Lady: Sir, you are drunk. Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly.

But in the morning, I shall be sober.
"Let me ask you one question Is your money that good Will it buy you forgiveness Do you think that it could I think you will find When your death takes its toll All the money you made Will never buy back your soul" "Are you really willing to trust the government workers with the power to end someone's life? What is the government good at? Health care? Levies? Fuck! I don't even trust them to send a letter to my sister, I use email. Now if GOOGLE were in charge of the death penalty I might consider it. The google kids don't seem to fuck up much" "If you aren't sure...mix random chemicals" -friend in science class-

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics. What we anticipate seldom occurs, what we least expect generally happens.
"Everyone has a choice. I choose not to make a choice; yes that counts as a choice" "Rehab is for quitters" -Anonymous``if god wanted you to live he wouldn’t have created me´´ "I cannot believe that a God who would give us such magnificent brains would demand that we not use them."

"This world would be a much better place if we could give kicks to the testicles to embezzlers and stock manipulators." "Mankind points to God’s wrath as proof that we should not worship him. Yeah, that’s really gonna stop all the wrath."
"Whoever said money couldn’t buy happiness was never poor" "Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff."

"Rational arguments don't normally work on religious people. Otherwise there would be no religious people"

People are like metals: some bend, some break, some don't. If you raise your voice, someone's bound to hear you. Leaders live to serve their subjects, not vice versa. Words are worth nothing without equal action behind them. Courage is being able to see your fears, face them, and rise a better man for it. Anything done for the sake of another person is worth the cost. Hello! My name is Jerry and it's rude to stare. What, never seen a talking computer? You sure impress easily. You may ask why the fuck I'm a blue bunny doing back flips. The answer; you think it's easy to maintain this physique? This Barrett actually has an interesting story. A man once tried to rob me, so I broke his arm and shot him. He was wearing it. You want to hear about the pants? I got them at K-Mart. I got the shoes from Sonic, though. Then I banged his hot girlfriend. I'm not gay, I'm badass. You know what happened to the last guy who called me gay? This bag is shaped like a heart for a reason. If you are watching this, it means the machines have finally taken over, and I am your new master. Bow down to me, motherfucker!
There exist only three beings worthy of respect: the priest, the soldier, the poet. To know, to kill, to create.

"They came first for the homeless, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't homeless. Then they came for the poor, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't poor. Then they came for the old, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't old. Then they came for the weak, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't weak. Then they came for me. and by that time, there was no one left to speak up for me.

Rincewind: "I'm NOT going on that flying carpet, I’m afraid of grounds!" Conina: "Don't you mean you're afraid of heights?" Rincewind: "I'm not afraid of heights; it's the ground that kills you!"
"What's the matter Colonel Sanders? Chicken?"

"Baseball all wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk! "I used to complain because I had no shoes, then I met a man with no feet... So I took his shoes."

"Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets mad you're a mile away. And you've got his shoes."
"I beat games like I beat children and small animals: enthusiastically and often." Perry: Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find? Harry: A picture of me? Perry: No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are! "Gentlemen! You can't fight in here! This is the War Room!" "How do you stay so cheerful?" "I look fondly on how infuriating it is to people when I am" Isn't sanity just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean, all you get is that one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, well, the sky's the limit!

Build a man a fire and you keep him warm for a night. Set a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.
Disobedience is mandatory!

"No matter how well you roll, a squirrel cannot carry a horse and rider at full sprint"
Epic Rogue : "I rolled a 5 on the die... plus modifier, and synergies.... that's 385 total sleight of hand." DM : "Okay, you steal Elminster's Eversmoking pipe, all his gold, his left shoe, his right big toe, and his childhood memories, plus a level 7 spell slot" Dwarf: "I ain't got time to bleed!" DM: "Actually, you do. It's a free action." A Black Hole is where God Divided by Zero!!

Ever noticed that the word "believe" has the word "lie" in the middle?
***** What happened to conjuring walls of fire, blasting enemies with negative energy and imprisoning their souls in jars? *****

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
"Fool! Nothing of this world can harm me! For I am The Founder Prime! The Shogun of Sorrow! The Deliverer of Darkness! Your new master! And you will bow to me!"

