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com The articles in this e-book are for general educational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice or instruction. CA 92632 Website: http://www. or by any information storage and retrieval system. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means.Copyright © 2012 by Imancipate LLC All rights reserved. including photocopying. The information provided should not serve as a substitute for professional medical care.PurifyYourGaze. electronic.com E-Mail: Visit us on the web at info@imancipate. recording. or mechanical. Published by: Imancipate LLC PO BOX 815 Lake Forest. .
5 Crucial Steps Necessary For You To Begin Recovery From Sex Addiction Sexual addictions have become a widespread issue which is facing the Muslim Ummah. into what I believe are the five crucial steps that are necessary to begin your recovery from a sex addiction.. Like any community of people.……1 Break Through Fear. you have walked yourself into a world that is beyond destructive. Did you know pornography was haram? I’m sure you did. Contents: Introduction…………………. they said: What! Wilt Thou place in it such as shall make mischief in it and shed blood. fall down sometimes. 2 Educate & Equip Yourself With Knowledge And Tools To Heal From Your Addiction. Not once. and hopelessness? I’m pretty sure you didn’t. Today. Muslims are not immune to the many temptations that are out there in the world. Now that it has become an issue. unlike those you’ve had before.………. pain.4 Work With A Mental Health Or Healing Professional……………. circumstances.7 . you begin your transformation... ayah 30 it says. were going to slip sometimes.. but over and over again. with over 40 million Americans. Insha’Allah... is a new day. “And when your Lord said to the angels. the angels asked Allah. and only until recently. & Denial…………………………. and to find yourself living in darkness. 3 Join A Support Group…………. Not in the East. Did you know that it was something shameful and wrong? I’m positive you did. What I do believe in. you feel that you have crashed.………… . the world is finally starting to make some noise. is the immense ability for humans to rise above conditions. Perhaps right now. however. Today. No one talks about pornography. and once and while. though. But did you know that casually looking at something as a teenager was going to lead you to a place where you have lost all control over yourself. subhanahu wa ta’ala a question. filled with shame.5 Make Your Self-Care And Healing A Priority…………….6 Further Resources……………….. Shame. and we celebrate Thy praise and extol Thy holiness? He said: Surely I know what you do not know” The angels knew before we were even created that human beings were not going to be the same angelic beings as they were. alone. be a funnel for finances to drift away.. this report will give you new insights.. I am going to place in the earth a vicegerent. In Surah Baqarah. crash completely. Before the human being was created. involved in sexually related content over the internet. With your own hands and eyes. Muslims included. not even in the West. could destroy your marriage. and trials to internally evolve with strength and grace bringing to a higher level of faith then when they began. problems. Human beings.
The One who heals is our Lord. mentally. But during the time of Prophet Muhammad. Break Through Denial The short list below contains what previous Purify Your Gaze members have shared were critical signs that they needed to get help from their own experience. etc? Do you feel stress and social anxiety from managing a double life: a secret life of porn and masturbation and lusting and then another world where focused on displaying a clean image? scomfort due to increased frequency of masturbation. counselors. family. sexual props used. even if it means revealing something sinful. You’ll have fears like. Shame. Overcoming Shame & Fear Another one of your biggest barriers that will prevent you from seeking adequate solutions is feeling shame that you even need to get help for a problem. may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.STEP 1: Break Through Fear. Before I got married. You musts have the courage to be honest with yourself. But denial will stand in your way from getting help when you need it the most. when it’s causing you distress emotionally. co-workers. especially if it can lead to safety risks for yourself or others. Have faith in Allah and don’t look back! thoughts about physical mutilation or castration to bring an end to the “out of control” sexual acting out? e. it only makes it worse. men and women felt very natural and comfortable seeking solutions to even the most intimate of questions. then you are likely to have a problem with sexual compulsivity One of our members had said. This should be an encouragement to seek support and guidance when there is a problem in your life. physically. And Denial 1 . I thought that masturbation and pornography was all part of a phase and it was going to go away when I got married but when I got married it didn’t go away… No doubt that this process of beginning your recovery is a huge step and you may feel lots of fear doing it. loneliness. As one Purify Your Gaze member shared: Take This Quick Self-Test Below Do you feel the need to hide sexual activities from others: friends. or exhaustion from excessive masturbation? . and spiritually. Unfortunately ignoring the problem does not make it go away. Denial is a protective defense mechanism. Shame because he was relapsing and couldn’t stop long term. and denial that he had a problem. All those who’ve begun their recovery have a moment of realization that their problem was more serious than they imagined and that was what pushed them to seek help. and not fall into full despair and depression. anger. If you find yourself saying. because this was the only way to continue with life. “What if I never change?” or “What if I discover that I am incurable?” The voice of fear is none other than shaytan. guilt. intense sadness because of sexual behaviors and not being able to quit? eglected personal health whether it is through sleep deprivation. “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I solve this on my own?” you may have thought. and/or risks taken to partake in activities? isruption to spiritual life and sense of alienation from Allah SWT because of your compulsive sexual life? 2. but there is no better remedy to fear than facing it directly and taking action with your first step in spite of your fear. before joining Purify Your Gaze that he was cycling between shame and denial. the fantasies engaged in. “That sounds like me”.
