In This Episode:   I’m reflecting on all the times I have made a mistake as a parent. Whew! This realization cans me quite humbling. Now, to be completely honest, I could not possibly remember each time that I have made a parenting mistake. Or any mistake for that matter. As I have probably made about a gazillion mistakes in my lifetime, and certainly many of them during last 13-ish years as a parent.  But, I’m totally okay with that since I have learned from them. Lessons learned by experience are LONG LASTING and VALUABLE. One biggie that I’ve learned is, it is okay to not be the “PERFECT” parent. Really, is there such a thing anyway? Mention of this reminds me of Brene Brown’s (I LOVE her work!) beautiful book, “The Gift of Imperfection”.  Her message is a life changer for so many, myself included. All of her books and talks are incredible. Being the “best” parent that YOU can be is what truly matters. At the time of this writing, I have not yet met a “perfect” parent. I don’t expect that I ever will either. It’s just not a realistic expectation. What is a realistic expectation however, is that we do what works best for us, while honoring the uniqueness and individuality in our own selves and our own family. Being the absolute “best” parent that you can be is SO MUCH more rewarding, attainable and worthwhile. I have met many AMAZING parents over the years though. With these parents, I’ve noticed that they all incorporate… EMPATHY LOVE RESPECT … into their own parenting styles in their own, unique ways. Also, these parents all seem to give themselves, and the ones that they love, permission to make mistakes. Brilliant, right? It’s important to mention that the topic of parenting sometimes lends itself to strong opinions. Getting past the point of letting other people’s opinions drive our decisions can feel so EMPOWERING.  It allows us to relax and actually be able to enjoy our kiddos and the experiences that life has to offer.  This effort is totally worth it. Freeing our hearts and opening our minds enables us to access a beautiful space that holds the SELF-LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, and HAPPINESS that we crave. As a therapist specializing in Child Parent Relationship Therapy, I teach parents to “Focus on the Donut, Not the Hole”. I interpret this to mean, focus your energy on the good stuff, not on what’s going wrong. Sure, we need to address things that go wrong, but it’s not helpful to fall into the perpetual pit of doom that focusing on weaknesses can bring.  Things get so much tougher when we dwell on the negative.  I have seen such healing, growth and improvements in people’s life with this one realization. This is not my idea however, as it is part of the therapeutic protocol outlined in CPRT Package: Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT) Treatment Manual: A 10-Session Filial Therapy Model for Training Parents, by Bratton S., Landreth, G, Kellam, T., and Blackard, S. Their “FOCUS ON THE DONUT, NOT THE HOLE” concept is only part of this incredibly effective type of relationship based therapy. The other tenents of their book and manual are brilliant as well! If you are searching for: deeper relationships with your children more effective ways to nurture good character simple methods to foster self esteem and courage to take chances …this type of therapy is recommended. Good stuff! In regard to tough situations that life can offer, I invite you to “Focus on the Donut” on a personal level as well. Noticing what you are doing “right” can make tough situations much easier by fostering feelings of adequacy, self–worth, and capability. Give yourself permission to be human and make mistakes, with the INTENTION of learning from them and ultimately doing better the next time is good stuff. The word “intention” means to do something on purpose. Parenting “on purpose” can leave us feeling empowered and in control. Maya Angelou’s brilliant words “when we know better, we do better” apply here, for sure. So, education is key to making