How to Avoid the 5 Biggest Mistakes Most Parents Make with Their Children Contents Introduction 2 1.

To Hold or Not To Hold 3 Tip: Interact for Better Health!5 2. The “NO DAVID” Mistake 6 Remember to say YES once in a while too! 7 Tip: Kids spell love T I M E 8 3. Role Reversal 9 4. Giving Mixed Signals and Being Inconsistent 11 Different parenting methods between parents.11 “No” today and “Yes” tomorrow. 11 Mixed signals between what’s said and what’s done. 12 A related tip for teaching manners: 12 5. Relating Behavior and Health 13 Conclusion 16


The magical moments of childhood…
Everyone wants the best for their children. I’m sure you do too, and that’s one reason why you’re reading this ebook. Parenting is one of the biggest endeavors in life and one with the most far reaching results. Many children and young people dream of being parents one day and think about how they’ll raise their own children. People read books and take classes. Why? We want to make sure we can offer our children the best. Everyone understands on some level that the way we were parented affects us the rest of our lives. Parenting is a joy. Let’s not forget that. Through the struggles and hardships, there are moments that make it all worth it. There are also many tools and techniques you can use to help you navigate the journey of parenting. “Knowledge is power!” This ebook aims to equip you with knowledge so you can avoid the biggest parenting mistakes. You don’t have to leave parenting up to chance! We live in an information age where we can learn from others all around the world. Of course, this can also be a bit confusing if you find conflicting advice. This ebook gives you the 5 biggest mistakes to avoid. • To Hold or Not To Hold Have you ever heard advice not to hold your baby? It goes something like this: • If you hold your baby that much, you’ll never be able to put it down. (People who give this advice often seem to call babies ‘it.’) You’ll spoil that baby rotten and never be able to do anything.

” With so much pressure on us to be a good parent. There is evidence that holding and touching children is very good for them while being distant with them produces distant adults. communication and improve her health. They tried to resuscitate him for twenty minutes but pronounced him dead. On the other hand. The nurses and doctors told them it was reflex. People can get sick much easier if they have a lack of touch in their lives. 2010. Talk to your baby! Say nursery rhymes. does it seem healthy when you see a baby crying in a playpen. They continued to touch and rub the tiny newborn and felt him gasp and tighten his hold on their fingers. The mom had heard about Kangaroo Love. The devastated parents asked to hold him and say goodbye so the nurses placed the little boy right on the mother’s chest. We hesitate however when we hear all this advice that we might be hurting our children by holding them and loving on them. the parents began to hope anyway and continued holding and loving on him. or even turn the child into a “brat. it’s hard to trust what we think is right.msnbc. where mothers use their hugs and warmth to help newborns get a healthy start on life. she felt movement. sing and count. But as they said goodbye. Still. There is so much research on the affect of hugs that most people know a hug from another person raises your endorphins. After two hours. While the baby girl was doing fine. Touch is so important that there is a Touch Institute in Miami.• • Babies need to learn to sooth themselves. all studies and research clearly tell us that infants develop faster when they’re touched more.TueBBvJpT0n. our natural instinct. This amazing story is a simple illustration of just how powerful a parent’s touch is. highchair or a car seat sitting on the floor? It is not just our natural instinct telling us to hold our infants. the Today Show ran a story about a couple in Australia that delivered premature twins. The truth is. Follow your instincts and hold. All of these help your developing baby and toddler build more pathways in the brain. . The mother said she wanted to know her baby and let him know his parents. when we hear a crying baby. he opened his eyes. What does common sense tell us? Well. the doctor told the couple the little boy didn’t make it. on top of our own desire to be the best mom or dad. this can include repeating games where you repeat his or her coos back to her. hug and touch your children! Tip: Interact for Better Health! Hugging your child and playing with her will help her develop better motor skills. They noted a 47% weight gain in premature babies who were massaged for fifteen minutes. Holding a baby that much just isn’t good for it. stroller. The couple appeared on the Today Show with their healthy five month old twins to tell their story. is to pick him up and soothe him. Have you ever met someone who is dealing with quite a few problems and says their parents didn’t like to hold or hug them? On September 3rd. founded by Tiffany Field. The baby had been pronounced dead and the doctor did not liked to be told he was wrong. You can read the article and watch the video yourself at http://today. For young babies.msn. Advice like this makes parents worry that they can “ruin” their child. three times a day. The advice to not hold your baby has no real scientific evidence in its support. slow the child’s emotional progress.

