POETRY

By Stephen K Greenhalgh. ERA I
I Think
I think I've lost my hand, I've lost the ability to write. I think I've lost my teeth, I've lost the ability to bite. I think I've lost my nose, I seem unable to smell. I think I've lost my intelligence, I find it hard to spell. I think I've lost my fingers, I seem unable to play. I think I've lost my voice, I seem unable to say. I think I've lost my lungs, I seem unable to breathe but maybe, it's you again, Closer than close should be. I think I've lost my stomach, I seem unable to eat. I think I've lost my legs, I've even lost my feet. I think I've lost my veins, I seem unable to bleed. I think I've lost my heart again, but if such is true, I'm glad I've lost it to you, One day, who knows? You might walk through the door, and put me back together again.

I think I've lost my mind, but I don't mind, because it's over you.

A Long Way
It’s been quite a while since I met you, and it’s been quite a while since I saw you, I still remember the coy december smiles, oh baby, we’ve come a long way. A long way since the playful conversations A long way since talking about the snow A long way away from things I’ll never know, Oh baby, we’ve come a long way. And I’ll still remember if we don’t talk for a while, And when I pass you in the street I’ll always smile, The nostalgia won’t phase me, no, I’ll get by, oh baby, we’ve come a long way. A long way from the confessions in the night A long way from the sneaky, playful little bites A long way from talking till it was light, Oh baby, we’ve come a long way. I still wish we were as close as then, The clock stroke twelve and something changed, but oh, thank God, we abstained, oh baby, we’ve come a long way.

We’ll have to make up for the promises made We’ll have to make sure no further tears fall, Because when I’m with you, my heart stalls, oh baby, we’ve come a long way. Promise me there’s a future for you and I, Promise me you’ll always be by my side,

I may be a hopeless romantic, love will never die, but I know in some forms, you’ll be there. Oh baby, we’ve come a long way A long long way, a long way.

Hope
I’m throwing all my old socks out today, in hopes of room for something new. I’m putting a mirror up today, in a hope to see myself in a whole new way. With my brand new eyes, I’ll change who and what I despise In the hope of a better me. I’m wasting time today, in a hope that I will gain more later. I’m loving you today, in a hope that it will be reciprocated. With a reaction inside, I know you’ll set me on fire, In the hope of a better me. I’m talking to you today, In a hope to get to know you more. I’m getting let down by you, today In the hope that you will make it up to me. With a cheeky kiss, I know you’d miss, In the hope of a better me. I entertained you today, In a hope that you will like me more. I developed your accent today, all because we talk to much. I sense change, could we rearrange?

In the hope of a better us. I wrote a song about you today, in a hope that it will come true. I sang to you today, in a hope that you’ll fall for me. I will wait, till the pearly gates, in the hope for a better life. You You You You said said said said you love me today, you loved me today, that you always will, you loved me today.

Stagnant Odour of Success
I don't want your cold, calculating stare, on the top of a huge business building in London, The cold, clinical eyes reflecting the cold, miserable weather. I don't want your smile to die, In turn for a smirk, sarcastic and unwilling, your teeth hidden, You're afraid to show me, aren't you? I'd rather you smoking weed and drinking beer, on the concrete Mancunian streets, than you snorting cocaine and drinking champagne, in the poshest part of London, Pavements paved with gold. I'm sure it would be nice sleeping on money and having expensive things, but if your emotions stopped existing, then what would be the point? I can imagine you now, ten years ahead, heels clamping down on the sour, solid concrete,

early for a meeting, again? You succeeded, even to this extent, Hermoine? The golden streaks of hair down your face, Acting as a gate to your innocent smile, I'd rather you had no brains, than for you to forget everyone here. I'm afraid, we all are, you're not, you're sure, you need more love, do you want to be your mother? Cold, clinical toned. I can't imagine you like that, never say never, eh Scho? Please, oh please don't leave it all behind, I've seen those like you before, so intelligant, elegant, eloquent and pretty, Don't leave your friends and art and love and music and me in turn for success and power. Taught to believe something, which isn't necessarily true, Aiming so escalated and high, A*s are perfect As are satisfactory Bs are Dissapointing Cs are heartbreaking Failure is suicide. Please don't follow in those footsteps, your size shoe, but it would be a sad end. If you chose that, all worlds will surely implode

"Don't do love, don't do friends, I'm only after success" - Marina Diamandis.

Forelsket
You hold my hand, And I don’t know what it means What does it mean? What do you want it to mean? Cherry kisses in the darkness of the night Bleeding hearts, we can’t give up this fight Candy dresses in the middle of the room The moon is gone, but there seems to be no doom. And we’re alone On the edge of the world The rain is pouring The cliff is steep And if I was to die, I would rather die, Holding your hand at the end of the cliff. You wipe away my black tears I have a feeling you’ll be here through the years And I think that I can’t control my heart. Your smile, a mile long Makes me feel high Makes me feel like I’m in heaven, I could die. You set me free You set my soul on fire and I don’t know how to feel. How should I feel? The confusion is everlasting

And I’m on the edge of the world, w With you. And we’re alone On the edge of the world The rain is pouring The cliff is steep And if I was to die, I would rather die, Holding your hand at the end of the cliff. I’m really sorry, But I’m not really. Because this feeling That’s so magical, Doesn’t come alot. I I I I I I I I I I I think think think think think think think think think think think I’m I’m I’m I’m I’m I’m I’m I’m I’m I’m I’m falling falling falling falling falling falling falling falling falling falling falling

I’m falling. Forelsket: The euphoria you experience when you are falling in love.

The Desert
This road is so callous and dry They all have been really And of course the sky Has always been so blue, Reminds me of you and your ey-eyes.

I’m driving so fast Feels like i’m driving Away from my best I guess I am really I’m thirsty. And all I know is Falling down around me And all I know is There’s a gun in the boot And limited petrol in the tank. Last time I looked out of the Passenger window it was Dark and now it’s so Bright, I’m losing my vision. I want to see you again. And this place doesn’t have cacti Like you see in the movies It doesn’t have camels Like you see typically. I’m so alone. And all I know is Yellow sand and the sun And all I know is The bullet and the gun. I stop, it seems like the right place to Get out of the car And step on the boiling sand. Bringing the gun with me And treading slowly. All I know is thirst All I know is suffocating heat. There’s no turning back

In my body there’s a lack Of anything. I’m numb. I don’t regret anything I can’t live like this. And the car is so far away now. The dust will bury it It will rot away. Lying down in that desert Lying down in the heat Lying down thinking of Everything, wanting to start again. And just like that, I know it’s time I’m already half buried by the sand. And as I turn the sand red with my own brain, The last thought out of that debris was you. The last person I thought about was you. The only one I ever loved was, you.

Change
My eyes have changed colour, my hair has changed its texture, my legs have grown taller, Without any warning or premonition, I seem to be changing. My views on the world are changing, my opinions on society are merging, my love for all is broadening. Without any pre-empt from any, I seem to be changing. The world has warmth now The people have hearts now

The buildings have character now, Without any caution from many, I seem to be changing. I am rising out of an enclose, which, though previously restricting, I am rising like hot air from my fire, Drifting from the nightmares, squalors on the street. I seem to be changing. My skin is flaking and shifting, and I will arise, anew, my bones and systems will rearrange and realign. I will smile and applaud. I am not the person I was 6 months ago, I AM changing.

Avoid Me
Avoid me like the plague, I will only bring you, love that’s fake, I won’t amuse you and. Don’t kiss my lips they just aren’t kissable, pale and cold tasteless and hard. I’m not ready for you I’m not ready for you. Leave me alone.

A Question of Want
Close your eyes Nothing you see is real, realize,

it’s not your size it’s what you feel. Be mine, be the one on friday nights with red wine. Do you know what you mean to me? You’re everything to me. You’re not ordinary.

Miss
And I miss everything about you And I miss that and this and you and I. I don’t want to sleep because I don’t want to wake up because tomorrow brings no happiness. Don’t want to sleep, insomnia speaks and I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m so lost. And I’m falling apart day by day. First my heart disintegrates, strand by strand my brain implodes, cell by cell watch my eyes melt from my skull as I turn into a puddle in front of your prejudiced eyes. I don’t even know what home is anymore Liquidize me and drink me revise me and think me. I just miss being kissed. I just miss being kissed. Watch me fall apart on your watch Watch me die in front of your eyes. And I’d blame and haunt you, Another day like today and I swear to you, that I will sleep forever. I will sleep forever.

I will never wake up. I will sleep forever.

Prince
I feel so, useless. As you point your finger and call me useless. The joking kiss is so shameless I can never look at you the same, your heart of lies and stone and hatred the judgemental eyes of young and aged views I don’t love you. I can’t. You never know, do you? Another conversation like that and you’re dead, I’ll kill you. Cold hands in a cold flower. After loving me for so long, if you did then you can’t stop loving me because of the suffocating glamour that lies above my heart, I’ll be your prince, your advisory power. But you can’t just stop like that. And you lie about everything contradict like an oxymoronic baffoon, What’s the truth and what’s not. I’m falling apart. You hate my kind. I’m falling apart. You hate me. I’m falling apart. I could be your prince.

If I Died
If I died no affect would be had on this world. I can’t lie,

cause if I died no apocalypse would happen you would still exist. I’ve made no affects, I’m not that unique People want me dead and they think I’m a freak. Would you even cry? If I died Would you go to see me be lost to the ground see the hounds all howling and then sent to the pounds and I don’t know what to think anymore I won’t even affect you, my paraded tour, and everyday you’d pray for my cursed soul, lost between purgatory and frequent nightmares. Unstable radioactive nuclei, Into my lungs and in my DNA. I’m going to die, anyway. A lone grave in an overgrown graveyard, All I ever wanted was you.

Stab
You stabbed me in the back, so I in turn stabbed you in the front, I stained the plain, blank walls, with your vicious, tainted blood. It made such beautiful art. But you complained. Maybe you shouldn't have stabbed me then, eh? You fell to the floor, panting, repetitive. drawn. out. breaths.

Dramatically apologizing. Sorry. Pant. Sorry. It's not enough. I've heard the tear-stained apology too many times before. To be fooled by it again. Again. Again. Then, you went out to the world, with drooped out puppy-dog eyes, telling them lies, professing to them that I had betrayed you, but lying to the gullible world, only emphasizes the lie that you told so willingly. Don't make me laugh, never before you have I seen one so, pathetic, unbelievable, non-apologetic. I don't know what the worst part is, that I'm lying to myself and you'll be back in my life.. or that I know, it's inevitable, that blood-stained knife, which has been used so many times, will return to my back soon again.

The Stagnant Odour of Success – Part II: Hollywood Havoc
Hey there, superstar, walking down the gold cemented streets, Walking down the walk of fame, Your name's gonna be there one day, even if you have to remove Marilyn Monroe's star, and put yourself there, you know you will.

It's been a long climb to this place You can see everything and everyone from this escalated place, those who ridiculed you and spat as you walked by the freezing cold, smoke smelling streets, now clean the dirt of your shoes, Versace, I believe? Craving for first place on the A-list, Dreading last place on the Z-list. Can you imagine after all this time, After everything you risked everything you sacrificed, All those you left beind. It's laughable, isn't it? You left so much behind, for the Mansion in Bell Air, You always said you needed Sunset Boulevard. Those sneaky bastards, the paparazzi, you sometimes wish you could stop the flashing lights forever, You always told me you were ready for those flashing lights, you even said you were born that way. You're not the you I knew, sad, unfortunate, but you wanted it that bad that you gave it all up, became speechless in the name of the fame. Dropped your heritage, for them in the States. You say it's worth it. All the horror, the cocaine-snorted, the odd finger down the throat, Determination. Perfection. Sleeping on stone, hard, cash. How do you sleep? Devoid of nightmares and feelings at all. Sacrifice.

Lamb to the slaughter. Devoid of yourself. A mask, a poker face, Indestructable. You reckon it's worth it.

Free
We stand there, day by boring day, emotionless and motionless, letting them chain us too dull, stagnant walls, where is our innocence? Where is our freedom? Why are we letting them do this? Why aren't we resisting? I can't believe this anymore. A riot that never started, pre-empted revolution, what's a revolution anyway? Letting ourselves rot, we'll be skeletons soon, our innards will be decorations for the floors and the walls. I can't stay like this anymore. I am detirmined to outshine all, in this small-minded, one-track town, unable to surpass their old opinions and views, well I, will leave it, for a more open minded city. For coffee shops and theatres. They can't dim me anymore. I am limitless I desire no

structure or

rules, i

need not be t o l d what to do, I create my own limits, I have left those who limit me, I have dug a tunnel o u t of this suffocating enclose for a free-er future. Let them say what they want to say, Who cares what they think anyway? Not me. They can't stop me anymore. Limitless. Rootless. S t ruc tu re les s Free. I'm, free.

Anatomy of Change / Saviour
I've waited perpetually, too long by any measure, anticipating for some form of antagonist in the fairytale which I've realised isn't my life. Waiting to be saved, wanting to be saved so badly, by someone so much that you dream about it, wish for it with every single fallen eyelash, shooting star and 11:11. Praying to a being who you aren't sure of just for that one smoky smile, or want of a better life, Begging for it at night crying to the unresponsive wall asking it to be your genie, to fulfil the wish, that you know deep down

will NOT come true. Our age is not one of mighty heroes and romance. Standing on the edge of the cliff too many times, hoping for an arm to pull you back before you're lost forever. Not happening. But sometimes, just sometimes, you realise, at the last minute, that the bleakness really isn't worth suffering through. You're better than this, kid. Your bleeding heart is going to stop if you don't forfeit the heartbreak. Breathe, smile, laugh, yes, sometimes, you need to wake up, smell the coffee. Sometimes. You need to save yourself.

