Spare Tire

A Thesis Presented to the Faculty of the Department of Psychology and Library Information Science College of Arts and Sciences University of San Jose-Recoletos Cebu City

In partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree BACHELOR OF SCIENCE IN PSYCHOLOGY

Rachael Tuico Abas January 2012

APPROVAL SHEET

This thesis entitled SPARE TIRE prepared and submitted by RACHAEL TUICO ABAS in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree BACHELOR OF SCIENCE IN PSYCHOLOGY has been examined and is recommended for acceptance and approval for ORAL EXAMINATION.

THE THESIS COMMITTEE

RAYMUNDO C. ROSADA JR., DM-HRM, PhD Chair, Department of Psychology and Library Information Science University of San Jose - Recoletos Chair

ANABELLA C. BARCENA, DM - HRM Chair, Business and Management Department University of San Jose- Recoletos Member

MARIA YLLEN G. AGPASA, MA (Candidate) Faculty, Department of Psychology and Library Information Science University of San Jose- Recoletos Member

MELDA P. RUBILLOS, MA (Candidate) Faculty, Department of Psychology and Library Information Science University of San Jose - Recoletos Adviser

Accepted and approved in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree BACHELOR OF SCIENCE IN PSYCHOLOGY.

TEODDIE B. DUMAM - AG, Ed.D. Dean, College of Arts and Sciences University of San Jose - Recoletos

PANEL OF EXAMINERS Approved by the Committee on Oral Defense with a grade of PASSED.

RAYMUNDO C. ROSADA JR., DM-HRM, PhD Chair, Department of Psychology and Library Information Science University of San Jose - Recoletos Chair

ANABELLA C. BARCENA, DM - HRM Chair, Business and Management Department University of San Jose- Recoletos Member

MARIA YLLEN G. AGPASA, MA (Candidate) Faculty, Department of Psychology and Library Information Science University of San Jose- Recoletos Member

MELDA P. RUBILLOS, MA (Candidate) Faculty, Department of Psychology and Library Information Science University of San Jose - Recoletos Adviser

Accepted and approved in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree BACHELOR OF SCIENCE IN PSYCHOLOGY.

TEODDIE B. DUMAM - AG, Ed.D. Dean, College of Arts and Sciences University of San Jose - Recoletos

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

The researcher would like to acknowledge and extend her heartfelt and sincerest gratitude to the following people who inspired, supported, motivated and unflinching encouragement to be successful in this research. First and foremost, to the research adviser Ms. Melda P. Rubillos for her supervision, advice, and guidance during the entire research. Her enthusiasm in the research had motivated all her advisees; In addition, she was always accessible and willing to help her students with their research. As a result, research life became smooth and rewarding for the researcher. To the panelists, DDr. Raymundo C. Rosada, Jr. for his advice and encouragement given to the researcher that made as a big challenge for her, Ms. Maria Yllen G. Agpasa who offers advice and suggestions, Dr. Anabella C. Barcena for her time and effort in sharing her knowledge. The researcher could never have embarked and started all of this without their prior teaching and advice. To the English editor, Mr. Emerson Aller for spending his time and patience in reading and editing the researcher’s research. To the subjects, selected professional women with multiple lovers particularly in the area of Cebu City for giving their trust, cooperation and time in sharing their private

lives, they are the ones who make the research possible and helped the researcher for the completion of her study. To the gatekeepers who helped the researcher and spending their time to look for the subjects. The researcher gratefully acknowledged Ms. Antonella Codeniera for her constructive comments on this research, advice and her willingness to share her bright thoughts with the researcher, which were very fruitful for shaping up the researcher’s ideas and research. The researcher is much indebted to her for her valuable advice. To the researcher’s classmates and PMP friends batch 2012, have been blessed with a friendly and cheerful group. The researcher convey special acknowledgement to my TIYA’S Charisse B. Labajo, Kimberly Ann C. Obrero, Mary Joy Fatima J. Tampus, Mary Jane S. Paca, Jhoanna Paula L. Lapingcao, Jollybei Y. Tabanag, Orgini A. Balibay and Jonathan Y. Tundag. The researcher was extraordinary fortunate in having this kind of people for creating such a great friendship, inspiration, support and motivation. To Junry L. Ignacio who really inspired and helped the researcher for his presence, motivation and encouragement, words to express the researcher’s appreciation to him whose dedication love and persistent confidence in me, has taken the load of my shoulder. The researchers owe him for being unselfishly let his intelligence, passions, and ambitions collide with the researcher.

The researcher’s deepest gratitude goes to her family for their unflagging love and support throughout; this research is simply impossible without them. The researcher is indebted to her father Rafael B. Abas for his care and love, he worked industriously to support the family and spare no effort to provide the best possible environment for the researcher to grow up and attend school. He had never complained in spite of all the hardships in his life. Her mother Johanna T. Abas for her everlasting love and constant support when the researcher encountered difficulties, and the sleepless nights, to the researcher’s siblings Shugar, Sweet, Didz, Kyle, Jerick and most especially to my younger sister Shamae for being contributed a lot to the researcher’s thesis. Finally, to the Almighty Father for the life through all kindness and limitless blessings. You have made the researcher’s life more bountiful, without you this researcher would not be successful. May your name be exalted, honored, and glorified.

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Rachael Tuico Abas

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This book is dedicated to the Almighty Father... to the selected Professional with Multiple Lovers… to my Family… to Myself… and to my special someone…

TABLE OF CONTENTS CHAPTER 1 THE PROBLEM AND THE RESEARCH DESIGN Rationale Conceptual Framework Theoretical Background Survey of Related literature THE PROBLEM Statement of the Problem Significance of the Study RESEARCH DESIGN Research Methodology Research Environment Map of Cebu Sampling Technique Research Subjects Research Key Informants Research Gatekeepers Research Instruments Validation Technique Data Gathering Procedure Data Analysis DEFINITION OF TERMS 1 3 6 16 26 26 26 27 30 30 32 33 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 PAGE

2 PRESENTATION, ANALYSIS AND INTERPRETATION OF DATA Case 1 Ms. Joan: The HRM Case 2 Ms. Louisa: The Manager Case 3 Ms. Geraldine: The Teacher 3 PROPOSED MODEL OF DEPRESSION Rationale Proposed Model of Depression General Description Major Assumptions Discussion and Analysis 4 SUMMARY, FINDINGS, CONCLUSIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS Summary Findings Conclusions Recommendations REFERENCES 110 110 111 115 116 117 79 104 104 105 106 106 107 56 42 42

LIST OF FIGURES

FIGURE 1 2 3 4 Conceptual Framework Research Design Map of Cebu Ms. Joan’s Emotional Profile Index Circle 5 Ms. Louisa’s Emotional Profile Index Circle 6 Ms. Geraldine’s Emotional Profile Index Circle 7 Model of Depression

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101 109

LIST OF TABLES

TABLE 1 2 3 4 5 Subjects of the study Researcher’s Key Informants Researcher’s Gate Keepers Validator’s of the study Ms. Joan’s Emotional Profile Index Result 6 7 Ms. Joan’s SSCT Interpretation Ms. Louisa’s Emotional Profile Index Result 8 9 Ms. Louisa’s SSCT Interpretation Ms. Geraldine’s Emotional Profile Index Result 10 Ms. Geraldine’s SSCT Interpretation

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54 54

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102 102

LIST OF APPENDICES

APPENDIX

PAGE

A B C D E F

Interview Schedule for the Subjects Interview Schedule for the Key Informants SACHS Sentence Completion Test Letter of Contract Letter of Intent Curriculum Vitae

120 123 125 130 131 133

Chapter 1 THE PROBLEM AND ITS SCOPE

Rationale People sometimes express the difficulty in loving two people at the same time. A plausible way of explaining this difficulty is to claim that romantic love is based upon a few significant characteristics of the beloved, and hence loving more than one person at a time may not be entirely unfeasible, as the additional love would be based upon a different set of characteristics, and thus the two lovers could be considered complementary rather than contradictory. Another context for such polyamorous love is having two romantic relationships which are at a different stage: one could be at the infatuation stage and the other at a later, more mature stage. It seems that there is no logical contradiction in romantically loving two people at the same time, and the issue here is psychological, as it generates profound emotional dissonance. The dissonance stems from the fact that by definition, emotions demand partiality, that is, the preference of one over another, which entails some sort of exclusivity. Emotionally, it is extremely painful to imagine your lover in the arms of another person. Indeed, most of those who told of being romantically in love with two people at the same time and pleased with the experience also claimed that they would not like to be at the other end of the relationship; that is, they would find it enormously difficult, if not impossible, to share their beloved with someone else. People have choices in things. Food, movies, jobs, places to visit, anything. Some are first choice, some are 10th choice. Just the same, it could be someone else's 2nd

choice or 4th choice and should not take it personally. After all they do the same to others if they had to make choices. If you were applying for a job, the HR would do the same. It could be the 1st, 10th, 100th choice. A strong correlation between "avoidant attachment style" and the wish to cheat on a lover. Those with avoidant attachment styles are uncomfortable with intimate relationships and find ways to get out of them. Another way to state this is to say that loving more than one person is a strategy to enable an individual to avoid intimate relationship. These are people who are phobic about intense personal relationship and need to dilute and destroy them as a way of calming their fears. Contrary to popular belief, this avoidance of intimacy by loving more than one person is not an exclusively male characteristic but both men and women cheat equally or think about doing so. The researcher view’s cheating as two primary types these are the physical and emotional. Physical cheating is the easiest to identify and classify, while those who are cheating emotionally may not even realize it at first. Of the two, it is difficult to tell which is more damaging to a relationship as well. Physical cheating is not just having sexual intercourse with someone other than the partner. This is doing anything physical with someone that the partner will not approve of, and that should be reserved for a partner alone. Depending on the boundaries in a particular relationship, this could mean caressing, kissing, holding, improper touching, and so on up to and including intercourse. Emotional cheating is much more difficult to recognize and identify even for the person committing it, much less the one observing. With the rise of the internet's popularity, emotional cheating has become much easier and much more prevalent. This

occurs when a partner's emotional needs are not met in some way, so they seek comfort outside of the relationship. This study is about a single professional woman with a career having multiple lovers for at least six months. The researcher is studying about how a professional women deal having multiple lovers and what are the factors and effects that lead to a circumstance of having a multiple lovers. The researcher will be able to come up with an explanation and a proposed model of depression. In this manner that the researcher would like to contribute for the professional women and to the men.

Conceptual Framework In wanting to understand why the professional women having multiple relarionships, the researcher was able to come up with a conceptual framework that is guided in the entire research process. Woman as a social being and as such, one of her innate needs is the desire to form interpersonal relationships with other human beings. The resulting social bonds from these relationships facilitate other needs as well. This includes the need for a sense of belonging, the desire to love, and be love, the desire for sexual fulfillment which resulted to have a multiple relationships. The flow of the study illustrates major components that would make the research process complete. The researcher should identify first the profile of the subjects by knowing their personal background that includes family history, childhood experiences and previous relationship. There are guided theories such as Bernice Lott’s

Attraction Theory, Sigmund Freud’s Psychoanalytic Theory, Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, Erich Fromm’s Theory of Love, John Lee’s Theory of Love, Rubin Scales of Liking and Loving Theory, Elaine Hatfield’s Theory of Love, Family Systems Theory and Theory of Attachment. This mentioned theoies will help shape the direction and analysis of the study. Next to theories is the subject’s profile which contains personal background of the subjects, their childhood experiences that includes family and friends and the previous relationships, then the factors leading to circumstances of having multiple lovers which also contains psychological factors, environment and peers. The outcome would be found out as the study progress. The later portion of the framework would be the proposed model of depression.

Women with multiple lovers

Subjects Profile Personal - Family - Friends Previous Relationships Background

Childhood Experiences

Factors leading to circumstance having multiple lovers Psychological Factors - Environment - Peers

PROPOSED MODEL OF DEPRESSION

Figure 1. Conceptual Framework

Theoretical Background This study is anchored on Bernice Lott’s Attraction Theory which states that interpersonal attraction works based on our need for other people. It can be developed based on proximity, similarity and reciprocity (Aronson, 1999). Proximity or the so called geographical nearness is one of the most powerful predictor of liking. Attraction and propinquity rely not only on actual psychical distance but also on the more psychological, functional distance as well. Functional distance is defined as certain aspects of architectural design that make it more likely that some people will come into contact with each other more often that with other ( Fistinger, 1950) . Proximity can also breed hostility; fortunately it stimulates the liking process of an individual for more often. People frequently become friends with those often crossed their paths, like neighbors, classmates, workmates (Bossard, 1932). For instance, propinquity does affect friendship choices but here comes the one of the major determinants in attraction, the similarity. Similarity plays a major role in attraction process for first, it provide us important social validation for our characteristics and beliefs - that is, they provide us with feeling that we are right (Byrne & Clore, 1970). Second, we make negative inferences about someone disagrees with us on important issues. We suspect the individual’s opinion is indicative of the kind of the person we have found in the past to be unpleasant, immoral, weal, or thoughtless. In short, disagreement on important attitudes leads to repulsion (Rosenbaum, 1986). Reciprocal liking is one of the prime determinants of interpersonal attraction. Liking is so powerful that it can even make us for the absence of similarity. In an

experiment conducted by (Gold, Ryckman, & Mosley, 1984), it shows that when a young woman expressed interest in male simply by maintaining eye contact, leaning toward them and listening attentively, the men expressed great liking for a woman despite the fact that they knew she disagreed with them on nonverbal, perhaps the most crucial determinant of whether we will like the person is the extent to which we believe that the person likes us. (Berscheid & Walster, 1987). Reciprocal liking can come about because of a self-fulfilling prophecy. In an experiment by Rebecca Curtis & Kim Miller (1986) shows that those individuals who thought they were like behaved in more likable ways with their partner; they disclosed more about themselves, disagreed less about the topic under discussion, and generally behaved in a warmer, more pleasant manner than those individuals who thought they were liked. Moreover, those who believed they were liked came to be like by the other student to a far greater extent than those who believed they were disliked. Another theory essential in this study is Sigmund Freud’s Psychoanalytic Theory, specifically the Structure of Personality and the Dynamics of the Personality. In the structure of personality, the personality is made up of three major systems: the id, ego and superego. Each of the part has its own functions, properties and components, principles, dynamisms and mechanisms. They interact so closely with one another that it is difficult to breakdown their effects and weigh their relative contributions to human behavior. In this study, the ego is focused as the part of the research; the ego comes into existence because the needs of the organism require appropriate transactions with the objective world of reality. The hungry person has to seek, find and eat food before

the tension of hunger can be eliminated. The basic distinction between the id and the ego is that id knows only the subjective reality of mind, whereas, the ego distinguishes between things in the mind and the things in the external world. The ego is said to obey the reality principle is to prevent the discharge of tension until its object is appropriate for the satisfaction of the need that has been discovered. It’s suspends pleasure principle temporarily, but the pleasure principle is eventually served when the needed object is found and the tension is thereby reduced. The reality principle asks, in effect whether an experience is true or false whether it has external existence or not, while the pleasure principle is only interested in whether the experience is painful or pleasurable. The secondary process is reality thinking. It formulated a plan for the satisfaction of the need and then tests the plan by action, to see whether or how it will work. The ego is said to be the executive of the personality because it controls the gateways to action, selects the features of the environment to which it will respond and decides what instincts will be satisfied and in what manner. The instinct is defined as an inborn physiological representation that called a wish, and the bodily excitation is called the need. An instinct is a quantum of psychic energy or as Freud put it, “ a measure of the demand made upon the mind for work”. An instinct has four characteristics feature: a source, an aim, an object, and an impetus. The source is the need, the aim is removal of the bodily excitation, the object not only refers to a particular thing or condition that will satisfy the need but also includes all the behavior that takes place in securing the necessary thing or condition. The impetus is the force or strength of the instinct, which is determined by the intensity of the underlying need. The behavior of the person is

activated by internal irritants and subsides as soon as an appropriate action removes or diminishes the irritation. An instinct is regressive and conservative. Life instincts serve as the purpose of individual survival and racial propagation. Hunger, thirst and sex fall under this category. The form of energy by which the life instincts perform their work is called libido. The life instincts to which Freud paid attentions is that of sex, and in the early years of psychoanalysis almost everything the person did was attributed to this common drive (Freud, 1950). Other than the above mentioned theory, several other theories are considered in this study. These are the Bernice Lott’s Attraction Theory, Sigmund Freud’s Psychoanalytic Theory, Erich Fromm’s Theory of Love, Robert Sternberg Triangular Theory of Love, John Lee’s Theory of Love, Rubin Scales of Liking and Loving Theory, Elaine Hatfield’s Theory of Love, Family Systems Theory and Theory of Attachment. Erich Fromm’s Theory of Love combines the humanistic-existential and psychoanalytic perspectives in his theory of love. Fromm believes that modern humankind suffers from a societal induced sense of alienation and loneliness. Unlike Freud, who saw love and sex as expressions of the instinctual, animalistic nature of humans, Fromm’s sees love as a special characteristic that actually humanizes men and women. In order to alleviate feeling of loneliness, people seek contact with the world around them and, in particular, with other individuals. Love is the positive result of individuals striving to join with others. Fromm goes on to the describe characteristics that discriminate between different qualities and types of love. For Fromm, motherly love is completely one sided

and unequal—the mother gives unconditional love, asking for nothing. From this love the child acquires a sense of stability and security. Brotherly love involves loving all others—all of human kind. This kind of love reunites the isolated individual with others. Erotic love is, however, directed toward a single individual; erotic love is a momentary, short-lived intimacy. In such cases, the individual may move from one lover to the next fairly rapidly. People who engage solely in erotic love do not experience true mature love, which may occur in (immature) adult-adult, as well as adult-child, unions. But when an individual’s personality is mature, the person is capable of true giving and therefore genuine, mature love. Real mature love, according to Fromm, incorporates elements of brotherly love and self-love. In mature love, each partner is caring for the other. In addition, mature love feels a sense of responsibility toward each other, not out of obligation, but freely given (Miller & Siggel, 1972). Mature love also encompasses respect for the development of the partner. Finally, in order to love maturely, each person must have the knowledge of the partner. One must be able to love oneself and one must have the sense of devotion that accompanies brotherly love before one can successfully and maturely love one another. Thus, Fromm sees love as much more complex than simply a means of reducing sexual tension. Fromm’s view of mature love has been adopted by most modern marriage counselors. Interestingly, I contrast to Freud. Fromm believed that immediate sexual satisfaction did not facilitate love but rather than sexual satisfaction would follow true love. This is the idea that the best sex comes in the most loving relationships. If a

woman is seeking the relationship she never had with her father, or if the man is seeking childish motherly love, neither will ever be fully satisfied. These are the examples of neurotic love. Similarly, if an individual gives up her or his own identity and worships the partner, the result is a form of pseudo-love (Howard & Schustack, 2009). Triangular Theory of Love by Robert Sternberg states the idea of three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Sternberg’s model of love is a true interaction model. It is interesting to consider what happens to relationships that lack some of the three primary components in his theory. Passion, this is the component that leads to romance, sexual attraction, and the like. Intimacy refers to feelings of closeness, warmth, and “connectedness” in a close relationship. Commitment the most purely cognitive one, it results form a decision to maintain the relationship. Sternberg also says that as person grow from birth to maturity; they develop their own theories of love. This is how they relate to the world. Many influences can be a part of this. A family for one, siblings, cousin’s aunts and uncles, plus our first forays into love at school or who they admire as their teachers, pop starts, community leaders, and maybe even the person they meet at the local convenience store down the road ( Sternberg and Bercheid, 1991). John Lee’s Theory of Love (1973) identified six basic love theories also known as "colors" of love that people use in their interpersonal relationships: Eros a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; Erotic lovers choose their lovers by intuition or "chemistry." They are more likely to say they fell in love at first sight than those of other love styles. Ludus a love that is played as a game or sport;

