'IEIEST TIFIESisiEtrI FASiGISIT'' AWAFItrISi

AT THE

AnrNrril

2
.-)
K;?,

"Well Benny,

I

"GoddammilArlolf, eyery year it,s the same!,,

lold you to wear one of those hats with all the feathen.,,

Mrny films and novels

have

dnwn their inspiration from StrV, just as SW itsdf originues from
the thrilling black and whire ex-

plois of Buck

Rogers, Crash

What werc drey thinking abour?l) As rime went on, and morc toys and cafioqrs flooded the market, everythrng became more transient. Not unril Power Rurgers did any-

Corrigan and Flash Cordon. One descendant of Star Wars however, shnds alone as a tribute to

thing attain the dizrying heighrs mania. (Wirh the bizane exception of that crazy retro

of SW

nor only that classic movie trilogy, but to almosr all of rhe science liaion ttrar inspied it. I am of cotrse ulking about Bucky

Christmas, when, due to some sort

of microwave mind control ray, every kid in the counrry thoughr they wanted Thunderbirds Tracey
Island).

O'

Hare.

In the cynical, markering orientated world

of

Kids.

TV carroonsi

it

ascends

to a

Anyhow, Bucky O' Hare was a little island of style and goo<I usre amidst a sea awash with colourful plastic nonsense. The setup is instantly recognisable. An oppressive regime rule

plateau previ-

ously only fleetingly glimpsed by 'Transformers" and - perhaps 'He-Man". Indeed, until recendy

with Reboor and rhe

clearly

the Aniverse with an Iron Fist.
The Toad

Bucky inspired "Caprain Simian
and the Space Monkeys", no cartoqr and subsequent range of roys

Air Marshall

cornmands

his navy under the watchful gaze of KOMPLEX, the evil ruler of
the aniverse. Naturally, what wirh this being a kids canoon, the enemies have to act in that reassur-

have even come closeIt is a testament to just how much SW changed our enLire

culture when you realise thar prior to SW there was no real cmcept of tying in a range of toys to a film or canoon. What litde norion there was of media
tie-ins, was cenainly not on lhe grand scale presented to us all following the release of SW. Even the company markering the

ing bungling manner; bur
Vader / tsmperor allusion

rhe

is

there

for all ro see. We follow tre advenrures

of

a

plucky band of rebels, rravelling from planet ro planet thwarting the plans of KOMPLEX.and his toad minions. The crew of the
familiarly junky looking spaceship, Righteous lndignarion is led by courageous Captain Bucky O' Hare. Could this handsome green nbbit hero be a veiled rribure ro

toys \ryere taken aback by rcsponse. However, it sosr
came achingly clear that

the be-

all

you

had to do was create the craze and get tlre toys on the shelves. Initially, there were a couple of
biggies - most noubly rhe aforementioned "Transformers" - which stayed the dtstance beforc dying out gracelessly. ("Headmasrers"?

that crappy green rabbit who tumed up hanging abour wirh Han
the appailing Marvel US comic strips? Primarily 0' Hare fulfils the role of Solo. The character of Lule is really split beSolo

I

in

t.
!l

r8

tween two crewmembcrs

of

the

Righteous Indignarion. Willy
DuWitt is a human child accidendragged inro rhe aniverse, he is most reminiscent of rhe idealisric farmboy Skywalker firsr presented [o us m 'fatooine. The Jedi-Knighr aspect of Luke's char-

ully

you loo will be able to

merchandise at a cost of almost buttons Lo yourself. (fhat is, compared to tradiri<xral Chrisrmas expecl.ations). As an added bonus, walch

acter is assigned to Jessica, Bucky's apparcnt love interest. Like rhe Sisrerhood of rhe Bene Gesserir in *DUNE" - from which inspirarion for the Jedi Knighrs was clearly drawn - Jessica has been trained to use her powers
by a mysrerious order, There,s an alligaror Bounry Hunter, and although he doesn'r acrually have a rocket pack or a helmer rc hide behind, he orherwise preuy much screams

classic episodes from rhe Bucky TV lieries and ger to play wirh all the figures. It's jusr as well rhat Bucky .O
Hare was grcat really, because the

two official SW canoons were lets be honesr - a bir duff. The
main problem wirh Ewoks was of course that ir had all Ewoks in irAnd in an impressive fear, Wicker was made even more aggravaring than he had already been. There was one good one though wherc lhere was a Srar Destroyer rn it. But that's hardly any son of excuse, Droids was margin:rlly better, and yes Boba Fert tumed up, and wasn'r there me wirh IG-88, and okay ir really was Anrhony Daniels doing C3-PO's voice. But it was a bit dull wasn't ir?
selfless marmer, Rik Hoskin has trawled rhe BBC basements lo lrrcate us the longJost words to the Droids lheme tune. He claims to never have warched an episode, although rhese words must have given him a fairly goort idea of whar he was missing. In

lloba

Fett.

