The Suburban Seven

Screenplay by Nicholas J. Coleman and James Sheldon

Revision: 07/28/2004

Howell County Films PO Box 1228 Nixa, MO 65714 (917) 447-8056

Revision - 1-10-05 WHITE


"The Suburban Seven" 1 EXT. FRONT YARD -- DAY A vehicle, packed to the ceiling with pillows, bedding, and junk food.

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On the ground nearby, coolers, travel bags full till bursting. JAMIE, fresh-faced, sorority sweet takes the objects handed her by FINN and stacks them next to the front door. She stops, unscrews a water bottle, drinks. Finn hands out a bag, waves it. FINN Take this, will you? JAMIE I'm taking a break. He waves it again, tosses it towards the door. ANGLE ON A car toils down the gravel driveway. BACK TO SCENE JAMIE (CONT'D) They're here. Finn joins her, drinks from her bottle. FINN (Over shoulder) Hey Blair! Pulling into the drive, LEVI leans out one window, HOKIE another. Arms extended, sunglasses on, they surf the cloud of kicked-up dust, putting on a show. HOKIE Cow-a-bungaaaa! LEVI Righteous curl dude! The car jerks to a stop. FINN Did you get lost? Pit stops. LEVI


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 1 CONTINUED: MANDY opens the driver's door. MANDY I'm not riding with them on the way back. HOKIE No AC equals lots of pee-pee. For me. And me. LEVI

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MANDY I'm not riding with them on the way back. The boys begin unloading. HOKIE Where's Kimbo? JAMIE We lost them after the truck-stop. LEVI She probably had customers to service. MANDY Does the house have air conditioning? FINN We're not going inside until everyone gets here. MANDY Give me your car keys. Finn tosses the keys. She starts the car and cranks the air. Thank God. MANDY (CONT'D)

JAMIE We're almost unloaded. Us too. HOKIE

Hokie tosses a duffel towards the front door. LEVI Is there a boat?


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 1 CONTINUED: (2) FINN Blair's checking the dock house. ANGLE ON Another car bumps down the dusty road. BACK TO SCENE HOKIE (Singing) There she is...Miss America... FINN (Yelling) Blair! MANDY Can we go inside now? FINN Hang on a minute. The car creeps up to the group, stops, lowers a window. WES This map, does not say "dirt road." This map also does not say, "very very long dirt road with no signs." Kimbo opens her door and jogs towards the house. KIMBO Oh my God I'm gonna pee! WES I already had to pee. In a ditch. Levi grabs Kimbo, tickles her, she fights back. LEVI Don't lose it! Don't lose it! HARLEY steps out of Kimbo's car, stretches. HARLEY That is not a three hour drive. Levi releases Kimbo. Hi. HARLEY (CONT'D)

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KIMBO Everyone, Harley, Harley, everyone. The group awkwardly waves, says hello. (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 1 CONTINUED: (3) KIMBO (CONT'D) I'm serious, I'm going to pee. JAMIE The front door's still locked. HOKIE (Taking charge) Friends, Romans, countrymen, take to your rears. Seriously, sit down. Mandy honks the car horn. Hurry up! MANDY

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FINN We're getting there! Chill out! HOKIE Welcome one, welcome all, to the final getaway weekend of the Suburban Seven. (Acknowledges Harley) Well...the Suburban Seven plus this guy, and Finn's cousin. Is he here? FINN He's checking the boat. HOKIE A few ground rules for the weekend. #1: no cell phones. Turn them off and hand them over now, lest your antennae be crushed and your reception forever ruined. This weekend is about us...not our parents, or anyone else. WES Mine doesn't work out here anyway, here. Wes hands his cell over. FINN Here's mine and Jamie's. The rest of the group follows suit. HOKIE #2: you must participate in the group activities. No party-poopers allowed. That includes certain blonde females who will remain nameless. Mandy flips Hokie the bird. (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 1 CONTINUED: (4) HOKIE (CONT'D) And finally, #3: don't destroy the premises. I defer to our dear friend Finn. FINN This is my aunt and uncle's house, don't tear it up. Oh, and they wouldn't let me have it without bringing my cousin Blair, so there's a whiny nineteen year old running around too. If he bugs you, throw something at him. HOKIE Simple rules, simple to follow. Now... (to Finn) Break open that cooler... Finn opens a cooler and begins passing out cans of beer. HOKIE (CONT'D) A toast to initiate the festivities. KIMBO I'm gonna pee, hurry up! HOKIE The Suburban Seven. Having survived frat houses... MANDY And sorority houses... HOKIE Long-winded professors, and the occasional failed final, we stand here on a precipice--the doorsteps to success, or the poop-shoot to failure. May this weekend launch us on the right path, and a lifetime of friendship. FINN The Suburban Seven. JAMIE The Suburban Seven! They raise their cans and toast. Levi does not drink, Wes locks eyes with him. 2 INT. HOUSE - ENTRY -- DAY Front door opens, Kimbo bursts through. (CONTINUED)

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Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 2 CONTINUED: Which way? KIMBO

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FINN I don't know. Left I think? She scurries off. KIMBO Oh my God I'm not going to make it! ANGLE ON Wes sidles up next to Levi. WES Why didn't you drink your beer? LEVI I'm going clean. Since when? WES

LEVI I'm cleansing my temple. Really. WES

LEVI Don't knock it. BACK TO SCENE The rest file through. HOKIE Who's staying where? FINN I'm in the loft with Jamie, everyone else can fight over the bedrooms. LEVI Oh Hokie, I'll keep you warm! Harley files past. FINN Hey, if you and Kimbo need a room, there's one at the end of the hall away from everyone else. HARLEY (Quizzically) Okay. Thanks.

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE



EXT. FRONT YARD -- CONTINUOUS A SCREAM tears through the quiet afternoon.



INT. HOUSE - BATHROOM -- MOMENTS LATER Finn slams a shoe, squashing a bug. KIMBO Oh my God, it was huge! It was a huge, black...thing! Oh my God, I feel like it's crawling on me. FINN No one's been here since last summer, so there's going to be bugs. Okay? Just...kill them if you see them. MANDY Jesus, I thought somebody stabbed you. JAMIE Don't say that...Finn and I stayed here last summer and I had nightmares about Jason Voorhees crawling out of the lake... Yeaargh! The girls scream. MANDY Cut it out you dick! He runs off. LEVI I strike in the night! LEVI



INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY Hokie unrolls his sleeping bag, unpacks, squashes a bug. HOKIE All I'm saying is if a bug crawls into my mouth while I'm asleep, I'm gonna have to poop my pants. As long as everyone's okay with that, so am I. WES Then we can rub your nose in it like a dog.



Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 5 CONTINUED: HOKIE You rub your dog's nose in its poop? To train it. WES

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HOKIE But then you've got to wash the dog. Yeah? WES

HOKIE That's punishing yourself. Blair bursts into the house. BLAIR Who screamed? Who are you? Who are you? I'm invited. WES BLAIR WES

BLAIR Who invited you? WES Who invited you? HOKIE Are you the nineteen year old? BLAIR I'm almost twenty. Kimbo enters in bathing suit, holding a towel. KIMBO Enough excitement, who's ready for nude sunbathing? She sees Blair, covers herself. A moment. Blair raises his hand. Finn enters, carrying croquet set. FINN We should have some bug-spray somewhere. (MORE) (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 5 CONTINUED: (2) FINN (CONT'D) (To Blair) Do we have bug-spray? BLAIR Kitchen counter. FINN (To group) Bugspray's in the kitchen. My cousin, everyone, everyone, my cousin. As I said, if he gets in your way, throw something at him. He leaves. BLAIR So...anybody bring beer? KIMBO I'm getting a tan, see you boys in a bit. She leaves. HOKIE Only four days left as children! Live 'em up! BLAIR Actually, I'm exempt for another two or three years. Harley enters. HARLEY Yes...and apparently this is the reprise of my youth. Being almost 25 and all...anyone care for a beverage? He hands a beer to Hokie, Wes. BLAIR What about me? HARLEY Aren't you exempt for another two or three years? He hands him a beer. MIP! MIP! HOKIE

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Hokie makes siren noises and runs outside.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 5 CONTINUED: (3) HARLEY (To Wes) That was fun. 6 EXT. BACK YARD -- DAY Finn sets up the croquet set. Hokie approaches and grabs a mallet. HOKIE (swinging like a baseball bat) So, how do we play this game? FINN You hit the balls through the wickets in order, starting over... FORE! HOKIE

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Hokie whacks a ball as hard as he can towards the lake. It splashes into oblivion. Finn gives him a look. HOKIE (CONT'D) Awesome. This is too British. Let's toss horseshoes. 7 EXT. FRONT YARD -- DAY Levi accompanies Kimbo outside to her car. LEVI You really don't need sunscreen this late in the day. KIMBO I know. I just want to talk for a minute. About what? LEVI 7

KIMBO You...going to the most volatile region on the earth...trying to save the world. LEVI It's a done deal. She walks around to the trunk and opens it.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 7 CONTINUED: KIMBO Why like this? LEVI I guess I've always felt a strong calling to do mission work. KIMBO You want to be a martyr? LEVI I don't plan on it. KIMBO So why join up? She pulls her guitar case out of the trunk. LEVI It's a free ticket over there. KIMBO Yeah. A one way ticket. (beat) Those people don't want to hear what you want to teach. Some will. LEVI

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KIMBO From a soldier with a gun? LEVI You know me better than that. I want to go there and help people. And if they like who I am and want to know more about me, I'll share what I believe...simple as that. (beat) That goes for other Marines too. KIMBO Why right now? If you want to do mission work, why not here? He takes her guitar case, leans it on the car, hugs her. LEVI (looks into her eyes) I'm not leaving today. They remain in one another's arms. 8 EXT. BACK YARD -- DAY Finn and Hokie toss horseshoes. (CONTINUED) 8

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 8 CONTINUED: HOKIE I thought we stood on the same side? FINN After we determine who throws first. HOKIE Can't we do that from the same side? FINN It depends on what version you're playing. HOKIE What version is this? FINN The version where you don't stand on the same side. HOKIE I don't like this version. FINN Bitch, bitch, bitch. 9 INT. HOUSE - MANDY'S ROOM -- DAY Jamie helps Mandy unpack. MANDY Promise me you'll spend time with me this weekend. Of course! JAMIE

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MANDY Without Finn. What? JAMIE

MANDY We never hang out anymore. Promise me we'll hang out? JAMIE I solemnly swear to drink Pina Colada's and look at hot lake guys with my best friend Mandy. Shut up. MANDY

