was thinking a boat but I'm not sure that I could get all the supplies I would need aboard and I can't sail and don't have a boat!
Your question implies that the invasion would be limited to England or the British Isles. Therefore a boat would be the first choice, as it could take you to a safe country. You would only need supplies for a couple of hours, enough to take you to France. A good move would be to find an ally who owns a boat and is capable of operating it. As such people will be much sought after in the case of an invasion of the undead, I strongly suggest that you start making friends with members of the target group asap.

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Am I denying myself a peaceful exit in life by refusing to accept god into my life? I worry that If I do not follow his path I may find my self in my final days scared that there is no place for me after I leave this planet.
Perhaps there is no place for any of us after we die. Perhaps the key to that place has nothing to do with accepting god into your life. The bets that you can do is to live your life well and true to yourself, and everything else will work itself out. Stop worrying.

Where do the ripples in the water go?
Ripples are an illusion. Think of the surface of the water as the sheet on your bed. If you were to "ripple" the sheet by flapping one end, the sheet doesn't go away, does it? No. It is just a change in the surface of the sheet from smooth to wavy. Same thing with ripples in water, only the source of the surface disruption causes a circular pattern. Once the energy of the disruption has dissipated, the water returns to its smooth state. Hence, no more ripples. An alternate explanation is that they teleport into an alien and unforgiving universe where giant bat-spiders eat them for breakfast. Take your pick.

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Is it a good idea to legalise most soft drugs?
I think the way to answer this is to ask another question. If you had to make a decision now to allow smoking and alcohol would you say yes? Smoking causes cancer as well as numerous other illnesses. Alcohol causes violence and people to do regrettable things that they would not do of sound mind. In my opinion they should not be legalised as this would seem like a backing for the use of drugs which would be abused by some. In my opinion it is better to protect the few than appease the massed.

why do birds sing so gay?
Most birdsong is produced by the males. Like all males, they are primarily concerned with having fights and getting their end away. Most birds, but by no means all, concentrate their singing around the breeding season. They are singing to pick up birds. And once they’ve picked them up, they are singing to keep them. ‘But wait a minute, many species of birds are monogamous!’ I hear Frankie Valli shouting. Yes Frankie, they are. But the mortality rate, especially amongst small birds, is so high that they have to keep their pulling skills up to scratch because, tragically, they never know when they will have to use them again. Telling other birds of the same species to get offa their cloud is the other main reason for birdsong. ‘Look, this is our patch buddy. We eat the little berries and insects and shit here. So back off, OK.’ That sort of thing. ‘But no explanation of why their singing is so gay?’ Alright Brian Wilson, fair point. If we take gay not to mean homo, then it is simply a question of why we like the sound of birdsong. Like the sunset is for our vision, birdsong is for our ears a beautiful reminder of the shiva dance of nature, of which we are all but a part. It humbles us and makes us put our concerns of getting the Interim Competitor’s Market Report written up for our boss by the end of the week into the pathetic perspective that it deserves to be. Hence birdsong is gay.

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what is the third word in the english language ending in 'gry'?
Seagry -- a town in Wiltshire =P

Why is the sky blue?
Apparently because the light from the sun (solar radiation) is scattered by the molecules in the earths atmosphere. Short-wavelength light is scattered in preference to long wavelength light and we see blue skies. And because a red sky all day would give us the impression of being on a dying futuristic planet and be scary. Hope this helps, and you weren't after something a bit more philosophical.

How to make decision fast?
trust your instincts. It has long been proposed that the subconcious is able to make decisions far quicking than the concious. Also a dear friend of mine who is a surgeon in the army once told me of a study where men and women had their brains monitored whilst they tackled difficult logic problems. The results showed that men when seeking an answer used only one part of their brain whereas the women used two. This meant that men came to a decision far quicker than the ladies. So either trust your instincts or be a man.

If "Jim'll fix it" was still on tv and you had to write to him otherwise you will die, what would you ask to do?
The trick with writing to Jim was to avoid copying what had been in previous shows, and also don't outright ask for toys and cool stuff. Remember the one where some kid wanted his room tidied? This was before "Changing Rooms" but Sir Jimmy of Saville arranged a complete makeover and kitted it out with toys, televisions and a secret porn cupboard. Every kid wanted that to happen. But all those kids are grown up now. Like me. So I think I'll plump for this: Dear Jim, Please fix it for me to ensure a night of pleasure with a really high class prostitute. A no-holds-barred, guilt free sex marathon I know I should rephrase this asking for something more innocuous, but I haven't got the time and my wedding tackle is getting less reliable by the day. So stop pissing around Jim and starting ringing around some top tarts. Your sincerely, etc

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On average people fart 30m litres a day. If it were possible to seal off the bumhole, how long would it take before the average person would pop?
I don't think you would ever pop. As the body creates more gas and the pressure builds up, the gas is going to escape from any outlet that it can. Most likely, this will be back up the intestinal tract and out of your mouth, so you will just end up doing really smelly burps. If the pressure got too great, you would also run the risk of any plug being expelled from you bottom like a champagne cork from its bottle. This is dangerous as it might take someones eye out.

Who lost the world cup in 1966?
England won the World Cup that year. What do you mean who lost it? 1) Brazil won in 1962. In the sense that they had the cup but couldn't defend, Brazil lost it. 2) Since England won the Cup, every other participant from 1966 lost it. That's 15 losers. Determining those 15 losers is left as an exercise for the class. 3) England beat Germany (4-2) in the final, and Portugal beat the Soviet Union (2-1) in the loser match. So maybe Germany lost it.

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How did Cuckoos evolve to lay eggs in other birds nests?
Almost half of the cuckoo species are brood parasites; these birds lay their eggs in other birds nest (birds of other species). The unwitting host bird feed the intruder bird with its own brood. Scientists think that the cuckoo's brood parasitism may have evolved independently in New World (North and South American) and Old World cuckoos. Other cuckoo species care for their own young, and a few of these are cooperative breeders (living in family units), notably the anis.

Why has Chris said that he won't drink for my friend's birthday? He has turned into a complete bastard lately. What can possibly have caused this?
Maybe you should ask him whats bothering him. Be supportive, not negative. Tell him it doesn't matter if he doesn't want to drink at your friends birthday, when he's not looking slip some E in his drink.

Are our personalities predictated before we are born?
Genetics plays a factor in a lot of our personalty trats such as intelligence but hormones affect aspecrs such as aggression and sexuality, and hormones are affecred by everything from diet to how warm it is. Our upbringing also plays an important part, just look at feral children for example. So in short, theres a rough dea of how you'll turn out but nothing is certain unless you believe in determinism.

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Why is life so unfair?
Sometimes things don't go your way. Some people respond to this by sulking, or perhaps ignoring it and pretending that nothing is wrong. These people are the ones who believe life is unfair. You need to see the brighter points in life, and work on them. If you hate getting up in the morning, think about what you will do once you are awake. If you hate going to work, think about what you will do afterwards. Life is only unfair if you let it be, a one sided fight is unfair, so don't let life treat you bad without fighting back, taking it by the scruff of the neck and having a fucking good time!

How can I get out of this mess?
Take a deep breath; step back; maybe drink some water. Clear your head / relax. Have you made a list of things that got you into the mess, in the immediate sense? Can you list solutions to those issues? In my experience overwhelimng problems can be addressed more easily by breaking them down. Take smaller bites, the're easier to chew / less likely to choke you if they go down the wrong way. Try to keep your head, though. You may not like the solutions you come up with, but if you do it honestly, and try to do the "right" thing, things will probably turn out better for you.

I'm doing distance education. I'm really struggling with the language classes, as they take a long time to grade the assignments, and the instructions and learning guide are horrible. Should I drop language? Will it affect me getting into college? Basically, I can drop language and everything will be fine, but it might affect whether or not some colleges will accept me. I could keep language, and then do five years of high school instead of four
Hi. I think that you should stay and try to find others sources of information to study, since the learning guide you follow is horrible. If you stay, you´ll have more time to think about it, sice you said that you can drop it. Don´t hesitate, be patient and think about it.

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who are you?
I am a husband, programmer, rescuer, friend, professional, lover, human.

Where do they get helium from, considering it doesn't bond with anything and is lighter tan air?
I think they get helium from balloons. Clowns put it there. It's a byproduct of the whisky they drink to stop themselves from crying.

Which is heavier the ancient Pyramid of Cheops or the Chrysler building?
A pyramid of chops, now that would be something wouldn't it? Pork or lamp though, that's the conundrum. You get a bit more on a pork chop, but I do like the way the rind goes all tasty and crispy on a lamp chop. So while you get a bit less meat on a lamb chop, if you had a whole *pyramid* of such tasty meat cutlets, teatime would be still be a length affair. So I'll have the pyramid of lamp chops please waiter. Sorry, what was the question again?

Are all men just after one thing?
It would be suprising if. Before civilization, humans had few aims in life (like animals)--back then, the "after one thing" notion was relatively close to truth probably. But culture frequently is the contrary of nature, so it can be expected that a large number of goals have evolved by now. Personally, I find the behavior I observe in men and women alike often incoherent and difficult to understand (assuming you're really trying to understand it, as opposed to just matching it to stereotype patterns). So I can't support the idea that they are all working towards just one goal--that would have to be a very convoluted and non-obivous one.

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why can an airplain fly?
An aircraft flies due to the aerodynamic reactions that happen when air passes over the wing. If a cross-section of an aircraft wing is viewed, the top of the wing can be seen to be curved, while the bottom of the wing is less curved or straight. This shape, called an airfoil or aerofoil, creates lift when a wing travels through the air. Lift is created as an airstream passes by something which deflects it downward. The force created by this deflection of the air creates an equal and opposite force upward on the wing according to Newton's third law of motion. The deflection of airflow downward during the creation of lift is known as downwash. Nearly any shape will produce lift if curved or tilted with respect to the air flow direction. However, most shapes will be very inefficient and create a great deal of drag. One of the primary goals of wing design is to devise a shape that produces the most lift while producing the least lift-induced drag.

Why doesn't she like me?
because you aren't showing any confidence and you aren't being funny. You're sucking up to her basically like all the other guys. be different

Why do so many people work Monday to Friday 9-5? I am sure most everyone can agree that we were not *put* here on this earth to do so, so why do it? (I am an agnostic, fear not this is not God rooted). I simply can not justify it, and it hurts to think that we spend more then half of our lives working rather then enjoying ourselves. Is there anyway around this?
Most people work to support themselves and their family, so you have two options. Stop working, and become self sufficient, just like The Good Life. Or second, aim to do something you enjoy. Me, I get paid £50K to make websites, I love doing it, and I'm pissing away my afternoon answering these questions!