Bucky

'O Hare rruly was lhe

business. And alrhough al rhe lime

the big chunky colourful figures
were a ridiculu.rs rhree quid ninery

five pence, baryain bins
bel.ween nrnery-nine

across

lhe country now ensure that you

can nab a figure for anywhere quid fony-nine. The videos are din cheap roo. So if you're rhe parent of a small child and ya
you're srill hrp enough to be reading Holocron, why not save yqlrself a bit of mmey rhis Chrisrmas. Simply invqst in one or two of the Bucky'O Hare videos right now. Ensure that $e videos are on during normal childrens TV
hours. Perhaps even ourwirh those

ln a purely

Pnce to

a

the absence of any real conclusion to this anicle, I rhoughr we'd take a l<x-lk al rhem, perhaps imagining they were some son of

"closing rhotrghts".
"Stepping sottly in a daagcr zone.

rimes. This should confuse your ctuld into believing rhar Bucky.O Hare is rhe new kids craze. This is rhe ricky pan: ry and find some old catalog,ues frorn two
years ago and leave them open ar the pages wirh all rhe previously

twt

No weapon in my lund.
thb brain, designed by nan,
Got mz

expensive Bucky 'O llare roys. In no time your kid wilt be begging Sanu for the'lbad-llorg and

I

'[rouble ogain. Pw my lrfe in jeopanly In tlu scrvicc ol my lrbnds
woul,ln't care
ons olfair.

in trouble

agaia

bu i's a danger-

thc Righreous Indignarim. Won't your kid be pleased when on Chnstrnas Day, he or she rcccives a lurly large chunk of rhe llucky

'Cos l'm in trouble again, '[rouble again.
'frouble,

in trouble, in trouble!"

l9

t--

>q

DO THEY HAVE AN WIL
EMPIRE ON EARTH HAN?
YES,

BUT THEY
DON"T FIGHT THEM... THEY VOTE FAR THEM.

TI$l Scgsn il(Itls ttrr Shrna+,,,l1iii1r"l"rru
ni ly*rpclqtir.
.,i'aa+

r xx..

lencc out of it. Thc idea was "passive sion"; A specific nnd f mcntal urger which manifest iuclf physically. ]rln unlikc continuing milirary crpcrimentation wirh ESP, rhb projcct diffcred in rhar ir q

,ltll

r1$

!1i'14;,

r;;ilffi Im

!ii:::titt

lCI Kirxl!

,snrh{

i:iln:;l*ll*"q:I.::r\l::11}r)l:o;i;:

nrrli 11*r nrxtr Sitr:ror ji;,i,,;.;;:,;;,;:,,;:.:,),r,

;idfi"li]idii]iltt,$*i;ilriiiliiiiiH

crated undcr thc assumptlm that this forcc exisrcd wirhh

and without

all of us

ard

pcople could bc traincd to usc it. It all sounds rypically men-

tal, but wait, in order that thc Euc purposc of this projecr

could retnain sccret iL

was

dubbcd OI'}ERATION JEDL Who knows, there could right

now, bc a corps of

Jcdi

This

posfertrom Bcrlia compilcs hcodlines about the SDI projecl and arycs tlraf SW be ktpt oaly on the screcn.

Knights in cu:rouflagc farigtrcs causing tr<>uble behind cncnry lincs by balancing hcavy rocks up in the air and then drop-

ping thenr on
baddies. And

unsuspccting

marked *VERY URCENT". The letter was from parent altorney Peter Eicher wirh
regard to an application Fox had made for a foreign design patenr on the X-Wing. The srudio lawyers were informed trat the patent request

Culf Wu? Or were rhey building plancs with wings that
folded out to nrakc a big "X"'l Pcrhaps R2 unirs were to be

i[

the US genu-

incly went to the troublc of
devcrlopinB a training coursc

fitted to stealth
We'll nevcr
know.

bombers?

biucd rln tlrc Jcdi tcechings, then it's not such a leap r0 assume thar thcy probably

had been suspende<l "until a revierry r"Or"sted by both

wasn't on-ly military hardware that got the SW rreatment, some of Lucas's theories iurd attitudcs were adaptc<i by the nrilitary to form part of a training programme for a

It

It all sounds fairly

made tlrem lightsabrcs as wcll. laughablc
thesc

until you rcalise that all

NASA and the Air Force...on
the basis ttrar rhe applicarion contairs subject matrer that
appears interest. to the National Securiry."

ridiculous notiorls have as thcir rcsulq acts irl murdcrous vio-

to be of

specialist US marine corps. Although much of the acrual

lence. Whcrhcr it's big spacc lasers, X-Wing stealth bomb,

theory
Laken

of "the

Force"

was

Which
was

o[

bit of the X Wing interest m National [o
such

from Buddhism

-

a rr:-

Security? The r.argering com-

ligion not really known for it's military leanings - rhe US

ers or a platoon full of jcdi knights, it's all about war and dcath. Thinking which is totally at utlds with tltc drcorics
behind a scrics of films crcatcd first arxl [rrrcrnost as innoccnt a:rd cscapist cntertainm(.)nl.