JAMIE Harley's kind of cute. (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 9 CONTINUED: MANDY Mmm. Not the right type though. JAMIE You don't think? MANDY Kimbo's always picking guys with too much... Hair? JAMIE

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MANDY No. Well, yeah. That too. More unpacking. JAMIE Why didn't you bring anybody? MANDY I don't know. Maybe because I'm not seeing anyone? JAMIE Ohhh, sweety, why not? MANDY We're graduating. What's the point? Five months from now I could get a job offer and move to Cleveland. More unpacking. JAMIE I don't think I'd like Cleveland. Don't move to Cleveland. MANDY How about Detroit? JAMIE Nope. Florida or nothing. And if you can't get a job in Florida, just go to grad school or something. That way I've got a place to vacation. She unpacks some slinky lingerie. JAMIE (CONT'D) Ooo...who's this for? Mandy grabs it, stuffs it into her bag.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 9 CONTINUED: (2) MANDY That was an accident, I grabbed the wrong ones. 10 EXT. BACK YARD -- DAY Hokie's horseshoe lands near the stake. HOKIE What was that, like five? FINN No, that was nothing. We score after we both throw. (cocky) This, is called a ringer, and it's automatically worth five. 11 EXT. FRONT YARD -- CONTINUOUS Kimbo and Levi still embrace. A noise, clank of metal on skull. HOKIE (O.S.) Ahhhhhoooowww! Levi and Kimbo look at one another. 12 INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS Blair, Wes and Harley turn towards the ruckus. HOKIE (O.S.) Ahhhhhoooowww! BLAIR Do you guys always scream like this? HARLEY It's like a mating call for wounded water fowl. They rush outside. 13 EXT. BACK YARD -- CONTINUOUS Hokie rolls around in pain. Crikey mate! HOKIE

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FINN Why didn't you just move?


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 13 CONTINUED: HOKIE Maybe, because, you said you were throwing a ringer? Levi runs up, followed by Kimbo. Who died? LEVI

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FINN He's not dead. Wes, Harley, and Blair arrive. Who's dead? Excitement! WES HARLEY

BLAIR If anybody dies, my parents are going to kill me. WES What did you do? Hit him with a horseshoe? KIMBO (Tending Hokie) You poor baby. HOKIE It only hurts when I breathe. (A beat) Ow. Jamie and Mandy arrive. JAMIE Is everyone okay? He's fine. I am not! FINN HOKIE

KIMBO Finn hit him with a horseshoe. FINN Not on purpose. MANDY Why didn't you just move?


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 13 CONTINUED: (2) HOKIE Oh, dammit, that's what I should have done. HARLEY Can I just say, this is the most fun I've had at the lake. Ever. JAMIE Do you need stitches or anything? Oh please. FINN

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LEVI Let's carry him to the deck. Levi grabs Hokie under an arm, Wes pitches in. Everyone bustles uselessly, jabbering about ice, etc. Finn and Blair stay. BLAIR I wish I could have seen that. FINN Classic. Classic. Wouldn't have missed it for the world. Dong! Crikey mate! They laugh. FINN Who gave you a beer? 14 EXT. BACK YARD - DECK -- LATER Kimbo brings Hokie an ice pack, replaces the pack on his head. Okay? KIMBO 14 BLAIR

HOKIE Not...answering...still...throbbing. She sits next to him, closes her eyes. ANGLE ON Wes and Harley attempt to play croquet with Levi and Finn. Levi looks up at the pair, takes notice, looks at Harley.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 14 CONTINUED: BACK TO SCENE HOKIE (CONT'D) You're not dating that guy, are you? Harley? ANGLE ON Harley clumsily hits a ball. BACK TO SCENE No. KIMBO (CONT'D) KIMBO

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HOKIE So why'd you bring him? Honestly? (A beat) For Wes. ANGLE ON Blair whacks one of Wes's balls into the distance. BACK TO SCENE Mm-hmm. HOKIE KIMBO

KIMBO You're not going to freak out are you? HOKIE Nope. Brain hurts too much. KIMBO Don't say anything. HOKIE I'm not saying a word. 15 INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN -- LATER Jamie chops carrots for kabobs, Mandy breaks lettuce. Finn enters, goes to the fridge. JAMIE We need to start dinner. 15


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 15 CONTINUED: FINN Okay. We'll be finished in about fifteen minutes. JAMIE This is going to be ready in like, five. FINN Okay. Just put it in the fridge. JAMIE Have you even started the grill? FINN Trust me, oh nervous one, the grill will be fine. JAMIE Finn, please. At least start the coals. She teases his neck with her fingers, Mandy looks on. Please? JAMIE (CONT'D)

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She kisses his neck, bites his ear. Finn exchanges a look with Mandy. FINN Gimme five seconds. I'll start the coals, then finish the game. Sound good? He kisses her cheek, exits. JAMIE (After him) Don't forget to clean it off! (To Mandy) He's so whipped. 16 EXT. BACK YARD -- EVENING Finn opens the grill, reveals an ash graveyard. Levi pulls off the grate. LEVI Do we need to empty it? FINN We need a new grill. 16


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 16 CONTINUED: BLAIR I don't think Mom and Dad have ever even used that thing. Blair lights a cigarette, smokes. FINN Well dump it over, we'll start from there. Levi kicks the grill over, throwing ash into the air. Finn is coated. FINN (CONT'D) Awesome. (Yells) Hey Hokie, where's the charcoal? ANGLE ON HOKIE Living room! I got plenty of fluid too! KIMBO I'll bet you've got plenty of fluid. HOKIE Oh baby, you know it. BACK TO SCENE FINN Blair, go get the stuff from the living room, Levi, help me clean this thing out. ANGLE ON Wes and Harley continue to play croquet. HARLEY I'm so terrible at this. WES I don't think anyone is good at croquet. HARLEY You'd think I'd be good at sports-it's deftly handling sticks and balls. (A beat) Sticks and balls. Wes hits a shot.

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Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 16 CONTINUED: (2) HARLEY (CONT'D) That's a gay joke. Yeah. WES

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HARLEY So we didn't get a chance to talk about what happened after the party. I know. I had fun. WES HARLEY

WES Harley throws really great parties. HARLEY Yeah. He does. That was fun too. But what happened afterwards. Wes hits another shot. HARLEY (CONT'D) Isn't it my turn? Is it? WES

HARLEY I don't know, you can go for me if you want. WES It doesn't work that way. Why not? HARLEY

WES We're not on the same team. HARLEY Well why aren't you? 17 INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN -- MOMENTS LATER Blair cuts through the kitchen with the charcoal. JAMIE Are you smoking? BLAIR No, this is my exhaust, I'm gas powered. (CONTINUED) 17

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 17 CONTINUED: JAMIE You can't smoke in the house. BLAIR It's my house. JAMIE I'm allergic to smoke. BLAIR I'm allergic to whiney bitches. (To Mandy) Have you seen the lighter fluid? MANDY I couldn't say. BLAIR Couldn't say, or no? MANDY I couldn't say anything while you're slowly killing me, you inconsiderate ass. BLAIR If this is what college girls are like, I'm screwed. 18 EXT. BACK YARD -- MOMENTS LATER Levi and Finn have scoured the grill.

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They have decorated themselves with charcoal-grill war paint. Blair drops the bag of charcoal. FINN I think we're ready. BLAIR One problem. No fluid. FINN It's in the living room. BLAIR Nope. I checked. FINN (Yells) Hokie! Where's the lighter fluid?


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 18 CONTINUED: ANGLE ON HOKIE Living room! I'm having deja vu! Do I need to get it for you? KIMBO Don't make him get up! HOKIE I'll let you get me up... KIMBO Oooo...really? BACK TO SCENE I'll get it. LEVI

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FINN Hurry up. Jamie's going to kill me if we don't get this show on the road. Levi leaves. 19 EXT. BACK YARD - DECK -- CONTINUOUS LEVI (To Kimbo) Hey. Can I talk to you for a sec? KIMBO I'm sunning. (Looks at him) Pocahontas. HOKIE Poo-ca-honk-us! LEVI Come help me find the lighter fluid. KIMBO No. I'm cold blooded. I need my heat. Please? LEVI 19

KIMBO Ugh. Five minutes. HOKIE (Sings) I've been really trying, baby! (MORE) (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 19 CONTINUED: HOKIE (CONT'D) To hold on to this feeling, for so long...let's get it on! They leave. 20 INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- MOMENTS LATER Levi half-heartedly picks through things. Kimbo searches. LEVI So what's the deal? With what? KIMBO

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LEVI One minute you're hugging me out front and now you're throwing yourself at Hokie. Oh my God. KIMBO

LEVI You're toying with me. KIMBO I'm concerned about you. Just like I would be concerned if it was Wes going off to war. Or Jamie. It doesn't mean I want to get back together. It just means I care about you. I'm just... LEVI

KIMBO You're just a boy. And boys...think like boys. Right. LEVI

KIMBO Please don't turn this into a thing. LEVI And what about Harley? KIMBO What about him? LEVI How do you think he feels? (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 20 CONTINUED: KIMBO Don't worry about it. LEVI The guy's kind of getting the shaft here. Kimbo snickers. What? Nothing. LEVI (CONT'D) KIMBO

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LEVI It's not funny. KIMBO Yes, it is. But you don't know why. LEVI Right. Okay. Just make fun of me. Cool. He leaves. Kimbo turns over another bag. 21 EXT. BACK YARD -- MOMENTS LATER Everyone has gathered around the grill. Mandy gives drinks to the boys, Jamie sets out the food. LEVI There's no fluid. HOKIE I'll go get it. LEVI No, you won't. It's not there. I just checked. HOKIE Okay. Jeez. Calm down. LEVI We must have left it back in Springfield. Well shit. FINN 21


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 21 CONTINUED: JAMIE Can't we start it with paper or something? A SCREAM cuts through air. They all freeze. Kimbo joins them. Bug. KIMBO