WOTC has taken powers away from the wizards and given powers to fighters: so in 3.5 a wizard had a PS4 with full 3D virtual reality and the fighter had a piece of string. In 4ed a wizard has a 360 and the fighter has a wii
Wisdom comes with age. Death comes with age. Therefore, wisdom is dangerous. "I know you wanted answers, but perhaps in the meantime, you'd settle for pie? Pie is usually better than answers. Pie doesn't disappoint." Thank you, for helping us, help you, help us all.
"Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!"

"Just promise you'll murder me with your pants on." -- Red Mage "I promise nothing." -- Black Mage Bystander - "You just executed that man!" Thelon - "Emphasis on Just. Are you arguing with the Court?"

Male rogue - We're not going to do it. It's stupid. Why should we trust these guys
to do what they say. Additionally, why should we give them a dragon? It's just going to grow up and eat us!

Female Druid - I'll sleep with you. Male Rogue - OK.
Fighter - I am going to cut the rope bridge! Druid - NO! We need to use the bridge to get across and get the dragon! Fighter - There are goblins shooting at us from the other side! I'm cutting

the rope! Druid - Don't cut the rope! Don't cut the rope!

*RAWR*
Druid - CUT THE ROPE! CUT THE ROPE!

"We are not supposed to damage the building!" My characters only response: "I'll pay for it." Then a nice and quiet KA-BOOM. . . .I got the bad guy though Vincit omnia veritas - Truth conquers all Vincit qui se vincit - He conquers who conquers himself Vincere est totum - To win is everything Virtus in medio stat - Virtue stands in the middle Virtute et armis - By courage and by arms Vir prudens non contra ventum mingit - A wise man does not urinate against the wind

Quantum theory has no place in the quantifiable roleplaying universe. (The chance that Schrodiners cat is dead is not calculated by a d6!)
So everyone should always remain like Switzerland...small and neutral untill they decide to lash out and control the planet with one gigantic army of Fluffy the Cats and Pyrokinetics

On the treatment of prisoners: Look at it this way: if you don't do what they want, they'll kill you. If you don't do what we want, we'll let 'em. 18 strength: 16 attribute points. Helix warrior: 4 levels. Sleight of hand: 23 ranks. Being able to conceal a 360 pound weapon and fire it off-hand: Priceless.
It doesn’t matter what race, all adventurers have the same lifespan… short.

I'm not a glass half empty person, nor am I a glass half full person. I'm a person who sees the glass and attempts to understand the significance of the glass having something in it. Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake. Youth and vigor will always be overcome by age and treachery If you know what you're doing, it's not an adventure. Officer: Now, what the hell is going on here? Me: Oh, uh, we were just, um, training, sir. Officer (points at burned soldier): Oh, really? And what the fuck kind of training is this? Me: Fire safety.

I reject your reality and substitute my own
"Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity"

"As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. It is in such twilight that we all must be aware of change in the air, however slight, lest we becomes victims of the darkness."

“Airships are made from Skywood, rare trees that float around the islands, absorbing moisture from the clouds, and eating passing birds. They keep their floating qualities after they’re cut, so rich folks build ships out of them. Skywood is rare, though, so the ships are valuable, and tend to carry a lot of cargo, so they’re always a target for pirates.
Some of the crazier tinkers have built mechanical flying machines from the junk, propelled by some sort of constant controlled explosion. Sounds mad to me - they’re faster than the fastest zeppelin by far, but I wouldn’t get in one for all the books in the Library Balloons - that’s where it’s at. Usually made from hide, they’re every color you can imagine, and range from the biggest zeppelin to the smallest oneman basket. Some say they’re slow, that they’re clumsy, but they don’t understand. See the Floating City but once, and you’ll know what I mean. People have all sorts of ways of getting around.

Some can tame the beasts that fly the Islands, riding on the backs of birds, or whales, or flying pigs, even dragons and pterodactyls dinosaurs. The contraptions called planes are the most common flying machine cobbled together from the junk, but there are plenty of other, even madder ones. Some of the greater Sorcerers can even make themselves fly, sprouting wings or just glaring at the laws of physics until they slink away whimpering.”

Originally Posted by makeshiftwings I like to imagine Gygax is up there in heaven right now, gathered around a battlegrid with Alexander the Great and Julius Caesar, waving his genitals in Genghis Khan's face. Originally Posted by Bruce Cordell “I’m chaotic good! That means sometimes I push you off the bridge; come on, don’t get mad!” Originally Posted by WotC_ScottR If 4e is the next Pokemon that means I am buying a Ferrari with my bonus!

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