I Don‟t Think I‟ll Write For A While
Everything's in tatters, you went ahead and dropped the bomb that destroyed our friendship, what we had, you're not even guilty. The smiles and the wanton "I love you"s, promising for a better tomorrow,

a kiss, a touch, were all manufactured. Plastic Barbie-like, Not real. An obsession taken away, A fake smile, I don't think I'll write for a while. You discarded me, at the most promising time, forsaken all that you had said before, all because of an angry word. If you really loved me, which you supposedly do, Syou wouldn't leave like this. Five days without a single sacrificing sentence. Is this a test? Of strength, brutality. Safety net gone. Thrown out of the comfortable closet in turn for the cold, outside world. Why did you do this? A restriction taken away, All the privileged smiles, I don't think I'll write for a while. I'll never believe again, to you I promise, I'll never fall as easily again, I guess I should thank you, Forbidden to talk to you, Blackmail. Promises were made to be broken, you told me that, you taught me that. Suck it up.

Life's tough. I'm not really here for you, it's rough. You don't care about me. You DON'T love me. Lies. Two months thrown in the trash, Your final, smoky smile. No, I don't think I'll write for a while.

Crazy New World
I've risen, from what can only be described as, a time when I was unseeing, unknowing, scared, fearful of those who I don't care about. Breathing, screaming loud, singing to my heart's content, not anxious as to whether they hear. It took a heartbreak, to throw me out of where I was, to where I am, to face the world, and to look into the faces of those who are hateful, do they matter? Of course not. Exploration. Mostly revolution, I once asked what a revolution was, you told me. RIOT. Rebelling against those who tell you, you aren't good enough, you are.

Keep searching for happiness, keep applauding yourself. Unite in happiness. I like you, and I'm not afraid to tell people.. What a crazy new world I live in.

Shine
Broken sugarglass, discarded on the keyboard, no grand piano, along with your tears, shed because of how badly you're trying and how badly you want it. Charcoaled paper airplanes, coupled with would-be lyrics, the songs of tomorrow, your pen alone wrote, I cannot write alongside, such uniqueness. Don't be modest, shine. Blood, new and red like the warning signs that should have steered you away from something that has you in its clutches. Cannot escape from its brutal, sharp claws. It pierces your skin, grape red flesh torn away and thrown away, down the lavatory, the contents of dinner. I left you your bubbly self, A reunion with a skeleton. Beady eyes, which do not shine. And what of all you stood for, dear? You stood for those peace symbols, born in the wrong decade, learning songs by ear, on that bread-coloured guitar of yours.

What happened to the endless lectures? Be true to who you are, you don't need to change your appearance, you said. Perhaps that black pot dimmed your once perpetual shine. The parties, once glamorous, filled of booze and making out, now have less emotion. I'm scared to go to one, the glitter does not shine there. Carrot, red hair that once blew in the warm, August winds, the hot summer air, discussions of love, art and music, we talked about our soon to be fame, an alliance hard as led, and seemingly indestructible as also. Holding one another on that single, warm bed, the vodka soaked hugs in the dark, we made a pact. I thought we'd shine forever. You lost yourself, the map fragmented and boiled at your shine, and now you're direction-less. Shine alone, superstar, you don't need me. Funny, I would've thought that I would be the first to lose myself.

Solitary
On my own, far away from love; distanced myself,

too far away to ever go back, to the sweet, blue eyes, of adoration and acceptance. Lost in the sea on my own, No one to save me, unable to swim against the fierce, detirmined, chilled winds and force. Forced away from love. Solitary. Beloved, twice let down, worth it? A little, No one-after-the-other affair. When will the day come, when I collide with my opposite? My similiar star, neutron bright, shining bright. Disowned, left, my love was too strong for you. Too much love for anyone. Solitary. Eternally and perpetual, shining dimly on my own, such potential to bright twice as much. Falling, losing myself, on my own, to the addictions. Perhaps I have lost myself. Betrayed, beaten, beloved. Fallen petals off a dead, yellowed flower. Broken hearts cannot beat. Solitary. I don't love you. I don't want you. Solitary.

Tu adore moi? Non.

Netherworld
Why isn't it silent? In the movies, times like these were silent, quiet, a strange atmospheric feel. Your body, lost on the sludge, the moon, full, yet not too bright, sparkling in the middle of the deep-black sky. I lost you a long time ago, but I never thought it would come to this. Mourns that do not exist within the definition of words. So much lost in that one corpse, boneless; falling to the ground like liquid. The eyes, once alive like thousands of fireflies, now were empty, devoid of all existing life. I touch your cheek, stone cold, like the stone I will address in your place, for however long I survive without you. Will I survive? Lost love, lost lover, You told me that you'd expect me to live on. But then, I never knew that sunset watch on the 14th, would turn into such tragedy. A wilted rose burning on the scolding ground. Your life went with the sun, Happy Valentines dear. Cries, weeps, curses, thrown into the deep forest. I'm an animal now,

lost without my mate. Not even a spectre appeared to say goodbye, a word I refuse to say, this isn't goodbye. I won't leave you, I promised I'd protect you from the starved hounds, the wanton insects wanting to eat your brain. Those eyes won't leave your form. I saw a vision of you, briefly, a second long hope, and then you went again, and returned to the netherworld.

Fragility
I've always wanted to destroy something, completely, damage something so harshly that its original state can't be ascertained. pour acid on the Mona Lisa, smash a mirror with my fist, emasculate the fiercest male. Burn down a mansion with the most beautiful objects the rarities and artistic architecture, burn it to the ground, arson, set fire to their money, watch them cry. I crave to smash a glass on a counter, watch it transform to a puddle on the floor, from the structure it once was. Stab at something, someone, who did this.

I need to kick a telephone box I want to melt a skinny doll, I'm going to stab at a wall, graffiti society until it's changed. Chop an angels wings off. I want your failure, I want a star to fall. I want the shine to s-s-stop. Fragile? Me? Smash a glass bottle against your generic counter. Then we'll fucking talk about fragile.

Lady Luck
Out of faith, out of love, out of ambition, out of shove, out of stars, out of shine, out of par, out of line. This is our luck baby, running out, running dry. Of all the games we used to play, never thought I'd see you that day, cheating, lying, destroying love, pretending, graceless, greedy shove. Throwing the dice, throwing it all away, Well, you know, you have to pay. This wasn't going to last forever We could've lasted longer if we were clever, but our friendship severed now wherever you go I won't follow, told you we wouldn't last forever. Out of depth, out of feel, out of like, out of heal,

out of sex, out of drugs, out of laugh, out of snuggs. This is our luck, baby, running out, going empty. We knew we'd get caught sooner or later, knew our feelings'd be lost to the haters. The cards were dealt and we made our decisions, we knew what was up we made all with precision. We saw everything fade away, neither of us had anything to say. Can't stop the unstoppable, can't even try, don't try to fuck, don't try to lie. You lost my trust in a game not worth playing you lost my lust when it was someone else you were laying. I saw it collapse, I had to stop talking, had to stop pretending, had to stop walking, to where you were, where you were hiding. Stop following you to where you were residing. Had to give up, had to let you go, It was worth it though, we were just unlucky. Out of luck, out of time, out of love, out of line, out of kiss, out of lust, out of sin, out of distrust. It's over, and we won't be the same. repeat after me; it's over, we won't be the same. And don't be sad 'cause; This is our luck baby, running out. Gone forever.

His House
His house was one of fairytales, of happy endings, a utopia,

blissful, fragrant to which she joined him, married him, made love in each room, more than once. His house was one of class, old, vintage, victorian, in the countryside, no one even knows it exists really, suits them, the less the merrier, three's a crowd. Their love was beyond rare, a marriage that lasted, beaten the statistics, never faded, even when the skies went grey. His house was one of the most beautiful houses in the world. But not, when occupied by only one. She thought so too, then it was occupied by none.

Given Up
Seas of tears, filled up the basin, overflowed to fill up another basin. Burdening it. I've given up, I can't pin when to the exact second, more of an eventual process. But now, I just want to sleep. The feeling of being incredibly lost; mapless, directionless

within life itself. When did the compass break? Why am I successful only in work and not love? Friendships disintegrating all around, as though I breathe acid, another drop in a full ocean. A walk in Glasgow on a rainy day, the grey clouds won't let the sun out, even if I became a heartless diva, instead of this heartbroken shipwreck, sunk at the bottom of a teary ocean.. You still wouldn't want me. Oh yes, I must've lost myself a long long time ago. Baby, I've given up.

Super Heroes
Well, what did you expect? A superman with S on his chest? Oh dear, we've been down this road before. It's hard to convince yourself you're on your own. No matter how loud you scream at night, tears pouring down your cheeks, drowning within your own self-decay. Misery and light, no longer balanced. Begging like a wanton whore for something more than what you have. Please? Please? An animalistic smile in turn for one night. The demons won't go away. He loves you,

but it didn't work out last time so it may not again. It breaks you, like concrete rain. All you want is some help. Someone to cry to. Someone to hold after the horror movies. Unfortunately, Superman's busy again. As is Spider and Batman. Looks like you'll have to fucking suffocate, as the shallow are saved.

Today
Today was going to be the day one of those days you never forget. The day that sticks in your mind forever. That you scrawl on the walls, smiling just remembering what that day was. 27 two eleven. The day when my lips were supposed to be kissed, when my neck was supposed to be held, when adoring green eyes were supposed to stare into my soul. But, I suppose I got it wrong, so dreadfully wrong. The start of something new. An antenna cannot cope with mixed signals, different emotions being thrown at them they'll break and shrivel eventually. Just tell me straight. Look me in the eye and take my hand, don't ever look back. You're the only one that can save me, I think so anyway. But not today.. maybe next time, eh?

Today was going to be the day, but it wasn't. Today, will never be the day.

Demon
You've got me hypnotized, oh so mesmerized by your presence. I've waited so long every year for you to appear Baby with you I need to do a seánce. So deliciously evil, conniving, not necessarily nice, but baby the high you give is worth it. Came along, changed my life turned the globe upside down, but baby the love you give is worth it. (pre-chorus) You got me all satanic Bringin' up the devil inside You got me all manic, Bringin up the demon inside. (chorus) You're a demon, demon, de-demon. but you make me feel alive. You're a demon, demon, de-demon, but you can drag me to hell anytime. I'd do it all for you I'd lose it all for you I'd break it all for you. You're, a, demon. Drag your charcoaled paw against my red chest, let's start a devilish love affair. Baby your fire and desire can keep us warm, horns popping up everywhere.

So fucking magnetic, They tell me not to talk to you, but baby the high I get is worth it. You pretend to be apathetic, you know that you want me too. And that, alone, is worth it. (Pre-chorus and chorus) Oh God, after I'm with you I should bathe in holy water, It's as sinful as the slaughter, but I can't run away, looks like you have me, nothing can save me now-w-w-w. (Chorus) Don't even pretend you're not. Don't play innocent. You're a demon and I like it.

Liquid Love
I suppose my love's like water; not very rare, quite reoccuring really. It exists city, nation and worldwide. It's everywhere. But so intense, fierce and always moving, from place to place, love to love. As with water, my love is smooth, the surface is gentle and caressing, one smooth touch and ripples will be created, waves which crash on the beach, angry and jealous. BANG.

Or yet, could land soft and gentle. Lulling me, lulling you, into a safe lullaby conceived sleep. Ongoing, everlasting, shining. Cyclier, never dying. It could sink a dead body, or create a river. You, the wind, the catalyst to set off, needs to exist for the flow to be steady. You could make me gentle and calm, or like a whirlpool; angry and disgruntled. I suppose I do need you after all.

ERA II
Your Judas
Why walk on eggshells, when you can walk on broken crucifixes? Burning bibles heat up my bath, demons are my friends, the devils my father. Even though not true, that's what you have them believe.. The negative electrons which surrounded me once, had to be recreated positively, and I left the lab with my head held high. I'll be your Judas, I'll discard you,

treat me like that again, and I'll throw you in a bath of holy water, the Lord be widya, you hoe. I'm unstable like the nucleus of a nuclear atom, I can destroy so much; cities, relationship, the world. Don't underestimate me. Ever tell me again what I am, when I know what I am, then Angels of truth, will die at your feet.

The Fear
All the ghosts and ghouls which haunt my most vicious nightmares, all the demons and murderers which stalk in the most disturbing horror movies, cannot possibly scare me as much as your anger and consequent, probably disappointment scares me. I'm terrified of our distance, in case you tell them what I'm really like. Baby, with you apart from the cute messages that we send, it's like being in an out of body experience, the eggshells I walk on cut my feet repeatedly. I bleed on the floor, everywhere, I paint the walls with my tears I don't know if it's worth it. They tell me, repeatedly, not to associate with you, they tell me to stop trusting you, with everything I am, I'm trying. Maybe you're my walking funeral,

when you hold my hand it just feels so cold, when you hug me I feel like I'm going to pass away, maybe it's my fault though, what if it is my fault? I didn't mean to, if I did. But maybe your speechlessness is needed. Maybe we aren't made to be, anything. You're my living, walking, breathing heartbreak, taking my oxygen, drowning me with your boastfulness. Maybe you will be the death of me, my walking grave, my walking love. At least you're not my walking hatred. I still don't know if it's worth it.