David!” David often thinks he’s doing something good. He goes about his day. They love to watch and learn. Children are curious and busy learning about their world.” Anyone can accomplish more if they have a positive goal instead of a “NO!” . You feel deflated and want to give up. Children have tender little hearts and need loving guidance. Instead of telling your toddler. “Don’t spill your crackers!” try saying. The same holds true in a relationship. Dance! Babies and children love to watch you dance and join in. “Be careful with your cracker cup. Hold it level. but this is one of the best ways for children to learn. Of course. his day turns out okay. Show new things to your baby and toddler. They’ll be tempted to push those limits and reach for the no-no’s if they don’t have something else positive to focus on. We have to correct them. and constantly hears. like this.Be animated! Don’t you love to watch a baby’s or toddler’s face as they watch a play or something funny? Use silly voices and sound effects. Luckily for David. this teaches coordination and develops muscles. Start the habit early. but they’re thinking something like. This develops vocabulary and comprehension. Read! Even read to your baby. Often. • The “NO DAVID” Mistake There is a very popular children’s picture book called No David. no one wants to hear. patty cake. no!” all day long. “Imagine how proud mommy will be of this beautiful drawing!” It might not occur to them that they shouldn’t put world class artwork on the kitchen wall. “No. But it might not be so good in real life if kids run into limits and rules constantly without redirection. Children can learn simply games at a surprisingly early age. follow the object and games where you act things out. But imagine a day at work where you hear from you boss. they aren’t disobeying the first time they get into something. especially at younger ages. Now think about your work performance. How would it affect your marriage or relationship if your partner criticizes everything and never sees any good? This tactic is a bit harder to apply to children. If you haven’t read this fun classic. It’s so much fun that it might not seem like learning. Play peek-a-boo. Remember. it’s about a little boy named David who can’t seem to stop himself from getting into trouble. Many kids do things they shouldn’t. “No. “No! No! No!” Everything you do is wrong. but we also need to show them love and support. children need to learn what is acceptable and what is not. So how do you do both? • Rephrase words into positive. The people around you can’t see one positive thing about you or your work. It’s natural for them to push boundaries and experiment. doing normal little boy things. no.

Sometimes you need to yell “No!” if your toddler is running toward the street. reaching for something that will hurt them or about to slap another kid. For example.” As adults. drugs and other needed talks. playing ball. If you find yourself needing to say no all the time to requests for attention or to do something together. You can even get a “gator” to attach a young child’s bike to the back of yours. and you can give your child an extra edge by teaching them skills early on. Maybe you can say yes to a movie. not on the wall. and a few minutes later they’re itching to go play. You can get a child seat or buggy for your bike. they’re ready to run off and play. Even toddlers can begin to learn useful motor skills. It can be frustrating when we’re working on a project or trying to relax and our kids come to us throughout the day. Spending quality time with your child or children enriches their life and yours. dating. and brainstorm ways to include your child or children. “No. pause and consider why you need to say no. Sometimes you must explain that you need ten minutes or an hour before you can give them your full attention. it might be time to go outside. If your little one is trying this and that and hearing no.• Redirect. Think of all the things you love to do.” • “We will soon. Tip: Kids spell love T I M E There’s many ways to say yes to your child. Let’s take you over to the table to draw on paper. alcohol. It also makes a “deposit” that you can redeem later on when you need to talk to them. Listening is yet another way to say yes. • Role Reversal .” • Remember to say YES once in a while too! Do you remember you parents ever telling you things like: • “Not now. homework. Sometimes you’ll decide to pause what you’re doing and give your kid some attention.” It can take many redirects and reminders but kids will learn. many families ride bicycles together. we have things we need to get done on a constant basis. it’s good to remember that kids have small “attention tanks. Other times.” • “Maybe later. or get them riding so you can eventually go on family bike rides. try a new activity or something else that will redirect the energy and change the “atmosphere. but you have time to say. Other times they’re headed to do something they shouldn’t. They need to instantly stop. Remember. asking for our attention. It’s a wonderful bonding experience.” If you give them a few minutes and fill their tank. or a trip to the playground. When you find the day has turned into a string of NOs. restructure. Restructure. you can spend time with your child by sharing one of your hobbies or passions. If you’ve listened to them over the years. they’ll listen to you when it’s time to talk about grades. walk.

