“Bad Decisions”

Original Screenplay Written by Jason Wiese


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese


FADE IN INT. – JUDGE‟S CHAMBER JIMMY CHASTAIN, a built guy in his late-thirties, is dressed up in a suit and sitting in front of a JUDGE‟S opulent desk with his LAWYER. Sitting on the other side of him is his soon-to-be wife, ROBYN, who is also with her lawyer. They are in the midst of divorce proceedings with a judge handling the final details. JUDGE (looking through his notes) Well, we‟ve now settled the differences on the house, the two cars, your pet dog, Rocky, your joint bank accounts and the status of future wages. JIMMY (interrupts) If you call judging in Robyn‟s favor on everything and giving her virtually all my possessions “settled,” then sure, I agree. JIMMY‟S LAWYER (whispers) Shhh, calm down James. JIMMY (whispers) This is bullshit man. JIMMY‟S LAWYER I know, but we‟re at the mercy of the court. JIMMY (whispers) What the hell am I paying you $40 an hour for? You wouldn‟t even feed the meter outside.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JUDGE Mr. Chastain, is there something you‟d like to discuss with the judge? JIMMY (reluctantly) No, sir. JUDGE Good then. Does anyone have any last statements before I conclude the proceedings? ROBYN (smiles) No sir. JIMMY (thinking for a moment) Yes, I‟d like to say that my wife, well my soon-to-be ex-wife now, is an incorrigible bitch and I wish nothing but bad things happen to her from this point onward. In fact, I‟m openly rooting for her new waiter boyfriend that she‟s been gallivanting around town with to give her some deadly form of Chlamydia. I pray to God every night before I go to bed for that to happen, I actually get down on my knees and pray for that. Seriously. Jimmy ends his statement with a big smile splashed across his face while his lawyer embarrassingly puts his head in his hands. JIMMY‟S LAWYER Oh Jesus. JUDGE (not amused) Very profound sir. I‟m sure you understand that those kind of statements won‟t help your case. JIMMY (under his breath) I don‟t care anymore.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JUDGE What was that? JIMMY Nothing sir. The judge takes another look through his notes. JUDGE OK, well I think everything is resolved, so I officially approve the dissolution of this union and call an end to these proceedings. ROBYN (wide smile covers her face) Thank you, your honor. JIMMY Yes, thank you, your honor…I don‟t know who fucked me worst, Robyn when I was married to her or you here today judge. ROBYN Ohhh stuff it, Jimmy. If it wasn‟t for me, you would‟ve been stuck masturbating in the high school bathroom during Friday night dances rather than getting sucked off in the backseat of my father‟s Buick. Enjoy what you had while you had it. JUDGE I think it‟s best if you two just leave as quickly as possible and limit your direct contact with each other from now on. JIMMY Finally you say something I agree with your honor. Jimmy stands up and as he begins to walk towards the door, he turns to make one more comment to Robyn who is still sitting down. JIMMY I hope we can at least be civil when I come to visit Rocky.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese ROBYN Fuck off loser. JIMMY Ohhkay, I‟ll take that as a no. Jimmy opens the door and walks out into the INT. – COURTHOUSE HALLWAY Where he is immediately greeted by a standing applause from his three friends, BOBBY, DANNY and MAX. Although married once before, Bobby is still the playboy of the group and is pushing 40 years old; Danny is a kind, honest family man also pushing 40 while Max is the youngest of the group, in his mid-30s, and a perpetually single man who cares more about partying non-stop than finding a decent woman. JIMMY (confused) Bobby, Danny, Max, what are you all doing here? The three friends approach and give him hugs and high fives while Robyn, looking disgusted over the celebration, leaves the office and walks past them. BOBBY You think we weren‟t going to show up and celebrate your day of Independence? MAX Free at last, free at last, thank god almighty, you are free at last! JIMMY Oh come on, today‟s a sad day, she took me for almost everything I got. BOBBY Jimmy, look, take it from a guy that‟s been going through a five-year divorce and currently has a mistress to go along with his girlfriend…girls of the world ain‟t nothing but trouble. The worst is behind you, it‟s nothing but up from here.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JIMMY I suppose you‟re right. Jimmy‟s lawyer, who‟s been standing behind him the whole time, looks down at his watch. JIMMY‟S LAWYER Jimmy, sorry, I‟ve got to go. I have to go across town to meet another client. JIMMY OK, thanks for nothing dick. I hope you treat this other guy better than you treated me. JIMMY‟S LAWYER Good luck to you. The lawyer extends his hands but Jimmy refuses to shake it so, after a few awkward moments, the lawyer just decides to walk away down the hall. JIMMY Scumbag. Bobby puts his arm around Jimmy and guides him down the hallway as the two other friends walk with them. BOBBY So Jimmy, what do you want to do, where do you want to go? JIMMY Ohhh guys, I dunno. I‟m really bummed, I lost a lot today. DANNY I know, it must be really tough to lose someone that you once loved so much for so long. JIMMY I‟m not talking about that, screw that, she turned out to be a whore. I‟m talking about all that cash I lost today. How am I going to live? Fuck that, I lost my dog! That fucking sucks, that pooch was awesome.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX So let‟s go out! JIMMY I don‟t think so. BOBBY Come on, don‟t be a selfish dickhead. We all took valuable time out of work today to come down here and show support to our dear friend Jimmy. JIMMY You guys hate going to work anyways. did you a favor. I


BOBBY That may be true, but there‟s a hell of a lot of other things I could be doing on a day off. MAX Yeah, I could‟ve been passed out at McSorley‟s by now. JIMMY Max, it‟s 11:30 in the morning. MAX So? BOBBY Look, let‟s just go to the diner right now and we‟ll figure out a game plan. JIMMY I still don‟t know. I think I really just want to crawl into my bed and stay there until Monday moring. BOBBY Come on, Danny‟s paying. DANNY I am? JIMMY Oh well, if Danny‟s paying then I‟m in.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DANNY (innocently) OK, I‟ll pay. BOBBY Cool, then it‟s settled. JIMMY I guess it is. Thanks again guys for coming out today. It means a lot to me. DANNY Hey, we‟re like the four musketeers. MAX (interrupts) But cooler. DANNY (cont‟d) All for one and one for all. BOBBY Good let‟s go. I‟ve got a good spot in mind. We‟ll have some beers and figure out what the future holds for you Jimmy. INT. – SILVER SPURS DINER The four friends are sitting around a table having lunch in a crowded diner while Bobby is in the middle of talking animatedly about juggling all the women in his life. BOBBY So jeez, I was in bed with Cindy when my wife just walked right into my apartment. DANNY Really, how did that happen? BOBBY Well, she has the key. An older, hardened WAITRESS walks by their table, at which point Bobby reaches out and grabs her arm to stop her. BOBBY Hey sweetie, I‟ll take another screwdriver. Oh and when I get three quarters (MORE)


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY (cont‟d) of the way through that, just go ahead and get me a re-fill. Don‟t wait for me to tell you. OK, good talk thanks. Bobby lets go of her arm and she walks away as the guys go back to their conversation. MAX Why does she have the key? BOBBY To feed my cat when I‟m away. DANNY So why did she come in? BOBBY Because I was supposed to be away. MAX Why weren‟t you? BOBBY I missed my flight. I was too busy banging away on Cindy. DANNY Were you…ummm, in the act when she walked in? BOBBY Oh god no, can you imagine?!? I‟m not even technically divorced yet. That wouldn‟t have been good for the settlement if she saw my dick in the mistress I have from my girlfriend. MAX Yeah, but you guys were still in bed together. Surely she can add two and two and get four. BOBBY (laughs) Believe me, she‟s not that smart. Bobby looks over to Jimmy, who‟s sitting next to him silently and looking depressed.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese He‟s mindlessly playing with the food on his plate by moving his fork around and through his mashed potatoes. MAX How did you get so lucky in life? BOBBY I think it‟s god making up for pairing me with the life sucking whore that I was married to for eight years. Oh well, whatever, I love my soon to be ex-wife but she can be a miserable cunt sometimes. And when I say sometimes, I mean pretty much all the times. MAX So what are you up to tonight? BOBBY I have to spend time with Teresa. MAX And Teresa is…? BOBBY My girlfriend. Jesus Max, you‟ve met her quite a few times. MAX I know, but it‟s hard trying to keep all your women straight. BOBBY You‟re telling me. DANNY How do you do it man? MAX Yeah, I have enough problems getting one girl. BOBBY Well if you didn‟t spend most your life blacked out and just focused on pussy then maybe things would be a little different.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX Touche. DANNY So how do you do it? BOBBY It‟s mostly about finding the girls with low self-esteem. Once you get a couple of them locked up, then it‟s all about keeping track of, and maintaining, your lies so that you don‟t arouse too much suspicion. MAX (sarcastically) How noble of you. BOBBY Say what you want to, but I‟m the guy that has an ex-wife and two girlfriends while you‟re the guy that‟s dancing in front of his mirror on Saturday nights with his dick tucked in between his legs. Bobby looks over to Jimmy again who is still just silently playing with his food. Finally Bobby‟s had enough. BOBBY Jimmy, what the fuck?!? JIMMY What? BOBBY You want to get into the conversation here? JIMMY I‟m not interested in talking about how many girls you fuck. BOBBY You think I am? No, it‟s boring as shit. Come on, at least quit playing with your food and eat it. JIMMY I‟m not hungry.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX Jimmy, you know what you need? You need to take your mind off of everything. You need to take a trip. We, we need to take a trip! BOBBY Oh, I like it…I love it. MAX Yeah, right? It almost makes too much sense. BOBBY It does. DANNY You know, I can be down with a trip…as long as it doesn‟t interfere with my son‟s basketball games…or my daughter‟s dance recitals…or my wife‟s book club…those are the nights that I have to babysit. MAX Ohh Jesus Danny, nut up and get a sack one day. DANNY Don‟t be jealous because I have a family and you don‟t. MAX It‟s not that bitch. I just don‟t want you to be so selfish. This is Jimmy‟s day, we should be here for him. DANNY You‟re right. Besides, if I give my wife enough notice I should be able to take a few days away. MAX (rolls his eyes) Whatever Danny. (looks at Jimmy) What do you say Jimmy? Do you want to take a trip?


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JIMMY (apprehensively) Where would we go?


I dunno.

MAX That‟s a very good question and I‟ve got a very good idea. DANNY (interrupts) How about we go to Austin, listen to some live music and go tubing down the river? JIMMY That could work. BOBBY No, no, no, that‟s too tame; come on guys this is our chance to really let loose…show the world what we‟re made of. MAX Bobby‟s right. JIMMY So Max, what‟s your big idea? MAX Well it‟s February, right? JIMMY Yeah. MAX Two words: Spring Break. JIMMY Spring Break? MAX Yes, we relive our youth next month and party like we‟re 19 all over again. JIMMY But Max, we‟re almost 40 years old. MAX Only physically, but mentally we‟re still (MORE)

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX (cont‟d) the skirt-chasing teenaged goofballs that we were back in college. The only thing different now is we have a little bit more money, a little bit more responsibility and a few gray hairs. BOBBY …Or prematurely bald in Max‟s case. MAX Fuck off. Ohhh and by the way everybody, speak for yourself about being almost 40. I‟m only 34, thank you very much. JIMMY Won‟t it be awkward if four old dudes go a spring break destination? MAX Only if you make it awkward. be awkward for me. JIMMY I don‟t know. BOBBY Well I do know, and I love the idea. I‟m in. MAX I knew you‟d be in. Max gives Bobby a high five. BOBBY Well of course, do you think I‟d miss out on a chance to see a gaggle of barely legal girls gyrating their hips on the beach? And maybe get a couple of those honeys naked in my hotel room. MAX Damn straight. JIMMY So where would we go? It won‟t


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DANNY Atlantic City? MAX That‟s depressing. BOBBY Yeah and Jimmy, you suck at gambling. The last thing I want to do is spend four days listening to you bitch and moan about how the man is keeping you down and you can‟t catch a break at the roulette table. JIMMY What about Daytona Beach? pretty happening. I hear that‟s


MAX Jimmy it‟s not 1985 again. No, we need to go to a place with a little more action, a little more heat. DANNY Orlando? MAX Jesus Christ, what are we twelve? BOBBY Yeah Danny, you go hang out with Mickey and Minnie on your own time with your family. Go with people that would actually appreciate it. Next. DANNY I‟m just saying that they have all those countries in Epcot and we can drink around the world. It could be fun. Bobby leans in closer to Danny‟s face and just stares at him deliberately in the eyes. BOBBY Next! MAX What do you boys think about Cancun? (MORE)

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX (cont‟d) That place will be filled with hot wet bitches in March. BOBBY And since the legal drinking age is eighteen years old down there, you know what that means? MAX / BOBBY (in unison) High school bitches! Max and Bobby stand up and give each other a high-five then sit back down. DANNY You guys are sick. MAX How so? DANNY High school girls? You seriously want to go after high school girls? BOBBY Well only the legal ones. MAX And since I don‟t think there are any laws in Mexico, that could mean anyone. DANNY So as a thirty-nine year old guy, you have no problem with hooking up with an eighteen year old girl? BOBBY Hey, when I‟m ninety-two she‟d be seventy-one so it‟d be completely acceptable. DANNY Whatever, you have a warped sense of thinking. But regardless of that, I‟m not going to Cancun.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX And why not? DANNY Didn‟t you watch the news last night? MAX No, why the fuck would I watch the news? It‟s just depressing shit about things I don‟t care about, like the Middle East, financial crap, elections and government bailouts. DANNY Well if you watched the news you would‟ve seen the story about that cartel in Mexico shooting up a resort in Cancun. JIMMY I think something like 10 people were killed in the mayhem. MAX Good. DANNY (incredulously) What do you mean good?