Ludic lovers are players. More interested in quantity than quality of relationships, ludic lovers want to have as much fun as possible. Ludic lovers choose their partners by playing the field, and quickly recover from break-ups. Storge an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship. Storgic lovers are friends first. Storgic love develops gradually out of friendship, and the friendship can endure beyond the breakup of the relationship. Pragma love that is driven by the head, not the heart; Pragmatic lovers are practical. Pragmatic lovers think rationally and realistically about their expectations in a partner, and select them via comparison shopping or shopping-list love. Pragmatic lovers want to find value in their partners, and ultimately want to work with their partner to reach a common goal. Mania highly volatile love; obsession; fueled by low self-esteem. Manic lovers often have low self-esteem, and place much importance on their relationship. Manic lovers speak of their partners in possessives and superlatives, and feel they "need" their partners. Agape - selfless altruistic love; spiritual; motherly love. Agapic love is self-sacrificing, all-encompassing love. Agapic lovers are often spiritual or religious people. Agapic lovers view their partners as blessings, and wish to take care of them (Sternberg and Bernes, 1991). According to Rubin’s Scales of Liking and Loving Theory (1970) work, the Measurement of Romantic Love created a description of love in heterosexual relationships based on the difference that exists between liking and loving someone. He stresses that liking another individual deals with respect as an approving assessment, while having similar personality traits. He characterized three elements to describe love, which are attachment, caring, and intimacy. According to Rubin, what causes liking

to be different from loving, is its stress on appraising the other person. A person likes another only if he or she perceives the person as cognitively and morally worth his or her respect. Rubin states there is a difference between liking and loving someone. This difference became the catalyst for Rubin’s research. The end result of his research produced scales measuring the differences between love and liking, which provided support for his theory. Rubin’s concept focuses on the identification of components that cause specific labels to emerge in romantic love relationships. While he was successful with classifying couples relationships (liking vs. loving), Rubin did not explore the initiation process of how couples began the process of liking or loving, and he gave no further information regarding the maintenance of a love relationship (Rubin, Z. (1970). Measurement of romantic love. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology). Hatfield’s Theory of Love (1978), state that there are two basic types of love, compassionate and passionate love. Compassionate love is shown through mutual respect, attachment, affection and trust, usually developed from feeling of mutual understanding and respect for one another. The characteristics of passionate love are intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety and affection. Individuals sense a feeling of fulfillment and elation when said feelings are reciprocated. When unreciprocated, feelings of despondence and despair are experienced. Hatfield also suggests that passionate love is only temporary, lasting typically between 6-30 months (Hatfield & Walster, 1978). Hatfield states that passionate love occurs when cultural expectations

encourage falling in love, when the person in question meets your preconceived expectations of an ideal partner, and when heightened physiological arousal is

experienced within the presence of the other person. Ideally, passionate love concedes to compassionate love, which is far more enduring. Hatfield suggests that the combination of security and stability found in compassionate love with the intensity of passionate love is rarely found, though desired by most. (Hatfield, E., & Walster, G.W. (1978). A new look at love). Family Systems Theory is a theory introduced by Dr. Murray Bowen that suggests that individuals cannot be understood in isolation from one another, but rather as a part of their family, as the family is an emotional unit. Families are systems of interconnected and interdependent individuals, none of whom can be understood in isolation from the system. According to Bowen, a family is a system is which each member had a role to play and rules to respect. Members of the system are expected to respond to each other in a certain way according to their role, which is determined by relationship agreements. Within the boundaries of the system, patterns to develop as certain family member’s behavior is caused by and causes other family member’s behavior is caused by and causes other family member’s behaviors in predictable ways. Maintaining the same pattern of behaviors within a system may lead to balance in the family system, but also to dysfunction. There are eight interlocking concepts in Dr. Bowen’s theory: Triangles, Differentiation of self, Nuclear family emotional system, Family projection process, Multigenerational transmission process, Emotional cutoff, Sibling position, Societal emotional process. Triangles: The smallest stable relationship

system. Triangles usually have one side in conflict and two sides in harmony, contributing to the development of clinical problems. Differentiation of self: The

variance in individuals in their susceptibility to depend on others for acceptance and approval. Nuclear family emotional system: The four relationship patterns that define where problems may develop in a family. Marital conflict, Dysfunction in one spouse, Impairment of one or more children, Emotional distance. Family projection process: The transmission of emotional problems from a parent to a child. Multigenerational transmission process: The transmission of small differences in the levels of differentiation between parents and their children. Emotional cutoff: The act of

reducing or cutting off emotional contact with family as a way managing unresolved emotional issues. Sibling position: The impact of sibling position on development and behavior. Societal emotional process: The emotional system governs behavior on a societal level, promoting both progressive and regressive periods in a society (http://www.genopro.com/family-systems-theory/). The Theory of Attachment describes the various ways which someone can act while in a relationship. Attachment styles develop in infants and rely on the kind of relationship they have with their primary caregiver. In other words, we learn how to treat others by the way we are treated in our very first relationships. The theory assumes that a person will develop and have a particular attachment theory in his/her whole life. There are three different attachment styles: Secure Attachment Style - there is a lot of trust in relationships of this attachment style. When securely attached, there are no fears of being abandoned and a person will feel well liked and worthy of love. Caregivers here will often be responsive to their children’s needs and show positive emotions during interaction. Avoidant Attachment Style - who feel uncomfortable when

they are close to another or when others are close to them, and who have trouble trusting and being trusted by others. People who have this style will find it hard to develop intimate relationships. Anxious/ Ambivalent Attachment Style - people with this attachment style will have high levels of anxiety and constant concern that their desire for intimacy will not be reciprocated. Caregivers of this style are usually inconsistent and overbearing with their affection. Since the infant can’t predict how their caregiver will react to anything, they develop anxiety (Spaulding, 2008). Those exhibiting any of the three insecure styles are likely to report feeling distrust in their partners, low levels of interdependence, problems with commitment and an overall low level of relationship satisfaction (Barthalomew & Horowitz, 1991; Simpson, 1990).

Survey of Related Literature There are numerous of professional women who is engaged into multiple lover relationship, most of the foreign countries is involved into this kind of situation that leads them to have more than one partner. On the 2 nd day of March 2008, more than 100 people attended an unconventional convention in Bristol. They all believe in polyamory - having more than one partner at a time. Different people from different parts of the country - all share the same attitude towards the relationships. Among them gracefully sits a young man wearing a hat with dreadlocks sticking out of it. Polyamory: Past, Present and Future. The annual Polyday event was ironically held in the former Trinity church in Bristol. The organisers were running different workshops on the honest non-monogamy relationships - a concept now called Polyamory. Polyamory

is the practice of having more than one partner at a time. Poly means many in Greek and Amor means love in Latin. It has a completely different outlook towards the traditional forms of relationship. While it is common to have one partner polyamory is about having several intimate partners at a time with the knowledge of everyone involved.Polyamorous relationships are not accepted by our society. Polyday and other events organised by and for polyamorous people are these opportunities to meet other alike. The estimated number of poly individuals in the UK is two thousand. They hope they will one day be as acceptable to society as homosexuality. Polyamory, also referred as an ethical or responsible non-monogamy, existed long before the actual word “Polyamory” was created in the beginning of '90s in USA. In America people started having multiple relationships in 1970’s. There are different forms of polyamory relationships: polyfidelity, polygamy, sub-relationships, relationship between two couples, mono/poly relationships, and a network of interconnecting relationships. Polyamory marriages are not legalised. If you look at the different variations of nonmonogamy relationships, it is not easy to create a law that would protect all the forms of multiple relationships.It is hard to imagine multiple marriages being legalised one day. However, thirty years ago many could not even imagine that in 21st century in some countries it would legal to marry a person of the same sex. Will it be the same with Polyamory relationships in two or three decades? Bobbu is Matthew Rainfrod, a 23 year old web designer from Bristol. He started a polyamorous relationship when he was 18, although he always thought that relationships should not be monogamous, but did not know the right word to name it.He came across the word polyamory when he was

listening to the science fiction short story podcasts - one of the stories was narrated by Cunning Minx, who presents the Polyamory Weekly, a weekly podcast show devoted to polyamory in America. “I remember leaping out of my seat and skipping back so that I could listen to the description of her podcast again when it was plugged. ‘Responsible non-monogamy’ was a brand new term to me, but I knew straight away that it was what I had been talking about for so long,” says Matthew. Two of his girlfriends live locally which allows them to see each other quite often, whereas the relationships with his three London lovers are rare because of the distance. He also has an intimate relationship with a girl with whom he is less sexually involved. He does not share a house with any of them, nor does he plan to do so in near future, as he thinks everyone should have their own space. A different principle applies to the relationship between Ethyl (31), Lucian (38), Kinkabell (29) and Scar (23) - a polyamorous quad from Coventry, who also attended the Polyday. They share a house together and have equal relationships between each other. London polyamory people also have a chance to know each other as they meet every month. Nickie, 57, is a Chartered Librarian from South London. She is an organizer of the monthly meet ups. She has been living in a Polyamory triad for nine years. She took over the organization of the meeting in April 2010, although she has been a member of the group since 2006. The meeting gathers about 30 people every month. Nickie says that the number of people coming to the meeting have changed since 2006 as more people now know about the meet up (http://kazakhstudents.org/all/other_topics/all_my_lovers__true_stories_about_multi-ple_r elationships1/).

Most of the women are actually involved having multiple lover some of its are only for fun purposes and they may also be an aggressive one which is easily gets attracted to men that are committed .In the June newsletter we described the unconscious evolutionary programming that causes women to find "Don Juans" compelling. Briefly, if your sex partner is attractive to lots of women, your future son has a better shot at that quality - and at opportunities to spread your genes in the next generation. Needless to say, this evolutionary program seldom leads to lasting harmony. Yet it’s easy to see why evolution has conserved it; it passes on lots of genes. The multiple-lover phenomenon is another common unconscious pattern. As soon as you start to get closer to your mate, someone else shows up to tempt you. There are many ways to explain this multiple-lover phenomenon. For example, in We, a book on the psychology of romantic love, Robert Johnson writes that romantic sparks of the type my friend is suffering from hide a spiritual crisis. (Yes, behind all the racy neurochemistry, he is suffering - crying, shaking, tormented.) Johnson says we actually long for a spiritual experience that carries us beyond ourselves, Shakespeare in Love a transcendental experience. As soon as a relationship settles into normal companionship, we project our spiritual longing onto the next partner...and the process continues indefinitely. This yearning is especially intense for anyone with whom we cannot ha ve a normal relationship (for example, because she is married to someone else). Johnson recommends that we find a deeper connection to spirit through some other practice, and accept that our relationship serves a different, more mundane purpose in our life: companionship, procreation, physical affection, etc. Here I believe he overlooks the true

spiritual potential of our intimate relationships - when we learn to use sex, as opposed to courtship - to achieve transcendence. Feelings of wholeness may translate into more oxytocin. Scientists have shown that oxytocin counters the cravings of high dopamine, speeds healing and counters stress. Perhaps as a result of our practice of controlled intercourse, I have noticed that I no longer really enjoy anyone's touch but my husband's (even for a therapeutic massage). Some type of deeper bond, beyond my conscious mind, has formed. There's yet another reason human attract side relationships. As A Course in Miracles, says, humans believe that "love" equals "sacrifice." Why? Because passionate sex leaves us feeling drained at a subconscious level. Gradually we associate our lover with feelings of depletion. We unconsciously perceive her/him as dangerous, which of course translates into "less attractive than any available lover who hasn't yet drained us." In short, we fear long-term unions simply because the neurochemistry of conventional sex manipulates us to do so. When we first switch to controlled intercourse, all those old feelings of uneasiness about our current lover are still in place. It takes a while for our subconscious to recognize that our mate is now safe, that is, no longer draining us. Meanwhile, we see neither lover clearly. Our mate, who can benefit our health and inner peace doesn't look as good as she would if we had only just met her. siren seduction The temptation, with whom we could never have a "draining," long-term relationship, looks better than she would if we had no mate. To put it differently, our subconscious doesn't believe that long-term relationships are good for us...despite the statistics that prove they are, and despite what our hearts tell us. In fact, that person is

likely to be wrong every time, and a very slow learner. Why do we implicitly trust those alluring neurochemical signals? Our brains are designed to supply dopamine surges to signal "right" decisions in all situations. Such a surge helps us choose courses of action that were rewarding in the past. Yet, there are some areas of our lives in which these signals are not reliable. After all, our brain evolved to push us toward actions that improved the genetic success of our ancestors, or guaranteed their survival in their lessabundant lives. Many of these unconscious choices now serve us poorly - such as reaching for high-calorie foods, chocolate bar going for short-term gains rather than long-term benefits, and, of course, adding genetic opportunities on the side. In these areas, we want to seek greater wisdom before making decisions. For an excellent, entertaining book on this subject see Mean Genes: From Sex, to Money, to Food, Taming our Primal Instincts by Burnham and Phelan. Perhaps the cure to the multiplelover phenomenon ultimately lies in healing our perception of our mate by changing the way we make love so we never feel drained. Then ongoing intimacy with its health and longevity benefits will not seem fearful. It may also help to recognize that the urge to switch partners is not coming from an inspired part of the brain. Switching to controlled intercourse in an existing relationship is challenging. Our past uneasiness about being drained haunts us for a while. That's challenging enough without an enticing temptation like the one my friend faced. Yet, if we can stay with controlled intercourse long enough to clear out the old projections, then we have all the gifts of a long-term relationship (familiarity with each other, a mutual "history," and so forth.) and mutual attraction. This process takes both time and lust engraving firm decision to spend more time

building something with our current partner. Resentment toward our current partner may be a challenge for a while. After all, in our subconscious mind, she is between us and an opportunity that our brain is signaling would be vastly rewarding. Sometimes it helps to set a time limit during which we will make a total commitment to our current efforts, at which point we will allow ourselves to reassess our situation...so we don't struggle with conflict constantly. Like all of us, our mates have been burned by the fear of love that results from conventional lovemaking

(http://www.reuniting.info/science/multiple_lover_phenomenon_adultery). As of July 2009, it was estimated that more than 500,000 polyamorous

relationships existed in the United States. People who identify as polyamorous typically reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term loving relationships. Those who are open to, or emotionally suited for, polyamory may embark on a polyamorous relationship when single or already in a monogamous or open relationship. Sex is not necessarily a primary focus in polyamorous relationships, which commonly consist of people seeking to build longterm relationships with more than one person on mutually agreeable grounds, with sex as only one aspect of their relationships. In practice, polyamorous relationships are highly varied and individualized according to those participating. For many, such relationships are ideally built upon values of trust, loyalty, the negotiation of boundaries, and compersion, as well as overcoming jealousy, possessiveness, and the rejection of restrictive cultural standards.[8] Powerful intimate bonding among three or more persons may occur. The skills and attitudes needed to manage polyamorous

relationships add challenges that are not often found in the traditional "dating-andmarriage" model of long-term relationships. Polyamory may require a more fluid and flexible approach to love relationship, and yet operate on a complex system of boundaries or rules. Additionally, participants in a polyamorous relationship may not have, nor expect their partners to have, preconceptions as to the duration of the relationship, in contrast to monogamous marriages where a life-long union is generally the goal. However, polyamorous relationships can and do last many years. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory). A study examines the impact of women's proportional representation in the upper echelons of organizations on hierarchical and peer relationships among professional women at work. It is proposed that social identity is the principal mechanism through which the representation of women influences their relationships. Both quantitative and qualitative analyses of interview and questionnaire data are used to compare women's same-sex relationships in firms with relatively low and high proportions of senior women. Compared with women in firms with many senior women, women in firms with few senior women were less likely to experience common gender as a positive basis for identification with women, less likely to perceive senior women as role models with legitimate authority, more likely to perceive competition in relationships with women peers, and less likely to find support in these relationships (Ely, R. J. (1994). The effects of organizational demographics and social identity on relationships among professional women. Administrative Science Quarterly, 39(2), 203203).

