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GAYMORMONREPUBLICAN BLOG STATS 1,915 Inspired A DAY IN THE LIFE Gay_Mormon_Life Photo ops Where to next? The MAN who has changed my life for the better!! The source of my being. My MOTHER! My Personal Favorite s THEGAYMORMONREPUBLICAN HISTORY June 2012 May 2012 TODAY S JOURNEY DON'T HAVE WORDPRESS? TRY EMAIL! Follow via email to never miss another MUST READ POST! Join 287 other followers JUNE 2012 M T W T F S S 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 « May Keep Me in the LOOP! Gay_Mormon_Life Photo ops Posted on June 15, 2012 Pictures can sometimes describe a person better than words can. In fact, this is true most, if not 99%, of the time. Here are a few of my favorite pics. I look quite handsome if I say so myself!!! Most of the pictures are of me, or me and Braeden. I hope this helps put some pictures to the words I have written! Enjoy! Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged gay, mormon, love, family, relationships, beaut y, homosexual, art, blog, culture, faith, inspiration, life, photgraphy, travel, photos, writing | L eave a reply Where to next? Posted on June 5, 2012 Beginning this blog has been quite a journey for me already! I have connected with old friends, and I have come out to many people whom I have known for quite a while. I am thankful and grateful for all those of you who have been so kind and supportive. Especially t o those who love me unconditionally even if they disagree with the personal choices I ha ve made. 1
As I think back to the time before I met Braeden and was still struggling emotio nally with loving and accepting myself, I think about those people out there who are now in the shoes that I once filled. I have always been the kind of person that people have said, Wow you are so kind and thoughtful. Or, You are such a nice guy. And you know what, I AM. I love people and I love being close to others. I have been through so much myself (I know that there are people out there who have been through so many mor e trials than me, and my heart goes out to you) and so I know a little of what it is like to really struggle. I have a level of compassion for others that I would not have if I had not been through what I have. So I have no problem talking about my good quality of compassion. I wonder how many people in this world are just like I was; alone, struggling, and afraid? I wonder how many people don t know if they can live for one more day, let alone t he next hour? I wonder how can I, just ONE person, make a difference in the life of anyone who is going through what I believe is one of the hardest things anyone could go through? I WONDER HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU KNOW PERSONALLY, YET HAVE NO IDEA THAT THEY ARE STRUGGLING WITH EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE DESCRIBED IN THE PAST 5 POSTS!!! To some extent or another. Everyone has different views and many studies have been done, but the results th at have been published are astonishing! From a compilation of many studies, I have found that anywhere between 3% and 10% of the world s population is gay. So taking a conservative number, there are 6 billion people in the world and anywhere betwee n 180 million and 600 million of them are gay. Lets narrow it down a little. There are over 13 million members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Sa ints around the world. Anywhere between 390 thousand and 1.3 million are gay. Personally, and I have quite a few friends who are gay and Mormon or used to be Mormon, I believe that the percentage of all Mormon s who are gay is closer to 10% than it is to 3%. Now, whether you agree with me or not on the numbers, you must certainly agree that there are people you know, in your family, at your school, and/or even your Ward that are gay. Believe it or not, some of whom are even married wi th families. My purpose for talking about this is not to justify, by any means, actions that go contrary to your faith or belief. My purpose is to make you think. Can you hide or ignore anymore from the fact that people you know are gay? Can you pretend that the str uggle doesn t exist and isn t real for those who are near and dear to you? I cannot count how
many people who were absolutely shocked that I was gay. I don t act feminine, I do n t talk feminine, and I don t think I look feminine. People that I have know for 23 y ears would have never guessed it. BELIEVE ME, there are people you know who are just like me! I am NOT here to convince anyone who is reading this to accept my choice and decision. I am not here to make myself seem cool or to get attention. I am not h ere to claim that it is okay to be gay. (Even tho it is okay). I am here for EVERY youn g boy or girl out there who does not know where to turn for support! I am here for those who are lost because people around them are so blind to see their struggle. I am here to help all Mormon s and non-Mormon s alike reach into their hearts and try to be more understanding. Are you part of a church, or are you the type of person, that rea ches out to everyone, black or white, rich or poor, gay or straight?