MAX Well what are the chances of that happening a second time? They got it out of their system now, we‟ll be fine. DANNY Max, they‟re turning Cancun into a military state. MAX So we‟ll be fine. DANNY Max, I‟m not going to Cancun. I‟d like to live to see my kids grow up. BOBBY There you go again with the kids, it‟s all about the kids, it‟s always about the kids. Stop being so fucking selfish.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DANNY Don‟t be mad at me because you haven‟t talked to your kid in over a year. BOBBY What are you talking about? her last month. I talked to


DANNY OK, when was the last time you talked to her when she wasn‟t asking you for money? BOBBY Hey, she‟s my daughter, I love her…even though I never get to see her. MAX Guys, let‟s stay focused and stick to the subject at hand and not Bobby‟s dysfunctional relationships with every woman in the world. JIMMY So no Cancun? MAX I‟m still cool with it. DANNY No Cancun. MAX Whatever happened to our adventurous side, boys? Are we too old? I refuse to belief the answer is we‟re too old. Well maybe you guys are, but I know I‟m not. Tell me we‟re not too old. DANNY It‟s not about being old, it‟s about survival…and I want to survive. MAX So no Cancun? DANNY No Cancun.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX OK fine, I don‟t want to turn this into an argument. BOBBY What about Miami? JIMMY We just got through talking about avoiding a place because of drug violence and you then suggest Miami? BOBBY Yeah, why not. JIMMY Because there‟s drugs and violence all over that city. BOBBY Jesus Christ Jimmy, it‟s not the 1980‟s anymore. The days of Miami Vice were almost 30 years ago. JIMMY You‟re going to tell me there‟s no drug violence down there anymore. BOBBY Not like on the Texas border. JIMMY Well we‟re not going there either. Bobby finishes his screwdriver then looks around and snaps his fingers to get the waitress‟ attention. BOBBY Excuse me, miss, come on over here. JIMMY Snapping your fingers? Classy Bobby. The waitress walks over with an angry look on her face. SILVER SPURS WAITRESS What do you want?


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY We‟ll take another round of screwdrivers please. The waitress takes the order and walks away. MAX We‟re getting nowhere here. OK, let me throw out a few ideas, just stop me when you hear something you like – Jamaica… South Padre Island…the Dominican…Vegas… Acapulco…a cruise? Max looks around the table and doesn‟t see his suggestions eliciting much of a response. MAX (cont‟d) Come on guys, give me something. something, work with me here. Say


BOBBY Max, you know me, I‟m down with anything, any of those would be awesome. MAX I know you are, but what about you boys, Danny? Jimmy? DANNY I don‟t know, there‟s a lot of decisions to make. JIMMY Yeah, and I‟m not in the mood to think about anything fun so you guys should just pick for me. MAX Danny, you seem like the lone holdout. DANNY It‟s not that I‟m a hold out, I just can‟t decide. BOBBY Come on Danny, think about what kind of fun you want to have. This is your one chance to get away from the boring, stupid (MORE)

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY (cont‟d) wholesome fun that you have to have with your family and just totally let loose and release with no repercussions whatsoever. (pauses) I think I‟m going to grab dessert. Bobby picks up the menu sitting in front of him and starts looking through it. DANNY My family vacations aren‟t boring or stupid. BOBBY You know what I mean. DANNY (whispers to himself) No I don‟t. BOBBY But anyways, here‟s what I was… Bobby stops speaking mid-sentence as his eyes light up when he stumbles across a placard that‟s been attached inside the menu. It says – “Drink Special: Celebrate Mardi Gras with a Hurricane.” BOBBY (cont‟d) I‟ve got it! JIMMY What? Bobby rips the placard out of the menu and shows it to the table. BOBBY Mardi Gras! The table sits there quietly for a moment as they take in Bobby‟s suggestion. MAX I…fucking…LOVE IT!


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY I know, it‟s awesome. It‟s almost too perfect. DANNY Wait, when‟s Fat Tuesday though? BOBBY The menu says February 21st. MAX OK, and what‟s today‟s date? BOBBY God, I have no idea. All four guys scramble separately to check the date on their iPhones. MAX Fuck, it‟s February 22nd. JIMMY Not as perfect as we thought. DANNY What are we going to do now? The guys look deflated at missing Mardi Gras however, after a few moments of silence, Bobby comes up with an idea. BOBBY Fuck it, New Orleans is hot, it‟s awesome and it‟s crazy. If we can‟t do it for Mardi Gras, let‟s do it for spring break. DANNY Do people go there for spring break? MAX Hell yeah, think about all the college bitches that go down there…to go down on someone. All those slutty skanks from the SEC and ACC schools. It‟d be wild, trust me. And we‟ll be wild. BOBBY See?


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JIMMY Fuck it, I‟m in. DANNY And you can get out of work that quickly? BOBBY Are you kidding me? I can work from New Orleans and my company wouldn‟t even know I was out of the office…and that I wasn‟t even working in New Orleans. DANNY Max? MAX Like I care about my job…I can do it easily. DANNY (thinking) New Orleans, huh? BOBBY They‟ve got really good food down there too…and good jazz music. MAX Yeah, it‟s a very cultured city. You‟ll have fun and you‟ll learn a thing or two as well. DANNY (thinking) OK, OK, I‟m in. Max and Bobby both applaud Danny‟s decision. MAX Fucking excellent. Max gives Danny a high five. BOBBY It‟s going to be a great time, I can guarantee that. The waitress shows up with four screwdrivers and starts setting them down on the table when Bobby stops him.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY Sorry honey, we don‟t want these screwdrivers anymore. Can you take them back and replace them with four Hurricanes? We‟re celebrating. The waitress rolls her eyes and starts putting the drinks back on her tray when Bobby stops her again. You know what? drinks too. BOBBY Fuck it, we‟ll have these


Bobby takes the drinks off her tray and passes them around to the guys. BOBBY Cheers guys. Bobby and the rest of the guys raise their glasses in the middle of the table. BOBBY To New Orleans. EVERYBODY New Orleans! The four guys toast and have a drink in celebration. INT. – NEW ORLEANS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT The group of four friends are giddily walking down the middle of an airport terminal drinking cans of beer among a crowd of people. They‟re laughing and high fiving each other, excited that they‟re in New Orleans. Bobby finishes his beer. BOBBY Guys, we need to make another pit stop. DANNY What for? Bobby tries to throw his empty beer can out but he misses the trash can and it falls to the ground. The littering

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese doesn‟t faze any of them as they continue to walk without breaking stride. BOBBY Need more beer. DANNY Another one? BOBBY Hell yeah. DANNY Don‟t you think you should take it easy? BOBBY Take it easy in the Big Easy? No such thing! Dickhead, I don‟t know if you‟ve noticed but we‟re on vacation in New Orleans! There‟s no taking it easy! MAX Yeah, let‟s party! The guys walk up to a beer stand in the airport. BOBBY Four Bud Heavy tallboys amigo! The server quickly grabs four tall cans of Budweisers and attempts to open them but Bobby stops him. BOBBY No, no, hold up homeboy. Bobby grabs the beers and passes them out to the group. BOBBY OK, gentlemen, and I use that term loosely because this weekend we‟re not gentlemen, we‟re party animals…and as such, we‟re going to shotgun these beers. Are you sick? I‟m in. JIMMY These are tallboys? MAX


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY Of course these are tallboys, we‟re in New Orleans. We‟re going presidential with everything we do this weekend. DONNY I don‟t even know what the hell that means. JIMMY Fine, give me one. What the hell do I have to lose anyways? My ex-wife already took everything. BOBBY That‟s the spirit. Danny, get in here. Danny takes out his cell phone from his pocket. DANNY Maybe I should call my wife first and let her know that I landed safely? MAX Maybe you should stop being such a pussy. BOBBY Yeah, listen to Max, he‟s got a point. Danny puts his cell phone away and grabs a beer. DANNY OK fuck it, if you guys are going to be assholes like this the whole weekend, then I‟ll just call her later. BOBBY Get your keys out boys. Bobby grabs keys from his pocket and raises his can of beer followed by the rest of the guys. BOBBY Here‟s to banging random strange and drinking „til we puke. There‟s no rules this weekend, just the way we like it. Cheers. All four guys key their cans and open them up to shotgun them quickly.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese They all finish at roughly the same time. Once done, they flippantly throw their cans over to the trash can but all of them miss it. Not paying attention, they don‟t realize that they‟ve all missed the trash can so they walk away like nothing happened. EXT. – NEW ORLEANS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY The guys are surveying the scene and checking out everyone leaving the airport as they stand in line waiting for a taxi. They see several Midwestern, white trash-looking older couples and families milling about outside. JIMMY God damn it‟s like we landed in white trash hell. A blonde MILF with large fake breasts who‟s wearing acid wash jeans and a t-shirt two sizes too small walks by the guys. BOBBY Yeah, but holy shit, look at that MILF with ridiculously large breasts. MAX See Jimmy, it‟s not all bad. JIMMY They‟re fake though. MAX Who gives a fuck. BOBBY Yeah Jimmy, don‟t be such a bitch. are tits. JIMMY Whatever, I like mine real. DANNY Me too. Tits


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY Well you‟re both idiots. A taxi pulls up to the curb while a DISPATCHER walks over to the guys. TAXI DISPATCHER Where are you going gentlemen? MAX Wherever the action is my man. TAXI DISPATCHER OK, that should be easy. Action is every where. The dispatcher opens the taxi door and the four guys get in. INT. – AIRPORT TAXI CAB The friendly AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER turns around in his seat to address the guys. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER Where to guys? BOBBY Bourbon Street. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER OK, where on Bourbon Street? BOBBY Just…Bourbon Street. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER No specific place you want to go to? BOBBY No…just Bourbon Street. the action is. Take us to where


AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER First time in New Orleans? DANNY Yes.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER All of you? JIMMY Yes. MAX Just take us to a bar on Bourbon, we‟ll figure it out from there. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER (laughs) Ha, first timers…you‟ll love it here. The taxi driver turns back around in his seat and peels out from the curb. In short time, they hit the highway. BOBBY So how long will it take to get to Bourbon Street? AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER Usually 20, 25 minutes…I‟ll get you there in 15. The taxi driver goes into the left lane and speeds down the highway. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER So what are you guys in town for? conference? A


MAX Do we look like we‟re some 9 to 5 weasels in town for a lame industry conference? The taxi driver looks at Danny in his rear view mirror and specifically calls him out. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER He does. It takes the guys a second to figure out who he‟s talking about, but once they notice that he‟s looking at Danny in his rear view mirror they break out laughing.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY Touché. MAX Ha, ha, that‟s good, you‟re right. does look like a douchebag. DANNY Fuck you guys. MAX Relax, we‟re just busting your balls. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER So if you guys aren‟t going to a conference, what are you here for? wedding? A bachelor party? BOBBY Spring break. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER Spring break? BOBBY Yeah, spring break. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER Aren‟t you guys a little too old to be going on spring break? MAX What do you mean? AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER (confused) You guys are like 40 years old. BOBBY I prefer to say 40 years young. JIMMY And we‟re not 40 yet, were 39. MAX Speak for yourselves old men. (leans forward to talk to the driver) I‟m much younger, I‟m in my early thirties. He



“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JIMMY You‟re in your mid-thirties cocksucker. MAX No, early thirties. JIMMY Sir, what is someone who‟s 34 years old? The taxi driver looks Max up and down in his rear view mirror. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER Mid-thirties. JIMMY (laughs) See, I told you. MAX There‟s no such thing as mid-thirties, only early-thirties and late-thirties. JIMMY OK, whatever. BOBBY Fucking delusional fuck. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER So what‟s the plan while you‟re down here? Hook up with a couple twenty-one year old college girls? BOBBY That‟s the game plan. MAX Well for me, I‟m looking for a little younger because, I am a little younger. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER So what are you looking for? MAX I think nineteen would be good. I mean I don‟t want to break any laws while I‟m down here. I‟ve heard about the jails (MORE)


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX (cont‟d) around here and I want no part of that. Fuck that. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER It‟s true, the jails around here are no joke. DANNY Is it true that the police department is mad corrupt? AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER Well not the whole department, but yes, there‟s a lot of corruption. A lot. Just last week a few former police officers were convicted of murder for killing several people in cold blood and stealing their valuables right after Katrina. DANNY How was it around here after Katrina? AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER It was no picnic, I‟ll tell you that. It was every man and woman for themselves, there was no one to help anyway. MAX Is it true that people had to shit on the fifty yard line of the Superdome? JIMMY (whispers) Fucking banana head. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER It‟s true. That place was a mess…but it at least provided some kind of shelter. DANNY Can we go through the Ninth Ward? that place is still fucked up. I hear


AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER Some of it still is, definitely, but other parts are having a bit of a resurgence. I can take you through there if you want.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY No, no, boys, we‟re here to drink, get fucked up and screw…that‟s it. Let‟s not take our eye off the ball. Danny, if you want to go sightseeing depressing shit, do it on your own time with your wife and kids. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER So why did you guys decide to come down to spring break this year? One last hurrah before you guys turn really old, ha?!? BOBBY I don‟t know about these other guys, but I plan to keep on partying deep into my seventies, if not eighties. I fully expect to be banging bitches while I‟m drooling uncontrollably and waiting to die in my nursing home. MAX Nice image. DANNY We actually came down here to have some fun and show support to our newly divorced friend over here. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER Ahhh, divorced, huh? JIMMY Yep. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER Always breaks the heart to see love go bad. So what happened, she cheat on you? You cheat on her? What? JIMMY No, she was just a cunt. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER That‟s blunt. JIMMY It is what it is.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER I had a wife once. We split amicably a year after Katrina. She just wasn‟t the one I guess. Hey you win some, you lose some, right? JIMMY I seem to lose all. MAX Ain‟t that the truth. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER Hey, keep your head up. The taxi pulls over at the corner of Bourbon Street. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER Well guys, here we are. DANNY This is it? AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER This is the center of Bourbon Street. JIMMY Where‟s the closest bar? AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER (laughs) Ha, first timers. JIMMY What? AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER It‟s New Orleans, there‟s a bar every two feet. Believe me, you won‟t go thirsty down here…ever. And you can even walk around the streets with an open container, so you never have to be empty-handed. DANNY No shit? AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER Seriously, no shit.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX I have a feeling that this place is going to be awesome. Jimmy opens the taxi door so that everyone can get out while Bobby pays the cab driver. BOBBY Here you go my man. AIRPORT TAXI DRIVER Thank you, you have a good time. BOBBY Ohhh, you know we will. EXT. – BOURBON STREET – DAY The four guys stand on the side of the road in awe as they survey the scene of packed bars around them and the packed street in front of them filled with mostly buzzed collegeaged guys and girls drinking big ass beers, grenades and other obnoxiously large drinks. MAX It‟s beautiful. BOBBY (smiles) It certainly is. MAX I feel like I‟m finally home. Their awe is ironic since it‟s based on their view of rundown bars, cheap-looking shops and dirty, puke-filled streets. DANNY Well gents, should we get a drink? JIMMY I don‟t mind if I do. The guys, who are still carrying their carry-on luggage, walk over to the nearest beer stand.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese Max eyes down the big sign hanging over the counter that shows they‟re rather simplistic menu of “regular beers” and “huge ass beers.” MAX Ummm, yes, we‟ll take four huge ass beers of your finest Bud Lights. The server behind the counter quickly pours four beers from a tap connected to a big cooler and gives them to the guys. The guys start walking down the street, enjoying all the scenes in front of them. DANNY So when do you think we‟ll go to the hotel and check-in, my bag‟s kind of heavy. BOBBY Easy Danny, all in good time. Let‟s get drunk first before we have to deal with the hassle of the hotel. Max walks up behind a group of impressionable, young college girls covered in beads who are walking down the street drinking large glasses of hand grenades. MAX Show us your tits! Show us your tits! Bobby rushes over to Max and pulls his collar from behind. BOBBY What are you doing Max? MAX I‟m just getting into the moment. BOBBY Well stop it. Let the tits come to you. Don‟t be that weird creepy guy; well not until the sun goes down, then you can do whatever the fuck you want. But just don‟t make us look too desperate, remember not all of these bitches are drunk yet.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JIMMY Besides, you look like a cheap motherfucker without beads. MAX Beads? JIMMY Yeah, beads. You have to give chicks beads if you want them to show you their tits. BOBBY It‟s really basic economics at its purest. Sort of like a barter system going on. Beads, OK. MAX So where do we find beads? JIMMY I have no idea. DANNY Danny to the rescue. Danny unzips his bag and starts searching around inside it. DANNY (cont‟d) Luckily I picked up a Frommer‟s travel book last week to study up on New Orleans. It‟s there where I learned about this whole beads thing. He finally finds what he‟s looking for and pulls out a handful of beads to show to the guys. DANNY (cont‟d) So I went to Ricky‟s in the city one day after work and bought out their beads section. Danny‟s three friends applaud him for a job well done. MAX Well done sir, well done. DANNY I figure if I got the free pass from the (MORE)


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DANNY (cont‟d) wife for the weekend I‟m going to enjoy myself…and my homies will too. JIMMY Right on. MAX We‟re going to see titties ALL weekend long now. Danny passes out several beads to the guys so that they can put them around their necks. DANNY Ok, take some beads everyone. Let‟s be prepared. I don‟t want to reach into my bag every time one of you guys see a pretty face. The guys continue walking down the street, in awe while they watch the heavy drinking antics going on all around them. MAX Spring break guys, spring break. JIMMY Cheers guys. THE GUYS Cheers. The guys toast each other in the middle of the street with their huge ass beers then continue walking. JIMMY Should we actually go into a bar now? BOBBY Sure. JIMMY Where should we go? The guys stop right in front of a bar called “The Swamp.” BOBBY What about this place?


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JIMMY It‟s called “The Swamp.” BOBBY (laughs) Yeah, it‟s perfect. The four guys enter EXT. – THE SWAMP BAR – DAY Where they walk up to the outside bar in the back. MAX Guys, we‟re on spring break vacation, let‟s kick it up a notch. JIMMY What are you thinking? Shots. MAX Let‟s do some Jack!


BOBBY Normally, I‟d be right there with you, but we have to blend in with the rest of the spring breakers. MAX OK, so what do you suggest? BOBBY Jaeger, a lot of jaeger. MAX I‟m picking up what you‟re putting down, but let‟s go with something more locally relevant to impress the young ladies. BOBBY What did you have in mind? MAX Southern Comfort. Max turns around and looks at the cute female bartender.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX Miss, my fellow senior year college friends who are down here for spring break and I would like to have four SoCo & Lime shots and four beers. THE SWAMP BARTENDER OK, we‟re having a deal right now on beers, three for one. So would you like to buy three beers to maximize the deal for each of you? Max starts thinking about her proposal but gives up after a few moments. MAX (confused) Umm, whatever, I wasn‟t planning to do any math this weekend. So, sure. JIMMY God, that bartender is so fucking hot. BOBBY Hold on there, stallion. There‟s going to be a lot easier targets this weekend than a bartender. Don‟t bust your nut over every chick you see, or else you‟ll go numb. New Orleans bartenders are the holy grail of fuck. Let‟s set our sights a little bit lower. The bartender comes back with the four shots and two armfuls with twelve beers. MAX Wow, she really did bring three beers for each of us. THE SWAMP BARTENDER Here you go fellas. Bobby grabs the four shots of SoCo & Lime and quickly passes them around. BOBBY OK, here‟s the deal. Since we have so many beers, let‟s take these shots and Immediately pound a beer.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DANNY But they‟re aluminum bottles. BOBBY So? DANNY Have you ever pounded an aluminum bottle? BOBBY No. DANNY There‟s a reason for that. It‟s not easy to pound an aluminum bottle. DANNY Quit your whining. JIMMY Fuck it, it‟s New Orleans. If there‟s ever a time and place that we‟re going to do it, it‟s here, today at The Swamp. guys, let‟s do this shit. BOBBY I love the spirit that we‟re exhibiting here so far. MAX Bottoms fucking up. The four friends slam their SoCo & Lime shot, make a disgusted face for a brief second as they try to swallow it, then immediately grab their Bud Lights off the bar and pound them. Although they struggle as they get to the end of their bottles, all of them finish at roughly the same time. Once done, they slam down their bottles emphatically in the trash then grab two beers each off the bar. THE SWAMP BARTENDER That‟ll be $22. MAX (shocked) For all this?


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese THE SWAMP BARTENDER Yes. MAX God damn, I love New Orleans. BOBBY That shit right there would‟ve cost us about $80 back in New York. MAX Once again, I love New Orleans. Danny pulls out his wallet and throws some money on the bar. DANNY I‟ll take care of this guys. MAX Of course Danny would pick up this tab. Danny, does your wife still have you on a weekly allowance? DANNY Noooo…yes. MAX Ha, I knew it. DANNY Whatever, we‟re saving up to buy a bigger house and she knows that I suck when it comes to saving money. JIMMY Yeah because you blow most of it up your nose. DANNY Come on, I don‟t do that anymore, I‟m a family man now. JIMMY Really? DANNY Yeah, I only do it on special occasions.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX Yeah, holidays, baptisms, birthdays, bar mitzvahs, April Fool‟s Day, summer vacations, winter vacations… JIMMY Tuesdays. DANNY (mockingly) Ha, ha, ha, very funny guys. (pauses) Although I wouldn‟t be against it if some party favors showed up later tonight. MAX I don‟t think any of us would be against that. Bobby looks towards the back of the bar and sees a very hot, very drunk college-aged girl sloppily riding a mechanic bull. BOBBY Hey, is that a mechanic bull down there with a drunk hot chick riding on it? Let‟s check it out. The guys, who are double fisting their beers, walk towards the mechanic bull where a sizeable crowd has quickly gathered to watch the girl‟s ride. As the mechanical bull operator playfully knocks the girl around by going slow then speeding up and making quick turns, the girl‟s micro skirt simultaneously rides up from the bottom and rides down from the top revealing much of his neon yellow thong. The guys hoot and holler over this. MAX God damn she‟s hot! BOBBY Man, I‟d give anything to be in her for just five minutes.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese Finally, the operator decides to knock the girl off of the bull with one violent shake. She flies clear off of the bull, landing a couple feet away on the heavily padded ground as the crowd “ohhhs” and “ahhhs.” DANNY Ohhh damn, that‟s rough. The girl stands up and tries to walk but stumbles as she‟s momentarily dazed and dizzy from spinning around on the bull. As she attempts to leave the ring, she raises her hand. GIRL ON MECHANICAL BULL (drunkenly) Somebody get me my hand grenade! The crowd applauds as her boyfriend hands her a drink and she walks out of the ring. MECHANICAL BULL OPERATOR Who‟s next? BOBBY Fuck that bull, this looks fun. Bobby pushes his way through the crowd and gets to the front of the line. BOBBY I‟m next, I‟m next. MECHANICAL BULL OPERATOR Very good, come on up. BOBBY I need a co-pilot though. Bobby looks around and suddenly picks up DENISE, a comely young co-ed, with one arm and carries her over to the bull. She‟s wearing a bikini top and jean shorts. Bobby takes a huge swig from his beer bottle then mounts the bull followed by the girl who gets on behind him. MECHANICAL BULL OPERATOR You guys ready?


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY (looks behind him at the girl) You good? Hold on nice and tight. Denise puts her arms around Bobby‟s waist to grab a hold of him. DENISE I‟m ready to rock! BOBBY OK, we‟re ready! The operator starts the bull slowly with some easy twists and turns. DANNY (laughs) God, friggin‟ Bobby is crazy. MAX Crazy like a fox. You know he‟s going to end up nailing this chick. BOBBY (yelling at the operator) Is that the best you got? MECHANICAL BULL OPERATOR You want me to bring it? BOBBY I don‟t think you can. MECHANICAL BULL OPERATOR OK, here it goes. The operator quickly speeds up the ride, violently shaking the bull left and right, up and down. While this is going on Denise periodically raises her arm and swings it around, simulating riding a real bull, as she shouts out in enjoyment. After a few moments, despite a valiant effort to hang on, one last violent move shakes both of them off the bull. Bobby stands up and takes a bow to the applause of the crowd.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese Then he helps the girl stand up and gives her a sloppy kiss on the lips which progresses to him licking the side of her face to even more applause from the crowd. Bobby raises her hand in victory and takes a big swig of his beer then passes it to her so she can have a drink too. BOBBY Who are you here with? DENISE A few of my sorority sisters from Auburn. BOBBY Well why don‟t you grab them and party with me and my friends for the rest of the afternoon? Bobby points over to Max, Danny and Jimmy who all awkwardly wave at him and his new friend. BOBBY (cont‟d) Sorry, they‟re a little awkward, but they‟re fun at least. DENISE OK, I‟m down, let me grab my girls and we‟ll meet you at Pat O‟Brien‟s, I think my friends want to drink some Hurricanes. BOBBY Great! Give us 15 minutes, we‟re going to check into our hotels down the street then we‟ll be there. DENISE OK. Bobby gives her a playful slap on the ass as she walks away. MAX (looks at Danny) See, Danny I told you. Crazy like a fox. Bobby walks out of the ring and over to his friends. of them give him a high five for a job well done. All


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY See, that‟s what it‟s all about. MAX Good job, so what‟s her deal? BOBBY She goes to Auburn and she‟s grabbing some of her sorority sisters to party… with us! MAX Awesome! Bobby‟s statement is met by another round of high fives. JIMMY What the fuck is Auburn? BOBBY (laughs) I have no idea! I think it‟s a college somewhere in the south. DANNY Mississippi? MAX No, isn‟t it in South Carolina? BOBBY Who gives a shit? All I care about is that we‟ve been in New Orleans for less than an hour and we‟ve already scored a group of girls to party with us. MAX You are the master Bobby. Max taps his beer bottle to Bobby‟s as a sign of respect. BOBBY Better than being the masturbator I guess. MAX I‟m sure you are that too.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY Speak for yourself, I‟m the guy with a mistress and girlfriend who still fucks his ex-wife. MAX Yeah, yeah, yeah, let‟s go. EXT. – PAT O‟BRIEN‟S – DAY The guys turn away from the outdoor bar having just ordered their Hurricanes and walk into the middle of the patio area. They all take a big sip of their drink and immediately cough due to its‟ unexpected strength. JIMMY Holy shit these things are strong, what the fuck is in this, crack? MAX Yeah, something like that. Jimmy takes another sip and chokes on it again. JIMMY No, seriously what the fuck is in this? MAX I don‟t know, there‟s a shitload of shit. JIMMY It‟s strong. MAX Bet your ass it is. Suddenly Denise enters the patio area with three of her college friends and approach the guys. They‟re all drunk and causing a little bit of a ruckus. DENISE Hey, hey, hey!