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Does a dog know that it is a dog or even what it looks like?
Here's the closest thing I could find as an answer to your question: Mirror Test The mirror test is a rough measure of whether an animal is self-aware, ie conscious. The test is based on whether an animal can recognize his reflection in a mirror as an image of himself. The test was developed in the late 1960's by Gordon G Gallup, professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Albany. He marked the foreheads of adult chimpanzees with a dye when the animals were sleeping. He then observed them when they woke. The only way a chimpanzee could see the mark on his forehead was by looking in a large mirror nearby. Would a chimpanzee react to what he saw? Gallup found that on looking into the mirror the chimpanzees touched the mark on their forehead. They touched their forehead significantly more frequently than a comparable group of chimpanzees treated in the same way but leaving no visible mark on their forehead. The classical explanation, by Gallup and co-workers, for the chimpanzees' behaviour is that chimps can recognise their own reflections, and, moreover, that this is evidence that chimpanzees are conscious. Gallup proposed that 'passing the mirror test' indicates that a chimpanzee is self-aware to the extent that he can inspect what is going on in his mind and thereby is able to understand the mental state of others. A number of other species have undergone adaptations of the mirror test, but apart from humans, only chimpanzees, orang-utans and bottlenose dolphins consistently react to themselves. Gorillas have so far flunked the test. Humans pass it but only when they are over at least three to four years of age.

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Is it illegal to shoot a seagul with a high powered air rifle if it builds a nest right above my skylight and makes a hellish squaking noise all night long?
Yes it is. Moron.

When downloading stuff over bittorrent (namely films, TV programs and applications) should I feel guilty that I'm depriving a studio/company/programmer of revenue?
Yes. P2P isn't free, the price is guilt. And unlike purchasing CDs or software from a shop, you won't earn guilt points or be able to spend guilt rewards.

Why don't you think anyone wonders why kids spend 16 years in school, but when they come out of it, most can't write or perform any but the most basic mathematical calculations and have a poor understanding of the arts and sciences. (It seems like a very inefficient use of time.)
Well I'm 16, I'm more than capable of mathematical calculations that very few people would call 'basic'. I also have a quite sufficient understanding of the sciences, and as I hope to persevere with photograpy as a career, I consider myself quite knowledgeable in the arts. I think I'm somewhat in the minority, but there you go. Sorry I couldn't be of more help.

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When will someone love me ?
Soon, but you won't be ready.

Is it me or is the internet a convoluted mangle of shite with a few rare gems scattered about?
I think if we were a bunch of amazonian pygmies who had just constructed our first cybercafe out of bamboo and monkey dung, we'd be forming all kinds of myths to explain the Internet. It is entirely likely that such a civilisation would surmise the Internet had been created by an enormous demon, who, after swallowing his netherworldly mates precious stones for a bet, went out on a curry fulled bender and the next morning produced a dump of such mind-numbing proportions flecked with sparkling diamonds. This, the pygmies would say, is how it happened.

What's the point of British Summer Time?
British Summer Time is similar to Daylight Saving Time in the U.S. Here are some raionales for it: One of the major reasons given for observing DST is energy conservation. Theoretically, the amount of residential electricity needed in the evening hours is dependent both on when the sun sets and when people go to bed. Because people tend to observe the same bedtime year-round, by artificially moving sunset one hour later, the amount of energy used is theoretically reduced. United States Department of Transportation studies showed that DST reduces the country's electricity usage by one percent while DST is in effect. Part of the reason that it is normally observed in the late spring, summer, and early autumn is because during the winter months the amount of energy saved by moving sunset one hour later is negated by the increased need for morning lighting by moving sunrise by the same amount. During the summer most people would wake up after the sun rises, regardless of whether daylight saving time is in effect or not, so there is no increased need for morning lighting to offset the afternoon drop in energy usage. Another perceived benefit of DST is increased opportunities for outdoor activities. Most people plan outdoor activities during the increased hours of sunlight. Other benefits cited include prevention of traffic injuries (by allowing more people to return home from work or school in daylight), and crime reduction (by reducing people's risk of being targets of crimes that are more common in dark areas). When the U.S. went on extended DST in 1974 and 1975 in response to the 1973 energy crisis, Department of Transportation studies found that observing DST in March and April saved 10,000 barrels of oil a day, and prevented about 2,000 traffic injuries and 50 fatalities saving about U.S. $28 million in traffic costs..

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Why does my bread go mouldy 2 days before the best before date?
Wonderbread® recommends storing bread products at room temperature to maintain freshness. To understand why bread molds, one needs to be aware of what environmental conditions are necessary for the growth and reproduction of microorganisms (bacteria, yeast, molds) in or on food products. Factors include a source of food (i.e. nitrogen, vitamins, minerals), moisture, acidity, time-temperature and oxygen (pressence or absence). The ingredients used to make bread can be a source of microrganisms,and some of the microorganisms can survive the baking process. In addition, microrganisms from the environment (i.e. air) may also land on the surface of the bread following baking. The critical environmental factor associated with bread that selects for the growth of mold rather than bacteria and/or yeast is moisture. Molds can reproduce on foods where only a limited amount of water is available while bacteria and yeast require higher concentrations of water for growth and reproduction. This is why molds are the main cause of spoilage of foods such as baked products, cheese, jams and jellies. The term used to describe the amount of unbound or free water in a food that is available to support biological (i.e. growth and reproduction of microorganisms) and chemical recactions is water activity.

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Who invented milk?
I suppose I could be a true smart ass in answering this question and say that the cow did... Although, I do assume you ment "Who was the first person to think of drinking the cows milk?" If that is the case, saddly I think the answer is unknown.

Do Biscuits Brown from a British Army Ration Pack really contain anti-laxatives like Imodium?
im not sure so ive consulted the are some quotes i found "Do not eat too many of the biscuits, one of the cadets on my sqn ate 5 packs worth in two days. He couldn't GO TO the loo FOR a week." "But the biscuits brown are a bad idea, they really do block the plumbing! ..."

I keep finding myself staring at girls a lot. I know I am a guy but I just wish to cut back on it a bit. What can I do (dont be stupid like using one hand or plucking eyes out)
I tend to look at it like this: There are 7 billion people in the world, half of them women. Thats 3.5 billion women. I imagine that two thirds of those women are within the age of consent, and that 2 thirds of those women are not too old or mental to make me feel phisicaly sick. That's 1 and a half billion women. Now I'm a guy just like yourself and I recon I'd probably shrug and say "OK" if any one of them asked me to sleep with them, but I imagine that I probably turn my head at 30% of the women I see everyday - thats 300 million pretty women in the world. Now lets say I live for 75 years, and that I'm sexually active for 59 of them. In order to get through all those women I will have to whoo, charm, beg and sleep with or rape 13,930 of them every night ... and I just can't be arsed to do that. Therefore, the only thing to do is find the prettiest girl who will have you and save everything you've got inside you for her - and that includes ogling. If you can't have them all, whats the point?

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How many flying commercial aircraft are there in the world at any one time?
I'm sorry but extensive googling has not enabled me to answer your question, and for that I am sorry. I did however manage to find this statistic for you On any given day, more than 87,000 flights are in the skies in the United States. which averages out at 3625 an hour and there are roughly according the gaurdian 3500 flights at anyone time over europe.

If I put one chair ontop of another, I can reach the top of the fridge. If I put nine chairs ontop of each other, I can reach the roof. What's the highest number of chairs I can stack, and will I ever reach the sky?
The edge of space starts at 62 miles above the earth. Let's call that the top of the sky. And let's say chair legs are 18 inches long. Doing the math, you'd need 218,240 chairs to reach the top of the sky?

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What color does a Chameleon turn into, in a room full of mirrors?
This experiment, after having haunted philosophy and biology alike since at least Aristotle, was conducted by W. W. Baltnee in 1871, to resolve the matter once and for all. The result was documented in a 1400-page research report, which stated that 39 of the 48 test Chameleons turned to, as Baltnee describes it, "a most mundane grayish Colour of Green that seemeth to be their Native". Four other Chameleons got embarrased about seeing themselves in the mirror and blushed ("a reddish Colour, not unlike what [Baltnee's assistant] Pinnymeth exhibits upon Mention of young Ms. Diredons"). Two Chameleons, upon insertion into the mirror room, didn't turn into a color but turned round, which Baltnee counted as an anomaly. One of the animals is reported to have assumed the color of the mirrors, which is a glittery silverish, but that has subsequently been identified as a mere hypothesis since Baltnee and Pinnymeth couldn't see the mirror-colored animal between all the mirrors, bungled the catching of it and broke two of the mirrors, allowing the Chameleon to escape scrutiny. The other two animals apparently caused a temporary rupture in the space-time continuum, on account of the Universe being unable to deal with the confusing situation, which according to Baltnee's report "wreaked utter Havock, as to it caused, in but a Few Seconds, the Chameleonus and the Looking-Glass Apparatus, along with the lower Half of my Beard and approximately one Third of the Laboratorium, including the Part of the Wall with the two small Windows, the Experimentation-Table to the Left, and Pinnymeth's berth, alltogether to disappear without Trace into a whirling Hole, a Maelstrom of Colour and Smoke. On the Plus Side, it was long over-due to take outside the Trash-Can anyhow, which the Maelstrom friendlily did for us now." This effect has subsequently become known as SCW (Spontaneous Chameleon Warpture) and is currently being researched by the Carson City, Nevada-based SCW Spacefare Industries Inc. to be exploited as a future warp drive in the form of Chameleon-shaped space ships with a special Chameleon coating that would carry inflatable artificial wormholes (cylinders with mirrors on the inside surface, large enough to enclose the space ship). It has to be noted, though, that at the current point in time, this is rather hypothetical. The work's impact on philosophy was of course such that researchers casually ignored the results for a hundred years, and then slowly developed the claim that the true question never really was what color the Chameleon will assume, but rather if it is not the case that the Chameleon stays the same and the mirror room changes.

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Why is the Opera browser better than firefox in some ways?
Opera was developed by a successful scandinavian company that attracted many excellent and highly creative programmers, thus being able to concentrate their manpower on the project, rather than having to communicate via e-mail and agreeing on features in lengthy discussions like the Firefox team has to. Firefox picked up a lot of great ideas from the Opera browser, but Opera ist still slightly ahead.

How am I supposed to get any work done when sites like Question Swap exist?
Use question swap to answer the problems in your hw. Nice and simple. Or you can smash your head into your comp screen so that you're forced to do work instead

What is Google coming up with next?
Google Home Search - enter an item from your house, and a pretentious set of directions will appear on screen, guiding you to their whereabouts.

Why is guinness not suitable for vegitarians?
Contains pieces of dog meat that has been liquified

What do you enjoy most of all doing during your spare time?
Holding hands and breathing in time with the love of my life.

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Why is my hair grey when I am just 21 years old?
Each hair on our heads is made up of two parts: a shaft - the colored part we see growing out of our heads a root - the bottom part, which keeps the hair anchored under the scalp The root of every strand of hair is surrounded by a tube of tissue under the skin that is called the hair follicle. Each hair follicle contains a certain number of pigment cells. These pigment cells continuously produce a chemical called melanin that gives the growing shaft of hair its color of brown, blonde, red, and anything in between. Melanin is the same stuff that makes our skin's color fair or darker. It also helps determine whether a person will burn or tan in the sun. The dark or light color of someone's hair depends on how much melanin each hair contains. As we get older, the pigment cells in our hair follicles gradually die. When there are fewer pigment cells in a hair follicle, that strand of hair will no longer contain as much melanin and will become a more transparent color - like gray, silver, or white - as it grows. As people continue to get older, fewer pigment cells will be around to produce melanin. Eventually, the hair will look completely gray. People can get grey hair at any age. Some people go gray at a young age - as early as when they are in high school or college - whereas others may be in their 30s or 40s before they see that first grey hair. How early we get grey hair is determined by our genes. This means that most of us will start having grey hairs around the same age that our parents or grandparents first did. Gray hair is more noticeable in people with darker hair because it stands out, but people with naturally lighter hair are just as likely to go grey. From the time a person notices a few grey hairs, it may take more than 10 years for all of that person's hair to turn grey. Some people think that a big shock or trauma can turn a person's hair white or grey overnight, but scientists don't really believe that this happens.