Data from a large survey of 1,561 professionals were used to examine the relationship between power and infidelity and the process underlying this relationship. Results showed that elevated power is positively associated with infidelity because power increases confidence in the ability to attract partners. This association was found for both actual infidelity and intentions to engage in infidelity in the future. Gender did not moderate these results: The relationship between power and infidelity was the same for women as for men, and for the same reason. These findings suggest that the common assumption (and often-found effect) that women are less likely than men to engage in infidelity is, at least partially, a reflection of traditional gender-based differences in power that exist in society ( Lammers, J., Stoker, J. I., Jordan, J., Pollmann, M., & Stapel, D. A. (2011). Power increases infidelity among men and women. Psychological Science, 22(9), 1191). Infidelity is perhaps the most complex issue encountered by couple therapists. Although clinical literature, opinion, and speculation on this topic are abundant, research literature is sparse. What little available research exists is, in most cases, neither robust nor helpful to the practicing therapist. This article provides, in both narrative and table format, a comprehensive methodological review of the available research literature on infidelity from 1980 to present. Topics addressed in the narrative include the lack of a consensus on the definition of infidelity; design challenges, such as retrospective research, confidentiality, measures, and variables; and sampling issues, such as diversity and randomization. Throughout the article, we offer suggestions for future research ( Blow, A. J., & Hartnett, K. (2005). Infidelity in committed relationships I:

A methodological review. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 31(2), 183-183-216). In a committed relationship nothing hurts more, or is harder to recover from, than infidelity, and this is even true when it’s the female partner who’s been doing the cheating. In recent years I’ve noticed a precipitous rise in the number of men who have been betrayed by adultery, and while there’s an overall consensus among professionals that female infidelity is on the rise, the trend doesn’t garner nearly as much attention as male infidelity That’s surprising, because female infidelity is often much more damaging to a marriage. Don’t get me wrong: Male cheating is definitely harmful. But when a woman fools around, it’s often the death knell to a couple’s relationship. It's often said that men cheat for sex, while women cheat for love, the theory being that men can more easily compartmentalize sex and emotion, while women typically need to experience an emotional connection to a person before feeling sexual desire. Without those pesky emotions to stand in the way of a potential mistake, a guy is much more likely to get himself into trouble (especially if alcohol is involved and inhibitions are down) or to get involved with someone for whom he has no

feelings(http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/04/07/female-infidelity-its-different-from-theguys).

THE PROBLEM

Statement of the Problem The purpose of the study was to explore on the influencing factors of the single professional women who have indulged themselves to multiple lovers. Specifically, this study was guided by the following concerns: 1. What are the personal backgrounds of the subjects in terms of: 1.1 Family Background; 1.2 Childhood experiences; - Family - Friends 1.3 Previous relationships? 2. How did the previous relationships affect the subject? 3. What factors leads to a circumstance of having a multiple lovers? 4. Based on the findings of this study, what indigenous model can be proposed?

Significance of the study The result of this research envisioned by the researcher to the following entitles: professional women with a multiple relationships, to woman, to men, to the students, to the readers, to the researcher, and to the future researchers. A professional woman with a multiple lovers can be used from this study for them to be awakened from their mistakes they have done. This study could give them a

guide for them to take the right way in their life. This would enlighten their mind in knowing themselves better. To the men for they would understand the behavior of the woman who is engaged into multiple relationship. To the students who are open-minded and highly intellectual and want to know how a multiple relationship works. The readers could also be benefited from this study; they can become awaken of the consequences for having a multiple lovers. This would give them the idea of what multiple lovers are. The researchers could also be benefited because they could relate and explore themselves to the lives of professional women having a multiple lovers.

The future researchers could also be benefited because they could use the findings for this study for further researchers.

Research Design This study is entitled spare tire, the researcher sought sources through journals, books, internet, and etc. to determine which theories, principles, concepts and ideas best as basis for the research work. By this, the researcher was able to gather relevant theories such as the Bernice Lott’s Attraction Theory, Sigmund Freud’s Psychoanalytic Theory, Erich Fromm’s Theory of Love, Robert Sternberg Triangular Theory of Love, John Lee Theory of Love, Rubin Scales of Liking and Loving Theory, Elaine Hatfield’s Theory of Love, Family Systems Theory and Theory of Attachment.

These theories explained some possible causes of why some professional women tend to have a multiple lovers .With the desire to achieve the outcome, the researcher conceptualized the problem which contains the theories, variables and dimension of the study to figure out where the problem lies and also the researcher’s inferences about the study. To provide sufficient and credible information to the study, inferences were applied such as the relationship of the family and the previous relationship. The researcher showed how the data were gathered. The input included the researcher’s presentation of the problem and its variables which include personal background, childhood experiences, previous relationships, the relationship with her multiple lovers. Both qualitative and quantitative research methods were used in gathering and analyzing the data. The said research methods were semi-structured interviews, EPI (Emotional Profile Index) and SACHS Sentence Completion Test. For qualitative data analysis were methods such as semi-structured questionnaires. Based on this process, the researcher then drew conclusions and generalizations that would come up in a proposed model of depression.

Problem Conceptualization

Case Study

Output

Theories Attraction Theory Psychoanalytic Theory Fromm’s Theory of Love Triangular Theory of Love Lee’s Theory of Love Scales of Liking and Loving Theory Hatfield’s Theory of Love Family Systems Theory

Qualitative Data Case Study - Interview Quantitative Data EPI( Emotional Profile Index) SACHS Sentence Completion Test

Generalization/ Conclusions All data will be analyzed and thoroughly interpreted as basis for conclusion Proposed Model of Depression

Variables Personal Background Childhood experiences Previous Relationships Family Background With Multiple Lovers Relationships Researcher’s Inferences Relationship with the family Effects of the previous relationship

Figure 2. Research Design

Research Methodology In this study, both qualitative and quantitative types of research methods were used. Each of these methods sought to understand the perspective of the research subjects within the context of their everyday life that affected the main aim of the research. In qualitative aspect, Case study and Interview Schedule Questionnaires were served as the guidelines in collecting further necessary of information that were useful in conducting the study. In quantitative aspect, data were collected using EPI (Emotional Profile Index) and SACHS Sentence Completion Test. Data were highly analyzed by using appropriate measurement devices and interpretation to strengthen the study’s validity.

Research Environment This study will be conducted in Cebu Province, particularly in Cebu City, there are actually some professional woman having multiple lovers in particular area such as Talamban City, V.Rama Street and J.MBasa Street Cebu City. Cebu City metropolitan area, its capital is Cebu City, the oldest city in the country, which forms part of the Cebu Metropolitan Area together with six neighboring cities Carcar City, Danao City, Lapu-Lapu City, Mandaue City, Naga City, Bogo, and Talisay City and 6 other municipalities found on the Cebu map. Cebu is served by Mactan-Cebu International Airport on Mactan Island, thirty minutes drive from downtown Cebu City. Cebu is one of the most developed provinces in the country and

the main center of commerce, trade, education and industry in the central and southern parts of the archipelago. It has five-star hotels, casinos, white sand beaches, world-class golf courses, convention centers, and shopping malls. When Cebu was "discovered" by Spanish explorer Ferdinand Magellan in 1521, it was truly a discovery, for it opened the eyes of the world to what it did not expect to see. The island, with its natural port, was a logical destination, and its people, so steeped in the ways of trade and commerce, were its greatest natural resources. It remains that one bright spot, situated right at the geographic center of the archipelago. It is the fastest growing economy in the country, with an average growth rate significantly higher than that of the entire nation, and any other province. There is a reason why Cebu consistently gets the biggest chunk of tourist arrivals yearly, and has become the tourist gateway to Central and Southern Philippines. Perhaps, it is because the island is naturally situated to become the center of all this action. It is the most accessible place to and from all points in the country, with more domestic air and sea linkages than even Manila. Moreover, an independent, self-reliant, entrepreneurial culture pervades the island, which makes its people eminently positioned to seize the opportunities that nature presented it. Cebu has had four centuries of being discovered by the world (http://www.cebu-philippines.net/cebumap.html).

Figure 3. Map of Cebu

Sampling Technique The researcher used purposive sampling technique in this study because the researcher selected subjectively of a professional woman who have multiple relationships. This type of technique was a non- probability sampling which was sometimes called judgmental sampling. When developing purposive samples, researcher used their special knowledge about which respondents to choose, and pick only those who have best meet the purpose of the study.

Research Subjects The subjects were selected based on the following criteria: 1. Subjects must be a local resident of Cebu City. 2. Subjects must be female. 3. Subjects must be professional women degree holder with a career. 4. Subjects must have a multiple lovers for at least six months. The researcher sought the help of friends, neighbors, and colleagues of the subjects. These people gave the researcher subjects that qualified on the set of criteria given and stated above. The researchers come up at least three subjects who will come from the selected areas of the Cebu City, Philippines. The research subjects were professional women having a career with multiple lovers for six months. Each of the subjects was currently involved with a multiple lovers.

Table 1. Subjects of the study n=3 Subjects Qualifications

A resident of V.Rama Highway, Cebu City Ms. Joan - HRM 30 years old Having a multiple lovers for almost 6 months.

A resident of Nasipit Talamban, Cebu City Ms. Louisa - Manager 35 years old Having a multiple lovers for almost 8 months.

A resident of J.M Basa Street, Barangay San Nicolas, Cebu City Ms. Geraldine - Teacher 28 years old Having multiple lovers for almost 8 months.

Research Key Informants They were the ones who introduced the subject to the researcher. They can also be key informants who can give reliable and certain information about the research subjects. They were the family, friends, and the gatekeepers.

Table 2. Researcher’s Key Informants n=10 Subjects Key Informants Qualification

Ms. Joan

Roy Mrs. Emilia Rhea

Brother Mother Close friend

Ms. Louisa

Tonit Mayet

Childhood friend Cousin

Ms. Geraldine

Jun Nonoy Zenny Myrna Tin

Brother of Ms. Teacher Father Mother Close family friend Bestfriend

Research Gatekeepers The gatekeeper would recommend people whom they know and who would qualify to be the researcher’s subjects. After which, the gatekeeper gave feedback for the approval of the subject. By all means, the researcher was able to come up with the subjects.

Table 3. Researcher’s Gate Keepers n=3 Gate Keepers Rose Janelle Qualifications Common friend of the researcher Close friend of the researcher

Cherry

Close friend

Research Instrumentation In Quantitative Approach, the research instruments used were the Emotional Profile Index and SACHS Sentence Completion Test. The Emotions Profile Index is a personality test designed to yield information about certain basic personality traits and personality conflicts in an individual’s life. It reveals problem areas and provides the examiner with insights into the nature of the difficulties. A circular profile is used to display the relative strengths of the basic personality traits. This profile allows the examiner to compare these traits, to see their relative importance for the individual, and to identify major conflicts between traits. The circular profile thus provides a concise, dynamic description of some of the major forces acting in the personality. A Bias score is included which indicates the subject’s tendency to describe him in socially desirable or undesirable ways. The SACHS Sentence Completion Test (Sacks & Levy, 1950) was developed to explore specific clusters of attitudes or significant areas of an individual’s life. The

theoretical basis or appropriate ages of test takers have not been reported. It is a 60item instrument with four subscales (Family, Sex, Interpersonal Relationships, and SelfConcepts), each of which is measured on 15 different attitudes, such as fears, guilt, and goals. In the qualitative method, the researcher used a Semi- structured Interview, Interview Schedule Questionnaires for the Respondents, and Key Informants to verify and validate the answers on the questionnaires. The result could be used to enhance more the study. Case Study - which is prepared by the researcher used to gather the preliminary and subjective data of the subject as well.

Validation Technique This study employed the following validation technique.

The Triangulation Technique used in the validation of the study where in the subjects statements were not only statement is considered in the study. This technique allowed the researcher to gather information from the immediate friends of the subjects to verify the subject’s statement. This is also called “cross examination”. The purpose of triangulation is to increase the credibility and validity of the results.

Validator/Judges The Validators were created in order to validate the researcher’s Interview

Schedules Questionnaires made for the respondents and target clients. The questionnaires were the instruments used to gather data and information’s effectively and orderly. The validators would make revisions, comments and suggestions about the questions to be done in order to get the exact data important of the study.

Table 4. Validator’s of the study Validators Qualification

Ms. Maria Antonella Codeniera

The first to validate is a Psychologist at Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center.

The second to validate is a University Mr. Leo Antiporta psychometrician and teaching psychological testing.

Data Gathering Procedure The researcher first asked permission from the qualified individuals if they would want to be respondents of the study. After the agreement, the researcher then made orientation and informed the respondents of the purpose of the research and gave them full assurance that the information would be handled with utmost confidentiality and would be used for academic purposes only. Screen name for the subjects were used for confidentiality purposes.

There are three (2) sets of questionnaires were distributed to the qualified respondents. The questionnaires composed of Emotional Profile Index and SACHS Sentence Completion Test. On the other hand, the researcher also facilitated Interview Schedule Questionnaire. These instruments were collected for the progression of the study.

Data Analysis The researcher then, accumulated all the necessary and relevant information gathered. In this method, the researcher was supplied with a vast knowledge and information of the subject in relation to the study.

Narrative Analysis was used in this study which extended the idea of text include in depth interview transcript, life history, narratives, historical memoirs, and creative nonfiction.

Operational Definition of Terms Terms of the study were defined for the purpose of clarity and better understanding.

Avoidant Attachment Style

-

an

expectation

about

social

relationships characterized by a lack of trust and a suppression of attachment needs.

Commitment

-

sharing life with the person that includes loyalty, perseverance,

honesty, respect and all of the rest.

Emotional Cheating

-

this occurs when a partner's emotional needs are not met in some way, so they seek comfort outside of the relationship.

Intimate Relationship

-

is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It can be defined by these characteristics: enduring

behavioral

interdependence,

repeated

interactions,

emotional

attachment, and need fulfillment.

Multiple Lovers

-

A person having another partner while in a committed or existing relationships.

Physical Cheating

-

This is doing anything physical with someone that the partner will not approve of, and that should be reserved for a partner alone.

Polyamorous Love

-

The state, practice, or intention of maintaining multiple romantic

relationships simultaneously, with the full knowledge and consent of all the people involved.

Spare Tire

-

someone either liked or met while currently relationship. in an existing

Chapter 2 PRESENTATION, ANALYSIS AND INTERPRETATION

The case of Ms. Joan: The HRM

“I never experienced having a serious relationship to a man, even for a day”, says Ms. Joan very proudly. She has been into relationship with no serious attachment. All was just for fun and for stress reliever whenever she got so many things left undone at work. Currently she has four ‘for fun boyfriends’ according to what she called her. “As long as both sides have gain out of the game that we are playing, the game should resume”

- Ms. Joan Personal Profile Ms. Joan is very attractive female, thin and with brown skin. She is 30 years old living in V.Rama Highway, Cebu City. She is a graduate of Bachelor of Science in Hotel and Restaurant Management at the University of San Carlos. She owned a fast food business, her business is almost six years and she is having two small branches here in Cebu. Ms. Joan is a serious type of person that when you first look at her she is
Ms. Joan

strict because of the way she acted and speaks. “Serious type gyud na siya as in dili gyud nimu mailhan nga she is engaged into a multiple relationships, as her friend wala jud ko’y mahimo , I always advised her nga to stop this kind of relationship, pero mura ra man ug wala”. (She is really a serious type of person you really cannot notice that she is engaged into a multiple relationships, as her friend I have nothing to do, I always advised her to stop this kind of relationship but she was just like nothing). Rhea, her close friend stated while smiling [Interviewed last December 01,
At the left is Rhea, close friend of Ms. Joan researcher’s key informant and at the right is Ms. Joan.

2011]. Ms. Joan belongs to a stable family and

has their own businesses as well. The researcher asked about some information regarding her family during the interview. She has three brothers and one sister, two of her brothers, the eldest and her third brothers are already having their own families, and her fourth brother is still studying while her youngest sister also studying in college the same course as her.

Childhood Experiences The researcher asked Ms. Joan about her childhood, she shared her experiences duing childhood days . “When I was a kid, hilumon gyud kau ko dili gyud nako na attitude nga mouna og tagad. I was just 8 years old at that time; I have my own world, mao sad na’y giingon sa akong mama”. (When I was a kid, I am very silent; it is not

really my attitude to make friends first. I was just 8 years old at that time; I have my own world that is what my mother said to me too) [Interviewed last December 01, 2011]. The respondent recalling all of the experiences when she was at pre-school and elementary, she experienced to be bullied which is very normal for a child. Ms. Joan also shared to the researcher that her father used to fetch her after school. “Nakaexperienced gyud ko og bully sa akong mga pre-school classmates, mga bata pa lage mauwaw pa man sad ko makig-mingle sa laing bata ato that’s why I choose to be alone”. (I have experienced to be bullied with my pre-school classmates, you know just a kid then and I was shy to mingle other kids that is why I choose to be alone) [Interviewed last December 01, 2011]. When Ms. Joan was asked about her parents, she shared about her relationship towards them. “Ahhm, my mother and I are actually very close, my father left us when I still 9 years old. He was having an affair with another woman, nakihabalo ko ana it is because my mother said to me that I will never see my father again and naglibog ko kay yesterday nagkauban pa gani me sa akong father and then suddenly wala na”. (Ahmm, my mother and I are actually very close; my father left us when I was still 9 years old. He was having an affair with another woman, I know it is because my mother said that I will never see my father again and I feel confused because just yesterday we have been together and then suddenly his gone) [Interviewed last December 01, 2011]. Mrs. Emilia (mother of Ms.Joan), never stop telling their children how important EQ (Emotional Quotient) than IQ (Intellectual Quotient). For her, one’s personality speaks a lot and it is the bases of how you measure the intellectual capacity of a person.

