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VESSELS

written by Eric Peter Schwartz

May 28, 2012 Copyright (c) 2009-2012 Eric Peter Schwartz All Rights Reserved

EXT. MT. OLIVE CEMETERY - NIGHT It is a clear, quiet night in the Mt. Olive Cemetery. Young, excited VOICES, trying hard to whisper, bounce around the marble gravestones. TED, an excited twenty year old clad in a black hoodie, tries to talk to his friend SHILA while walking backward. Shila is a slender, red-haired girl of roughly the smae age. She is holding a video camera and is trying to keep Ted in shot as she moves. She tries to frame Ted, in night vision on the LCD screen, as best she can. TED It is not much after two-thirty in the morning. We are in Mt. Olive Cemetery. Why? We are hoping to get YOU... (points into camera) our loyal BOO-STALKERS BLOG viewers, something special. Ted stops in his tracks and a creepy grin draws across his face. TED (CONT'D) Footage of the legendary "Woman That Weeps". He holds his smile for a second. Then Shila stops the camera and shakes her head. SHILA I hate it when you smile on night vision. You look like... some kind of demon game show host. Ted pulls out a map of the cemetery with some areas circled in red. TED Okay, it should be only a few rows over. He looks past Shila at two others with them. TED (CONT'D) Hey! Are you guys coming? Quite a way off DEVON and TYNA (also 19 or 20) are walking very slowly together talking. They hear Ted call to them. They look at each other and giggle.

2. DEVON

We're good!

They wait for Ted's response. Finally it comes, echoing through the dark... TED Whatever! Don't blame me if you miss the crying ghost. They laugh and move off in another direction, their bodies close but not quite touching. The tentative body language of a budding relationship. DEVON Thanks for coming. Ted lives for this stuff. Not you? TYNA

DEVON Meh. I can take it or leave it. I rarely find anything of interest in a cemetery. Tyna stops him by standing in front of him. She smiles and moves in close, her knees bouncing with nerves. TYNA What about tonight? Did you find anything of interest in a cemetery tonight? Devon smiles. Then Tyna pulls him into their first kiss. The kiss lingers for a moment. Their lips separate as they come out of the kiss. Devon's eyes are closed, so he doesn't see her step back, stumble and plummet from sight. Tyna lets loose a blood chilling scream. Devon shudders and his eyes open. He looks for where the sound came from. He looks down. Tyna is at the bottom of a crudely dug grave. She has landed inside a coffin that appears to be hacked open. Tyna opens uses the light from her cell phone to look at her surroundings and screams in terror again.

3. EXT. MT. OLIVE CEMETERY - DAY Morning finds the grave surrounded by police tape. UNIFORM OFFICERS are taking the statements of Tyna and Devon. FORENSICS TEAMS move around the scene wearing paper suits and marking evidence. In the center of it all stand DETECTIVE COLLEEN WINTERS, an attractive woman in her mid-to-late-thirties. Her dark hair is pulled back into a simple pony tail. She wears earthtones and black, nothing flashy. An air of professionalism surrounds her. She sips on a cup of coffee shop coffee. Next to her is her partner, EVAN PARKER. He's slightly younger than Winters but his hair has thinned a bit and he keeps it trimmed close to his head. He wears a sport coat, but his tie is much brighter and more colorful than you would expect. Under his bordering-on-hideous tie he's got the paunch of a married man. It gives him a jocular look. The headstone reads ALAN BRYCE - LOVING HUSBAND AND FATHER 1929 - 1994 Winters moves near the grave, being careful to disrupt nothing. She crouches down and looks at a hole punched in the grass. WINTERS Parker, check this out. Parker is across the grave from her, looking at the ground. PARKER There's another one over here too. Notices another one a few paces away. PARKER (CONT'D) Two... actually. Winters stands and looks from mark to mark. WINTERS All about the same distance apart? Parker nods. Hand crank? WINTERS (CONT'D)

PARKER Like a winch on a tripod to pull the coffin up?