You need take the lead. checking in. kids have all kinds of choices without making the ones parents should make. The truth is. Imagine that you start a new job and walk in the first day to discover there is no structure. Kids decide which toy to play with during free time. I’ve seen this all over the place from many different parents and it strikes me as a bit odd that parents will ask their child for directions and let him set the agenda. One parenting book calls this “wagging the dog. Children need boundaries. I heard her ask. coming home at a certain time. which kids to talk to on the playground and what to draw during art time. This may sound nice at first. Have you noticed this? “Do you want broccoli soup for dinner tonight?” “Should we go to the store now?” “What show you do want to watch?” I think this habit develops because parents are trying to give their children choices. decide your job duties and set your own goals. but it’s stayed around for good reason. everyone wants choices and we want to teach our children how to make wise ones.” But at the same time. If they’ve made the parent decisions all along. he motioned for me to drive forward. If you’ve let the first child make all the “small” decisions and your second child is now old enough to help. or take a bath. Now picture these kids as teenagers. but they need to know you’re there to keep them within the safe zone. However. People fall into the trap of letting the child be the parent. “STOP. They’ll push boundaries. I walked by a mom with a toddler in the cart and another by her feet.The other day in the grocery store. A construction worker held a big red sign saying. If your child gets used to choosing what’s for dinner and when you do things.” In essence. This is even more true for children. This was on my mind when I passed another parent asking their child which item they wanted from the shelf. or to preschool. a two year old shouldn’t be making the choices for the family. This is very old parenting advice. you’re letting the tail wag the dog instead of the other way around. child appropriate choices. It’s much healthier to let kids have a few. “Should we go get milk now?” They started off and I heard her ask another question. There’s a few problems with letting kids decide parent decisions: • Yes. You must schedule your own day and work. dating and being safe while driving. but what if you then get in trouble for not fulfilling your responsibilities? You need to know what is expected of you. They might decide they don’t want to go to Grandma’s house that day. A mixed signal like that can cause an accident . Imagine this scenario with two or more children. it won’t make any sense to them that you need to make some decisions. they won’t respect your limits when it comes to going to a friend’s house. you’ve got problems. • • • • • Giving Mixed Signals and Being Inconsistent About a month ago I was driving through a construction zone.

There are many ways parents can be inconsistent with kids: Different parenting methods between parents. the decision goes. voicing a negative self image. You tell your kids one thing but do the opposite. or other “tics” and bad habits. you will most likely catch yourself doing this at some point. but not okay for kids. they might learn that they can come back later and ask the same thing when mom or dad is tired. putting others down.” Toddlers will try and try something even after you have told them no and redirected them. A related tip for teaching manners: Have you heard parents ask a child: • “What do you say?” • “What’s the magic word? • “Say Please!” Teaching good manners is very important. being negative in general. Older kids will ask repeatedly or even beg. It’s very unlikely that both parents were raised with the same parenting model.and have some serious results. keep them in the loop and help them understand your parenting style. but I’ve never liked this method. procrastinating. There are many reasons. interrupting. We slip because we don’t see the pattern or don’t realize what’s going on. But consider this. One of the best tools against this is simply being able to see it. You might say no to something one day. Now there are many things adults do that are perfectly okay for adults. and create a list of positive qualities you want to model for your child. Talk about parenting before you have kids. After that. It can be hard to get on the same page for parenting. The discrepancy often occurs because a set of parents or family (grandparents and other family members) all agree to enforce a rule but they actually feel the rule isn’t valid.” If you parent very long. What about mixed signals in parenting? This is a big and complex issue. it works. but sometimes we just let our kids talk us into something. If someone is heavily involved in raising your child with you. The solution is in discussion. Just take a step back and look at how you conduct yourself. “DON’T YELL!” These are the easier ones to catch too. Remember the “No. They will pick it up naturally. and you’ve probably heard all kinds of information and opinions on it. Mixed signals between what’s said and what’s done. Not all families are the same. Create rules and commit to enforcing them. and sometimes parent figures aren’t a mom or dad. then forget that you did because it’s been a long day. taking over a conversation. Yes. If you don’t agree with a rule. All kids seem to have a skill at “pushing. Make it clear that when you make a decision. . using bad manners. How shall we explain this one? “Walk the walk. Some of these things include gossiping. Being conscious about this is a huge step in changing. This can happen between partners or between a parent and grandparent or other helper. and a lot of discussion. Model ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to your kids by saying them to your kids and to other people. There are many obvious examples such as. The point here is about behaviors that we might do while wanting our children to act differently. it’s best to be honest and talk it out. They may say the rule is good but then they don’t enforce it. “No” today and “Yes” tomorrow. We might know on some level that we’re doing something we don’t want our kids to do. Kids do what you do. This can be especially tough for single parents when there isn’t another person to back them up. and continue to talk about how things are going. David” mistake? Apply this to yourself here. Personality plays a big part in this too.