They lived normally and simply but Mrs. Emilia lived with contentment. Ms.Joan also added that her parents have done their part and she is very happy to have them. For her, it was her experience and dreams that mold her mind to be where she is now. Indeed, experience could lead us into a better or yet, a worst person. In the first place, it was not her intention to be the person she is now. She added, “para nako it
The one wearing a red shirt is Mrs. Emilia mother of Ms. Joan.

is not my fault kung naonsa ko ron. I mean, It is my experiences that mold me to be like

this. I do not care how they saw me as Ms. Joan. It could be a worst or better me. People are subjected to be very judgmental and narrow-minded, wala ko’y mahimo kay sila mana.” (Whatever happens to me now, for me it is not my fault. I mean, it is my experience that molds me to be like this. I do not care how they saw me as Ms. Joan. It could be a worst or better me. People are subjected to be very judgmental and narrowminded. I cannot do anything about it) [Interviewed last 01, 2011]. When you first look at Ms. Joan, you would also surely have an impression like mine; very strict, so serious on how she look at life is and will never have any time indulging with those worldly pleasures. Upon remembering with those experiences that trigger her to be Ms. Joan now, she told the researcher; “when my father did that, I really told myself to be strong for my mom and to be a good wife at the very near future. Unsaon nga nahulog na man nuon nga nanimawos ko. Haha!” (When my father did

that, I really told myself to be strong for my mom and to be a good wife at the very near future. What happened now is like I was in trap in resentment) [Interviewed last December 01, 2011]. Her father left them at the age of 9 years old and came back when she was 16 years old. All that she felt is hatred and resentment. She even did not listen to her father’s explanation. She bears to her mind and really put an imprint that all men are really cheaters. She told the researcher that it was really painful to her especially in those times that she proceeds to higher level with flying colors. She never expected that it would turn out into something that she is very scared of. When she was in grade 2, she always empathized with her classmates having no father. “I remember the time when our teacher let us draw our family in a short bond paper. Our teacher told the whole class, ‘okay class a family is consists of a father, mother and children.’ Suddenly my classmate asked my teacher and she asked a very meaningful question,
At the left is Roy Ms. Joan’s brother, at the center is Mrs. ‘teacher, I do not have a father. My Emilia and at the left is Ms. Joan.

father left my mother when she knew that I am to be born.’ I really cried so hard and when my father fetches me, I was begging him while sobbing, ‘papa, ayaw mi bya-i nila mama ha? Dili na gyud ta matawag ug family kay niana ako teacher nga ang family kay nag-consist of father, mother ug children.’ I do not know what urges me to ask my father about that, but maybe at the very young age I already know the true meaning of a

family’’ (Papa, please do not ever leave mama and I? because we will not be able to call as family, my teacher told us that the family consist of father, mother and children.’ I do not know what urges me to ask my father about that, but maybe at the very young age I already knew the true meaning of a family) [Interview on December 01, 2011]. It is not all the time that a certain person changes because of the trials, pains, struggles and sufferings that have been brought up to her/his life, nor shameful experiences and or of how many times she have been trampled into the ground by the higher authority. Sometimes it is her family that made her realize and strive to be the person that she do not even dreamed to become but she have to because she want to, in order for her not to experience the same pain caused by her family member that really mean a lot to her. Ms. Joan is just one of the people that experienced the same challenge and have greatly adapted the nature that it caused.

Previous Relationship and Multiple Lovers “I never experienced having a serious relationship to a man, even for a day”, says Ms. Joan very proudly. She has been into relationship with no serious attachment. All was just for fun and for stress reliever whenever she got so many things left undone at work. Currently she has four ‘for fun boyfriends’ according to what she called her.
At the left is Ms. Joan 1st boyfriend or Mr. X.

“As long as both sides have gain out of the

game that we are playing, the game should resume”. [Interviewed last December 01, 2011]. Being in a relationship is not new for her but being in a serious relationship is a magical thing for her. It was on the 23 rd of December, 2010 when she met this man named X at Ayala centre. He is Ms. Joan’s first boyfriend or so called boyfriend according to her. At first, Ms. Joan just wants to build friendship with Mr. X but this guy courted her and so at the very moment, she says her wonderful ‘Yes’. Back to her past experience, Ms. Joan had never forgotten what her father had done and so she sets everything as a plain game and no emotions is involve in getting into a relationship. As their relationship getting older, she told herself, “I am beautiful and I do not want to be trap in one man. He loves me so much and it is not my fault and so, I have to search for other man”. Ms. Joan and Mr.X is committed for almost 9 months. She did really search for another companion. She found Mr. Y through facebook. In this generation, facebook
Ms. Joan's 2nd boyfriend or Mr. Y.

was the important communication, fun,

to get involve with other lives and other recreational activities. Ms. Joan did also use it the means of facebook and she even found Mr. Y. they are on their 8 months on January 18, 2011. Ms. Joan did not mention the rest of the men that has been involve in her life and so the researcher did respect the decision of Ms. Joan since it was also a privilege to

have an interview with a professional lady. Back to her case, in order for her not to be the ‘loser’ of the game she was playing, she uses several of numbers. She uses smart sim for Mr. X and Sun for Mr. Y. she then added, “kapoy man siya pero nalingaw ko ug tagotago.” (It is very tiring but I had so much fun in hiding it) [Interviewed last December 01, 2011]. She did an important point also that it was not money or in poverty that she was doing this. If you talk about money, she had lots of it since she has her stable job which is her own fastfood business and her family belongs in middle class in the society. Her reasons in engaging multiple relationship is not of money, but to fill the emptiness of having a father’s love in her heart. At first, she thought that it was a some kind of revenge but when she checked herself again, it was a longing to feel the love of a father. Not every one of us totally felt the satisfaction and had forgotten the yesterdays of the past. Some of it leaves an imprint for us to be a better or worst. It really depends on how we carry ourselves and how we set all of those experiences as a lesson not a mistake. We could not easily judge a person right away by the act she showed to the people. The main thing is that, we should analyze and respect her as who she is because none of us has undergone the same pain she has unto.

Psychological Factors and Effects As Ms. Joan willingly and with humility shared her experiences to the researcher, the researcher have known that she spends more time to her mother than her father and therefore the researcher concluded that it was brought up by what happen to her family and her father. Until now, her family does not know anything about her multiple

lovers. They only know one thing, that she is a professional person and no time for fun. Her friends never dared to tell her family since they have known why Ms. Joan has been involved into having a multiple lovers. Though her friends never stop in telling her the effects of her wrong doing but Ms. Joan always told them, “(I will take the consequences).” [Interviewed last December, 01 2011]. Ms. Joan shared a very meaningful day with the researcher when she opened and said, “you know what? Kung ako imo pangutan-on, dili gyud ko ganahan mohawa ani nga sitwasyon. Nindot kaayo ang feeling nga nay nag-love nimo then daghan pa gyud kaayo. All my life ganahan ra gyud ko maka-feel og love. Dili ko ganahan mainvolve og usa ka ka tao kay feel nako, di gyud nako sya mahatagan ug love kay bisan ako wala ko ka-feel.”(You know what? If you will ask me, I do not want to get out from this situation. I never thought that this would be the feeling of being love by many and I fear that if I let myself be involve into one man, maybe I could not give him the love that she wanted from me, since I do not experience to be loved) [Interviewed last December 01, 2011]. For her, she is satisfied by what she is and still doing. She does not care on how people will look at her. Besides, her friends only know that she is doing so. As long as her friends keep in touch to her, nothing else matter. According to what she had shared to the researcher. After Ms. Joan was interviewed, she was asked to answer the the Emotional Profile Index and SACHS Sentence Completion Test to be used as Quantitative data in the study.

Analysis and Test Interpretation of Ms. Joan’s case: Ms. Joan was a serious type of person; she was 30 years old that lives in V.Rama Highway, Cebu City. She was a graduate of Bachelor of Science in Hotel and Restaurant Management at the University of San Carlos. She owned a small fastfood business here in Cebu. Ms. Joan belonged to a stable family, her father left because he was having an affair with another woman. According to the Family Sysytems Theory by Dr. Murray Bowen that individuals cannot be understood in isolation from one another, but rather as a part of their family, as the family is an emotional unit. According to Bowen, a family is a system is which each member had a role to play and rules to respect. Members of the system are expected to respond to each other in a certain way according to their role, which is determined by relationship agreements. In relation to Ms. Joan’s case, she was very close to her mother but seeks father figure, the concepts applicable to this is the Emotional Cutoff, it describes people managing their unresolved emotional issues with parents, siblings, and other family members by reducing or totally cutting off emotional contact with them. According to the statement of Ms. Joan “When my father did that, I really told myself to be strong for my mom and to be a good wife at the very near future. Unsaon nga nahulog na man nuon nga nanimawos ko. Haha!” (When my father did that, I really told myself to be strong for my mom and to be a good wife at the very near future. What happened now was like I was trap in resentment) [Interviewed last December 01, 2011]. Emotional Distance’s pattern is consistently associated with the others. People distance from each other to reduce the intensity of the relationship, but

risk becoming too isolated. Ms.Joan and her father had an unresolved issue, she chose to cut their emotional issue but rather moved on and continue to be strong for her mother and the rest of the siblings. According to the Theory of Attachment Styles in which someone can act while in a relationship. In other words, we learn how to treat others by the way we are treated in our very first relationships. The theory assumes that a person will develop and have a particular attachment theory in his/her whole life. In Ms. Joan’s case, the concept applicable to her is the avoidant attachment style because avoidant atachment style describes a self-love combined with negative perception of others’ trustworthiness and responsiveness (Barthalomew & Horowitz, 1991). Avoidant people are described as having high avoidance and low anxiety in adult romantic relationships. According to Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991), avoidant individuals “protect themselves against disappointment by avoiding close relationships and maintaining a sense of independence and invulnerability”. According to John Lee’s Theory of Love, in which he identified basic loves styles also known as "colors" of love that people use in their interpersonal relationships. “(I never experienced having a serious relationship to a man, even for a day”, says Ms. Joan very proudly. She has been into relationship with no serious attachment. All was just for fun and for stress reliever whenever she got so many things left undone at work. Currently she has four ‘for fun boyfriends’ as what she called her. “As long as both sides have gain out of the game that we are playing, the game should resume)”. [Interviewed last December 01, 2011]. In relation to Ms. Joan’s case Ludus love was applicable to her

situation having multiple lover relationships because she is more interested in quantity than quality of relationships, she wanted to have as much fun as possible and choose their partners by playing the field.

Quantitative Data: After the interview, Ms. Joan was asked by the researcher to answer two quantitative research instruments that would be a help for the study. Emotional Profile Index Based on the figure presented in figure 4. Ms. Joan’s Emotional Profile Index test results showed that she got high in Dyscontrolled, Depressed, Distrustful and Bias while she got low in Trustful, Timid, Controlled and Gregarious. Figure 4. Ms. Joan’s Emotional Profile Index Circle

Table 5. Ms. Joan’s Emotional Profile Index Result Emotion Dimensions 1- Trustful 2- Dyscontrolled 3- Timid 4- Depressed 5- Distrustful 6- Controlled 7- Aggressive 8- Gregarious 9- Bias 11 18 7 12 13 8 28 6 20 8 95 13 92 74 3 45 5 65 Raw Score Percentile

Table 6.Ms. Joan’s SSCT Interpretation Subscale Mother Father Family Women Rating 0 2 2 1 Equivalent No Significant Disturbances Severely Disturbed Severely Disturbed Mildly Disturbed

Heterosexual Relationships Friends Towards people supervised Towards people at work or school Towards colleague at work or school Fear Guilt feelings Own ability/ self concept Past Future Goals

1 1 2 0 1 1 1 1 2 1 1

Mildly Disturbed Mildly Disturbed Severely Disturbed No Significant Disturbances Midly Disturbed Mildly Disturbed Mildly Disturbed Mildly Disturbed Severely Disturbed Mildly Disturbed Midly Disturbed

Based on the result presented in table 6. Ms. Joan’s SACHS Sentence Completion Test it showed that she was mildly disturbed about the past experiences and family which was affected her of having engaged into multiple lover relationships. She was now involved into a kind of relationship that was unsure and seeks another relationship just for a fun.

The case of Ms. Louisa: The Manager

“ Dili gyud siguro ko swerti ani mga commitments, mura gani I do not deserve to be love, I had a broken family I just need someone to care for me, mura ug I am longing for love and I thought siya na, I thought of forever na but I was wrong, really, really wrong. It came to the point nga I need to stop our relationship because I am too tired for understanding and forgiving, dili ko deserving ani”. (Maybe, I am not that too lucky to have this kind of commitments, it is just something that I did not deserve to be loved, I had a broken family I just need someone to care for me, maybe I am just longing for love and I thought he the one, I thought of forever but I was wrong, really, really wrong).

- Ms. Louisa -

Personal Profile Ms. Louisa is a 35 years old that lives in Talamban, Cebu City. She is a graduate of Bachelor of Science in Management Accounting at the University of San Carlos. Ms. Manager is fun- loving, adventurous and an aggressive person. She is very eager to achieve what she wants and does anything in order for her to get it. She likes to party along with her friends and enjoys adventures. Currently, she is a manager in one of the banks here in Cebu City.

Family Background Ms. Louisa is a thin female with brown skin. She is very talkative person and loves to tell about her life story people described her as a person with sense of humor. Her brother Roy describes her as a very talkative person and loves to make fun with others. “Sa nag edad pa na siya ug 18 anyos, ni trabaho na siya Jollibee as casheer tungod sa
Ms.Louisa

among ka pobre”. (Due to poverty

she started working as a cashier at the age of 18) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. When Ms. Louisa asked about her parents, she suddenly paused for a while and said, her parents were separated, when was ten years old at that time, because her mother knew that her father had another family so her mother decided to separate. Her father is a worker at VECO Electric Company and her mother as a housewife. Her uncle who was the one who financed in her studies who is working abroad as a nurse also. She starts to live independently when she was 22 years after she graduated in her bachelor’s degree, her brother got married when she was 18 years old and had a family while her mother got married again, so she decided to live alone and striving to work hard. Her grandparents both died and she was not able to meet them because she was only in her mother’s womb, her grandmother died of diabetes and his grandfather

died of liver cancer, only his brother was able to meet them both. She could not count on her relatives because all of them are very high standard and she do not even have a good communications with them both of her mother and father side. “Actually, wala ko’y masultian sa akong mga hinaing, ang akong mother is wala mag huna-huna nga naa pa siya anak nga nag kinahanglan nya pero

naningkamot ko og ako-a, maski naa’y nag gasto nako pang tuition pero wala ko nag salig nga naa’y nag padala nako, ni trabaho gihapon ko sa

Jollibee as a cashier and
Ms. Louisa at her office

akong uncle mo padala

sakto ra sa akong tuition fee pero wala na siya’y labot sa akong kaon kay nag-tuo man siya naa akong mama nga mo suporta sa akong mga plete og kaon og uban pa nako kinahanglan”. (Actually, I do not have someone to share all of my disappointments, my mother is not thinking that she had a daughter left who needs her but I worked on my own even without her help, even though there someone who finances my tuition but I don’t depend on it, I still worked at Jollibee as a cashier because my uncle send me only exact money for my tuition fee and excluding food because he thought that my mother still supported me in my transportation, food and in any of my daily needs) [Interviewed

last December 04, 2011]. When her mother and father both left him because of having another family. She worked really hard because no one can take care of her only herself at the age of 18 years old she could not imagine living a life without someone she cannot count on but to continue her life independently. When asked about her father, the respondent would not want to talk about him at first, but then, he opened up and said something about him. “My father and I were very close compared to my mother tungod akong papa knows everything about me, he loves me like more than anything and I am his favorite actually when I was a little girl he used to sing for me katong among paborito nga song SMILE ang title gani sung by NAT KING COLE. He used to sing me that song every time I go to sleep and when I woke up permi ko niya i-prepare ug food”. ( My father and I were very close compared to my mother because my father knew everything about me, he loved me like more than anything and I am his favorite actually when I was a little girl he used to sing for me our favorite one entitled SMILE sung BY NAT KING COLE. He used to sing me that song every time I go to sleep and when I woke up he always prepared me a food) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. The respondent claimed that when she knew that her father was having another family aside them in which her father hide them, she knew about it when she was 14 years old. “Og sa dihang nakahibalo ko nga aduna diay siya’y laing pamilya, nahiubos ko sa akong papa. At first, wala gyud ko nakasabot sa mga nahitabo, I just heard my mother crying, I just do not understand what was happening around me and I thought

my papa really loves me suddenly that love broke until I knew all of it. I started to understand the things nga nakapalibog nako eventually all I just did was to cry”. (When I knew that my father had another family, I feel disappointed to him, I am very angry to my father. At first, I do not understand what was happened, I just hear my mother crying, I just do not understand what was really happening around me and thought my papa really loves me suddenly that love broke until I knew all of it. I started to understand the thing that makes me confused eventually all I just did was to cry). [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. Ms. Louisa said that was a very long time ago, and he forgives his father for what he did to them especially to her.

Childhood experiences and Insecurities When Ms. Louisa was asked about her childhood, she shared some memorable moments to the researcher. She was just looking back the good memories when her mother and her father were not yet separated that time. “Sa wala pa nag bulag akong mother og father together with my brother, we are very happy and complete family maski onsa mi kalisod still naa gihapon mi family bonding maski kami lang upat, nakahinumdum pa ko when it was my 9th birthday I was at school that time gikuha lang gyud ko ni mama og papa para lang mangaon me sa fast food nga baratohon in my father small amount of salary pero para sa ila dako na og amount”. (When my mother and father were not yet separated together with my brother, we are very happy and complete family even if we are poor but we still have family bonding even just us, I still can remember when it was my 9th birthday I was at school that time when they took me

to eat at cheaper fast food in my father small amount of salary but for them it is very big amount) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. When Ms. Louisa was already in her high school, she studied so hard and got a high grades suddenly became an honor student. The separation of her parents was not a hindrance to pursue her dreams but instead she thinks that it is a challenge for her. “Ug sa dihang high school nako naningkamot gyud ko, kailangan maninguha gyud ko I will give all my best with the help of my uncle abroad, he started to finance my studies when I got into high school. Dili makababag ang separation sa akong parents sa akong pag skwela, I am an honor student I am always on the top of class mura gani I am showing
At the left is Ms. Louisa's uncle, beside him is Ms. Louisa

something nga ma-proud ang tanan

nako, I am not the typical girl nga usually nga maka affect ang separation sa akong parents but rather gi-considered nako siya as part of my challenge in life”. (When I got into high school, I have really tried hard and I will give all of my best with the help of my uncle abroad, he started to finance my studies when I got into high school. It is not a hindrance towards my studies, the separation between my parents. I am an honor student, I am always on the top of the class I am showing something that can make everybody be proud of me, I am not the typical girl that usually affects my parents separation but rather I considered it as part of the challenge in life) [Interviewed last

December 04, 2011]. However, Ms. Louisa was striving so hard to achieve her biggest dream and to become a successful individual. She was able to manage and handle situations by herself without any hindrance that could make her down. After talking to Ms. Louisa with his childhood experiences to the researcher, she then admitted her insecurities in life. “Actually noh, to be honest na lang gyud, I tend to be strong despite sa mga nahitabo sa akong kinabuhi obviously I have so many insecurities in life mao na naningkamot gyud ko, I admit I am strong and that’s my

strength siguro if magpadala gyud ko sa akong gibati I would not be as successful as I am right now. Siguro, I am insecure with family kanang which complete I have nga only my

experienced

during only

childhood days kong imo iAt the left side is Mayet cousin of Ms. Louisa, at the right side is Tonit childhood friend of Ms. Louisa they are the researcher’s key informants

compared sa salida and then suddenly gi-cut”. (Actually, to

be honest I tend to be strong despite all of the problems I have encountered in my whole life obviously I have so many insecurities in life, that is why I am striving so hard, I admited I am strong and that is my strength maybe if I was able to deal with my emotions I would not be as successful as I am right now. Maybe, I am insecure with

having a complete family which I have only experienced during only my childhood days in which compared to a movie and then it suddenly cut) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. Ms. Louisa still can manage everything despite in her insecurities in life in which something she is proud of. “Although sa bata pa ako wala ko’y mga friends but I have my mama and papa nga akong kadula, mao lage naputol because of the problems that my father had brought pero mana naman saon ta man na dawaton na lang ang kamatuoran, kong pwede pa lang balikon ang tanan-tanan but it is impossible if would just have the time machine and bring those memories back together with my family”. (Although, when I was a child I do not have many friends but I have my mama and papa whom I can play with, it suddenly cut because of the problems that my father had brought but I had nothing to do with it but to accept the reality if I could just repeat it all but it is impossible if I would just have the time machine and bring those memory back together with my family) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. Ms. Louisa was also asked about his experiences in life, Ms. Louisa said; “Daghan ko og naagian nga trabaho aside nga cashier ko sa Jollibee everytime day off nako sa Jollibee kay mag sideline pod ko og tutor, well, that’s life for me kailangan kayod gyud taman para mabuhi wa ko magsalig sa gipadala sa akong uncle nako kay it’s for my tuition fee”. ( I have another work aside from being a cashier at Jollibee. Everytime I have a day off, I am tutoring at the same time. Well, that is life for me I need to work hard to live, I do not depend on my uncle’s money because it is only for my tuition fee) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011].