4. WINTERS That's what I'm thinking. Parker nods. PARKER Could be. You know, this hole was dug with a shovel and there's just one pile of dirt. Plus the coffin was hacked at horribly. I'm thinking this was one guy. My money is on a fetishist rather than robbers. WINTERS That's a hell of a fetish - this guy's been here for 16 years. The two shudder sarcastically. Winters calls over to the Forensics Team. WINTERS Hey, can you guys get some plaster casts and measurements on these holes? The nearest FORENSIC OFFICER rolls his eyes and nods. FORENSIC Yeah, we're on it. Parker grins and looks at Winters. The two move together beyond the police tape. WINTERS Love the attitude. PARKER Can you blame them? They went through all that schooling thinking that they would be working with super high tech equipment and Marg Helgenberger. All those crushed dreams. It's sad. WINTERS (chuckles)

Nice.

They reach the car and open the trunk. They begin taking off the plastic on their shoes and their latex gloves, placing them in a plastic bag in the trunk. Parker leans backward against the open trunk.

5. PARKER So... new boss today. What do you think we'll get? WINTERS I think it'll be... different. I'll wait and see. PARKER D'you think it's gonna suck? Winters just chuckles and shakes her head. PARKER (CONT'D) You do, don't you. You think we're screwed. Winters grabs him by the tie and pulls him out of the way as she shuts the trunk with a laugh. WINTERS I think you're screwed. Scanlon let you get away with a ton. They open the car doors and climb inside, Winters is driving. PARKER That's true. Man! I hate breaking in a new enabler. INT. EQUIANO'S OFFICE OFF THE SQUAD ROOM - DAY CAPT. RON EQUIANO is trying to balance his cell phone between his shoulder and his ear because he is carrying an old file box filled with stuff for his new office. For a man in his late forties, he is in great shape. Not much gives away his his true age except the gray that dusts his dark hair at the temples. He drops the box on his desk and finally takes the phone in his hand. EQUIANO I'm sorry, hon, what? (pause) No. I wouldn't say it's weird... just... I don't know... He looks out of his office into the bustling squad room.

6. EQUIANO (CONT'D) It's feels like so much has changed but it's stayed the same. I'm not explaining it well. (pause) No, the gang is all gone - but the desks... the vending machines... they're all the same. New computers. Anyway... (pause) Oh, that sounds good. Why do you do that? Why do you tell me what's for dinner at the beginning of my shift? He turns and moves toward his desk as DESK SERGEANT RICH KOSMAN appears in the door with a file folder. He knocks on the door jamb and Equiano turns and sees him. EQUIANO (CONT'D) Oh! Hey, hon. Somebody's here. You can ply me with food talk later, okay? Love you too. He hangs up and shoots his hand out to Kosman. KOSMAN Capt. Equiano? EQUIANO (smiling) I sure hope so. KOSMAN Rich Kosman, desk sergeant. Glad to have you here, sir. (hands him the file) This is all your computer access information. Please change your password when you first log in. I have emailed you this month's manpower projections. Equiano looks over the file. EQUIANO Great! Thank you. Listen - over the next couple of weeks I'd like to do one on one meetings with everyone here. Just a "get to know you" type of thing. Can you get those scheduled for me.

7. KOSMAN Consider it done. Is it strange to be back here after all this time, sir? EQUIANO A little. (beat) So... everything... okay this morning? KOSMAN About normal. Oh, Detectives Winters and Parker are out investigating a grave desecration. That's a little different. Equiano's ears perk up. Really? Yes, sir. EQUIANO KOSMAN

Equiano smiles slightly to himself. EQUIANO Thank you, so much Rich. KOSMAN Let me know if you need anything else. Kosman exits. EQUIANO I guess some things will never change. INT. POLICE LOADING DOCK - DAY EVIDENCE OFFICER STEVE RYOO paces on the dock. He is a young Korean officer of 26. He wears plain clothes, with a badge and name card ID badge on the pocket of his shirt. Under his arm he carries his ever present clipboard. His cell phone is also the only thing holstered on his belt. He checks his watch and rolls his eyes. A moment later Winters and Parker come through the huge overhead door into the dock area. Ryoo breathes a sigh and moves to them.