• Relating Behavior and Health This tip could go in the front of this ebook. Don’t leave your child in the bath alone. It just breaks your heart when you see a small child who is hungry. Here’s some common signs that something is up: Chewing on fingers and other objects. consult your doctor for allergies. It can be hard to fall asleep after watching TV or playing videos games.) Pulling at ears = possible ear infection. But I wanted to cover all the mistakes first before going into this basic step. Try a bedtime routine. Exercise. These things are often caught when a child doesn’t thrive like he should. lack of eye contact and interaction. you can’t teach your children very much if they’re feeling bad. There is also over the counter medicine that will numb the gums. Drink enough water.” Not only is it dangerous. Watch the juice! Did you know juice is mostly sugar? We think it’s healthy because it’s from fruit or berries. . but consult your doctor is you notice anything that concerns you. It’s just a fact of life: How well do you perform when you’re feeling bad? The first trick here is to recognize your child’s signals. Children change as they grow too. (Cavities and tummy aches. tired. Sometimes the problem is more than complicated. Don’t skip helmets for tricycles and bicycles. diarrhea = teething. Reading before bed can calm the mind as well. It’s important to take your child to regular checkups to monitor her weight and growth. Babies might have different ways of showing how they feel. Get enough sleep and make sure your child or children do too. After all. You can buy organic foods and check labels to provide healthier foods to your child. or you notice your child isn’t learning skills at the same rate as other children. This includes slow weight gain. salt.) Don’t leave your child alone in the car “just for a minute. This is tough if you buy snacks from the store. This is important for you and your child and will help both of you feel more healthy and energetic. (If this doesn’t go away. Children can have allergies or other illnesses. running nose. food dye and preservatives. You can water juice down or give it less frequently than water and milk. lactose. but take a look at the nutrition label. Many of the items on the snack isle have high levels of sugar.) Don’t buy second-hand toys or baby furniture. so you’ll be learning to read your child (children) for quite a while. • • • • Bonus Tips! Health related mistakes to Avoid: Don’t put your child to bed with milk or juice. (Could be damaged or recalled. along with crying. Every child develops at their own speed. Try freezing a teething ring. especially if fever is present. which can list sugar under glucose. General Health tips: • Keep sugar a small part of your child’s diet. fructose. or dextrose. and the mom or dad doesn’t seem to notice. Pink around the eyes = tiredness. there have been recent news stories of parents who were arrested and charged with child neglect over this. sugar. cranky or even all three.

in comparison. You’re off to a great start if you: • Hug on your child • Interact • Listen • Be the adult • Keep health and safety in mind. is showing your child unconditional love (that they don’t have to earn) and support in being the person they are. Reading this ebook is a great step! Now you’re equipped with knowledge on how to avoid some of the biggest mistakes parents can make.Conclusion Much of good parenting is using common sense and using the resources at your disposal. The biggest gift. . The biggest mistake a parent can make is not showing their child just how much they love them.

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful