Statistics show Increase in Bathroom Graffiti; No Child Left Behind Working, says Bush.

Over the past three years, statistics have shown a sharp and pleasantly surprising increase in graffiti on bathroom stalls. In places where stalls were previously left untouched a number of written conversations pertaining to race, religion, culture, and anatomy have sprung up in bathrooms around the nation. Experts agree that this increase is due to the increased literacy rate of America’s youth, due in large part to the No Child Left Behind act implemented by the Bush administration five years ago. “By creating copious amounts of standardized testing geared toward forcing America’s youth to worry about being held back, this administration has created a strong motivation for children to keep up with the rising standards in schooling,” says Secretary of Education Margaret Spelling. Before No Child Left Behind (hereafter referred to as NCLB), students didn’t have

enough stress in school that forced them to be smarter. Sure, they had a few hours of homework a night, tests in multiple classes after the elementary school level, and issues concerning social and peer development, but these are normal day-to-day stresses. Before NCLB, students used to walk into the bathroom, do their business, and leave. Sure, there was the occasional “gifted” child who would write “call Stephanie for a good time,” or “I hate black people,” but for the most part these children had no conception of expressing themselves in their writing. “NCLB has raised the bar for students across the nation. I myself am considering doing away with classroom essays and grading what my students write on bathroom stalls,” says Stacey Olson, a tenth grade teacher. Since NCLB, students are much more capable and comfortable in their selfexpression. Expressions on bathroom walls are often refuted. On one such bathroom stall the statement “End the war in Iraq,” was responded to by a very concise and

emotional “you’re gay.” Some are not convinced that this bathroom graffiti is an improvement, however. “Have you seen the grammar in these peoples’ sentences? They often use no punctuation, forget to capitalize, and even use fragmented sentences! ‘Die Jews,’ is not a complete sentence, and ‘Jews’ should be capitalized!” states former seventh grade English teacher Mark Stout. The naysayers are relatively few, however. Recently bathroom graffiti has been discovered in stalls on college campuses in select locations. “This is a very good sign that [NCLB] is working,” stated President Bush when he heard the news, “the presence of bathroom graffiti on college campuses shows that more of the students who are accepted to college are literate and articulatory.”