8. RYOO You do understand that I don't sit around waiting for your call. My time is at a premium. PARKER Oh! Hello, Ryoo. RYOO Right. You asked me to meet you here. From the looks that Winters and Parker exchange, they seem to enjoy having a little fun with Ryoo. WINTERS So we did. Thanks for meeting us here. RYOO You're 15 minutes late. I need to pull evidence for a court case in two hours. Now, what do you have for me? Parker and Winters continue to walk past him toward the elevator. PARKER We don't have anything for you. Ryoo watches them pass in disbelief. RYOO What?! You had me come down here... Winters turns and points behind Ryoo. WINTERS We don't have anything for you... they do. Ryoo turns to see a huge flatbed truck backing into the dock. The hacked open coffin, completely wrapped in plastic and police tape, rides on the back of the truck. Ryoo's mouth drops open. RYOO What the hell is that? Winters and Parker have stopped to enjoy his reaction.

9. WINTERS It's a coffin. PARKER A gift wrapped coffin. They turn and make their way to the elevator. RYOO Where am I going to put a coffin? He turns to see them step into the open elevator. His face falls, dejected. PARKER Ryoo... you're looking a little down. You might want to go talk to Christmas. Ryoo just shakes his head and goes to sign for the coffin. Winters looks at Parker. WINTERS We are so lucky that he doesn't carry a gun. Parker grins as the elevator doors close. INT. CHRISTMAS' OFFICE - DAY OFFICER DANNY WOODS sits in a comfortable chair. His eyes are red and puffy like he's been crying. He looks at his hands. Across from him ELIOT "CHRISTMAS" MOORE sits quietly listening to him. He's dressed in full police blues, but has no badge or gun. He is an older man in his late forties or early fifties. His thin, salt and pepper hair is cut close to his head and a pair of glasses ride his nose. CHRISTMAS I'm so glad you came to talk with me, Danny. DANNY Thanks for listening. CHRISTMAS They teach you a lot of things when they're getting you ready to be a cop. They never teach you what it's like to have a gun aimed at you and fired. It's terrifying, isn't it?

10. DANNY It was okay for a few days - but then I started to see it every time I close my eyes. CHRISTMAS Haven't been sleeping? DANNY I can if I have a few drinks. Even sober, I eventually get there... I mean, he didn't even hit me - I didn't think that... Danny stops, keeping himself from crying again. CHRISTMAS They make it look easy on T.V. don't they? They don't talk much about the adrenaline and coming down from that. They don't talk about the night terrors. It's a lot to take. Have you talked to your wife about this? DANNY I haven't. I can't. I don't want to worry her. I don't want her to be a "cop's wife." But she is. CHRISTMAS

DANNY I saw what that constant worry did to my mom. I don't want to do that to her. CHRISTMAS (smiles) You don't think she's already worrying? Danny smiles sadly and nods. Probably. DANNY

CHRISTMAS Look, Danny, I'm so happy that you opened up to me... but I'd like you to talk to someone else too. Christmas gets up and moves to his desk and looks in his drawer. He extracts a business card and holds it out to Danny.

11. CHRISTMAS (CONT'D) She's a therapist. She works with police officers and their families for free. You should give her a call. I would hate to see you and your wife lose anymore time not communicating. Danny stands and takes the card. He smiles. DANNY Thank you, Christmas. CHRISTMAS Of course, Danny. Why don't you come and see me in a few days and we'll talk some more. DANNY Do you mind if we pray for a second? Christmas pauses for a moment. Then he smiles and takes Danny's hand. Go ahead. CHRISTMAS

They both close their eyes and lower their heads. Danny mutters some words quietly - Christmas does not. Finally they both raise their heads. Danny shakes Christmas' hand. Thanks. DANNY

He opens the door to exit. The sign on the door clearly reads "Chaplain". Christmas leaves the door open and returns to his desk. He turns on the little CD player boombox that sits on his desk. The holiday song "LET IT SNOW" plays quietly as he makes a couple of notes in Danny's file and then closes it. He turns to put it in his filing cabinet when Parker pokes his head through the door and knocks on the jamb. Knock knock. PARKER

12. CHRISTMAS Detective Parker! Always nice to see your face come through my door. Are you having another attack of conscience before a practical joke? Parker laughs. PARKER Not this time. I was wondering if you might have time to ride along with me and Winters. We need to talk to a family. CHRISTMAS Sure. What is it? PARKER Somebody dug up a grave and took the body. Christmas' eyebrows raise. Sure. CHRISTMAS

PARKER Great. Give us fifteen minutes to check in with the new boss. Christmas nods. As Parker leave, Christmas stares into the middle distance, his mind turning. INT. CARDEN HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY The kitchen door of a run down house opens. BILLY CARDEN, hurries through the door. Closes it quickly behind him and then leans against it to catch his breath. Billy is in his late thirties and his clothes and body are covered in mud and filth. He moves through the unkept kitchen into the family room. Two children, a LITTLE FOUR-YEAR-OLD GIRL and an OLDER BOY sit in front of a television. Magazines, toys and clothes clutter the room, but the kids couldn't care less. The girl turns and looks at Billy over the couch. She waves. GIRL Hi, Uncle Billy. Billy, his face smudged with grime, says nothing. He turns and makes his way to the stairs.

