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ASSERTIVENESS

Presented by
Dr.A.S.Mohanram,Professor
Department of Management Studies
St.Joseph’s College of Engineering
Chennai
What is Assertiveness
Meaning:
1. feels free to reveal himself
2. To communicate with people at
all levels
3. Develop an active orientation to
life
4. To act in a way-self esteem
increases
5. To develop the art of saying 'NO'
without being aggressive
ANALYSIS OF ASSERTIVENESS
1. Environmental factors
2. Conditioned reflex
Pavlov's experiment on dog, which proves
that animals and people behave adaptively
to changing conditions in the environment.
The nervous system has two aspects.
Inherited part like food and salvation,
there is inherited temperament.
(ii) Conditioned reflex changes in the
inherited nervous system due to
environmental changes. This can be
excitation or inhibition.
Forces in Assertiveness
When exciter force dominates - people are
action oriented and emotionally free and
meet the life in their own terms.
When inhibitory force dominate - people
are low on self-sufficiency, always doing
things they do not want to do and repent
later
The whole of assertive therapy is to build
and strengthen the excitatory process
there by the new behaviour become a
nutural part of the person
Causes of Non assertive behavior
It is inhibited due to conditioned reflex of
- fear
- social fear of being disliked
- Internal fear of anxiety
- Lack of expressions like anger
- Fear of situation
All due to environmental factors like
- Censorship by parents
- Regards to non-question
- Promotion for docile, etc.
HOW WE ARE MANIPULATED IF
WE ARE NOT ASSERTIVE
Examples: (a) Guests in house
(b) Non-refundable loan
(c) Hotel, cinema bills
By moral ethics, duties, etc, •
Restriction of free zone of personal
freedom. You must recognise your right
and stand for them. Otherwise other
people will define your role for your and
you stop being yourself and becomes an
'encasulated person
BASIC PROBLEM OF NON-
ASSERTIVE INDIVIDUALS
1. They don't know how to say 'NO’ and will always say
‘YES’while in reality they want to say 'NO'.
2. They don!t stand for their rights.
3. They mistake Assertive behaviour as aggressive
behaviour.
4. They allow others to manipulate them into situations
which they don't want to get in.
5. They always 'fear' the 'approval’ of others.
6. They feel that the rights of others are important than
their rights.
7. They are so easily hurt by what others say.
8. They often feel pushed around by others, as they never
learned to stand up for their right.
9. They often feel miserable, but don't know why.
10. They feel inferior in front of others and suppress their
feelings to satisfy the right of others.
CONSEQUENCE OF NON-
ASSERTION
1. Negative Self-Image: Jue to 'Not O.K., Child1
within us. This 'Not O.K., Child' within us always in
fear and uncertain about our ability and rights,
thereby giving chances to others for manipulation.
Anxiety /Fear :Fear of disapproval by others. Fear
of criticism by others. Caught up in the need for
being liked. thereby sacrifyingthe self-respect.
Fearing refusal we don't make a request. All these
will make an individual to develop inhibitory
character
Lack of Communication: Dishonest and timid
communication not able to convey the" feeling,
thereby leading to emotional problems
ASSERTION Vs. AGGRESSION
ASSERTION
1.We stand for our right respecting others right too
2. Not meant to wound others
3. Will increase self-esteem, self-image with good feeling
4. Doesn't always result in accomplishment, but lead to
good feeling.

AGGRESSION
1 . We stand for our right only and we don't bother about
other's right,
2. Meant to wound others
3. Reduces self-image due to
bad feeling
4. May result in accomplishment but always with bad
feeling
HOW ASSERTIVE TRAINING
WILL HELP
1 . By reducing manipulation by others
2. Help us to stand for our rights
a) A right to do anything as long as it doesn't hurt
others
b) A right to judge our own behaviour, thoughts and
emotions
c) A right to offer no reasons
d) A right to change our mind.
e) Right to make mistake and be responsible for them
f) Right to make request with the understanding that the other man is having a
right to say 'NO’
g) A right to say 'NO'
h) Right to say I don't know
i) A right to say I don't understand and ask clarifications
j) Right to our own feelings, tender and angry.
3. By moulding us to accept criticism and failure without much anxiety and
tension.
4. By helping us to develop positive attitude towards life and its goal thereby
leading to better variety and action in out life.
5. By developing self-confidence.
HOW TO DEVELOP ASSERTIVE
BEHAVIOUR
First Level: Elementary behavior like making
1. Eye contact
2. Standing straight
3. Speaking in a loud clear voice
Second Level:
1. Developing the ability to say ‘NO' when you want to say 'NO’ and !
YES' when you want to say 'YES’
2. By asking for favors and requests - first to people in close
circle, then to others -remember you may not get it? but don't
bother whether your request is granted or not. The aim is to
make a request
3. To communicate your feeling in an open direct way
4. By role playing the consequences of failure
5. Develop the habit of saying I want, I like, I don't want or I
don't like
Third Level: Assertive exercises –
Dealing with complex interaction with other people
ASSERTIVE EXERCISES

Principle: To decrease the fear and anxiety for every small


situation and to produce more positive image about himself.
To have more toom in the life.
1. To go to a departmental store and ask for change to one
rupee-Don't purchase.
2. Ask for 10 rupees change.
3. Purchase newspaper and give him 50 rupees and ask for
change.
4. Go to a saree shop with your wife and look at the sarees
without the intension of purchasing. If your really like to
purchase.
5. Go to a hotel especially in a busy time and ask for a cup of
water. Drink it and express your thanks and walk out.
Cont…
6. Stop 3 people on the street and ask for directions.
7. Something buy from a store with the deliberate
intention of returning it.
8. Pay compliments to conductor, server, co-worker, etc.
9. Say 'Good-morning1 to your colleagues or in the lift
without expecting them to respond.
10. If you feel that you should say 'NO’ to someone, or
practice saying 'NO’ to him.
Do all the above exercise, with clear voice, looking at the
eyes of the individual, without being apologetic.
Remember that the other person may say ‘NO' to many
of your assertive exercises. Don't be annoyed.
Some Exercises you need to
practice
1)The District Collector has invited yen for a
meeting of citizen committee at 11 A.M. in. his
office. When you are there exactly at 11
A.M. no one in the office knew about such
meeting and after running hours, the P,A,
informs you that the Collector will be there at
any time. Around 12-30 p.m':. the Collector
informs that he is "busy with some other
important work and ask the P. A. to start the
meeting- What will you do?
. 2) You have received a note from the class
teacher of your son, stating your son is very
naughty in the school and not at all attentive:
to his lessons and this is due to bad
upbringing in the house.
Cont…
3)You have give your motorbike for
minor repair, The mechanic says it is;
only grease and oil job but when
you have returned after one hour he
has also done overhauling for which he
presents his bill
4)You are waiting in a que for the-
cinema ticket and your are under the
impression that most of the tickets been
issued already and you are feeling
uneasy. One small boy sneaks between
the queue and goes in front of you.
What will you do?
Thank you

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