If you re not part of that type of church then you only need to ask yourself one q uestion. The question is not, why do I belong to this church? The question should be, How can I make this the kind of church that truly follows the example of Christ and reache s out to everyone? Have you heard of the phrase, hate the sin but love the sinner? It s a common phrase but many people view it like this, hate the sin and discard the si nner! When this happens who actually is more of a sinner? Now I will get to the point! I never ever ever EVER want to hear of someone having to deal with what I had to deal with growing up. EVERYONE, who is a member of some faith or organization and every individual, must reach out with supporting hands to all people, ESPECIALLY those who are gay. I ve heard so many things over the past week, but what sticks out to me the most was told to me by someone who was obviously Mormon as well, Why do you even consider yourself Mormon then? You need to find another church! I only have one more thing to say about this comment, what was done to HELP me while I was struggling with this growing up? I don t mean to belittle the bishop who did know about this because he was so kind and really wanted to help. I also don t mean to belittle my parents because I hid thin gs so well and they couldn t possibly have know what I was going through. What I do mean to do is point out the fact that being gay is a foreign concept to so many people. People can look at a man who can t walk and know what he must being going through, or a blind lady and feel so sorry for her because they know the challenges that come with not being able to see. For some reason tho, people are afraid to even think abou t putting themselves in the shoes of someone who is gay. So afraid that they don t t hink about it, they just say its a sin to be gay, don t be gay, don t have sex until you are married, just don t. Eye Opener As I mentioned in another post, some people could very well be born gay. Why is it important to have you mind open to the nature aspect and not just the nurture aspect? Because when you believe that it is all nurture then you think (if you even think about the possibility that your child could be gay) maybe, just maybe, if you don t talk about gays then your child or friends child won t become gay. You think, Oh, well, I have kept my child safe and I know the parents of his friends, so nothing will happen. What happens is your child has feelings that he doesn t know what to think of because h e is so young, and no one else talks about it so what does he do? He hides it and tri es to make sense of it the best way that he can. I hope that helped open your mind a little before you go around judging people a nd telling them what they should and shouldn t do, especially when it comes to attend ing
or being a part of a church. I really do love the choices I have made and I know I will be happy being married to Braeden for a long time! Why still claim myself Mormon? I know why people who are not Mormon would ask this question. The answer to them is simple, It is who I am just as much as being gay is who I am. Although, when a Mormon asks me this question their intent is a little different. They mean to sa y, You aren t acting like a Mormon and you could be excommunicated from the church, so yo u should just leave yourself. ( It s important to note that VERY few Mormon s would actually say this because most of us are more loving than that). My answer to th em is a
little different. Think back to when you were learning a sport. Imagine you were the type of perso n, or maybe you were and are this type of person, who was very uncoordinated, shy, and had trouble learning sports. And imagine all those around you who were learning the same sport were the exact opposite. They were the same sex and age but they all caught on so well, and had great hand-eye coordination, and loved to show off. Whenever you got the ball, you failed miserably. They never saw your slip ups, y et you knew they were there and you hated yourself for sucking so bad, and in turn, you admired those guys so much. Now remember, you were shy so you didn t want to ask the coach for help (he hasn t noticed your slip ups either) because you did not wa nna draw attention to yourself. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? Now lets consider a different view. Imagine yourself being young, uncoordinated, shy and gay. You re so young that you don t know much about life and how to venture through it. As everyone is being taught about life and what is and is not approp riate you feel different because you are gay. You don t wanna tell anyone how you are feelin g because you don t wanna draw attention to yourself. You watch others doing and learning things the right way and you admire them because they are normal and not different. Put s things in a new light doesn t it? How would you feel in that situation, especi ally if you are a Mormon? I m not saying people who aren t gay don t have challenges, but many of the typical challenges don t begin at such a young age. It is so important to understand that being gay isn t just something that is learned or develops from ho rrible incidents when we are younger. Many people are gay for many different reason s, including being born gay. I hope the above example helped you see that many peop le who are gay have gone through life, in one way or another, alone. We as decent human beings need to be the beacon of light to those who are struggling. We need to be the type of people that are easily approachable. We ne ed to be less judgmental and more understanding of where people are coming from. We need to put aside differences and beliefs, and love everyone black or white, poo r or rich, gay or straight. We don t have to agree or encourage that which we don t belie ve in, but we do have to allow others to make their own choices and decisions. And we, most importantly, should never let someone feel completely helpless and alone! How can I change anything? Simply put, just watch what you say and keep an open eye, mind, and heart. You really are no different than us gays. Your sins may just be less visible than other peoples . When we are all judged by Jesus Christ, we will have to answer not only for our sins, but for everything that we do. Instead of pointing fingers, lets just be there for others and pray that Christ will be there for us along the way. I know for a fact, that He is there for me every step of the way! Sincerely, JWB III
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged coming out, friends, gay, happiness, journey, j oy, lesbian, love, mormon, republican | 1 Reply The MAN who has changed my life for the better!! Posted on May 31, 2012 2
Thank you for everyone who has read my blog, and visited my site. I hope everyon e has found something so far that they can relate to. In order to begin to know th e real me I discussed my love and relationship with my mother. Now, I will relate to you a ll that you need to know about how I met my fiance Braeden and why I am so GRATEFUL for him in my life. No matter who you are, what religion or culture you were raised in, or if you agree with me or not on certain issues, I truly hope that you will be able t o see why I absolutely and positively need Braeden by my side. And even more specifically, WHY I chose this path to follow over so many other options. Something has changed within me Something is not the same I m through with playing by the rules Of someone else s game Too late for second-guessing Too late to go back to sleep It s time to trust my instincts Close my eyes: and leap! -Wicked the Musical Defying Gravity Close my eyes: and leap! To me, there is no other quote that describes faith more beautifully. To trust your own instincts and what you know to be true and to act on them, is KEY to bliss and happiness. It takes this leap of faith to begin the jo urney that I have began. It hasn t been easy to get to the point where I have the courage to fo llow and trust my heart. I have gotten to where I am because of so many life experien ces. Many of these will have to wait to come to light in a future post. This post is about the most life changing event that I have ever had, the time I met Braeden. It is important to look back into my past in order to fully describe why meeting Braeden was so life changing. As a Mormon, we are taught that we should wait until marri age to act out sexually (we refer to this as Chastity), and that homosexuality is inapp ropriate always (we refer to this as a type of sin). Now don t get me wrong, we don t have th is crammed down our throat every Sunday at the pulpit. We are taught however, at a young age, that these are important rules (commandments) to follow. This is wher e it got tricky for someone like me. I don t wanna get too much into specifics, but my earliest sexual experience was w hen I was around 5 or 6 years old. I know what you re thinking, and NO, this experienc e was not one of rape, incest, or molestation. How do I know? Because I have thought a bout that time of my life, almost everyday of my life! What I also remember, is that these were MY thoughts, MY actions, and MY desires. I was not forced to do anything, a nd quite frankly, even at a young age, I remember liking what was going on. I belie ve that homosexuality, and mine specifically, is a result of the combination of both nat
ure and nurture.