Previous Relationship Ms. Louisa also experienced having many relationships; each of the love stories is different from each other. When the researcher asked about it, she shared some of those relationships she had experienced. “If you ask me about my serious relationship, osa ra gyud ang serious. But for flings, kay daghan, honestly bitaw daghan na gyud ko og nabinoangan nga lalaki and come to think of it, ako pa gyud ang mag binoang nila..HaHa! So funny! I just cannot imagine I did all of those”. (If you ask me about my serious relationship, only one. But for flings, I had many, honestly there are so many guys that I had played with and come to think of it, I was the one who are playing with them. HaHa! So funny! I just cannot imagine I did all of those) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. Ms. Louisa shared her first relationship which lasted lasted for 3 years and 2 months. “Naa ko’y first boyfriend named Marco, I was 18 that time. We met at the Jollibee where I worked as a cashier. Usa siya sa among customer, I admit he is very handsome and rich pud which caught my attention kay gwapo lagi kinsa naman dlili makalingi”. (I had a first boyfriend named Marco, I was 18 that time. We met at the Jollibee where I worked as a cashier. He’s one of our customers; I admit he is very handsome and rich which caught my attention because his good looking anyone would really face him) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. When the researcher asked about the story of their relationship; she said, “Mao to when we met at the Jollibee, I just notice mag-sige siya ug tan-aw nako kay muangkon man sad ko nga gwapa pud ko.HaHa! And after siya nag order, he asked my name and so I gave it”. (There we meet at the Jollibee, I just notice he keep on staring at me I admit, I am also pretty. Haha! And

after he ordered, he asked my name and so I gave it) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. The researcher then asked what have had happened after the meet up. “Almost everyday na gyud siya naga-visit nako sa akong gi trabohan, he always brought me flowers and any stuff. And then we became good friend’s kahibalo na gyud ko unsa iyaha intention after all the good things nga iyang gipakita nako. It takes a months after na ko siya gisugot na develop na sad ko boutan man gyud siya, lahi gyud nang first time pa nimu, as in maboang gyud ka, naabot me ug 1 year to cut the story short”. (Almost every day, he visited me at my work place, he always brought me flowers and any stuff. And then we became good friends, I already knew his intention after all the good things he showed to me. It took a month after we were finally committed to each other, he was very nice then, it is really different when you had your first relationship, you will be going crazy and then we reached 3 years and 2 months to cut the story short) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. Ms. Louisa also shared the relationship after the 3 years and 2 months they had together with his boyfriend. “After sa 3 years namu nagkuyog, dili gyud na mawala ang away-away ug memorable moments ninyo together, what had happened to our relationship was just a biggest mistakes of my life. Maski unsa mi kadugay, dili gyud diha mo measure sa kadugayon ninyo together importante is understanding and trust”. (After the 3 years when we were together, in a relationship we just cannot avoid arguments and memorable moments, what had happened to our relationship was just a biggest mistake of my life. Even if how long a relationship it does not measure because the important were understanding and trust) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. The respondent then go into the conflict which cause the

relationship to be broken, she shared some the reason and cause about the broke up. “ Dili gyud siguro ko swerti ani mga commitments, mura gani I do not deserve to be loved, I had a broken family I just need someone to care for me, mura’g im longing for love and I thought siya na, I thought of forever na but I was wrong, really, really wrong. It came to the point nga I need to stop our relationship because I am too tired for understanding and forgiving, dili ko deserving ani”. (Maybe, I am not that too lucky to have this kind of commitment, it is just something that I did not deserve to be loved, I had a broken family I just need someone to care for me, maybe I am just longing for love and I thought he was the one, I thought of forever but I was wrong, really, really wrong) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011].

Multiple Lovers Now, we came to the highlight of the story that we are going to talk about in the research. Ms. Louisa had moved on but after that long term commitments, she is now having another relationship but this time it is not only one but multiple relationships at the same time. “Siguro sa katong nahitabo nako in my previous relationship I just realized something mura’g I have learned from that situation, actually daghan na gyud ko ug nauyab not one but many of them. I have been playing with so many guys, no serious relationships at this time, ngano gyud tawn sila ra nakahibalo, if boys do love playing games with us why not girls naman this time”. (Maybe after the incident that I had encountered in my previous relationship I just realized something, I have learned from that situation, actually I had so many boyfriends not one but many of them. I have

been playing with so many guys, no serious relationships at this time, they were the one who only know, if boys do love playing games with us why not girls this time) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. The researcher then asked the respondent, about the situation of having a multiple lovers and being with them. “ Actually, after ma promoted ko as manager daghan na ko ug obligations and other stuffs once you are in a higher position but this is not an hindrance nga wala ko’y time sa akong love life but rather I had three relationships at the same time, actually upat gyud na sila but then nilarga man ang usa ay duh gibuwagan nako ,samok-samok lang sa akong kinabuhi ”. (Actually, after I had promoted as manager there are so many obligations and other stuffs once you are in a higher position but this is not an hindrance that I do not have time with my love life but rather I had three relationships at the same, there were four of them actually but then he goes abroad and so I broke up with him, he was just a disturbance in my life) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. Ms. Louisa also added; “I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.”

[Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. Ms. Louisa then shared

about how the relationships of her multiple lovers and by being into
Ms. Louisa's 1st lover

this kind of relationship. “ Di ba, there were three of them, the first one is just a shop owner, and 8 months committed, I do not know if he knows if I have a another relationship with another guy, kung makahibalo siya who cares! Kay kahibalo man sad ko sa iyang binuhatan to be fair enough ba. HaHa! ” (There were three of them, the first one is just a shop owner, we are committed in eight months, I do not know if he knows if I have a relationship with another guy, if he will know about it, who cares! Because I also know what mysteries he created just to be fair enough. HaHa!) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. When asked about the second lover the respondent laugh out loud and shared her relationship with the second guy; she said. “The second one was my favorite one, hahaha!, we have been committed for almost eight months,

ambot uy! Aside sa gwapo siya he gave what I want, maski I am in a higher position and had a good salary, tihik gyud ko I just do not spend money a lot pero wala man sad hinuon
Ms. Louisa’s 2nd lover

ko nakagasto sila man sad

ang mugasto nako, actually he works to another company, a well- known company, not to mention it. He is my favorite because aside nga hatagan ko niya sa akong gusto he

also makes me happy pero for me no emotional attachment, well that is life”.

(The

second one was my favorite, hahaha!, we have been committed for almost eight months I just do not know aside of being handsome he gave me what I want even though I am in a higher position and had a good salary, I am thrifty I just do not spend money a lot because they are the one who is spending for me, actually he works to another company, a well-known company not to mention it. He is my favorite because aside of giving what I want. He also makes me happy but for me no emotional attachment, well that is life) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. At the latter part, Ms. Louisa finally shared her third love affair. When asked about shared it, to the the respondent researcher;

“This third lover of mine, actually malooy ko ani niya because he is very nice to me thinking that I was just

playing with him. Aware man pud ko sa akong gibuhat but at the back of my mind, para
Ms. Louisa's 3rd lover

nako there was a voice saying

I am the “victim here”!. Conscience was not even written in my vocabulary and so what kung ma-karma ko, well then it is my problem, I believed in karma baya pero nasugdan

naman nako, barugan na lang nako”. (Actually I felt pity with this third lover of mine, thinking that I was just playing with him. I am really aware of what I have been doing but at the back of my mind, there was a voice saying I am the victim here! Conscience was not even written in my vocabulary and so what if I will be in trouble, well, this is my problem, I believed in karma but I had started this and so I had to stand with it) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. ]. Ms. Louisa has been playing them, aside from the problems of the family during his childhood and until now, and knowing that they have been together for almost 3 years. The respondent then sought lover not only one but three, she has been playing this three lovers of her with no emotional attachment. “I know, what I am doing, maski I was just playing them in other words, so for the meantime dili sa ko anang serious commitments unless that guy accepted me kung kinsa ko, accepted my past. I am willing to accept the consequences but for now I will just enjoy my self and do whatever I wanted to do”. (I know, what I am doing even though I was just playing them in other words, so for the meantime I do not want to have serious commitments unless that guy accepted for who I am and accepted my past. I am willng to accept the consequences but for now I will just enjoy myself and do whatever I wanted to do) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011].

Psychological Factors and Effects The relationship with her first boyfriend greatly affects the status in her life right now and so with the childhood experiences. When Ms. Louisa was asked about the effect of the relationship to her family, he shared, “Obviously, wala gyud siya’y effect

kay wala nako’y family, I leave alone as what I have just said I learned to be independent at the age of 18, sukad pagkahibalo sa akong mama nga naa’y lain pamilya akong papa kay akong inahan pud nangita pud ug lain pamilya”. (Obviously, there is no effect in my family simply because I do not have family, I leave alone a what I have just said I learned to be independent at the age of 18, when my mother knew that my father had another family, she also find another family) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. The respondent also added about her brother if they still have the communication with each other. “My brother sometimes called me, mangumusta siya nako I understand man pud kong dili siya katawag nako because he has his own family, wala ko malain sa akong brother at least siya nangumusta gihapon nako unlike sa akong mama ug papa. I do not know kung asa na sila kay actually I heard from my brother that my mother daw nibalhin na sa province with her new family”. (My brother sometimes called me, asking if I am okay, I understand because he has his own family, I do not have any hard feelings towards my brother at least he tried to call unlike my mother and father. I do not know where they are actually I heard from my brother that my mother moved to the province with her new family) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. When asked about the effects of the relationships to her the respondent then shared the emotions behind the happenings of her life of why she became into this kind of situation. “Ako, I just want somebody nga mu take care nako everytime nga mouli ko sa akong house, it was empty, maybe I did all of this was because sa tanang nahitabo nako sa akong kinabuhi”. (Me, I just wanted somebody who will take care of me every time I get home, it was empty, maybe I did all of this was because all of the problems that had happened into my life)

[Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. The respondent was also asked about how her close friend tells about the relationship she said, “My friend? I really had a close friend, wala ra man siya about sa akong multiple lovers karon, same as me, she also had many boys but unlike nako naabot gyud ug months”. (My friend? I really had a close friend, she has no comment about me of having a multiple lovers, same as me, she also had many boys but unlike me it reached months) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. The researcher then asked the impact of having multiple lovers, she added, “Actually, in my case right now, maski makapalit ko sa akong gusto because I have good salary, a nice house, a nice job. It’s not that easy nga mupuyo ka ug ikaw ra usa without any company, just me. Mao siguro I did all of this was because sa akong family and previous relationship”. (Actually, in my case right now, even though I can do anything I want because I have a good salary, a nice house, and a nice job. It is not that easy if you leave alone without any company, just me. Maybe that is why I did all of this was because of my family and previous relationship) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. After Ms. Louisa was interviewed, she was asked to answer the Emotional Profile Index and SACHS Sentence Completion Test to be used as Quantitative data in the study.

Analysis and Test Interpretation of Ms. Louisa’s case: Ms. Louisa is an adventurous person; she is a graduate of Bachelor of Science in Management Accounting. Ms. Louisa belonged to a broken family; her parents are separated when she was ten years old because of her father is having another family, when her mother knew about it caused her to get depressed and when suddenly found

another family too while his brother had a family. Ms. Louisa started to live independently at the age of 22; his uncle abroad was able to support her studies. According to Dr. Murray’s Family Systems theory, there are eight interlocking concepts of his theory and the concept applicable to Ms. Louisa and his parents is Family projection process, which is transmission of emotional problems from a parent to a child and Emotional cutoff, which is reducing or cutting off emotional contact with family as a way managing unresolved emotional issues.. (http://www.genopro.com/family-systemstheory/). Ms. Louisa and her parents are having emotional problems because of her parents left her at a very young age due to her parent’s separation. When her father and mother both left their emotional contact has been cut-off, there are unresolved issues such as not communicating at all except to his brother, Ms. Louisa is not emotionally unstable that’s why she is seeking with the love of others.

According to the Theory of Attachment describes the various ways which someone can act while in a relationship. Attachment styles develop in infants and rely on the kind of relationship they have with their primary caregiver. In other words, we learn how to treat others by the way we are treated in our very first relationships. The theory assumes that a person will develop and have a particular attachment theory in his/her whole life. There are three different attachment styles and Avoidant Attachment Style is applicable to Ms. Louisa’s case because she tends to have difficulty with intimacy and close relationships. She does not invest much emotion in relationships and she experienced distress when her first relationship was ended, aside with the relationship she had with her family. “(I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is

very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depended on me).” [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. In this statement of Ms. Louisa showed that after having a serious commitment with her first boyfriend resulted her to not engage again into serious relationship. People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appeared as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They viewed themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with avoidant attachment style tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners). According to the Theory of Love by John Lee which has six different types of love ludus love is the concept best applied here. Ludus a love that is played as a game or sport; Ludic lovers are players. More interested in quantity than quality of relationships, ludic lovers want to have as much fun as possible. Ludic lovers choose their partners by playing the field, and quickly recover from break-ups. In the case of Ms. Louisa after the break up with her first boyfriend, she then played love after what happened to their relationship; Ms. Louisa was able to have a multiple lovers at the same time and has been playing with it. “I know, what I am doing, maski I was just playing them in other

words, so for the meantime dili sa ko anang serious commitments unless that guy accepts me kung kinsa ko, accept my past. I am willing to accept the consequences but for now I will just enjoy my self and do whatever I want to do”. (I know, what I am doing even though I was just playing them in other words, so for the meantime I do not want to have serious commitments unless that guy accepts for who I am and accepts my past. I am willng to accept the consequences but for now I will just enjoy myself and do whatever I want to do) [Interviewed last December 04, 2011]. According to Erich Fromm’s Theory of Love, in which he believes that modern humankind suffers from a societal induced sense of alienation and loneliness. Fromm’s sees love as a special characteristic that actually humanizes men and women. In order to alleviate feeling of loneliness, people seek contact with the world around them and, in particular, with other individuals. Love is the positive result of individuals striving to join with others. The qualities supporting to Ms. Louisa was the Erotic love because of having multiple relationship at the same time, this means that Ms. Louisa was able to have three lovers because she was afraid to engage into serious commitment which she has been experienced with her first boyfriend.

Quantitative Data: After the interview, Ms. Louisa was asked by the researcher to answer two quantitative research instruments that would be a help for the study. The first instrument used was the Emotional Profile Index wherein the description of the kind of person that Ms. Manager were the following listed the table below:

Emotional Profile Index Based on the result presented in figure 5. Ms. Louisa’s Emotional Profile Index test results showed that she got high in Trustful, Dyscontrolled, Depressed and Bias while she got low Timid, Distrustful, and Controlled .Figure 5. Ms. Louisa’s Emotional Profile Index Circle

Table 7. Ms. Louisa’s Emotional Profile Index

Emotion Dimensions 1-Trustful 2-Dyscontrolled 3-Timid

Raw Score

Percentile

19 14 6

46 69 9

4-Depressed 5-Distrustful 6-Controlled 7-Aggressive 8-Gregarious 9-Bias

9 13 6 21 13 25

82 13 1 45 30 90

Table 8. Ms. Louisa’s SSCT Interpretation

Subscale Mother Father Family Women

Rating 2 1 2 1

Equivalent Severely Disturbed Mildly Dsitubed Severely Disturbed Mildly Disturbed

Heterosexual Relationships Friends Towards people supervised Towards people at work or school

2 0 2

Severely Disturbed No Significant Disturbances Severely Dsitubed

2

Severely Dsitubed

Towards colleague at work or school Fear Guilt feelings Own ability/ self concept Past Future Goals

0 2 1 1 2 1 1

No Significant Disturbances Severely Dsitubed Mildly Disturbed Mildly Disturbed Severely Dsitubed Mildly Disturbed Mildly Disturbed

Based on the result presented in Table 8. Ms. Louisa’s SACHS Sentence Completion Test, it showed that she was severely disturbed according to the result she does not have good interpersonal relationship. The area of her self concept such as her fear, guilt feelings, and goals towards others is severely disturbed by her past experiences.

The case of Ms. Geraldine: The Teacher

“I may be slut in the eyes of the people and I may be a social climber by what they think of me. Well, I do not care. As long as my needs and wants are provided and as long as I am beautiful, I do not care” - Ms. Geraldine -

Personal Profile Ms. Geraldine is a 28 years old female living in J. M. Basa Street, Barangay San Nicolas. She was born on November 23, 1983 at Chong Hua Hospital. In birth ranking, Ms. Geraldine is the youngest among the four children of Mr. Nonoy and Mrs. Zenny. She is currently working at San Nicolas Elementary School as a grade 5 teacher particularly in the field of Basic Mathematics. Until now, she is living with her parents and she work hand in hand with her brother in providing their daily needs. She also shared to
Ms. Geraldine

the researcher; “after nako ni-graduate pagkamaestra particularly in Mathematics, kay ni take dayun ko ug boardexam frommy very own pocket ang tanan gasto then nakapasar ko kalooy sa Ginoo bisan badlongon kayo ko. Nya after ato, nisulod dayon ko as a teacher sa San Nicolas. (After I graduated with a degree of Elementary Education particularly in Mathematics, I then took the board exam providing everything that it need from my very own pocket. Thanks to God, I passed the exam though I am very naughty. After which, I worked as a teacher at San Nicolas) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. She also added and enthusiastically shared to the researcher; “ganahan man unta gyud ko mobalhin , I mean mag- boarding house gani kay saba man gyud kaayo sila mama ug papa. Pirmi magbuot unsa ako buhaton mura ko ug itoy nga murag wala kabaw unsay buhaton. Nya 28 years old na intawn ko, naa na koy buot. It does not
At the right is Ms. Geraldine, at the back of her is her students.

mean nga mo-stop ko ug

sustento nila, what I am trying to point lang nga di ko ganahan i-manipulate. I know what I am doing and I am mature enough to face the consequences of this world, though sometimes I need their advices. I am not taking their authority to handle and to take

good care of me pero grabe na man pud kaayo cge lang ko diktahan unsa ako buhaton”. (My parents are both nagger that is why it urge me to rent a house. I mean, I am 28 year old, I know what to do with myself and I do not want my life to be manipulated. I know what I am doing and I am mature enough to face the consequences of this world, though sometimes I need their advice. I am not taking their authority to handle and to take good care of me. My point here was that, I need my freedom and I do not want them to tell me what to do) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. Added by her eldest brother, Jun; “buotan man na si inday, kaming duha ang nagtinabangay ug meet sa daily needs sa among family. Usahay di lang gyud ko kasabot ana niya kay moody man gyud kaayo. Mosabot na lang ko usahay kay basin na-stress sa mga bata sa school pero usahay man gyud, init kaayo na siyag dugo ilabina moanhi akong mga amigo, naah! Maningha dayon na siya bisan way hinungdan”. (Ms. Geraldine were kind. We worked hand in hand in meeting the needs of our family but sometimes she seemed to be moody. What I usually do was that, I always understand her and thought that maybe she was just so stressed of school works including with the children she was handling. There were times that I really do not understand her most especially when me and my friends were having fun, she got very angry without any reason) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011] As a teacher and a bread winner, we concluded that Ms. Geraldine was really having a hard time of knowing herself better but a very good example to her siblings, relatives and all the people who have known her.

Family Background Ms. Geraldine’s family lived simply and sometimes pulled down by some family problems. Past generations, common problem that they were facing was money or in a broader term, Poverty. In our generation and even it still exists, the problem that has been added is family orientation. Where in, families nowadays have been tearing apart and have been broken and very rare of family members spending so much time in bringing the pieces and to be called a “Family” again. According to Mrs. Zenny in her interview;
Mrs. Zenny and Mr. Nonoy, mother and father of Ms. Geraldine

“kong moana ka’g relationship sa akong

mga anak, parte man gyud na ang di magkasinabtanay. Naa man gyud na ang mga panahon nga dili gyud makasabot ang mga anak kong ngano ang ginikanan mangita gyud nila kong dugay mouli, mangasaba kong sayup sila na nabuhat og modikta kung unsa’y angay nilang buhaton. Usahay bitaw makapangutana ko sa akong kaugalingon kung unsay sala nako ni inday nga naing-ana na siya. Siguro ang sala namong duha sa iyang papa, kay sa iyang pag-eskwela kay wala kaayo mi nakatabang niya sa pag-gasto. Hayskul pa lang siya kay nagtrabaho na siya para maka-eskwela. Unsaon ta man, lisod man gyud kaayo ang panahon kani-adto niya na taymingan pa gyud nga walay trabaho

iya papa kay dili na kita ang pikas niya nga mata “.(When it comes to family relationship, part of it is misunderstanding. There were really times that children seemed not to understand why parents scolded them when they go home very late, when they have been scolded because they had done something wrong and parents seldom dictate their children what to do with their lives. Sometimes I ask myself questions like, “what have I done that she seems to act this way?” maybe our mistake is when we are not able to finance her studies and let her works in order for her to go to school. What can we do, on that time her father was suffering from a great loss of one’s sight on the other side of his eyes) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. Ms. Geraldine has 3 brothers. Including her, they were still living with their parents at the said barangay. All of them grew up working at very early age due to unstability of finance. At their very early age when their barangay seems to be so crowded and people seems to be very busy everyday striving hard for their family’s need, they learn how to cope up with their traits and attitudes such as; very adventurous in a sense that they explore new trends to meet their needs, shouting at highways even if it was not necessary, surrounded with many little children running, lying and crying on the roads and having friends of different breed (different perspectives in life). Though they lived with this kind of environment, Mr. Nonoy and Mrs. Zenny never misses a time in reminding them the true essence of values and the true meaning of morality. As what Mr. Nonoy shared; “dili man gyud mi malimot ug remind nila onsa ang mga nindot og bati nga binuhatan. Galing lang basta mga bata pa, kong onsay makat-on sa gawas mao man dayon ang mas daling makat-onan”. (We

never miss a time in telling them the difference between good and bad doings. The sad thing here, when they are on the stage of growing up, part of it is what they have seen or heard from the outside world, they seem to copy and imitate it fastly) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. Indeed, the mind of children is like a blank tape. What you have record, will surely be recorded with 100 percent assurance. Mr. Nonoy was a former worker of a sugarcane factory and Mrs. Zenny is a plain housewife. They worked hard for their children’s future. Though the salary that Mr. Nonoy received by that time was that enough for a day to consume, he tried his best to overdue the time allotted to his work for another extra pay. Until one day he suffered from a great loss of sight at the left side of his eyes which urged him to stop working and that also implied to involve his children to work at a very young age in order to sustain their daily needs including his medications. This urged Ms. Geraldine to strive hard and set life as a race/battle. As what she had said; “pagkahitabo ato ako gyud gitatak sa akong utok nga maningkamot gyud ko og maayo kay dili ko ganahan nga mostambay og dugay sa pagkapobre. Mao to nga naningkamot ko sa akong pag-eskwela. Kapoy man tuod sya, naa gani times nga maghilak nako kay feel nako nga wala gyud koy pagasa nga maka graduate og college nya tawgon og ma’am. Dream gyud kaayo nako ang mahimong teacher. Bata pa ganahan kaayo ko mahimong teacher bisan mangutana pa mo ka ni papa ug mama nako, mosulti gyud ko nga mag-maestra gyud ko”. (After that incident, I really put an imprint in my mind that I will really strive hard because I do not want to get stagnant in this situation and so I strive so hard in studying. Frankly speaking, it was really tiring and there are even times that I cried so hard because I felt

that my dream of graduating in college and being called as Ma’am was becoming dimmer and dimmer. When I was still young, I really love to become a teacher even if you ask my parents for a proof) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. After Ms. Geraldine graduated from college, she really knelt down and cried so hard because despite the hardships and pains, she was able get her long time dreamed diploma. After her graduation, she took the board exam and by the mercy of the Lord, she passed. She worked until now at the said Elementary school. She was able to send her 2 brothers to different school bringing with them the course that they loved and desired. Her second brother wass taking up BS-IT and now is a 2nd year college student at ACT while Brother 3 was taking up Management Accounting as a 1st year college at University of Cebu. Both of her parents were into some things that they were happy in engaging it. Mr. Nonoy was seldom seen on the sea of Pasil catching fish. According to Mr. Zenny; “nalingaw na man lang pud ko ug pangisda bisan dlii ka kita ako usa ka mata. May na lang pud naa ko’y kalingawan unya inig abot sa balay kay naa ko’y madala nga sud-an. May na lang ing-ana nga paagi kay nakatabang ko sa akong mga anak unya, para dili pod ko mahimong bug-at nila”. (I had so much fun in fishing though my other eye cannot hardly see. Besides, I do not want to be a burden to my family and in this little act; I was able to bring some food on our table) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. Mrs. Zenny was also busy accepting manicure and pedicure. For her, this is also a form of an occupation that is creative and fun. Ms. Geraldine also made a highlight, an important point between her profession and her family; “my family was never a burden to me, though sometimes sapoton lang gyud ko tungod sa kakapoy og kahago sa work,

but I never thought that they have been a burden to me and that I wanted to escape because dili nako ganahan mogasto nila. It is just, I wanted to live independently and to prove to myself that I am strong and I am at my best after those people who have trampled me on the ground. Mura ra gyud og salida: I am back! Hahahaha”. (My family was never been a burden to me, though there are times that I got angry and moody but it is because of school activities and works. It never crossed in my mind that they’ve been a burden to me and that I wanted to escape because I do not want to sustain their needs. . It is just, I wanted to live independently and to prove to myself that I am strong and I am at my best after those people who have trampled me on the ground. Just like a movie: I am back! Hahahaha) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011].

Childhood Experiences Way back in her childhood, people called their family as a perfect example of a family living in an imperfect community. In addition to this, a close family friend of them, Myrna shared; “Nindot man gyud na sila nga pamilya. Kana sila Nanay og Tatay, dili gyud na sila kapoyan og sulti nila kong onsa ang maayo og dili maayo nga binuhat. Kung makasala pud na sila katong mga bata
At the left is Mr. Nonoy and at the right is Myrna, close family friend of Ms. Joan, researcher’s key informant.

pa na sila, dili man gyud na mamunal silang

tatay ug nanay, istoryaan ra gyud na nila sila”. (They were a perfect example of a family. Nanay and Tatay A never get tired) of telling them the difference between good and bad doing. Whenever Ms. Geraldine and the rest of her brother commited mistake, there was no time that they used their hands as a sign of discipline) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. Then Mr. Nonoy added; “Dili man gyud ko mamunal, mao man pud na ako nakat-onan sa akong mga ginikanan. Moana man gyud to si tatay nga dili sa tanang higayon ang bata madisiplina pinaagi sa kamot. Kasagaran daw ang gawas sa bunal kay pagkagahi sa ulo sa bata. Niya, ngano man gyud nga bunalan kung pwede man nimong masul-tian. Motuo man gyud ko nga mas motugsok gyud ang sulti kaysa bunal. Ang bunal kay makasakit rana sa mga bata niya maka-form pa gyud na ug kalagot sa ilang mga kasing-kasing mao nang motig-a na hinuon”. (I never used my hands in a form of disciplining my children. I remembered when my tatay told me that not all the time discipline was taken from the iron fist. He even added that the most renowned output of iron fist is the hardening of the child’s heart and mind. And why do we have to use that if we can discipline them in a form of knowledgeable speaking. I do believe that saying in a form of discipline than using your hands, last longer) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. Ms. Geraldine also shared to the researcher that her parents never uses their hands in a form of discipline. When they were little, her parents always teach them all about morality in a form of proverbs and famous sayings. She added; “Sila mama og papa, dili man gyud na sila mamunal namo bisan kaniadto pa nya how much more nga dagko na mi. Kahibalo ka sa mga tiguwang, ipaagi dayon na ug story or mag proverbs nga gikan pod sa ilang kanunuan. Hahahaha! Pero makat-on man

gyud ka. Unya lahi pod kong ang imong ginikanan ang mosulti nimo niana kay tugsok gyud.” (My parent never uses their hands in implying to us the moral conducts and how much more that we are now mature enough. You know how their generations evolve to their ancestor that is why they imply it to us in a form of proverbs or stories. Hahahaha! But frankly speaking, you learned so much out from it. It is really different when parents told you those things; it goes from the deepest of your heart) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. As the interview goes deeper, Ms. Geraldine continued in a form of a joke when she said; “katong bata pa ko, ay close gyud mi sa akong parents nya dako na man ko, so slight na lang. Bitaw uy, suod man gyud mi sa akong parents saona then it came to a point nga dako gyud kaayo ko ug sala nila. Ang akong sala at kay naguyab-uyab ko at the very young age. Akong age at that time kay 12 then akong boyfriend kay 17 years old. Everything is just for fun ug beneficiary purposes. When my parents found out that naguyab-uyab ko then I was making fun of the boy, they were very angry and had me grounded for 2 weeks. Sosyal kaayo pobre ra gani mi, grounded pa ang show!.” Anyways, after that incident, I learned so much about it. Then it came to a point na man pud nga my boyfriend at that time told me to make love with him para pod kono makawala na ko sa poverty. I was about to say ‘Yes’ to his agreement kay intawn dream gyud nako ang mawala na sa kapobre then mao to, naabot man ako parents unya ang iyang evil plan kay wa madayun. Then pagka-next day kay I found out nga naa na sya’y lain uyab. Nabuysit bitaw gyud ko ato, kay ing-ato ra kadali. Kung wala pa lang ko nipatuo sa ako parents, naah! Wala ko sa inyong atubangan unya nagpa-interview

kondi makit-an ra ko ninyo sa kilid sa dalan, daghan na kaayo ug anak.” (When I was little, I had a very nice relationship with my parents. Now that I have grown up, nice would do. Anyways, I had a very good relationship with my parents then it turned out that I did something crazy with myself. My mistake is when I entered having a boyfriend at a very young age. My age at that time is 12 and my boyfriend is 17 year old. Everything is just for fun and beneficiary purposes. When my parents found out that I did that just for fun, they were really angry. They every told me that I am grounded for 2 weeks. I said to myself we are just poor, and then they have let me feel being grounded. After that incident, I learned so many about it. Then it came to a point that my boyfriend at that time told me to make love with him so that I could escape from poverty. I was really about to say ‘Yes’ to his agreement then suddenly my parents came angrily. So, his evil plan did not take part. Next day, I found out that she had found another girl. I was really burning with anger at that time! He replaces me quickly! If I did not listen to my parents at that time, then maybe you are not able to have this interview because maybe I am living at the roadside with many children) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. Parents played an important role in the formation of the totality of a child but we should also consider that not all the time parents are there to guide her/him, there are also times that a child should explore new trends and excitements for her/his new improvement. We should also consider that environment plays a big part in molding of one’s character. Ms. Geraldine told us also that environment in a broader term, plays an important and very crucial part in the formation of a person. In an abstract manner,

environment molds some important aspect within a child which includes; values, morality, humanity and perspective (how they see life as it is). Ms. Geraldine summed up everything on how and why she changes into a new Ms. Geraldine. She said to the researcher; “as I was saying at the very beginning pa lang that my parents have really done their part in trying to make our lives very productive and beautiful. I know that they are also doing their part to give us a better life. Galing lang, naabot lang gyud ang time nga kaya sa ilang lawas kay tungod sa mga inner ug outer factors. They never stop installing good values/moral to us and they never failed in portraying it to us, but experience mold us into a very strange and unknown person. The ‘goods’ that our parents did put into us fades in just one click. Nakaingon bitaw ko nga ang formation gyud diay kay ni-took place og dako gyud kaayo ang impact ilabina kong naa ka sa imong childhood og teenage years. I always ask myself hangtod karon, ‘what if wala to mahitabo nako,basin dili ko ing-ani ron. Dili siguro ko kahibalo mag-binoang basin botan kaayo ko ron.’ Naa gyud time’s nga maghilak bitaw ko upon looking at myself now. Asking again and again to myself, ‘what have I done?’ pero i-set ra gyud ni nako as part of growing up. Nga bisan ing-ani ako nasugdan kay makalusot ra gyud ko ani. But I am expecting na gyud for chaos as an effect to what I have done and still been doing. Anyways, masulbad ra man pod ning tanan basta dili lang mangitag shortcut.” (As I was saying at the very beginning, my parents have really done their part in trying to make our lives very productive and beautiful. I know that they are also doing their part to give us a better life. We have to consider the inner and outer factors also as part of this battle called life. They never stop installing good values/moral to us and they never

failed in portraying it to us, but experience mold us into a very strange and unknown person. The ‘goods’ that our parents did put into us fades in just one click. I have really proven to myself that the formation of a totality of a human, took place on the stages; childhood and teenage. There are also times that I ask myself, ‘what have I done to myself?’ I always set everything that has been happening to me as part of growing up but I am expecting for a chaos as an effect of this wrong doing that I am doing and been still doing. Anyways, I know I could surpass all of this. I just have to hold on and never think of an easy way out/shortcut). Though Ms. Geraldine shared to the researcher that she has changed into something that she does not know, we could even see in an abstract manner that she thinks positively though unknowingly she does not know. As an end to the interview, she shared; “Life is simple but people made it complicated.” [Interviewed, November 27, 2011].

Previous Relationship and Multiple Lovers Question like; “do you have any boyfriend?” is not an appropriate question for a 28 year old lady. In this age and stage, it is expected that persons who are in stage are experiencing so much pleasure of this world. Experiences that ought to teach how significant life is and how insignificant world is. According to the researchers, key informants and Ms. Geraldine herself; Ms. Geraldine has experiences many types of relationships. According to her eldest brother Jun; “pag 18 years old niya kay nakauyab na siya og chemical engineering student, murag 4 th year college man siguro to ang laki.