13. INT. CARDEN HOUSE - BATHROOM - DAY - LATER Billy stands in a steaming shower, letting the water cascade over him. His eyes closed. His shoulders slump as his muscles begin to relax. EXT. CARDEN BACKYARD - DAY - LATER Billy, now clean and wearing fresh clothes, steps out of the back door. He carries his filthy clothes in his arms. He makes his way through the overgrown, toy littered back yard, finally stopping behind the garage. There is a small fire pit there, with some folding chairs around it. Billy drops his clothes into the pit. He grabs a bottle of lighter fluid, drowns his clothes in it. Then he drops a match onto the pile. There is a loud WHOOSH and the flames leap up as the clothes catch on fire. Billy stares into the fire. INT. DALTON HOME - DAY Winters and Parker sit across from PAUL DALTON and his wife OLIVIA. Paul's arm is firmly around his wife, who seems slightly shaken. Christmas sits in a chair near them. Paul shakes his head. PAUL Who would do something like this? WINTERS We don't know, Mr. Dalton. That's what we're trying to find out. PARKER Mrs. Dalton, was your father buried with anything valuable. Anything that someone might want to retrieve? Olivia tries to think. OLIVIA I don't think so.

14. PAUL He wasn't a wealthy man or anything. PARKER Okay. How about enemies. Someone mad at you or the family? Someone who might want to send you a message. A business associate? OLIVIA Like who? We're not in the mob, Detective. WINTERS We understand, we just need to look at all possibilities. OLIVIA I know, I'm sorry. PAUL Do you think that it might be... I don't know... devil worshippers or something. Parker looks over at Christmas, who smirks slightly to himself. WINTERS Actually, Mr. Dalton, most "devil worshippers" are more interested in making their parents mad than doing anything evil. PAUL Well, do you have any ideas. The two detectives look at each other. WINTERS Actually, Mr. Dalton, I would hate to speculate at this point and be wrong... Please... PAUL

WINTERS It could possibly be a fetishist. OLIVIA So we might never get my father's body back. Parker shrugs sadly.

15. PARKER It's a possibility, ma'am. But let's not assume that's the case. Olivia stands, she looks ill. OLIVIA I'm sorry, please excuse me. She leaves the room, heading into the kitchen. A silence comes over the room. WINTERS Mr. Dalton, I can't tell you how sorry we are to have to bring this news to you and your family. Paul nods. PAUL I know, Detective. I appreciate that. My wife... her father is still a sore spot for her. I'm afraid she's going to take this hard. She never felt that the family did right by him with the funeral. As they talk, Christmas looks over his shoulder at the kitchen. He rises from his seat and makes his way to the kitchen. INT. DALTON KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Christmas finds Olivia standing over the sink, her face in her hands. Mrs. Dalton? CHRISTMAS

She jumps slightly and tries to hurry the tears from her eyes. CHRISTMAS (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you. I was wondering if I might have a glass of water. OLIVIA Yes, of course. She moves to a cabinet and pulls out a glass. She moves back to the sink and begins to fill the glass.

