Carolyn took her last drink on February 22, 2019.  This is her story of living alcohol-free (AF).     Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.   Dehumanizing Others.    After listening to Brene Brown, Odette loved Brene’s challenge of not engaging in dehumanizing others.  We can’t change the world if we continue dehumanizing others.  Odette was also reading Pema Chodron’s new book and concluded that polarization is most problematic when we dehumanize people.  Habitually dehumanizing others about politics or behavior or clothing isn’t good.  Minor differences in habits and preferences keep us fundamentally separate from others.       The division exists everywhere, even in recovery.  Odette has observed others judging other’s approaches to recovery.  We judge people for NA beer or not drinking NA beer,  AA or no AA.  We continue to create division instead of closing the gaps.    Pema Chodron has a practice called “just like me.” Just like me, this person doesn’t want to be uncomfortable.  Just like me, this person loses it sometimes.  Just like me, this person wants friends and intimacy.    Focus on the similarities, not the differences.  You can have boundaries without dehumanizing others.      [7:35] Odette introduces Carolyn   Carolyn took her last drink on February 22, 2019.  She lives in Wisconsin and is 34 years old.    She lives in Wisconsin, is single, no kids, and has fun with her German shepherd pup.  Carolyn loves drawing, painting, murals, golf, snowboarding, camping, hiking, etc.  She works as a graphic artist. Living in the polar vortex of Wisconsin can be challenging, but it makes her appreciate the seasons more.   [11:01] Tell me about your history with drinking   Carolyn started drinking when she was 14 years old (2000).  She would drink on the weekends and look forward to drinking. It was a big part of her identity and made her feel cool and accepted.    Carolyn’s drinking ramped up when she went to college.  She worked in a restaurant and played rugby and had lots of opportunities to drink.  Drinking continued to be a significant part of her identity.     She met her significant other in 2008, and they were drinking buddies, a party couple.  She knew something was off but wasn’t sure what it was.     [13:30] Did you start questioning if alcohol was a problem at that time?   Carolyn didn’t see alcohol as a problem initially, but she was aware that several areas of her life were not jiving.  Looking back, she can see many events and relationships influenced by alcohol, but she didn’t see it at the moment.    [14:49] Were you rationalizing your drinking as something sophisticated?   At her college graduation, she was surrounded by friends and family.  She was drunk, and her boyfriend proposed.  She said yes, even though she knew something was off.  She has a lot of internal conflicts.  She leveraged alcohol to help her numb her feelings.  The marriage ended because she couldn’t move the relationship forward.   After her divorce, she was drinking after work every night.  She found it wasn’t fun anymore.  She started to develop anxiety at 22.  Her drinking was no longer fun, party drinking – it was maintenance drinking.  Had she not had the lull in 2014, she would not have had the tipping point   [18:32] Did you talk to a friend or a therapist about your struggles?   Carolyn knew her drinking wasn’t healthy, but she was still in denial.  She brainwashed herself into believing she was a fun party-girl.  She didn’t see herself as an alcoholic.  She began to realize she had a problem after her divorce.    [20:21] Walk me through what happened from 2014 to February 2019.   Carolyn said her drinking progressed.  Her anxiety was crippling, and she would drink when she got home.  After a visit with his sister, her brother-in-law mentioned he hadn’t had a drink for two weeks.  She thought that was crazy.  She knew she hadn’t gone two weeks without drinking ever.  She stumbled upon the “are you an alcoholic” quiz