Lenten Promise
I'm giving you up for lent, love. You're not good for my health, mental or physical, you're not good for my confidence. I swear, as God as my witness, I'll be a better catholic without you, You don't have to inspire me anymore. I'm walking out, slamming the church doors with fierceness, wearing a purple suit, watch me look in the mirror you broke, I'll reflect, even if you don't want me too. I'm taking bodies now, reading bibles, wearing rosary beads as a statement. Put the ashes from your urn on my forehead. You're worse than any confectionary

much worse for me. You're hidden to me, I'll try to recover, I am fucking strong, not the fragile weak being you seem to have made me. Parting words, inhumane noises spoke; "You know where I am if you need me, go run to your boyfriend."

Out
Taking bodies today, guess I was born this way. Like breathing, it just comes natural. out, in, out, in. Everyone's ok, everyone's accepting. I'm unafraid, I'm fighting through. Bust that restriction, destroy that closet door. This is proof to all, that love is stronger than hatred can't phase me, I'm stronger. Take my breath away, scream for me.

Don't let anyone restrict you, don't let there be limits. Put your hands on me, I told you I was free.

Untitled I
Crawling from the sand, shaking with happiness, quaking with nonchalance, refreshing sea splashes, candy ice cream, your smile. Today is renewal, total rebirth. Cold feet in the warm sand, look up baby, the sun is shining.

Since When?
When did life get so damn happy? When did winter leave, when did spring resurrect? I thought that the happy days were forever non-existant, I thought the happy days were months away. Yet here you are, holding my hand, making a stand, this wasn't planned. But I'd dance all night on a private dancefloor, only with you. Why do you have to kiss so well? Why do you have to be so fucking lovable?! I swear, to God, no one has loved me or cared for me like you do. Hold my hand, kiss me now.

When did failures become successes? When did the photographs because so cute and clear? We walk around aimlessly, in the city, we're so famous compared to the haters, glitter shining on the pavement, we can outshine any shining star. I've never felt so fucking accepted! When did my hair go black and straight? Since when did I die and become reborn? Since when did you not matter to me? I've never felt so open, and the city shines for us, they all know are names, we outshine all in fame. Natural high, flying in the sky. And collectively, we climb to the roof open that limitation and fucking restriction and feel the sun rays streak though the cracks. The hatch opens, and the open sky is blue and crystalised. I guess it's finally our turn, to bathe in happiness.

Thinspiration
I had a fistfight with this mirror this morning, I got my blood everywhere and, the pieces shattered as my blood was splattered, I couldn't argue with my appearance, anymore, didn't want to. You told me what was wrong and I didn't change, but I looked at myself and decided to gradually alter. I dropped my identity in my coffee this morning, my tears dripped in the muddy beverage, the drink splattered as my tears splattered. I couldn't argue with myself,

anymore, didn't want to. You told me how much of a cunt I was and I didn't change, but I realised I wasn't so nice and decided to gradually convert. I want to lose weight, not myself. Imagine if I lost my mind to the daily pitter patter, of exercise, of sportiness, it's not me, but I can change for good, I've changed before. Don't make me be sick again, I'm begging you, dear brain, don't make me be sick again, I won't eat for you, dear mind, don't make me be sick again. I can't lose myself. My My My My mother always told me to be myself, momma always told me I was perfect anyway, father always was sitting back, eating fierce, sister diets day by day.

We're obsessed, we're obsessed, we're a mess, we're obsessed. How can I let myself be happy, I don't fucking know, how dare I let myself get lost, when there isn't that much left to go, but I'm glad I'm so happy, I deserve some respect, and if I want to lose some weight, well, it makes good time to reflect. Stand by me, dear brain, bear with me, dear body, I love you, dear heart, we're on the right track, dear friends.

Analyse Me
Analyse me, right now. I invite you to define me to the core of my very soul, am I emotive? Am I what I seem to be? I am your poem, your text. Put me into a sound context. Write about me, pages and pages, waste your ink on me phrases and phrases. I have deeper layers of meaning, go deep, dig harder, are you stronger than me? Do I indeed defy society? Do I fit into stereotypes? Am I cliché? Find what I am trying to convey, by living and breathing day by day, am I venemous, poisonous, a queen or a king? What am I channeling when to you, I sing? I am your posing nude, your inspirational plight. Am I ugly, beautiful, an invisible sight? By the music I listen to, what sex am I? By the books I read, what do I support? By the poems I write, who am I? Who am I? Take me apart and write about each section, bone by bone, organ by organ, cell by cell, I am disintegrating anyway, so I may as well lose myself to your gain, for science, perhaps, a life without pain.

Because in a society with such restrictions, and lack of adventure. I have an addiction to defying, I refuse to be a back-bencher.

Low
I'm at a low point, and I can't get high, who thought that we could, fall from the sky. Because when someone who you don't like, exists on the best night of your life. The tears drop like liquid bombs, and this is wear the end starts. I feel low and I don't even know how, one single person could destroy so much, wow. When did the end begin and when did I commit an unforgivable sin? I can't stop asking myself questions and fuck knows why surely I should know the answers now, the answers shouldn't be so cryptic, give me a gun and I'll shoot the ugly fucking question marks down. Rude?! I'll show you rude your majesty, snort your coke in London, be gone, Queen bee, this isn't dirty work, get your ceremonial golden gown dirtied to wash clean your own mistakes. How dare you tarnish my inner glamour and strength. Typical Sunday night, I don't know what I expected,

selfish, rude, unglamorous and mean, Disintegration of a team. Life tricks you up when you're smiling. Give me those fake smiles, I've got through worse than this.

Envy
I'm envious of those who can close their eyes, in the dead of night and sleep soundly. I'm envious of those who can lose themselves to the ground and be happy. I'm envious of those who are pretty and are celebrated, not investigated. Carry me away, Nothing else to say, carry me away, today. I'm envious of those who can walk away smiling, head high, chin up, unphased. I'm envious of those who can shift responsibilities, running away, always tomorrow, liabilities. I'm envious of those who can forget him, a week of pain, that's it, you're over him. Bury me away, cause I don't belong here, bury me away, today. I'm envious of those who fall in love slowly, with me it's head over heels, way to fast. I'm envious of the skinny, because it take so long to burn the fat. I'm envious of the never broken-hearted I'm envious of those with the never parted. Relationship, relationship for them, single, single, for me.

I'm envious of the beautiful and pretty. When did this happen, when did it die, when did it become to much, too many sigh-igh-ighs. I'm envious of the A grade students, put not effort in, get so much prudence. Dance it away, till May. And in the grand attempt to get fitter, yeah, darlin', I guess I got bitter. Yeah, wow, I guess I got bitter.

Spring Cleaning
I need a new object of affection, a charming prince, a new obsession, running around in dramatic whispers. Take me for a slow boat ride on the castle's moat. Do you want me as I do you? Romanticism, I need that throbbing ache from the heart to become more useful and potent. Perhaps if I wait long enough, he will come, am I waiting for too long? Seasons ever change, but not does my love. Ever evolving, as I. Forever formulating into my destiny. My throne shines somewhere, in some begone Kingdom in the edges of a glitter filled fantasy. Trees sway as though friends,

gentle in the soft wind of my slow, loving breath, as you walk towards me and through miles you indeed hold my hand. Hold me on a love-shaped bed, make my dreams come true, I'm so sick of pretending, give me a reason. Perpetual flame, evergreen, my love won't ever end, until a person destroys it completely, I won't let that happen. Kiss me in the spring as the rabbits mate, under the mistletoe in the snowy, lonesome mountains of candy-floss. Fireworks may burst in our face, but we can throw back. Spring starts today, so let's clear out the misery that comes with winter; the grey clouds of old, spiderwebs and dust. My destiny lies on a gold throne of glamour. Hold my hand, squeeze, walk with me through a path of springtime.

Your Name
Your name used to be an adoring utter, from my lost lips to the open world, the open air. Your name now bites me awake at night, tears streak like waterfalls down lost cheeks. Your name used to be a moan in the heat of mating season, from animalistic teeth to the habitat we inhabit. Your name now is in the form of a broken cry, made from the devastated wolf with a lost mate.

Your name used to only exist in the form of love, happiness and romance, existent only in fairytales, romance and freshness. Your name is now a huge demonic hell-bound monster, demonstrating destruction with every syllable and noun. Your name used to be said during laughter, your name is now only said with pained tears. Make your name something happy once more.

Hello
Hello, too proud to say hello, dear. I wait on the other line of the telephone, dear. I've waited so long that the wires are starting to strangle me, strangle you so that we can't even speak to say Hello, hello. a quiet wave, a sullen sigh. I want a hello not a goodbye. I think we're both too egotistical to say it, we're so close but so far away and it's tearing me apart, that we can't even speak to say hello, goodbye. I see your photograph everyday and die a little on the inside because after the abrupt lie, when we were so close to reaching what we wanted, too far gone now, I still hope that one day I'll hear your voice say Hello, babe. Never wanted you to go, babe.

Now dance the night away till dusk fades, I can't imagine me without you, and I've been dying to say subtly Hello, hello. But that's not what I'm hearing so I'll wait, years if it takes and see if we're fate, if we're written in the stars, then we won't ever part, hello will be muttered once more. Hello, you. Ring ring it goes hello, you, I've been waiting so long, today is not a time for goodbye, today is only for hello. Hello-oh, Hello.

Going Through the Motions
I sit, emotionless as I write away, page and page after page. Ink wasted on something so fragile. Books used and used, denoted and denoted. Repetition, repetition. Through it all, my skin is becoming metallic and silver, shiny and new, I am programming myself to becoming something which I promised I wouldn't be, an unfree spirit. Clawing at the blue walls, for hours each evening, blood stains my hand, as though

it is pen ink. 45 minutes study, break exercise, dog walk, 45 minutes study, break. I'm just going through the motions, like an unaware streetcar, a dead, motionless ghost, unaware, yet happy of his surroundings. You do not exist when I am doing this sin to myself, so maybe it is good. The teachers teach stress, not progress. Science will defeat me, as I rise with History's head. Maths averaged me, and divided me, multiple times. It'll be worth it, though, in the eventual end, but until that sacred time, I cannot hold your hand.

Bipolar Analysis
I fell apart in my arms, as you expected me to, and I picked myself up, and I was born anew. Did you expect me to stay at home and vomit and cry, ask the heaven's why? If only you knew, how easy it was to walk away. Don't be horrible to me and my friends eternally and expect my unusual sympathy, I should kill you now,

before trouble is caused. You call me a loser, but smile at my face, think you're getting away with it, with such grace, but you're not and everyone knows, I'm gonna burn down your party, douse you head to toe. The pain is hard to swallow, but I'm waiting for a moment to follow, I really want you, and I've known you for a second. I'm sorry for thinking you cared, my bad, not sad, you're not sorry for doing this are you lament, time well spent. Can I run into your arms from far, far away? Can I kiss you into 2012? Even if change is far away.

Writer‟s Block
I was running rapidly straight and forward, through a dry forest, the beautiful, luminous animals providing cat's eyes for the path I was shaping with my own free feet, I should've known the flow would be stopped by some sudden slight some block, a new limit, a new restriction, to be destroyed, as all are, or seem to be. The block was titanic, a massive boulder, unmovable, unable to get over, under or at the side of it, it smoldered me and my overall colourful creativity. It was a horrible puce sickly colour,

as though word vomit, caused by projectile writing, not even that good as previously done, imagination drowned in the bitter sea, gone. I tried everything, but the block seemed immune to poison, to arrows and to the fiercest, fastest bullets. I bought a knife and a sledgehammer, stabbed and slabbed at it, the disgusting monstrous unwanted limit, it would not budge. I wanted so badly to rise above it, to burn it and to go past, to carry on, for it disintegrate within my power, I wanted to show the world how powerful I was. But, within my best efforts, it would not be disturbed. I fell, in emotional agony and exhaustion, I wept on the ground, gripping the damp grass with my bloodied broken wrists and fists, I was now nothing, an entity within the world of man, a society which I did not exist, in any such terms. The day before I would die, without art or success, a dove flew over the stormy woods, forcing the clouds to disintegrate, the blinding sun shone and dried me. And you, my potential match, lover, mutual sinner, destroyed the block as if by magic, approached me from the other side, I took your hand and followed you through the path of creativity, love and art. I could write poems about you, eternally.

Your Judas II (Reprise)
I'll be your Judas, your everything, your one true friend, your one true sin. I'll be your forbidden fruit, that glistens for you, your one true murderer, that makes you blue. I'll stab you in the back and force ya to lick it clean, you'll be sweating anxiously, you'll glisten and glean. I'll be your Judas, your hatred and fear,

if you're getting attacked, I won't intefere. I'll be your fake friend, the one with the fake smiles, when I'm finished with you, you'll be running for miles. I'll be your walking death, your coffin humanized, oh Jesus, you'll love me, till I make you die. I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll be your Judas, your cunt forever, let you down daily, your last endeavor. be your decay, your breakdown and tears, be your Judas, your destruction here. nail you to your Calvary, get rid of the uncrowned king, finally.

"JUDAS," said Jesus to I, "I wish you'd be my friend for life, my one true friend, right till the end, you won't betray me, will you Jude?" Jesus looked oh so intent on keeping me, forever, after lent. I'll keep pretending althrough lent, but when that faithful Friday comes, you're gone, my Jesus, and never again, will you hear from my mouth again, because I was pretending, for my own gain, protruding on your everlasting pain. And yet I survive, throughout your loss, My Judas side, will die with our friendship, and I'll be back to Jesus again.