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WES Someone here has to have been a boyscout. BLAIR Don't look at me. FINN Blair was a girl-scout. BLAIR Bullshit. I was a Brownie. JAMIE Everything else is ready. FINN If we can get it started with wood, we can add coals to it. WES How long is that going to take? FINN I don't know. Half an hour? WES I vote we eat vegetarian tonight. All in favor? Harley, Jamie, Kimbo, Levi respond. JAMIE I can get some ranch dressing from the coolers. MANDY Why don't we just use the oven? A moment. FINN Brilliant, oven it is. (MORE) (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 21 CONTINUED: (2) FINN (CONT'D) Hokie, you get the oven started. Levi, you and Blair help me find some sticks to get the grill going for tomorrow, Kimbo, you and Wes help Jamie and Mandy take things inside. HARLEY What about me? FINN You can help us with the fire if you want. Harley looks to Wes for help. WES Actually, why don't you help me get out plates? If we're going to eat inside, we might as well use regular plates and silverware. FINN Perfect. Ready? Break! They all scurry off. Levi runs for the Lake. 22 INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT The group sits amidst half-finished food, drink. All are silent, all have eyes closed. HARLEY This is so retarded. A chorus of hushes. HOKIE The cock crows. (Mimics a rooster) Paisanos, open your eyes. BLAIR My cock does not crow like that. A pillow is thrown. Rooster! BLAIR (CONT'D)

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WES I say we off him first.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 22 CONTINUED: Mafia! She points at Wes. WES What? No! No, no, no, no ,no. KIMBO He's already trying to kill people! FINN I'm on Wes's side, off him. MANDY Maybe you're a Mafia too. Oh bullshit. FINN KIMBO

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JAMIE Are you a Mafia? Please. FINN

JAMIE He's not. He's a terrible liar. MANDY I don't think we should trust him. JAMIE Are you a Mafia? No. FINN

JAMIE See. He wouldn't lie to me. LEVI (Tune to Jeopardy) Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo... HARLEY This is really, really, retarded. KIMBO I think we should kill Harley for being prejudiced against the mentally disabled. HARLEY I think we should kill Kimbo because she's a hateful bitch.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 22 CONTINUED: (2) No! KIMBO

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WES I think Levi has been too quiet. LEVI That's right! I'm the Mafia! It's all me! Ha ha ha ha ha! (Machine-gun fire) Eat my tommy gun! BLAIR Machine-gun fire does not sound like that, it goes: (He demonstrates) And you're a MAFIA! LEVI I just said I was! MANDY I don't believe him. KIMBO Neither do I. FINN Anybody that desperate to get killed, is not a Mafia. HOKIE The sun groweth high aboveth us! It's timeth to hang a thuthpect! Paisanos! Cast your votes! MANDY I nominate Finn. I second. No! LEVI JAMIE

BLAIR Do it! He's a Mafia! FINN No, I am not. BLAIR Do it! I'm the Guardian Angel! I'm telling you! He's the kingpin! The kingpin! Take him down!


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 22 CONTINUED: (3) FINN Oh for God's sake, just kill me. WES I nominate Blair. I second. HARLEY

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BLAIR I thought you didn't like this game! HARLEY Yes, but blood-lust, I do. HOKIE All in favor? All raise their hands, except Blair. HOKIE (CONT'D) Paisanos! At highest noon, under a blood-red sun, the neck of the sweet, innocent appearing Blair, is snapped like a twig, he gasps, no! No! And then lies still. BLAIR Except for his finger, held aloft in defiance. He flips them off. HOKIE How wisely have you chosen? We shall see! Blair shows his card. He is not Mafia. WES If it shuts him up, I'm happy. HOKIE And night falls! MANDY Ooo, there's a time warp in Mafiaville... HOKIE The sweet citizens of the town fall deeply asleep, their heads full of wondrous visions--the Swedish nude bathing squad, a Democratic President with no visions of war...


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 22 CONTINUED: (4) Hey. JAMIE

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HOKIE A Republican President who eats snackfoods safely. BLAIR Can I keep my eyes open? No. ALL

Harley reaches over and grabs Wes's hand. HOKIE The wind howls, the trees sway, the Mafia, awaken! Finn, Levi, and Kimbo open their eyes. They remain perfectly still. They search each face, glance at one another. Blair opens his eyes. BLAIR Finn mouths to Blair, as they all do through the silence. FINN Shut the fuck up! BLAIR (Aloud) I'm not saying anything! Hsh! Kimbo mouths to Finn. KIMBO Who do you want? He nods to Mandy. Levi shakes his head. He nods towards Wes. Finn shakes his head. Nods towards Mandy. Levi shakes his head, nods emphatically at Wes. He sees Harley's hand, rubbing Wes's. ALL


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 22 CONTINUED: (5) He looks at Kimbo. KIMBO (CONT'D) What about Jamie? LEVI (Aloud) What the hell is going on? Finn and Kimbo start. (Aloud) Whoops. BLAIR

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WES (Aloud) Well clearly Levi is in the Mafia. Levi jerks his head towards Wes and Harley, Kimbo sees their hands. What? FINN

HOKIE (Aloud) The Mafia are fighting amongst themselves. LEVI What the hell is this? KIMBO I'll tell you later. I'm lost. FINN

LEVI I want to know what's going on! Later! KIMBO

BLAIR (Aloud) This is better than the game. HOKIE (Aloud) The Mafia have run amok! It's awful! It terrible! LEVI We're talking later! (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 22 CONTINUED: (6) Fine! KIMBO

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FINN Who are we killing? 23 EXT. FRONT YARD -- LATER Kimbo exits the house, Levi follows. LEVI Hey! Who is that guy you brought? KIMBO A friend from Rolla. LEVI Is he your boyfriend? KIMBO Harley? (She laughs) Harley is gay. LEVI (Beat) Then why's he here? KIMBO I brought him for Wes. LEVI (Matter of fact) Wes's not gay. She gives him a "don't be so naive" look. He's not. LEVI (CONT'D) 23

KIMBO Well I guess he'll figure that out. LEVI I am so confused. I was too. KIMBO

LEVI I can't agree with this. KIMBO Well I don't agree with you going to war either. A moment. (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 23 CONTINUED: KIMBO (CONT'D) Are the Marines going to let you have hair like that? LEVI Probably not. I was thinking maybe you could help me with that this weekend. KIMBO (A beat) I don't know...we'll see... Mandy sticks her head out the front door. MANDY Dessert's ready. KIMBO We're coming. 24 INT. HOUSE - FINN'S ROOM -- NIGHT Finn and Jamie read in bed. She flips a page, he flips a page. She drops her magazine. JAMIE You want to mess around? FINN What are you talking about? JAMIE Do you want to mess around? FINN Do you want me to dry hump you or something? JAMIE No, I wanted you to kiss me. FINN Sweetie, I'm tired. JAMIE You're too tired to just kiss me? FINN I just don't want it to lead anywhere. JAMIE Oh don't worry, it won't.

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Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 24 CONTINUED: She turns on her side. Finn drops his book. He kisses the back of her head, returns to reading. Jamie ignores him. JAMIE (CONT'D) Turn out the light soon, will you? 25 EXT. BACK YARD -- NIGHT Silence in the yard. 26 INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT Hokie, Wes, and Levi lie next to one another--Lee awake, uncomfortable. 27 INT. HOUSE - KIMBO'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT Harley and Kimbo sleep together. 28 INT. HOUSE - FINN'S ROOM -- NIGHT Jamie sleeps, Finn stares at the ceiling. 29 INT. HOUSE - MANDY'S ROOM -- NIGHT Mandy stares at the ceiling. 30 INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT A fan blows in the living room. 31 EXT. DOCK HOUSE -- LATER Blair stands on the dock, smoking a joint. He hears someone coming. He ditches the joint and ducks into the Dock House. ANGLE ON DOCKHOUSE BRIDGE Two figures move quickly across the bridge. FINN I couldn't get out. Shut up! You shut up! MANDY FINN

34 24









Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 31 CONTINUED: BACK TO SCENE Blair goes into the boat house and closes the door.

35 31

Finn and Mandy enter the dock house and immediately engulf one another. They fall passionately to the floor. 32 INT. DOCK HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS Blair listens at the door. Sounds of passion. Silence. MANDY (O.S.) What's in that room? Blair's eyes bulge. FINN (O.S.) That's where the boat is. Blair frantically looks for a place to hide. Finn opens the boat house door. Empty. See? Mandy joins him. ANGLE ON BOAT Rocking in the waves. BACK TO SCENE MANDY Ooo...let's break in the boat. ANGLE ON Blair, cowering in the boat. (mouths) SHIT! BLAIR FINN (CONT'D) 32

FINN (O.S.) I don't know how clean it is. Blair, biting his lower lip. (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 32 CONTINUED: BACK TO SCENE MANDY Mmm...come here. They embrace, kiss. ANGLE ON Blair in the boat. Sounds of passion. He grimaces. 33 EXT. BACKYARD - DECK -- MORNING Levi and Hokie mess around with the grill. Kimbo lies on the hammock. Finn steps outside wrapped in a towel. Hey! FINN

36 32


KIMBO Woo! Nice towel! Take it off! FINN Have you guys seen my cousin? No. Why? LEVI HOKIE

FINN There's no hot water. LEVI Yes, we're all aware. My shower was quite invigorating. HOKIE It brought out the turtle in all of us. 34 INT. DOCK HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS BLAIR! (beat) BLAIR! FINN (O.S.) 34

Blair awakens in the boat floor. (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 34 CONTINUED: He is a crumpled mess. BLAIR! FINN (O.S.) (CONT'D)

37 34

He looks around, goes back to sleep. 35 EXT. BACKYARD - DECK -- CONTINUOUS The grill flares up. Be careful! FINN 35

HOKIE We're grilling. FINN Grilling what? Bacon. LEVI

Levi lifts the grill lid. An army of bacon strips sizzle, flames erupt. FINN Holy crap, man! HOKIE Yeah. It's almost done! FINN You can cook bacon on the grill? LEVI We don't know. Finn shakes his head, walks away. FINN Well, I guess I'm gonna go take a cold shower. (Over shoulder) You really should keep the lid open when you're grilling. LEVI (Mimicking Finn) You really should keep the grill open... 36 INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN -- MORNING Harley works on his journalism. 36


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 36 CONTINUED: Wes sits across from him. WES Do you have to do this? HARLEY In five minutes, I'll be done. JAMIE Work, work, work. HARLEY I'm putting together a portfolio for applications. Jamie and Mandy sit at the table with bowls of cereal. WES I was going to make some scrambled eggs if anyone wants some. They're grilling about 40 pounds of bacon out there, too. JAMIE Wes. I'm a vegetarian. They all look at her. Eggs, Jamie. Baby chicks. WES JAMIE