puter system used

military still l0

manage

d

ro

destructive effect during thc

squcczc somc anglc

for

vio

I

Y (,

*. <-s
y,

$

E=

@E

@H

BATTLESTAR GA1AGTICA

STAR IUAHS FOR ST'II{GERS?
In
1978, presumably due to sense, Eric Von Daniken's,'The the immense big screen suc- Chariots Of The Gods", a noncess of Star Wars, small screen fiction work which speculated audiences were treated to a that mankind was descended slightly more hip interpretation from ancient astronauts. ( Nothof "space opera"....Battlestar ing wrong .with that theory of
Galactica.

a distinct Egyptian theme

the battle helmets of Galactica crew, and at

to the

one

point during the series they
even found themselves some

course,

it's just that

pyramids. And all this literVon ally "adecade and a bit" be-

Controversy arises almost in- Daniken told lots of big lies to fore STARGATE. stantly, it is claimed that the make his theories fit). There's But how Star Wars is it? TY pilot for Galactica was already in p,roduction when SW a-rive4 ard therefore any similarity to characters or situatiorx was purely coincidental. Or was ir... Glen A [,arson, the 70's answer to Aaron Spelling, saw I

TY funue in the sci-fi

boom,

md perhaps decided to develop

Gene Roddenberry's "wagon train to the stars" a little more literally. The Galactica is the
last ship of a destoyed fleet, Ieading a ragbag convoy of refugees and would be colonists back to Ear0r - their origi-

nal homeplanet.

Interestingly, even though the Galactica and

her caravan are millions of light years into deep space, it is still the 1970's.
Promiscuity is the order of the day, and no one practices more

avidly than Dirk "handsome" Benedict. (later "Face" in the similarly superb "A-Team").
Chracters hang out in show-

ers and sauna's discussing
chicks and how many baddies

they've killed. The plot even
makes vague reference to a top norch piece of seventies non-

"Not very" would apear to The Three Degrees. Only, to describe it scornfully as be the answer, with a few make them look a bit "spacey", "silly". malrr exceptions. tlrey've each got ttnee eyes, two The pilot for Battlestar Starbuck and Apollo are noses arrd a couple of mouths. Galactica gets an every so cleu$ meurt to fill yorr bo- Cheerily however, space afio's often TV airing, and if you sic Han ard Luke require- look exactly the same as our haven't seen it befue, you
could do far worse than to there, but warch ihis -slice of TV sprce while Apollo ard Luke ale only just. And realistically. it's opera The series is cunently your more scriou riglrteous in the pilot ttrat it is most obvi- being re-nrn on the Sci-Fi
ments. Both Starhrck ard Han own.

are gambling loveable rogws The

similrities

re

types. ous. Howeyer, if .rwnorus re !o There's mo,re than a hint of bc bclieve4 the vague similariX-Wing about the "Yipetrs", tios wcre just a little too much thc Galrctica's defence squad- fcFox and lrrcasfilm....Galrctica ron. What was quite cool cqrtinrrcd to develop in glamorabout the Yipers, was tlre way orls seventies space opera vein, they were lauched; the pilot rmtil Fox took legal actioq forcwould bo siuing in thc crsft ing the show's cancellation. If in his Egyptian head dress" this is tnre, Fox certainly had a ant then werything would go brassnech cursidering SW sigired as he fired off down a nues from classic 301 and 40's
flashing hexrgonal trmnel at top speed" Smashhg. And as for the Cylons. Imagine Vader and r sormtrooper sort of bashed together and

Channel. Galactica says a good

deal about the time it was wrinen r& not as politically corect as Classic Star Trek, nu as slick as todays TV sf fare it can still succeed in
being good fun. Sort of.

If

you're feeling puticularly nit-picky and sa4 you might wani o pinpoint all the similarities between

pulp sci-fr s€rials. And what But I douh you'll find ttrat about dl the eerie similarities many. And certainly not behf,ecn SW snd Frark Herbert's emugh to merit a cancella"DIJNE'. ( this contoversy will tion
be explued next issue )

it

and

SW.

then spralrpainted gold" There's Galrctica madc

m €rnpty asefirpt

all powerful at revival with "Galactica 80", leader lurking in the back- the convoy-nowminusall uigieven
shady

a

ground
Instead

nal chrrcters with the

excep-

of two cute but slightly tion of l,orne Greene's Comaggravating droids, we have mandcrAdrna-finally rrive on one terribly ante, terribly ag- Earth. There's e lot of mucking gravating robotic...thing, called about on Earttr with computers Muffet. A rcrt of robo Teddy and flying motorbikeprolotypes;