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If evolution is true, then how did we evolve so fast? That is random mutations would take billions, not millions of years to go even a smaller distance (like from ape to human). Also there has never been evidence that a random mutation has INCREASED genetic material, only decreased. This would seem to indicate we should be de-evolving, instead of evolving. However on the counter side, If religion is true then why the obvious similarities between mammels and each other. For example why do we have (minus a tail) the same exact bones structure a mouse? Why do we shate 98 percent of our DNA with a gorilla? Wouldn't an intelligent designer be more creative?
evolution does not always take billions of years, during the industrial revolution certain butterflies turned from white to dark grey to to afford better camoflage within the space of just a few decades. It shows the strength of a species to adapt to its environment so quickly. Genetic decreases show greater efficiency of the remaining dna to combine without the need of previous strains, so is is not de-evolving but merely a strengthening what we already have. And as we all know only idiots believe in an all mighty creator.

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Why do none of my black socks match up into pairs but all of my white ones do?
because white socks often have a pattern around th top... however black ones dont. therefore they do not match up easily

Lately, I have come to the personal conclusion that I can not find true happiness in my life. I am making more money then any other person I know at my age, I just got out of a horrible relationship that lasted three years, and I am living on my own for the first time in my life. despite all these things, I still feel...empty, hollow. The only things that seem to make me happy is when I am spending money. I used to take much joy in programming, spending time with friends, etc. I suppose I am just doing self reflection and I am not happy with what I have become. I look at friends, and they enjoy most of what they do with their time. I want to be able to do that...I want to be able to be happy. I suppose spending this money is simply filling a void that should be filled with something else. I don't know what to do.
Well, my friend. I shall start by saying that I'm only 16, and therefore probably not very well qualified to give you a respectable answer due to lack of experience/life knowledge. All the same, I think I can understand what it is you are getting out. What you need to take into account is that, while you have money when you need it, and enjoy spending it, the only things you'll ever really need in life to be happy (apart from food/water etc) are small things money can't buy - Good friends, a loving relationship, an affectionate kiss, the feeling of well-being you get when you do something selfless and know it. So my advice to you would be to re-assess your life, ask yourself what the single most important thing is to you at the moment... This will lead you ultimately to what it is that makes you feel so hollow and empty. What, or who, in this life, would you be willing to die for? Sorry I couldn't be of more help. I wish you the very best of luck, and I hope you find happiness in everything you do in life.

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What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?
Anything could be unlawful, but its only illegal if you get caught.

How do you pick your nose without people seeing you?
There are several techniques, but I think the best is the 'pretend sneeze'. Takes a bit of practise, but you have to combine the nasel exploration with a sharp forward motion of the head and, of course, make the right noise.

why is that a squirrel will attempt a whole assault course to get to a bag of nuts but my cat won't eat his dinner unless I lift him to it and add some priumla on top?
Squirrels are wild animals, used to foraging for food, and will go to any lengths to get it, just to survice. Your cat, hell, that's just spoilt!

if the ten commandments say not to worship false idols why do christians insist on wearing crucifixes? surely jesus won't ever come back with that to remind of what happened last time he was here!
A mate of mine joined some weirdo christian group that share that sentiment exactly so instead of wearing a cross they wear a fish(not a real one though) and they stick them on cars too. He did it to mine once when I wasn't looking - Wanker!

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Why are piggy banks piggies and not some other animal?
Because otherwise they wouldn't be called "piggy banks". But seriously, it's to do with the etymology of the word "piggy" - it actually, in this case comes from "pygg" - a middle English word for a type of clay. People used to keep money in jars made of this material. The spelling of "pygg" had, by the 18th Century become "pig", and as children would use these jars for their money, the name "piggy" closely followed. It was then that the pig shape became attributed to the recepticle. The actual origin of the word is in no way related to the animal itself.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Because they are a bunch of fraudulent charlatans out to scam the vunerable and gullible out of money. That is to say they have no real powers.

why does my mum hate me?!
1. She doesn't hate you 2. I'm only 16, so I know what it's like to feel what you're feeling. But I've realised that in all honesty, it was my own anger which was spurning me to assume my parents disliked me. 3. I'm not asking you to listen to this, but I'd recommend thinking for a few minutes about what exactly it is your mum has done, and why. 4. Good luck.

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What stopped the Vikings? Did raping and pillaging lose its appeal?
after a certain amout of raping all the villages within range would consist of your offspring.

Do you know what e=mc2 is?
Not exactly. I know that it is an equation published by Albert Einstein in 1905 which proposes that our perception of time changes relatively in accordance to the speed at which we are travelling, and as you get faster time seems to go slower. So when we travel at a very high speed, things (which will be travelling comparitavely slowly) will seem to lengthen around us, and when we travel very slowly, our surroundings will seem to compact (because they are moving comparitavely quickly). Of course this only makes a noticable difference when people are travelling at massively different speeds (for example it would be possible to notice the a change in your perception of your surrondings between a stationary position as opposed to when you are almost at the speed of light - 186,000 miles per second I think). This may seem all theoretical, but I remember something about some tests some scientists did where they synchronised two atomic clocks and flew one of them around the world really fast in a jet plane, and then measured them afterwards, and sure enough the one that had been travelling faster had been a bit behind the other one. This was because they were moving at different rates, and so their experience of time was different, and the faster you travel, the more time slows down. E stands for Energy, M stands for Matter, and C is a Constant (usually representing the speed of light i think), but how Einstein arrived at this equation I am not sure. Hey, I am not a physics graduate. If you want to know more about the technical stuff then there are a million websites out there.

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Why do cat people think declawing is torture, genital mutilation is okay?
I don't know what cats think about declawing... Though I strongly suspect that major events experienced by children affect their psychology even if they cannot remember them, some people may argue otherwise to justify their actions. Many rituals are held over from historical times when they may have had some benefit to the society, but many such rituals are now not appropriate.

What have you been doing today? If it's the morning where you are, talk about yesterday.
i went to school until 2 pm, then came home by bus and did my homework till round 6. i read a book, talked to my friends, watched tv... so not a really exciting day

Why did the sea wee?
Cause it had crabs! LOLZORZ

Why can't men bring their dishes into the kitchen?
How is this possible? I (man, 45, married) was just about to get my headphones from my computer to bring them in to the kitchen to play some music while doing two days worth of dishwashing. Mounting the stairs I thought: will I be doing the dishes for the rest of my life, eventhough I hate doing them? Why don't I get a dishwasher? But I hate dishwashers anyway. For that kind of money I'd rather by a cool new gadget. So, there you have it: dishes are just one of those things of little interest to men...

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assuming you are an avid computer user, tell me your story... were you 5 years old and writing your first programs and evolved? or do you just use the computer heavily for chatting with all your friends
No. I mean Yes. Yes as in: Yes I am an avid computer user. My first encounter with a computer was a mainframe, back in 1978, when I was studing. I downright hated the thing. I had to write a 20 lines of code program and all I got were syntax errors. That is simply the mainframe telling you you have to be more specific. The input was done with punchcards, the answer came from a dot-matrix printer. For your job to run, that is the mainframe to try and run you 20 lines of code, you had to wait and wait. Imagine 2000 students working on just one computer. Several years later, after switching univerisity and picking up communications/journalism I started to like the wordprocessing bit, which saves you a lot of time compared to typewriters. As we speak I have several PalmPilots (handheld computers) an iMac, an iBook, a Dell, and a wireless network to connect them all to the net. I did all of the installing etc myself and I do help out friends and family. Not that I'm a techie, the fun part in computers to me know is connecting people and ideas. Like you reading this, not knowing who I am, or where I am, or if anything I wrote is actually true. But it is. It is true and every word of it. So there you have it, very long answer to your question, from a Dutch guy who recently moved to France, because the internet (read: computers) made it possible to live and work from anywher on the planet. Aren't they great?

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Ever had an annoying housemate? How did you deal with it?
well, my family one time let a family stay with us while they were looking for work. They ended up being very messy people and not even trying to work (leached off us) we were afraid the news would get out and Social services would come take all the kids in the house (including ours) because it was so dangerous. They had left hypodermic needles, human waste, pet waste, food waste and other things all over the ground (did I mention we had new carpet installed for them when they moved in) AnyWho... we ended up having to lock them out one day when they were gone and had someone come over and film the place (for evidence) and then had a dozen or so people come and help me clean it all out and move their stuff to a storage facility (which I paid for) It was scary, but we could not let them continue to abuse us.

do you think the rain will ruin the rhubarb?
rhubarb is gross. it is ruined before it is planted.

Three babies are going to be killed, unless you eat one of them alive. Do you eat the baby?
um you could try killing the murderer..if that's not possible then call the police..if that's not possible then call SWAT..if that doesn't work then call the FBI..and if that doesn't work then call the if it comes down to it and u actually have to eat one of them alive..get the smallest one and try to fake that your eating it..but really just hide it under your shirt..hope i've been a help..

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Will the pursuit of new technologies ultimately lead to the advancement or destruction of this world?
physicaly we could't destroy the world if we wanted to, it almost completely ices over every 200,000 years or so anyway. detonating all our nukes at the same time would do no more damage than a big asteroid (it's happened before and the world got over it). we could probably destroy ourselves in an akira style "when science goes bad" moment but after we did it once we would be a lot more carefull.

if i am addicted to "Question Swap" what should i do?
It's a difficult predicament. Maybe you should question what it is about "Question Swap" that keeps you coming back. Do you find the the answers you recieve satify your desire for knowledge, or do you find that long sanctimoniously worded responses, that may sound like they've been written by someone with a certain degree of intelligence, actually contain no useful information whatsoever. Thereby leaving you unsatisfied and in search of deeper meaning. So in responce to your original question; maybe you should take up a hobby, such as emu farming or squirrel beauty pageants.

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Is this a difficult question?
Yes. Or maybe there isn't an answer. But if there is, it's not no. The difficulty in the question lies in the fact that it is recursive and self-referential. In fact, if we trace our thought train as we try to derive the answer to the question, we find it is in fact unanswerable: First, we analyse the question. The question is whether the question is difficult. To determine this, we analzye the question again, and whether we know the answer. As you can see, we get stuck in a never ending loop of questions. Given that the answer is in fact unobtabinable, we can then go back to the original question - is it difficult? Given that we have found it to be unobtainable, we can deduce that it must have been difficult, or we would have found an answer. So we have answered it despite it being impossible to answer. So the answer is, yes, because it's unanswerable. Now we have a paradox, but that's a different question altogether! Hope that helps ;)

I need a cost model to compare various network management systems. Any references?
I hear Kate Moss is an expert in such things, but since her fall from grace she mainly only does it as a hobby. If you want her to compare some network management systems she really cares about, she will do it, but she is getting picky. Tyra Banks will compare any at all, but to a much lower standard, so I guess you just have to weigh up the cons and pros of quality vs range. I hope this has been of some use.

