Price  1   Jenna Price Mrs.

Caruso ENGL 1102 5 April 2012 Final Proposal Everyone was told the titanic “accidently” collided with the iceberg, but Rebecca is the only one who knows that is not true. The Mysterious Sinking is derived from the actual events of the Titanic. The novel is about a middle-aged woman, Rebecca, who was on board the titanic with her husband and three kids. The collision with the iceberg was no accident and Rebecca’s goal is to get the truth out into the world. She is the main character of this suspenseful novel. It is a heart racing attention getter from the very beginning. The purpose behind this novel is to provide entertainment as well as become a mystery for all of its readers. The mysterious sinking will be fiction and nonfiction all at the same time. It will pursue a fiction story by saying the Titanic purposely hit the iceberg. Almost everyone knows this is not true when speaking of the actual event. Rebecca goes on a rampage to figure out exactly why the collision was no accident. In all reality, the Titanic did accidently collide with the iceberg. Specific events will be included such as the boarding of the ship, the captain’s dinner and the mistreatment of lower class people which makes this novel have a nonfiction touch. The novel will give accurate details of the appearance of the Titanic, how it collided with the iceberg and this will make it somewhat nonfiction. Readers will understand in depth what exactly happened on the night of the sinking of this “unsinkable” ship, the real story. The movie “The Titanic” really inspired me to write this novel. The movie catches others attention right off the back as so will this novel. There are so many different opinions when
Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:22 PM Comment [2]: Rather  than  including  an   overview  of  the  events  that  will  take  place,   take  time  to  draw  them  out  for  the  reader,   allowing  the  reader  to  understand  why   those  events  are  taking  place,  how  they   relate  to  what  actually  happened,  and  how   they  relate  to  the  purpose  of  the  novel.   Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:23 PM Comment [3]: Rather  than  positioning   this  as  your  inspiration,  position  this  as  how   the  movie  inspired  the  book.   Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:19 PM Comment [1]: Work  on  giving  transitions   and  combining  sentences  to  give  this   paragraph  a  smoother  read.  

Price  2   speaking of the movie “The Titanic”. As a kid, the movie may seem somewhat scary, but as adults the movie shows love and compassion. This movie portrays itself as harsh yet romantic and peaceful. It sets a tender mood that onlookers really seem to enjoy. When the novel first came to mind, the actual events were undecided. It wasn’t until later on that the decision was made to add a mysterious edge to the novel. Everyone seems to know the story behind the Titanic. It is known about worldwide. When people think of the titanic, they think of a romance that involves a famous ship that hit an iceberg. The audience seems to look past the fact of children and loving families were on board, as well. This novel will introduce the hardships that one specific lower class family deals with from the time they were on board the ship until their last few seconds. This novel will set a whole new perspective of the story behind the sinking of the titanic. Adults and families will be most interested and affected by this novel. It will be a newer more suspenseful reading compared to the original story. It is by no means a children’s novel. The story behind the Titanic will relive forever. It will constantly be a topic of conversation and that is why this story will grab many peoples attention. It is by no means a children’s novel. It will be too hard to comprehend for the younger age. The characters will consist of a mother, father and their three kids (two girls and a younger boy) with the mother being the main character. Rebecca is an awesome mother, but she worries about her family and their future to the extreme. The father, Jamie, is tall and handsome. Him and Rebecca met as kids and have had an unexplainable love for each other throughout life. Although Jamie is the most loving husband anyone could ask for, he is not much help for the Robinson family. He brings in very little income leaving Rebecca to supply for everything. The little boy, Andrew, is mentioned the most between the three children. He is grounded yet
Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:26 PM Comment [5]: You  repeat  yourself  in  this   paragraph  and  don’t  tend  to  give  content  for   why  and  how  these  people  will  want  to  read   this  novel.   Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:26 PM Comment [6]: Informal.   Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:25 PM Comment [4]: This  paragraph  reads  as  a   reflection  because  you  include  exactly  how   you  were  inspired  to  think  of  the  concept.   As  you  work  to  revise,  take  out  references  to   how  your  idea  evolved  and  take  out  any   sentences  that  do  not  convey  content.  This   second  revision  will  help  you  throughout   your  paper  to  streamline  it.  

Price  3   extremely mischievous. Andrew is very sweet and small for the age of four with an innocent appearance. If it were not for Andrew, Rebecca would not have over heard the conversation between the Titanic staff and her significant other. From the time Rebecca’s family boards the ship, she notices how they are being mistreated from the staff of the ship. Rebecca’s husband cannot seem to get along with anyone and this is a side of Jamie that Rebecca has never seen. The family struggles with getting a room that will accommodate all of them, but they manage to do so. Rebecca knew they would be treated unfairly, but the crew took it to the extreme. Rebecca’s goal is to get her and her poor family to America to start a new beginning. The first day on board the ship was not too bad, but things only went down hill from there. Jamie knew more people on board that Rebecca did not seem to recognize and that frustrated her. She felt left out. The next few days were a struggle because all Rebecca could think about was preparing to arrive at their new destination. The climax of the novel strikes when Rebecca goes on a search for her missing son. She was not too worried because there was only one place he could be and that is on the ship, or so she hoped. The ship was not too crowded considering the fact that the captain’s dinner was in session so she did not see any struggle in finding her son. Rebecca begins to panic and then realizes exactly where Andrew is. She was right. Standing on the edge of the captain’s deck stands little Andrew spying into the captain’s cabin. Rebecca begins to laugh to herself when she notices a figure she is very familiar with, her husband Jamie. She had no clue why Jamie would be in contact with the staff. Right before her eyes, Jamie grabs the wheel of the ship and gives it an extreme turn in the opposite direction. Suddenly, the ship shook with great strength and to Rebecca the last hour of her family’s life was a blur. Rebecca is the only survivor
Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:27 PM Comment [7]: Work  to  more  closely  align   the  historical  components  with  what  you   are  saying  about  the  plot.  

Price  4   between her husband and three kids. She lives to tell the story of what actually happened to the Titanic and that is where this novel comes into play. This novel shows how a true story can be transformed into a whole new story with a little imagination. Everyone wants an unexpected outcome and this is exactly what this novel is. A lot of time, dedication and thought were put into this novel and the audience will immediately notice that. This novel will be a bestseller, guaranteed.
Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:28 PM Comment [9]: Rather  than  coming  away   from  the  content  of  your  proposal   completely,  talk  about  what  concrete  ideas   the  audience  will  enjoy.   Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:32 PM Comment [10]: Jenna,     It  is  obvious  that  you  have  thought  out  your   plot  and  characters,  and  that  you  are   genuinely  interested  in  the  story.  As  you   look  to  revise,  I  would  suggest  that  you  look   to  what  you  mentioned  in  your  memo.  You   still  seem  to  have  a  hard  time  trying  to   figure  out  how  to  say  what  you  have  to  say   in  the  best  way.  What  I  would  recommend  is   for  you  to  read  through  your  paper  and   change  any  sentence  that  conveys  no   content.  If  a  sentence  or  phrase  does  not   contribute  to  the  movement  of  the  piece,   take  it  out  and  either  move  on,  or  replace  it   with  something  more  concrete.     Also,  make  your  paragraphs  work  for  you.   Look  to  your  purpose  statement  so  you  can   continually  revert  back  to  it  as  you  give  new   ideas.     I’m  looking  forward  to  seeing  what  you’ll   revise  in  your  portfolio!     -­‐Ms.  C   Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:28 PM Comment [8]: In  a  proposal,  you’ll  want   to  tell  the  ending.  

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