Bcu. Revolting. ard not a lot of space battles SW has the classic cuttina amd sauna rctiqr, but lrey, it's scen€, shady looking creahres the 80's. Different times. The hang out in a dimly lit room, kids di&rt wsrt sprce based scilistenfury to cool jazz unes. errce fictioru there was a techGalactica has the classic ca- nological revolution going on sino scene. A couple of half right here on Earth. Of course, hearted looking monsters it could just be that one of the dressed in best seventies style stipulations fq Galactica being hurg out in a casino disco - allowed to continue was that

FEBRUARY 24
in Peals Neu)sletter

All

enquiries, SAE to Douglas Baptie
Top
7

Flat

Anctum Court

Hauick
Scotlanil

minorball ani all - listening they kep out of space. Personto science fiction's answer to ally, I liked it, but most people

TDg 7DB

a:--

ONEN HAIIETS.,, W]AT A LON
trEF,IEBS,

tr

THE STAR WABS HAUDAY SPECIAI-..

ru TURKEY?

rer rock guesr srars ro lur".fT W;; ;;". I don,r know rire migtrry Jefferson Starship? ^.:_ ::..:: but ir from an equaliy shady The shlw'is ;;";;; f*'rrhe :bout vou, _I'm hooked. stallholder at a comic mart, short animated r"ou""""-*ruJ lhere can be little so rewardonly to return moment later to introduced.Boba Fetr. The ani- ing as retro pap. Sadly, The find that he and all his wares mation was prt tog"rf,". 6, Holiday Special has never had"mysteriously disappeared", Nelvan4 tl,".o.p"ny"*to t"r"', been released on video - unya-ybe v9u actually saw it....but produced uEwo'ks" an6l less it's in that new fgO box l,Droids,. I doubt it.... set-and shady copies are dif_ Just what is "The star lyars Nat,rally there are guest apficult to come by. I doubt it HoMay Special" qear.anges by M3rk- Hamiil, ;; ;;;""ised in the U.K. In December 1978, was but Cuni" Ft to ;O readers possess a a three year old babe in the Anthony DanielsT=:"1r"ld. tums up too ^^_.. : wrong continentr so I didn't and James Earl Jones ,r&ia". copy' perraPs we could set up an illicit trade in pirated see the televisual higtrtight of a voiceover. the year. But households all It's jam packed full of ,ro"1 copies. Don't hesitate to let over America were tuning in. from Star Wars and ir'us know. The sketch is, Chewbacca has

Maybe you've heard it spoken about in hushed, vaguely embarrassed rones, maybe you nearly bought a shady copy of

dance sequences. And in the climaxes with [,eia singing t]re heady dayi of l97g...what bet :;;W';;r,, song

to rhe Srar

I

;; ffi;

to get home to his family

ro

What seems amazing,

life and the "will Chewbacca get there in time" tension.
the producers seem

celebrate '(Life Day',, a sacred wookie holiday. Stormtroopers turn up on Kashyyyk and spoil everything looking for the rebels. Hereafter, the plot revolves around slices of Wookie

decided

Indeed, in adfition to the hilarious comedy, the producers also decided to explore another theme not fully devetoped in the film...musical numbers and

though I have never seen it, I nm sure that there are few TV moments !o match Bea Arthur (of Golden Girls fame) singing in the Mos Eisley cantina.

"slapstick comedy'l angle for the show, which is totally out of synch with the subtle, sarcastic humour of the films. Stais are dragged in from ..classic" American comedy shows Eo pad out ttre plot. And al-

to go for a sort of

is that to have

f

Tlhrry Cfristnus
Rnd to Tlll

T-o FU

A [edi Knidrt
'-

-==-'''=:-

"Leave the bear to me."