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Do pineapples have seeds? If so, where is him?
They are like grapes, they will still grow fruit if they are not fertilised. The majority of wild pineapples do but cultivated ones are purposely stopped from fertilising for this purpose

Is it actually safe to eat green crisps?
It depends how green. They come from potatoes that are a little bit old and are probably starting to sprout. If it is only fainlyt tinged, then the potato was still ripe. If it is definitely as green as the ace of spades would be if cards came in red and green instead of black then, whilst it won't kill, if you ate an enitre bag of them you might feel odd.

If Microwaves were bigger then what percent of people in the world do you think would ever lock themself or anyone else in one?
I don't know about a percentage, I am sure it would be way way way less than 0.1%. That is still a good few hundred thousand people though, so that still seems a little high. I reckon lots of people would be stupid enough to do it, but not enough to register on the worlds population. If animals are involved, I think about 5% of the world would lock one in the microwave. In fact I think that that already happens :(

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Why is this site not advertised?
I think this site is being advertised in the oldest, and to some the most effective, way; through word of mouth. I found this site through 4rthur, a site where like minded people post links to interesting and amusing sites. I'm sure anyone who finds this site entertaining will tell there friends about it. Plus advertising costs money and as far as I can tell the authors of this site aren't making any from it.

Have you ever been caught having sex?
Yes - I was eighteen, she was sixteen, we were in the back of a very small car and a policeman shone his torch on us. (I'm now 50 and she's 47 and we've been married for 25 years.) A boring answer, maybe, but true.

What is, in your opinoin, the worst film ever made?
Ralph Bakshi's Lord of the Rings cartoon. Watch it. It ignores most of the story, abruptly ends half way through a battle, as the good guys are losing, procaliming "here ends the Lord of the Rings", regularly mixes character names up, and, the worst of all, the cinematography is awful - people's heads often get cut off, people are poorly framed or too far away to properly see etc. In a low budget film that sort of stuff may be accpetable, but in a cartoon where you have absolute control over EVERY aspect of the shot? Incredible.

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Why do all films based on video games suck? And should I hold out hope that the Halo film (written by Alex Garland and produced by Peter Jackson) will be any good?
Because people who make the films think they can improve on the game whilst maintaining the essence of it, resulting in a horrible mismash of stuff that would be good in a game but bad in a film, and vice versa. With this in mind the Halo film may be good. Seeing as it is such a dull game, I imagine that they might be able to improve it by transferring it to screen. Lets at least hope they improve the set design - those miles and miles and miles and miles of identical corridors sure would be boring.

who is responsible for all the trouble in the world?
He may well have the middle initial "W", but that's just a guess.

If you were offered the chance of immortality would you take it? And why?
no. eventually all your friends would die, and friends you make in the future would die. eventually everyone will die, and the world will end and be consumed by the sun and you would live on, all alone, inside the sun. Also, without eternal youth, your body would become decrepit and start to fall apart at around 150 years. You would still be able to feel pain, so living in the sun would be gay as well.

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What do you do when your best friend closes your window too hard and breaks it. It's a rental apartment. What should we tell our landlord?
Well, maybe you should aproach him with first before he finds out, then sincerly tell him what happened and that you plan to pay for it. Tell him in a way that doesn't implicate your friend by noting that it was an accident. Find a compromize with your friend and way that you can pay your landlord back. He should ok with it if you are reasonable but if your friend is just a plain asshole you really can do anything about it. Possibly, if you don't feel bad about it, try to guilt your friend into paying for it allthat way he wont be mad at you. Lets hope that your friend is a nice person though and offers to pay for all of it though :). !Remember do try to hide the problem it will get worse! Um yeah, i tried my best but probably didn't help much, and hope this get resolved soon. Sincerly, Some Random Person! :p

I eat 4 meals a day, am constantly snacking, drink beer more often than I should and don't exercise much. And yet I am skinny and never get fatter. Why is this?
I have the same condition. Im heading toward 30 years old and have only started to put on weight during the last 2-3 years. I had a fast metabolism but I think its slowed down alot since my teens. I also used to think I had worms or that I didnt eat enough (this is probably true) and felt guilty for being skinny. If your still young just wait till you get to my age and you will start to put on the pounds. I never bothered with 'weight gain' products. If your really desperate to bulk up, do some research and try it.

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I have a fried who find himself slighly arroused in stationary stores - should I urge him to seek professional help? Yes, I am serious.
Not necessarily. Most people possess multiple fetishes, whether they be a penchant for breasts, bellybuttons, high heels, short skirts, etc... For instance I just saw a documentary about people who have sexual fetishes with balloons. Sigmund Freud says that since males have penises, they try to find a sexual object to fetish over in the opposite sex. Sometimes they may transfer these fetishes over to static objects (since they may not find the equivilent to a penis in the female form). This does not necessarily mean they are homosexual at all, but it is supposed to be a natural process that every male goes through (all this has to do with the Oedipus Complex, which is the anxiety created when the boy realizes his mother does not have a penis, assumes that his father castrated her, then symbolically kills off his father and marries his mother). Anyway, to relate it to your friend, a stationary store may offer this phallic equivalent...think of it...pens, pencils, markers, etc... Again this does not have to have homoerotic undertones, and someone who has these kind of fetishes will most likely live a normal social and sexual life. Hope this helps :)

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If I could do anything to make this day the best day ever, what would it be?
Just think of all the things you've done recently that made you happy and try to fill your whole day with those things. I can only speak personally here but for me it would be, sitting in the sunshine with my girlfriend at the park, eating pizza whilst playing gameboy and drinking beer. What a day that would be.

I want a viking buriul when I die. What would you like at your funeral?
I tell people that I want them to wear bright colours, sing Bob Marley songs, laugh through their tears and celebrate my life. However, a little part of me wants a traditional Catholic funeral, everyone in black, people wailing, open casket, etc... but that's just the insecure part. Really, I would like a simple funeral, only attended by people who will genuinely miss me, and if that's five people so be it. I would like to be cremated, and scattered to the sea in Dorset, where my Grandfather lived. I would love bright coloured flowers to surround the church or place of my funeral; however, I think charitable donations instead of flowers are more worthy.

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what are the only 2 types of nut to be mentionned in the bible? (and no the guy who jesus exorcises doesn't count as a nut)
There are actually 3 types of nuts mentioned in the Bible: 1)pistachios were carried into Egypt by Joseph's brothers. 2)Walnuts were carried in King Solomon's garden. 3)Almonds were used as ornaments on the candles in the Tabernacle.

Why is it the only time guys tell me I'm cute/pretty/sexy/whatever to my face is when they're drunk -- or on their way to being drunk? Every other time they say it to my roommate/friends/brother, etc., but never to my face.
because most guys have no balls unless they're drunk. They're to inconfident to admit that they want someone. Instead they'll watch from a far and be all sad about not being able to be with that cute, pretty, sexy girl.

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what is the point of life?
There is none. Meaning is a completely human invention; the rest of the universe knows only physics.

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Milton Keynes, UK. After releasing her range of "Edutainment" video games, and having had Claire Danes act for her in the cartoon series, she moved to the UK town of Milton Keynes to satisfy her fetish for roundabouts.

Do you believe in aliens?
There must be something out there, surely? The more interesting question is whether we will ever meet one. Theories abound about how a civilisation is more likely to destroy itself before becoming spacefaring, and even if a speices does make it to interstellar space, what are the chances they will happen upon a planet where there are intelligent beings at around the same level of evolution and development? It seems we'll never meet one, we'll just hear their echoes. Every planet we set foot on will barren, covered in slime, or destroyed. I feel rather depressed now.

Can you provide me with an idea that you think no one has ever thought of?
Chocolate toothpaste

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Do androids dream of electric sheep?
no, they dream of opposite-gender-specific-aligned robots doing naughty things with a blender. And Harrison Ford & Rutger Hauer wrestling in mud.

Do you use Wikipedia? Have you ever edited an article there? Started one?
Quick answer is I do, and I have and I haven't. The long answer is that wikipedia is a fine resource as long as you double check anything you want to be really sure about. I find the discussion pages are an interesting way of discovering where contention may lie. I have made small corrections and additions to articles, it's nice to give a little back. As for creating an article, I think that requires you to proactively think of something you are knowledgable about and find there is no page for it. Normally, when I find there is no entry for something, it's because I don't know about it and what somewhere to start. If there's nothing there, I'm unable to write about it! But now that you've planted the seed, I will try to ensure I start at least one article in the next 3 months... Look out for it.

What am I still asking questions at 3:30 AM on this site??
good question. Get a life

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When are you free?
One is free when they have the same rights and priveleges as every other person on the planet. I suppose. Freedom always seems subjective to other people's freedoms (a slave from the 1800s America would probably feel free living in New York nowadays, however, only a bigot or an idiot could say that there is anything approaching racial equality.) I believe that there can only be true freedom when ALL the world has done away with money. When am I free? I suppose that I am always free, in a sense, there is no-one who controls me, at least at the simple level of telling me what to do. There are laws that stop, or try to stop me doing other things, some are stupid, some are wise (laws that stop me impinging on other people's freedoms are wise; laws that dictate what I can do with my own body are stupid). I feel free, when I am away from the city, and I cannot see a road, or a car, or a towerblock. Or, when I am in the shower, and the water is hot, and my eyes are closed and I can't hear anything but the water. It's a really hard but interesting question, I wish I had more time to formulate a proper answer to it.

Would you ever go see Brokeback Mountain?
Yeah, I'd actually kinda like to. Probably never will, as there are other movies I'm more interested in, but if the question was "Would you not go because you are homophobic?" the answer is an emphatic no. I have several gay/bi/lesbian friends, and have sort of kind of had a crush on a guy once. All of this is completely okay with me, and it would be nice if it were okay with a greater percentage of other people, too.

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Why do people say the glass is half empty? Empty=nothing, so how can you have half of nothing? Does the saying make any sense at all?
Half of the glass has nothing in it, therefore, half the glass is empty. If we go down your path, then, there is absolutely no area in this world that does not contain some kind of element, (oxygen, hydrogen etc) therefore, except for in a black hole, emptiness is impossible.

What is your favourite Edgar Allen Poe poem or short story?
I haven't read a whole lot of them, but there was this one where there was this town where everything was symmetrical and really rigidly structured and bizarre. I remember it having a profound impact on me. In contrast, I really didn't like the one with the bug that gets all magnified. Cask of Amontillado was fun, and the puns made it better, but it wasn't *great*.

Is black the absense of colour or every colour combined? Is white the absense of colour or every colour combined?
Dear lord, you sound like a 14 year old faux philosopher. We percieve 'black' as the lack of all colours of light, equally we percieve 'white' as all colours of light being present in equal measure. Light defines colour.

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Why can't I go to bed at a decent hour and wake up at a decent hour?
There are numerous causes of poor sleep patterns. Many originate from poor diet and lack of exercise. If you are not tired you will not sleep well. Also if you have a lot on your mind this can lead to interupted sleep that will make it harder to feel refreshed when you awaken. Try to eat healthier, exercise more and leave your problems outside of the bedroom

Why are both my husband and I still asking questions on this website?
Because you have a lot of questions and a wealth of good advide to give.

Is Europe really becoming an island of atheist rationalism in a religious world?
I sure hope not, that would greatly suck! God all the way!

