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Living Loving Learning & Leaving a legacy

Dr.V. Veera Balaji Kumar

BHMS., M Sc., M Phil (Psychology)

Professor of education at university of southern California Counselling psychologist Author of Love, Loving, living and learning, Personhood, Bus 9 to paradise

Or deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. - Marianne williamson, A return to love Quoted in 1994 inaugural speech of Nelson mandela

The word journey has been in use as a metaphor for describing life in all its aspects , including the quest for finding purpose and meaning. All the events in our life, whether we judge them as positive or negative, have a purpose, and exist in harmony with lifes unfolding.

You are unique

As in any journey it is up to each one of us to find our own direction. You are very special and unique and have your own way of experiencing the world We each have preferences and priorities that take precedence in determining our way.

Stephen R. covey
Author of The 7 habits of highly effective people, Living the 7 habits, Principle centered leadership First things first The 8th habit

The true profession of a man is to find his way to himself Hermann Hesse Demian

First things first

FOUR HUMAN NEEDS ( & capacities) to live PHYSICAL to love SOCIAL to learn MENTAL to leave a legacy SPIRITUAL

Need to live
The need to live is our PHYSICAL need for food, clothing, shelter, economic well-being, health etc.

Men in their pursuit of earning a livelihood forget to live their life

Need to love

the need to love is our SOCIAL need to relate to other people, to belong, to appreciate and to be appreciated

What is Love ?
Love is not a feeling or state of mind Love is romantic relationship Love is NOT sex Love is not a one way process

Then what is Love ?

Love is a skill to be learnt Love is the expression of our spiritual nature Love is commitment and exercise of wisdom Love is discipline

Love defined?!
Love is . the will to extend ones self for the purpose of nurturing ones own or another's spiritual growth

Brihadaranyaka upanishad

Truly, it is not for the sake of the husband that the husband is dear, but for the sake of the self, And it is not for the sake of the wife that the wife is dear, but for the sake of the self, And it is not for the sake of the sons that the sons are dear, but for the sake of the self

Need to learn
the need to learn is our MENTAL need to develop and grow

Need to leave a legacy

the need to leave a legacy is our SPIRITUAL need to have a sense of meaning, purpose, personal congruence between our values and behaviour; and finally our contribution

What if the needs are satisfied ?

These needs are also capacities potentially If any one of these needs are unmet, it reduces the quality of life There is a sense of emptiness or vacuum A black-hole that devours your energy Urgency addiction or Endogenous depression

Fulfilling the four needs in an integrated way will spark a chemistry When we reach a critical mass of integration we experience a spontaneous combustion an explosion of inner energy that gives passion, vision and a spirit of adventure to life.



Fire within Social


Erik Eriksons psychosocial stages

Psychosocial Crisis Stage 1. Trust v Mistrust 2. Autonomy v Shame and Doubt 3. Initiative v Guilt 4. Industry v Inferiority 5. Identity v Role Confusion 6. Intimacy v Isolation 7. Generativity v Stagnation 8. Integrity v Despair Life Stage Infancy Early Childhood Play Age School Age Adolescence Young Adult Adulthood Mature Age age range, other descriptions 0-1 yrs, baby, birth to walking

1-3 yrs, toddler, toilet training

3-6 yrs, pre-school, nursery 5-12 yrs, early school 9-18 yrs, puberty, teens* 18-40, courting, early parenthood 30-65, middle age, parenting 50+, old age, grandparents

Erwin schrodinger
Inconceivable as it seems to ordinary reason, you and all other conscious beings as such are all in all. Hence this life of your which you are living is not merely a piece of the entire universe, but is, in a certain sense, the whole.

William Wordsworth (1770-1850)

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting; The soul that rises with us, our life's star, Hath had elsewhere its setting, And cometh from afar; Not in entire forgetfulness, And not in utter nakedness, But trailing clouds of glory do we come From God, who is our home.