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Business Communication

DR. MELTEM YAMAN


2003
Objective of the Course
2

understanding the importance and the difference of


Business Communication
To increase
 Listening
 Speaking

 Writing

effectiveness in business communication.


Basic Communication Model
3

Speaker encoding message decoding listener

in successfull communication
sent =received
3 V of Communication
4

Verbal:What you say:the message


Vocal: How you say: music of your voice
Visual: How you seem&who are you

Most powerful element of communication is:


Visual
! Give importance to visual self, as much as the
knowledge and experience.
Common Problem Areas
5

Sending:
Lack of gestures, tone of voice, ambigious words
!: Convey the importance of the message.
Environment:
Noise.Physical obstacles, inadequency of the channels,
Receiving:
Misinterpretion of any word or behaviour, perceptual
filter which reflect all our past experinces and
learning
Problems in Sending
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using technical words for communication to


nontechnical people
forgetting that the visual and vocal elements are the
most important, words less.
Ignoring the situation, expectencies and interests of
the listener according to their expertise.
Noise in the environment
7

Noise creates distortions of the message and


prevents it from being understoood the way was
intended
Noises may be ringing telephones, honking horns,
messy, chaotic surroundings etc.
Time, inapropriate time may be an obstacle to give
message clearly.Friday afternoon is not proper for a
heavy meeting.
Perception Problems
8

Listeners ability to understand.


Lack of attention, inattentive or bored listeners
Emotional state, stress, fear, anxiety, anger,
Financial pressures
Prejudgements
Be sure that the receiver is “on”
The importance &difference of business
communication
9

Time is money&time has a cost


Time is limited with project D/L,workhours
Businesspeople are not our family or friends
Business is not a game or joke but serious
It is a half-diplomatic environment
We may need any person in our career path with the
nice memories about us.
Business Comm. must be
10

brief
Well-designed
precise
specific
Short
Net&clear
Understandable&comprehensive
Four Personal Types
11

Beside necessity of being briefly and precise


There are different types of people in businessworld.
They seem different, behave different
They expect to be communicated differently
Described by Carl Jung in 1920.
Two Dimensions of the Model
12

directness

supporting controlling

indirectness
Dimension 1:
Directness versus Indirectness:
13

Describes the person’s observable behaviour

Means the tendency to move forward by expressing,


thoughts, feelings, expectations in order to influence
others
Dimension 2:
Supporting versus Controlling:
14

Explains the motivating goal behind our observable


actions
Supporting people tend to put relationships with
others as their chief priority
Controlling people prioritize the accomplishment of
the task at hand
Typical Direct People I
15

Fast-paced, assertive, take charge


Forceful, type A personality who confront conflict,
change, risk and decision making head on
Outspoken communicators who often dominate
Competetive, impatient, confrontational, they
bulldoze their way through life, often arguing for
the sake of arguing
Typical Direct People II
16

Confident; maintain strong eye contact and have


firm handshakes
People who thrive on accomplishment and are not
concerned with rules and policies
Tend to think “It is easier to beg forgiveness than to
take permission”
Speak quickly in loud, aggressive tones and presents
a bold visual appearence
Typical Direct People III
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Direct people may seem hasty, combative, has lower


awareness of others’ needs, impatient, dominant,
manipulative and talkative
They may seem dedicated, determined, energetic,
risk-taker, active, action-people also
Typical Indirect People I
18

Cautious in their approach to risk,


decisionmaking and change
Slow-paced, low-key, meek, harmonious
Slow to take initiatives at social gatherings
Tentative,reserved communicators who
hesitate to contribute in meetings,
Conflict avoiders.Diplomatic, patient,
cooperative.
Typical Indirect People II
19

On unimportant issues prefer to conform, rather


then argue. When they have strong convictions
about an issue, however, they will stand their
ground.
Low-profile, reserved and gentle. Handshakes are
are gentle and and they speak in slowerpace and
lower volume
Generally conservative and reserved in their visual
appearence, making indirect qualified statements
Briefly direct-indirect-Verbal
20
Indirect Direct
Asks (Would you like to Tells( Have a sit or sit
sit down?) down)
Listens Talks
Reserves Opinions Expresses opinions
Low quantity of verbal readily
communication Lots of verbal
communications
Briefly direct-indirect-Vocal
21
Indirect Direct
Steady, even delivery More voice variety
Less forceful More forceful
Lower volume Higher volume
Slower speech patterns Faster speech patterns
Briefly direct-indirect-Visual
22
Indirect Direct
Gently handshake Firmly handshake
Intermitten eye-contact Steady eye contact
Limited gestures to Gestures to emphasize
empasize points points
Exhibits patience Displays impatience
Typical Supporting People I
23

Are emotionally open, with animated facial


expressions and physical gestures
Feel comfortable expressing joy, sadness, confusion
Maintain closer physical proximity; end to be
huggers, handshakers, and touchers
Are informal and prefer to be relaxed, warm
relationships
Typical Supporting People II
24

Enjoy loose, amusing conversations, frequently tell


stories, often embarrassing incidents
Prefer unstructured time and are seldom disturbed
when other people waste their time
Supporting people are more accepting about time
usage and arrange their schedules according to the
needs of people first and tasks later.Flexible about
others time also.
Typical Supporting People III
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Supporting people are motivated by their


relationships and feelings
They want to get to know people and they tend to
make decisions based on feelings, experiences and
relationships
Emotionally open and show it by using body
language, more vocal inflections, making continual
eye contact, and communicating in terms of
feelings like their joy, sadness, confusion etc.
Typical Supporting People IV
26

They like to make conversations enjoyable, so they


often willingly stray from the subject to discuss
personal interests and experiences
They may seem not dependant, weak, inattention,
concentrated poorly according to the controlling
people.
Typical Controlling People I
27

Emotionally reserved-called pokerfaces


More rigid, physically, and less expressive than
Supporting people.
Tend to keep physically distant from others
Guarded and controlled physically, mentally and
emotionally, seldom loose control
Task-oriented; dislike digressions from their agendas
Typical Controlling People II
28

Fact-oriented decisionmakers. Want to see


statistics or hard evidence.
People who prefer working alone and put little
value on opinions and feelings
More comfortable operating in an entellectual
mode.
Champions of time management. They are the
efficiency experts of the world who create and
follow rigid plans and schedules.
Typical Controlling People III
29

Controlling types are motivated by the task at


hand and want to accomplish their goals.
Usually keep their distance, both physically
and mentally.Tend to stay away from others.
Have strong sense of personal space and
territory and hate it whensomeone invades it.
Have restricted range of verbal, vocal and
visual expression.Controlled hand and body
movement.
Typical Controlling People IV
30

Controlling people adhere to a more time


disciplined agenda.
Concentrate on business, keep their personal
feelings private.
They prefer working with things or through
people rather than with them or for them.
They may seem restrictive, coercive or result-
oriented, interested in with mostly not feeling
but time usage of others.
Self assesment
31

First
Are you more direct or indirect?
Are you more supporting or controlling?
Second
Think of a “difficult” person with whom would like to
communicate better.
Source of the difficulty is the differency of personal
styles.
Being open to different styles
32

Knowing which personal style best describes you


and the other people you need to communicate with
is an important step in analyzing and improving
your communication skills.
Each personal type has a different way of perceiving
the world, behaving and communicating.Learn to
reach them..
Four Behavioural Styles
33
Supporting
(relationship-oriented)

the relater style the socializer


Indirect style Direct

(slowpace) (fast-paced)
the thinker the director
style style

Controlling
(task oriented)
The Socializer I
34

Socializers are direct and supportive


Friendly,enthusiastic, action people
Like applause, admiration, compliments
Tend to place more priority to relations than
tasks, like to have fun and enjoy life
They influence others with great persuasion.
The Socializer II
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Need interaction and contact with people