38 36

WES Not the one's you eat. JAMIE It's a child, not a choice. Finn enters in his towel. FINN We've got to fix the hot nuts are hugging my ribs... Finn exits. WES (After him) Do you want some eggs? FINN (O.S.) No! Yes! Four! JAMIE Thanks for sticking up for me! (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 36 CONTINUED: (2) Wes gets up to cook. WES So, where are you and Finn these days? Are you guys attaching to one another permanently, or what's the deal? JAMIE I guess that's kind of up to Finn. MANDY If I were you I would just ask him. JAMIE Oh God, that would be pitiful. I'm a Southern belle, after all. HARLEY Who's doing the invitations? JAMIE Well, that depends on the size of the engagement ring. HARLEY So the size is important. Really. Well... She tosses her hair. Hokie enters with a plate full of bacon. HOKIE Eat up! I must return to the battlefront! He turns and leaves. Finn enters, putting on a shirt. FINN You know what? It's not even worth it. If anybody thinks I smell bad, get over it. I'm not showering in that water. MANDY So Finn, we're all wondering, when are you going to ask Jamie to marry you? Finn gets a glass of water. All wait for an answer. (CONTINUED) JAMIE

39 36

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 36 CONTINUED: (3) He takes a couple pieces of bacon. FINN I'm going away now. He leaves. HARLEY Was that the answer you were hoping for? He rises to leave. Finished? WES

40 36

HARLEY Trip to the library. WES That you can do alone. JAMIE Ok. I think he really is going to propose this weekend. Today or tomorrow. He's been acting weird like that for a while now. Wes gets excited. Oh my God! WES

JAMIE We used to talk about getting married all the time, but now he won't even mention it. I know he's going to propose. A SCREAM echoes from outside. Mandy is not happy. 37 EXT. BACK YARD -- MORNING Finn, holding his ears, joins Hokie, Levi, and Blair at the grill. Kimbo ravages her hair, searching for a bug. HOKIE Hey, buddy! How's the bacon? FINN What? I can't hear you! 37


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 37 CONTINUED: Bite me! KIMBO

41 37

FINN (to Blair) Where the hell have you been? Nowhere. BLAIR

HOKIE (Interrupts) Do you think we could just keep the grill hopping at all hours? FINN Did you start it with the sticks? HOKIE No, Elijah here said a prayer. LEVI You missed it man. Divine might, and BOOM! HOKIE I don't want to have to go through starting it again. Ditto. LEVI

FINN We'll need a lot more charcoal. LEVI Charcoal run? Do I hear a charcoal run? FINN I could use a break from the girls. (Coughs) Bullshit. They look at Blair. Good bacon. 38 BLAIR (CONT'D) 38 BLAIR

INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN -- DAY The boys file through.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 38 CONTINUED: FINN If you need anything from the store, give Hokie your money. HOKIE Charcoal run! FINN Wes, you want to come with? WES I'm waiting for Harley. LEVI You're coming with us. He grabs Wes by the shoulders and drags him along. Bye! WES

42 38

MANDY Don't invite us or anything! 39 EXT. FRONT YARD -- MOMENTS LATER The boys pile into Finn's car. Shotgun! I beat you! HOKIE/BLAIR BLAIR 39

HOKIE Oh, that was you last night? 40 INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- LATER The girls, plus Harley, cut out greeting cards. They cut, glue, and paste in silence. Kimbo drops her scissors. I'm bored. Me too. You guys! KIMBO MANDY JAMIE 40

MANDY Sweetie, I love decoupage, but I'm at the lake. (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 40 CONTINUED: HARLEY I'm bored too. KIMBO There is nothing for women to do at the lake! JAMIE Do you want to lay out? MANDY I can't, I'll burn. JAMIE You're such a baby. MANDY I'm porcelain! No! JAMIE We could take out the boat. HARLEY Can you drive a boat? Can't you? Kimbo giggles. MANDY I refuse to think there's nothing to do without the boys. They sit. HARLEY I brought a porno. 41 EXT. DAM -- DAY HOKIE Dam what a view. FINN That's one big dam view. LEVI I've never seen anything so dam big. FINN Well what do we dammit do about it? HOKIE I say we get in the dam water. JAMIE

43 40



Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 41 CONTINUED: LEVI Five dam bucks to whoever jumps in. BLAIR Do you know how fucking cold that water is? The boys turn to Blair, dwarfed by the immense dam. Or dam. BLAIR (CONT'D)

44 41

WES You guys are such...boys. A moment. So are you. LEVI

WES But not like you. A moment. BLAIR Yeah, you're hairier. Hokie shoves Blair into the lake. BLAIR (CONT'D) Holy shit that's some cold damn water! The boys take turns, launching into the frigid water, except for Wes. 42 INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY The girls, and Harley, sit in a circle playing cards. In the background, man on man porn. They drink margaritas. Skip! I hate you! KIMBO JAMIE 42

HARLEY And draw four. MANDY You can't do that! HARLEY Lookout! The UNO police are on call!


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 42 CONTINUED: MANDY You can't play a draw-four on a skip! HARLEY Which is weird, because I just did. MANDY Can you play a draw-four on a skip? KIMBO Who wants another one? Kimbo pours a drink. Jamie? MANDY

45 42

JAMIE You guys, I am so drunk. HARLEY Somebody play a card. Do you want me to take it back? MANDY No, it's fine, keep it. She draws. MANDY (CONT'D) But you better hope it don't get reversed! HARLEY Keep talking! JAMIE You guys. Will somebody brush my hair? MANDY Oh. Sweetie. I'll brush your hair. Come here. They move around. MANDY (CONT'D) And now you better hope it does get reversed! Bitch! 43 EXT. FRONT YARD -- DAY Car door slams, Finn unloads the trunk. HARLEY 43


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 43 CONTINUED: BLAIR Time to find the ladies. Know what I'm saying?

46 43

Levi grabs Blair's undies and wedgies him to kingdom-come. He reacts. NUT-CHECK!! LEVI

Levi dances around him singing Hava-Nagila. Hokie sprays Wes and Levi with a water hose. HOKIE Ha ha, ha ha, haaaaa. Levi goes for him, Hokie flees, Blair and Wes give chase, war cries all around. FINN Don't I get any help? 44 EXT. BACK YARD - DECK -- MOMENTS LATER Finn exits the house, finds the girls, Harley, lounging. FINN You guys have fun? We survived. KIMBO 44

Jamie nuzzles up to Finn. JAMIE I want to go on the lake. FINN Where are the guys? KIMBO Down at the dock. Please? JAMIE

FINN Let me load the grill first. Anyone else want to go down to the lake? No one answers. JAMIE I'll go get your suit!

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE



EXT. DOCK HOUSE -- DAY Hokie runs a rope through a wooden plank, ties a knot. HOKIE We're gonna need a steady anchor. LEVI You're serious... HOKIE Tie that end off around the dock. BLAIR This is awesome. HOKIE Who wants to go first? WES This suddenly feels like a bad idea. Oh, come on. I'll go. HOKIE BLAIR


Hokie hands him the rope. HOKIE Now you're gonna need a lot of speed to get out there. LEVI Clear a path! Blair backs up to run. HOKIE Just don't let go until you're past the shallows. Pray for me. Woot! BLAIR LEVI

Blair runs, swings, lamely hits the water. HOKIE Aw, come on! That sucked! BLAIR You come out here and try it!


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 45 CONTINUED: WES Somebody's going to get killed. HOKIE Drag the rope back in! 46 EXT. LAKE -- DAY

48 45


Finn and Jamie on a rubber raft in the middle of the lake. Jamie paddles ineffectively. JAMIE I want to be in the back. Why? FINN

JAMIE I want to steer. FINN Do you know how? JAMIE Trade me spots. She shifts her weight, turning around. FINN Hold on! You're gonna...stop moving! JAMIE Don't I have to get back there? FINN I said stop moving! JAMIE Don't yell at me! FINN I'm not yelling. Yes you are. JAMIE

FINN THIS IS YELLING! Jamie flips around in disgust. FINN (CONT'D) Damn it, stop...moving! It's a rubber raft. If you move towards the center, it will collapse inward...


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 46 CONTINUED: JAMIE Then just let me steer. From there? Yes. FINN JAMIE

49 46

FINN That's the front. So? JAMIE

FINN You steer from the back. The prow of the boat cuts through the water, the stern controls the direction. You use the paddle as a rudder... JAMIE I hate the way you talk to me. FINN How am I talking to you? JAMIE I know how a boat works, I just want to steer. FINN (A beat) Then you have to be in the back! JAMIE You won't let me! FINN Yes I will! I just told you to stop moving because the... JAMIE Then how do I do it? FINN If you would shut up, I'll tell you! Yes sir! 47 EXT. DOCK HOUSE -- DAY Hokie holds the rope, ready to swing. HOKIE Okay, clear out. (CONTINUED) JAMIE 47

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 47 CONTINUED: The boys back up. WES So far this idea sucks. HOKIE That's because Blair's a puss. The whole point of a rope swing is to get some height out of it. So you've got to run. BLAIR Okay Evil Knievel. HOKIE Drum-roll, please. Levi provides some noise. HOKIE (CONT'D) For God and Country! Hokie runs pell-mell down the bank, off into the air. They watch him swing out. Shit! HOKIE (CONT'D)

50 47

They watch him swing back. Oh shit. WES

LEVI Let go of the rope! Oh my God... CRACK! SPLASH! The boys stand there, dumbfounded. Help! HOKIE BLAIR

WES Well somebody grab him! 48 EXT. LAKE -- DAY Finn lies on his back, Jamie crawling over him. Stop! FINN 48


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 48 CONTINUED: What?! JAMIE

51 48

FINN You're rocking it! I am not! JAMIE

FINN I'm in the boat too! It's rocking! If you tip it over, we'll never be able to get back in... Jamie pulls herself to the back, Finn scrambles to the front. FINN (CONT'D) Jesus Christ! I told you not to move! JAMIE We didn't sink, did we? Glares. JAMIE (CONT'D) Are you going to paddle? FINN You're steering. JAMIE Right. So you paddle. FINN No, you paddle, I switch sides depending on what you're doing. JAMIE No you don't. (A beat) Yes, I do. FINN

JAMIE When I was in the front, I paddled. (A beat) FINN


JAMIE So you don't have to? FINN No, I told you, I switch sides.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 48 CONTINUED: (2) JAMIE But when I was in the front, I had to paddle. You just want to be in charge, while I do all the work. FINN (Yelling) No, you were doing it wrong! Silence. He paddles. 49 EXT. BACK YARD -- DAY Levi and Blair help Hokie hobble back to the house. Wes runs ahead for first aid. HOKIE I need a chair and a beer. Beer is good. BLAIR You're going to need more than one. HOKIE I need a chair, and five beers! Kimbo and Mandy carry out seasoned burgers. MANDY What did he do this time? Are you Ok? KIMBO

52 48


HOKIE I'll be fine. I got my leg caught in the rope swing. Minor sprain. (beat) Or break or something... The girls join Levi and Blair and help Hokie up the stairs. Harley and Wes return with Tylenol, beer, and ice. MANDY You're such a dumbass. BLAIR Funtime equals over. HOKIE Are you kidding? I'll work out the pain, and be back down there in about 30 minutes. (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 49 CONTINUED: LEVI Are you sure? HOKIE Nothing is ruining this weekend! LEVI We can stay up here with you. BLAIR Aww, look at Levi. So kind. So caring. Such a pussy. A moment. HOKIE Sic em tiger! (beat) I'll be back down in a minute! Levi chases after Blair, all the way to the lake. MANDY Dinner's almost ready. As soon as Finn and Jamie are back we'll put the burgers on. She leaves, followed by Wes. WES I can't believe you missed that. I can't believe Harley missed that. KIMBO You can't go back down to the lake. HOKIE Thank you sweetheart, but Mr. Anheuser Busch has me taken care of! Seriously, I'll be gimpy, but I'll be fine. Kimbo kisses him on the forehead. KIMBO You're adorable. She goes inside.