Where did the phrase "pardon my French" originate?
England has had a historically long and recurrent rivalry with France, due, I suppose, to the closeness of the two countries. In the English language the term 'French' was historically used as a euphemism for anything crude or debauched. French letters, French kissing or the term the French disease (used to refer to STI's)are not confined to France, nor, as far as I am aware, do they originate from that country. The French do not have a cruder vocabulary or a greater proficiency to swear than English speaking countries, just as the Dutch do not drink more (Dutch courage) or are no more tighter with their money (going Dutch at a restaurant). Basically, the term originates from slightly jingoistic attitudes about other countries and is used as a means of keeping decorum. (One has to acknowledge that one has been crude, without being so crude as to say 'I'm sorry I just swore'). SO, the phrase originated in England (no surprise there). When, however, is a disputed topic and although I cannot tell you, I believe that most of the answers you will find on the internet are false, as language is an organic growing creature and can very rarely be pinpointed to a precise time or place. I would venture that the argument that it originated during the first world war is false, and that it more likely originated during or before Victorian times. (Apologies for the rambling answer)

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How can Inheritance tax be justified? To have to pay tax on any estate over £250,000 is in my opinion grossly unfair.
You know what I think is unfair? That people are dying in 3rd world countries all over the world and instead of being able to eat, the insects are feasting upon them. I think it's unfair that poverty is so prevalent in our own 1st world nations and that people like you are whining over paying tax on a quarter of a million dollars.

Is Christian Heaven different from Muslim Heaven and if so do they have wars?
There's only one heaven. Where everyone gets along. There is no need to be seperated and definitly no war!

If you had the power to create a creature (other than a human being), what would it look like and what kind of abilities would it have?
I'd create a minature leopard. Its abilities would include fighting off enemies while providing complete compassion for a lonely person.

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What's the cleverest thing you've ever said or done? What makes you feel most awesome about yourself?
Clever can be defined in so many ways. I like to think of clever as doing something that makes people laugh. At Christmas time, my mother in law was doing the dishes, and she placed her 2 rings at the side of the sink like she normally does. So I went by and swiped them. Then when she was done the dishes and drained the sink, I said "Didnt you have something on the side of the sink there?" She started screaming, flailing, and yelling "OH SHIT OH SHIT" until I revealed that I had them in my pocket. That made me feel awesome about myself. She hit me pretty hard though.

Does God exist? If so, why?
Yes. What other explanation is there? If God didn't create us, how did any type of life just magically appear on Earth? We had to come from somewhere!

How can I get a job that I would be very well able to do, but don't have relevant qualifications or work experience for?
send a resume and cover letter that pleas for the opportunity to prove yourself. If you don't hear from them, keep calling them to follow up. Believe it or not many of my boses have said that they respect when applicants keep calling to get the job, it shows great motivation.

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Why do people like Coldplay?
Because popularity breeds popularity. Some, it appears most, people are unfortunately born without a proper appreciation of music and may never develop one. I for one would like to get a pen and draw on his damn hands so hard he gets stigmata in the shape of a hairy cock.

Does it make me a bad person if my wife is in the hospital and I'm on the internet at home?
Not really... I guess if she's like dying, then yeah, kinda, but if she's been there for a while and you've visited plenty, you have a right to a normal life... and what better way to spend a life than on the internet at home, am I right? : )

what's wrong with getting married when you're 20 years old and still in university?
Lots. You'll probably regret it and get divorced. You are still young and idealistic, and things change. There's nothing wrong with living with someone, but hold off on the promises of eternity until you're a bit more experienced.

I hate a guy at my work, how do I get him fired?
It depends on where you work. If you're in an office, change his screensaver to racial slurs. Talk about him to everyone about how he hates women, how he has body odour, and about how he masturbated in the public washroom. Never tell people that you witnessed this, just say "I heard from such and such." I've never got someone fired, but I made him quit by writing an embarassing memo about him and posting it up for everyone to see. Also, I couldn't stand this other guy I worked with so I would just randomly throw things of his in the trash.

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If you had a time machine, would you go back and change something in your life? Would you go back and visit something in the past? Would you go to the future and bring something really high tech back to show everyone?
Nope. I would destroy it immediately, because it would almost certainly fuck things up big time. That or I'd sell it for like ten hundred billion dollars and have so much money that I wouldn't give a shit whether things got fucked up or not.

If you could have your dream waffle, what would be the toppings? (oh man I'm hungry)
I assume you mean a belgian waffle and not a potato waffle. First I would drizzle a little liqeur onto the waffle so it soaks in, amaretto or Tia Maria, then I would spread on some mascarpone, then I would pour on chocolate sauce and finish with a sprinkle of pine kernals and chopped almonds.

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A man lies dead in the dirt. His hair is greasy but tousled. One shoe has come partially off; the other is untied. His hands are empty, but his mouth clutches a pager. How did he die?
I'm afraid we are going to have to wait for forensics to arrive, I have found it does not pay to make hasty predicitons in this type of situation. If fact it reminds me of an old case I worked on just before I retired from the force. A very messy case that involved a naked young gentleman found sitting in his arm chair at home with a set of crayons up his nose, a yellow party hat on his head and chicken egg lodged in his throat. Now like you the first thing we thought was deviant but it infact turned out to be a murder most fowl

do animals go to heaven too?
Traditional belief is that, as animals don't have a soul, they do not go to heaven. Indeed, the only concrete proof that, occording to Christian belief, animals go to heaven would be in the Bible itself. The Bible teaches that "all flesh shall see the salvation of God" (Lk 3:6). This can be interpreted to say that animals do go to heaven. Whether you are able to accept the opinion of the Bible or not is a question of your personal faith.

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how many chickens are there in the uk?
800 million are reared for meat each year in the UK. That's a lot of chickens! Assuming the overall chicken population is above this, it is probably in the region of 1.1 billion chickens!

What speed would the truck in knightrider be travelling at in order for Kitt to be able to drive in a stop inside the trailor?
lol good question, never thought of that. The truck must be going like double the speed of Kit, and therefore must be more advanced. That's probably why Knight Rider got cancelled, because no one wants to see a superfast artificially intelligent trailer. Why watch that when there's Herbie: Fully Loaded?

What was the first question a human being ever asked?
Was that good for you?

what country do you live in and what is your view on euthanasia and why?
I live in England and my view is that when a person is no longer able to sustain their own life without the aid of a machine their next of kin should be able to make the decision to allow them to die with dignity. I also believe people should be free to make their own decision as long as they are able to help their closet family anf friends accept what they are doing

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If all in the birds in the world had a race who would win. The race is over a one mile distance.
eagle for sure

what is heavy water? and how do you make it?
heavy water is regular water. put 500 tonnes of water in a gigantic container - it'll be heavy.

What do you think of Bruce Forsyth?
I think Bruce is one of dying breed of Old School Entertainers. He was a comedian, presenter, dancer and all round showman. He was from an age where talent meant more than looks and has charisma oosing from every pore. He has hosted many great gameshows and can still make me laugh and for that I tip my hat.

Why do teeth smell funny?
Teeth smell funny beause of bacteria being left on the teeth, due possibly to small pieces of food being left there, such as small pieces of meat. THere are various methods for gettind rid of this, such as removing the teeth and submerging them in some form of cleaning fluid. There is the much more conventional brushing method also, which must be undertaken at least twice daily to be fully effective.

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Is a degree actually a worthwhile thing to have, or have I wasted the last three years of my life?
That depends entirely on the degree. An arts degree from Oxbridge is likely to be of quite significant value. A media degree from Glamorgan university, or the university of Hull, should be worth considerably less. You had fun in those 3 years anyway, didn't you? Who cares about the degree, you aren't going to have those 3 years again. IT'S WORK TIME NOW!

Is there anything to do in Cork?
There's always Blarney Castle which is one of Ireland's oldest and most historic castles. It's famous for its stone, The Stone of Eloquence, which is thought to give the gift of eloquence to those who kiss it.

Deep down, secretly, are a little bit exicted about the next terrorist attack?
life is not a movie. People die in terrorist attacks. Lives are runied, children lose parents. So no I am not the least bit excited.

I have about 5 questions/answers on the examples page of this site. I have swapped over 40 questions now. Should I stop some time soon?
No, keep right on

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Can you think of any good vegetarian meals that are not pizza/pasta, but are cheap?
= South Indian food is gorgeous, cheap and usually vegetarian. Try Idly Sambar, but, if you can't make idlies, just sambar with rice is delicious. For protein, just add a dal (lentils) or some chana. chole (chick peas). Japanese style omelette is also good. Otherwise, some kind of stew or bake?

how can you walk through a playing card?
By setting fire to it first.

My boyfriend is depressed, how should I cheer him up? (aside from the obvious)
Why is he depressed? Make a list of everything upsetting him, and make them better if you can. Are you the one making him depressed? Then fuck off and leave him in peace and quiet.

I've got half an hour spare this afternoon. What shall I do with it?
Just sit and relax. Sometimes it's better than doing other things

Can you justify doing something evil for the greater good of all? Like killing a crying baby to stop the soldiers finding your families hiding place?
Very difficult question. In your example I would rather die with my baby than kill it. I would be prepared to join the forces if our country was at war and to obey all orders I was given in the name of peace.

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What do you think about when you have sex?
I must admit I am prone to fantasising about ex girlfriends, and stuff I should have done with them. Actually, I'd like to go and visit a few of my ex girlfriends and show them everything I have learnt over the years. Basically, I'd like to shag them all in the arse.

I really want to know, did <b>this</b> html tag render properly?
no, it didn't, the code still shows. sorry.

I like you. Do you like me?
How do you know you like me? I'm not very personable or outgoing. I'm quite selfish. I'm not rich. I'm not big or strong or particularly well-endowed. I'm kind of a slob. And I'm kind of a pessimist. Also, sometimes my brutal honesty gets me in trouble. I don't know if I like you. Chances are, no, but maybe that would be different if I met you before I became the way I am today.

Why don't psychics ever predict lottery results?
Because psychics are lying scam-jockeys who prey on people's gullibility to con them out of their hardearned money.

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Why are we so obsessed with celebrities? And why do we feel the need to build them up then bring them down with some seedy tabloid scandal?
Humans are highly social animals and there is a basic need to observe and talk about the status of the other members of a tribe. Seeing as there aren't so many tribes these days we transfer our attention onto surrogate social units, such as work colleagues, extended family and other groups of prominent people; celebrities. Celebrities are highly visible people, to we're bound to fixate on them for the above reason. This doesn't mean we venerate them. On the contrary, because a social unit is all about social pecking orders and alliances, we will favour some celebrities and dislike others. Our allegiance will constantly shift as they do things in their lives that we like or dislike. Tabloids are nothing but a medium for gossip, and help us appear to be part of the pseudo social group that celebrities live in. We want celebrities to succeed or fail as much as we want our immediate friends and family to succeed or fail.

Why does everyone die in Les Miserables?
Because we have a thirst for melodramatic and bloody art/literature/ theatre. The book/ play becomes more popular the higher the blood count and therefore, Andrew Lloyd Webber makes more money. Or, to demonstrate the brutality and violence of historical France. Or, because the author could not conceive of a resolved fate for his characters in the world as it stood. Or, Hugo is somewhat overated and wasn't sure how to end the novel, so, like a ten year old boy, he just killed off his characters.