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY Look who it is, it‟s the ladies from Auburn. Bobby greets Denise with a kiss on the cheek and grabs a hold of her hand. BOBBY Boys, this is my new friend…ummm, shit, I don‟t even know your name. DENISE It‟s Denise. BOBBY Denise, what a pretty name for a such a pretty girl. Denise‟s friends behind her roll their eyes at Bobby‟s cheesy line but Denise is loving it, probably because she‟s a lot more drunk than the other girls. BOBBY Well, these are my boys…Max, Jimmy and Donny. DANNY Hello ladies. DENISE Hi. These are my girls, Rachel, Monica and Lauren. BOBBY Let me get you girls some Hurricanes. DENISE Alright! Party! The group walks back over to the bar where Bobby grabs four Hurricanes and passes them out. MAX So I hear you all go to Auburn. DENISE That‟s right.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX Awesome, we‟re students too. RACHEL, a tall, slender good-looking brunette, looks skeptically at them. RACHEL You‟re students? Get the hell out of here. You look too old to be students. DENISE Rachel! What? RACHEL I‟m just asking a question.


BOBBY No, it‟s true, we‟re students…OK, well we‟re grad students. Me and by buddy Jimmy over here are in law school. We got tired of seeing the persecution of the innocent little guys in this country like the Wall Street financial institutions. So we decided to do something about it. JIMMY Yeah, we enrolled in law school to become criminal defense attorneys focusing on white collar crimes. MONICA That‟s pretty interesting. us are in liberal studies. BOBBY (sarcastically) Of course you are. MAX And me and Danny over here are in med school. LAUREN That‟s pretty noble. MAX Not really, my parents forced me to do it and I‟m only staying in school so (MORE) All four of

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX (cont‟d) that I can get the power to legally write prescriptions for as many heavy drugs as I can. LAUREN Speaking of that, who wants to do coke? JIMMY (excitedly) I‟m in! RACHEL Jesus Lauren, you can‟t go more than one day without laying off the nose candy. LAUREN Whatever, I love coke. JIMMY Spoken like a true awesome chick. Kelly I want to hang around you for the rest of the day. LAUREN My name is Lauren. JIMMY I was close at least. BOBBY (whispers) No you weren‟t. JIMMY So do you have “a guy?” Lauren pulls a baggie of coke out of her shorts‟ pocket. LAUREN Who needs “a guy” when you have some yourself? Lauren! RACHEL Put that away!


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese LAUREN Relax grandma. It‟s New Orleans, we‟re just partying. (pauses) So who wants some? JIMMY (excitedly) Me! Yes, I know. else? Game on. RACHEL Yeah, what the hell, it‟s spring break. LAUREN Good, let‟s all go to the bathroom to get some privacy. With that, the group walks over to the ladies room. The girls immediately go into it while the guys cautiously look around first to make sure no one‟s watching them. Once they‟re comfortable knowing that they can sneak into the bathroom, they each gingerly enter one after the other. INT. – PAT O‟BRIEN‟S LADIES BATHROOM The group of eight are huddled tightly around a sink passing around lines of coke that have been cut up on a compact mirror. JIMMY God damn this is good shit. coke and this is good coke. I know LAUREN Outside of you, anyone BOBBY


LAUREN Thanks, my dad only gets the best stuff. BOBBY You get your drugs from your dad?

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese LAUREN Yeah, why not? BOBBY (sarcastically) Great question, I have no idea why I‟d ask that. LAUREN Look, my dad knows I‟m going to do drugs regardless, so he wants to make sure at least the drugs I do are safe and not laced with PCP or something else stupid that‟ll get me in trouble. BOBBY OK, you got me. You win. It makes perfect sense. (whispers to Max) I‟m sure she doesn‟t have any daddy issues. She‟s all yours. MAX (whispers to Bobby) Something tells me she‟s all Jimmy‟s. Jimmy takes another line of coke then puts his arm around Lauren‟s waist as he holds the rolled up dollar bill for her so she can take another hit. BOBBY Well good for him, he needs to get laid. MAX By a coke whore. BOBBY Hey, let he who is without blow cast the first stone. DENISE (giggly) What are you guys talking about? BOBBY Whether or not our friend is going to hook up with your friend.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese Denise playfully slaps Bobby in the face. DENISE Ohhh, stop being so silly! (grabs Bobby‟s hand) Come on, let‟s go back to the patio and dance. Here? BOBBY At Pat O‟Brien‟s? Dance?


DENISE Yeah, let‟s do it. BOBBY OK, even though no one else is dancing out there, I‟m game to make a fool out of myself. Denise opens the door and leads Bobby and the rest of the gang out of the bathroom. Jimmy and Lauren are the last two that are going to walk out of the bathroom, but just as Lauren makes it to the door Jimmy puts his arms around her waist, picks her up and places her in the sink. Once he sets her down, he gives her a mad, passionate kiss. After a few moments, Lauren pushes him away. LAUREN What are you doing? JIMMY I don‟t know, I‟m high. It seemed like the right thing to do. I‟m sorry, I‟m recently divorced. You‟re hot and I think we have a lot in common. Lauren looks at him in silence for a few moments. LAUREN That‟s OK, I don‟t know if you can tell but I‟m sort of a mess of a human being. JIMMY Sort of?

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese Lauren grabs Jimmy‟s shirt, pulls him close to her then makes out with him hot and heavily. Jimmy doesn‟t waste any time and grabs her breast over her shirt. EXT. – PAT O‟BRIEN‟S, PATIO AREA – DAY Awkwardly, among the crowd of people peacefully day drinking at the tables sprinkled throughout the patio area, Denise is drunkenly slow dancing with Bobby even though the music playing is a lot more up-tempo. Max, Danny, Rachel and Monica are hanging out close to the bar just watching them dance. RACHEL Our friend Denise is trashed. MAX Aren‟t we all. RACHEL How old are you guys anyways? MONICA Rachel, why are so curious about this sort of stuff? Who cares? RACHEL Well if I‟m going to be fucking one of these losers later, I‟d like to know what their deal is. DANNY Wow, OK. RACHEL I guess “losers” was a little too harsh, but you guys aren‟t cool, I can tell you that much. DANNY No I don‟t care about that, I was more thinking about the banging part. RACHEL Well Jesus, you think we‟re hanging around (MORE)


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese RACHEL (cont‟d) you guys for the engaging, intelligent conversation? Please, I‟ve had better conversations with deaf people. MAX Are you kidding me, you ladies are liberal studies majors! Go hug a tree and tell anyone that‟ll listen how shitty and unfair corporate America is. RACHEL What are you trying to say? MAX I‟m not trying to say anything. What I am saying is that you‟re probably talking to the two smartest people in the bar, we‟re med students for Christ‟s sake! RACHEL For being an asshole, you can buy me and Monica another drink. MAX You know, I‟m going to do that only because me and Danny need a drink too. RACHEL That‟s the only reason? It‟s not because you want to get me drunker so it‟s easier to get into my thong? MAX Believe me, I have no interest in fucking you. Your friend Monica? Yes, 1,000 times yes…and twice on Sunday. You? No thanks. RACHEL Just get our drinks asshole. MAX Coming right up…so that later on you‟re friend will be going down…on me. Max grabs Danny and walks over to the bar.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX I got her right where I want her. DANNY That was brilliant. MAX I know, right? How moist do you think she is right now…on a scale of 1-10? Danny looks back over to Rachel who looks angry and frustrated as she talks to her friend Monica. DANNY Look at how pissed she is. got under her skin. MAX (laughs) I know! DANNY It‟s a ten man…fucking ten. MAX She loves me…and she‟s love me even more later when I‟m giving it to her. DANNY It was great how you twisted the knife at the end and told her how much you wanted her friend…and not her. MAX I know how to play the ladies to make them desire me. Truth be told, I‟d bang either of them, I‟m not picky and I don‟t care. (pauses) Which one do you want? DANNY Huh? MAX Which one do you want? DANNY Max, I‟m married. You really


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX To a bitch. DANNY What was that? MAX Look, she‟s nice and all, I just know that she doesn‟t like us…so she‟s a bitch. DANNY She doesn‟t like you guys because you‟re assholes! MAX If that was the criteria for not being liked then I wouldn‟t have any friends. People put up with my douchebaggery so I just want to know why your wife can‟t. DANNY Because she‟s not 22 years old. She doesn‟t think you guys acting like jerkoffs is cool anymore. Us? us? when with MAX Danny, don‟t forget you‟re part of And I seem to recall plenty of times you engaged in general tomfoolery us. I‟m grown up


DANNY That was years ago though. now. I have kids.

MAX Ok, so last summer that wasn‟t you who threw a brick through the back windshield of a cab when he refused to take your drunk ass back to Connecticut? That wasn‟t you? Danny, knowing that Max caught him, gets frustrated. DANNY Shut the fuck up. MAX So that was you?

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DANNY Shut up. MAX OK, so it was you, that‟s what I thought. DANNY Just grab the drinks and let‟s get back to the ladies. Max and Danny grab the drinks and start walking back to the girls. MAX So which one do you want? DANNY I‟m not going to answer that, but if I had to choose, I‟d take Monica. MAX Good, so we‟re aligned. The guys get back to the ladies and give them their drinks. MONICA I can‟t believe they‟re still out there dancing. RACHEL And I don‟t even think they realize that they‟re slow dancing to a rap song. DANNY That‟s OK, Bobby has no rhythm, so it‟d be no different if they were actually dancing in tune to the music. Bobby and Denise are dancing in the middle of patio area practically cheek to cheek while disregarding everything else going on around them. BOBBY God, you‟re so mysterious, I like that. DENISE Mysterious? I don‟t think anyone‟s ever called me mysterious.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY Ohhh but you are. DENISE Why do you think I‟m mysterious? BOBBY There‟s so much I don‟t know about you. DENISE Well of course because we just met. BOBBY I want to get to know you better. DENISE What do you want to know? BOBBY I want to know what you look like naked. I want to figure out if you‟re a full B or a C. I want to see how high I can bounce a quarter off that tight ass of yours. Denise laughs and playfully slaps Bobby across his chest. DENISE Bobby, you‟re so silly! BOBBY But it‟s true. I want to get to know your body better. DENISE Where will you learn about that? BOBBY Back at my hotel room. DENISE What about my friends? BOBBY Bring them along. DENISE I can‟t do that. I mean we share a lot… (MORE)


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DENISE (cont‟d) (kisses Bobby) …but we don‟t share everything. BOBBY I wouldn‟t worry about your friends… Bobby looks over to Max, Danny, Rachel and Monica. Rachel look like they‟re in a heated argument. BOBBY (cont‟d) …They look like they‟re getting along just fine with my friends. DENISE Rachel looks like she‟s fighting with one of your friends. Noooo, not all. makes friends. Ohhh, OK. BOBBY That‟s how my boy Max Max and


DENISE Let‟s get out of here then.

Denise grabs Bobby‟s hand and drags him past Max and Rachel who are in the middle of a heated argument. MAX I still don‟t know why it matters. RACHEL And I still don‟t know why you have to be so cryptic. It‟s not good to keep secrets from someone. MAX OK, fine, I‟m 28 years old. happy? RACHEL Ohhh, that‟s not that old. you afraid to tell me? Are you

Why were

MAX Well I didn‟t want to embarrass my friend Danny, he‟s in his thirties, motherfucker is old.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DANNY Yes, yes, I‟m old as hell. Rachel takes a step back and looks Max up and down. RACHEL OK, I‟ll do you. MAX You will? RACHEL Sure why not? It‟s the afternoon and it‟s not like I have anything better to do. Besides, looks like my friend Denise is already hooking up and god knows where Lauren is. MAX Great, let‟s do it. Your place or mine? RACHEL Probably your place. All four of us are staying in one hotel room so it looks like a bomb hit it. Bras and panties all over the place. We‟d trip over cans of hair spray or I might end up with a hair dryer accidentally in my ass during sex. The point is there‟s stuff everywhere. MAX As long as there aren‟t maxi pads around, that‟s OK. RACHEL No, let‟s go back to your place. Fine with me. stairwell? Stairwell? MAX Unless you want to use the


RACHEL Ewww, gross.

MAX OK, I‟m just throwing out ideas.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese RACHEL You‟re room is fine with me. (turns to Monica) You going to be OK here? MONICA Yeah, I‟m fine. RACHEL Are you sure? MONICA Yes, yes, go, have fun, don‟t swallow and use protection. RACHEL Do you have protection? MAX I think so. If not, I‟ll improvise and use your face. RACHEL Don‟t press your luck buddy. happy you‟re getting laid. MAX You sound so romantic. RACHEL Hey, it‟s New Orleans and this is just spring break sex. MAX I can live with that. RACHEL And don‟t fall in love with me either. MAX I‟ll try not to. Max holds his arm out so that Rachel can grab it. MAX (cont‟d) Shall we? RACHEL Let‟s go rock each other‟s world. Just be


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese Rachel grabs his arm and away they walk leaving Monica and Danny by themselves. Monica cozies up Danny, which makes him a little uncomfortable. MONICA I like older men. DANNY You do? Monica licks the side of Danny‟s face making him feel even more uncomfortable. MONICA I do. DANNY Would you like to take a walk? Maybe grab one of those huge ass beers outside? MONICA Sure. Danny and Monica walk out of the patio area still drinking their Hurricanes. INT. – PAT O‟BRIEN‟S LADIES BATHROOM Jimmy is in the middle of pulling his pants up as Lauren is still sitting in the sink, her skirt hiked up around her waist. JIMMY That was good. It was. Jimmy. Lauren pulls Jimmy in to give him another kiss. LAUREN Well Doug, it certainly was good. LAUREN What‟s your name again? JIMMY Doug?


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JIMMY Here, let‟s rejoin the


It‟s…nevermind. crew.