For those who are Mormon, or a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-da y Saints (LDS. Note: both Mormon and LDS are commonly used terms to describe a person who is a member of this church and I will use them both interchangeably), and also for those who are not, here is a quote by an LDS church leader that explain s the church s position on the nature vs. nurture debate. In an interview with the Church Public Affairs staff, Elder Oaks stated, The Church does not have a position on the causes of any of these susceptibilities or inclinations, including those related to samegender attraction. Those are scientific questions whether nature or nurture those are things the Church doesn t have a position on. (http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/public-issues/samegenderattraction, 2006) It is not my intent to swamp my readers with information about the Mormons. But since i am a Mormon and the church has played an important and significant role in my life and it is a world renowned religion, I will occasionally mention church doctrine in my posts. Some of which I will agree with, and others of which I will hold a differ ent opinion on. Remember tho, these are my opinions and I respect differing views on many subjects. So that was the very early years of my life. Relatively speaking, I have not cha nged a whole lot since 5 years old, despite over 18 years of trying! I can honestly say that I believe that I was gay since birth. Although, that may not be true in all cases, it certainly was in mine. And this is where I ran into the most trouble being a Mor mon, not disciplinary trouble necessarily but the inner turmoil type of trouble, a consta nt inner struggle. I had these feelings and affections, yet I was taught that they were w rong. I was so afraid to tell anyone, so I didn t tell anyone. Well, there was this one time that I told someone, but being gay was such a foreign concept that it was brushed off a s just a phase and not really dealt with. I don t mean to sound as if I wish someone had intervened and that my life was on a different path than it is now; I don t wish t hat. I simply hope that Mormon s and everyone else can understand what someone like I was going through. So besides always feeling like a hypocrite, I had other problems as well. I had affection for girls, but a different type of affection that I felt towards guys. Mormons f ocus so much on marriage so of course that was on my To Do List . I just knew that deep down inside I would always have gay feelings and at the time hoped I could marry a lady ( AND I mean just ONE lady, which is all a Mormon guy can and even wants to marry, contrary to popular myth and belief) and I would miraculously stop being gay. Obviously, this did not happen and I can HONESTLY AND TRUTHFULLY say that I KNOW I would not have been happy even if I did marry a woman.
Another problem that I face came at the age of 14. At this time I was diagnosed with a condition called Bi-polar disorder. This disease was not a result of the inner t urmoil that resulted from being gay and a Mormon. It has run in my family for at least a few generations, most likely on both of my parents sides. In a future post I will ta lk in depth about being bi-polar and how it has affected my life. As for now, I simply state it
because it virtually has made it impossible for me to force myself to marry a wo man, knowing that I could never completely love her. As a result, I could never compl etely learn to love myself. I also don t think choosing to be celibate and alone would h ave taught me love for myself, or taught me anything at all even! I had in numerous times hated myself. I got depressed because I constantly quest ioned why I had to be different? Why I couldn t just shake these feelings and be normal . I t was easier sometimes than others. I was very involved in high school which kept my thoughts in balance. I ran Cross Country and Track, I did musicals, was in choir , I was in plays, I was very active in church, and a lot of other things as well. But th e longer I tried to distract myself, the longer I tried to date girls and hide my feelings, the longer I tried to tell myself I wasn t gay, the longer I forced myself not to have the thou ghts that were in MY nature, the HARDER the fall I had when I could bare the mask no more. I had many falls throughout my life. When I say a fall I mean as close to a fall as you can get besides tripping and falling off the Eiffel Tower! I would break down an d fall into deep hatred of myself. Even tho I did nothing wrong, I couldn t help but to hate w ho I was, to hate what I thought, to hate every small imperfection that I had. I deci ded to go on a mission (Mormons are expected, especially Males at 19 years old, to go and teach others about our church). I loved it and it made me such a better person, a bett er leader, and even a better fiance! I went because I loved the church and it truly does bless so many lives, spiritually and physically. Although, if I m honest with myse lf, i also went hoping that when I got home I would no longer be gay and be able to follow the outline that was laid out for me. I know this post is supposed to be all about my better half Braeden. I m getting t here! After my mission I did okay for a while but I ultimately fell a few more times. As I look back on my 23 years of living on this earth, I can honestly say that the first 1 7 months after my mission had been the hardest of my life! That says a lot considering al l I went through from 5 years old until now. I really hit rock bottom when I expected to be fixed but found myself still struggling with the same feelings, and getting more and m ore depressed each time I fell . During the hardest times of my life, I got to the poin t where it felt like suicide was the only option. I never acted on the thought of course. Maybe this is because I was too chicken, but I don t believe that. What I KNOW to be
the reason that I am still on this earth is because there was a light at the end of the tunnel. A beacon of HOPE AND LOVE that was ready to show itself to me, as soon a s I lifted my self up this one last time. This beautiful and tremendous beacon was none other than the light that I receiv ed into my life when I met Braeden. We have told a few different versions of how we firs t met. It is time for me to tell the true one. The story that very few have heard, espe cially not those close to us. Why did we lie? We wanted to ease and prepare our families, especially our parents, into what would be a very difficult and rough road ahead of them. HOW DID JON AND BRAEDEN REALLY MEET?