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We have a teacher, who is a lot stupider than most people in our year. He is annoying, loud, stupid and a right tosser. How can we piss him off?
Well, from reading your question I have to agree that he's not teaching you very well. I suggest that you peruse a dictionary finding imaginative, descriptive and powerful words to use in your next assignment for him. Do impeccable research and come to original conclusions that are beyond reproach. Basically, show him what an intellectual giant you are compared to the pathetic, obtuse troglodyte that he is. Or, if that sounds like too much effort, you can always create rude graffiti about him around the school.

I've got 500g of lean minced beef in the fridge and don't know what to make with it. Can you give me a nice recipe?
Lazy Lasagne (microwave recipe) This is heavily adapted from an Alison Holst recipe of the same name. It uses rice flakes, which are not what they sound like: they are large triangular or oblong pieces of rice pasta, available dried in packets at many Asian food stores. They are very cheap and work beautifully in this kind of recipe. I have fed this to many unsuspecting visitors who have not the slightest idea they are having a wheat-free dinner! * 500g minced beef * 2 cloves garlic, crushed * 2 tsp fresh oregano, chopped, or 1 tsp dried * 2tsp fresh basil, chopped, or 1 tsp, dried (optional) * 220ml tomato sauce (homemade is nice but anything will do!) * 220ml hot water * 1 tbsp tomato paste * 1 tbsp maize cornflour (mix this in with the meat and herbs at the beginning) * 1 beef or vegetable stock cube, gluten-free * 11/2 cups hot water (yes, a second lot – mix with the tomato paste and stock Combine all the above ingredients and mix well. It will look totally disgusting. Don’t panic, things will improve! * Grate 3 cups of tasty cheese. Mix 1 ½ cups of the cheese into the meat mix. It will now look even worse. Still don’t panic! * Measure out 150g of rice flakes – triangular or oblong, whichever variety you managed to get. Place 1/3 of the revolting meat mix in the bottom of a deep microwave-proof casserole dish. Place half the rice pasta evenly over this, then add the next 1/3 of the meat mix. Add the other half of the pasta and cover with the last of the meat mix. Cover the casserole and cook on high power in the microwave for 30 minutes. While this is happening, prepare the sauce as follows: * 4 tsp maize cornflour * 2 eggs * 1 ½ cups milk * the remaining 1 ½ cups grated cheese * 1 tsp salt Blend cornflour, eggs, milk and salt together, then mix in the cheese. Once the meat mix has cooked, remove it from the microwave and pour the cheese sauce mix over it. I usually stab the mix a few times with a knife to let the sauce spread down into the meat a little, but if you prefer your food tidier, just leave it sitting on top. Sprinkle generously with paprika and return to the microwave for 10 to 20 minutes on high to set the custard topping. Allow to stand for 10 minutes to avoid scalding mouths, then serve with a fresh salad. Leftovers can be stored in the fridge and reheated next day.

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How long do I have to wait for this stupid installation to be done?
Well if it's a software installation and it's Windows, quite some time. I should learn to fence whilst you're waiting. If it's the installation of a real window, then it should be over very shortly. If it's the installation of Sky satellite, it'll take about an hour, but you should expect the installers to tell you that it's a non-standard installation and ask you to pay extra money. All Sky installers say this whether it is or isn't a standard installation. If it's an installation of a piece of art, don't worry about it. Nobody's going to come and see it anyway.

Can one person make a difference?
a difference between what? of course they can. have you ever been on a boring party? and than only one person was coming throu the door and it was the best evening in your life.

Can I blame my almost crippling insecurity on living in a heteronormative world?
Your question answerer reaches for her dictionary..... ... ... right.... ... uh huh? Well I think it's fairly safe to say I have never thought about the world in the same way you do! Yes ok it bugs me that gender roles are still so stereotyped. I laugh outwardly at people who think I can't possibly be an engineer, whilst fuming inside about it. And I detest that we're made to feel "wrong" if we dare to challenge our prescribed roles, whether that's in the workplace or in our personal relationships. But crippling insecurity? Well I should look a bit deeper for something to blame for that. Or else make your mind up to get over it and get on with your life and stop it crippling you! Assuming you live in the free(er)portion of the world and don't have to wear a burqa or hide your sexuality for fear of stonings, i'd just get on with it if I were you, and know that it's you that matters in your world and not other people. You only get one shot at this "living" thing (unless I've been following entirely the wrong belief system, in which case you'll see me come back as some sort of invertebrate i expect) so I should do my best to enjoy it if I were you.

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Why is my beard so mighty, yet other bearsd are not quite as mighty?
Why, that is because you look after your beard properly. Lots of tender loving care, regular trimming, washing and brushing. Mighty beards are few and far between these days so well done to you on perfecting the facial hairpiece. Long live the mighty beard.

What does Direct X actually do?
Makes things all shiny and shit. I don't really know.

Is suicide ever the answer? Please help me seriously with this one.
No. Whereas your body is your own and is yours to do with as you please, I do not believe that suicide is the answer. I do not hold with the argument that suicide is selfish. But, I do think that everysingleperson will make someone grieve if they take their own life. Everybody has times in their life when they feel like ending everything, but it gets better. You need to find whatever it is that is hurting you, identify it honestly, and deal with it then. Because, it is not you that is the problem, ever. If you're really considering this then I would talk to a doctor or the samaritans ( and search samaritans will get you in touch and you can email them, who will listen and understand and try to help you help yourself.

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How come everytime I write a question that infers or acknowledges that I am female I get an aggressive or even blatently derogatory response. Yet, when my writing is entirely gender neutral, I receive well thought out, friendly, responses?
Everybody knows that it is better to be a woman. So if you reveal that you are a woman, man will surely become jealous.

I think it is better to adopt a kid than have one of your own. But do you tell them they are adopted?
ooh, that's difficult. I only know one adopted person, and he always knew, I think, that he was chosen, and therefore especially loved, by his adoptive parents. I guess if someone finds out later on that they were adopted, it could mean they feel betrayed their whole life. So I'd say tell them early, while they're young enough to accept it without it screwing them up as much. Yes they'll agonise over it when they become a teenager. But they'd find something to agonise over anyway. Cos the world is never fair when you're a teenager. Good on you for wanting to adopt, I hope it works out for you if that's what you do.

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If my cousins died, I would feel sad for my grandparents, and my aunt and uncle, but personally I wouldn't care. Is that bad?
Crikey, this is a heavy question! It depends on the reasons for not feeling bad I guess. If it's a general dislike for them, i.e. they smell or are ginger, then I would perhaps feel bad for not caring. On the other hand, if they are perhaps international drug smugglers responsible for the deaths of countless youngsters and vunerable individuals, or if they were responsible for crap comedies like 'My Hero' or 'All About Me', then let them fry and feel guilt free for eternity.

When I was a child, I remember occasionaly seeing white dog eggs on the ground. You don't see them any more, why not?
The world is always changing. White dog sh*t is very rare these days due to a combination of factors, but mainly because of the contents of dog food is different these days. Before the advent of BSE dog food used to contain a lot more bone meal, and the brown organic parts of doggy plops would decompose over the course of a few days leaving behind a white bone meal husk. In addition, fines for not taking your canine deposits away with you discourage people from leaving their dog's poo lying around to decompose. Is the world better or worse off for the lack of white dog poo? That's a different question entirely.

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Why do you ask silly questions instead of working?
Funny that. How did you know that I've been sat here asking silly questions instead of working? Actually, I'm on my lunch break, so I'm not really supposed to be working at all. Although I was thinking about doing this all afternoon as it's a damn sight more interesting that working! Maybe I'll do that. Anyway, why are you reading silly answers to silly questions instead of working? Huh???

Ho long would it take me to walk to the moon if there was a set of steps built from my house to the surface of said moon?
The moon is 238,857 miles away. Average walking speed is 4 miles, but you are going up hill so we will call it 3 miles/hour. It would you 79,619 hours to get to the moon. That is 3,317.5 days. That is 3.8 years. But I guess you would have to sleep at night, so double that and make it 7.6 years. Actually building the staircase would take much longer, probably three times as long as just walking, and would require a large team to be constantly bringing you more equipment and materials to ensure you would never run out and have to go back down yourself, so actually reaching the moon in this manner would probably take at least 22.8 years. This is totally achieveable in your lifetime with the right backing and I wish you well in your endeavor.

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can be people be born evil?
Yes, be people be can be born evil. It is thought that damage to the frontal lobe of the brain can impair one's judgment as to what is right and what is wrong, thus leading to actions that society would deem "evil". If that damage was their from birth, they would be "evil".

Is this a question?
It certainly seems to be. After all, it's got a question mark at the end which often implies that the preceeding sentence was intented to be read as a question. Although having said that, you could just be one of those people who do that annoying thing with their voice. You know, when the voice rises at the end of each sentence and it makes everything sound like a question. So you could just be transferring that to your typing. But that would be pretty silly, so it's more likely that your question was indeed a question. Was this an answer?

does this site sell your email address?
nope, they have a little thing at the bottom of the page under where you write your email address that says they won't sell it or use it for any other purpose.and i dont think they would lie.

Why am I gay?
You're not. You're just good with colours.

Why do educated people from secular backgrounds and cultures still turn to religion?
I think sometimes people feel that their life is so unfulfilling or bad that they look for some 'reason'. It's human nature not to take blame for your own problems, so people seek to blame some higher power, be that their parents, government or a god. Also, it's tempting to think that there is some catch-all answer to these wrongs and that hard work, being a good person and a bit of luck isn't the answer to a happy life. Essentially it's a way out, is what I'm saying.

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What will become of Charlotte Church?
after years of fags, booze and prescription drug addiction Charlotte Henson (Nee Church) was admitted to the North Eastern Nevada State Mental Institution after being sectioned under the U.S. Mental Health Act. She had escaped from a private suite owned by Shirley Bassey at the Sands Hotel on Sunset Strip and was found wandering confused and in a dishevelled and drugged state up and down the sidewalk. She had been doing strip/lap dancing shows involving exotic animals such as Badgers and Snakes in Las Vegas during the summer of 2023, when she released her 15th autobiography entitled 'Me and Mefanwy in Mevagissy'. A media storm followed the launch of this biography as she had hinted in her 14th autobigraphy that she still had dark secrets to 'get off her chest.' Once the book was on the shelves the shocking truth became public knowledge. Gavin Henson, throughout their sham marriage (Charlotte is an ardent lesbian, she proudly came out in her 10th autobiography) regularly pimped her out to visiting international rugby teams. She turned tricks for Ireland and especially enjoyed her times with Fiji, Tonga, Samoa and the under 18's French international side of 2011 who later went on to win the Grande Slam, not only in the Rugby. After her singing career died on it's arse, Charlotte had to rely on the only Assets she had left and her love of Lesbian Punk Rock Badgers. She commited suicide, although this was never entirely proven, while interned in B Wing (Biters and Spitters Wing) of the North Eastern Nevada State Mental Institution on Christmas Day 2023 at aproximately 10:45 G.M.T. she left a suicide note scrawled on the wall in her own faeces but it was in Welsh and therefor has never been translated. In 2024 she released her 16th and final autobigraphy, with the aid of a Ghostwriter. It sold 2 copies in WhSmiths in Swansea then was withdrawn and every remaing copy was burned or used to line Budgie cages.

