Report
THE COMMITMENT CAMPAIGN|NOVEMBER 2011
Commitment: The Answer to the Middle’s Questionson Marriage for Gay Couples
By Lanae Erickson
F
or the rst time, national polls indicate that a majority of Americans now support allowing gay and lesbian couplesto marry. Our country has undergone an unprecedentedshift on the issue, with support doubling in just a decadeand a half. This evolution has been bolstered by a paralleltransformation in Americans’ underlying attitudes towards gaypeople and couples, who were once seen as outsiders but arenow increasingly accepted as part of the community. But despitethe seismic shift in support for marriage, these gains are not yetlocked in—a sizable chunk of the support is still susceptible to thearguments of marriage opponents. Solidifying these supportersis crucial because, among other reasons, several court cases onmarriage are working their way up to the Supreme Court level andcould be decided in the next handful of years, and the Justiceswill pay attention to public opinion in making their decisions. Inthis report, we unravel the mysteries of the middle and set outa series of lessons gleaned from our qualitative and quantitativeresearch—all aimed at moving the middle from supporters to solidand sustained allies on the path to marriage. The most importantlesson is that advocating for marriage in terms of 
commitment 
,not
rights 
, is paramount.
 
November 2011
Commitment: The Answer to the Middle’s Questions on Marriage for Gay Couples 
 
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 www.ThirdWay.org
SIX LESSONS FROM PUBLIC OPINION RESEARCH
When asked to rate their comfort level with allowing gay and lesbian couplesto marry, respondents in our latest poll conducted by Grove Insight averageda tepid 4.76 on a scale of 0 to 10.
1
A full 15% rated themselves exactly in themiddle at a 5, while another 15% of those on the supportive side ranked them-selves a relatively soft 6 to 8. Only 26% labeled themselves a 9 or 10, comparedto about 30% who said they were a 0 or 1. That means 44% were somewhere inthe middle.
Comfort with Marriage for Gay Couples
30131515260 to 12 to 456 to 89 to 10
When asked how they would
feel 
: 32% said they would be glad if gaycouples could marry, 23% said they would not like it but it would be acceptableto them, and 37% said it would not be acceptable.These two questions illustrate the challenges facing supporters of marriage.One in four Americans would grudgingly accept it, and four in ten put them-selves in the gray zone—not completely for it, not decidedly against it.Can we move 4s, 5s, and 6s to 8s, 9s, and 10s? Can we change people fromgrudging approval to gladly accepting? We are certain the answer is yes.We learned after three years of exhaustive qualitative and quantitativeresearch that those in the middle are grappling with a series of unresolved,conicting internal values and complex beliefs when it comes to marriage.They are struggling to understand the motivations of gay couples who wishto marry. Are they seeking to change the institution of marriage or join it? Arethey marrying for similar reasons as other couples or for different reasons—likebenets, rights, or to make a political statement?Those in the middle are not fully resolved on what marriage would mean for kids—not the kids of gay couples, but their own children. Will values about sex andmarriage be taught in the home or elsewhere? And they have yet to reconcile their desire to be fair and inclusive toward gay couples with their religious convictions.Can I still be faithful to my religious beliefs and open to marriage for gay couples?These are legitimate and understandable questions. What follows are thesix lessons we have identied for resolving these internal dilemmas and movingthe middle on marriage so as to pave the way for a faster and smoother journey
 
November 2011
Commitment: The Answer to the Middle’s Questions on Marriage for Gay Couples 
 
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 www.ThirdWay.org
to equality. The rst lesson is the most important to heed in order to move andsolidify the middle, and the ones that follow bolster its advice.
LESSON #1
Commitment trumps rights.
Extending marriage to gay couples is in some ways about rights, and thereare myriad legal protections that arise from marriage, but that is not how peoplesee their own marriages. Most Americans think that marriage is about love,commitment, obligation, and responsibility. That is why the solemnity of theceremony and vows are so important—because they represent a one-of-a-kindpromise of lifetime commitment and delity, made publicly in front of family andfriends. Yet advocates have often focused on rights and benets, not commit-ment, when talking about why gay couples want to marry. This mismatch mayhave exacerbated an existing disconnect in the minds of the middle, perpetuat-ing the notion that gay couples want to marry for different reasons than other couples or, worse, implying that gay couples don’t truly understand what mar-riage is about.When asked in our poll why “couples like you” might want to get married,58% said “to publicly acknowledge their love and commitment to each other.”Only 22% chose “for rights and benets, like tax advantages, hospital visitation,or sharing a spouse’s pension.” But when asked why gay couples might want toget married, publicly acknowledging love and commitment lost 20 points, andrespondents were split down the middle between commitment and rights (38%to 38%).
Most Important Reason to Marry
This disconnect was even more stark within certain key demographic groups:those who attend church once a week (26 point gap) or more than once a week
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