Cut Myself Shaving
I cut myself shaving, by going too fast, by slipping or not using enough shaving foam. And now everyone is going to observe and obscurity, an obsession an imperfection,

I will show my scars, though society joyously laughs tauntingly, I will hold my head high. I fell over on the glittering pavement of the city and grazed my knee, in my shorts, red shoelaces untied, unknotted. And now I walk, trying to cover it, scared, it hurts, it is so painful.. so why am I only scared of what society thinks when my concern should be masking the pain, double painkillers for those whom society rejects. Oh no, look at that magazine, twinkling brightly, oh so clean. Look at her, look at him, fucking hell, they're model thin! Get rid of the food, replace with dust, disintegration of a human, society's rust. We don't hold hands, cause society says, "You two are men, not okay to be gay!" Love afterall isn't society's concern, just hatred, ignorance and victims in urns. And afterall; Suicide is not self-murder, it is homicide by Society.

As If You Were Mine
I am ahead of what we were going To be, loud and disruptive, A broken boy, rising above the Thought of holding you, lovingly, as if You were mine. I still don't get why I write about you, Expectations dictate I should be over you,

As you are of me, But still I swoon and lose breath at the thought of you, As if you were mine, I hold your name in A golden locket - imaginary but real In my spiteful head. Whimpers over the Very mere sight of you on a familiar Screen where we met as if you were mine. I still get jealous, thinking of you two together in a familiar bed, he took my place; as if he was yours. And that's where I would be, if you were mine. I stand up for you, fiercely, as if you were mine. Still, after the pain and disaster you caused, I still can't move on. And all this love lost and non existant fondness escapes soft eyes and soft lips that you kissed as if I was yours. And the thought still tortures me and always will.. as if you were mine.

Newdom
It's all the same, all around is the same corridors with the same blank walls, gagging to be splattered with something not so innocent. I walk through day by day, same people, no revolutionary spirit, wanting to stay the same and being limited, even if it's all coming to a close, it's all coming to the edge of glory, the moment of truth. The game is coming, perhaps finally, to full circle. And yet here I stand, a robot, a heartless, metal machine, speaking electronically, breathing synthetically,

going through the motions and doing as I am told, where is the wild young heart that throbs effortlessly within the young body? The want and need to be kissed, even for the first time, as though it is written in the stars, I can't find my Mr. Meant to be, who can in this romanticless world? I need to evolve, to die and then be reborn with new features, I need change, as does the world, society, we're all breathing the same cold atmosphere, and yet here we are, staying the same. I need a change of scene, new people, new minds, new art, the concept, which I create; "newdom". A revolution. Love through art, and vice versa. I will get through this alone as always, but soon I will paint these walls with my own bloody art, I don't even think you're ready for a new me.

Disintegration
It's all the same, all around is the same corridors with the same blank walls, gagging to be splattered with something not so innocent. I walk through day by day, same people, no revolutionary spirit, wanting to stay the same and being limited, even if it's all coming to a close, it's all coming to the edge of glory, the moment of truth. The game is coming, perhaps finally, to full circle. And yet here I stand, a robot, a heartless, metal machine, speaking electronically, breathing synthetically, going through the motions and doing as I am told,

where is the wild young heart that throbs effortlessly within the young body? The want and need to be kissed, even for the first time, as though it is written in the stars, I can't find my Mr. Meant to be, who can in this romanticless world? I need to evolve, to die and then be reborn with new features, I need change, as does the world, society, we're all breathing the same cold atmosphere, and yet here we are, staying the same. I need a change of scene, new people, new minds, new art, the concept, which I create; "newdom". A revolution. Love through art, and vice versa. I will get through this alone as always, but soon I will paint these walls with my own bloody art, I don't even think you're ready for a new me.

Fight
Got my hands up against my face, guess I'm blocking you out my life, this is it, gotta be strong, can't go wrong with this. Got my boxing gloves on, take me out to the cage, show me your fake jazz hands, and I'll show you my magical enrage. Can't do it right, so I'll have to do it my way, gotta fight you away, get ahead of the game, with you, screw ya, babe, I'm beating this disease away. Gonna beat you, finally, always said I would baby,

ahead of you in all the ways, this competition's made me fiercer, gonna keep all the secrets away from you, hidden in a box, six feet under, protected by my thunderous rage. They are gonna fall in love with me, like you said they never would, get your gun ready now, like you said you should. I'll take the sword and cut you open, heart surgery will be pleasurable when I see you fall apart. You take the shield and I'll throw my violent bullet words at your heart, at your lungs. Your turn to fall apart, babe

A Dream
You were charging in front, in somewhere industrial, a city or a changing school, your quick two-steps to my slow one, you were leading me somewhere cold and darker, the sun was shining bright still and as you took me up the concrete steps I caught you up, patted you on the shoulder. Your brilliant green eyes, which always seemed to thrive and burn brilliantly, like a tremendous eye-fuck looked straight into mine, as they have so many times before. I wanted to hug you, or kiss you, mean something to you, once more. I begged you to forgive me, got on my knees, begged so hard, that the silly little mistake my slip of the tongue of truth serum would be forgiven, the secret touches of returned love would be closed, but anything would do.

I apologised a thousand times, your eyes looked into mine again, as though you wanted to. But you gave a sad shake of the head, once - subtly as to say no. And walked away again, your quick two-steps to my slow one. I continued to follow you into the deaf darkness, still repenting and reconciling, praying to you, as though to God, I suppose, for forgiveness.

It Goes On
I wish I could be brave and strong, like you, I wish I could stand up against the wrong like you, I want to defend you as you would I, till I die. But when I stand up, the words don't come and I sit, defeated. Oh, it goes on. It goes on. I walk down the playground, in the back of school, see them being bullied cause they're different, untypically "cool" Who wants to be normal anyway? I'd rather be a freak of nature than you for a day. But it goes on, It goes on. I hear them talking, the whisperers proclamation, I see them cry in return, I want to deal an accusation. But to get my paws out, claw their tongues from their mouths, But I fall over on the way, and the victims disintegrated. And it goes on, It goes on. I see injustice, painted black and grey, I talk to them encouragingly, I tell them it's okay. But I feel like a failure, as I see them fade away,

as much I sledgehammer it in, they see it bad to be gay. It still goes on, It goes on. I stayed hidden, as their defenses faded blue, I wept for their tragedies, as they attacked and I knew; This would be the end for some of them, there confidence would be gone now and yet no one to condemn. See, it goes on. It goes on. And I pray that the army of colour and freedom will stay brave, please know that I am punishing myself, to the darkness I'm enslaved, and please don't end it, that is not the answer, you have so much to live for, you are the freedom dancers. And as I wait in my egg to be reborn, don't let the call you the devil's spawn, make it dawn on them, please, don't let it go on. Don't let it, no don't let it, no. Don't let i-it, no, don't let it go on-n. Don't let it go on, cause it still goes on, It still, goes, onnn. And in my sadness, from the grey, I look out of the stormy streaky windows.. it goes on.

Second Best
Look at me, shining dull silver, metallic suit, the friendly neighbour.. that's me, second best, second guy on your list and they're all so golden, so much better,

I'm so imperfect that I'm not your type, (not that you've tried, but I'll miss the hype) cause no one wants the silver trophy, second best, I'm trying to beat me. And the one's who happen to like the silver medal, the second to all, live far away, to me, that appalls, and they say "Oh, you're lovely, you're such a nice friend" If only they knew, I want more than pretend. And I'm sick of falling in love with the heartless, wrong ones. And I'm bored of falling in love with the unrequited types. Can't you even try me out? Take me out, tonight for a bite, try the silver medal, silver shines bright too, the gold might shine too brightly for you. I'm desperate now, for someone to hold in the dead of the night, in the nights when it's cold, I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to, give me a reason to live you might love, the silver trophy too..

Bad
The baddest love is the best, we're living proof of that. You're a recreational drug that I can't control, I can't give enough, can't get enough, we equalise each other and together we will rule the world. You're my Judas, you're my grand betrayer,

I'm your Goliath, you're everlasting slayer. I don't believe in much, not in fairytales, common God, but I believe is us, and that should be enough, for you, have me, I have you, don't you see? That this is the best kind of love, we're gonna survive and rule the world. Two chemicals, dangerous but unafraid, react together, create something indestructible, in a crucible, we'll destroy it all. We're unquestionable, breathable, we're gonna crush them with our hatred, our love, gonna kill em all, take no prisoners, babe. They tell me to stay away, they tell me you're gonna make me go into disarray, but I wouldn't swap you for the world, and you turn me badder everyday.. You ask me, why do I stay? If it kills me and I say.. Because I love you too much, you are my bad romance.

Everywhere
You're everywhere, wherever I turn, you're there, breathing down my neck you're my atmosphere, I breathe you in, you're in my lungs, in my heart, my liver and my brain. You're everywhere, clean as scent shoving yourself in my face, without you, I'm content.

I wish I didn't need you, wish I could delete you, wish you could mean nothing to me, since I mean nothing to you. You're like the sea, like the sun, warming me up and wetting me, loving then forgetting me, all I want is to bury all of our memories, throw your corpse in the sea, see you float away from me, but you stay as a demon, a ghost as recurring as the post, I just need to dispose of you, once and for all. But you're everywhere. It's time to say goodbye, end this chapter, but my courage is gone, I don't even exist to you, why should you to me? Need to bury this death in a hatchet, done crying over it, time to bury my love for you, or at least what's left of it.

Notice
I can't fall any further for you, I've got to stop myself right now, pivot myself on the edge of falling, hold myself up, before I fall head over heels, with another bad egg. I can't be in love with the popular one, can't be with you if there are gonna be intrusions, people breaking and entering in the fragile glass of this. It feels like a revelation, pulling out of the love station,

I just can't be in love with the one who everyone loves. Who gives me the right to love the one who everyone adores? I wanna break away, I say hi to you and you don't notice me, among the sea of fans, I'm trying to swim to you, but I can't, because you make me breathless, I'm sinking underneath, into the darkness, like a merman with a ripped tail, a fish with blocked fins. My tears disintegrate into the nonchalant sea. Maybe I'll end up being someone you need, for publicity, your paparazzi, would you love me? I need to get on par, but that's impossible, the only way you would notice me, is if I lay under your limo or poisoned your champagne and laughed as you faded, maybe then you'd notice, babe. love or fame, can you chose over that? Everyone's trying to get your attention, I'm not the only one, but when you said, "I'd have you, if you were near" I'm beginning to wonder, cause you only seem to want me for one, sinful thing. If I fade away, would you even If I ran away, would you even If I died today would you even If I said hey would you even

notice? notice? notice? notice?

Cause I want you to notice me, I'd die for you to notice me.

Till The End
Your smile, miles long. Keeping me dancing, keeping me strong. From acres away, you make me joyful as Christmas, your aching loving words like fire on my frigid body. Someone like you, who actually likes me for who I am, this might be stage one, but I have a good feeling about this one. When we meet, the fireworks seem to set the night ablaze, as though night is now day and the darkness has disintegrated. As though the long slabs of concrete sorrow were melted, with you - my Apollo, dragging the spherical sun throughout my world, rocking it like the '50s, like the stars said you would. We cha-cha happily though the streets, a soft tango, champagne glasses help by pianist hands, shimmering slightly, as glamour emits from us and ebs and flows like the river of could-bes and by-gones. Stepping on the balcony as the warm evening surrounds us, a delightful drop of paradise - in your arms, atmosphere. If only it wasn't a dream, I wish my mind would stop and be real, but I can't with you on my mind. I'm an idealist with you, babe. And at home, our flat or house, or manshion, the old fashion wireless blasts the lyrics of classicals, time gone by and you whisper happily in my ear sweet nothings, it would appear. Let's not tell them what you said, hmm? And on and on and on the radio droned

the true words of our possible future; "You and me - till the end.."

Commitment
You, stand there posing on the opposite side of the room, terrified, like a baby who was unable to grow up, and learn that he was only allowed one toy, one pacifier. Me, I, the insignificant one. Standing there uncomprehendingly at the other side I don't get it.. one minute you love me and the next you run as far away as possible. As I hold your hands, lovingly, as lovers do, you state that you are scared, frightened. Frightened that you'll hurt me.. again. Tear my heart out and slice it in two with the stained breadknife, glistening in the haunted, fallen darkness. I tell you, there's no going back now, I love you anyway. Then you go ballistic, animalistic. You get goosebumps and run rapidly rhythmically away from safety, loving safety nets. Into the glamorous filthy disease-ridden clubs and bars, to fuck the night away, to remind yourself that you have more than one drab toy. I cry the night away, flood the city with tears and sobs. When you come in at 3am, as the demons and poltergeists haunt hard, You sneak in next to me, reaking of sex, semen, solace. Worth it, dear? You can't even fucking answer, you slur your apologies. Try to get on to me, I don't think so. I get out and run away from you. I'm ready to chain you down in a dungeon in the castle of our love, torture you till you apologize desperately to me and say you're ready to commit, even though you're terrified,

just cause you love me that much. And yet, I know deep in the core of my soul, that this will probably never happen but as a humbled servant, I will stay... no matter what.

Run
I want to run away with you, into the moors, the green glossy hillsides. I want to run into you, kiss your lips and live until we die. I want to save the last dance for you, chest to chest, cheek to cheek. I'd give the world for you, just to see you smile and you be born brand new, you make me feel so damn secure. I feel free in your tight arms, whisk me away to a place with no hate, Delete the grey skies of this dark life, make the sun shine through my down eyes, and make me feel new again, we can count to ten and breathe once more. I just want to be with you in the sunny days of August, I just want you to be my salvation, rescue me from the fallen, from the dead and the shadows of the past. Rescue me, make me free, be my saviour. Cause I've got a feeling, that you're it, here to stay..