and from that moment. you will also need new tools and exercises that give you the certainty that yes you can choose differently and no you are not destined to keep this behavior forever. Heightened Awarenes s And New Tools As you gain more knowledge on the patterns of behavior that are in the addiction cycle you will understand that this process is more predictable than you previously thought! While awareness and knowledge are empowering. to seeking out some constant pleasure. It means accepting who you are. you can truly begin the process of change. and how the addiction was operating.STEP 2: Educate & Equip Yourself With Knowledge And Tools To Heal They say that the greatest remedy to fear of the unknown is to go out and seek knowledge about it. and because of this. Selfacceptance doesn’t mean approval of your behavior.” and with the right information and actions. but that pattern of primary parenting being missing. fear and powerlessness is to empower yourself with knowledge and tools to heal. Addictive Sexuality How To More Effectively Express Your Difficult Emotions And Find Healthy Channels And Methods For Expression Understand The Basic Psychology And Patterns Of An Addiction How To Recover From Relapse Situations Ways To Raise Awareness For Triggering Or High-Relapse Situations 1 . through His Mercy. 2 . you are not innately flawed or “messed up. For everyone it’s different. What leads to lasting change is not harshness with yourself but greater self-acceptance. the reality on the ground. Fear is an illusory energy founded in lack of knowledge. to having that turn into an addiction and burying your emotions/self worth and self esteem into completion isolation makes A LOT of sense to me. The second crucial step you need to take that will help you break away from shame. you can heal. A true recovery process reminds you that you are a slave and servant of Allah. Some of the important topics you need to begin educating yourself on at this beginning stage includes: Understand the Hidden Needs Met By Your Behaviors Uncover Your Motivation For Change And Why It’s More Important Than Maintaining The Status Quo The Difference Between Healthy Sexuality VS. Find Self-Acceptan ce One of the biggest burdens you can remove with educating yourself on your addiction is that you will stop blaming yourself unnecessarily and putting yourself down. My breakthrough was being able to see the process from childhood to now. –Purify Your Gaze Member .
Being part of a group allows you to be in contact with individuals who have more experience than you and have traveled down the same road before. (If you are looking for a face-to-face resource you can join your local chapter of Sexaholics Anonymous or an equivalent group. a place where you may put down the mask of pretenses and address your challenges head on. do them at home. When it’s you by yourself. Climbing back out of this hole into daylight is not going to happen overnight…but small steps insha Allah with the help of others. support structures. . who welcome and accept you as you are. Zeyad for putting this course together –Purify Your Gaze Member . and are there to support you in sticking with your choice to be free. and I’ll talk to someone when I’m all better.” Unfortunately. Because of shame or fear you may be tempted to think “I’ll just pick up some materials. the “go it alone” method has resulted. for others. and Allah SWT it is not impossible! I cannot thank you enough Br.” Therefore. In our Purify Your Gaze community we have found that those who interact with others the most have the greatest progress. All the material in the world will not help you heal if you are in isolation.STEP 3: Be A Part Of A Supportive Group One of the silent and painful burdens that you are currently carrying is not having a place to safely be yourself without fearing judgment from others.) . So when creating change the best question to ask yourself is not “Do I need help?” rather it is better to ask “What kind of help do I need?” Based on the hundreds of clients we have now worked with. the third crucial step necessary to starting your recovery from sex addiction is being a part of a support group made up of individuals working on the same goal. the only other company you have for comfort or support is your addiction. we believe part of your success in healing comes when you no longer try to solve this ALONE. in seeing their problems get worse over time. with increased frustration since now they should “know better.
