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Presented by

Chandra Prabha
Suthanthira Selvan
Karthick Kumar

Please write a One Sentence Definition of
A S S E R T I V E N E S S.
A Challenge
Definition of Assertiveness

An honest, direct, and appropriate
expression of one's feelings,
thoughts, and beliefs.
Aggressivewhere you win and everyone else loses

Passivewhere you lose and everyone else wins

Assertivewhere everyone wins
4 Can you express negative feelings
about other people and their behaviors
without using abusive language?
4 Are you able to exercise and express
your strengths?
4 Can you easily recognize and
compliment other peoples
Test Your Assertiveness (1 of 3)
4 Do you have the confidence to ask
for what is rightfully yours?
4 Can you accept criticism without
being defensive?
4 Do you feel comfortable accepting
4 Are you able to stand up for
your rights?
Test Your Assertiveness (2 of 3)
4 Are you able to refuse unreasonable
requests from friends, family, or co-
4 Can you comfortably start and carry
on a conversation with others?
4 Do you ask for assistance when
you need it ?
Test Your Assertiveness (3 of 3)
A yes response to the questions
indicates an assertive approach.
4 Effective communication brings
about the achievement of
individual and/or shared goals.
4 Assertiveness increases your ability
to reach these goals while
maintaining your rights and
Why Assertiveness Is Important?
4 Other peoples feelings and rights are
more important than yours.
The Myths About Assertiveness
4 You are not important
enough to express your
feelings and rights.
4 You will offend other people
by being assertive.
You have the right to be assertive.
You have the right to request that others
change their behavior if they are infringing
on your rights.
You have the right to use your own time
to answer questions.
You have the right to express your needs
even if they are illogical.
Assertive Rights
Be aware that there are responsibilities
attached to all these rights!
R You do not live in isolation.
R Your actions impact everyone.
R You are in control of your behavior.
R Your response to a situation must be
guided by ascertaining your rights and
responsibilities and following through.
R Fear of change.
R Refusal to admit their submissiveness.
R Fear of ruining relationships if you speak
your mind.
R Lack confidence in your ability.
Whats Keeping You From Being
guilty about saying no?
that others regard you as a pushover?
that its better to be well liked than well
that outbursts of anger are appropriate?
that intimidation is the only way you can
get what you want?
Have You Ever Felt
If any of these things sound like
you, it means you are probably
exhibiting non-assertive
Sound Familiar?
Realize that you are not alone. Non-
assertive behavior is very common
in the workplace.
While assertiveness is a key factor
in enhancing quality of work life,
group dynamics, and interpersonal
climate, it is not always appropriate.
A Caution
Q: How can you tell?
A: Tailor your response
to the situation.
Ask yourself:
1. How important is being assertive in this
particular situation?
2. What will you think of yourself if you are
not assertive now?
3. What are the consequences of assertive
4. Do the costs of this behavior outweigh the
Wise Words
E Respect for yourself and others.
E Honestly expressing your
thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.
E Effectively influencing, listening,
and negotiating with others.
What Assertiveness Is
E It is important to remember that
assertiveness is not
aggressiveness or selfishness.
E Being assertive does not involve
humiliating or abusing other
people and their rights.
E Being assertive does not mean
violating the rights of others or
gaining at the expense of some
one elses loss.
What Assertiveness Is Not
Inappropriately expressing your
thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a way
that violates other peoples rights.
Achieving your goal by not allowing
others the freedom to choose.
Completely disrespecting others
whether it be in an active or
passive method.
Aggressiveness Is
Do you become abusive, whether it
be verbal or physical, when
criticizing others?
Do you purposely make others feel
like they are incompetent or
Do you make unreasonable
demands of other people?
Are You Aggressive? (1 of 2)
A yes answer to any of the questions
may indicate aggressive behavior.
Do you brag or exaggerate your
Do you ignore the rights and
feelings of other people?
Do you aim to get your way at
all costs?
Do you often dominate
conversations with others?
Are You Aggressive? (2 of 2)
E Acting in an indirect or passive
E Permitting others to take advantage
of you by violating your rights.
E Thinking that you and your needs
are inferior to others and their
Acting Unassertiveness Is
Do you feel guilty standing up for
your fights or expressing your
Are you unable to recognize and
acknowledge your strengths?
Are you uncomfortable with starting
or carrying on a conversation?
Do you rarely stand up for yourself?
Are You Unassertive? (1 of 2)
Do you have trouble saying no to
Are you unable to ask other people to
perform reasonable requests for you?
Do you feel that you let other people
take advantage of you?
Are You Unassertive? (2 of 2)
A yes answer to any of the questions
may indicate unassertive behavior.
If you use effective communication
skills, assertiveness and self confidence,
most situations may be resolved.
However, using your authority is
legitimate as a secondary option.
Assertiveness vs. Authority
Should you pull rank?
A Passive Person
Passive people usually:
O Speak softly and hesitantly.
O Use fillers like uh and um.
O Avoid eye contact.
O Allow other people in their
personal space.
Passiveness is clearly not conducive
to ascertaining your personal rights,
but you dont need to go to the other
extreme to be assertive.
You dont have to be forceful to be
Soft-spoken people can be assertive
There is no one way to be assertive
correctly, but there are things to
Should I Use Force?
4 Raise their voices when they lose
4 Shout and use accusatory language like
You should and You must.
4 Stare people down and may invade
other peoples personal space
An Aggressive Person
Infringes on others rights, using fear and
intimidation to get what he or she wants.
Aggressive people often:
Assertive people usually:
An Assertive Person
Asserts his or her own rights in a positive,
open, honest, and self-confident manner.
Speak calmly and confidently.
Notify other people of their feelings
with statements starting with I think
and I feel.
Maintain eye contact, have good
posture and are poised and in control.
E Be cognizant of your expression.
E Do not act hastily or in anger.
E Remain calm, cool, courteous &
E Avoid making mountains out of
Several Tips
Following these simple suggestions will present
you as someone who is confident & optimistic --
as opposed to someone who is hostile and angry.


