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WELCOME PARENTS!

Loving Solutions for Tough Kids


AKA Parent Project Jr.

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Loving Solutions

Parent Project, Jr.

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Specifically designed for parents raising difficult children - ages 5 - 10


Created to .
Reduce family conflict Help children develop greater self discipline Improve the enjoyment of parenting and family life Help our children grow up safe, strong & capable
Loving Solutions Parent Project, Jr.

Loving Solutions Course Overview


Week 1 topics:
Importance of Love and Affection Parenting Model for the strong-willed child Understanding our children Influencing & Motivating difficult children Using Time Outs correctly and effectively

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Week 2 topics:
Sharing our Expectations, Standards & Values with our children Identifying Critical Rules for our kids Involving our children in the process Using Set Time Outs

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Week 3 topics:
Responding to our childrens choices Encouraging positive choices Redirecting negative choices Dealing w/ Emotional Outbursts

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Week 4 topics:
Active Supervision Creating Structure for our children Improving School Performance

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Week 5 topics:
Concrete Solutions for tough kids Highly impulsive/ special needs children Out-of-Control Behaviors Developing Personal Action Plans for behavior plans

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Week 6 topics:
Recognizing and Supporting Success The dynamics of change Problem solving Building a Strong Sense of Family Finding Support for our selves

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Week 7 topics:
Diagnosis & treatment of ADD/ADHD Working w/ your insurance & doctors Tips for helping ADD/ADHD kids

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Unit 1 Objectives
Parents will be able to:
List character traits of a strong-willed child Recognize successful ways to demonstrate love & affection Discuss influence vs. control Describe effective parenting strategies to increase cooperation & other positive behaviors

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Before We Begin Unit 1:


1. What is your partners name? 2. What are the names & ages of your partners children? 3. What parental concerns or issues is your partner facing right now? 4. What does your partner hope to learn from this class?
After getting your partners permission, introduce your new friend to the large group using the above information
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Strong Willed vs. Complaint Children


Argumentative Frustrating Persistent Traditional parenting generally ineffective Cooperative Pleasant Eager to please Traditional parenting usually effective

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Activity 1.1: Personality


1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Calm Easy Going Willing to listen Understanding Compliant 6. Emotional 7. Strong-willed 8. Argumentative 9. Stubborn 10. Challenging

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What Works?
The keys to parenting tough kids: Love & Affection Positive Strokes Positive Consequences Time Outs Teaching New Tools

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Love & Affection


Our MOST effective parenting tool & the key to: Improved Communication Effective Discipline Positive Self-Esteem Changing destructive & difficult behaviors
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Working in Groups
Group Facilitator Group Recorder Group Time Keeper Group Cheerleaders/ Nurturers

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Group Activity 1.2: Roles


Group Facilitator: Group Recorder: Group Time Keeper: Group Cheerleaders/ Nurturers:

Each member now takes a minute to explain their assigned job description to their group

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Ground Rules
Active Listening: Only 1 group member speaks at a time.
Give your complete & undivided attention. Groups STOP individual conversations when large group activities begin.

Confidentiality: Confidentiality means, What is heard in


the group, remains in the group.

Avoid Being Judgmental: Groups are not a place for


judgment, criticism or confrontation.

Quantity vs. Quality: The more ideas the better. There


are no right or wrong answers in brainstorming activities.

OK to Piggy Back: When a member can add to another


members idea, they should do so.

Group Ownership: Once an idea or thought has been


spoken aloud, it belongs to the group.

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Group Activity 1.3 Showing Love


1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. Saying, I Love You Cooking for your children Spending time w/ your children ? ? ? ? ? ?
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Group Activity 1.4 Most Effective


3 parental expressions of love that a child could not mistake as anything other than - Mom & Dad love me. 1. ? 2. ? 3. ?

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Group Activity 1.5: Children


1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Children Children Children Children Children respond

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Parent control THINGS

NOT Children!
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We dont control our kids!


But, we do have tremendous influence on them.