Jimmy picks up Lauren from the sink and stands her up. He then helps fix her skirt so that she‟s presentable enough to walk back outside. Once she‟s all set, Jimmy opens the door and walks out of the bathroom. EXT. – PAT O‟BRIEN‟S, PATIO AREA – DAY Jimmy and Lauren both look around and become confused when they can‟t find any of their friends. JIMMY Where the hell did everyone go? LAUREN I don‟t know, I don‟t see any of my girlfriends. JIMMY Hmmmm, interesting. Everyone‟s gone. LAUREN Interesting indeed. JIMMY What should we do now? LAUREN I do have enough coke left to cut up a few more lines. JIMMY Well what are we waiting for? Jimmy tries to push Lauren back into the bathroom but she stops him. LAUREN Hold on. The bathroom again? Why don‟t you try treating me like a lady? JIMMY What would you like me to do?

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese LAUREN The bathroom is so dirty, why don‟t we go back to your room? JIMMY Ohh baby, my hotel is so far away, like two blocks. I can‟t wait, I want you now. LAUREN If we do this again, you better take me to dinner this weekend. JIMMY Oh sure, no problem. I saw an Olive Garden on my way in from the airport. LAUREN I‟m more of a Bubba Gump‟s girl. JIMMY Done, there‟s no other seafood place I‟d rather go to in New Orleans than Bubba Gump‟s. It‟s a deal then. LAUREN Let‟s go.


Lauren and Jimmy both walk back into the bathroom. INT. – OMNI ROYAL ORLEANS HOTEL MAX‟S ROOM There‟s a knock on the door as Max is sleeping peacefully in his pitch dark room. After a few moments there‟s another knock at the door, this time Max wakes up. BOBBY (O.S.) Yo sleeping beauty, wake the fuck up. Come on sweet tits. Max starts slowly moving around in his bed. He reaches over and turns a lamp on then notices that the time on the alarm clock reads “7:00 pm.”

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY (O.S.) Time to drink again!


Let‟s go Max.

Max gets up and sits on the edge of his bed in his boxers and a t-shirt. He‟s taking some time to collect himself. MAX (yells) OK, OK, I‟m up. Hold on! He stands up and opens the curtains then walks over and opens the door. Bobby is standing there with two beers in his hands – one for himself, one for Max. There he is! BOBBY Max, you look like shit.

MAX Thank you, and you look like a shriveled up penis. BOBBY How did your afternoon end up? MAX Probably the same as yours did. After giving him a beer, Bobby pushes Max aside and enters the room. Sweet. BOBBY Is she still here?

MAX Fuck no, I find „em fuck „em and flee… Or in this case have them flee. Atta boy! BOBBY How was she?

MAX She was kind of bitchy. BOBBY Nice, those are the ones you hate fuck.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX Yeah, it was good. I just wish the sex smelled a little better. BOBBY Ohhh, I hate when that happens. Bobby makes himself comfortable in the room by grabbing a seat and turning on the TV. MAX How was yours? BOBBY She was great. I almost fell in love for five minutes. MAX Is she still around? BOBBY No, she left about a half hour ago. I gave her $4 for a cab then took a shower to get the stank off. MAX $4? BOBBY Yeah, I figure her hotel is somewhere around here, and if not I don‟t care. MAX You‟re cruel man. Bobby pulls up an end table next to him then takes out a pill from his pocket and chops it up. MAX What are you doing? BOBBY I‟m taking a Viagra. MAX By snorting it? BOBBY Yes, I need to maximize its effectiveness.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese Bobby snorts the chopped pill then rubs his nose. BOBBY I‟m not a spring chicken anymore…and I already got laid once today and I‟m planning to get laid at least one more time tonight. I need all the help I can get. (pauses) Do you want one? I have a few more in my room. MAX No, I‟m OK. BOBBY That‟s right, you‟re still a young, virile guy. Lucky bastard. (pauses) Come on, put your pants on and let‟s get out of here. MAX Where are we going? BOBBY We‟re meeting up with Danny and Jimmy for some crawfish, po‟ boys and other New Orleans culinary shit. Max goes through his travel bag and pulls out a pair of jeans and a button down shirt. MAX Speaking of Danny, have you spoken to him since O‟Brien‟s? BOBBY No, just Jimmy, after he was done banging that chick in the bathroom for the third time. Why? MAX Well we all left, leaving Danny by himself with that girl. BOBBY Really?


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX Yeah, I have no idea what happened though. After putting his jeans on, Max throws his shirt on and walks over to the mirror to button it up. BOBBY Danny‟s too much of a pussy to do anything. MAX Well there‟s only one way to find out. Let‟s ask him at dinner. Max looks at his completely wrinkled shirt in the mirror and just shrugs. MAX Ehhh, it‟s good enough. (looks back at Bobby) Right, it‟s good enough? BOBBY Stop being a queer. Yes, you look fine, let‟s go. Max takes a swig from his beer. MAX You know the thing I love about New Orleans? BOBBY It‟s probably the only city you can get laid in within the first hour of being here. MAX (laughs) OK, do you know the other thing I love about New Orleans? BOBBY What‟s that? MAX I can drink a beer anywhere I want. (MORE) I


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX (cont‟d) never feel the need to rush my drinking. I can just bring it with me. BOBBY So stop talking and bring your beer with you. Let‟s go. Bobby stands up and walks out of the room with Max, not even bothering to turn the TV off. EXT. – RESTAURANT, SECOND FLOOR BALCONY – NIGHT The four guys, sitting around a dinner table overlooking Bourbon Street, are in the middle of discussing if anything happened between Danny and Monica. MAX So what happened Danny? DANNY I already told you, how many times do I have to tell you? Nothing happened! JIMMY Bullshit. DANNY We left Patty O‟Brien‟s, we grabbed some huge ass beers and I walked her back to her hotel. Then I took a nap by myself. MAX Really? DANNY Really. I‟m a happily married man. I wouldn‟t do anything to jeopardize that. You wouldn‟t? JIMMY Not even a blowjob?


DANNY Well, not unless she was an eight, I only fuck eights or better. I‟m not going to throw away my life for a seven.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX So you didn‟t even get a handy? DANNY Nope. Max looks at him silently for a moment. I call bullshit. MAX I don‟t believe you.


DANNY I don‟t know what I can say to make you believe me. You know what? believe him. BOBBY Call me crazy, but I

JIMMY Ohhh, get the fuck out of here! No, no. BOBBY I believe him. DANNY Thank you Bobby. JIMMY Why do you believe him? BOBBY He doesn‟t have the balls. DANNY Wait, what do you mean? BOBBY Just what I said, you don‟t have the balls. DANNY I take offense to that. BOBBY Why? It‟s not necessarily a bad thing, that you‟re loyal.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DANNY I have balls though. BOBBY Maybe you do, I don‟t know. DANNY Dude, we‟ve known each other since we‟ve been kids, how can you say I don‟t have balls. How many people have you‟ve seen me fight with Jimmy? JIMMY Ahhh, hold on. I was usually the guy kicking ass. You‟d show up in a supporting role when the guy was already rolling around the ground in pain. DANNY Whatever, I‟ll show you all tonight that I have balls. JIMMY Balls in fights are one thing. Balls with women are completely different. DANNY Again, I‟m not looking to hook up with girls. I love my wife. But I do have balls. I‟ll show you. MAX Whoa, keep them in your pants. DANNY You know what I mean. BOBBY Come on, relax Danny. We don‟t need you to go out and embarrass yourself tonight. JIMMY Yeah, especially since you‟ll probably end up embarrassing us in the process. DANNY I won‟t embarrass you guys, I‟m sure (MORE)


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DANNY (cont‟d) you‟ll do a good enough job of doing that on your own. Bobby notices that Max is turned around in his seat and dangling over the rail. BOBBY Max, what are you doing? MAX Trying to see me some titties. Max is waving a handful of beads over the railing every time he sees even a moderately good-looking girl walking by. MAX (shouting) Show me your tits! Show me your tits! DANNY Classy, Max. Max turns back around and throws a necklace right at Danny‟s face. MAX You want to show us your tits? DANNY No thanks. Max looks to the OLD COUPLE who is sitting at the table next to them. The OLD WOMAN is shocked by the language that Max is using. MAX How about you toots? You want to free those sweater puppies of yours? Appalled, the woman slaps Max in the face. OLD WOMAN You barbarian! The slap makes the rest of the guys go wild and applaud. Bobby goes so far as to stand up and high-five the woman.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY Wow, way to go grandma! Good shot! A glass of Chablis on me. JIMMY Direct hit. MAX Screw everybody. Embarrassed that the old woman got the best of him, Max turns back around and hangs over the railing again. MAX (cont‟d) Here titties, titties, titties, titties! Come here titties, titties, titties! A YOUNG CO-ED walking along Bourbon Street with her friends stops and looks up when she notices Max dangling a handful of beads over the railing. MAX (to himself) There you go, honey. You want this right, you know you want this! (shouts out) Show us your tits! The girl lifts up her t-shirt revealing her large breasts. MAX Ohhh shit, she‟s doing it. The other three guys at the table get up and practically knock each other down rushing over to the railing so they can get a good view of the girl. They start hooting and hollering once they get to the railing as a crowd of horny men quickly gather around the girl on Bourbon Street. TOPLESS GIRL Throw me my beads now. MAX Fuck…off. Max turns back around and starts drinking his glass of wine again.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese TOPLESS GIRL Hey asshole, give me my beads. BOBBY Come on Max, what are you doing? her the beads. Why? Give


MAX I don‟t want to run out of beads.

BOBBY Why? Because that skank probably knows six other bitches here, and those sluts probably know six other hoes, and so on and so on. If you want to see anymore tits here, then you‟ll give her the beads. You don‟t want to get a bad reputation here. MAX Fine. Max throws a necklace over his head without even turning around in his seat. The girl on Bourbon Street jumps up and catches the beads to the applause of the guys standing around her. She shouts out in excitement, puts the beads around her neck, high fives her friends then rushes off and into a nearby bar. MAX Are you happy? BOBBY She‟s happy, that‟s all that matters. The three guys sit back down at the table and get settled again. Jimmy looks around for the waiter and grows frustrated when he can‟t find him. JIMMY Where‟s our waiter? DANNY I don‟t know, maybe it‟s serve yourself?

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JIMMY It‟s not serve yourself, fuck that I want our waiter. DANNY It might be a while, I don‟t see him anywhere. Bobby looks down at the street below again. BOBBY It looks like it‟s picking up down there, the streets are packed. JIMMY Fuck it, let‟s get out of here. have drinking to be done. We


DANNY I‟m hurry though, we haven‟t eaten since yesterday. JIMMY Danny, there are bigger stakes at play here. I need to drink and if that means we have to skip dinner to make that happen, so be it. Jimmy stands up and grabs his wine glass. JIMMY Don‟t forget your wines fellas. DANNY But we didn‟t pay for them? JIMMY Like they‟ll notice. DANNY Hold on. Danny takes a small bottle out of his pocket. DANNY (cont‟d) I found this bottle at Duane Reade the other day after seeing it featured on some infomercial at 3am, apparently (MORE)