Six Personality Types

Invisible Beings.

Do good work, get respect, BUT get
nowhere when it comes to career
advancement. Where do all their
efforts go?
They may be assertive
for the organization they
work for, but fall short
when it comes to
standing up for
They do good work
BUT nobody knows it.

Their unassertiveness
lets others take credit
for their achievements
and that leaves them
out of the limelight.
Invisible Beings
Their overly aggressive
behavior gets in the way
of their success at work.
They may be good
workers, but the
disruption and tension
they create makes them
disliked and puts them on
the defensive.
shows a lack of self control
that keeps them from advancing.
Work that they eventually
turn in is acceptable. This lack of
focus may indicate low self-esteem.

They constantly complain
about exactly what they
dont like, yet expect
others to speak up and
change the situation.
They do nothing to affect
the change themselves, no
matter how much taking
decisive actions would help
remedy their complaints.
They have a problem
saying no and, for
that matter, much of
anything at all.

They take everything
thats given, whether
they like it or not, and
their passivity makes
them over-worked and
Disagree in both a passive and active
manner depending on the situation.
Nine Types Of Assertive Response
Let other people understand more
about you let them share your
thoughts and experiences.
Always ask for answers when you
have questions regarding any issues
even when it is with a person of
Be reasonable when you are in a
discussion with others without letting
them dominate the interaction.
Nine Types Of Assertive Response
Always look directly into the
eyes of the person you are
talking to.
Say no to any requests you
are uncomfortable with or
feel is unreasonable.
Accept compliments graciously without
feeling embarrassed or the need to
depreciate yourself.
Nine Types Of Assertive Response
Insist on being treated fairly
and justly never let others
take advantage of you.
Be friendly and sincere with the
people you would like to know
better; give them a chance to get
to know you.
Then you do your job well
while maintaining your rights
and fulfilling your
Are You Assertive at the
Dont worry if you dont fit into
this category yet Theres still
Inside everyone, theres an
assertive person trying
to get out.
Developing to Your Full
Assertive Potential
Whats keeping you back?
Tension at Work
By controlling
tension you will
also control the
possibilities of
outbursts and
unnecessary or
Relax !
Remember to keep on breathing!