A Dream II
I lay on the bright white tiled floor of the upstairs bathroom. I lay among the remnants of my black hair, my identity, spread around me like a new carpet. Body spread out - like an angel. The bright whites of my eyes shined lightly with brilliant insanity. My pupils were dull and dead - all liveliness dissapeared. I sipped the bleach at first, my desperate hand secured around the neck of its damp, red shape. The plastic felt unnatural. Then I began to chug it, I downed the fluid. It disintegrated the back of my throat as it hit, like a tsunami, I felt my tonsils float and then fall down my windpipe. I spat out bloody bleach. The shower was on. I tipped my head underneath it, I vomited, hard. I felt as though my brain was coming out of my mouth. I didn't want to die anymore. It hurt to much. I felt my lungs and heart fall apart, strand by strand. I kept throwing up, my eyes fell through my nose. The door opened, you touch my arm. Screaming - then eternal blackness.

Black Plastic
To this day I do not know how hellish fire protrudes over heavenly, pure snow. How a child, a toddler, walking around Amsterdam in its heels, red lipstick and fishnets. Young hookers dazzling the street corners, as though ornaments.

Black plastic over pure crystalised skin. The mothers, lost in seas of despair. What do they say to you, as you spread each night for top dollar, new client each night, paying to probe you. To take away another millilitre of liquid innocence. Your hair dyes itself through sex to a beautiful blonde colour to black plastic.. over pure crystalised skin. The world is lost into a culture of lingerie. And yet I can not find a wrong in it. Confusion reaches me as I lie on the snow, away from the fire - protected. Then the fire consumes me. My body charred and black as coal. Black plastic on charred, bloody skin.

He
Violent king, slayer, conquerer. He - the destroyer, rises up among his bed of skulls he his stomach full of hearts of poor naive kids like me. He - the king with no crown the prince of hell and love's sweet torture, staff of fame, rise from his throne of blood, tears and cum - sHEd for him, he an epitomy and an enigma. His horns throb in glorious victory. Of another born hatred spawn through Judas' spit. He bears no regret in the merked chisled heart of stone, his own - not torn from another

precious little prince of glamour. He, He, He, He, who who who who came into my life got close with me I was stupid to fall for left my life out suddenly.

He, who broke my heart. Yet he does not regret another live taken heart. Just another heart to put in his pillow, to help him sleep at night.

Crownless King
I don't feel like a king, I'm no extraordinary thing. I don't feel like the extravagant prince, too many things have happened long since. I don't find solace in my pride, like you - I feel like the biggest loser sometimes. I'm like an Emperor, fallen from grace, the crown-less monarch, falling off his thrown. I don't feel like number-one, I don't feel like I'm changing anyone. I still feel like the insecure kid on his own, sometimes - I feel like the clown still sometimes. Sometimes I feel low, without a high. But I don't believe in a lot, but I believe in you. Seasons change, but we remain. So why don't we stay the night again. I'm okay with being a joker without fame. With you, I'd stay and become insane. I still feel old, never new,

but I'd spend a lifetime with you. And I'm ready to bring the haters down. I've got my guns and I'll shoot them down.

A Fairytale
The balls of used paper lay cluttered on the marble white floor, and my blood, mixed with opaque ink stained it. My eyes, though still surrounded by white were dilated, and I seemed possessed, scratching my arms to see if I was a living breathing prose. But blood came out, not ink as I wished. I wanted to be paper. I wanted my life to be a story, a fairy tale. Wrote in a loving writer's hand. I wanted to be perfect. A piece of art. Held by my artist, who loved me now and forever. But I wasn't prose, so I wrote myself a lullaby, a pure fanfiction, a self-induced fairytale. My happily ever after, but an illusion made stars appear on my pupils. Cried with happiness, did I, that night to sleep. As an imaginary prince charming held me, enamoured with my sense, touch, feel. Then, as usual, I woke up. Midnight had been struck, and I awoke, as alone as I was in reality

as I could ever be in my fantasy world. I gave myself over to the darkness, gave my soul as a sacrifice, along with my sanity. And now my shell breathes on, as my soul lives on in wonderland. And the world stood by, living happily ever after.

Yet Again
I'm running out of time again, waiting for the acid rain to cleanse me again, waiting to disintegrate into the atmosphere again. I can't let myself fall in love that bad again, and I won't let myself close down. The clock is ticking down again, stood out of Big Ben watching the countdown again, waiting for my heart to stop beating again. Ultimate divine sacrifice for you again, and I must make myself be brave. On the hospital bed, running dry again, watching my life flash before my eyes again, seeing my pulse slow down frighteningly again. Seeing you visit my poor ill side again, and I can't let myself fade away. I'm falling apart at the sight of screams again, falling apart inside and out again. Why does it have to happen again? Seeing you not able to deal with me again. and I must perfect myself for you. I'm unbelieving and faithless in hell again, sex for the fun of it, no morale again. You could've saved me like you did that time, again.

Leaving it all to the very last minute again. And yet again, it's not my fault this time. You'll fade away, not me, my friend this time. Seeing you leave in the hatred of love again. Bitter and entrapped in insanity again, If only I could fill my heart with love.

I Think I‟m Ready
At the crossroads, the tramlines of the decadent shallow fog of the industrial streets - you're there. A spectre of could-have-beens a mere poltergeist of what-ifs. Yet, for once, your smile is not sinister but forgiving. The tram zooms past, like lightening. You're gone. I think I'm ready now, to leave it all behind. Leave this town, start anew, I'm done with thinking of only you. The flags and colours of love carry me away, on the backs of forgiveness of yesterday. I'm immigrating from here, leaving this country of despair. Swimming the channel to the closest land, smiling as the water dyes my hair. Are you ready? I think I'm ready, now. Ch-changing again, different bones, different birth. Burying my past in the fertile soil of the volcanic explosion of what could have been, us, but I'm ready to leave this where it belongs,

in the books of history. Drag me away, to a different house, different love. Running to another city, growling as they laugh their pity. Are you ready? I think I'm ready, now. There needs to be a flood, sent by God, to wash away the sadness of love. And it is here, knock down that dam. Let the water wash me away, wash me away. I'm on my ark, with my animals of adoration. Let's float away, oh Lord, let's float away. Are you ready? I think I'm ready, now. I've said this before, but this time it feels true. I'm gonna manipulate this into me and you. You never know, I've got faith in this. Are you ready for my love? You sure, it's powerful. Are you ready? Are you ready? Cause I think I'm ready now, I think I'm ready now.

vaSliy
You were my first love, my dutch protestant saviour. Married on the day the royals did, like it was written in the network of the stars. When we faded and broke apart and eventually dwelled in the netherworld of divorce.

Though, now I look back, I shouldn't've, because when he holds me in the kilted bed, it's your arms, not his, and your eyes boring into my head. When you kiss me on the cheek three times, continentally, europely, I slip on your lips, as though awkwardly, to kiss you once more. You can't love her as you loved me, when you were mine, it just cannot be. In this castle of fairytales, take me away to the bridal suite and have me. The end broke your spirit, as it did mine, split our princesses, all three, in different pathways. When the eldest, my pride and joy, stuck with you - it was though I'd lost my world, 2 worlds lost in one night, the end of the world. I'm a grandma now, the black curls stay black, like barbequed sausages - thankfully. Thank God, to whom my faith is in, that some things remain, even if we don't. And now I await you on he palace steps, in the wedding dress, to relive one more night of yesterday.

The Storm
Oh, what a storm. Crash through my roof and flood my house,

drown me, weaken my senses. Electrocute me, dear lightening. Let the flood wash me away, wash it all away. The stress, the school, the fights - the war. renewal lies in you. Oh, to be free like the hurricane's wind. Smash the windows and make objects soar, take me away, blow me till all breath's gone. Protude on calm, dear storm. Let the the flood wash the city away, wash it all away. I don't wanna be here any more. Break the boundaries, carry all the tears away. I'll stand there on a field, soaking wet - sodden clothes, just to be carried away. I want the water to overcome me, make me weak. I want the storm to love me, like nobody ever could. Oh rain, wash away my sins! The biblical repentance lies in you, therein. Make me clean again, clense me! Make me whole again. Show me your mite, show me your bite, let me see your fight. My storm, forever more. Let the tornado drag me away, to the happiness of tomorrow, destroy yesterday. Drop me off in the sea, of an island of adoration.

Where I can lie on an umbrella beach, to wash the stress away.

Pilate
Free is the new contained, and that's something I can't be, a prisoner of your skeleton arms, you're not who you used to be. You clung to my frame, like a picture, Or a groupie needing fame, gotta ditch her, Like a metal dress on a petit girl, trying to do a dancing twirl, Please, let me go! I can’t face what you represent anymore, on the floor of Jerusalem, your head will roll, you make me feel unsustainable, you drain me, so bring the water works on, bring me a cloth, bring me a bowl, sponging you off my skin tonight, watch the pain of our love flake away. I’m gonna wash my hands of you, like Pilate, in the tears of our love, in the sweat of our trials and fears. Yeah, I’m gonna flood you out tonight, watch this ship go down tonight, drown myself - oh. I’m gonna wash my feet of you, your patchy hair is my cloth, like Cruel Pilate, it’s the funeral of our love. Revolutionize my breath, as you breathe your last breath. Bury this casket in this moment of truth,

before we dive into seas of razor wire, from knifed cliff edges. Don't you understand? I'm washing you off tonight. I'm leaving the crowd to decide your fate, they spit their stones on your decaying body, treat it right, or let them bring you down. d-d-down. I’m gonna wash my hands of you, like Pilate, in the tears of our love, in the sweat of our trials and fears. I’m gonna wash my feet of you, your patchy hair is my cloth, like Cruel Pilate, it’s the funeral of our love. Pontius Pilate has made his condemnation and you're going down to Calvery. Gotta wash my soul of your hellish ways, purify my life in the sense I convey. Like Cruel Pilate, it’s the funeral of our love.

Down For Good
INTRO; Gotta bring you down d-d-down, down down Before it's way too late. Gotta bring you down, d-d-down, down down I must seal your dark fate. Verse I; I see you in the huge city, the capital of your world (down, down)

I think it's a great pity, to see you in this evil state girl (gotta bring you down down) You lie on the throne of disregret, the chalice of liquid cruelty high. (down down) You dine on the flesh of broken hearts, smile at the distopia and the red sky (gotta bring you down down) Bridge [spoken] Rip my heart out and spit it hard, stomp on it in black boulevard, see betrayal set in the whites of my eyes, hear betrayal whispered through the night. CHORUS; Gotta bring you down off your high stallion, gotta stop you now. (Bring you down, Queen of Now, gotta bring you down, down) Gotta find out your momentum, your weakness and bring you down (down down) for good. Down for good. Verse 2; Salome, I've seen one's like you before, dress noir and hooded gown (down down) Dragging innocents to hell for more, teasing them to death, as though replaceable clowns (gotta bring you down, down) You kill white-wearing rebels overthrowing you, do you think you'll hold your reign? (DOWN DOWN! DOWN DOWN!) Well down with Queen Bitch - I say! High above her station, she's a pain! (fucking down, keep you down, gotta bring you down down!) CHORUS; Gotta bring you down off your high stallion, gotta stop you now. (Bring you down, Queen of Now, gotta bring you down, down)

Gotta find out your momentum, your weakness and bring you down (down down) for good. Down for good. Breakdown [spoken] The Queen will die at my hands, I don't care. I'm superman now, blood on my hands doesn't ensnare, I'll lead the army of light to her palace of plastic shine, The soldiers of emptiness will fill at her death rattle. She had her chance, but her restricting ways must end. Down with the Queen Down with the Queen Down with the Queen Are you ready? CHORUS; Gotta bring you down off your high stallion, gotta stop you now. (Bring you down, Queen of Now, gotta bring you down, down) Gotta find out your momentum, your weakness and bring you down (down down) for good. Down for good. DOWN! DOWN! DOWN! DOWN! DOWN! DOWN! DOWN! DOWN! D-D-DOWN FOR GOOD, GOOD GOO-

My Turn
I'm the new weapon of mass destruction, damaging nuclear waves emitting from my heart. For my art, I'd paint the town, kill a person, melt the crown. I've turned into this monster, cause I sold my soul to black love long ago.

Watch me arise from my coffin, black coffee in a skull-cup. My turn to destroy, my turn to exploit, my turn to enjoy. I guess karma's finally balanced out cause I'm hurting him like you hurt me, who's to say I can't destroy a soul or three today? Don't underestimate the level of damage I can do. Cause I'm going to crush him, babe, like you crushed me. I'm going to murder him, like you slaughtered me. I'm going to destroy him, like you abolished me. I'm the great avenger, in the darkness of the solid night. No one decided to come back, and be my unholy knight. So in the cycle of life, I stood up and just screamed "NO!" I forgot about love, dyed my hair black, gave my soul to darkness. Blue like my heart was the tears from my eyes. As I left behind adoration and howled to the moon in the night. My turn to have fun, as I lick bloody revenge off my lips, my bite will be your addiction in the block of the fierce twilight. And don't think you can get away without all your heart seems attacked.

I won't let you escape, unless in your heart there's a crack. My turn, to be that nasty asshole you were, tonight.

Please Don‟t
You'd be better off with him, than you'd ever be with me. 'Cause by the looks of it, I'm going down to darkness. I'm gonna come straight out and say it; I've gone cold, like an antarctic whisper, an avalanche of fear and desire I'd bring you. But with him, you'd feet soft, crunchy snow and a slight velvet snowfall in the bite of the night. You probably think about me all the time, don't you? I don't think about you. I don't need to go a day without texting you, or needing to hear your fragile vocal chords blaring. I don't need you, why should you need me? Get with him, rather than me. Oh, how you'd suit. Please don't fall in love with me, I'm not worth your time.

