Is Mess a New Order?

© Victoria Evangelina Belyavskaya

I do not know where in the world I am going to be for the Christmas and New Year's celebrations this year. By mid-December one ought to know her plans for the most sentimental family holidays, don’t you think? I could not agree with you more strongly. That is why when I looked at the string of emails, praising yours truly as a "life-style guru", "the one who knows where she goes", "the personal development think-tank", "the positive thinking coach", "the unstoppable planner and achiever" , "the happiness goddess" and so on, I found myself frowning. I was uneasy, feeling as if I have created a false impression of myself. I am not perfect. No, I’m really not. Neither do I possess any superior qualities. In truth, I am telling people the things deep in my heart I know to be true, but not all of which I have utilized for my own everyday use. I am learning to grow with the help of my readers – ordinary mortals just like yourself. And just like many of you, having received a boost of positive inspiration, I am eager to put my life in order and move in a straight line towards a goal, taking occasional side-trips to enjoy life. But once the boost is over, I find that my head is stuck in the sand and I truly believe, that in this ostrich manner I can wait out the situations that need my decisions, and everything will be resolved by itself until one day my hero comes to the desert and builds a house around my shapely butt sticking out of the sand. Then he will make it a home as I graciously drag my head out of the sand and present the rest of myself to him. But sometimes the sand becomes too hot, and I must act. This is the time I realize that the callings of my heart are too quiet and difficult to hear, and my goals are too vague to orient on, and the candle I have does not provide enough light to see that next step which Martin Luther King claimed to be enough to start the journey of a thousand steps. This is the time when I gravely admit that I am a mess, cannot see the bigger picture, hear my intuition and take steps forward. They say if you do not know what road to choose, just act, choose any road and make it right for yourself. And there is a whole industry helping us to organize clutter in our houses and workspace, a task, which self-improvement gurus advise to connect to the believe, that organizing your physical space, you are organizing your mental sphere, too. The universe loves symbolism, you see. Ziplocs of all sizes are getting filled up with collections of greeting cards and boarding passes; plastic tubs are stuffed with emotional treasures I do not want to part with and sales of homeorganizing products keep going up and up to a projected 7.6 billion USD by 2009. The ancient instincts of our ancestors speak in us in hope that we realize the omnipresent connection between physical surroundings and mental clarity, one of the aspects of the science of Feng Shui. The US National Association of Professional Organizers played significant role in

announcing January to be a “Get Organized Month”. On the other hand, a naturally formed by the pressure of neatness anti-anticlutter movement urges you to embrace your disorder and references you to the numerous studies proving that messy desks are a sign of creativity; messy closets reveal a more relaxed, easy person and that the dependence on total organization is a falling attempt of denial and controlling the unpredictability of life. "If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk?" When you try to take a control of something you start to put too much and often negative or worried attention to it. This is one of the factors that brings to failure those hoping to get their weight under control. A suggested escape route? Perhaps, like Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger to never make a daily schedule. Indeed there is a wealth of literature and 'experts' advising to 'go with the flow' making up your mind in the myriads of small and big choices life consists of as you face them. This seemingly simple task requires emotional clarity as well as the clarity of the life’s overall destination. Going with the flow is a different way to say "rely on God/Universe". As a personal development guru Zig Ziglar puts it, "Tell God your plans and He will laugh at you, for it is Him who knows everything," and then follows with advice to ask for the Divine guidance and revelation. The absence of emotional mess brings the calm light about a person. Such people are rare to met though. I have met many of those who create hectic lives via conflicting schedules, overlapping appointments, mixed emotions and feelings, never stopping to see how all of this feed inability to make up their minds. They are staying messy-busy in minds and surroundings in order not to face their lives and not to take the whole responsibility and start creating spiritual, emotional and physical health and neatness. My Mom was given a beautiful picture that she is going to hang in her bedroom, to see the first thing in the morning. Among other important drawings and messages, there is a photo of a butterfly feeding on a beautiful white flower with a strong steam. "A healthy flower is a happy flower", reads the inscription. To be happy in spirit, mind and body is a work that requires honesty to oneself: the work we are so skillful in avoiding. That is why I am still hesitant as of what is the right thing for me to do for the holidays. It is easy to be a mess, and after the initial beep of shame over admitting it comes the relaxation of acknowledging your helplessness and the "deserved" right to be called a "damsel in distress" and wait for that hero, who will dig me out of the sand. It takes standing on the higher ground to realize the beauty of mess and its promise to turn out a perfectly reasonable and right order. "We come into the world covered in mess from our rocky ascent. (…) As the Goddess begins to make her claim on them, there will be more, rather than fewer, girls who appear to make no sense. (…) When a system is flooded with new and radical impressions, it seems to implode before making a quantum leap forward into something different," writes Marianne Williamson in one of my favorite books, "A Woman's Worth". And it puts me to thinking that perhaps, mess is new order. After all, only wild love feels so joyful and inspiring and freeing, but it messes the sheets and leaves sweaty spots… The only question is: how to finally choose that one road that I am supposed to make right, i.e. where to be during the holidays?

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