You might be thinking. faith and willingness to move beyond your fears consistently into a state of action. communicative. Many who identify themselves as recovering addicts have found that their family environment was one of the principle contributing factors to them developing an addiction and thus their families were not a safe place to turn to for help. It is a road that requires immense courage. therapist or counselor is a relationship where you are direct. “Aren’t families supposed to be there for us to work through our problems? Why do I need to pay a stranger to do that?” In an ideal world. As a coach myself. therapist or a counselor. This is your life and your journey and a coach’s job is to be a witness and facilitator to your growth but not to fix you. truthful. “You can have the best trainer in the world but only you can do your own pushups”. trust. . Unfortunately. none of us would have to look beyond our families or local community for support and guidance when we are going through a problem. What you co-create with your coach. Therapist Or Healer The road to changing yourself and facing your life is probably the most difficult one you will ever take in your entire life. The benefit is having someone who understands you personally. open and deeply expressive so you may move the mountains of your life. while learning a lot about yourself. challenges. and tears. knows your own unique story. and can offer insight and guidance that is tailored to your specific need at the same time. scrapes. your family or your local community may not be ready or equipped to understand what you need as a person breaking free from a sexual addiction. It is a road filled with fears. You must truthfully evaluate whether or not your own participation is at 110% Remember as the popular saying goes. It is my firm belief that your recovery will not go beyond a certain ceiling until you’ve begun your work with a personal coach. risks. worries. If you are someone who has worked with a therapist or a coach in the past and felt “it did absolutely nothing for me” then it is important to keep the following in mind: 1. and your belief that they the healer can understand where you are coming from 2. When you are starting out your recovery it is important to have at least one relationship in your life where you can check-in and be brutally honest about what you’re facing and how you’re feeling especially when you are disconnected from those around you. This relationship requires rapport. Counselor. mistakes made.STEP 4: Work With A Personal Coach. I see this relationship with my clients as a very sacred and special relationship. doubts. Think of your coach or therapist as a guide and a facilitator that will help you work towards your greatest potential. Not every professional you work with may not be the right match for you.
and my self-empowerment would be valuable so I kind of think about it this way now. But the truth is there will always be a reason and there will always be urgencies.that they “make first things first”. Stephen Covey in his best-selling book 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People.I could see people already outside our building and I was trying to clean myself as fast as I could. Just recently a brother finally made this decision to take his recovery seriously when he found himself relapsing and an earthquake was taking place in his country Malaysia. Secondly.. That’s life.. mentioned two habits successful people exhibit: #1 . “I panicked and started to do ghusl and clean everything up. “making first things first” means that you choose your self-care as your #1 priority not the last. Your recovery is a journey where you commit to take care of yourself first and foremost which will allow you to stop escaping to porn or sex as a way to deal with the difficulties of life... later never comes and taking care of yourself never gets to happen.I can't imagine in how much trouble I would be in…” Sometimes things around us have to happen until we finally wake up and are pushed to commitment. This is not Allah’s way of punishing me but maybe a blessing in disguise that I would never have thought of. I’ll end here with words from a Purify Your Gaze member: Alhamdulillah through the program I’ve started to realize that this may be Allah’s way of making me stronger and making me better because I’m going to face things in life that may be difficult.. If you want to be free you will dedicate yourself to this. The truth of the matter is that there is never going to be a good time to get started with your recovery.. The logic is “after my exams” or “after I land a job” or “after I’m married” or “when I’m more free” I’ll have more time to take care of myself. It is through this commitment to self-care and allowing yourself and those committed to your recovery witness your strengthened progress and your improvements that will make this a very special journey.STEP 5: You Must Make Your Recovery As Your Top Priority The fifth essential step that you need to establish your recovery is to take personal responsibility for your healing and to put your self-care as your top priority. And if I had died in this state.they are “proactive” and #2 ... Ever since I’ve began thinking this way.. alhamdulilah I get up in the morning now and believe anything is possible in my life… Now is the time to take your first step! . finally I managed to get out. What being proactive means is that you are ultimately responsible for your life and your choices that impact your recovery and personal healing. He emailed me saying. what would be best is to allow that process to take place internally. What ends up happening is with all the “I’ll do it laters”. and the skills that I learned and the strengthening of my relationship with Allah..
Further Resources PurifyYourGaze. On April 17th 2012. a safe haven for the healing journey to take place. we will be accepting new enrollments for our intensive 30 day step-by-step program on helping Muslim men break free from sexually compulsive habits and stick with that choice to be free.PurifyYourGaze. including pornography and masturbation.com provides Muslims who are struggling with compulsive sexual behaviors.com . To join the notification list and for further information please visit www.
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