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in relation to magpies and luck . . . 1 is for sorrow 2 is for Joy 3 for a girl 4 for a boy is this right and how many magpies does it go up to 10 or 12?
That's right. It continues 'five for silver, six for gold, seven for a secret not yet told'. As far as I know that's the end!

why is my Boss an utter Bitch?
I don't know. Maybe she is just insecure about her role in a world where positions of responsibility are often held by men and feels she needs to compensate by taking on the role of a hard nosed boss. Maybe her own boss is a bitch and she is just transferring the shit she gets on to you. Could be anything really. If it gets too much, kill her with a shovel.

I want to go somewhere picturesque in the UK for a short photography holiday. Other than the Peak District, any suggestions as to where?
I think the highlands in scotland are your best bet. fort William is very nice and you should take the west highland line steam train from fort william to mallaig. From there ferries go too Armadale to Skye, Eigg, Muck, Rum and Canna... all beautiful.

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Why are the Germans so crazy?
You're asking the right guy, because I am German. You might or might not be aware of the fact that the definition of "crazy" heavily relies on the assumption of a mutually agreed normality. Being "crazy" or "normal" is merely a question of prespective. Maybe an example will help clearing this up: English football fans seem to be under the impression, that there is an ongoing war between Germany and England since Wembley 1966. Looking at the British yellow press, it is very clear where this misinterpretation is coming from. Most Brits would be suitably surprised to learn that a very large number of Germans are really quite anglophile and cheer for England during cup games. The Sun started a campaign during the world cup 2002 when they had a brass band in Lederhosen perform outside the hotel of the German team at four am on the morning before a game against England. The german yellow press thought that this idea was quite charming and amusing. A similar stunt performed by a band paid for by a german newspaper would surely have provoked an uproar in the british media. So - who's crazy now?

What do you think the term student life includes?
I think it includes all aspects of the life of all students. And students are very varied. Typically, the term seems to be applied to an 'average' student who is between 18 and 21, has moved away from home to live on or near a university campus and is studying for a bachelors degree, whilst taking the opportunity to explore their new-found freedom. This often involves eating Pot Noodles, experimenting with drugs, making the most of their young bodies to have some casual sex and liking bad music.

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I just gave up cigarettes. What can I do to keep my fingers and my mouth occupied? Only safe-for-work suggestions, please. So far I have tried: chewing toothpicks, eating pumpkin seeds, chewing gum, drinking lots of water. Any other suggestions?
I guess the pumpkin seeds didn't work, then. That was going to be one of my suggestions. If you're at work, fingers shouldn't be so much of a problem. Perhaps to occupy your mouth you could whistle. You could also try using the tip of your tongue to draw little shapes on the roof of your mouth. It tickles, but it's fun.

Did you ever accidently catch your parents having sex and how old were you?
No actually. The closest i've come* is hearing my dad bang his girlfriend through the paper thin walls in the house he lived in after the divorce. *No.

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I've got two of my answers in a row on the examples page. Am i a god?
Yes, I would have to agree that you are some, minor form of God. Since I however, have had 2 answers in a row AND a question next to it, I am a far superior God to you. Therefore I command you to do my bidding. Get me a cupcake.

Are you even a little bit racist?
Surely, almost anybody is, because it is - up to a certain degree - somehow natural to be afraid of the things you don't know. But I would be concerned if I would ever let prejudices undertake my mind, so that I would not like to get to know to what I feel is unknown and strange. That is the moment, I believe, you really become a racist.

Is this a good example of keyboard thumping? s,mnnjkdkjmlnda;madcmlkam;k,alm njaxcv nmlbkjalnmk baxc nkxacnl mjazxc mlnaxzml nxazmn ,bxmn l.xaz nmx
It's a good example, albeit a short one. This one is much moe well rounded dkfhpwhsfpqwbn;qc[heqwn'BPWH['dojknqvbpc'pwojn['dWECKRNQ[Wenq[grifh[werfvjsdh fsdb[weun'aerwn]vfawfncv'[snabc]wehbcfqw[ehnqebnv wcvbne]r[oghfghdncpasndvgpioaughsf[qoweifhnvfbu43e098ty3409wyt674893refdn 43q2b7[thgn;dff43] v8yh4b'gv e598oiln54hgj54vbh54 jthg]4v tjh30459ptijh5849otirhn5489hcj]43'5g4r As shown, it has the much needed mix of all characters, as well as a much more random pressing of the enter key, to return the thumping to a new line.

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Who made you most upset in your life? What did they do?
It wasnt an ex or anything like that (cos I'd like to think of myself as mature and understanding nowadays), it was a kid in my class when I was about 12. He looked at me and sneezed in my face, and made no attempt not to, then smirked at me. That is probably one of the most insulting things anyone can ever do. You cannot imagine how humiliating it is until it happens to you. I went into hulk-style vexed mode and landed a few blows to his head, and we both got sent out for fighting. It still gets me angry even to this day. My fist is trembling now... One day I'll have my revenge though, when he least expects it...

are you sad? a child just died of starvation. now are you sad?
No. I'm annoyed cos the phone keeps ringing and i'm pretending that I'm not at home. No, because I know nothing about the child, its name, where it is, what it looks like. However,I am angry that anyone can be starving in a world where there is too much food, and, shipfuls of grain are dumped in the ocean because it is more profitable to discard food than to give it away for free to the people who need it.

Someone just told me that true communism can't work in reality. Why is this?
BEcause evryone is corrupt really. Communism uses too much of an optimistic view of human nature. Pragmatism works much better.

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what age should a man be when he decides to start a family with his wife?
Well I'm 33 and not even considering a family yet. How can I when I'm constantly answering questions here? Wife: Honey, can we have children? Me: Hang on darling, I've got to answer a couple of questions about Buffalo milk and the existence of fairies. Wife: But I'm wearing that gag you bought me for Christmas... Sorry, got carried away a bit there.

Could a universe exist where pi<2?
No. Pi is the ratio of a cirlces circumference tio it's diameter (or something like that) which is a constant. So if an alternate universe gave pi as less than 2, then it wouldn't be a circle as we know it, so it couldn't be pi. We'd have to come up with another name for it.

Where's Gary?
He's in my cellar, wrapped in chains and with very red buttocks, he also happens to have various pieces of fruit stuffed in a rather uncomfortable place. He has a glass of water balancing on his head, and, if it drops, he will be *severely* punished. The safety word is mongoose.

How many yellow pages do you think you could stand on before falling over
I reckon it depends upon how tall you are and how low your centre of gravity is. I think that the shorter you are the more yellow pages you could stand on because of a lower centre of gravity and better balance. About seven or eight for someone of average height?

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What would Jesus do if he caught my wife and I watching a porn film?(but something a bit classy - with a story line, decent actors etc. Not just mindless shagging. One that was a bit more, dare i say it, erotic)
I don't believe in Jesus so I have no idea. Isn't the point that he can see every single thing that you do. He would probably mourn the state of a world where the visual objectification and dehumanisation of the female body is considered acceptable, and where women pander to male gaze and codes of behaviour in order to gain attention and self-esteem. Probably.

Where I live it is currently the fashion for women to have handbags with pictures of Hindu Gods on them. Should we consider this Orientalism disrespectful, even racist? Or, should we view this fashion as a celebration of religious, racial and cultural diversity? I live in Essex.
Ah, glorious Essex, home of bizarre fashion. Quite frankly, I find the use of Burberry on handbags (and anything else for that matter)disrespectful to the eyes but they haven't banned that yet. Anyone want to buy a Ganesha iPod case?

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If you don't study you will fail utterly and totally and your family will disown you and your friends will mock you and people will laugh at you in the streets. If you do study you will learn to type in lower case and how to spell the words 'studying' and 'convince'. Actually, you shouldn't worry too much. There will always be a second chance, and grades and exam marks don't really mean anything other than you have learnt to parrot your teacher's opinion like a mindless automaton.

Sometimes, when I am out in public, I feel the compulsion to sit down on the floor and cry. Do you think I need help?
If by help you mean a therapist - then it depends if you want to lie on a couch next to a 40 year old, portly, balding gentleman for the next 3 years - crying. If you're talking about friends and family, then yes, its always good to talk. You perhaps need to think carefully about what it is thats making you unhappy. Then try and resolve the issues yourself. Either that or sit down on the floor in a public space and start crying - who knows, something good may actually come out of it.

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Best of QuestionSwap.Com - Page 88

are you one of the few non-nerds online?
It would seem that the web is becoming less and less the domain of nerds, and much more fashionable amongst mainstream citizens. Just think of the vast number of iPodtoting, Apple-loving fashion-concious street hip wannabe media gurus online. Combine that with hoards of middle-managers spending their workdays online browsing porn and buying crap from ebay and then add all the 'silver surfers'; the net-connected OAPs. This vast army of 'normal' people overwhelms the small nerdy majority online at the moment. So no, I'm not a nerd and nor am I mainstream. I'm just happy to be the only me that's online right now.

Each weekday evening I meet my wife on the train and we travel home. We eat something, watch a bit of TV and then go to bed. What can we do to make our evenings a little bit more interesting that will also help us unwind after a day at work?
Do nude jumping jacks.

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I submitted a question earlier which was "I've found God, but he's a bit dusty. How can I clean him up without damaging him? I've tried Cillit Bang on the foot and now it's a bit tarnished." All I got back was "f**k you". My question (and I'm pressuming this doesn't go to the same person) is would you consider this to be an acceptable answer?
again fuck you

Tell me a little about yourself.
Me? Hokey-dokey. Well, I'm 32, female, I spell-check for a living and live in Bath. There you go.

Why is Jodie Marsh famous?
Because she has wealthy parents and therefore did not have to work at becoming a useful or contributive member of society. She utilised the same nepertism that Chelsea-brat bankers and fashion models and journalists and actors and 'it' restaurant owners manipulate to get what they want. She deserves no more condemnation for her success than all those other people do. To me, she is the epitome of everything that is wrong with this society, but, that does not mean she should be punished for it. Blame and change the society, not the individual.

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are there aliens?
Probably, yeah. When you consider the size of the universe, it seemssilly to say that Earth is the only planet capable of supporting life. And when you consider that, it seems silly to think that none of these extra-terrestrial life forms have evolved to a level of intelligence on par with, if not greater, than humans.

am i pretty?
Well I never really fancied people made entirely from lower-case letters; they seem a bit weak and wishy-washy, like a distrubed marmot. However I do like your brevity and you have a lot of lovely curves, particularly your 'e' and 'p'. I would think you'd be much more attractive with a capital 'A' and 'I', mind.

What is the best way to cook fish?
For flaky white fish (cod or haddock, say), I'd steam it in tin foil with butter and herb of your choice. For meaty oily fish (tuna, swordfish) and skate, I griddle or pan-fry with olive oil and garlic, although I know some people like to grill them, but I find it dries them out. I poach smoked haddock in milk (sounds horrid, but is great), and with smoked salmon, I fry it with mushrooms and garlic and cream, and have it with masses of pasta. That do you?