CELEBRATORY SPECIAL EDITIONS BOOKMARK

CELEBRATORY SPECIAL EDITIONS

BOOKMARK

,ffil
Dealh Star victory

x

You are weak oA man

(-

(i.:r-:
YH
Do or do not, lhere is no lry

,tA

Peil

on Cloud City

.'1*\'.-

h

\

d-.^

The bil *hen an ewok dies Bo shuuda

The croft shuddered out of hyperspoce, slowly spluttering into orlcit oround o lorge green moon. ln the donk, foul smelling corgo hold, o lorge crote toppled ond croshed onto o pile of rogs, There wos on ongry grunt, ond very suddenly, Bobo Fett wos owoke. He leopt out of his mokeshitt bed shouting ond begon firing indiscriminotely ot ony other corgo crotes who moy hove been intending to hove o go. The intercom crockled into life. "Okoy pol. We're here. Get out.' Fett blosted the com unit, But no one wos wotching, ond so the moment wos wosted. Fett skulked cheerlessly towords the docked scout croft thot wqs currently his mojor meons of tronsportotion. He'd hitched possoge oboord o freighter which wos folling to bits os his croft didn't hove o functioning hyperdrive. The Bounty Hunting business wosn't too good of the moment. His single minded determinotion to destroy Hon Solo ond onyone he'd ever spoken to hod got him o bit of o reputotion os 'o buffoon'. And whot with Solo's seemingly neverending tolent for ovoiding deoth in increosingly implousible woys, Fett's methods fod been held up for scrutiny by oll ond sundry. Fett hod even heord thot o 'revue' show on the Holonet hod o running gog in which every week 'Big Gun Bobo' would try to do something hord ond then his trousers would foll down, or he'd try to shoot someone, ond he'd be holding o bonono ond so on. Generolly, Bobo would then turn to the comero, weoring his helmet thot didn't fit properly ond soy 'Ooops!'. Fett hod vowed to trock down the Holonet executives responsible ond sloughter them..just os soon os he got o bit of cosh together. Rother embonossingly, the most immediote woy to do lhis, wos to turn his hunting tolents to 'tropping', there wos o superb trode in sentient fun qt the moment, ond it wos very foshionoble in the more decodent oreos of the outer rim, to be seen weoring o pett mode out of something thot you could hove hod o conversotion with. Fett scowled of his scout croft ond climbed inside. Destinotion Endor.

IOM $[Y

DTIDTTOT

out into the forest to exomine the locol wildlife.

Above, in the trees, something shimmered ond bent the surrounding light. The shope mode o growly clicking noise ond leopt forword ocross the treetops, following the creoture beneoth.
Fett owoke eorly the next ofternoon to the cheery twittering of stronge sounding birds. He tossed his duvet oside ond boiled his kettle before stomping out into the forest to exomine his trops. Of the highly oggrovoting ond repugnontly 'cute' lifeforms which littered the forest moon, Fett's best bet for selling wos the Ewok. Renowned throughout the goloxy os the cuddly liftle critters thqt hod helped bring down the Empire. A token Ewok even sot on the New Republic ossemblies. Ewok furs would sell like hotcokes ond he would be bound to get o hondsome price. Hopefully his cunning trops would hove worked. Nothing. Not one Ewok or ony other chirpy looking furry things. Fett sot in his new drowing room drinking his cocoo ond sulking. There wos o crosh, the entire west wing of his comp shuddered ond then the roof collopsed. Bobq stood up so quickly he spilled cocoo oll down his front, but no sooner hod he stood up thon "something' bowled him over ogoin before croshing through the woll. Fett clombered to his feet ond ron out to foce his

hod felled o couple of trees, looped them to gether ond more or less built o smoll extension onto the side of his scout croft. He wos on the brink of foshioning himself o smoll toble ond some motching chqirs when he remembered whot his true purpose on Endor wos. He wos here to kill. lt wos thol simple. He smiled quietly to himself. Fett hod heord oll the stories thot circulqted obout his identity; wos he o former stormtrooper?; wos he Solo's brother?; wos he reolly o womon struggling to succeed in the troditionolly mole dominoted occupotion of Bounty HunteP How everyone would lough if they knew thqt Fett wos o corpenter by trode, thot he even owned q little shop where he sold his corefully crofted goods. He didn't moke much money, he needed to toke qll the hits to keep the shop <rfloot, Not thot he didn't enjoy his job of course, it wos just thot he wos o better corpenter thon he wos o bounty hunter, And he wos on excellent bounty hunter. Usuolly, Fett strode
37

The bivouoc wos completed before'nightfoll. Fett

qttocker, once outside he stopped, surprised. There, in the centre of the cleoring wos on enormous pile of deqd ond dying Ewoks. Feti quickly colculoted thqt this wos more or less enough to get him o new ship, o new helmet ond his own sotiricol show on the Holonet where Net execs would be executed every week in o voriety of omusing woys. Sionding dreoming, he hod olmost entirely forgotten obout his mystery ossoilont. Ihere wos o blost, o flqsh ond o selection of very brief high pitched squeols. The Ewoks were oflome. "No!' Fett ron forword, trying to siomp some of the ewoks out. There wos onother blost, the force of which hurled him ogoinst tree. Dozed, he glonced upwords ocross the cleoring. He could certoinly see something...olmost..,o glosslike shope ogoinst the folioge. The shope moved quickly, firing once more os it went, but this time, not o blost of loser fire...o stronge hook thudded into the tree directly obove Fett. He grosped ot it ond pulled himself up from the ground. Fett could not recognise the stronge chonging digits on the hook, but he reolised whot they meont.

q

'shiil' Fett ron towords the smouldering pile of Ewok corpses ond out towords the more dense oreq of the forest. The explosion still knocked him from his feet. Behind him. the thick block smoke rose from the remnonts of his ship, his comp ond his fortune. chored pieces of Ewok. He rose in the morning, more determined thon before to mqke his fortune ond possed o grey overcost doy designing more ingenious ond fiendish trops. A brief scouting misFett spent

o chilly miseroble night huddling

under

FETT V PREDATOR
sion to the remoins of vorious imperiol outposts reveoled enough moteriol for him to construct o croft decent enough to qt leost get him to ihe next neorest spoceport. Nighttime come too quickly, ond Fett shivered uncier his burned Ewok duvet once more.
Refreshed, renewed ond through the deepest blue bit of his misery, the goloxy's hoppiest Bounty Hunter olmost skipped through the forest collecting the ewoks from hls highly successful trops. Certoinly, he only hod the odd one or two right now, but he knew thot deod oheod, he wos going to find the motherlode. He could just moke out the wounded, helples squeoling from here. Bobo stopped ond dropped the wire net cunently housing his furry bounty. Beneoth his helmet, he

smiled. lt hod worked! With precise timing, ond coreful use of smoll incendiory devices, Fett hod succeeded in blowing the bottom out of the moin foirwoy of on ewok villoge, sending scores of them hurtling towords the forest floor he hod covered in vqrious nosty trops. The trops coused very minor domoge to the fur of course, but very mojor domoge to just obout everything else. Hondy. He stepped forword to begin his collection. Cleorly, o few trips were going to be in order. And then suddenly,lhere wos on unpleosont crunching noise, some sort of bqrlced electric coble whipped bround Fett's leg ond pulled. Within seconds, Fett wos dongling upside down from o foirly high tree, his leg wos going numb. There wos o short, precise burst of loserfire, His ewoks exploded once more, Fett struggled fonuqrd helplesly, monoging only to rock himsef bqckwords ond fonrvords in o monner which mqde him dizzy, Helples, he wotched his furs burn os he slipped into unconsciousness. Something wos growling ot him. Bobo storted owoke, disoppointed to find thot hewos still honging upside down. Something slopped his foce.
Hord.

though, os his legs were going numb. The tell tole crock of o hondily positioned forest floor twig indicoted thot he wos no longer olone. Below, his ossoilont finolly shimmered into view, gurgling ond chuckling os he set qbout ononging -the next doy's trops ond ewok explosives. NeVer one to mess obout, Fett shot him right owoy with o whop ping greot loser horpoon gun. Ihe horpoon thudded heovily into the enemy's chest, ond there wos o splosh of bright green ooze. Fett quickly set obout tying the other end of the horpoon onto ihe tree. -Fettl' lhe enemy turned, howling, ond did something Fett hodn't reolly counted on. He'd osumed thot it would oll be pretty stroightfonuord, he shoots the enemy in the chest, stortled ond ongry, the enemy runs off to sort himself out o bit, but he con't, becouse Fett's tied him to the tree ond Qropped on electricol net mesh on top of him, Fett wos in the process of hostily unfotding the net, when the enemy leopt stroight up the tree. Bobo would hove been the first to odmit thot he'd probobly not thought his plon oll the woy through, He kicked out, monoging to cotch the enemy right in the heod with his boot, before he wos grobbed in on oltogether unfriendly foshion ond pulled screoming towords the forest floor. The two londed heovily just odjocent to the ewoks. The Predotor growled groggily, stood up, kicked Bobo in the heod, then ogoin in the stomoch. Fett stined, ond stood up ongrily, pointing o disciplinory finger of his tormentor. Ihe PredotorIooked stroight of him, gurgled, ond then fired on the ewoks before leoping into the trees once more, disop peoring os he went. 'Yes. Yes very funny.' scowled Bobo.
Fett hod been trocking the usefully luminous green fluid for hours now. His enemy wos obviously losing quite o bit of blood. Between thot troil orid the rondomly occuning scenes of ewok destruction, the guy might os well hove signposted his hideout,

-

There wos

"oi!'

chuckle. "Listen pol,

o

rhythmic gurgling, olmost like o
toughest

bod mood. More ongry thon dejected, FetJ picked up the little wire bog with obout five ewoks in it ond heoded bock to his chorred comp. He hod wolked only o shorl woy when he heord the beeping. Beeping, getting quicker ond louder ond coming from his wke bog, He unstropped it ond hurled it owoy. lt exploded in o dozzling shower of fur ond little green sporkly things, "Of course you reolise, this meons wor." sot otop o tree. Wotching. Below, wos onother ewok trop. A nosty ltttle number which violoted ewok innords in on oppolling monner. lt wos oll done with sound woves opporently. Fett didn't know how it worked, he just knew which buttons to pres. Cunently, there wos o vost pile of furry corpses occumuloting, but the trop wosn't set for ewoks. Ihis trop, wos just the boit, He hoped his mysterious enemy would turn up foirly soon
Dorkness. Bobo

A gloved hond shimmered into view, grobbed his leg ond cut the wire. Fett fell speedily to the ground, cursing himsetf thqt he hod been unoble to moke out ony further detoils of his ossoilont. 'Cool gloves though.' he thought. He remembered very suddenly thot he wos in o

cookie you're likely to meet ond...'

l'm Bobo Fett...obout the

The Predotor lurked obove. he closed the lid on his little bottle of luminous green stuff ond chuckled. Any minute now, his prey would probobly find his "secret comp'.