The last time I had a breakdown (I ve only had about three total in my life) was a bout a year ago. I didn t want to live, I didn t want to be alone, and I didn t want to conti nue to think that I was the only gay, mormon, republican out there. Luckily, I rebounde d and decided to take a new approach. I turned to Craigslist. I know, I know, where s my classiness right? I didn t know the reputation the man 4 man section on Craigslist had until after my first post. Suffice it to say, I ignored a lot of emails. But the re is one I am glad I responded to!! I don t wanna anyone to get the wrong impression so this is basically what my post said (the title of the post was LDS LOOKING FOR LDS), I am 22 years old, I have blonde hair, blue eyes, and I am 6 1. I am not looking for a hook up or anything sexual, I just want to meet someone who is a Gay Mormon, and understands what I am going through. I actually got Braeden s email about a week or two before we actually met up. I ha d responded to his response, a long with a couple other emails I had received, but I never got a second response back from him. Usually I would just ignore that particular person, but for some reason I decided to email Braeden again. Hey! I don t know if you got my last email or not but I just wanted to know a little about yourself. A lmost immediately I got a response. Braeden had for some reason not gotten my first email response. Maybe I wasn t ready two weeks prior, or maybe it just wasn t the right time. All I know is that everything since the first night we met has come together perfectly. I knew from the start that it would work because our very first time we met we just sat and talk ed for literally, hours! We connected so well, so smoothly, and I started to feel somet hing that I had never felt before to that extent. I felt HAPPY, I felt comfortable, I felt that I could tell this complete stranger anything and everything! And you know what?? He list ened, and he cared! I looked into his BEAUTIFUL blue eyes and I found comfort! That is what I love most about Braeden. He is so sweet, and so kind. He rarely t hinks of himself before others. He has always tried his hardest to put me first, and I tr y to do the same. All I have to do is think back to our first night together, and how he made me feel, all I have to do is remember the way he sincerely looked into my eyes like he was searching my soul, all I have to do now is look into his eyes and they tell me h ow much he cares. It sounds cheesy but its true! That first night was miraculous and I w ill NEVER forget it. I can count on one hand how many days I have gone not seeing Braeden since the l ast 9 months that I have known him. (Except now that he is with his family on vacati
on it will take two hands). I am happier than I have ever been. I don t fall , like, ever! I feel alive. I feel awake! I feel like a burden has been lifted and am so ECSTATIC to KNOW that I will never wish death again! Do you wanna know why? Because before I met Braeden, I don t think I was ever actually living. I was partially awake, but I wa s hiding. For the first time in my life, I don t have to hide anymore!
