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Screenplay Coverage Report
Title: Blind Turns Author(s): Bill McCoin Form: Screenplay Page Length: 92 Genre(s): Location(s): Florida, Races in other cities Excellent Date: April 27, 2012 Read By: Benjamin Day Submitted by: Bill McCoin Time Period(s): Present Day MPAA Rating: Budget: Good XXX XXX XXX Fair XX Needs Work
Concept/Originality Plot/Storyline Characters Dialogue Structure Cinematic Value
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Overall, I found Blind Turns to be a quick and pleasant read with a relatable and timeless storyline of the dilemma to of following your dreams at any expense or making the sacrifice to start a family.
Screenplay Critique and Opinions
The story moves at a good pace, it’s easy to follow with a fairly gripping plot. The strongest aspect of this screenplay is how relatable it is. Outside of just racing and extreme sports, almost everybody has or has had dreams and aspirations of doing something they loved and were passionate about as a career. For all ages, male or female, from the large metropolis to the rural town, the desire to follow your dreams is a very relatable theme. One really strong point to this screenplay is that the three acts hold up very well and are easy to follow. The first act does a great job of portraying and setting up Austin’s present day life and lifestyle, which is sadly, obviously quite far from his childhood dreams, yet still connected to the world of racing to some degree.
By the end of the first act, it was evident that Austin definitely did not want to give up racing, but after such a devastating crash in Miami, the “real world” job at the bank might be his only option. Act II moves along nicely in the development of the story, we see Austin trying to adjust to a nine to five at the bank, his relationship with Claire is challenged by both his growing relationship with bank employee Erika and his wife Claire’s persistent discouragement to give up racing forever. Page: 1
It would have been nice to see a little more of a climax to make Act III more exciting and compelling, but it still wraps the story up well. I od however, think the drama between Ricardo Marcos’s Gran Cima and Martin’s Wolfe Racing team could have been played out more in this act, especially around why Austin was so personally committed to staying with Wolfe and Martin and Tommy, even though he had been fired from the team earlier and Ricardo was willing to pay double. The characters and their dialogue were another great aspect to this screenplay. Austin is a very relatable guy in a situation a lot of people have actually gone through and there are many right now who can especially relate in this down economy. It’s a classic life dilemma and you have really created very identifiable characters. Claire is also a great character. She seems to be a great companion to Austin and let’s her love of him and desire to start a family with him block her from seeing the fact that he sacrificed everything for her to do what she loves, but she’s not willing to do the same for him. It’s sweet and again so relatable that it’s hard not to see where she is coming from at least. She’s so relatable in the fact that she just doesn’t want him to get hurt or worse in a horrific racing accident and it’s very understandable that she wants him to have a more secure and safe job.
The small characters are a great aspect to the story as well. I really like the subtle relationship that unfolds between Ben and Austin and it is evident that Austin could see some of the benefits to the life that Ben had chosen after seeing him interact with his three boys in the park. I also think Gwen’s relationship and dialogue with Claire is great. She adds a nice element, I like that she looks up to Claire and in her doing so and expressing that to Claire, it helped Claire realize how hypocritical she actually was. Side note: I thought the Spanglish when Ricardo spoke was a comedic addition to the story, especially on page 46 The main storyline is great and well developed, especially, like I mentioned, the relationship and the dialogue between Austin and Claire. Their dialogue during some of their arguments I found to be very real and compelling both in dialogue and in timing. You almost get lost in the dialogue because you know that conversation so well, whether it’s from first hand experience or through an experience shared by someone else, it’s easy to find yourself torn. It is very easy to understand where both Austin and Claire are coming from. One aspect to this screenplay that I would like to see developed more are the sub-storylines and more history into the history of the relationships between all of the characters. I think that is what would make this screenplay stand out from just another movie of the week and all the other screenplays about following your passion versus succumbing to the corporate lifestyle. It’s really quite predictable otherwise.
I want to know more about Tommy and Austin’s past, about their upbringing. It would be nice to know when Claire entered Austin’s life and a little more about the relationship between Austin, his father and Tommy. There are hints at their past throughout the screenplay, but it’s interesting and could be developed more. It might add 20-30 pages to the screenplay, but I think it’s necessary. It’s a history and a relationship that is established enough as it stands, it is almost unsettling and agonizing not knowing more about their past and what happened in those 14 years since Tommy beat Austin on the BMX track.
Starting from the very beginning, Tommy beating Austin in the BMX, race, it already starts the reader wondering what kind of inferiority complex is brewing between those two, especially after it comes to Page: 2
present day so quickly (by page 2). But throughout the entire screenplay, nothing really builds off of that, so it seems like, what is the point of the intro. Sure, Tommy is a professional driver and Austin is not, but there needs to be more than that simple fact I think. Tommy, even as early as page 7, is obviously not happy with Austin, it’s definitely a lifetime grudge, but that is never revealed throughout the screenplay. Side note: I don’t think Bart (40) really needs to be a character, he doesn’t really do much, he could just be any guy working at Sebring Raceway, it’s just another name to think about in my opinion. By page 9, again, I think the reader is starting to wonder if Tommy’s resentment is about Claire, or if it’s not about a girl, why is he so admittedly against driving on the same team as Austin, this I think could be developed a little more.
Even beyond the history between Tommy and Austin, the relationship with Austin’s father and Martin could be developed a little more as well. Austin’s father is first mentioned on page 37 and Austin mentions Tommy not having much else for a father figure besides his and Martin. Martin and Tommy elude to it again at the end of the second act when Martin talks to Austin about his father and why he gave Austin a chance in the first place and Tommy shows Austin the brake Caliper was worn and anyone would have crashed. There is so much more I want to know about there past and I think it would enhance and make the entire story more interesting.
The whole relationship between Austin and Erika could be played into the storyline just a little more as well. It’s obvious that by page 27, when Austin agrees to go to dinner with her that there is something brewing between those two. By page 31, well past the transition into Act II, Claire and Austin have their first big argument within the story, leaving the reader wondering more what will happen between Erika and Austin. By page 55, Erika makes a comparison between her and Claire stating that she would not stomp on his dreams and on 56 and 57 she’s modeling bikinis and they are about to kiss and he realizes Claire is his girl. I think it’s a great aspect in helping Austin realize Claire is his girl and that he would even go as far as not racing for her, at least before their big blow out on pages 65/66, however, I think it could add more drama and an another element to Claire and Austin’s relationship to make the story a little more interesting. Side note: on page 38 of the actual screenplay (not the PDF) there is dialogue by I’m assuming Erika, but it says Claire – “And I have to go to work tomorrow” I wish I had a better suggestion, but I think that the ending could be a little stronger and that would really boost this screenplay tremendously as well. It’s pretty predictable even before this point -but especially once Claire realizes her hypocrisy at the floral shop and races to the speedway - that Austin will be driving and will win the race. I apologize for being so vague, but I think there just needs to be something else or another twist or something to create a little more desire to finish out the screenplay, especially after page 72 when you realize Austin declined Ricardo’s offer of double the pay to race for Team Wolfe again. That’s why I think that story of Tommy and Austin’s past needs more development. From then on, really the bulk of the third act, there isn’t much to keep the reader intrigued to the storyline. Again though, overall, this is very well put together and developed screenplay with great characters. It’s just adding to that sub-storyline and developing those other relationships would make this premise stand out from all of the other screenplays and movies in this very same vein. It’s very relatable and interesting and has a mass audience appeal. I think this is a good screenplay overall.
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