Feti stopped. Something wosn't right. ln the next cleoring, he could see q spocecroft, presumobly belonging to his friend in the stylish helmet. But it suddenly occurred to Fett, thot considering thot this psychopoth hod totolly hommered him on two occqsions, this wos o little too eqsy. There were two ewoks frolicking in the cleoring next to the croft, were they supposed to be -some sort of omusing boit? So whot, Fett would go to get them ond they'd explode ond then suildenly ihe g.nemy would turn up to kick his heod in ogoin? "No. No I don't ihink so.'
Predotor looked down ot Fett. Whot wos keeping him? Then he noticed the ewoks in the cleorino-. He should hove mined the surounding oreo thot this sort of thing wouldn't hoppen. Fett wos woiting becouse he thought the ewoks were port of o trop. lf he blosted them now, he'd definltely give the gome qwoy. But then, they were stroying oMully close to the spocecroft... One of the ewoks fell into the crofl o little too heovily, ond with on emborrossing creok, the plostisteel spoceship cut

6

38

FETT V PBEDATOR

out fell over, flottening the ewoks. Predotor tutted, Fett hod probobly rumbled him now.

on

inevitoble next round, when the Predqtor londed "Leove me olonel' Predotor kicked him in the foce.
him,

-

Bobo wos still pointing ond loughing when The Predotor leopt down on him, knocking him to the increosingly fomilior forest floor. Fett grobbed his oftocker qnd houled him over his shoulders, throwing him down too. Bobo cought his breoth, stood up, ond booted the Predotor in the heod once ogoin. He then grobbed him by the bock of the neck, ond smoshed his heod repeotedly off of the
ground. Predqtors helmet tlwed qnd Fett found himself on the receiving end of on electric shock. He let go instontly, ond the Predstor leqpt up, turned round ond butted him. Fett whimpered, his eyes bluring, he could still moke out The Predotor clombering up onother tree. He ignited his rocket pock, ond wos ofier him like o whippet.

'Eot pine needles scumbog.'

ln the doys thot followed, the most bloody ond terrible in Ewok history, more thon twenty villoges were wiped out ond hundreds of Lifetrees burned, broken ond generolly mistreoted. No defences mounted, no cotopults, no hongliders, no little tripwires, could defend o villoge ogoinst the indiscriminote ossoult of the two "woring gods'. The culture which hod helped topple the mighty Empire, which hod destroyed much lmperiol technology with simple primitive equipment wos now ot the mercy of two nutters hoving o big fight. Vorious villoges evocuoted ond fled into the mountoins, only to then be eoten by the lorge nosty things which lived there. The Ewoks would never reolly recover from ihe mosocre. ln o swomp, on lhe outside edge of one of the more minor forests, Bobo Fett ond the Predqior sot, up to their woists in mud ond muck. Almost o week of solid fighting hod ended in stolemote. 'Thot...wos greot. I hod been letting myself go o bit...but I don't think l've ever been this shorp.'

loge. One of the more socred celebrotions of the yeor. The solemn rites ond blesings of the Lifetree hod been odminlstered, the procesion hod plonted the new Lifetree with cuttings from the old. lt wos now time for the festivities ond for the feost. The Grond Toble hod been set, ond visiting dignitories from the surrounding sotellite villoges sot with Chirpo. The socred horn signolled for silence. Chief Chirpo, stood up on the toble ond begon to moke his speech. He wos midwoy through on introductory reoding from one of the epic ewok sound poems, when suddenly the toble wos, in very quick succesion, on fire, upturned ond then smoshed. The Predotor onived in the Ewok villoge, o bit knockered from hoving just climbed up such on enormous tree. He looked down qt the goping gosh he'd just torn in the centre of the villoge. Fett wos down below, slowly ond corefully novigoting himself up through the dense folioge by rocket pock. Quickly, the Predotor storted indiscriminotely grobbing ewoks ond hurling them down.

It wos Horvest Doy Celebrqtion in the Ewok Vil-

Predotor nodded. "l meon...l'm jiggered right now like....but this will

"Cheers.' The Predotor storted, os ff suddenly hoving o greot ideo, He releqsed the pressure switches on the side of his helmet, ond begon to remove it. Fett wotched, ond then very suddenly wished he

hove done me the world of good.' Predotor extended his exquisitely gloved hond, Bobo shook it.