Inhale, count to 10, exhale, repeat...
Relaxing Techniques
Tried and true methods are best
Finding appropriate
ways to deal with:

^ Conflicts
^ Grievances
Heading Tension Off At The Pass
Controlling your emotions is the
first step to helping solve, rather
than magnify, this problem
What To Do When Confronted
With a Problem
Get a Grip
Examine the situation carefully
and make sure you have a
handle on all the facts. Look to
see if you are in fact also
contributing to the situation.
What To Do When Confronted
With a Problem
Reach for Logic
Dont Keep a Lid On It
What To Do When Confronted
With a Problem
Procrastination will only
make it worse. Pent-up
frustrations could lead to
unwanted explosions
that may be more
problematic than the
original situation.
Dont Take It So Hard
What To Do When Confronted
With a Problem
Remember to keep
perspective when things get
sticky, and dont take things
personally. It will only
increase your emotional
involvement and hamper
your ability to resolve the
* Deal with the situation

* Listen carefully.

* Sort out the facts from the
emotional content.

* Avoid being defensive.
In Dealing With Conflicts
* Ask questions.

* Compliment the individual/group for
having the courage to bring this to
your attention.

* Respond calmly and clearly.

* Offer alternatives.
In Dealing With Conflicts
Deal with the situation
Be prepared to listen.
Avoid being emotional.
Avoid putting the other
person on the defensive.
Be prepared and know the
Remain calm.
Have the courage to be
If You Have A Grievance
The only thing
someone should
fear is missing
opportunities by
continuing to
worry and feed
passive attitudes.
Whos Afraid Of...
Overcoming the Fear of
Being Assertive:
Making the First Move
Remember who youre with
and tailor your discussion.
Be tactful and honest.
Make eye contact.
Avoid misunderstanding which can lead
to frustration. Being assertive means
being open and direct.
Interpersonal Skills at Work
Are your requests reasonable?
Are you sure you know what
you want from other people?
Are your requests easy
to understand?
Increased assertiveness leads to
increased powerful verbal
Keys to More Power!
The Keys to Communication:
Avoid fillers like uh and um
and diminutives like little, only
and just.
Verbal Communication
Dont use Im sorry if youre not
sincere or if the situation doesnt call
for it.
Always keep in mind your tone and
volume, and how think about how
they may be perceived by others.
Be aware of gestures and body
Non-Verbal Communication
Make sure to allow for comfortable
personal space between you and the
person youre communicating with.
Always maintain good posture.
Be concise and clear.
Written Communication
Use the active voice when writing,
and remember to be inclusive and
aware of your audience.
Use specific and simple language.
Other Aspects of Good
Communication is a Goal
Listening well.
Controlling your emotions.
Letting people know how you feel.
Making assertive statements.
_ Paraphrase what the speaker
has said.
_ Maintain eye contact and
verbally encourage the
_ Ask informative and
clarifying questions.
Tips on Listening Well
Being an Active Listener:
Controlling Your Emotions (1 of 2)
1. Breathe, relax, and remain
2. Realize demonstrations of
anger, shouting, and threats
are never appropriate.
3. Use neutral, non-judgmental
4. Consider the other partys
viewpoint and emotions.
5. Dont make accusatory
statements-- blame is usually
a dead-end road.
6. Check yourself before you
say something youll regret
later on.
Controlling Your Emotions (2 of 2)
1. Listen to the request - Make sure
you understand the request
completely before coming to a
hasty conclusion. Ask questions
if you need any clarification.
2. Say no immediately - You do
not need to justify your decision.
If you start doing so, you will be
prolonging the conversation
Four Steps To Saying No (1 of 2)
3. Give a reason for your refusal
Without giving a reason, you may
come off as uncooperative or
hostile. A clear and honest reason
will be sufficient, you do not need
to argue with the other party.
4. Offer to find an alternative Let
the other party know that you will
try to help them but you are
unable to perform the entire
Four Steps To Saying No (2 of 2)
Three Parts:
Use I Statements (1 of 4)
3. Feelings
2. Effect
1. Behavior
Three Parts:
Use I Statements (2 of 4)
What it is exactly, that the other
person has done or is doing.
1. Behavior
Three Parts:
Use I Statements (3 of 4):
2. Effect
What it happening because of
their behavior.
Three Parts:
Use I Statements (4 of 4):
3. Feelings
What effect does their behavior
have on your feelings?
_ While remaining cool
and collected, try to
explain your point of
_ Use terms like I feel
and I think rather
than It should be or
It must.
Letting Other People Know
How You Feel
Describe your wants, needs and
intentions to other people.
Use terms like I want, I need,
and I plan to.
Making Assertive Statements
Empathetic Assertion.
Simple Assertion.
Workable Compromise.
Communicate Assertively/ Skills
Broken Record.
Free Information.
Communicating a request for change to
another person is probably one of the
hardest tasks for the newly assertive
Using the following technique may help
someone get through those first tough
spots when it comes to difficult
More Tips
1. Describe the situation.
2. Express your feelings on the subject.
3. Request a behavior change.
4. State the positive consequences of
changed behavior.
Use this template as your guide when
dealing with sticky situations.
Requesting Change From
Someone Else
The method you use to request change from
someone else should include the following
six criteria.
The Criteria of Requesting
o A good chance that the person you are
requesting change from will change.
o You will not be-little other
peoples self-esteem.

