2
a) Reward;b) Relate.As I've said before, Reward/Relate is the second fundamental element of the Juggler Method. I will describe it in the nexttwo chapters.But let me go an extra mile and add the last bit here.
I always speak in the "I" perspective. When I describe my thoughts and feelings, when I share my experiences with people, I
use the word "I" instead of "you" as people do quite often for some vague psychological reason. It might seemcounterintuitive, but saying "I" definitely helps people to relate to what I'm saying much better.
Chapter 2
One thing I've neglected to mention in the previous chapter (and wrongly so), is the "vacuum".The "vacuum" is a JM term for a simple and effective way to strongly compel a partner in the interaction to answer theopen-ended question. After asking a woman the open-ended question, I make a strong eye contact, and freeze mybody. I keep silent, I do not move, and do not break the eye contact until the tension becomes so unbearable to her thatshe feels obligated to break the silence and just say something.I usually employ the "vacuum" only in the beginning of my interaction with a woman. Very soon afterwards there's no needfor such powerful way of making her talk, because she enjoys the conversation with me, and answers my questions verywillingly.Now let's talk about the second fundamental element of the Juggler Method.
2) Reward/Relate
Let's discuss the Reward.After a woman answers my question, I reward her for answering it, no matter how brief her answer was. After all, she hasmade an effort of opening up to me, and this effort is something I had requested from her in the first place by asking myopen-ended question. And of course I want her to make even bigger efforts further along in the conversation. Byrewarding her for each effort, for each little unique thing she shares with me, I make her feel good about opening up tome, I make her feel appreciated and liked. I sincerely express my appreciation.Another important thing about the reward is that by giving it I express my approval. I am the man who gives approvalwithout seeking approval from others. I'm the approval-giver. So by rewarding a woman for each effort she makes, Iconvey the fact that I'm the man in charge.How do I reward?When a woman is answering my open-ended question, I listen very careful y and do my best to deduce the very essenceof what she is telling me, the important unique quality of her personality that she is revealing to me. Than I simply tell herthat I like this unique quality that she has just revealed.The three things to reward are:• What she says;• How she says it;• What she does while saying it (or while not saying anything at all; this third form of Reward I can actually use even if she doesn't answer my open-ended question!)For example, a few days ago I've spoken to a young woman in a bookstore. She was wearing a necklace with a tinypendant. I liked that necklace. I asked her a very simple open-ended question: "How did you get it?" I did the "vacuum",and she told me, "Well, I was just passing by the store window and saw the necklace there, so I stepped in and bought it". Iwas paying attention to what she was saying, and from her words I could recognize her spontaneity. This was the uniquequality I liked and felt like rewarding. So I said to her, "I find you spontaneous, and I admire that about you!"It's so simple - and it works. I also use another, very elegant and powerful form of reward that greatly shortens the timenecessary to build rapport. This type of reward is called Push-Pull. A Push/Pull is exactly what it sounds like. Imagine pushinga woman very slightly on her shoulders, so she takes one step back away from you. Then imagine yourself taking her firmlyby the forearms and pulling toward yourself, so close that the two of you share an embrace.Now think for a moment, how would you do it using just words, without physically pushing her?This is the Push/Pull. The "Pull" part of the Push-Pull type of Reward brings a woman much closer to me than if I had justrewarded her directly. That's why the Push-Pull helps me to achieve the rapport faster."Oh... You see, I would never marry anyone like you. If I were married to you, our household would go broke in less than aweek! Actually, I am joking. I like your spontaneity!"There are also several very important nonverbal rewards.I reward with a smile. I reward with my laughter if something she says or does is funny.I reward by touching a woman.
abcd_z7860
![00 - Juggler Method[1]](https://imgv2-1-f.scribdassets.com/img/document/6754918/149x198/6beb2834bd/1399634357?v=1)