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Influencing & Motivating Children


Daily Love & Affection Positive Strokes Positive Consequences Time Outs Teaching Tools

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Positive Strokes: Catching kids doing right!


Acknowledge and reinforce your childs positive actions w/ a compliment - it shows you noticed and approve.

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Group Activity 1.7 Doing Right!


1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Taking out the trash with or without being asked Helping a younger brother or sister ? ? ? ? ? ?
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Positive Consequences
Kids get to do what they like to do, AFTER they have followed a parents request.

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Everyday Life Example


Employee receives a paycheck at the end of the work week.

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Group Activity 1.8 Fun Follows Work!


1. Sure! You may use the phone, just as soon as you finish drying the dishes. 2. Sure! You may go to your friends house, just as soon as your room is clean. 3. Sure! You may______________, just as soon as ____________________. 4. Sure! You may______________, just as soon as ____________________. 5. Sure! You may______________, just as soon as ____________________.
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Time Out
Involves the loss of access to fun things and social interaction w/ others. Becomes an empty, boring and undesirable experience May follow a negative behavior; also may be used to encourage a positive behavior Lasts only a very short time - short Time Outs help maintain a childs hope & motivation.

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Group Activity 1.9 Negative Choices


1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Hitting Breaking a toy on purpose ? ? ? ?

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Teaching Tools
Taking time to teach kids a better way

Everyday Life Example:


Your supervisor shows you how to safely use a new machine

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Group Activity 1.10 Teaching Tools


1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Hitting Purposefully breaking a toy ? ? ? ? ? ?
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Appropriate? Does the behavior deserve a Time Out? - willful or just a mistake. Brief? Will it last just a short time? consequences must fit the way kids think. Consistent? Am I willing to follow through every time and for the entire time period? Design? Whats the whole picture? what happens, where and how? Educate? Did we take the time to plan & teach a better way?
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Designing Effective Time Outs

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Group Activity 1.11 Childs List


1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. ? ? ? ? ? ? 7. ? 8. ? 9. ? 10. ? 11. ? 12. ?
THIS is Our Childs List
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T.E.A.S.P.O.T.
Take everything away, for a short period of time.

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Choosing the Spot?

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Using Self-Limiting Time Outs to encourage (AKA motivate) our children to do important yet unfun activities

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Group Activity 1.12 Unfun Tasks


1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Child needs to complete homework Child needs to pick up toys ? ? ? ? ?

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Self-Limiting Time Outs


Used to encourage positive behaviors No use of a timer Time Out Area is a boring place Length of Time Out is determined by the child Child does not leave Time Out Area except to do requested task Child leaves when ready to do the requested task Child takes as much time as he needs

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Group Activity 1.13: ABCs


Appropriate?

Brief?
Consistent? Design? (what, when, where & how) Educate? (plan & teach a better way)

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Review Activity 1.14


1. If parents have a strong-willed child, traditional parenting techniques may not _________. 2. Parents must tell their children how much they are loved every _______. 3. Although parents cannot control their children, parents can control the _______ their children enjoy. 4. Parents should give their child Positive ______when they catch their child doing something right. 5. _______ term Time Outs are more effective than longterm Time Outs because they fit the way children think. 6. When children refuse to do a requested task, parents should use a ______ ________ Time Out.

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Most Powerful Idea I Learned in Unit 1:


? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

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Home Practice
Tell your child how much they are loved every day this week. Catch your child doing something right, and give him/her a Positive Stroke. If you find it necessary to use a Self-Limiting Time Out, follow the guidelines in this unit. Remember the ABCs of Time Outs: Appropriate, Brief, Consistent, Design, and Educate a better way.
Make sure you bring back your success stories to share with your support group next week.
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Next Week

Ideals, Rules and Tools


Learn how to communicate your expectations, standards, and values to your children

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Words of Wisdom
I wish I would have held you closer, hugged and kissed you more when you were little. Parent Author Unknown

PARENTS, nows the time!


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