o You will not violate the rights
of others.

o You will not damage your relationship
with the person you are requesting
change from.
The Criteria of Requesting
o You will not be defensive.
o You will not lessen the motivation of
the other person.
Anger may
seem like a
quick fix, but it
will get you
nowhere fast.
Yelling until
you are blue in
the face will
only come
back to haunt
you later.
Dont Get Mad...
Assertiveness is
More Than
Setting limits.
Assertiveness is Also About
Expressing your feelings.
If something makes you feel uncomfortable
or if you feel the request is unreasonable,
then it is your prerogative to refuse.
No is Not a Dirty Word
You are not saying no to
the whole person, but only to
part of the relationship which
makes you feel uncomfortable.
No does not require an
Use good communication to
transmit your requests and feelings.
Dont Go Down the Passive
or Aggressive Road
Passive Assertive Aggressive
Slouching, avoiding
eye contact, and
other self-effacing
mannerisms can
show a lack of self

This kind of self-
presentation can
perpetuate a cycle of
non-assertive behavior.
First Impressions
Keeping Up Appearances
* Part of standing up for yourself
is standing up straight!
- And remember to look em in the eye!
Its a Two-Way Road
Also be aware of the physical
responses of others.
If people are
avoiding your
stare or shying
away, slow
down. You may
be coming on
too strong.
If you dont like the way
you feel when you
behave a certain way,
know that you have the
power to change it!
Remember, the only
behavior you can control
is your own.
Taking the First Step
journey of
a thousand
miles must
begin with
a single
Chinese Proverb
1. Fear of making mistakes.
2. Fear of displeasing others.
3. Fear of disapproval.
4. Fear of appearing too
masculine or too feminine.

Fears Which Block Assertive
Assertiveness =
Personal Authority
+ Confidence in Your Skills
+ Sense of Purpose
+ Commitment to Goals

Master what you can manage
comfortably at first, then move
up to greater challenges.
Change is always gradual;
its not immediate, but
its not impossible
Start Out Small
1. Identify what you want to change about
2. Set a goal.
3. Control your fears and anxieties.
4. Aim for a success that is manageable at
5. Keep a record to monitor your progress.
6. Practice, practice, practice!
You Can Change Your Habits
Dont lose sight of your goal, and
remember that upkeep is a life-long
Natural abilities are like
natural plants, that need
pruning by study...
Francis Bacon
Here are some communication
skills that will help you convey
an assertive attitude:
Tips on Assertiveness

- Be aware of your facial expression.

- Always make eye contact.

- Pay attention to what others are
saying and let them know that you
are listening.
- Use a pleasant but firm voice
when communicating.

- Be aware of your gestures and how
you hold and present yourself.

- Always ask questions when clarification
is needed to avoid misunderstanding.

- Look for ways to solve the problem so
all parties are satisfied.
Tips on Assertiveness

Thank you !!!