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DANNY (cont‟d) it‟s some sort of miracle hangover cure. MAX Really? I don‟t believe that shit for a second. DANNY No it‟s true. It even says it on the bottle…”guaranteed to not give you a hangover regardless of how much you drink the night before.” MAX Bullshit. JIMMY Are there any side effects though? Danny scans the bottle for the fine print. DANNY Let‟s see…it says side effects could include wooziness, headaches and even potential vomiting. It also says users should avoid operating heavy equipment for 24 hours after consumption. BOBBY So the anti-hangover cure makes you feel like you have a hangover? DANNY No, it‟s not like that. BOBBY Certainly sounds like it is. DANNY Whatever man, down the hatch. Danny tilts his bed back and drinks the whole bottle. DANNY Ahhh, tastes good. MAX Disgusting.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY Let‟s get the fuck out of here girls. MAX Party time! The rest of the guys stand up, grab their wines and walk down the balcony stairway. EXT. – BOURBON STREET – NIGHT High-energy montage of the four friends partying up and down a crowded Bourbon Street all night long. A weeding party second line parade led by a brass band marches festively down the street so the four guys, who are hanging out along the sidewalk, decide to jump into the parade and party with the revelers. They‟re drinking, dancing and sharing their beers and hand grenades with the wedding party and spraying their beer cans on the parade-goers. Bobby grabs the bride and dances with her for a few seconds, ending it with a dip. The guys continue to dance with the random revelers for a while then they walk back onto the sidewalk as the parade turns off of Bourbon Street. Later in the night, Bobby is in the middle of the street entertaining a large group of college co-eds while Max, Danny and Jimmy stand on the sidewalk pounding huge ass bars. Next, the four guys are walking down the street as Max is wearing an obscene amount of beads around his neck. He‟s high-fiving on-lookers hanging out on the sidewalk as his wide-eyed friends enjoy the sights and sounds on Bourbon Street during spring break. A few girls run up to Max begging him for beads so in response he ends up grabbing one of their breasts which leads her to slap him in the face. She and her friends all flip him off too before walking away.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese This delights the guys to no end as they crack up laughing. Danny laughs so much that he ends up puking all over the side of the street…a lot. INT. – BAR, BOURBON STREET The guys are partying in the middle of a crowded dance floor when they push Jimmy over to the bar and position him with his back against it. Next, the FEMALE BARTENDER climbs onto the top of the bar, grabs a huge funnel and puts it in Jimmy‟s mouth. She makes him funnel a jug of the hand grenade mixture. The crowd ROARS after he finishes the funnel and spits some of it up in the process. After he‟s done, the bartender gets down on her knees, pours a shot in her mouth, grabs Jimmy‟s head and spits it into his mouth, making out with him at the end. The crowd ROARS again in approval as Jimmy high-fives his three other friends. Later on in the same bar, the four guys are standing in the first row of a wet t-shirt contest where FOUR VERY BIGBREASTED YOUNG LADIES are dancing on a stage wearing skin tight white t-shirts and very short jean shorts. The guys have Super Soaker squirt guns in their hands and are dousing the girls with water as they laugh and continue high fiving each other. The girls rub the water all over themselves and blow kisses to the guys. INT. – HARRAH‟S CASINO The guys are playing craps at a table that has gathered a large crowd. Bobby is commanding the table with his impressive dicethrowing ability. For each seven he rolls, the crowd cheers louder and grows larger as people want to check out the action. The guys are drinking heavily and high-fiving each other after each roll.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese A COCKTAIL WAITRESS drops a drink off to Bobby, who pretends to drop a chip on her tray as a tip but instead leans in and makes out with her. After the kiss, Bobby high fives Max, throws the dice, rolls another seven, then grabs the closest woman to him and makes out with her. Then he turns and kisses the woman on his other side to the applause of the gathered crowd. INT. – BLUE NILE, MUSIC VENUE ON FRENCHMEN STREET The guys are hanging out and boozing in the bar grooving throughout the night to JAZZ, FUNKS, BLUES and SOUL BANDS. EXT. – BOURBON STREET – NIGHT The guys are walking down the street again amid the revelry surrounding them. Max, trying to capture the spirit of New Orleans and their adventure, takes out his IPHONE and starts recording everything going on. Random partiers come up to his phone and yell and scream into it. One girl comes up and flashes her big breasts into the camera, grabbing Max‟s arm and pushing the iPhone right into her cleavage. Another girl comes up to him and kisses the iPhone, in return Max gives her beads and mouths “I love you” right to her. The guys continue walking down the street drinking huge ass beers, high-fiving strangers, ass slapping random girls, putting their arms around each other‟s shoulders and hugging, and drinking more huge ass beers. They walk towards the stretch of the street that has all the strip clubs – Rick‟s Cabaret, Déjà Vu‟s, Hustler Club. Scantily clad STRIPPERS - some mildly attractive but most unattractive, overweight and generally looking rough – stand in the doorways of each club trying their best to lure men in. Outside of Hustler‟s Barely Legal club, a younger stripper with crooked teeth runs right into the middle of Bourbon Street and grabs Jimmy‟s arm trying to lure him over to the club.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese Jimmy tries his best to resist being drawn over to the club, but the stripper is surprisingly strong. Against his best efforts, she brings him over to the front door however Jimmy is able to push her away and escape. He re-joins his friends on the street shortly thereafter. The boys continue walking around until they come to the Penthouse Club. They look up at the sign in awe, then decide to enter. INT. – THE PENTHOUSE CLUB The guys are sitting at the bar pounding Jack and Cokes, watching the action on the main stage. Later, the guys are sitting at a table by the main stage, each getting a lap dance by a stripper. While Bobby gets a lap dance, he also receives a massage from a masseuse who‟s standing behind him. Later on the guys get delivered a round of Jack shots and Bobby makes out with the waitress once she takes the last shot off her tray. They make a toast and crush their shots. Drunkenly, they‟re laughing and joking around with each other. Danny can hardly keep his eyes open but he‟s laughing uncontrollably for no particular reason. EXT. – PENTHOUSE CLUB – NIGHT Danny leaves the club and immediately grabs a street lamp for support then pukes all over the side of the street again. The three other friends walk out of the club, laughing at Danny‟s continued misfortune. BOBBY How‟s that hangover cure working for you? DANNY (coughs) Not so good. (coughs) Not so good at all.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese Danny pukes some more on the side of the street. MAX Dumbass. DANNY I swear that infomercial said this stuff works. MAX That‟s why you‟re a dumbass. BOBBY Where to now boys? JIMMY What time is it? BOBBY (looks at his watch) Almost midnight. MAX The night is still young. BOBBY That it is. MAX We have to close down the bars tonight. JIMMY I‟m cool with that, but if we‟re going to do it I‟m going to need some more coke. Danny is still on the side of the street puking. DANNY (coughs) That will probably make me feel better. BOBBY So where are we going to find blow? JIMMY That chick Lauren gave me a local contact that she found.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX I thought she got her shit from her dad? JIMMY She did, but she met a local back-up too since she figured her original supply would only last two days. BOBBY OK, let‟s do this shit then. Jimmy grabs his phone and makes a call. EXT. – BOURBON STREET – NIGHT The four guys, who are walking along Bourbon Street again, take a turn and head down a dark side street. They only make it a few steps before a POLICE OFFICER shouts out from behind them. CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER Where do you guys think you‟re going? Startled, the guys stop and turn around to see a hulking African-American police officer with his female partner. BOBBY Excuse me, you talking to us? The officers menacingly walk up to them. CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER Yeah, I‟m talking to you crackers. MAX Crackers? I don‟t think that‟s the most politically correct term you could‟ve used. JIMMY (whispers) Shut the fuck up Max. The police officer gets right up in Max‟s face. CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER You say something, cracker?


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX No…sir. CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER I‟m just trying to help you sorry ass losers. MAX (whispers) Why does everyone keep calling us losers? CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER You guys go down this road right here and there‟s a 50 / 50 chance you‟ll be shot. JIMMY Really, why‟s that? CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER It‟s gang controlled. See how dark it is down there? They‟ve shot the lights out. I wouldn‟t go down there if I was you. Hell I wouldn‟t go down there if I was me, which I am. BOBBY Really, but you‟re a police officer. CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER That‟s right. And I‟m 280 pounds of pure muscle. BOBBY And you‟re afraid…even though you have a gun too? CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER And they have one hundred guns, so what‟s your point? BOBBY Just that it‟s weird that it seems like the outlaws run this city. CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER It‟s the New Orleans way, and I care more about making it home in one piece than I do about beefing up my arrest record.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese Jimmy flexes his muscles. JIMMY Well, I‟ll just kick everyone‟s ass with these pipes. I‟m not afraid. CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER (laughs) Cute, well don‟t say we didn‟t warn you. I assume you‟re going down there to score some drugs. Stupid, fucking white boys, just make sure we don‟t catch you with any on you… The officer grabs a hold of his nightstick and rubs it menacingly. CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER (cont‟d) …Or else I will make an example out of you. The female walks up to the four guys and looks directly at Max. FEMALE OFFICER ON BOURBON ST And when he‟s done, I‟ll be sure to kick all of you in the balls. The officer fakes kneeing Max in the groin which makes him keel over instinctively. Both officers laugh, satisfied that they‟ve scared them. CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER Go ahead, get the hell out of here. The officers turn around and walk away. JIMMY (drunkenly) OK, let‟s go. DANNY Do you think that‟s a smart move? That incredible hulk-looking motherfucker doesn‟t even have any interest in going down this street. JIMMY Yeah because he‟s a pussy…we‟re not.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DANNY Speak for yourself. You‟re drunk and I hate when you get like this because you think you can kick everyone‟s ass. JIMMY I can‟t? Danny rolls his eyes when he hears how serious Jimmy answers the question. JIMMY (cont‟d) Look, do you want some coke or not? How else are we going to stay awake for the rest of the night? DANNY Is that really the most important thing now? Look, we‟ve had a great night, we got drunk twice today, we have two more days left here. Let‟s just call it a night. JIMMY Easy for you to say, you‟ve already puked your ass off. What about us guys that want to keep going, but just need a little pick-me-up? Stop being a selfish prick and let‟s go score some drugs. Jimmy starts walking down the road, followed by Max while Bobby walks over to Danny and pats him on the back. Come on Danny. we‟ll be fine. BOBBY Look, there‟s four of us,


DANNY (reluctantly) Fine. Bobby and Danny follow the other two guys down the road. EXT. – DARK, DESERTED ROAD OFF BOURBON STREET – NIGHT The four guys come to a dark, quiet intersection and just stand there.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX So what now? JIMMY The guy is supposed to meet us here. MAX I don‟t see anyone here though. JIMMY So we wait. MAX For how long. JIMMY For as long as it takes. The four guys just stand there for several moments in eerie silence. DANNY It‟s kind of scary out here. MAX Shut the fuck up Danny. Suddenly, THREE SHADY-LOOKING DRUG DEALERS emerge from the darkness across the street. They cross the intersection and approach the four guys. TRAVIS, the head drug dealer leading the charge towards the men, sizes them up. TRAVIS You the buyers? JIMMY I thought you were coming alone? TRAVIS I always travel with my boys. What the fuck does it matter to you anyways? JIMMY Doesn‟t matter to me holmes, I just don‟t like flashing my cash in front of all these homies.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese TRAVIS Holmes? Homies? JIMMY Is “G‟s” better? TRAVIS Motherfucking cracker, I have a momma, she named me Travis, bitch. I‟m fucking Travis. MAX I bet your mother is really proud. Bobby grabs Max and puts his hand over his mouth while pulling him back. BOBBY Shut the fuck up Max. Travis menacingly walks over to Max and looks him up and down. TRAVIS You say something bitch? BOBBY Don‟t pay any attention to my friend, he‟s a retard with tourettes. TRAVIS Shut up pretty boy. BOBBY (smiles) You think I‟m pretty? Travis takes his GUN out and points it at Bobby, which immediately scares the hell out of the four friends. TRAVIS You calling me a faggot?!? THE GUYS Ohhhh. DANNY No, no, no Mr. Drug Dealer.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JIMMY Hey, we just want to buy some shit and be on our way. So do you have the shit or what? Travis walks back over to the muscular Jimmy and stares him down. TRAVIS The shit? THE SHIT?!?! What do you think this is? The movies? Look at you white boys. You come down to New Orleans, take over our town, act the fool and fuck our bitches. You think you own the place. And now you want our drugs. Well fuck you, this is my city, not yours. (pauses) I run this shit! All of it! MAX Just to clarify, we come down here to fuck the tourists, not the city bitches. JIMMY (annoyed) You going to sell us the coke or not? TRAVIS Show me the cash. JIMMY You show me the coke. TRAVIS Go fuck yourself. JIMMY You‟re the asshole pointing a gun at me. TRAVIS And I‟m the asshole that‟s going to pop a cap in your ass if you don‟t show me the money. JIMMY “Pop a cap in your ass?” “Show me the money?” Now who‟s the bananahead that‟s acting like he‟s a movie?


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese Travis looks at Bobby. TRAVIS You know your bitch ass friend is asking for it. Bitch ass? JIMMY Who you calling bitch, ass?


The tension in the air grows as the situation escalates. TRAVIS You, honky. As Travis turns back to Jimmy, Jimmy gives him a swift but violent PUNCH to the face out of nowhere knocking him down to the ground. As Travis falls, he drops his gun which is quickly picked up by Max who points it at the two other drug dealers. MAX Don‟t move motherfuckers! Without missing a beat, Jimmy immediately leans down and starts WAILING on Travis. DRUG DEALER #2 You guys are dead, you bitches are so fucking dead! You hear me?!?! Danny walks over to the drug dealer and punches him right in the face, dropping him as well. The third drug dealer takes a step over attempting to intervene but is immediately stopped by Max who points the gun at him again. MAX Take one more step dickhead. do it. Come on,

Upon hearing the threat, the drug dealer steps back. MAX Go on, get out of here. The drug dealer just stands there and eyes him down which makes Max cock the gun and point it at him more firmly.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX Get the fuck out of here! After a few moments of continuing to stare him down, the drug dealer slowly backs up while not taking his eyes off of Max. DRUG DEALER #3 (whispers) You‟re dead. You‟re fucking dead. MAX Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck off. The drug dealer turns around and runs away. During Jimmy‟s fight, he climbs on top of Travis, who‟s rolling around the ground and, continues violently BEATING him bloody until he knocks him unconscious. Clearly unconscious, Jimmy continues PUNCHING him until Bobby rushes over and pulls him off. BOBBY OK, I think he gets the point. Jimmy stands up and is almost in a daze from kicking so much ass. Bobby looks at Jimmy‟s knuckles and is shocked to see so much blood on his hands. BOBBY Jesus Jimmy! JIMMY Don‟t worry, it‟s not my blood. BOBBY Well let‟s get the hell out of here. Bobby tries to push Jimmy down the street, but he stops him. JIMMY Hold on, I need to get the coke. Jimmy walks back over to Travis‟ lifeless body, reaches inside his jacket pocket and takes out a bag of cocaine.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese After thinking further for a moment, Jimmy decides to grab Travis‟ wallet from his back pocket and takes out his money. Got it. JIMMY Let‟s go.


