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Cost: Priceless HACIENDA’S HIGHLY IRREGULAR DAILY Edition 05, April 29 2012

Printed At: Commons Press

-Special Correspondent
San Ramon: With just under a week to go for Spikerzz-II, rumors have surfaced that Chemical Abhi, captain of Phoenix, is creating a new performance enhancement drug for his team. These rumors are based on the observations by the TPS members on Abhi’s behavior over the past few days and the fact that he moved to a top-secret location in San Ramon from Pleasanton. After the announcement of the teams, he came for one week and was fully hyper-active. And then all of a sudden he went into the hiding over the past week. Amidst these circumstances, our reporter got suspicious and was able to extract some crucial information from one of his teammates whose identity is not being disclosed for security reasons. According to the information, Abhi has created a new polymer based high yield performance enhancement drug and was doing a self-test over the last two weeks. The new drug- Dimethyl bisulphate acidified alkaline phenol, more commonly known as ‘Temper Mental X’ is known to create adverse side effects including hyper activity.

“The results seem to be satisfactory”, said Abhi’s private assistant. “However, my boss has been working hard over the past week on improving the drug and making it more potent than it already is.” This explained the disappearance of Abhi from the volleyball court for the past week. Reports also indicate that Abhi is planning to inject it into his teammates through the water and food that will be brought to the tournament venue. It is believed that the newer enhanced version of ‘Temper Mental X’ will be able to induce uncontrolled hyperactivism and anger and words like ‘Kya ho raha hai yaar’ within 5 minutes of the drug hitting the bloodstream. It is also believed largely by the masses that Abhi might have also used one of his teammates as well for the tests apart from himself. This comes after a one of his teammates started getting angry and hyper on the volleyball court in the recent past. However, Chemical Abhi had gone into hiding and was unavailable for any comments.


Spikerzz-II, the TPS Volleyball tournament is all set to begin on May 5 . The competition is expected to be fierce between 5 teams- PM Srini’s Titans, Pradeep’s Patriots, Abhi’s Phoenix, Raghu’s Silent Killers and Azad’s BlackHawks. Many players who are not showing up on the court are believed to be practicing hard on Xbox Kinect. Srini has lived up to his reputation of ‘manager’ by making sure everyone of his team is available for practice. According to unconfirmed reports, he had issued a threat to all that if they were not available, he would give them a 2 hour tele-coaching. With the number of injuries in Raghu’s team increasing, he was contemplating changing the name of his team from Silent Killers to Pain Killers. Apparently, his team has injuries ranging from sprains to surgeries. Pradeep is finding it very difficult to instill patriotism in his team ‘Patriots’. It Looks like it is May Day(s) for him the entire month.Reports say that he has taken a tough stance and is going to send a pirated copy of PM Srini’s coaching sessions to his team. TPS team defeated the external Blackhawk team convincingly in a friendly grudge match last weekend. The defeated team blamed TPS for planting a parasite in their team. Dinesh, now a ‘former’ member of TPS, has decided to follow his once-roommate, Hari. He left the team last week. He was so much pumped up to do so that he gifted TPS an air pump as a token of respect. The TPS family wishes him the best of the best in his future endeavors.


-Special Correspondent
Air Cloud One: Cloud 9 Vijay launched his own air carrier, ‘Clouded Airlines’ with multiple round trip flights to Florida. The aviation industry was taken by surprise with this move of Vijay. An exuberant Vijay was very confident with his new venture. In a special press conference from his private jet ‘Air Cloud One’ named after a similar plane, Vijay said that his company is all set to lead the industry in the coming years through its innovative and mindblowing services. Continuing his bragging about his new airline, he told that Clouded Airlines, bringing it’s innovation right from the beginning, will not be using any aviation fuel to fly its flights. Some of the reporters in the press meet started raising their eyebrows while most other Laughed Out Loud(LOL) thinking it was another one of his jokes. Sensing the situation, CEO Vijay clarified, “Our pilots are highly trained to use the abundant wind energy to navigate our planes.” The entire reporting crowd was shell shocked and could not utter even a single word.

“And since we all know that wind changes direction very often,” he continued, “it will be the wind that will be the deciding factor of the final destination even though the tickets were booked for Florida. In fact, our tagline is ‘You never know where you land’ ” “We are also introducing the best in class in-flight entertainment system. The passengers will be treated with sumptuous amounts of Rajnikanth jokes which no other airline can rival” said Vijay with a beaming smile on his countenance. Talking about the marketing strategy, he told that he was lobbying with the powerful TPS to make CA their transporter of choice. “We will give complimentary round trip tickets to Florida for the members of TPS. You never know, they might just get lucky and land right over Niagara! A competitor, on the condition of anonymity expressed confidence that their business will not be impacted. “I just hope the round trip flight does not go round and round in circles over the Hacienda volleyball court” he said with a wink of an eye.

Hello dear Readers. I am happy to bring yet another edition of TVT to you. Our reporters are up and agile and keeping their eyes and ears open for any news that is absolutely of no worth. We will make sure we will bring all these news to you in an honest way that has been inscribed in the TVT constitution. As TVT readership is growing by the day, our team is taking pro-active measures to handle the huge volumes that we are expecting in the near future. As a first step, I am glad to inform you that TVT has gone ‘Online’! Yes, now you can find all the editions of TVT along with anything related to TPS at the link given below. You can provide your suggestions and critiques online at the above link as well as send in a mail to us as you have been doing so far. We promise that we will never read them to respect your privacy. As usual, I signoff with what I always say. Keep talking. The more you talk, the more you read! 