Another screeching ewok bounced off Bobo's heod. Enough wos enough. Throwing couiion to the wind. he ignited his rocket pock full blqst, qnd blozed speedily up towords the ewok villoge, Fett croshed through the wooden plotform impresively in o hoil of splintered burning wood sending yet more ewoks coreering towords the ground. "Right. Thot's itl' Fett lunged for the Predotor, rocket pock still olight. Predotor grobbed the bounty hunter ond chucked him out towords the forest. Cursing, Fett hurtled out of control very briefly before smoshing into onother tree ond folling once more from o greot
'Bugger.' The Predqtor leopt from the burning wreck of the ewok villoge, coring little for the distonce to the ground. Currently, with so mony deod ewoks lying down there, you were olmost ossured o sofi londing.

hodn't. 'Yes. Well I never reolly look my best when I toke this one off either.The Predotor held out his helmet, ond gestured to Bobo's own mosk. "You wont my helmet?' The Predotor gurgled ond nodded, holding out his own mosk once more. "Oh I see,,,.it's o swop. Yeoh....yeoh okoy. I meqn....this is my spore one onywoy.' Bobo removed his helmet, ond solemnly honded it over to his new pol. "There's only couple of people hove seen me like this mote. And they're deod now. Except my mum of course.' The Predotor jokingly tried on Bobo's helmet. -Mmm...it doesn't reolly fit very well. Even on me.' Predotor's however, fitted Bobo o treot. The two friends slopped eoch other on the bock in o monly foshion, ond went their seporote woys.
Six doys loter, Fett wos still on Endor collecting oll the ewok pelts. He wos going to be minted. He hod enough money to get o whole new helmet. moybe o new ship ond he would olmost certoinly be oble to develop his Holonet show. Fett stored up ot oll the stors ond smiled. He hod never felt better. Moybe he'd hove onother crqck of Solo. He stuffed onother Ewok onto the tropping sled he hod built ond drove on, whistling o merry tune.

height.

Bobo Fett londed uncomfortobly upon the only spot of the forest floor not covered in ewok. And he wos gefting his breoth bock to prepore for the
3g

I ASK YOU...WHAISORTOF

IOOI

LEAVES

IHE KEYS IN A SPEEDER I.IKE IHIS EH? IHAI KIND OF IDIOI ISN'I ANO OWN A VEHICTE OF IHIS AUAUIY. RIGHTI

WE'RE

AND YOU EH? U'E'RE MAD FOR III A COUPTE OF....HOI LOOK AI IHIS
THE WAYIOSEI?!

JOKERI OUTTA

-.

SxrTE I

t'-

rM GOINO IO

NEED YOUR

GOEGLES? CAN'IYOU

SEE

IHROUGH

'rr:r:ll

\

ffi

7/t
GEI BACK 'ERH TU BIIE YER ANKLES OTTI

SATVATION FREE ZONE
..e/t

AtibuteTo....
H.G. WELLS '' THE \yAR OF THE \TORLDS ''
Retwn

o

the nightrnare past of HG Wells

turn of thc

cenq

invasion

to

find

ou

wlwt reaVy fuppened $ter earth vanquished tlw mafiian nurauders.
ODESSA TENIACLES TANGLED! P RF-ARMNGED AP OQ{LYPSE!
" I shal besin bv cledv statins that which most of you muEt Arbadv sri.specq irost accounts of trdWu and the trJenw'veai oeriod followins are lies md fabricatioir"'While I am sure thii does liule to surorise the maioriw of readers- I must urce anv wfio still huboin d<iubts to aim6tt them bEford urosressins anv further. Whirt I have here gatfier& are facs.'It is that simple.

ALIEN II\ryASION IMMINENT.!
Thc ccntrc camtothold!

T}IE WHISTT.EBI.oWENS; BISODE GT'IDE
The

indispensible

o

the

cultTY

show thatnever was. Two unenrployed occult private investigators and a psychopathic psychic chick hit the road in a t[ack volkswagen beetle on a nfssion to 'blow the lid off the whole scam". Join'The Avengers on Acid" for a trip tlnough 0re digestive uact of the covert underbelly of

I havenot &awn from those secretlv edited texs which have become available to fhe populace only in the last fifteen years, insteaid I have

rievioirslv viewed onlv by privilesed Ministeri and Scientiss. And, nioit imooftanttv.Ihavedrawn from those other
resdarched those oaoers

works wlich sirhbly "do not exist", those which have sained inteiriational notorieiv throush a

theUK.
.All six never produced half hour episodes are covered in their entirety. With script excerps, plot breakdowns, character Fofiles, p,rodrction sketches and reicted storyline / character ideas, it really is the full paranoid sci-fi monty. TWEG is fairly lavishly illustrated with production and promotional photogrryhs as

Netw-ork of hushed tones and'"pararioid
delusion".

Naurally, these texts are the most interesting. "

well as stills from the quickly aborted fiLnshoor And as a bonus theres a specially uninen Whistleblowers short story "Inkfish".
Take a stroll d*tnfalse memory syrilrome larc atd lwne abokatwhat couW han been

cl50

Both available from late January 96 Refractor, Paul J Bistow, 36 Glen Douglas Rd. Greenock, PA16 9l'{Y
24

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