Dr. V.

Veera Balaji Kumar
(psychology)

BHMS., M Sc., M Phil

INTER PERSONAL SKILLS
 Interpersonal skills is

how people relate to one another.  IPR is used often in business contexts to refer to the measure of a person's ability to operate within business organizations through social communication and interactions.

DEFINITION
The mental and communicative algorithms applied during social communications and interactions in order to reach certain effects or results.

Interpersonal Skills

listening

using

Speaking

feedback

conflict handling questioning

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ESSENTIAL IP COMPETENCIES
 Self awareness  Control  Motivation  Acknowledging the interests of

friends/co-workers  Communication skills

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Self Awareness
 That which allows us to stand apart

and examine even the way we ‘see’ ourselves – our self-concept.  It affects not only our attitudes and behaviours, but also how we see other people.

Who am I ?

Know yourself
Our MIND contains many individual selves, • each with its own way of perceiving the world, • each with its own personal history, physical characteristics, emotional and physical reactions, and opinions on how we should run our lives

When do you introduce yourself ?
When you • Meet a person for the first time. • Go for an Interview •Want to make new friends • First day at college • First day at work • Want to start a new conversation with a person

Image & Self-Projection

We are shaped, consciously or unconsciou sly by the upbringing of our Parents.

Your

Pare

nts

Your Parents
 Our Parents

have gone through difficult times to make us what we are.

Your Parents
 They suffer silently.  Do not expect return in money

My Family
 Our families

have emerged after trial and tribulations of various types – financial, psychological or physical.

-- Thirukkural
The best Original source on Interpersonal skills

DEVELOPING IP Skills
 Developing Assertiveness  Accepting Responsibility  Managing Conflicts

Avoiding Accommodating Competing/Forcing Collaborating Compromising
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Factors Hampering Interpersonal Interactions
   

Poor Listening Emotional Arousal Lack of Time Differences in Attitude/ Values/beliefs

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Steps Toward Changing Behavior
BEHAVIOR 4. Unconscious Competence

The New YOU!

3. Conscience Competence 2. Conscience Incompetence

1. Unconscious Incompetence

Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis Transactional Analysis A unified system of individual and social psychiatry Focuses on the individual but also one’s relationship to others A model for explaining why and how: People think like they do People act like they do People interact/communicate with others

Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis Transactional Analysis  People have three ego states: parent, adult, child  Parent: when a person thinks, feels & behaves in ways copied from his/her parents  Child: thinking, feeling, behaving as one did as a child  Adult: thoughts, feelings, or behaviors that are a direct result of current happenings Key point: people shift in & out of these
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Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis Transactional Analysis – further development  Parent & child ego states subdivided  Parent state: controlling or nurturing  Child state: free child (FC) or adapted child (AC) • AC – a person conforms & adapts to demands of others  FC – a person acts & feels like an uninhibited & impulsive child
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Ego Portraits
People have favorite, preferred ego state, depicted by larger circle in a diagram Parent Adult Child

P

P

P A

A C

A

C

C

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BASIC HUMAN EGO STATES
(PERSONALITY STATES)
THREE BASIC EGO STATES FURTHER BREAKDOWN OF EGO STATES
CRITICAL PARENT NURTURING PARENT LECTURING, CRITICIZING, MANY “OUGHTS”, “SHOULD” &”DON’TS” CONSOLING, “TAKING CARE” OF OTHERS, SYMPATHY

P
(PARENT)

A
(ADULT)

ADULT

OBJECTIVE, RATIONAL, ORIENTED TOWARD PROBLEM SOLVING, DEEMPHASIZE EMOTION MODIFIED BEHAVIOUR TO CONFORM TO ADULT EXPECTATIONS, MANUPULATIVE, SUMBISSIVE PLAYFUL, IMPULSIVE, NATULRALLY CURIOUS &CREATIVE, FUN LOVING, REBELLIOUS

C
(CHILD)

ADAPTED CHILD NATURAL CHILD

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TYPICAL WAYS OF EXPRESSING EGO STATES ON THE JOB
CRITICAL PARENT
“CAN’T YOU TURN IN A REPORT ON TIME JUST ONCE?” “YOU SHOULD CLEAN UP YOUR DESK ONCE IN A WHILE!” “I’M SURPRISED AT YOU… THIS PRODUCT SHOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLETED A MONTH AGO.”

NURTURING PARENT

“I’M ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU” “LET ME CLEAN UP THAT DESK FOR YOU, MR. SMITH” “YOU’VE DONE A SWELL JOB, TOM.”

ADULT

“WHAT ARE THE ALTERNATIVES?” “CAN’T WE REACH SOME SORT OF COMPROMISE?” “WHAT CONSEQUENCES WILL THIS ACTION HAVE?” “ANYTHING YOU SAY, SIR!” “SORRY, I’LL TRY TO IMPROVE.” “WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PICK ON ME… THE OTHERS WERE IN ON THIS TOO!” “LET ME SEE HOW THIS GADGET WORKS.” “WONDER WHAT HAPPENS IF WE DO IT THIS WAY?” “LET’S KNOCK OFF FOR TODAY! WHO WANTS TO WORK ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON ANYWAY?” 25

ADAPTED CHILD

NATURAL CHILD

Types of Transactions
Complementary Transactions: Appropriate and Expected Transactions indicating healthy human relationships. Communication takes place when transactions are complementary. A stimulus invites a response; this response becomes a stimulus inviting further response and so on. Complementary transaction between supervisor & employee

Supervisor
P A C

Employee P
A C
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Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis Transactional Analysis occurs when the ego states of 2 people interacting is assessed

 Complimentary interaction:
 one person in a nurturing parent ego state  other person in their adaptive child ego state

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Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis Transactional Analysis occurs when the ego states of 2 people interacting is assessed, cont’d.