The Moon
To die on the moon, her shine dulled by my

gravity-rebellious corpse. To die in solitude with no breathable air. To let go of life while watching the sun, warm the earth furthermore. And to be a satellite to the planet you continue to live and love, forever and always.

Some Days/Backwards
Some days, I wake up wishing I had a remote, with a huge rewind button. Oh baby, I'm uninspired and miserable, tonight. Some days, I wake up wishing that I didn't wake up at all. Oh baby, I'm on the edge of this, tonight. Some days, I wake up feeling like I don't belong here. Oh baby, take me home from here, tonight. Some days, I walk down to the city, all by myself. Oh baby, I need to feel alone, today. Some days, I just stay segregated and

solitary all day. Oh darling, bet you wish you could save me now. Some days, I live for death. Some days, I die for life. Oh darling, you're saving the unsaveable here. Some nights, I wish I could fade away, watch my face go tan to grey. Oh darling, I bet you wish you'd stay away now. Some nights, I try and count my problems on one hand. But I fail and I crash and I land. Babe, don't drop me I'm falling now. Some nights, I drink my tears away, and the stormy sky goes grey. Oh baby, save me like Superman. Some nights, I wonder if you miss me too. Because I'd go backwards with you, give me that rewind button, let's go back. OH BABY, Let's go back in time. Hold my hand, let it out, won't you come backwards with me? Rewind for me.

Brush my tears, kiss me now, won't you come backwards with me? Let's rewind for us, for me. Watch our worlds, collide once more, will you come backwards with me? Dya wanna rewind for me? Take a breath, prepare yourself, won't you come backwards with me? Backwards with me. B-backwards with me.

Partners in “Crime”
We, we live in cities, moving town to town. And we, we live to bring the government down, down. We, we strive to live in criminal originality because we, we refuse to give back to this society which bore us and fed us and made us old, but refused to make us strong and accepted and free. This society's a jail and I feel trapped, and I know you do too so I'll run far away from you, on the edge of the law. On the edge of it all, with you.

And in this apartment where we dance and sing the night away we, we make love on the loveseat we stole from the store, partners in crime, partners in love. We, we're so bad we're most wanted. But yoü're my eternal most wanted. We, we run from cops who try to capture us and we, we promised to never conform to their bad laws again we die, running as free as rabbits in the moors of Libération Just dance on the floor, steal a drink, make them pay, liquid money because we cause such dissarray. We get cheered for our own as we parade proud through the streets, the road to Libération isn't far, so it seems. Scream, for me! Our turn to shine and run away Our turn to chase them all away, Our turn, together, forever, you-oo and I. You, me, finally and the road to Libération isn't far so it seems. If our love is a crime, then lock me up and I'll swallow the key. If any love is a crime, then bury me, I'll be a martyr for the cause. If my love makes me a criminal,

I'll stab you and say "I disagree" If this love is a crime then show me this anti-love clause. Love isn't a crime, nor will it ever be. Love isn't a crime baby, please believe me.

Curtain Call
It's just one of those nights with success in the air, greasing up my hair, making the nights so cold making me feel sad and not bold but old, so old. If everyone's succeeding around me, getting where they wanna be.. will I fail away till I end up in a hotel basement, just off Mainway. And while I sit at home, typing the days away, watching the meagre light go from orange to stormy grey. These words don't seem to make a difference, but I'll soldier on. These stanzas don't seem to make you cry for months, but I'll carry on. Tear streaked mask, falling apart, my poker face destroyed. Hatred filled leotard, ripped up,

my sadness un-destroyed. The cameras are rolling and you'll hold me tight as I burn to dust in the heat of the spotlight. Tonight, the big awards go to you, and you deserve it all, and my heart breaks, as you strut as fabulous as RuPaul. Tonight, you're on the wall of fame, and you deserve the followers, it's a game. And my heart breaks, as you become the ruler of the world. Just don't forget about the jokers and jesters, don't leave us behind, tonight. Tonight, I will lose you forever to fame and tonight, I’ll be the one receiving all your blame. Just don't forget me, not tonight, no, no, no. Don't forget me, don't forget us, don't forget these few years, where I have given part of my life to you. Don't forget that, when the curtain rises for you, I want you to be there, my friend at the curtain call. I want you to be there,

my friend at the curtain call. Tonight, I will fade to black, I'll die with you on my mind, let's not forget the dreams we had, and all our success and trials. Right up to the curtain call, to the end.

Still
I still wish I could save you, like the superman I was built to be. I still wish I could rescue you, like the saviour I should be. I still feel guilty everyday, labeling myself with blame. I still feel horrible everyday, for being too late. And in the stillness of it all, I still don't feel secure. In the stillness, I remain, I want to see your face again. I frown, because the world isn't perfect anymore. I'm down, because the countdown hit zero, I ran out of time. The countdown, timed out, and I remained still in it all. And in the stillness of it all, I'm so fucking insecure. In the stillness, I'm still here, waiting for you to reappear.

Do you know what I'd give to have it all back again? To see you reborn and dancing, your happy tears just one more time. Do you know that I'd give so much to have that again? I just want June 2010, I want the glamour back again, I want the shining love we had, back in my heart. I'll still remain, in this cloudy crossroads. I'll still remain, waiting for youth, to not be old. I'll still remain, holding the idea of you close to my brain. I'll still remain, waiting for you to run in my arms again. The city breathes on, but we still remain, don't want to play this game. I just want that life back, I've changed too much I miss me. I miss the old me. I'll still remain, why is my heart in pain, unchanged? I'll still remain, as the the world crashes and burns around my soul. I'll still remain, but would you be the Queen of my side. I'll still remain, but will you till the day I die? And yet, in the stillness of it all,

your voice stays strong and I recall, the times of memories distant. In the stillness of it all, I'm very insecure, but you're still here, alive. There's so much to live for and to strive.

He Don‟t Care
I will, never feel better cause you took my heart away from me. I‟ll never ever feel better cause I wanna destroy everything. I don‟t trust him and I never will, wanna lose myself to the big white pill. But he don‟t care, he don‟t care for my flare, my pen and my paper. I can‟t take this any longer. It‟s only good, because good‟s the only word he knows, I swear, I‟m gonna die for him but he won‟t care, he don‟t care for my care of him. I could be stoned to death and he wouldn‟t get up from bed. why do I forgive him when he‟s beyond my redeption. I don‟t know where we went wrong because, it was all so wrong and now I‟m back to my kermit, sole self, without a soulmate, I swear I could dance the night away with him and he won‟t care he don „t care about my rare adoration for

him, I could die and he don‟t care, he won‟t care, but should he? Should he? He wants it pretty, so I‟m gonna keep it ugly. He wants it loving so I‟m gonna keep it sexy. He wants it smooth, so I‟m gonna keep it rough. He wants it good so I‟m gonna keep it bad. You want it happy, babe?! GUESS I‟M GONNA HAVE TO BE SAD. I‟m gonna go against you, then you might care, bringing you the fuck down. I could fade away, but he don‟t care. I could die today, but he won‟t care. I could vomit my life away, he don‟t care. Throw myself off a Cliffside, but he just won‟t care. And I care c-care care. I care, maybe too much, I care. And I dare, I dare, But he just don‟t care. Nope, no, no. He just don‟t care.

Sex Conquers All
Take off your wedding dress, because I‟m going to lick away the tears tonight. Lose the sickening white, get undressed, we‟re having a dress-less ball tonight. Put the ring on the sideboard, if you wish, we‟re going to lose our minds right now. This motel is too good for diamonds, anyhow and I‟m taking you away tonight. Sex conquers love, sex conquers all,

devine conqueror of the world, we can‟t escape and we don‟t want to. We are enslaved to our free will‟s unholy master. Take me away, tonight. Undo the dog collar, we‟re gonna cancel your vow today. Free your neck, smoke a cigarette, we‟re getting you fresh air today. Get in bed, behind the alter, we‟re bringing the cathedral down tonight. I‟m so sexy and lustrous; I‟ll doubt your religion and faith, take me away tonight. Sex destroys love, sex undoes all. Devine avenger of the world. We can‟t escape, but do we want to? We are enslaved to our unloyal tendencies. Take me away, now. Hookers are the new princesses, the streets and their districts are theirs! Their kingdoms glittering pavements invite you in, don‟t they? The rebellion against love, charging against the fairytales and Prince Charmings which betrayed them. The drugs which made it all sweet and sugary, and the sex which made them home. The Queen Hooker said; “Don‟t let em fool ya, kid, love don‟t conquer fuck all. The priests are all against ya, you‟ll end up sitting against a wall. True love is just a fantasy, it strips you of your sanity. Don‟t let it take ya, kid – join us, come into the brothel of vanity.” And I did. d-d-did. I did.

Ode to Dreams
I dreamed of lullabies, of time that dies. I dreamt of Christ, living by my side. I dreamed of Kennedy, the coldest of wars. I dreamt of Lara Croft and wanting to explore. I dreamed of shouting, your pop-tart stained smile. I dreamt of following Kate Middleton down Westminster's aisle. I dreamed of Lady Gaga, holding my hand. I dreamt of McQueen, making dresses out of sand. I dreamed of Judas, kissing Jesus' cheek. I dreamt of Magdalene, strong when times were bleak. I dreamed of love, of a Mexican May. I dreamt of dying, and fading away. I dreamed of sex, your orgasmic face. I dreamt of red light districts, the hookers in black lace. I dreamed of failing, letting them win. I dreamt of succeeding, let the great times begin. I dreamed the ghosts won and they dragged me away. I dreamt the terrorists won and bombed me away. I dreamed that I became wholly devine. I dreamt that I finally won and love became mine. Oh dreams, oh dreams, Take me away. Create a fantasy and pull me away. Oh dreams, oh dreams, Steal me away Steal me from cruel reality and take me away. Just, take me away.

Wow, by golly, just look how we've evolved. Reborn not so long ago and now we're established and here to stay, not gonna go away-ay. Stormy waters, may lie ahead. But nothing we can't make smooth out, I refuse to let it make me dead. We've come so far, we've lasted so long, we're so god-damn steel-like strong. Don't give up, don't give up, cause.. If you lose your way, find yourself again. If you lose sight of life, find light in the bitter fight. If you feel you’ve lost me, I’ll be here to hold your hand. If time’s going too fast, I’ll walk with you, on a timeless land. T-timeless land, we're unbreakable, so undestroyable, we live on everlasting time, we live on timeless land. If we lose touch, I'll find you once more. If we fall out of place, I'll make sure our friendship soars. If you fall apart, I'll glue the pieces. Don't let the past fool you, I'll walk with you, no matter what, on timeless land. T-timeless land. The sky's not the limit, the universe is. We're limitless though, that I hope you know. Cause though some may bring us down, I'll be there to cheer you up and bring you down town.

Timeless land, timeless land. Give me your hand. For timeless land, I'll take you to timeless land.

The End of the Chapter
Why do all good things end? Can’t decide if you’re a demon from hell or a heavenly God-send. Why must you be the catalyst to destroy everything? If only you knew how you’re the inspiration of every poem I write, every song I sing. Time for change, change at last. It was fun, we had a blast. But fate came along and told me it wasn't to be, maybe this is why I can see. Someone sent him to be a spanner in the works, I don't know yet if he's a destroyer or a perk. He was my revelation, my epiphany, you just do not belong to me and we don't belong in each other's arms. It's time to say goodbye, cause this is the end. Another chapter wasted to the tongue of the fire, I've come to realise that this is not my desire. If it's meant to be, then it'll happen, I need to stop hanging to lost hope, I need to accept in went down-slope. I'll take all our memories and bury them in the sea. Don't you understand all the damage you've done to me? I'll take all our love and throw them in the trash and then then I'll watch them burn and transform into Ash. Simplicity is key and metaphors are wasted on simple minds.

So I'll give it to you straight, love is not to be found, you - it will find. We almost had it all. I almost lost it all. To you, you, you. But I need to change my ways and I need to change my views and I need to start being happy again and stop blaming it on the boose. But, should you need me again, you know where I'll be. Living in the suburbs of adoration, beyond our sweet love's debris.

ERA III
Your Words
Do you know what it is like or rather what it feels like, to stand upon a foothill, gazing at an forever immobile city, worldless? Speechless. An outcast, a mute. Your words forget that they belong with you and either fly off to another writer or lose their wings and fall, and rot, and die. To stand there, with a tear-soaked face of distraught, distain and utter self-loathing, because of something beyond the help of medication, or of therapy. You no-longer have the strength, or the bravery, to speak, to write, to carve words into formulating the truth or your truth, something so elegant and untouchable. It's beyond my words, or any other's words. The pain shakes you, you howl, like a cursed and injured wolf,

banished by its own pack, hated by your own. That pen which was once your friend stabs your organs, your lungs, your heart so that you can't breathe or make sentences or words. You feel like you aren't long for the world, or rather on the edge of it. The clouds rain on you, the thunder frightens you, the lightening makes you fear for your own end. Then, suddenly, the unthinkable happens. Out of nowhere, a heavenly bird a stark or a dove appears, in the dark of your life. It brightens up the whole entire universe, the stars reignite and the city becomes more free. As do you, in the same breath. You speak, you sing, you run home, back to the town, or village that bore you. Returning to that uterus, brings you inspiration then a hallucination, and all of a sudden, you write and write and write. Your words return, like the prodigal son. You write the best you ever wrote before. You are, as the prophets foretold, reborn, ressurected, reinvented. Even if your words abandon you, look into the deep parts of your heart. Feel it beat. You have so much potential, so much to write. Your words will not be gone for long.