Have you ever wished you could change your sex at will? What sex do you think you would stick with and why?
I have, yeah. I'd stay as a male for the vast majority of the time, as i've got a life as male which i don't particularly want to walk away from. But i'd spend a day or so as a chick every now and then just for kicks. I'd go to the swimming baths and watch fit chicks get changed all day. Maybe even start fingering myself in the showers in front of everyone, just for a laugh.

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Best of QuestionSwap.Com - Page 91

What's the difference between RnB and a bag full of shite?
A bag full of shite is actually quite useful to people with allotments and so forth. Also RnB can sell itself when combined with videos of half-naked women. I don't think you often get a bag of shite accompanied by a half naked woman, except for in German and Japanese scat videos. But then I suppose that the women would be entirely naked in those videos. I shall have to watch some to research the matter.

What came first- the chicken or the egg?
egg, otherwise where did the chicken come from? ... but then who laid the egg? Hang on, this question seems to be more complicated than I first thought, it almost seems to be unanswerable! Sneaky question setters!!

Why is grass green?
Grass, like many plants contains chlorophyll, a green pigment used in photosynthesis.

Why do snooze alarms always delay the alarm for 9 minutes? Why not 10?
In the days of dial clocks, the snooze interval was originally intended to be ten minutes max, but precision was unimportant and engineers were content if they could make the interval nine minutes and change. When the industry switched to digital, clock designers figured the standard snooze interval was nine minutes; "and change" went out the window. What may have happened was, some early chip designer inspected an old mechanical clock with a snooze button, figured that a nine-minute snooze interval had been ordained by the clock gods, and built it into his chip--and we've been stuck with it ever since!!!

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Best of QuestionSwap.Com - Page 92

Definitely not! Sit at your desk (as you probably are now) and waste your life away on sites like this. Do ANYTHING you can to avoid doing anything constructive (perhaps like studying for Network+ or something), call out for pizza, get a friend to get you booze and fags, and bathe in the glory that is the interweb until your limbs waste away and you can no longer string a series of words together. Good luck, and I'll see you in casualty on a drip!

I taught my grandmother to suck eggs about a month ago and now she is addicted. What should I do?
Kill her chicken.

are women with mustaches good looking? or are they just french?
As an Englishman im sorry to admit that some of the fair maidens of these great isles also have 'tashes. Whether a woman with a mustache can be attractive really falls to the 'eye of the beholder' - Love looks deeper than facial hair

Why do you never see baby pigeons?
Because they stay in the nest until they're big enough to piss humans off by themselves.

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Best of QuestionSwap.Com - Page 93

are you jealous?
Look, you can see whoever you want, Im not trying to stop you. Its just that you seem to be spending so much time with him lately. We never go to the pub anymore, we hardly do anything. Look, I know, why dont we do something nice this weekend? Maybe things can be like how they used to be?

What should I have for tea?
You can't go wrong with a curry in my opinion. Either call out for delivery, or get some chicken breasts, onions, some 'Pataks' balti canned stuff, can of chopped tomaoes some natural yoghurt, some whole tomatoes and some naan bread. Fry the onions and cubed chicken, add the Pataks sauce and simmer for about 25 mins, then add about 1/2 the yoghurt for the last 5 mins or so. In the meantime, chop equal ammounts of onion and tomato finely and add to a bowl with a dash of lemon juice and a pinch of salt for a nice onion/tomato salad. Put the naans on the grill for about 5 mins and serve with basmati rice and some Brinjal pickle. Buggering flip I'm hungry now!

what does Daryl need?
In the film, D.A.R.Y.L needs escape from the military police, find out who he is, and try to make his way back home.

shall i get fucked up tonight?
Go for it, i am. Get all the booze and class A's you can get your hands on and have a good un

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Best of QuestionSwap.Com - Page 94

Oral or anal?
Well I've done some research on this, and freud said that the consequences of an oral fixation are smoking and eating too much, and if you're anally retentive you're really neat and organised. So, with reference to me, that would make me oral. If you're talking about sex however, that would depend on whether I was giving or receiving and on the gender of the other person. I have done all permutations of the above, and I much prefer doing stuff to others than having stuff done to me. So there you go.

Do you think that the existence of the featured questions board damages the concept of this site because people now know loads of people might be reading their answer? Or do you think it doesn't matter because it's good to read other people's replies and it might encourage people to be more creative?
I think it's good as, like you said, it encourages people to be creaive or intelligent and come up with funny, informative or interesting questions and answers which other people would like to read. There's still no indication of who the question or answer is from, and it clearly states that no answer with any personal information or whatnot will be displayed, so everyone can still retain their anonymity (sp?). In short: I like it, i think it's a good thing.

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Best of QuestionSwap.Com - Page 95

what should I do if I think that im going crazy?
Embrace who you are.

If I wax my lady bits, is it fair to ask my young man to wax his young man bits?
Wax?!! No way dude! Use a combination of hair clippers, beard trimmer and a new razor to achieve the ultimate smoothness, with considerably less pain, but perhaps slightly more blood. Ahem, that's just theoretical mind.

Damn, it's 6pm and I've been doing this since Midday. Is there something else I can do?

How do blind and/or partially sighted people know where the braille signs are so they can feel (read) them?
I expect they et so used to where the braille signs should be that they automatically feel around for them to see if they're there. They probably need someone to "show" them where they are first, but i've no doubt they get used to it.

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Best of QuestionSwap.Com - Page 96

What do plankton really eat? Sorry for asking again, but I'm pretty sure it's not "pakis".
They don't 'eat' anything. They're flora i.e. from the plant kingdom; they photosynthesise, that is, they convert sunlight into glucose. Incidentally, without plankton performing this basic chemical reaction there would be no complex life on earth, and therefore no pakis. So thank the pakis. Or whatever.

How long have you spent on Question Swap? Shouldn't you be doing some work?
No. I have no work since being made redundant last year after working for 30 years for a flag pole company. Now that my wife and kids have left me I find have plenty of time to surf on the internet. It's the only thing that stops me from going completely insane with lonliness and misery. However, due to my inability to pay my internet bill it may shorty

How can I conquer my incredible appetite for potatoe chips (esp. right now)?
Well I'm assuming you don't have access to any. Because if you do, the best way would be to eat so many you are sick. Not pleasant but it would probably do the trick. Other things you could try are visualising potato chips covered in something nasty and inedible, or eating so much of something else you're not hungry at all. Or sleeping.

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Best of QuestionSwap.Com - Page 97

im going to a friends house for a curry. Do i take wine or beer?
Beer. Wine simply doesn't go with a curry, unless you're really posh. But if you were really posh you wouldn't be eating curry anyway. So yeah, take beer.

Why is "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe" one of the poorest movies of all times?
The fantasy aspect is merely a vehicle for another purpose, and it underdevelops character motives as a result.

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
You are holding a bag of breadcrumbs perhaps... Or you are that fat and move so slowly that birds think you are a statue and want to shit on you.

What exactly is a can of whoop-ass? Can i buy it in a supermarket?
The Rock (tm) gets his cans of whoop-ass especially made for him, by Whoop-ass co ltd. Whoop-ass can be brought in supermarkets, where it is more currently known as SPAM. Due to a liscencing mishap however, it cannot be marketed as whoo-ass outside of the WWE.

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Best of QuestionSwap.Com - Page 98

Why is my girlfriend so lame?
Check her foot for thorns.

Princess Leia or Princess Amidala?
Amidala. Natalie Portman is so hot. The whole white make up thing kinda freaks me out a bit, but oh well you can't have everything. Amidala in that bra thing that Leia wears? Now that would fucken rock.

Why is coca-cola brown?
It's made out of capitalist shit.

why is it called the isle of wight?
Because the Isle of Wong sounded stupid.

Right, here's the problem. Ann, my girlfriend is going home to study (canada, we live in the UK at the moment) how should I get her to stay here with me? And actually, bearing in mind how much of a ho she is, do i even want her to stay?
However much of a "ho" she is you probably should get her to stay as it keeps your options open. If you get fed up with her later you can always dump which you wouldn't have the luxury of doing if she was in Canada. Hmmm getting her to stay is a bit more tricky as obviously I don't know anything about her. You could explain to her that studying is pointless but she would probably see through that as the lie it obviously is. The only really serious option is to try and get her to study here. I hope this helps.

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Best of QuestionSwap.Com - Page 99

Can you please say something to motivate me?
do some work or you will fail, be sacked/expelled and forced to work in a crummy supermarket all your life, totally unhappy and unfulfilled, with other unmotivated slackers. Work hard, you will find satisfaction and happiness, and be a worthwhile person, rather than a waste of oxygen and flesh.

Is it possible to be in love with more than one person?
Yup. Of course it is. Emotions are the product of a combination of chemicals (hormones) on your brain. That process can and does occur in numerous instances most commonly with different members of your family, who one usually loves in equal measure. But in terms of 'loving' someone in the common sense of the word, it's near impossible to love several partners do a similar degree. You probably lust after person A but feel more comfortable with person B. In which case, it's all about an open relationship.

Is this question a total waste of time?
Nothing is a waste of time if you are learning something. You learnt this, so for you the question was not a waste of time. I already knew it, so for me yes, it was a total waste of time. But I can learn from this mistake, and avoid making it in the future. Behold! This question is valuable to all! Thank you, question maker!

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Best of QuestionSwap.Com - Page 100

Will you tell me a story?
Once upon a time there was a young boy named Bill who set off to make his fortune. No sooner had he left his house than a magical fairy appeared. "Bill my boy, you are to come with me to the Goblin Kingdom where you will learn the ways of our mightiest warriors." "Alright" said Bill, and he went along willingly. After months of hard Goblin military training Bill was finally ready to take his final test and be dubbed a Goblin Knight. He arose the next morning, dreading what terrible trial he was about to undergo... The End

Do you trust Tony Blair?
I trust Tony Blair 100%. Despite the Iraq thing he's actually done a decent job of running the country. And his wife's a hot sexy biatch.

Why am I so unattractive to women?
I imagine they are all lesbians. Unless you are a woman, in which case they are jealous of your beauty and pretend not to notice you as a defence.

do pregnant women flirt?
yes. and flirty women get pregnant.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of the Earth?
Loads. I know this sounds a bit trite and you probably want an exact figure but the idea I'm trying to get across is that is more than you think. Especially if start on a hill as it will be further. I recommend starting on low sandy ground. good luck.

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Best of QuestionSwap.Com - Page 101

Are there any people who have three noses?
Yes, Michael Jackson.

How does a magician saw a woman in half?
with a big saw, and plastic sheeting to catch the blood. really, the women are contortionists. They get in the box lying flat, and then fold their legs up to their neck inside just the top half of the box. The boxes are apread apart, and when they come back together they lie back down flat. tadah!

When should I stop asking questions?
Some say when your fingers bleed. They're lightweights. I say when you have no more blood to give.

Would you like a cup of tea? Im making one and it wouldnt be much bother.
Yes, but unfortunately it is impossible to drink over the internet.

Why does the internet make me so mad?
Its probably not the internet's fault, I bet you use Windows don't you? Try a Mac, and if you're still mad then try going to the pub instead.

How can I make a million without much effort?
Effort is a relative term. If you mean just sitting there and it will turn up then I'd have to say it just isn't going to happern. On the other hand if you do like the satisfying feeling of limited hardwork then blackmail is the only sound course of action. Bear in mind you should only blackmail people who have a) a guilty secret and more importantly b) a million pound.