I absolutely am thankful to GOD for Braeden in my life. I know this decision is right for me because I dread the thought of ever going back to where I was a year ago. I H ATE the idea of being torn up inside and hating myself every damn day of my life (th at is probably the only time you will ever hear me swear in my posts). I LOVE the idea of waking up next to not just the man of my dreams, but the person of my dreams! Braeden, you are so special. I hope more people get to know you because you trul y are one of a kind on this earth. I know that there is no one else I would rather spe nd my life with. My life is forever changed because of you! You make me a better man and a better human being. At one point in my life I thought I could possibly be alone for the rest of my life and that it would be okay. It would NOT be okay. I love you so m uch! I am excited for the rest of our lives together, more than anything in the world! To everyone else who has looked at being gay as black and white, I hope you cons ider to think again. Nothing in life is clear cut. There is right and wrong, but most of what is seen as such is just a lack of understanding for an individual, for a group of p eople, or for a concept. I love what makes me happy. I love what makes me view my life as something worth living. I love being Mormon. I love being conservative in some a reas and liberal in others. I LOVE BEING GAY! I ve heard it said That people come into our lives for a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led To those who help us most to grow If we let them And we help them in return Well, I don t know if I believe that s true But I know I m who I am today Because I knew you Wicked the Musical For Good With Love, JWBIII Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged coming out, family, freedom, friends, gay, happ iness, homosexual, hope, journey, joy, love, mormon, peace, republican | 2 Replies It is always a challenge for me to talk openly and publicly about my mother. It is difficult because no words can describe how wonderful she really is. Yet, I still attempt to put into words the love I feel towards her because she just means so much to me. I c an t gain an honest understanding of who I am unless I ponder where I came from. My mother and father have helped shape me into who I am today. Even tho they may no t agree with all of my choices and decisions, they always agree on this one thing, Love. The source of my being. My MOTHER! IMAGE 25
When it comes down to it, literally all of the qualities that I possess that I c onsider great, I learned from my mom. Integrity, loyalty, kindness, respect, love, non-judgment al, caring, service, just to name a few. All I simply had to do was follow my mother s example to gain these wonderful characteristics. (I say mother but I could easil y say the same about my father. Mothers just have a special place in most people s heart s.) By no means am I perfect, I mean who is? other than mothers of course! I just know that the majority of people in this world are good, including me, and one o f the greatest sources of this goodness comes from Mothers. As I step back for a moment and think about who I am today, and who I want to be tomorrow, I am pondering specific events in my life that I know my mother has he lped me overcome. So many times have I been drowning in tears of sorrow, trials, and sadness and my mom has been there to pick me up. I have become better for those times, all thanks to my mother. The first memory that comes to my mind was when I was really young, probably around 6 or 7. I remember being sad because it was summer and none of my friends from the neighborhood were home and I was really bored and lonely. I went into m y parents bedroom while my mom was reading a book and told her how I was feeling. She put her book down and helped me come up with ideas to entertain myself. I do n t remember what I ended up doing, but I do remember how I felt at that moment. Suc h a simple gesture on her part really, but it taught me that I could always go to my mom for advice, big or small. She would be there for me, and wouldn t criticize me, but wo uld sweetly and kindly guide me. Jumping ahead a few years to when I was 13. (Yes, the dreadful teenage years! Wh ich many of us still can t seem to shake.) I remember thinking that most of my older siblings had acne and I don t have any acne, so maybe I will be lucky and not get any. Boy was I wrong! It seemed to hit me like a pizza in the face (almost literally) when I turned 14. Blemishes, one after another. I felt like I was turning into a freak. I felt ugly and self-conscious. One day specifically, I got really self-conscious and couldn t hold back the tears . I didn t want to go out in public and I absolutely DREADED the idea of going to high school the next day. But to the rescue came yes, you guessed it .my fantastic mother! She of course did not have a miracle cure to take away my acne, but she did perform a miracle that night. She comforted me with words and support. She told me the good qualities that I possessed and helped me take my mind off of the proble m at hand. I still had to go to school the next day, but I don t remember being scared or