Forget Me
Sailing too fast, too far. The horizon is too bright and large, the sea is too deep and sparse. And I just want to go back to my safe zone but I can't that would be too easy, so I'll just leave it all behind. When I'm gone, don't you dare forget me. Not long for this world, this chapter. The book pages have ran out and fell apart, the ink has dried and dyed my heart. And I just want to go back home. But I can't, that would be too easy, so I'll just excel into my destiny. When I leave, don't you dare forget me. Too far away to go back, to fail. The road is too far to backtrack and run, the cars won't stop for this lonely hitcher. And I just want to go away. But I can't, that's too easy. So I'll just put on a fake smile, and carry on tonight. I'll come back someday, so don't you dare forget me. They tell me,

that I've got it all made, but they have no crystal ball, I fear they cannot see at all. A little fear is good, but I need to succeed. They tell me, greatness is a few years away, what if I fail? What if I fall and lose it all, I might as well be let for dead. I'll get there, darling, but don't you dare forget me. I need to slow down, but the world is already ahead. I need to catch up and win, won't let myself be mislead. I'm a winner, baby. So don't you worry, you'll know my name, you're not allowed to forget me. Oh no darling, you won't forget me.

Daddy
Oh daddy this one's for you, You said you'd always love me, Well this test is for you. Daddy, daddy, I'm not like everyone else, You probably already know, but I need to tell it to your face, tonight. Daddy you always said life's too short. I hope you'll live by that and let me in and not let me go. Daddy, daddy, it's live + let live. I still want a daddy at the end of this, tonight. Oh daddy, please don't scream or shout. Please don't raise your right fist, don't kick me out.

Daddy, daddy, I don't wanna be disowned. I'll understand if you don't want to know everything, but the basics you need to know, tonight. Oh daddy, I still need you in my life. Please just be like momma and accept me for what I am. Daddy, daddy, I want to be your son. And I'll get if you're dissapointed but I am what I am, forever. You've always been my daddy, through thick and thin. But daddy I was born this way, and it's not a sin. Daddy, daddy, I cannot live I lie. You need to know about me, I want you here for me, tonight. Daddy. Please don't walk away. You can't just leave me when I need you most today. Daddy, daddy, please just hold my hand. We'll walk down happy memory lane, does it really matter what I am? Daddy, daddy - say something, please. I'm young and I'm broke enough, I don't want to be alone. Please don't bastardise me tonight. Daddy, daddy. Just love me for the me you know. Momma was accepting, please be too. Just please don't send me home, tonight. Just please don't forget me, tonight. Daddy, please. Accept me for who I am.

City Lights
A flicker and flutter from the light as I prepare for another night without stars and without life. My demons howl, throughout the house as I try to sleep, it's foul. And I remember when you held me tight whispered in my ear that there was no one who you'd rather be near. What a past life, your ghost flutters down the halls my face with recorded strife falls, and in the black light I fall apart at the remembrance of your voice and the love and the choice you made that day, to run far away. I walk to the city at night just to hear the cars go past to feel the lights make me blink and think I want to live right here, on the streets. I want to run away from our bed and all the sweet words you said. I lie on the stone cold floor where we first met and I bet that you'd never come back. But that's okay, I'm close to you here and here I'll stay I really wish you never went away. In the starless black sky, I confess to myself that it's really hard to exorcise you from me. I drew the wrong card and it's all my fault I'll never disregard that. Who am I to blame,

but the demon that I am. The Judas which kissed your cheek. But forgiveness was non existant and bleak. So I walk to the city and listened to it while it stole my breath away as the free danced the streets and sang my songs with city lights I can right all our wrongs. I just want to show you it all, I really wish you never went away, in the past I'd've made you stay. And showed you the wonderful city lights every night and every single day.

ERA IV
BACK
I've arrived back with a vengeance back with a further thirst. I am back back with destruction an agenda of deduction, now. I'm back from a hiatus I just needed to do. And now I'm yours, brand new, I'm yours, part of you. Use me well, and I shall stay.

THE TRUTH
I'm so glad my mind is mine, I'm so proud my mind is silent. If they could hear my prayers, my thoughts, my snarkiness, my thoughts.

If they could hear what I was really thinking If they could hear the truth from these dry lips. I doubt I would last one minute before I had to go, incognito. I'm so glad my brain is internal, I'm so glad my thoughts are silently eternal. I don't have the soul to hurt to make their confidences rot and die. I don't have it in me to make the nastiest cry. Right outside my eye roots cry and deep inside my heart lies to those undeserving of the devine truth. But now-a-days with liars lurking what is the truth? I ran away from love, cause love lies. Awaiting the bubble-popper waiting for a great era to die. I'm on top of the world, I am right now the King. But Kings can only fall celebrities can only fail And I'm scared of the inevitable fall, it will make my life stall. The truth, will destroy it all.

THE RAIN
Will the rain ever stop? The air of pessimism and greyness soaks the colourless bleak city as the trams and buses sink as solid as stones. Everyone is a critic As the dead taxi driver slams into the school child, crimson red blood

which dissolutes in the actuality of the lake, the puddle, where people drown not valued until they are drops themselves filling up the dying city. Black roses on Judges’ petticoats Which swing with the invisible, destructive wind. The orange glow of the shopping centre burning And the red of the city bleeding. Clogs up the Traffic, causes congestion. The men, the defenders and the men, the attackers Stab at the city’s once safe walls, causing acidic Mucus to be spat out, and to destroy even further Yet to kill certainly. The youth – at last free from the prisons That their parent’s boss’s bosses had kept them in For 16 to 18 long, blue dreary years. The old die and the young fall As the paper, worthless money evaporates In the city square into The polluted, thick smog. And all the bourgeois do is what they not do, The office types? They don’t watch They walk on, and fall As the MPs walk by undeterred. The city shatters.

ALL MY BLOOD
All of my blood is flowing to all the wrong places. It's leaving my brain out and my lungs, it displaces. It's killing me righteously going for all the wrong, undeserving organs. All of my soul is attracted to all the wrong places. The lost weeping hand On the wrong thing. The lost soaking mouth On the wrong lips.

The destroyed gone friendship Crushing my unforgiving ribs. You’d think after all of it, I’d be used to it, But it hurts all the same When you don’t call my name. The Shisha smoke you cough into Lost into. You were clear, but now you’re muddled Since your last self died in huge acid puddles. I lost you When October ended, my opinion of you, thwarted and bended. I had a dream That I was whole And that all of my blood, was sensible. I had a dream That I had an unregimented soul And that all of my blood, was good to go. I had a dream That you were mine. And that all of my blood was sane and wholly devine. Do you blame me, love? Hanging round an alley of the local pop club. Replacing love, you, with headlessness. Losing all my blood to the wrong mess. Do you hate me, love? Now that I’m untamed. Now that I have so many loving friends, than you. Losing all my blood to magical voodoo. Do you love me, love? Now that the bridge has been crossed. The seal’s been broken, by you, when you crossed it. Losing all my blood just to gain a hit. I had a dream That I was yours forever, And that all of my blood Would leave me? Never.

NO LIFEBOATS

All of my blood is flowing to all the wrong places. It's leaving my brain out and my lungs, it displaces. It's killing me righteously going for all the wrong, undeserving organs. All of my soul is attracted to all the wrong places. The lost weeping hand On the wrong thing. The lost soaking mouth On the wrong lips. The destroyed gone friendship Crushing my unforgiving ribs. You’d think after all of it, I’d be used to it, But it hurts all the same When you don’t call my name. The Shisha smoke you cough into Lost into. You were clear, but now you’re muddled Since your last self died in huge acid puddles. I lost you When October ended, my opinion of you, thwarted and bended. I had a dream That I was whole And that all of my blood, was sensible. I had a dream That I had an unregimented soul And that all of my blood, was good to go. I had a dream That you were mine. And that all of my blood was sane and wholly devine. Do you blame me, love? Hanging round an alley of the local pop club. Replacing love, you, with headlessness. Losing all my blood to the wrong mess. Do you hate me, love? Now that I’m untamed. Now that I have so many loving friends, than you.

Losing all my blood to magical voodoo. Do you love me, love? Now that the bridge has been crossed. The seal’s been broken, by you, when you crossed it. Losing all my blood just to gain a hit. I had a dream That I was yours forever, And that all of my blood Would leave me? Never.

ERA V
Curse The Day I
I am your angel of death, So come to me – let me show you your mass grave On which to lie, made your bed upon. Enemies plentiful, persecuted on Many before you, many after you. You will rue the day that you did this Intervened, did not leave when I Screamed at you to go, pointed after you. My wild ramblings could not push you off that cliff Which I wished you would dive, upon the rocks, Stirred crazy in vodka eyes. Fired up heart. Won’t you go away? You’re not getting the message Which I’m trying to put on your execution note. “Get rid of the head, Or put it in a lasso – Pull, quarter, corrupt, kill” You will hate the day you didn’t go You’ll appreciate it more when I leave you in the snow. This mask which I wear Cannot cover the hatred I bear To you, the messenger which I shoot; the corpse from which St. Thenardier loots. On the Seine, on the Thames The floating body – the cursed Pharaoh’s Nile And you wish to anger me? The sweet angels soul.

You’ll be surprised of what I know I see all, of all I know. You will despise the day You did not go. Leave at once, Monsieur while you still can. I am a belligerent man, but you go too far. I get rid of you and you come back Thirteen should have told me so The number associated with you Should have screamed “bad luck, danger” I shall cut my ties, burn this lasso whilst I still can. I’ll give you one last chance, One more plunge into opaqueness. Do as you will, I’m no dictator – no taker of God’s will. But I am not yours, Nor will I ever be You may try to take me Against my will But if you do so I wish all of Hades’ ill Upon your soul. And you will curse the day you did not listen to – All of the warnings which I bestowed Upon you.

Curse The Day II
Part One: Suffice to say, You held the world, the helm To her – in the palm of that piano-shevled hand. You knew the wonders and the darkness Of her brow’s realm Before you entered upon it. You took the challenge, Stayed for months, Circumnavigated the graveyards in her thoughts, In her mind, Held a fragile mirror in that hand, Which you put into someone else’s hand, A friend. Suffice to say,

You’ll hate this day Once you realised it’s her life that is broken Not her heart, not her brain But her vains when the news becomes spoken. Pray, my friend That people are silent, Pray that people will go against their nature Pray to whichever God will house you Pray for the hopes of hers and your future. Pray that it’ll be buried in the hay, Pray to God that you won’t curse this day. *** Part Two: You silly, silly girl. You hussy, you drawn out disbeliever. You should have known better You know the rules, the law, the code You know where her feelings lie You traitor, you murderer. You weren’t in the dark, this time It will be no walk in the park If she ever finds out – think of that, Think of her, think of me, Think of them, think of him. Think about the gaps which are widened Think about the vains which you burst Think about the life you end, With that one lifeless kiss Trade in for a body, her lifeless corpse. Caught red handed, Reprimanded Taken, gassed and burnt. Why not instead, Take her by the hand And shove her into her Casket, basket, Look at your necropolis How could you even betray her like this? Get on your knees Grovel and pray That you won’t curse this day.

Or so help it, dear, I shall make you curse this day.

She Dies, You Die (Curse The Day II.V – Interlude)
It’s very simple for even a simpleton To comprehend, my friend. Fair deal So real Tit for tat Real deal. Watch as she goes Feel as she fades. Watch as the death toll rolls away. She dies, And you die. She sinks, As do you. If she fades, You get wiped out, Heed my warning my cunning plan There are ways to make you less of a man. If you’ve killed her, Watch what I do. If you’ve ended her story, Watch what I say. If your actions have ended her life, You will curse every other day Until your final day.

The Mirror
I swear to whatever God there is left on this Angel less planet. The eyes which stare back to me, In this mirror of death and ice, Are not mine. They can’t be. They are insane, wild as a Rough sea on a vesper’s screams Reaching for a decrepit moon Too far out of reach, Like the books – like the stars. And the sun which the treacherous teacher Proclaimed “provides warmth”

I feel no warmth as of now. Only Death’s own cold whisper Condensing under the blue night’s eye. In this night, I confess That the face which I scream at As I stare into the void which is the mirror, Is not mine. It is mad; it is morphed as a demon’s own grimace I reach out, but the mirror breaks; Seven more devilish years of bad inhumane luck. I’ll have burnt my future down by then.

BURN
I‟d throw a yellow brick at you, If I only had the strength to try. I‟d sever you with the sharpest rope, But I don‟t have the guts, I‟d cry! I wouldn‟t obey Anyway I‟d throw your love away. Hatred exists in this tight terse soul And I can‟t bring myself to care. Of a harlots feelings I don‟t know how I fare. But could it be? The man returns, to take his reaping away. You don‟t deserve me, that I swear. I swear it on God and the stars. You think you can steal me I think you are on par But don‟t betray, don‟t think I won‟t. I‟m stronger than your unmoralness could ever understand. Suffice to say, is it believable that I object! Order, order Can‟t hold it in, hatred thrives Blossoms in my heart till the day that I die. I keep grudges, you know I do I can hardly breathe as you lie in my face. It‟s like you‟re spraying mace in my face. You‟ll fail, you‟ll fall You‟ll be the hated most of all. Admit it you‟re wrong And you‟re nothing in my eyes. I bet it completely kills your soul

To know you‟ll go to hell with your firing lies. You will fall from grace and leave Oh, why don‟t I ever learn?! I‟m no God and I‟m no preacher But if I had any say of the matter you‟d burn. For every lie you‟ve said Every lie you‟ve spread Every way you‟ve downgraded me, I‟d make sure you‟d burn.