Mo-open man gyud na si inday nako, mao pud ang naka-nindot ana niya. Ang nahibawan na ko, nagkabuwag sila kay naa daw anak ang lalaki sa laing babay. Ang bata kay 2 years old na. Lagot bitaw kaayo ko atong lakiha kay ibog man gyud kaayo si inday ato niya. Naabot ang time nga nag-laslas na siya nya grabe kaayo ang epekto ato nya kay naapetkohan asta iyang pag-eskwela. 2nd year sya ato nga tayma. Grabe gyud kaayo ang epekto ato niya. Sa ako lang pag-observe 2 years siya usa nakabangon. ”(she was 18 year old then when she met and have this 4th year college, chemical engineering student as a boyfriend. I am always updated to her life because she always shared her experiences to me and that wass the best thing about her. What I have known, they broke up because the guy has already a family and he had already a 2 year old daughter. I was really angry at that time because she was really madly in love with this guy. Her studies were greatly affected by that incident. It even came to a point that she attempted committing suicide. She was 2nd year college by that time and it took 2 years for her to move on and recover from that incident) [Interviewed last 09, 2011]. The time that she did know about the family that the guy has, Ms. Geraldine was very serious about this relationship. She introduces this guy to her family and relatives. She was very sure at that time that this guy will be her husband in the near future. “Beside nga gwapo siya, ang attitude gani nga iyang gipakita, maka-in love gyud”. (Beside of her beauty, his attitude speaks a lot which makes you fall in love with him) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. He met this guy at the mall when he is applied for a job since it was summer vacation. That day was really meant for her to have a job but he met this guy and so she did not continue for the interview since the guy promise her to give an opportunity. The

guy came from a wealthy family and owns various boutique and internet café. They start texting until the guy courted her romantically at a beach resort somewhere in MoalBoal. She then says ‘Yes’ thinking that her future is pretty secured. The guy sends her a lot of gifts everyday and even provided Ms. Geraldine’s family with their needs. Their relationship last for a year and they even thought of marriage. Until one day she found out that the guy was with another lady while the guy holding the 2 year old baby, her heart was crushed into pieces according to her while seeing the two entering the restaurant. She did not rely on what she have seen and so, she search for other proofs through sources from the internet and friends. Until a friend of hers handed her a wedding picture of her lover and of the girl she saw on the mall. She cried so hard and gets herself drunk that caused her in not attending the class. She added; “sakit to uy, bisan karon mafeel gihapon nako ang kasakit”. (It was very painful and I can even feel the hurt until now) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. After her recovery, she promised herself not to be cheated again and that she will revenge and do the same thing that the guy has done against her. By that time on, she then indulge herself to multiple relationship. Her first love affair was with a civil engineer working at a well-known company at Mabolo. Her affair to her will be on its 9 months on January 26, 2011. This lover was too serious of their relationship that he even thinks of getting married with her. “Malouy man ko niya pero wala man gyud sad ko naibog niya. Besides, kwarta ra ako giapas na ug for fun lang pud.”(I really felt pity on him because I am not really in loved. Money was all that I wanted from him and fun) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. She even

added that if she is to choose between him and her 2 nd love affair, she will choose the 2nd. Since he also gave everything, very handsome and rich but she point that it will be for fun also, no strings shall be attached. She then added that she has this last lover, her 3rd lover. This 3rd lover is a call center agent of Wipro Company. “Kani siya kay gwapo gyud ni siya nya but-an
At the left is Ms. Geraldine, at the right is her 1st lover.

pod kaayo. Bisan kapoy na kaayo ni

siya kay moadto gihapon ni siya sa school para bisitahon ko.” (This guy was really handsome and kind. Though at work he was so stress, he never misses a day just to visit me) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. Ms. Geraldine has various phones so that they will not find out about her wrong doings. Lover 3 was the only one who knew where Ms. Geraldine worked as a teacher while the rest of them, knew that she worked as a call center agent of a new company. She met this 3rd lover at I.T Park while she was having fun with her friends at Moon Café. At that time, 3rd lover was having his one hour break and so he spent it at the Moon café. She was struck by Ms. Geraldine’s laugh and so she then asked for her name, then they start talking. Ms. Geraldine was really amazed by the innocence and kindness. At first Ms. Geraldine wanted to warn him of not having any attachment but

she was a slight in loved with this guy and so she continued the game. She never expected at that time that they will take too far. Now they will be celebrating their 6 months on January 18, 2011. She spent her time with 3rd lover MWF (Monday, Wednesday and Friday)

while spending her TTh (Tuesday and Thursday) with 1st lover. She also spends her weekends with 2 nd lover. She was indeed very lucky having those three guys. She said to the
At the right is Ms. Geraldine and at the left is her 3rd lover

researcher while laughing; “what can

I do? Gwapa gyud ko.” (What can I do? I am beautiful) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. To the last part of the interview, she also cleared and generalized everything and said; “(I may be slut in the eyes of the people and I may be a social climber by what they think of me. Well, I do not care. As long as my needs and wants are provided and as long as I am beautiful, I do not care)” [Interviewed last December 09, 2011].

Psychological Factors and Effects We are not here to judge about how they live and how they carry their selves but the main thing in here was that; we are here to interpret, understand and try to

organize their lives. In such a way, that we could help them in knowing their selves more and to let them to love their selves and appreciate who really they are. When Ms. Geraldine was asked about how is her relationship to her family after having this multiple relationship, she replied; “mao na to siya, mayaw-yawan ko nila pirimi ni mama og papa kay ngano daw ako ni gibuhat. Wala sila kahibalo nga ako ni gibuhat ang tanan kay dili nako ganahan nga maglisod mi ilabina gamay ra akong sweldo ug ang swledo ni kuya.” (They always scolded me about the same thing and asking me the same thing like why am I doing this. They just do not know that I am doing all of these for them not be in poverty again) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. She even added, “(At first my brothers except my eldest brother and parents, did not accept me and they really hate me considering that for them it is wrong for me to use people for my needs and desires. I am really planning to live alone and independently but I will not stop sustaining their needs. Thanks to my brother, he explained everything to them).” [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. The love of the eldest brother to Ms. Geraldine is immeasurable and very considerate. He never wants to see Ms. Geraldine crying and in pain, that is why he gives what is best and makes her happy. Though Ms. Geraldine while having this multiple relationship, made their family relationship dimmer, Ms. Geraldine never forgot to respect her parents and brothers. Her close friends find it very immoral also but they let Ms. Geraldine learn out from it. According to her best friend Tin who is also a teacher of the same school; “pasagdan ra man na nako siya, kay kung storyaan nimo, dili man gyud na siya mopatuo dayon. Intawn teacher na siya and I know she knows so well that she is doing very unkindly.”(I let her

find out the output of her wrong doing. If you speak and speak, I mean, she is not a child anymore. She is now a teacher and I know she knows so well that she is doing very unkindly) [Interviewed last December 09, 2011]. There were these times that she wanted to escape and lies to herself that everything has ended and that she could start and a new life and have a permanent relationship. She always longed for a perfect family of her own and to have a partner that will really love her. For her, these lovers that she has now are also doing the same thing as she was doing. That is why; she never pays any attention of getting too serious and thinking of one man for life. She also concluded; “Sa tinuoray lang, wala man ko nasatisfy sa akong binuhatan. Kuwang gyud kaayo bisan unsaon na ko. Pero padayunon na lang nako niya maghuwat sa time nga makagawas ani.”(Frankly speaking, I am not satisfied with all of this but all I have to do is to continue doing this and wait for the time when will I be set free) [Interviewed on December 09, 2011]. After Ms. Geraldine was interviewed, she was asked to answer the the Emotional Profile Index and SACHS Sentence Completion Test to be used as Quantitative data in the study.

Analysis and Test Interpretation of Ms. Geraldine’s case: Ms. Geraldine was an outgoing person; she was a graduate of Bachelor of Science in Elementary Education major in Mathematics at University of Cebu. She was currently working at San Nicolas Elementary School as a grade 6 teacher particularly in the field of Basic Mathematics. Until now, she was living with her parents and she worked hand in hand with her brother in providing their daily needs. Ms. Geraldine’s

family lived simply and sometimes pulled down by some family problems. Past generations, common problem that they were facing was money or in a broader term, Poverty. In our generation and even it still existed, the problem that has been added is family orientation. Where in, families nowadays have been tearing apart and have been broken and very rare of family members spending so much time in bringing the pieces and to be called a “Family” again. According to Family Systems Theory, everything that happens to any family members has an impact on everyone else in the family (Goldenberg & Goldenberg, 2003). A family is considered one emotional and functional unit whereby individuals cannot be understood in isolation from one another, but rather as a part of their family, one that is interconnected and interdependent. Ms. Geraldine belongs to an interlocking concept of differentiation of self because it describes of how people cope with life’s demands and pursue their goals on a continuum from most adaptive to least. Variations in this adaptiveness depend on several connected factors, including the amount of solid self, the part of self that is not negotiable in relationships. For example, a person with well thought out principles enhances solid self, and will not be swayed by fads or opinions. It refers to the degree to which a person can discern between thoughts and feelings. At higher levels of differentiation, people maintain separate, solid selves under considerable stress and anxiety. They manage their own reactivity and choose thoughtful actions. At lower levels of differentiation, people depend on others to function, and they develop significant symptoms under stress. They act, often destructively, based on anxious reactions to the environment. Their intellectual

reasoning fuses with emotionality. Even highly intelligent people can be poorly differentiated. According to Elaine Hatfield’s Theory of Love, states that there are two basic types of love, compassionate and passionate love. In Ms. Geraldine’s case, she was having serious relationship to a certain guy which she thought that this guy was so perfect to her and when the time that she didn’t know about the family that the guy has, Ms. Geraldine was very serious about the relationship. She introduces this guy to her family and relatives. She was very sure at that time that this guy will be her husband in the near future. The passionate love is best applicable to Ms. Geraldine and her previous relationships, as what the theory stated that. Individuals sense a feeling of fulfillment and elation when said feelings are reciprocated. When unreciprocated, feelings of despondence and despair are experienced. This type of love is only temporary, lasting typically between 6-30 months, passionate love occurs when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person in question meets your preconceived expectations of an ideal partner, and when heightened physiological arousal is experienced within the presence of the other person. Ideally, passionate love concedes to compassionate love, which is far more enduring. The combination of security and stability found in compassionate love with the intensity of passionate love is rarely found, though desired by most. According to the Theory of Love by John Lee with his identified basic love theories also known as “colors” of love that people use in their interpersonal relationships. Ms. Geraldine was best describe as an agapic lover in which this kind of

love typically assumes that when the loved one causes pain to herself, that she is acting in ignorance, innocent error, or is the victim of forces not originating in the love-object’s personality. Ms. Geraldine can be also a ludus or a self-centered game player because she’s also a type person who ‘plays’ love affairs as or she plays games or puzzles — to win, to get the greatest rewards for the least cost. She hates dependency, either herself or in others. This type was away from commitment of any sort (does not like lovers to take him or her for granted). The ludic lover enjoys strategies, and may keep two or three or even four lovers “on the string” at one time. A ludic lover may even create a fictional lover to discourage a real one’s hopes for a permanent relationship. He or she avoids long range plans, is careful not to date the same person often enough to create the illusion of a stable relationship. A ludic lover usually enjoys love affairs, and hence rarely regrets them unless the threat of commitment or dependency becomes too great. In the case of Ms. Geraldine has three lovers at the same time, but for her, these lovers that she has now are also doing the same thing as she was doing. That’s why; she never pays any attention of getting too serious and thinking of one man for life. According to Erich Fromm’s Theory of Love in his psychoanalytic perspectives of love, he believes that modern humankind suffers from a societal induced sense of alienation and loneliness. Love is the positive result of individuals striving to join with others. Ms. Geraldine in order for her to alleviate feeling of loneliness, she sought contact with her multiple relationships even though she was just playing with them.

Quantitative Data: Ms. Geraldine was also asked by the researcher to answer two quantitative research instruments that would be a help for the study. Emotional Profile Index Based on the result presented in figure 6. Ms. Geraldine’s Emotional Profile Index test results showed that she got high in Dyscontrolled, Depressed, Distrustful and Bias while she got low in Trustful, Timid, Controlled and Gregarious. Figure 6. Ms. Geraldine’s Emotional Profile Index Circle

Table 9. Ms. Geraldine’s Emotional Profile Index Result Emotion Dimensions 1- Trustful 2- Dyscontrolled 3- Timid 4- Depressed 5- Distrustful 6- Controlled 7- Aggressive 8- Gregarious 9- Bias 12 17 7 10 13 9 24 8 22 11 91 13 86 74 5 45 10 75 Raw Score Percentile

Table 10. Ms. Geraldine’s SSCT Interpretation Subscale Mother Rating 0 Equivalent No Significant Disturbances Father Family Women 0 1 1 No Significant Disturbances Mildly Disturbed Mildly Disturbed

Heterosexual Relationships Friends Towards supervised people

2 2 2 2 0 2 1 0 2 1 1

Severely Disturbed Severely Disturbed Severely Disturbed Severely Disturbed No Significant Disturbances Severely Disturbed Mildly Diturbed Noe Significant Disturbances Severely Disturbed Mildly Disturbed Mildly Disturbed

Towards people at work or school Towards colleague at work or school Fear Guilt feelings Own ability/ self concept Past Future Goals

Based on the result presented in Table 10. Ms. Geraldine’s SACHS Sentence Completion Test, it showed that she is mildly disturbed because in terms of her relationship with her family, her father and mother were still supporting them although not in the financees but emotionally they were still attached. In terms of her friends she was only open to her feelings with her closed friends.

CHAPTER 3 Proposed Model of Depression

RATIONALE Love represents a total devotion of one person’s heart, soul, and body to another, which implies that you can never love more than one person without taking something away from the first. But this assumes that whatever you give when you love someone is limited or scarce, so that giving some or more means giving less to. This may be true with some resources like time or money, but not as obviously true with respect to affection; after all parents can have more than one child without loving any of them less. Most people in today’s world carry a lot of emotional baggage, and relationships are one way we sort through these emotions. When a person loves and commits to more than one person, it requires a willingness to move through insecurities, to deal with our own and our partners' deep emotions, and to keep communications flowing. Being in a multiple relationships or loving one person at the same time may even the effects of depression with the past experiences which cause a person to engage into a multiple relationships. According to the claims of our respondents, some of its, are the problems of the family and the committed relationship they have experienced into their lives. Loving more than one person at the same time feels them more secure and with no serious commitments with the persons involved. A person who suffer from avoidant attachment face problems in forming intimate or romantic relationships. These people do not think much about emotional

bonding and find it difficult to create a trustful relationship with another person. They do not like the feeling of having to depend on others and also the concept of someone else being dependent on them. Most of them do not feel the need to form close and permanent relationships, and hence do not experience any remorse or regret when they have to undergo a relationship breakup. Another characteristic of an adult who has avoidant attachment is that she will never share his inner feelings, emotions and thoughts with his partners. Also, while in a relationship, they will not be able to support and reassure their partners during trying and stressful situations. And so, loving more than one person at the same time is their only way to cope in such situations for them to be able to escape the past experiences that happened into their lives.

Proposed Model of Depression A proposed model of depression serves as the final output of this study. This study is enhanced on the life of a professional women engaged into multiple lover relationships which is created based on the data gathered by the researcher. A proposed model of depression providing a model for explaining depression, this means that a person is lack of affect and feeling. Depressed people became that way because they learned to be helpless. Depressed people learned that whatever they did is futile. During the course of their lives, depressed people apparently learned that they have no control.

A. General Description The proposed model is taken from the theory of Martin Seligman’s positive psychology introduced the learned helpness model of depression. The theory helped to understand the development of depression. Learned helplessness explains how exposure to any past experiences that is impossible to avoid may lead to apathy, passivity, and a conviction that escaping future events is also impossible. One thing which often spares people from feelings of depression or helplessness is a sense of control over their immediate or long term circumstances. A psychological condition known as learned helplessness, however, can cause a person to feel completely powerless to change his or her circumstances for the better. The result of learned helplessness is often severe depression and extremely low self-esteem. This model aims to let the respondents know their levels of depression.

B. Major Assumptions

1. Depressed people seem to lack normal emotions and become somewhat apathetic, often staying in unpleasant work environments or bad marriages or relationships rather that trying to escape or better their situation. 2. A person would react to an uncontrollable event, either "bad" or "good," was their explanatory style, the way they explained events. Optimistic people were immune to becoming helpless and depressed. However, individuals who were pessimistic were extremely likely to become depressed when something went wrong in their lives.

3. A direct correlation between an individual's level of optimism and the likelihood of developing not only clinical depression but other illnesses as well. Optimists rarely became depressed, but pessimists were extremely likely to develop depression and other psychological disturbances. 4. Cognitive distortions and facilitate the depressed state. Those with depression feel hopeless, distraught, angry and sad. When people experience cognitive distortions they are focused on the negative, generalize situations and people, set exceedingly high standards and have overly critical selfevaluation. Depression can be caused by habitual beliefs or thought patterns that prevent the individual from getting out of the mental state. 5. Depressed people to feel helpless, with little control over things. Or, alternatively, to feel that everything relies on them. Life experiences can cause 'learned helplessness' - by reducing his/her feeling of control as well as his/her available options in a situation, it can further add to the depression.

C. Discussion and Analysis The proposed model on Learned Helplessness shows that the person with depression from the past experiences that triggers her to indulge of having a multiple relationship. The flow begins within the person that includes her characteristics and personality together with the experiences with the past events. In person

with depression that caused her to not forgetting the past but rather remembering what the past events had happened. Next to the person and to the experiences is the rumination that includes thoughts influenced feelings and stressors, in which it appears to be the foundation of depression, replaying the problem over and over again, not everyone ruminates, just the ones who become depressed by the past events. The thoughts can be influenced by feelings because a person is unaware that the thoughts play a large role in influencing how a person feels. This is an important concept because a person may not always be able to influence what happens to them but they do have a powerful influence in how a person interpret what happens and how to deal with it. Next is the activation by stressful events, activating events are the triggers that cause us potential stress. It involves understanding what triggers person stressful responses. These triggers come from the environment, also known as a person itself while a person probably cannot change evrything in life that causes the stress, a person can certainly affect some of those events. Lastly is the depressed feeling that can be traced to cognitive distortions in which a person is tracing back the previous events that had happened to his/her life. A person is being depressed by keep repeating the situation that caused her to engage into a multiple lover relationship.

Person - Characterstics - Personality

Experiences - Past events

Rumination Activation by Stressful events - Thoughts Infuence feelings - Stressors

Depressed feelings can be traced to cognitive distortions

Figure 7. Model of Depression

CHAPTER 4 SUMMARY, FINDINGS, CONCLUSION AND RECOMMENDATIONS This chapter contains the summary of the study and the findings reflect the conclusions and suggest the recommendations.