53 49

Hokie is alone. Closes his eyes, places a beer on his leg, one on his head. A moment. Places a beer on his crotch.

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE



INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN -- EVENING Big dinner. Everyone passes food around. LEVI So Jamie, I hear you're giving out white-water rafting lessons. Do you think I could get one after supper? All the guys laugh. JAMIE (to Finn) Thanks. HOKIE Levi and I bought about a hundred bucks worth of fireworks, so I hope everyone's feeling patriotic. WES That's what we need this weekend--a drunken cripple with sixty pounds of black powder. KIMBO Did you buy sparklers? I love sparklers! I want to write my name! BLAIR Ok, I'm sorry...but I have to say this... (to Kimbo) You're really hot! Will you bear my children? The group looks at him, puzzled. Finn throws a 90 mph dinner roll at Blair. BLAIR (CONT'D) What? Do I offend? I'm being forward. WES That's so cute... Levi drops his jaw. Mouth full of food. Finn points to a dish. FINN Could someone pass me the "my cousin's a jackass" please?



Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 50 CONTINUED: BLAIR I thought women liked guys who were direct? JAMIE They do. But only when they've shown some interest first. HARLEY That goes for men too. MANDY No, you have a point Blair. There's nothing worse than a guy who doesn't know what he wants. Don't you think? She looks at Finn. HARLEY Agreed. There is nothing worse than that. They eat. HOKIE I can think of something worse than that. ALL No. Stop. Don't. Etc. 51 EXT. DOCK HOUSE -- NIGHT The group sits together watching the fireworks. Levi and Finn set them off, Blair tries to help.

55 50


Hokie and Kimbo are cozy on a quilt, Jamie, Mandy, Wes and Harley each sit on their own blanket. HOKIE Light one of the Saturn Missile batteries! BLAIR Gentlemen! We have a request! Blair digs around and finds a large Saturn Missile Battery. LEVI (quietly) You know what they call Saturn Missiles in China, don't ya? Huh-uh. FINN


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 51 CONTINUED: LEVI (Chinese man) Box of Deaf! They begin speaking in terrible accents. FINN (Indian accent) I do not think that will be acceptable to the ladies. LEVI (Chinese man) Ah, Box of Deaf is most pleasurable. MANDY No fireworks implying death! Do a fountain! BLAIR Fountains are gay. Is that bad? HARLEY

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BLAIR Ok. Fountains are for the gays. HARLEY That may actually be true. Hokie and Kimbo begin chanting, "Box of Death, Box of Death..." WES I like those parachutes we did earlier...are there anymore of those? JAMIE No! No boxes of death! Sparklers and Fountains! FINN (Indian accent) According to the product information, the sparkler is the most dangerous firework currently on the market... Oh shit! BLAIR

Blair runs, jumps off the top of the dock house! The Saturn Missile Battery has been lit on it's side. Everyone scrambles towards safety. (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 51 CONTINUED: (2) LEVI Set it back up!! Finn follows Blair's lead and plunges into the lake. Levi makes an effort for the Saturn Missile, then jumps. The Missile Charge begins its barrage. Hokie begins singing, "Stars and Stripes Forever." He is quickly joined by some others. Harley pulls Wes aside. HARLEY I really....need to talk to you at some point this weekend. Ok. WES

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HARLEY I think I'm in...I really like you. Ok. WES

HARLEY I am really, really...going out on a limb here. Ok. Ok. WES HARLEY

Blair, Finn, and Levi crawl out of the lake. Everyone applauds as they surface. LEVI Did you do that on purpose? BLAIR Does the Pope shit in the woods? Levi and Finn throw him back into the Lake. HOKIE The gimps in the crowd request more time to escape mass hysteria, please. They spread their blankets out, lie back down.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 51 CONTINUED: (3) FINN Way to go Blair. The fireworks are soaked. General groans of unhappiness. BLAIR Are you guys pissed at me? Yes. ALL

58 51

BLAIR Will you forgive me? No. ALL

BLAIR How about now? FINN Sleep with one eye open, cousin. They all lie together, enmeshed. Silence. HOKIE Monkeys like bananas! Silence. MANDY You can't see stars like this back in Springfield. LEVI It's so strange. I'll be half way around the world and still see the same stars you guys see. HOKIE I think it's all a big painting. Like what we consider to be space and the universe only goes so far, and God has painted the rest of it, knowing we won't ever make it out there. HARLEY I would sleep so much better at night if that were true. Wes smiles up at Harley.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 51 CONTINUED: (4) LEVI I think we spend way too much money on space exploration. It's just so big! After a certain point... FINN It's all just theory. LEVI Amen! I mean, we could maybe feed a whole lot of starving people. JAMIE Protect the environment. WES Give aid to third world countries. BLAIR Give aid to our own country. HOKIE A really big sandwich! A moment. KIMBO I don't want to grow old. Who does? HOKIE

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KIMBO Looking at Space makes me feel so... unimportant in the grand scheme of things. HOKIE You're important to us. WES I think I want to die young. HARLEY No you don't. Not really. No one wants to die young. Hokie slips an arm under Kimbo's head. Levi sees this. HARLEY (CONT'D) We all want to die old! After a full life. Family. Doing everything we want to do...


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 51 CONTINUED: (5) LEVI So see Kimbo? You've done everyone, I mean everything you've wanted you can die young. You never have to grow old. A moment. Sorry. A moment. SLAP! OW! JAMIE LEVI (CONT'D)

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FINN There was a mosquito! I swear! 52 EXT. BACK YARD -- LATER The group moves back to the house. HARLEY So what do you think? About? What I said? WES HARLEY 52

WES I think you're right. I don't want to die young. HARLEY And about what I said before that? WES You didn't really say much. HARLEY Right. I know. Do you have any thoughts that you'd like to share with me? Silence. WES (A beat) I've never been attracted to anyone before. Anyone. And I've always been completely content with that. (MORE) (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 52 CONTINUED: WES (CONT'D) I have never wanted to date anyone... never wanted the bull-shit that goes along with all of it. And I am. Attracted to someone. And I'm freaking out a little bit. HARLEY Because it's a guy? WES No. I don't know. I'm not attracted to you because you're a guy. I'm attracted to you, and you happen to be...a guy. And I don't know what you're hoping to hear from me, but I have no answers right now. HARLEY Do you think the way I feel is wrong? WES I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. I told you, I have no answers. Wes walks ahead. 53 INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT Finn, Hokie, and Levi team up on the fireplace. KIMBO Do you even know what you're doing? Sure. LEVI

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KIMBO Is that why the grill stays lit 24/7? HOKIE The situation is under control. LEVI We need kindling! Kindling! HOKIE

BLAIR There's a kindling box underneath the deck, on the far side of the house. Finn stands.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 53 CONTINUED: FINN I'll get it. (beat) Anyone wanna join me? I'll go. MANDY

62 53

HOKIE Small pieces! Preferably dry! FINN You just worry about getting that flue open! Blair eyes them as they leave. 54 INT. HOUSE - BATHROOM -- CONTINUOUS Jamie has changed clothes, applies makeup. 55 EXT. BACK YARD -- NIGHT Finn and Mandy feverishly make out. They crush against the wall, hidden in the shadows. His hands in her hair, her hands on his back, He pulls away. FINN I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I can't do this right now. I really...I really do want to, I just can't do this tonight. MANDY You practically dragged me out here. FINN I know. I know. (A beat) Shit. 56 INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- MOMENTS LATER Levi tunes his guitar, as does Kimbo. Jamie enters. JAMIE Where's Finn? HARLEY He and Mandy went out to get some kindling... (CONTINUED) 56 55 54

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 56 CONTINUED: BLAIR I have an idea! They all look at him. BLAIR (CONT'D) Who wants to smoke a bowl? Anybody? They all stare. LEVI Did you bring pot? (A beat) BLAIR

63 56


JAMIE Does anybody here even smoke pot? No one answers. BLAIR Ok. Pot offer retracted. He makes a gesture, like fishing. BLAIR (CONT'D) Come on back. Finn and Mandy return with kindling. FINN We're back! Everyone rejoice! Rejoice! ALL

Finn stokes the fire, starts it. JAMIE Somebody play a song. LEVI I'd thought about playing mine. Apparently Kimbo's gonna hold hers and pretend. KIMBO Shall we duel? LEVI All I have to do is play one song in particular, and you're melting like buttah.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 56 CONTINUED: (2) HARLEY Are we having a sing along? MANDY What was that song we used to sing at Bible camp? Oh, what's that one song? FINN That narrows it down. MANDY Nooooo...I almost had it. JAMIE Amazing Grace? No. MANDY

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FINN (To tune of "Gilligan") Amazing Grace how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me... Oh, wow! WES

MANDY That doesn't work. You're stuck singing the same stanza of Gilligan for 5 verses of Amazing Grace. Did you ever hear anyone finish it? Levi sings. LEVI (To tune of "Gilligan") When we've been there 10,000 years bright shining as the sun...we've no less days...To sing God's praise... Than when we first...Begun... BLAIR The Professor and Mary Ann, Here on Gilligan's Isle! MANDY I'm talking about the song where you change all the you's to God. HOKIE Now we're gettin' close. KIMBO We used to sing it to Peaceful Easy Feeling. (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 56 CONTINUED: (3) Me too! JAMIE

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JAMIE/KIMBO (To tune of "Peaceful") Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound...that saved a wretch like me... FINN That's great. Let's sing a reverent hymn to a tune that really begins..."I wanna sleep with you in the desert tonight..." MANDY (Sings boldly) What I like about God! He really holds me tight...that's the one! You change all the "you's" to "God!" LEVI You really sang that? HOKIE What do you do when you get to the second verse? MANDY I don't know! Levi begins playing the chords. HOKIE What I like about God, he really knows how to dance! When he goes up, down, jump around, think about true romance, yeah! Everyone laughs. JAMIE Isn't it funny that we all know the words to the same hymns, even though we went to different churches? BLAIR Or never went at all. LEVI What do you want to sing? No one answers. Levi begins playing a hymn, singing. Everyone joins. (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 56 CONTINUED: (4) Only Blair does not, looks on, left out. 57 EXT. FRONT YARD -- MORNING Levi dribbles a basketball on the driveway. FINN (O.S.) This house sucks! 58 INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN -- CONTINUOUS FINN Yesterday it was the water, today it's the air conditioning. Kimbo, Jamie, and Mandy sit at the kitchen table, eat. MANDY It wasn't so bad when I got up. KIMBO Yeah sleepy head, see what you get for sleeping in? FINN Oh my God, it's like hell in here. He opens the fridge, stands in front of it. FINN (CONT'D) We've got to do something about the air. I can't take this. JAMIE We can't take you. You still haven't showered since we got here. FINN Is Blair up yet? MANDY Haven't seen him. Hokie limps in. FINN Are you having trouble sleeping? HOKIE Not until you started screaming. FINN If you see Blair, tell him I'm looking for him. Finn leaves.

