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Dr. Thomas Clark Xavier University email@example.com www.communiskills.com 513.745.2025
Principles underpinning all etiquette: the Golden and Platinum rules
Golden: Treat others as you would like to be treated Platinum: Treat others as they would like to be treated
Perception Equals Reality
Two Stages: Initial Perception— (Immediate) Sustained Perception— (Over Time)
Initial and Sustained Perception Initial Perception Presence Appearance Manner & Style Etiquette Awareness Sustained Perception Personal Substance & Professionalism Attitude Integrity Civility Work Ethic & Discipline Presentation Listening and Interpersonal Skills Meeting Skills Business Meals .
PRESENCE: APPEARANCE MANNER & STYLE ETIQUETTE .
Presence People begin to evaluate us before any words are ever spoken Who you are speaks so loudly I do not hear what you say--Emerson .
APPEARANCE – – – – – – – – – Carriage: exercise Handshaking: exercise Dress: handout Grooming First words: Exercise Listening: Exercise Introduction Style: Exercise Voice: exercise Name Recognition/Recall .
Handshaking exercise handout Pumper Dead Fish Squeezer Two handed Equal. with direct eye contact .
Presence DRESS * Does Dress Impact Decision on Interviewees? Yes – 93% No – 7% * Does Dress Impact Promotion Potential? Yes – 96% No – 4% .
is the way you are treated.‖ . IBM Author of The IBM Way .DRESS handout ―The way you dress affects the way you are perceived.Buck Rodgers Former VP of Marketing. and the way you are perceived.
no visible body jewelry Polished shoes Stockings without runs Belts on pants. socks that match belt color .Grooming Neatly trimmed hair Light perfume or cologne Clean and trimmed fingernails Limited jewelry Concealed tattoos.
At the same time. visualize what your audience‘s most preferred communicator would be saying and doing . visualize what you are going to say and do—and then mentally rehearse how you believe your audience will respond.Mental rehearsal Before you enter a situation.
―What would the other person like to hear me say first?‖ This will allow you to say something that will show you see things from the other person‘s point of view.Make your first words count Ask yourself. Exercise: compliment someone at the table about something you know to be important to them. .
Interaction: Listening skills handout How do you know someone is listening to you? How do you feel when you know someone is listening to you? How do you describe a person who is listening to you? .
Interaction: Listening skills How do you know someone is ignoring you? How does it make you feel when you are ignored? How do you describe a person who has ignored you? .
Interactive moment Why should you plan your non-verbal communication as carefully as your verbal behavior before you take part in a job interview? .
Planning a message • Purpose: What do I want to happen as a result of this message? When do I need a response? • Strategic alignment: How does my memo contribute both to reader and company goals? How will readers react? • Execution: Is this a good time to send this message? How can I finish it on time? How should I transmit this message? .
chronology. Why. List action steps: Who does What When .Outlining your message • • • Open with your purpose: Clear subject line. umbrella point. Opening paragraph that answers the What. and When questions. Order your arguments: Lead from strength.
Write an effective opening • • • • Write precise subject lines Write first sentences that tell readers how you want them to react to the rest of the message Define the ―why(s)‖ of your message Be sure your opening meets the ―so what‖ test .
Order your arguments • • Lead from strength in action memos Order by chronology in explanatory memos .
microorganizers Boldface. macro-organizers Lists: improves comprehension and retention. underlining. and italics: help readers scan information.more easily Indenting: reveal hierarchies of thought White space: improved curb appeal of memo .Highlighting Headings: table of contents of memo.
Make documents inviting to read Overall appearance • Margins • Type Size • Boxing • Typeface Chunking • Overall length • Short paragraphs • Short sentences • Short words .
Write the first draft Opening paragraphs Background paragraph Scannable body paragraphs – write in what/why/data (or significance) Issues/further discussion Follow-up paragraphs .
Mr. Ms. I’m Fred Jones (vs.Introducing yourself Hi. or Dr) .
My name is Libby Smith. I am here for a 1 o‘clock appointment with Mr.Introducing yourself to a secretary Hello. Jones. .
Mention authority figures first and introduce others to them. Introduce a younger person to an older person. Always stand up. Always shake hands.
Introduce lower ranking person to higher ranking person. Include useful information
Father Graham, may I introduce Libby Smith, our new assistant director of diversity. She recently earned her MA in Human Resources at Indiana University. Father Graham has served as President of Xavier University for the past 6 years. Recently, US News & World Report ranked Xavier as the 2nd best comprehensive university in the Midwest.
In groups of 3-4, introduce each members of the group to one another.
Remembering names Get business cards from everyone you meet and makes notes on it about when you met. Prefer the formal to the informal. and details about the person. say ―Help me out. including names of children. especially with older and higher ranking people Avoid saying. your name was on the tip of my tongue and I must be having a senior moment. . ―I‘m sorry. I have forgotten your name‖ Instead. what you had in common.
Speak with authority (handout) Even when asking questions. . have your voice end on with a downward inflection. Say ―What time is the meeting?‖ once with voice raising at the end and one with voice ending with a downward inflection.
4-1 ff in workbook Authoritative language Positive language Concise language . pp.Write with authoritatively and positively and concisely.
Business Communication Telephone calls Notes of Appreciation Phone Calls and Voice Mail Beepers. Cellular Phones and Portables .
p 4-6 Identify yourself and your company. Ask the person if he or she has time to talk. Return calls the same day. Never put someone on hold without asking permission. Don‘t do other work while on the phone Be courteous of others when screening calls. .Telephone Etiquette handout & exercise. Make calls during normal business hours.
stick to your outline and thank the person at the end of the call. leave a brief message and request a telephone appointment. . If your party answers. identify yourself.General Do’s and Don’ts Outline points you want to make prior to placing a call. If your party is not there.
in workbook Prepare Be respectful Be inclusive Keep moving Get commitments .Conference calls 3-4 to 3-5.
Record your own concise outgoing message. Be brief and to the point. p. Make sure you sound upbeat and optimistic . 3-2 Identify yourself and your return number immediately. next steps. What you want. details. Leave return number again. why it is of mutual interest.Voice Mail.
Your voice mail recording Start with an upbeat greeting Indicate how the caller can get a response Close on a positive note (Make it a great day!) Do not have – a cute message – background music – a long introductory comment before the beep .
Interaction What are the differences in impressions you make when you use each of the following media: – voice mail message – e-mail message – business letter – telephone call • impact of – normal call – speaking from or to a speaker phone – call waiting interruptions .
Beepers. . Put on vibrate or silent. Cellular Phones and Portables Limit the use.
Notes of Appreciation Thank You Letter of Commendation Memos of Recognition .
Look for clues that will allow you to compliment the other person on something non-controversial Avoid politics. or negative communication such as comments about a company or people . religion. pay attention to how the office is decorated. how much you earn.Ice breakers When visiting an office.
.Interactive moment In small groups. identify something in your office décor that perceptive visitors could identify that would allow them to compliment you or start a conversation about a topic that stirs feelings of pride within you.
Meeting Etiquette Before the meeting Starting the meeting After the meeting .
Provide for drinks and a light snack. Put agendas in place. Introduce new members to existing members . Ask what issues are of particular interest to them. Stand near the door to thank each person who arrives.Etiquette at Business Meetings: Before the Meeting Arrive early to make sure meeting room is set up correctly.
. including time at the end of the meeting to come back to issues. Preview the agenda and set a time limit for each item. Ask historical members to give their names and positions.Etiquette at Business Meetings: Starting the Meeting Ask new members of group to introduce themselves.
Etiquette at Business Meetings: During the Meeting Ask non-contributing members if they‘d like to add their perspectives. Note: Interestingly. . research shows talkative members welcome the comments of others— and shy members value inclusion in the conversation.
Thank group and guests for their time and contributions. responsibilities and timing. .Etiquette at Business Meetings: Ending the Meeting Summarize agreed upon actions. later written as minutes and distributed to relevant parties.
Social Events Business Meals Rules for the Host Rules for the Guest Ordering .
Business Dinners B=Bread D=Drink .Business Meals Breakfast Meetings: often best time to meet with busy executives Luncheon Meals: iced tea and simple food After-Work Cocktail: one only to stay in command in the meeting and on the road.
Request responses as soon as possible. Invite others for business reasons. .Rules for the Host Don‘t impose invitations. Select an appropriate setting.
Rules for the Host Arrive early to greet guests. . indicate courses & meals you recommend that meet your guidelines. Apologize to guests if the food or service is below your expectations. Ask that 18% be added for a tip. Give credit card to server in advance. If price is a factor. Be sure server gives you signature form to sign promptly and discretely at end of meal.
. Know where the event will take place and know what rules apply there. no later. Follow the host in deciding what to order. Be aware of what you order says about you to others. Say positive things about host that he or she want to hear said and cannot say about him or herself. Thank the host.Rules for the Guest Respond promptly to the invitation and give reasons for a negative response. Arrive 2-3 minutes late.
you will be driving after the meal. . Do not order alcohol if . you don‘t want to drink alcohol. . it is against company policy.Ordering Avoid awkward foods. . it will be your second drink.
Dining Etiquette Leave some food on each plate Split bills evenly if bill is divided Do not take a doggy bag .
Table Manners Only begin eating after your host or guest is seated and begins eating. Bring food up to your mouth (soup spoon) Observe pace of eating of others and conform to their pace Cut one piece of food and eat it rather than cutting up meat all at once .
put silverware in 10 o‘clock position Do not dunk food Keep mouth closed when chewing .Table Manners Lay napkin across lap. do not use as a bib Select silverware from the outside in When finished.
Sustained perception • All Four Elements are Important • Attitude • Integrity & Trust: Always Doing the Right Thing • Civility • Self Discipline .
and company . your work.ATTITUDE Be positive about yourself. suppliers. coworkers. peers. your boss. customers.
it’s an all the time thing. Winning is a habit. you do them right all the time.ATTITUDE “Winning is not a some time thing. so is losing. you don’t do things right once in a while. You don’t win once in a while.” u u -Vince Lombardi Former Head Coach Green Bay Packers u . Unfortunately.
Doing what you say you will do.Telling the truth .INTEGRITY . reliability .
CIVILITY POSITIVE REGARD FOR OTHERS SINCERITY EMPATHY: EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT TACT AND DIPLOMACY RESPECT FOR DIVERSITY .
Putting the important ahead of the easy. .SELF-DISCIPLINE Making priorities and organizing time in terms of those priorities.
PROVIDING SOLUTIONS TO CLIENT PROBLEMS LISTEN FOR THE PAIN FOCUS ON CLIENT BUSINESS BENEFITS .ASK FOR THE BUSINESS .
BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT NETWORKING PRODUCT/SERVICE CONFIDENCE PERSONAL CREDIBILITY .
Understanding Office Protocol Treat Others the Way You Want to be Treated Extending Greetings Nurturing Your Colleagues Overcoming Gossip Handling Rivals Accepting Criticism Graciously .
. • • • Why can’t you I hate it when Here’s the best way to do it.Diplomacy WHAT YOU THINK • This is taking forever WHAT YOU SAY • How can we get this approved (finished) quickly? • What if you • Would it be better if • Here’s my suggestion.
. • I am sure you will do your best to help me out.Motivation USE PHRASES THAT BRING OUT THE BEST IN YOUR LISTENER • I know you want what is fair for both of us. • I am counting on you. • I enjoy working for you because you respond so effectively to your department‘s needs.
OR. • US1NG A POSITIVE VOCABULARY: VIEWING PROBLEMS AS CONCERNS. ISSUES. OPPORTUNITIES FOR IMPROVEMENT. DETERMINING HOW YOU CAN CHANGE TO IMPROVE THE SITUATION . • AND MOST IMPORTANTLY. EVEN BETTER.Take responsibility by • FOCUSING ON THE POTENTIALS OF THE FUTURE RATHER THAN THE CONCERNS OF THE PAST.
Be Pro-Active WONDER WHAT’S HAPPENING QUESTIONS • Why doesn‘t this company value me? • MAKES THINGS HAPPEN QUESTIONS • How can I learn what management values? How can I show my value? How can I find out how to do this job so that I am confident I am doing it right? What ‗s the best way to approach my manager to discuss this issue? How can I let my manager know what kind of additional training I need? How can I develop the skills I need on my own? How can I get my staff to tell me about how they feel about their work? How can I motivate them more effectively? Why can I never understand exactly how I am supposed to do my job? When am I going to get the training I need? • • • • • • • Why does my staff show so little enthusiasm? .
Reframe Questions Proactively 1 2 3 4 5 6 Why are things changing so fast? Why don‘t we ever change around here? When is this supplier going to call? Why is that customer always so discourteous? Why are our services so undervalued? Why do I do more work than any other member of my group? 7 Why is one of my co-workers so lazy? .
Reframe questions proactively 8 Why is my supervisor so critical of my work? 9 Why isn‘t my staff following my directions? 10 Why do I have to always do what my boss wants? 11 Why can‘t I follow my own work priorities? 12 Why do I get sick so often? 13 When will I get some relief from this stress? 14 Why is it so hard to make friends here? .
I know you are busy. . I appreciate your help. Thanks. Let me share my perspective on this issue. • • • • That‘s won‘t work • I am planning to complete the study by Friday. When can we schedule 30 minutes to discuss the possibility of hiring a part time assistant? I realize these tests require careful planning and execution. • • • The tests are not done yet! What do you people do all day? Don‘t you ever pay attention? This document is full of mistakes.Diplomacy • • I did not do the study because I‘ve been busy. How soon can you finish? This memo is headed to the Director. You are so selfish you never see how much you demand. Please make the changes I identified and proofread the report carefully.
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