Jimmy walks back over to the guys and they begin casually walking down the street as Travis lays unconscious and his other drug dealer friend rolls around the street in pain. BOBBY That was crazy. MAX Yeah, that escalated pretty quickly. What can I say? I look though? What do you mean? JIMMY Well did I look good when I was beating the shit out of him? MAX Like technique-wise? JIMMY Technique, overall form. Basically it‟s not enough for me to fuck somebody up, I want to look good while doing it. MAX Ummm, yeah, you looked good. JIMMY (laughs) That‟s what I thought. (pauses) God I love to fight! DANNY Did you take his money too? JIMMY I like to fight. MAX How did

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JIMMY Yeah, I figured we‟d want to have some pizza later. So he can buy it for us. MAX So badass. BOBBY OK, forget about Jimmy for a moment since we all know he‟s a total loose cannon, psychotic fuck; how about Danny knocking the piss out of that dude? JIMMY Yeah, how about that? Sweet, nice family man, Danny Ahmad, is actually a stone cold assassin. DANNY What can I say? When we get in the heat of the situation and a fight breaks out I get “Jimmy juice.” MAX Ha, gotta love “Jimmy juice,” the imaginary drink that gives ordinary men extraordinary power just by standing close to Jimmy. Jimmy playfully grabs Danny and puts him in a big bearhug. JIMMY Ahhhh, I love it! Good job Danny! DANNY I can‟t believe I knocked that guy down with one punch. JIMMY I can. Because you‟ve learned from watching the best. DANNY True, but still…I‟m almost forty, I have kids. I shouldn‟t be fighting anymore. JIMMY Whatever, age is just a number. good though, didn‟t it? It felt


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DANNY What? JIMMY Hitting that guy and connecting with the perfect punch. DANNY It felt great. JIMMY I tell you, it‟s intoxicating. DANNY It was like I was releasing years of pent up aggression. BOBBY That‟s what marriage will do to a guy. DANNY See I told you assholes I had balls and I was going to prove it. BOBBY No argument from me anymore. JIMMY Yeah, you done good, even by my standards. MAX So Jimmy, do you think you killed that guy back there? JIMMY Not sure. Although I did feel his cheekbone break on one of the punches I hit him with. MAX Really? JIMMY Yeah. MAX (curiously) How did it feel?


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JIMMY (innocently) It felt nice. MAX So do you think you killed him? JIMMY Eh, six in one, half dozen in another. If you dies, he dies. BOBBY You sick bastard. JIMMY The sickest. DANNY Let‟s go back to Bourbon Street and partake in some party favors. EXT. – BOURBON STREET – NIGHT Montage of the four friends continuing to party up and down a crowded Bourbon Street. At one point they‟re in the middle of the street dancing again with young women while drinking hand grenades in one hand and huge ass beers in the other. INT. BOURBON STREET BLUES COMPANY BAR


MEN‟S BATHROOM In a dimly lit bathroom, the four friends are standing in front of four sinks taking lines of coke then looking at themselves in the mirror while wiping their noses clean. They all look really rough from their night-long bender. JIMMY This shit is pretty good…I almost feel Bad now for kicking that guy‟s ass. Bobby takes another hit of cocaine. BOBBY God damn right it is.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX What should we do now? BOBBY There‟s a good vibe here, good music, why don‟t we just stay here? Jimmy heads for the door. JIMMY Fine with me, there is some good looking ass… Jimmy opens the door to leave but is greeted by an angry looking Travis who is standing menacingly in the door frame with his two drug dealer friends. Travis immediately punches Jimmy right in the face, knocking him to the ground, while he was in midsentence. TRAVIS Bitch. Max, Bobby and Danny are completely caught off guard by Travis and run to the back of the bathroom as Travis and the other two drug dealers walk in. MAX Holy shit! The two other drug dealers take out there guns and point them at the three scared guys. As soon as everyone is in the bathroom, the male police officer from earlier in the night enters to the shock of the guys. BOBBY Whoa. CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER (smiles) I told you guys not to go down that road, but you wouldn‟t listen to me. Travis notices his cocaine strewn across the sinks.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese TRAVIS Look at what we got here…certainly looks like my cocaine… Travis sticks his finger in a line of cocaine and has a taste. TRAVIS (cont‟d) …certainly tastes like my cocaine. MAX To be fair, that could‟ve come from any drug dealer. TRAVIS Not likely snowflake. DANNY (worriedly) What are you going to do to us? Travis walks up to the three guys and looks them in the eyes then walks over to the police officer. TRAVIS That‟s a good question. What do you think we should do with these motherfuckers? BOBBY You could always find some compassion and let us go. Travis turns around to look at Bobby. TRAVIS Shut the fuck up. One of the drug dealers walks up to Danny and shoves his gun in his nose. DRUG DEALER #1 Let me off this bitch. Travis turns back around to look at the police officer. TRAVIS What do you think?


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX (whispers to Bobby) We‟re fucked, we‟re so fucking fucked. BOBBY (whispers to Max) No we‟re not, not yet. Just play it cool. MAX (whispers) Play it cool? Danny has a glock in his nose. BOBBY (whispers) Well the alternative is pissing your pants. You going to be a pants pisser? MAX (whispers) No. The police officer grabs the BATON from his belt and hits it in his hands a few times. CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER (smiles) I think we can come up with some torturous things to do to these fools. BOBBY (whispers) Might be time to piss our pants right about now. MAX True that. The police officer hits Max in his stomach with his baton, causing him to keel over in pain. TRAVIS Shit ain‟t so funny anymore, is it? Shit is real. BOBBY We never thought anything was funny.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese Travis walks over and gets right in his face. TRAVIS What are you mouthin‟ off about? BOBBY Nothing Mr. Drug Dealer. TRAVIS What, do you think you‟re funny? think you‟re Dane Cook? You


BOBBY No sir, I actually do think I‟m funny. Travis eyes his curly, long hair. TRAVIS And you‟re a pretty boy too. BOBBY I have long hair, yes. Not sure that makes me a pretty boy. That‟s the second time you‟ve called me pretty, what‟s up with that homo? Travis ignores his question, turns away and looks at one of his drug dealing buddies. TRAVIS Show this fool what we do to pretty boys. MAX Ohhh jeez. DRUG DEALER #2 With pleasure. The drug dealer walks over to Bobby and punches him squarely in the face but he doesn‟t fall down. Suddenly, a drunken BAR PATRON stumbles into the bathroom but as soon as he‟s inside the police officer pulls out his gun and points it right at his head. CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER Get the fuck out of here!

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DRUNKEN BAR PATRON (startled) Wow, those must have been some awesome „shrooms that I took. TRAVIS Are you deaf motherfucker? CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER I have a 9 millimeter pointed right at your temple. Your next move should be… DRUNKEN BAR PATRON (interrupts) Turning around and leaving. Got it. The bar patron turns around and rushes out of the bathroom. Then the police officer turns his focus back to the helpless friends. CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER Now, where were we? Oh yes, we were kicking your ass. The officer walks up to Danny and notices that he‟s been unharmed so far. CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER We haven‟t marked you up yet. DANNY And, if at all possible, I‟d like to keep it that way. CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER (laughs) Very cute.



As the three drug dealers and police officer concentrate on Danny, Jimmy is behind them trying to recover and get on his feet. Once Jimmy finally gets to his feet, he sucker punches the officer in the back of the neck. This leads Travis and the other two drug dealers to turn around and see what the commotion is about. They see Jimmy and the police officer rolling around the floor, both seemingly in the fight for their lives.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese With them distracted, Danny jumps on Travis‟ back and starts punching him over and over again in the head. Max and Bobby both get into the fight as well and take on the other two drug dealers. Within seconds, a massive fight has broken out throughout the bathroom. Jimmy and the police officer are in a pretty gruesome fight, two behemoths grappling on the floor with each other complete with eye-gouging, chokeholds and elbows to the face. After getting the upper hand on the police officer, Jimmy drags him into a stall, lifts him up, sticks his head into the urine-filled toilet and flushes it. Jimmy takes a ultimate sign a piss in the corrupt cop‟s moment to catch his breath then, in the of disrespect, he unzips his pants and takes toilet, which obviously hits the back of the head as well.


BOBBY God I must‟ve had too much beer tonight, I‟m pissing like a race horse. Afterwards, he kicks the officer in the back of the neck and leaves him hanging on the toilet. As Danny and Travis roll around on the floor, Travis desperately tries to lift up his gun and point it at him but Danny continually blocks him. As the two roll around onto their other side, a loud SHOT is heard. The gun has gone off. The loud sound stops Max, Bobby and the two other drug dealers from fighting as they all become curious as to what happened. JIMMY Danny! Danny and Travis both lay motionless for a few moments until Danny yanks the gun out of Travis‟ dead hands and stands up, immediately pointing it at the two other drug dealers.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JIMMY Ohhh thank god it was him, not you. MAX Two men enter, one man leaves. DANNY And that man is me! Danny “Big Balls” Ahmad! Danny high fives Jimmy, Max and Bobby in celebration. BOBBY The biggest. DANNY Take that bitches and bow down to my big balls! BOBBY While I won‟t do that, I will give you mad respect. JIMMY By the way, how did I look while beating the shit out of that cop? BOBBY (rolls his eyes) Ohhh Jesus, not this again. Max walks up to the other two drug dealers. MAX Looks like the hands on the other foot, fuckers! Jimmy looks at the drug dealers, almost in an apologetic way acknowledging that Max butchered the phrase. JIMMY Yeah, I know. DANNY So what do we do now? BOBBY I don‟t know.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JIMMY Let‟s get the hell out of here. DANNY What about these dudes though? JIMMY (thinking) Hmmmm…OK, hey assholes, turn around. Turn around and eat the wall. The dealers look confused, not knowing what Jimmy wants them to do. So Jimmy walks over to them, grabs their arms and forcefully turns them around so that they‟re facing the wall. JIMMY Eat the fucking wall! Jimmy pushes their faces into the wall. JIMMY Now, hands behind your backs. The dealers oblige and put their hands behind their backs. JIMMY Get on your knees! MAX What, are you going to have them suck your dick? JIMMY Shut up Max! Jimmy notices that the dealers haven‟t gotten down so he kicks both of them in the back of their knees. JIMMY I said get on your fucking knees! The dealers fall to the ground on their knees. DANNY What about Travis? We can‟t just leave a dead drug dealer lying on the bathroom floor in plain view of everyone.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX I‟m sure it wouldn‟t be the first time it happened in a New Orleans bathroom. JIMMY Nor the last. BOBBY That may be true, but Danny still has a point. Drug dealer or not, I‟m sure there‟s still some sort of penalty for murder, even in New Orleans. Bobby looks around the room to get some ideas. BOBBY (cont‟d) We‟ll sit him on a shitter. DANNY A shitter? BOBBY Yeah, it‟s perfect. DANNY Ohhhkay. Danny gives Bobby the gun so that they can continue keeping the dealers in check. DANNY Here, hold this. Next, Danny grabs Travis‟ limp shoulders as he prepares to move him into a stall. DANNY Max, give me a hand. Fuck no. MAX I wasn‟t the one that shot him.


DANNY I‟m moving him too, I just need a second pair of hands. MAX I don‟t need to do your dirty work. Touching a dead body is bad karma.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY Max, give him a hand. MAX (begrudgingly) Fine. Max walks over to Travis and grabs his feet. They pull him into a stall, lift him up and position him so that they can sit Travis down on the toilet. After they set him down, Travis‟ body tilts to the side and falls off the toilet. DANNY Fuck. MAX He‟s a slippery son-of-a-bitch, isn‟t he? DANNY Come on, let‟s get him up. Danny and Max pick Travis up and sit him on the toilet again. Travis starts slipping off the toilet again, but this time Max stops him from falling off. Max stabilizes Travis‟ body by leaning his head against the wall of the stall. JIMMY (impatiently) Are you clowns done molesting the dead body? MAX Almost. Max stands in the stall for a few more moments until he‟s satisfied that Travis won‟t fall off the toilet again. MAX OK, we‟re good. Max and Danny walk out of the stall and rejoin their friends.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese Danny looks at Bobby who‟s still pointing the gun at the back of the heads of the two drug dealers. DANNY OK, now what? JIMMY Let‟s see…I want these fools to count to 60. You drug dealing retards can count to 60, can‟t you? After not hearing a response, Jimmy kicks one of the dealers in the foot. JIMMY (cont‟d) Can‟t you? DRUG DEALER #3 We‟re not idiots, OK? JIMMY Well start counting…and don‟t even think about getting up or turning away from the wall. We‟re going to be right at the front door drinking beer and if you leave before the minute is up, we‟ll fuck you up. BOBBY That‟s right, we‟ll smoke you fools. MAX Jesus, you don‟t sound hard at all when you say that. BOBBY Yeah, but I feel hard…like Dirty Harry… or Jules from Pulp Fiction. Yeah definitely Jules. JIMMY Start counting assholes. BOTH DRUG DEALERS 1…2…3… JIMMY Come on, let‟s go.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese The four friends quickly bolt out of the bathroom and reenter the BAR AREA Which is packed with young partiers. DANNY We‟re not really going to stay around here and drink beer, are we? JIMMY Fuck no, we‟re going to get as far away from here as possible. Come on, let‟s bolt. The four RUN through the crowd, pushing and elbowing people out of their way in the process. Once they get to the front door, they‟re stopped in their tracks by a big, hulking bouncer. BOURBON STREET BLUES BOUNCER Hey, hey, slow down or you might end up hurting someone…and then I‟d have to hurt you. BOBBY Sorry, we‟re just leaving. The guys walk out of the bar and onto EXT. – BOURBON STREET – NIGHT Where they continue walking for a few more feet before deciding to run again. They run through the crowded streets, pushing and elbowing people out of the way, much like they did in the bar but they don‟t have a master plan and aren‟t going anywhere in particular. After getting a few blocks away from the bar, they enter the area of Bourbon Street with all the strip clubs again. Wait, wait, wait. BOBBY Hold up.


Bobby holds up his hand which makes the guys stop running.