16. CHRISTMAS Incidentally, I don't have any questions for you or anything. I'm just the police chaplain. Detective Parker brought me along... just in case. OLIVIA Just in case? Christmas takes a drink and smiles. CHRISTMAS Just in case anyone needed to talk. (he pauses) Do you... need to talk? Olivia forces an uneasy smile. OLIVIA Thank you officer. CHRISTMAS Please, my friends call me Christmas. Really? OLIVIA

CHRISTMAS It's a long story. OLIVIA Well, Christmas, I'm just having a hard time believing that this is happening. My father died very suddenly. He was diagnosed with cancer and was dead within a month. He never even had a fighting chance. The funeral and burial were such a mess. I felt we all did it wrong. Christmas moves close to her, he puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. CHRISTMAS And now... this. Exactly. OLIVIA

17. CHRISTMAS Well, I hate trying to predict the future - but, maybe this is a chance to do better. OLIVIA What do you mean. CHRISTMAS I have every confidence that they'll find his body. Then maybe you will have an opportunity to do things again - maybe the way you think he would have done things. Olivia wipes a tear and chuckles. OLIVIA You're good at your job, aren't you. Christmas smiles. CHRISTMAS I like to think so. Olivia holds up a hand. OLIVIA Hold on a second. She moves to a hutch on the other side of the room. It's full of old china, heirloom glasses. She pulls out a small tin box. OLIVIA (CONT'D) God, I haven't looked in this thing in ages. Maybe this might help the case. She puts the tin on the counter and opens. It's full of keepsakes from the funeral. Prayer cards, matchbooks, the wake program etc. PAUL (O.S.) Olivia? Can you come back in here for a second? OLIVIA Just a second. (back to Christmas) Sorry, I'll be back in a second. She exits.

18. Christmas has become very focused on something. He pulls out a laminated card. It gives the date and location of the visitation: "4p.m. February 12, 1994 - Paley Brothers Mortuary" Christmas' eyes grow wide. He hesitates for a moment, then he pulls out a small notebook and pen. He jots the information down quickly. EXT. SUNDOWN CREEK PARK - DAY It is late afternoon and the sun shines down on two CITY FORESTERS, working in the park. They are clearing fallen brush from a gulley. FORESTER 1 tosses the brush out of the gulley, FORESTER 2 (the older of the two) throws it into a chipper. FORESTER 2 Look, I'm not saying it's not good... I'm just saying... I don't get it. FORESTER 1 Do you actually watch it? Forester 2 waits for the chipper to finish grinding up a dead branch before he responds. FORESTER 2 Sometimes it's on in the background when I'm reading. FORESTER 1 Okay! Then how can you say you don't get it if you haven't given it a chance. FORESTER 2 I'm just saying... I'm glad you like the show. I just don't follow it. It's just not my style. Period... What? Forester 1 has stopped listening. His eyes are transfixed by something he's found. He throws a dead shrub out of the way. Beneath is the 16-year-decayed body of Alan Bryce.

19. INT. POLICE STATION HALLWAY - DAY Equiano is exiting the lunchroom, sipping a can of soda. Ryoo steps up with his clipboard, almost knocking Equiano over. RYOO Capt. Equiano? Equiano splutters and checks his shirt for any spills. Satisfied that he did not spill he looks up. Yes? EQUIANO

RYOO Captain, I'm Steven Ryoo. I'm the Evidence Officer and archivist. Equiano shakes his hand. EQUIANO Oh. Fantastic. I've been looking over your file. Great record. Really impressive. RYOO Thank you, Captain. EQUIANO What can I do for you? Ryoo holds out his clipboard. RYOO I need you to sign off on the transfer of a large piece of evidence to an off-site storage facility. Equiano signs. EQUIANO Wow. What is it? RYOO (sighs) It's a coffin. Winters and Parker thought it was very very funny to have it delivered here to me rather than taking it to, say, the impound yard. I don't know if you've met them yet... Equiano is beginning to smirk at how angry Ryoo is getting.

20. EQUIANO Briefly, yes. RYOO They can be... well, Winters is usually alright - but Parker is really childish. If there is ever any disciplinary action, I will gladly testify. Equiano puts a hand on his arm to stop him. EQUIANO I appreciate that Officer Ryoo. I will let you know. Ryoo knows when to shut up. He smiles, nods and moves away. Equiano smiles and takes a sip of his soda. As he moves up the hall. He stops again because he hears "LET IT SNOW" playing. He turns and sees a door reading "Chaplain" partially open. He looks confused for a moment. He checks the date on his watch. As he suspected - it's nowhere near Christmas. He moves toward the door and is about to knock when the door opens and Christmas almost slams into him. They both jump a bit and then stare at each other. Eliot? Ron? EQUIANO CHRISTMAS

They both beam and laugh as they throw their arms around each other. EQUIANO Let me look at you! I thought everybody from the old gang was gone. Christmas raises his eyebrows, not knowing how to respond. CHRISTMAS Well, actually... He points to the door and Equiano reads. EQUIANO You're... not a detective anymore?