nervous. I knew that my mother would not lead me astray and I had every reason t o
trust her. (Note: for the 9 or 10 years she has bought me Proactiv every three m onths to help me control the issue) It has been a while since I have had very severe acne, and it seems so silly to have gotten as sad and stressed as I did, but that didn t stop my mom from taking my feelings seriously and helping me to feel better about myself. These may seem li ke tiny issues, and they probably were, but they helped me learn trust and taught me lov e. The unconditional kind of love because that is the kind of love my mom showed me over the years. I have so many more examples I could share but that would probably just be bragg ing. My mom is pretty superb, amazing, fantastic, and awesome. To conclude this mini memoir of my mother (and I know I will continue to express my love for my mom an d to blog about her), I will jump ahead to just a year ago. My mom has had a pretty difficult life. Her biological mom abandoned her and her siblings when she was very young. She was raised by her aunt and in total, there were 12 kids to take care of. I don t wanna get into specifics because that is my moms journey and story to tell, but needless to say, she had a lot of trials to overc ome. But what I brought to the table a year ago, I am sure topped the cake. When i came out to my parents, I had already been dating my fiance Braeden for a bout a month. ( He was my boyfriend at the time. Note: I will go into further detail about my coming out story and coming to grips with my homosexuality in a later blog). I w as very scared and nervous to tell them. I knew it would crush them and that it would ma ke them very sad and most likely cry, my mom especially. Yet, I knew my parents wou ld always love me. I knew they would not disown me or throw me to the curb. I knew that it was better to tell them than to lie and sneak and hide it from them. They hav e always been a part of my life and had taken interest in it. I wanted them to know the R EAL me. I mention this in this post because all that i thought I knew about my mom was confirmed when i came out to her. She loved me still. I actually respect her so much for trying to change my mind because I knew she was doing it out of love. She told m e a few days ago that she had been crying every day for 8 months since I first told her. I guess that is what makes mothers so special, whatever happens to their children, they feel the full weight of it on themselves. I know what it is like to cry every ni ght for 23 years. Not always with tears, but in my heart. I cried for acceptance, for under standing of who I am, for what I wanted to be. I cried just to be understood by others. Sometimes I still cry, but it is becoming tears of Joy. Joy from the fact that I am open
about who I am. Joy from the fact that I have a mother who loves me unconditiona lly, even tho she doesn t agree with my recent choices. Joy because others can finally see the real me, and hopefully learn from me and my experiences. I guess that is the number one thing that I have learned about being from my mom. To live in the pursuit of JOY and to just be HAPPY while I am in that pursuit. Y ou may never read this mom, but to those who do read it, please cherish your mothers. S HE SURELY DOES CHERISH YOU! I LOVE AND CHERISH YOU MOM, Love, JWB III May 27, 2012
Posted in Uncategorized Tagged coming out, friends, gay, happiness, journey, joy, love, mom, mormon, mothers, republican 25 Replies My Personal Favorite s Posted on May 26, 2012 Everyone who has embarked or will embark on the journey of personal discovery mu st start somewhere. Many times in my life I have been told I am good at this or tha t. I have been told what my strengths and weaknesses are. I have been told that when i grow up I would be really good in this specific area. I have been told these thi ngs by people who love me and care for me, family and friends. But what really matters is what I think I am good at, what I think my strengths and weaknesses are, and wha t I want to do and think I will be good at in my future! And since I am beginning this journey of personal discovery, to try and find out who I am as a person, as a human being, independent of what others have told me, I wil l start with what I KNOW for myself, my favorite things. (Note: this list is not a complete this of all of my favorite things because I h aven t tried everything and I hope new things come along that I will experience and add to my list of favorite. Also, this list is in no specific order, I m just writing what comes to mind first.) 1. Family (specifically my Fiance Braeden, I love you Babe!) 2. Friends 3. Running 4. Candy 5. Politics 6. Movies (Law Abiding Citizen, Disturbia, Wild Hogs, Independence Day, While Yo u Were Sleeping, The Hangover (I and II), John Q) 7. Television (24, Smallville, How I Met Your Mother, Scrubs, King of Queens, Lo st, Psych, Castle, Monk) 8. God and Jesus 9. Delaware 10. Idaho 11. Arizona 12. The Beach (swimming in the Ocean until I get those sand rashes on my thighs and chest, yeah, you know what I m talking about ! 13. Vacations 14. Hott and Sexy Underwear 15. Kind People (you know, the ones that never judge and don t laugh when you poke fun at weird people walking through the mall, yeah, those people) 16. gaymormonrepublicans 17. (Secretly Ron Paul, if he actually had a shot at winning. He IS kinda crazy, okay very VERY crazy, but who isn t in politics these days??) p.s. don t go around
telling too many people. 18. Long car rides while I blast my music with the windows down (ooohhhh YEAH!!!!) 19. Music (The Goo Goo Dolls, Dave Matthews Band, John Mayer, Yellowcard, Angels and Airwaves, The Rocket Summer, Cat Stevens, Third Eye Blind, Michael Buble, Blink 182) 20. Myself 21. Christopher Reeve 22. My Mother (She definitely is included in family but I thought I d make a speci al note of her here as well, she is AMAZING!!! Thanks for everything Mom!!!!!) 23. Musicals (Phantom of the Opera, Avenue Q, Rent, Mama Mia) 24. Food (Pizza, Lasagna, BBQ RIBS BABY!!!!) 25. Mormons in general (The majority of them are so kind, and even if they don t agree with you, they will bend over backwards to help you when you are really in trouble and struggling) 26. Clothes (enough said) 27. Serving others ( I did serve a 2 year lds mission and it was SO FREAKIN
but also it was the most fun I had ever had up to that point in my life. Even if you don t agree with the Mormons on everything (I obviously don t), you should understand that they are some of the sweetest and most tender hearted people in the world!) 28. Books (Anything by John Grisham, The Count of Monte Christo, Les Miserables, The Hunger Games Trilogy, Enders Game) 29. Kiefer and Donald Sutherland 30. Sandra Bullock 31. TO BE CONT That was a lot more fun than I thought it would be. It helped me realize that I may have a lot more things that I want to discover about myself and who I am, but I also have a pretty good foundation to begin with. A lot of the things I listed (if not most of them) will come up in future blog posts. I figure that this list is the best place to begin as I continue on my journey of discovery. Even if you know everything about yourself, who you want to be, and why you want to be it. Even if you have everything figured out for the next 10, 20, or even 50 y ears of your life, you should still try this activity of listing your favorite things. Y ou should do it because you will find that your favorite things are also the things that you are most grateful for. In the words of Thornton Wilder, We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. Try it and let me know how it feels and what YOU discover about yourself! Yours Truly, JWB III Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged family, favorite things, finding yourself, gay, growth, love, mormon, personal journey, relationships, republican, treasures | Leave a reply The Beginning Posted on May 26, 2012
Closing time Time for you to go out to the places you will be from So gather up your jackets, move it to the exits 3
Theme: Twenty Eleven Blo|g at WordPress.com. I hope you have found a friend Closing time Every new beginning comes from some other beginning s end, yeah -Semisonic So here I go. This blog is long overdo. Its not for you. Its not for anyone but me. Its so that I can get out there what I have been feeling for 23 years. So I can open up the door to the rest of my life. So that I can express out loud who I am. The real me. No t who everyone has told me I am, or who I should be. I am writing this blog so that I can find out who I am. The foundation of who I think I am can be summarized into 3 parts. 1) Mormon (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) 2)Republican (Socially Liberal, but I believe in smaller, a much smaller, government) 3) Gay (Homosexua l, Faggot, Queer, Homo, Fag, attracted to the the same sex,guys you get the picture). I have come to love being ALL three of these things, but I also realize that I a m changing and forming different opinions for different things and that my views m ay change. I welcome change and actually seek for it when I feel like I ve been in a rut, one specific place for too long. Maybe that s why I am writing this blog. To make sense of things. I said that I am writing this blog for no one but myself, and that is true, but that does not mean I don t want anyone to read what I write and to read what I dis cover for myself. I want everyone who wants to read what I have to say, to read it. Th ere are some guidelines tho. 1) I will not respond to any comments that are derogatory, meant to degrade, or gossip. 2) I will ignore posts that try to tell me that I am wron g to be either of the above, Mormon, Republican, or Gay. 3) I will answer honest questio ns on how I personally feel about the above three things, although, my views do not an d will not necessarily represent how all Mormons, Republicans, or Gays feel and/or beli eve. With all this in mind I look forward to the adventure that I have embarked on. I look forward to learning more about the world, other people, and especially learning more about myself. I hope I can touch someone, or inspire them to not only want to be better, but to just be themselves! Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged beauty, beginning, freedom, gay, journey, love, mormon, peace, politics, republican | 3 Replies Follow