The Policeman's Ball

A woman in a hurry to get her daughter to school on time was pulled over for speeding. The mom smiled at her daughter and said "Don't worry dear! I can get out of this ticket." The cop approached the car and he asked "Mam do you know why I pulled you over?" With a big smile she replied "Sure you are selling tickets to the policeman's ball." He then said, "Mam, I am a State Trooper, we don't have balls."

First-Job

"A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us." "Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. son. It was covered with names. "I will. The cockroach was standing there. the doorbell rang. "Well. The fourth night Harold didn't drink at all. The big bug punched him in the stomach. stood beside the boy. as he finished his last beer. The bug beat the snot out of Harold and left him in a heap on the living room floor. . and left.. the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church." Soberly. Little Alex's voice was trembling and barely audible when he asked. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. then left.The little girl replied. the 9:45 or the 11:15?" Nasty Bug Every night." replied the young man. so the pastor walked up. Harold would go down to the liquor store. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room. Alex. "What is this?" Alex asked. He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. and drink it while he watched TV." The Service One Sunday morning. the doorbell rang. still focused on the plaque. get a six pack. staring at the large plaque. The next night. bring it home. "Which service. Then the big bug left." "Good morning. they stood together. if those as*!#!es at Home Depot ever deliver the fu*#'ng sheet rock. after he finished his 3th beer. and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The doorbell rang. "Good morning.. and said quietly. the doorbell rang again. The next night. it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service. The same sixfoot cockroach was standing there. One night. after he finished his 1st beer.

"There's just a nasty bug going around. however." "U. "I did what you said and it didn't work. I will give that person anything they desire. Suddenly. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. however I am a patient person so I enjoy their successes. the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. . Courage is what made me CEO." "N" and press return. swimming for his life. However. I went back to see what the problem was . and make it to the other side. "Not much" the doctor replied." she said. my house. is filled with hungry alligators. Harold went to see his doctor. A few seconds later. I suggested she retype "R... So." "U. and the person attached to the hand said. "What can I do?" he pleaded. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool. Adults who have never been around computers before are very nervous and much harder to teach than children. The huge pool. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. I must share the following: After putting a short program on the board. He explained events of the preceding four nights. I told the students to type "R. she had typed in the following: ARE YOU IN ! Alligators In The Pool A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. waving to get my attention. only to find that instead of typing RUN. "It still doesn't work. my money. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool. they hear a loud splash.. the lady's hand goes up again." Run I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of adults. swim through those alligators.The following day. anything!" Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate." "N" and press return to see the program execute. A hand went up in the back of the room." Knowing full-well that all of us make mistakes when typing at the computer. My job. In the back of the property. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes..

wave their arms and wonder what to do now. the guns. they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks. thinking these two geniuses have gone insane. looks up and says. panting for breath. the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice. still standing. So. out of the back of the nw Navigator truck comes a stick of dynamite with a short. but continues on. The shotgun is loaded with #8 birdshot. and they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the lit dynamite fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. The two men yell. The dog takes off to find cover. Remember a couple of sentences back when I mentioned the vehicle. and of course all the lakes are frozen. and takes off after his master. The CFO. These two guys go out on the lake with their guns. Now. under the brand new Navigator truck. Another shot and this time the dog. 40second fuse. "You are amazing. hardly big enough to stop a Lab. One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and from the new Navigator truck). it's going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill. a dog. "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!" Duck Hunting He and a friend go duck hunting in winter. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on. and the dog?? Let's talk about the dog: it's a highly trained Labrador used for RETRIEVING. so the dog yelps and drops the dynamite under the truck. Tell me what I can do for you. Especially well trained at retrieving things thrown by the owner. They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite as far away as they can. slightly confused.The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says. You guessed it. The exhaust pipe on the truck is still hot. something for the decoys to float on. Now. I've never seen anything like it in my life. and of course the new vehicle. cheered on. .. The men continue to yell as they run away. The dog. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. becomes really confused and of course terrified. keeps coming. scream. The dog stops for a moment.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED." "Yes.00 a month payments!!! And you thought your day was not going well. he said to his wife. the wife said "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoe box with her. and just before he died. Well. Her friend said. leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces. MONEY There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money.Then --BOOM-. He loved money more than just about anything. I can't lie. I wanna take my money to the afterlife. I'm a good Christian. I got it all together." . He was stretched out in the casket.the truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole. "I promised. "Now listen. the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. when I die. she would put all the money in the casket with him. "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket." the wife said. just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket. When they finished the ceremony." "You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?" "I sure did. He still had yet to make the first of those $560. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. He was a real miser when it came to his money. one day he died." So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died. put it into my account and I wrote him a check. she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.