 Crossed transaction:
 A leader in the adult ego state deals with  A subordinate who responds from their free child ego state with somewhat negative, rejecting input from the leader

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Transactional Analysis Types (II)
Crossed transaction

Supervisor
P A C

Employee
P A C

Crossed Transaction: This causes most difficulties in social situations. “May be, you should improve your study habits”. “You always find fault with me whatever I do” Parent-Child interaction.
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Ulterior Transactions
 Occur when the words seem to be

coming from one ego state, but in reality the words or behaviors are coming from another

 Sometimes when people don’t know what

they want or how to ask for it in a direct way, they resort to ulterior transactions  Best to avoid ulterior transactions because they tend to waste time

Transactional Analysis Types (III)
Ulterior transaction

Supervisor
P A C

Employee
P A C

Supervisor
P A C

Employee
P A C

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(T.A.) Strokes Strokes are the recognition one person gives another  These begin in infancy as hugs  Later in life become more verbal/abstract

THE TYPES OF STROKES YOU SEEK DEPEND ON YOUR OKAYNESS

STROKING

POSITIVE STROKES

NEGATIVE STROKES

CONDITIONAL STROKES

PRAISE COMPLEMENTS RECOGNITION AFFECTION REWARDS SYMPATHY CONSOLATION SELF-SATISFACTION FROM JOB WELL DONE

PUT-DOWNS CRITICISM DEGRADING RIDICULE SCOLDING PUNISHMENT DISCOUNTING

STROKES WITH ULTERIOR MOTIVES STROKES GIVEN FOR WHAT YOU DO, RATHER THAN FOR WHAT YOU ARE: (5) PERFORMANCE ORIENTED STROKES (6) ACCOMODATION & CONFORMITY ORIENTED STROKES

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Life Positions
Attitude toward Oneself

Positive

I’m OK — You’re not OK I’m not OK — You’re not OK
Negative

I’m OK — You’re OK I’m not OK — You’re OK
Positive

Negative

Attitude toward Others
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TA Life Positions

 I’m not OK,

you’re OK
‘I wish I could do it as well as •you do’ CHILD-TO-ADULT EGO
• • • • STATE ACTIVATED. FEELINGS OF INFERIORITY; HERO WORSHIP; LOOKING FOR PARENT SUBSTITUTES. SEEKS DOMINANCE FROM OTHERS.

 ME

 YOU

TA Life Positions
 I’m OK, you’re

not OK
‘You’re not doing it right, let me show you’
USUALLY CRITICAL PARENT EGO STATE ACTIVATED. MAY EVOLVE FROM HURT OR DISCOUNTED CHILD GIVING HIMSELF STROKES. FEELS DISTRUST, ANGER, SUPERIORITY.

 ME

• • •

 YOU

TA Life Positions
 I’m not OK,

you’re not OK
• • • •

 ME

‘This is terrible, we’ll never succeed’
POOR MENTAL HEALTH LACKS TRUST IN SELF & OTHERS. FEELINGS OF HOPELESSNESS OFTEN EXTREME DEPRESSION.  YOU

TA Life Positions
 I’m OK, you’re

OK
‘We’re making good progress here’
• THE “WINNER”, HEALTHY, OPTIMISTIC, PROACTIVE WIN –WIN ATTITUDE USUALLY ADULT-TOADULT EGO STATE. IDEAL LIFE POSITION

 ME

 YOU

• • •

Building Positive Relationship
    

Use of ‘I’ Focus on problem solving Don’t Deceive Empathy Listen

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Building Positive Relationship
Use of Praise  Be specific

   

Praise progress Sincere Don’t overdo Timing

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Ouch!

Past Experiences

Ouch! Ouch!

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Ouch!

Ouch!

Ouch!

Dealing with Criticism
    

Understand the Reason behind Empathy Don’t personalize criticism Do not be Judgmental Do not overload

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Steps Involved  Planning  Impersonal Relationship Building  Exchanging Task-Related Information  Persuasion  Agreement
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Managing Conflict Styles
Passive behavior I’m not OK — You’re OK I’m OK — You’re OK Collaborating style Assertive behavior

High concern for others’ needs

Accommodating style

Compromising style Aggressive behavior

Avoiding style

Forcing style

Low concern for others’ needs

I’m not OK — You’re not OK

High concern for own needs

I’m OK — You’re not OK
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Negotiation Tactics & Behavior
      Location Time Buyer-Seller Relation Extreme Behavior Promises/Threats Using Silence

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Tactful Conversations
T = Think before you speak A = Apologize quickly when you blunder C = Converse, don’t compete T = Time your comments F = Focus on behavior – not personality U = Uncover hidden feelings L = Listen to feedback

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