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Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 58 CONTINUED: HOKIE What's for breakfast? MANDY I made eggs and Kimbo made biscuits. HOKIE I'll have some biscuits. KIMBO Would you like me to butter them for you? Oh baby. Wes enters. WES Am I the last one up? HOKIE I've been up all night. Ha ha. Ha ha. WES It's a sauna in here. MANDY The AC is out. Lovely. WES HOKIE

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HOKIE Where's Levi? JAMIE He went outside when I got up. HOKIE He was up before you were? Mmmhmm. JAMIE

HOKIE That's not normal. 59 INT. DOCK HOUSE -- MORNING Finn opens the door, startles Blair. FINN What the hell are you doing out here? 59


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 59 CONTINUED: Go away. BLAIR

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FINN Get up. We're calling your mom and dad. The A.C. is out. 60 EXT. BACK YARD -- MORNING Finn and Blair walk to the house. BLAIR Good luck getting hold of them. They won't be back until the 10th. FINN Are there any tools or anything? BLAIR I don't know. Maybe in the garage? FINN This house sucks. ANGLE ON Harley exits the house. HARLEY Please, for the love of God, tell me there's a repair man on the way. BACK TO SCENE FINN You find a toolbox and I'll call a repairman. If I have to pay for this I'm going to murder you. 61 EXT. FRONT YARD -- MORNING Levi dribbles a basketball, back and forth. Hey dude. Hey. HOKIE LEVI 61 60

HOKIE You're up early. I know. Any reason? LEVI HOKIE


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 61 CONTINUED: No answer. HOKIE (CONT'D) (looks around) There's no goal. LEVI There's more to basketball than shooting. Levi displays some footwork. HOKIE Do you want to do something? LEVI Not right now. He dribbles some more, abruptly halts. LEVI (CONT'D) I wish I would have played college ball before I graduated. HOKIE You didn't play in college. Period. LEVI But I could have. HOKIE Well I could have been a rocket scientist too, but I'm not. LEVI Well, I should have. (beat) You don't get it. HOKIE No, I guess I don't. LEVI I just have this overwhelming feeling that I'll always wonder why I didn't play somewhere...and so, what happens now? HOKIE Why didn't you just jump in at a school like Baptist Bible College? LEVI (laughs) I'm non-denominational.

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Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 61 CONTINUED: (2) HOKIE What is that? Like Presbyterian? Levi smiles. Yeah. LEVI

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HOKIE Are you worried about this week? A little. LEVI

HOKIE Can't you still quit? LEVI I don't want to. HOKIE Then what's the big deal? LEVI It's different for you guys. weeks from now, if you think made a mistake, you can just something else. I won't have Three you've do a choice.

HOKIE It won't work that way for us either. Personally, I don't think you should go. I don't want you to go. But dude, if you think I've got my life all figured out, I don't know what to tell you. At least you know where you're headed. After this weekend... (A beat) I don't even want to think about it. LEVI I know. (A beat) You wanna go grill some bacon? Yeah. 62 EXT. BACK YARD -- DAY Harley and Blair examine the AC. Harley kicks it. BLAIR What do you think's wrong? (CONTINUED) HOKIE 62

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 62 CONTINUED: HARLEY It's not working. BLAIR Should we take the cover off? HARLEY Sure. Screwdriver? Blair hands him a screwdriver from the toolbox. Harley begins working on the AC. BLAIR So there's a rumor going around that you're gay. Oh really? Are you? Yes. HARLEY BLAIR HARLEY

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BLAIR I've never known a gay guy before. HARLEY Or so you think. BLAIR No really, I haven't. HARLEY I came out four years ago. Do you think that means I was straight for the other twenty-one years of my life? BLAIR I've never really thought about it. HARLEY Trust me, there's someone you know who is gay and you just haven't found out yet. Because they haven't found out yet. And it's not necessarily a guy. Is it hard? BLAIR


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 62 CONTINUED: (2) HARLEY (CONT'D) If I could have been straight, I would have. But you can't stop being attracted to women, can you? No. BLAIR

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HARLEY So you understand how I feel about being gay. BLAIR Have you ever fixed an air conditioner before? HARLEY Sure. I'm the best gay air conditioner repair-man in Missouri. A moment. HARLEY (CONT'D) Is there a ratchet set in there? 63 INT. HOUSE - FINN'S ROOM -- DAY Finn enters bedroom, clad in a towel. Jamie lies on the bed, flipping through a magazine. FINN At least the hot water works. He sorts through clothing in his overnight bag. Jamie's eyes follow him. FINN (CONT'D) You should take a shower. It makes the air feel cooler. Did the repair guy call back yet? Jamie tosses her magazine to the floor. Come here. JAMIE 63

Finn puts on deodorant, after-shave. FINN I'm getting ready... JAMIE Cooome...heeere... She reaches for him.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 63 CONTINUED: FINN Everyone's already up and around... JAMIE I want come over here. No. Come on. FINN

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She gets off the bed, removes her shirt. JAMIE How about now? FINN Jamie, come on...there are people downstairs... JAMIE Everyone's outside. She walks to him. FINN Somebody could come in... JAMIE (Whispers in his ear) I know. She kisses his ear, his neck. He holds her, but not close. Jamie... FINN

JAMIE Shh...we have to be quiet... She pulls him towards the bed. He kisses her, giving in. They fall onto the bed, rolling into each others arms. They kiss, his hand brushes her hair, she rolls over. He caresses her back, she straddles his body. His hands down her back, grasping, clutching. She raises up, pins his arms. She leans low, teasing. JAMIE (CONT'D) Do you want me? Her face, so close to his. She waits.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 63 CONTINUED: (2) (A beat) FINN

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JAMIE Mmm...I'll bet. Reaches behind her back to unclasp her bra. FINN I can't do this. Oh really? JAMIE

He grasps her by the elbows, stopping her. FINN Jamie. Sweetie...I...can't do this. I'm sorry. JAMIE You've never had this problem before... She rubs his chest. FINN I don't think I love you. Held breath. FINN (CONT'D) I don't think I ever loved you. She breaks away, sits up on the edge of the bed. JAMIE You're creeping me out. Stop it. She pulls her shirt over her head, covers herself. FINN I think we should talk... JAMIE I said shut up! Jamie... FINN

She jumps up, turns on him. JAMIE Shut up! Just shut up!


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 63 CONTINUED: (3) FINN I don't love you. JAMIE Yes you do! Stop saying that! FINN I don't. I'm sorry. It isn't you... JAMIE You don't get to do this. You don't get to do this without talking to me first. FINN There's nothing to talk about... JAMIE Yes there is, yes there is, there's families, and babies, and houses, and wedding dresses... FINN Please sit down... JAMIE No! Shut up! Stop saying...don't say this...these... FINN Just sit here with me, okay. We'll talk this out... JAMIE Get away from me! No! FINN This is the wrong time, I know... JAMIE You're not going to break up with me! You're not going to break up with me! She runs from the room. He chases. Jamie! 64 FINN

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EXT. BACK YARD -- CONTINUOUS Hokie cocks his head. HOKIE Did you hear something?


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE



INT. HOUSE - ENTRY -- CONTINUOUS Jamie tears towards the back door. Finn catches her arm. JAMIE No! I won't let you... Jamie... FINN


JAMIE I won't let you say it... FINN I think we should break up... JAMIE Nooooooooooo! Hokie pops the back door open. FINN Jamie...we need to. We need to break up. Hokie's eyes, big as saucers. 66 EXT. BACK YARD -- DAY Hokie limps/skips across the deck, arms flailing, eyes wild. HOKIE They're breaking up! Oh shit, they're breaking up! LEVI Who's breaking up? Hokie skids down the slope of the yard, Levi in tow. HOKIE They're breaking up! Oh shit! LEVI What's going on? What's going on? I'm all excited! 67 EXT. LAKE -- MOMENTS LATER Kimbo, Mandy, and Wes stop their swimming as Hokie flounders down to the beach, Levi in tow. HOKIE Quick! Quick! You've gotta come quick! They're breaking up! (CONTINUED) 67 66

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 67 CONTINUED: KIMBO Jamie and Finn? LEVI What's going on? HOKIE Finn just told Jamie they're breaking up. She's crying, he's crying. Oh my God. Oh my God. Kimbo takes off. WES (CONT'D) What are you going to say to them? Wait for me! HOKIE KIMBO WES

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Everyone takes off for the house, Hokie following up in rear. 68 EXT. BACK YARD - DECK -- DAY The group arrive to find Finn and Jamie on the deck. JAMIE Why are you doing this? FINN It's time Jame. JAMIE Why are you doing this? FINN I don't love you anymore. JAMIE But you said you did. FINN I lied to you. I'm sorry, but I lied to you. JAMIE I hate you! I hate you! FINN I know. You should. You should hate me right now. He tries to hug her. (CONTINUED) 68

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 68 CONTINUED: She pulls away. JAMIE I can't talk to you anymore! She runs off, leaving Finn in front of his audience. 69 INT. DOCK HOUSE -- DAY Blair searches for a ratchet set, moves around boxes. Jamie enters, upset. You ok? No. She sits in the boat. A moment. JAMIE (CONT'D) Does this thing work? Yeah. BLAIR BLAIR JAMIE

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JAMIE Drive me somewhere. (A beat) Please. Just drive me somewhere. Blair gets in the boat. 70 EXT. BACK YARD -- DAY The group sits in a circle, around Finn. Levi runs up, from the lake. LEVI She got in the boat with Blair and took off. Is she okay? KIMBO 70

LEVI I don't know. They were out in the cove before I got down there. Mandy's face is troubled.