SUMMARY The research begun with professional women having multiple lovers. The past event that happened to a certain person was somehow the root he or she has done something like having a multiple lover relationships. Some people escape their problem but engaging into this kind of relationship, they tend to have anger, fear of loving someone because they do not want it to happen again. One reason also that a person may engage into this kind of relationship was that their family itself such as broken family and separated parents and so they sought the love which they did not find in their own parents. The professional woman profile includes the family background, childhood experiences, previous relationships and multiple lover relationships were explored in order to determine some factors that affect the subject to indulged in multiple lover relationships and its effect to the subject. The researchers inferences are also included relationship with the family and effects of the previous relationship. The theory used were the Bernice Lott’s Attraction Theory, Sigmund Freud’s Psychoanalytic Theory, Erich Fromm’s Theory of Love, Robert Sternberg Triangular Theory of Love, John Lee’s Theory of Love, Rubin Scales of Liking and Loving Theory, Elaine Hatfield’s Theory of Love,

Family Systems Theory and Theory of Attachment. This study aimed to explore the emotional functioning of the subject, on what factors pushes her to engage in having multiple lover relationships and with the proposed model of depression. This study was conducted at different provinces of Cebu with the total numbers of professional women with multiple lover relationships. A qualitative data used were semi-structured interview and the test used such as Emotional Profile Index (EPI) and SACHS Sentence Completion Test to be able to achieve the desired outcome of the study. The main sources of information were interviews of professional women indulged themselves into multiple lover relationships.

FINDINGS

The following are the findings of this study: 1. Ms. Joan She lived in V. Rama Highway Cebu City; she has multiple lover relationship for 6 months. She was now 30 years old and second child in the family. She was a graduate of Bachelor of Science in Hotel and Restaurant Management at the University of San Carlos. She owned two small fastfood businesses here in Cebu. Ms. Joan was a serious type of person and belonged to a stable family. She is closed to her mother and her youngest sister. Her father left when she was 9 years

old because her father was having an affair with another woman. According to her, the problem towards her father and their family molded her to indulge herself of having multiple lover relationships. Based on her Emotional Profile Index Test result showed that she got high in Dyscontrolled, Depressed, Distrustful and Bias while she got low in Trustful, Timid, Controlled and Gregarious. Ms. Joan’s based on the result in her SACHS Sentence Completion Test it showed that she was mildly disturbed about the past experiences and family which was affected her of having engaged into multiple lover relationships. She was now involved into a kind of relationship that was unsure and seeks another relationship just for a fun.

2. Ms. Louisa She lived in Talamban, Cebu City, she was now 35 years old; she has a multiple lover relationship for almost 8 months. She was currently a manager in one of the bank here in Cebu. She was a graduate of Bachelor of Science in Management Accounting at the University of San Carlos. Ms. Louisa was a fun- loving, adventurous and an aggressive person. Her mother and father were both separated and have their own families as well. When her both parents left, she started to live independently at the age of 22 while her brother also family too and so she is striving hard to achieve her goals in life and

fortunately she is now a manager in a bank. According to Ms. Louisa, her first relationship which she thought that can provide the love that she has never experienced because she had a broken family, but that love was just a big mistake she had experienced. From that experienced she had with her first boyfriend and her family itself affected her life which triggers her to seek another love not just for one man but many of them and so she is having a multiple relationships. Based on the test result given to Ms. Louisa which is the Emotional Profile Index (EPI), it showed that she got high in Trustful, Dyscontrolled, and Depressed, while she got low in Timid, Distrustful, and Controlled. Ms. Louisa’s SACHS Sentence Completion Test, it showed that she was severely disturbed according to the result she does not have good interpersonal relationship. The area of her self concept such as her fear, guilt feelings, and goals towards others is severely disturbed by her past experiences.

3. Ms. Geraldine She lived in J.MBasa Street, Barangay San Nicolas; she was the youngest among the four children of Mr. Nonoy and Mrs. Zenny. She was a graduate of Bachelor of Science in Elementary Education major in Mathematics at University of Cebu. She was currently working at San Nicolas Elementary School as a grade 5 teacher particularly in the

field of Basic Mathematics. The relationship of her family was good; her parents taught her morality and good values in life. Her first relationship which she thought of marriage because their relationship lasted for a year was suddenly a big mistake she has entered. Until one day she found out that the guy was with another lady while the guy holding the 2 year old baby. After what she saw she cried so hard and gets herself drunk that caused her in not attending the class. After her recovery, she promised herself not to be cheated again and that she will revenge and do the same thing that the guy has done against her. By that time on, she then indulge herself to multiple relationship. Based on the Emotional Profile Index test result showed that she got high in Dyscontrolled, Depressed, Distrustful and Bias while she got low in Trustful, Timid, Controlled and Gregarious. Ms. Geraldine’s SACHS Sentence Completion Test, it showed that she is mildly disturbed because in terms of her relationship with her family, her father and mother were still supporting them although not in the financees but emotionally they were still attached. In terms of her friends she was only open to her feelings with her closed friends.

CONCLUSIONS

Based on the findings of this study, the researchers concluded that the history of the family and the past relationships experiences influenced the subjects to indulged into having a multiple lover relationship, the simple fact of one person loving two or more other people. Their past experience affected the emotions and behavior at present as being unfaithful and seeks attention and love. In addition, when they underwent the stage of childhood, they have been shaped by the experiences they have outside-in particular, experiences with peers and that any similarities between parents and children are due to shared genes and a shared culture. The family itself may affect also the person to be the kind of person they did not expect them to be which was a certain person is having a multiple lovers. Past experiences also could be the reason thay a person may engage into a existing relaitonsip, the past relationship that greatly affects the person which he/she pushes him/her to have more than one relationship at the same time. Having multiple lovers/relationship was really not acceptable in our society because it is called infidelty of one’s partner that may destroy and ruin a relationship and a person’s dignity. In order for the subjects to overcome the feeling of anger, fear and everything that happens in their life. There were no other person/people that could help him/her to change but instead start to make things right, the only way to escape the past is to forget but rather accepts the reality and set it as a part of challenge in life. It does not

make him/her a better person, learn to let go of the unpleasant past and learned to understand that those are just insignificant events. Be willing to accept the fact that they actually happened. Everything in life happened for a reason and the reason for going through this unhappiness is actually to help better understand the self, to allow her to grow wiser and to move on and progress in life.

RECOMMENDATIONS

Based on the findings of the study, the following were suggested for a professional women engaged into a multiple relationship.

1. To the subject engage in multiple lover relationship. He/she must be able to understand the fact that having multiple lovers does not give satisfaction to one’s self, but rather move on to the past and settle everything for the near future. 2. The members of the family and friends that surrounds her must understand her behavior and guide her because they are the one which she can be able to fully make the situations right. 3. The readers must have a better understanding that such behavior can be controlled with the help of the people around her. 4. The Proposed Model of Depression could help understand more the subject’s behavior.

REFFERENCES A. Books Aronson, E,. et al.,(1999) Social Psychology Third Edition Addison Wesley Longman Inc. Aronson, (1997) Social Psychology McGraw-Hill (1994) Social Psychology Fifth Edition McGraw-Hill Inc., USA Liebert, L.L,. Liebert, R.M (1998). Personality: Strategies & issues. Brooks/cole publishing Company Rubin, Z. (1970). Measurement of romantic love. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology Holmes J (1993). John Bowlby & Attachment Theory. Makers of modern psychotherapy. London: Routledge. ISBN 0-415-07729-X. Hatfield, E., & Walster, G.W. (1978). A new look at love Myers, D. G. (2005). Social psychology ( 8th Ed.). New York, NY: McGraw Hill Sternberg, R.J. (1990). A triangular love scale. Bowlby J (1988). A Secure Base: Clinical Applications of Attachment Theory. London: Routledge. ISBN 0415006406. Acker, M., & Davis, M.H. (1992). Intimacy, passion, and commitment in adult relationship: A test of the Triangular Theory of Love. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Vol. 9, 21-50.

Wiggins, J. A,. Wiggins, B. B., & Zanden, J.V. (1994). Social psychology ? (5 th Ed.). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill Friedman, H.S., & Schustack, M.W (2009) Personality Classic Theories and Modern Research (4th Ed.) Greenberg, J.S (2006) Comprehensive Stress Management (10th Ed.).Mc.Graw Hill

B. Electronic Sources http: // www. Google.com.ph http:// www. Wikipedia.com http://opac.usjr.edu.ph/ http://search.proquest.com http://www.nikiaanderson.com/id18.html (http://kazakhstudents.org/all/other_topics/how_i_live_with_all_my_lovers__true_stories_about_multiple_relationships1/). http://www.cebu-philippines.net/cebu-map.html http://www.genopro.com/family-systems-theory/ http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/sternbergs-triangular-theory-of-love-scales/ http://www.mhhe.com/socscience/hhp/fahey7e/wellness_worksheets/wellness_wo rksheet_032.html http://search.proquest.com/docview/203944792?accountid=33262 http://internal.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm http://en.wikipedia.o

APPENDICES

APPENDIX A INTERVIEW SCHEDULE FOR THE SUBJECTS

PROFILE Name: Age: Educational Birth Date: Birth Place: Religion: Birth Rank: Attainment:

Personal Profile  What is your educational attainment?  Where and whom do you live?  Does the place you are residing motivates you to have this kind of relationship?

Family Background  Describe your relationship with your parents and your family.  How many are you in the family?  Do you have brother or sister?  In growing up, what kind of environment did you have?

 How did they raise you?  What are the problems in the family that you want to be solved by being into this kind of relationship?

Childhood Experiences  How was your relationship with your family during childhood?  What were your experiences in your childhood which you consider to have affected to have this kind of this relationship?  What values did your parents try to instill on you?  What significant experience did you face in growing up?

Previous Relationship and Multiple lovers  How many past relationships have you experienced? Did ever experienced having a serious relationship? If yes, how was it?  Did your past relationship, influenced your idea of having a multiple lovers ?  How long have you been in your last relationship?  How did you meet them?  How long have you been with them?  How was your relationship with them?  How do you spend your time with them?  Describe your relationship with them?  What are your reasons why you engaged having a multiple relationship?

Psychological Factors and Effects  What is the effect of the relationship in your family?  What problems in the family have been brought up by the relationship?  What does your close friend tell about the relationship?  What is the effect of the relationship to oneself?  Does it give a good effect on you? Are the aims of having this kind of relationship satisfies you?

APPENDIX B INTERVIEW SCHEDULE FOR THE KEY INFORMANTS

General Profile Name: Age: Gender: Religion: Relation to the subject:

Subject Orientation  How did you come to know about the subject?  How long do you know the subject?  How well do you know the subject?  Do you always spend time together?  How is the relationship of the subject with her family?  How close are you with her?  How can you describe her?

Relationship  What can you say about her having a multiple lovers?  What are the problems are being shared to you by the subject with:

-Family - Relationship  What was your first reaction when you first know about it?  What are the effects of having a multiple lovers to you?  What are the experiences that you can never forget about the subject when you were together?

APPENDIX C SACHS SENTENCE COMPLETION TEST

NAME: ADDRESS:

AGE:

GENDER: DATE:

DIRECTION: The following are sixty (60) incomplete sentences. Read each item carefully and finish them by writing the first things or idea that comes to your mind. Work on all these as fast as you can. If you leave an item unfinished, mark/encircle that item and go back to it later.

1. I feel that my father seldom___________________________________

2. When the odds are against me,______________________________

3. I always wanted to_____________________________

4. If I were in charge_________________________

5. To me, the future looks______________________________

6. The men over me___________________________________

7. I know it is silly, but I am afraid___________________________

8. I feel that a real friend__________________________

9. When I was a child,_______________________________

10. My idea of a perfect man/woman_______________________________

11. When I see a man and a woman together________________________________

12. Compared with most families, mine_______________________________

13. At work, I get along best________________________________

14. My mother______________________________

15. I would do anything to forget the time___________________________

16. If my father would only__________________________

17. I believe I have the ability______________________________

18. I could perfectly happy if ____________________________________

19. If people work for me_________________________________________

20. I look forward to_________________________________

21. In school, my teacher______________________________________

22. Most of my friends don’t know that I am afraid of__________________________

23. I don’t like people_________________________________

24. I remember__________________________________________

25. I think most boys/girls______________________________________

26. My feeling about married life__________________________

27. My family treats me like________________________________

28. Those I work with are_______________________________

29. My mother and I ________________________________

30. My greatest mistake was _______________________________________

31. I wish my father_______________________________

32. I am weak at____________________________________

33. My secret ambition in life_______________________________________

34. The people who work for me___________________________________

35. Someday, I _________________________________

36. When I see the boss coming______________________________

37. I wish I could lose the fear of_______________________________

38. The people I like best_______________________________

39. If I were young again_______________________________

40. I believe most men/women________________________________

41. If I had sex relations__________________________________

42. Most families I know______________________________

43. I like working with people who_______________________________

44. I think that most mothers____________________________

45. When I was younger, I felt guilty about________________________________

46. My father and I________________________________

47. Compared to others, I____________________________________

48. What I want most in life_______________________________________

49. In giving orders to others, I ____________________________________

50. Ten years from now, I ____________________________________

51. People whom I consider superiors_____________________________

52. My fears sometimes force me to______________________________

53. When I’m not around, my friends____________________________________

54. My most vivid childhood memory_____________________________

55. What I like least about men/women_________________________

56. My view of sex life____________________________

57. When I was a child, my family_____________________________

58. People who work with me usually____________________________

59. I like my mother but__________________________________

60. The worst thing I ever did__________________________________

University of San Jose- Recoletos
Corners P. Lopez and Magallanes Streets, Cebu City, 6000 Philippines

APPENDIX D LETTER OF CONTRACT Date: _________________ I am Mr./ Mrs. ____________________________ agreed to be the researcher respondent of Rachael T. Abas for her study entitled: “Spare Tire”, provided that the study and sessions shall have the following conditions: 1. Firstly, Rachael T. Abas has to handle the data gathered from the respondent with utmost confidentiality. This means that no person shall have access to such data without our consent, except for those who are members in the academic panel/ Secondly, privacy shall be observed, meaning, that Rachael T. Abas during her conduct of her research sessions shall not bring any other persons who are not related to the research study, unless being approved and agreed by both, me, as the researcher, and the research subjects, and the respondent and Rachael T. Abas as the researcher; 2. Being the researcher, Rachael T. Abas can use a video tape provided she complies with all conditions in No. 1; 3. Rachael T. Abas shall communicate and be brief with me the findings of my child’s assessment and be able to provide certain interpretation from which I can personally utilize; 4. Being the selected research subject, I shall give Rachael T. Abas with all the necessary information that she needs from her methods of study, as honestly as I can, from the start of her research session with me until the very end of her research study and 5. Both parties who are unable to follow his contract may be subjected for legal actions.

__________________________________________________________________ Research Subject Signature over Printed Name

_

Researcher’s Signature over Printed Name

University of San Jose- Recoletos
Corners P. Lopez and Magallanes Streets, Cebu City, 6000 Philippines

APPENDIX E LETTER OF INTENT ___________________ ___________________ ___________________

Dear ____________________, I am a Psychology student of University of San Jose- Recoletos who is currently enrolled in Research Class in Psychology. As part of our course requirements, I am tasked to study about “Spare Tire”. I would like to ask for your permission to be one of the respondents in my study and if you will be available to take the tests, to be interviewed, to be observed and to let your family members, friends and neighbours to be one of your key informants. I believe you can support and attest to the variables that I am looking for; rest assured that your identity and the disclosed information be treated with utmost confidentiality as I will be using code names and will be presenting to you my final output. I sincerely appreciate your positive response on this matter, as this would help me fulfil my academic requirements and my skills in doing research as a Psychology student. If there are any questions you would like to ask, you can reach me through this number _______________. Thank you for giving your time in reading my letter and God bless you!

Sincerely yours,

Rachael T. Abas B.S. PSYCHOLOGY- 4 Noted by: MS. MELDA P. RUBILLOS Adviser, Research

CERTIFICATION

This is to certify that I have read and edited the work of Rachael Tuico Abas entitled Spare Tire.

This is to further certify that Rachael Tuico Abas have implemented the corrections I have made on her work.

Mr. Emerson Aller Editor

CURRICULUM VITAE

Rachael Tuico Abas 344 B. Tupas Street Sawang Calero, Cebu City Cell No. 09227409034/09087702455 Email Address: rachaelabas0991@yahoo.com

A. Personal Data Age Sex Date of Birth Birthplace Civil Status Religion : : : : : : 20 Female October 09, 1991 Cebu City Single Roman Catholic

B. Educational Background Elementary San Nicolas Elementary School Carlock Street, Cebu City 1998 - 2004

Secondary Cebu City Don Carlos A. Gothong Memorial National High School C. Padilla Street, Cebu City 2004 - 2008

College University of San Jose - Recoletos Magallanes Street, Cebu City 2008 - 2012

C. Trainings / Seminars Organized: Trainings Attended On-the-job training Psychological Service Unit (June-July 2011) Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center B. Rodriguez Street, Cebu City

On-the-job training Gawad Kalinga (September-October 2011) Social Internship Mananga, Talisay Cebu City

On-the-job training P.O.E.C (Pearl Orient Educational Career International Inc.) Human Resource Department (November- December 2011) Mambaling, Cebu City

On-the-job training Placement Section (January - February) Student Development and Placement Center University of San Jose- Recoletos

Seminars Organized Management of Challenging Child Behavior AVR II Nursing, 2nd floor University of San Jose- Recoletos April 29, 2011

Research Congress 2012 AVR II Nursing, 2nd floor University of San Jose- Recoletos February 17, 2012

E. Seminars Attended: Facilitators Training (Team Building) September 25-26, 2010 Hidden Paradise, Pinamungahan Cebu City

Influence on People Management Forum
Center for Performing Arts, University Of San Jose-Recoleto February 16, 2011

Child Abuse and Sexual Prevention Center for Performing Arts, University of San Jose-Recoletos February 16, 2011

Youth Leadership Seminar Qualfon Philippines Cebu City, IT Park December 10, 2010

The Power of Positivism AVR II Nursing, 2nd floor University of San Jose- Recoletos May 6, 2011

Bringing Back the Pieces in you: A Seminar about Debriefing about Critical Stress Incident Fr. Blas Montenegro Conference Hall, 2nd floor University of San Jose- Recoletos May 12, 2011

Love online: Is it really love with no boundaries? Elegant Circle, 3rd floor Fuente Osmeña, Cebu City May 14, 2011

The Dynamics of Sexually Hedonistic Group and its Moral and Psychological Impact on the Individual Self and Society Elegant Circle, 3rd floor Fuente Osmena, Cebu City May 14, 2011

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