Sleeping Curs

A thought stirs They say let sleeping curs Lie, but I won’t. I can’t The ideas going through this brain Feels further and further like a curse. The future rises, like a new-born sun Existing like something to run from. So much to decide in two years time. Who even knows if I’ll be yours And if you’ll be mine? Isn’t it sadistic? That the system we go through Makes us make friends for two fatal years And then divides us across the land, Long from the streets where I was born. The money we must keep, The friends we must lose The loves we must forfeit The heartbreakingly hard decisions we, you, I must choose. I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to grow, Could have wrote it But I don’t want to leave Childish as it may seem Being on my own Doesn’t seem like the teenage dream to me. Let sleeping dogs lie, So that they may never hurt you. At a young age die, So that the world may not destroy you.

Falling
Falling as though it doesn’t matter. Death’s cruel shatter, meets me in the mud. The trees which surround – to watch to be entertained. They laugh because they’ve won, they’ve won. My people up there, in the camp. The pushers. She told me I had to, He wouldn’t come with me when I had to. Scared, frightened, not wanting to look afraid. I jumped anyway. I didn’t want to act cowardly standing up for what was right while many sat down for what was wrong. I couldn’t stay in the end, though I sat in a crowd; many said I had to stay. The ground begged me to leave. Home to sadness – an ambient atmosphere alive throbbing with heartbreak, sobbing with insolence; leaving with destruction. Bang. As I walk through those streets the shops set on fire as I walk past. They implode; miscomprehending. The world shatters the people are rioting because they don’t understand. I don’t know why. I don’t want to know why, all I want is peace. But is peace peace? And is it pleasing? peace, I mean. I feel as though I cannot please. Why do the mirrors shatter as my feather soft touch? Because my heart bleeds acidic anger. How long until it implodes too? So I leave. Falling as though it doesn’t matter Dying only at the grounds cruel shatter.

SAIGON
The whole world has gone mad my entire existence has fallen to darkness and sunless-ness. The merciless heat comes to my existence without caring to warn me and with the sun, comes death and blood washes away love and lust in a massacre that no God could want. The screams, they’re torturing my eardrums making me bleed from my eyes crying, laughing, living blood. The sweltering fog, the bullets are aimed for me and I know that this day holds my final breath my blistering end, as I burn alive in Asia’s heat. A dream, unable to go into fruition masks, for gas, for hiding behind everywhere – destroying me judging me, sentencing me to death by fire. The sand and dirt and stones with jagged ends like cliffs which I would rather dive off than this, wound my feet. I feel as though I shan’t walk again after today. The soldiers with their star-spangled banners and crosses strangling their necks aim, ready, fire at my head. I have done nothing, but live. But in dead countries, living is a crime. We’re all as dead as Saigon shot, rife, scarred. There is no hope for any of us and yet I admit, I’m scared. We’re all as gone as Saigon destroyed, dying, doomed love encased, love denied love forever entombed.

THE WIND
Maybe it’s in the wind, that blows me away warmer than summer’s final haze. It’s overwhelming

and it drags me to hell it drags me away. It carries away my thoughts blows my hair from my scalp makes me cry but then dries my crestfallen tears. And it’s a little sad, isn’t it? But this twister’s torturing me drowning me floundering me and that’s bad, isn’t it? It breaks my neck and then my back that blissful sad ending but it’s peaceful in the air but that’s sick, isn’t it? Nowadays the wind just blasts me out of the world, carries me away. And that’s good, isn’t it? The candles, the stars go cold and die twinkle till their final day and that’s sad, isn’t it? Maybe everyone would be happier if one turbulent day the wind would throw its gusting gales at me and carry me away.

NIGHT
Isn’t it tragic how I don’t sleep much anymore? How the whispering harsh tones of the realistic creatures of dark dawn tell me what is wrong while I convulse, trying to find in the twilight what is right. But how can I when they scream at me the demons of the future, present and past circumventing my whole lair, my unholy bed. Tearing at my hair, dragging me downstairs and beating me again and again and again and again making me cry, making me further insane; I feel the cruel ropes of depression wrangle my throat until I’m screaming for a release. I just want to sleep once more. Exhausted eyes gaze on ever after still wondering still,

whether it will be happily or tragically. It goes on, but of course it does. The bruises of the night shine on for better, for worse. Here, there and hereafter I burn and bleed through night’s lazy darkness. Just let me cry myself to sleep, as always once more.

TEMPUS
Time floods the earth, drags on. Poisons the soil, kills the crops, and infects the fresh rivers, the fresh lakes. Like a precious disease, the great healer and the great killer in one massive plague. I try to look on but the bright future blinds me and my eyes melt from the faucet which floods much too fast. Blood drowns us all mine, theirs; Thick as time wasted we sludge on, exhausted. You still run on, as best as you can I halt lots really, defeated. I feel like the odds are against me even the wind and the river runs against me. But you run away, I melt like mad insanely; Fading fast. It’s lonely back here and the silence is depressing the dull ache is highlighted through my own scars, my own aching bones. Crumpled into dust, rusted old and decayed and left behind. Home, alone. Locked in the attic Dragged to the topmost tower by my hair but they shaved that a long time ago. It fell off fast. All alone, I whisper into a carving knife phrases; carpe diem and nunquam licentia And Staring into a mirror, seeing a person that used to be me Once, once, once. All too long ago.

I learnt that time is a bastard after all. With that in mind “You will burn – here and hereafter” So for better or for worse I scream once more “LIAR”. Then I reach for the pyre And set myself on fire.

Confessional
his eyes pushed me to my grave his words crushed my once light chest he poisons my only soul he makes me feel like second best. He makes me feel so insecure he doesn't care, he doesn't care. He makes me feel so dumb I hang off his neck, off his neck. He pushes me away and my heart fears the worse lost the concept of whether this is for good or for the worse. And my confessions start with this he doesn't care about where I end all he cares about is Oxford and leaving all his friends. I love him with all this pure heart but I burn when I learn that he doesn't even want me this is one love that's not returned. I am condemned not to be loved not to be held that way, maybe it's for the best. This sighing will go on and on the blood will flow on and on. And he holds my hand, I feel it break there's always that same dull fucking ache and although they always make me lose my breath every kiss sentences me to death.

ERA VI
LIPS
Kiss me in the rain, stereotypical love movie scene, how insane. Or on a bridge across the Seine kiss me there until you blow my brain. Baby, I'm starved of affection I need your lips' sweet direction. Be the disinfection for the poison he left behind. Let's make out on a beach in California, french kissing till we're out of reach from the real world pick me up and give me a swirl cause I know you're a good kisser from your lips I can tell and I'm not going to miss you this time. I missed your lips kiss kiss with your hands on my hips I've dreamt of this only your mouth can make it a reality kiss away his mindless casualty. Tell me he don't know what he's missing promise me I'm the only boy you're kissing. I can see by your eyes that you're crazy for me and that you'd die for me and that you're smitten to me and you'd do anything for me, you're just what I need! Yeah baby, you're sweeter than weed and make me just as high. I know when you're at home my love you won't deny. Take me out for a drink! Skittles vodka on me if you promise the second is free.

I swear I'm not drunk but your sweet lips are just so pink..

PARALLEL
You're the absolute, the constant in the equation of what we're made of. If I could just ascertain where the hell I'm going wrong, it would made me so so strong. And if I could just ascertain how you feel about me I'd be emotionally free. And if I could see in myself what you mean to me. In the depths of my heart, I fell. I'm reaching out for you, my parallel. I was wrong not strong enough and I know that it went sour by every hour we spent you're not my soul mate and I know that now and by this rate I won't be finding him for a long time. If I could just find where he is who he is, I'd feel as bright as chandeliers. If I could just find where he lies I'd feel like I'm not going to die. I swear, on the other side of the world, you fell. I'm still searching out for you, my parallel. In the depths of my soul I fell

for you, wherever you are, my parallel.

WASTING RESOURCES
Would you please come and dance with me? Start a brand new romance with me? We're in the club with the President, and the bar is a heaven tonight. Cause we're just sat here, wasting resources - talking as though tomorrow promised never to come and my heart reflects the drum beat you make my heart fly so buy me another drink the sky's the limit tonight but you're just as high. They say we were born to waste resources, to steal what isn't ours. So may I steal you, for a night tell you you're my saving light? Cause I can swear that I'm blinded by your angel blessed bleached blonde hair. The music's the ocean tonight, swim to me. Nothing matters but you and me I swear you're an angel, but from hell. Another temptation to quell. Dance with me, Mom said I'm wasting resources day by day Dad said he won't love me now I'm here with you today. If I'm wasting resources I'd rather do it with you than with any other boy so kiss me tonight. And now I'm not sober though I'll deny it into your eyes excuse me if I try to kiss you, we'll be alright. Take me home, we can make out cause the strobe light will stay in my eyes.

We take the music home for one last big surprise, you know. I'm wasting the resources of this earth day by day, night by night you're the only boy to be with you I'd fucking fight for my life

I CAN DO THIS
I can do this just watch me I promise I'll never let you down I'll never fall, I'll never frown. I can do this I promise as the tears fill my eyes and flow under pressure, I know I can do this, this time. I can do this I won't give up won't trip up, I'll take your knowledge and use it well I can do this I can do this, right? Watch me fall pick myself up and stall, and take off, wipe my face wipe my eyes. This cross I bear, this Calvary I walk to this crown of thorns that crushes my brain makes me lose concentration but I can still do this. (The Romans may come and stab at me, but I can defeat them, write about them in my own way, I can do that, I can do that) You may now begin, I can do this. Write away, I can do this. Pressure crushing

I can do this. It'll stress me out but I can do this, I can do this now. And all you'll see is my running feet and the wind that leaves behind. New York dreams Floridian body, I can do that I can beat this I can do this, now. So watch me walk away cause I'm walking down a yellow brick road to a dazzling rainbow. Have faith in me, I have faith in you I'm going to make all my dreams come true.

DONE
I'm not going to give up but I'm done finished looking for the sun in the night time. Done, looking for solace in a rock bottom hard hit town. This heart has done nothing for me but given me Waterloo after Waterloo I'm done with that too. These lungs have done nothing but stall I give it all but they've collapsed for you, I'm finished with them too. I cut them out, I fall apart they fall on the ground on the sly it shrinks and everything dies. Done with caring about what others think Done with caring about comments from my Shrink. Done with doing something for someone and getting nothing but contempt you asked for that, so don't attempt to say you're so innocent cause I know deep down you're really not. I'm done with worrying about my destiny

if it's meant to be, then it shall be. Done, done, done I'm burying my thoughts and feelings in the ground running around and losing myself to the deep blue sky I've never been so high. I'm done with this society that makes me want to die, done with the Governments of the World, they make me always sigh and an angsty fucking teenager oh I might seem, but I'm done with every entity on the earth telling me who to be.

SUMMER EYES
Summer eyes, my future spring guy, by winter and fall let's make sure this never dies. Summer eyes, I used to despise love cause it never came into fruition for me, for me. But now from signs above I know that someone's here for me. Bright blue summer eyes, the Apple Tizer bubbles are so clear. Now you're here, I don't have to be on my own forever and ever and summer eyes don't whisper me lies wait for the sun to go down and the chill to take over cause at midnight, it's a respite we're afraid of. Summer eyes you're my guy and I don't have to sunbathe on my own again. Your lips are the sin I must abstain from.

I'm so glad I opened my eyes saw who was my friend and who told lies cause this brand new world I see is the whole universe for me.

THOUGHT
One day I had a fight with my brain. And as a result I instead of fighting with it shot myself in the head.

BRAVE AS ME
The truth of it all is that I pity you. Day and night, I feel for you. No, I don’t miss you anymore feel the need to kiss you anymore. How can I pity the fool to let me go. I feel sorry for your eyes, cold and clinical, love deniers unable to feel the warmth and beauty of this multi-coloured world that I live in. You clogged my world down with thoughts of the end sank me with thoughts of death and insecurity. But all I see is the blue blue sky and a youthful heart inside me that I know will never die. Electric heart, stereophonic heart beat and I’ll never go in the wrong direction and I’ll never get cold feet. Love is ongoing everchanging unknowing. It’s unexpected, and you might have rejected mine but I know someone won’t. And all I can pray

is that you’ll be brave enough to find the beauty in life before your time expires. I’ll find someone as brave as me with the passion of the most smouldering fire. And I’ll find someone to hold my hand and never flinch from a kiss I’ll find somebody who when I leave I know that I’ll be missed. I will find someone as colourful and wonderful and lyrical as me I’ll find my one true parallel and I’ll forever be free.

ARRIVAL
Crystalline skies, so much different from the world I left behind. Rainbow heights, shining through the sky as bright as your eye’s lights. Diamond rain; refreshing closure, wiping away my pain. It takes a massive tidal wave to wipe away the pain of the time of someone who you used to be with. To wipe away the bad times and the good makes you feel better than you always should have been. Cause I swear This brand new world I’ve arrived in shines brighter than ever before And the spectrum blinds my eyes but I can’t bring myself to be sore. This brave new world’s arrived and with it a blessing in disguise but I look up to the skies and the multi-coloured atmosphere tells me that I’m right. But I really don’t know, there’s something about the way you wrap your arms around me. It’s almost like you want more than just a hug

but how can I suggest that you care for me when you appear to be interested elsewhere. Even the stars are being vague. I really don’t know where I stand I can’t stand it I can’t handle, what’s everyone thinking? Imagine the whole world if you and I Were together. Just dream it, just dream it, just dream it. Cause this brave new world’s arrived the arrival is making me shy ongoing fantasies collide under the baking hot sky. I really want you mine. But the sceptics and critics deny. Look at the rainbow shine over the crystal desert line. The mountains beat with our connected hearts. I can show you my whole world if you just say the word. It could really be devine. I really want you to be mine.

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