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE



EXT. LAKE -- DAY The boat slows, stops. Blair turns it off. BLAIR Where do you want to go? JAMIE This is fine. A moment. BLAIR Did you guys break up? No answer. BLAIR (CONT'D) I saw them in the dock house the other night and I felt bad about not saying something. I guess it doesn't really matter now, huh? JAMIE What did you see in the dock house? BLAIR I actually didn't see anything. I just heard them. Mandy almost saw me, but I ducked into the boat at the last second. And then they went for kindling and I thought you were going to find out...are you mad at me for not saying something? JAMIE I think I'm ready to go back. Blair starts the motor.



INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY Finn lies in the floor, a cold rag on his head. FINN I just want her to be happy. She would never be happy with me, and I would never be happy with her. LEVI I think you're right. (To others) I love them both, but c'mon, they're not right for each other. (CONTINUED)


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 72 CONTINUED: HOKIE It's gonna hurt for a while, but least you're not married. KIMBO I just can't believe this. You've been together forever. FINN I didn't want it to be this way. I really didn't. Thank you guys for being here. A door SLAMS from the other room. Jamie storms in, past everyone, out of sight. Blair enters. WES Jamie? Are you okay? Kimbo goes after her. Jamie? KIMBO

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A moment, everyone tense. Jamie reappears, scissors in hand. She storms over to Mandy. She seethes. She shoves a red letter "A" into her hands. JAMIE Wear it with pride, you bitch. She turns to Finn. JAMIE (CONT'D) I don't love you anymore. She leaves, enters her bedroom, slams the door. Kimbo enters. KIMBO What did I miss? (to Mandy) Why are you holding the letter "A"? Mandy's eyes, embarrassed, full of tears. BLAIR Now that, my friends, is a literary reference!

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE



EXT. BACK YARD - DECK -- MOMENTS LATER Harley passes Jamie on her way to the lake. HARLEY I think I fixed the AC. You okay?



INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- MOMENTS LATER Harley enters, no one has moved. HARLEY I fixed the air. Is it cooler in here? Everyone splits. Harley sidles up to Wes. HARLEY (CONT'D) What's going on? WES I need to be alone for a little bit. Wes splits. Finn alone with Harley and Blair. HARLEY What did you do?



INT. HOUSE - BATHROOM -- DAY Mandy washes her face. She grabs a washrag, hops onto the counter. A KNOCK at the door. HARLEY Are you okay? MANDY Not that it matters. I don't know why anyone would even care. I'm the one who caused all of this. HARLEY Well, you still hurt. MANDY I just wanted to get her back for always being...more than me. Everything I ever wanted to do and didn't, she did, you know? And now I just feel stupid. (CONTINUED)


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 75 CONTINUED: HARLEY He could have handled it better. MANDY I didn't want him to break up with her. I don't know what I wanted. Oh God. I didn't mean to hurt her this much. 76 EXT. BACK YARD - DECK -- EVENING Hokie lies in the hammock. Kimbo collapses into it with him. KIMBO What a weekend. HOKIE I know. I hoped this thing would make us all...I don't know. Friends forever, the last hoorah. Now we're all digging trenches for war. KIMBO It's not that bad. HOKIE Not a damn thing has gone right. And the whole thing was my idea! KIMBO Don't give up yet. Finn and Jamie could get back together. And besides, what if they'd stayed together and just got divorced later? This could be the best thing that ever happened to them. HOKIE You're the kind of person who sees a roomful of crap and asks "where's the pony?" KIMBO I guess I am. I love that. HOKIE

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They swing in the hammock. Against one another. Close. Hokie looks at her from the corner of his eye. (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 76 CONTINUED: She rolls over into him, lays her head on his chest. He kisses her lightly on her forehead. She raises up, kisses him. 77 EXT. DOCK HOUSE -- EVENING Levi lies on the dock, drinking a beer. Wes joins him. WES What happened to the clean temple? LEVI Don't even start. Just a joke. WES

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Wes grabs a beer from a six pack next to Levi. LEVI I'm not feeling funny. WES I don't think anybody is. This weekend has turned into a debacle. LEVI Why do you think that is? WES Four years of pent-up feelings? God casting judgment on his children? LEVI I'm going to say something to you, and I hope you won't hate me for it. Okay. WES

LEVI I don't think you should be gay. Nobody else is talking about it, but I have to. WES I don't really want to hear this. LEVI And I don't want to have to say it. So don't. WES


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 77 CONTINUED: LEVI I have to. It goes against everything I believe. WES It goes against everything I've ever believed too. And I'm having to rethink it all. LEVI That should be a sign. WES What about you? Do you believe in killing people? LEVI I'm not going over there to kill people! WES That's what you're going to have to do when you go to war! LEVI Only if I don't have a choice. WES I don't have a choice in this. This is the first time I've ever felt like love might be a possibility for me. And if that makes I have to consider that maybe that's what I am. LEVI I guess we do have a choice then. We'll just choose to do what's most convenient or best for us at that moment. I'll kill instead of being killed. You'll choose men instead of women...or being alone. WES You know, for once, maybe you should practice what you preach and pray. Then let God be the judge. About me and you. Silence. LEVI I just want you to know the ramifications of everything.

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Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 77 CONTINUED: (2) WES I do. I know. And I want to make sure you know the ramifications of what you're doing too. I do. LEVI

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WES Is it really worth the risk? I hope so. LEVI

WES See. We're not so different. I don't agree with what you're doing, and you don't agree with what I'm doing. LEVI I can't promise I won't say something about this again in the future. WES And that's fine. But don't be surprised if it makes me mad, either. LEVI Just be careful, okay? WES I should be telling you that. So tell me. LEVI

WES I'm still hoping I won't have to. Wes turns to leave. LEVI Hey. I will love you, regardless. Always. You will always be my friend. WES Remember you said that. 78 INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- EVENING Finn sits with Blair, plays cards. Are you mad? BLAIR 78

FINN It needed to happen. (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 78 CONTINUED: BLAIR I thought she knew. FINN So did I. It was just a matter of time. Just don't say anything to your parents. I don't want it getting back to mine. BLAIR My parents are going to know nothing about this weekend. 79 EXT. BACK YARD -- EVENING Kimbo and Hokie kiss, hands move under clothing. Kimbo starts to resist. Stop. Okay. KIMBO HOKIE

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KIMBO I need to tell you something. Okay. HOKIE

KIMBO I can't do this. She runs off. Hey! 80 HOKIE 80

INT. HOUSE - BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER Kimbo, curled in a blanket, lies in bed. KIMBO Please don't ask me. HOKIE You're kind of scaring me. KIMBO I know. I know I am. HOKIE Did I do something? KIMBO No. It's me. I did. I'm sorry. (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 80 CONTINUED: HOKIE You didn't do anything. KIMBO Oh God. Yes I did. And I'm so sorry. He lies next to her. KIMBO (CONT'D) I can't do...anything with you. I want to. But I can't. HOKIE Okay. We don't have to. KIMBO I mean...ever. I have...this is so hard to say. I have an STD. Okay. HOKIE

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KIMBO And I can't...I can't do anything about it. Which one? HOKIE

KIMBO It's really common. But I'll have it forever. Is it AIDS? HOKIE

KIMBO No. God no. Thank God. It''s really embarrassing and I don't want to talk about it. HOKIE If we're going to be together we kind of have to. KIMBO This isn't something that's going to go away. If we did end up together, then you'd have it too. HOKIE Well...if we loved each other and we weren't going to be with anyone else, why would it matter?


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 80 CONTINUED: (2) KIMBO It's easy to say that, but meaning it is very different. You'd never be able to be with anyone else. HOKIE So why worry about it right now? I like you. Sex is the last thing on my mind. I just like you. And if I like you enough to want to be with you forever, then who cares? KIMBO Hokie, I can't have sex...I'm not having sex with anyone ever again. HOKIE Fine. Me either. See? Then it doesn't matter. If neither one of us is ever having sex again, it doesn't matter. KIMBO You don't mean that. HOKIE I know that. I don't want to write you off because you made some bad choice. I've made bad choices too, I just got lucky. KIMBO If we fall in love, get married, whatever...someday it will come up. What if I end up liking you, or loving you, and then you walk away because you don't want to deal with me? HOKIE And what if you do the same thing to me? KIMBO You could hurt me so much. HOKIE And you could hurt me too. But I think you're worth the risk. At least I hope so. KIMBO Are you scared of me? HOKIE No. Are you scared of me?

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Revision - 1-10-05 WHITE 80 CONTINUED: (3) Yes. KIMBO

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Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 80 CONTINUED: (4) HOKIE I'm scared of you too. But not because of why you think. They kiss. 81 EXT. BACK YARD -- EVENING The lawn is quiet. Croquet mallets lie unused. The grill glows dully. The moon glows on an empty dock. 82 INT. HOUSE - HALLWAY -- NIGHT Wes knocks on Jamie's door. Jamie? WES

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HARLEY Leave her alone. WES I want to make sure she's okay. HARLEY She's embarrassed. Let her be alone. WES Jamie, if you need anything, let us know, okay? 83 INT. HOUSE - FINN'S ROOM -- CONTINUOUS Jamie in bed, Finn's belongings shoved into a pile far away. 84 INT. HOUSE - MANDY'S ROOM -- CONTINUOUS Finn knocks at Mandy's door. Hey. What? FINN MANDY 84 83

FINN I don't have any of my things. Can I borrow your toothbrush? I'm sorry? MANDY


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 84 CONTINUED: FINN Can I borrow your toothbrush? No. He enters. FINN Fine, I'll just get mine in the morning. He takes off his shoes, starts to undress. MANDY What are you doing? FINN Getting ready for bed? MANDY You're not sleeping in here. Why not? FINN MANDY