Are risk taker and based on more intuition.
Act and decide spontaneously
Are concerned with approval and appearences
Think emotionally
Think about the “big picture”, get bored with
details
The Socializer III
36

Like changes and innovations


Needs help in getting organized
Dislike conflict
Maintain a positive, optimistic orientation to life
Exaggerate and generalize
Tend to dream and get others caught up in the
dreams
The Socializer IV
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Jump from one activity to another


Work quickly and excitedly with others
Seek esteem and acknowledgement from others
Disorganised, touchers, motivational
For balance they need to control their time, and
emotions, be more objective, concentrate on the
task, take more logical approach to projects,
spend more time with checking, verifying,
specifying
The Director I
38

Directors are direct and controlling


They are driven by an inner need to take charge of
situations
Are firm in their relationships with others, oriented
toward productivity and goals and concerned with
bottomline results
They may seem tough, impatient, stubborn
The Director II
39

Need to be in charge, dislike action


Act quickly and decisively
Think logically, power oriented
Want facts and highlights
Strive for results, sometimes workholic
Need personal freedom to manage self and others
The Director III
40

Like changes
Prefer to delegate details
Cool, independent and competetive
Low tolerance for feelings, attitudes and
advise of others
Work quickly and impressively alone
Want to be recognized for their
accomplishment
The Director IV
41

Have a tendency to engage in arguments and


conflict, decisive, precise, efficient
Have good administrative skills
Always in a hurry and talk business shortly
For more balance they need to learn active
listening, patience, sensitivity, humility, respect to
rules, team work, to show concern to others,
project more relaxed image
The Thinker I
42

Thinkers are both indirect and controlling.


Analytical, persistent, problem-solver
Security conscious, in high need to be right
Slow to reach a decision but decisive
Uncomfortable with illogical people
Are non-contact people, not touchers
The Thinker II
43

Think logically and analytically


Need data
Need to be right
Like organization and structure
Ask many questions about specific details
Prefer objective, task oriented intellectual work
environment
The Thinker III
44

Need to understand the process


Are cautious decision-makers
Prefer to do things themselves
Work slowly and precisely alone
Like to be admired for their accuracy
Avoid conflict
Like to contemplate
The Thinker IV
45

Disciplined about time, rigid, like charts&graphics


Critical for their own performance
Tend to be accountants, engineers, computer
programmers, system analysts, architects,
chemists, physician, maths.
For balance they need to improve timely
decisionmaking, initiation of new projects, to show
concern for others, try timesavers&shortcuts
Adjust more disorganization and change,
The Relater I
46

Relaters are supporting and indirect.


They are the most people-oriented of all 4
Having close, friendly, personal relations with
others is one of the their most important objectives,
and dislike conflict.
Have good counselling skills and supportive
Excellent listenners and like good listeners
The Relater II
47

Concerned with stability


Think logically
Want documentation and facts
Need personal involvement
Take action and make decisions slowly
Need to know step by step sequence
Avoid risks and changes
The Relater III
48

Work slowly with others


Try to accomodate others
Want tranquility and peace
Seek security and belongingness
Enjoy teamwork
Want to know they are appreciated
The Relater IV
49

Have strong networks of people like them


Unassertive, warm, reliable, soft-hearted
Compliant, slow in taking action, avoid risk
Good trust builders, good team players
Thet are irritated by pushy, agressive people
Ideal occupations are counselling,teaching, social
work, nursing, human resources,
The Relater V
50

Primary strenghts of Relaters are caring for and


loving others
They like others to be friendly, courteous, genuine,
responsible and sensitive
For more balance need to learn to say “no” , to be
more task-oriented and less sensetive for others, be
willing to reach from comfort zone to set goals and to
delegate it to others.
The Four Style in Business Life
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The Socializers like other-people to be risk-


takers and act quickly, and decisively
The Directors like others to be decisive,
efficient, receptive and intelligent
The Thinkers like others to be credible,
professional, sincere and courteous
The Relaters like others to be courteous and
friendly with sharing responsibilities
The Four Style in Social Life
52

The Socializers like others to be unhibited,


spontaneous and entertaining
The Directors like others to be assertive, clever
and has sense of humour
The Thinker like others to be pleasant and
sincere
The Relaters like others to be with real
personalities and friendly
The Four Style At Glance
53

Relater Socializer
Relationship-oriented Relationship-oriented
Moves, act and speaks Moves, acts, speak quickly
slowly Risk- taker
Wants tranquility peace Wants excitement &change
Enjoys teamwork Enjoy spotlight
Good counselling skills Good persuasive skills
The Four Style
54 At Glance
Thinker Director
Task-oriented Task-oriented
Moves, acts and speaks Moves, acts and speaks
slowly quickly
Wants to be accurate Wants to be in charge
Enjoys solitary, intellectual Gets results through others
work Makes decisions quickly
Cautious decision-makers
Good administrative skills
Good problem-solving
skills
Adapting Yourself I
If you are a Director
55
Lower your emphasis Develop and
on demonstrate more
Control of other people Supportive skills and
actions such as listening,
questioning, and positive
reinforcement
Adapting Yourself II
If you are a Socializer
56
Lower your emphasis
on
Develop and
Need for approval from demonstrate more
other people or groups
Directive skills and actions
such as self-assertion,
conflict-resolution,
negotiations
Adapting Yourself III
If you are a Relater
57
Lower your emphasis Develop and
on demonstrate more
Resistance to try new or Directive skills and actions
different opportunities such as negotiation and
divergent thinking
Adapting Yourself IV
If you are a Thinker
58
Lower your emphasis Develop and
on demonstrate more
Unnecessary perfectionism Supportive skills and
and the tendency to focus actions such as emphatic
listening, positive
on weakness reinforcement of others,
involvement with others
with complementary
strengths
Communicating with
Socializers I
59

Direct &Supporting people who talk, move and make-


decision quickly and they are relation oriented:
Support their opinions
Allow the discussion to flow, even go on far
Be entertaining and fast moving
Communicating with
Socializers II
60

Avoid conflict and arguments


Agree and make notes of the specifies of any
agreement
Compliment their appearance, creative ideas,
persuasiveness, and charisma
Allow them to “get things off their chest”
Communicating with
Directors I
61

Direct &Controlling People, who talk, move and make


decisions quickly, and they are task-oriented
Support their goals and objectives
Talk about the desired results
Keep your communication businesslike
Communicating with
Directors II
62

Recognize their ideas rather than them personally


Be precise, efficient, well-organised
Provide them clearly described options with
supporting analysis
Arguing on facts, not feelings when disagreements
occur
Communicating with
Thinkers I
63

Indirect &Controlling people who move and make


decisions more slowly. They are task-oriented.
Be thorough and well prepared
Support their organized, thoughtful approach
Support their need to be accurate and logical
Demonstrate through actions rather than words
Communicating with
Thinkers II
64

Compliment their efficiency, thought process and


organization
Be systematic, exact, organised and prepared
Describe a process in detail and explain how it will
produce results
Ask questions and let them show you how much they
know
Communicating with
Thinkers III
65

Allow time for deliberation and analysis


Answer questions and provide details and analysis
List advantages and disadvantages of any plan
Provide solid, tangible, factual evidence
Communicating with
Relaters I
66

