Self-Esteem, Objectives

Be able to define “self-esteem”.
Be able to figure out how high or how
low your self-esteem is.
Be able to describe healthy ways to
build your self-esteem.
What is self esteem ?
Confidence in our ability to think and
cope with life’s challenges
Confidence in our right to be happy and
A feeling that we are deserving, entitled
to assert our needs and desires
Benefits of high self-esteem
More persistent at a difficult task
Increased respect for oneself and
behave in ways that encourage others
to respect (Me)more
Improve unconscious behavior
Feel better, live better

The impact of self-esteem on
our lives:
How we operate in the workplace
How we chose our friends
Who we fall in love with
The higher our self-esteem
 The easier we are able to pick ourselves up
after a fall (tragedies,problems etc.).
 The stronger the drive to express our true
nature and the sense of richness within.
 The better we are able to form nurturing vs.
toxic relationships.
 The tendency to be drawn to others with high
Our first steps to building self-
esteem is to:
• Raise the level of our consciousness in
the face of emotional resistance.
• Claim our personal power.
• Identify “pseudo-self-esteem”: someone
that has a lot of worldly success but
feels like a failure inside and has a deep
sense of inadequacy.

Healthy vs. unhealthy
 Rationality, realism
 Creativity
 Independence
 Flexibility
 Ability to manage
 Willingness to admit
 See others as
 Fear of the unknown
 Inappropriate
conformity or
 Defensiveness
 Over controlling
 hostility
High self-esteem
Is the best predictor of personal
Is like having an emotional surplus, thus
it is easier to love.
The opposite is emotional
improvishment, which means you have
a lot of unfulfilled needs.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
Draw a triangle
On the bottom put your basic human
needs, food, oxygen, water, sex
Next put shelter, safety, health
Then love and belonging
Then education, learning, self-esteem
At the top:self-actualization
A self-actualized person displays:
Acceptance of self, others and nature
Self-direction, highly motivated
Problem-solving ability
Satisfying relationship with others
The needs are simple, but for
many of us, we do not feel
truly deserving of the higher
level needs
What is required for many of us,
paradoxical though it may sound,
is the courage to tolerate
happiness without self-sabotage
Within ourselves we have:
Destructive voices
Memories, unconscious and conscious
of failure

Confronting those voices
Try not to run from them
Try not to ignore them
Challenge them to give reasons
Distinguish between fact and fiction,
Distinguish between feelings that are
based on reality vs a non reality
perseverance is self-esteem building
Average self-esteem:
Fluctuate between feeling appropriate
and inappropriate
Sometimes act wisely, sometimes
Inconsistent in behavior
This relationship with self reflects
relationships with others
What causes low self-esteem?
Overly critical Parents
Significant childhood losses
Parental abuse
Parental alcoholism and drug addiction
Parental neglect/overprotectiveness
Parental rejection
Parental overindulgence

How can we improve our self-
Living more consciously
Taking good care of yourself
The practice of self-acceptance
The practice of self-responsibility
Self assertiveness
Developing support and intimacy
The practice of personal integrity

The practice of living
Watch your thoughts…do you find
yourself saying:
I know I am not doing my best but I do
not want to think about it.
I know the way I eat is wrecking my
health but….
I know I am living beyond my means,
Living consciously means:
Being in the moment
A concern to understand the world
around me
A commitment to learning
To seek clarity
Be aware of values that motivate me
Distinguish between facts and feelings
Self acceptance
Self-esteem is something we
experience, self-acceptance is
something we do.
Refusal to be in an adversarial
relationship with self.
Listening to feelings can lead to a
deeper awareness of important
Willingness to stand up for self
Protecting boundaries
To live by your values
Learn to be kind without self-sacrificing
Cooperate with others without betraying
our standards and convictions
Living purposefully
To live productively
Translating thoughts into reality
Answering questions such as: What am
I trying to achieve ? Why do I think
these means are appropriate ? Does
the feedback from the environment
convey that I am succeeding or failing ?
The practice of personal
Is the integration of ideals, standards,
beliefs and behaviors
When our behavior is congruent with
our professed values, when ideals and
practice match, we have integrity
When we have lapses in integrity it is
detrimental to our self-esteem
One of the biggest enemies to
high self-esteem is Laziness:
We do not challenge our inertia
We do not chose to be “awake”
We do not wish to experience
The greatest problem is that it becomes
a vicious cycle and our “laziness” or
inaction damages our self-esteem and
we tend to become more lazy.
Self-esteem exercise
If I bring more awareness to my life
If I boost my energy level by 5%
Write a letter to your “inner child”:
 Start by taking a few deep breaths, picture yourself
as a child,ask yourself are there any needs that were
not met, then write a nurturing letter to sooth your
“inner child”.