21. CHRISTMAS I'm afraid not. I do this now. EQUIANO Of everything today that has surprised me... that takes the trophy. Eliot Moore - police chaplain. That's got to be a hell of a story. Christmas grins sheepishly. INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY Winters and Parker are at their desks. A UNIFORM OFFICER is leading a HOOKER through the squad room to book her. They pass near Parker's desk. C'mon! OFFICER

HOOKER Stop pushing you jagoff! Parker looks up. PARKER Hey! Hey! Hey! You kiss your pimp with that mouth? Winter's PHONE RINGS. She pulls the receiver to her head. WINTERS Winters. (pause) Yeah. Got it. Thanks. She hangs up and jots down a note. What is it? PARKER

Winters stands and pulls on her blazer. WINTERS I think we've got Bryce's body. Parker leaps up and they head out.

22. INT. POLICE STATION HALLWAY - DAY Equiano and Christmas still stand talking and catching up. EQUIANO Yeah... Lisa is 16 now. Can you believe it? CHRISTMAS Oh my God! You're kidding me. EQUIANO Okay - I gotta ask. What's with the Christmas music. Christmas is about to answer when Winters and Parker round the corner. WINTERS Oh, great! Here you are. Hi Christmas. Equiano looks at Christmas confused. WINTERS Looks like we've got the body from the grave desecration this morning. EQUIANO Fantastic. Where? WINTERS Looks like a couple of city workers found him at Sundown Creek Park. Those words hit Christmas and Equiano like a body blow. EQUIANO Say that again? WINTERS Sundown Creek Park. Why? Christmas and Equiano look at each other, stunned. Guys? PARKER

CHRISTMAS The guy was buried in February of 94 and was worked on at Paley Brothers. The two grow pale.

23. EQUIANO Sundown Creek Park... Christmas looks over at Winters and Parker. He's back. CHRISTMAS FADE OUT.

24. END ACT ONE EXT. CITY SKYLINE - DAY The sun rises over the city skyline, heralding a new day. INT. DINER - DAY Several CUSTOMERS sit around the eating their breakfast. Some wait for take out orders. SEVERAL WAITRESSES move around taking orders and filling coffee cups. A T.V. behind the counter plays the local morning news. Billy Carden sits with a disheveled looking YOUNG MAN in a camouflage jacket. They are talking very closely and quietly. Under the table, Billy pulls a small paper bag out of a backpack that is sitting close to him on the seat. The young man reaches under the table discretely with a small roll of cash. The two exchange items and sit back casually as each stash their item. YOUNG MAN It's good to see you on the outside. Billy nods and smiles. Thanks. BILLY

The young man gets up and finishes the last drink of his coffee. YOUNG MAN Call me this weekend if you are looking for something to do. Billy nods, but the conversation is hollow. BILLY I'll do that. Elsewhere in the diner, the bell above the door RINGS. The young man nods and moves toward the door. Billy looks down and returns to his hamburger. After only a moment alone he becomes aware of another

25. presence at the table. He looks up into the face of TYLER. His eyes grow wide. Tyler is in his late thirties and is wearing a polo and khaki shorts - a picture of the middle class. Billy is dumbstruck. TYLER Hello, Billy. He slides into the booth opposite Billy. Tyler. BILLY

TYLER You're looking well. Fit. Those prison yard workout programs don't seem to have done you any harm. BILLY How did you know... TYLER You're a creature of habit, Billy. As often as possible you do the things you know best. That's why I'm here. I... BILLY

TYLER (cutting him off) We need to have a talk, you and me. And not here. Billy shrinks at the idea but nods anyway. Okay. BILLY

Tyler hands him a slip of paper. TYLER Meet me here tonight at 2 o'clock. Billy reads the paper. "Mr.Sudsy's Around-the-Clock Car Wash." Billy looks up again as Tyler gets out of the booth.

26. TYLER (CONT'D) I'll see you there? Billy nods. Tyler nods and smiles back, but the smile is full of disdain for Billy. TYLER (CONT'D) It's good to see you. He turns and heads for the door leaving Billy, who looks like someone just kicked him in the crotch.

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