Be warm and sincere


Support their feelings by showing personal interest
Assume that they will take everythink personally
Allow them time to develop trust in you
Move along in an informal and slow manner
Communicating with
Relaters II
67

Actively listen
Discuss personal feelings in the event of a
disagreement
Discuss and support relationship
Compliment their teamwork, their relationships with
others and their ability to “get along”
One-Dimensional Adapting
68

Sometimes you may want to adapt your style but you


may be not sure what style the other person has. If
you recognised one dimension, you may adapt
yourself in that way and this may be enough.
Increasing Directness I
69

If the person is Direct (moves and speaks quickly;


readily expresses thoughts and feelings) you can
increase the directness of your conversation by the
following:
Speaking in a faster pace
Initiating conversations and decisions
Giving recommendations and not asking for
opinions
Increasing Directness I
70

Using direct statements rather than roundabout


questions
Communicating with a strong, confident voice
Challenging and tactfully disagreeing when
appropriate
Facing conflict openly but not initiating it
Increasing eye contact
Increasing Indirectedness I
71

If the person is Indirect (moves and speaks more


slowly, is cautious in expressing personal
thoughts and feelings,and in making decisions)
you can increase your Indirectedness by the
following:
Talking and making decisions more slowly
Seeking and acknowledgin the opinions of others
Sharing decision-making and leadership
Increasing Indirectness II
72

Showing less energy, Being more mellow.


Not interrupting
Providing pauses to allow other person speak
Refraining from criticizing, challenging, or acting
pushy
Choosing words carefully when disagreeing
Increasing Supportingness I
73

If the person is Supporting( motivated by


relationships and feelings), you can increase your
Supportingness by the following:
Sharing your feelings and letting your emotions
show
Responding to the expression of other’s feeling
Increasing Supportingness II
74

Paying personal compliments


Taking time to develop relationship
Using friendly language
Communicating more, loosening up, and standing
closer
Be willing to digress from the agenda, going with the
flow
Increasing Controllingness I
75

If the person is Controlling (motivated by the task at


hand and accomplishing goals) you can increase your
controllingness by following:
Getting right to the task or the bottom line
Maintaining more of a logical, factual orientation
Increasing Controllingness I
76

Keeping to the agenda


Leaving when the work is done; not wasting time
Not initiating physical contact
Downplaying enthusiasm and body movement
Using businesslike language
We learned that
77

Dynamic communication that persuades influences


requires a speaker and a listener who are on the
same wavelenght
By understanding 4 styles, you have the basis for
expanding your communication potential
People are different in communication
It is possible to avoid from pitfalls
It is possible to be speaking as multistyle
Next Lesson
78

We will work on
Verbal and Nonverbal Communication
Lesson II
We will learn
79

Verbal Communication
Active listening
Art of Asking Questions
Using Feedback
Conflict resolution(1.part)
Verbal Communication

80

Sending the messages verbally.


We may use 4 styles for efficient sending.

Receiving the messages accurately.


We need active listening, asking questions and giving
feedback
Listening
81

The most important skill of a manager is ...?..


Ineffective or poor listening is the most frequent
causes of misunderstandings, mistakes, unhappy
customers, low morale emloyee, missed sales, in
private life divorces and parent-child conflicts.
Poor listeners seem disinterested, self-centered
Reasons of Poor Listening I
82

Reasons of poor listening are as follows:


Listening is hard work: requires concentration
Competition:competition of taking our attention
by advertisements, radio, TV etc.
The rush to action: we think that we know what
someone is going to say and interrupt.
Reasons of Poor Listening II
83

Speed Difference: The difference between speech


speed and thought speed listening gap. Average
person speaks at about 135-175 words a minute, but
can listen to 400-500 words a minute. The gap time
spent jumping into conclusions, daydreaming,
planning a reply or mentally arguing with the
speaker.
Reasons of Poor Listening III
84

Lack of training: we do more listening than


speaking, reading or writing but we receive no
formal education for good listening.
The average employee spends about 3 quarters
of each working day in verbal
communications. Nearly half of it is spent on
listening.
Reasons of Poor Listening
85

The typical employee’s listening effectiveness is only


25 percent.
Three-fourths of everything that employee hears is
distorted or quickly forgotten.
The normal untrained listener is likely to understand
only about 50% of a conversation
After 48 hours it drops to 25%.
That means it is normal forgetting the discussion.
Benefits of Better Listening
86

It improves relationships:
Listening to someone makes them feel good about you
which leads to increased trust and credibility and an
increased willingness toward cooperation
Benefits of Better Listening
87

There are fewer Misunderstandings


Fewer errors result in lower costs, better products and
services and higher profits
Better Understanding
Better listening improves the transfer of information,
improves teamwork, builds morale and leads to
higher productivity
Four Levels of Listening
88

People typically listen at one of four basic levels of


attentiveness. Each category requires a particular
depth of concentration and sensitivity on the part of
listener. As you move from the first, to the next level,
listeners potential for understanding, trust and
effective communication increases.
Nonlistening I
89

The nonlistener does not hear the speaker at all.


In fact, no effort is made to hear the speaker.
Recognized by her blank stare and nervous
mannerism and gestures
Non listener wants to do all or most of the
speaking, constantly interrupts, always has to
have the last word.
Nonlistening II
90

The nonlistener is usually considered a social boor and


know-it-all, perceived as insensitive and
nonunderstanding.

The nonlistener is typically disliked or merely


“tolerated”
Marginal Listening I
91

Hears the sounds and the words but not the


meaning and intent. The message is not really
heard. Just stays on the surface of the argument
or problem, never risking to go deeper.Try to
find noises to have an excuse for not deeply
listening. Prefer to listen only for the data,
bottom line instead of main ideas.
Marginal Listening II
92

Marginal listening is hazardous, because


misunderstanding are possible. In 1st level speaker
may notice the non-listener but may not notice the
marginal listeners level of understanding. In
workplace, it is a source of low morale,
misunderstandings, errors and problems.
Evaluative Listening I
93

More concentration and attention are required at this


level. The evaluative listener is actively try to hear
what the speaker is saying but is not making An
effort to understand the speakers intent. Tends to be
a logical listener, more concentrated about the
content than feelings.
Evaluative Listening II
94

Evaluative listener tends to stay away emotionally


from the conversation. Evaluates the message strictly
on the basis of words delivered, totally ignoring that
part of the message carried in the speakers vocal
intonation, body language and facial expressions.
Thinks that she understand but the speaker does not
think so.Critizes speaker’s dressing or count the
buzzy words
Active Listening I
95

Unquestionably the most comprehensive and


powerfull level of listening. Demanding and tiring
because it requires the deepest level of
concentration, attention and mental as well a
emotional processing effort.
Active listener refrains from coming to judgement
about the speaker’s message, instead focusing on
understanding her point of view.
Active Listening II
96

Attention is concentrated on the thoughts and the


feelings of other person as well as the spoken
word.
To listen in this manner requires our initial
suspension of our own thoughts and the feelings
in order to give attention solely to the message
and intent of the speaker. “emphaty”. It requires
listener give verbal&nonverbal feedback to the
speaker what is totally being understood.
Developing Listening Proficiency
97

You should develop 6 separate skills:CARESS


Concentrate
Acknowledge
Research
Exercise Emotional Control
Sense the nonverbals
Structure
The CARESS Model I
98

Concentrate:
Focus your attention on the speaker and only on
the speaker. That will help you to eliminate
environmental “noise” and help you “receive”
the message clearly.

There are 3 major categories of barriers/noise


The CARESS Model I
Concentrate
99

External Environmental Barriers:


Noises in the room, other people talking, poor
acoustics, uncomfortable, cold, hot room, visitors,
outside traffic, TV, radio, telephone
External Speaker-Related Bariers:
Speakers dressing style, accent or speaking style,
disturbing behaviours,
The CARESS Model I
Concentrate
100

Internal Listener-Related Barriers are 2 types:


Internal Physical Barriers:Bad timing like times close
to quitting or lunch times. Pain, discomfort, stress,
fatigue prevent attention
Internal Phychological Barriers:Inner voice,
boredom, daydreaming, personal values and
beliefs, past experiences, future expectations.
The CARESS Model I
Concentrate
101

All of this barriers create incredible distractions


which prevent the communication.
To begin lowering these barriers we have to assess
whether they are in our control or not.
Try to control and overcome the barriers.Then, for
concentrating,do deep breathing, decide to listen
with attention for learning, mentally paraphrase
the info, maintain eye contact
The CARESS Model II
102

Acknowledge:
When you acknowledge your speaker, you
demonstrate your interest and attention. Your
acknowledgement encourages the speaker and
actually helps the speaker send a clearer message. If
it is acceptable do not hesitate to show acceptance
for avoiding to stop the communication.
The CARESS Model II
Acnowledge
103

Think about how you like to be listened to:


eye contact
Verbal responses and participation like asking
questions an vocal prompts: “hmm”,
Gestures like smiling, leaning forward with
interest, smiling, nodding of the head, sitting
directly facing with speaker
Clarifying points by asking questions or
restating the point to be sure about message
The CARESS Model III
104

Research:
Gather information about your speaker, his interests
and objectives. This will help you understand the
message, ask questions for a more in-depth
conversation and respond to the speaker in a way
that promotes communication.
The CARESS Model III
Research
105

As Listening skill, research allows you to clarify the


message, go to deeper topic.
As research tools asking questions and giving
feedback let the communication flow easier.
If only speaker is talking listeners only listen, this
can create tension and suspicion on the part of
speaker. Skillfull research help listener to reveal
inner feelings, motives, needs, goals an desires.
Another technique is emphathy statements.
The CARESS Model III
Research
106

There are 3 parts of emphathy statements:


Tentative Statement
Defining the feeling
Putting it into its situational context
“It seems to me,me you’re very frustrated because you
can’t get the product to work the way you want it to
work
The CARESS Model III
Research
107

Emphathy statements proves your attention.


Encourage speaker to share feelings. It is a good way
to get people open up and share thoughts with
you.
Gives opportunity to the speaker refine, expand or
correct message
By affirming the speaker’s feelings, build an
emotional bound between the speaker &the
listener.
The CARESS Model IV

108

Exercise Emotional Control:


Deal with highly charged messages in a thoughtful
manner and wait until the entire message is received
before reacting. Regardless of how provocative the
message is, you must concentrate on understanding
it first.
The CARESS Model IV
Exercise Emotional Control
109

What causes an emotional overreaction? Often


differences in values, beliefs, attitudes, education,
image etc. can cause...
Dressing style, too casual or to high-powered..
Speaker’s accent, regional differences.
Looded words as religious, ethnic, racial or political
words or humor may cause reaction
These blocks the meaning of the message.
The CARESS Model IV
Exercise Emotional Control
110

Do emotional control by recognizing and


redirecting your negative emotional reactions.
Recognize by increased heartbeat, respiration or
facial flush that you are getting upset.
Redirect your reaction by pause, common ground
and visualizing calm
The CARESS Model IV
Exercise Emotional Control
111

Pause: or delay of action with taking deep breath,


or counting till ten and try to calm down
Common ground: Try to think about what you
have in common with the speaker, rather than
focusing on what is different
Visualize calm: Imagine yourself calm and
relaxed. Think of a time in your past when you
we feeling laid back, calm, on the top of the
world, and feeling increadibly great. Construct a
mental picture in detail
The CARESS Model V
112

Sense the Nonverbal Message:


What is the speaker saying with his body language and
gestures. Try to understand the vocal and the visual
messages as well as the words being spoken.
The CARESS Model V
Sense the Nonverbal Message
113

According to Dr. Mehrabian, author of Silent


Messages, about %90 of the message is carried
through visual and vocal channels. Only 7-10 % is
verbal, through actual words.
It is critical that we learn to recognize the nonverbal
and vocal messages in both
receiving messages and sending messages
The CARESS Model VI
114

Structure:
Structure and organize the information as you receive
it. This is what you should do with the time
generated by the gap between speaking and the
hearing speeds. By organizing the information as you
received it, you will improve your retention and
understanding of the material.
The CARESS Model VI
Structure
115

There is a time gap between the listening and the


speaking speeds. The gap time can be used by
structuring.
Structuring revolves around three primary activities
as:
3. indexing
4. sequencing
5. comparing
The CARESS Model VI
Structure
116

1.Indexing: is taking mental or written notes of


1. the topic or the major idea,
2. the key points being discussed, and
3. the reasons, subpoints and supporting points
Indexing is made easier by listening for transitional
words like “what I want to talk to you today is(main
idea), for example (a supporting point),
first(keypoint one)
The CARESS Model VI
Structure
117

2. Sequencing: is listening for order or priority.


Sometimes someone tells you something in which
the order is very important, you are given
instructions or directions where the order is
crucial. Like indexing you need to follow the
numbers as first, second etc. If you have any
doubt you may check it with the speaker as asking
“let me make sure I understand the order you are
describing”
The CARESS Model VI
Structure
118

3. Comparing: is trying to discriminate between


what is fact and what is assumption, discriminate
between advantages and disadvantages and
discriminate between positives and negatives.You
also listen for consistency.
Another method is taking notes on what the speaker is
saying. With mindmapping also.
ACTIVE LISTENING ATTITUDE
119

The skills needed to improve listening are relatively


simple to learn and implement. Perhaps the harder
task is developing the active listening
attitude.Understand that:
1. Attitude: Listening is as powerful as speech:
What someone says to you is just as critical as what
you have to say to them.
ACTIVE LISTENING ATTITUDE
120

2. Attitude: Listening saves time: People who


listen actively find that they experience fewer
mistakes, fewer interpersonal misunderstandings,
less employee and customer turnover.
3. Attitude: Listening is important and
worthwhile with everyone:When you believe
that you can learn something from everyone you
meet, you will approach listening with a new
enthusiasm.
The Art of Asking Questions
121

The word is full of questions:


Good, silly, important and offensive questions.
Questions can built rapport and trust or foster
suspicion and dislike. Questions can open up a
conversation or weaken&closed.
Questions generate information or loose
main topic of the conversation. Are heart of
the conversation which pump fresh life to
the conversations.
The Art of Asking Questions
122

Asking good questions is particularly important in


organizations where working together to achieve a
common purpose depends upon the members of the
organizations understanding each other
clearly.Asking questions about how things are done,
why they are done, who is responsible for that, what
is the budget etc.
The Art of Asking Questions
123

We ask questions a lot since our childhood.


But the point is being able to ask right question at
the right time for communication.
Why Do We Ask Questions?
1. To gain information: Information transfer
depends on questions. Who, what, where, when,
why, how, how much are are questioning words
for gathering information.
Why do we ask questions?
124

2. To stimulate conversation: For socializing.


How are you? Have you heard? Did you see? Can
you believe? What do you think? Etc..
3. To gain the other’s views: When you need to
know what someone else is thinking, ask. What
do you think about...? Can you tell me how you
feel about...?
Why do we ask
125 questions?

4. To check agreement: What does other person


think about what you have discussed? Do you
think we are on the right track? Can you support
this decision? Are we in agreement, Do you have
any objections? How does this sound to you?
5. To verify information: Sometimes what you
hear is not what you were meant. Asking for
feedback is a critical part of the communication
process. Did I understand you to mean..? Can I
summarize it as...?
Why do we ask questions?
126

6.To build rapport and trust: Rapport and trust


are built by showing support for the other person’s
goals and objectives. How can I help you? What can I
do to help you to meet your objectives? What would
you like to accomplish? Tell me about your
goals/dreams/objectives?
The Two Major Types of Questions-Closed
127

There are two types of questions:


Closed:generally simple, information gathering
questions. Response to a closed question is
usually “yes”, “no” or a very brief answer.
Typical closed questions are: What time is it?, Did
you finish the project? Are you going to the
meeting, can you work overtime tonight?
When did you first discovered the problem?
The Two Major Types of Questions-Closed
128

Closed question perform the following


functions:
They allow specific facts to be gathered. What
colour do you prefer?
They are easy to answer. Will you be finished, by
5.00 p.m.?
They are useful in the feedback process where
someone wants to check the accuracy or
completeness of the communication. Have I got
the information right?
The Two Major Types of Questions-Closed
129

4. They can be used to gain commitment to a position.


Does this seem right so far?
5. They can be used to reinforce positive statements.
This seems like a good plan, doesn’t it?
6. This can be used to direct the conversation to a
desired topic or concern. Do you have time to talk
the budget?
The Two Major Types of Questions-Open
130

Open questions are generally more deep and require


longer, more complex answers. Are used to draw out
a wide range of responses on a broad topic. Often ask
for opinions, thoughts and feelings.
How did you feel about the meeting?
What could we do to make this project better?
How can we meet our objectives?
What is your opinion on the new marketing plan?
The Two Major Types of Questions-Open
131

Open questions have the following characteristics:


They can not be answered by a simple yes or no.
How do you think we could make this process
work better?
They usually begin with “what or “how”.What do
you think about the new benefits policy?
They do not lead the answer:What could we make
improvements in the new marketing plan
The Two Major Types of Questions-Open
132

4. They draw out ideas and feelings. How do you feel


about the reorganization of the department?
5. They encourage elaboration on objectives, needs,
wants and problems. What do you think about the
new employee review system?
6. They promote self-discovery. How do you think the
new process will work for your group?
The Two Major Types of Questions-Open
133

7.They stimulate thinking about your ideas. Where


do you think we might run into problems with
this idea?
8.They allow a broad range of responses and styles.
How would you change the policy?
It is important to know which kind of question-
open or closed- to use to achieve your goals. Both
are useful and can help you to achieve several
different purposes including:
The Two Major Types of Questions-Goals
134

1.Fact-Finding: If you are looking for specific


information and data, use closed questions that
ask for the detail you need. “What did you
accomplish on the project?” will generate more detail
than “Did you get a lot done?. Take notes and verify
that you understood the information correctly.
The Two Major Types of Questions-Goals
135

2.Feeling-finding:to understand a person’s feeling


about a subject generally requires open
questions.“Are you happy about the project?”
Does not get the same response as the open-ended
question “How do you feel about the
project?”Used properly, feeling-finding questions
generate a lot of information about attitudes,
convictions and motivations. This type of
questions are very powerful, because too seldom
asked&listened carefully.
The Two Major Types of Questions-Goals
136

3. Clarifying: Closed questions are used to


verify your understanding of a conversation. Do I
understand you correctly? Are you referring to
..? Do you mean..? are examples of questions
which you may ask to make sure you understand
the information being given to you.
The Two Major Types of Questions-Goals
137

4. Expanding: Open questions are used to


draw out further information on a topic. Can
you give me an example? Would you tell me
more about that point? What else might be
causing a problem? are questions that continue
to generate information about the subject.
The Two Major Types of Questions-Goals
138

5. Directing: Directing questions are generally


closed and point the conversation toward a
particular goal. What was the other point you
wanted to make? Can we go back and talk about
your first item? Could’nt we postpone the decision
for a week? With these questions, you want to direct
the conversation to a different topic or to lead the
person to a particular decision.
Questioning Strategies I
139

All forms of communication are improved by


planning and understanding the focus of the
communication. Questioning is similar.
In questioning, or for starting a conversation, you
may start with an open, broad question and you
may go deeper by choosing any information you
received.”Tell me about..”, “How”, “what” or
“why” could be show your interest to the other
person’s situation.
Questioning Strategies II
Some General Strategies
140

Have a plan: Know what you want to


accomplish and what type of questions you will
need to use. You do not have the questions
written but in advance you should be clear about
your objectives.
Keep the question simple: It is best to ask for
one answer at a time. If there are two or three
parts in a question people will tend to answer the
last or first or the part which they feel safe.
Questioning Strategies III
Some General Strategies
141

3. Stay focused: Keep the questions on track


and follow a topic to its conclusion. Any
question that starts with “By the way..” is
probably means that the subject has changed.
Hold the question for later.
4. Avoid Ambiguity: Ambiguous questions
generate ambiguous answers.
Questioning Strategies IV
Some General Strategies
142

6. Stay nonthreatening: Trust is a key essential


in communication. The wrong question can
quickly destroy trust and the relationship. “Why
didn’t you...?”, “How could you..?”, Aren’t you...”
are the questions which generally make people
defensive. Once someone throws up a wall of
defense, the opportunity for exchanging
information and building a relationship goes
away.
Questioning Strategies V
Some General Strategies
143

7. Ask Permission: If the ares of questioning is


sensitive, explain the need for the questions and ask
permission before questioning. “The application
requires some detail about your financial condition.
Woud you mind answering...?”
Questioning Strategies VI
Some General Strategies
144

7. Avoid manipulation: Keep the relationship as a


primary focus. Tricking someone into giving you an
answer you want destroys trust and rapport. Would
you prefer to work overtime tonight or tomorrow
night? Does not give a person the chance to say
that he does not want to work overtime at all.
Explaining the need for the overtime and asking if
he is available has a totally different feel.
Manipulation is an attempt to take away a person’s
control.
Making sure with feedback
145

“It isn’t very far.”


“I need it very quickly.”
“That will cost a lot of money.”
“It will not cost you too much..”
These are ambigious words:not clear&net
“Call me later and we’ll discuss it.” When?
One hour later, today, tomorrow, next week?
Making sure with feedback II
146

These kinds of statements which we use very


frequently in our daily life, needs to be clarified and
confirmed with the other part of the communication.
Unless, there may be misunderstandings and lack of
information.
Feedback and clearification can take the ambiguity out
of promises, agreements, schedules, policies and
procedures.
Types of Feedback
147

Feedback comes in a number of forms. There is


verbal, nonverbal, fact and feeling types.
Each serves a specific purpose in the
communication process.
 Verbal Feedback:
It is the type which we are most frequenty aware of
and most often use.With verbal feedback, you
can accomplish a number of favorable
objectives such as:
Types of Feedback-Verbal I
148

1. to ask for clarification of a message.


2. To give positive and/or negative strokes to the
other person.
3. To determine how to structure a presentation
that will be meaningful and effective for the
other person.
1. to ask for clarification of a message.
To improve the accuracy and clarity of a message
during a conversation, use clarifying feedback
statements such as the following:
Types of Feedback-Verbal II
149

Let me be sure I understand what you’ve said


 Let’s see if I can review the key points we’ve
discussed.
I hear you saying.....
I think I hear you saying that your central
concern is...
As I understand it, your major objectives are..
Types of Feedback-Verbal III
150

Clearifying feedback statements can also end with the


following:
...Did I understand you properly?
...Did I hear you correctly?
...Was I on target with what you mean?
 ..Were those our major concerns?
...Can you add anything to my summary?
Types of Feedback-Verbal IV
151

Using feedback is mostly very critical in the workplace.


There is only one way to know if the message you
are receiving is the same as the message being
sent.That is by asking for clarification, or restating
the message with your own words and asking for
verification of your understanding.
Types of Feedback-Verbal V
152

2. To give positive and/or negative strokes to the other


person.
When a person does something positive that
behaviour needs to be positively reinforcement.
Simple statements are in order such as: “The project
report you did was clear and concise. Nice job”, “You
made it really easy for the for the comittee to
understand the issues”, “I really appreciate the extra
effort you put in.” and
Types of Feedback-Verbal VI
153

“You are doing an excellent job staying with


budget”.These statements tell the person specifically
what you recognize and appreciate.
Given in a timely and consistent manner, this type of
feedback lets the person know what kind of
performance is required. It encourages them to
continue with similar performance.
Types of Feedback-Verbal VII
154

On the other hand, when behaviour requires


negative feedback, offer it in a private,
constructive environment. Ignoring
inappropriate performance tends to prolonge it,
as silence has been meant as tacit approval. No
one likes to be critized, so negative feedback
should be directed only at the performance. If
possible it must be sandwiched between
positive feedback.
Types of Feedback-Verbal VIII
155

For example:, use phrases such as: “It’s obvious that


you put in a lot of effort on this report. The issues
are so complex that it would help if we had a one
page summary.”,”Your work is extremely accurate
but when you come in late, it puts us all behind
schedule.”,”I appreciate your help folding the
brochures. Since they will be going to customers,
it’s important that they are extremely neat.”
Types of Feedback-Verbal IX
156

It is important to make sure you give the person


enough specific information so that he can correct
his performance in the future.
3. During presentation:
By asking simple questions, you can determine
whether a presentation is working, whether to
proceed in the current direction or modify the
approach.
Types of Feedback-Verbal X
157

For example in a project planing presentation you may


ask, after general brief summary as “Would you like
me go into the details of this project, or do you have
some other questions that you’d like to ask me first?”
allows you to determine the persons present state of
mind or level of receptivity. “I sometimes move along
so quickly. Is it proper or would you prefer if we go on
more slowly for your better understanding?”
Types of Feedback-Nonverbal I
158

Nonverbal means the message of positive or


negative attitudes, feelings, opinions that you
give by using our bodies, eyes, faces, postures
and senses. You do this consiously or
unconsciously, just as others do with you.
The sensitive, perceptive communicator uses the
nonverbal feedback he or she is getting from the
other person to structure the content and
direction of the message.
Types of Feedback-Nonverbal II
159

The result is a positive continuance of the


interaction and increased trust and credibility in
the relationship.
The # of the nonverbal feedback is not as important
as how you interpret it and react to it. These
signals help you realize when you are loosing the
other person’s interest. You can react by changing
your pace, topic or style to recapture the person’s
interest or trust
Types of Feedback-Nonverbal III
160

Nonverbal feedback is very important in


manager/employee relations.Too often ineffective
communications between managers and employees
result in “mixed messages” This means that while
one message is being verbalized, something totally
different is being stated through vocal intonation and
body language.
Types of Feedback-Nonverbal IV
161

Mixed messages create tension, distrust. Rightly and


wrongly, the person feels that you are purposely
hiding something. It is extremely important to keep
your verbal and nonverbal messages syncronized.
As we mentioned in listening “acknowledgement” is
very important. People do not want to speak to
people who do not respond or show any emotion.
They want to see feedback to feel safe.
Types of Feedback-Fact I
162

Like fact-finding questions, fact feedback is about


specific data and information. Fact feedback is
asking a spesific, closed question or making a
spesific statement of the facts as you know it and
asking for clarification.
When you are depending on the other people’s facts
and they are depending on yours, it is critical to
get and give the information exactly. Fact feedback
is also used in words.
Types of Feedback-Fact II
163

Due to recent layoffs, all employees are expected to


work harder.
There will be a short wait for a table.
Don’t spend too much time on that job.
In this company, we are liberal and democratic.
Major credit cards are excepted
We will be visiting NY&Chicago . We expect to open
our first unit there.
Types of Feedback-Fact III
164

What exactly do you mean by “working harder” How


much hours may be the overtime?
How long is the wait? Will we wait 15 mnt or .?
How much time should I spent on the job? Is there a
deadline?
Whatdo you mean by liberal and democratic?
Which major credit cards? Do you accept visa?
Which city will have the first unit?
Types of Feedback-Feeling I
165

What are the underlying causes and motivations


behind her message and her facts? How much
personal feelings does her message carry for her?
How does she really feel about what she is saying
to you? Does she know whether her message is
really getting through to you, at feeling level?
All these questions underscore the importance of
feeling feedback.
Types of Feedback-Feeling II
166

Feeling feedback is especially important in


organizations.. Perhaps because it is so seldom
requested. The old school of business etiquette
believed that feelings had no place at work. Personal
lives, feelings and emotional involvements were to be
left in entrance of the work. We know today that this
is impossible and not useful also.
Types of Feedback-Feeling III
167

Research has shown that one of the most effective


ways to handle organizational change is to let people
“chat” about how they feel about the change. Just the
process of talking about how they feel helps them
adapt to the change.
Types of Feedback-Feeling IV
168

Organizations are a complex web of people


working to achieve a common purpose.
As organizational life becomes more complex and
more demanding, it requires the full
commitment of each member to achieve the
organizational goals. Full commitment requires
an environment of trust that allows each person
to express his or her thoughts and feelings
openly.
Types of Feedback-Feeling V
169

Organizations that request and provide a high level of


feeling feedback understand that the feelings of each
person are critical part of the communication
process.
It is as important to understand the feelings inherent
in a message, as it is to understand the facts of the
message.
Types of Feedback-Feeling VI
170

Feeling Feedback should be two-directional: You


need to make effort to understand the feelings,
emotions and attitudes that underlie the
messages that come to you.
In addition, you should clearly project feeling
feedback to the other person to let her know that
her message has gotten through to you, at feeling
level.
Types of Feedback-Feeling VII
171

Followings are candidates for feeling feedback


questions:
I am tired of all the politics around here.
My last review was a joke
Quality is just another management fashion
No one cares about my problems
Another organisation.. Nothing will change.
Types of Feedback-Feeling VIII
172

Examples of requests for feeling feedback would


be:
How are the “politics” here affecting you?
What’s bothering you about your last review?
Whay do you feel that management isn’nt
committed to the quality program?
What would make you feel like the organization
cared about your problems?
How do you feel about the reorganization?
Types of Feedback-Feeling IX
173

Fact feedback is meeting of minds, feeling feedback is


meeting of hearts. It is just effective use of
empathy.When you can really experience the other
person’s true feelings and understand where she is
coming from and project this emotional awareness
to her, it serves to reinforce rapport, lower
interpersonal tension, and significantly increase
trust. Supporting behaviours and nonverbal signals
are important in feeling feedback process.
The Keys to Effective Feedback I
174

Through the effective use of feedback skills, you can


create a good communication climate.
Give and Get Definitions: The meanings and the
interpretations of the words and phrases may differ
according to the different people, group, region
and society. There are many many different
meanings of the words, in addition to the loaded
meanings. So we need definitions.
175
The Keys to Effective Feedback II
Do Not Assume: Because it is dangerous.
Do not assume anything in communications.
Do not assume that you and the other part are
talking about the same thing.
Do not assume that the words has the same
meaning or automatically understood.
Use more feedback and fewer assumptions, to be
more accurate and be sure everone is unique and
has a different frame of reference.
176
The Keys to Effective Feedback III
Ask Questions: Rule is This:
“If there is a doubt, check it out”. Questioning is a
method for checking.
Clarifying questions, expansion questions, direction
questions, fact-finding questions, feeling-finding
questions and open questions can be used for
effective feedback
177
The Keys to Effective Feedback IV
Speak The Same Language: Avoid from using
technical and ambiguous words. If the people do not
understand you, this may increase suspect and
distrust.
Stay Tuned In: Observe the other person. Be
sensitive to the feelings and related nonverbal
signals to perceive and accord the management of
the conversation.
178
The Keys to Effective Feedback V
Give Feedback On The Behaviour, Not The
Person
This is about positive and negative strokes. Relate the
feedback with the action or behaviour to be praised or
punished. Never direct it to personality of the person.
Indicating specificaly, the behaviour and action, give
the person the chance to understand and work on for
better performance. Many ineffective managers loose
employees who has correctable mistakes.
179
The Keys to Effective Feedback VI
Track The Good Timing: There are times when it is
best not to give feedback. Take a deep breath, close
your mouth and restrain your body language and
facial expressions in these situations. When the
person was more sensitive it is much better to
postpone the process. Effective feedback can
decrease interpersonal tension and build trust and
credibility if used properly.
Conflict Resolution
180

People naturally disagree about what to do, how


to do, and when to do it.
That interaction of ideas and opinions sparks new
ideas and leads to better solutios and plans of
action.
However when differences of opinion are
accompanied by too much emotional
committment, the resulting conflict can be
damaging.
Nature of Conflict
181

Conflict does not need to be destroying. Open


communication without emotional explosions is
the key method for resolution.
Thre are three components of conflict:
3. Two or more persons are involved
4. There are different perceptions of ideas,
actions, beliefs or goals.
5. The opposing sides see their way as the only
way.
Common Sources Of Conflict I
182

Ambigious Responsibility Levels: Clear job


descriptions and and organization charts can help
prevent these conflicts.
Limited Resources: Generally every
department require to extend their share in
limited sources and maximize its own results.
Conflict of Interest: Each individual in an
organization needs to know how his own goals and
efforts fit within the organization’s. Individuals
may conflict for their own targets.
Common Sources Of Conflict II
183

Communication Barriers: Differing


perceptions, language, ineffective listening, “style”
differences, power and status barriers.
Communication training is the solution for this.
Interdependency: Increasingly our ability to
accomplish our goals and objectives depends on the
cooperation and asistance for others. This
interdependency increases conflict.
Common Sources Of Conflict III
184

Increased Interaction:The more people interact, the


more potential there is for conflict. The trend toward
increasing levels of participation and teamwork
indicates a higher level of conflict and a greater need for
conflict resolution skills.
Competition: For rewards such as promotions,
recognition conflict is natural. If the organization
rewards the person who has no rules or values for the
success, or if someone promote, conflict appear.
The Four Phases
185
of Conflict
Conflict may occur between individuals, groups and
organizations. Phase are the same.
First:Appears in change.A budget cutback, a new
project, change of manager or value etc.
Perceived: The point at which members are
becoming aware of the problem& the tension.
Felt: Internal tensions and frustrations begin to
be defined and people begin to built emotions.
Last: Opposing parties try to frustrate one
another. Conflict is very obvious at this point.
186
Strategies For Managing Conflict I
Each strategy has advantages&disadvantages.
In any case, familiarize yourself with them.
Avoidance:Rarely work, ostrich approach.
Accommodation:Someone sacrifies or say OK
Domination:Someone imposes a solution.
Negotiation:Involves moderate levels of cooperation
and assertiveness. Partly win &loose
187
Strategies For Managing Conflict II
Collaboration:Requires a high level of cooperation
and assertiveness. Takes time& effort, probe for
the real needs and creative, longlasting solutions.
Through open communication, it takes time but
efficient.
There are 4 components of collaboration:
188
4 Components of Collaboration I
Understanding&Respecting: Collaboration
assumes an equality for all parties.The goals
and objectives of each person are presented
equally regardless the positions. All of the goals
and objectives need to be ranked and evaluated
logically with participation of all the parties.
Each member tries to stay focused on the
organization’s goals rather than on individual
objectives. Tone of voice
189
4 Components of Collaboration II
2. Assertiveness:For a collaboration to succeed,
each person must feel safe in expressing his ideas
and opinions. Each position needs to be presented
as powerfully possible. People often confuse
assertiveness with agression. Agression is
assertiveness without regard for the needs of the
other person. Assertiveness says: Here’s my
position..What’s yours.? Agression is: Here’s my
position..Take it or leave it.
190
4 Components of Collaboration III
3. Creative Problem-Solving: Good creative
problem-solving skills can help define a solution
that results in a win for each person. It is
important to focus on the problem rather then
specific solutions. Spend time identifying as many
potential solutions as possible before proceeding
with evaluation. Avoid dwelling on the history of
the problem which often involves placing blame.
191
Strategies For Managing Conflict VI
4. Confrontation: This is a specific communication
strategy, a way to change behaviour through
constructive feedback During an emotionally
charged conflict resolution session, it is often
necessary to use confrontation to break through a
communication barrier. To tell the other one what
his behaviour creates as a problem
Details of Confrontation
192

Confrontation process allows you to get at the root


causes of the conflict in a productive manner. You
are indirectly trying to say. “Let’s exchange ideas-
pleasantly and comfortably. I will try to hear you
will take your opinion into account before I state
mine. Than I want you hear my opinions and them
into account. Once we have exchanged our opinions,
we will decide on the best option. This is not a
contest for superiority.”
Levels of Confrontation I
193

There are levels of confrontation which starts with


understanding till behavioural change.
1. Reflection: Demonstrate your sincere desire to
understand the person’s feelings and needs. You
gather data and build rapport with the person. By
reflecting the feelings you hear the person
expressing, you give him a chance to correct your
impression ant to work on your comment. An
example:
Levels of Confrontation II
194

“I understand that you feel/think___________


because________________.”

“I understand that you feel unappreciated because you


are not invited to the weekly staff meetings.”
Levels of Confrontation III
195

2. I Statement: With I statements you reveal your


feelings, asserting your own needs and objectives in
a nonjudgemental fashion. You want the other
person to understand your feelings and reasons. A
general form:
“I feel_______when you______because___”
“I feel angry when you ignore the safety rules because
you and others may get hurt.”
Levels of Confrontation IV
196

3. Diplomatic Disagreement: In the diplomatic


disagreement stage you try to achieve understanding
in a gentle, tactful manner. You want the other
person to understand your reasoning and you try to
understand his. You want the person to know that
you value the relationship. The format for this stage
includes reflection & I statement.
Levels of Confrontation V
197

“You feel/think________________.”
“I appreciate your position and understand that
__________.”
“I understand that you think we need a new
computer.”
“I appreciate your position and realize that you
think it will improve our productivity.”
“ I believe we should wait because a new model is
about to be released.”
Levels of Confrontation VI
198

4. Gentle Confrontation: In gentle confrontation


you try to cause a change in behaviour and built the
relationship at the same time. You want to suggest
the change in a tactful manner. The format includes
reflection, an indication that other person is valued,
an I statement and indication od consequences.
Format and the example:
Levels of Confrontation VII
199

“You feel/think_______.”

“I appreciate your position and I understand


that_____________.”

“I feel____________because.”

“If this continues it will cause__________”


Levels of Confrontation VIII
“You think the accounting department
200 should pay our
vendors immediately.”
“I appreciate your position and understand that it
helps you negotiate better prices.”
I feel frustrated, however, because I am trying to
manage our cash flow as well as our profits.
If you continue to pressure the accounting dept., it will
make it much more difficult for me to manage the
cash flow and the investments. That could result in
vendors going unpaid and a reduction in profits
which could impact our profit sharing.
Levels of Confrontation IX
201

5. Firm Confrontation: In the firm confrontation


you try to clear up disagreements and cause a definite
change in behaviour. The change in behaviour is your
primary objective. The added statement is in the
format:
“I would appreciate it in the future if you
would__________.”
“In the future I would appreciate it if you would come to
me for any special early payment requests.”
Some Basic Guidelines on Confrontation I
202

There are some guidelines for more productive


confrontation process.
Timing:Is the person ready to listen? About
coming late it is the worst time to discuss it while
he was check in. He knows he is late. Wait for a
positive something to say and add how his
lateness affect his overall perception of his
commitment and performance.
Some Basic Guidelines on Confrontation II
203

Focus on Current Specifics: Talk about


behaviour that is happening today, not something
happened last week or last month.
State Your Feelings:When you tell someone how
you feel, you are keeping the conversation open
rather than focusing it only on the other
person.”When you come to work late, I feel really
angry because the rest of us have to wait for you
before we can start on the project.”
Confrontation
204

It is a powerful conflict resolution strategy which


requires a great deal of skill and practice. When it
applies # of conflicts can be resolved more
productively.
It is also important to remember that people only
change when it is in their best interest to do so. You
can not change anyone but canmotivate someone to
change.
Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list I
205

Minimization: Sometimes we do not recognize the


seriousness of an action or perception, we response
with through humor or sarcasm. When this happens
on the other person feels unvalued or belittled. Often
the person takes your minimization as a personal
attack. When someone brings a problem to us, first
acknowledge it.
Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-II
206

Example for minimization:


Engineer: I’m afraid the O-ring might fail at low
temperatures.
Manager 1: That’s not your problem. Worry about
how we’re going to meet our next deadline.
Manager 2: I appreciate your concern. What
makes you think that?
Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-III
207

Blame: While blame can often be attached to the


last person who touched a situation, most
problems are too complex to be totally caused
by one person or one factor. The focus should be
on preventing future problems rather than
placing blame.
Salesperson:We didn’t get the Smith account.
Manager 1:What did you do wrong?
Manager 2:What could we have done better?
Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-IV
208

Unloading: When people have worked together


for a long time, there are often numerous small
injuries which have gone unmentioned. When a
larger problem sparks a conflict, all the past
baggage come to the mind. While it might make
the person unloading feel better, this is not a
productive solution strategy. The other person
might say “You should say these before, when the
problem occured.”
Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do209 list-V

Example for Unloading:


Employee arrives at work late.
Manager 1: Not only you are late but last week there
was an addition error in the report you submitted
and you never have turned in the Murphy proposal
that was due over a month ago.
Manager 2: Is everything ok? I know you were only a
few minutes late but you normally seem so
committed and recently you’ve seemed to be
distracted. Is there anything I can do?
Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-VI
210

Hitting touchy areas:


As we work with people, we begin to understand
their sensitivities. Hitting one of those touchy
areas can escalate a conflict out of control and
make it very difficult to regain the lost ground.
Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-VII
211

Situation: Employee misses a meeting.


Coworker 1: No wonder you were fired from your last
job. Obviously you’re incapable of managing your
time
Coworker 2: I really needed your support in this
morning’s meeting. You know I took a time
management course that really seemed to help me
get organized. May be you should take it next time
it’s offered.
Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do212 list-VIII
Manipulation:
Using personal charm
or approval to get someone to do something you
want done without regard to the other person’s
needs or objectives.
This also includes witholding approval or rewards
in order to get the desired action.
Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-IX
213

Example for Manipulasyon:Manager wants an


employee to work overtime.
Manager 1: If you’ll work overtime tonight, I’ll
remember it when review time comes up
Manager 2: I am sorry to ask you at the last minute,
but we have a crisis with ABC project. If we don’t
get it finished tonight, the company may loose the
whole project.Could you possibly work tonight?
Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-X
214

Force: This is the “I don’t care what you want, do it


my way now!”approach. If all you want is to get an
immediate action, it works. And if it’s only used on
extremely rare occasion, it’s an effective way to get
something done immediately. But it’s
demoralising to the other person because it does
not acknowledge his worth or his ideas.
Strategies to AVOID-
Not to do list-XI
215

Example of Force: Manager wants to change the


work schedule.
Manager 1: From now on our hours are 10.00 a.m.
to 7.00 p.m.
Manager 2: Studies show that the prime hours for
our customers are 10.00 a.m. To 7 p.m. We need to
develop a system that will allow us to give the best
possible service to our customers during those
hours. Do you have any suggestions?
Conflict Resolution Behaviours I
216

There are 5 basic behaviours which will help you


resolve conflict in almost any sitution you
encounter. They will allow you to benefit from
positive disagreement without having those
disagreements escalate into out-of-control
personality conflicts that damage the morale
and productivity of the organization. These basics
are:
217
Conflict Resolution Behaviours II
Openness: State your feelings and thoughts
openly, directly and honestly without trying to
hide or disguise the real object of your
disagreement. Don’t atribute negative statements
about the other person to unknown others. Use I
statements and talk about how you feel and what
you want. Focus on current problems& on
identifying problems.
218
Conflict Resolution Behaviours III
Emphaty: Listen with emphaty. Try to understand
and feel what the other person is feeling and to see
the situation from others point of view.
Demonstrate your understanding and validate the
other person’s feelings. Comments such as I
appreciate how you feel..I understand your
feelings.. I’m sorry I made you feel that way.. Let
the other person know that you are sincere in
understanding her views.
219
Conflict Resolution Behaviours IV
Supportiveness: Describe the behaviours you have
difficulty with rather than evaluating them. Express
your concern for and support of the other person.
Let him know, you want to find a solution that
benefits both of you. State your position with a
willingness to change your opinion if appropriate
reasons are given. Be willing to support the other’s
position if it makes sense to do so.
220
Conflict Resolution Behaviours V
Positiveness:
Try to identify areas of agreement and emphasize
those.
Look at the conflict as a way to better understand
ing the entire situation and possibly find a new
and better solution.
Be positive about the other person and your
relationship.
Express your commitment for finding a
resolution that works for everyone.
221
Conflict Resolution Behaviours VI
Equality:
Treat the other person and his ideas and opinions
as equal.
Give the person the time and space to completely
express his ideas.
Evaluate all ideas and positions logically and
without regard to ownership.
222
Benefits of Conflict Resolution I
Conflict resolution offer many benefits if we can
resolve them productively.
Healthy disagreement can have a positive,
generating effect.
As people are forced to work through a problem to
its solution, they get a chance to better
understanding the point of view of others.
Benefits of Conflict Resolution II
223

Successfull resolution of small conflicts can diffuse the


possibility of more serious conflicts and result in
better working relationship.
The process of exploring problems collaboratively can
lead us to acquire more information, new
perceptions, new ideas and determine key issues
under the surface.