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MANDY Are you dense? Your girlfriend is two doors away, bawling her eyes out. FINN I know. That's why I'm sleeping in here. MANDY I'm not your consolation prize. FINN I broke up with her so I could be with you. MANDY You should have asked me. FINN I thought that's what you wanted? MANDY No, it isn't what I wanted. What I did with you was a mistake. I made a huge mistake. My best friend is more important to me than you will ever be. Hey. FINN (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 84 CONTINUED: (2) MANDY What you did today...she wanted to marry you! FINN I didn't want to marry her! I want to marry you! MANDY We were never in love! FINN I'm in love with you. MANDY Finn. You've never told me that. Ever. If you loved me...if you really loved me, you would already have said it. FINN But I do. I love you. I did all of this for you. MANDY No. You didn't. You did this for you. And I did it for me. And that's what makes it so wrong. FINN You sure as hell never thought so before! MANDY Yes, I did. I thought so every time. And I did it anyway. And it makes me sick. A moment. He leaves. 85 INT. HOUSE - KIMBO'S ROOM -- NIGHT

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Levi encounters Hokie and Kimbo lying on the bed together. He watches quietly for a moment, knocks on the doorframe. Hokie and Kimbo look up. HOKIE Hey, buddy... LEVI (To Kimbo) Could I borrow you for a minute? (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 85 CONTINUED: She glances at Hokie. KIMBO Is everything ok? LEVI Yeah. (A beat) Just need you for a few minutes. She gets up, joins him at the door. LEVI (CONT'D) I want you to cut my hair. What? KIMBO

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LEVI I want you to cut my hair. I don't want anyone else to do it. You're the only person who's cut my hair for the last 5 years...It can be like our last goodbye. KIMBO Levi, I love you. I really do. But you need to get over this idea that we have some kind of tragic love. I have. I really hope you can too. She kisses him on the forehead, slowly closes the door. 86 INT. HOUSE - BATHROOM -- NIGHT Levi sets a chair in front of the mirror. Turns on the clippers. Turns them off. Closes his eyes. Jamie opens the door, startled by Levi. JAMIE What are you doing in here? LEVI I don't want to go. I'm scared, and confused...I'm so in love with Kimbo. I always have know we were so good together, and we were so good to one another, and then I went stupid. I don't know what happened to me. (MORE) (CONTINUED) 86

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 86 CONTINUED: LEVI (CONT'D) I still want to offer her everything but I don't even know who I'm supposed to be right now. If she told me to stay I would stay-Jamie grabs him, holds him. Hsh... He sobs in her arms. LEVI I don't know who I am anymore. JAMIE Neither do I. 87 INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT JAMIE

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Harley sits in the floor as Wes rolls out his sleeping bag. HARLEY Looks like I'm out here with you tonight. WES Looks like it. HARLEY Do you want me to sleep over here? He motions to the other side of the room. WES It's up to you. HARLEY I don't want to move too fast. I really like you Wes. WES I like you too. I like you...more than I want to admit. And it scares me. And I'm in no way ready to do...anything like that. HARLEY I'm not either. WES Why do you like me? HARLEY I don't know. (MORE) (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 87 CONTINUED: HARLEY (CONT'D) It's hard to define it. It's not because of any one thing. Why do you like me? WES I don't know either. I just do. HARLEY We sound really stupid. I know. WES

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HARLEY What happened after that party...I've liked you since I met you, long before that. I wish that party hadn't happened. Because I really want to get to know you. Me too. WES

HARLEY I'm going to sleep right here. Harley rolls out a sleeping bag. HARLEY (CONT'D) Is that okay? Yes. WES

He rolls out a sleeping bag, lies down. Wes lies down too. A moment. Harley laughs. Wes laughs too. Shut up! HARLEY

He hits him with a pillow. 88 INT. DOCK HOUSE -- NIGHT Finn enters carrying a sleeping bag. Hey, man. FINN 88


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 88 CONTINUED: BLAIR (Sits up) You guys need something? FINN You mind if I sleep down here with you? BLAIR Public enemy number one? Yup. FINN

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BLAIR I don't know how I feel about being your last resort. FINN Please, man, I'm not in the mood. Finn lies down. FINN (CONT'D) It's true what they say. Turn love around and it spells evil. BLAIR No it doesn't. FINN Phonetically. BLAIR No it doesn't. FINN It's a saying. BLAIR I've never heard it. FINN That's because you're an imbecile. BLAIR You're the idiot that was cheating on your gorgeous girlfriend. A moment. I know. A moment. FINN


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 88 CONTINUED: (2) BLAIR You and your friends kind of suck. They lie silently. BLAIR (CONT'D) I know you didn't want me here this weekend, so, I just want to say thanks for being so cool to me. FINN Well, the weekends not over, know...don't go ruining anybody else's breakup. 89 INT. HOUSE - KIMBO'S ROOM -- NIGHT Kimbo cuddles with Hokie. 90 INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT Harley sleeps next to Wes. 91 INT. HOUSE - FINN'S ROOM -- NIGHT Jamie sleeps next to Levi. 92 INT. HOUSE - MANDY'S ROOM -- NIGHT Mandy sleeps alone. 93 INT. DOCK HOUSE -- NIGHT The boat rocks in the water. 94 EXT. BACK YARD -- MORNING A scream echoes from the house. 95 INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN -- MORNING Kimbo slams a pan onto the counter. Bravo! WES

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KIMBO This house is infested. You love it. WES

Finn walks in from outside. Morning. FINN


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 95 CONTINUED: Sleep okay? No. Blair joins them. BLAIR Ugh. Want to know the real reason for the breakup? Snoring. I'm not very funny in the morning. Mandy enters. MANDY Who's banging the pots and pans? KIMBO Did I wake you up? MANDY I think you woke God up. Jamie and Levi enter. Morning. Morning. Silence. Everyone sets about getting breakfast. HOKIE We can't all just not talk to each other. Silence. HOKIE (CONT'D) This is crap! FINN I don't think we really have much to say. HOKIE Why? Because you're mad? Because everyone else is mad? We're the Suburban Seven! We can get over this. FINN The Suburban Seven is dead. LEVI JAMIE HOKIE FINN

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Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 95 CONTINUED: (2) HOKIE Not to me it's not. FINN We're adults now. This is all that's left. College is over. Finn leaves. ANGLE ON Finn steps over sleeping Harley. BACK TO SCENE HOKIE Is that how everyone feels? No answer. HOKIE (CONT'D) Well I don't. Hokie chases after Finn. ANGLE ON Hokie steps over sleeping Harley. BACK TO SCENE KIMBO So...should we make a schedule and do this every year? 96 INT. HOUSE - FINN'S ROOM -- DAY Finn packs his bags. Hokie enters. HOKIE You can't just give up on everyone. FINN Do you really think we're all going to keep in touch? This weekend was about saying goodbye. Not for me. HOKIE

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FINN It is for everyone else.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 96 CONTINUED: HOKIE Why? Because you said so? You guys are my family. You're the best things in my life. What do I get now? A job? A family? Great, I want that, but not if I have to say goodbye to you. FINN We have to grow up sometime. It might as well be now. HOKIE You're saying that now, but you know you don't mean it. 97 INT. HOUSE - MANDY'S ROOM -- DAY Mandy packs her bags. Jamie stands at the door. JAMIE Were you going to tell me? MANDY No. I wasn't. I never thought it out. If I'd thought about it, it never would have happened. JAMIE You've ruined my life. A moment. JAMIE (CONT'D) I don't have a future now. I don't even know where I'm going now. MANDY I don't know where I'm going either. JAMIE You've got Finn. You can go and live my life. MANDY I don't want your life. I thought I did. But I don't. JAMIE Too pitiful for you? MANDY No. It's just that mine isn't any worse than yours. I guess it never was. (CONTINUED)

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Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 97 CONTINUED: JAMIE It's going to be a long time before we can be friends again. MANDY I don't blame you. JAMIE Aren't you going to apologize? MANDY I'll probably be doing that for the rest of my life. 98 EXT. FRONT YARD -- DAY Wes and Harley pack their belongings into Kimbo's car. Hokie exits the house, helps. HARLEY Well gang, thanks for the dysfunction this weekend. It was better than the brochure. WES It's...really not usually like this.

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Mandy exits the house with her bags, starts loading her car. Kimbo joins her. KIMBO So, you'll be around this week? MANDY I'm planning on it. KIMBO Do you want me to come over? MANDY I would really like that a lot. Wes and Harley get in the back seat of Kimbo's car. WES I can't stay back here long! Let's go! Finn, Blair, and Levi exit the house. BLAIR No good-byes? HARLEY Thanks for the house! It was swell! (CONTINUED)

Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 98 CONTINUED: BLAIR Bite me, visit anytime! Hokie approaches Finn and Levi at the front door. HOKIE Well guys. Is this really it? LEVI I don't think so. Maybe. FINN

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HOKIE At least we're all in agreement. Levi smiles. As always. FINN

LEVI Take care of Kimbo. She sits in the passenger seat of her car. HOKIE I'm not going anywhere. I am. LEVI

HOKIE That's what you keep saying. Kimbo opens her car door. KIMBO Are you coming? HOKIE I think I'm going to ride with the guys. (To them) That okay? FINN If you don't mind riding with me and Jamie. Fun times. LEVI

MANDY Actually, she's riding with me.


Revision - 1-10-05 WHITE 98 CONTINUED: (2) Jamie exits the house with her bags. You ready? Almost. MANDY (CONT'D) JAMIE

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She opens Finn's car door, grabs something from the front. She walks up to Levi, hugs him JAMIE (CONT'D) Thanks for last night. Mandy loads her bags into the car, Jamie follows suit. Hokie and Finn stare at him. LEVI What? You know I'm that good... (beat) At listening. Everyone stands by their cars, the boys at the door. HOKIE Well ladies and gentlemen. Thus concludes the final chapter of the Suburban Seven: The College Years. With God's Grace, I hope to see you in the next installment. WES Next time, less drama. HOKIE Next time less drama. Last minute hugs all around. KIMBO (To Jamie) Call me? JAMIE As soon as we get back. Me too! WES

JAMIE You too sweetie. Bye guys. MANDY *


Revision - 1-10-05 WHITE 98 CONTINUED: (3) They all load up, wave, drive off. The boys are left alone on the porch. LEVI You really think we'll all see each other again? We have to. HOKIE

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FINN He keeps saying that. HOKIE No. We have to. I have everyone's cell phones. You dog. LEVI

HOKIE Well gents, shall we? He loads his bags. Finn grabs his bags, heads to the car. LEVI (To Blair) You comin'? BLAIR I'm staying behind. I've got all summer to chill. LEVI Enjoy it, little man. Find some friends and enjoy it. But avoid the bikini zombies. Levi loads his bags, gets in the car. They all close the doors. Hokie hangs out one window.


Revision - 8-3-04 WHITE 98 CONTINUED: (4) Blair, alone, staring after. BLAIR Bikini zombies. Jumps up, hangs from the doorframe, swings.

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