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY (cont‟d) Where are we going? MAX I have no idea. Jimmy sees a skinny guy, who‟s barely 21, walking by him with his friends drinking a Hand Grenade. So he forcefully grabs his drink right from his hands and pushes him away. SKINNY KID WITH DRINK Heyyyy. JIMMY Fuck off, I‟m thirsty. Jimmy begins drinking the Hand Grenade like nothing happened. Begrudgingly, seeing that Jimmy is twice the size of him, the guy has no choice but to just hang his head down low and walk away. JIMMY That‟s right, walk away bitch. BOBBY So where should we be going? The guys look around the street to get some ideas. MAX Titty club? DANNY Jesus, it‟s always about titties with you. MAX Well yeah, I am a straight, single guy. BACK AT THE FRONT OF THE BOURBON STREET BLUES COMPANY BAR The two drug dealers barge out of the bar and onto the street, followed by the big, hulking bouncer. The dealers run onto the street and look both ways several times trying to find the four.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese After a few moments, the dealers decide coincidentally to run down the same side of the street that the four friends went down earlier. They‟re now hot their trail. BACK DOWN THE STREET NEAR THE STRIP CLUBS BOBBY (annoyed) Come on guys, think, where the fuck should we go? It‟s not going to be long until those assholes come looking for us. Think! The four continue looking around the street trying to figure out a plan. After a few moments Max looks across the street and sees the four girls from earlier in the day - Lauren, Denise, Rachel and Monica – hanging out together. MAX Ohhh, fuck us. Max knows it‟s only a matter of time before the girls notice them standing there. Sure enough as Lauren is in the middle of telling a very animated story, she looks over and notices the guys so she abruptly stops her story. She very clearly mouths “motherfucker, cocksucker” which Max notices. MAX Yep, fuck us. Lauren marches across the street towards the guys with her three friends in tow. The other guys, outside of Max, don‟t realize anything‟s going on yet. JIMMY (confused) What? MAX Ohhh, you‟ll see in a second. Lauren walks up to Jimmy and punches him right in the face.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX, BOBBY, DANNY Ahhhhh! LAUREN Who the fuck do you think you are? You and your friends fuck us, take all our coke then kick us out of your rooms without even a thank you. DANNY Technically I didn‟t fuck anyone. JIMMY Yeah and technically I only fucked you in Pat O‟Brien‟s bathroom, not my room. DENISE Shut up and let her talk. LAUREN You think you‟re all big and bad, stick your dick in me at O‟Brien‟s, take lines off my tits, then just throw me out?!? No, I‟m the one that throws people out. You were supposed to call me for dinner tonight! BOBBY Jeez, talk about a stage 5 psycho. Max laughs at Bobby‟s comment which draws the ire of Rachel. RACHEL What are you laughing at you small dicked bastard. MAX (surprised) Who me? RACHEL Yes, you. Man was all bragging that he was going to rock my world for hours. Whatever, dude barely got his boxers off by the time he nutted.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX (laughs nervously) That‟s so not true. RACHEL Then he cuddled with me and professed his love. JIMMY (laughs) Ha, ha, homo. MAX She‟s obviously making this all up to look cool in front of her friends. BOBBY That may be true, but she‟s doing a good job of making you look like a fool in front of yours. MAX Whatever. Max notices that Jimmy has swelling around his right eye and makes a comment to turn the attention off of himself. MAX Damn Jimmy, is that swelling? BOBBY (laughs) Holy shit, Jimmy got beat up by a girl! JIMMY Bitch has a mean right hook. LAUREN Yeah and I‟ve got a pretty great knee to the balls too. Lauren steps back and prepares to thrust her knee forward but is stopped by Jimmy who puts his arms out to surrender. JIMMY Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up. LAUREN What?!?


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JIMMY I don‟t feel the need to apologize. LAUREN And why not? JIMMY What the fuck was up with that coke dealer you set us up with? LAUREN What was wrong with Travis? JIMMY You remembered his name? LAUREN I remember the names of all the important people in my life. DANNY Well, he wasn‟t very nice. LAUREN Of course he isn‟t, he‟s a drug dealer. MAX We expected him to be a little more mellow, sort of like James Franco in Pineapple Express. DANNY I like that movie. BOBBY It is pretty good. LAUREN That was pot though, Travis deals H, coke and meth...completely different personality. He can be a little rough around the edges but he‟s a sweetheart. JIMMY Well it doesn‟t matter, Travis is dead now. LAUREN He‟s dead?!?!


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese JIMMY Dead as a doornail. DANNY I shot him. BOBBY Yeah, Danny killed him during a fight, it was pretty awesome. DENISE You shot Travis? DANNY Yes. MAX Ohhh and we flushed a cop‟s head down a toilet. DANNY …While Jimmy urinated on him. JIMMY That was me. Guilty as charged. What could I do? I had to go to the bathroom, his head was in the way. MAX That was pretty rad. Disgusting, but rad. JIMMY It was, wasn‟t it? LAUREN So you shot Travis and you beat up a cop? JIMMY Pretty much, yes. I mean, we kicked a couple other drug dealer‟s asses in the process, but yes, the main talking points would be the two you mentioned…with a third possibly being the urination. But I don‟t really want to brag about that, at least not in front of ladies…because I‟m a gentleman after all. LAUREN Ohhhkay.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese The girls‟ attitude, tone and demeanor suddenly change as they start thinking that these guys are tough and shouldn‟t be messed with. LAUREN (cont‟d) Come on ladies, I think we‟re going to leave these men be and go back drinking. Lauren slowly turns to walk away along with Rachel and Monica. Jimmy can‟t help but throw out a parting shot. JIMMY Yeah, get the fuck out of here. DANNY Calm down Jimmy. JIMMY Am I coming on too strong? DANNY A little bit. JIMMY Good. (yells out to the girls) Ohhh and I faked it both times too! Denise, who has stayed behind with the guys, walks seductively up to Bobby and grabs his crotch over his jeans. DENISE I‟m going to miss this thing. BOBBY Well I‟m going to come down to your dorm next month, right? DENISE You‟re girlfriend won‟t care that you‟re coming down to Alabama for the weekend? BOBBY Honey, if my wife won‟t care I‟m pretty sure my girlfriend won‟t either.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DENISE OK great! Denise leans in and gives Bobby a long, passionate kiss that goes on for a long amount of time while the other guys just awkwardly stand around. DENISE I‟ll miss you. Denise holds his hand for as long as she can even as she begins to move away to rejoin her friends. BOBBY Not as much as I‟ll miss you. DENISE Love you. BOBBY Yep. Denise finally lets go of his hand, gives him one final wave and walks away. MAX You pimp. BOBBY Hey, I do what I do. OK, so where to next ladies? JIMMY I think I‟m done for the night. BOBBY What? No, the night‟s just getting started. JIMMY I‟m done. BOBBY Is this because a girl beat you up? JIMMY Shut the fuck up Bobby.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY Just asking. JIMMY I got sucker punched OK. I‟m done for the night. But regardless,


DANNY Yeah, me too. We still have tomorrow to party. I don‟t want to “blow my load” all in one night as the kids would say. BOBBY Max? MAX I think I‟m with the guys on this one. I‟ll probably go back and raid my minibar, whack off to a Spank-a-Vision movie and pass out. BOBBY OK fine pussies, let‟s go back to the hotel. DANNY You can always stay out. By myself? Fuck you. BOBBY No, I‟ll go back to the room. INT. – OMNI ROYAL ORLEANS HOTEL HALLWAY The four guys walk down the hallway looking completely exhausted and beaten, both physically and mentally. DANNY What a night. MAX You‟ve got that right. BOBBY Who am I, Max? MAX

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DANNY I‟m going to sleep like twelve hours tonight. A luxury I never have back at home with the kids and all. BOBBY Ohhh, so you remember you still have a family? DANNY Barely. I‟m not sure I should have one after today‟s antics though. JIMMY Ohh relax Danny. It‟s not like you got a blowjob from some chick. You just killed a drug dealer, big deal. BOBBY You were just blowing off some steam, every guy‟s got to do it once in a while. DANNY Yeah, well this guy isn‟t supposed to. My wife will never understand. BOBBY That‟s why you don‟t tell her! The four guys approach their own rooms, which are located right next to each other in a row. Simultaneously they open their doors and look into their rooms in disbelief then shout out at the same time. ALL FOUR GUYS Holy fuck! Whatever they see causes them all to rush into their rooms immediately. MAX‟S ROOM Max is shocked to see that his room has been completely ransacked, the blankets on the bed have been tossed around, the TV smashed to bits, furniture turned over and broken, but most importantly his luggage and all of his personal property is gone.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese MAX No, no, this can‟t be happening. cannot be happening.



Max searches throughout the room for his stuff – in the closet, under the bed, in the bathroom – but to no avail. MAX All my shit is gone! Everything. Max walks over to another closet and opens it up. that had a safe is now empty. MAX They ripped the safe out?!? Max then walks over to the mini-bar, opens it up and sees that it‟s completely empty. MAX And they took the mini-bar! Max runs back out into the HALLWAY Where he sees the other guys standing around equally befuddled. DANNY What the hell happened! MAX So your room was ransacked too? JIMMY All of ours were. MAX Did they take anything? BOBBY Everything. MAX That fucking sucks. The spot

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY Tell me about it, I had some very exotic oils and lubricants that I picked up the last time I was in Thailand. You can‟t find that shit in the States. Very exclusive stuff, practically priceless in the Western Hemisphere. JIMMY Bummer, now you‟ll just have to have sex like the rest of us. BOBBY That sucks, I don‟t want to be mortal. JIMMY I had two thousand dollars in my safe. Gone. MAX I had a thousand. DANNY I had a few pictures of my family. MAX (interrupts) Of course you did. DANNY And they even took them too. MAX How the hell did this happen? BOBBY It must‟ve been those drug dealers. DANNY How the hell could they have found our rooms? BOBBY Are you kidding me? This is New Orleans, everyone knows everyone else. All of these locals are in cahoots to scam the tourists.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DANNY Cahoots? BOBBY Yeah, cahoots. Look, these dealers know what we look like, so they probably asked around within the network of locals in the hospitality industry and were led here. DANNY We‟re lucky they didn‟t stay around then. BOBBY God damn right we are. MAX What should we do? DANNY I don‟t know, should we call the police? JIMMY What are you, sick? We beat the piss out of a cop a little over an hour ago. We are not calling the police! They‟d come over here, beat us, rape us, and then throw us in prison to be raped again by the general population. BOBBY That‟s because they‟re all in cahoots. JIMMY Right. And I don‟t want to land in a New Orleans prison. MAX Can you imagine the awfulness of that situation? This city looks like shit on the outside, can you imagine what it looks like on the inside? Fuck that noise. BOBBY You got that right. DANNY Then what the hell are we going to do?


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese The guys stand around thinking for a few moments. JIMMY Why don‟t we just go home? Surprisingly, the friends, all of whom are tired and beaten down, don‟t put up a fight or disagree. BOBBY I‟m fine with that. DANNY Me too. Max is the lone holdout for a moment. MAX But we still have a couple more days here. BOBBY With a pissed off cop, his buddies and two drug dealers on the prowl looking for us? For once, don‟t be an idiot, let‟s cut our losses. Max stands there thinking for a moment. MAX (smiles) We had a good time though, right? BOBBY The best. MAX OK, let‟s go. The four guys start walking down the hallway slowly, some are limping, showing signs of a rough night that included a fight. DANNY Thank god we still have our wallets, or this would‟ve been an adventure just to get home.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY It would‟ve been fine, I could‟ve just called my mistress to wire us money. She prays at the altar of my dick, she would do anything for me. INT. – AIRPLANE The four guys are sitting in a row within first class, two on one side of the aisle, two on the other side. They‟re quiet and just staring straight ahead, still in shock over the prior day‟s debauchery. They sit there saying nothing for an awkwardly long time. After a while, a FLIGHT ATTENDANT stops by to deliver four screwdriver drinks. Without saying anything, the guys slowly take a sip. Danny decides to finally break the silence with a simple statement. BOBBY So Jimmy, you feel better now about your divorce from that psycho bitch? JIMMY Mentally, yes. Physically, not so much. I didn‟t know getting over a divorce could be so painful… Jimmy rubs his swelling eye. JIMMY (cont‟d) …Literally. BOBBY Well here‟s to turning 40. Bobby picks up his drink and toasts with the rest of the guys. MAX Speak for yourself jerk-offs, I still have a lot of years to go.


“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese BOBBY It‟ll be here before you know it though. The guys take a drink from their glasses. DANNY Things did get pretty wild yesterday. BOBBY And early this morning. They sure did. JIMMY But we had fun, right?


DANNY We did, but I miss my wife. BOBBY Pussy. MAX I don‟t know, I just consider yesterday a typical Friday night in my life. BOBBY Shut up Max. MAX OK, I will admit that we did get a little crazy last night. DANNY A little? That‟s an understatement. I just hope I don‟t get arrested for killing someone. BOBBY Don‟t worry, this is New Orleans, I think killing a drug dealer is only a misdemeanor, punishable by a $50 fine. DANNY $50? I can handle that…as long as it doesn‟t come from my joint bank account. My wife would ask too many questions, and when she eventually finds out what happened, because she always finds out everything, she‟d be the one doing the (MORE)

“Bad Decisions” Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese DANNY (cont‟d) killing. (pauses) Jesus, things did get out of hand. MAX (smiles) Yeah…we partied. The guys go back to just silently staring straight ahead again. After a few moments, Max breaks the silence. MAX So guys, where are we going on our next trip? BOBBY, JIMMY, DANNY Ohhh, fuck you! FADE OUT Credits roll with outtakes from the guys crazy day in New Orleans. These include a stumbling Danny trying to hail a cab which passes right by him so he chases it down the street and finally catches up to it at a red light where he punches its side, leaving a big dent in the passenger‟s side door. Another one is of a very drunk Danny hugging a police horse around the neck with a huge smile on his face. Then later, Jimmy getting into the face of that same horse on Bourbon Street and yelling at it. He raises the ire of the horse who snorts at Jimmy‟s harassment. As his friends try to pull him away, Jimmy takes a swing at the horse who roars in anger then jumps up on its two hind legs ready to attack. Sensing imminent danger, Jimmy‟s friends push him away and the guys run down the street.


Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful