God’s Design For Your Marriage

Love & Respect
December 7 , 2008
Pastor John Isaacs KingsWay Community Church

God’s Design
Genesis 1:27
So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male He created them.

and female

Genesis 2:24
For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

God’s Design
Marriage was designed to be a lifelong covenant bond between one man and one woman.

What Happens When Mankind Abandons God’s Design?

Romans 1:24
So God abandoned them to do whatever shameful things their hearts desired.

1. Sexual Promiscuity 2. Pornography 3. Adultery 4. Homosexuality 5. Pedophilia

God’s Design
1. Genesis 1-3 2. Ephesians 5:21-33 3. Colossians 3:18-19 4. 1 Peter 3:1-7 5. Titus 2:5 6. 1 Timothy 3:4, 12

Husband’s Role
1. To be Loving 2. To be a Servant 3. To be the Leader

Wife’s Role
1. To be a Helper 2. To be Respectful 3. To be Submissive

Love & Respect
By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Ephesians 5:31-33
31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs.
• A wife has a driving need - to be loved. When that need is met, she is more fulfilled.

The Crazy Cycle feels • When a husband
disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. • When a wife feels unloved,

The Crazy Cycle

Without Love

He Reacts She Reacts

Without Respect

The Crazy Cycle to her • When a wife reacts
husband, he interprets it as disrespect and contempt. • When a man withdraws from his wife, she interprets it

The Crazy Cycle as • Men hear criticism
contempt and feel disrespected. • Women feel silence as hostility and feel unloved.

The Crazy Cyclecriticizing • When a woman is
her husband, her BPM remains steady but his escalates substantially. • When a man withdraws and walks away, his BPM begins

The Energizing Cycle

His Love

Motivates Motivates

Her Respect

Appreciates his desire …
• To work and achieve. • To protect and provide. • To serve and lead. • To analyze and counsel. • To have shoulder-to-shoulder friendship. • To have physical intimacy.

1. Appreciate her desire to be close.
Your wife feels Close to you when …
• You hold her hand. • You hug her. • You are with her alone so you can focus on each other and laugh together. • You go for a walk or jog … anything that results in togetherness.

1. Appreciate her desire to be close.
Your wife feels Close to you when …
• You seek her out … set up a date night … eat by candlelight. • You go out of your way to do something for her, like run an errand. • You make it a priority to spend time with her.

1. Appreciate her desire to be close.
Your wife feels Close to you when …
• You let her know you enjoy discussing things with her and getting her insights. • You suggest the unexpected … get takeout and eat on the beach … take a walk to see the full moon … park on the bluff and watch the sunset.

2. Appreciate her desire for you to be open.
Your wife feels you are open when …
• You share your feelings, telling about your day and difficulties. • You say, “Let’s talk,” ask her what she’s feeling, and ask for her opinions. • Your face shows you want to talk – relaxed body language, good eye

2. Appreciate her desire for you to be open.
Your wife feels you are open when …
• You talk about the kids and problems she may be having with them. • You discuss financial concerns, possible job changes, or ideas for your future. • You pray with her.

2. Appreciate her desire for you to be open.
Your wife feels you are open when …
• You give her your full attention … no grunting responses while trying to watch TV, read the newspaper, or write emails.

3. Appreciate her desire for you to understand her.
She feels you understand when …
• You listen and can repeat back what she said. • You don’t try to “fix her problems” unless she specifically asks for a solution. • You try to identify her feelings.

3. Appreciate her desire for you to understand her.
She feels you understand when …
• You never dismiss her feelings, no matter how illogical they may seem to you. • You say, “I appreciate your sharing that with me.” • You don’t interrupt her when she’s trying to tell you how she feels.

3. Appreciate her desire for you to understand her.
She feels you understand when …
• You apologize and admit you were wrong. • You express appreciation for all she does: “Honey, I could never do your job.” • You pray with her and for her.

4. Appreciate her need to be a Peacemaker.
She feels at peace with you when …
• You let her vent her frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off. • You admit you are wrong and apologize by saying, “I’m sorry, I was wrong, will you forgive me?”

4. Appreciate her need to be a Peacemaker.
She feels at peace with you when …
• You try to keep your relationship “upto-date,” resolving the unresolved and never saying, “forget it.” • You forgive her for any wrongs she confesses. • You never nurse bitterness and always reassure her of your love.

4. Appreciate her need to be a Peacemaker.
She feels at peace with you when …
• You understand her natural desire to negotiate, compromise, and defer, and you meet her halfway. • You pray with her after a hurtful time.

5. Appreciate her need to know you are committed.
She will feel your loyalty when …
• You speak highly of her in front of others. • You are involved in things important to her. • You help her make decisions, such as ones regarding the children.

5. Appreciate her need to know you are committed.
She will feel your loyalty when …
• You don’t correct her in front of the children. • You don’t gaze with desire at other women. • You make her and your marriage a priority.

5. Appreciate her need to know you are committed.
She will feel your loyalty when …
• You are never critical of her or your children in front of others. • You include her in social gatherings when others may leave their spouses home. • You tell the kids, “don’t speak to your mother that way!”

5. Appreciate her need to know you are committed.
She will feel your loyalty when …
• You call and let her know your plans. • You keep your promises. • You never–ever–never–ever use the “D” word.

6. Appreciate her need to be cherished.
She will feel your loving care when …
• You say, “I’m so proud of the way you handled that.” • You speak highly of her in front of others. • You give her encouragement or praise with kindness and enthusiasm.

6. Appreciate her need to be cherished.
She will feel your loving care when …
• You are physically affectionate with her in public. • You teach the children to show her and others respect. • You value her opinion as valid. Understanding that different isn’t wrong.

6. Appreciate her need to be cherished.
She will feel your loving care when …
• You choose family outings over, “guy things.” • You make her feel “first” in importance. • You are proud of her and all she does.

Appreciates her desire …
• To be close. • For you to be open. • For you to understand her. • To be a peacemaker. • To know you are committed. • To be cherished.

His Loving Care, Regardless of whether or not she is respectful. Her Respect, Regardless of whether or not he is loving.

The Rewarded Cycle

His Love

Regardless of Regardless of

Her Respect

God’s Design

His Love Her Respect

God’s Design

Her Respect His Love

God’s Design

His Love Her Respect

God’s Design

Her Respect His Love

God’s Design

His Love Her Respect

God’s Design

Her Respect His Love

God’s Design

His Love Her Respect

God’s Design

His Love Her Respect

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